The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 239 - Bart Freebairn & Demi Lardner

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

Yummy Karl, Demi's New Tattoo & Bart's McDonald's Lunch.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting next to me on the couch, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. How are you going over there? Good. I was just sick.

I just want to, I just had that idea before the show. I just want to pitch a new start to the show. Yeah, because this is nearly 240 episodes. And I listen back to this and I go, this is shit. It's just the same shit every week. What, the whole thing? Just the whole thing. It starts with the intro and it just works its way into every bit of content that we do.

But let's... All right, let's liven it up. Give it a try. How would you... If you were me and you had to start off the show every week, how would you do it? How about this? This is the pitch.

I start the show instead of you from now on. Okay, let's stop now and go back to the start and do it again. Hit the music, right? Yeah, okay, yep. Hello, everybody. What do you think? Then what? You can't just say...

Oh, then you say something. Oh, but you haven't... So you say hello, everybody, and then I just chime in. Oh, okay. All right, let's start again. Play the music again. Play the music again. Yeah, okay.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to a shitty podcast. Now I don't think calling it a shitty podcast at the start is going to inspire anyone to listen. We'll go back to the way you want it then, alright? Look, there are no bad suggestions. Can this be the whole episode of us just trying different introductions for the episode? We've given up. It's just an idea.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll put it to a vote. Maybe it's like new Coke. You know, not everyone's going to love it. Oh, so we're just doing this to make people appreciate how the show actually is. It's just a new idea. It's like, all right, people, we start with that intro from now on and then people go,

okay, we don't like that as much. We go back to classic. Okay. Dumb, dumb classic. Or if maybe people don't like it, they can write in and let us know how they would like us to start the show. Yeah, okay. A little bit of making out on mic from the two of us.

As if they're going to top that. As if they're going to top, hello, everybody. Because also, I wish people could see this, you're cupping your hand right over the microphone just to give it a bit of extra echo as you do it. It sounds really good. Oh, good. I've come around to it now that I've heard it for that fifth time.

All right. We'll delete the first bit of it. Let's pretend that everything else never happened. Let's go back into the old episodes and put that in. Okay, yeah. I'll do a bit of George Lukaski with this podcast. Go and digitally retouch up all the episodes we've done. Today on the show, two supermates of the show.

First of all, you know her from Stand Up at Bella Union and from Open Slather, which is going to be on Foxtel soon. Please welcome back into the Little Dun Dun Club, Demi Lardner. Yay! Hey, I really like Carl's new intro. You're a fan? Hello, Demi! Now it's just you doing a character.

Yeah, it's good. What's his name? What's your character's name you doing a character. Yeah, it's good. What's his name? What's your character's name? Announcer number one. Do you want to, as announcer number one, do you want to introduce our second guest? Hi, everybody. Welcome our second guest, Bart Freeman.

Hi, mancies. Hey, crankles. Hey, Crankles. How would you intro our show if you were hosting it? I'd be like this. Ladies and gentlemen, coming from the depths of the internet, welcome to the show. Carl Chimpreys and Tom Timples are the little dumb cunt faggots. Yeah.

These are coming from the depths of the internet. I quite like that. That's real good. That's where you guys live. I think that shouldn't be called announce number one either. It should be yummy Carl. Yummy Carl. That's good.

That's good. Now you've got an alter ego. Yeah, that's actually part of me now. It's not a different person. You are yummy Carl. Yeah, yeah. I think there's a little bit of yummy Carl in everyone. Yeah.

Especially Demi. There should be. Especially Demi. Tasty caramel on the inside, yummy Carl on the outside. He's a great podcast biscuit. Hey, so we've finished the Comedy Festival. This is our first podcast that we've recorded after the Comedy Festival. By the way, I've taken the liberty of getting a little bit sick

to make my voice a slight note deeper, just so it's easier to differentiate between me and Demi. Oh, you're not Demi. I did. I'm Demi. That's my new character. Oh, no. Yummy Tommy.

No. Yummy Tommy. Everyone's going yummy. What would Yummy Bart be like? Hello, everybody. It's Yummy Bart. Can you kids find where I hid your mum? She's not yelling at me more because she can't breathe any breaths anymore.

I don't know. Nothing about that is yummy. It's not yummy. I'm wearing mum's skin. Wait, no. I think this is yucky Bart. No, he's yummy on the inside. He's made of caramel.

That's like your Wario. Your Mario Wario. Your little evil you. Yeah. Just wear a moustache. So, yeah, we're both a bit ill. Yeah. I'm very ill.

I've come off my deathbed to come and record this. Yeah. I was going to die. Post-festival illness. Yeah. You just crash because you're just going so hard every day. Yeah, yeah. You're just telling riddles for an hour a night.

It's like people don't understand how hard it can be. It's hard work because it's the emotions that you go through. Well, everyone after festival is generally so beaten down because it is a lot of work but also there's a lot of, you know, drinking and late nights involved. But I'm always fascinated with how, Bart, how do you pull up at the end of the festival because you don't drink. No, man.

So it just must be a week where you're just gigging every night and then the next day you're just back to normal. Like there's no write-off period for you. I ate three pizzas on Monday. Did you really? Yeah. Bart doesn't drink but he shelves curries every night. Oh, really?

I went to Macca's with Bart on Friday to do the create your own burger thing. Bart put away a pretty heroic amount of food. How much? You had two burgers that he'd created himself. Yeah, I ate one. How much? You had two burgers that he'd created himself. Yeah, I ate one.

One of the ones I created had, I accidentally, I probably should have put two sauces on and I maybe put five. It was like a soup burger. It was a big juicy burger and then I got one of those. Was your new character Saucy Bart that you were trialling? That's my life. I am Saucy Bart. Fucking love sauce. It's awesome.

And then I was. Because when you say Bart created his own burger, I can't help but think a Bart-created burger would be like shrimp and... Jelly. Yeah, jelly and... Well, it's interesting that you say that because we also, when we were in Perth together, we went to Sizzler and Bart would go around the all-you-can-eat bit

and just try and make the most fucked combinations of food that he could. Yeah. Which you do when you're 10, you know, at an all-you-can-eat bit and just try and make the most fucked combinations of food that he could. Yeah. Which you do when you're 10, you know, at an all-you-can-eat place. Fuck you, Tommy. I'm creative. I've got photos for Carl. What I expected about you was that you'd get like a lettuce leaf and then you'd have jelly

cubes and sprinkles on it. But then you'd sit there and you'd actually eat it. Yeah. Which I have to give you full credit for not just making this stuff and putting it in the bin. I ate all of it. One of the things I did is I tried to get as much lettuce as I could from the salad bar onto a plate. I cleared the salad bar out of lettuce.

