The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 253 - Greg Fleet & Mike Goldstein

Episode Date: August 11, 2015

G-Rated Goldstein, Comedy Heaven and Cracking a Bacchus.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates welcome once again into the little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me the other half of the program Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. How you going over there buddy? Man I think there's a guest really itching to get on. Yeah I think there's a seal doing some little tricks in the corner of the podcast. Usually we say something up front. I think we better just get the guests on because they might actually concuss themselves if we don't get them on. Well, let's get straight into it. First of all, making his formal debut

on the show. You heard him on our Perth Live episode last year. Recently moved to Melbourne. It's Mike Goldstein. Thanks for that. Sorry about that noise. That was just me. So excited. I was batting off in the corner. Establishing credentials up the top of the show, doing a wank joke five seconds in.

He has listened, yeah. Also, you know him as stand-up comedian, television actor, film actor, published author. Welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Greg Fleet. I'm touching my penis till stuff comes out the end. Oh, wow. We doubled down on that. He made that classy.

Hang on. I just ripped off Mark's gear. This ain't your grandpappy's batting off joke. It's all right. I'll write a book called These Things Fappen. Oh, well, let's introduce this. So Greg Fleet has got a brand new book out called These Things Happen. That's how Mike Goldstein happened to get Weird Al Yankovic.

I think you mean Weird Al Wankovic. Sorry, guys. Three for two. Wow. All the grandmas that listen to this podcast have switched off the podcast. And if he was a woman that was married to a gay guy... Here comes a longbow. ..to pretend that the guy wasn't really gay,

he'd be called Beard Al yet wanker. Oh, wow. That and more buttons. Jesus. On sale now at Greg Flint's Longbow Warehouse. Is that chapters 5 through 17? I can't work out why it's not selling. So this is it.

We're looking at a copy of the book that is not yet on shelves. No, I think there's about six of these in existence, these copies of this book. Oh, well, you're bound to sell it out at least. Yeah. It's pretty exciting having a book. Like, you know, I've obviously had it online and, you know, on computer and all that sort of stuff.

But when they actually finally print it and give it to you, it's pretty awesome holding it in your hand. Yeah, I'll bet. You were doing this strange pre-marketing technique as you were writing the book of just getting on Facebook and posting whole chapters as a status, which I thought was a very weird technique. No, it was actually good.

It was actually really good because what I was doing was getting immediate feedback from people. I mean, it's actually, I think that's... Is that what happens? You don't hire an editor. You just put on Facebook and people correct you. Yeah, wait for Robbo to say, this sounds gay. Take Robbo's feedback on board.

Well, that was the chapter, there is one chapter where I explain my one gay adventure. I think Robbo read that and thought that was what the whole book's about. The bit where you had sex with a man, he said that was a bit gay. Yeah, and a bit was in inverted commas. Got him. So these things happen, it is an autobiography of sorts. A memoir.

A memoir, sorry. Emphasis on bi and biography. That's all I'm just going to throw in. No, please, go right ahead. I want to have emphasis on ography. Yeah, so that's what it is and it's basically about, there's obviously a lot of drug stories but also a lot of showbiz stories and anecdotes.

Which one does the fucking man fall under? That's both. That's both. There is one about, there's a good chapter in there about basically when supposedly the mob had part ownership in the comedy club in Carlton and we used to all go, oh, bullshit, that's not true. But I think in hindsight it was the Carlton crew. And one night a guy came up, Tony Martin, Mick Malloy,

The Empty Pockets and I were doing a show. And a guy, it was when the comedy club was in Carlton, I don't know if you remember the venue, but it was where there's this big sort of shopping complex and upstairs there's a nightclub. So there's an escalator and a guy got found, after the comedy club at night there'd be a nightclub, right, every night. And a guy got found dead at the bottom of the escalators one morning.

So the next night we all turn up for work and we're all like, oh, my God, good talk about the dead guy. How exciting. And we talk about the dead guy. It's going to be great. And a guy, the only time we'd ever seen any kind of mob-like behaviour, this guy comes in who in hindsight, I swear, was Alphonse. Oh, Gingitano. Gingitano. So he comes in, a guy comes in in a in hindsight, I swear, was Alphonse. Oh, Gingitano.

Gingitano. He comes in. The guy comes in in a suit who literally looks like he's out of Mafia Central casting. And walks in and goes, hey, go, fellas. And we're all like, oh, g'day. And he goes, hey, listen, we would appreciate it if you didn't talk about the guy that was found this morning.

And Mick Mulloy goes, you mean the dead guy? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the dead guy. We would appreciate it if you didn't talk about the dead guy, tonight or ever, right? And we all just immediately go, oh, God, of course not. No, we weren't going to talk about the dead guy. Why would we talk about the dead guy who was found dead at our venue? And he goes to leave.

This is the greatest leaving, you know, sort of parting words I've ever heard. He goes to leave the room. He gets to the door and he stops and he turns back around and he goes to leave. This is the greatest leaving, you know, sort of parting words I've ever heard. He goes to leave the room. He gets to the door and he stops and he turns back around and he goes, I mean, anyway, at this stage we don't know whether he fell off or whether he got stabbed off. Stabbed off. How I fade with stabbing people.

Do you have to be to know someone's been stabbed off or something? Yeah, detective mafia. Keeping the case open. I like it. So you got told never to speak of that so you thought, I'll put someone's been stabbed or something? Yeah, detective mafia. Keeping the case open. I like it. So you got told never to speak of that, so you thought, I'll put it in a book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'll retell it on a podcast.

I'll wait till the guy who said that has been shot in the head three times. Pretty good rule. You don't definitely know that was Alphonse Gangitano. That may have just been Vince Colosimo. It probably was. Actually, now that I think about it, he was in Heartbreak High. Okay, just to bring it full circle, stabbed off sounds like the worst wristie.

Absolutely. The worst kind of wristie. At some stage, Mike Goldstein is going to say something G-rated. Mike G-rated. Goldstein rated. I say something G-rated. Mike G-rated. Goldstein rated. I like that in your book, so it's got, one of the first things it says in your book is, some of the people in this book have had their names changed

to protect their identities. Is this even about you? Is this about someone completely different and you've just whacked Greg Fleet on the car? Have you noticed that Greg Fleet's spelt with three E's? What's the, Carl, what's the catalogue number on this bad boy? It's going to spoil some good content for people. No, I don't want to give that away.

You want to give people a reason to buy the book. What's this catalogue number mean? Just in the front. It's in the front inside cover, generally. Isn't it usually like how many books they've published ever in their lives? Isn't it something to do with where the National Library pilot or something? Yeah, exactly. There's a National Library and they get a copy of every newspaper,

every periodical, every book. I can't imagine how big that library must be. Because they're supposed to have a copy of every half-i-decent newspaper there is in Australia. Carl Chandler would be pretty well represented in the National Library. Yeah. You've got Funny Buggers.

