The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 245 - Dave Thornton & Tommy Little

Episode Date: June 16, 2015

Uber Parties, Getting Laid by Gary Chook and Mrs. Dellavedova Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. The recently returned to bread Carl Chandler. I did, I've returned today. That's it, I've been off bread since January 1 and I returned today.

It felt good, didn't it? Did it feel good? I picked the best. I went to the bread expo. I said to them, can I have the best bit of bread you have? This is how I want to enter back into bread. Mr. Chandler, we've got something we've been working on here for many moons just for you. Exactly.

So I picked that one. I paid five grand for this. No, actually, I went to McDonald's And had a double cheeseburger So yeah That's good It feels good Yeah Is it

Because this was like An hour ago now How's it sitting in the stomach Yeah Not as good as The way I remembered it I think it's going to be Another six months after this

Before you go back Before I have a bowel movement Yeah correct Yeah Well today on the show Speaking of Speaking of Yeah As I started speaking I I was like, well, this is unfortunate

Two guests who, let's introduce them together We've been trying to get them on here together for a long time You know them both as the hosts of Breakfast Radio in Melbourne You also know them from This Week Live And from the Slap Bang podcast Do we? Do podcast. Do ya? Do we? Do ya?

Do we? Do you know how much I've forgotten about that show? I keep thinking it was named The Weekly because of the new show with Week in its title. I've forgotten what it is. Well, no wonder it didn't rate. You weren't even watching it. You're watching Charlie Piffin going, oh, wow, I look different on TV. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tommy Little and Dave Thornton.

Yay! Look, it's nice to be here, but I think someone has to say it straight off the bat. And Carl, since you've gone back on bread, mate, you have blown out. I saw you today and I went, what has happened to that face? That's why I'm all in black. I'm just trying to kill that excess weight that I've just put on. I saw you on the street as I turned up here, just like a junkie who's had his hit. You were wandering around all doe-eyed.

Literally doe-eyed. Yeah. Literally. I wondered as I was sitting there watching you eat, if it was going to be like gizmo in Gremlins, like you'd just start shaking and you'd turn into, I was about to say evil Carl, but like a more evil Carl. Or maybe you go backwards, maybe you become nice Carl.

Yeah, fluffy and cute. Yeah, that's it. I was also impressed, Daso, with you being able to go straight into the bad Italian voice without a Q word. Like if I'm going to do a bad accent, I need to have like for Italian, it's babbidi boopie and then I say whatever I say. It's like your vocal warm-up. Oh, yeah, yeah.

A little bit racist. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Babbidi boopie, the bread is good. Mate, what are you talking about? His made-up last name is a Q. It does a lot. It does a lot. I've double-Q'd myself.

I have a story that involves a bit of bad accent work now that the table's been set. Is that okay? Before you go on about this, I work for Fox FM and we've built an empire on bad accents. So just watch yourself, buddy. You may have noticed, Thorno,

since the changeover from the last show, there is a subtle difference in the calls they're doing. They're now called the got you calls. I got you. I got you good.

And do you do accents or you just pretend you're like, I'm a plumber and they're like, oh, I've got a sink that needs fixing. You're like,

not really a plumber at all. Got you, idiot. Because of political correctness gone mad, he can't do the Indian accent anymore. So he has to actually just say, I'm an Indian man. No, no, he does Sri Lankan now. It's fine. It's completely fine.

Completely different. Well, I was coming home from Smith Street the other night and I booked an Uber and I saw a car pull up Someone died Did someone die recently? They're cheaper than a taxi you fuckwit But you can't order that on a Nokia 5110 Alright

He's got his own smartphone A smartphone is like 8 cents a month Carry on with your story Bill Gates I didn't know your mum had an Uber account But anyway cool Fucking hell Carry on with this story, Bill Gates. Anyway, I didn't know your mum had an Uber account, but anyway, cool. No, it sounds good. Fucking hell.

I'm seeing these implications on the podcast, all right? I work very hard selling meth to teenagers to make my living, so fucking back off, all right? Do you know, I spoke to a good friend of all ours, one Cush with Travers on the way here. And she said, what are you doing? I said, I'm going to do Dum Dum. And she said, oh, why didn't you guys do it on a weekday? I said, what are you doing on a weekday?

Oh, Chandler works. And she goes, does Tommy work? I said, no. And she said, how does Tommy survive? Can I just say it's the number one question I get asked. Do you really? The number one question I get asked. He's about to tell you he jacks Uber drivers. Could you take me to that really massive empty paddock?

That's my destination, mate. I also like the idea of Tommy overpowering someone. But that's all that happens. Oh, you mean Jack as in like Rob. I thought you meant like hand jobs. That's how I'm making my living. Yeah. Which is more likely.

Robbing an Uber driver would just be the most, because there's no cash on it. It's all done through an app. Yeah. So you've just. Oh, you've thought this through. Mate, you think about all the bottles of water and Mentos you can get. It makes them sweet.

Come on. That's a good point. Yeah. Sell them on the black market. Get a couple of bucks a bottle. But so I booked one and it pulled up over, saw a car pull up on the other side of the road and thought, oh, this must be the Uber. So I run across the street and i get in the back seat and there's like three

african dudes sitting in the car listening to very loud music oh here comes the action i i sit down it's gonna be so bad get ready guys it's gonna be so bad. I get in and immediately, I don't know if you've ever done that, like gotten into the wrong car, but I immediately go, this is the wrong car. And they all turn and look at me and they're all smiling and one of them goes, hey, welcome to our party. That was it. That was it.

So did you stay? Did you stay? I kind of wished that was the Uber. What did you do? Did you get out? I was just like, oh, no, sorry, there's been a big mistake. I'm going to go. There's been a big mistake. Did you stay? Did you stay? I kind of wished that was the Uber. What did you do? Did you get out? I was just like, oh, no, sorry. There's been a big mistake.

I'm going to go. There's been a big mistake. You said it like they made the mistake. Yeah. To leave a party that early, that's quite rude. Yeah. But, man, that should be – yeah. And then, you know, my Uber driver had a lot to live up to after that. What sort of party do you have in a car?

I don't know. Just hanging out at the front of circuit, just pumping tunes. Yeah. Just having a great old time. Oh, right. They actually had music on in the car. Yeah, yeah. Oh, right.

Yeah. But yeah. That might have been a nightclub. That actually may have been a new nightclub. A pop-up club. Yeah, like Uber. They've Ubered nightclubs. That's pretty good.

Yeah. What sort of stuff do you reckon people are doing Like in their Ubers That's like not just strictly driving Do you know what I mean Because you could just make a little You could have your own stuff That you sell Yeah

Can you do an Uber ice cream truck Like do you need a license To sell ice cream out of a car Because you know they're doing Uber Fresh now You know they're doing the food I didn't know that Yeah so they deliver food to you

From a place Right You get what I mean Just a delivery service. Yeah. Like Menu Log or Delivery Hero kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, right.

But it's a fresh. So they have deals in them and stuff. They do it in the States and they've just started to do it here. That's pretty good. More factual than funny. It would be good if you could get like, you know, say you're getting an Uber to go to a party or whatever, just get a six-pack in the Uber waiting for you, pre-drinks.

