The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 231 - John Safran & Xavier Michelides

Episode Date: March 10, 2015

Karl's Neighbours, John's American Pilot and Xavier's Musical.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Adelaide, it is not long now until the live Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast happening in your town. Sunday, March 15, and for the love of God, get off your arses and buy some freaking tickets. Come down, it's going to be a great show, man. It's going to be the same as last Adelaide show, which was heaps of fun. So guys, yeah, generally we have really good ticket sales. Adelaide, you are dragging your little bloody pie floater behind. Dragging your little fannies along the ground. Yeah.

Taking your time. Then we're in Melbourne. Every Sunday of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Melbourne's selling great, but, you know, we can always have more. We want to fill this place up. We're a big chance of selling out all of our shows if you guys keep buying tickets at the rate you're doing it. So do that. It's going to be heaps of fun.

We've got heaps of great stuff planned for the drunk cast as well which you can only get to if you've bought a ticket to one of the four live podcasts it's at the joint in elizabeth street melbourne at three o'clock every sunday of the comedy festival plus every night of the comedy festival our solo shows 7 p.m tommy dasolo in cutie pie at the imperial Hotel. And Carl Chandler, world's greatest and best comedian at 9.45 at the Vic Hotel. And also Brisbane. I'm there right now at the Brisbane Powerhouse doing Cutie Pie at 7pm every night. Tickets for that through the Brisbane Powerhouse or at TommyDassolo.com. And because there's not long to go before the big Melbourne Comedy Festival,

a big, big amount of listeners we have in Melbourne. So remember, guys, hey, come along and see what we've said already. Our shows, we'd love to see you there. Also, you know, if you're one of those people that go to like 12, 15 shows, make sure you go and see your favourite friend of the show. You know, these guys give up their time to come along and entertain you and be awesome guests on our show. So pick the people that have been the funniest on the show

and go and see them be funny by themselves for an hour. Yeah. And also, final notice. I have something, Carl, that I need to tell you about. Yes. Since you're sitting down. Yes. Since we have this platform.

Yes, go ahead. Hang on, we better get to the show. Yeah, we better get to the show. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dub Numb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. We're in your house for the first time in a little while. Yeah. It's good to be back in here looking at your couch that you've never sat on that just has piles of shit on it. Yeah. It's not like there's only one couch. I've got more than one couch. Have you ever thought about just, you know, sell the couch?

No. You don't need it. Yeah. No, I've thought about my regret of buying it to start with, but I haven't thought about selling it. I'm looking at your little board of weight loss that you have going with your girlfriend. I haven't thought about selling it. I'm looking at your little board of weight loss that you have going with your girlfriend.

I can confirm to the listeners that by my eyes you've lost 3.2 kilos. That's correct. Since you started monitoring that. No bread. She's lost 1.3. A little bit personal, but anyway. Today on the show, two returning guests. First of all, you know him from Stand Up at Bell Union and from, more importantly, Xavier's Corner. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club,avier michael edie thank you thank you for having me

now this has happened kind of at the last moment are we a chance of getting any xavier's corner today no not at all okay i mean because i was told about this last night yeah and i mean i have had hours yeah i could have worked on something in between, but I decided to go buy some M&Ms and soaps. Yeah. Well, one of our guests is just getting up to open the door to a dude who's taking photographs of us during the podcast. Sorry, man, we had to start. Yeah, sorry.

Also joining us today, you know him from Music Jamboree, Race Relations, his book Murder in Mississippi. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, John Safran. Thank you, thank you. I notice you've got a big pile of DVDs. It's the first time I've looked at a pile of DVDs and thought, oh, that's kind of retro. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like no one has DVDs. They're like cassettes or something. And they're not mine. You can very clearly see that they're not mine. There's a lot of white romantic. Notting Hill. Notting Hill. Yeah, yeah.

Beaches. Yeah, yeah. Saving? Beaches? Yeah. Saving Mr Banks. Yeah. Crazy stupid love. Yeah. Classic Chandler. Is your girlfriend selective at all? No. She's got the absolute worst taste. She will go... I don't know how many people do this, but

she'll go, let's go to the cinema. What's on? It doesn't matter. She just wants to look at a screen, which I can't do. It drives me crazy to be trapped in a place looking at something I don't want to look at. I would love to be that way. I would love to be like my, you know, like that easily amused. Yeah. Well, look, hey, since we're at my house, I'll bring up with you.

Maybe you guys can solve what's happened here or explain to me maybe. So we're in my house here. I did a Triple J breakfast with Nazeem Hussain a couple of months ago, a month or two ago, right? And, you know, it's radio so you've got to bring in some content. And so I think Nazeem asked me, what do you want to talk about? What's something we can put out as a callback sort of topic? And I went, okay.

And I had two interesting things. And then the third thing that I thought, oh, this is just a filler, but of course they went with it, was, look, my neighbours won't talk to me. I've got multiple neighbours here that will not look at me in the eye and won't speak to me. I'll walk one-on-one with them and they won't acknowledge my existence. Even though I've been living here for four years, they won't look at me. They won't talk to me.

Do you say hi to them? Yeah, yeah. And they go, they give me nothing. Is that just because they compartmentalise their lives and it's like this isn't like my life, my social life isn't where I live. Where I live is just where I live and my social life is somewhere else.

Well, that's a possibility. Some people have that about their office. It's like I've got real friends outside this. I don't need to know these people that work in the cubicle next to me. Well, that's the possibility. Look people have that about their office. It's like, I've got real friends outside this. I don't need to know these people that work in the cubicle next to me. Well, that's the possibility. Look, I'm genuinely looking for answers. I don't know why. I figure I've done something wrong.

So anyway, I bring this up. And so Nazeem wants to put this out to the listeners. You know, what do you think? You know, people are asking me, what do you think you possibly could have done? And I said, look, the only thing I can think of is I do get up in the morning and I do walk around with no clothes on until lunchtime or afterwards. So possibly maybe someone's seen me through the window. Maybe people don't like me because I do that or something.

But, you know, you can see where we are now. I think it's a small chance that people could see me or anything like that. So anyway, that goes out onto Triple J. Listeners ring up, ring back with like suggestions on the answer or what I could do next. And there's people ringing up. Literally there's a guy that rings up that goes, you know what you should do?

Knock on that old woman's door and then go in there and then take all your clothes off and run around in her apartment. And it's like that's – I don't think that's the answer to anything. That's actually making it worse. That's great advice. And that's a crime. That is a crime, yeah. I was near the corner of my place in my car and i

suddenly did a skid across the lane so i could make this turn and i sort of cut i realized after the fact i'd kind of cut this guy off i'm like oh oh shit but then i was like i drove and then turned up the alleyway where you know i park my car and then the guy kind of pulls up and parks next to me and it's my neighbor and he just says you know when you cut off someone in traffic and then just skid off hoping they don't notice you know you get away with it make sure it's not your neighbor and so it's been like awkward since then a bit and the worst bit is i spent so long in bed not not consciously but because he was building for halloween like a he-man costume or something i forget what it was so it was in the garage and I spent so long in – not consciously but because he was building for Halloween like a He-Man costume or something.