Oh, wow. And I put one tomato on the top because I'm a fucking chef. And then I ate it. And I did a great shit, obviously. My brother used to do – I don't know if I've mentioned this on the show before. When I was growing up, my brother used to do this thing at know if I've mentioned this on the show before When I was growing up My brother used to Do this thing at the dinner table

Where he'd get We'd have like a big Mount of mashed potato And then he would Put as much sauce And other stuff into it as he could Into the mount of mashed potato And then just stir it up

And make it look horrific And then announce to the table Look everyone It's a mount sloppy bum And make it look horrific and then announce to the table, look everyone, it's Mount Sloppy Bum. Somebody should be right on MasterChef right now. Why do you not still talk to this guy? That's awesome. That's the kind of gear he's coming out with.

So what have you got here? Mount Sloppy Bum, my specialty. And was it always Mount Sloppy Bum or did it have a different name each time? No, no, no, always Mount Sloppybum. So he's got his rope and he's just like trotting it out. It's like he's doing his own comedy festival, just the same gear every night. Also, was this a regular thing at the Chandler household

where your dinner is exclusively consisted of just a big pile of mashed potatoes? We did like our mashed potatoes. All eating it out of the same bowl. No, no, no. That was on his plate. We wouldn't eat straight from Mount Sloppy Bum. You were. You were fancy.

You were fancy. Mount Clean Bum over here in the silver spoon section. Ooh la la. No sauce, only potatoes like the Gourmet people. So you've done the create your own burger thing at McDonald's. It's great. It's so good. Because I went past McDonald's yesterday Great. It's so good. Touchscreen technology.

I went past McDonald's yesterday because I've been on the no bread thing for four months now. Officially four months without bread, which I... I don't know about that. It's pretty good. I saw a little bit of bread eating at the drunk cast for me. Oh, mate. I didn't even eat it. Oh, what?

Yeah, because it was brown bread. I had one tiny, tiny mouthful. What happens at the drunk cast stays at the drunk cast. Yeah, bro. No leaks. Fucking rat cunt. That was unrecorded for a reason, mate.

I've got a bruise on my arm still for where Laurence Mooney bit me. Oh, wow. I want it to keep it forever. It's going away. The drunk cast. For people that don't, you know, we can't tell you what happened. Should we do a little bit of a wrap up of that night, by the way? Because we talked about it so much on the day when we did the last episode. Yep. So we, on that live episode, we talked about you were doing your solo show that day

and I put the challenge out to anyone who was coming along to try and smuggle a slab in. Yeah, and that never happened. Oh, yeah, of course. Because that would be not allowed. No. That would be illegal. Yeah, that would break the sacred rules. Yeah, exactly.

So anyway, next thing. I was wrong. That's a really boring story. Let's not tell that. What someone did do is they smuggled in one of those peanut chocolate slabs, which is much easier to smuggle in because they're very small. Yeah. No one noticed because Carl shelved it instantly.

Yeah. I did get a free bubble eye bill. Someone did buy me a bubble eye bill. That's sick. Oh, yeah, and you got a packet of taco twisties. Yuck. What does that mean? It was've got a packet of taco twisties. Yuck. What does that mean? It was so bad.

Taco flavoured twisties. What the fuck is that? Has it got mincemeat in it as well? You just dip your hand in? This is the thing I don't like about chip flavours. Now we're in our wheelhouse. We've gotten there. I don't like when they do these flavours that's like a whole,

like a taco is like a whole meal. There's tons of stuff in a taco. Yeah, you can't boil it down to just one flavour. They have to bring out a bunch of packets. One is tortilla, one's lettuce, one's meat, and then you put all the twisties together. See, that would be awesome. You mix them into a big bowl, Mount Sloppy Bum style,

and then you're just eating out of it like a trough. So you can't have taco flavour, but you can have Mexican flavour. You can have a whole country flavour. Or you just eat a taco. I love that twisties taste like dog food and I would just eat them because of that. Do they? Yeah, pretty much. I like dog food because it tastes like twisties.

I've always been fascinated by the chicken flavoured twisties. Everything else that's chicken flavoured is the same flavour, but twisties have some sort of unique chicken flavour formula that's different to all the other chicken flavouring. They use the soul as well. Why is there chicken twisties and no beef twisties?

It's pretty racist. It's pretty rare that you get beef flavour anything though, right? I guess. Like if you saw Smith's beef flavour or anything though, right? Yeah. I guess. Like if you saw Chips Smith's beef flavour. Yeah. Really? I'd eat the fuck out of those. But beef's obviously popular.

You eat more beef burgers than you do chicken burgers. I was at the public bar last night and they've got a new kitchen in there and they've got a rabbit burger on the menu. How would you go with that? Not for me. Yeah, I couldn't do it. No, you wouldn't do it. I'd only eat it if I could eat its face. Yeah. Really? I'd just eat the face of the menu. How would you go with that? Would you eat the rabbit? Not for me. Yeah. I couldn't do it. No. I'd only eat it if I could eat its face. Yeah.

Really? I'd just eat the face of the rabbit. I'd leave the rest of the rabbit. Yeah. Well, so going back to this build your own burger thing. Yeah. I went to. It's the best shit ever.

I walked past McDonald's yesterday because I've been off bread for four months. I've walked past my local McDonald's, my home base as it were, and noticed that they've brought that in. They've got like all computer screens now. I was like, that's how long it is. I felt like I'd come back home and everything had changed in my hometown. You've been in a bomb shelter. Yeah.

You didn't know that. Blast from the past, Brendan Fraser style. Because you've had no bread, you're, like, ripped Van Winkle. Yeah. But you know what you can do on the build your own burger thing you can get it without a bun and you can just have it wrapped in a lettuce leaf yeah i'm aware fucking loser i looked at it you can have paleo style just like the caveman had it back yeah yeah drive through yeah yeah windstone style and then nuggets just like the caveman had as well yeah so i got my

like i built one and then i got a standard crispy chicken burger and I put a double chicken patty on it and extra sauce and it was the fucking tastiest beast. Yeah. Yeah. It's so great. Oh, maximum gourmet. How much can you fuck with the burger? As much, you literally, if you want to put ten patties in there, you can.

What if I said that I don't want anything but I want them to wrap up just a piece of paper with just sauce? Yeah, they'd do it. I reckon you could do that. They don't give a fuck. I don't know if you can I want them to wrap up just a piece of paper with just sauce. Yeah, they do it. I reckon you could do that. They don't give a fuck. I don't know if you can go less than one patty though. Yeah, you can have no patty. Can you?

Yeah, you can do full vegetarian salad sandwich. You've got to go do that. You've got to go get some Big Mac sauce wrapped in a lettuce leaf. Yeah, I'm going to do it today. The great thing about eating with Bart is that he takes you out to a place and he assumes you're the same size as him and you can eat as much as he can. Which we are. I just want to point out on the podcast. Bart and I are the exact same size and weight.

I weigh about 100 kilos and Demi does. I do as well. Yeah. And then so I do eat as much as him and then I throw up and kill myself. Yeah, cool. Because you guys live together, right? We should point that out. Yeah.

Roommates. Here's my favourite thing about the build your own burger thing though. So it's so fun watching the – because they bring the burger out to you. This is a new thing for Mac. It's table service. Watching the people bring out the burger and just getting a glimpse of what people have created. So you'll see the person carrying the burger and they'll have a look at it and the look of disgust on their faces sometimes.