It's like that old thing where people wanted to get home, wanted to catch a taxi and so they would go to a pizza hut and go, can I get a pizza delivered to 43 Hawthorne Crescent? That's where I live. Can I hop in with the pizza? That's what that can be. That's what Uber can be, surely. Can't you just get something delivered to your house but say,

just pick me up on the way and get food and a ride home. You have broken these two's brains. They look beyond confused. No, man, because I had that recently where, like with Menu Log, there was delivery service that took 45 minutes and it was two blocks away from me. But I was like, yeah, I'll take

that. Because I didn't want to get out of bed. I downloaded a movie and was just jerking off. So when they knock at your door you just yell come in and then they find you smoking a cigarette in bed surrounded by tissues and watching mrs doubtfire jeez why is he only four minutes in it's been 45 minutes glad you guys have arrived can you dress like her four minutes in. It's been 45 minutes. I'm glad you guys have arrived. Can you dress like her?

Hey, I've got a bit of mailbag too to get to. I think you guys will be a good bit of feedback on this. This is a guy who wrote to us littledumbdumbclub

at gmail.com if you ever want to get in touch. I got two tickets to the 250th episode live recording that we're doing and I'm bringing a mate

who hasn't listened to your show. He takes pranks on the chin like a champ, so would love to use this gig to get him good. I think he'll be gotten good by watching us, to be honest. If time permits, can we get him on stage, make him do something

embarrassing, and pretend it's a usual part of the live shows. I leave it in your capable hands, but he's a good spirit, so we'll play along too, just about anything. Let me know if it can happen. I love when mates suggest pranks for mates because their version of a prank is often like, you know, always at footy clubs when they come up before and they go,

Oi, Macca, my mate, he's just had surgery and he barely scraped through. So can you just call him a fuckhead? He's like, yeah. All that thing at footy clubs where you go there and do a bit of research beforehand and go, okay, tell me something about the club, tell me something about players. If you get up there and talk about socks, people are like, what the fuck's this? But if you can talk about the time Maka... That's more of a you thing.

Yeah, that's fine. Also, I feel like that's not just footy clubs. I feel like that's pretty much anywhere you go. Some of your jokes at this year's festival show were like just reeked of a bloke that has spent too long in a room. Yes. You're like – You can see my set list right now.

That's the number one question I get asked about you Is does he ever go outside? What I liked is that you got to the meta part of your show Which is you talking about everything you use in an office Which is you at home going Post-it notes Pens It's completely like that

For the last two months before festival It's just literally What's funny about a table Yeah Yeah What isn't funny About a table Yeah

So But you know that thing Before footy clubs So you're trying to get That information You're trying to get Something that everyone knows So you can rib on it

And whatever And it's like Oh you know Macco at that time That he missed a goal In the grand final Or whatever Everyone will know about that

Whatever But you get a lot of people That go Oh bloody Wobbsy over here, he broke his toe 15 years ago. It's like, does anyone else know that? No.

Yeah, no. Okay. So I'd be making that joke just for your benefit. Yeah. Totally. I remember doing a cricket club that Alison Bice had booked and it was like, would have been five, six years ago. Is this the one way out?

Way out near the league. Yeah, yeah. And there was exactly that situation. I think I did it with you. It was exactly that situation and I hadn't been doing comedy for long

and it was like yeah, you just go this sounds like a great idea where some guy's like hey, he's dating the coach's daughter did it on the pitch and you're like

well, that's gold. And I remember spitting it out and seeing three guys laugh and everyone else go yeah yeah i looked over slightly further and i saw one girl crying and so further i saw what appeared to be the coach ready to throw something at me yeah yeah who knows how to work a cricket bat yeah he's got good form he knows how to destroy me that's the gig i don't know if i've told this story in the podcast but i've talked about How I do a thing called

Gary Chook A character Super Bogan Is that you? Yeah sorry Yeah wow Fuck it in my soul

I'm sorry Sorry to ruin Christmas We would have agreed To this podcast Way earlier How did I not know? I mean it Looked a bit like you

But you had a coral necklace on. I'm like, I wouldn't wear that. Yeah. I did that same footy club where I did it as Gary Chook, just without doing me, just Gary Chook. And I thought, how's this going to go? I'd never done it as a proper gig, just as a piss taker, like a little room in Melbourne.

And I went out there and just – So it's sort of inner city hipsters who get, oh, this is a parody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very broad kind of stand-up comedy. Exactly. So I did it just for real out there. And I'm not sure, I think they must have put a new roof on the joint since because it went crazy.

But I'm up there literally going, which level are we operating on? I don't know where we are here. So I'm doing it and it's just going crazy and people are chanting and going nuts. And I'm like, I've never done this well before. So it's going ballistic. And part of the set was I had a T-shirt for sale. It wasn't for sale.

I just got one T-shirt made up that said, I got laid by Gary Chook. And so I'm going, yeah, bloody, bloody 50 bucks at the end of the show, boys. Do you want to get one of these? Anyway, so then I finished the gig and it went great and I immediately got off stage and basically

tried to have like a Karen Silkwood shower where I just had this burning shower on me going I'm

going to get clean I can't get clean is that a reference from the crime game

no no from Silkwood the movie I don't I still don't know it's even more obscure

anyway tweet me at it if you've ever heard of that movie it would be amazing if someone had seen that movie and knows how to use Twitter.

Yes. That is two different generations of people. It's a 1984 Meryl Streep film. That is probably still trending on Twitter. Break out the quill if you know that reference. How many people has a beta video player that's also got Wi-Fi? Yeah. I'll be honest, we're recording this on a Saturday afternoon.

It's probably the midday movie right now on Channel 7. Yeah. So I get off stage. I completely get changed from the little costume. The little costume I was wearing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Flip the collar back down. Yes.

Don't mind if I do. Okay, now I'm back to Bruce Wayne finally. I just live like a normal person. Oh, God. It's like, Bruce, you just missed him again. Carl, there was the funniest comedian here. He was amazing. He wasn't doing any sock shit.

That's for damn sure. Finally, I can stop being that obnoxious pig and back to being Carl Chandler. You know what? I can put slightly less hair gel in my hair. The lines have blurred considerably over the last five years. Because, you know, I've often thought that as we all get older, you're actually just going to do more Chook and you're going to get to a time where you don't realise that it's a character anymore and you're just Chook.

Yeah, but this is a very interesting point. This is like primal fear. Who is the real one? Were you born Gary Chook and you have to put Chandler on when you had like normal jobs? Just to try and get by. Carl Chandler's like my funny little fake name like Tommy Daslow. That's it.

I thought it'd be a funny stage name. Babadiboop. I got a Mary Burrow and everyone's like, Carl Chandler? Mary Burrow? Doesn't ring a bell? No bells?

The Chook version of that is Babadiboop. I'm a fucking wog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he'd say wop. You know, it's like from 1965. No, fucking eye tie. What's with this eye tie food?

I reckon that's what happened to Al Murray. Oh, the pub landlord? Yes. I reckon that started as an occasional, I'll do this once every now and then, and then he went, shit, the pub landlord is slaying. And then he just, now, the audience don't know that that's not him.

That's not his full name, the pub landlord. What the hell is that? His first name's fucking the pub. He was born to be a legend. What a boss. What a fucking boss. Do they name pubs after him or the other way around? I'd love it if you somehow got to see into the future and you see your life if you had just decided from day one

to go fully down the Gary Chook path and you're living in a mansion, like your life is just beyond anything you could ever imagine. A couple of WRXs in the drive and four jet skis. If I could swipe. Gary Chook's sliding whores moment. So I finish the gig and I get changed out of my little costume and I'm back to me and

these guys come up to me like Chuck! Chuck! Oh, Chuck! And I'm still going, where are we? Where are we here? Like, surely they know. Like, I'm in a different outfit. I'm wearing something completely different. You are saying that in all sincerity like it's a like it is an outfit change.