I forget what it was. So it was in the garage and every time I pulled up, I'd stop and talk to him for like five minutes like for months and then it's just all gone like that. All that work gone. Well, you pissed off Skeletor. Man, that's bad. Yeah, so –

How about your communal garage? You know, that's a big – so he's just leaving bits of the costume behind in this communal garage that's in your building. No, well, there's garages where there's a closed door. Yeah. And he's got one of those. And then there's an open air bit and that's where I've got mine. Right.

So finishing the story would go. So that goes out there. People are suggesting, oh, you know, you do this, you know, whatever. I go, all right, well, we get away. You know, it's entertaining enough. End of story. I wish I'd been up earlier this day because I've got some suggestions. Right.

Well, we'll get that at the end. So that all goes out to air. Anyway, I come back here. These people still aren't talking to me. And I sort of don't really know many people around in this office, in this apartment building anyway. You don't sort of find out people's names or whatever. You just vaguely go past people and whatever.

Anyway, when this goes to air, about two days later, the girl next door goes, hey, Carl. Hiya, g'day. Yeah, heard you on Triple J talking about your neighbours and... Having a bit of a bloody sook. Having a bit of a walk around and a bit of a sook and whatever. And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, cool. And she's like, yeah, yeah, good one.

And then just walks away. And I go, how do you know who I am? Like we haven't met properly. Like she doesn't know my name. So then a week later another girl comes up to me in the other over there and goes, Carl Chandler Heard you on Triple J So your whole block's just had Like a listening party that morning

Yeah Or something Yeah They've all heard it And But the thing is How do they know who I am Like they haven't

How do they Did they Shazam my voice On Triple J And then go Hang on Where's that coming from Oh Apartment 17

Yeah Like But she's gone You know I heard you talking about Oh you walk around the nude In your apartment Hey Like to walk around the nude in your apartment, hey? Like to walk around in the morning with no clothes on in your little apartment,

don't you? And I was like, yeah. And she goes, glad I didn't bloody see that. Yuck. Oh, okay. Nice to meet you. Like you're the one person in human existence who walks around in the nude in their own house.

But to go, it was like, that's a pretty full on thing to say to your neighbour when I don't know. Like she's gone, she's already said to me, I know who you are, I know your name, I've heard all about you and I'm like, alright, I'm a little bit disarmed. And then she's gone, and your naked body sounds disgusting. Yuck. Jesus Christ. So now I actually feel a bit better about not speaking to people.

I'd rather not speak to people than cop that. Well, it doesn't sound like you have a choice either. Do you know that, John, you do talk a bit honestly about stuff on the air And then it gets back And you have to face those people in real life Oh yeah Yeah Yeah but I'm just not going to open that wound again

I'm really sure we talked about this Maybe the last time we were on here Yes One of the last times I think we've talked about it a bit Yeah I've got this neighbour Who's downstairs

A very old lady And she started talking to me and she used to talk about my grandparents or whatever and i was all confused and anyway i found out because i didn't know that my grandparents on my dad's side like i they died before i was born so i'd never like talked about them or whatever and she for some reason knew them from some other context and she was like the Wikipedia of these relatives I never met and she could just tell me everything, more than my dad could ever tell me.

Right. I get that a lot. I accidentally put my mobile number in the phone book because I thought it would be good to get gigs. And now I get calls. Yeah, it was a stupid idea years ago. To get what? Gigs.

Like people would come up and go, oh, Xavier, he sounds funny and give me work wait so you mean like in the yellow pages or just in the white pages and my mobile number right so now i get calls from distant relatives because there's lots of michael eddie's around and they'll call me up and they'll be like i know your great uncle he used to sell me cigarettes and all that sort of stuff because i used to own a tobacco company and i get a lot and then i'll call my dad and go do you know arnie valerie and he's like no we're not related to that person at all you that that person we don't know them at all and so so your family sold tobacco yeah yeah yeah my tobacco limited it was the longest i feel like

i've already talked about this as well it was the longest sign in the southern hemisphere, Michael Eady's Tobacco Limited. And what happened to it? Why haven't you continued on the great Michael Eady's tobacco name? What everyone says is that brand names came in, so no one was buying local cigarettes anymore. So everyone started buying Benson Hedges and stuff like that. So when were they big?

I think it was around probably the 40s and 50s. 30s, 40s and 50s. So before brand names really took over. It could have been Michael Leeds on the front of a Ferrari instead of Marlboro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I could be dealing with a lot of court cases right now. People just

suing the crap out of us. And you smoke, don't you? Yeah, I'm a drinker smoker. I have a drink, love a smoke. So you're smoke, don't you? Yeah, I'm a drinker smoker. Yeah. I have a drink, love a smoke. So you're keeping the family dream alive? Yeah, totally. Love it.

Love a big smoke. So, John, are you just back from America? Oh, in December I was there. Yeah, in December, yeah. I don't know. In the whole history of the universe from Big Bang to whatever. Pretty recent. Pretty much yesterday.

Pretty recent, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so you're over there. So you're doing like proper book tours? No, what's a proper book tour? Well, I reckon you should probably know better than me. No, not really a proper book tour. I did my live show in London at the Soho Theatre

and then I went to America and just did a bit of promotion. That sounds proper. But it was mainly like sitting around doing podcasts, really. Oh, really? Yes. Right. So are you secretly trying to find more crimes, to uncover more crimes to write about for your next book?

No, there's no shortage of crimes. People just message me on Facebook and they want me to solve their crimes. Yeah. I thought you were going to say... You've gone less Chaser, more Miss Marple now. Yeah. There's just no... So much goes on and obviously so much has gone on that...

And not everything gets traction. You always, like, hear these... Like, people will contact me about stories and I'll kind of check them out, like, just in case... And they're true and it's just like an amazing story that easily could have been the biggest story in Australia for the year but for whatever reason that week you know something else was big or you know it's like it just didn't get it didn't get traction so but so you've you're you're over there sort of promoting the book but in America you've had to change the name of the book from Murder in Mississippi to…

God Will Cut You Down. God Will Cut You Down. Which, I don't know, that puzzles me a little bit that they've gone, Murder in Mississippi, well, that could be about anything. You know, that's a bit confusing in America. No, no, no. Isn't that built for America? I think it just sounds like, to American ears,

it just sounds a bit, you know, very plain rap generic, like Murder in Mississippi. Right, right. A bit like if there was a book in Melbourne called Murder in Chadston. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kind of go, what? Like, fine. I disagree.