If they've gotten someone who's really gone wild. You people in here are animals. It's interesting because this is the sad thing about me. Yesterday I went for a walk and I went into McDonald's. You just went in to have a look? Yeah. Just window shopping. What are you getting, mate? Oh, you're getting a

quarter pounder. I used to eat those when I was younger. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Can I just smell it? Can I just smell it before you eat it, please? Have you got Mount Sloppy Bum on the menu yet? I'll make it for you. I'll show you how it's done. So I was walking around in there and I was like

and I saw the you know the new screens and everything I'm like oh man this is awesome this like I had I nearly had a relapse

I nearly had the moment where I had a burger and I looked around and everything was like had menus on the tables and stuff as well like

this is weird and I noticed that it didn't look like a bomb site anymore either. Is this a new thing where they don't allow you to have just human shit smeared all over the store? Like, you know when you go to those fast food places and it's just like an absolute mess. But your local one is like, it's Hawthorne, isn't it?

Yes. Which I don't think that would have ever been as bad. Like, the one on Swanson Street is just constantly, because it's theed, yeah. Because it's the biggest, most open one. Yeah. But was your Hawthorne one ever that bad? I don't think there's anything in the budget for McDonald's to have someone that has the time to pick up rubbish. Yeah, that's true.

Like it doesn't happen. People are meant to throw out their own rubbish. Yeah. Yeah, which is a flaw in the system. Yeah, we didn't do that the other day. I actually threw out some of it. Yeah. I don't – oh, sorry.

No, I was just going to say, because the people that choose to eat McDonald's on purpose aren't the sort of people that will clean up after themselves. They're not treating their own body right. Why are they going to treat someone else's restaurant? If you're capable of taking... You're judging them. You don't know how I live my life.

I have a composting in the backyard, mate. Organic. It's all well and good for you. It's bloody hard. I've got four kids at home and it's just between picking them up from soccer and taking them to bloody maths tutoring, there's just no time to fucking cook a meal.

When am I meant to do all this? Mate, I'm on compo. Get out a Mac and get some Big Macs. I don't have time for kindness or thoughtfulness of anyone around me. If I fucking do that, I won't get my fucking compo. I'm trying to live. What were you about to say before? I was just going to say I don't understand.

Like I kind of get the excitement but you could always make your own burger. You just had to go through another person and ask them to do it for you. I think it was the like – So now it's about shame. I think, yeah, it was the judgment of another person. Whereas this you can just like – you can take your time. It gives you a little display of what it's going to look like and you can go, oh, I'm going to eat that.

So you could always make – like you could alter the burgers that existed but now they've added. Oh, there's other powerful. Yeah, you can go with crumbled feta or caramelized onions. Like they've got fancy. You can get tortilla chips in your burger. Anyone's doing that is a fucking idiot. Man, I've been there.

I've done it. It's exciting. Why is that bad? I don't like it. I'm not into it. Just eat chips. Just eat tortilla chips. What if those chips are tortilla flavored chips?

Didn't you ever eat like salt and vinegar chip sandwiches when you were a kid? No. What? Was that when you were pregnant though? I think I might have just had a bad childhood. Didn't you ever have dog shit rolls? Yeah. Didn't you ever have Mount Sloppy Bump?

I did confess to eating dog food a lot before. This is the thing. I used to work at Hungry Jack's and people came in and made ridiculous burgers all the time. Wait, I never knew this about you. What? You used to work at Hungry Jack's? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. I quit. Carl's got an erect just from hearing that. I've made my own erection. Demi was a level 12 burgeneer. Yeah. Oh've made my own erection. Demi was a level 12 Burgoneer. Yeah. Oh, wow. I worked there for like nine months and then I quit because –

You had the kid. My Hungry Jacks baby came out. And you meant to in Hungry Jacks give birth to it into the fryer and you wouldn't do it? Yeah. Oh, wow. Straight into the fryer. Yeah.

So is that true? You only worked there for nine months? I worked there for like nine months and then I quit and my official reason was I wanted to go see Paul Blart Mall Cop at the movies. That's what I wrote. Like someone who's passionate about what they believe in. Yeah.

Did you actually go and see that movie? Yep. Was it good? You going to see the sequel? Is it? Oh. The sequel's coming out soon. I'm glad the sequel's coming out because it means I've got

something to name my second born. But I watched it and I saw it with – I had a boyfriend at the time and I saw it with him and he told me he didn't like it and then I broke up with him because he didn't like it. But I didn't like it either. Yeah, you're just looking for an excuse to get out of that relationship. Paul Blart has been the excuse for you getting out of a lot of things. A relationship and a job.

Yeah. It was great. Saved my getting out of a lot of things. A relationship and a job. Yeah. It was great. Saved my life. Grandma's funeral, nah. Yeah. Got to see Paul Blart Mall Cop again. I think I might get a Paul Blart Mall Cop tattoo. You should.

Do you want to go today and I'll get it? Yeah. All right. By the way. It's going to be a big day for you, getting sauce at McDonald's, Paul Blart tattoos. Yep. By the way, you are getting tattoos at a very rapid rate. I think you've gotten like one tattoo a week in the last month.

Yeah, it is alarming. Yeah. And you're not that big. Like there can't be that much room. There is almost no room. Yeah, I'm going to get them all lasered off and start again. That would be cool. It should be like your 10th one.

It's like a stamp card. You get the option of starting from scratch. Just completely lasering off. What are your latest tattoos? I've got a little tapir on my arm. Oh, yeah? Yeah. To remind you of…

Of tapirs. South America. South America. Hey, have you discussed you getting the fuckedest tattoo ever? Oh, no. Have you guys… We should announce it. Like ages ago, Tommy Little got that dick tattooed on his arm with YOLO underneath.

Yeah. And the head of the dick was a candle and then he got tattooed over the fancy Jean-Michel Basque tat. Did he get a tattoo over the top of a tattoo? Yeah. Right, I didn't know that. Yeah, so he got it kind of light and then he got it covered up. Right.

I thought when he put that first photo up, I thought that was like a thing that he'd found on the internet that wasn't actually a tattoo. Right, wow. Which I thought that was one of the best tattoos I've ever seen. Yeah, no. The YOLO dick was amazing. Bart showed me and I freaked out and thought it was the best thing ever

and then he showed me that he covered it up and I could have cried. You got angry about him having that tattoo. It was like turning up to a party and someone's wearing the same dress as you. It's like, that should have been me. No, I just really respected him for getting the dick tattoo and then hated him for getting it covered up. Yeah. You need to have a think about who you should respect

and who you shouldn't. Why? What do you mean? That seems like a thing you shouldn't respect. What do you mean? Getting dick tattoos. Is that right? Someone who got the balls to get more balls tattooed on them.

