The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 232 - Live! Tom Gleeson, Fiona O'Loughlin, Claire Hooper & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: March 17, 2015

Tech Problems Volume 70, Adelaide Water & Office Factories.Recorded LIVE at The Producer's Bar in Adelaide on March 15, 2015. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates. Thanks so much to everyone who came out to the live Adelaide recording that you are just about to hear this week on the show. We complained a lot about numbers in the lead-up to it. I'm aware of that. But there was a great turnout on the day. It was so awesome to see you guys. And if you haven't heard this already,

we did a little impromptu Adelaide drunk cast later that night, which was so much fun. So thank you to everyone who stuck around for that and came and chatted to us afterwards. It was great to meet you guys. Melbourne, it's your turn next. Starting this next Sunday, March the 30th, at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival,

we have live Little Dum Dum Club recordings, four weeks in a row, season passes, and single tickets to each of those four weeks are now available at littledumbdumbclub.com. Any one of those tickets is going to get you into the drunk cast in Melbourne on the final night of the Comedy Festival, April 19, which is shaping up to be so huge. Tickets are already selling really well. I think we're pretty close to full on a bunch of those.

So if you've been sleeping on it, please come and check that out. It's always fun seeing people at the live gigs and this weekend was awesome. The other reason I'm dropping in here at the start, Carl's not with me by the way. I feel like this bit would be way more expletive ridden if he was because part of the reason I'm dropping in here is to explain a couple of technical difficulties that you are going to hear in this episode.

The three things that happen, first is when we come out at the start, we have our intro music, which our tech faded down through the speakers in the venue, but he did not fade down on the board. So what that means is on the recording, the entirety of Aloe Black's Good Things, which is our introduction, plays as we are talking. That did not happen during the show. So if you listen to that and you're wondering why we don't address the fact that an entire three-minute song is playing over the top

of our introduction, that's why, because it's not playing in the room. It makes it a little bit harder to hear us talking about, ironically talking about how the fact that there are other technical difficulties happening at the time, one of which is my mic keeps crackling a little bit as the cord comes loose and it keeps cutting out a little bit here and there and also the levels are kind of weird and when people shout it out a little bit here and there and also the levels are kind of weird and when people shout it peaks a little bit.

So that's what's going on. I don't think it's too bad but I just thought we should let you know at the start to be aware of that. Hopefully it does not impede your enjoyment of this episode too much. Anyway, here it is, live from Adelaide, a really fun episode. Heaps of great guests popped in. We had an awesome time and we can't wait to do it all over again

every weekend in Melbourne. See you, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club live in Adelaide. Please keep clapping for the entire hour show. Don't stop. Don't stop for any reason. Keep going.

Keep it going. Yeah, let's just do this for a whole hour. No. He said don't stop. Keep fucking going. Put your camera down. A little less don't stop. Keep fucking going. Put your camera down. A little less this. This.

Okay. Welcome. It's a little done up. In Adelaide at the. Oh, yeah. Me. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't read about it.

Who? Who? Is anyone with sports better here? Who's got odds on me killing some cunt inside five minutes? Because I reckon it's paying a dollar one. What's better odds, killing someone else or killing yourself at the moment? Oh, man. Fuck.

Oh, this can't happen for the whole thing. Okay. All right. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. Tech difficulties Where are we Little dum dum club

Live podcast or something My name is Tommy Dasolo Thank you very much For joining us Standing next to me Is the other half Of the show

Carl Chandler Hey dickheads Yeah Man There's that Claven sound I'm so fond of again If anyone thinks

Some people have got This opinion of me That I'm a bit of an angry person. Fuck you are dead on correct today. I am seriously going to fucking punch some cunt in the throat. So it's going to be so good. In the throat, specifically the throat. So what's going on here? Let's go through what's going on here.

Awesome. I'd love to know too. Yeah. Okay. So we've had, so far we've had guest snafus. We've had technical difficulties. That's it. But that's enough.

Oh, is that all? That's boring. Well, that's enough. Okay. Okay. Should we, you're having trouble even talking. Yeah. You know, what's his name?

David Lynch draws a cartoon about the angriest dog in the world that can't even move. He's so angry. Meet him. Yeah. Wow, when I get really furious, I reference David Lynch as well. Hey, you're the closest. Do you want to fucking cop a purse?

I never knew that about you. Okay, well, look, we've got, we have three, we have two great guests and Dilrach today. Hey, hey, he's great if you count mass. Dilrach is not getting here until later because he's doing another gig. That's the lack of respect that he has for you people. No, but once he's got the Comedy Festival Gala,

is he got the book for that? Is that what he's doing? Yeah, it's filming tonight in Adelaide. Hang on, he's pretending to be an umpire in an open mic comedy gig. So, fair enough. So, we also have one of our guests has to leave and do another interview

and then come back, which is not ideal. Audience is welcome to do the same thing, to be honest. Yeah, if there's any other podcasts that you want to go check out in the middle of this and then come back, that's totally fine. So, look, we do have a guest that has time pressures. Should we get the guest out? Did we just have a walkout? Oh, we nearly had the walkout.

Oh. It's a great, sweet visual gag on the audio podcast. So good. Oh, there's no way this is being recorded. Oh, yeah. You know what? This is very soon going to turn into a drunk cast. Yeah.

Against everyone's will. Yeah. All Alright, should we get our first guest out here? Because they do have time pressures and we want to make sure we want to squeeze every juice out of that berry, you know what I'm saying? I'll just take my frustrations out here. Alright, guys.

Very lucky to have her here for even a short amount of time. You know her as the first lady of Australian comedy. Please welcome back into the little Dundon Club, Fiona Lachlan! Sure, you've got time pressures, but just walk as slowly up to the gig as you possibly can.

Oh! Did you see my Nancy again? gig as you possibly can. Yeah, that's why I kicked the wall. How are you? I guess I'll stand as well then. The three of us standing, just having a conversation. Should we stand or should we sit? No, we should sit. I think Carl's too full of angry...

I can kick less things if I sit. So what the fuck's going on? What are you doing to us? It's an interview. Because it's my last show tonight, tickets aren't selling very well, so my publicist went to great lengths to get me an interview somewhere in Highmarsh Square,

and it's only going to be five minutes, so I've got a cab waiting. It's very rock and roll. Total transparency. I love it. Should we rehearse you right now? Oh, fucking hell. So what's it like?

How do you... What's comedy like? How do you get your ideas? Fiona, you've had your struggles. Are women funny? Wait, so how... It's hard being a woman in stand-up. What makes you laugh?

And I just want to light a cigarette and stub it out my own mouth. So what percentage do you think female comedians are as good as male comedians? Like 70, 80%? I'm doing the impression of the interview. This is not my opinion.

Well, wait. How many like, when you say numbers are down, like there's what, there's like 40-something people here. What if every person from this gig promised to come to your show tonight after this? Yeah, but she's struggling. Are you coming? Oh, awesome.