I would be fascinated. What part of Chadston? Boxing Day sales? The McDonald's? Yeah. The food court probably. Yeah. Granny Mace.

Oh, yeah. What's new? Is that still a thing? Yeah. Yeah, yeah Mace. Oh, yeah. What's new. Is that still a thing? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so God cut you down. Yeah, I guess, so yeah, murder in Mississippi does sound a bit more fantastical

or a bit more exotic or whatever, I guess. But over there, Mississippi's not really a cool place, is it? It's just a, it is a bit more of a backwater, isn't it? Yeah, well, it's definitely perceived that way. So to a lot of New Yorkers, they'd say, oh, it's the other. They'd say, oh, listen, I can relate more to an Australian or a British person. Right. It's us New Yorkers and British people and Australians

against those strange people in the south. Right, okay, yeah. Because last time we had you on, I think the book had just come out In fact I think I was three quarters of the way through it And you, at the end You very nicely signed it at the page that I was at And now since then You've won an award recently for it

The Ned Kelly Prize Is that what it's called? Yes, Ned Kelly Award The great author He wrote the Goosebumps books didn't he? R.L. Kelly. It's harder to write though when you have to look through a little slit.

So, you know, he was working in some pretty tough conditions. Didn't he write that tattoo on Ben Cousins' stomach as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such is life. You also, I think this was not long after we had you on, you got a pretty cool shout out on Twitter from Louis Theroux.

Oh. That was like he'd read it and gave you big. Did you have any relationship with him before that or was that just like an out of the blue kind of thing? No, I think I sent it to him because it's just tedious. But it would seem like I'm trying to keep it secret if I don't tell you this tedious story. But I better not get flack from your listeners for being tedious or self-indulgent

or why can't John stop talking about it because you're the goddamn one who's asked me this question in which there's only a boring answer. Okay, fine. So he tweeted. I'll go on with my boring story about knowing Louis Theroux. He tweeted a link to a radio show podcast I did called John Safran's True Crime where I interviewed true crime authors and so I said to him oh do you want to send me to send you the book and he said yes then he read it and then he wrote good stuff about it on Twitter after he said and so then I said to

him can I put that on the book when it's next pressed? And he said, yes. I can hear the keyboards clacking in the future as we speak, sending off those angry missives. But see, I'm enjoying that you're going to America and joining the flanks of Australians that are going over there. But I was looking up, I didn't realise this, that you'd actually done a pilot, a pilot in America, John Saffron Saves America? Yeah, that was years ago. I'd never realise this, that you'd actually done a pilot in America, John Safran Saves America? Yeah, that was years ago.

I'd never heard anything about that. Okay, so the sort of slightly interesting story behind that is… So Louis III said what? Ages and ages ago, like before 9-11, I got out of the blue this message from MTV in America and it was like, listen, we need you to do a pilot. And it was like, oh, okay. And the reason was that Jackass, so this is when like Bill Clinton,

this was before George W. Bush. Oh, really? So Bill Clinton's in office and his wife, and Al Gore's vice president. Right. And his wife's really into censoring. Wow, this thing goes all the way to the top. Yeah, it does. Anyway, his wife was really into like censoring lyrics and stuff

and being really worried about like heavy metal lyrics. Oh, Tipper Gore. Yeah, Tipper Gore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So she for some reason got on this campaign where she was, she didn't like Jackass, that MTV TV show where Johnny Knoxville gets blown out of cannons into walls and stuff. Yeah.

Because it was like, oh, these are real bad influence on the kids. And she'd built up such momentum that MTV were just worried that there was going to be so much pressure that they'd actually have to take that show off the air. Anyway, so they'd seen this pilot, they'd never gone to the air on the ABC, where I did a cooking show, like a parody, it was like a seven-minute segment.

Which was called MasterChef. Yeah. And it was like a seven-minute segment and I pretended I was like a Jamie Oliver or whatever, one of those characters. And then, but I go into an actual abattoir as part of the cooking show, but I'm presenting it all like really pleasantly, like, oh, an agenda spoke under cow, and you just see this cow.

So anyway, so MTV had somehow seen that. And so they said, oh, listen, can you come and be our backup plan? So if Jackass is taken off the air you can go on because we'll be able to justify you because you kind of do that Jackass stuff

oh you were doing Knoxville's understudy yeah like with bolt guns and stuff so all the blood and gore but we'll be able to say

we'll be able to say oh listen it's got some context and it's got something I like the idea that that gets up and then you're like okay great

well we'll do this food show and they're like oh no no no we're just going to shoot you out of a cannon now. No, it's just John Safran's cow killing hour on MTV. So that was like 1990 blah.

I can't even remember when it was. And then I never heard from them again. And that was it. So I never went over there. I never heard from them. And then it was like eight years later, I suddenly get like a call out of the blue from the same people and they're like listen you have to come over here and shoot a pilot i'm like we've been waiting okay and this this time the backstory was that there's two offices in mtv there's la

offices and new york offices and so they're they're somewhat competing and there's always one of them's capturing the zeitgeist and the other one's kind of worried and trying to catch up or whatever so at this particular point in time the new york office were kicking all the goals coming up with sort of like slightly darker kind of work like rather than the kind of jersey Shore. Yeah, yeah. Fake tan stuff that MTV LA was. So MTV TV LA were really worried, like, oh, shit, we're falling behind. All our shows are kind of that vacuous stuff. So let's get some agent.

John can come over and he'll shoot one of his things and then we'll be like the New York office. So then I went over there and spent two months there shooting this pilot and, you know, just – and then, yeah, nothing. And then just no phone call again. Yeah, no phone call again. Oh, man. Wow. What sort of stuff were you doing in this pilot and, you know, just and then, yeah, nothing. And then just no phone call again. Yeah, no phone call again. Oh, man. Wow.

What sort of stuff were you doing in the pilot? Was it sort of like the stuff that you do on the shows that you made here? Yeah, but it's not until you kind of like denied your exact context before you that you realise just how much is all this unspoken stuff. That's why I've explained that badly. Like when I do a show in Australia, there's all much is all this unspoken stuff. That's why I've explained that badly. Like when I do a show in Australia, there's all this sort of like unspoken stuff that I have to explain. So it's like, oh, he's on the ABC.

So therefore when he's like being like really offensive and trying to sort of push buttons and sound ironically whatever, like a bigot or whatever, there's like this context like, oh, well, this is the ABC. So clearly he's sort of like making some joke. But it was just weird doing it for MTV because suddenly your audience is whatever, like 16-year-old kids. And so therefore what am I meant to be doing? Like I can't take the mickey out of the counterculture.

It's certainly not funny taking the mickey out of the counterculture unless you're in the space of the counterculture. Is this your opening monologue from the pilot? Yeah. And then so it's like, well, what do I do? Am I there? Am I snarky about American culture? And that just didn't seem funny.

