The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 251 - Josh Earl & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: July 29, 2015

Sri Lankan McDonalds, Tent 67 and Overalls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Daslow. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Wow, I didn't know your voice could get any more feminine. Is this more feminine or is this brought a little bit of masculine grunt into it? No, not at all.

Are your ears fucked as well? Yeah. I'm dying. You used to sound like a 14-year-old girl. Now you sound like a 9-year-old girl. Yeah. You sound like you're our cub reporter, I think, on this show now. What's a cub reporter? Cub. Cub reporter. What's a cub reporter? Cub. Cub reporter.

What's a cub reporter? People would have on TV shows or on radio shows, it's like, oh, you know, we do this normal show, but let's get a nine-year-old to come in and give a book report or something. That's you now. To put it in your terms, Tommy, like Muppet Babies, okay? Like Muppet Babies. There'd be literally a cub in there as well, probably. Well, today on the show, you know what?

We've got a guest today, a very dear friend of the show, someone who generally to give a bit of a peek behind the curtain, you and I, when we try to work out what the content for the podcast is going to be, we write notes about our own lives and things that we've been up to. And today we've got one of those special episodes where all of my notes are just about one of our guests. Yes, me too, me too. Well, first of all, you know him currently as...

Hey, hey, how do you know it's you that we're talking about? Could be me. I just said I'm happy to be here. Pound for pound, you've got a lot of stories. And pounds. First of all, you know him as the host of Breakfasters and as the host of Don't You Know Who I Am, the podcast. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Josh Earle.

Hey, guys. It's actually a year today since I did the last one as well, apart from the live show. The live show, but then it was a year with All Day after Splendid in the Grass last year. Wow. Nice tradition. Yeah. So what are you saying? It's a year since I did one apart from the other one that I did do.

Well, the live one is a different kind of kettle of fish because it was like on the day, hey, can you come and fill in? We've just had someone pull out. Okay. Sure. That's what happened with Spicks and Specks as well. And the break fastest. It's great.

Also, you know him from Stand Up at Bella Union. Okay, please welcome back in. please welcome back Dilruk Jai Singh Hey fam Don't overlook the fact That you did Stand Up A Belly Union On SBS2 I booked you for that Yeah you did

You're welcome For putting you on TV For the first time Second But I was on What was the first time? Channel 31 I said TV.

Oh, great. While you were Oh, shit. Sorry. Sorry. There's a camera there and a camera there. giving you the middle finger.

That is the best. For people at home, we have recently been filmed for Channel 31 for our little Channel 31 TV version of the podcast. Not for much longer now,

but yeah. Final episode. Even for the little Channel 31 as well of the podcast. Not for much longer now. Yeah. Final episode. Even for the little Channel 31 as well. I like that in there. The little Channel 31. Usually we have one camera, but because of Dil, we've had to bring in three today. Well, glad to be here.

I'm surprised you guys booked me. The camera adds 10 pounds usually, but I don't think it's possible. I was going to say I'm glad you guys booked me, even though you had me fly in last week, just last week for the live show. I came in, did my little live thing, and I left. I'm, you know, back-to-back guest. Well, again, for people at home,

Dil, you would have been on our live 250th episode, but you were still in Sri Lanka, so we did have Greg Larson maybe do a little bit of an impression of you. Yeah. Was it an impression of me? It was a very culturally sensitive impression. Josh, were you at the live show or did you listen back? No, I was doing a cross report from Tasmania.

I was hosting the Tasmanian Dum Dum Club fan club. Was it like election day where they go down? Yeah, right. No, but if I'm a listener part of you, it's such an interesting thing because you hear Larson coming on as Dilrub Jaising and there's like laughter for 20 seconds and then he just goes,

hello, Dilrub, nice to be here. And then just a collective, oh no. I have to say, I'm tempted to go back and listen to that episode because... Oh, you mean your own podcast? Yeah, well, I never do it. I've literally listened, I think, to two episodes. But I always get a bit stressed when we're coming up to a live show and you want to get everything right and there's a lot of work to do and whatever.

And so I skipped dinner that night and then as soon as we got anywhere near the podcast, I just started slaying. You're going to have to back up and explain that concept to Google. Skipping a meal? Are you all right? Was there a death in the family? Imagine if you were in a coma. That's what was happening to me.

I'd still get dripped. You'd still have the turkey in the drip. It's Fanta. Just gravy. I think Carl told me on Facebook it was something like, oh, we might be getting Larson to play you. I was like, oh, that's really cool,

really funny. I'm like, I knew it's going to be really bad. But I was chatting to mum and I told my mum, I was like, oh, this is a really cool podcast they're having the 250th and they're having one of my friends, a character comedian playing me.

And she's like, oh, that's kind of sweet and stuff. And then the photo... Has she listened to the show? No, no, no. But then the photo of Larson came out and it's him wearing a sombrero with a red mustache on top of his mustache already. But then his shirt is like tied into a knot. So it's his gut just sticking out and the angle's real bad.

And I showed it to mom going, oh, by the way, here's the guy who's supposed to be me. And my mom just goes, Allah. For context, my mum is Muslim. It's not just ripping out. I like how Greg's playing you by pulling your shirt up and having a fat gut, though. You already had the fat gut, Greg.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you want a caricature. Well, so for people who were there, we did a bit of an impromptu, unrecorded kind of thing where we got you on FaceTime. We called you up. You were in Sri Lanka. And we got your brother on the line,

who I think we've talked about. Dilshan. Dilshan. Very funny guy. He's a big fan of our work just because we give you a lot of shit. Yes, yes. Has he ever even listened to the podcast or he just is a fan of the genre of hanging

shit on zero? He's pretty much just a fan of the genre of hanging shit on zero. No, no, I think he listens as well. He listens to the

episodes that I'm on and he particularly enjoys you guys ripping into me. Well, I asked him if he had any stories about you

from the vaults which we haven't had on the podcast yet and he brought out a bit of a pearler. Like within like a second.

I think the story went for five words to be honest. Yeah, that was it. It's the most concise. It was like one time, Dil Rook shit the pool. Yeah. No, they're like...

The pool. Or the bathtub. It was shorter than that. He goes, do you have any stories about Dil that we don't know? And within a second he goes, he took a shit in a pool once and then all we could hear was just the crowd going crazy for like 20 seconds. Because there's two different...

The way you describe it, Carl, you say he shat the pool, which speaks of it being an accident. Out of your control, food poisoning. But then the way you've said it, he took a shit in a pool. That makes it sound deliberate. Was it off the diving board? I think we should just leave it. I think that's one of those stories that it's probably better –

I think a lot of people said that about the shit at the time. I think the security at the pool said that to you. You should leave here right now. No, that was one of the ones that he was just. Get out of the door of shit lane. How old were you, can I ask? Like six or seven or something like that. That's why I kind of said, well, just leave it.

Just leave it in everyone's imagination as it could be anything. But that was a big moment for me. So you've been in, you have my brother on the podcast. You've been in... You were touring around doing gigs overseas. Yeah, that's right. I did Malaysia and Penang and Singapore. And then from there I took a little surprise visit to see mum and dad.

They didn't know I was coming. Did you do a gig in Sri Lanka? No, no. I'm too scared to do a gig in Sri Lanka still. I'll get there one day. The same with me in Maribor. Yeah. Seriously.