Yeah. What do you mean? You went from polo shirt to regular T-shirt. Yeah, yeah. That's it. And I changed my hair and I took off the necklace. Your hair. You had it a little less spiked up and you took off the fuck

shark teeth necklace you were wearing. You can only change an inch of hair so much. And I took the socks out of my pants as well. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck, Chuka's got a smaller dick than I thought. This is the wrong guy. That was when Sammy J was working with him originally instead of Randy. Just the one character.

I've completely changed now. So these guys are going, Chuka, oh, Chuka, you're a legend. Oh, can we buy the shirt? Can we buy the shirt? And I'm like, again, are we for real? Like, I'm just back to talking like this and going, oh, oh. Again, not that different, but go on. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm like, oh, okay. And in the end, they were like, oh, how much is the shirt again? And I was like, oh, just have it. Just there you go. Like, I was frightened of them. They're all these huge guys. And I thought, if they find out Gary Chook isn't real, they might punch me. They might hurt me.

Here you go. I've got to go. There's the T-shirt. So there's one guy out in, where was it again? It's out in. Yeah, it's at Lilydale. Yeah, Lilydale. There's one guy in Lilydale wearing a genuine Gary Chook shirt.

Oh, one of a kind. And I love it that he's wearing that, looking you up on YouTube and going, fucking Gary Chook's character's a piece of shit. One line of fucking mincer that he's putting up on stage, who's that guy? When did Gary lose the edge? That inner-city hipster with questionable sexuality character that he does is a bit bloody boring. But anyway, so this guy wants us to –

Oh, sorry. Quickly just to tag the end of that story. Sorry, Mr. Chook. Please continue So Finished the gig I got out of there And I'm still going

Oh were they putting it on Were they Did they really believe That that was going on Were they just trying to Out fox me Out chook me So

One One year later One year later Comic Tom Seagate Rings me up at work And goes Hey

Did you do that lilydale footy club last year about this time and i go yeah sort of he goes yeah did you did you do it as gary chook and i went yeah why and he goes on the weekend i did it i did that gig and it went great and then at the end of it all these guys come up to me and go, oh, you're a bloody pisser. You are so funny. But we had this last year. I'll tell you who's extremely, I'll tell you who's the fucking best, Gary Chook.

And Sigurd goes, you know he's a character, right? And they go, he's a bloody character, right? That's what we're saying. We are saying that too. Oh, mate, is he what? What a card. There's probably people out there who've seen that guy's one I Got Laid By Gary Chook t-shirt and they're wanting it and

they can't get their own. They're looking on the internet they can't find it. He's probably making his own bootlegs. There's someone up in Lillydale making some sweet point of the Gary Chook name. No way. If they're working on that level, they don't believe that that's merchandise.

Like they just think that's a dude bragging about his exports. Yeah, yeah. That fucking legend rooted Gary Chook. You know what I'm looking for? He's not even gay. That's how good he is. We're not even operating on two levels in that T-shirt. It's just the one.

I'm looking forward to in 15 years' time that waiting for Sugar Man docker of Gary Chook. According to them in Lilydale, he went disappearing for 15 years. No, can we, like Sugar Man, can we start the rumour that Gary Chook blew his brains out on stage? And where does that mean you're massive? Is it Brazil or something that Sugar Man was?

South Africa. Because they had apartheid and all that. That'd be great. You'd be like, yeah, this girl blew his brains out and he gets on stage. Nah, she fucking blew me brains out. Yeah,

the Chook's back. I think it might actually add up. I think people that are South Africa would be a good fan base for Gary Chook because people that believe in apartheid

would also really like Gary Chook, I think. Sorry, too soon everyone. Yeah, it's Southern So this guy, I love it because he's a regular listener

He thinks that we're the kind of show that's just going to halt all our activity To just lampoon his mate on stage Like, he's gotten us confused with the Jackass Boys or something here Or did he know Dave Thorne was coming on the show and could do a Got You phone call? Yeah, that's true Or what's his mate's name? He hasn't given me that information. Oh, mate.

Well, we'll have to have it something like, you know, we'll have to have some name kind of like the 12th man that I can take the piss out of. Is he Irish? Is his name Paddy O'Furniture? I got you. This is a great thing because he sent it from a work email and he's got his like little signature down the bottom

and it's like he's got a pretty respectable job and it's weird to send that from a work email and attach your signature in an email that's like, yeah, just bum me, mate, on stage. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, oh, shouldn't you be not being tied to this? It's worse than insider trading. Why do you listen to that podcast, mate?

You are fired from Macquarie Bank. I got a text message this week from a listener, which is not odd for me, because my phone number is... Have you changed it? No, no. So it's still out there. People are still texting me. That's on you, really, by now.

How long has it been? Honestly, my phone number got read out on a podcast three years ago. I was like, I think this won't be too much of a problem, but it just keeps going. I get... I've already gotten... I've probably got. It's quite a humble brag there. Yeah.

Oh, just this little old podcast, and you'll never believe what happened. Thousands upon thousands of people. Up for the champion. No money, but a lot of phone calls and abuse from random people. Yeah, it is quite a big claim. Just like your stand-up sets. Yeah.

Yes, yes. You should get onto Vodafone and try and get them to sponsor this show. People three years after they saw Reset, you fucking idiot. Imagine if you'd given out Chook's number. Fuck. Yeah. Well, Chook wouldn't put up with that shit. You know you can block individual numbers.

I've just started doing it. Okay. I only learned you could do that, yeah, very recently. I blocked my first just the other day. So it's just for one of the people that are out there, one of the listeners that, as we call them, not fans, but people who are aware of our show because they're not really showing fan-like behaviour.

Fans kind of implies a level of kind of respect. Fondness. And fondness, which we rarely seem to encounter. We just seem to be Hey I listen to your show Fuck you That's basically what we get I remember I saw

Steve-O live Yeah From Jackass Yeah yeah yeah No the other Steve-O Yeah Yeah From the Lulidale Footy Club

Yeah We'd say it is a 10 year old reference But go on Steve-O furniture Ah fuck I didn't get it I missed you This is a make of the edit

You got me He said I don't know how this works His fans would come up to him out And punch him Yeah Like they'd be like Crack fuck I'm Steve O

He's like You've actually just broken me nose. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, ah, he's doing gear. He'll come to the hospital with you.

That's sick. It's pretty funny. Yeah, he'll shove a car up his ass. What? So, last week I was talking about that I had an incident,

a bit of road rage in my car. this guy reckoned that I nearly ran him over. He was well ahead of me. He was, I think drunk. I stopped the traffic lights. He was well ahead of me. He was, I think, drunk. I stopped the traffic lights. He came up, knocked on the window. I wound down the window.

My mistake. He put his head in the car and started going at me and abusing me. Did you try and wind up the window? No. I was like, like I said, it was just that thing of going, oh, this is weird. This will be something to talk about. I'll allow this.

You should hire Tommy as your life coach because almost everything you've said on the podcast so far, Tommy has given you a completely reasonable, logical, easy solution. Yeah. And how desperate I head caught in the window.