Yeah. Someone who's just reaching a certain level of fame Where it's like, you know, Tommy Little's pretty big now He's going to be massive And then just suddenly going I've got a dick on my arm forever now Yeah Just because that's the real test of like

Can you still break through and become mega famous And like a big household name Yeah In spite of having that And then every time he's on the project, he's insisting on wearing a short-sleeved shirt so it shows up on the camera. Oh, man, that would take real stones.

So Demi and I are devising a plan for Demi to get the most fucked tattoo ever. And I think we're going to try Kickstarter it. Yeah. Finally, something good on Kickstarter. We've got a lot of the elements down now of what it's going to be like. There's going to be an eagle. It's going to have a huge boner. It's going to have laser eyes.

It's going to be holding a banner that says Destiny. Great. I love when you come up with the idea of like let's try and get the worst tattoo ever. It's like the starting point is a dick. A dick's in there at some point and everything else is just built around the dick. Yeah. Yeah. Like the world.

Why do you need a Kickstarter? Huh? Why do you need a Kickstarter? I don't want to pay for it. That's the biggest problem with getting an eagle dick laser tattoo on you. Yeah. The cost of it. It's very expensive.

Yeah. Penises are like triple the cost of a normal tattoo. Yeah. How big are you thinking of going? You should get like full back tat. No, I was going to go like full thigh. Oh, yeah. If it's on my back, I'm never going to get to see it.

Yeah, that's true. You should get it so you can see it and other people it's upside down. Yeah. Oh, that's a great idea. I should get it mirrored as well so it's only when I'm taking a real hard look at myself that I can see it. See, I feel like if you Kickstarter it, then it's like just – I don't know if you've looked at Kickstarter recently, but it's people going like, hey, has anyone got $1,000 so I can buy this really sick shoe?

It's only one shoe, but because I'm a dancer and I dance for Mother Earth, I've always wanted this shoe. If you give me $20, I'll say thanks personally to you via text. You know what? This is literally a thought I had coming out of McDonald's yesterday when I went window shopping yesterday. You were in there for eight hours, weren't you? Smelling the counter.

Can we help you, sir? No, I'm fine. Can I just say very quickly? Yummy Carl's here. Because you did say you were… Hello, McDonald's. Can I just say, you were saying that you were going to eat burgers during one of the podcasts that we did.

That was going to be your finish line. That didn't happen. So do you have an end date for this bread thing? What's your goal? You've got to give yourself… I know. That didn't happen. So do you have an end date for this bread thing? What's your goal? You've got to give yourself... I know. Because look at you. This is making me sad. You're a fucking wreck. You're a fucking mess, Carl.

You're upsetting us. You go into McDonald's on Friday and then you're in bed all day on Saturday. Carl, look at what you're doing to Tommy. You're tearing us apart. We're all worried about you. Because I am very sick. The last two, three days I've been in bed all day and maybe

this is actual McDonald's withdrawal. Maybe this is actually what it is. Cold turkey. Yeah. I know what you mean because I was going to eat burgers during the podcast and then we just never got around to it. I was going to break your record. I was going to try and do seven cheeseburgers on the podcast.

Yeah, is that your record? I reckon I could do it. Well, he did it at the Brisbane podcast. He had six cheeseburgers. Yeah, I ate six cheeseburgers on stage. Or as you call it, pre-brunch. Pre-brunch. Yeah, but I understood that yesterday I was thinking,

right, I've gone four months. That could easily be the end of it. So I don't know. I'm going to have to make a decision when I do it. You should I've gone four months. That could easily be the end of it. So I don't know. I'm going to have to make a decision when I do it. You should do it on the podcast. Yeah, very right. You've talked about it so much on here. You look so trim and good. You just don't need to.

I walked out of McDonald's yesterday and literally had the thought of, what if I just start up a Kickstarter for like one burger? Yeah. Maybe that's how I break the – A dude did – he got $60,000 For doing a Kickstarter That he was going to make Potato salad That's right

And that just took off Because it was retarded Did he get the money? Yeah He got $60,000 Man And then he made a ton Of potato salad

For like homeless shelters Didn't he? Yeah I think so And he bought a Bugatti Yeah Like a really shitty one That would be

A potato salad That is that thing like if you. A broken one with no wheels. A potato Bugatti. Yeah. That's that obligation where it's like if you do something as a joke and then it actually takes off and you get all this money, suddenly you'd be going, fuck, I've got to do something.

There's no way. I've got to do something noble with this. I've got to do a charity thing otherwise. Kickstartering this tat. If I saw someone who's like, man, I want to get the most fucked tat with as many dicks. If you put in a hundred bucks, you can choose where the dick goes. I'd be like, fuck, I'm putting in a hundred bucks.

You can choose how erect the dick is. It's the most lasting thing that I'll do in my life. It's the biggest legacy. This is how they're going to remember me, folks. Your dad made you proud today, son. As a bit of ink on Demi's corpse one day. So you do the Kickstarter. What kind of

rewards can, you know, so people choosing the dick, what other stuff can you offer people? You should, instead of having,

what was going to be written on the flag? It was going to be destiny, but I think people can choose, as long as it's not hate speech,

they can pick what it is. Yeah, yeah, have their name on there. Yeah. Surely. Yeah. Or a speech balloon

coming out. Yeah, that'd be great. Or you should have it as sponsored by the Little Dundon there. Yeah. Surely. Yeah. Or a speech balloon coming out. Yeah, that'd be great. Or you should have it just blank. As sponsored by the Little Dundon Club. Oh, yes. What if you get our logo tattooed on you? I would like to put a Mac as an...

Yeah. How much to get our logo tattooed on a bit of your body that's generally covered up? Oh, wow. And then start just slutting it up so that the logo gets a lot of exposure. I'm going to have to consult my tattoo manager. The hamburger's great. I think the hamburgers are really good. How much will it cost for us to sponsor your body?

A little Dumb Dumb Club tramp stamp. How much do you want? If you pay for the tattoo, I'll get it. Fuck yes. Are we doing this? I think we're doing it. You need to do a sheet of flash anyway. You should do a sheet of tat flash and have a little Dumb Dum tattoo day yeah that's great and get people in okay so we've got these are our next two

live episodes one of them's happening at a tattoo parlor yeah yeah as demi gets out of the others happening at the wonder white factory for you to eat a slice of bread yeah no at mcdonald's karl should get baked into a huge loaf of bread and have to eat his way out i would love that i'd get a tattoo of that the bread head poking out of a loaf of bread yeah And have to eat his way out. I would love that. I'd get a tattoo of that. The bread tomb. Carl's head poking out of a loaf of bread. Oh, it's yummy, Carl. I'm eating my way out of this bread tomb.

Tooth crumming. So, can you go and price our tattoo? Our logo as a tattoo. Yeah, how big? Find out how much it's going to cost. I don't know. Like, you know, a couple of inches. Okay, and where? At the tattoo parlor. Yeah. Yeah, how big? Find out how much it's going to cost. I don't know, like, you know, a couple of inches. Okay, and where?

At the tattoo parlor. Yeah. Oh, no. Face, on the face. Got him. Not on the face. Got him. Oh, dad.