Yeah, but she's in the low 300s, you know. That's her version of being low numbers. Yeah, true. I'm just trying to work out a way we can get her to not do this interview. What are we going out on? Hey, by the way, Claire Hooper's in. She said she'd tag me if... Oh, really?

Is Claire here? So Claire's here. Oh, cool. All right. You guys are all the same, so that's fine. Well, we're all interchangeable. At least I'll be able to have a bloody drink with her. Oh, they've turned.

They've turned. No, I know what you're going through. Like, after the difficulties we've had, I feel like, you know, your drinking problems, I think, were they... Did you ever try to do a live podcast before? Because I think I'm on the verge of becoming an alcoholic right now. I don't reckon podcasts were... They were not in my...

I didn't know about them when I was... I didn't know about a lot of things when I was on the kids. I would argue you still don't really know about them. You asked me before if this is going out live on air. I think you think this is a text message. And... Where were you this time yesterday, Fiona? This time yesterday? I was out the front here.

Waiting for this podcast to start. I've actually, I'm so close to needing a carer, it's frightening. My daughter's working as my PA, but a little bit of, yeah, like she said, she checks everything before I leave the house, like what I'm wearing. And I tried to get away with a pair of Japanese yoga pants the other day. Yeah. I was in Brisbane and she's just gone, no.

No mother of mine is leaving the house dressed like that. Then she said something that made me feel really old and retarded. Like, she goes, outside pants today, mum. Yeah. I like it a lot. And she's really pissed off because I've got all these anecdotes about a daughter of mine, a daughter of mine, a daughter of mine and it's all the one daughter and they're all pretty shitty, you know,

exposés. Like, one's on MDMA, right, and... Sorry? Yeah, one of my kids is on I shouldn't even know the fucking names of drugs

but I'm hanging out with you know the names of embedding you know the names of your daughters so so I'm saying

but I've worked it out if I say it in a posh voice it just sounds like she's doing a course you know so I'm like one of them's doing

MDMA in prime quite expensive it sounds like a's doing a course, you know. So I'm like, one of them's doing MDMA in Prime. Quite expensive. It sounds like a medical ABC drama. It does, doesn't it? I'm on MDMA. Oh, yeah? Who books that? That would be, that subject matter would make a great drama series.

I had some MDMA in a gay nightclub when I went out with, I was with Rhys Nicholson and Joel Creasy. Sure, fellow drug users, just name them in a public forum. I didn't say that. But I tell you what, I must be made of kryptonite. It didn't touch the sides. It did not touch the sides. But I remember standing there and there was this...

Is that what kryptonite does? I don't even know what... Well, Superman was made of Kryptonite does? I don't even know. Well, Superman was made of Kryptonite. Yeah, Kryptonite also knows. Every time he did MDMA, Lex Luthor totally fucking owned him. So that makes sense. But I did get a good laugh that night. It might have been the MDMA.

I don't know. But I was standing with Reece Nicholson having a cigarette out in the balcony of this doof, doof, doof, doof, poof club. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Man, this story's going to go off in that radio interview later on. It'll be fucking great. High and high square are going to love you. This drag queen came up and he said to Rhys,

so how do you two know each other? And Rhys didn't bat an eyelid. He goes, oh, we dated for a while. Yeah, that's... Have you ever had Rhys on? Has Rhys been on Dum Dum? Yeah. Yeah, I's... Have you had a race on? Has race been on Dum Dum? Yeah. Yeah, I love it.

You don't listen every week? No. I listen to mine. I was finding it weird when you said that. Oh, yeah, I listen to mine. It's like, you were there. You heard it. But I just couldn't stop laughing at the last one with Moony.

Oh, yourself. Cool. The fantasy... No, the fantasy manager. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, we've got... Because, you know, the fantasy manager that we talked about,

that we share, is one of the other guests today that's about to come up. Maybe we should introduce the next guest who's also been managed by the fantasy manager. Hey, has hypothetically been managed by the fantasy manager? We're sort of talking in circles here. This is all just alleged. This is all kind of off the record. Okay, cool. So should we

bring on our second guest? Sure. First of all, I have something to tell you. Okay, guys. Second guest today, you know him from this week live. Carl's got something to tell you. This is getting awkward. We were all getting along so well up until now. Let's join the Tom Grayson.

Yay! Hello. You just took control. You're just sick of the intro. You just brought yourself on. What is this podcast? Half the podcast is talking about it not working and now you're reminiscing about other podcasts that you've done.

We actually haven't done anything yet. You're complaining about the venue. I had a good anecdote in there about MDMA. That was all right. This is what people want out of their content these days, man. This is snake eating itself. Just content that's about other content. Look at them.

They're bloody loving it, aren't you Look at them, they're bloody loving it. Aren't you? Fucking idiots, you're loving it. Look at those people watching this podcast now. Oh, we're talking about it again. There's photos being taken of the podcast. Oh, very good. Thank you.

You'll never forget us talking about the podcast, talking about the podcast. Oh yeah. Hey, when you stop laughing at us talking about the podcast talking about the podcast hey when you stop laughing at us talking about talking about the podcast we'll stop talking about talking about the podcast okay there it is that's yep hey tom i want to say uh uh that the first time i don't know if you remember this the first time we ever met oh uh you know it's that nice thing in comedy when you when you start to you you gig around, you gig with other, you know, sort of similar open mic sort of dudes, but then you start to gig

with bigger names. And I remember I got, I was sort of pretty happy about it. I got this gig. Yeah, I remember it actually. It was, we were doing this podcast at the end of last year. Is that when we first met? Or is that just when I started to remember you? Is that when you just became memorable to me?

It's a hard question for me to answer, to be honest. What does someone have to do to punch through in Tom Gleeson's memory? You know what I mean? Yeah, what did I do that day? What does someone have to do to stick out? You're a conundrum because everybody loves you and you're a massive cunt. Well, people enjoy

the tough stuff. That's the truth of it. You stupid bitch. Fuck, I'm halfway to having what Gleeson's got. Tom Gleeson called me a stupid bitch. See, why do you need that radio interview when you've got a quote on your postal like that?

That's right. But the good thing is I just say it with a slight smile and everyone thinks it's a joke, but really I'm just throwing out facts. And also you actually truly you're the only comic who I truly believe doesn't get nervous. Oh. Because you told me once. You told me once.

You said, what are you doing? I was freaking out behind the scenes of something. Yeah, it's embarrassing sometimes watching you. It is. You're backstage freaking out. I don't get it. Like, you get really nervous. You're like, oh, I just get so much stage fright.

I've got to go on and do the gig. It's like, all the gigs go well. This one will probably go well as well. You gave me a mathematical equation. Yeah. And I can't do maths. Maybe that's why you got nervous. Your numbers and...

I remember you saying, like you saying you got a 98% yeah it'll probably work it'll probably work people don't like hearing this because it seems passionless

but it's true all the gigs work out so fuck it what are you going to waste your time having a dry mouth for if you're walking if you're walking

if you're walking on stage on MDMA sometimes they can go a bit up and down that's true. Or also if you have a massive booze habit. I find, though, if you just live a sensible life and drink in moderation, you find that just things don't get away from you.

