The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 232.5 - Drunkcast! Wil Anderson, Fiona O'Loughlin, Dilruk Jayasinha & Milan Crncevic

Episode Date: March 23, 2015

Beers, Beers and Beers. "Recorded" Live at The Producers Bar in Adelaide on March 15, 2015.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead, I didn't think we were going to do an official opening to this show, but that's fine. Well how do you think we should do it? I think we just talk, because we've already got another opening to the show, but that's fine. Well, how do you think we should do it? I think we just talk because we've already got another opening within the show. So this is just like a little top of going, you know, this is us in our casual life without the regular intro. Yeah, well, I've started editing what we're about to get to and the introduction for that

recording opens with the C word. So I thought it's probably better to have a real officially sanctioned introduction for this thing. So let's talk about what this is. Let's talk about what we're doing on this episode. All right. Well, this is a – we didn't plan it out, but we – Now, what's a podcast?

Everyone's talking about them. We did a normal show on Adelaide, and thank you to all the beautiful Adelaideans that came out to see the show. Thank you to the ugly ones that came out as well. Oh, I refuse to thank them. Fuck you. I wish you hadn't come. You sort of spoiled my evening.

For having to look at you. Yeah, you should. Yeah, anyway. So we decided last minute to do a drunk cast and then we decided then last minute after that to record it just to see, just to go fishing to see what we'd get. Yeah, so we had a bit of, there was a bit of a gap in the venue. So we had like – what was it? We had three hours between the – what?

Oh, no, I was just laughing because I just – yeah, this is how you did the making of The Drunk House. We did our show and then I drank for three and a half hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We needed to set that up. So we – yeah, we sort of thought maybe there might be something in it that we could use for safety's sake just for our own – hey, you know, after you and I stop this podcast and we're no longer friends anymore,

just to have something to look back on from happier times. So we did that and it came out really well. There was a lot of funny stuff in it and we thought, hey, you know what? The people need to hear this. The people need to hear another hour of us calling Dilruk fat. Dilruk, sorry. I never listened to this show, but I listen to this one. Man, it's funny.

So I gave it to you and said, can you at least make some notes of what you think should go in? Because it's like two hours long, the unedited version. And you this morning were live commentating to me over Facebook, your own listening to it. And I realised this is literally

the first time you've ever listened to this show. And the excitement is just, it literally was just you going, I just said this funny thing now. I'm becoming a fan of this podcast. I'm going to subscribe. Finally, yeah. All the donate buttons are right there on the website, buddy. So we did a little...

If I give five bucks, I can get 50% of that, yeah? Yeah. Awesome. So we did a little If I give five bucks I can get 50% of that Yeah Awesome So we did a little Bit of a thing Over Facebook Over the weekend Where we sort of

Tried to bribe some people Into putting it up I like to think That we're going to give out Not only a bonus episode But a really really good Bonus episode So we just sort of went

You know If we give you a bit of love How about you give us A little bit of love back And begrudgingly Some people have done that so that's good yeah some people very up for it immediately some people who couldn't buy tickets to the live shows uh send us some money over the donate button so thank you very much to those people who did that to the people who um you know let us know how much they appreciate getting it and we're super up for it

and we're trying to rally other people into doing the right thing. But then, of course, you're always going to get some riffraff thrown into the mix. A few people arguing with the free content to which I say, hey, go fuck yourself. Yeah. So anyway, let's just go to it, shall we? This is Highlights of the Adelaide Drunk Cast. We have Dilruk, Jay Singer. We have Milan krinchevic from punchline dvd making his podcasting debut we have fiona o'loughlin and will anderson comes in later in the episode which is

really cool and let's say um look to the people uh that were there they know what they missed out on uh that everyone else missed out on right everyone else missed out and to the people who are hearing this we we've cut out a lot of libelous stuff, a lot of really brutal stuff, a lot of the stuff that the guests have asked me to cut out of it because it's pretty full on, but real funny. So just so you know, this isn't as bad as what it was on the night. So it's sort of a little bit of an ad for me saying you should come to the Melbourne Drunk Cast because you hear a lot of... And let's also, let's remember to stress this. We won't do this again. Like we will not be recording the Melbourne drunk casts

and putting them up in any way, shape or form. So don't slack off and think that, oh, they're just going to start putting the drunk casts up now. We do – we really want the drunk cast to remain as a thing that is just like a fun in-the-room thing where everyone's really loose and that's why we've edited out some pretty saucy stuff out of this. But yeah, enjoy this and this is

I guess one last plug for all the Melbourne stuff. The tickets are still on sale. Yeah, of course. So come to the Melbourne Drunk Cast when you hear this because man, this is a funny episode. It'll be even better when we all definitely know that no one's recording. Yep. And hey, yeah, last minute bit of sizzle for the T-shirts

are coming back this week. Oh, yeah, okay. You can order them. Go to our Facebook or Twitter. We've got links to that. The T-shirts look awesome. We'll have them for sale at the Melbourne live shows. So littledumbdumbclub.com for all that stuff.

You can also, if you're not in Melbourne, you can now order them through Estoy Merchandise, which we'll put the link up. And our solo shows start this week. This Thursday, Cutie Pie, my show opens at 7pm at the Imperial. And my show, Carl Chandler, World's Greatest and Best Comedian at 9.45 at the Vic Hotel. And you know what?

There's this little thing, I guess, where you guys are awesome at coming to the live podcast and that's awesome. But we actually super even more appreciate when you come to the solo shows because it's so easy to come to the live podcast and that's awesome. But we actually super even more appreciate when you come to the solo shows because it's so easy to come to the live podcast. But we're only doing four of them. We're doing like, what, 73 solo shows? Yeah, yeah.