Yeah, I've got a book called Funny Buggers. You've got, how many volumes of the Kevin Sheedy joke book? No, I've got one volume of that. That's me and my good name. But they're all online or are they solid, like the actual? The books, yeah. So the books aren't online, they're actually a book in a shelf. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. Because I used to work in a book publisher and, you know, even at the, I used to work at the Mirabar Advertiser, Clang. Do you reckon they're catalogued in at the National Lab? They are. Oh, they. Wow. Because I used to work in a book publisher and, you know, even at the – I used to work at the Mirabar Advertiser, Clang. Do you reckon they're catalogued in at the – They are. Oh, they really are. That's what I'm saying. So all your fake TV guide listings that you used to put in.

All the horrible things I snuck into a newspaper are catalogued in the National Archive. Oh, awesome. Because I used to – there used to be an archive in the Mirabar Advertiser of all the copies they ever made of their newspaper. But I did work experience there once and I just went in there and ripped out all the mentions of me. He went, hang on, I want to do this for a living

so you've got to wipe any reference to me being involved in this. It was just all the times I'd kicked a goal in soccer in the under 14s. I just went in there and went, I'll get a copy of that and just ripped them all out. When our society is just reduced to rubble and we're all gone and then some future race, the only...

No one will ever know that I kicked any goals in the under 14s Maryborough soccer competition. But who kicked that goal? The only relic that they have to rebuild this society perfectly is the Maryborough advertiser. So we'll just have this, an exact replica of the world we have now, but minus Carl Chandler. Except with no soccer. There'll be no record of soccer having existed. There's a Carl Chandler who's really bad at soccer, just walking around.

Some people go, do you believe in soccer? And it's like, no, don't be stupid, mate. There's no proof. I have some faith. I'll have faith when they can prove to me that soccer exists. And there'll be like a Mulder from the X-Files in the future going through these newspapers seeing the ripped out taunting going, fuck, I was nearly there. I nearly had the future. Going through these newspapers seeing the ripped out taunting going, fuck I was nearly there.

Nearly had the evidence. As he walks in, he sees a guy walking out of the library. Carl's old enough. It'd be on Microfish. Oh. I like getting an old joke when I'm only the second oldest person in the room.

That's true. Stay away from Fleety. Thank God Fleety's here. So yeah, this National Library, so every book that comes in, they must have to be constantly rebuilding to make this place bigger. They must be psyched for the day

that publishing finally dies and the thing of, we're done, this is it. We've got every book that has, it will ever be made. You could be psyched over losing your job forever, I guess. It'll be one of those things where you open a door, it looks like just a normal-sized library, but at one point they go,

don't open the door, and you open the door, and you almost fall off, like walking down an elevator shaft, but you almost fall off, and there's just like 700 levels of just book, book, book, book, book, and there's people working down there who've never seen the light of day. Yeah, it would make no...

Because literally just the Mirabar Advertiser would take just heaps of room, and it's like the shittest newspaper guy. But why does it exist? The Mirabar Advertiser? To alert people of when I kick a goal. And yet, he's taken away that glory. He's taken away

that sweet little thing from them. The one thing they needed. The National Library, why do we need one copy of every book just in one central like why? Why are we supposed to just get rid of every, you know, piece of evidence that anything ever existed? Like that's how we know about history, by keeping things like that. But we're still at, I mean it's not like there's a National Blu-ray Library

where they're just keeping every copy of It probably is. But also with that you don't need to have them all in one space. You could just go, oh we need to know if Greg Fleet's These Things Happen ever existed. Is anyone going to copy in? Mrs Harrison of Twitter. Hang on. Yeah, I've got one.

We need to know if this ever existed. Would they have Betamax and Laserdisc and everything? If there's a place that just keeps every form of entertainment ever, then I'm fine with that. And then would they also have action figures, like every action figure? It's not like Noah's Ark. Two of every toy.

Two of everything that ever existed. I think that's just this planet. That's where you keep everything. You hear Noah complaining about getting two of every animal and there's a guy called Steve who goes, mate, I do get two of everything. Yeah. So, yeah, at some stage

your publisher, Pam McMillan, will have to send off copies of this book to the National Library and so you'll be this book will be kept forever in there. Because that's what I used to do at the Maryborough Advertiser. I used to, part of my job was to send out subscriptions

to other people that had subscriptions to the paper in other towns and there was always a couple of copies that went to Canberra to the National Library. People in other towns are subscribing to the Maryborough Advertiser. It wasn't me. I didn't do it. It was other people's fault. People used to live there. People used to go, oh, mate, I miss Maryborough.

I wouldn't mind just reading up on the old Maryborough. You know, seeing how the soccer school is popular. There's no soccer. Hang on, that's been torn out roughly by hand. But that's what happens. When I see my mum and dad, I haven't lived in Maryborough for 20 years and when I see them, they'll go, here you go, this is the latest copy of the Maryborough Advertiser.

I'm like, I haven't played soccer there for 20 years. There's nothing for me in this. And what's making front page of the Maryborough Advertiser these days? Someone ripping out the soccer scores. The soccer bandit. It's funny you say that. My friend, literally today, my friend Glenn Pike from Maryborough that

lives, yeah, Klang. Friend of the show. Yeah, exactly. Friend of Carl Chandler. Friend of soccer. He actually sent me a picture of the Maryborough Advertiser today going, guess what? I made the front of Mirabai Advertiser, check it out. And I went, picture please, and he sent it to me. And it was just a picture of him drenched in water.

He was hardly posing, but he just had water going over his head. And I couldn't read the fine detail. I bet you I know what it was. What? He had coached the winning team in something, and they'd done that Gatorade dump. He only just got around to the ice bucket challenge. It's just him.

No, but literally, I looked at what it was. Local hero saves literally millions of lives. No, but what it was was I recognised a photo from Glenn's Facebook feed. He'd been in this sort of tiny, tiny row of photos that one of his friends had done at a photographer. So they'd just take it. It was like local man is in photo. Nation shocked.

We made the big time, boys. Someone took a picture of one of our members in the big smoke. Local man is in photo. That's great. So he's of Mateos who's lived in Maribor this whole time? No, no, no. He moved out basically the same time I did.

Oh, right, okay. But he's still getting traction down there. Yeah, yeah. It was like a guy from 20 years ago was in a photo. Oh, he hasn't even gone back. It's not like he's moved back there. No, no, no. Oh, wow.