Yeah. And then you slowly start to drive. Oh yeah. Paul Boggs fucking head stuck in the window. That's in Snatch, you know? Yeah, he just winds it up and then just starts driving.

shit. But I do like your commitment to a podcast. Yes. This guy may shiv me in my car, but still, it'll kill 10 minutes. Yes. Yeah, exactly. I also love that you're – well, I'm just saying, we do three hours of radio a day and we don't need a bloke's head

caught in our window to have a thing to talk about. Oh, but you get to play songs, though. Of course. Of course, of course, of course. That's easy. Hang on, you mean we're not going to cut to a Bruno Mars song? That's my fucking bailout, guys. Hang on, we've got Tommy in the weather chopper.

What's it like, Tommy? It's pretty, yeah, can I have 50 bucks? All right, back to the show. Do you like it how their weather chopper's not sponsored? Cute, yeah. Real cute. Oh, God. So anyway anyway that happens

he yells at me he starts going me and going oh you nearly bloody ran me over and I was like nah nah I didn't anyway

he then goes he then starts going oh you bloody you got a bloody boxer shit car and I'm like oh nice one and then he's like

well I didn't say nice one I said you got a boxer shit brain I got him gotcha so did you actually say that I did say it

great yeah so then he goes cause that's worse than a boxer shit car yeah yeah Box of shit brain. I got him. Gotcha. Yeah. That's a good one. Did you actually say that? I did say it. Great. Yeah. So then he goes. Because that's worse than a box of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I got him. Yeah. No, hey. Still undefeated. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Gazinga.

See, let's go to Bruno Mars. No. So he then goes, I make so much more money than you and I'm going to get you. I've got your number plate now. and I'm going to get you. I've got your number plate now. I'm going to fucking get you. And I was like, bring it on. And then I drove off and shit my pants.

But then I was like saying, but can you get someone if you've got their number plate? And I got a text message this week from a listener, from someone who's aware of the show, who said, hey, man, I'm a cop. They can't do anything. No, they won't be able to do anything. Also, yell at Thorno for me. He goes to my gym. And I always walk in and go, hey, Thorno, you dickhead.

So there you go. Well, this is a point. I was going to bring this up, and I'm glad you have, because I turned up. Yeah, like he used to do this boxing training thing and then like left it for about two years. And I was like, oh, let's get back into it. It's winter. I can't be bothered to do anything.

I need someone to kick my ass and get me going. And then so I turned up the first morning and, yeah, on the back of the cop station in Richmond next to the Maccas on Church Street. Oh, yeah. And there was a senior constable who just went, oi, what are you going on the dum-dum club? And I was like, are you a fan or are this part of your job

as a senior detective? But I'm now a character witness. A bit of a cold case here. I have also spent many a time with you in moments of conflict and I know how you handle such situations and your response would have been, soon officer, sorry. And then touch your T-shirt in. Yeah, yeah.

I threw money at him and ran off. How's your form? How is your form? Last night I did a gig and I had – do you know what I'm talking about already? I think I know where this is going. I had this very drunk girl come up to me before the gig and go, ah, Thornow says you're a fuckhead. And I'm like, what?

And she barely strings her words together. She's like, he told me to heckle you. Should I heckle you? And I went, no, I didn't. This is word for word what she said. And I said, look, probably not, but if you want. And she goes, should I though? Do you like it or hate it?

And I go, I don't really like it. And then during the gig, it was going really well and there was a lady with a dog and I'd just done some gear about her dog. She had a little puppy there. And then this chick just yells out from the middle of the crowd and she just goes, yeah, that's not what you said last night. And I went, what? And she goes, that's not what you said last night.

And all the crowd just looked around like, what the fuck just happened? And I said, oh, you're implying that, you know, we hooked up last night. But didn't I just meet you before the show? She's like, yeah. I'm like, and didn't I meet your gorgeous lesbian girlfriend as well? And she goes, yeah. But, you know, we're not against threesomes. And then I looked down at the dog and I said, oh, isn't that cute?

Spencer was the dog's name. I go, Spencer, you're up for a threesome. The three dogs are going to have a threesome. Oh, got them. Shades of chook. If anything, it's a copyright issue. The crowd's done all that. I'm like, oh.

And then I finished and she came up and she was real angry with me afterwards. She's like, you're not meant to say stuff back when I yell at you. Oh, wow. So thanks, mate. That's not how haggling works. Thank you for that. No, that was completely taken out of context. What did you tell them to do when you had the threesome with them the night before?

Yeah. Blame Tommy on this one. Don't tell my missus. You're going all cross-eyed as you do it. You and a threesome just cross-eyed. How did you meet her and how did you tell her? How did you get that? Yeah.

How did you get that? Yeah. And do you have a number? You must get an over as well where they, part of raffle prizes, they'll often go, why don't you come and watch the radio show? And I always think it's so disappointing.

Can you imagine even for this podcast? There are people here filming us. There's three guys sitting here very distinctly bored. Yeah, but the great thing about it, I've seen their cameras, but they're actually just GoPros in there and they're actually watching DVDs on the back screen. Oh, good. Yeah, that makes me feel better about this.

That's why the chuckles are out of time. Just a bit of context, there are three people filming this podcast for some reason. Which will be weird for anyone watching the video of this. They'll be like, yeah, no shit. But it is good because, to be honest, I've worn full makeup every time I've done this podcast and this is the only time it's been filmed.

So here we go. There's a fair bit of action going on in this thing too, so it should scrub up well on TV. That's true. I've been wearing makeup. I'm actually Mr. Alabama. And this is... Cut. And this is where we end. Cut that out.

I didn't know we got to choose edit points because if I did, I would have chosen a lot earlier. We're going to give this some context. So people come and watch this show, which, you know, great. And she was there and then she said, I'm going to the Comics Land tonight. And I said, who's on? And she said, I'm not sure. Had a look. And I said, Tommy, you'll love Tommy. It'll, great. And she was there and then she said, I'm going to the Comics Land tonight. And I said, who's on? And she said, I'm not sure.

Had a look and I said, Tommy, you'll love Tommy. It'll be great. And then I just said to her, I said, just after the show, go up to him and just act like you had a night with him and then see where it heads. And she goes, do you think? And I went, yeah, knock yourself out. Oh, man, that's not how that manifested.

Because how that manifested is she then, I think, from that morning went and drank all the tequila and then went straight and that message transformed into, you didn't say that last night. Yeah, that didn't. Yeah. Because she actually asked me the same thing. She goes, do you guys like heckles? And I said, oh, no, not really.

No. Like, no. I love it. She's got a big sample size on this survey and she still did it. That's great. Well, here's the dynamic. She was wearing a T-shirt that said, I got laboured, Gary Chook. Yeah.

Where's she got it from? She's a big fan of comedy. She likes a bit of back and forth. The dynamic between you two, this that came up during the Comedy Festival, which we've talked about, is the night that Tommy Little started the night of, he came and guested on my Comedy Festival show and he shouted the room beers. And then Dave Thornton. He's a very good guy.

