The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 246 - Tom Gleeson & Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: June 16, 2015

Free Dunnys, Japanese Meditation and Dry Anuses.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me on my own couch, the other half of the show, my best friend, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. So we're filming this. We haven't mentioned this yet on the show. The last couple of episodes have been filmed by the boffins

in at Channel 31. Trying to get some sweet ratings, obviously, by filming in audio format. Trying to ride off the little dum-dum club's coattails by, this will be good when this goes out because I don't know why we've agreed to this because you know what's going to happen. Immediately once this goes out, all the listeners go, oh, jeez, I wish I hadn't seen what you two look like.

Fucking hell, that's disgusting. Yeah, we get that all the time. It's good. Well, you know, they've got my phone number so I get that texted. So, you know, it's just a Facebook comment to you. I'm getting woken up in the middle of the night to go, oh, your head's fucked. Cool.

Nice one. I set an alarm. And what do you say back to your girlfriend when she tells you, yeah, this one goes out to you and this one goes out to you. But what I do like is that a couple of episodes ago we filmed one of these in the Portland Hotel in the city and the guys came along to film it. And, you know, I think good on these guys for sitting around and filming something without a lot of action.

They're just sitting there going, is it still in focus? for sitting around and filming something without a lot of action. Yes. They're just sitting there going, is it still in focus? Yep. Cool. All right. Repeat for an hour. Neither of them are dead. All right.

Keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So I've watched these poor guys sit there and go, oh, God. And, of course, we muck around for about half an hour before we film anything, before we start. Yes. So they're sitting around going, oh, God. All right.

So they're here for hours and hours. So I watched them last time. And then they walked out to their car afterwards and they had a big old ticket. So thanks, guys. All right, so they're here for hours and hours. So I watched them last time and then they walked out to their car afterwards and they had a big old ticket. So thanks, guys. Thanks. Why didn't you get a shot of that? That would have been great.

We then watch it on 31 and there's just B-roll of us walking down the street and them all giving us the bird. Yeah. And thanks for wasting our whole lives, you fuckwits. Well, joining us on the show this evening are two very special guests. First of all, you know him from Triple M, from ABC, 774. As Captain Cole, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Adam Rosenbach. Thanks for having me, dudes.

You also know him from some of his money residing in my bank account. Oh, yeah. A little bit, yeah. Didn't get the interest from that, but that's fine. You pay me back, man. We're square. It's all good. I did pay you back.

And all it took was you pranking me on the radio. But hey, maybe we should get to this a bit later on. Let's get into that. Also joining us, you know him from The Weekly. Please welcome back in the little dum-dum club, Tom Gleeson. Yes. I'm on television. Yeah.

He's the one. Like now. No, now. Very exciting. Sort of. Is this as good as it is in at the ABC? Yeah, it's about the same. Same budget.

Pretty much. That's the thing about ABC. When people go, you know, you always see all this right-wing sort of stuff going, ABC, you've got too much money. I'd love for everyone to come in and see what the offices are like at the ABC. Oh, they're terrible, yeah. Because it's not as nice as this house. Yeah, you just go one millimetre off camera and everything falls to shit at the ABC. Like the only things going down the lens of the cameras looks good,

everything else doesn't. Where I'm working at the moment in the Elston Wick studios, our office is what looks like a shitty broken down TAFE from 1972. Come on, you get to overlook the Holocaust Museum. That's an uplifting. People will think that's a bad joke but that's completely true. The Holocaust Museum is actually opposite the ABC TV building. Yeah, and so any time you write something that's a bad joke, but that's completely true. That's actually true. The Zoom is actually opposite the ABC TV building. Yeah, and so any time you write something that's subpar,

you're like, oh, God, so depressing. I can't make up anything good. You look out the window. You're like, oh, it could be worse. You walk back in. Walk back in, refocus on your happy life. That's like how Homer in The Simpsons, he's got his thing of do it for her with all the photos of Maggie.

It's like that same thing. We do it for them. There's a lot more of them. This is the stuff you should be cutting out, I imagine, for broadcast. But also it's a myth that any place in TV is posh or, you know, opulent anyway. Like every TV show I've ever worked on, and I reckon, Adam, you'd feel the same, the offices are always shit. Because every single TV show that you ever work for

may only exist for 10 weeks. Yeah. So what kind of office are you going to get if you're only going to be around for 10 weeks and the answer is one with possums in the roof,

broadband cables or gaffer tape to the carpet. They never look good. Well, the last time we worked together, Rosie, was on Double Dribble. Double Dribble. On ABC2.

Yep. By Ernie Chang and Dave Thornton. Diamond Dave Thornton. And our writer's room was like, honestly, it looked like someone's maths classroom. on ABC2 yeah hosted by Ernie Chang and Dave Thornton and our writers room was like honestly it looked like someone's

maths classroom it was a genuine what was it not a meeting room one of the like a teaching room it was actually

everything phased forward there were old school projectors in there it was yeah it looked like a 70s portable classroom

at a high school yeah it was terrible but the ones that you were talking about the skid house officers, which were next to Rove when Rove was on, so they had long-term contract.

They knew they were going to be around for a while. Yeah. But the skid house ones, they hide out this building next door and that's where the possums are in the roof, which actually eventually ended up setting fire to the building. The building burnt down. But the toilets in there used to... What, the possums set fire to the building?

They hated skid house. That is... Yeah. They weren't fans of sketch. They preferred more live panel shows. But the toilets used to flush brown. So you just go, I don't know what's happening here. That was the possums again?

Yeah. That was a grim building, man. When that building burnt, I reckon there would have been so much black smoke coming out of those weird vinyl petitions. It actually burnt down. The building burnt down. In fact, what had happened was Skid House had just finished, though we didn't realise it at the time because we'd been told there was

another series and it never turned up. A lot of that happens. That's classic, yeah. We had our cast party and it was like, good news, we've got a fourth series. And everyone went, yay, and we never saw each other ever again. And the building burnt down just to confirm it. But then on the news, everyone was saying, Ro's building's burnt down and we were annoyed

because his building was next door. He was fine. It was our office that burnt down. And the first thing that Scott Brennan said to me, another cast member of Skiddouse, he said, I'm so glad that that hard drive of my computer is burnt. What a relief. My favourite bit from that was, because I was on the news, you know, because it was all attached to Rove, and Fiona Harris,

who was part of the cast, and there was a cutaway of her and she was crying. And he's like, seriously, it was the worst fucking building in the world. We have no attachment to it. No one cares. But the memories, Rosie, the memories. She missed the possums. My first memory of meeting Catherine Devaney was in there

and she was expressing, just had her boob out with just expressing. She's like, G'day, I'm Dev. I was like, oh, God. Is that expressing? Is that what that means? Expressing milk. Right. Not speak.