Yeah, so wherever. Like, maybe, have you got room on your bicep anymore? No, there's no room there, I don't think. I can, or maybe, yeah. Go on the inner arm. I've already got. You know what? You can choose where, I mean, if you're getting our logo,

if she's getting our logo tattooed, she can pick, for God's sake. Hang on, just so we're clear. Is this the McDonald's build your own burger of tattooing? What we're doing now. It's build your own Demi. It's Demi. Oh, no. I'll send pads back.

It's Patty Demi, everyone. Tattoos. Tattoos. Pain of Demi. All the things you said. Yeah. All right. This is exciting.

I'm excited now. Cool. It's going to be so good. I'm excited now. It wasn't before and now I've perked up. So going back to the comedy festival, we talked a lot on the show about my show, about how I had the device in my show.

Bart did it one night where I would have a heckler. I'd have some form of friend of the show. Device. What an awful way of referring to friends. A yummy device. There was a heckler or a judge. I would do my whole show and then someone would be chiming in. So Bart did it one night and Bart was great. Bart was a heckler or a judge I would do my whole show and then someone would be chiming in so Bart did it one night

and Bart was great Bart was a different tack to the night before who was Lawrence Mooney who just tried to eat me alive and Bart was

different it was very good even as much to say that I had a call from the comedy festival a couple of days later and someone just going

who who was yelling at you in your show on Tuesday? And I was like, what does that mean? And they go, who yelled at you in your show?

And I was like, I don't think I should disclose this information. And they're like, no, it's good. I'm like, really? They're like, yeah, someone rang up,

just rang the comedy festival going, I went and saw Carl Chandler's show and someone was yelling at him and I thought he was very funny. How do I go and see his show? I was like, oh, it's Bart Freebar. And they're like, okay, thanks.

That's funny that in the middle of the comedy festival, the massive organisational thing that it is, that they still have the time to be fielding phone calls like that in the office. Excuse me? I saw Carl Chandler. 1-800-COMEDY. I saw Carl Chandler the other day.

Okay, tell us more about this gig. Who's that gentleman that doesn't eat bread? Meanwhile, the town hall's just on fire. He's got great sneakers. I can't Google him because my arms are fucked. I've been looking in keywords, sniffing McDonald's benches. So I found Carl Chandler, but who's his mate? Please call your show that next year, Carl Chandler's sniffing McDonald's benches. I I found Carl Chandler, but who's his mate? Oh, please call your show that next year,

Carl Chandler's Sniffing McDonald's Benches. I think we've got the name, which is Yummy Carl. Yummy Carl. Hey, everybody. Who's ready for an hour of giggles? So that was great. Bart made one. Oh, I'm having a reaction to no fries.

Man, if you, after this, if you want, I will drive you to McDonald's. Yeah, we should go. Yeah. You can lie in the back seat and we'll go through drive-thru and they'll just throw cheeseburgers into the back seat. Oh, I might be tempted. And then we'll catapult you into the sun. Fuck, that'd be awesome.

Because I'm feeling that sick. You know what fixes that? Double cheeseburgers. Yes. Fuck yeah, man. Oh, I might be tempted. And then we'll catapult you into the sun. Fuck, that'd be awesome. Because I'm feeling that sick. You know what fixes that? Double cheeseburgers. Yes. Fuck yeah, man. Oh, no. Make your own double cheeseburger. Yeah.

Turn it into a quadrumple me's burger. Have you got a – because you've got quite an old McDonald's close by to your house. I've got one. The one near me is like – it's an old bank or something. Yeah. It's like a McDonald's. And they haven't ripped it out and like started afresh. It's like – and there's a daycare like literally in the same building.

Yeah. It's considered the fanciest McDonald's in the world on some blogs, that Art Deco building. The one near me? Yeah, the one in Clifton Hill. That's weird. Yeah. Because there's one in Ballarat, Bakery Hill McDonald's which is – Big.

Yeah, it's really big and it's like a million-year-old building and all that sort of stuff. Yeah. It's a cave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and they genuinely wrap all the burgers in lettuce leaf. It's a genuine caveman diet. And the touchscreen is just you chisel on the wall what you want

and then someone comes out and... Yeah, Fred and Barney bought the franchise. The Water Buffalo Lodge McDonald's. Yeah. So I just want to update a couple of other shows that happened with my solo show, Carl's Channel World's Greatest and Best Comedian, when I had other guests in. I had Fiona O'Loughlin booked in for one show.

And so she was going to come and do it. She got there, what, 15 minutes early? Half an hour before the gig? I'm going to have to stop you there, Tommy. That didn't happen. What happened was Fiona was going to do the show. And look, my bad because sometimes you treat people like they're normal people and you shouldn't do that.

You shouldn't do that. You know, other people, Bart, I was like, I knew he was going to turn up. So I treated Fiona like Bart, like a normal person, and that was my fault. So the show kicked off at 9.45. I got to 9.30 and just thought, what have I done? So I tried to ring her. Phone's turned off. I'm like, well, this is absolutely not happening now.

Yeah. So I see on Twitter, I'm going to the gig. It's like 9.35, 9.40. I see on the gig that, I see on Twitter that a friend of the show, Dilruk Jaisingha, is getting mega plastered at the pub. He's drunk eight pints. He's doing shots.

And so I hit him up and go, man, I don't think Fiona's going to turn up. Can you come and be the heckler? Who's the next drunkest person I know? That is at least answering Twitter though. He's got his phone on. Yeah, yeah. So I said, can you come along to this show? And he was like, oh yeah, I was going to come and like probably just have a look anyway.

So look, I'll come along. I'll see how I go. So he turns up. The whole audience is here. And he'd done it already, by the way. He'd been there. He'd already done it. So my sort of soft rule was that you couldn't do it twice because it loses the surprise element.

I love Carl's soft rules. Yes. Yummy Carl's soft rules. Yes. Yummy Carl's soft rules. Soft like a bread bun. Rule number one, always be delicious. I'm yummy Carl. By the way, you've taken your shoes off and you're wearing purple socks. Your feet look like little grimaces at the moment.

Very good. I'm enjoying this. It's on brand. Is that why you got them? They're not even socks. That's just my reaction to not having McDonald's for this one. Carl is very sick. That's my bare feet.

What, club foot? Yeah. Slowly turning into grimaces. Macca's gangrene. So, Dilrock turns up to the gig. Like, as the gig's starting, it's like 9.45. He's there and he's like, oh, man, I don't think I can do this gig. I'm, like, drunk way too much.

Like, I really don't think I can do it. I'm out of my mind. I'm too drunk. And I went, oh, man, but I don't have anyone else. And then he said, oh, a friend of the show, Reece Nicholson has just walked in to watch. And I'm like, okay, all right, well, I'll get him then. Cool.

So I actually have to get him out of the audience to go, can you do this job now? Awesome. That's awesome. So he's like, okay, I don't know what this is. I'm like, we'll work it out as we go along. You're on. So we start the show.