I reckon we need to get both those things to happen on the same day. Yeah. No, I reckon I should do the gig in Sri Lanka. You do the Maribor. Yeah. Seriously. I reckon we need to get both those things to happen on the same day. No, I reckon I should do the gig in Sri Lanka and you do the Maribor one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would go great. Actually, the opposite would go great. That's a great idea, yeah. Because last week I was doing a gig in Burnie, my hometown. Oh, yeah.

And I highly recommend not doing a gig in your hometown. Right. Because I have so many worries about doing my hometown gig. Well, everyone knows your stories. And they know when you're telling lies to make it funnier. And so they just call you on it. It's like, bullshit. Bullshit.

Talk about Dougal Skeggs. My high school PA teacher. That was all I got. People just shouting out shit at me. Oh, wow. So you knew a lot of the people there? I knew a lot. But I didn't know.

I forget who they are. They're like, oh, we went to school together. I'm like, okay, great, hi. And then you feel like a dick. You feel like an arsehole. But it's like, well, I didn't know, I forget who they are. They're like, oh, we went to school together. I'm like, okay, great, hi. And then you feel like a dick. You feel like an arsehole. But it's like, well, I don't know because I left there in 96. That's like half my life away. And so it was weird.

You were memorable and you feel bad. And all they wanted to hear were stories about them and I didn't have enough of them. Yeah. So I couldn't remember. Basically, I shat the pool, Dil. You shat in the pool of comedy. What would be your concerns about doing a gig in Sri Lanka, Dil?

I think we spoke about this once before as well. It's just, you know, just tapping into the right sense of humour because stand-up comedy is becoming big there, thanks to Russell Peters and stuff. Like, there's a lot of people watching comedy on YouTube. But it's still, you know, there's no comedy club. Like, we might have one stand-up performance a year and it is Russell Peters.

Do you know what I mean? So like coming in as a local represent, supposedly, you know, doing comedy overseas, there's a lot of expectation. And there's been multiple offers. Like I've already been approached to by bookers saying, hey, we can book this place and do it. I'm like, not yet.

I'll get there. Like I really... But this is my thing. When you say you've been approached by bookers, is it like the can book this place and do it. I'm like, not yet. I'll get there. Like, I really – this is my thing. When you say you've been approached by bookers, is it like the gigs you do in Melbourne where someone's going, can you drive five hours to do a gig for free? No, that's me over here. No, in Sri Lanka, this will be like a proper theatre and stuff. I genuinely – this sounds arrogant.

50 Australian dollars in Sri Lanka is a lot of money. No need to announce my going rate. In case I need to bargain They need to know that I'm willing to No I think I could sell out a really good venue My worry is that They won't come back the following year I want to do a good enough show

I know the first one will be big So I just want it to come back Well if you don't want to do it We know a guy who does a pretty good impression of you That we could send over instead We slap the red sombrero on Greg and sent him over to the… Is it possible? That would go down real well, actually.

What if we went and did a live Dum Dum podcast in Sri Lanka? Would that be a possibility? It's just a way to get closer to Thailand for you. One little bit closer to Thailand. It's a cheaper for you. You're better off doing a gig in Thailand. Yeah, I know a lot of people there. And unlike your other

Australian live shows, you actually have comics to book in Thailand that you're going to have. I don't get that. I want to kill myself. So how was your time back in Sri Lanka with the family? You've got a family wedding coming up. How was your time over in Sri Lanka with the family? You've got a family wedding coming up.

Oh, yes, yes, yeah. How was your time over there getting ready for that? So my brother's getting married in October and when I fly in, like I only have like three days before the wedding or something like that and they said, okay, let's organise the suits and stuff now. And we went to this suit shop, it's like a really famous place and turns out I've outgrown Sri Lanka. There's like nothing off the rack.

There's just like, yeah, we got nothing for you. So it's a real grim start to the day where I'm feeling really bad. Like this is, so in Malaysia... It'd be a common thing for someone to give like, you know, the broad and groom a big bit of livestock. Have you ever been considered

as a gift? Yeah, my brother's going to ride me into the venue. Deal is part of the dowry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm an investment property. No, but yeah, so we got – yeah, it was really – because I was in Malaysia and Singapore just eating everything. Because I was just like – Story checks out. It's good to but like more than more than normal because i'm like oh man like you know i won't get another chance to have this so well this is what i say about you

dill like when you're here a lot of the time you you're talking about you know uh trying to be good with your eating and lately you you might have a cheat day here and there yeah you're pretty on it and a lot of nights you're like, I'm not going to drink. But then it feels like you go to Sri Lanka and go, all bets are off. You're hitting yourself going, well, I had to start drinking scotch. It turned 10 a.m. That's true, actually.

No, yeah, but like before I went to this trip, I think I had like five weeks off booze. Like I knew I kind of now start to plan ahead because I know what I'm like over there um and yeah so when you're planning ahead what does that mean you just sort of even it out right so not that i know i'm going to try and lose weight or anything i just wanted to not yeah die yeah and uh oh wait what did your dad say to you about the wedding coming up recently uh what do you mean you know that how you said oh yeah yeah like when once when on the phone you mean? You know that How you said Oh yeah Yeah like when

Once when on the phone You mean Yeah Yeah yeah I was on the phone to dad And he was trying to say Try and you know Try and do as much exercise

As possible But in the rush he said Try not to be as fat as possible Which is you know Like if I have a mission Why didn't you listen to him? Because I have plans And goals girl

Your dad's expectations of you, not try and lose weight, try not to be as fat as possible. Mate, if you turn up and you're not as big as the sun, then I can see that to be. How did he go when you went to the suit shop and ran out of options? He was like, I told you. I hate to say I told you so. But yeah, the suit shop, so that was bad.

And I was like really like, oh, God, that's a terrible thing to find out. But then we're like, oh, well, we'll just get you a custom-made suit. I'm like Really like Oh god That's a terrible thing to find out But then we were like Oh well we'll just get you A custom made suit Right that's I'm like oh cool I've never had one of those That sounds pretty rad

It's not cool No no no Custom made suits It's not cool That you have to have that done No no no But like Then you get everything

It looks much better When you get a custom made suit Especially for a weird shaped Fuck like you Hey Hey Can we not get personal On the podcast

Don't Don't body shame people Don't body shame people do Sorry guys Hey, hey Can we not get personal on the podcast? Don't body shame people Don't body shame people, dude Sorry guys He's our friend Don't slam the cub reporter for the little dumb dumb podcast Yeah, we get the measurements So this was like literally Not last Tuesday, two Tuesdays ago

And we get the measurements And they come back on Friday for the fit on because they do the last minute adjustments or whatever. We go on the Friday and the tailor just starts yelling at me because I've put on weight between now and Tuesday and Friday. And he refused to do the order because he's like

you're going to come back in October. Who knows what size you'll be. I'm not doing it. He's like, he rejected me as a customer. But surely he would love it. He'd be paid I'm not doing it. He's like, he rejected me as a customer. He would love it. He'd be paid per metre of material, surely. This is his reason. He goes, when you come back in October,

I don't know what shape you'll be. You'll look shit and I'll be blamed for it. So I don't want that blame. I'm not doing your order. So I've now become too fat for off the rack and custom made. It's really. And then I remember I just walked away. So I've now become too fat for off the rack and custom made. It's really. And then I remember I just walked away.