Did you think expressing yourself like G'day? I thought that too, yeah. Just expressing herself. Yeah, just a boob out. It didn't need to be milked. too She was expressing herself Yeah just to move on Yeah It didn't need to be milked It just That was her expressing herself

Yeah Again two little fucking idiots here What's breast milk? I don't even have kids And I know Wait women do that? What? What's

What's being on TV like And what are boobs like? They're both good Yeah So yeah So Rosie This is the first episode Back since

The last time you were on We were Well there was free beer last time Can I just point that out There was listener Listener brewed beer Yeah There's still some of that left actually

Is there Is it chilled I think it's gone off by now It's a sign of good beer So that was here But yeah last time I mean you got free beer last year But you did have to sit in my bedroom

Next to my pile of underpants So you know Now you're in the lounge room. The last time on Rosie Dum Dum was we were having a bit of intervention. Tommy Dasol owed you a bit of money for a bit of cash. Maybe three, four years ago. About four years ago. Four years ago. Yeah.

And so that then spiralled onto, because it was you and Tommy Little were on the opposite. Well, let's just say Tommy Little didn't let it go. No. I was okay with it. He came in with a big plan. Yeah. Yeah. And he then took that onto radio.

It was like a to-be-continued onto a legitimate format rather than a podcast. So I'm house-sitting my aunt and uncle's farm over the summer and I get a call one morning from Nick, who's the producer in it and over, and he says, hey, man, I just wanted to get you on the show tomorrow to talk about your podcast. So can we call you wanted to get you on the show tomorrow to talk about your podcast.

So can we call you up and get you on the phone to talk about it? And I go, well, there's a number of things here. Why does a radio show just want to interview someone about a podcast? Why are they getting just me and not the guy I do the podcast with? And why are they doing it over the phone? But still I go, okay. And so the next morning I get the call and I'm in a farm. So there's like there's barely any reception.

So I have to stand on a couch with my phone in the air. On a cow. This one cow is the place where you get reception. So I do that and the producer gets me on the line and he goes, we're just about to put you through. Normally we'd have you on hold so you'd be able to hear the show as it's going on. But the hold button's broken. So I'm just going to put the phone down.

And immediately I go, all right, well, I'm about to be massively stitched up. And I start to get an inkling of what it is. The hold button's broken. The hold button's broken. That would be something a bit better. A bit more creative. Yeah, geez, hard times in at Nova. We can't afford to fix one button.

The hold button, yeah. You thought the skid house offices were bad. So with no hold button, does that mean people are just ringing up and immediately getting on air? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. It's been a disaster for Nova. Have I won? Oh, fuck.

So I then get put on the air and Tommy's like, now you think that we've gotten you here to talk about your podcast. I go, I'll just clear this up immediately. At no stage did I think that. And then lo and behold, who pipes up from the corner of the room, but one A Rosenbachs. Oh, yeah. I then get roasted for not having paid you back yet,

which I had messaged you to clear up. Yeah, we were totally fine with it. That was the thing. It was just Tommy Little. Apart from the other four years. Yeah, apart from that. I mean, four years, what's another four weeks? Yeah, it was fine. I was used to it.

So essentially someone, Tommy Little, who has a contract with Commercial Radio and obviously has paid a lot of money, got really incensed. Yes, he did. Someone who has a podcast that they host for nothing owed someone money. Yeah, and this is the other thing. I'd done some work for Nova at that point and I'd invoiced them

like four months ago and they hadn't paid me. Well, mate, if they can't fix the hold button, they can't pay you. Well, you should prank Nova. We should ring Nova now and say, hey, I've got some invoices and I need to be paid back. And they don't have the hold button. They'll be so embarrassed when we embarrass them on this podcast. There's no hold button.

There's no hold button so you go straight to air with them. So then, well, this is the thing that's happened recently. What I do like about this, I'll just clear this up, what I did like about this at the time, and it's a legitimate complaint from you, but I remember you said to me, how rich is this? Tommy Little's made of money rosie's got plenty of money but i'm getting you know complained about for a little

bit of money and i'm like well yeah but to be fair that's how it works if you take someone else's money you need to pay it back it's not communist australia i think my words have been taken a little bit but yeah i toned it down yeah They wanted you to come back on the following week? Well, yeah, then they were like, yeah, come back on. This is the day after Australia Day. I end up having people around and getting quite drunk. On the farm? Uh-huh.

On the farm? Again, on the farm. He charged it to Rosie as well. Yeah. Oh, no, on the farm. No, no, no. I'm back in Melbourne. Back in civilisation.

This is like a week later. And I'm going, again, why am I getting up early to be on the phone? And what's the story now? Do you pay him back? Yeah. Yeah, he's paid. The end. Back to bed he buys now.

Melbourne, top of 15 today. Well, then this is what's happened recently. So we recorded an episode of this podcast in it and over the other week with Michelle Laurie and Danny McGinley where we talked about how I've been selling things on Gumtree and eBay to get the money to pay back Rosie. No, for my parents, because they've got a lot of stuff. Because they owe Rosie money. They've downsized and they don't know how to use any of that stuff, so I've been doing all that.

And we talked about that on the show. And then I was giving away on gumtree my parents had gotten rid of the toilet that was in their house so they just had this this is old is this a time in your life where that happens what what happened you get to an age where you don't need a toilet anymore yeah yeah i just really need a room the size of a toilet i'm gonna get rid of the toilet carpet it and just stand in this little booth. Like a phone booth with no phone in there. Well, they were redoing the whole thing because their new place,

it's got like the little room with the toilet in it has carpet in it. Isn't that gross? Yeah, that's not cool. There's a lot of wee in that. No wonder they got rid of the toilet. So they're like, we just want to get rid of the toilet. Can you just put it up on Gumtree? Just free.

Anyone who wants to come get it can get it. Someone didn't come get it. Please tell me someone wants to come get it can get it. Free toilet. Someone didn't come get it. Please tell me someone didn't come get it. Well, something better happened. So I put it up. This guy, someone gets in touch with me immediately as soon as I put the ad up. And he's like, hey.

Oh, you got the toilet alert on Gumtree. Yeah, secondhand toilet. Bing. To the Dunnymobile. He's like, yeah, yeah, when can I come get it? When can I come get it? When can I come get this toilet? I'm like, oh, I'll just put you in touch with my dad.

Da-da-da. Was he busting? He was. Oh, I need to go to the toilet. I better go to gumtree.com and buy somewhere to do it. There's no public toilets in this area. I'm just busting in my little carpeted room. So he's gone back and forth with me and then after like I'm thinking,

man, this guy, it really was like that. I'm like, man, this guy is so keen to get his hands on this toilet. Then I get this email, I get a call from Nova and it's Nick, the producer of Tommy and Michelle, and he goes, you know that's me that you're talking to on Gumtree, right? I'm the toilet guy. And I'm like, wow, okay, that's weird. And he goes, yeah, because we do this segment on the show.

Called Stitch Up Tummy Dazzling. Where we try and find just like a weird thing on Gumtree to give away and then we give it away to a listener on the air. So I'm going back and forth with you and then I've seen your email come up and Michelle was sitting near me and I've gone, I think this might be Tommy Daslow's toilet. And Michelle goes, that's so weird. We were like just talking about him selling stuff for his parents on Gumtree.

So then Nick's like, hey, can we – we'll give it away on the air tomorrow and can we call you up because Tommy Little doesn't know anything about this. Oh, right. So we'll get you on the line and we'll have you on the line and we'll do this thing of like, ta-da, guess whose dad's toilet it is. And it's like, well, first of all, no one who listens knows or gives a shit about who I am. So that's not the big thing.