He comes out. It's all fine. It's not rocket science to sort of go, hang shit on me. Try and hang shit as I'm doing my show. I'm doing my jokes. You can chime in whenever you want. Rhys has sort of been practicing that behind your back for the whole festival

yeah sure two faced bitch yes so we do the show we start the show and it's funny but the thing is he's the X Factor

that I hadn't counted on so Dilruch is in the gig in the audience and he's sitting up the back and because he's that drunk he's finding anything funny which means and if everyone's heard

Dilruch's laugh before it's you know it's a powerful laugh yeah it's a, you know, it's a. Powerful laugh. Yeah, it's a hyena's cackle on steroids times 15. It's insane. And we're in a small room, so he's just laughing insane amounts. Everyone's looking at him. It turns into a thing where we're just hanging shit on Dilruch as much as we can.

And then he is trying to be quiet. He's literally biting into his pint glass. Like the tech was telling me afterwards he's literally biting into his pint glass like the tech was telling me afterwards he was biting to his pint glass to try not to laugh because he was just going crazy oh so he cops it for about 20 minutes and then goes all right that's it and then sits in the middle of the crowd and it turns into a three-way thing happening where we all there's there's hardly any of the show left it's just us you, Rhys and Dilruch the worst three way of all time oh man oh Jesus Christ

that's a hectic three way there you go everyone listening picture that one yeah rock yourself to sleep with that little image draw that one Fosdyke yeah

oh god James Fosdyke Reid Parker get onto that so that so it's just turned into this insane show

of the three of us just going at each other. We get to the end of the show. It's five minutes before the end and then the door opens. Fiona O'Loughlin walks in and goes, here I am everyone. This is a shit show. This is the worst scenario on

Thank God You're Here ever. So then we're like, fuck you. You're supposed to be at the start of the show. So now it's just four people hurling shit at each other. She goes, no, I'm taking over. I'm the heckler. So she sits down. I've literally got three jokes to go.

So she sits on the stool. Everyone else sits back. And I go, okay, here's the jokes. I start doing the jokes. She just starts singing show tunes. Fuck, man. the jokes. I start doing the jokes. She just starts singing show tunes. Which is, to be honest, a very effective heckle. And we're saying, oh, I can't believe you turned up this late. She goes, yeah, but I'm sure that you told me it was 10.30.

The show started at 10.30. And Rhys goes, to be fair, though, it is 10.45, the show started at 10.30. And Rhys goes, to be fair though, it is 10.45 at the moment. Did the festival get any phone calls about that one? Who were those 15 people that were in your show? Who was that fat hyena cackling all the way through Carl's show? Yeah, so that was good. I think it was literally two nights later, I had Adam Richard and Geraldine Hickey come in to do the –

towards the end of the festival, I had two people teaming up because it kept it alive. It was a nice little – like the final night of the festival, we had you, Tommy and Nick Cody teaming up. Yes. So that was great. Yes. So this night I had Adam Richard and Geraldine Hickey, which was a lot of fun.

But there was this woman that kept, you know, because I do a lot of one-liners, there'd be a little bit of a gap before a punchline. And there was this woman in the middle of the show that just kept, I'd go, da-da-da, da-da-da, gap. And then she'd just yell out the punchline. Oh, because you've been before? No, I was like, have you seen the show before? And she's like, no.

Like, oh, fuck. She was honestly, she would have been 60. I'm like, how is this? This is not a good sign for me, this six-year-old woman. You've got the same writing rate as a six-year-old woman. She's done a lot of crosswords. She knows your little mysteries. Knows your little riddle mysteries.

And I kept saying, do not do this anymore. Like, I know this is great. This is great that you've solved the puzzle, but I'm trying to do this show. Please don't ruin my jokes. If you can do that. And she was like so ashamed.

She was like, I'm really sorry. And then like five minutes later, she'd do it again. And it was like comedy Tourette's. She couldn't help herself. She just kept yelling at the punchlines. And she was right all the time? Yeah, she'd do it again. And it was like comedy Tourette's. She couldn't help herself. She just kept yelling at the punchlines. And she was right all the time? Yeah, she kept getting it right.

Wow. That's the best. And so I kept having to go faster to beat her to the punchline. Wow. That is amazing. I want to get this woman on the show. It's so good. So then.

I'm going to call up the comedy festival and ask who she is. So then at the end of the show what happens is she's really ashamed. She's going, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like comedy festival and ask who she is. So then at the end of the show, what happens is she's really ashamed. She's going, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, it was really funny. It was actually a really funny part of the show that I kept referencing you and you kept yelling out punchlines and stuff. It was actually funny. At least the jokes were getting laughs.

Even if I wasn't getting the laughs, you were. So as she went out, I was saying, oh, what do you do and whatever. And she goes, oh, I actually go into old folks' homes and tell them jokes. So I have the same writing brain as the retirement home comedian. I think you've got a future career. Yeah. Does she tell them those jokes as a form of euthanasia? Well, I'm thinking I should go into her old folks home job

and start heckling her. Great. Yeah. Here's another live podcast idea. We do one in an old folks home. And on the final night of the festival, we had, I don't know if you noticed this, but in the last episode that we recorded, and I didn't bring it up at the time because we had plenty of other things going on,

the final episode with Will Anderson and Adam Hills and Hamish Blake, there was a really old front row. Yes. Did you notice that? I did notice that. And I didn't want to, it seemed like a funny thing that we should perhaps talk about at the time, but also that's very full on to in the front row go, fucking. You're all nearly dead. What are you old birds doing you don't belong anymore you've done your part for society you've

seen all your podcasts yeah get into the oldest mcdonald's ever and seal the door yeah build your own grave yeah so which yeah by the way, I can't get people my age to understand how to download this podcast. And they're like 28. And these 70-year-old women were front row centre for this. That was it. I was watching it and we didn't mention it and I thought this is the magic of the comedy festival

where you go through the guide and just pick something at random. They've seen Little Dumb Dumb Club and gone I think I remember Charlie Chaplin being in a show called that. That must be that. Before World War I, that's all we called everything. Yeah. That's the vaudeville act that our grandparents used to do.

You and me, our grandpas were friends. Yeah, they thought maybe me and you were Charlie Chaplin and Al Jolson and we were going to see that show. Tommy's the one who blackfaces. So anyway, we didn't say anything. Then I went to my show straight afterwards and they were front row again. Right. And I was like, why?

You know, I'm trying not to be rude, but why are you here? Because it was like three ladies. And look, I'm going to say one of them was 70 and then one of them was in her 70s. And then I reckon it was her mum who would have been in her 90s, I'm going to guess. Very, yeah, very old looking. Well, is this offensive? This is really offensive to me.

No, this is just simply saying people's ages. I'm super appreciative that they come along. But that's when I sort of thought, why are you here? And the seven-year-old lady, who was very lovely, said to me, have you heard of podcasts? And I said, yeah, I've been on one. And she goes, yeah, well, I listened to one and it's you, so. I thought maybe there's a chance that the 60-year-old

that was shouting out your jokes plugged you at a nursing home. By the way, there's this bloke, he's like me, but a younger male version of me. He's called Yummy Carl. They just pipe it through the speakers at the nursing home every night before bed. Here's some zingers for you to go to your dreams to. Hey, everybody.

Yummy Carl would go down a hit with the senior citizens crowd. The 90-plus crew. Yeah, yeah. So genuinely, she is a listener. So shout out to whoever you are. I didn't get your name. Don't start the shout out if you don't remember the name. Shout out to strange woman

You have the option of just not saying that sentence Shout out to whoever the fuck you are And no Shout out to whoever the fuck you are And your mum Yeah cool Shout out to Beatrice That's like a taking ropes catchphrase

And updating it for the kids Yeah So they were all in my show as well. Like a 90-year-old lady was sitting there and, you know. So the 90-year-old listens. Boy, she listens and she's not actually 90. No, I don't think that she listens. I think she's just been, you know, that nice thing where you get,

we've had listeners drag along their friends. Sure. She's dragged along her 90-year-old mum. Yeah, I mean, I get bringing your friends along, but, man, bringing your mum along to this with no context is a big I barely want to bring my mum along to it mum's going to be pretty cool though

they can be down with that my mum she's awesome and she's happy to be at the gig but she's not I don't think she gets it completely does your mum listen to something for the drive home? no I don't think she gets it completely. Does your mum listen to something for the drive home? No.

Your podcast? I don't think that – yeah, I think that technologic, that little hurdle of figuring out how to actually get a podcast, which it's not that tricky, is enough to stop a lot of people. Yeah. From getting to it. Because obviously they really want to. I just really want to watch it but I can't figure it out. Yeah.

That's the problem. That's what's stopping us Well your mum, Tommy, you were just saying before we started Your mum's coming to Sydney with you Yeah, so I'm going to be in Sydney I'll be in Sydney when this comes out actually Doing my show May 6th, 8th and 10th at the Factory Theatre Please, for the love of God, buy some tickets

But your mum, so your mum's coming to Sydney with you. Yeah, I talked about this on the last live podcast that we did, but she came up to me and was like, oh, so you're going to be in Sydney? I haven't been to Sydney for a while. I was thinking maybe I'd just come up and, you know, we can hang out. Would that be okay with you? I'm like, yeah, whatever, you know, whatever. And like, I, like in the last few months, my parents, like they came to Perth when I

was there. Yeah. They came to the falls festival for a day in lawn in lawn yeah and i was thinking of it as like oh this is kind of a nice thing because you know they're getting older and i'm an only child it's kind of nice that you know i'm spending more time with them and they're clearly and then i sort of started thinking about it more and i realized this has all started happening since the breakup since i broke up with my girlfriend and so i thought it was this nice thing that I was sort of doing for them,

kind of including them in my life more. And I realise now this is them taking pity on me. They've just been good parents. They've got me on suicide watch. Like mum's coming up to Sydney with me because she doesn't trust me to not jump off the harbour bridge. It's actually really nice. It is nice.

It's cool. It'll be fun. Sort of like the saddest groupie that you have. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, It's cool. It'll be fun. Sort of like the saddest groupie that you have though. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, it's, yeah, me and mum in a hotel room together. Really? Yep, in two single beds.

Really? That's great. We're just going to have to go for walks when the other one's getting dressed in the morning. So, that'll be fun. Man. Are you really sharing a hotel room? We're sharing a hotel room. Oh, wow.

That's really cool because your mum is doing that because that wore off really quick with my mum. She came over to, she lives in Midgera and she came to Melbourne when I was really sad about breaking up with someone and then I didn't see her or really talk to her for a couple of months and then the other day she called me and she was like, hey, I'm in Melbourne and I was like, all right. She went, yeah, got in 10 minutes ago. Where are you, at work?

Yeah, do you want to come see me? All right. I'll call you back. And then it was like two hours later and she called me and she went, yeah, I've driven the wrong way. And I was like, I didn't give you the address. All right. See you later.

Going back to Mildura. Wow. Is there a chance that your mum is Fiona O'Loughlin? I'm friends with your mum on Facebook. She's a good Facebook mum. She is a good Facebook mum. She is a good Facebook mum. She hangs shit on you a lot, which I enjoy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think she really relishes that now. She's not got much going on. Who friended who? I think I saw her calling Demi a bitch and then I sent her a friend request. Sounds like she could rival Karen Cody. Like she's got some... Oh, I don't know. She's pretty full on. Karen Cody was Like she's got some... Oh, I don't know. She's pretty full on.

Karen Cody was Nick Cody's mum, Marja. Was? Was? No, no, was at the... She's put him up for adoption at the age of 27. He's gone for emancipation. He's become an eagle with no family. She was at the drunk cast.

Yeah. Which was legendary. It was really great to meet her. Yeah, should we finally get back to giving it a few little hints of what happened? Well, one thing that happened was we crowd surfed a lot that day. Yes. And I have to say, I've been thinking about the crowd surfing a lot. It's so much fun.

Yeah. You don't have to think about it that much. If you were in a band, why wouldn't you just be crowd surfing all the time? Oh, you've got to sing. We finished the show by having a race. There were two banks of audience and we had a race of crowd surfing, me and you. And there was a bit of debate on the Facebook about who won.

I remember someone saying they thought you won. I think it was just whichever side you were on in the crowd, like people taking pride in their own work. I saw what happened. Who won? I'll get the results tattooed on me. And then you can check. With the new Kickstarter.

Yeah. Because it was a lot of like Lawrence Mooney crowd surfed and then. I got forced crowd surfed. Alex Edelman just threw me on top of everybody. Well, that was the thing. Demi was drinking out of a flask while she was. Yeah, because it was in my back pocket. I didn't want anyone to nick it.

It was like the thing where by the time you got around to crowd surfing, people were like, thank God, an easy one. Because it had been a lot of like dudes who've let themselves go over the month and packed it up. Dilruch tried twice and failed twice and broke a chair. He hurt some people. It was basically just like Alex grabbed me and threw me like a paper plane on top of everyone and I just kind of like squiggled my way across

and they made no effort and then rolled off the back. It was good. Let me play this. We didn't record it but I did get sent a video of something that happened right at the very end. Someone else talk while I try and find this. What else happened? There may or may not have been some nudity.

Yeah. Well, that's the thing. I sort of – there are a bit of gaps going on because we had a few too many drinks and I don't remember certain things happening. I remember the first five minutes and then my only memory of it after that is noise. But I do have this video. This is right at the very end.

We did finish the gig by all singing We Are The Champions on stage and dual crowd serving. This is a friend of the show, Dave Anthonyony as the show has kind of wrapped up this is the last thing that happened at the gig this is my first comedy festival i just want to say you you people are so fucked up so that's it that was the last thing that happened in the drunk cast i thought you're gonna play because you told me like the day or a couple of days later that there was like, you said, oh someone recorded, like there was three nudie runs, let's say,

without saying who they were. There was three nudie runs. No, there was three people did a nudie run at once. There was one nudie run and three people were involved. Three nude comics. Jemowin, Carl Barron and Hodge Barker. And Yummy Carl!

So that was happening. What would Hughie doing a nudie run sound like, Bart? I've had enough. I'm not happy. My pants are restrictive. So there were three people doing a nudie run and you said, oh, someone taped it and sent it to me.

And I said, what sort of sick fuck would fucking tape? You were angry. You were angry. Like that person shouldn't have done that. That's really wrong. But what you don't realise is in the middle of the video, you're on stage saying, why is no one fucking filming this? Get on your phones, you idiots.

Oh, wow. That's great. It was a fantastic day. I was being a completely sober person. I remember every moment of the drunk house. Yeah, you got on and gave people superannuation advice. Yeah, I told them to consolidate their super. I thought it would be important to give some good advice.

I said, consolidate your super and make sure you have a drink of water before you go to bed. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. It was important. What a great night we all had. Yeah.

Mate. There's always next year. Living the dream. Just can I bring this back to you? I've been thinking almost exclusively about this since you said it before, about you eating dog food. Yes. When I was in maybe year 10, I had this crush on a girl who I was friends with

and her thing was she would eat baby food, you know, those little jars of just like – I'd go around to her house and she'd just be... She'd have one of those tiny little jars and just be like eating out of that. And I was like super into her in spite of that very weird thing of a girl pretending to be a baby. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah. She's wearing a nappy.

Did she have any teeth? Yeah. Was she two? No, she was my age. And yeah, I would go to the supermarket with her While she would stock up on baby food Oh really? Oh you went shopping with her?

I went shopping with her I'm like I just want to be in your life Was she pregnant? No It's just a thing that she She just hadn't been able to It was like a comfort thing

And she just liked the taste Yeah It's like you know You can get that in It's bigger proper form Not stewed up and Yeah That's the thing It's like you know It's baby can get that in its bigger proper form. Not stewed up and – Because that's the thing.

It's like, you know, it's baby food but it's not bad for you. It's not bad people food. It's just another form of food. Yeah, but it's like you can have a proper amount of it instead of having to have it in a little thimble jar. Can you put baby food in your McDonald's now? Oh, yeah. You can add that.

Maybe she just wanted to feel like a giant. Yeah. Okay. I'll accept that. Yeah. She's pretty tiny. You yeah. You can add that. Maybe she just wanted to feel like a giant. Yeah. Okay. I'll accept that. Yeah. Cool. She's pretty tiny. You know, you can get instead of burger buns, you can have plates.

Oh. Yeah. You know, like sometimes like, you know, if you're 50, you're quite, you know, tempted to take 10 years off your age and say, oh, no, I'm 40 years old. Maybe she was like 12 and just wanting to pretend she was two. I'm just interested in a scenario in which you openly are saying, I am 40 years old. I'm not 40.

That's what it's like. For you to be cool with being 40, it'll be when you're 50 that you'll be cool with being 40. I'm not 40 though, so I'm not cool with being 40 because I'm not that. Mate, even if you were 40, you'd look like you're bloody 20 to me. Very fresh faced. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. Every day you'd look like you're bloody 20 to me. Very fresh faced. Thanks, buddy. Every day you don't eat bread, it takes a year off your life. Great.

Let's go to McDonald's now. I've given up. Yeah. All right. I think that brings us to the end of the little dum-dum club for another week. Demi Lardner, Bart Freeburn, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks. So there's a bit of home.

Are we taking? Oh, no. So we're going to get are we taking oh no so we're going to get the tattoo. That's going to happen. Let's get this Kickstarter going.

It's going to be really cool. Let's get two Kickstarters going. One for Demi's Dum Dum Club tattoo. One for a

burger for me. So get on Facebook. Get on Twitter. We'll have all the. We'll make a day of it.

This would be the best prank for us to play. We get the money. Demi gets the little Dum Dum Club tattoo. We immediately stop doing the podcast. We delete the website. We delete all the episodes.

We just Men in Black memory erase style. So then you're just going around with this thing that you can't. We pay people to get us off all the Google results. We get all our reviews deleted. No, I say we provide the artwork for Demi, but then deliberately misspell it. So she's got a little dum-dum clum. Well, that would make me really happy.

But technically, you can't really... You've made it up, so you can't misspell it. You met someone the other day who'd just gotten a tattoo that was misspelled, didn't you? Yeah. I don't. Really good. I don't.

Because it takes so long. It's so long to look at a phrase to not realise that you've spelt it wrong. It's crazy. I'm going to insist on having a misspelling in the fucked tattoo. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Little dumb done club. Little dumb done club. I don't know if that's a misspelling.

What do you mean? That's more truth in advertising. But Freeburn, you guys are doing some live Something for the Drive Homes. Yeah, Something for the Drive Home. It's finishing. We're going to finish it at 200. And it's an excellent podcast. It's like I've said many times before, I genuinely listen to it.

So it's very funny. Yeah, so we're doing a live one in Sydney in a couple of weeks. We're doing a live one in Adelaide with like a little mini super pod show like you guys did in Adelaide. It's only $30. Cool. Love for you guys to come along, little dumb lords. And we're doing our final show on the 30th of May.

All the shows are up on my website, bartlol.com. Bartlol.com. And you're also – we're in Sydney together next week. We're in Sydney next week. So I'm doing Sydney Comedy Festival shows Week after this Oh right

Yeah yeah So it's all on my All on my website Come along It's a sick show Demi anything you would like to plug Um can I Oh is this

Is it weird to plug A podcast that has been recorded But not released at all yet Yes but do it anyway Alright me and Reece Nicholson Have started recording a podcast Um the working title is

Star Cunts. Don't call it that. I think it's a good name. But with the A in star starred out and not any part of the word cunts.

If it's a title that is not going to be allowed to be on iTunes, I'd say that's a bad idea. If it's one word and like you put a lot of Zs.

Yeah. And also two people starting up a podcast that don't live in the same city. Consistency. I can see that happening. What about that new app that's out called Podbean where you can like it hooks up through Skype so it records

both ends of the audio and then syncs them together. We're going to be doing a bit of that next weekend. Yeah, it's pretty fancy. So you can, the beta's out. I'll tell you about it. This could happen off mic. Yeah.

So look out for StarCrafts on iTunes. Search really hard for it because it just won't be there. It might be called something else. Do you want to plug Open Slather, Foxtel, Sketch? Okay. I'm at the Factory Theatre May 6, 8 and 10. Guys, come out. You know, I'll have t-shirts with me if you want to. Yeah, let me

Yeah, I'm bringing t-shirts with me if you haven't gotten one yet. Also if you're overseas or another part of the country, littledumbdumbclub.com We've got them all up there. We've fixed that up. Estoy Merchandise, we'll hook you up with that. And yeah, that's all we've got. Thanks very much for listening guys

and we'll see you next time bye bye everyone everybody bye bye everyone bye yummy carl bye yummy carl bye bye