So this is like an alumni thing. He must feel shit. Did he ever score a goal? Well, not on record. Well, no one has on record. Yeah, Maryborough won 5-0. Oh, who scored the goals? No one.

No one scored them. No one. Just untitled. No, untitled goals. Untitled. Anonymous scored three. Bernie Taupin and Elton John. What he said to me was, and it reminded me,

back then when I used to work there at the Murrah Advertiser, because there's nothing going on, that actually put me off journalism. At some stage growing up in high school, I wanted to be a journalist and I went there on work experience and that's when I tore out all those soccer scores. And they said, you can be a journalist and you can follow around our journalists and that's what put me off because I was being brought around into even smaller towns in Mirabar and going to the cop shop and going,

has anything happened here this week in Avoca? And they go, oh, someone broke a window. Whoa, let me write this down. Give me a pen. Did it start being like Nightcrawler where the guy starts creating his own crimes? No, it was so boring. I was just going

at the farmers going, has anything happened at the farm? That's interesting that you say that because I used to watch Blue Heelers a lot when it was first on and they had a character that was the local town reporter and he literally would just like barge into John Wood's office and go, what's the scoop? What's going on? Anyone get murdered today? And he was like this pain in the ass where they'd always be pushing him out the door. He was like real fat and like real dumb looking.

And I used to go, that used to like all the cop stuff and the big crime in a small town I could handle but that was just so slapsticky that I hated it. I was like, that's not really happening. But now I hear that's actually... Yeah, that was me. I was trying to be that guy. I was in Blue Heelers. I played a I played a, you know, what are those cops

called? Like an investigator, internal affairs cop. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Setting up another cop. Oh, yeah? Yeah, setting up another cop. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he had an awesome gun. Had a gun called a Narenko, which is a Chinese.45, but, you know, just a sweet-ass gun.

That would be a worry as a director when you're casting someone as a cop and the first thing they do is walk in and go, oh, this is a sweet gun. Yeah. I was totally into the gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this real or is this one of those shit prop ones? We were watching a film the other night. What was it?

This was like three nights ago. It was called Six Ways to Die. It was kind of an alright kind of a film. It was a bit of an attempt. It was a bit of an attempt at a kind of mixture of Pulp Fiction. I'd give it a six and a half, seven. Six ways to die out of ten? He's done it again.

So I'm just going to interject. Six ways to come out of ten. You can leave, Goldstein. We've got a new one. We've peaked. I learned from the master. The very last credited performance was Delivery Man 2, and I went, someone's ripping off my gear.

Oh, because you're famous for playing Delivery Man 2. I'm very. In fact, that's even in the... It's in the first couple of pages. Yeah, of the book where it says the things you've done. It does say, appeared in brackets as Delivery Man 2. Hang on, there's a mention of soccer in here. I'll just...

Quite a lot. I'll be taking that. There's quite a few mentions of soccer. You should have just called the book... Rip. You should have just called the book Deliveryman 2, just to like really people like, no, I'm going to try and find the first one.

Deliveryman 2. Yeah, the follow-up to the great novel I Was In Blue Heelers. No, no, the follow-up to the great novel, I Was In Blue Heelers. No, no, the follow-up to Sweet Gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what I was going to say about the Meribor advertiser. So my friend made the front cover and he was like, I guess I'm the new Puma.

Because back when we lived there, there was this crazy editor that just used to lead every week with, there is a Puma in the forest. Every week. Yeah, I love that. Any cat bigger than a normal cat, people say, it's the Maribor puma. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a real country thing. It's one of the dandy nongs, I think, apparently. Yeah, yeah. I reckon it's a pride thing. Like, it's just like, oh, it might be a shit town, but we've got a huge thing that, like, He-Man needs to fucking stab. Yeah.

Well, that's what they had in Penrith in Sydney. That one stage, this is like when I was doing radio up there, which is like 12 years ago, they were trying to say there was a panther loose. And you're going, oh, how convenient. The Penrith Panthers is their local rugby league team. There just happens to be a panther. Not a polar bear or a giraffe, you know.

No, no, no, it's the same as that. A giraffe on the loose that no one can confirm its existence is pretty great. It's the easiest thing to spot. They just keep getting away. We think there might be an elephant. There's rumours that there's an elephant. We keep looking down holes. We can't find one single giraffe.

There's rumours that there's an elephant, but no one likes to talk about it in the pub. I grew up in a small town in Kansas. We had a mythical gay guy. That's, no, no way. I wouldn up in a small town in Kansas. We had a mythical gay guy. That's not, no way. I wouldn't have believed that. I spotted him. It's a real thing. That's a real

country town thing where, you know, like you said, the Dananongs and up there. It's just a thing that I reckon a lot of small areas have got. And I would always go, why would there be a puma? Or why is there a panther? They're not native. Yeah, they're not native to here. What's your logic? A puma could be anywhere. Why would there be a puma? Or why is there a panther? They're not native. Not even from this country. Yeah, they're not native to here.

What's your logic? A puma could be anywhere. Why would I choose Maryborough? No, but because they're not native. Why not Sydney? It's got the Opera House. It's got the bridge. We don't even have a cinema in Maryborough.

Why would there be a puma here? We don't have McDonald's. I know pumas have taste. They're not hanging out here. Mike, do you have any? No, no, no, but literally, I haven't finished. Okay, I'm very sorry. Yeah, I haven't finished with my sweet puma.

But this is what they would say. This is what people would say. I'd go, why is there a puma? People would go, oh, it's a big army thing. Like, what do you mean? Yeah, I know what it is. Yeah, they had this theory, and it's obviously the same everywhere in the country.

Like, oh, no, the army bring pumas out here. I'm like, why? The American army, it's obviously the same everywhere in the country. It's like, oh, no, the army bring pumas out here. I'm like, why? The American army, it's a swap. What it is, and this is apparently what happened in, supposedly happened in Hobart when the gun buyback thing happened, when all their shit went down at Port Arthur. There was at one stage an American ship, because they all come into Hobart,

came in and their emblem or their, you know, their whatever you call those things. Mascots. Yeah, mascot, yeah. It was the Tasmanian Devil, the spinny round Warner Brothers one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they wanted a breeding pair of Tasmanian Devils. So apparently they set up a thing with some dudes in Hobart

where for a, you know, like a shipping container full of M16s, they got a breeding pair of these things. So apparently somewhere hidden in Hobart Berry, there's a shipping container for when the government come for our guns. Right. Wow. Or if the government come for our breeding pair of, you know, but also you think got a breeding pair.

I wonder what Marabara's run is. I wonder what Marabara swapped for Pumas. Like... A pair of Pumas. Yeah, like, what's Marabara got? They gave them some meth heads or something? They got sweet articles on local soccer. They've got the original scores.