And I'm like – But you could have taken a dump in it on air or something. Like just on final – I'm like, is this a big – like Nick's like, nah, we'll prank him. I'm like, is this a prank? Yeah. He'll never recover from that. Yeah.

And I'm like, pardon me for being a little bit sceptical about being got on the phone by this radio station. Pardon me for having my senses up a little bit. So anyway, yeah, they gave it away and then they had to get in touch with my dad and they were trying to organise Man With A Van to come and get it. They end up just dicking my dad around all week, like telling him they're going to come and get it

so he goes home early to be there for them to pick it up. They just never show up. This ends up being a week and a half. All of a sudden the hold button's fixed. Tell you what, dad's turning off Nova 100 for life after this. He has been fucking gotten by them real hard. Well, you know, commercial radio, I'm guessing the content had already been to air.

Yeah. Yeah, well, after that he gives a fuck. Who cares? That's how it works. Well, but then. That happens when they give away money too. Yeah, we give away $10,000. Yay.

Woo. I'm listening to Nova. You little rip off. Hang on. When do they get the $10,000? I don't know. It could be weeks, months. Yeah.

I don't care. Well, then this is the next thing. So then I start getting emails from people who've gone and found the ad and been like, is this the toilet they were talking about on those? The famous toilet. Wow. So Nova's got this new segment where they just try to contact people they know through very indirect means.

Well, that was the end of the phone call. They're like, has your dad got any other stuff we could give away? Like, what's going on in this station now? Is this just turning into trading post-FM? Did they come and get it? I think they eventually came and got it, yeah. They finally come and got it. And did they stitch up little with it or no?

They just, when they gave it away on air, they then went on. You'll never guess who the toilet belongs to. And then I'm on the phone going, hello, Tommy, it's your friend, Tommy Dasolo. So you did it? I did it, yeah. Oh, yeah. That is a weird prank, yeah.

And did he have to go home early because he'd been so stitched up? Did he walk out of the studio? That is bullshit. I can't believe that belonged to someone that I know. But I still, I was just in there going, how's this going to blow back on me? This must be a stitch up on me. It was like that royal baby prank. Little immediately missed himself and he's gone now.

He's done with it well. But so, yeah, that is a crazy coincidence though that we're in there talking about that and then like a day later they're prowling around. They should just do that every week now. They should just buy things on Gumtree and then reveal to Tommy Little that it is in fact a possession of one of his friends. No, it should be. And they could do billboards and everything.

Tommy Little discovers that Gumtree purchases come from people he knows. It's a long hashtag. That should be the new secret sound. They just flush it and go guess whose dad's that belongs to? That sounds like Tommy Dastlo's dad's toilet.

Ding, ding, ding. I was amazed. Yeah, I got a number of emails of people going, hey, if the people of Nova didn't claim it, can I have it? So I was amazed that that many people listened and took it in and B. How expensive a toilet. Yeah, and you can actually find the ad that easily on Gumtree just through searching it, just through going through those things. Well, how many other secondhand toilets were there up there?

What section did you put it in? I don't know, like homeware, furniture? Furniture? Furniture, plumbing. Plumbing, yeah. Bathroom supplies, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Actually, I remember when I put it up, I couldn't find the exact.

Porcelain section, yeah. I couldn't find the exact category. It was either like. Well, Nova knows. Yeah. So I'll remember on Monday. Yeah, they don't have to come looking for it. So yeah.

Anyway, there you go. That's my crazy toilet story, guys. Well, we're actually doing quite a few podcasts in a row because you are going to Japan in a couple of days. So Rosie, you've obviously funded this one as well. Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing what you get up to. Yeah, Rosie, may I just say arigato? Yep. You're welcome. The Adam Rosenberg slash Contiki tour.

So obviously you've never been in Japan before. I've never been. No, have you been? No. What are you most excited about in Japan before. I've never been. No, have you been? No. What are you most excited about? Like you're obviously going to Tokyo. Yeah, I'm going to go to Tokyo. I'm excited about the food. I love Japanese food.

Yep. It's your number one Asian food, isn't it? It is my number one Asian food, yeah. Yeah. I'm always surprised by that. Have you, Tom, have you been to Japan? No, no, I'd love to go there because it does sound like everyone tells me it's so much fun, but I think I'd be – the whole time I'd be there, I'd just be really avoiding discussing World War II.

I've just – I've watched a lot of stuff about World War II. I've read a lot. Oh, you're a buff. Yeah. Well, yeah, I really – I've just read a lot about it. I really quite enjoy it, you know. And I'll just be wanting to bring it up all the time. It's pretty full on, wasn't it?

You'd be a freak show over there as well. Yeah, that's true. You're tall here. You would be mega tall there. Everyone would want a photo with me just because I look tall and disappointing. Yeah, so what are you actually going to do in Japan? I'm going to – How long are do in Japan? I'm going to –

How long are you going for? I'm going for like two weeks. Yep. I'm going to go to Osaka. I'm going to go to – what is it, Nara, the deer park? Fukushima? Yep. Sure.

Check out the nuclear plant. Let us know how it's going. They've probably got some secondhand toilets too. Yeah. I think for the first couple of days I'm literally just going to walk around wide-eyed just going going Don't rub it in Jesus Christ Really?

You've got to tone that down Am I back on Nova? Wait, let's ring Tommy and tell him what happened You'll never guess what happened You'll never guess which one of your friends has just been unintentionally racist I don't know how he knows this but Ronnie Chang's just rung in and said he's never coming on our show again You'll never guess what happened You'll never guess which one of your friends has just been unintentionally racist Who do you think it was?

I don't know how he knows this but Ronnie Chang just rung in and said It's never coming on our show again Bizarre Yeah so I'm hesitant to answer any more questions That's going to blow back on me Oh Bukkake oh come on What else are you doing in Japan?

I want to go to a baseball game I'm going to go to the Studio Ghibli Museum. What about sumos? Sumos? I'll go to sumos. If that's on, if it's in season. I don't know. I haven't looked it up.

Fat guys always want to fight. What about take a Flags of Our Fathers Blu-ray and see how many people you can watch it with? See, that's what I'd be wanting to do the whole time. I'd be wanting to watch that and Letters from Iwo Jima. And I'd be like, man, your grandparents are fucking full on, eh? Like that's all I'd want to do the whole time. That'd be such a great travel show, you just going into countries and just.

Or you in a Pearl Harbor T-shirt just walking around. Yeah. These are all good ideas. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I'm just going to kind of play it by ear a bit. Well, you said to me you're going to go and do a big meditation thing oh yeah so i'm gonna go friend of the show ann edmonds when she went last year she went and lived with monks up in the hills

and like a you stay with them in a place blows me away so that that's your plan you want to go and do that yeah yeah it sounds like it's really great live with monks on a hill yeah and meditate yeah but don't you don't you go up and you just have to not talk for ages? Yeah, you just do it for like – You can do that anywhere. You can do that in Bendigo. Yeah, there's something cool about like living with them and like staying with them. Bendigo's cool too. Yeah, fuck it.