Right, right. So it's much easier to turn up on time, complete the gigs and have a career. Have you got savings? You'd have savings probably in a house and all that sort of thing sorted. Get your baths done. Yeah, I love it. That's what I've been doing here during the day,

filling out my forms. Yeah, but do you have an interview in the middle of this podcast? No, I don't because when I make commitments, I keep them. And also, I don't have to publicise tonight's show because it's sold out. Oh, my God. I missed you. I'm just here for the spirit of podcasting. That's why I'm here.

You don't give a shit about anyone here. I do. And I fucking care about you. I'm here with the little people. That's what I'm here for. I love here. You don't give a shit about anyone here. I do. And I fucking care about you. I'm here with the little people. That's what I'm here for. I love you. I just feel like we're building up all this anger in you that you're then going to go to do this other interview

and you're going to go, so Fiona, tell us a bit about the show. Shut up! Fuck you! I don't even care if you don't come to my show. Don't go to Gleeson's show. What a cunt. I've never had a

tantee in 15 years. It's not a bad record, is it? I've never lost my shit. Hey, maybe tonight could be the night. Oh, except with Fantasy Manager, yeah. Oh. Fantasy Manager. But I was off my face. What happened? You were off your face? I was off my face, yeah.

And I told him to go fuck himself. Why? You're fucking fired. You're fucking... Get the fuck out of... I was like, that's kind of... That was...

Behaviour. What did Fantasy Manager do to you? No, I went on stage pissed and he'd asked me not to. No wonder you fired him. What a cunt. Fired him for being incompetent I used to be at an Act Not Pierce before I went on

Upmar was telling me about once you would have been there, Good News Week You wouldn't know You probably thought there was two of me there I had no idea because I couldn't remember any of it and Upmar goes I went up to his place

when I did a gig in Hippie land. Byron, yeah. Byron Bay. And anyway, he was telling me, he said, you just were fine in the green room and everything. And then we went on and he said, as soon as the camera started rolling, apparently I started yelling, why am I here? Why don't you get that poof?

What's his name? I was talking about Josh. Earl. Get that poof to back. And next thing, next thing I'm in an ambulance and I'm in lock-up again. I know you got hospitalised for homophobia. It was me.

I rang triple O. This is homophobe from the centre of Australia. She doesn't go to urban areas very often. Take her away. Upmiles came to visit me in rehab. And Upmiles goes, he's trying to help. And I've got the DTs. What's the DTs?

It's when you're shaking from coming down. That's what DT stands for. Cool. Keep going. Yeah, I don't know what it stands for. Anyway, Akmal, he's trying to help, right, but I'm in rehab and Akmal goes, jeez, you're shaking a lot. He said, do you need some help?

Like, I know a dodgy doctor. I can get you something. Is this the Irish comedian Akmal that you're doing a voice of at the moment? Right, I've got an interview to go to. What time do you actually need to go? It's 4.30 now. Fuck! Oh dear.

Alright, Fiora Lachlan. Yeah. That round of applause counts as an encore when she comes back, OK? Yeah. So she is going to be coming back and we'll get to hear all about how the interview went,

which will be great. Do we want to sub in Claire and then hear the rest? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Claire, help her over here! Yes! Yeah! Yes. Yeah. Speaking of Good News Week. Fiona left her glasses on the bar.

Oh. Wow. Oh, dear. Oh, they're not, I mean, they're just... Are they glasses or beer goggles? Yeah, they're just stronger than I expected. But I will wear them. Commitment to the character.

Those glasses that belong to Fiona O'Loughlin, they look like they were bought at a chemist. Sorry, servo. They look like servo reading glasses. Do you think it's possible that Fiona often loses her glasses? I think she might. I think every time she goes to a service station, the attendant just gives her some.

There you go. You'll be needing these. I think she goes into the servo and she goes, I'll have a slab. And they go, this isn't a fucking pub. You better need these. Hey, we should quickly say, so we mentioned before, Dilrach is coming in late.

He will get here and he will not have the context of what has gone on so far in the podcast. That's great. So do we want to fuck with him in some way? Yeah. What can we do to mess with him? I think life has fucked with him enough. Because he won't have context for what's happened, so maybe is there like a, you know, we can bring up a certain phrase

and then just everyone goes fucking crazy when we, you know what I mean, like we've called back to something and he won't know what it is? I mean, that's the classic, isn't it? What about if we just boo him when he walks in? Works for me. Does he know that Fiona's got an interview? Does he?

I don't think he does know that yet. Could we? What about we pretend we all saw his last show and loved it? Even though none of us – I haven't seen his last show. But I'll heap praise on him for a show that I haven't seen. How about that? Yeah, sure. Easy.

That'd be great. So, hey, getting back to when we first met. This is when we first met. So early on, I was doing stand-up for about a year. I was doing gigs with people, you know, open micers. When I start to gig with people that are off the telly, whatever, it's pretty exciting. I got booked for this gig and I thought,

this is going to be great. I was like, it was you, Justin Hamilton, a couple of other good names. I'm like, oh, this is awesome. This is going to be a great gig. it was you justin hamilton a couple of other like good names i'm like oh this is awesome this is going to be a great gig i get there the gig's very badly organized uh there's no one there so you you guys are on there's no crowd and this is back in tommy daslo's favorite era of my stand-up comedy which is inexplicably this is what i did one year into comedy i went you know what i want to do one-liners from now on just one-liners but how do I do that? How am I going to remember this?

Oh, I know. I'll dress in pyjamas and get on stage. So I would get on stage wearing love-heart-filled pyjamas and get on stage and do one-liners. And it sounds pretty good. Yeah, I know. When you say this is my favourite era of your comedy, that is true. But that's also true of, true of everyone who knows you.

That's not exclusive to me. So I got onto this gig and so there's no one there and I think, oh this is going to be great. I get on stage to no one, to just comics. So you're just playing, you're doing your jokes to comics which is the worst because comics fucking hate jokes. Oh, unless

they're Dilrock. Well, he loves jokes. Yeah, but he's not a comic. There's a weight restriction, you know. Why are you groaning? Did Dilruch sit on you? Claire looks like she's in pain. He's just such a sweet guy guy that's why it's so funny

I just love to hook so much so I go on I'm doing my gig in pyjamas on stage to no one but comics who usually the gig goes well and the comics are just like

who the fuck is this idiot I have to go off to another gig I come back just in time to see Tom Gleeson hop on stage. I'm like, awesome. He gets on stage, looks up as I walk in in my street clothes and he opens with ah, did you go and take your

fucking dumb pyjamas off, did you? Go and get changed in the car. What a fucking idea, mate. And I don't even remember that. That's how much shit I sling out day to day. Day in, day out, calling people fuckheads. I don't even remember that. That was just another day for me.