Mike, what I was going to ask, you know, so you're saying you're from a small town, any crazy... what's making headlines in the Kansas advertiser? Kansas Star, Kansas City Star. Oh, very good. Oh, you know it? Yeah, you know the local paper. Yeah, well, I'm from Michigan. We're American buddies.

Of course. Making headlines, Kansas City Star. It's close to Denver and they're still very upset that weed is legal across the board because they feel like they're next in the way that local Midwest politics works. And they don't want that? They don't want that at all. Yeah, yeah. Super religious. Very Bible-belty through there.

And it would be good. I mean, Denver I was born in but then I ended up in Kansas. In Kansas? We're not in Kansas anymore. Is that... What is it? Dorothy. That's Wizard of Oz. Is it Kansas that she's in? Yeah, yeah. Do you, we're not in Kansas anymore. Is that, what is it? Dorothy, that's Wizard of Oz. Is it Kansas that she's in? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it is.

Okay, okay. Do you know her, Dorothy? I've met, we hung out a few times. The tornado, actually, she ended up in someone's weed-fueled dream in Denver. Oh! Get it? Makes sense. Yeah.

Is there, like, where did you move away from there? Kansas is... Right in the middle. Right in, like, where did you move away from there? Kansas is... Right in the middle. Right in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kansas is the state, not the city, is it? Kansas City is the city. Yeah, but there's Kansas City, Kansas,

and Kansas City, Missouri, which is the neighbouring state. Is that near Texas? I kept thinking Kansas. It's state north, so it goes Texas, Oklahoma, and then Kansas. Okay. Yeah, I can do a whole geography lesson. That's what the listeners really want. That'd be good.

I could do that. This is the learning portion of the show. Yeah, so right in the Midwest. I wouldn't know what's making news. I'll be back there next week. Oh, really? If you guys want me to do a column type deal. How long are you going back for?

Two weeks. Does Mike's got kind of a good thing going? I mean, we've both spent, or Mike's spent fucking years in WA, but in the last couple of years I've spent a lot of time there. But Mike, well, pretty much Mike and Sammy Shah get all the really, and Pete, well, Rosethon probably gets the gold. Yeah, he gets the top corporate. Yeah, they get the silver.

And they get, you know, like a lot of good work. Because there's about three comedians in there. That's me, Sammy and Pete. Mike's now living here but goes back probably spends more time going back than he does here. I go back to Perth so I can afford rent and milk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's one really interesting thing about WA and I was saying this, we drove back from Margaret River together listening to David Cross, who's fucking hilarious. But we... CD, or was he in the car? No, he was in the car, but he wouldn't speak,

so we had to play one of his CDs. It's an awkward trip. When you ask that question, that's a really interesting thing. We would never have got that out. But I was saying, you know, because it's like a three-hour drive or two-and-a-half-hour drive from Margaret River to Perth, and I was saying in WA you get really used to, you know, like Mike was saying, like a five-hour drive is not like, you know,

out of, you know, surprising at all. Like, you know, in Melbourne if you get a gig in Victoria and you have to drive more than two hours, you're like, fuck, this is, you know, of you know surprising at all like yeah in melbourne if you if you get a gig in victoria and you have to drive more than two hours you're like fuck this is you know driving me nuts yeah you ask first who else is in the car with you who else is doing the gig yeah but i mean often in in the wa ones too with the money ones it's you it's just you and i was saying you know in future because i i did one that was so soul-destroying, I actually thought about giving up comedy afterwards, but I thought in future, if I was doing one of those gigs for like five or six grand, I'd give a grand away to some

new comic, just so there's someone else with you, don't you reckon? It's so much easier to handle, whether it goes well or badly, it's always good to have someone else there, so if it goes well, you've got someone else to go, yay! You still owe me that grand.

I was going to say, if it goes really badly, you don't have to pay the other hand. Yeah, they've got to help you come up with your set list on the way there, and they only get their money if you do well. I heard a bad gig story about you, and let's see if it's true. I don't know how long ago this was.

At least it's not a he didn't turn up to a gig story. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, but this was you telling the story of how badly it went. You said that I think you went to a mining gig or something. It was at a bad time of the day. It went so badly and you were health-wise no good as well. Yeah. And the gig went so bad that you then said,

man, I think the only thing stopping me from killing myself after this was the idea of my coffin being brought out with the pallbearers wearing fucking high-vis. Yes, yes, yes. That was... Now, that was... I wish I'd made that up. I think that might have been Mooney who made it up about me

because I rang Mooney going, oh, man, I've just had this gig. It was so terrible. Like, you know, I'm really seriously thinking, you know. If I'd been one of those remotely depressed people, I would have thought about killing myself. But instead I was thinking, oh, maybe I should give up comedy. But it was just a terrible gig. So this was on a mind site.

Yeah. Because I've had terrible gigs on a mind site, but then even if they go terribly. This is a concept in WA, there's all the mining and this is a regular thing, isn't it, that people just ship in comedians. Yeah. Instead of them going out five hours, seven hours to see any form of entertainment, this is the cheapest way of doing it, isn't it? To bring, ship comedians in.

And it means they don't leave. It's their place too, so they're, you know, it's quite odd. Oh, it's like a prison camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the deepest way of doing it, isn't it? To bring ship comedians in. And it means they don't leave. It's their place too. So it's quite odd. It's like a prison camp. Yeah, yeah. That's the atmosphere. And I had a gig go so badly on a mine site that halfway through I go, oh, well, at least I don't fucking work on a mine site.

It just went worse. You're seeing canaries die as your comedy's going on? Well, my one is one of the few gigs where I've actually given up. Like halfway through I just went, no, no, no, and put the mic back in the stand and went. And then the next day the people who worked there, because I had two gigs. Oh, so you've got to see all these people on that day.

Oh, yeah, yeah, and I was just hiding in my little fucking unit. And it's like a portable, it's not a unit, it's like a little portable, you know, horrible thing. And they called me in the next day and said, no, are you all right for tonight? And I went, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, I'm sorry, last night was just one of those things out of the bag and I just, and also, you know,

it was set up pretty badly. It was like, you know, just all these people sitting in a room and then suddenly a guy just hands me a mic and goes, go for it. Were you in doors for this? Yeah, I was kind was kind of it wasn't it was like an outdoor thing but covered yeah because it's the wet mess yeah yeah 99 of the time so you're outside it's the sun hasn't even set usually because they all the bar shots like 9 p.m so they just want it done and it also they're on different shifts as well so like you can be performing at 6 a.m. yeah cards I've got one with me where you get here that you're only allowed to get two

drinks and you've got to show you and then mid-strength camps yeah brutal because that's the that's a little Wheatstone project bar card never be pirated yeah that was Wheatstone where you had the rumble? Yeah, yeah. So did you do a night time and a morning one? No, it was going to be two night times, but they called me the next day and said, are you right to do it? And I said, yeah, yeah. And then about two hours later they called me again, and

it was the woman plus her superior this time. And they went, are you okay to do the gig tonight? And I went, yeah, yeah, I've explained it. I said, yeah, it was a bad gig. I said, but I didn't like've explained it. I said, yeah, it was a bad gig. I said, but I didn't like the way it was set up. But, yeah, look, I'll approach it differently tonight. I'll just be more punchy.

