The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 248 - George McEncroe & Harley Breen

Episode Date: July 7, 2015

Toilet Hoses, Karl Hoofter and Scooby Doo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Konnichiwa, Carl. Oh, welcome back from Japan. Thank you very much.

You've been away for what, three weeks? Two and a bit, yeah. Two and a bit? I felt like three. Needlessly pedantic of me, but yes. Yeah. How was it? It was great.

Yeah, it was awesome. I, yeah, just saw a heap of cool shit. I didn't end up doing the monk stuff, the meditating that you were fixated on. Oh, you didn't go to meditate? No. You must be so stressed out. Oh, man. Tell you what, I need a holiday after that holiday.

I'm bloody right. I'll rub your shoulders after you play Mario Kart after the podcast. I have a bit of a disappointing thing to point out as well. I was not able to bring back any delicious Kit Kat snacks. You're kidding. I had the most limited luggage allowance and I physically couldn't fit anything in. You had the most limited pocket money allowance from your mum. Oh, yeah.

Wow. This is a new land speed record. Good one, mate. Yeah, this is way better than that waffling up at the top of the podcast that we sometimes do. Yeah. I'm glad this is all on camera. Let's get into it.

Okay, let's get into it. Two fantastic guests today. First of all, I think maybe the only guest to ever have broken a bone during one of our live shows, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Harley Breen. I think it's a bit much you're claiming during, but definitely a product of. Oh, okay. Because of.

Because of. Butterflies, wings kind of stuff. We were responsible for. Yes, I'll blame you. Could you sue Little Dumb Dumb Club? I hate you. Because I'd just really be in the coin then, wouldn't I? I'd get a shit-fitting shirt and not a Kit Kat.

It'd be great. And Tommy's allowance. Yeah. Yeah, go directly to James. Actually, Tommy's allowance. I would be in the money. They'd send him to Japan. Which was a great point.

We caught up on the weekend just after Tommy had got back and a great line of you saying to Tommy was, have you rung your mum yet to tell her how her holiday went? And I wasn't even part of the conversation. I was outside on a balcony. I could see Tommy ripping into someone. I went, I'm going to put him back in his boots. It was a great Saturday night with mates.

Also joining us, you know her from ABC Radio, first time on the podcast, please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, George McEngrow. Yay! Thanks for having me, too. It took a while. It does, you know.

Yeah, I know. Oh, you mean to like get you on the podcast? Or to finally be invited down to the podcast? Well, you know what, most of the people we invite... How many guys do you have to fuck to get on this show? Most of the people we invite, we just presume do you have to fuck to get on this show? Most of the people we invite we just presume have got nothing to do. Ah, nice. So we presume you've got...

That's why I do it heaps, George. Exactly. And you do it so well. Yes, I am a little bit busy. Yeah. Yeah, well, good. Well, I'm glad you found time finally. Oh, no, I'm very glad to be here.

Yeah, as soon as the TV camera's here, you've found time. So that's good. Chasing that big Channel 31 audience. Yeah, they've got to set small. I can see it turning around already. This is nearly officially TV. I know, I love it. I love it.

It's great. So, Tommy, let's get back to the Japan trip. Because we've done a bunch of podcasts in advance before you went to Japan. So everything you've heard. Seamless transition while I was away. Yeah. The audience wouldn't have even noticed. Yeah.

So what's the highlights of Japan? Highlights were, I mean, I just love all the kind of culture and stuff that they're into. So that sort of side of it for me was a bit of a paradise. And by culture, we're not talking. You mean KFC, McDonald's? Yeah, yeah. We're not talking Kabuki or we're not talking anything like that. We're talking Mario Brothers McDonald's? Yeah, we're not talking Kabuki or we're not talking anything like that. We're talking Mario Brothers,

yeah? Yeah, absolutely. Also, do you know what Kabuki is or is that just one Japanese word that you happen to know? Yeah, I know what Kabuki is. It's when they dress up in like a man and a woman. It's like the Japanese birds and bees. That's all it is. It's when they dress up in

big white face paint and that's a form of dance, I believe, isn't it? It's theatre. Theatre. Yeah. It's shit house. No one watches it. But yeah.

Well missed. Well touched. So in conclusion, good reference. One thing that I – this happened to me on the first day there. One thing that they're big into, which we in the Western world have not seemed to have gotten onto yet is the because you've been haven't you? Yes. Either of you two been? Never. I'd love to go.

I'm from a lower class family so we can't I'm from a higher class family. We just went to Europe. Did you experience the little hose in the toilet bowl when you went? That's no way to refer to people. Excuse me.

It's okay. Sex worker, I believe, is what you're talking about. There was a little hose in the toilet bowl when he went to the toilet. Oh, got me. What's Japanese forgot him? Oh, someone sent me that. Someone sent me that actual Japanese forgot him. But, yeah, anyway.

No, so they have this thing, like, built into the toilets. There's, like, a little panel on the side of the toilet. And there's a little diagram. And you push a button and a little hose kind of gives you a little bidet. Comes and cleans your coit. That's good. And I've got to tell you. Nobody knows that Japanese. It just gets rid of your coit. That's good. And I've got to tell you, it is. No, I just. He already knows that Japanese thing.

Just gets rid of your ass gravy. That's the. George is very at home with dumbed up. Now I know why we haven't had George on before. Your bum acid is essentially. We're five minutes in. People are still eating at home. What else do you talk about?

People are listening to this in their ears and are offended. Even the cleaners here are offended. Get out, you little hoes. Don't be offended no more. So offended. But, yeah, it's a mess. Did you do it when you were there? Did they have it?

No, I didn't go to the toilet when I was there. Because you were there a little while ago. Like, how long ago was it that you were there? Oh, yeah, they didn't bring in the bum hose technology until, like, five years ago. I don't know. No, I did. I did. But, yeah, I was there a little while ago. How long ago was it that you were there? Oh, yeah, they didn't bring in the bum hose technology until like five years ago. I don't know. No, I did. I did.

But, yeah, I was going around. I remember taking a lot of photos of toilets and stuff. I was going to say, I remember taking a lot of shits. No. It's wild over here. I do remember getting told off for taking too many photos in a restaurant and there was toilet photos and stuff like that. People were in the restaurant telling me to stop taking photos of people

and I was like, is this a Japanese thing where that's like, am I capturing the soul of people in here in their toilets? Aren't the Japanese renowned for taking photographs? Why would that be an offensive? I don't know, but I got in trouble. It wasn't quite in Tokyo. It was out a little bit and I was… Were they in the toilet or anything at the time?

Did you have your pants on? Were you upskirting? That's an important question here. Well anyway, I don't know. Because to reiterate you went to Japan when you didn't live in Melbourne yet. So you went from Ballarat to Japan which would have been even more

insane. It was a massive culture shock. You would be surprised how many differences there are between Ballarat and Tokyo. Well, I know they both have Maccas. They've got different toilets in Ballarat. So the first time I used it, it's just like it's a little button that you push and a little thing comes out and then just, you know, it takes care of business.