I'm cancelling the trip. I'll just go to Bendigo for two weeks. Go and meditate and just go to a bedroom of someone's house like some Bendigo locals. In Bendigo there's less things to really talk about as well so it's easier yeah what have you been up to and you just don't talk for two days okay well there's not much to do here fair enough uh no you think it's you think that's a weird thing to do yeah to go all the way to somewhere and then not talk and not do anything yeah just for one night though i'm not gonna go there for like two weeks are you gonna do that just to cover for the fact that you can't speak Japanese?

Because it's perfect. Yeah, I'm meditating for the entire trip. I'm meditating. I'm not going to speak to anybody. Do you know Japanese? Oh, I'm fluent. I can speak Japanese really well, but I choose not to speak it because I'm on a spiritual journey.

But what are you doing? I think I heard a knock at your door. I'm just going to go and answer it really quickly. Is someone still knocking? Yeah. I'll get it. You keep podcasting. Oh, okay. Alright, you go and get it. I guess it is your house in a way. Just keep talking about what I'm going to do in Japan while I'm not here.

The other person needs to be here to be talking about what you're doing. Alright, let's just make up what Tommy is doing. I would look into ninjuring. Really? I've been there. I went there for like a week and that Tommy is doing. I would look into ninjuring. Really? Yeah. I've been there. I went there for like a week and that's it. Yeah. It's the first place I ever went to overseas. First time I got on a big boy plane. Yeah. I just went there and it's actually the perfect first place to go to because it's just absolutely

so different from what you used to. Yeah. It's a sensory overload, isn't it? Yes. Is that right? Everything. Yes. Every aspect. Way more people than you're used to, a language you don't understand i presume yes and uh and and everything's bigger and brighter too yes in tokyo and faster trains that'd be the thing that gets yes and when i got in it was snow

and you very rarely see snow here so everything was happening at once i was like jesus and i was by myself as well so it was a big big shock to a little boy from Maryborough. Yeah, yeah. So did you do that before you even went to Melbourne? You just went from Maryborough to the airport, straight to Tokyo. Yeah, I left from Maryborough International. Go straight to Tokyo and go, wow, imagine how good Melbourne's going to be. It was a little bit like that.

It was actually a little bit like that because I hadn't moved to Melbourne. I very rarely came to Melbourne. I was living in Ballarat. Yeah. And then I went to Tokyo. I went, whoa, I think I'm ready for Melbourne now. Yeah. It was good.

So you're meditating. You're back from the front door. There was no one there, by the way. Oh, really? Yeah. You're fucking losing the plot. This sounds like another Nova promotion. There's a knock at the front door.

Who's there? Nobody. Stay tuned. Did you check your bathroom? Is your dunny gone? The old dunny thief. The toilet's missing. And your bathroom's been carpeted. They did a switch. No, got me again.

Yeah, I think I'm going to do that. I think I'm going to do that for one night. Who are you going with? A friend of mine, Ben. You know Ben Finnell? Yeah. Anyway. Now his name's on the podcast.

No, no, no. I just thought if you're going by yourself, it would be a totally different thing. But are you dragging him along to the meditation? I don't know. I don't know if he's keen to do it or not. You can't meditate alone. I wouldn't have thought so.

I do like the idea of doing it because we've got a few days in Tokyo at the start And then a couple of days at the end So I kind of like the idea of doing a very quiet, peaceful thing You know, like right before the end You know, to kind of make you appreciate kind of the craziness You know what you should do? You should just get hammered on Saki and then meditate Because you don't want to talk then

Like if you're hungover, you'd just be like I'm really appreciating the silence Combine it with rehab Yeah, exactly. Dry out and meditate. Man, there'll be a lot of voices in your head though when you stop drinking. Straight up the first night, that'd be bad. That'd be pretty grim.

Did you ever go backpacking, Tom? Did you ever like as a young man go overseas by yourself? The first time I ever went overseas was to the Edinburgh Fringe. Right. So I was already a comedian. So I was a bit weird. I never had the backpackers experience because I'd started comedy when I was so young and I'd get flown overseas to do gigs.

I thought, well, I'm never going to travel to a country and pay for it. That's madness. Yeah, yeah. I have since then. I travel every now and then. But often, like, I've never been to South every now and then But often I've never been to South Africa But I do really want to go there

But the only reason I haven't been there Is because I do know There's a festival there And I'm not paying for that cunt I'm not going to They are going to fly me there And it's just a matter of time

And I refuse to go there Of my own volition It's like paying for a toilet Why would you do that? Crazy Why would you do that? You didn't go to Adelaide Until the festival was on No same thing Have you do that? Crazy. Why would you do that? You didn't go to Adelaide until the festival was on.

No, same thing. Have you ever been anywhere where there's not a comedy festival? Yeah, where have I been? Bali. Oh, yeah. I've been to Bali. Where else? Thailand, Vietnam.

You haven't been to the Kuta Comedy Club. No, I haven't done the Kuta Comedy Club, but yeah. No, Indonesia, Vietnam, Thailand. What's the most remote place you've done a gig? It's hard to say. Maybe Kununurra. Oh, yeah. I reckon that's – I did the Kimberley Moon Festival there just two years ago,

I think. The only reason I went out there was, to be fair, the money was good, but I had to mc bands right and the bands were like paul kelly and uh and and the black sorrows and casey chambers and it's a good lineup and i just thought it looked like a really good gig to watch in the desert and i i didn't give a shit about my bit at all and it was rather tricky actually it's like 10 000 people out in the middle of nowhere and I had to emcee but it's a band thing so it's more like Big Day Out.

I mean in terms of its set up, it's got a big main stage and they're like they showed me where I was going to stand and I come standing on stage and I'm surrounded by musical equipment and there's a crash barrier for people not to get too close to the stage. And they're saying and you'll introduce the bands from here and you'll do that and you'll do that and then here and then this is when you're going to do your 10-minute comedy spot. And I'm like, what?

Stand-up? What am I going to do? Yeah, yeah, I think people would really like to see you do stand-up. And I'm like, yeah, it's sort of – I'm trying to describe that it's just not really going to work. It's probably better that I just ad-lib and muck around and introduce the bands. I'm not sure they're going to listen.

Anyway, so against my better judgment, I thought, no, no, no, I can do it. It's fine. There's a spotlight. There's really big screens, massive PA. People are listening. Any story that starts with against my better judgment is going to be a good one as well.

Yeah, yeah. So I thought I'll try to do 10 minutes of stand-up and I sort of snuck the audience into it. I didn't just like run. Here comes the jokes. Yeah, I sort of made out I was emceeing and then sort of snuck into some material. And while I was doing it, I remember thinking I could see people laughing

but there was also just a lot of noise. There's a lot of people talking amongst themselves who are too far away some people sort of watching and trying to enjoy it other people's not so much and um and then they're also like little uh like aboriginal kids just running around in circles in front of the stage like being really apparent to me that they're like what 10 years old and probably have got you know no idea what i'm talking about and And so I finished and it was not great. And then I walked up and I saw the woman who had told me about the 10-minute spot. And she said straight up, she said, yeah, you're right,

that didn't work at all. And I'm like, fuck, see? I was telling you this. And she just dismissed it so quickly I realised if I'd never done it, she wouldn't have complained. But she was so insistent that I'd do it. Yeah. Anyway.