Because they didn't want to hear stories. I was telling kind of fleety stories and now they wanted punchy. I said, okay, so I'll change up that stuff. They called me a third time in the afternoon. And the third time I went, I'm getting the distinct impression you don't want me to do this. And they went, yeah, we think it would be better not to. Yeah, shit.

I actually have a Wheatstone site. I have a story about that one, that going there. And they had the idea that, okay, you get up and do 15 minutes and then we're going to do an open mic for all the boys on the site. So we've had a few of them sign up during the week. And so you just do your thing and then introduce them. And it was already fucked because they were playing like a Dockers, Fremantle Dockers game.

And then they shut it off. They turned it off and then introduced me. So I just went on to the, just everyone just pissed off. But I just powered through 15 minutes. And they said the condition was if anyone gets up and if they're racist or sexist, cut it straight away. Just get the mic off them and then cut the whole night and then we'll just finish it. We've told them not to be racist or sexist, which you're not going to tell a bunch of fucking dudes.

That's weird. That's a rule out of my sight because most inner city comedy rooms don't have that rule. But this is like a Chevron. They're all run by American companies and they're so worried about liability that they don't want anyone to be offended. So they go, as soon as someone says something racist or sexist, cut it, finish it off. And just telling them that was a mistake.

And so I do my, just power through my 15 minutes after a ton of people left. Taking away their footy, taking away their racism and sexism. What have they got left on the mind side? Yeah, exactly. So I go, alright, well, this is the, that's the end of my set. This is the open mic session of the show. Who signed up?

Who's getting up here right now? And it's silence. None of them. They decide after watching me up there. They're like, ah, no. None of us are going to do that. I guess my nigga lesbian material is not going to fly. So what happened?

Someone goes, ah, if I can get Devo up. Devo, you do it. And this old guy, he's like, alright. So Devo gets up on stage. I go, Devo, everyone, they all clap. I give him the microphone. I swear to God, the first words out of his mouth, he goes, how do you get a nigger to stop raping a bunch of women?

To stop raping a bunch of women. I fucked it up. I fucked up his joke. Oh, hell yeah. It's so good. I fucked it up. I fucked up his joke. Oh, hell yeah. It's so good, I fucked it up. I had a few questions about it, but let's say you fix this joke up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll punch it up for him.

No, no, no, what he actually said, but I did fuck it up. He goes, how do you get a pack of niggers to stop raping a woman? Oh, well, this sounds better. I grabbed the mic off him and I go, all right, guys, that's it. That's the end of the open mic.

So did we find out? So I went and found out later. Was this actually a joke or was he trying to solve a problem? I was going to say, even though that is horrendous, I still would have wanted to call it a review. So I had to end the set there. And you'll find the answer in These Things Happen by Greg Fleet. It was the worst shit I've ever heard

but he managed to combine the most racist sexist shit. Because what I love about it is he said Did they get angry? Did the audience get like, oh they didn't see shit? But they were already so angry that I was like, oh whatever you fucks, enjoy the rest of your weekend. Because you've gotten up and you've said no racism and no sexism.

He's opened with that. What does he think racism and sexism is? What has he's opened with that what does he think racism and sexism is what has he taken out of that joke alright but that is why he did it that's why he did it

because they told him and then I said again oh right this is a sort of protest I thought that was like the cleanest joke you've had and then what happened

so fucking I just went alright guys that's the end of the open mic enjoy the rest of your weekend at least I don't work out of mind. No, I didn't. But I said, that's it.

You know, like, you know, see you guys. And then I was so, I had to find out what the punchline was. It wasn't even worth it. It wasn't even worth it. Like, so I went and found him. And I said, so what's the, where does that go? How do you stop a pack of. It's just the fucking worst shit.

You throw them a basketball. Oh. I know so I'll be back on Dumb Dumb every week well this is probably a good time to announce the Little Dumb Dumb Club mining tour of WA

we're here in all the hot spots doing live podcasts and interpretive dance so get your tickets now littledumbdumbclub.com it's going to be great yeah bring material for us

so it is an insanely rough story but that is that's what happens when you do an open mic on a mindset. You had to ask, though. I would have done the same thing. You can't get out of there. It's going to haunt you forever. But also it is worth it.

In those situations, to me, it's so... I think I've done it once or twice in my life where I've thought ahead enough to go pay someone. You're getting paid a shitload of money. Give some to someone else just so there's someone else there with you. Because it's just, it makes such a difference to have someone to go back with afterwards and have a drink and go, oh my God, was that just me?

Yeah, yeah. What a sweet gig if you just got, you were just a professional guy that gets paid to go and be friends with someone. Yeah, yeah. When you said you were thinking about, you were going to give up comedy, you thought the gig was that bad. It really was. What's Greg Fleet doing?

What's Greg Fleet getting into tomorrow if he quits comedy? Oh, what's plan B? What's plan B for Fleet? Probably, I guess probably like writing and acting and stuff like that. I don't know. But what it did make me think, and this is, I think, this is what Stuart Lee did a number of years ago, and this is what I'm going to try and do on the back of this book.

It's called a book. Do shows. I can't wait to read it. Do shows where you just go around and all you do is you basically stop doing comedy rooms as such where people are just turning up to

see comedy. You want people to start coming to see you. Not the genre but but you specifically. Yeah. And what Stuart did was he started doing really small theatres all around the country. And for the first year he went and did these 50, 60 seat theatres.

And he wouldn't even necessarily fill them up, but he did that for a year. The next year he did the same rooms again. This time he filled them up. The next year he did the slightly larger theatres. Now he does the same thing, but he's working 2,000 people in each theatre he goes to. And he's preaching to the converted all the time.