Oh, thanks, Dave. Dave Thornton. So you shouted the entire room beers. And then Dave Thornton came on, was under a bit of pressure. The word had got out as soon as he walked out. Someone goes, where's the beers, Thorno? And then Dave Thornton came on and was under a bit of pressure. The word had got out. As soon as he walked out, someone goes, where's the beers, Thorno? Thorno shouted six-pack. I only got a six-pack because I was like, I put it more as, okay, guys,

this is a reward system. If you do a good call, you get a beer. And what that did, a lot of things happened that night. That was the night, and you've talked about this on the podcast, that was the night that they turned into a mob. The crowd turned on the comedian hard. They broke me. So it was like this old thing of like it had gotten,

now the whispers had gotten out that they could turn up to your show and give you shit and that you'd shouted the entire room beers. So they turn up just like that prick's a paycheck, that guy's a piñata. Now we've got an hour for this shit and just went through it. Now the sixata. Yeah, we've got an hour for this shit. And just went through it. Now the six pack. Yeah, mate. Was the thought actually that you'll make it a reward system

or did you ask how much the whole room of beers would be? Because I was surprised at how expensive it was. So much so that this has never happened. So you shattered the room and came back and I've never seen you sort of go, oh, whoops. And you had a bit of a distinctive, whoops, that cost a lot more than I thought. We went to dinner afterwards.

We went to have dinner and I went, I'll grab your dinner and you are the king. You won't let anyone pay for anything. That time I go, I'll grab your dinner and you go, okay. let anyone pay for anything. That time I go, I'll grab you dinner and you go, okay. This is so true because pre-warned is pre-armed. I saw you that night and I was like,

oh hey, I was channelling this thing, I'm doing it tomorrow. You're very rarely remorseful and you're very rarely quiet but you're like, yeah, it cost a lot of money. And this is a man who owns a buck hunter machine as well. A man who's very used to frivolous large purchases. We've talked about this.

I just expect to go around to your place and you're like, I bought a monkey. You buy shit and then that was – I thought that's a lot of money if you've gone, nah, this has not worked out well. Can we get a ballpark or do you not feel comfortable saying? I don't think that was the sad – oh, mean, how much do you think it was? I reckon it would have been. There's 40 seats in that room.

What's it, pots? 40 times eight, 40 times nine. No, I bought. You bought pints? I bought pints and champagne and I bought, yeah. So what's a pint like eight in that bar? Nine, I reckon. Nine.

Yeah, I reckon in that. Nine times 40. At the big hotel. So. About 350 or so, something like that.. Yeah, I reckon in that. Nine times 40. At the Vic Hotel. Yeah. So. About 350 or so, something like that. It was a bit more than that. About 400? It was about that, yeah.

It was about that. But that wasn't the regrettable part of it. Thorneye's Sixer, though, was $11.80 because, you know. Mate, you made me think I bought the Sixer 2 from Vic Hotel. Yeah. I went down the road to Apollo. Why are they warm for an hour? Oh, because I bought a slab because it's better value for money

and then I carry these with me all day. Yeah, he's guesting in three other shows tonight, so he's got a six-pack for them as well. And it was a six-pack of Mount Frank though. He's got one beer and poured a little bit. Good enough, guys. It's good enough. Some of you might be driving.

That wasn't the regret, though. The regret was it took so long that I got back in and the show was over. Yes. And people were just sitting there waiting for their beers. Yeah. Because there's only like one tap at that bar. Yeah. So that's a lot to –

Well, you know, it happened multiple nights after that because then it just turns into people waiting for their drinks. And so you can't do any material in between because they're just going where's their drinks and then when the drinks come in they

take five ten minutes to get served so you're trying to talk to them they're like shut up mate we're getting our drinks so there's 20 minutes of the show wiped

out just people waiting and getting drinks. How does it feel knowing that you kind of changed the timeline of Chandler's show from that point?

Like the guy who wrote the episode of The Simpsons where Lisa becomes a vegetarian you changed the whole thing. You did one little thing and it has this lasting impact on all of Chandler's show from that point. Like the guy who wrote the episode of The Simpsons where Lisa becomes a vegetarian. You changed the whole thing. You did one little thing and it has this lasting impact on all of Chandler's life.

The butterfly effect of a show that had 35 people in it every night. Yeah, there you go. A butterfly didn't flap its wings. A drunk flapped his credit card and then everything changed. Caw-caw! Caw-caw! I'm trying to remember if I told this when you told it on the podcast on the live podcast, but I remember after that show,

it's so aggressive and back and forth. I was hosting the Hi-Fi afterwards and I just sneaked for five minutes because I walked out like, right here it comes. What a fucking nice face. I've paid a lot of money to be here. I ironed a shirt.

People were being really nice and I was super aggressive. Yeah, because I was on as well. We went straight from that gig. We just sort of, you sort of cuddled me on the way over to get me back to life, I think. And then we get to this gig. You're the MC.

I'm the first act. So I come out and I'm like, fucking, where are you from? Yeah, well, fucking, I hope you weren't at my fucking show tonight, all right? Shut up. And they're like, there is no context here. You are just a crazy man. And then I start to do my jokes about socks and pogo sticks. And it's like, why are you so angry about 80s references? Yeah, how did he open with a line,

all right, which one of you cunts has socks? You love this? Oh, man. You guys are massive basketball fans. You guys are big, big old basketball fans. So they thought the host of Double Dribble on ABC. On Double Dribble, the 10-minute show on ABC slash Al-Qaeda video. Yes.

It was always one where you go, it's pretty grainy. How did in the world of now digital films, you somehow made it grainy? Yeah, there's a lot of beheadings for a basketball show. You try rattling off the scores at gunpoint. Why is Dave presenting the whole show from the desert? Why has he got a mask on? And is that Dave? Trying to create a human pyramid

Why are all the guests being forced to hold up a copy of today's newspaper? So are you loving the NBA finals around the moment? You'd be loving this? I called you and this is such a weird connection. And I'm trying to think when we saw the game, we made the connection straight up. We're like, they're now spruiking that Matty Delevadova, who was just this kid who's into the bench all season.

He's barely made it into the NBA undrafted. And now in these final series, he's like the X factor. And he's like a kid who's like, compared to these giants too, he's just your average height, like barely six foot. And even plays like a kid who's like compared to these Giants to is just your average height like barely six foot you know like and even plays like a guy who's an athletic yeah but he's completely plays a girl like I shouldn't be here and hustles the

whole time but they keep going on that he's from Maryborough in Australia like that because I don't know the place these keep getting told me like it's it's a small country town spilling any people there and all I can think about now is Carl Chandler and Sunshine Johnson It's like This is the big

That's the Mount Rushmore now Of Maryborough I've got I've literally got Half a dozen tweets at least That say exactly that That go Hey

Now there's two more people More famous than you From Maryborough Matty Delvedove And Sunshine Johnson So Yeah Yeah no it's been

It's been lighting up this week Because yeah He's from Maryborough He has now Made like a massive impact on the last couple of NBA finals games and now

I think yesterday the news came out that they're naming renaming the Maribor basketball stadium after him they said maybe even a statue

oh really yeah and what I love is it was after game 3 and then game 4 we didn't close it well and so it's all cooled a little bit

right hasn't it they're like they've done Matt on the stadium they're like three and then game four we didn't play that well. And so it's all cooled a little bit. They're like, they've done Matt on the stadium. They're like, ah, we'll wait. I love that Maribor are going, oh, you only got six points in the NBA finals last night. So we've got sunshine down the street who we can still turn it into. Yeah, the stadium's going to be the Matt Johnson stadium.

Just a fusion. But you're so right because I think it's got that thing of like, you know, the American way of working. When something goes well, they're like, this is the best thing to have ever happened without the facts coming into play because the next game he just cramped two minutes in. He's like, I've never done this before in my life. It's a guy who dated a 10 and then the next day he goes,

I don't own a yacht. I don't. I'm not used to this. The Mirabar basketball court is basically my living room. I just invite mates around. So I haven't had to work this hard before. That was a fairytale game, that game, that game three. Yeah.