Now, I thought that it was on some kind of like automatic timer thing. It's not. So I sat there for like six minutes just going, jeez, they love indulging in this. Don't just thinking it's going to just stop at some point. What, just sitting there waving your bum to try and hit the sensor or something? Yeah. Just going, how does anyone in this country get anything done

if they're doing this after every bathroom break? Do they have them for women's toilets as well or just in the men's? Tommy would know that answer. They do because in the apartment I was it just in the men's? Tommy would know that answer. They do because in the apartment I was in – Tommy's voice would know that answer. There's bizarrely detailed little diagrams on the buttons. One is a man and the spray is going and then the other one is a woman and you know that because the little figurine is pink

and the hose is coming in at a slightly different angle. I think it's – look, for some guys who've got arses like Chewbacca, I think it's a great idea. You know, guys, I know. You guys have to have a shower after a poo. You know, I think it's a great time saver. A friend of the show, Ronnie Chang, does nothing but like when he's here. Poos and showers, poos and showers.

Doesn't poo in the shower, just poos in – yeah, poos in showers every time. Wow. Yeah. Get it clean. I think it's a great idea. Yeah. It's a bizarre thing that we, yeah, for whatever reason we haven't caught on to. You know what I mean?

We should have it. Yeah. It does make a lot of sense. Yeah. Because all the ones that you see, they're all like attachments. They're all like little panels that are, they're not built into the toilet. It's like a separate little thing that's plugged in. By the way, at the moment, I'm so glad there's no

slideshows anymore because Tommy's back from Tokyo going, guys, let me show you what I saw in Japan. Get the cherry festival. Yeah, where's the little hose? I'm enthralled by this. I think it's great. You could talk about this for the whole episode. I absolutely love it. I intend to.

Very clean. Very clean bums. I intend to. Very clean. Very clean bums in Japan is what you're saying. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. Which is great. Yeah. And they're not known as a hairy people. Well, this is what I'm thinking.

Whereas Anglo men, pretty hairy in the butt area. Yeah. And widely in Anglo countries, we don't have any bidet situation. I do the washing of three teenage boys. I can tell you now that a bidet would not be underutilised in our joint. Why don't you get one in? Friend of the show Claire Hooper has one in her house. Does she?

She's got a very hairy arse. Everyone knows that about Claire. Sorry Claire. I've used that bidet. Have you? Oh yeah. First thing I did when I got there, I'm like, that's happening. But they've got an outhouse at their house as well and jeez, I love taking a shit there, I'm like, that's happening. But they've got an outhouse at their house as well and I, jeez, I love taking a shit outside.

Well, this is... It's a great thing. Carl's face, that was great. In a toilet. I like an outside toilet. My grandfather said the end of civilisation was when people began to shit inside and eat outside. I agree with you.

He thought that was all I ever read right now. I don't want to talk about this for too long, but... I'm down with it. I think, yeah, when we got a renovation, I thought, again, with three teenage boys who can drop a, the smallest kid, right, he weighs about 45 kilos, he can drop a turd like a leg of lamb. I don't know how he does it, but honestly, the other day, I made him break it up with a broom handle because it wouldn't flush.

Oh, wow. What? Mum of the year over here. Break it up with a broom handle. I said, I'm not flushing that. That's what Japanese tourists would take home from coming to Australia. Oh, you come to Australia and they've got broom handles in the dunny. We're going to get dosed.

I had to throw away the broom, but I still, I'm not getting that out with rubber gloves. My duties end here that's it wow you dropped it you smash it up you flush it up you sweep it up with the wrong like i remember a few years ago when i was house hunting with my then girlfriend we looked at a place and i was like this that place looked great let's let's apply and she's like no i know why it was awful like what was bad about it and she goes, didn't you notice the bathroom came directly off the kitchen? I'm like, I didn't

notice. Who cares? And she's like, no, no, you'd care. That would be a big issue. Yeah, that's a big issue. That's a big intimacy issue. Who's the architect? Who's designing that in the first place? I have the same problem with en suites. I think they're really scared. They're bad for a relationship. No one wants the five minute post

shit waft coming through into the bedroom. I don't care how many airwicks you've got going. It's not a sexy thing. I'm changing subject. That's it. I'm putting a line in the sand. I'm breaking this conversation up with a broom handle. That's it.

I think we should hose this conversation off with a nice little bidet for a couple of minutes, personally. I think we should all pretend to be Ronnie Chang for one second and just hose ourselves in. So, Harley Breen, I did a gig with you

just the other night. Yes, you did. We did. We went to Ballarat together. In your wonderful kind of hometown, not Maribor,

but your little uni hometown. Yes, lived in Ballarat for about five or six or seven years maybe and we travelled up to Ballarat

and did a gig with Oliver Clarke, another friend of the show, friend of the show, Celia Piccola and Nazeem Hussain. All friends of the show. Yes.

And we got a hotel room together. Yes, we did. So that was a lot of fun. The three of us, Oliver, yourself and me in the one room. I was so excited. Yeah, it was. I was chuffed leading up to it. What was the bedding arrangements?

The bedding was a single bed, very plush looking single bed, very well made up and a double bed. Who got where? And then a roll away bed. Oh, okay. And if you know the three men that we're discussing, myself included, you'll know that I'm way bigger than the both of them and I got the little roll away. Oh, no, that's not fair.

And I knew it was happening too because we'd finished the gig and all of a sudden those two had just fucked off and I was like, where are you? They're like, no, mate, just checking in. Oh, you're playing fucking bed lottery and I'm losing here. Why didn't you just spoon? You and Oliver, Carl, would have spooned beautifully. No, there was three beds. We didn't need the spoon.

Well, one's a roll out. I think that quite qualifies. No reason for it at all. I was happy. It was fine. Yeah. It was good gear. So who did get the double?

Oliver. Oliver, okay. And just going on the system of whoever gets in first no I think me and Oliver got in first and then flipped for it oh okay

so they flipped for it like it was a two horse race they just flipped for it who gets the big bit you got ripped off that bridge is not even involved here you got ripped off Harley those guys were doing

five minute gigs I was the host clearly I should have had the big bit that is bullshit that is a lack of respect blame the mint if there had been a three-sided coin

You would have been in the race So not our fault Another issue with Harley and the mint Blame the treasury The mint which used to be in Ballarat Anyway Oh really? Okay

So anyway we did a gig We had plenty of fans there We had a bunch of listeners There was a lot of dum-dum fans Yeah listeners for sure As there is everywhere in this country, I find out. But then it was really good. I enjoyed once we finished the gig, you and I walked out into the next bar

and two ladies sort of walked past and saw you and went, Harley Breen! They got a little bit excited. Yeah, they got very excited when they saw you. As they should. Harley Breen, my sister's going to marry you. Then it got a bit stabby and I was like, pardon? She's like, yeah, we've got this joke that my sister's going to marry you.