You know, they're all coming to see him. And there are exceptions to that rule in Melbourne. There are gigs that always do, like, Your Room or something, where it's actually, you know, your name's on the poster and it's, you know, you're not just getting, because like during that, the Mindsight gig I was doing, it was going so badly and I knew I was doing badly as well. You know, the gig was set up badly, you know,

all of that was bad, but I was meeting it halfway, you know. But at one stage a guy yelled out, do some Will Anderson material. And I thought. How do you stop a pack of. Yeah. some Will Anderson material. And I thought... How do you stop a packet?

And I was trying to explain, I was explaining, you don't do that, comics don't do that, we can't do each other's material. I finally got that message through to him and then just finished off some Hughsey gold and I got off. We've been talking about this current book a bit. You've also got another book out of your show Tie-Dye, which came out. Yeah, I don't even know if that's even still available.

I have a story about this book because it sort of ties into the first time I properly met you. Because I'd seen you do a gig and young 16-year-old Tommy Daslow. And you saw me do a gig and you went, fuck, anyone could do this. Pretty much, yeah. And he's like, this is worth driving down to this mine site for. I'm going to tell him my favourite joke after this.

So I went out and found a copy of Tie Dye and I read it and I loved it. And then I used to, what I did a bit when I was sort of first thinking about doing comedy, I went down to the Espy a fair bit on, I think it was Sunday afternoons. The Esplanade Hotel. The Esplanade Hotel, a famous comedy venue or ex-comedy venue.

And I would wait for people like out the back, out the stage door after they'd been on to like, I met Husey like early on. I was pretty stoked about that. And I found you and I had a copy of your title and I said, I'm thinking about getting into stand-up and, yeah, I love the book and you're really great. And would you sign the book for me?

And I actually looked in it the other day and you've said, oh, I'm thinking about getting into stand-up and, yeah, I love the book and you're really great and would you sign the book for me? And I actually looked in it the other day and you've said, dear Tommy, see you in comedy heaven, fleety. Which I thought was cool but then looking at it now, it's like it's kind of frightening. Hell would have been more threatening. It's better than, yeah, see you in comedy hell, which is sitting here doing a podcast, it would have been more accurate if it came true.

Well, there's a gig on through the next wall where people are getting paid. Back to the book. The new book, These Things Happen, it is very impressive. You've got a great – it's a great designed book to start with, a great cover. And then you've got a sweet quote. Design plus the quote, sweet combo, as Greg Fleet would say. You really have to read it.

Irvine Welsh, author of Trainspotter. Yeah, that was... Trainspotting. Trainspotting. Yeah. It's collective activity, not just one blog. It's about a guy. Yeah, the publishers, I don't know exactly how it works because pan mcmillan only published in australia and new zealand so if if it gets published overseas i've

got to get a publisher overseas to do it not them but uh and they can hook me up with an overseas publisher but they must handle his stuff here or something because they sent him a copy of the book and he surprisingly read it and really liked it and sent a more elaborate quote on the back from him involving that. Because of the quote, I've got a couple of questions about it because it's like

you really have to read it. Is it one of those quotes where you're trying not to say this is great, you're going, you really have to read it dot dot dot to appreciate how shit it is. Or is that him quoting the email that he got from the publisher? No, you really have to read it because it's a terrible hat. But no, I actually sent him, his email address was on the thing

because the publisher got the quote and immediately sent it to me, going, oh, my God, look what we got. And I sent him an email saying, oh, look, you know, thanks very much. It's really helpful and, you know, all that kind of stuff, and I really appreciate it. And surprisingly, he got back to me within about three or four hours, sent me a really nice email, because we both support Edinburgh Hibernians,

who are a terrible soccer team. Yes. And all their scores have been ripped out of the... I've got the whole catalogue of theirs. All their scores have been torn out of the Scotsman. In the advertiser, yeah. But he sent me a really lovely email back, and I sent him one, he sent me another one.

So we're now kind of email buddies. But he lives in Chicago now, and I don't know exactly what he does there, but... Well, I like the idea of the publisher sort of going, geez, a bit of heroin references in this. Who do we know? Oh, yeah, Irvine Welsh. He loves a bit of smack in his books.

Yeah, yeah. What do you reckon about this, Welshie? Stacks up with what I know. The rest of it, shit, the smack bits are good. The smarky bits are good. But speaking of saying the wrong things, like saying they don't work in a mine site, there's a thing in there about the legendarily,

the worst gig I've ever had, which goes down in Edinburgh history. In the UK, people still talk about this gig as being one of the just stunningly bad gigs. Like so bad that it was actually kind of admirable and fascinating. Would Irvine want to say you really have to have seen it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I said at one stage somebody, you know, people started yelling at me.

I was racked up on Coke and really pissed. And I'd been getting all these great reviews, so I was a bit of a media darling, and I started thinking, I'm a fucking star. I'm the king of Edinburgh. So because i roll up and do late and live and most other people like boothby graffo and uh bill bailey and a few people who are on just turned around and went i'm not going on they're they're pissed and they're angry

i'm not doing it and i was like come on don't be lightweight it's going to be great we're going to smash it and so i go out i didn't even think about what i was going to do i go out as i walk on the stage this big lump of coke goes down the back of my throat. It's like this. And then I trip over and don't quite fall over, but not that sort of trip like, oh, he's tripped on the mic call, but more that sort of trip like, that guy's lost the ability to perform rudimentary functions like walking. So I get out and people start going, he's fucked, he's smashed,

he's fucking pissed, he's shite, he's shite and Australian, right? I hear a guy yell at, he's shite and Australian, and I go, oh, sorry, mate, sorry, Scottish mate, that I'm shitting Australian. We can't all be from a suburb of England, right, which just, we can't all be from a suburb of England whose main exports are shortbread and heroin. And they fucking rioted. They just fucking hated me.

Great. Is Scotland well known for their heroin? Are they well known for their shortbread? Yeah. I knew that more than that. At one stage, Glasgow, I think it was Glasgow and possibly Anded and Run, no, but were the HIV, the intravenous HIV capitals of Europe. Like, they got that title. They had to fight hard for that title from Poland, I think.

No, they had just from all the housing estates and everything because Australia is actually really ahead of the game in that Australia has like needle exchanges and all that kind of, you know, drug education and stuff. Whereas there, they were just so in denial about it. And also they give so little a shit about the, you know, their class system is just fucking horrible. Is there a trip advisor for drug users?

Yep, absolutely. What you do is, what I used to do was go in go on Lonely Planet and look up go to the city I was going to go to and then look up places not to go oh really

yeah they've always got like this place is a bit dangerous or this place is a bit sus and I reckon and I might be wrong

that they're putting that in there for that reason because they know a lot of people want to go where are we going to be able to get pot

or whatever and it never failed me. I'd go, right, this is the area. I'd go there and they'd just be like, oh, my God, this is drug heaven. I had a similar thing recently because I talked about this briefly on the show when it happened, but me and Dilruk Jasinger went to get a massage together in the Melbourne CBD. Nice.