But I did get to watch bands. That was cool. Yeah. Saw Paul Kelly, Under the Stars. That's lovely. You're more of a traveller than Rosie. You've done a bunch of travelling? Yeah, yeah.

The first time I went overseas, I think I was like maybe 24-ish and I backpacked through Europe and that was great fun. Is this long hair, Rosie? No, it was just I would have had my hair cut a few years before that. I never travelled with long hair. Right. Yeah, it wasn't a metal tour. But, yeah, I just backpacked through Europe.

It's amazing. Like the idea of I couldn't even fathom doing it now, sleeping in a dorm with 12 other people and just coming home at 3 in the morning, spastic every day and getting up at 7 and just going into it. But it was so much fun, you know. Yeah. And the budget that you set yourself, it's amazing. You'll eat, you know, a bread roll and that's it and wash it down

with a Coke just so you can get drunk at night. Oh, really? Yeah, because that's where all your funds are going to. You go, because you've got your Euro pass so you can get around. You're pretty, you know, how are you getting around? You know, 15 bucks for a dorm room and then the rest of it is just on booze. And beforehand you'll buy like a bottle of wine or something in Italy, get blind, pre-drinks and then go out.

And that's what everyone does. Travel broadens the mind, doesn't it? Yeah, no, it does. It does, yeah. No, I've vomited in a lot of cool places. And where did you meditate when you were there? Look, I spent a lot of time meditating in each city but that was more of a blackout.

You just reminded me that I actually have tried to stay to backpackers once. Oh, yeah. And I was in America in 2006, went over there to do the Montreal Comedy Festival and then went around New York. Hadn't really been to America before. Spent some time in New York and LA and my brother joined me there, my younger brother. And I've become used to motels or staying at hotels and stuff. And we hired a Mustang convertible, which sounds extravagant,

but it's actually rather cheap in America to do that. So we're just driving around in a Mustang and we did the Pacific Coast. Drove from L.A. to San Fran. And I'm sort of getting annoyed because we keep stopping it. It's starting to add up. You know, every time you stay at a hotel, it's about $120. And I keep looking at the guide and seeing these other places that are just really cheap.

And I'm like, fuck it. For one night, we're getting in late, we're leaving early. Let's just stay. This place is like $10. Let's just stay there. How bad can it be? It'll just be a bad place. So we go in.

My brother goes in. He's really into it. We're in there and they show us through to the common dorm area and um and i'm looking at the bunks and i'm like my brother can already see i'm not feeling happy about it nah we can do it and we get given our sheets to make our own beds and i'm like we're not we're not here that long and we do so then we got to the point where i was really excited about saving the money and i just fucking freaked out because it reminded me of boarding school and I just thought this is just shit. I just can't do this.

So I went back out to the Mustang. I was sitting in the car and I rang my brother on international roaming on my mobile and I'm like, we can't do it. Let's get out of here. I don't want to come back in. I just can't come back in. So he was in there and the guy made him go back and unmake the beds, fold up the sheets, take them all back.

So he was in there another half hour and I was just waiting for him to come out. And then we went round the corner, just stayed at a hotel for like $200 and then we're in bed drinking giant beers while watching Letterman. I'm saying, see, this is how you do it. I can't do that. I just can't do that anymore. I did it when it went through. Laos, you stay in places.

It's like $4 a night but you're staying in hovels, man. Like, you know, the toilet is in the same room as the shower. So it's just one of those hoses, you know, the hoses that you can wipe your ass with. I did it just last year in a place like that. Yeah. And so like if you go to the toilet, the toilet's wet. The toilet paper is wet.

Everything is just – but it's like $4. You're like, I can't do this. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the great regrets of my life actually. When I went to Japan, I was actually travelling with friends and they were going to like all through Asia on the way to London. We were all going to meet up in London.

And they went, come on, come on, do this, come on, do this. And I was like, oh, no. I live in Ballarat. I'm scared of Melbourne. I don't know what's happening in Asia. Or go to Tokyo. Yeah, yeah. It's sort of like the Western Asia.

So I can sort of get that. I recognize Astro Boy. That's something. I know something about that. So I spent like a week there. They spent like two months in like Thailand and Indonesia and stuff like that. And then had all these amazing stories.

And I'm always like, like whenever I see them now, I'm still like, tell us about that time when you went to Bangkok and had that great night again. And they're like, again? Should I tell that story again? I'm like, yeah, I just wanted to go there. Can we go back in time 10 years? This is the first time I've ever been overseas and been single. I've been in a relationship every single time I've been away.

Here we go. A lot of pressure. A lot of pressure, isn't there? Jeez. Yeah. And you're going to waste some of that time up meditating when you could be rooting your cock off. You've seen those hot Japanese girls. Yeah, that's why I need to meditate, to just

calm myself from the two weeks of constant rejection. You'll be alright over there. You're a novelty. What's Japanese for I do a podcast? I should have found that out, shouldn't I? Do you guys have podcasts here? My wife's got this thing where she always fantasises about letting me sleep

with whoever I want, like that I've got a week, and I can just go nuts and do whatever I want. Where would you go? Vegas? Well, she thinks that what would actually happen is I'd end up, nothing would happen in that week week and then I'd come home and I'd be depressed because I'm like I just couldn't get it happening with anyone because no one was interested.

But then she would be even more depressed because she'd realise that she was married to someone who couldn't get a room. So it's always this fantasy we talk about. Oh, maybe we'll do it. And then it's like we actually think of the actuality of it and it's like it just wouldn't really work. That's the other thing that happens when you're backpacking. If you pick up, you don't know where to go.

There's a lot of alley, you know, heavy peddling. Oh, is there? Yeah, there is. Wow. A lot of experience? Yeah, allegedly or is this? No, no, no, that's what happens. You've got to know where to go.

But how do you know that's what happens? Because I was backpacking around Europe. Okay. Making sweet love in alley. That's to know where to go. But how do you know that's what happens? Because I was backpacking around Europe. Okay. Making sweet love in alleys. That's all I wanted to hear. Was this Fat Rosie or was this normal Rosie? Oh, yeah. No, it would have been chunky.

You've seen pictures of you that are quite chunky. Yeah, it would have been chunky. The heaviest I got was about, and this is just before I went to South America, I was about 96 kilos, so I'm about 80 now. Oh, so you lost a lot of weight in South America. Yeah, I wonder how. Interesting. Yeah.

I didn't bring any of it back. It's amazing. That's more the concern when you're heavier when you're in South America. You lose what you put in. So I lost about 8,000 grams. Oh, yeah. So I've heard some great stories from you about being in South America. Yeah.

None of which can go on the podcast. You're right. Put some celebrity names in there. Yeah, exactly. Oh, no. The sealed section. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, go on the podcast. You might put some celebrity names in there. Yeah, exactly. Oh, no. The sealed section. Yeah, absolutely. It's good stuff.