I'm like, oh, dear, that's a funny joke. I just wanted to not be there. Yeah, and then we go, oh, so you enjoyed the gig tonight? She was like, what gig? She just randomly walked past and saw you just walking along and went, my sister's going to marry you. See ya. Yeah, and I was like, you know we just did a gig.

She goes, no, Bella, right? No one ever tells anyone anything. I'm like, yeah, that must have been the same for the sold out audience that was just inside that theatre. And you were one wall away. You were at the pub. And also, aren't you a small term? Isn't that where everyone's meant to tell each other everything? And there was posters everywhere in the pub that she was in.

Yeah. There was literally posters. She playing the pokies next door going, does that voice sound familiar? She was too busy arranging a wedding. So when's it happening? Oh, I don't know. But then the first part. It was a great thing. You got recognised.

You got all applauded. It's awesome. Not only were you recognised, but you were told that someone was betrothed to you. You had your next wife lined up for you. Yeah. And then you kind of. You were buying another car for that next wife to take.

Awesome. Good mates. So then... Heartbreak's funny, yeah. Cool. Right. Carl went to the defence of Bella a bit. She was like, I lived here.

You know, Bella's good. Whatever. And then one of the girls goes, oh, what's your name? And he goes, Carl. And then she goes to my great delight, oh, are you Carl Hoofter? Who the hell's Carl Hoofter? I don't know, but he sounds like the greatest guy ever and I couldn't stop giggling.

Are you Carl Hoofter? Yeah. That was me, Carl Hoofter. And from now on he is Carl Hoofter to me. So I've got another name now. Oh, man, we've raised money for Demi to get a tattoo. We've raised money for me to get a tattoo. We've raised money for June Northern.

I think we need to raise money for Carl to go down to the post office, get his name changed by deed poll. I'll tell you what I'll do. You don't even have to raise money for this. I'll get Carl Hooftah tattooed on my body. And I'll pay for it. Fuck your stupid little campaigns. It needs to be a little cartoon drawing of Carl

and then a speech bubble pointing out a frame just saying, are you Carl Hoofter? But I think we were so drunk that we forgot to really get to the bottom of why she thought we were Carl Hoofter. She was convinced you were Carl Hoofter. Yeah, but I was like, well, who's Carl Hoofter? We should have been pressing her as to who this Carl Hoofter is, but we were just laughing going, Carl Hoofter!

Look, if Carl Hooda listens to this, you're probably a nice guy, but your name sounds ridiculous. But that's the thing. There is no Karl Hoefda, because I got fascinated by it. I went home, googled Karl Hoefda. There's no such thing as Karl Hoefda in the world. The only thing that comes up, and you're probably

one step ahead already, people listening to this, is Hoefda is like horrible slang, rhyming slang, for Poofta horrible slang, rhyming slang for Poofta. So it's Harry Hoofta Poofta. And it's the laziest rhyming slang of all. So now I'm like,

did you really, were you trying to call me something else or did you mess up and were trying to call me Harry Hoofta? That is so funny. She messed up. She thought it was always Carl Hoofter, not Harry Hoofter. Yeah, it's just one letter off being a totally different story. Like you guys going, oh, Carl Hoofter, that's hilarious. Like if she'd gone, are you Carl Poofter?

We'd have gone, whoa. Well, there's no way I'm marrying your sister now. Not with that kind of bigoted attitude. Yeah, exactly. Come on, Bella, right? Lift your game. So we've just got to hope that that girl somehow, you know, she's a fan of Harley, she'll listen to this and she can hear.

There was a message left on my Facebook page. And this is not by the same person though. No, no, no, by the same person. That's another story. By the same person. And then her sister gets in on that message and just goes, oh, well, great, I think we've progressed now. I'm going to go out and buy a scrapbook so that I can start documenting

the lead up to our wedding. I'm like, what is happening here? And they think it's this great family in joke. Maybe it is. I don't know. But for me, I'm like, sir. Do any of them want to marry me to just pass on the hoof to name or? Die now.

The hoofed name can't die with me so if you just go missing one day we'll know that you've been hog tied yeah

the friends of the hoofeders took me so you mentioned you got another message I did I got another message from the same gig listen

I was you were on fire I was doing a good job that night you know what you've lost job that night. You know what? You've lost a bunch of weight in the last six months maybe. You were already an attractive man. You seem to me like you were an absolute magnet

for female attention at the moment. Would that be... I would not totally agree with that. Right. But you're not going to disagree with it? No, but... Maybe I am, but I try... Even like that situation... Random people want to marry you, but apart from that, you're struggling. Even that situation, I would have avoided

I would have wrapped that up much quicker if you weren't there and the hoofed thing didn't happen. I would have gone, oh, okay, great, thanks and trying to be as polite as possible and I've been like this my whole life. Just go and drink with my mates. That's all I want to do. That's the honest truth. And you are. You're not a ladies man.

I don't like it. I'm not interested in it. I certainly don't like the meet and greet chat at a bar. I'm more than happy to talk to people that I've already got some context to or friends or whatever. You act like the opposite of what you look like. Okay, that's nice. But this last couple of gigs I've done, one

was at my kid's future primary school and I very mistakenly on a parent's night where it's all about hanging out and getting drunk said to the audience, I'm single, to set up another gag and then afterwards it was an onslaught. Because you're saying that you're single and that you're a single dad. You're talking about your kid the whole time. Yeah. So that's very attractive.

And I didn't really realise that the room would be so full of single mums, but it was just insanity. One woman pushed me into the sports cupboard and she went, this is the truth, pushed me in. That was where our sort of backstage room, Stephen Gates from Tripod was in there packing up and he's like, I'll leave you to it. I'm like, don't you fucking dare.

I'm trying to grab him on the way out. This woman. Wait, what had he been doing at the gig? Playing a bit of lacrosse? Was he in the sports club or backing up? Well, we were in the sports auditorium. That's where the gig was, right? Sounds like one of the members of Tripod, last name Hoofter.

He was in the closet? Is that what it was? It was Stephen Hoofter. And so he's gone, time for me to get out of this closet. Hello, boys. Anyway, so I am in there now, locked in there with this woman who goes, I'm the fucking most attractive single mum at this school. I'm like, well, you speak well.

Did she really speak like that? She was really intense. It was quite scary. And then she goes, check these out. They're the newest tits at school because she had brand new tits on. What sort of credit is that? These are the newest tits in school. And then as she looked down, she went, oh,

because one of them was just covered in red wine, so they weren't at their best at that moment. Did you rethink the enrolment after that? No, it was a fun school, but I may not be doing drop-offs. But you know the thing is though that single dads often – single dads are generally fuckwits. That's why they're – if you're not a fuckwit and you're a dad, that's the appealing aspect because women don't –

If you weren't a fuckwit, you'd still be married. Women don't throw back. That's right. That's right. That's right. So women usually only reject a guy once he's such an intolerable cock that nothing is worth staying for. Right.