Because he'd been so hated by everybody for so long. Yeah. And then just had this. Yeah. Well, they said even the guys feeling informed and so true, it's just like this effortless player. This guy just makes everything look easy. And as I said, when he plays, it's like you see every bit of exertion that he's

doing you know it's like he couldn't be whiter could he did you see that bit after the game where like lebron's giving people high fives and they do the double tap with the back of their hands and they got all these sweet like you know uh high fives and then matt turns up and just gave him the good good on your knackers handshake. It was just like he didn't even try. Well, I was watching after the game and they then cut to an interview. To see if he mentioned you. Well.

My Maryborough brother. I did this for a guy who hasn't eaten bread in six months. I know he's struggling. Carl Kindler. Guys, I know there's going to be a fight, but this guy hasn't had carbs in ages. He's lying in a bed. He's very calmed down at the moment.

He's got no energy. He's got the opposite of a yeast infection, whatever that is. So I was watching it after the game, and they interviewed, they said, here's his parents. Matty's parents have flown in from Maryborough, Australia. Here they are. And they're just, like, sticking out, like, sore thumbs going, oh, yeah, yeah, we're happy to be here.

And I look at them and go, oh, that's my primary school teacher. His mum. Is it really? Yeah. Is it really? That's funny. His mum was my prep teacher. Isn't that funny?

Matty Delvedova's mum was my prep teacher. Wow. What was she like? Was she a good teacher? Oh, you know, she... Don't rag on her now. She told me off a few times for pissing my pants, probably. I don't know.

Really? How good can you teach people in prep? I don't know. What do you do? Do you have nice memories of her? Was she a nice lady? She was fine. She would have been.

Prep teachers are nice people. You've got to be. You're dealing with four-year-olds. Telling you off for pissing your pants? That's a brutal prep teacher. I don't know. You fucking idiot. Well, what are you supposed to say?

Well done. Do it again. There's probably a comfortable middle ground that you get drained out of. That just shows that neither of us are prep teachers, really. That's obviously what they teach you. Well, not yet. Do you know what I mean? It's like comedy hasn't completely worked out for you either.

So don't rule it out just yet. Yeah, but do you think when they're handing over that working with children's license, before you hand that over, can you just listen to a couple of eps of this podcast? That's what I thought. Just back away from the paperwork. So I need to at random. I feel comfortable you taking the lucky dip. Not that one about suicide, but another one.

When we're saying Westgate Bridge, we're just saying, oh, it's good to drive over. It's nothing about – anyway. It's code for a nice hug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was watching that and I'm like, oh, so there's my old teacher. And the other guy, like, you know, Maribor's not that big, so I recognise that guy as well.

I'm like going, oh, where have I seen him? But then it's that thing of, you know, you grow up in a small town, you don't know the context, you can't remember. It's been 20 years since I lived there. I'm like, I probably just yelled at him out of a car once and I'm going, oh, that guy. Oh, yeah. He was at a zebra crossing and I went, yeah, fuck it.

Oh, my God, that's fuck it. Look at him now. I don't know. In my mind of you being in your mid-teens, you were the inspiration that made him compete like this. He was the bully where he was like, I'm going to get a heap of new Scott, earn millions of bucks and then crush him. My Della fuckhead.

I'll show him. So now that he's had you know, he's the Della Dome. The Della Dome. They've renamed the basketball stadium the Della Dome. And by stadium I mean shed, obviously. It's a shed. You know all the they wereome. And by stadium, I mean shed, obviously. Yeah. It's a shed. You know all the, they were saying for the last game,

all his merch is sold out over there. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. That's great. Yeah. So I want to, like, what, if they're going to rename the basketball stadium after him in Maribor, what, you know, I think I should have something renamed in Maribor.

That's not you. Like, stadium isn't you. Yeah. You need, like, a public phone booth or something. I need something else. A phone booth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should name, stadium isn't you. Yeah. You need like a public phone booth or something. I need something else. A phone booth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should name like a loaf of bread after you.

The girls' toilets. I don't know. What's something feasible? Mate, the way things are going out in the country, Gary Chook's going to get it before you will. Yeah. That's definitely going to happen. Yeah.

Gary Chook could have the pub named after him. I need to go have a piss in the Chook pen. Yeah, what can we campaign to get named after you? Because you know you're doing well. You're doing all right. Maribor-wise I'm doing well. Yeah, exactly. Maribor-wise you're doing well.

The Channel Highway. Well done. Thank you. Well done. And hello to the international listeners who have no idea. Which is like the opposite direction to where you go to get to Marybeth. Yes. But that's good because you moved away.

I'm a small town boy made okay. Made a little bit better. A little bit better. Made? Made? Yeah, yeah. Small town boy made. Yeah, made.

Small town boy moved. Small town boy made. Big town boy. Yeah, big town boy. Big boy in a big town. Look at you, you big town boy moved. Small town boy made big town boy. Yeah, big town boy. Big boy in a big town. Look at you, you big town boy. Carl Chandler finally comes out in his tell-all documentary, Big Town Boy.

Little big city big boy. I'm back, guys. The big town boy. Me, the big town boy. Oh, no, I've pissed myself again. Mrs. Della Dover's going to be furious. She was Miss Sharp back then. Oh, sorry.

At the very least, some kind of pie or sandwich in one of the local cafes should be named after you. A pie? I'd take a pie. That's that famous thing of celebrities having sandwiches named after them. Yeah. I'd like a bucket of chips named after me or something. Yeah, the Chandler chips at the local pub.

Yeah. You can get that happening. Do you want a small, a medium or a Chandler-sized chips? That's something. That's something. That is something. We used to loiter around a coffee shop called Anne Marie's that's no longer there. Vale.

Anne Marie's coffee shop. Oh there, Vale, Anne Marie's coffee shop. Vale. Vale, however you pronounce it. We always say Vale on our radio show as a joke, Vale, and we always get tweets. It's Vale. It's Vale, is it? Is it?

Oh, that's a bummer. That's a parking service. Vale. That's what that is. Yeah. So maybe, yeah. I used to sit there at the coffee shop and we used to sit there like straight after school. We'd sit there and just throw things at people that walk by.

I don't know why anyone walked by. Judged by the name of the shop, you were throwing coffees at them. You know, chips, stickers. We used to throw condom stickers on people. When did the business shut down, mate? Yeah, let's name an item after this guy. He's terrorised the joint. I've got an eerie feeling I've figured out the timeline.

Mate, you don't understand the mirror bar economy. Every shop had that. Mainly because you were throwing shit from a counter out to everyone else. Take this sandwich. Who's paid for that? That's quite a slippery slope. You went from chips to condoms. Yeah.

No, condom stickers. Condom stickers? Yeah, they used to give out a bunch of bumper stickers about condoms and promotional things. Here you are as a kid going through puberty, the first time you look up, you're trying to wrap a sticker around your car. No, babe, it's a condom sticker. It's not a man.

It's totally safe. If I'm on a gatherer, I'd just fuck someone's bumper. What? Just Chandler. Balls deep in an exhaust. Am I getting anything named after me this time? Big boy in the big city with his dick up an exhaust pipe. He's going to take this show to the big smoke.