Like, why am I? Yeah, that would be weird. An Australian person on TV in America, into camera going, America sucks. I know. That sounds like what John Oliver's doing right now. Yeah, you're right. But he's, I mean, he's not Australian. But that's something that New York MTV would come up with,

not LAMTV. Yeah. They couldn't handle that. Save you, Michael Eadie, showbiz expert. That's something I just heard 10 seconds ago and I know all about it. I know everything about it. You are the Biggie Smalls to our Tupac

over there on the West Coast. Who are they? So it's not out there anywhere, is it, like the MTV pilot? No, no, no, I don't think so. I'm not embarrassed by it. I mean, I'm not proud. It's not like, what's his masterwork? But it's not like there's anything there.

It's like, oh, my God. If that gets out there, my career is over. You'll probably do another call from MTV any second now. Well, I did. I still have – this guy who's helping me out now in America, he's one of the guys who was still – yeah, so it drags on. Yeah, right. You just bounce back and forth between the coasts every eight years.

Get tips from Xavier about that. Yeah, we'll have a chat about it later. But MasterChef, so you were doing that in – so you did two pilots in Australia around that point. So that was the Media Tycoon pilot before that, I guess, as i guess as well so i guess i would like thematic specials so like the first special was about the media and the second special was about the food industry and i guess in theory if that would have gone ahead i would have come up with a other topic for three and another topic for four because i thought that was really cool at the time because that was when that came out

i think i was still living in ballarat so i you'd hear all that sort of stuff because we i you know i've said this to you before on the podcast um me and all my mates used to crowd around the tv on a monday night and watch race around the world so then when that word came out about you doing your own pilot and your own show we were like oh this is awesome but you've got no there's no internet so there's no access to it so i remember us coming down to melbourne and like you could buy a dodgy copy of Media Tycoon in polyester. Yeah, yeah, that was true. In the polyester bookshop in between all the midget porn and whatever else is in there. It's just like your pile.

It's like, is it that bad? Is that what's happening in John's – oh, maybe I won't watch it then. But that was the only access before internet. You could just buy – and you're not getting any kickback off some dodgy pirated version in polyester. That was the old school Pirate Bay, Polyester on Brunswick Street. Yeah, it was. It was my pilot and the Pamela Anderson sex.

Yes, yes. Were the two things going around on VHS. Yeah, yeah, right. Wow, what a steamed company. And yeah, once I finally saw Media Tycoon, you did beep the horn on the boat with your dick as well. So that was, yeah. What order would you watch the two in?

Which one goes first? Do you sort of post-coital sort of then watch your pilot? After I have sex, there's nothing more I like than seeing Ray Martin get harassed. John, anyone who's listening who's thinking about queuing them up, which order would you like people to watch them in? What the Pamela Anderson and my... Yeah.

Do you know, I've never... With the whole Ray Martin thing, because it just kind of speaks for itself, there's, like, no point in me kind of, like, getting self-righteous about it. Like, what am I going to do? Like, it's... Because it's just, like, he looks a bit, like, aggressive and...

Yeah, and for a bit of context for people that haven't seen it, it was back when... It was all because of the Paxton family, wasn't it? On Current Affair, they sort of got a bit of harass. Bill Paxton. Yeah, Bill Paxton from Apollo 11 or wherever he's from. No, so you were... It was a bit of a bait and switch, I guess.

Like you went around and harassed Ray Martin because he wasn't working at the time or whatever. He was just at his home. So you came and knocked on his door or whatever and he lost his mind. Yeah, it was just them taking the mickey out of the way, their foot in door journal. And then he did all that stuff that all the victims do, like he puts his hand on the camera.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He grabs me by the collar. He pulls your camera off. Yes. To the point that it feels like he's in on it because he does every single cliché. Yes. It's every trope takes place that it's sort of, yeah. So I was thinking, oh, the point of it feels like he's in on it Because he does every single cliche It's every trope takes place

That it's sort of, yeah So I was thinking the point of it is not that he's guilty But it's like how can we trust that The people presented as guilty are guilty When the guy who hosts the goddamn show does everything That he's confronted So I never, I just sort of like Just thought like, I just don't come across

Well when I'm getting self-righteous I just sort of like shut up about it or whatever let it run and then i finally did a joke about it on like a bit of a joke joke about it recently on triple j helen razor was there because she was talking about her book and some and and ray martin had started this campaign about something to do with reconciliation and so people have been tweeting me, like all versions of the joke of like, oh, well, maybe after he brings the white and black people together he can bring like John Safran and you together, you know.

So I said some version of that just to like on the radio, like I said, oh, listen, it's interesting that Ray Martin's talking about reconciliation when, you know, people would say he needs to work out some reconciliation. And she just snapped, you know, she goes, well, John, I know you think you're the centre of the universe, but I have you know, Ray Martin has done good stuff for, you know, the Aboriginal reconciliation movement.

And suddenly I was like, for the first time I got there, I ever tried to get some like mileage off it, like, you know, by acting like mildly pompous. But only for the sake of doing a joke. Suddenly, like, I'm pulled down. So, yeah, I learnt my lesson. Well, because I watched the clip just before. I didn't know this.

Man, he's still going on about it. I did an interview with him for like a couple of months ago where he picks it up. He's doing the George Costanza wanting to do the perfect comeback. Yes. And it's so George Costello because he's got this – because I don't – I wish he was happy. Like I don't get any pleasure out of the fact.

But it has been two things. It has been like whatever, 15 years. And then also when like his show was like maybe him as a person, like I don't have any animosity towards him as a person, but, like, his show just did pretty horrible stuff. Yeah. And it's still going on today. It's the same thing.

So it's not like he can act all like, oh, what is this? Yeah. A comedian taking the piss out of the fact that my show doesn't. We're just trying to report the news. But this is how tangled it gets. He started this angle where he loves all the other shows You were just trying to report the news. But this is how tangled it gets. He's started this angle where he loves all the other shows that do stuff like I do except my show. Right, right, right.

So he's there, he'll be like, oh, I love The Chaser. You see, the thing about The Chaser is when they do their little gotchas where they get someone and it's really tightly scripted and you know what the point is and everything, it's really, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that I live in a culture where there are comedians that go out there and just sort of like bang. As opposed, and if I could make this distinction, that and what John Safran did. I heard some good radio the other day.

Helen Razor had made some really great points. I don't know what the co-host was on about. That sounds like if I ever tell a joke to my dad or an uncle Or something and then they'll tell me another thing That they like, they'll go, that's okay But have you ever watched Men Behaving Bad? That's a hilarious show But that's what the interview was like, it was like him going out of his way And just going, and then John said to me

Oh, what's this about? And I was like, well, how's that funny? That's not funny, everything you were saying He's going, what's this about? And I was like, whoa, how's that funny? That's not funny. Everything you were saying, he's going, oh, what's he on about there? That's not funny. It's like, oh. Just the way you impersonated him before, please tell me he actually said their little gotchas.