So if you are not exhibiting immediate cockhead signals, then that's your appeal. It is being a single dad, but it's also being not a cock and a single dad. To be fair, this is a man who had a broken bone for eight weeks and did nothing about it. So let's not rush to call. No, he's hard. It's not a rush to call someone not a fuckwit. But, you know, that could be a really appealing thing

because some other men break a fingernail and, you know, want you to get them an ice pack. Oh, so he's tough. Yeah, okay. Very sexy. Could he withstand life in the bush? We're concentrating on the toughness, not the lack of. Lack of brains.

Well, we know there's a reason for that. I can be controlled with a lack of brain there though, but I'll still get the fucking housework done. Anyway, so did you pash the red wine boobs? No, I did not. I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. She was scary. And then there was another one laying it on and I was like,

oh, okay, yeah. And then this bloke was like, dude, on stage in front of a room full of single mums, you said you're single. You dug your own grave, dickhead, and walked off. What a great school. Was he in the cupboard as well and just walked off into another part of the cupboard? It was just like that special agent in Get Smart

just behind a basketball. So I want to read this message out because this came from Ballarat and I don't know what the hell was going on. And we didn't talk to this lady. No on and we didn't we didn't talk to this this lady no we did not we didn't talk to this person I need to admit

uh omit some yeah omit what you need to omit so it's hi Harley caught your MC working Ballarat on Friday and laughed my ass off

you really make me want to get naked okay that's a great opener isn't it um literally but I was feeling too fluey on Friday to play

like I had no choice in the matter so she wanted to get naked but she was a bit fluey so it couldn't happen. Yeah. Because I was – anyway. While my friend Blardy Blar was out having a cigarette with you, she said you mentioned you were a something. So that's going to be confusing.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I was mentioning that I was into a certain – Sex position. Yeah, sure. Let's go with that. No, it was like a hobby. I'm into something certain… Sex position. Yeah, sure. Let's go with that. No, it was like a hobby. I'm into something that's a hobby. And then this woman said that she's also into that

and she's organising a fundraiser and wondering if I'd come to Ballarat and we're looking for someone to replace a speaker that just pulled out. Dab on you. It'd be a great opportunity to throw myself at you and give all our attendees a good laugh. Do you have something more civilised than the material I saw on Friday night? I don't think somebody that has offered me a free kick,

I mean, they're hard to come by, aren't they, can call into question my material. No, I think more importantly, you can't say, can you smarten up your act a bit? By the way, I want to root you. All in the same sentence. I think it's just we've got to prioritise the order of offence here. So one is that she just assumed you were easy pickings

and that would naturally just... That's offensive. That's offensive. I'm a discerning young gentleman. You are a very discerning gentleman. You don't know what it's like to be a guy. We cop this all the time. I mean, check your privilege, women.

I was going to say, when I get up on stage and I'm announced as a comedian, announced I'm a single mum of four kids, not every single dad in the room says, let me get myself some of that action. You don't know. Really? Let's get a shuttlecock in the cupboard, yeah. I like just the way that the message is phrased where she says,

it would be a good opportunity to throw myself at you and give our attendees a good laugh. Is that going to be hilarious? The rooting is happening on stage and that's the gala event. And I know you don't want to go into detail, but let me say this. I think I can say this much. This person is in a position of power. Yes, they are.

We're not talking about a street cleaner or something like that. Oh, is this person in a position of power. This is not… Yes, they are. We're not talking about, oh, a street cleaner or something like that. Oh, is this person in a position of power? This person is in a position of power within the… I've just got to remain to call it a hobby of interest that we both have. Okay. Let's say it's a hobby. Let's say that they could… No.

It's a powerful position anyway. Yeah, anyway. Julia Gillard was at the gig. So you've been sexually harassed. I would love to have consensual sex with that wringer. Why not? She's a lovely, powerful woman. Oh, Julia Gillard.

Sorry, I didn't know which – Lie down with her. Yeah, yeah. So this person – okay, but they're not officially in a position of power. Not over me. Not over you. No. So you're not a gimp is what you're saying?

No, I'm not. I wouldn't consent to that. So how did you respond? I haven't. I don't really know how to respond to that. That's a bit crook, mate. Come on, they've put themselves out there. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there.

They do want me to drive for an hour and a half and not get paid so that I can have non-consensual sex with them. You're right. I should want me to drive for an hour and a half and not get paid so that I can have non-consensual sex with them. You're right. I should really get back to them. Thanks for putting yourself out there, creepy fuckbag. I don't have a car because me wife took it, so I can't come to Ballarat. Well, you're putting it out there.

Just do what you do when this episode drops. You just send back the link to this episode and go, my reply is contained at about the 25 minute mark. And just tell her I will not vote for her. What? No, look, in whatever hobby election they could be. Yeah, whatever.

It's great to see you, because a long time I thought you were sort of a bit, you know, you didn't have a lot of action going on that side of things. No. I think that's a fair enough thing to say. No, it's an accurate thing to say.

But that was by choice. Yes. Yes, it was by choice. Yeah, it was by choice. But I think there was a certain moment there that even if I chose to want to get some action, I was at that level of substance abuse and girth that I was repulsing of substance abuse and girth that I was repulsing a lot of people.

I mean, maybe Fuck Bakes from Ballarat would have still been into it. So now that out of the substance abuse and the girth, now that you've got rid of the girth... Oh, the substance abuse is never going. It's not every day you get to break an arm and not know about it for eight weeks. You can't drive a, what do they say, 12-inch nail with a tack hammer, my friend.

You've got to have a bit of girth. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. Now, what's been happening on the show lately is we've got to, you know, the culture that we breed within the show, you know, we're maybe even displayed here already, derogatory toward our mates, all in the spirit of fun. I love it.

Definitely displayed here already. Mates. It's classic. Have we maybe been a bit mean to each other? It just doesn't even register anymore. I keep talking, you fucking middle-aged lesbian. In my head this has been fine so far. So I don't know.

It's up to you guys to judge. So we hit a point a couple of weeks ago where we get a lot of the listeners of the show or what we call people who are aware of the show rather than fans. Because no one would actively call themselves a fan of this, as we've found out. Yes. So, you know, Tommy and I sort of decided, or pretty much I've decided I'm not going to take this anymore.

Right. So I put out a message on the show going, that's it. I kept getting derogatory text messages. I kept getting derogatory tweets and emails and whatever I said. That's it. I don't want any more. This is it. Lie in the sand. Gloves are off. Zero whatever I said. That's it. I don't want any more. This is it. Lie on the sand.

Gloves are off. Zero tolerance Chandler. Exactly. So after that sook that I had at the top of the podcast, I actually got quite a few positive messages after that. Oh, that's sweet. And I just want to – because you know what? The amount of negative ones I get now, I can't give them airtime

because it just encourages people to keep doing it. Yeah, they love it. So I'm copying a lot that I just don't bring up. But how's this? From a random. I just got this within like a week. I appreciate you. You deserve good things. Thank you for being you.