Meanwhile, my brother's taking photos of this. There's a photo of the tailor yelling at me, I think. And then I just like, my family's about to say something. I'm like, look, I know you're about to tell me some piece of advice, but whatever you're saying cannot be as bad as what's going through my head. Just leave it. And I walked away and I sat on the other side of the store by myself for like five minutes. This would be a good story in a podcast.

Yeah, I started taking notes. You just came back from Splendour in the Grass at Music Festival. Some stage up there when you're in your tent, did you think maybe just cut a hole in the top and stick your head through it and whack on a bow tie? Is that a possibility? Yeah, but when he was in the main tent watching Blur. This is in October.

Here comes Dilrock. What is happening? Dilrock's wearing the boiler room. When I find a suit that fits Woo Oh wow Yeah So it's

If there's credits on the wedding It could be Dilrug Jaisinga As dressed by the Ringling Brothers So it's your brother's wedding though Yeah Fair bit of pressure on you To do a good speech then

Seeing you're the comedian overseas coming back home. Right, but he knows how that all works. So he said, I just don't want to put you through that. I want you to have a good time. So I'm just, you know, oh, apparently I'm in charge of all the booze. That's, yeah, they've given, they've got like. Why apparently? Did you self-assign that or?

No, like apparently like, because the wedding's in India. He's getting married to an Indian girl and they're having it in Agra where like the Taj Mahal and stuff is. So the hotel that they booked out, there's only like the executive – well, some sort of suite. Although I think the honeymoon suite if I'm not mistaken. Anyway, the biggest room is the only thing that can fit all the booze that they're bringing over and I get that room plus all the booze.

Are you going to have to get fit all the booze that they're bringing over and I get that room plus all the booze. Are you going to have to get rid of the booze? And if your mum's Muslim, does that mean a lot of the guests would be Muslim as well so they won't be drinking? No, some of them it's complicated but yeah some of them won't be drinking. Some of them, my other cousins don't care.

They just drink anyway. But it's going to be fun. A pressure to perform. There is like the second night is like what the Indian wedding, they call it, they call it Sangeet, where it's just like a concert. You're Sri Lankan, not Indian. Sorry. No, no, but it's an Indian wedding.

I actually thought you were sincere. That's what was more annoying, not the date. It's just me getting caught for sincerity. But, yeah, there's like a song and dance thing and I think I'm doing like a number. Oh, like an open mic. What are you going to do? You're doing a number.

Like just a song, yeah. Is this like a number two in the pool? But no, but actually in the whole lead up to this whole wedding thing, I'm like I really want to try and, you know, get it in some sort of shape. Also the final result with the tailor is that he said, okay he'll do it if I come straight from the airport to the

shop, because there's not enough turnaround he said, but he'll make an exception for me that as long as I come straight from the airport to there and we'll get it done then and there so I'm thinking this is a great opportunity for me to actually now have a specific goal. And I was sort of talking to Carl about, and just briefly to you as well, Tommy, that like

knowing how good your Dum Dum fans are at like being assholes online, whether I should like do like a challenge thing that if I don't get a certain weight by a certain date that there's like a punishment allocated after. Okay. Well Well because this is the thing

so you're coming to Perth with us. Right. You're doing the live Dum Dum show in Perth. Which will be my last show before I go to Sri Lanka for the wedding. So we can do like a big like a public wait And so this is actually Josh's preview. Josh is going to be on there as well. Yeah I thought about that as well

if you're going to be there as well. And I'll have done two weeks of kids shows I'll be I'll be up for some adult content yeah yeah and like do we do we literally do a way

at a live show like an absolute exhibit like oh my like well I figured the things I've gone through with this show before

can't be worse than that can we call it operation dumb cunt drop. We opened the gig with a five-minute segment in which Dillarook's nude and me and Carl hose him down. There's no real reason for this. Just always good to have visual stuff at the live gigs to make people at home feel like they've missed out. Something like that.

I was thinking maybe, yeah, I'll say, I looked at it. It's exactly 11 weeks from this Sunday. Right. Okay, so when this comes out, when this episode comes out, we can maybe put on Facebook and Twitter and stuff like that. We'll have some sort of graph that will show you what you weigh now and you'll have your aim towards 11 weeks time. Right, yeah, yeah.

We'll have a countdown. All right. And maybe we can do like a Nick Cody's birthday style countdown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the sort of thing I was thinking. I'm like, well, the success of June Northern is what inspired me. I went, oh, look, everyone got on board and it was quite nice. Oh, and officially thank you to everyone for contributing to –

we haven't said that on the show. We raised just over $3,000. Bizarre coincidence. The same number of kilos that we're trying to erase. The same number of calories I had for breakfast. And bizarre, another bizarre coincidence, the amount of money it took to fly Tommy to Japan and to Splendour in the Grass

in the morning. Very strange. For Beyond Blue, so it cured my depression. Real fun weekends. So how much do you think? 11 weeks? So 11 weeks. I'm going to go one a week.

One kilo a week? One kilo a week. Because on the Biggest Loser, they drop about 11 kilos in the first week. Yeah, I don't want to do that. That's because they go crazy. I don't want to. I don't think that's enough of a challenge. I think one kilo.

Oh, really? Yeah. One kilo a week is not enough. Really? Okay, what do you reckon? So let's say 15 then. Then it's, ooh. Yeah. So what happens if you don't get 15 then? We'll figure that out next. Okay, what do you reckon? So let's say 15 then. Then it's, ooh. Yeah.

So what happens if you don't get 15 then? We'll figure that out next. Okay, cool. I love it was like this whole thing was Dool's idea and he's so into it. And then as soon as we added just a couple more kilos onto the goal, now he's all of a sudden backing away. Because you know what? It's been 20 years.

I know how hard this is. Yeah, yeah, sure. The only time the last time, well, that's the other thing. The last time I did lose a bunch of weight was when I did that triathlon, which none of your listeners believed was true until I posted that photo. But that was, again, because a friend of mine said, no, you can't do it. You probably can't do it.

And I just went, no. Unless triathlon means you're eating three sorts of dessert. Yeah, all right. You know what? A kilo a week, I've readjusted in my head. That's good. Yeah, alright. You know what? A kilo a week, I've readjusted in my head. That's good. Yeah, right.

So what we need is we need the listeners to get on board. We need them to support you. That's what you want. Yeah, I'll just start with that. You know what it is?

Just keep me accountable. That way I just know that... We want the listeners to be, and us, to be like a personal trainer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might as well use you fuckers for good.

You know what I mean? It's been so so every meal time for deal sending the text so like eight o'clock in the morning nine o'clock in the morning ten o'clock in the morning just send her a message saying and if you want to do that dillook's phone number is please well you can text me for it because i know you've got that number well okay so now more most important of this is you're saying the punishment. If you don't make it, if we do a weigh-in at the gig and you don't make it. So I think maybe we get the ball rolling now. If listeners want to chip in and we can announce in the next couple of weeks

what the punishment will be. What the punishment is going to be will be something at the Perth Live Show, surely. Sure, sure. A bag of burgers. This is just a way to get a bag of burgers. Now I see what it is. Have you learnt the word for punishment? Your punishment will be Carl goes to Thailand and I go to Japan.