Now that's like the chaser's dad's going. How's your little gotchas going? I did learn something, like why it's not his fault that he's still going on about it. Because someone told me that sometimes I've accidentally put curses on people. So the fact that I did that to Ray just means every goddamn interview he ever does, someone asks him about it. Right.

And that was the same with about when I put the joke fatwa on Rove McManus. And so his thing isn't that like, oh, he's offended that I'd done it or whatever or that he's upset that I'd done it. Like he thought it was funny or whatever. It's more like now for life every time an Australian interviews him, it's like, Rove, how's the fatwa going? And then he has to be in this mind F state where he has to like really articulate that he's good humoured about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And because it's like a gun to his head forcing him to be good humoured about it just kind of like annoys him a bit. And it's a great question that you can weigh in on. How is the fatwa going? Like the idea that that's something you can have like, you know, an actual idea of how, like you can actually answer it, go, well, you know.

We're at stage three. Well I fell down a manhole the other day so I believe that's part of it definitely. It's not like water restrictions. It's not stage three. It's not stage four. It's not like we're not up to you. You're not allowed to water your lawn. There's no update. So this is the silver year of the fat one. Yeah.

So you see from that point of view I guess it's not Ray's fault because it's like he's always being he probably would shut up about it if everyone else did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, from that point of view, I guess it's not Ray's fault because it's like he's always being – he probably would shut up about it if everyone else did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the interview I read with him recently, he referred to you as a serial pest, which is very disrespectful to Peter Hall, the serial pest, in my opinion. Yeah.

I would have liked to have seen Peter Hall media tycoon. So that's an actual show these days. It would be a show to watch Peter Hall go around and what, run in front of horses at the Melbourne Cup? Yeah. Scream at Michael Hutchins' funeral? What else? Because he's a...

If Jackass was in danger of going... He did the World Cup. Yeah, yeah. They should have got him over. Peter Hall. He ran on and jumped up and... Is he still going? No, no, no.

This was a couple of World Cups ago. Oh, okay. And so people hold him responsible for Australia not getting into the World Cup finals a couple of Cups ago. So you know what? This is the only way you'd be able to find out about Peter Hawke is to go down to polyester and get his VHSs these days. Because he's a guy that I think once he did about six of them, the whole media sort of went, all right.

It was sort of like how people don't report regular suicides. They go, no, that's just the unwritten rule. We don't put them in the paper or whatever. I think that's what they did with Peter Hawke. They go, well, if we keep putting him on the front page, he's going to keep trying to jump in the pool and drown Kieran Perkins or whatever. I remember when I was in like grade seven, someone telling me,

someone at school had an old copy of FHM And they're like Man you can just buy this magazine at the newsagent And there's like just There's like nearly nude girls in there And me going what? And so I went down and bought my first copy of FHM And my first softcore porno

Or whatever you want to call it I'm leafing through it at home And then suddenly there's this like 5 page article About Peter Hoare in it And I'm like Wait is this what home. And then suddenly there's this like five-page article about Peter Hoare in it and I'm like, wait, is this what – what's going on here? Like I was looking at a naked woman before and now I'm reading about the serial pest and it was this big, big expose on him. Do you know the other thing I wish reporters and journalists would blackball

and just say we're not going to report on that is – because like Twitter's got – how many members are there in Twitter how many people have signed on at 50 million 100 million 200 million that any event you can find someone being outraged and then backward engineer an article out of it yeah so the one that was in the paper today like in Time magazine which I think used to be like cover like the Vietnam War and stuff. Yeah. It was about how Neil Patrick Harris at the Academy Awards made a joke, a pun, after the Ed Snowden documentary won an award and he said, Ed Snowden can't be here for some treason and then blah, blah, blah.

And then so there's like seven offended. Yeah. I have to explain to you why they're offended because I don't get it, why they'd be offended. I'm offended at someone saying a pun in public. That's worse than anything Snowden's done by far. With the sub-editor on the Oscar. So there's seven people on Twitter going,

I'm profoundly disappointed because Edward Snowden did not commit treason and it's just irresponsible. Anyway, so then there's like an article in Time magazine about, you know, treason pungate. But yeah, yeah, because that thing, that does annoy me when they go, they find a story and then they engineer the reaction, which is that you find one person on Twitter that's gone and they go, oh, here's just a sample of what people are saying on Twitter. And it's like, at oogity boogity says, no, that was no good

and they put that in and they go, oh, that's specific. I follow Oogity Boogity. He comes up with some quality stuff. But maybe that's why they should have a Twitter rating system where you get rated on the quality. If you've got an egg for a profile, you don't get a say. Yeah, you've got quality of tweets and then how many followers you have and if you're not crazy like you can have like you know if you're a joke account or

something but then you find out like it's a quality twitter personality they do they do i've seen they do that on tvs now as well they'll like say hey um at at hannah jones on twitter says great show loved it and they use that as a quote and it's like that's such a weird way of doing it because before Twitter you couldn't, you know, you're not going to go Hannah Jones that we saw down the street says what a great show. And that could be someone who just worked on the show. There's no qualifying the legitimacy of that. John, you studied journalism.

Would you have stuck with it if it had been as easy back then as just taking tweets out of the internet and writing a whole article with them? The only story I remember, we had to, like, deliver a story once a week and it would always be the last day and you'd be desperately trying to find some story and there was no internet so you had to, like, just dart around the central business district hoping there'd be, like, and you'd start imagining things, like,

I probably would be cool if, like, a gunman, like, you know, and I just happened to be here and I kind of things like i probably would be cool if like a gunman like and i just happen to be here and i kind of got it on tape or whatever so one time i i was really desperate for a story at the last minute and i saw these fire engines outside the body shop in the uh in the central business districts i went there and it ended up it was a false alarm or whatever and anyways i wrote about it and the comment from the teacher was not a fire is not a story but then you just you just go into like you just walking around the body shop looking at all the products and stuff and it's just you describing that's like this is just an ad i can't remember yeah no i can't remember how i managed to drag it out to whatever the required paragraphs were.

Surely you could have got that in Sunday style or something. That's funny if that had been your inspiration. You go back to that teacher and you go not a fire. Well I made up my own shit from then on didn't I? But I think a fire truck turning up to a place where there's not a fire... ...and everyone being safe is still more interesting than... ...here's what six people on Twitter have to say about this thing on TV.

Yeah. Like it's just. What about how, why is printing Twitter things like just in and of itself something to do as opposed to like oh there's someone says something interesting enough to be put up on the screen? Like I've got this feeling, this contra, you know how like five years ago to be ahead of the curve as a TV show was to have a Twitter thing on your feed? I reckon now to be ahead of the curve is to kind of go, we don't need a Twitter feed.