You're funny. Your future is as bright as the sun. Keep trying. Everything will work out for the best. Having sex with a car would be a bad idea I don't know how that got in there sounds like a little bit of a did you get spotted

did you get did you get seen no no you make the world a better place just by being part of it you are a good person and you are better than sliced bread it sounds to me like you got a message

from a massive cockhead no that is so lovely I just got one a day one positive reaffirmation a day. That is really nice. When's the point in that where they tell you they want you to do a free gig so they can fuck you? Oh, I wish. That would have been the nicest one of them all.

When's the point in that where you tell us that you gave Tommy's mum your phone number? She's a good lady. Can I have some money? She said, do you know Japan? I want to go to Thailand again. Can I have some money, Mrs. Hawthorne? When I'm on the radio, when I'm doing the ABC and people tweet,

you know, text into the show and sometimes you get people texting in really, really horrible, you know, I'd like you to die. I was there the other night to witness this. Oh, yeah, and that was pretty bad. And I've had ones where they've actually named my kids school. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun. You know, shut up, you stupid cunt, that sort of thing.

You know, charming. Oh, yeah, I've got plenty there. Charming. But what I love to – Wait, was that an example of a text or an instruction to one of us? No, no, no, that was an example of a text. I would never – it would be Mr. Cunt to you. Very respectful.

Please, Mr. Cunt was my father. And his father before him. But what I like to do to make these poor, misanthropic, miserable, misogynist losers feel even more isolated and disenfranchised is what I do is I just take a moment and go, thank you so much for all the wonderful positive texts that are coming into the program. I can't read them out because I'm too humble to do that.

But thank you all for your love. And I just want them to be at home, just slamming their dick into a fridge door or something, just going, but I hate her, and make them feel like everyone else loves you. This is pretty full on because you're on ABC radio, which you would think is, you know, the nicest sort of people in the world. Yeah, but a lot of people, you'd be amazed about this couple.

Some people don't like women talking on the wireless. You know, they're mad for it on 3AW, obviously. You can't get enough women broadcasting on that network and on TV in general. They have a thing. So angry men just like to write in and say basically shush, shush now. And if they can't make you shush, they threaten to cut your throat, rape you and throw you out of a moving car.

It's good to have rational debate. It's good. I'm going to stop complaining about this. Look, you know, sometimes it can bother you. It's also not helped when the Prime Minister of the country says that heads should roll at the ABC. And that week in particular there was a lot of vitriol coming through to broadcasters, not just in Melbourne but across the whole country.

Yeah, so as a woman and ABC, sweet combo. And there was a massive protest at the ABC, a huge protest of seven men and a pig on a spit. So that was really turned up in force, those bigots. That just sounds like the front of a Bunnings on a Saturday. Was there really a pig on a spit? Yes, there was really a pig. They had one of those spits.

That would have been too much for seven people. Yeah, exactly right. But the reason they had it was because it was against, it was an anti-Islam thing. So they were like, I know, they don't eat pork. Let's put a pig on the spit, boys. I just like thatlam thing So they're like I know They don't eat pork Let's put a pig on this pit boys I just like that committee meeting Where they all went brilliant

Got on your brine Brilliant This will drive them wild What else don't they like? Coke? Let's drink coke as well But what is Islam should have just

They should have just come out And gone All those guys They're protesting Going you know what we hate? We hate fucking old men Jumping off the Westgate We'll show you, kids.

But people do ring the ABC. They think it is all one giant organiser, which is kind of nice because people sometimes ring up and say, you know that show that was on? And you're going, are we talking television? Are we talking radio? Well, it was on in Ballarat. It was on Ballarat.

When was it on? Last Thursday. And there was a man. It's kind of sweet that people think that the person… Call up your radio show and go, can you put me through to the Ferrells, please? Sweet 90s reference. They do think it's all one big…

So sometimes there'll be comments coming through that are attacking Lee Sayles, who's actually on the television while i'm talking on the radio right yeah people are dumb in other words yeah well i i so i got i got those positive things and then so i'm getting a lot of positive messages because of that you deserve them which is really nice but then i got one which i think is worth reading out that just says after after asking for positive ones i don't know whether this is positive or negative. I had a dream last night that I lived in a terrace with Tommy and yourself, but then you went on a ski trip together and died.

And I was very concerned with the other comedians liking me at your funeral. I've spent so much of my life listening to Dum Dum that now my subconscious wants it to die. So that was me asking for positive stuff and that's the most positive I could get out of that person That's very odd I don't want a negative one out of that person I didn't end up making this happen

But I had a guy while I was in Japan A listener of the show When I was in Osaka Email me saying Hey I live near Osaka Long time dum-dum listener I'd love to hang out Take you out for dinner

Catch up and then yeah we can go to a club Like a long-time dum-dum listener. I'd love to hang out, take you out for dinner, you know, catch up. And then, yeah, we can go to a club and like, yeah. And, yeah, here's how you say I do a successful podcast in Japanese. If you want to try that out on the girls in the clubs before we meet up. I'm like, that's very funny. Thank you. And I tried to meet up with him and it didn't end up happening. But there was one night where we were going to hang out where he's like, okay, we'll go to this club.

I've asked my Japanese mate. He's down to come. He's a really cool guy. And, yeah, like if you want to pick up, like you need, if you want to pick up a Japanese girl, you need a Japanese guy there. He's cool. He'll get us in. He'll wing mat.

Like every interaction that we had was just him being obsessed with getting me laid in Japan. Did he want to root you? Yeah, maybe that was the thing. It's like, man, you know, it's 5am. I gave you the best wingman I could and Jesus still didn't happen so I guess you're on the option now. Is it a wing fuck?

So did you get a root while you were in Japan? I did not get a root in Japan. Okay, never mind. It's hard to get a root while you're away. You go to your comfort zones. So you're a single Japan. Okay, never mind. It's hard to get a route while you're away. You had to eat comfort zones. So you're a single man. So I've heard. Yes.

You were out at clubs and stuff like that, at pubs? I only really went out to a club like once. And I mean, not for lack of trying. I gave it a little nudge. To be fair, what we saw from here while you were in Japan, there was just a lot of you eating burgers and being at pubs that looked like they were the elephant wheel. What I've heard of Japanese women,

they love that. Oh, you take photo with burger? Yay. Jump on board, Tommy. What's Japanese for where is the closest Irish franchise pub? I went to, well, this is the thing. We got off the plane and then we – I went straight to McDonald's because I thought, well, this is good content.

This is funny. And so I took a photo and people got quite angry, probably justifiably. So then for dinner that night we walked past a Hooters and we went, well, this will make people even more angry. Let's go get dinner at Hooters for the photo. And that really set people off. Like people just on my Instagram and Facebook going, what are you doing? Like what this is.

I love the justification. These guys are in Hooters, ogling girls with no clothes on and eating a hamburger and going, this is to piss off all the Australians on Facebook. That's why I'm doing it. That's kind of actually what it was. But no, we had one day of mucking around doing that and then, yeah. I mean we went to a couple of like English speaking places but for the most part we just kind of prowled around

and found like tiny little bars. Like we spent a lot of time just at small bars that weren't like clubs, that weren't conducive to, you know, going and meeting local gals. Yeah. There was one night where if it was going to happen, it would have happened at this place and I blew it. I really blew it. How did you blow it?