And once again, like we were saying in the lead up to Brisbane, we can see the numbers for podcast sales. We can see the numbers for solo show sales. And guys, they are not matching up. Some big discrepancies in the bookkeeping at the moment. So, yeah, that's about all we have to say. So sit back. Hey, you know what?

Pour yourself a drink. Get a tinny out of the fridge. Crack one open. Maybe if you're drunk when you listen to this, you'll enjoy it as much as we did on the night. And appreciate the fact you finally get to hear us swear after all these years. All right, just before we go to it, though, I do have one quick thing I'd like to tell you.

And let's start the drunk cast, starting now. Should we get a couple of guests on? Boring. Okay. What do you want to do instead? Do you want to make out? Oh, they've lit up. Yeah.

This is what the drunk cast actually is. It's a sex show at the end of the comedy festival every year. Make out's a little bit soft for me. I would like actual penetration. Can we play a porno? I asked if we could play a porno earlier. Do you have like a USB to the porno? It looks like someone's desperately been trying to play a porno. Just fingerprints all over it.

Yeah. That's the dirtiest TV I've ever seen. Sweet Brent. How many people in Adelaide have gone, how do we change the channel on the TV? Fucking hell. You're getting static off it as well. We've got a special guest drop in. Very special.

Should we introduce him? I don't know who exactly you're talking about, but sure. Well, I'll tell you who it is. Yeah, okay. Welcome to the stage, Dilrach Jaisingha! Yeah! Oh, my God. He's going to spew six times before he gets to the stage.

You may know him from absolutely no TV credits whatsoever. Now, Dil, we were sitting out the front before, and we were just sort of killing time drinking and eating before this gig. I was doing more eating. Yeah. Because I'm fat. Don't you ever step on my gear again, you piece of shit. Wait, you have gear?

I like how you're more offended at that than he's fat. Tell me a shit at comedy. Yeah. No, I'm no good. Real sad. As you were? You left to go do something that we found a little bit weird that you don't think is weird at all. It's not weird at all.

It's not weird at all. I was sitting there. What was it? Three hours, right? We'd been drinking after that for another hour and a half. We had something to eat and I went, I need to go get a massage. That is not... A Chinese massage.

What? A massage from the Chinese. I don't get that. What do you mean? You got a Chinese massage. It's just an old school way of saying Chinese. Oh, is it? Chinese. Is that like a Maribor thing? Singular of Chinese message. It's just an old school way of saying Chinese. Oh, is it? Chinese.

Is that like a Maribor thing? Singular of Chinese. Yeah, that's what my dad says. Hang on. Did anyone else get the Chinese racist? Yeah, thank you. Fuck it. You're just...

Yeah, there's something. Fucking hicks. I don't know. Yeah, I went for a traditional Thai message at Sukkot. It's really good. It's so good. You told me it was Chinese five minutes ago. No, I said it was chinky.

Oh. My bad, sorry. Could be any of them. Could be Japanese, Chinese, Sudanese. Who gives a fuck? They had their fingers in my bum. Yeah, how far down did she go? Did you have to sort of do that thing

where you kind of slide your undies down a little bit and you have a little bit of crack hanging out? Oh, no, I had balls and ass out. It was go? Did you have to sort of do that thing where you kind of slide your undies down a little bit? You have a little bit of crack hanging out of the towel? Oh, no. I had balls and ass out. It was fun. Did you really? Yeah. She was the best.

This is not... And, like, it was so professional. You had to, like, literally fill out a form. This is one of the most professional massages. You filled out a form to have a massage? Yeah. You have to, like... There's, like, a diagram of the areas you want them to work on.

But there was, like... Oh, right. It was, like, a neutral... areas you want them to work on. But there was like... Oh, right. It was like a neutral... Yeah. It was a neutral area, so I had to draw the cock. Oh, it's like the diagram is like a Ken doll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went...

Fucking bit of this, thanks. And then also... I was going to say something. But yeah, it was really good. It was actually one of the best. I've got the details here. Suko, traditional Thai massage and day spa on Jester and Rundle. Specialising in the obese.

Yeah. We charge per tonne. Okay. I blew my budget for this festival, all the money I earned, on one person. Fuck, you're a horrible crowd. Do you realise that? But you're saying it's Suko.

To be honest, you've gone to a massage place called Suko. I think you're expecting something else still. It was great. It was like you actually had to fill out your date of birth, your allergies. It was so professional. We're hearing about this fucking form again. Jesus.

Your allergies? What are you going to be allergic to in a massage? Like oils and stuff. It's the most professional massage I've ever had. And she fucking went to town. She hated it. It sounds like she was doing everything she could to avoid touching you.

You need to fill in a heap of forms first, guys. What's your tax file number? Walk in a straight line. Do the alphabet. Now we're going to play hypotheticals for a bit, just to relax you. How does this message want to make you feel? She's like asking questionnaires.

No, it was seriously the best. I can't give them a bigger plug. And we cheated to me. Whatever. Fuck you. Yeah, it was great. I'm going back here after this if anyone wants to join me. It's an extension.

No one wants to join you. We know that already. How late is this place open that you're going to be able to go back at like 10pm at night? That was just my attempt at humour. That's funny the way you mixed up the times shops are open. Can you call your boyfriend and put him on speaker and we'll all call him a disgusting fat fuck? Oh yeah. What was

his name again? Mel? No. Bridget. Beck. Beck. All right, James. Beck, what's your boyfriend's name? Josh. Josh, people who weren't...

Give Carly's phone number. People who weren't at the last podcast, we found out that... What's your name? Jonathan. Jonathan's boyfriend... Beck's boyfriend apparently calls her a disgusting fat fuck. But what you didn't fail to tell us

is that you do that back to him as well. It's like your cutesy nickname. Does that mean when you guys are doing the route, you're like... Are you just calling each other a disgusting fat fuck while you're just picturing me Because what am I like at sex Because I don't know

No one knows This is a new law We're doing prank calls Hello this is your girlfriend speaking This is a new law, we're doing prank calls. Hello? Hello, this is your girlfriend speaking. You disgusting fat fuck. Also, lick my clit. Also lick my clit.