Not only not have it, but there's like someone to camera at the start of the show going, hey, guess what at home? We don't give a flying fuck what you think of our program. So take your phone, shove it up your ass. Yeah, it's better if you aren't on Twitter whilst watching this program. That's it. You're both reminding people. It's like, you know you don't have to be watching TV right now.

You can be online where everything great is. Yeah. That's what keeps reminding me. It's like people who have a show on and they live tweet their show while the show is on. And that's like another step of it because you're just encouraging people to look at your tweets about your show instead of paying attention to your show as it's on that was like remember that show friday night download and it was like

some people from big brother just showing youtube clips and that should have been that should be the end of tv right there that should be the point where it's like we've got nothing good now we're just showing you what you can look at on the internet without our shitty comments. Yeah. Is Funniest Home Video even on anymore? Is that still a thing? I think so.

There should be an option on YouTube where you can click in voiceovers by cartoon characters like Funniest Home Videos so you can watch a YouTube video of someone falling over but then daffy duck oh right it says oh whoops or whatever you're right it's like with i remember like i used to work in advertising and i started to notice that things that were like boardroom kind of language and boardroom concerns would like bleed out into the ads going to the public where like what do they care so a classic example is like a competition that's great so if you say coddy's cordial has a competition like yeah great because you know you win something but then suddenly the language changes to the coddy's cordial promotion

yeah it's like hang on what does that doesn't mean anything like what do they care that you're promoting like that there's no benefit for that and there's the same thing on q and i have noticed with twitter recently they start broadcasting how many tweets they get per minute. There's like 700 tweets this minute. Like what's that of interest or – That means nothing. That's something for like internally for your boardroom

so you can kind of report to Mark Scott and the high five that this is how well it's going, you know, our show is going. But what are you meant to do with that as an audience member? I remember I went to the premiere of the second Transformers movie and someone from the Australian distributor or whatever got up and made a speech about it. And there was this big thing about how the graphics in it, you know, the CGI was like so intense that it filled up seven hard drives.

And he said that more than seven times in his speech. He just kept saying it. And it was that. It was like who – like that means – like we're not the people who – like that's not – how big is the hard drive? Yeah, what do you do? You just look back at the other movies and go, I can't believe I ever watched that fucking five hard drive film.

What a fucking waste of my time. It's like what's one Optimus Prime worth? And then you watch the film and it's shitty. Get seven paperback novels the size of a hard drive and lay them out in front of you just to take it in. Yeah. Yeah, that movie was fucking terrible. Should we talk about this with Zave quickly?

I'd be interested to hear John's opinion. Okay, yeah, sure. I think I know what you're talking about. Because we were talking before, John, about your early pilots, your media tycoon and your master chef, you know, kind of starting out. Working on TV. Working on TV, yeah. So we've got a story about a young Xavier Michaelides.

It's only from a few years ago. Not that young, actually. Not that young. Younger. Three or four years ago. Still bald, but younger. Yeah. I've always been bald.

Yeah. When did you go bald? I was 22 Hmm Yep That's the story What do you think John? Are you married? Yeah

Because I always used to think That I'd be married If I was going bald earlier Because I'd be going Oh it's a ticking time bomb Yeah That would have pushed me over the line But instead

Because of my like Lush Like thick layer of hair, I was sort of like, hey, man, I've still got years. I can just play the field forever. But if you start going bald in your 60s, you're like, all right, better lay this shit down. Well, okay, how old were you? So you're 22 when you started going bald.

How old were you when you met your now wife? 25. And I was already completely bald by that point. Okay. So she's never known me with hair. you when you met your now wife uh 25 and i was already completely bald by that point okay so she was she's never known me with hair so you had three years of terror of just i fucking need to find someone now and lock them down freaking out i'm gonna die alone yeah i'd spend every night thinking you never know with women are just so weird you can never like pin them down i was

actually talking to nina las vegas of a triple j before about this about how because she once had i just pointed to carl's door like as if she's literally just standing on the other side of that door but because she uh louis ck there's got so many name drops in this yeah like i've heard this story yeah busted a move on her yeah which she like said oh listen like whatever anyway she was talking about how friends or the response of her friends to like Louis C.K. because she's like, oh, this guy, he's like 45 and – but like she's got all these female friends who for some reason in their head he's hot and very confusing.

But it's kind of good if you're an unattractive guy. But they would have been like, why didn't you do it for the story? Because that's a great story. But he's also – No, not just that. There's no sort of like you can't... I could ever work out what it is that ladies find attractive about guys. I always go, him?

Really? Yeah. What is it about that dude? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've got a great example of that from the weekend. Oh, fuck it.

I'll say it. I met a friend of the show, Ella Hooper's boyfriend on the weekend and I went, wow, that could easily be me, surely, surely. God, I reckon I've got at least two out of ten up on this guy. At least two out of ten. I watched this clip, you know that show Broad City? Yeah. And I watched a clip this morning and the premise was that the two girls were there in a restaurant and there was this waiter and he came up

and they were kind of back and forth-ing. And I honestly did not know whether it had something to do with the flirting or whatever. I honestly had no idea, based on this guy's look, whether I was meant to take this guy as, like, really attractive and they sort of, like, really like him and want to impress him or he's gross and that's the and that's the thing i had no idea yeah yeah same thing with like sex in the city where it's like look at that guy and it's like is this like good or bad this guy i just

want to stress ella if you're listening i'm just saying this is not a slight on you you're a very gorgeous woman but what i'm saying is i cannot believe your arm candy or the lack thereof. Jesus. I'm saying good for him. Hey, he's a lovely man. Yeah, he is. But this comes back to every time I've been… Because I think guys are terrible people and it would never happen in the reverse.

Like for Ella to go oh this guy's you know nice guy he looks like he's been run over but he's a nice guy I love that we went away from that for a bit

like there were two other little bits of conversation you weren't even listening you were still thinking about that yeah what did this guy do to you

I better bring this up again in my head I was like I better prepare an apology and I think I've dug myself a big hole you've made it a lot worse he looks like he's been run over

great you've spent a lot of. He looks like he's been run over. Great. You've spent a lot of time obsessing over the parallel universe where you're single at this point and you meet Ella and you go over there. That's what you think. You think you should be going over there. And it's as easy as you going, if you can have him, you can have me.

If you're happy with that, you'll be happy with this. Look, that's not a completely conscious thought. I'm sure that's operating in a very subconscious level. That's not that subconscious. Aren't you all subconscious level? I mean, I have that like every time I've started seeing someone new, when I've sort of introduced them to mates, like for that sort of first time,

there's always been someone around who goes, oh, mate, you're batting above your average. And it's like, no, you know what? I have worth. Like I'm a, you know what I mean? Like it's so, I don't know. It's so, he's ating above your average. And it's like, no, you know what? I have worth. Like I'm a, you know what I mean? Like it's so, I don't know. It's so, he's a good guy. Yeah.