Carl Chandler from his memoirs, That Time I Done a Falcon. Well, guys, I think that is just about all the time we have this week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Oh, is that it? That's it. Oh, really? I just wanted to paint more to that rich picture as you were fucking the bumper just looking over and, oh, you're shooting baskets, are you, fuckhead?

That's never going to work out in a dull of a dickhead. Miss Sharp taught me how to do this. Oi, guys, what's this car called now? A Commodore? Fucked it and got it. Got him. Got him. Got him.

Got him. Dave Thornton, Tommy Little, thank you very much for joining us. You both, Dave Thornton, Fox FM, Weekday Mornings, and Tommy Little, Nova FM, same time. Anything, you got shows coming up you want to plug? Tommy's got a heck of a coming through to be shown tonight. No. I'm going to set it up. Me and the two lesbians are hitting the road, so it should be wild.

It should be wild. With the dog? Oh, yeah. Great. It it should be wild. It should be wild. With the dog? Oh, yeah. Great. It's a variety show. It's a wild show. Are you guys doing interstate gigs anytime soon, or you've done all that? I actually have gone to Perth next weekend.

Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I'll be heading over there doing the Fremantle gig down there at the Little Creatures. Excellent. So, it's June 20-something? You're doing that in your holes. Or something like that. Sorry, I'm drifting into personal conversation.

No, just I headed over there. something you're doing that in your holes or something like that sorry I'm drifting into personal conversation no just I headed over there we're going to be honest like I do every time a corporate's taken me over and you've got one day swinging

so you're going to a club so yeah if you want to come down to Fremantle cool a lot of

Perth listeners go check out Thorno yeah that's it Tommy oh mate I haven't prepared

for this okay I'm not sure that's cool go to tommylittle.com dot au dot com again you need to prepare for that I'm not sure. That's cool. Go to tommylittle.com.au Again. You need to prepare

for that. I'm not sure. Well, don't go to Carl Chandler. This is something I actually meant to bring up to you guys as well. CarlChandler.com A few weeks ago, we brought this up. I let my website domain lapse accidentally

and then I got messages from listeners saying we went to look at your website to see if you're doing any Sydney shows or anything it's been taken

by someone else oh has it I was going to say who has it been taken by okay well someone

someone has got it and is now selling Air Jordans on it oh like fake Air Jordans cheap Air Jordans on it like fake Air Jordans cheap Air Jordans

yeah if you go to caroljournal.com it's just cheap Air Jordans and all this spiel about these fake Air Jordans if you

so you know a lot of our listeners have now got brand new kicks thanks to our website

but I've got none of the coin off it so I just want to continue on with this I've emailed the guy the listeners have it. So I just want to continue on with this. I've emailed the guy. The listeners have sent him on. If you want to try and get the site back, you need to hit this guy up.

You need to buy some sneakers. Yeah. And get moving. Yeah, yeah. And so they found out somehow you can go through the algorithms and find out who has actually bought the site. So they've sent me the email address. So I've now, I've sent off an email.

I haven't heard yet. So the email I've sent to this guy is, Hey, mate, I let my website, carlchandler.com, lapse, and you gobbled it up, didn't you? Great opener. Yeah. I can see you have a good eye for business because, you know, let's be honest, it's one of the most popular websites on the internet,

along with YouTube and Amazon, probably. And I see there's a lot of ads for Air Jordans on my domain name now. Can I ask seriously, is anyone actually buying Air Jordans off my website? I just would like to know if the hordes of Chandler fans are now well-heeled or not. Also, can I have my website back? How does this work? Thanks, Air Chandler. Funny.

So that's the update. I haven't heard this week back from him, so I'm hoping to somehow get my site back or at least find out if someone is actually buying Air Jordans when they're going to carlchandler.com. What a weird connection. Yeah. That guy was waiting for your website to fall apart

because Air Jordans are synonymous with the name Carl Chandler. Yeah. That's so weird. What I was going to say, who I thought had taken your website, is, this is not a word of a lie, Michelle Laurie got her website taken over by ISIS. Yes.

Oh, wow. It's not really, they don't reckon it's really ISIS. It's like fake George Washington. Cheap knockoff ISIS. Yeah. It's us-us. It's Isuzu. It's a little bit moreus. It's Isuzu.

It's a little bit more inclusive. It's a little bit more inclusive. Yeah, a big, she just got on, someone sent her a tweet and said, hey, I think you should check out your website. Went on, there's this big flag with the black kind of flag, and it says, we are ISIS, we now have your website. She should have written back to that tweet, I think you should mind your own business, infidel.

Yeah, she just wrote in and said, hey, guys, keep the website. I was just wondering if I could get any Air Jordans from you. You haven't, have you? But yeah, it was quite easy to get back. I was driving down St Kilda Road the other night and there's a building along there that's like number 1515 that has that big light up at night. It looks like it says ISIS.

I literally saw it on Thursday night. Well, it does. I think they're a big, one of those companies that I don't know, you know, like a gas or... Yeah, yeah, but turn the light off. Like, you know what I mean? It just looks bizarre driving down and saying ISIS. Like, just having that illuminated is like, I don't know,

just let it cool off for a bit, you know? Yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, yeah, what do you do? I don't know, but I think just change your name. I think that's the one bit of advice because I don't think the other guys are going to let go of it. But is it ISIS or is it 1515? No, it's ISIS.

It is ISIS. Okay, right. That's so true, though. Like, they'd go, we were here first. You're like, yeah, I don't think you're going to win that battle. You know? Yeah. Whoever's beheading people, I reckon they can keep it.

Well, there's people whose kids, they've got, because, you know, they've goting people I reckon they can keep it well there's people who's kids they've got because you know they've got their daughter is named Isis I remember hearing this story because it must be is it if that's a real company's name

that's just going to be annoying for the phone calls hello is this Isis are you the guys that are chopping people's heads off no here's the number for them we'll put you through

the tapes they must be getting in the mail to be fucking auditioned auditioned auditioned but we with

with Dassault's theory they don't have to change the name they just have to turn the lights out so when people ring and go is this ISIS

they go shh yes no we turned the lights off didn't you see we turned the lights off let's I was going to say let's look it up

but the amount of shit you'd have to to work out what the company does yeah and there'll be something super dry and boring yeah

next thing you know I've radicalised and I'm off Tommy did you ever find out what it is I can't hear you I'm in Syria we've accidentally

radicalised all the listeners of this podcast just by them hearing this yeah well we've got ourised all the listeners of this podcast just by them hearing this yeah yeah well we've got our live episode the 250th

Spectacular July 18th tickets going very quickly yep littledumbdumbclub.com to purchase them we're also going to have Perth and Adelaide

links up very soon guys and it's still June Northern it is still June Northern so get yeah our Facebook our Twitter our website

well let's explain June Northern June Northern if this is your first episode, is we're doing the month of June, calling it June Northern after the name that Fiona Lachlan gave herself when she checked into a hotel once. And it's all the funds are going to Beyond Blue. Yep.

And it's at nearly two grand at this point in just like a week and a half. So that's awesome. Guys, keep chipping into that. Thanks very much for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you next. Hey, mates, here's a little secret bit for you after the podcast. A bit of an Easter egg. A bit of bloopers over the credit sequence.

No, this is what's happening. We've been talking about me not having bread for the last six months. Here it is. It finally happened today. I made a special little expedition down with my friend Tommy from the podcast. Yeah, and we took the little recorder in and we recorded what you're about to hear in the McDonald's. In an actual McDonald's. And enjoy this, guys.