And so did that rattle you? What was the drama like? Yeah, you know what? When you dress in pyjamas, you can have a hundred great gigs. You have one of those gigs and go, I'm not going to fucking dress in pyjamas anymore. I think that'll do. But then, so what are you doing?

You're putting the pyjamas on for the gig. Then you're changing into your street clothes. Then you're driving home and getting back into the pyjamas to go to sleep in. What a fucked life you led. I would find that really haunting to go to sleep in the clothes I'd gigged in. In your work clothes? Yeah. Well, no matter how good a gig's gone, you don't want to go to bed as that person.

Yeah. Yeah, but you can lie in bed and go, thank you, good night. Every night when you go to sleep. You've been great. Thank you, good night. Did you have the kids at school? There was like a guy at my school who would be like, he would sleep in his school uniform and he would go,

because, you know, then you get up in the morning, you don't have to get jested into your school clothes because they're already on. You're saving yourself a sweet five minutes. Really? It was like this awesome life hack he'd discovered. I had guys, because in Maribor, like, you know, I talk about Maribor, like growing up in Maribor, but there were actual other towns

that we looked down on. Like there were worse towns than Maribor. There were like little satellite towns around us. There was one called Clunes, so people would bus in to Maribor schools from Clunes and we called them the Clunesies and they were all the worst people. They were worse than Maribor. They were so bad.

Did you do that sweet gag in your pyjamas? Yeah, he gave me nothing. So, yeah, and they used to do, like, there was this one guy called Span. How the fuck are you called Span? Anyway, he was a cloonsy and he would do this. He would go home. This is how he would have a shower. You're not giving enough pause after these fucking huge revelations. Itations like it's so just like part of the tapestry of your life that i

don't think you're fully aware span the cloonsy and then he just kept talking like just deal with it just keep up everyone you know you know how you deal with people like that so this is he would this is he would come in and stink and people would go, why are you stinking so much? He'd go, I don't know. I had a bath last night. He's like, you had a bath? He goes, oh, well, you know how we have baths. He would go home in his school uniform and then jump in his clerk's pool

and then get up again. It's like, that's my bath. And then just keep the school clothes on. Yes. Wow. That's great. That's typical clones. No one's reacted to that.

Is that how you bathe in Adelaide? You've got worse water than clones. It would be worse than that. Typical Adelaide getting all touchy about their shitty tap water. It's really bad. Okay? That's fine. You know?

Okay. Everyone else seems really uncool with this it was all going well when we're hanging shit on everyone except for your water and now we fucking lost you i i actually really like the tap water i enjoy it mate you already saw you don't need to pander like this i've been coming to this finish for 10 years i know how how to connect. I love your water, Adelaide. Old Gary Groundwork for 2016 over here. That's why he's so better.

Yeah. Oh. Because they come to my show, these people, the good people of Adelaide, they laugh. And then afterwards you have a big glass of tap water together. And we don't complain. We just enjoy it, don't we, Adelaide? Yeah.

That's why you're selling out and Fiona's not selling out because she has a big gallon of fucking vodka instead. Oh, my God, though. Tom Gleeson. That was too far. All right. Tom Gleeson is just cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, opportunity to make a dollar.

Yep. I'm a professional cunt. You know, it's funny what you said about Cloonsy's because I grew up in the middle of nowhere in a place called Tamba Springs and it has a population of 100 in New South Wales and we didn't like the other towns there. We used to hate Bundella because it had three people in it and it was an intersection just with a post office and a hall

and fucking Bundela Ray. But they had a hall for three people. Yeah, well, yeah, they had meetings, I guess. But I also remember that we didn't like anyone to the west of us. If you went further west, like Moree, further out that way, that was like, we called that headache country because you'd just go for a drive for so long you'd get a headache. It's not as catchy as Cloon's Eve.

But Westies, I like, because every time... Still held, yeah. If you're a Westie... We thought we were in the sweet spot. We thought if you went, you know, 400 kilometres west to where we lived, it was perfect. It was God's own earth near Gunnedah. Oh, yes.

Which is near Tamworth. Oh, beautiful place. Any further west, Coonabarabin. Oh, that's fucking shit. Where we are is perfect. Dubbo. Oh, God. Fucking Dubbo.

Quambone. Jesus, those places are shit. Gunnedah is beautiful. You're doing the opposite of local material at the moment. What's a tap water like in Dubbo? I didn't like it as much as here. It's clear to see there's no Dubbo Comedy

Festival, but Gunnedah, that's the home of, that's supermodel country. Yeah, there's Miranda Kerr, Erica Baxter and me. Supermodel country. Yeah, there's Miranda Kerr, Erica Baxter and me. Yeah.

Yeah, we've all got very good genes and we trade on our looks. Claire, you've come dressed as a presenter from Play School, which is good. Oh, I'll be honest. It is all part of a plan to get me on that show. I would love to be on Play Store. Because Eddie Perfect's on it now. I know. How did he get it first?

I mean, I bet he doesn't even want it like I want it. Yeah. Do you want it? Do you want it that bad? Of course I want it. What's so good about it? It's like playing with crepe paper and toilet rolls in amongst cushions for an hour. Like, of course I want that gig.

Don't you reckon wearing foundation would take the edge off it? Like, make-up, that'd be... Like, I like playing, but then you have to wear make-up because it's TV. That'd be annoying. Like, imagine playing Lego, but you've got to put on foundation first. That'd be so annoying. I suppose.

You've just ruined the gig for her. No, no. I mean, but, you know, like as a lady I'll often wear foundation before going on stage. I mean, not today because I didn't expect Fiona to sub me in. You didn't expect Fiona to Spanish ham this gig. You didn't expect Fiona to flake out of a gig. Yeah, why would you?

I just didn't know I'd be her sub. But thanks for noticing my denim overalls. I think they're adorable. I like it a lot. I've been thinking about getting a pair of overalls for myself. Yeah, right. Suck it, Chandler, you old man. Who's the same age as myself. Yeah, right. What do you reckon? Suck it, Chandler, you old man. Yeah.

Who's the same age as me. But, you know, much older in your heart, aren't you, Chandler? Yeah, Daslo. I like it. Claire Hooper going dark. This is a sweet audition for Play School. Good. Yeah.

Hi, I'd like to be on Play School. Here's an excerpt from me from the Dum Dum Club. Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Opportunity to make a dollar. Yeah. I saw an attractive young lady wearing some denim overalls on the side of the road. Yeah, that was me. Yeah, right? Yeah, I was driving down Nicholson Street in Melbourne

and I saw them and I was like almost instantly like online finding some denim overalls for myself. I thought you were going to say, so you hit her on the back of the head, took her overalls, put them on. Nah, that's good because it was a really boring anecdote. So, I mean, I should have at least thrown some MDMA in there. Sorry.

Yeah. Yeah, you took some, you were so enamoured with the overalls that you took some ecstasy. Yeah. And then what? Again, this is all good stuff for play school. Sorry. You were so enamoured with the overalls that you took some ecstasy. And then what? Again, this is all good stuff for play school. Anyway, the point is they were on sale for $59.95. You should get some. They're a ladies' fit, but you've got quite a soft figure.