Here, have a hamburger. Something beyond the punishment of just continuing to look like this. Oh, that's real grim. Yeah, okay. I guess we'll figure that out. There's got to be some sort of naked dance at the Perth show or something. I'll do that anyway. Yeah.

No, I've got to think of something you don't want to do. I can't believe that nuding up is not an option. He probably would do it. And it's so sad when it's like, you know, we're all creative people and you think, what's a punishment? It's like, all you can think up is nudity. That's the best place we had guys. You have to eat a ball of broccoli.

Will you do the weigh-in first? At the start of the podcast, will it be a weigh-in? If you don't get the target, how about someone, surely someone in Perth has like an exercise bike. Oh. And then deal for the rest of the show is on the bike. Yes. Let's get a treadmill or an exercise bike in.

With the theme song of, what was it, what's it, the Baby Elephant Walk? The Baby Elephant Walk. For like a minute I have to do that.

No, for the whole gig. Yeah, the whole gig. The whole gig. You have to power the podcast on the exercise bike. If you thought

the sound of a tattooing gun in the last episode under the whole episode was annoying, why don't you hear Baby Elephant Walk just softly playing on the show? I If you thought the sound of a tattooing gun in the last episode under the whole episode was annoying, why don't you hear Baby Elephant walk just softly by? I thought you were going to say it deals breathing for the rest of it. There you go. Get that chicken bone out.

Come on. Wow, I'm worried about what an exercise bike's... He just got out of breath sitting on a couch. Thinking about it. Just hearing the word exercise got me puffed and sweaty. See, I'm torn. I want to help you.

Pavlov's dogs. You just hear Pavlova. Pavlova's hot dog. Oh, mate. This is encouragement. I'm doing it. This is the sort of thing I'm talking about. I want to help.

I want to be a mate. But also, fuck, I want to see you on that treadmill for a while. I kind of want to fuck you up. I sort of want to lead you astray. Yeah, something like that, I I guess is probably the idea. Okay. That it's so bad that I just – yeah, to go – because I've got like a whole bunch of like a really bad schedule

where I'll be like interstate and stuff where – Where you're forced to eat fast food. You know, that's the rule. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I want to try and – As if only there was fruit and vegetables in New South Wales, you know? Yeah, because you don't like to take them over the border. Yeah, exactly.

It's real hard to find that stuff in Perth. I'm just saying, if you haven't lost the weight and you're on this treadmill, something that could go out of control and propel you into the audience, our public liability insurance costs are going to go through the roof. We're going to have to raise ticket prices just to cover ourselves. So I think that's a good idea. If you

haven't made the wait, then you spend the entire show on the treadmill and we weigh you before and after and see at least what we've done for an hour. For an hour, yeah. That's such a logistical nightmare though. Think about having to figure out a stage that will fit me for starters but then also a treadmill and we and we get to be

in control of the how fast you're going as well yeah so if you perform better or worse being funny wise on stage we might slow you down if you struggle we put you back up a bit so it's going to encourage you to be funnier as well as well as skinnier we could publish none of this

we could publish a research paper on this at the end of it what is the optimum speed for being funny yeah yeah right yeah

alright well I think we got the ball rolling at least and just think you know with most science projects with animals I usually feed them with something at the end of it so there's a bonus for you as well.

Just have like a carrot, like a bucket of chicken hanging out. A deep fried carrot in front of you. That's what this is, the deep fried carrot. Alright, so you'll be starting this, what, when the episode goes out or from this Sunday, were you saying? This Sunday, which is something like August.

We'll get a graph happening. We'll get some sort of graphic. It'll be like you know those thermometer sort of things? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. Maybe like a thermometer shaped like you. Something like that. A thermometer shaped like you. Yeah. Something like that. Like a fundraiser little graphic. We'll get that organised. With gravy filling up and down.

Like this writes itself. So if it's just a shape of you with gravy filled up, it's like we might as well just take a picture of you then because that's sort of what it is. Oh, good. Well, we have that. What's your technique going to be? So you're going to be off the booze for a bit?

Definitely. I think that's my biggest issue. Can I recommend? Yes. Off bread. Oh, yeah. That's true. How much was yours? Like seven or something in the end over six months? Oh, yeah. That's true. How much was yours?

Like seven or something in the end over six months? Oh, yeah, I got to it pretty quick. I've just been like keeping it at the same lately. But, you know, because I think I've said like to me bread is like the gateway drug to burgers and pizza and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you get rid of bread, then you get rid of all that sort of stuff. Yeah, bread for me, my gateway is booze. Like I could be super good With food all day

For like two weeks And then have one night On the piss And not only is the The beer and stuff Bad in itself But then you just go Ah fuck it

I'll just have some shitty food And then you wake up the next day And you eat more shitty food And you don't exercise So yeah Booze is probably Going to be the big one Sorry Milan

So you told me Because you were When you travelled You went to Kuala Lumpur airport And you were me, because you were when you travelled, you went to Kuala Lumpur airport. You were telling me, did you get a massage at the airport? It was not at the airport. It was just in KL.

I got a massage and like one hour into, it was like an hour massage and like sort of half an hour into it, out of nowhere, she just pulled out a face mask and wore that for the next half hour nothing else changed she just couldn't deal with whatever

I don't know what happened massaging the toxins out of your skin and going up her nose I don't know what it's so embarrassing it's like I almost wanted to ask her what's that for? and this is before the tail has run out of fabric.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this is the most embarrassing thing that's going to happen on this jaunt. So if he's going to be on the treadmill for an hour in Perth, we're going to have to get a lot of air freshener or something. That's what stinks happening after you're getting a massage. When I'm relaxed. Maybe we can get the live podcast sponsored by Andy Perth. Glenn 20.

Because I've only ever had one massage in an airport. And I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast before, but I was halfway through it and all of a sudden my hands, I was on my stomach and my hands were out of that. And I just felt the guy's cock in the palm of my hand. You're lying down, face down. Your arms are next to you and the palms are facing upwards. And then him just placed his, like, because he straddled a bit

and just his cock went down. And it was that thing, it was like, this is deliberate, but it's how do you prove that it's deliberate? So I just kind of flinched. It's a reverse happy ending. Yeah, exactly. And so for the rest of the half hour, very, very tense. Right.

Which negated the reason for the message. And how long did he leave it there for? Only a split, because I flinched so straight and he didn't say anything. Oh, sorry. That's what it took for him to blow his own. I've never ever had another massage in an airport. Because of that one guy? Yeah.

There's a really good one in the Sri Lankan airport where it's all exposed and you sit in one of those chairs so you don't take your top off or anything like that. You just sit and you put your face in this massage chair and they manage to pretty much do your entire body without having to make any kind of suspicious stuff. But that's a shout out to the Sri Lankan airport. You told me, because this is the thing that fascinates me about you,

we spend a lot of time together. We've been hanging out a lot recently especially and there's still, you will just roll out something that you think is not a big deal. Because it's just my life. Yeah, exactly. I just think it's just another anecdote. Like I spend so much time talking to you both on and off the podcast

that I'm amazed that there's still such juicy nuggets to find out about you. So we were in the bus on the way to Splendour in the Grass this weekend, which we'll get into a bit more soon, but you whipped out this little doozy of a tale. Yeah, I can't remember how we even started, but Sri Lanka got their first McDonald's in 1998 and I was one of the first ten customers. In 1998 I was 13 years old so I skipped school.