So you got a route then? No, no. I wonder how it went wrong. Yeah, are these girls that speak English? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. A little bit? Well, yeah, I mean they speak English but not like… So what did you do wrong?

Well, we were at this place that was like a little rock club that was kind of, if you know Cherry Bar in Melbourne, sort of similar to that but like smaller. So playing like a lot of like The Strokes and kind of Western rock music which they were all really into. They're pretty late. It was quite drunk. It was just dancing with this girl. Were you given a bit of I know Julian Casablancas?

Oh, yeah, all that stuff, yeah. He's actually from Geelong? I was going up to a lot of people and telling them that I was in the band that we were hearing. I did that with about eight different men. Really? I was like, whoa, this dude's got a lot of side projects. And, yeah, I was just dancing with this girl and, you know,

kind of thought I'll, you know. And, yeah, she was just like, oh, no, thanks. Did you lean in for the pash? I kind of went to make the dancing and I kind of moved in to make the dancing a little more intimate, went into a little bit of contact. And I just think that's their nature, though. Like they're very – like there's no – you don't really see

any Japanese girls at bars where they're like, woo, like they're all really kind of reserved. Yes. Like, yeah. Except for Tudors. It's good to stereotype a whole race of people. No, I'm just saying I didn't see, like just based on my experience. Sure.

I don't think that's a… Based on my experience, a lot of Australian girls don't want me to touch the meat. So, yeah, I think it's in their nature or something. It's their culture. It's very cultural. Yeah, you're trying to pick him up by showing him photos of toilets that you took in Japan? It's so cool.

Cleanest ring in Tokyo. Oh, yeah. Hey, Harley, now this is something I've always wanted to bring up on the podcast. I can't believe it's taken this long. I can't believe it's taken 247 episodes in or whatever it is. I've been on all of them. Listen to all of them

all of them man haven't missed an in joke so your is this your first job you ever had no it wasn't I know what you're about to bring up

yeah I know you know what I'm going to talk about your first job in show business pretty much yeah pretty much right yeah I had actually started stand up but I was a five minute act

right and I'd done some other kind of community theatre things. And this is in Queensland? This is in Queensland. I would say that this is my first proper paid gig. Right. Definitely. Your first paid gig, and it was on the Gold Coast?

On the Gold Coast. And it was in proper show business. At Hollywood on the Gold Coast. Oh. Yes. And it was... At that point, the biggest film ever made in Australia on budget. The biggest film ever made in Australia.

What would you say was the biggest film ever made in Australia? And keep in mind, Harley was in this movie. In it. Fully in it. Properly in it. In the credits? Are you in the credits? No.

We can get into that as a. Let's go back to talking about the toilet and hoses. I can't think. Which will tie into this film as well. $200 million was the budget, which they blew out by about $90 million. Give George some more clues. What year are we talking? 2001 was the film date, film year.

I think it came out in 2002. Was it a period film? Yes, it certainly was. No, it's not a period film. No, it's a – It was set in a period. As all movies are. It was set in a period.

It was based on a cartoon. Oh, bang. Giving it away now. Oh, kids movie. Not necessarily. I don't watch cartoons. I don't know. That's all right.

You would know this one. You would know this one You would know this one Scooby Doo Really? Scooby Dooby Doo Wow Three of the best months of my life Loved it

Three months Three months of filming I think I had 38 shooting days And originally I was only meant to be Well originally I just got cast for like Two days as an extra I just turned up for two days as an extra I just turned up for two days as an extra

and then on my way there a guy that had been cast as a featured extra which is a slightly different thing it's a different pay rate to an extra and you're

more on screen hence featured extra right you're not just moving props in the background you'll be on camera he had pulled out the last minute

for this role that I fit into the costume perfect. We just had the same measurements. That was it. And so I went from two days to ten and then when we walked on set and the director saw our costume, just lost his mind over it and we went from ten to 38. Wow.

And we were through everything. We became Rowan Atkinson's henchmen. Yeah, and our title was Skeleton Warrior. Wow. Which should let everyone know that you can't see my face in the film. I was just in a stupid big mask. Did you get to meet Scooby-Doo? Well, they had – so they had a real dog, a real Great Dane.

Right. Yeah, isn't Scooby-Doo real? Sorry, ruined that for you, Carl. There's a lot of four-year-olds that listen to this podcast. Come on. So the reason that we're meant to be in the credits is that the director is never meant to speak to a featured extra or the extras.

That's the job of the assistant director or the 2AD or the 3AD. I thought you were going to say there was this Hollywood thing where no one addresses Scooby-Doo. No one looks at Scooby-Doo in the eye. You have to talk to his assistant. But we had this scene where, quite a few scenes, where he was directing us, which means we get upgraded to bit part, which means we get upgraded money, which means we get upgraded to credits, which was more important when you're a young actor.

And I, at that stage, like most everybody else in my situation, had just a shit used car saleman extras agent who didn't know what the fuck she was doing and couldn't get any more money. Yeah, we've had one of them. Yeah. Yes, you have. Fantasymanager.com.

Who couldn't get me a credit, which was the more annoying part. Do you still do acting? No, not really. No, I'm not really into it. But the best part about this acting job was is the costume is like this, it's this full bodysuit with this intense vest and arm things and a big headdress that looks like American Indian and scarlet and it lights up.

And all of us had to wear a G-string because of the visible panty line through the logo. Ah, your VPL. Yeah, that's what's going to happen in that film that cost $280 million to make. They're going to be watching Rowan Atkinson and behind him in the distance they're going to go ah, that's not a real skeleton warrior. I can see his underpants.

It's not a risk anyone wants to take. I had to wear a G-string for it. So yeah, Stimble just dressed in a G-string for this kids movie. That's cool. How did you go with the G-string? Didn't mind it. Really? As you're getting changed what are you putting on that G-string for this kids movie. That's cool. How did you go with the G-string? Didn't mind it. Really? Didn't mind it.

As you're getting changed, what are you putting on that G-string for? I'm playing a skeleton. Did you get to keep the G-string? Well, I think they wanted us to because we're 21 year old, most of us around that age, men, and like we've talked about already, very hairy and G-strings and arse hair. Sorry, Brisbane summer. Not great friends. Yeah, costumes. You're in a full arse hair. Sorry, Brisbane summer. Not great friends.

Yeah, costumes. You're in a full Lycra suit. You're sitting in it for ten hours. Woo-hoo. And you were Rowan Atkinson's henchman. Yeah, he had one of many because he was, sorry, spoiler alert, he was sort of one of the kingpin bad guys. Right.

And so there was several different henchmen, but the Skeleton Warriors were kind of like always with him in this, it's like a pivotal scene inside a cave where there's this crazy sort of demonic chant going on. Very kids' film. And did you have to deal with Rowan Atkinson very much? We had a couple of chats. Oh, yeah?