Hands up who thinks they should start wearing overalls all the time? And who thinks that's a really bad idea? Keep your hands down for both of you couldn't give a fuck. Oh, cool. What's your festival show called this year, Tommy? Cutie Pie. And so why do you think you shouldn't wear overalls?

Who's got the more arrogant title this year out of me and you? Because yours is just Tom Gleeson. Yeah. That's not arrogant. That's just who I am. Which is something good. Yeah. Right.

So there's the arrogance. Sure. Yeah. Like I hate people. People always say, oh, you're arrogant. Yeah, well, I'm fucking really good at it. Go fuck yourself. How would you have handled...

You saw that clip of Matt O'Kine and Chris Rock on Triple J the other day? Oh, yeah, I'm haunted by that, actually. Yeah, how would you have handled that? I would have loved to see that interaction. I would have said exactly what Matt O'Kine said, probably. Just to build it up. So what happened? Chris Rock was on Triple J being interviewed by Matt O'Kine,

and Alex Dyson mentioned that Matt does stand-up and Chris Rock said, are you any good? And Matt said, I'm really good. And Chris Rock said, you realise you're saying that to me, right? That's like going to Jordan and saying, yeah, I'm really good at basketball. Kind of gave him a bit of a roasting. And then they play a clip of his stand-up and it's, yeah, it's... And what?

And what? What? They play a clip of the stand-up and then at the end Chris Rock goes, yeah, cute. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say it's a bit cute. But, I mean, I don't know, if it was me, to be honest, Chris Rock would have said, are you good at stand-up?

And, well, actually he wouldn't have asked me that, he just would have known it from my reputation, obviously, around the traps. And then, but even if he did and I'd say, well, I supported Louis CK and he'd be like, I'm friends with Louis CK and I'd say, so the traps. But even if he did, and I'd say, well, I supported Louis CK, and he'd be like, I'm friends with Louis CK, and I'd say, so am I. And then we'd chat about him and what he's been up to and what I've been up to, and we'd probably go back to the hotel we're both staying at and just have dinner,

like we always do when he's in town. That's probably the way it would have gone with me. But that wouldn't have happened, because as if I'd ever go on Triple J, you get paid fuck all. What about play school? I hear they're needing new presenters. There's a lot of people up for the role. How would you go on play school?

Oh, man. I must admit, I do watch a fair amount of children's TV because I've got kids, right? I've got a three-year-old and a two-month-old. And when I watch children's TV, my overall emotion is, oh, my God, that would take ages. Because I know how TV works. So all I'm watching when I see Play School is the edit points.

I'm like, oh, fuck. They've got to sing that song and, oh, it's all in one take. Oh, that would take forever, that show to tape. Or I watch The Wiggles and I'm like, I just hate it because I'm watching adults pretend to be happy. That's all I see is the cracked smiles. They're like, singing and dancing. It really hurts me.

I like the cartoons. They're fine. I like the cartoons. At least you still get your childlike wonder though. Yeah. Again, you should just send that in as a tape to PlaySchool and see. You could be like the new edgy presenter, the guy who tells kids how it is.

It's on a bit later, like four in the afternoon. That's right, four in the afternoon, turn on PlaySchool for one take Tom. So they don't cut out the swears. I like how we booked Dilrach, like the least biggest name we could have on this podcast. And that we have. Well, yeah.

Well, I can hear some floorboards creaking up the back of the room, so I think that means... Oh, he's actually here. Oh, he's here. Welcome to the stage, if it can support him. Joe Rock, Joe Acena! Oh, thank you, thank you. Hello.

Hey, what have I missed? Because I was told that Joe Northern, a.k.a. Fiona, what have I missed? Because I was told that June Northern, aka Fiona, is going to be here and I just see a younger, less funnier version of her. Hi, Claire. So how'd the gig go that you came from? Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute.

I'm the only one who hasn't been a complete arsehole about you. Oh, really? I've been like, Dilruch is awesome. I love him. You can go fuck yourself, Dilruch. Yeah. No, you know what? And you know what?

You do need to lose a little bit of weight. Yes! Yes! Got you. little bit of weight. Yes! Yes! Got him! I really do because I was doing this gig at PJ O'Brien's just the only time. All right, we all get stuff going on.

Shut up, mate. And I started running to the kick. Bullshit! I promise you I started to run and I swear to God, I got to the butt like 10 seconds in and I just started throwing up. I promise, I've just had a spew and it was really sad. This homeless person comes up to me and goes, you all right, mate? So I am really kicking goals today.

Hey. I like the idea, like most people would see and think oh gee he's been drinking too much Adelaide French hungover no no

just exercised a little bit yeah you're hungover for running for 10 metres just did some stairs I actually haven't seen you I don't think Dill since that gig you did at the Public Bar

back in Melbourne where was that end of last year sometime? Yeah. You were on and you were killing, man. You were doing really well. Oh, wow. Can I put that on a poster?

Because that's my best credit for the year. As seen by Tom Gleeson. Yeah. Well, you can't because I didn't. I just made that up. Got him. Now, something's happened to you while you've been in Adelaide. Very quickly, I just realised, so Fiona's gone.

Is she really gone for an interview or has she gone to do a bit of a June Northern? Like, will she... We should have podcasted that. They're going to get her last words. Oh, fuck off. I'm just called Claireo, I'm funny. Get on board, you fucking idiots! Wow.

Or he'll exercise a little bit and spew on you. Only a little bit. Have you done shots or one push-up? Yeah, so something has happened to you in the last week. You've mentioned it to us several times, but without saying what it is, and you've gone to great lengths to make sure that we don't hear about this story from anyone else.

Well, it happened two nights ago. It's pretty bad and embarrassing, but apparently Adelaide is pretty fucking incestuous. Incestuous? Fuck, I'm drunk. Apparently, are there any Adelaide comics in the house? And how many people know this story already? Okay, there's a couple of people. Hey, Dill, quick question.

What do you think of the tap water here? It's aces. Yeah. That's what Dill and I usually meet up and just have a glass. The first thing we do, we get to the airport, just get a glass, turn on a tap, straight out of the wall. To be fair, I am from Sri Lanka. This water is fucking awesome.

All right, so this is pretty bad. Okay, you know a friend of the show, Carl Woodbury, has a podcast called Wisdom Laughter, the idea being that you are able to laugh with your friends about the things that will probably make you cry on your own. This is one of those stories. Okay, so it was, I think, Thursday night.

We could have had this story without the plug for Woodbury, but anyway. He needs the numbers. Yeah, it was Thursday night. I did a gig and then PJ O'Brien's had $3 vodkas. It was a uni night. I wasn't then PJ O'Brien's had $3 vodkas. It was a uni night. I wasn't being creepy. I was just there for the vodkas.

And I... Now everyone thinks you're creepy. I would like to do a routine at Uni Girl. That's true. This is true. Don't go, oh, fuck. You know what this is. Anyway. Anyway, I had a big night.

I was out with my friends. The last thing I remember was we, this was about 3.30, and there's a, what's a strip club near the casino? The Firm? Yeah, I love how there's a lot of people. Yeah, I knew what it was. I just wanted to see who fucking. I like how you pretended for about half a second

you didn't know the name. What's that name for The Firm? Okay, cool. I just wanted to out the people who... Anyway, whatever. We couldn't get in the firm. Maybe because we're drunk, maybe because of the lockout. Anyway, I remember going into the casino.

That's the last thing I remember. I don't remember anything after walking in. The next memory I have is I'm staying over with two Adelaide comics, very funny guys, Angus Hodge and Nick O'Connell, and my next memory is Angus Hodge and Nick O'Connell. And my next memory is Angus Hodge and Nick O'Connell just yelling at me, going, Dill! Dill! Dill! And I'm like, please, I am

trying to sleep. And then Hodge goes, yeah, but you're in fucking O'Connell's bed. Get out. And he yanks the doona off me, doesn't realize that, yes, I had a shirt on, but nothing else underneath. And I've just been there, balls out.

And I've just gone, uh, down, and just covered myself. And he goes, you're in Cornel's bed, get out. And I'm like, oh, shit, I'm so sorry. And I've just embarrassingly covered my stuff. And I was rolling out. And almost like behind me, like, you you know you're walking away from the explosion they go and you pissed in the corner of his

room as well. The spew seems normal now, doesn't it? And I just so embarrassed, I just started yelling, no! No! And these guys, you've been Just so embarrassed. I just start yelling, no! No!

And these guys, you've been staying at these guys' house. Rent free, by the way. And this is at eight in the morning, and his housemate comes running out going, what's wrong? And all he sees is this fat Sri Lankan guy naked, covering his balls, going, no! No! So why did you piss in the corner of the room? Carl, I don't know.

This is not a story about, hey, this is a great thing I did the other day. I started by saying this would make me cry, if not for the fact that I apparently do a job where this makes it okay. I still think you should cry. You probably were crying at the time. Piss, piss piss piss great act out maybe you were

well I remember it was audio well the funny thing is in the afternoon when they like Hodge comes so that happened in the morning and I've obviously gone to bed

I don't remember he goes hey you're up and I'm like yeah he's like do you remember this morning I'm like what are you on about he goes you don't remember. He goes, hey, you're up? And I'm like, yeah. He says, do you remember this morning? I'm like, what are you on about? He goes, you don't remember, do you? And then he hits me and I just start screaming,

no, no, again, like an idiot. And we're sort of debriefing and I go, I'm feeling horrible now. And Nico Collins, the sweetest guy, I'm like, man, why haven't you punched me in the face? Like I pissed in your room. He goes, no, it's fine. I'm like, who cleaned it up?

He's like, oh, I cleaned it up. And what a sweet guy. But then he goes, oh, that reminds me. And he runs in and he comes out. I think he's wearing gloves or a bag. I'm not sure, Nick. And he's carrying, he's a uni student and he's carrying his textbooks that are apparently soiled with this. And he's a history student. And I have pissed on his book called History of Aboriginal Australia. I hope you said sorry. Thank you for having me at Lead Fringe. You have

broken me. You really have. I don't know if anyone did that to you. I think you may have done more harm to Adelaide than it did to you. And Aboriginal Australia, apparently. Hashtag lifestyle choice. Hey, can I bring this up? So you, Dil, you work with, I believe, these people.

I've heard this story. I haven't heard the full bones of the story, but this is what I believe. People you sort of work with love this podcast and they work in some sort of big office or factory or something and they set aside a time every Thursday afternoon and they go, this is dum-dum time and they pipe this podcast through the whole studio, factory,

whatever the fuck it is. So whoever works there, I don't know what they manufacture. You keep saying these things that are completely different, office or factory. I don't know. I just said I don't know exactly the story, but wherever the word is. I'm still sweating from telling people that I pissed in a room. I am. I don't know. I just said I don't know exactly the story, but wherever the workplace is... Sorry, I'm still sweating from telling people

that I pissed in a room. I am. I'm really sad. And from moving this much. So... Well, maybe they're listening right now in that factory and out of respect, they'll all go and piss in each respective corner.

They'll all down their pants. Like, instead of pouring out from one of the homies, you just piss one for dill. Or you go into their workplace and they'll all be wearing a dill T-shirt and nothing else as a tribute. Naked waist down, all pissing in all corners. And they've all blacked up too, the ultimate tribute.

Okay. He pissed on a textbook of Aboriginal history. There's a deep disrespect for our country, you have. He pissed on a textbook of Aboriginal history. Anyway. That's a deep disrespect for our country, you have. Yeah. It was better than the cum I left in the Auschwitz book. That was... Fuck! Jesus Christ.

Oh, well, well, well. Yeah. Look who's come crawling back. Here we go. Well, re-welcome to the stage, Fiona O'Loughlin. Yeah. No, Claire, you stay. Dil, fuck off.

Thank you, Fiona. No, no, share a mic. Share a mic. Share a mic. Share a mic. Oh, I wonder whose glasses these are then. But you've got some on. Oh, you've got two pairs of glasses now.

That's just to keep my hair up. Go on. Share a mic. Share a mic. Oh, okay. I'll get a chair. Oh, fuck. I can't do that.

That was not me pretending. I actually lost. Can I get a chair? Yes, please. Let's bring you up to speed. Kick someone out and take their chair. Dill ran for ten seconds and then spewed on the way here. Tom didn't watch any of Dill's gigs ever.

And also, Dill's embarrassed because he got drunk once. Actually, on top... So embarrassing, isn't it, Fiona? Just that one time. Where do you live in Victoria? Romsey. Romsey. I can't understand what you're saying.

Fuck off. Hashtag, yes, all ethnics. I was doing a gig in Romsey. It was called the Romsey Street Festival. It was horrendous. It was a bunch of us open micers. None of us were getting paid. It was just a street festival and we were on a tent and

it's like open air and it's just this dad and his kid just staring at us because it started raining and they were just listening to us. Yeah, that's why they were staring and not laughing. We get it. It was bad. It was horrible. And this is like my first year of comedy. I don't think it was one year.

But then I see Tom Gleeson walking down the street. It was not my first year. It was probably my 17th. And I go to him. I thought, oh, you know, fellow comedian. I just sort of put myself on the same league as Tom Gleeson. I go, oh. Hang on, you walked up to him, you spewed, then what?

This is word for word I got to Tom. He's like, oh, we're doing a comedy gig. How come you're not doing this one? He goes, because I don't want to. I remember that. That's right. I remember I was walking down the street, because whenever there's a street fair in a country town,

you know there's going to be a sausage somewhere and I wanted to eat one because I was hungover. I just walked out. I thought if I walk for long enough, I'll find a barbecue. And I remember seeing this trailer and I thought that would be a fuck place for a gig. And then I walked and there was one there. Yeah. And he was there too. Yeah, whenever you say that's a fuck place for a gig, Dill's generally gigging there.

So wait, we never got to. And he was there too. Yeah, whenever you say that's a fuck place for a gig, Dill's generally gigging there. So wait, wait, we never got to... Sorry, and that's when I first met Dill, and I do remember that Dill. Oh. And that's going on a poster. I remember meeting you the first time, unlike Carl. And met by Tom Gleeson. Anyone got good...

Like, who was... When you were an open mic... When you were an open mic... Use your mic, dumb cunt. Any legends rude to you on the way up? Oh, yeah, it happened all the time. Are you going to name names? Yeah, Tommy Dean.

Yeah. Tommy Dean's a great comedian from Sydney who people may know. Probably the most underrated comic. Yeah. I guess so. I think he's rated really highly. Oh, okay. I think he's very...

You say Tommy Dean, not many people know who you're talking about. Well, I didn't really want to focus on it because he might listen to this. But anyway, he's a great comedian from Sydney. He's genius. And he was emceeing the Boatshed in Manly. Yep. And I got asked to go and do five minutes there when I'd been going for a month. And I was very excited.

I thought, wow, I'm being asked to do a gig at like some other venue. So I went out there and I didn't get any laughs at all. I remember getting none. It was the first time I'd gotten none. Like normally you'd get one or two, even if it was really poor. But I just got like no laughs from the beginning until I left. Still? And, yeah.

So, yeah. As you would call a gig. Yeah. And, but anyway, Tommy Dean was emceeing and I do remember that when he walked back on stage, he said, I would just like to say, I have no idea who that was. He just said he was supposed to be on

and I believed him and I'm deeply sorry. Oh, no, no, who that was. He just said he was supposed to be on and I believed him and I'm deeply sorry. Oh, no, no, no, no. And I was really, really offended. But, yeah, now when I think back, I think, no, no, it's exactly what he had to do to get the night back on track. And it's true because I would have just bailed up and I was only there because the guy who ran the gig told me I was on.

He didn't tell anyone else. So I've just literally gone to Tommy Dean, I'm on. And he's like, oh, well, I guess I'll put you on. And regretted it immediately. I think you've got to – oh, I'm louder than I expected. You've got to be supportive as an MC. You've got to completely support every act on the bill unless they get zero laughs, in which case you have to throw them to the walls, don't you?

Otherwise the audience is like, I'm not going to trust you. Yeah, the audience is like, we can't trust you. We're not going to listen to anything else you say because you didn't acknowledge that he was a piece of shit. Yeah. Because you've said to the audience every single time, you've got to pay attention to this person, big round of applause, you've asked that, and then you've learnt after the act that they didn't deserve it,

so you have to take it back and make them feel like shit so they don't turn up again. I was in Brisbane two weeks ago. When we did the live podcast in Brisbane, I did a spot at a late night thing and I followed an impro troupe. Oh, terrific. Yeah, pretty cool. So I followed them and I came on after them,

after they'd done their little sort of getting people out of the audience. Shout out to Xavier McLadis. And I came out and... Shut up, cunt. Yes, and? So I walked out and said to the audience, oh, hey, my name's Carl, I'm going to need someone out of the audience. Just kidding.

I've written jokes. And then I heard afterwards the one half of the Impro troupe were crying. Oh, no. Oh, sucked in. Really crying. Which was awesome. Yeah, they cry. Good, they're learning something from me.

You know, I used to do, that's where I got my start, from improv. Yeah, because you're from Perth. Everyone does fucking improv over there. Yeah, I mean, Xavier got me into comedy. What's that? I did improv in Alice. That's where I got my start. Oh, man, I loved it.

I used to love it and I sort of miss it. But I met my husband, Wade, and he explained to me that improv is really embarrassing. And now I can't do it anymore. It's really sad. But you know what I am looking forward to? I'm looking forward to the day where Tommy Dasolo buys his denim overalls and the two of us can start an improv troupe. Oh.

Yeah, what are we called? Yeah, what's that called? What are we going to call it? The Whizbang Theatre Company. Claire and Cutie Pie. Let's, Let's... Crazy Fruit. Let's dust off the old skills.

You're on the beach. Go. Oh, look. Look what I found, guys. Come quickly. Look what I found. Oh, you found me. I'm buried in sand and a robot.

That's not sand. That's my bed. Why are you wearing no pants? Oh, you blocked. Yeah, that's bad improv, guys. Get off. I like that in our improv troupe we're doing callbacks to something from a podcast that probably no one in the crowd has listened to.

Good hook, though. So, wait, should we get back to – was there a story there? Does anyone want to know how my interview went? Jesus Christ. Look at the eagles on this stage and you're the shortest one and winning it somehow. When you left, how did your... Well...

Interview go? Oh, you son of a bitch. Sorry, I was a bit delayed there. Well, it was stressful because I had a cab waiting and I thought, your watch is wrong, by the way. Don't blame my watch for this. Blame his mic. Undue stress.

And anyway, I got there and she started chatting and she said that she remembers, I just can't bear talking to anyone that says, I remember once meeting you. That's literally all we did while you were gone, by the way. Well, she used to be, you know, the studio on 10th Street, whatever that is, it's FM. Why would we know that?

Oh, that's right. Tom wouldn't know. Yeah. Anyway, she said, I turned up and I was pissed and I was the first person she's ever interviewed who dropped the F-bomb on air. And I thought... Faggot.

Woo! She would because she got taken to hospital for homophobia once. Did that happen after that radio interview? Yes. Did you take the ambulance back here? She's dropped the F-bomb. I'm scared I've got homophobia. I'm scared that...

You don't catch it. You've got homophobic phobia? I was raised homophobic, right? You were raised homophobic and you turned your back on it. Of course I was. Brave choice. I'm 52. Brave choice. 52, yeah.

They should do an Australian story on that. And they've just got footage of you going, oh, yeah, I just really hate faggots. And then they show how far you've come. How do you know I haven't had some muff? How do you know I haven't had some muff? How do you know? Have you? I don't know.

She wouldn't have been hard. I just wanted to tell you there was some booze in there. Don't ask me. So anyway, so the woman you were just talking with, she said, did you drop the F-bomb on radio just now? Is that right? Yeah. And what else happened?

Nothing. It was just back to how did you get started? Were you always going to be funny? Oh, and at which point you went, fuck. Nothing. Then it was just back to how did you get started? Were you always going to be funny? We were funny. Which point you went, fuck! And has it paid off? Are sales now through the roof? I don't think so.

You know, you have to do it. You used to cancel. Sometimes I'd cancel the Sunday night at the Fringe. But then you've got to do the last night. That'll be Saturday night will be the last night. Any questions? I think I have. Any more questions about the calendar and how time works?

I am so never getting an IQ test. I don't want to know how close I am. I reckon I'd be pretty qualified having spent some time with you to do one on you. See, this is what I was saying before. So, Dil works for these people that broadcast these podcasts. Every Thursday, I think it is, they put the podcast through the whole building. So, everyone has to listen to it.