What a great advertisement for South America. Some great stories. You'll never be able to repeat them in public. I mean, the best thing I can say, this is like when you're in Peru. So we were in, there's a place called Cusco, which is the town you go to before you go to Machu Picchu, if you're catching the train there. And so you'd be in like a nightclub and you're going to the toilet and this guy's just like

sweeping the toilets and he'd just be like, cocaine, cocaine? And you're like, oh, yeah, all right. And he just gives you this little envelope. It's like a tiny little envelope that he's made. It's about – I think it was like about $2 or something like that. There must be some wild stories if this is the one you're allowed to tell. Yeah. And so you go in and he'd just watch the door for you while you went into the toilets.

And the paper – the thing had a couple of lines in it and you go in and he just watched the door for you while you went into the into the toilets and the and the the paper you know the thing had a couple of lines in it and you go in there you do a couple lines come out and he'd make sure that no one came in there while you're in there yeah and that was that was his deal he you know he was just the cleaner and he usually someone gives you a like a towel or something but no he was giving you coke i like to imagine the whole bathroom is just like just brill clean. No, no, clean. Like just because he's had a video. And just the whole thing is just like perfectly immaculate. And he's still mopping nothing.

There's actually a divot in the ground where he's been mopping for ages. The toilets are all gone because Nova goes to the toilet. Actually, the toilets don't even flush because no one's even used them for that. It's just to put lines on. Well, so I've gotten a bit sick just before I've gone over. I've got a bit of a stomach bug at the moment, which has been not fun. And I don't know. This made me realise this weird thing about myself today

because I'm 28 and I've had this since I was a kid. I still – Stomach bug. Huh? Yeah. You should get that checked out. I'm slowly dying. Well, yeah.

Yep. I – yeah, this is insane and I don't know how other people go with this, but I still get embarrassed going and buying condoms from the shops, like from the chemist. Do you? Yeah. I still get weird about it. So you should, you loser.

We're all bareback legends over here. Yes. Old two kids over here. I haven't bought one for years. So I feel embarrassed about it too, I think. But don't you buy them at the supermarket? Just chuck them in with you? One time I may have said this on the podcast before.

When I was younger, I was at the supermarket. I was like, I'm just going to go in and just buy them by themselves to not get a buffer item, just own it, just go. And I walked past and there was like a slab of Pepsi Max cans on sale. It was like a really good deal. And I was like, fuck, I've got to pick up on this. So I put them down. I'm a morning anther.

I go to the checkout and it's just what a bizarre combination of items. And the checkout girl is just looking at this slab of Pepsi Max and then this packet of condoms. And then she looks at me and I just go, I'm having a party. But so I still like when I go and buy them, you know, I get other stuff. And, again, it's like you just let it go. Like who gives a shit? But that must be the great moment in condom buying times

where you've got self-checkout now. Well, yes. Oh, good point. But still, but this is my point is that I realised how ridiculously backwards that is because today I go into the chemist to get stuff to kind of clean up my stomach. Yeah, condoms. That I'm not embarrassed about at all.

Like I just go in, I'm talking to the pharmacist going, yeah, I've had the runs for like five days. Like what have you got? I've got the Hydrolyte but anything you get that can kind of fix me guts up, yeah, I'll just get that. Flush me. Like I'm not embarrassed about that at all which is kind of embarrassing but just condoms, like I'm like, oh, I've got to buy some jelly beans

so that no one knows that I'm having sex. I think lube is a more embarrassing one. Bad, that's bad. Jelly beans and condoms is bad. That's really bad. It's like I need lollies to lure. Anyway, it's just not great. Or it's like I'm smuggling these jelly beans overseas.

But, yeah, I don't know. I just had this moment of. That sounds like a bit of a humble brag to me. It's just Tommy Dasso saying to us without a long story to it, just going, buying a lot of condoms, guys. Yep, guys yep gonna play my way through japan i'm a single guy i'm uh i don't want to use the condom vending machines in japan i just i just want to get him here and also he wants to stop shitting on the ladies while he's having sex so that's good big humble brag that one yeah very thoughtful yeah are you so um you i have been getting a lot of messages from you

with your little upset tummy because you've got quite a bad – any time I've ever had any sort of like slightly spicy food with you, it tends to be a bit like you're out of control. Have you been to Thailand? Yeah. How did you go over there? Oh, you've got that –

Generally fine but I did get – You've got that great story. Yeah, but that – I mean that was – I do – Everyone gets a bug. Yeah. I mean that was we ate bad seafood. Like I've got a generally pretty – I don't think I've told this on the podcast. I went to a naturopath a few months ago and I went with my dad.

Good. Yeah. The classic father and son bonding activity. Why meditate when you can go to a naturopath? Did he buy condoms? Made of bark? Did he hire the naturopath to tell you about the birds and the bees? Well, we go and

because he's got, like, we both had stuff that we needed to go for and we get to the end and it was like, we went to this one that just got recommended. It's like a little bit of a drive out of the city and then we were going to go out for lunch afterwards and Dad's like, we're driving along and Dad's like, oh, fuck, that took really long. I've got to get back to work. Let's just go in here for lunch. And he's pointing at're driving along and dad's like oh fuck that took really long i'm gonna get back to work let's just go in here for lunch and he's pointing

at kfc so we've driven from a naturopath straight into a kfc and we're just there going man if she could see this she would be kicking our asses like this is did it work so bad the naturopath yeah yeah i think so like i don't know i mean there's two elements to it like like my it. Like, my dad got diagnosed with diabetes and so he goes to this naturopath and she, within one minute, she's like, you don't have diabetes. It's like, well, let's be careful about how loosely we chuck that stuff around. So they're a bit like the chiropractor of the medical world. No one buys into chiropractors. When you go into a chiropractor, there's all that literature in there

that's going, hey, no, we know what we're doing. You're like, don't, why is this all here? I thought you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you're pointing it out that you fucking don don't, why is this all here? I thought you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you're pointing it out that you fucking don't. Yeah, a couple of Scientology books in the mix. Yeah, exactly. Well, from what I understand of it is that it's kind of evolved

in a way where it used to be very much just kind of like feeling out the body and seeing what the body needs. Very holistic. Yeah, and now there's like a scientific kind of element to it. But this woman's been doing it for a long time. So she's tried to sort of merge both of them together and it just doesn't work. Did she ask you to do anything?

Like did you have to drink some strange concoction or eat something weird? She took a bit of blood and she did like a live blood screening, which I really liked because she's like, you see these gaps here, that means you need more of this so we can work on that. Can they take blood? Yeah.

No, they don't take blood, just little finger pricks. Yeah, yeah. So you go, oh, I buy into this. There's a scientific background This is really good But then I'm like, so she gives me this tonic And I'm like, how much of this should I have? Tonic, it's easy to hear a tonic

It's like the 1920s Yeah, it's to turn me into Mr Hyde Is it to cure your ills? But to work out the dosage, she makes me put my arm out And she goes, okay And she starts kind of like pushing down on my arm and going, okay, one tablet, two tablets, three. Oh, okay, your arm went pretty hard for three.

I think it's three. So she's trying to bring in that old school and it's like just do the science stuff. That's what the guy in the toilet in Peru did. How many lines? One, two, three lines. If there's a doctor going one cat and dog, two cats, that's not science. I did meet this naturopath when she was cleaning a toilet.

So that could explain something. Cleaning your toilet before resale. But, yeah, I mean, you've either got to do, just commit 100% to the science stuff or commit 100% to the mumbo-jumbo stuff. They can't really. Or just get into magic. They can't coexist. Well, in defence of the naturopath, pharmacology,

which I did at university, it's pretty ad hoc as well. Like essentially what happens is with modern drug medicine or what we've gathered from the past 100 years is you get various plant extracts, usually it's stuff from plants, and you inject it into people and see what happens. And then you work out the science backwards. So all pharmacology is this chemical, this drug does this thing and then they theorise backwards as to why it happened.

It's actually quite imprecise. Right. So pharmacy and pharmacology, you know, it comes under the banner of science but having done it, it's pretty fucking loose in there. The pharmacology book I had when I was at university didn't have an ending because that's just where they got up to in their experiments. They had a couple of blank pages at the end for you to work it out. So there's a fair bit of voodoo in pharmacy as well.

It's not all zeros and ones. Well, but then so the reason I went is because I have rosacea, which is like kind of, it's like adult acne forever. And so my doctor, my actual doctor put me on antibiotics and she's like, you just take these for the rest of your life. I'm like, that doesn't sound like a good way to live yeah so i go to the naturopath and she puts me on this stuff that's going to help it but she's like don't stop taking the antibiotics yet so i'm so now i'm on both of them and then i go back and she's like wow your skin's looking so

great it's really improved um oh it's really working for you i'm like no shit because i'm still on the antibiotics like you don't get to claim this as a win for you. I'm doing my modern medicine. Have you ever been on Roaccutane? No, I never went on it. That's some evil shit. What's that? So I had really bad acne when I was in high school and Roaccutane is a thing that pregnant women can't take.

It's really dangerous. It just dries you out. It's the most intense acne. It gets rid of all the babies out of your face. Is that what that means? Yeah, that's exactly what happens. But it dries you out. It gets rid of your cyst babies out of your face. Is that what's happening? Yeah, that's exactly what happens. But it dries you out. It gets rid of your cystic acne so you feel better.

But the massive side effect of it is it makes you suicidal. Yeah. Makes people really depressed. They go, I fucking look great. So as I'm jumping off the West Gate, I'm like, how good do I look? It's fucking horrible. It was horrible. I had so many friends that got put on it and you get put on it when you're 16

and it's like the worst. You're already volatile enough. So your skin clears up and your self-esteem plummets. That's weird. That's exactly what happens. And I remember the doctor saying to me, you can't get anyone pregnant. I go, have you seen the cystic acne? That's not my choice.

I'm not making that choice. But, yeah, it was horrible. You get blood noses. It just dries out all the membranes in your body. So you were on it? Yeah. And so were you feeling suicidal? Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah But yeah, it was horrible. You get blood noses. Yeah. It just dries out all the membranes in your body. So you were on it? Yeah. And so were you feeling sort of dry? Oh, fuck yeah.

Yeah, yeah, totally. Wow. And you don't realise it because, you know, you're 16, you're all over the place and stuff. But yeah, you fucking just plummet and you just have no idea. Yeah. You can't get sunburned. A whole bunch of my friends went on it at the time.

You can't get sunburned. Like it makes your skin really sensitive. You dry out. Like your lips are really dry, your nose, skin, everything. It's horrible. This thing does a lot of weird things in a combination. Yeah, totally. What else does it do?

Well, it gets rid of cystic acne. That's what it does. Dry anus. I remember that being one of the symptoms. I don't remember that being an issue. I don't even know what that would be. Well, that's going to be embarrassing when you go and buy lube again for it. Wow, that's a – I don't remember a dry anus.

I remember everything else. Wistfully. I still remember when my grandfather gave me the first dry anus. I'm going to check my diary again. Did you have braces growing up? Oh, yeah. You had it all going on. Yeah, I know.

It was a pretty hot target. What drugs could you take for braces? Coco., I had braces. You had it all going on. Yeah, I know, it was pretty hot. It was pretty hot. What drugs could you take for braces? Cocoa. Just to numb it. What are the braces? Do the braces give you a wet anus?

Sorry, moist anus. Definitely moist anus. I don't, your anus. They were horrible. Just, I had the bands

and then I had this thing that was called headgear which not many people wore but it was to hold your back teeth back so you'd have like this thing It was called headgear Which not many people wore But it was to hold Your back teeth back So you'd have like This thing on your head And then it would

Strap into your teeth And it would like Pull It was kind of one of those things That they'd have nerds Wearing on sitcoms Yeah yeah But did you not wear it to school

No I wore it when you got home Yeah absolutely So did you have to come Straight home And wear it straight away Or did you have a social life They said wear it When you went to sleep

But it was the most It was something that came Out of your mouth And then rested against your head It was really uncomfortable Right come straight home and wear it straight away? Did you have a social life? They said wear it when you went to sleep. But it was something that came out of your mouth and then rested against your head. It was really uncomfortable. Right. But mum and dad were like, well, we're paying three grand. You're fucking wearing it. Yeah, yeah. It was horrible.

Did you have a key that had to tighten things? I didn't have that, no. No, but the worst was when – That's what always does my head in the one – The twist. People that have a key that would – yeah, fuck. The braces that you get from Ikea. Towards your own head.

Put it in yourself. Put an Allen key in there and sort of squash your face. But you worry you turn it too far and your face would implode. Yeah. It'd collapse in on itself. I had the elastic bands. Oh, did you? Did you ever have them?

In between the braces. No, no, no. It was like they just drill. Well, again, I don't know whether this is a thing or whether this is just Mirabara dentistry. Yeah. Put these elastic bands in your mouth.

Okay. And pop these leeches in between. Yeah, churn them for a while. Yeah, put a few paper clips in there,

whatever. Whatever we've got in the office, whack it in there. It can't hurt. Oh, it did. Oh,

okay. No, they just like drilled like little clamps or whatever up both top and bottom and then you'd have

these elastic bands realigning something. But I was always a bit like, I know I'm only like nine or ten years old, but elastic bands, is that doing stuff? Yeah, what's happening there? It doesn't seem like a thing that would be doing anything. No, I did have those at the front. So if you'd laugh too hard, they'd snap.

Take out an eye. And also, you know, you got the added bonus of eating quite a few elastic bands. Yeah, eating that. You couldn't eat anything. And after, you know, you got the added bonus of eating quite a few elastic bands. Yeah, eating that. You couldn't eat anything. And after, when they put new wires in, so there's a wire that runs along your teeth that they tighten, when they put those in, you couldn't eat for like two days because your jaw was so sore.

It was fucked. I fucking hated it. It sounds like your parents didn't like your conversation. Really wanted to get your mouth shut and go to extreme. Oh, your teeth are so crooked. What do we do? Oh, we have to wire your mouth shut. Oh, what a Oh, your teeth are so crooked. What do we do? Oh, we have to wire your mouth shut. Oh, what a shame.