We could have put this up as premium content and charged you money, but instead you're getting it for free. Yep. Yep. Dilruk Jason is in my kitchen watching us record this, and he's getting erect at the mere suggestion of someone eating McDonald's. Yeah, shut up. That's weird of all the rooms to be, and you're in the kitchen, Dil, anyway. All right, enjoy this little Easter egg.

Bye. All right, here we are coming to you live from the clifton hill mcdonald's slash child care facility slash brothel this is it is this am i one of the children yeah you technically are well it's good you having bread for the first time in what six months it's going to be pretty close to the kind of experience that people have in the brothel next door i think you look ready to explode oh so we're here for you to eat yeah your first maccas burger in when did you go off at the very start of the year right yeah since january one no no bread no burgers um yeah no mcdonald's so so six and a half months at this point is that six and a half months is it yeah oh no not quite five and a half months at this point. Is it six and a half months? Is it? Yeah. Oh, no, not quite. Five and a half.

Yeah, nearly six months. Yeah. So. You were going to go in on a build your own burger, which I recommended, but then you sort of realised, you know what, you haven't even, you haven't had your classics in that long. Yeah. Just go back to the source.

Just go to the original. Yeah. It's like, I've been in rehab. I haven't been drinking alcohol for six years. I'm not going gonna just down a bottle of scotch straight away go straight back onto heroin no you're gonna have a tinny have a shandy how are you feeling are you excited because it's sort of it is addictive once you like start racking up the days of like not doing something for a long time no definitely um

because it's like i read a thing where you retrain your body after however many days uh your body stops wanting that stuff. So I actually don't really want this burger that much. I just think it would be funny to do this. It's good content. Your need for good content. I'm doing this for you guys. Are you going to now, like, now once you've had that one, is this going to be the beginning of the end where you're now going to have like a pizza for dinner?

Are you going to keep the beginning of the end where you're now going to have like a pizza for dinner and are you gonna are you gonna keep the bread intake low i um i did have to have a little bit of bread the other day um and here we go yeah a little bit of bread i didn't have a burger or anything i had to have a little bit of bread and i didn't enjoy it at all why did you have to have a little bit of bread um because i went out for lunch with my mum and dad and um there was nothing else they were like we want to because i went out for lunch with my mom and dad and um there was nothing else they were like we want to go to this bakery for lunch i'm like okay well i can't eat anything that's yeah okay that's pretty brutal well i've been this so this is like the worst place for me to be in the moment because i'm sick i've got the stomach flu so you dragging

me to mackers is like one of the worst things i ever could have imagined happening to me i feel ill just being here. The smell is making me feel so sick. So here we go. If it helps, I think I'm about to feel the same as you. Oh, no. Watching a man eat a hamburger will make me feel better. What are you doing?

You've basically... I've popped the lid of it. You've popped the lid of it and now you... Oh, no, you're putting your chips in, okay. I put my chips in like I'm six years old. It took you ages to get purchased on the top of the bun, so it just looked like you were just fingering the top of this burger before you got stuck in it, just warming it up.

I'm extra excited. I forgot how to eat a burger. I thought there was foreplay involved. Oh, this is good. I never do this. I never do the chips. Isn't that weird that they've got the build your own burger thing, but putting fries into it isn't an option.

Yeah, that's foolish. Yeah. There you go. McDonald's. We know you're listening. So you've gone the QP. What did you get? No pickles, no sauce.

No, I'm not a fan of pickles and sauce. No. There's still onions in there. I love pickles now. I used to hate pickles. Really? I'll come around to them, yeah. I'm sure that's a thing

I'll have it at some stage And then go Oh I've been missing out By the way I think this is exactly The kind of podcast That Dave O'Neill would do If he did a podcast

Just be him sitting in McDonald's Talking about what he's eating What if I went solo And just did my own McDonald's podcast I've got to deal with him And it was just a guest every week But they didn't eat

Just like you Yeah yeah It's just me eating Yeah it's really good. Okay, so here it is. This is it, your first bite back. All right. Oh.

You got a good mouthful too. You got one with a bunch of chips sticking out of it. Oh, it's like I never left home. Yeah, you know what? As I anticipated, it's not that good. Right, as I anticipated, you're visibly erect as you're eating this. By the way, I hope people can hear how fucking noisy this McDonald's is. This is the most acoustically poorly designed McDonald's of all time.

There'll be four people in here and it sounds like you're in a packed concert hall. It's crazy. This is the most it's ever people in here and it sounds like you're in a packed concert hall. It's crazy. This is the most it's ever been in here as well because this is a McDonald's really close to your house. So there's been many previous episodes where I've had to meet at your place at 11 o'clock and I'm like, I'm just going to get a double cheeseburger on the way. Not anywhere near lunchtime. Yeah. There's a good little bit of pop art on the wall a bit of uh mcdonald's pop art

yeah just a picture of a burger in case you forget where you are yeah but like doing some weird dot pixelated kind of style i mean nothing's going to beat the uh crocodile eating the camels and the beach boxes in the in the russell street hungrys, which I think we've talked about before on the show. All right, I'm halfway through. You're halfway through. I mean, just at this point, this is fantastic content. People are on the edge of their seats. This should be on the McDonald's homepage.

He's back. You said that when you ordered. You turned up and went, I'm back. And then I laughed. And she looked at me like, I'm the weirder one for being with you than you are for saying, I'm back. What if you, yeah, it would have been funny if you'd, like, pushed for a discount, if you'd been like, hey, yeah, this is my first time back in six months. How about we knock a little, how about we chuck some free fries in there?

Maybe start a bidding war as to which chain got to feed me the first burger. Oh, that's good. Yeah. You want it to be fed to you. What if you'd asked for that? Someone... Maybe after this, I'll go another six months. Yeah. And they can buy the rights to Chando's first burger in December.

Yeah, it's like the boxing. There's no set schedule for it. It's just whenever the money's right, you come out and you eat a burger. Yeah. Yeah. When did you first get onto chips in the burger? How long have you done that for? I think as soon as I moved out of home.

No, but Dad's not in the picture. My crusty old Dad. Yeah. Stopping me from putting chips in burgers yeah yeah well yeah how do you feel i guess the real question will be in half an hour how you feel yeah i wonder what this is going to do like whether you because you eat a lot so i feel like well you used to eat a lot you know you eat a lot of maccas you used to eat a lot of maccas so i feel like your body would be pretty conditioned to it this would be interesting to a lot. You know, you eat a lot of Maccas. You used to eat a lot of Maccas. So I feel like your body would be pretty conditioned to it.

This would be interesting to see if now, having had like five and a half months off it, whether you feel the way people, like you get that high that people get normally when they eat McDonald's. Yeah, you're right. Because you were a junkie at that stage. Yeah. Like you're just eating it to not feel sick anymore. Like you're not, you're just chasing that initial buzz.

But those days are long gone. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a normal person again now Yeah Okay well it's gone down pretty well What do people sitting here Watching this think this is? Like I'm just sitting here Watching you

As if There's a recorder out As if this is weird for a McDonald's It's Yeah I don't know It's pretty weird The McDonald's in the city Like if

There's people literally shooting up In the Russell Street McDonald's Yeah that's true In the street McDonald's That's fair like people are literally shooting up in the Russell Street McDonald's yeah that's true in the street McDonald's that's fair alright well yeah it feels good what date is it

let's date this for posterity so it's the 13th of June 13th of June 2015 Chando's back on it 13th of June