Was he nice? First thing he said to me, it was the only one I can remember, but he said to me, I'm in this mask and I've been there for ages. Are you Harley Hoofter? My sister is Harley. I hate your three-wheeled car. Can't wait till your wife takes it. My best mate I met on this film.

Mr. Claire Hooper. Shaggy. Mr. Claire Hooper. Mr. Claire Hooper because he was Rowan Atkinson's stand-in, which is the person that just stands under the lighting. I thought you were going to say you just made best mates with the owner of the abandoned amusement park at the start of the film. And I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you two dumb cunts.

That's the best this podcast has ever been. So Rowan Atkinson said to me one day on set, I'd already been standing there for hours waiting for him to get his ass on set, and he goes, oh, it looks hot in there. And I'm behind the mask. He doesn't know who said it. I just went, you fucking think? Which luckily he laughed at.

I was like, oh, that was good. I did a gig on the set. I did a stand-up gig because we filmed on Moreton Island for two weeks. Wow. So wait, you're a five-minute act at this point. You've been doing stand-up not that long. I've been doing stand-up maybe three months. Fuck, and now you're busting out a gig for Mr Bean.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Everyone's bored. And for the Prince Junior. Yeah. We had 95% of the island was all for the film. So it was just us and we're all bored. The day I got there, Sugar Ray were doing a gig.

Oh, yes. They're in the movie. They're in the movie. Is Pamela Anderson in that movie as well? No. Isla Fisher is. Right. And so I do this gig.

We do this. They're both girls. That's Pete Chandler. Pamela Anderson's in it, right? We do this, we do like a talent show, basically, and there's over 100 extras, and extras are usually highly talented people that are coming from other areas

and they're trying to get into acting. So there was all these amazing... Plus there's you. Plus there's me, right? Yeah. Thank you. There's singer-songwriters. Remember, what was that?

Before Australian Idol, there was like a Channel 7 one. Popstar. Popstar. There was the guy that came second in Popstar. He was there singing songs and blah, blah, blah. And these capoeira guys that were doing dancing. So we did all this talent show. And I got up and went, I'll just do 10 minutes of material.

This will be great. Even though you've got five. I've got five. Fresh from the Jupiter's Casino. So I'm like, I'll just bust out 10. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. were not there. Hey, everyone. My name's Harley.

What's up with the mystery machine? Well, I was still doing jokes about being a virgin because I was still a virgin. And so I was doing jokes about being a virgin and how people were saying it was my pickup line. I'm like, yeah, that's what a woman wants to hear. Hi, I'm a virgin. Apparently my thing goes in your thing. Do you know where that is? That was one of my jokes.

And then won the fucking talent show. Prize was a helicopter ride. And then Isla Fisher told me that she'd root me. And because I was a Christian virgin, I didn't know what to do about it. And ruined it. She went straight from you to Borat instead. She had just started dating Borat. Sorry, I am with that.

So you had a chance. Yes, and there's many in my life that can confirm this as an actual conversation. To root Isla Fisher. Well, I think she was being sweet and nice and just saying that that was a good gig. And because half the gig was about being a virgin, she goes, I would pop your – her exact words were,

I'd pop your cherry, Harley. And I, as a bit of a joke, as with the boys, I went, I'll just have to call my mum up and ask. And it's like six men just hit their heads, just went, fuck out of the hell. You say joke. That's my real life, man. That is a deathbed regret right there. Well, I didn't know what I was doing.

So instead you just got drunk at the after party and fingered Scrappy Doo? He fingered me. If you've seen the film, he was the bad guy. I remember that. It's him all along, isn't it? Well, at least that you're still a virgin. Did you get to meet that famous woman, Hanna-Barbera? How long were you sitting on that?

No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't. I was just – it just came to me like that. I'm most impressed by the fact that you share a credit with the band Sugar Ray. That's amazing. That's so good. It was fun. It was great times.

I bet. You guys have just been looking for something to work on together for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good you came together Hey, I want to talk about this quickly Something that I know you're already a fan of Harley Breen Now, if you're on Twitter

For people at home that are on Twitter There's a great Twitter account That's called It's basically the Seinfeld thing At Dum Dum 90s No, no, no, but let's set it up The context of it It's actually the Seinfeld thing. At dumb, dumb 90s. No, no, no, but let's set it up, the context of it. It's actually the best thing ever.

I really love it. There are a lot of Twitter accounts for like cancelled TV shows. Seinfeld's the most famous one, maybe the original one. There's one for Friends. It's all like what would they be, you know, what would the characters be doing if the show was still going ten years after it's been cancelled? And Seinfeld is like a real sort of one where they're really trying

to do like a real life updated sort of what if Seinfeld, there's like a real sort of one where they're really trying to do like a real life updated sort of what if Seinfeld was around right now, 2015, and you're dealing with Twitter. George gets an iPad and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, that's right. George gets his prostate removed. Yeah. Well, that's something that could have happened back then, I guess, as well. But anyway. I don't know.

Prostates aren't brand new. So anyway, someone in the last couple of days has made a – it's at Dum Dum 90s. Okay. And it's what if Little Dum Dum Club was around in the 90s. And it's so good. And it is so funny. I mean, it's good for me because I've listened to every episode. But it is genuinely funny.

George, you've now officially listened to more episodes than Harley. Oh, that's cool. Well done. So I just want to read out for people that – some people aren't on Twitter. Idiots. But I'll just read out like a half a dozen or so of them, which I find so amusing. So they're also called – because they're being stupid about it as well,

they're calling Tommy Tome and me Kyle. Which is an in-joke from – Yeah, yeah. Which I think also might be a reference to because you said there's that normal Seinfeld one. There's also then a parody account of that Seinfeld parody account that's called Seinfeld 2000 which just wedges in modern references but gets all of the names wrong. So it's like Jerry, Gurg, Crandall and Ellen go skiing off the fiscal cliff.

It's just… It's awesome. It's so bad but it's awesome. So it's got a bit of that to it. So I think it's kind of emerging of the two, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I'll read out a couple of these. Tome sad after Kurt Cobain didn't make it across the West Gate.

Guest Steve Visard asks Kyle if he enjoyed his 40th birthday. The guest is so great. See, the timeline of this is insane. So when you're turning 40 in the 1990s Which means now when we're doing the show You're like what 70 or 80 or something That's also a little bit off But anyway

Tome's nuggies go cold quickly Since McDonald's stopped using styrofoam Kyle is convinced guest Alyssa Jane Cook is attracted to him So I think they've got the tone so well as well Tome thinks he knows who shot Mr Burns. Kyle makes everyone uncomfortable when he reveals his

crush on guest Jane Gazzo. This one's my favourite. Kyle notices Tome looks like the gobbledog. Guest Elliot Goblet tells Tome and Kyle the difference between elf eating cats and dogs. Just the best. Kyle and Tome wonder who from 902 elf eating cats and dogs. Just the best.

Kyle and Tome wonder who from 90210 they are most like. Guest Ranger Stacey thinks Kyle is Brandon or Dylan. Tome is definitely Andrea. You know what I'm surprised by most about this account? How many of these references I get. Oh, yeah. I sent a message to the two of you because they added me on Twitter and I was like, what is this? And then I read a few and was laughing and I sent you guys a message

and you were like, is this you? And you're like, no, but it's great. And then I went back and looked at it. It was like two hours old at that point. Yeah. It's brilliant. Originally they were just using our logo from this show and then a listener of the show and podcast Photoshopper to the stars,

Reid Parker. Reid did our logo sort of like 90s crap television style, which now they're using, which gives it that extra little – Yeah. A lot of pastel colours and – I'll rip through a couple more. Kyle stops Mirabara from becoming Tidy Town 1993. That I don't get.

That is so good. That I don't understand at all. Because I used to live in a street called Garzy Court or a court called Garzy Court that won Tidy Town in about that year. That's awesome. That's so good. That I don't understand at all. Because I used to live in a street called Garzy Court or a court called Garzy Court that won Tidy Town in about that year. That's awesome. It's pretty amazing. Such a big thing. Key Sab Tidy Town.

Yeah. Beautiful. Tom Stubbs, a member of Being Tidy Town, 1993. Tom asks for meditation tips from guests, the Hoodoo Gurus. Kyle asks guest Mike Whitney if he gave $20 to Fleety. Kyle asks guest Mike Whitney if he gave $20 to Fleety. Tome auditions for Agro, but he's embarrassed when he finds out Roley's female co-host. Kyle learns how to do yourself a favour from guest Molly Meldrum.

And this is my favourite line out of all of them. Tome gets the Rachel. Oh, man. them. Tome gets the Rachel. Tome gets the Rachel. There you go. Someone who's into Photoshop, get onto that. Photoshop me with the Rachel. And this is probably the most rounded one. Tome and Kyle don't get job after auditioning

for Healthy, Wealthy and Wise. Guest Ian Hewittson tells boys they've failed all three main criteria. I love that one too. Because that must be the first time in about 25 years that anyone's talked about Healthy, Wealthy and Wise. But it's still on. It's still on. Well, he's still on.

Oh, he's still on. Yeah, he's still on. He's not a Healthy, Wealthy or Wise. No, no, no. I like how much it gives us a lot of credit as interviewers where it's like guests come in and we have actual pointed questions for them that somehow relate to a topic instead of just sitting here talking about ourselves, which we actually do.

We'd be wrapped to get many of these guests as well. Even now. Still, still. So I'm such a fan of it. What I did this morning before I came here today was this is how I'm thinking. I'm so impressed by it. I'm now fans of the people who are fans of us. So now I've written a bunch of these.

Oh, you're submitting. I'm submitting. I've got my fingers crossed. I'm pitching to write for the fan fiction of me. It is the ultimate narcissism I've ever heard. It is. This is like a snake eating its own tail but like stupider. You know what happened to Narcissus?

You know, he did just die there by looking at his own reflection. Well, it's better than being alive if I have to live this life. Oh, this is so true. I do like too that I think, I haven't read all of them, but I think there's only one crossover guest. Like everyone else is referenced from the 90s, but Fleety is a crossover guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm pitching. See what you think. If this is worth pitching to my heroes. To the top brass at Dumb Dumb 90s. Exactly. Tome and Kyle fail audition for Cheese TV. Kyle asks guest

Drazik if he can change titles for one ep from Heartbreak High to Mirror Borough High. Good, good. Drazic if he can change titles for 1EP from Heartbreak High to Miraburra High. Drazic is a great reference. Kyle asks guest Martin Sacks why Mount Thomas doesn't have a McDonald's. Tome asks his mum for money to go to Sydney Olympics.

I actually did go to the Sydney Olympics with my mum. He's just cute. Of course you did. I was impressed by that. It's like, oh, no, you predicted the past. I'm like Nostradamus if he was an idiot. Nostradamca. Yeah. You know what we need?

We need now a new good one could be. Here's my last one. Which weirdly enough has a reference that's already come up. Kyle fails audition for pop stars. Tom and Kyle start countdown to guest Yahoo Sirius' birthday. We need it. Okay, now there needs to be one at Dumb Dumb 90s where it's like us obsessing over whatever the 90s version of a Twitter account about us would be.

No, I don't know what that means. No, I don't know what that means. Counting down to someone's birthday. Yeah, that's something we've actually done. That's an in-joke, dude. They've done that. They've done that. That is so shit.

Yeah, they're very. It's just the shittest thing I've done that. That is so shit. You know what they're doing? You just have more people on that's got no context to how fucking stupid you two are. And then explain what your show is. We counted down Nick Cody's birthday. Counting? For 340 days. And then we did a live episode for it inside a McDonald's.

With it being paid by one of the wealthiest companies in the world that they reference in every show. To be fair, looking back in hindsight, we do do a lot of dumb stuff. It feels like we are beyond parody, maybe. Counting down to someone's assassination, fair enough.

Well, guys, that's just about all the time we have for the little Dumb Dumb Club this week. Harley, Bree and George McEn and Crow, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Harley, what have you got that you'd like to plug? I'm doing a little festival up with Heath Franklin and Darwin on this weekend. I don't know when this comes out. Darwin and Catherine.

That's in time for that, yeah. And then I'll be at the Sydney Comedy Store the following weekend. And then at the Sit Down Comedy Club in Brisbane the following weekend. Look, instead of, whenever they come out, whenever those dates are, look on your website, look on Twitter,

look on something like that. Twitter and Facebook is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm getting very highbrow. I'm doing two events for the Melbourne Writers Festival talking about women in comedy in one and I wrote,

I'm actually... He's at Dumb Dumbs 90, one of the guest speakers. And I'm also launching Fleety's book At the Wheeler Centre In a couple of months So

Really That will be Very very good fun Let's hope he makes it Yep Shit Cut What

Fuck me Swingin' your cuts At the very least You'll do a gig You won't get paid for Oh my May God have mercy On your souls.

Because it won't happen on fleeting. No. Can you smoke a book? Did he just get you to do this book launch for free so he can throw

himself at you during it? I'm storming out. I'm storm, storm, storm. I can't believe we found someone who takes offence on behalf of fleeting.

Wow. I love that man. He's the father of two of my kids. That explains their shit. We've got our live episodes coming up July 18, very soon, about a week and a half away in Melbourne. In Melbourne, that's our joint.

That's our 250th episode and we are selling extremely well. So if you want to get a ticket, get one now because we're a big chance of selling out. Yep. And then we've also got, we've put on sale Perth and Adelaide at the end of the year. Tickets at our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. That's it. Perth in October and Adelaide in November.

So go to the website. A bunch of guests booked in. It's going to be, both of those are going to be heaps of fun. So we'd love to see you guys out there. Once again, don't worry guys in Adelaide and Perth. None of your comics will make it. We are flying over our own comics. We can't trust your city and your talent.

Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.