Yeah, no. Not everyone's as superficial as you, Carl, is what I'm trying to say. Oh, no, yeah, it's come back to me. All right. We were bagging your mace there. It's coming back to you because you made the statement. No, I'm saying that that's a, it's a fact. It's not my opinion.

I have to say, though, I've heard a lot of ladies say about Carl. They've gone, fuck Carl. He looks like his face has been run over. Just what a beautiful un-run over face he has. All right, well. Sure, he looks like someone punched in the back of his head and his eyes slightly came out. But not run over at all.

All right, male model Xavier Michaelides over here with the classic bald man cap on and the terrorist beard. We're playing this game, are we? Oh boy, this got heated. He really got caught up in the fervour because of Tony Abbott. Terrorist beard.

Terrorist beard as well. Could just say big beard. It had to be terrorist beard. Which did make me nervous as well Because I didn't want to come back too harsh Yeah To be like I don't like terrorists Maybe I like terrorists

Do you ever think about that? Maybe I might be a terrorist to you But this is someone else This is someone's freedom fighter beard I was trying to up play The negative connotations of your beard To make it sound like I was selling you less That's all I was doing

Okay So I'm sorry to Ella And any terrorists that are listening. I didn't mean to liken you to Xavier Michael Leavis. You know what the best part is, is that we still haven't brought up that story that you tried to bring up. Right. Okay, here we go.

So a few years ago now, and feel free, Xavier, to interject in the story when you feel like it's being misrepresented anyway. There was a sketch show that a few of us got asked to come in and submit some stuff to. A children's sketch show? A children's sketch show. ABC 3. ABC 3, yeah. What age level do you think ABC 3 is?

What would you say? Zero to seven. Okay. Zero to seven. Zero to seven. Zero to seven. Zero. I see ABC 2 during the day is zero to seven

and then ABC 3 is like tweens to teenagers Early teens That's what I saw ABC 3 as Listeners, write in Save your defences for after we hear what's happening No, I get to defend the whole way through To help shape John's opinion of what happened, alright? So a few of us get called in

And we get given the brief of the show And then we had like, I don't know, two days or something. It was like, just send in, you know, whatever, a couple of sketches that you think represent the tone of what we've told you the show is. No, no, no. They also said, don't hold back. Influencers are.

Tim and Eric. This is going to be really bad from the amount of defence happening already. They said, Tim and Eric, stuff off Adult Swim. We want it to be really cool. Let's not try and talk down to these kids. Let's be really, let's really try and make this a fun show that even adults. Don't talk down to the zero year olds that could be watching the show. Well, the thing is, don't treat them like they're unborn.

Kids like stuff that's pitched above them. You say this is for your age. You're reading Mad Magazine. I didn't mind reading about Richard Nixon. You know, I didn't know who it was, but I learned. I should have been reading Mad, but I was going and buying copies of FHM with Peter Hoare being interviewed in them. I already feel like I'm convincing you guys by how much you're starting

to turn your story around as well. So by the end we all go, that was a great, great idea. No, you're convincing us more of your guilt. Anyway, what did you submit? I can't remember. Look, I can't remember what I submitted. I ended up getting the job. So I ended up working on this show.

A couple of weeks later I bump into Xavier who had also been in that initial meeting and he says to me – What are you going to say? Let's listen to the story. You said to me, did you hear back from them? And I said, yes, I did. I'm working on it now. And you said, oh, I didn't hear anything back.

No, no, no. I was working on the show but I was doing less days than you. So you're doing like five – we were getting paid by the minute or something stupid like that and so you were getting paid – you were getting like $5 more than I was a minute or something. I was only working a day or two a week. Sure. So I'm in.

I'm in. They're like, we love your stuff. This is great. Crucial. Crucial bits of the story. Crucial bits. They sort of pretty much like I read the subtext which was... Is the

stenographer getting all of this? We want you to open up more. Just let loose. The amount of money more than you that I was getting is a very important detail in the story. Cut to the bank. Anyway, then I'm talking to one of the head writers about

Zave and however we get onto the topic, they go, yeah, Zave, yeah, look, we like him but the stuff that he sent in for his submission was just a little bit wrong, a little bit full on. And I go, well, what was it? And after, I should say, in this person's defence, after much prodding, he didn't want to go well what what was and after after i should say in this person's defense after much prodding from he didn't want to give up what it was i prodded him a lot in order to get this out of him he did not want to give you up he tells me that zave has submitted to a child's sketch show a sketch that's a musical about a girl getting her period for the first time. Wow. And it's this like seven-page odyssey that just goes on and on and on.

And this is for a child's sketch show. Yeah, because that was like a bit full on when it was like on Larry David on HBO. Like when they had the child. Yeah, that classic kids' comedy show, Larry David. Look, maybe I'm ignorant and I think we live in a greater world than we do where we're open enough to talk about what happens to people's bodies and it wasn't a seven-page musical.

It was one song and it was about you can get out of it. It was basically a girl going, oh, I'm going to go to puberty, I'm going to get my period, and then her sister going, don't worry, you can get out of anything you want to from now on because you have your period. So you don't want to do sport, you can use that as an excuse. So it's both a period joke but also weird misogyny. They've had it good for too long.

Girls and menstruating girls have had it good for too long. So thank you. I know for a fact that menstruating is fun. They enjoy it. It's their favourite part of the month. And they just sit back and have mojitos while that's happening and just enjoy themselves. Well, prove us wrong.

Belt out a few bars. Have you still got it in you? I don't remember it. But I just also want to say that if you had to do some prodding to get the song out, I heard then, after that had all finished, the second season happened and surprise, surprise, I wasn't asked back for the second season of the show. What was your

submission packet for season two? Alright now that the show's established we can really run wild. I've got a little ditty about an anal prolapse that I want

to wedge in. I was going to go to teen pregnancy but sure anal prolapse that's the next logical step after periods. Is that more

misogynist John that his next logical step after periods is an anal. Trying to smear, look the mud's sticking to you don't try and smear the jury alright. Is that more misogynist, John, that his next logical step after periods is an anal? Trying to smear. Look, the mud's sticking to you. Don't try and smear the jury, all right? And then what I found out is I was talking to another writer of the show

and it was at a festival and they're going, I'm writing for this kid's show. I was like, oh, I wrote on that last year but I didn't get asked back and they're like, why? And I was like, oh, look, I sort of submitted a few things which weren't really keeping with the tone. And then they go, oh, did you do the period musical? Yeah. It's like, yeah, that was the first thing they mentioned

at an initial meeting. Don't do this. So I don't know if they really have yet to squeeze it out of them. It's now an example they use of when writing for the show, don't write a musical about the period. And they'll carry that example onto other shows that they work on. And that's more legacy than any of the sketches that I wrote that got on the show will ever have.