All right, hang on. Can we just clarify? What is this Office Factory place? Hello. I don't know I think they work in like fashion I think they do like What did you say?

Your accent just had a conniption I don't know I'm not Scottish Whatever you are Wait so they work in fashion So I think it's like some sort of fashion artist. Yeah, right, okay. Let's use the word workshop.

Let's all agree on using the word workshop, okay? Because I'm sick of this lack of clarity. Thank you. But either way, this is true. So apparently they're a big fan of the podcast and they listen to it, like they make it, like they play through the public addressing system. They're forced against their will to listen to it once a week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone's into it. And you did this as a favour to these cunts? No, no, no, no, no. This is independent of me. Like they somehow, the guy who owns the building loves the podcast and forces it onto. Basically, there's no consent when they play it out loud

throughout the building. You have to listen to it during work hours from this, whatever, let's say 2 to 3 p.m. or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And I'm thinking, you know, this is forced upon everyone trying to, you know, build morale and they're trying to do work and stuff. And then you get an episode where Fiona Lachlan talks for an hour about trying to neck herself.

How does that go when you're trying to put some textiles together or whatever? Well, it's just like you go peeing in the corner. You just start tying up some nooses and finding vacuum cleaners. Just hide the vacuum cleaners, everybody. No, what did happen? No, this is true. Hey, that podcast saved a life.

One night. Or yours. Saved some guy's life for one night. He was going to do it that night. Is that true? Oh, really? Yeah, it's true. He rang me.

He DM'd me. DM'd me. Look at you down with all the lingo. Hey, kids, look at it. He DM'd me and I was totes happy. And I said, do you want to talk? I DM'd him back my number

and we talked and he said, I was going to commit suicide today. And then I listened to the podcast my number and we talked and he said, I was going to commit suicide today. And then I listened to the podcast with you and Lawrence Mooney laughing. That was so funny. Like, I don't know. And you thought you'd just have to bin the whole thing. But he said he'd never heard it laughed at, like where he could join in.

That's awesome. Hey, can we get a round of applause for that? That actually genuinely is fucking awesome. join in. That's awesome. Hey, can we get a round of applause for that? That actually genuinely is fucking awesome. Now, on the killing yourself thing, how are we going with that?

What's that? No, I'm joking. No, no, going back to the thing, right, the office. Workshop. The workshop, the workshop. Who is, I'm sure, who remembers the Adelaide episode we did when we came here last year? Yeah, and who remembers the horrific thing that happened to me afterwards, which was not getting a root?

So apparently after the Adelaide Live one and then the follow-up one, they had like some sort of office meeting going, hey, let's get Dil laid. And they said, let's invite him to the Christmas party and bring your single friends along or some version of that. Oh, I've heard about this. Yeah. Also, the workplace is Peter then.

No, but I can't remember the ending. Ethical treatment of animals. That's good. Quite kind of racist. Yeah, no, it didn't happen. It didn't happen. Oh, the coloured toilets, by the way, deal. Just a bit of housekeeping.

I don't know what this is anymore. What is it? What was it to begin with? What is it? It's irony. You had complaints about when we were just talking about the podcast on the podcast and now it's somehow gotten worse than that. I don't know.

We're talking about a podcast. We're talking about people listening to a podcast. No, we're talking about a deal getting a route. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Let's keep focused. Keep focused. Did you get one?

There was also someone who tweeted at us, someone with the mirror ball suit. That's you. Now, if you remember the Adelaide episode, me and Ben Lomas just kept going back and forth calling each other disgusting fat fuck or something like that. Yeah, we just kept going. Is it true, madam, that your boyfriend now calls you a disgusting fat fuck? Ironically. See, no one's feelings are getting hurt

How old are you? That'll do Oh boy What better way to get back at your boyfriend than having sex with Dil? The ultimate burn. Heartburn for him as he's moving his hips. And do him in the coloured toilets as well.

Oh, God. This is so bad. Oh, shut up, Tom. After this, nine people are going to kill themselves. And we're going to be at a net loss, Fiona. Net loss. When you say nine people, is that just Dil? Well, I think that might bring us to the end of...

Dil's life. Well, I think that might bring us to the end of... Phil's life. Guys, can we get a big round of applause for Claire Hooper, Daryl Josiah, Tom Gleeson, Fiona Lachlan. You guys all have Melbourne shows coming up now in the Melbourne Comedy Festival for people listening at home. Oh, yeah. Free plug.

Right place, right time. School camp, 9.45 in the Melbourne Town Hall. Thank you. I love doing... Claire Hooper. That was Claire Hooper. I love doing... Do not go for Fiona Locklear.

I love doing gigs, plugs for upcoming gigs at a live show in front of an audience who's not in that city and can't see those shows. Yeah. Dil? You're the one with the mic and it's next to the lawn. Next to the lawn. Fuck it.

What is... Oh, yeah. I can't time. When's your show on? Oh, please, please. I really don't have anyone buying tickets. My show's called Immigrateful. It's at 7pm At At me

In In Fed Square So Come along Buy a ticket Go in and piss In the corner of his room You got a show tonight?

I've got a show tonight But this has to be Uploaded first So What's the point of saying it? No there's people here They can't get in It's already sold out

Why would I mention it? That's why I'm still here and didn't go and plug it at some other radio show that nobody listens to because it's Sunday. Who listens to radio on the Sunday? It's got around the old wireless, you know, like we do

every Sunday afternoon. Yeah, last time she was on she sweared, she said faggot. I'll call the ambulance. How do I keep loving you Tom it's like I think I've got I've got Stockholm Syndrome

I can't get enough of you bagging me up Fiona so Tom you're on Melbourne Channel Brisbane Sydney Melbourne

Perth TomGleeson.com.au cool Fiona Melbourne and then I only go a month in ahead. I don't know.

But tonight I'm at Gluttony and I've got five free tickets. Okay. So, yeah. When do you upload this, Carl? No, I'm talking to these people. They don't care. You make me feel so retarded that I'm actually thinking I might be retarded. Like, it does matter because there's people in the room.

So, I'm going to give away five free tickets. Sorry to break it to you. There's actually nobody in this room, Fiona. There's half the people you think there is anyway. First hands up. Get the five free tickets. One, two, three, four, five. Done. Come and see me so I can put

your names on the door. Come along. I've only got five. Five and there'll be plenty of places to sit. Someone just went juicy. Hey, Tom. Hey, if you need to fill up seats, get Dilda to come and sit on five of them. Do you have a bucket for me to use during the show? Tom, why don't you come to my show and heckle me? That'd be great.

How about I bring my whole show? It'll fit in your show. I don't even know. I don't even know what's going on tonight. No. Anyway. All right. I wish I was never born.

Solo shows on sale. Podcasts on sale for Melbourne. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Guys, thank you very much for coming out. Thank you so much. Enjoy the show. We love you all and we'll see you next time see you mate see you mate