And I got offered a hand job at the end of it, which was a new experience for me. Happy ending. By Dil? Yeah, for the massage he it, which was a new experience for me. Happy ending. By Dil or...? Yeah, for the massage he was just hooking up. Outside the building. And I was just thinking about it, because I didn't know that was... Dil didn't know that that was what the place was going to do.

And I was thinking when I got home, I'm like, yeah, if you're into that, like, if you want the happy ending, what's the resource on the website, on the, on the internet? You know what I mean? Like there must be. And so I started trying to Google just to find, and I couldn't find, I couldn't find like where do you,

yeah, if you really want it. Is there a magic word? Yeah. Well, TripAdvisor, there's just like, so if you go to Lonely Planet,

like Flady's thing, is there a bit in Lonely Planet where it's like, if you want a place where you're really not going to come, go to this place. It's called, it's called Super Lon called super lonely planet well it's the opposite where it's like there's a i think it was trip advisor or one of them where it just goes yeah yeah great massage great service um girls are really nice and yeah they'll jack you off at the end it's like who's moderating this they'll jack you off

at the end yeah so it's just it's not even hidden even hidden. It's just out there on a family website. Yeah, that's amazing. That's bizarre. I love The Lonely Planet. Like, if that's a real code, like if writers are actually sort of putting that in there going nudge, nudge, wink, wink,

like this is an actual thing. Well, I kind of, I wouldn't be surprised because, you know, you think of, I'm not talking about heroin and stuff like that, but I mean,

for the amount of young people that travel, that read those things that would want to go, you know, either in Bali or somewhere, get some pot or some acid or something. And the writers back in the day, when they're compiling those Lonely Planets, it's all dudes that are just backpacking. Yeah, exactly.

So they're the guys that need to know that information. They would know fully about those areas. Now they're there on the company card. You know, they're staying in nice hotels. They're not fully about those areas. Now they're there on the company card. You know, they're staying in nice hotels. They're not getting the real experience. Because the Lonely Planet guide would be something that was used 20 years ago by just backpackers. Yeah. Now there's a lot more.

Well, that's when I was doing it was 20 years ago. And also at one stage, the guy who was in charge of Lonely Planet was, oh, God, the brother of the Irish, the Irish, Sean Hughes? Oh, he's a comedian. Yeah, yeah. His brother was, who lives in Australia, who's actually married to my ex-girlfriend, Janie. He's married to her sister.

But he was in charge of it for a while. And, yeah, so knowing what i do about him that would have definitely been part of part of the picture yeah well i'm talking about uh oh actually just to go back to the book quickly flit we were talking about this a little while ago the last time i saw you do you have plans for an audiobook version of this book oh uh i would i would hope so and and i would hope that i get to do it with the last last book, the one you were talking about, Tie-Dye, they got some other dude to do it. And you think, God, if you've got a performer who's written a book,

you'd think that, and it's a biography, an autobiography, you'd think you'd maybe see if he wanted, sorry, I'm hiccuping because I'm drinking beer. You think you might want to get him to do it? So I don't know. I mean, I hope so. I hope. Well, if they're not going to let you do it, what about a pitch? What about the little dum-dum club?

Read a chapter each of Greg Fleet's book. Yeah, I've got to be funny. I'll read it at the exact same time. It's unlistenable. I would actually – that would actually be great. You going chapter for chapter would be – I'd definitely be into that. Or one word each like a bad impro game. Oh, yeah, yeah.

One word at a time story. Word at a time biography. You said this before we started, but you've got a bookmark in here and I said, oh, you are only up to this bit. And you're like, yeah, I haven't read the book. So I don't want to spoil it, but I just found out what happens at the end. Do I live? Fuck, it's not good.

You end up in comedy heaven, which is not bad. But unfortunately it's not with Tommy Dazzler, it's with Tommy Bissett. Bok Choi. Skewer reference to a thing that happened in our real lives. That's what we talked about on the show. And it involves Bok Choi. The very last chapter of your book is called This is the Beginning, so the editor has really fucked this thing up.

They've really fucked it up. The editor is now a very good friend of mine. She's awesome. I'll tell you what. Christopher Nolan? The editing is something I didn't understand. The editor I had for the first book, which was like 12 years ago or something, I think I met once and spoke to on the phone twice.

This person I spoke to virtually every day. She is a gun. She was so fantastic. And her ideas were great, very creative, really supportive, and also really loved – this is the bit that sold me on her, she loved the book. She wrote an email, not to me, but to the head of the company, going, you know, I really want to edit this book.

I love it. It's fantastic. It's inspiring. It's, you know, funny. It's sad. But then also said, you know, but, you know, we could work on this and this and this. And that's what you want.

You want someone who really loves it but not blindly, not just goes, it's the best thing ever, but goes, I really love this and I reckon we can improve on it. Yeah, this chapter in the middle that's just a joke about a pack of N-words. I don't think that's – that's not print if you ask me. I should have said N-word. God damn it.

Yeah, we do allow that. We're fine with censorship on this podcast. Where are we going to get all those basketballs? Well, can I bring this up? We're talking about travel a little bit. This is a very loose segue. I was in Sydney the other week doing some gigs. Save it for your book, mate.

Stop showing off. This will be a pretty great chapter one day. We just got the announcement that we were about to come into land, so that little pre-warning that they give you. Where you're asleep, just so they can wake you up half an hour before, you just go, why the fuck couldn't you have just said that when we are actually coming into land? He was flying to Sydney, so...

Yeah, yeah. Catching up on a sweet eight minutes of Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we get the announcement and I kind of need to go to the toilet, so I thought, I'll get up and I'll do this now just before we come into land. So I'm in the toilet and I've got the door locked and I'll do this now just before we come into land. So I'm in the toilet and I've got the door locked and

I've been in there for like maybe a minute and then there's a knock on the door of the toilet and I'm thinking this is just them giving it a bit of, hey hey we're just about to flick the seatbelt sign on wrap it up and get out. Wipe that thing.

There's the knock. Literally one second later, the door unlocks from the other side. Not to be too graphic, I'm doing number twos. I'm sitting there, the most vulnerable you can ever be in your whole life. The door flings open. This flight attendant barges in. She's got a cup noodle in her left hand. She then sees me sitting there going

I'm just out to the world. I'm just going, whoa! And she goes, oh sorry, I didn't know there was anyone in here. I thought this door often locks itself from the inside. The only way to appease the gods of the lock is to bring them a cup of noodles.

I was thinking we'd have to discuss this and unpack it, but you've just given me my answer in one deft sentence. She brought a cup of noodles? A cup. She was going in there to take a cup noodle and she gave the knock. Didn't even give me time to... I didn't know I had to answer.

It's not like I have to go, there's someone in here. There's obviously someone in here. It's locked from the inside. It's a sealed... It's not like someone can lock it here. There's obviously someone in here. The door's locked. It's locked from the inside. It's a sealed. It's not like someone can lock it and then crawl out. She thought, oh, someone's probably just jumped out the door. Someone's jumped out the window as a joke. Yeah, one of the most brutal things that's ever happened to me on a flight. So then I had to just quickly finish up and walk out and have an awkward.

Sorry, miss, you have to eat your noodles out there like a fucking idiot. Is that her thing? She eats noodles on the toilet. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's just like she just wanted a bit of private time or... I can't, I cannot work it out. Are you one of those people...

I'm very much like this. I can't cope with someone watching me do poo. Like, I went out with a... Never meant to have that conversation. I went out with a girl. How many people are arguing to do that? No, no. Mate, I know people who are really cool.

I went out with a girl who would sometimes call me into the, she'd call me into the, yeah, wherever the bathroom, I'd walk in. Whatever, the bathroom or whatever. Well, I thought she'd be doing it. What are you saying? She'd be sitting on the toilet. Lovely woman, you know, great chick.

We went out with each other for a few years, but she's sitting on the toilet. She'd be talking, she'd be going, oh, Fleety, we've got to make sure when we go down, down to and you should be grunting out of poo. And I'd be like, I would be having an anxiety attack.

Thinking, how can you do this? Like, when I poo, I nail the door shut. I'm like, it's like a Warner Brothers car. I thought me too, but sometimes even that's not secure enough. Yeah, yeah. Well, not unless someone's got a cup of noodles in their hand. They'll get through anything. No one's ever been a Warner Brothers car I thought me too but sometimes even that's not secure enough yeah well not unless someone's got a cup of noodles in their hand

they'll get through anything no one's ever been mid poo and gone someone probably wants to eat noodles in here I should hurry you were having anxiety attack watching

your girlfriend if she'd handed you a cup of noodle you probably would've been fine with it now I've got something to do I'm going to take my mind

off it I was already finding it a little bit disgusting for your girlfriend to be calling you by your nickname let alone her shitting as she's doing that. But, yeah, I just cannot cope with that at all. That's chapter four of These Things Crapping.

And that's all we've got time for this week. I think that actually is all the time we've got. I hope you guys are fine with wrapping it up. Yeah, well, thank you. Well, Greg Fleet, the book These Things Happen comes out... In about a week. In about a week. So about August...

Well, it's August 25th, but there's a launch... Oh, guess what else happens on August 25th? Your birthday. It's Little Bloke's birthday. Oh, you get a copy. So, Mum, if you're listening, I'd love a copy as a present. But there's a launch... Well, there's a launch in Adelaide on the 25th at the Belgian Beer Cafe.

There's a couple of launches in Melbourne in early September at the Wheeler Centre. But I'm doing the 7.30 report next week. There's a chapter of the book going into The Good Weekend next weekend. Oh, excellent. That's a sweet promo. What about Ralph Magazine?

Any chapters being put in there? There's one called I Cracked a Stannis, which is like cracking... Any pictures of your missus doing a bog on the dunny? Yeah, that's the one. Zoo Weekly this week?

That's I Cracked a Stannis. It's like cracking a... You know, when people go, I Cracked a Bacchus because it's halfway to Ballarat, so it's half a... Oh, God! Yeah, people go, I Cracked a Bacchus Marsh because it's halfway to Ballarat, so it's half a Bacchus. Yeah, people go, I cracked a Bacchus Marsh because it's halfway to Ballarat,

so it's half a Bacchus. There's this Perth comic and I now who talk about cracking a Stannis Baratheon. What does that mean? It's from Game of Thrones. Oh, okay. And that actually means nothing, knowing that. It's like, yeah, it's like going, I cracked a Steve. What's that?

Oh, it's from the wire. Oh, right, cool then. But, yeah, so there's launches in most cities. Bring your cup noodle along. Yeah, bring your cup noodle. Great afternoon. Do a poo, get a free bowl. Oh, wow.

Big mistake. I don't know that Pam McMillan had financially equipped to hold up this, but how do you sign this thing? Smear sign. Oh, God. I thought Goldstein was going to be

the offensive one, but anyway. He started strong with it. Mike, what do you got coming up that you'd like to plug? Gigs all over the place

at the moment? Yeah, gigs all over the place. At Mike G. Steen on Twitter that's the one and then Sydney Comedy Festival

Showcase Tour in every regional town on the east coast oh yeah if you haven't seen I say this as Greg Fleet

the elder statesman of comedy if you haven't seen Mike G. get along and see him he's a fucking shit hot comic good guy

good thing you added hot on the end there that would have been a real bug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go see him, he's a shit comic. He's a very shit-heavy man. He's an all-round decent man. Put it this way, you need a cup of noodles

if you're going to see Goldstein. I will second that. Go out of your way, look Mark up, make your way down to one of his gigs. Very fine comedian. Very fine, fine dude. We've also got our live episodes happening October the 18th

in Perth. Our live recording plus big stand-up show with guests coming over because as we've said there's no good comedians left in Perth. There is some.

It just peaks and then they all leave and then that peaks and then they all leave. It's a regular thing. Yeah. But you guys should get Mikey will be over there

at that point. No, he won't be. No. I'm missing him by a week. Sammy Shah? Yeah, get Sammy. Get Sammy. He's fucking awesome.

We'll see about that. No, I like Sammy. He's from Pakistan. I like Sammy. I like Sammy a lot. Well, you know he's been on QI recently. Yeah. We've actually already booked all our guests.

What about me? Don't worry about me. Well, you don't live in Perth. I've just been spending a lot of time there and I'll be there at that time. Will you really?

I think I might be. Well, let's talk about this. My birthday's on the 13th of October which is similar to your birthday except yours is in August and on a different date.

None of the numbers are the same and the month isn't the same either. Same year. Same year. And you're not even in the same city at the time. Whatever.

We've also got Adelaide, November the 17th. Same deal. Big stand-up show plus podcast. Tickets for all those things. littledumbdumbclub.com And look, Sydney, we've deprived you of us for too long. Let's lock something in. Let's look into this in the next couple of weeks.

Do you do the 17th of August in Adelaide look into this in the next couple of weeks 17th of August in Adelaide no oh okay 17th of September yeah no November

November oh god is that your birthday yes you are psychic I just cracked a stannis that was amazing oh stannis

alright guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you mate