Hang on, did they just build the McDonald's around you? Did they think they were going to get some sweet business and just brought it to you? Yeah, no, I stood in line. They were going, is that the hamburger in disguise? It's baby Grimace. Yeah, and I was 13. I asked mum if I could not go to school so I could go to the Maccas.

And it was great. Why was she like, you know, you're lining up for tickets to Bon Jovi or something? No, no, no, lining up for a cheeseburger. It's not like my eldest son is ever going to have a wedding that he's going to need to get a suit to fit into. So sure, go for it. Start now. I got a big Mac meal and it was the best thing ever.

And it was good but then I went for a McChicken. How old were you? 13. So you were the eighth and the tenth customer. That's how quickly I finished the Big Mac. I was real sad because they gave out these shirts saying for the first hundred customers. They gave like novelty shirts.

But I didn't notice them because I was so into my burger that I didn't realise it. Was it the same tale that went to you and by the time you'd eaten one of the burgers, oh, you've gone up in size again. I can't deal with this. I thought that story was going to be, but they weren't in my size.

That's what I really thought that story was going to be. As if you wouldn't do it though. Like now in hindsight, knowing how much you love Maccas, if it opened up in your neighbourhood for the first time ever. You know, it only opened in Maryborough five years ago or so. Oh, right, okay. Did you line up? No.

I still haven't actually gone to the Maryborough McDonald's. But it's a testament to the brand because that's like 13 years of my life I've been watching movies and TV from America and there's all this talk of Macca's, McDonald's all the time. And yeah, it was just like when it finally came, it was like I've got to know what this is all about yeah or you just found out

there was a food outlet I was surprised most of all that what was it 1998 yeah that it was that recent

that McDonald's set up in Sri Lanka that's like not that long ago I was so excited I remember in 97 my birthday

we had my birthday out the front yeah you had your birthday where? At McDonald's. I took my friends to McDonald's because it was just such a – The year before? No, no, no. Ninety – oh, sorry.

Ninety-nine. Sorry, I stuffed up. Oh, right. I got all confused. I thought for a minute you'd made your own McDonald's at home. No, he took his friends to the site. This is where it's going to be, guys. This is my birthday party.

Can you imagine how good – this is my be, guys. This is my birthday party. Can you imagine how good this is? This is my wish, guys. I know it's horrible at the moment. This is all forest, but one day it'll be beautiful. They're already reinforcing the slide in the playground just to make preparations for the Jai Singh birthday. Come on, get in the back of my van. Let's go through the drive-thru, everyone.

So, Dill, you and I just went to Splendour in the Grass music festival to do stand-up gigs for the weekend it was the first your first time camping yeah pretty much first time first music festival yeah and first time camping like proper I just remembered

because I told him it was my first time ever camping but I had actually gone to Wilson's from like about six years ago. To scope out the side of a Newmakers. No, but on the drive there I had 18 VBs and I like fell in the beach and broke my ribs so I couldn't sleep in the camp. You fell in the beach?

While playing beach cricket I fell down and hit my ribs real bad and so I slept in the car for four days. Did you get the injury from Greenpeace trying to kick you back in? So as you lay down, they were just digging trenches around you, filling it up with water. And you're going, are you building McDonald's? They kick you back in Creepies are so violent

Oh god No no yeah I will blame you I fell down And I hurt my ribs So I couldn't sleep in the tent. So I just slept in the car, right, because my ribs were too far. So that's what I mean by never proper having slept in a camp.

Because I was very interested in watching you all weekend because you hovered between like you were having the best time of your life and then just looking like you wanted to end it all. Yeah, I did. That's exactly it. Because it is awesome, right? But it's just that I'm so out of my comfort zone, like from every aspect of it,

whether it's the music festival vibe, whether it's the camping aspect, everything is fresh to me. So when we're sitting around drinking and talking shit, which was the majority of it, that was awesome. It was great. I mean, hanging with some of the funniest people in Australia

and you're drunk and you're listening to good music and stuff. That was awesome. It was great. I mean, you're hanging with some of the funniest people in Australia and you're drunk and you're listening to good music and stuff. That was great. Yeah. It's the tent and the dunnies and so many, just everything about the rest of it was real bad and it was really muddy. Yeah. Like, I've never bought gumboots before.

And I don't know, maybe I got the sizes wrong, but every time I would take off. The tailor at Big W was like, no, I'm not selling you these gumboots. You can't go to a music festival again if you're going to keep having fatter toes. But every time I would put on or take off my left gum, my shoe, my calf muscle would pop.

So like that... Yeah, like I just was, my technique was all wrong. I don't know. Either way, I would pull my calf muscle would pop. What? Yeah, like I just was – my technique was all wrong. I don't know. Either way, I would pull my calf muscle and so it's just agony. Like even the mere idea of getting in and out of my tent was just like filling me with anxiety. You fell over and broke a rib playing beach cricket. You're popping your calf every time you take a gumboot on and off.

I don't think we can do the treadmill. The more I hear, I just go, we can't do this. It's not going to work out. Yeah, so those are real, like, really grim times. But, you know, once you make it to the main area, we're drinking, having a good time. But, like, on the third night I was done. So two nights.

We got there Thursday evening. Yeah. So let's say this. So we were doing gigs every night, about five till seven. You hosted on the first night. And, you know, I don't know, do you know off the top of your head josh how many people go to splinter it's big yeah it's a huge huge movie festival yeah about about that i'd say well there's if there's 15 it falls it'd be more i reckon there's more it's playing yeah it's really

big and so obviously this is big music festival florence and the machine mark ronson blurb all headlined this weekend and this podcast you know we do we do well enough to you know have people sell out shows but you know you sort of go to a thing like podcast, you know, we do well enough to, you know, have people sell out shows. But, you know, you sort of go to a thing like that and, you know, it's like makes you realise how much bigger the, you know, other things are. First night of the comedy gig, Dilruk Jai Singha is hosting the show. Within five minutes of the gig starting, this packed tent,

someone has yelled out, you disgusting fat fuck. To be fair, they may not have listened to the podcast before. Well, this is the weird thing because that's happened and I've lost it. And I'm so used to seeing that happen in a live context where it's one of our shows. So it's all people there that know the running joke of that and the crowd goes crazy. It was very bizarre to see that get the response which,

to be fair, it should get yes which was horrified silence it's people going who is this awful scum of a human being yeah and the thing that annoys me most about that person yelling that is it steps on my punchline which because i actually call myself a disgusting fat fuck later i'm like are you spoiled the surprise and that also that really it's a really weird energy because now someone's yelled that out. And for me to respond to that, it just threw me off because I'm like, because normally if someone heckles you, you take them down. But in this instance, I'm like, oh, awesome, my fans.

Because everyone at Comics Backstage, you didn't know that was a thing. You're all going, oh, fucking hell, what are we all in for? I'm like, no, no, no, this is real chill. Because I loved it. I'm like, oh, cool. So someone who listens or whatever and it's really cool but at the same time i'm like oh but how do i respond and i also now in my head you know when you're doing stand-up you're talking but at the same time you're thinking about what's coming up next

i've gone oh fuck how do i set up the next thing so by the time i actually did it it just got this huge round of applause because everyone's like hey you called it back we should say public service announcement because you said to me over the weekend, you're worried about that this is now going to become a thing for you. Just don't make it a thing because it's like I say it myself. Trust me. If you want to let yourself known as a Dumb Dumb fan, wait for it to come. Yeah, yeah.

Go up and say it to him personally face to face. Don't ruin his little riddles. My little riddles. But yeah, it was so much fun. The gigs were great. Just to quickly go back to the Dumb Dumb thing. So that happens on the first night. Third night, I'm walking around the site.

I see a bloke wearing one of our little hamburger T-shirts. I have our little burger T-shirts. So I'm kind of walking towards him and I make eyes at him and I go, hey, this guy gets it. And he, without losing any momentum, just goes, hey, dickhead, and just keeps walking could not have given less of a shit maybe he's just a big fan

of Demi's leg could be it that apparently people lick god what's wrong with you you know what like I was trying to get to before I didn't have dinner I drank a lot and I just didn't don't remember a lot.

Like a lot of that sort of stuff. People go, oh, what about when this happened? I'm like, oh, vaguely. So you had like a blackout in mid-podcast.

Sort of. I've never done that. I've never done that. It happens with age, I think. Hashtag 40. But I was telling, I was about to explain

to Josh before we started but I was like, the nights were real bad for me. Like I was like, you know, I packed like, I bought a sleeping bag but turns out I bought like a summer sleeping bag so that was all wrong and I hadn't packed any proper clothes so the third night I'd been drinking non-stop from the time we got there on Thursday pretty much got up the next day around 11 o'clock

started drinking again drank all of Friday and then got up again on'clock started drinking again drank all of friday and then got up again on saturday and started drinking and then around seven o'clock on saturday evening i just crashed really bad i'm like this is it i can't i was walking away i was going through like this group of like i was watching dandy walls i think yeah i was watching dandy walls a band i liked and i was just not into it and i just decided to leave and as I was leaving like among this mud, this grim like really bad situation, there was this girl just walking towards dandy walls, topless I'm like, my life's good again this is the happiest I've ever been

but it was just the contrast between the yuck and this really pretty topless girl but then I just thought, you know what, I'm not going to force it I have one more day here if I'm going to have a good time, I need to sleep early so I went to my tent and I watched Fast and the Furious 6 on my iPad. And it was so nice. It was just like, oh, technology, this works.

And the thing that annoyed me the most is I couldn't hear the film properly because Florence and the Machine was too loud. So I got my earphones and listened because Florence was interrupting my Vin Diesel moment. That's ironic because that night you had a very nice, quiet, relaxing time in your tent by yourself. The night before this, you and I were out drinking until 2 in the morning or something. It was a lot of us. It was like Celia and Dambi and all of us.

And it's sort of – there's like 20 or something comics go up and do these gigs. And there's a mix between people who are into it and want to stay out late and then people who go, nah, watch something and then go to bed at 11. So maybe half and half. We come in at about 2am. You're poleaxed. You are walking down, and we're all camping in a row, you are walking down the campsite screaming out,

hey, if anyone wants a root, I'm in tent 67 and I'm really lonely. I said, no, I said, I was like sticking my head out of the tent going, just, you know, just sex, nothing sus, really lonely guys, just tent 67. And then did little Tommy come crawling in? We then get to hear everyone in our group slowly waking up one by one and just yelling out, shut the fuck up, Dilruch. And then the next morning you were public enemy number one. Like everyone I saw was just like, what the fuck?

And there's people there from interstate who don't know you very well. What the fuck is Dilruch's problem? Well, yeah, I felt bad about that. Because what happened is it was just one line but then people started laughing. So that obviously gave me more fire. Then I just kept doing it. I think people got more. I think you were drunk enough that there was

a part of you that thought, someone might actually come in and root me. No! I genuinely, let's get that on record please. There's no way A, that I was thinking that would work. Would you want to sleep with someone who said, after they yelled it and they come and say, yeah, yeah, I'm up for it?

Would you really want to be? If I had the moxie to just appear in my tent, sure. Or even if you hadn't have said anything. Throw in that and also day three of a festival as well in a tent. No one wants to have sex in a tent. Yeah, yeah. That's the next thing I was going to say. I was like, nah, this was bad.

Like the tent itself just cooks up all your nasty clothes. Or all sex night. Day one. Get them out day one. That's it. Did we talk about this last year? We were in conversation last year jokingly saying, you know, night one, that's the only night you can attempt anything,

any kind of sex-based stuff because after that in a tent, people not showering. I said to Josh, oh, no, did I do it? No I did it You did it on stage. You were like do it on stage and I was like yeah yeah yeah and it got absolutely nothing It got less than when it got here Well then so the final night

Dil you're out drinking and I've sent this to Carl Josh hasn't seen it. I started raging against 11 o'clock in the morning on Sunday I was back And I just had The best 12 hours of drinking After that So

Yeah I had a really good time I get a text message From Peter Jones Melbourne comedian Who was there as well He sends me a message Saying

This is 12.30am As I walk up to the toilets One of the doors opens Dill steps out With a plate of food In his hands And says It's fucked in there.

What were you thinking? A plate of food in there. Were you thinking I have to exit here at the exact same weight that I entered? What I like is a man emerging from a toilet With a plate of food in his hand And going it's fucked in there Not anymore it's not There's not a guy eating in a toilet anymore It's the opposite of fucked

Eating in a port-a-loo at a festival is That's when you've got a problem That's your rock bottom We've established this already What's worse drinking alone Or eating alone in a toilet I can't Okay there's no way I can explain it What's worse, drinking alone or eating alone in a toilet? I can't.

Okay, there's no way I can explain it, but it made sense at the time. So, A, I was real drunk. I was heading to the tent. I was done. I was cooked. I was over it. And I just thought, you know what it's like once you go to the tent, it's so hard to come back to the Dunnies. You've got to walk for like 10 minutes before you get your next piss.

So I was just like, oh, look, I'll take a piss now and then go to bed. Well, like, you know, with my food. But there was nowhere to leave the food because everything's so muddy everywhere. So I had to just, yeah, the only option was to take the food into the dunnies. That's not the only option. What is the other option? If it's on a plate, you put it on the ground. No, but it's mud.

Like, it's just a bed. Put shit in a the ground. No, but it's mud. Like, it's just... Put shit in a toilet. Yuck. Oh, what if it got mud on it? Yuck. I'm not... Like, I'm in there for, what, maximum a minute holding my plate, right? Exactly.

It's only a minute on the ground on a plate. Whatever. I don't know. I have no explanation. This is real bad. What if it got wet dirt on it versus what if it got other people's shit in it? But it's not. Like, I was protecting it.

I'm sure it felt safe. Whereas when it's like, I don't know. I just felt if I left it out there, who knows? They were like spiders and shit running around. It doesn't matter what was out there. It couldn't be any worse than what you did with it. What? Just take a piece in it.

The only worst thing they could have done with it is take it off the mart and brought it into another portal. I sort of stand by my decision. Toilet particles are literally the worst thing you can have on your food. Yeah, but I'm just taking a piss. I'm only taking a piss.

I'm not sitting there like Elvis Presley eating a sandwich on the dunnies, right? It was in and out. That's much better when you stand up rather than sit down in the toilet. Yeah, I'm not taking a shit. I'm just taking a piss. I don't know. You guys.

You don't know. I don't know. But he was really disappointed to see someone. Because also this is the thing. It's like most of the people were still out there and I thought I'm going to get away with this. But also for him to just see you walk out of the toilet with food, there's a little bit of him that would have thought,

did he get that from in there? Was he carrying anything when he walked in? Yeah, I was really upset that he saw me. Well, you know, I had my own, I told you this is their deal, I had my own kind of shame moment. I came out of the showers one afternoon. I had no shirt on, just my jeans and my towel around my neck and I'm

walking back to my tent and I walk past a car and there's two girls sitting on the bonnet of the car, two young girls and as I just walk past them, as I've just cleared them, one of them turns to the other one and goes, where are the cute guys at this festival? Well let's turn this on to you for a second.

What is it with you and music festival and what you wear at the music festival? Well, this is the thing. So then that night, I just like being in an environment where a lot of people are dressing like idiots. And I thought I, so I... Are there? Yeah.

Yeah, there's people wearing like onesies. There's a guy walking around dressed like a banana. There's another guy dressed like a carrot. One like a minion. Yeah, there was a couple of minionsies. There was a guy walking around dressed like a banana. There was another guy dressed like a carrot. One like a minion. Yeah, there was a couple of minions. Both those, the carrot and the banana, were very safe from deal. I'll come over. Because you were wearing, let's explain what you were wearing.

Because I saw a photo of you, you were wearing some beige overalls. I was wearing overalls and like a red and white striped top. And so I'm on my way from the shower to get changed into that. So I get changed into that. I go to the backstage area to do the gig. I walk in and the comics, and I knew, you know, I'm on my way from the shower to get changed into that. So I get changed into that. I go to the backstage area to do the gig. I walk in and the comics – and I'm aware. I walk in. The comics are all just teeing off.

But not knowing, I'm like, man, I've just gotten burnt so hard. But like nothing – none of this can compare to that. Were you wearing this when the guy walked past you and called you a dickhead? Because that might be – No. Okay. No. I fell in a puddle dress like that. So I was like black by the end of the night.

Why are we wearing overalls? I don't have overalls and I – You already sound like a lesbian. Why are you – Yeah, to try and pick up other lesbians. Because – But see, this is the thing. This is the difference.

It's like you're someone who – you don't really go to festivals. Like, if you went and saw other people there, you would not be hung up on what I was wearing. Like, what I was wearing is one of the more sane things. Do you think that's fair? At a three-day camping festival. It's the middle of winter and I'm in shorts and thongs and I thought you look ridiculous.

Like, I took a photo of you and I was like going to post it online going look at Mr. Dam kind of assumption like that and I just went nah it's too mean it's too mean

to show Tommy what he looks like yeah yeah honestly that's what I went because I had this worry that he's not aware now you're just saying

that you're aware was the first time I knew of it I thought oh he thinks that's cool no I think it's cool like I think it's cool that thought, oh, he thinks that's cool. I think it's cool.

Like, I think it's cool that I don't give a fuck. That's cool. That's the definition of cool. But it is weird. I watch it and I'm like, because there was the one when you were at Meredith and you were wearing, like, you were a backup singer for Paul Simon for a while. Oh, I've got a Moo Moo thing. Yeah, you were a member of Africa Bombarda. If you had to name the worst, top three worst things to wear,

I reckon Moo Moo and overalls would come in. Oh, well, Meredith, this year maybe I'll combine them. Carl Chandler special. Actually, comedian Jack Drews, who was doing the gigs, he summed it up well. I was wearing a baseball cap that's blue with an M on it and then a red and white striped T-shirt and beige overalls. And he came up and he said,

you look like a budget Aldi version of Super Marioio like like they weren't able to get their license so they've just done like a just a slight off brand which is good which is fine by me but when you go to a festival like this is this is the impression i get you know you go there you're you're a single man you're going there i can't stress that enough yeah you're going to a festival Where there's young attractive girls everywhere You're on the market And then you're going dressed in overalls Is that the opposite of peacocking? Is it

Dung beetling? No it's Wow how long did that one take? I thought of it in the car You also were In the car out the front of my house for 20 minutes It's good to know what you were doing That was 15 of it in the car. You also were in the car out the front of my house for 20 minutes when you pulled that out. It's good to know what you were doing.

That was 15 of it. No, but again, it's just like I – yeah, again, I just like being – because it is an environment where it's like all bets are off. Like I wouldn't wear that down the shops, but it's a weird thing like that. So that's the opposite. I would – if I had that outfit and I had to wear it, down the shops would be I'd wear it because you don't care who sees you there. But at a festival when you're trying to pick up, you're trying.

I would argue that in a festival, given the environment that I saw, you're more likely to pick up wearing something ridiculous like that. Absolutely. Even as a minimum as a talking point, you know, saying, yeah, yeah, I just thought this is pretty stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm an idiot. Absolutely. Genuinely.

And I am the king of picking up, as we know. So I'm Mr. Game over here. But I reckon you would actually increase your chances wearing something ridiculous like that. Yeah, absolutely. But not for a stand-up comedy kick. I was more upset what you were bringing to the art. Did you wear overalls on stage?

Yeah. Why wasn't there someone yelling abuse at you rather than Dil? That's a good question. Now, bear in mind here, you're getting shit hung on you by a guy who used to wear pyjamas on stage. So he's now saying overalls is too far. Yeah, that's a very good point. I'll cop that on stage.

I'll cop that one. But not off stage. Although I think the pyjamas I wore Would have been better To wear to a festival Because they were quite nice Well let's be Actually overalls are just I don't think there's anything

That weird about overalls Especially when This is the weird thing About that festival And this is kind of serious But there's like A lot of people Wearing the Indian

Native Indian headdress I think it's Native American Sorry Native American That's fucked Native Indian headdress Is a turban There's a lot of people Walking around with Native American. That's fucked. Native Indian headdress is a turban. There's a lot of people walking around with a turban. That's proper.

With overalls, that'd be a sweet look. You see one guy wearing it and you go, oh, that's fucked that he's bought that in. There was a shop there selling them. That's bizarre. That's really bizarre to me. That's like pretty uncool. Like, yeah.

Man, when we run out of T-shirts, we should get onto the Tommy Deslo overall. Oh, please. I would love that. Just for your festival onesie overall. I guess overalls are a onesie anyway, aren't they? Yeah, we should get onesies. Tommy overalls are called pyjamas.

We should get onesies. We should sell a onesie with me printed on it and a onesie with you on it. And then couples can wear them to music festivals. While we're talking about offensive things can i tell this story now we were i have a family or a fan as tommy would say i've got a fam now my mother-in-law bought us or bought my son a gollywog doll bought a gollywog doll and i didn't know as a gift and i didn't want in the house and i And I went, okay, we'll take it home, but you're not going to put it on the cupboard. You won't let Gollywogs in the house.

Well, I didn't want him playing with it. It's offensive. And then a month ago. Does that extend to? Well, wait for it. Wait for it. Because a month ago, no, a month after that, my son said, dad, why can't I play with that doll that you don't like and mum doesn't mind?

So she obviously had a word. son said dad why can't i play with that doll that you don't like and mum doesn't mind so she obviously obviously had had a word and i said well i said i tried to tell him about oh it's offensive to some people blah blah i said i've got not your wife by the sound of it yeah i love the way you've stitched up your wife in this story well she stitched me up by saying i don't find it offensive it's your dad ask him i think i i think i saw her at the weekend booing adam goods by the way but yeah she's from perth but i well, I've got friends who have dark skin and they would find it offensive. And then he said, who of your friends has dark skin?

And I was going, oh, good question. I said, oh, my friend Doolrook has dark skin. And he said, okay, fair enough. And then a few days later I saw him playing with it, calling it Doolrook. So, deal. I brought it along for you today. Something for the viewers at home. Finally handing itruk. So, Dil, I've brought it along for you today. Oh, something for the viewers at home. Finally handing it over.

So there you go. Oh, wow. That's you. Hey, he's dressed like me at a music festival. He looks like he goes for the boners at the end. That's real big as well. Like somehow in my head it was always just this this oh wow that is a sweet

hybrid Dilruch Daslo wow that is great that is your Splendour in the Grass experience right there bring that back bring that back to your wife

that's a rook can I keep it so there you go probably not going back to going back to your son yeah I think so

this is Dilruch Well I think that's just about All the time we have On the Little Dumb Dumb Club For this week Dilruch Jai Singer Josh Hill Thank you very much

For joining us Thank you Thanks for having me You're both going to be Over in Perth with us For the Little Dumb Dumb Club Live show over there LittleDumbDumbClub.com

For tickets on October 18th Josh will be sitting On a normal seat Yes I might be sitting On an exercise equipment of some sort. Maybe one of those exercise balls.

Just working on my core. No, that's not enough work. Let's bring a little mate with us as a little official travelling mascot of the Tungum Club. I think Perth would probably like that. Yeah, well, that's where it came from. Take him home. Josh, you got stuff coming up that you'd like to plug? Yeah, I've got every morning on Triple R, on The Breakfasters,

me, Steve and Alicia and also, if you're in Perth, I'm doing some shows the week before you guys are there. I'm doing the run of gigs there, the adult shows and my kids show as well if you've got kids and listen to this. You need to have a look at yourself. And don't you know... Oh, don't you know who I am? Yeah, just finished but we're going to come back soon

so if you haven't listened to my podcast, that's what it is. It's really fun. Don't you know who I am? yeah just finished but we're going to come back soon so if you haven't listened to my podcast that's what it is don't you know who I am all you

three have been guests all very good I was on the flight back to Melbourne

listening to the one with Kate McLennan and Nick Capa and I was literally in

tears it's got to be good for dildo laugh I was on an episode recently with

Ronnie Chang and he did his impression of an Australian voice the most remarkable thing I've ever heard every show now ends with that I was on an episode recently with Ronnie Chang and he did his impression of an Australian voice and it's the most remarkable thing I've ever heard. Every show now ends with that. That's my little easter egg for people

and I'm interested to see how many people actually listen to the very end. On My Laugh by the way, first of all thank you to Terry Pedestrian I guess but that must have taken some effort for the 250th episode if people haven't heard it ends with a collection of...

A club anthem. A club anthem of my laugh. And man, and also, first of all, thank you to Terry, but also sorry to everyone who listens to this podcast.

I didn't realise how annoying that laugh is, especially when it's played back to back, over and over. And when did I say I went to a nightclub once? That's classic Dil.

But thank you, Terry. That's really kind of you. Dil, stuff that you'd like to play? I'll just, you know, find me on Twitter at Dilruk J and Facebook.com slash Dilruk J. I would say you'd be top three or top five people that get a lot of Twitter followers from this podcast. Some people, I notice, I'll watch it and go,

oh, some people might get one or two, some people might get a dozen or two dozen. I reckon you're one of the ones that gets a lot. Yeah, Dun Dun fans are cool. They're really great.

Except my feed is filled with once in a while someone saying disgusting fat fuck or I don't know. Well, have we talked about this? The www.com disgusting fat fuck?

Oh, have we talked about it? I don't think we have talked about that. I think we might have mentioned it. Someone registered disgustingfatf www.com disgusting fat fuck. Oh, have we talked about that? I don't think we have talked about that. I think we might have mentioned it. Someone registered disgustingfatfuck.com. And it links to my Twitter. Great work, by the way. Honestly, that's really good work. I'm proud.

I've been showing it to people all the time. So, yeah, the Dumb Dumb Plan is awesome. Is it still working? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. It's a shame because I tried to register it myself, but someone else bought the domain name for me. Yeah, yeah,.com.au, what's it now, worstgay. Right. Yes, yes, yes. It's a shame because I tried to register it myself but someone else bought the domain name for me.

Yeah, yeah. .com.au, what's it now? Worscared.org? Because for a while it was, I think we spoke about it, you spoke about this last week. It's the update, we spoke about this last week and the person who has bought my, has bought Carl Chandler.com.au has now changed it, after last episode, has now changed it to a wikiHow page for how to propose to your girlfriend.

I don't really mean to encourage this behaviour, but that's what they've done. Whoever that is, very well done. I thought I'd better say it out loud because it's been tweeted at me a dozen times in the last two weeks. I just momentarily let my brain disengage and I was about to go,

what kind of dumb cunt needs a page like that? But just so you know the person who's bought that domain name someone else has stitched you up another listener of the show someone else who's aware

of this show has I don't know how they do this but they've gone in and found out who's bought that domain name so I know who you are by the way

the person who's bought carlsjallar.com.au I won't shame you now in case you get a lot of people saying well done keep it up But I know who you are. Wow. This is like if Liam Neeson's character in Taken hosted a podcast. We've got our live show, Perth, October 18, which we said before, Adelaide, November 17, all that stuff, little dumdumclub.com.

And it's three hours of Dum Dum Club, so podcast, two hours of stand-up. And like you said, you two are coming over to the Perth one. We've got awesome people coming to the Adelaide one. Dil, you did the Adelaide one last year and it was extremely fun. This is how much fun it was, actually. I had this conversation last night. So we went over there for 24 hours and that was it. Last night I was talking to Ben Lomas, who was over there with you, and he goes, oh, man, that was an unbelievable weekend.

I'm like, that was one day, dude. We just drank enough for a whole weekend. That's what we did. So does that mean that you're doing your world's best and greatest comedian? Yes.

Does that mean we get to be your hecklers? Yes. Excellent. Excellent. So I don't know how to manage that because for people

that don't know, my solo show, we're going to do a solo show. Each of my solo shows was me doing my material but with hecklers professional hecklers so I feel like

if we put that before the podcast it might just go white hot it might need to actually be at the end of the show I don't know drunk cast yeah yeah I'll maybe just

write an hour worth of material man yeah we've only got three months to go I can't write more jokes all right guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.