Is that a pimple? Here, have these. You're like an ugly freak. Yeah, let's get your mouth wired shut and we'll go to a Buddhist temple. And you can meditate. No, no, I want to hear what you've got to say. Let's stay there for two months. You know, I had a dentist in Mirabai so I went through and had a bunch of work done

and then at one stage and I don't think I knew this at the time but I got in trouble at school for like teasing this kid at school and like really...

Wait, back up. He had an off day. I got in trouble for like going this student or whatever and it was like oh yeah, that's not great,

not ideal and then I just remember going back to the dentist and going that's right this dentist is that kid's dad and just sitting there

and this guy going at me and me just going I could end up with anything this guy's gonna get his own back and he has

look at your teeth he's an algea I had to get four teeth pulled out to get my braces pulled out I had overcrowded mouth. Yeah.

I had some of that as well. Yeah. It's not fun when there's a tooth that has no reason to be pulled out. It's just getting yanked from your head. You can feel it coming out of your jaw. One of them had three roots. The guy was like fucking foot on the head pulling it out. I had that just in January, actually.

I had one taken out right at the back of Mola. Because on Christmas Eve I bit into a lemon pip and it cracked a tooth and it's like oh great it's public holiday tomorrow and the next day and probably annual leave has probably happened so I had to chew

Nurofen like smarties for two weeks before I could go in and see anyone and it was not so bad because the anti-inflammatory is pretty strong and let's be fair, I was drunk for pretty much that whole time. And yeah, and so I had to get it out and they, yeah, took it out in pieces. It was really sort of getting, the thing that I couldn't stop thinking

about was that the guy who did it did a great job but he was, what would that do to you as a person if you had to like cause such pain to people on a daily basis? Because he was a dental surgeon, not a dentist. So he only does the rough stuff. Oh, right. Like imagine that. Like he, you know.

He's not walking in. He doesn't get to say to anyone, you've done it again. Perfect tea. I would have been like gripping the thing and all that stuff. And I was thinking, yeah, imagine. Yeah, but he, like as a a child he probably killed cats and stuff. That's what he must have. He must have, like, yeah, flattened mice with his shoes.

I don't know. He must just be really happy about it. But I remember the dental nurse was kind of like a double act. She would sort of make up for it. And she was afterwards like, oh, yeah, because your teeth, cut for it and she um and she was afterwards like oh yeah because your teeth apparently uh the root length of your teeth is uh it works with um how tall you are so i'm quite tall right and so apparently they're really long she said you want to have a look and she just took one look at me oh actually you don't need to have a look but i was the next day i was still because i had

to chew on cotton so then i go on holidays and of course it's all oysters and wine and whatever and I'm like and I can't and I can still eat everything's fine and it's stitched together and but um I was so excited for it to all be over and I was quite relieved that I ended up drinking a whole bottle of chardonnay to myself and a whole tray of oysters and I'm laughing and having a good time and really and with all my family and everything and then my wife looks at me across the table and goes you got blood on your teeth and i'd say because it had started to bleed again so apparently i was laughing and having a great time like it's a worse version of red wine mouth you know if you're like late at night you might be having someone goes i think you got red wine

all over your teeth and suddenly you look like a freak but i had actual blood like i would just look like i'd been shot in the mouth. I always get that thing at the dentist where they go, oh, those wisdom teeth, they're not out. But yeah, they're sort of looking like they might be out one day. So should we get them out? I'm like, are they out? No.

We'll leave them there. Yeah, they're not hurting. Yeah, they're not hurting. And they're like, yeah, but you sure? I'm like, no, that's taking out half my skull as far as I know. It's like you said, you get your foot on my ear and then just pull. Is that true? They dislocate your jaw or something to get at them? Something like that, yeah.

Or is that an urban myth? Well, my dentist described it. And then put a toothbrush up your ass and take a photo. No, I think that's an episode of Seinfeld. Yeah, okay, sorry. My dentist described it to me like this when he took out my wisdom teeth. He said, now, you'll understand this, Tom, because you grew up on a farm. What we do is you see your teeth have got roots that go all the way deep down into your jaw

and your gums and the bone in the jaw is actually quite bendable because it's alive. So what we do is it's like when you get a fence post and you you you you push it back and forth and you wiggle it around to make the gap bigger yeah so i just keep doing that back and forth back and forth just getting it loose until eventually i could pull it out it's like i don't know knowing what you're doing helped at all i think it has made it a lot worse yeah yeah. Yeah. I didn't know detail. Yeah, you go into it thinking this isn't going to be that bad. But when someone's exactly mapped it out for you, you're just waiting for the bad stuff to happen. But, man, you're obviously so anxious knowing that you're going to have

to get this thing done. So when it's finished, like I felt like I was on a high. I was so happy to have it out of my head. Yeah. Because I had two weeks of pain and it was like, fuck you tooth. I was just really happy about it. I was trying to remind myself of this. You know that thing when you're really sick, that's the first time that you ever even think about your health?

Yes. When you're really sick, you're like, oh, fuck, remember when I wasn't sick? Yeah. How good was that? I remember being able to walk upstairs and being fine with it? Yeah, yeah. I just remember, like, I had a moment in bed last night where I was sitting there going, I am very well at the moment.

I'm going to just sit here for five minutes and think about how good I feel at the moment. See, I should have done that, yeah, when I was lying there just going, oh, remember when my anus wasn't so dry? The good days. Remember when I had all that money before I gave it to Dassolo? Yeah. Hey, this is a special occasion.

Is this our first ever drop-in on the podcast? Off the board. Friend of the show, Danny McGinley, has just turned up at my house. He thinks this is an open mic podcast and he's trying to sign up and get on. And he's brought his kid along as well. Hey! Yeah, so I'll put him up near the mic because I'm sure he's got good stuff to say. Well, fortunately we are just about at the end of the show

for another week. Tom Gleeson... I just came in at the end to say my DVD's available on iTunes and if anyone wants the director's commentary, email me directly at the site and I'll send it to you. Thanks, all. You bum. Tom Gleeson, Adam

Rosenbach, have you got stuff coming up that you'd like to plug? Tom, the weekly of course. Yes, the weekly and also all my shows are available for download at tomgleeson.com.au Cool, yeah, so there's like $5 or $10 sort of stuff. $5 downloads. There's three shows there now. There'll be another one soon. Cool, awesome.

Excellent. Sweet, I'm still doing the podcast with Michael Chamberlain. If you're a footy head, it's called Junk Time. It's been a lot of fun. We had Chando on last year. I was on one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a footy fan, or as much as you can be at the moment.

So it's been a lot of fun. And then I'm doing the Comics Lounge, I think, in July. So that's probably the next big run of gigs I've got. Awesome. Yeah. We've got our live 250th episode, July 18th, littledumbdumbclub.com selling very quickly come check that out

also Adelaide Perth coming up at the end of the year in October and November yeah we're going to get them on sale very soon but yeah

is it Perth October Adelaide November yeah and we're bringing over friends of the show so it's going to be a heap of fun

great guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you mates