That's what I mean. Sure, we can call it a little thing. We can say it was a misogynist sketch, it was an inappropriate sketch, but it's teaching people things about sketch comedy. So I think that's the moral of the story. Boy, you really pulled a Xavier here, I will say. Yeah. I mean, I wish that had been made.

Yeah. I reckon it would be great. Yeah. You should, I mean, you'd probably retain the Yeah I reckon it'd be great Yeah You should I mean you'd probably Retain the rights to it Yeah exactly If they haven't used it You could still

You know There's a festival show in there Maybe I should do a face swap video Of that You should just submit that Sketch to every new show That starts up from now on Alright

Surely to God at some point A show will come along That wants that John do you have a new show coming up? Do you want to do a little P.E. musical? Yeah Is that keeping in the tone Of your next show? God, at some point a show will come along that wants that. John, do you have a new show coming up? Do you want to do a little period musical? Yeah. Is that keeping in the tone of your next show?

Maybe this can be your next true crime book, The Crime of How Zave Didn't Get Hired for that show, for that sketch. I think the crime is that I wrote the sketch. I think we can solve that here. Guys, should we wrap it up here? Sure. Yeah, I think that is about all the time we have for the day.

Very quickly, I want to say. We're going to disparage more people's boy Sure. Yeah, I think that is about all the time we have for the day. Very quickly, I want to say – We're going to discourage more people's boyfriends than the show. Yeah, let's get back on to – no, let's not get back on to that. Update on Wikipedia. So it just reminded me going through John's Wikipedia page today and it made me go back and have a look at my recently created Wikipedia page and yours. Basically, they've taken All the detail off my page

And they've just left The only piece of detail That's on my page is like I was Contributing right Walk around the house naked Yeah it's on my IMDB As well the only Thing I've got in there is I was contributing right

To This is Littleton It's like It's a weird thing to have as the only thing on your Wikipedia page. Yeah, that anal prolapse sketch that you want to orgy for. That's the absolute least I've ever worked on a show. And that's the only thing on my Wikipedia page. So who took it off? Well, that's the thing. It gets all those warnings at the top.

And I looked at Tommy's page and it's the same deal. And these are the warnings on both of our pages. The topic of this article may not meet Wikipedia's notability guideline for biographies. The listed sources may not be reliable. And a major contributor. There's no pleasing him. First he doesn't have a page and he's complaining about that.

Then he has a page and he's complaining that it's all lies. A major contributor to this article appears to have a close connection with its subject. I want to see whether, do you mind if I look up my high school and uni band Raspberry Cordial was on Wikipedia for a while and then it got the notice saying

this may not, this John's University hip hop band may not be as important as say the civil war. Oh there we go. The topic of this article may not meet Wikipedia's general notability guideline. Unbelievable.

But it's still there. Yeah. Discography, Melbourne Tram, cassette, 1991. Taste test, CD, 1993. There you go. You've got four paragraphs on something you don't even care about that you treat as a joke. I've got one line that I wrote a couple of jokes for an ABC2 show.

You've got links. You've got a discography which counts a cassette. That's not even a thing. Just there's a lot of – there's more anger than usual coming out of you today. Just taking swipes at everyone. I think there's the same amount, but anyway. If the world was right, you'd be with Ella Hooper right now with a 10-paragraph Wikipedia article. Man, it's – look, I just think now with a 10-paragraph Wikipedia article. Man.

Look, I just think it's a lovely thing she's doing for people. Oh, God. Jesus. I believe it's tax deductible what she's doing. Oh, man. Oh, man. All right. Let's wrap that up for here.

John Safran, Xavier McAleady, thank you very much for joining us. No, thanks very much for asking me again. Have you got things coming up to plug? I don't know. You can check out, I'm writing more stuff for Good Weekend, more like crime articles and blah, blah, blah. And your book's still selling? Your book's still, I'm sure, selling by

the, what, how many editions, how many prints, how many prints are you up to? I don't know what that means. Printings, you know, it says first printed, second printings. I think it got two, yeah, I think maybe three or something. Oh, really? I would have thought it would have been more than that.

No, not like three copies. No, I'm, okay. That must mean that first edition one that I've got signed from you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Oh, I've got mine here. I want to get it signed as well. So I don't know. I believe that's the third copy if I've learnt anything from here.

Zave, you've got the Melbourne International Comedy Festival coming up? Yes, from the 1st to the 12th of April at the Imperial Hotel. It's called Bad Accents, Inconsistent Mimes. It's come along. And also, come check out my YouTube page. I've put up like four videos. You've been doing these weird face swap videos where you put your head onto like the Qantas safety video and the Milky Foot ad.

They're actually really funny. Yeah, they're great. Oh, if you're in Canberra, I'm doing the Canberra, some Canberra thing. Oh, Canberra Comedy Festival? Yeah, I'm going to do my Murder in Mississippi show there. Oh, that's part of the Comedy Festival. Yeah, why not? You can't spell slaughter without laughter.

Yeah, why not? It's like you can't spell slaughter without laughter. Because you do do the live shows, but I haven't been to one. But reading the book, I'm like, yeah, this is witty enough and it's entertaining and everything, but I did struggle to understand how it went under the umbrella of comedy, like out loud with a murder. No, no, there's jokes in the live show. Right, right, right.

Yeah. Oh, you punched up the script for the live show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not just me mumbling. I've got like a, it's got a proper like beginning, middle and end and I like show like band footage that, you know, like the footage that wasn't allowed to be shown that led. Of the murder, which is funny.

Yeah. And all that kind of stuff. And you've gotten the Funny Stone Videos guy doing a bit of voiceover over the top, yeah? Awesome. Okay, cool. We've also got, stuff. And you've gotten the Funny Stone Videos guy doing a bit of voiceover over the top. Yeah. Awesome. Okay, cool. We've also got, oh, sorry, what was the date of that?

I don't know, but everything's on Google. If you're in Canberra, you surely know about it. Come along to my show. We'll get the Raspberry Cordial Wikipedia page updated and get the dates on there. We've got our Adelaide next weekend at this point, I believe. The 15th of March. Then we've got every Sunday during the Comedy Festival. And the Drunk Cast on the final night of the festival. What about we sizzle this up, Zave? What about you do some digging

back in that old folder of yours of writing at the Drunk Cast? We do the premiere, the world premiere of Periods the Musical. I would love to. I would love to. I would love to. I'm going to sort that out. I might even get a friend to write the music for us.

We can sing it sometime. Oh, please. All right. You're ready. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates.