The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 243 - Lawrence Mooney & Fiona O'Loughlin

Episode Date: June 3, 2015

Malevolent Couches, Broken Glass and June Northern June. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. This is it, installment four of these special episodes. Our most popular pairing. Yep, episode one, big success. Lots of these special episodes. Our most popular pairing. Yep.

Episode 1, big success. Lots of people loved it. Second one, bit of a success as well. A bit of a success. Third one. Don't pump it up too much. Second one was sex. Oh, sex, yeah.

I think this is going to be like, you know, because we've done the trilogy and now we're back. This is the Mad Max Fury Road of these. You know what I mean? Let's rip it off. People maybe were a little bit disappointed by the third. We thought it was great, but now we're just coming back. I've not heard any disappointment.

Yeah, me either. I just want to run with the metaphor. One was great. Two was okay. Three was a dog. We're back. We've got to have a, you know, there's got to be an arc. There's got to be a through line. We've got two different actors playing the two guests.

So we're rebooting it. Lawrence and Fiona are having a special lie down in a clinic. Moonman. My name's Moonman. Yeah, Moonman. Well, of course, it's our favourite pairing that we've ever had on the show. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin. Thank you very

much, guys. Hello, Carl. Hello, Tommy. Hello, Fiona. Hello, Lawrence. Hello, Carl. Yeah, Lawrence. You forgot his name for a second. We're being filmed tonight. That tweet you sent when you said, oh, that's, yes, and you like men telling you what to do

with your body. That's okay. I think it's best. That was so funny. I think it's best. That was so funny. I think it's cool when men tell the ladies what to do with their bodies. Let's go back. So the first three episodes that we had with you guys, the first episode was what were we titled at? Suicide.

Suicide, yeah. Exclusively suicide. Well, we didn't mean for it to be. Episode two was sex. Sex. Episode three was sex. Sex. Episode three was religion. Religion. Kind of.

And faith. So what we did, we put out to our Facebook and Twitter followers what we should tackle on the fourth instalment of this pairing. And what did they both say? Bam. Got Tim. Got you. Well, you haven't got yourself because you went for a high five and did not get it back.

Yeah, I know. I got fresh air by Fiona. But she's got no peripheral vision because of the troubles. So we've got a bunch of suggestions. She's got fetal alcohol syndrome caused by herself. Still? Yeah. God, doesn't that wear off?

But it's in reverse. Her eyes have gone Closer to the Centre of her face Can you get Fetal alcohol syndrome Later in life? No you cannot Well I think we've found

The topic for this episode What about Cot death Have you ever No I've never Had a dead baby In my house No but have you ever

Woken up Not that I know have you ever woken up? Not that I know. Have you ever woken up with an adult case of it? Just like, oh, God, I feel terrible. Got a bit of the old cotto today. Sorry, boss. With a pillow in your mouth. It's like, God.

I hope this doesn't get offensive later on. Jesus. I could have choked it out. I remember, though though once I had – awesome, that cot death reference reminds me of a story. You do. In my fostering years. I don't think it's called cot death anymore.

And our maternal health and childcare nurse told us really they shouldn't call it cot death because a lot of children die on couch. They should call it couch death. Good to use the correct term so as not to be offensive. And I said I reckon I've had that. really, they shouldn't call it cot death because a lot of children die on couch. They should call it couch death. Oh. Good to use the correct term so as not to be offensive. And I said, I reckon I've had that. I reckon I've been on malevolent couches that have gone, we've got you.

We're going to suck you into the cushion with a 20-cent piece and you're fucking gone. I've been on malevolent couches before. It went from being very grim to being sort of a little bit whimsical. Suck your back in and it's like, no you don't! It's turned into something horrible into an episode of Tom and Jerry. I like it. Do we dare ask what this story is?

What story? Oh, yeah, no. I remember when I was... I don't believe in babies being in cots anyway. It's a very new anthropological – it's only been around for about 400 years. When was the French Revolution? You don't believe in it's only been around for 400 years?

This whole concept of babies and their little princesses. Yeah, childhood's a relatively new invention. It is. Once upon a time, children, when they're old enough to walk, start working. Yeah. And, you know, schools. And this is before. I say get rid of schools because the school drop-off really slows the traffic down.

Now you just start watching Star Wars until you're 40 years old. Isn't that the new childhood? Is that what happens these days? No. Seriously. Seriously. If I could do it. Are you a Star Wars fan?

If I could find a pen and paper, I would do a PhD on this. Or maybe get a degree. But. If I could find a pen and paper, I would do a PhD on this. Or maybe get a degree. If I could find a pen and paper. What's in your home? I'd have to rule a margin to start my PhD. And I'd put JMJ, Jesus and Mary, up the top, like you did when you were in Catholic schools.

I would have started you off with a red pencil and a grey lead, and then you would have got your pen licence. My point is that... to the Industrial Revolution, when families were their own economic unit, okay, a child was much loved but also an important part of the household. Like, they had respect. And then all of a sudden, except for the aristocracy,

whose women, you know, did, I don't know, cross-stitch, and the children... Sat around drinking tea, chatting. Yeah, it was nonsense. And this whole concept of putting a baby in a cot and leaving it alone is really very bizarre. Like there was a couple that –

So where would they sleep when they went nay-nay? They sleep with you. But what about their afternoon nap? Just in the bed, just on the bed. Yeah, wherever they want. That's what our baby's done. Yeah. I've just put cushions, you know, pillows around it and they say,

don't do that. You've got to sleep through the night. Like mum used to say to me, is he a good baby? Some babies are meant to die to me, is he a good baby? Some babies aren't meant to die. Well, how the fuck? I know. It's just like that's, you know, there's a mortality rate.

And, you know, you can avoid it by not chain smoking in your house. Well, you know, what people don't talk about is the cost of what, and I'll get shot down for this, but with the cot death, they've minimised the risk, they believe, by I don't know whose census, but you put a baby – we used to swaddle our babies. Swaddle them hard. Swaddle.

Yeah, no, you swaddle them like – you think it's too tight, so their little arms can't get out. It's true. Look at these two fucking idiots. And shift them from side to side. A million miles from children. Sorry, we don't know the term swaddle. I'll tell you what's happened. Now they're saying put your babies on their back,

don't put them on their side, like put them on their back to sleep, and there has been something like an 80-something percent increase in deformed heads. Flat heads. Flat heads. Suicide, sex, religion and swaddling. So, we did those three. Give her enough rope.

Let's get off swaddling for one second. Yeah, because I saw you glaze so badly, you little cunts. Come back to me. you'll have a baby so we are actually planning to adopt a baby into this podcast so it's fiona o'loughlin she's gone through this massive transformation she's shed all this white she's looking pretty hot and all of a sudden she's big king shit you little cunts who run this i I'm out on a date. I don't need you. Ooh, I'm Jenny on the block. I'm not that person. I know.

Let's get on to that because you're on a date later after this episode, which is awesome. But I just want to say this. Taking a young comic out? No. Tommy Little? No, you heard about the date, the accidental date. No.

You talked about that last time you were on the show, the comedy festival? Yes. So the guy that I accidentally had the date with. No. You talked about that last time you were on the show, at the comedy festival? Yes. So, the guy that I accidentally had the date with. Yes. Quick flashback. You went on a date. You accidentally went on the date with the wrong person. How?

The deal was that... Someone talked to Fiona on the street and she went, well, you must be my date. No, because he was standing right where the date was going to be. Someone said, would you like to buy this copy of Big Issue? And you said, oh, my date's here. Where are we going?

It had been a Facebook thing. I was chatting with this guy on Facebook. We finally decided to meet. Oh, I couldn't have another piece of rice. I think I might have some more yogurt. So you know where the, at the front of the art centre where you put the money in? It's called the fountain. The fountain, yes.

So he was right where the fountain was and I went, hi. Imagine looking up Webster's Dictionary. He went, Fiona. The place where you put the money in. And I just presumed he was my date. Okay. When you say he was right out the front of the fountain, was he fishing money out of the fountain?

No, no. Was he in scuba gear? I was so excited. I'm like, wow, I thought someone off Facebook would be a bit of a dick. Was he painted bronze and standing really still? I don't want to fuck. I love you, Tony. I love those guys and I've always wanted to do a routine about it,

but Mike Wilmot's routine, that was just Murray. Oh, I haven't seen it. I've heard it. Murray, you're killing your mother and I. Murray. He says to this. Yeah, he doesn't know. He talks about the guy going, I'm going to work now.

And they look at him and he just freezes. Oh, that's so graphic. And Murray's father goes, you know, he's pretty good. Murray, look at your mother. You're killing us. You're killing us. It's always good when people come on the show and just do other people's material. Always a favourite of ours here at the Little Dum Dum Club.

Do you reckon Wilmot would be listening to Little Dum Dum? I reckon he would. Maybe he would. Because he's had a change too. Yeah. Yeah. Mike Wilmot's shed a lot of weight. Shed a lot of weight.

You've got to be very careful in our age how much you shed. Because people think you haven't got long. Because you look like you've got cancer. Yeah, right. Because everyone goes up to Mike and goes, oh, man, are you? And he goes, no, this is a healthy choice. Yeah, yeah. Because he was.

He was, yeah. Yeah. He was a big dude. He was a bulky guy. Your skin doesn't bounce back, you know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. yeah No you're right Because I did exactly the same thing

I said the same thing to him In that horrible way Of going up to someone And going How's things How you been Yeah How

Have you got any plans For the next 36 months Or just How long have you got You know What's that Biggest fattest pig loser At the show I hate that I think that's it Big what's that biggest, fattest pig loser at the show?

I hate that. I think that's it. Biggest loser? Yeah. Okay, so fattest pig. Yeah, pig wasn't in there. I think I should call it fattest pig. Oh, that's the reverse where you're just trying to put on weight.

You've got to do it well before you turn 30. Like if you're going to lose 35 kilos at the age of 50, yeah, you're going to be thinner. Because you end up with a bit of a flunt. Yeah, and your face, your age, terrible. It's a flap that comes over. Oh, yeah. That's the flunt.

It's not the gunt. It's a flunt. I thought it was a gunt. No, that's when you haven't lost the weight. Right. It's when it's just a flap of skin. It's a flunt. It's good at the moment, Lawrence of skin. It's a flunt.

It's good at the moment, Lawrence, because you're wearing a puffy North Face jacket and I'm sort of looking at you imagining that it's actually a really thin jacket and you've just bolted right up. He's wearing a wetsuit. I've been following a pretty healthy eating regime because I'm very conscious of my weight going on the television. Yeah, sure. And that healthy eating regime is starve yourself so you look good on the television. Do you like being on television?

I love it. Do you? Yeah. I love it so much. Wow. It's been a long-held dream. Yeah. And I didn't realize how much of a dream it was until I ended up on TV and just went,

oh, I've watched so much TV, always wanting to be in that little box. Wow. And now I'm on it and I'm the best at it in the world. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. But I don't have any, like, what I love about… Confidence in me. No, no.

I'm really happy for you Yeah It's something that holds no Like so I don't have to feel envy or like Oh good Like I just It's not something I would want But I'm so happy that you're happy

Because whenever you speak to Fleety And you tell him about something Some success He pretends to be happy for a nanosecond and then just goes, can you give me that? Can you lend me that? You can't pawn the host of Dirty Laundry Live down a cash converter, Fleety. You can't do that.

I reckon he'd find a way. Well, any regular listeners of this show, Lawrence, might be surprised to know that you have been allowed back on the TV for a second season. I'm talking specifically. Third season. Third season, sorry. That is pretty cool.

Specifically anyone who was at the recent drunk cast that we did. Right. At the Melbourne Comedy Festival. So I just want to do one little Dirty Laundry bit. So the show started. It's on Thursday nights at 9.30 on the ABC. On ABC1, you graduated. So I'm lucky enough to be doing a bit of behind the scenes writing on it,

which is excellent. But what I love is the hierarchy of – like, you know, writing on a show is a lot of fun for me. I really like it. But, you know, you always hear stories about how lowly the writers are treated in a way, and I always think, oh, that's exaggerated. Like, that's sort of silly. You know, writers are treated in a way and I always think oh that's exaggerated like that's sort of silly uh you know writers are important on a tv show but what I loved is last Thursday the first episode back uh it was a great episode we sat in and watched the whole

thing and at the end of the show everyone's so happy you were so happy Lawrence you came out the end thanked all the audience after the show had recorded thanked everyone said thank you so much for coming audience thank you to the panelists. Thank you to all the producers, the behind-the-scenes people, the caterers. Security. Security and the writers. And the writers came – what I loved is the writers came after the catering and there was no caterers.

You. Who are you? There was no caterers. You. For dinner, we got takeaway Japanese. There was no caterers and we got thanked after that. I loved it. I've got to say that only a writer would see the grim.

Rather than you saved us for top billing, you gave us an afterthought after Takeaway Japanese. Yeah, you were the headliner. I get on stage and going, oh, jeez, I'm going on after that guy who's not as good as me. We went on after the caterers. What is it like to, because I have wanted to say this

and yeah, I'd like to say it now. I think the question is, how did you get that? No, no. How did you get that? No, when you've got as many friends as you have that are other comedians possibly looking for a gig, like that's – and I already want to let you off the hook.

I think that I never want to be on – To come between us. I never want to be on your show. Why would you say that? No, in the sense that – No, no, you're letting me off the hook. I totally… I think that's a very magnanimous thing to do.

But it's not even magnanimous, Lawrence. But no, it's not magnanimous. No, it's a thank you. Yeah, because I love what you and I can do live and this sort of nonsense. And behind closed doors. But obviously we weaken every now and then. We're only flesh. We're only doors. Obviously, we weaken every now and then. We're only flesh. We're only human.

Yeah, we're only human. And you can only take me to places. But I've kind of wanted to say it to you since the beginning. It's not – I think – Easy to say now when two seasons have gone past and he hasn't asked you on. Jesus Christ, if it came down to – I'd like to invite you down to do the catering on the show if you could, Fiona.

I'll never, ever get that. You're never coming on. Yeah, good. Why not our show but fucking Good News Week? Yeah. All through your shambolic fucking career. Why don't you want to be on Lawrence's show? It's not that I don't want to be.

Sorry, I shouldn't say shambolic career. No, it has been a shambolic career. Let's come on. We're not on this podcast to fucking... To polish a turd. No, it's not that I don't want to be. It's just that it was not something I yearn or ever want from you

to help me get on that. I'm starting to take offense now. It's in fucking fine hands, that show. Do you know what I mean? It's actually, fine hands That show Do you know what I mean? It's actually You know I don't feel Excessive pressure

From any of my Contemporaries Or friends I've never seen Such an intense Case of reverse psychology Happening here before But

Oh no That's not what I was Playing at I'm too dumb To I'm too dumb For be that fucking cunning. No, you play dumb.

You're not dumb. No, I'm not dumb. You're very, very… Prove it. Put her on your show. Television is not my love. How long have you been doing this? How long have you been in the gig in the world of the biz? How long have you been doing this gig? How long have you been in the gig in the world of the biz?

You know, how long have you been doing it? I went professional in 2000. I'm 21 years this year. Yes, you are. My 21st birthday. I remember my most, I may have said this on a podcast before, but I've never forgotten walking into the Peter Cook bar and you and I knew each other well enough,

but you'd just been nominated for your second Barry and you were on the highest high. No, just deliciously grinning from ear to ear and life was, you were kicking goals. 2002. Yeah. Went through a lot of tough years. Now I'm back. Now you're years Now I'm back Now you're back

I'm back down the fury road Where do you belong? I'm I'm I'm Max My My name's Max Now that you're on ABC1

Do you reckon you're Showbiz wise Do you reckon you're powerful enough To start smiting people who Stood in your way in those dark years No I just want to see you just really turning. No, and I reckon that, you know, vengeance is not a good idea.

You've got to let it go. And what you become good at is letting it go. And sure, you harbour resentments and think, you know, if I get a chance to crush you, I will. Why do you keep winking at me as you say this? Have you got a shit list? It's involuntary. Have you got the shit list on your bedroom wall?

No, I really haven't. There's people that I don't hold in very high esteem. Sure. And there's people that don't turn me on comically or intellectually. But I don't, certainly don't have a shit list at all. Right. Yeah, I very much walk away and leave it alone and live your life and let people live theirs.

Yeah. When I get blind and just take a handful of whatever at the end of the festival and decide. Where do you get your handful of whatever? I'm not telling you. You can't be trusted. All the kids are taking Ritalin and Dexys nowadays Oh are they gone Because it's an ADHD drug

I should have Yeah I should have pretended It's not speed made by a bike in a back room No but you get so much housework done on Ritalin Dexy's probably a good time to mention We're doing our live Perth show in October Tickets probably on sale soon LittleDumbDumbClub.com

Yeah we were there last October And we got offered a lot of Dexys. Yeah. I'd never even heard of Dexys before. Dexys, it's like speed. Well, yes. It's pharmaceutical amphetamine. Dexy is a particular type of amphetamine and then Ritalin is a brand that has another type of amphetamine in it.

Right. Because when… But it's kind of counterintuitive. You'd think ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, why are you giving them speed? But it stimulates a particular part of the brain that helps to focus. To focus, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, so when I get in that state and I'm being deliberately provocative and playfully abusive. I'll just start, you know, ragging on any old person. Does the person in your head understand that you're being playfully abusive? I'm not doing – like any comedian, I would never do it to them, to their face. It's just for the amusement of others. I know.

I'll pick a soft target and then just – And off we go. Off we go. And it's hilarious. And it is so much fun. And I hope that people do it to me in my absence. Well, I have no fear of it being done to me, except... It is.

By me. Well, then it's in safe hands. And my sister, Emily, the thing... It's just being done properly. I do it to her about you two and she loves it. Because she does the best impression of me and that's why. I so – I've used and needed television to get this dial on the box just for – Ticket sales.

Ticket sales. Ticket sales. I just love Life Centre and that's what I want to do forever. And you're great at it. And I'm about as famous as I care to be, you know. Sure. But – You'd love to be massively –

No, I wouldn't. Joan Rivers famous. No, I really wouldn't. Really? No. You like your little anonymity. Yeah, I do And I walk Freely through the streets of Melbourne Because nobody actually

Expects me to be a dwarf I'm so much shorter than people think And I just go incognito And in your bare feet You are hilariously small You walk around going on accidental dates Why would you want anything to change? That's the best. For men who are

attracted to Fiona O'Loughlin, let me tell you, she is little pocket rocket. That's your genre. There's a height requirement on dirty laundry anyway. You can't come on the ride if you're not 120 centimetres.

come on the ride. Maybe one day. You've got to be 120 centimetres. The only way. And have the IQ of an eight-year-old. I would like to act. That might be one way I end up on the box. But I would only love to act in a story that I really believe in. Okay.

This is a fun game. Name the character that you'd love to play. It doesn't have to be a you know, a character from Shakespeare or an existing show. The type of character you would love to play. Oh, like Laura Linney in The Big C. I love Laura Linney. I love her too and I've loved her.

Now, what's The Big C? I don't know whether I've seen that. She plays her own age. I think she's about 50. Now, her husband in the show is a Mexican stand-up, deadly famous. Anyway. Ray Romano.

No, Mexican. He's Italian. Ray Romano. Anyway, she's dying. She has melanoma and it's a dark comedy and it's delicious and it's so wild and wonderful and that's the kind of, yeah, if you've got a role like that. So a bleak character but a dark comedy.

Yeah. Right. And she's awesome and she always has been. What would yours be, Lawrence? What show would you insert yourself into? I would love to play the role of a violent psychopath along the lines of

Ben Kingsley from Sexy Beast. Yeah. I will fucking open you like a tin of beans, you fucking whore. Do you want me to strike? You look at me like that again, I'll tell you, you're fucking I am! You are so untapped. We haven't got time to do everything we've got to do.

Well, this... Shut it! You fucking toilet. That's good, I really do. Do you want to slap? I'd just love to be a fucking... I'd just... Do you do characters at home in front of your kids?

Like, just pretend to be... You do one of the drunk characters. I do that character at home. I'm like, don't. No. I do them all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not feeling myself today.

Is anyone there for taking my antidepressants? Oh, Tess, you could help. You're my PA. What I pay you, love. And it just amuses me. You could help. You're my PA. What I pay you, love.

And it just amuses me. I realised recently that I dick around too much to try and amuse the children. And they kind of tacitly said to me without saying to me. My two-year-old did. She was like, she came up and just went, dada, as if to say. Knock it off. Hey, relax, baby. Just relax, pal.

I don't need the faces and the whole picking me up, throwing me in the air the whole time. I don't need you to come hopping past the doorway for my amusement. Just relax. It's your house. Make a piece of toast, you fucking idiot. And just settle down. Her first full sentence is going to be, is this gear?

Yeah, you don't have to. I love you for who you are. I don't want to be on your show. I was pretty stoned at the time and I could see her saying that to me and I was like, oh. Why are you stoned at breakfast? I'm stoned all the time. Is that right? Trying to give up the booze.

Yes, can we work our way back around to what I was starting to say before? to breakfast. It's turned all the time. Is that right? Trying to give up the booze. Well, yes. Can we work our way back around to what I was starting to say before? I'm working my way back to you, babe. Oh, I do want to. With a burning love inside. What are you saying? I'm working my way back to you. What?

You and I sat in the front of my place. Don't go breaking my heart. We sang Don't Go Breaking My Heart. Just a pair of us. Two old sad comics. Shut it, you toilet. Shut it or I'll open you like a tin of beans, you clam-faced fucker. The Drunk Cast, which many of our listeners were at in Melbourne.

Hey, everyone. Last night at the Comedy Festival. Unrecorded festivity of the Melbourne Comedy Festival. We won't go into specifics about what you did during the show, but it's become quite legendary. Well, okay, cool. You got nude. I got my pants down.

Yes. And I got her gear off. Yes. She had pantyhose and undies on. Yes. Tried to duck her and she dropped to the ground in a defensive kind of a way. Yes. I wasn't being untoward or sexually.

Apart from pulling her pants down. You're being quite the gentleman apart from that. Good evening, Ms. Edmonds. She has got the funniest bones, that girl. So I had my pants around my ankles because I had boots on. I couldn't. It always ends up with. It ended up.

It was a terrible night. No, it was the greatest. Yeah, it was a great night. It had boots on. I couldn't. Oh, it always ends up with boots. It ended up. It was a terrible night. No, it was the greatest night. Yeah, it was a great night. It had repercussions. Yeah. I lost my phone. Well, I smashed it. Josh Earl saw me smash it.

Oh, boy. And then I had it in my pocket. Then I lost it in an Uber. And I just woke up the next day and was like, oh, no, not again. But you don't go under like I go under, like with guilt and remorse. Like you bounce back in a couple of days? Yeah. I was in Sydney that night.

Right. Smashing it at the festival. Oh, really? Actually, the next day. Yeah, because, yeah, the next day, because you had such a big night where even we were all poleaxed. We were all gone and we were still able to sort of go, oh, Mooney's real bad. Like what's going to happen?

Because Rhys Nicholson who was there was telling me that after the gig there was a moment where I was on the ground. By the way, I was wearing a white T-shirt that night that was filthy the next day. I've washed it seven times since then. It's still dirty. I don't know what's on it but it around Tommy I know how to do it You need a cold wash

A very long cold wash And then a very hot wash with a white king I'm going to take you up on that I reckon you've done laundry seven times since Festival But anyway go on with your story I definitely have Go on with your story I'm on the ground

You were on top of me Humping me quite violently apparently And Rhys Nicholson was trying to break us apart and I was saying no no it's fine we're just mucking around it's cool it's cool and then you're like no it's not fine what we couldn't see was that there was a pile

of broken glass next to us that I was rapidly being pushed into and he's there with all of the context going, no, no, no, no, no, and I'm there going, it's fine. I'm having fun with my friends. Oh, my God.

I'd completely forgotten about that. Well, the next day. God, just humping you into broken glass. I did have my pants up at that stage. You were quiet. It could have been worse, you know. That's a pretty sweet metaphor for the whole drunk cast Just being humped into broken glass I had a lot of fun with Dave Anthony that night

Because we were role playing What would happen If we were in prison Now some people might think this is a Really kind of like wow It's not that subtle a set up to try and have sex With men Lawrence Now some people might think this is a really kind of like, wow, it's not that subtle a setup to try and have sex with men, Lawrence, but that's essentially what it is.

So if I was in prison with you, Dave Anthony, this is what I'd do. He's like, are you going to rape me again? It's like, yeah. The next day, so you were that bad. The next day we were all like, oh. Like honestly, there was quite a few text messages Going around going Does anyone know if Mooney's okay At all

Is he Has he survived I got kicked out of the high five bar Paulie Who's head of security Came over and took the beer off me And he goes Mate

I'm concerned And you should go home now What time was this And To Defend myself I And he said, yeah.

I heard you got carried into the Hi-Fi bar that night and carried out. I don't know how that works. Then I called an Uber. So I had the presence of mind to do that. On a broken phone. Yeah, and on the phone. So I got in the car and just passed out. Phone on the floor, get out of my place.

I remember looking at my watch and it was 4.30. I thought, oh, that's not too bad. But this is what really disturbed me about that night. So I thought, that's 4.30. And then I went, I don't know, to the kitchen maybe. Anyway, I'm woken up in the back room at 8.30. Lou, my wife, comes in and says, Loz, what are you doing?

And I was standing, staring at the wall, fully dressed. I looked at her and just went, what? She goes, what are you doing? And I said, I don't know. She said, how long have you been there? I got home at 4.30. What's the time now? She said, it's 8.30.

She goes, sweetheart. And that's when I became a little bit distressed. But you lucky fucker. You've got a partner who's going, sweetheart. Sweetheart, you need to lie down. My partner was like. Take your shoes off. Not sweetheart.

You're going to sleep like a cow in a paddock. You need to move out. You need to fuck off. We don't want you anymore. You disgraceful. You're so sexist and wrong. And that's the only time I ever feel anger. Against you. I'm so sympathetic.

Because I'm like the female you. I'm so sympathetic to people who are in a bad way. If they've hung over, I will do anything for someone who's hung over. If they go, I feel shit, I go, well, let's sort this out. You've got to start with some painkillers. Get up. Get your clothes off. Have a shower.

Get back to bed. I'll look after you. Not, all right. Yeah, and pointing out what you did. I am so willing to give drunks absolution. And I will also never, I'm not one of those people that goes, oh, how did you pull up, you know? Yeah.

Oh, you should have seen you last night. Oh, fuck off and die. Anything I hear come out of a drunk's mouth is like, whatever. Fuck off and die the longest death, you dead cunt. Yeah. Somebody can say to me, you're a piece of shit. It's like, yeah. Yeah, got you.

No worries. Six streets ahead of you there. Fuck it. Yeah. I love them. So the next day, so we're genuinely concerned. I'm getting messages, emails around. We're down the group of, you know,

the community of comedians going, is Moon alive? Is this the last we've seen of him as he's being carried badass out of the pub? And then no one had heard anything. And then someone walked into Spleen that night and we're still going, have you heard from Moonie? Have you heard from Moonie? I tried to text you twice. River Phoenix.

Someone said. Last time I saw him getting pushed out of the hi-fi bar. Yeah. It's hard for those security too because they've got to push you upstairs, not throw you downstairs. Yeah, throw you upstairs. They've got to throw you into the place and carry you out. Yeah.

Right. So I finally, someone walks in and finally someone goes, oh, yeah, Mooney's all right. I'm like, how do you know? He said, oh, we just heard him on the radio just then. He was live on radio. walks in and finally someone goes oh yeah mooney's all right i'm like how do you know he said oh we just heard him on radio just then he was live on radio oh yeah i did 774 that night you were on abc radio and you were talking about the subject had come up that someone had hired a stripper for a wedding and you were going oh what the fuck would you do that for getting naked in front of

that many people at a social function what sort of piece of shit would do that let's rewind about 18 hours oh my god barely even eight probably closer to like six at that point i saw tommy little um a couple of days later i'm having a cigarette and it's quite illegal. I'm happy to pay the fine if there's a fine. I don't know whether it's fine. I think that these guys have been allowed to use this premises on good will. I don't think I've actually asked.

So anyway, this will be interesting. We're recording this in the offices of the Anti-Cancer Council, by the way. If you stopped it would be awesome. Hey? If you stopped it would be awesome. Oh? If you stopped it would be awesome. Oh, okay. So you're worried about it. Yeah.

All right. All right. We'll just have one more drag. Let's all pass it around. Great. You got any of those Dexys? Of course. I was going on my first date in eight years.

I'm a bit nervy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a bit nervy as well, actually. Sorry, I'm putting it out, Tom. I'll tell you what it's a good idea before you go on your first date. Stink your breath up. It's a good plan. He's not getting a kiss.

Just wash your mouth out of that fountain. Right, sorry about that. So, anyway, I ran into wash your mouth out of that fountain. Right. Sorry about that. So anyway, I ran into Tommy Little a couple of days later. At least there's no video evidence of that happening anyway. So that'll be good. This won't get brought up. Good. There's no record.

I'm changing my name again when I wake up tomorrow. You saw Tommy Little? And he said, I heard you on the radio. And I said, yeah, yeah. It had been a big day. And he goes, yeah, you on the radio. And I said, yeah, yeah, it had been a big day. And he goes, yeah, you sounded completely devoid of joy. I remembered something the other day that I'd never even told on, you know, in any comedy or anything. Anyway, it was years and years ago

and it was the first dinner party we went to in Alice Springs. And so newlyweds and we're at this dinner party and it was about midnight and Chris, my husband, said, oh, I've got cricket tomorrow so we better get going. But I was flying, you know. Dinner party was just kicking in. And I said, well, you go and I'll catch a cab home. dinner party was just kicking in. And I said, well, you go and I'll catch a cab home.

And anyway, all of a sudden it was like the time just went. As it does, there's a slippery kind of wormhole around about 11 o'clock or midnight where you just go, what time is it? Oh, it's only half past 12. You go, wow, this is awesome. What time is it? Ten past four. Yeah, yeah, yeah., it's only half past 12. You go, wow, this is awesome. What time is it? 10 past 4. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's 8.30.

I'm staring at a wall and I've got to be on the ABC radio in two seconds. I've got to ring Rose Chong and tell them the costume will come back tomorrow. I've got to cancel the appointment with my accountant. I can't make that lunch date. Why do I always book up on Monday after festival when I know the only thing I'll be doing today is going to Telstra to get a new phone and then going to 774 to whinge about not winning the ballet. What costume were you bringing back to Rose Chong?

Because you weren't wearing it on Sunday night. You were wearing nothing. Because you weren't wearing it on Sunday night. You were wearing nothing. I did a little sketch playing the German co-pilot in the German Wings disaster. Some people may not find that funny, but it had edge. I heard it went very well. I thought you were going to say like your costume that you'd hired

was just like the casual clothes That you were wearing that night So that you can then sort of Return them to someone The next day In like a real kind of Cleansing like That Lawrence is gone That was just a costume

I had on That was just a character It's interesting He's back onto the hangar What if you go into The costume shop And you get a Lawrence Mooney costume It's just got

Spew down the front of it No pants Sweat No pants It's really spew What down the front of it. No pants. No pants. It's really spew. What if you fuckers just let me finish my story? You know, that would be nice.

Anyway, so you're flying. You don't know where the time's gone. Yeah, no. And it was at my husband's brother's house. And he brought out Drambuie, which was my favourite drink of all time, Drambuie. You have it with a beer chaser in heaven. With some scotch and make a rusty nail.

Anyway, all of a sudden, it was like the young ones, you know, when the time just would go around and all of a sudden it's morning and there was my husband in his cricket whites. It was 8 o'clock in the morning. He'd come to pick me up. I was still at the dinner party. I was still drinking Drambuies with this hilarious brother-in-law who's a dentist. And anyway, so Chris picked me up and he dropped me off.

But the thing is, in Alice Springs, most houses are ex-housing commission because the whole thing's built on government housing. So every house looks the same, in my defence. Anyway, I found my house and Chris went off to cricket and I put myself to bed. I need to be woken up at three o'clock in the afternoon by three bank johnnies, that's what we used to call them back then, boys who worked in the bank.

Right, bank johnnies. Three bank johnnies sitting on my bed and I'm like what the hell why are you in my house and I'd gone two houses down Goldilocks Goldilocks and the three bank johnnies

sounds like a pretty sus porno to me I put myself to bed in the wrong house Oh Lachlan Lachs and the three bank johnnies Bank johnnies three bank johnnies. Bank johnnies. Three bank johnnies. Porridge.

I've got this nickname for the people that I go to sleep in their house of that I don't know, and I call them bank johnnies. And I screamed at them, get out. What are you doing? No, no, no. Get out of your house. I've had a similar experience with you in Los Angeles. Oh, that was hilarious Where I wake up and you're going

What are you doing in my bed? Get out! And I was like, no, you're in my bed You drank my mini bar I took your boots off but I didn't have a look Because you were taking inventory of, you know, the night before And I was like, oh, oh, oh Because usually with alcohol comes a lot of gloom and doubt and regret

because it's a downer of a drug. And I woke up. Such a downer. And I'm like, no, no. Lawrence fell off the wagon because you'd been. Nine months dry. Nine months. I stepped off the wagon.

Yeah. I'm like, no, no, we got kicked off Dancing with the Stars. Let's call it Dancing with the Stars. Last Comic Standing. Okay, no. Last Comic Dancing. We don't have Dancing with the Stars. We got kicked off. Let's call it Dancing with the Stars. Last Comic Standing. Okay. No. Last Comic Dancing. We don't have to fly till two.

No. Nothing. No. We had a joint and we had too much. No. Everything's fine. Lovely. Go back to sleep.

Turn around and there's fucking Lawrence Mooney. There's Mike Tyson and his tiger in your bathroom. In my bed. And I lost my shit. And I just said, get that. What the fuck are you doing in my bed? You're in my bed. Shut up. You? In my bed. And I lost my shit. And I just said, get that. What the fuck are you doing in my bed? You're in my bed. Shut up, you're in my bed.

And you said that you took my boots off. Because I was on top of the... Yeah, I said, I took your boots off and don't worry, I didn't have a look. And when you told Bob Franklin that story, he goes, wouldn't be so sure. I love that. I've never heard such an elaborately crafted yet so obviously fake lie to try and cover up two people having sex overseas you guys fucked in la just say it that's cool that's fine the funniest can you imagine the human tragedy of us coupling sexually coupling and and know, it'd be like some kind of new level of a video game.

It's like bling, bling, bling. You have created some horrific hole in the fucking stratosphere through which you will step and live a miserable life. So, should we get back to what the topic for this episode should be? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to actually bring that up because... We've got some good suggestions. Let's finish with what topic it should be.

What should it have been? What should it have been? A PS. Where it should have been at the start. I'm just going to get my laptop. Hey, mates. G'day, dickhead. So, we put it out to the listeners last night on Twitter and Facebook

about what the topic should be, given we've had three big subjects in the first three episodes that we had with you guys. And what did your one fan say? Give me a high five this time. Well, we halved our listenership in the last hour. This has been some ep. Still ignore the high five.

What's that? Have you learnt nothing from this episode? What are you talking about? That's a high five. You are fucking with me. No, I'm not. You're. Yeah, there we go.

There we go. I think they picked up on mine too. That sounded good. Yeah, we have. So, yeah, we put it out there. A lot of people said, what did they say? They said like hate, addiction, politics. Mental health, I saw.

Some pretty big subjects that we've all ignored so far. What do they both think of the two of you? Yeah, yeah. Gutsy ones. And then we had this response on Twitter from our old friend. Why don't you try and hump Tommy into some broken glass? One guy went, how to deal with real estate agents? Oh, wow.

Imagine that for a whole hour. No, well, let's imagine this one for a whole hour. Our friend on Twitter, at Clovertouchoz, suggested. This is the full suggestion over three tweets. Suggestioni. Here it is. Not listened to the podcast yet. Oh, okay.

Good start. Never listened, but here's my suggestion. Not listened to the podcast yet. Not you, it's me. But a suggestion, if I may. What about, you talk about the day you ate something, thinking it was something else, and had to just act casual. For example, you bit into a mince pie and it was a party pie, et cetera.

Or wasabi slash avocado, old tea slash morning coffee, just get back from a run, straight vodka, water, could be just me, guys. I love the number of examples just to get the ball rolling, just to inspire some discussion. I like the first one. Remember the day that you bit into a mince pie and it was a party pie instead? What a taste sensation that was. Just the shock of thinking it was mince.

Sounds like a Boxing Day mistake, doesn't it? I have made that exact mistake before, bitten into a mince pie. Well, have we got an hour worth of battery? Let's get stuck into it. Here we go. Once I bit into a banana and I got into a bag of... Don't listen. bit into a banana and I don't even know what I'm talking about. Don't listen,

you egghead. I like when she said, now we're bagging her out on the... Is it a she? I thought the... Is Clover Touch Oz, is that a male or a female handle? Go into their media, look at the inside of their house. It was when I was 13 and mum had a hysterectomy

and my younger sister, Emily. Looking forward to tying this into a mince pie. Anyway, they cut a worm out and I thought it was a bun. Happy Easter. And the ovaries. This isn't a muscle. Emily and I had to go and stay with my mother's sister. And she had, and Emily was just about to walk,

and mum was in hospital having this hysterectomy, and I kept pushing Emily down. Like, you've got. Oh, you've got to wait. You've got to wait. Your mum has to see you take your first steps So Oh

Yeah it was kind of a very Cute Kind of stunt Special time Me and little Millie I've got to say she's the star of Open Slather She's a great comic actress Your sister

She's a fucking genius Yeah she's great And I mean she's been part of the McAuliffe ensemble On Mad As Hell For what five seasons And before that she was part of Comedy Inc for ten years She's been a foot soldier for so long McAuliffe ensemble, I'm Mad As Hell, for what, five seasons? And before that she was part of Comedy Inc. for ten years. She's been a foot soldier for so long.

She is a fucking star, Emily Tarnany. Still hasn't started walking yet. Yeah, she can't walk. You've really got to cut that cord for your own letter. Anyway, so Aunty Genevieve had Bridge. She had women coming for Bridge. And the whole front, and she was a have and we were have-nots. They had a lot of

money in a really beautiful house and anyway she had women coming for bridge and i walked into the good room and there were all these um on every table was a bowl of scorched almonds and you know lollies lollies in the tahini household were few and far between scorched almonds aren't lollies they're just shit. Well, I think they're fantastic. Have you ever been into something thinking it was a scorched almond? I stuck six scorched almonds in my mouth and then my auntie walked in and then my taste buds realised that they weren't scorched almonds.

They were olives. And I had to keep the straightest face with a face full of olives and I'd never had an olive. So my mind was going, what the fuck? Well, there you go, Clover Touch Oz. Thanks for bringing that up. It paid off. Yeah, and thanks because that is some good podcasting there.

I'll bring it. I'll bring it. Well, it paid off. Thank you, Clover Touch Oz. Clover Touch. I'd feel bad about bagging this person out but by their own admission, they don't listen. Yeah.

And I think now they can say it's not them, it is us. Yeah. It is us now. We're making them want to not listen. I kind of thought we were – I came in here thinking we were talking about bitterness and hatred. Well, I'm at least thinking about it now. Really?

I prefer not. I'll save it for very few. Oh, you want to give us a touch of... I'll give you a quote to go on with. If you hate someone, you're their prisoner. I like that a lot. It's good. That just stopped Fiona from telling us a sweet, juicy hate story.

So I don't like it that much. No, I've had to keep a lid on it. I tend to agree with my mother that hate is a very strong word. Yeah, I don't like it that much. No, I've had to keep a lid on it. I would tend to agree with my mother that hate is a very strong word. Yeah, I don't think I hate anyone, but by hell I hate injustice. Yeah. It's hard to get to the root of it though, isn't it? Yeah. You know, there's perpetrators, but are they just part of the system?

Well, because you don't know their backstory. Yeah, that's right. You know, I've wasted so much time. I hate what the Catholic Church has done to victims of pedophilia and its refusal to take responsibility and to come clean and they're still you know, mucking around with, I'm not too sure

if I remember or I'm sure that this person was told that all this pre-barricade bullshit. To be fair though, that could be a classic case of putting something into your mouth and thinking it's something else. Hey, mate. The old clover touch. I got that high five.

You know, I've been so busy, you know, being angry at the church and the priests. What about what else was going on? What about the Holy Father himself? Why doesn't he come down to earth and set things straight? God, are you there? God! Bloody God. Part of his design.

Jesus. At the very same time. Jesus. His only son. There were women allowing men in Catholic families to be every bit as wicked as a priest. Are you going to talk about your vote? No, I'm not.

I'm just saying, we keep wanting you know, we've shot a rat on fucking pedophiles in the church. Throw a fucking rock at the church, you'll hit a pedophile. What do you think?

That's what I've always said. Pedophiles just don't exist anymore. They've gone into foster. They foster children now. They'll find a way. Pedophiles just use the church. It's the biggest health problem, I reckon, in this country, and there's no public health campaign.

Where's the billboard that says, if you think you're likely to sexually offend against a child, call a hotline. Absolutely. There's nowhere for a pedophile to go. Yeah. There's nowhere for them to reach out. And the thing is, if you keep driving them underground, they're still vilified for obvious

reasons. But there's no public health campaign. Yeah. You know, there's Slip, Slop, Slap and the Quit campaign and Wipe Off Five and all of that stuff, and it's had tremendous effect. But no government is going to say, where's the pedophile hotline?

Yeah. Because that's what's needed. And it's the biggest fucking health problem in this country because you fuck a child up sexually, they are fucked for life unless they're extraordinary individuals. Right. And it still happens all the time. Were you thinking that speech up when you were staring at the wall for four hours?

I got that. I worked that out the morning after. The drugs that I took really helped me become to form a white paper on how to best deal with pedophilia in this country. So it does need a decent brain wrapped around it. Like who would choose to be born with a predisposition to be turned on by a child? Yeah. Okay, you need to not be called. And that's what comes first.

It's like, yeah, sexually aroused by children and then acting on the impulse and then ignoring the fact that you're going to destroy somebody's life and then you're in some kind of hell yeah from which there is no escape because you can't tell anyone about what you're doing yeah apart from networks whether it's other pedophiles yeah to start exchanging images or videos or information and it's an underground thing in the dark web and it needs a billboard it really does i agree with you they've got it you've got to invite you've got to invite them into the tent to evolve through this stuff well how about we do this this is this is a little comedy comedy podcast it was i changed the genre for this week's one. It was.

So what we might do is we were thinking about doing this. You've got Movember, which is a great cause. Things like Capral that we went through. What we wanted to do, because of the first episode we did with you two when we talked about suicide, what we wanted to do is start up a little campaign, a small campaign within Little Dumb Dumb Club. We'll put it on Facebook and Twitter and all that sort of stuff.

What we want to start is coming into now, we want to make June into June Northern. Oh, get out. Yeah. We should say this was a listener suggestion. A listener emailed this in to us. We read this out at the end of last year. So today's June 2nd.

Yes. June 2nd of June Northern. This will be coming out of June 3rd so we do the month of June if Dumb Dumb listeners want to chuck in, we're going to start up a little online campaign and if you want to chuck in any money that basically makes us

feel a lot better for making jokes about the Westgate and does other people some mighty good. Well the suggestion that the listeners sent us was maybe your listeners could send you photos of them with a vacuum cleaner cord wrapped around them. And then they donate some money to Beyond Blue as they send you the photo. That's going to be quite the photo album. So Beyond Blue would be where the money goes?

I think that's the best way. Awesome. That's a great idea. And so the symbol rather than, you know, a red ribbon for AIDS or a red nose for SIDS or a white ribbon for, you know, is it domestic abuse or is it abuse of women? You know when you just smacked me? Your head into the bench?

That's all white ribbon shit. Yeah, that's white ribbon. That comes under the banner of white ribbon. You demented, thundering fucking cunt. Shut it or I'll end you. You toilet. Okay, I do not intend to make light of violence against women and not address it.

So maybe the whole June Northern symbol can be a little plug with a retractable cord. Awesome. I love it. I love it. That's a good little badge too or fridge magnet. And that vacuum cleaner is about to – I'm about to sell it. Here we go.

Because I'm moving. Maybe we should auction it. Can we auction it off? Let's auction our money to charity. Yeah, let's do it. If you've ever been to Fiona's place, it's never been used to vacuum. Well, it's been used once. It's only been used once to try and end a human life.

This, for anyone who's maybe suspicious. Come down to Godfrey's this Saturday. We've got vacuum cleaners with retractable cords. Are you sick of the endless existential angst? Have you got a nihilistic need to finalise this horrible existence? Put an end to the disease. Retractable cords. Extension cords.

Any cords. Down at Godfrey's this week. Also, is your lounge room a bit dusty? Because we can do that. End yourself at Godfrey's this week. Also, is your lounge room a bit dusty? Because we can do that. End yourself a Godfrey's this weekend. We can get rid of your dust fairies and turn you into one. Okay, so maybe the last week of the month we'll put it up on... That vacuum cleaner's going nowhere.

It's in your house. Yeah, we'll put the vacuum cleaner up on eBay the last week of the month. What brand is it? It's a Hoover. Why don't we just do it now? It's a cute little white Hoover. It's a Hoover. It's in your hands. Yeah. We'll put the vacuum cleaner up on eBay the last week of the month. What brand is it? It's a Hoover. Oh, what did we just do it now? It's a cute little white Hoover. It's a Hoover. It's a Hoover.

It's a cute little white thing. Oh, nice. And it's got a red retractable cord. I know. I've got one of those as well. We'll get a certificate of authenticity. We'll get an autographed vacuum cleaner by Fiona. We'll all sign it.

Yeah, we'll all sign it. Great. Great. We'll sign the vacuum cleaner. This is going to be great. And all the money will go to Beyond Blue. Yeah, we'll all sign it. Great. Great. We'll sign the vacuum cleaner. This is going to be great. And all the money will go to Beyond Blue. Awesome. And also if you want to donate, send us photos of yourselves if you want.

Please make sure that you're in a safe space when you put something around your neck. And if you are having any problems that seem insurmountable, give yourself a day or call Lifeline or Beyond Blue. Of course, like the first episode. Or somebody in your area. Yeah, we're making light of it, but hopefully, you know, the messages we got back from that first episode is, you know, you need to joke about this sort of thing if you're in a headspace like that. It's nice to hear the other side, you know, of bad thoughts like that.

And also, just quietly, the people that, you know, sent messages to Little Dum Dum and also to me, it works both ways. I felt so hilariously happy that we had inadvertently done some good.

Yeah, and I think that you know, there's these media guidelines about not talking about the mechanics of suicide because you inevitably end up with copycats who want to kill themselves but don't know how to go about it. I think that talking about the mechanics of it, and I haven't done a white paper or a study on this.

This is not a TED talk. You haven't said it all about this. I haven't said it all about this. But my feeling is you destigmatize it. And I think that that's what we did when we said we've both attempted suicide. Yeah. And all of a sudden people don't feel alone or like it's a crazy thing to even contemplate. It's like it's a very human thing to contemplate at certain times of your life.

Don't do it because once it's over, that's it. Yeah. And it changes the trajectory. Your trip around the sun has finished. Yeah. And that blows away in terms of the percentage of people that reacted in that way that went, hey, that meant something to me because I've been there. I've been, I've had those thoughts.

I've been close to that or whatever. So it was, man, it was such a bigger reaction than we thought would be possible. Yeah. So it started with suicide, kind of just went down the hill, sex, religion, and this shitty Fury Road. Just rockets coming out of the exhaust pipes. Yeah, 14 virgins in the water truck. Jesus, I can't believe I nearly put that hoover out on Hard Rubbish Day. Wow.

You could have hit up Christie's of London and auctioned it there. And next item is item 16, June Northern's vacuum cleaner. We have some international bidders from the Middle East, the Aga Khan, and, of course, our friends from Mongolia. OK. Kuzmit Rikasha and some of the Saudi oil sheiks. And we're starting at £45,000. £50,000, £52,000, £52,000, £60,000.

£70,000 going once. It's against you, sir. We're going to have to call tea now. We're up to £1,175,000 on June Northern's vacuum cleaner. So to Nigella Lawson, do it, Nigella. Just do it. All funds, of course, will be going to Beyond Blue. I'm fucking bullshit.

I'm Fiona O'Loughlin. It's my vacuum cleaner. I want a cut of this. Why won't Lawrence Mooney put me on Dirty Laundry Live? Remove her. Remove her, please. I'm actually June Northern. Hey, g'day, June.

Fleety here. How much do you get for that? A vacuum cleaner? I've got a vacuum cleaner here. I'll take it to Sotheby's too. Hey, I was going to Ballarat with June Northern. Yep. And we were in a car and I got some wonderful news from A-List who produced me at the Sydney Comedy Festival.

They rang up to tell me that I'd won Best Act. Congratulations, Lawrence Anning. Best Local Act I've got to... Yes. Who won the International Best Act? Jim Jefferies. Oh, that International Act. And anyway, so I won a gong and that was lovely

and we were driving down Commercial Road and the hotel that June Northern ended it in is now Rubble. So we should have gone and… It wasn't Rubble but it's… It is Rubble. Oh, no, they're just stripping it. Yeah, they're stripping it. That hotel's June Northern itself, isn't it?

It's the block of Porter. Oh, the block? The block of Porter. What? Yeah. The June Northern hotel is going to be The Block. So anyone out there watching the next block, it's mine. What if some contestants on The Block this year are fans of this podcast

and their bit just has like a podcasting room in it where we're just in there 24-7? No, you've got to see it. It's on Commercial Road. Yeah, it's all been blocked off. Can we get your vacuum cleaner on the biggest loser as well? We should go down, once we've signed the vacuum cleaner, go down and get a photo in front of the hotel.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Because it's about to be Scotty Cam'd. Oh, yeah? Well, what have you done with this room where June tried to top herself? What a lovely mirror on the ceiling. Oh, yeah, it's only where I have coffee. Well, we had coffee there.

Do you have coffee at the Caltech service station on the corner of Commercial Road? I actually do. I buy coffee. No, but there's another coffee shop. Do you steal briquettes from out the front door and just run for your life? I just did the other night, I treated myself to a Golden Gay Time, not just a Golden Gay Time, bought two Golden Gay Times. I've wanted to do this my whole life.

Just took all the good bit of the Golden Gay Time, put it in a bowl, had it with the other Golden Gay Time. Do you know how the whole point of a Golden Gay Time is those last two corners? When you say all the good point of Golden Gate time is those last two corners? When you say all the good bit, so not the stick. No, not the ice cream. Not all the boring ice cream.

So I had one whole ice cream. So just a lot of crust. And sitting across from the June Northern Hotel. Oh, wow. Well, hey, maybe if you don't want to take a photo of yourself with the corduroy neck, take a photo of yourself eating a bowl of Golden Gate time. Yes, hey, maybe if you don't want to take a photo of yourself with the corduroy neck, take a photo of yourself eating a bowl of Golden Gate.

Yes, a bowl of Golden Gate. If you live in the western side of Melbourne, get yourself a nice Westgate photo. Yeah, Westgate photo. I laugh every time I go over that bridge. Can't stop on the bridge now. If you live near that hotel, get a photo of yourself in front of the construction site that it currently is.

So it's on Commercial Road. It was a... What shape was it? It was like... It was a big cylinder kind of thing. Octagonal? Yeah. Terrible place.

But anyway, now how hilarious that it's the block. Yeah. Well, it's on the official Dumb Dumb Club tour of the star. If we ever get a bus going. Oh, we could be doing bus tours. Bus tours. The June Northern bus tour. But June has could be doing bus tours. Bus tours. The June Northern bus tour. But June needs to do a show.

Okay. June needs to step out from behind the facade. Can I just say that on the first episode, when we were talking about that June Northern, I said to Fiona you should do a whole show as June Northern and you lampooned me because it basically sounds like me saying kill yourself. No, she shouldn't.

I'll never forget that. And now here we are, much like Mad Max Fury Road, we've come right back to where we started. Actually. I will do. Because remember we love June Northern one night only. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yes.

That's right. One night only. Really one night only. June Northern One Night Only. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yes. That's right. One Night Only. Really, One Night Only. June Northern One Night Only. When you leave the room, don't look back. Well, I think that's just about it for the Little Dumb Dumb Club for this week. Guys, so yeah, check out our Twitter at Dumb Dumb Club, website littledumbdumbclub.com and Facebook facebook.com slash littledumdumclub

we'll put all the information up about June Northern exactly that's where you can also deposit your photos your contributions to the cause you'll get all the details

littledumdumclub at gmail.com if you'd rather do that and we'll get the e-mail how hilarious that a pack of assholes like us could actually do good

I love it it's just karma it's just for me it feels good to do this just to get rid of all the guilt of everything else I've ever done in my life. And I feel bad about

participating in this karma because a lot of the bad stuff comes back on me in some fashion eventually. And remember, if you're struggling, speak to someone. And none of what I say

or think reflects the views of my employer, the ABC. I'm Christopher Park. I'm Christopher Park. Lawrence Mooney, Dirty Laund, the ABC. I'm Christopher Park. I'm Christopher Park. Lawrence Mooney, Dirty Laundry, ABC. 1, 9.30pm Thursday night.

So please get involved. If you miss it, 9.30 Thursday night, catch up on iView. Plenty of friends of the show will be appearing on it, including if you're listening to it live this week. One of the absolute very, very favourite friend of the show, Ronnie Chang's appearing this week. Oh, awesome. Chang, Chang,

Chang. Get ready for it to be a very sensitive episode. Chang, boo-hoo. So good. Sandwich. Sandwich. Sandwich. Fiona O'Loughlin gigs coming up that you would like to plug? Twitter feed. You put stuff up on Twitter, so check your Twitter. Fiona O'Loughlin underscore.

I just do Carl's Rooms. Yeah. Cool. If anyone wants to be humped into broken glass, contact me via Twitter. If anyone wants to hump someone into broken glass, I'm game. Yeah.

And if anyone wants their wall stared at, give me a handful of Dexys and point me in the right direction. So we've got live shows. We've got our 250th episode live at the Portland Hotel. Oh, when, when? July 18. Saturday night.

You're very welcome. Both of you are very welcome on a Saturday night to make some. July 18. July 18. July 18. The 250th episode spectacular. 250. Yeah.

Is that good or bad? What do you reckon? I think it's great. As a great man once said, Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler, two guys who started at the bottom and liked it. Oh, two guys. The great Lawrence Moody once said that. Never enjoyed the company of.

All right, guys. That's all the time we've got for this week. Thank you guys so much for joining us. It's a pleasure. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.