This is a fairly standard conversation from this number. What? What are you saying, Josh? This is a fairly standard conversation from this number. Oh, he has your number. He said this is a fairly standard conversation from this number. So he stitched you up a fucking tree. Why aren't you here, little Joshy?

Hey? Why aren't, how come you're not here at this gig? I haven't flown over. I'm in Perth. Oh, you live in Perth? Yeah.

Oh, sorry. It's Josh from Perth. You know, the only Josh in Perth. You disgusting fat fuck. Sorry, I didn't hear the STD bips. Sorry about that. Anyway, we're roasting your girlfriend in front of the whole squad here.

Oh, fam. So how soon can you be here? Because we really couldn't get any guests. We've literally got Dil here for fuck's sake. He's sitting across all the guest seats. It's fucking... Like the Cheshire Cat just laying there. No, just being fat.

The Cheshire Fat. Got him. Josh, the reason we've called you is because we found out in the podcast we did earlier... Yeah, you can. He's on speakerphone, you fucking idiot. We found out that you and Beck call each other disgusting fat fuck

as a term of endearment. That's something that you started. Is this true? Yeah, that's true. That's also a term that anyone uses to Dill. So that's pretty cool. Do you picture me when you call her disgusting fat fuck when you're doing a root in her? That's a bit of a delay.

Dil's next question is, what's having sex like? It's good when I'm picturing Dil. It's what? It's good when I'm picturing Dil. Oh, it's good when you're picturing Dil. I think we should let Josh go. Also, can I root your girlfriend?

Is that how sex works in Perth? Do you need to ask the boyfriend's permission? What if Bec asked you if she could have a hall pass just to have sex with Dilrach? Who would you give the hall pass to? To all In the three of us Dil, me or Tommy Tommy, that's Tommy

Yeah Yeah What is this part of Make a wish foundation? Yeah Yeah Wish Foundation. Because she might catch the old Jack the Dancer. Apparently Beck always wanted a lesbian experience.

The old original Scissor Sisters over here. Oh, hang on Dil's laughing like a fucking horny old bitch Someone must have said anything This is an arts festival This is the fringe of decent comedy Yeah Alright Joshy we better go

Alright have a good podcast Oh thanks Josh shut up cunt well I think thank you man who else can we ring shall we get

one of our other guests on yeah I think so. Do we have any? You know. That's your next guest. Michael Winslow. You wanted this, guys. I asked who would come back and you all applauded.

Hey, fuck you. That was good with Josh. You guys had fun with that, didn't you? Oh, you cunts. You fucking typical dum-dum cunts. Just a regular bloody jerky boys up here, aren't we? Jerky boys.

That reference has not been made in ten years. That's awesome. Yeah, how come I didn't make it? The last time that reference... Carl is 40. Let's give him one. Should we give him one? Yeah, okay. Guys, very special guest. He's never him on. Yeah, okay. Guys, very special guest. He's never been on the show before.

We've talked about him a bit. He is one of our previous sponsors. Yep. Punchline from Punchline Comedy. He's Punchline from Punchline Comedy? Yeah, he's from Punchline Comedy. And the cake? He got us a cake.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That thing that no one saw. Yeah, okay. Please welcome Milan! He's clapping himself. He's never been interviewed. He clapped himself and then he forgot to stand up. Yeah.

Come on Milan. Get on mic. Milan Krencevich. How do you say your last name? Krencevich? Milan's ahead of... If you've ever watched a comedy DVD, you haven't. Anyone got a drink? Everyone's very uneasy because Milan's come on. Everyone's like, is he a comedian?

Is this going to be any good? I know we've paid nothing, but this seems like a rip-off. But you're fine. You're in safe hands. Milan's actually very funny. So we all cool? By the way, just to hype it so we don't get walkouts, June Northern is on her way back.

Yes. If she doesn't run into any accidental vacuum cleaners on the way. And hot scoop, she said she's going to get back on the piss for tonight. Yeah. What's the name of your DVD? What would be the name of your DVD? What would be the name of your DVD?

That's it. If you didn't hear it. Classic. I know what it would be. Mrs Brown's Boy. It would be the 40-tonne virgin. Thank you, that was my joke. Nah, that's a Kyle Chandler classic, offstage.

Milan, to give a bit more context, I think we've talked about you on the show before, but you've been a friend to us for many years now, so you've sort of been around, you're always around at Comedy Festival, you're around at Kids A lot. Unfortunately, yes. You're a big... I'm surprised Milan hasn't shouted the entire crowd so far.

Milan is a very, very generous man. Let's do fireball shots, everyone. How many people? There's got to be like three people that come to your podcast. And I can't see past the first one. The fat cunt I can see, but no one else. Not the fat cunt. No, no, no.

No one else. He just pointed her back and called her a fat guy. I was looking at you, though. No, she's a disgusting fat fuck. Get it right. Hello, Josh. You're the fat guy. Josh, come and pick up your girlfriend.

If you can lift her. See, he's good. Hey, we do not talk like that on this podcast. Apologies. Yeah, we do not talk like that on this podcast. Apologies. Yeah, stop sweet-talking her. That's more romance than she's used to. No, Milan's great. So Milan is a big, big, big fan of comedy.

You have to say big three times, you fucking rat cunt. Big, big, big fat cunt over there in Milan. Fuck you, midget fuck. All right, Dill, what else is going on? Were you hungry, you fucking fat piece of shit? Anyone got a drumstick for this? Fuck, I can hear him breathing. Carl's the only one I like on these fucking stages

You can't make fun of the disabled Let's be honest Beers are probably better than what you have already Me and Milan I will jump in the crowd And piss on every one of you I will piss in your nostril That's how tiny my dick is

I'll stick it in your nostril till you vomit my urine. Nostril. Nostril. Nostril. Oh, so we're having a go at my accent now? No, that's just

proper racist. I forgot Dilruk Jaisingha is a great Swedish name. Sorry. Can we clean this up? It's Dilruk Jaisingha, by the way. It's not Dilruk.

Who gives a shit? Who gives a Dil-fuck Jaisingha? Yeah, okay. Rook Jai Singer, by the way. It's not Dil Ruck. No, it's who gives a shit. Who gives a Dil Fuck Jai Singer? Yeah, okay. Rook. Like root. Like a word you made up. Cool. Tell this fucking story, please.

For the love of God. All right. No, so me... Hang on. What about this? Tell us about the first time you ever... Did a root in a girl? No, the first time you ever had... Did it root in a girl? No, the first time you ever kissed a girl.

Oh, fuck. Oh, let's all do this. Oh, shit. Actually, that's a really good one. Truth or dare, Carl? In a good way, like, oh, I can't believe how sad I am. I can't believe how fat you are. Have you watched him in front of a meal?

You can believe it. Ripley's Believe It or Fat. Can someone believe it? Believe it or fat. What does that show work like? Believe it or Fat? Here it is. Or here's just Dylan.

It's either you believe it or you're fat. If you don't believe the things on the show, then you must be fat. That's how it works. Okay, okay. It's pretty easy to figure out you're fat, Coy. So tell us about the time you first kissed your mum. Billy. Hey, don't give away the ending of the story.

Spoiler alert. My first kiss was at the age of 19. Anyone got anything older than that? Anyone older than 19 for their first kiss? I do. I got raped at 12. 20. You were 20 when you had your first kiss?

Yeah. 20 years old. That was 42 years ago. Holy shit. You're worse? 20. You were 20 when you had your first kiss? Yeah. Yeah, really? 20 years old. You fucking loser. That was 42 years ago. Holy shit. You're worse than me. Nah. No one is. Hey, hey, don't say that.

Yeah, but what was your first kiss, Carl? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? I don't know. It was some girl. I don't know who it is. It was at a nightclub. I don't know. Okay, right, right. Did she know you don't know? I don't know. It was some girl. I don't know who it is. It was at a nightclub. I don't know.

Okay, right, right. Did she know you were kissing her? She didn't know where I was kissing her. On the mooty. Fuck you. It's a late drunk ass. Fucking get into the moot stuff because there's a lot more moot about to come out of my mouth. By the way, guys, I guess we should encourage this.

If you do want to get up and get beat yourselves, you totally feel free. And by... Fuck you! Fuck you! Shut the fuck down! Get out. Speaking of disgusting fat fucks.

Get out. Stay out. Yeah, yeah, we'll have some. Thanks. If you don't come back with some for us, you can get out. Is this a fat motherfucker? No, my... Okay, so I went to a nightclub. I used to not drink when I was back in Sri Lanka.

I was 19 years old and my high school friends were like, let's go to a nightclub and I go there. And I have a thing for white women. Apparently they don't have it in return. So there's this girl. She's from Russia. She's really cute. And I was dancing with her and I was dancing with her.

And I made out with her. And I was like, this is great. And somehow I decided to be one of those heroes who goes from, you know, first kiss to first root in the first night. And I said, do you want to come back to my place? And she said to me, I would love to. But you need to first pay my boss $100 before you come back. But you need to first pay my boss $100 before you come back. So my first kiss was with a sex worker.

Great. Ladies, you've got a chance. Hey, they all pass, right? Gentlemen, you also have a chance. Dude in the Ghostbusters shirt, I'm coming for you. Wow. That's great. No, that's not a Ghostbusters shirt.

That's your sperm that he's busting. He doesn't want to re-ute you. No Andre re-uting for you. I'm afraid of no cum. And now here it is on the TV. Ghostbusters, everyone. Sit back and relax for an hour and a half. That's right. This man has no dick.

Oh, that's a great quote. That's a great quote from that movie. Even the Ghostbusters guy didn't get it. Fuck. And this is the part where Dilrock tells a really bad sex story that he has then requested that we not put in the final episode.

What if he asks us to cut out him saying it, but then if we just told it here now in this edit? Hi Dilrock! And you know, to cut out him saying it, but then if we just told it here now in this edit. Hi, Dilrok. And, you know, he's a good ad to go and see Dilrok's live show. His show in the festival. Just go and see it and hang around afterwards and go, what was that sex story?

Oh, yeah, everyone hit him up. Hit him up and ask him for the unedited story. Oh, man, it's so funny. Oh, he's going to hate this. All right, back to the episode. Oh, boring. What do you want to know? What's your question?

What's it like? Dude, so good. Like it hurts the first time you do it and then it's great after that. Hang on. How are you doing sex? What are they doing to you? See you, mates. Yeah, and that mates is...

Is that what you say when you come to your cospeh? See you, mates. To the sperm that have lived in me for so long, I'll miss you boys. It's not going to be the same without you around. Hang on, I'll just wipe off the friends of the show. Oh, clang. Clang, clang, clang. Oh, Tommy, you're amazing.

Oh, my God, I'm going to cum, I'm going to cum. All right, mate, we've all got stuff going on. Are we enjoying this a lot more than you guys hey ladies and gentlemen do you want to please welcome into the drunk cast Will Anderson

hello hello mate which one did you want Will Anderson! G'day, buddy. Hello, mate. How are you? Which point did you want? Stop booing. Stop wanting the guy who produces comedy DVDs to come back on. I know you're disappointed.

Let's just put up with this, all right? This is it? You're done for the fringe now? You just did your last show? Yeah, mate, I just finished. So I just walked off stage and I thought I'd come down and see if he was still going. So, yes, I finished. Adelaide, one more year.

I've been coming here. I've realised this is... I worked this out this year. I did the maths. I've been coming here for 18 years to do the fringe and it means I've spent over a year of my life now living in Adelaide. And all of it in fucking March. So it's like the craziest fucking messed up Vegas year of all

time. Because if I came here in any other month you're just all sleeping. But like in fucking March you've just gone fucking crazy. You're like, come on. One more thing for fucking March. We'll go to a fucking podcast recording. We just don't want to give up the fun yet. It all ends

tomorrow. Yeah, what happens tomorrow? Sleep. Like literally if I ends tomorrow. Yeah, what happens tomorrow? Sleep. Like literally if I walk down the street, what's going to, is anything here? Literally nothing. Sounds cool. 40 starts soon.

40 starts soon. They got the fucking app. Hang on, there's a spoof TV. Look how dirty it is. You know, a lot of people don't know this, but I got my first break a spoof TV. Look how dirty it is. You know, a lot of people don't know this, but I got my first break on spoof TV. Robes was Channel 31, but I did a little show on spoof TV. That was your MaxiBone ad, wasn't it, on spoof TV?

No, no, it was called The Arse House. That's how you do puns. It was called The Groin Transfer. I can do all these old-name puns. Oh, baby. groin transfer. I can do all these. Oh, baby. We are rolling. Wow, Willie Anderson. There we go.

Your podcast faux fuck, yeah? Oh, yeah, that's actually pretty good. I like fuck fop. I like the idea of like we would have a podcast. I actually, you know what, I like to podcast everything now. I'd be happy to podcast like a sexual encounter if the other person was up for it like if they were like also like you know

they were cool with the idea of like Dilrock does that there's no episodes out so far but anyway no but I'm in a podcast with another person

I call like the Justin Hamlin shelf cast I call it the self cast just me there do you think you'll do ask them to do plugs

at the end of the the sex cast? What do you have to plug? My arsehole. The plugs are literally written on plugs. We pull out the plugs and everyone's dates are on the date.

Come on. Some of these jokes are just doing themselves. Like I do to myself. Okay, Dil. I think we've worked our way back around to myself. Okay, Dill, I think we've worked our way back around to it. Please, God. Why do you not want

to pull out? Man, I've copped it so hard for the last two hours. You've never copped it hard. Neil didn't see any of that. He copped it hard for two hours. The self-cast.

Wow, it's weird that even when you're doing it to yourself, you're the one copying it. Hey, we all have our things that get us going. Right. I hate myself, but love it. Come on.

All right, well, it was Australia Day, and Tommy and I were having an Australia barbecue, and I don't even know how we got to it. You know what? It's actually really unfair, because it was everyone talking about really bad things that have happened to them while having sex. And it was just everyone kind of upping each other.

And I went with this. And now it just feels unfair because everyone... Whatever. Okay, fine. Like I was saying, contrary to popular belief, I have done a lot of roots in girls. It's just a great, funny joke of yours. It's like this is meant to be a podcast, not fiction.

But anyway, there was a girlfriend of mine and we were having sex and I realised very – I knew that this was going to finish quicker than she was wanting it to finish. Were you as good at sex as you are at talking? No, it's the opposite. Like, in sex, he can get straight to the point. If only he could weave these magical stories in the bedroom. And then he'll call me longer at least. Oh, this sucks. If only he could weave these magical stories in the bedroom. And then he'll call me longer at least.

Oh, this sucks. Alright, yeah, anyway, so... Also, I don't think any girl is worried about or disappointed about sex with you ending prematurely, but anyway. Yeah. Thank God it's over. That's girl's dirty talk. Thank God it's over. There's a girl who wants to have sex with me?

All right. Anyway. Anyway, I realise it's about... It's going to Italy, and I was running through all the usual things, like, you know, think about the death of your grandma or something. Fuck off.

People do that. It's not just me, is it? That's just to get an erection. The sexy death of my hot grandma. Did you fuck her to death? She died doing

what she loved. Her grandson. She called you Dilfuck. Dilruth. Dilruck. Dilruth. Dilruth. Dilruth. Anyway, so I'm running through my brain going,

I don't want to be terrible. And I said to her, this is really, really bizarre, but I love you, and this is for you. This is my girlfriend. This is really, really bizarre. But I love you. And this is for you. This is my girlfriend. This is my girlfriend. Not grandma. Grandma, grandma.

Grandma was asleep. No, no, no, Adelaide. Shut up. Shut up. Dementia is not sleep. Fuck. Look what you've done to me. You sons of bitches.

Okay. I said to her, I genuinely said, I said, I'm sorry, this sounds weird. I'm doing this because I love you and I want you to have a good time.

And I realized that before we were having sex, my laptop was open next to her. And the last thing I was doing on the laptop was I was playing an online video game called Stick Cricket. So to keep going and be distracted I started playing Stick Cricket. From now on

I only want sex to be referred to as stick cricket. Would you like a game of stick cricket? We can do 20-20, we can do one-dayers. Fuck, if you've got a week, we'll have a test match. How many ducks have you made? So many no balls. For people that don't know, stick cricket is a game where it's just controlled with two fingers. It's just left and right arrow, as people that don't know, stick cricket is like a game where it's just controlled with two fingers.

It's just left and right arrow. As if that makes anything better, but that shows that I was committed to... I don't know. I feel like the fact that... To me, that makes it very funny that it's just like so... I mean, if you were just whipping out a bit of World of Warcraft where you're doing it and had complex controls, that would be a different thing. It would be weird if I was playing GTA and I was just like smashing sex workers with a baton.

I'm like, this is what will keep me going. So the way you told it was like, yeah, it's there. I had this great image that it's like, no, I don't even want to say that. Sorry, I retract my statement. Come on, that was love. That was me genuinely doing it. And plus I was in high school. I didn't want to fuck up that game.

I really didn't want to be timed out. Hey, what have you guys done to keep going long in sex? Just not be shit at sex. I don't think that going short means you're shit at sex. It just means that you get to your... Destination. Yeah, it's like... It'd be worse if you never got there.

You know what I mean? Right? Has that happened? This is Will basically admitting that he comes really quickly. No, I fucking wish. I'm 41 years old. I barely can fucking... When you're your age,

you can fucking get an erection on a tram if it rolls the right way. What, 14? Yeah. He's young. He's young. You get to fucking 41, mate. Like, there's mechanics involved. There's like...

You need a fucking week. Kyle, get ready. This is next year. Oh, dang, fuck, we got this. Well, anyway, look, I talk about, it was in the paper, so it's not really a big deal. But they wrote about me smoking pot in the paper. Oh, really?

Because I did an American TV show. A guy called Doug Benson has a show called Getting Doug with High. And it's a talk show. And Sarah Silverman got me on the show. But it's like Jack Black's done it, like Judd Apatow. Lots of kind of people with careers and lives and things like that. I've heard of that. Yeah.

But the idea of the show is that you do this show, but you smoke pot the entire time you're on the show. You can look it up on the internet it's all there but the Herald Sun wrote it up as if they'd found secret footage of me smoking pot and it made this grainy thing on the front page of the fucking Herald Sun of me

smoking a fucking pipe like I'm fucking Ben Cousins or something and then it's like the headline comedian smokes pot, you know. It's clearly a performance-enhancing drug. Yeah, that's right. And so Kevin, my manager, has rung me up and he's like, oh, yeah, look, yeah, it's all over the paper today that you smoke pot.

And I was like, oh, am I going to get shit for this? Because they rang my bosses at the ABC and shit and were trying to, like, you know, start trouble. They're like, ooh, what do you think about his smoking pot? And they're like, we're the ABC. As long as he doesn't eat the fucking bananas in pyjamas, we're fine. A comedian had a joint. Right.

That's a big story. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just going to fucking throw Fleety in front of him. So, but anyway, not one bit of negative feedback got a lot of really positive feedback from people who use it for chronic pain and stuff like that but the best thing about it the unexpected you know like what this so when i first got the phone call i'm like well this is going to be a shitty bit of my life and i'm going to have to this is going to like be a thing i'm going to have to fucking deal with yeah and it's been nothing but awesome because now everywhere I go, people just give me pot. It was like a giant ad in the Herald Sun

of me just going, highlight pot. Do you want some? Yeah, have some. Let's have some pot. You know, my sister and I, this is an anecdote. Okay, nice.

Do you guys want to go for a beer? She's about to pile our material for a beer. No, nice. Do you guys want to go for a drink? She's about to file her material for the music. No, I'm not. Dill's forgotten he doesn't have a microphone. My sister and I used to have Elaine moments, you know, like weird shit happened to her

and she's really beautiful, was, like, she's... Big shout out if she's listening. Everyone's in the family. No, she's... Big shout out if she's listening. Everyone's in the family. No, she's older now. I love how this has worked. Fiona's arrived and Jill's like, oh, I was being bullied, but now I can bully someone else.

That is a classic demonstration of power in our society. That's why we will never evolve as fucking human beings because the two people who are the butt of the joke should bond together and take over the fucking bullies like we should in society. The fucking rich elite, the 85 people who own half the fucking wealth, we have the fucking power but we're too busy fighting each other and keeping each other down. Like, someone's coming here on a boat to take my unemployment benefits. No! We are the rich elite, unlike the millionaire here.

We don't pay for trams, but yeah, cool. No, we're the elite. I love the idea that the butt of the joke... I mean, there's a good point that I am technically in that elite. that it was a good point that I am technically in that elite. I love the idea that the butt of the joke

was first the... Malcolm Turnbull is my local member. It's good that the butt of the joke was the fat ethnic guy but then still below him is the woman.

Well, because a fat ethnic woman would be paid 75% of what you're getting. Well because a fat Ethnic woman Would be paid 75% Of what you're getting Hashtag all women Who knew it was Going to get political Next up on Q&A

Yes My sister-in-law Right And she looked like A young Meryl Streep She was very beautiful. But she... You do have a very good looking family.

Yeah, you do. You guys are extremely good looking. Thank you. Yeah. Carl, you bring this up every time Fiona is on. You so clearly want to fuck her. You so want to fuck her. I can't make it any clearer.

The children are really good looking. They are. You guys all are. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Anyway, so poor old Judith. She goes out with this guy, gets set up on a blind date and he's from where I'm from on the York Peninsula

and he's a record-breaking amputee because his brother ran him over out the front of the pub and he lost not just the legs half an ass and one nut right so like just that whole kind of yeah he is yeah he lost that much but he's really good looking right and yeah are you falling in touch no he lost the ball he lost one mate pay attention i don't understand what you're saying. Fiona, please don't abuse the help like that. We're going to need him for a taxi ride home.

His cousin brought me here. This is like the Bolt Report with jokes. Anyway, so they go back. Like, he's really handsome, except he's lost a lot. And they go back to her house and they're about to have sex, right? And he comes out of the bathroom. She's naked on the bed, ready to go. And he goes, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I can't do it. And she's lying there.

She goes, what? And he goes, you're just so white. I've never seen anyone this white. And I can't. I'm sorry. You're too white. And there's only three quarters of him.

That's fucking horrible. Like I know you shouldn't think like that but that is the moment where you'd be like you know what, you lean to the right, tiger. I was willing to overlook it, but you know what? You were fucking walking in a circle before I picked you up before your course. I'm leaving so you can circle jerk. There's only jerking you can do.

Oh, he hopped out of there like nobody's business. But what a thing. What a thing. Not bad for your self-esteem. And she said there's only three quarters of you. And I'm white. I'm too white. But her skin is really white.

You know. It's weird that somebody's been like. It feels so. That story doesn't check out. Because I've never heard a story where someone's been punished for being white. No. It's like. Too political.

They were like not that much. We like when it was more the racist shit. No. No. Just that. Just that much we liked when it was more the racist shit no no just that just that crunch downwards what

just on your daughter and daughter's boyfriend we've become friends over the last few times I've met them at gigs they've been massively racist to me on times I've met them at gigs. They've been massively

racist to me on Facebook. They've been trolling me on Facebook. So Tess, Fiona's daughter, and Kieran, her boyfriend, they've been helping you out. Kieran Perkins. They help you out for gigs and stuff like that because you don't know how to move around as a normal person anymore.

Well, basically I need a carer. Yeah, correct. And in Perth, they were hanging out in Perth and they had anymore. Well, basically I need a carer. Yeah, correct. And in Perth, they were hanging out in Perth and they had dinner at some Indian restaurant and there's a belly dancer and Tess, Fiona's daughter, sends me a video of it going, fuck, I didn't know you got gigs in Perth.

No, they were Hari Krishnas. And then Kiran's just been ripping me in with the racism on my Facebook. Like, what have you read? It's a Harry Christmas. Oh, right. And then Kieran's just been ripping me in with the racism on my Facebook. Like, what have you read? Oh, it's ironic. I love that you've now handed me your microphone. By the end, we'll fucking braid this shit.

Are you guys into it still? Yeah. Yeah, right, right. Cool. Is there a show on after us? Is something happening? Not anymore. No, this is the end of Adelaide, as Will pointed out.

Yeah, the end of Adelaide. This is the closing night party. Adelaide's blowing up after this. I was here when 9-11 happened. Clang Hey guys I'm plotting Sorry Clang clang Hey guys I'm plotting

9-11 now Oh yeah we've all got shit going on Some of us armors mates we've all got shit going on I'm gonna fly two planes into the World Trade Building Yeah, mate, we're all doing it How'd you get that?

Yeah, cool So 9-11, that thing that Dill's uncle orchestrated Because I'm brown You cancer cunt Yeah Yeah I should be dead That's good

I should be dead Is that your next year festival show title? Yeah, I should be dead. That's good. I should be dead. That's real good. Is that your next year festival show title? Yeah, I should be dead. You and Shivuna could do a joint show. Yeah. Leave every day like it's your last, guys. Fly to Adelaide, do a drunken, unrecorded podcast

on the final night of the Fringe. So, I was here in Adelaide when 9-11 happened and the next night... Sweet alibi. I was here on 9-11 and the front page of the Adelaide Advertiser was like, you know, like, you know, terrorism, 9-11, whatever,

fucking... Still a couple of crow stories. But... What does Andrew Jarman think about it? Right. So anyway, that's what had happened. But I remember walking down, I was walking down Rundle Mall and I walked and like it was fucking 9-11 and the world was like,

oh my God, there's going to be terrorism everywhere. Everyone's like, you know, scared about everything. And I look up at the tallest building at that time in fucking Rundle Mall and it was the Target building. And it just has that big target on the top of it. I'm like, cut it out, Adelaide. Dill, should we do a bit of pre-hype for the new podcast that we're going to start?

Yeah, we might as well. We're going to start a new podcast where we talk in depth about the TV show Mr Bean. And each episode... Oh, we already got fans. That's great. Yeah, yeah. We watch an episode of it and we do like a commentary track over the top of each episode

and it's called Tommy and Dil are flicking the bean. I think it's going to be good. I think it's going to be really good. I'll be temporary going to lose Will and Fiona for a little bit. Do you like Mr Bean? Of course I do. How can you not like Mr Bean? Oh, hey, Dil, we've got our first guest.

Really? Bit of contention. Fiona doesn't like Mr Bean. You hate Mr Bean? I course I do. How can you not like Mr Bean? Oh, hey, deal. We've got our first guest. Really? Bit of contention. Fiona doesn't like Mr Bean. You hate Mr Bean? I can't watch anything. Hang on. Hang on. I've just checked my phone for the first time in an hour.

I've got two texts. One of them is from Fiona O'Loughlin 20 minutes ago saying, did the podcast get cancelled? And the second one is from an unknown number. If you happen to look at your phone, three minutes ago, if you happen to look at your phone, can you tell the cunts up the back of the room to shut the fuck up? Wow.

Godland has been. Someone's given us a bird and what are you saying, sir? What did you just try and yell at me Stop ripping off Jill's material You know before we said he was fucking himself You know I'm lonely You are one of Australia's most successful comedians Of all the things you've won

I feel like that's insulting to say one of. Is there anyone close to you? I mean, look, you know, I mean, well, I guess you look at the People's Choice at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and I mean...

I do love that. I do love that. Four years, boy. I do love that as a prize where it's like the People's Choice and then they give you like a $4,000 price

for being the most popular person. Mate, it's the worst. Like it's so – I mean, don't get me wrong. I hate comedy awards in general. But if they're going to give them out, I'd rather win them than some other company. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are there awards for comedy? Not yet, young Padawan.

Padawan. Oh, Dil's doing his own stuff now. Papa Dama one. You know what? Sometimes racism is funny. Hey! Bolt, bolt, bolt, bolt. Just remember, three years from now, vote Liberal.

They have a People's Choice Award at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and it's a terribly... It's lovely that people vote for you. All you want is people to like your show. But I never ask anyone to vote for me. I would never send out an email or whatever. I intentionally, even if I mention it, plug other people's things. And I've been lucky enough to win it four years.

And it's very nice, but it's also a terrible award on the night because I love comedy and I would like other comedians to like me. And there's nothing that would make other comedians hate you more than be like, hey, we're having the awards night of this thing. You know how you were like the most successful person at this whole thing and we all fucking struggled and have spent our fucking savings for the whole fucking year and taken our night off our jobs and hope we might get nominated

for an award that has no cash prize and then you've won this one that comes with a $5,000 check. You know what? Fuck you. To be fair to Will, he donates that $5,000 to the Brian McCarthy Moosehead Awards every year. I know, but it does hurt me

to do that. Hey, can you make a pledge right now? Especially when you could never get a round of applause off it Fucking hell Just to bring down the integrity of the award if you win it this year

can you donate the money to ISIS? I reckon they'd have a pretty hard time giving it to you the year after that Dil doesn't need the money don't give it to him

Can you imagine though? I'd like to donate half of it to him. Can you imagine, though? I'd like to donate half of it to the Brian McCarthy Moosehead Fund for new emerging comedians and half to ISIS. You know what? They've got some cool ideas. I like their online presence. And then the next year, 2017, it's like you win it again and the board is having to go, fuck, he's like on the numbers,

he's won it again, but fuck, we saw what he did last year and we can't. Yeah, and he's putting it to numbers, he's won it again. But fuck, we saw what he did last year and we can't. Yeah, and he's putting it to ISIS, whereas Hugh's he's sort of doing it to a renovation on his 11th house. Very quickly, just because you said Cyprus Will, how many Will pun names for shows do you have in the bank? Is there a list? Is there a Word document somewhere that you slowly work through?

You've had Sam Mack on this show, right? Yeah. So Sam Mack, really funny guy from Adelaide also. And Sam Mack was the producer in the, like, he controlled the desk or whatever you call it when Lima and I were doing our show. And we fucking loved Sam. And we would write comedy sketches together.

We did this thing called Black Thunder Valley, which is like this 25-episode, like, about a black thunder driver. And it's one of my favourite things we've ever written. It's our rad dad. So it's funny and shit-ass. No, no, no, so it's no good. No, no. It's one of those things that we find funnier than anybody else.

No, you can download it. We put it up on Tofop. You can hear the whole series and whatever. And Sam's brilliant, but one day he was like, what do you want me to do today? Because technically he kind of worked for me. And one day I just went, can you come up with heaps of names for my shows for the next?

And he came up with a list of 50. So I have like 50 of them at Sam. Can we get a sneak peek? What's one you haven't used yet? Well, there's some that I haven't used that I think maybe I'll never use. So Wilf, Will I'd Like to Fuck. That's great. So good.

Girls Gone Will. I can't do that one. But my favourite one, the thing that I always say, the last show that I ever do will be called, it will be me dressed as Robert Palmer and there'll be all those girls in the bikinis and it'll be called Simply Irresist the Will. Ah, yeah.

And so I've always joked that that's like my last ever show. So James Fosdyke, who everyone I'm sure is very familiar with, James Fosdyke for my 40th birthday drew me the poster because he does all my posters. He did the poster for my last ever show, Simply Irresistible. So it's me like in the Robert Palmer thing with all the bikini girls. But my favourite thing is he's put all these fictional awards, you know, in those wreaths down the bottom that I've won

and they get more and more absurd as like we expand to different universes and worlds so it's like winner of Earth 2 comedy festival for whatever name you know blah blah blah will and but the final one is my favourite because the final one is like winner winner winner winner and then the final one's like nominee

and I'm like even in this fictional fucking world, like 70 years into my comedy career, they're like, no, you just got nominated. I love it also because it's like it's kind of a dick because it's like you've always said that's going to be your last one and then he's made you the post. It's like, here you go, mate, ready to go.

Now fuck off. Do it and get out. You've officially given me permission to use every single will pun to a dill pun. And you said, make sure your first comedy festival show is called I Am The Dillrus. Yeah. I think you should do all my shows in order, the titles. It'll be like, you know, a cheap copy you can get overseas. This night could be like the end of my career.

Right. Harold might get hold of it. Honestly. With everything you've already done, you're fucking fine. From now on. Like if it hasn't ended already, it's still going. Mate, you've got a fucking free pass. You could do whatever.

Fuck a kid. Do it. All right, Fiona, here I am a fucking free pass. You could do whatever. Fuck a kid. Do it. All right, Fiona, here I am. Let's go. All right. That is... We out here, baby. That's only going to be good PR because that's Make-A-Wish, so get on it.

Yeah. I just feel like you've got people like yeah you'd be like it'd come out and they'd be like ah they'd love it classic or lachlan i mean not a little one like just a you know a normal size one 17 17 yeah exactly like a little you know there is nothing but like this is what I've always liked about you is that you have all the qualities

of a stoner even without smoking pot because all the things I love about smoking pot that's what you are you love to fucking laugh at shit and you love to

eat shit and you don't really know what the fuck's going on you think you're funnier than you are yeah And you don't really know what the fuck's going on? You think you're funnier than you are, yeah. Correct! It's good having mates.

All right. Is it time to put a pin in this, guys? No, we better go. That is it. That is the end of the drunk cast. Give it up. Will Anderson, Dilruk Jaisingha. Fiona O'Loughlin. Milan.

Where's Milan? Milan. Punchline.com.au. Fiona O'Loughlin. Thank you guys for sticking around and coming out and watching the first inaugural Adelaide drunk cast. Stick around and have a beer with us. We'll see you next time.

See you, mate.