The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 254 - Dave O'Neil & Geraldine Hickey

Episode Date: August 18, 2015

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Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. A visual treat for the senses this week, isn't it? We've got a dog on the podcast and also... Hey, he's got a name, it's Dave O'Neill, all right? Hey, poofs.

And a lesbian and a dog, yeah. Well, shall we just introduce our guests? Sure. Let's just rip straight into it. First of all, she's brought along said dog. You know her from Stand Up at Belly Union. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Geraldine Hickey. Yeah.

Yeah. And also returning from Spicks and Specs, from Tractor Monkeys, from every bloody thing on the channel. I was on the project the other night for ten seconds. Oh, were you really? Yeah. It's Dave O'Neill. Yeah, thanks.

Where's your pet? You didn't bring a pet along? Could have brought the cat. The cat would freak out though. Don't you know it's bring your pet to podcast day? No. It's like, remember they used to do Father and Son night at Scouse? You had to bring your dad.

They don't do that anymore. It's too complicated. Because there's not enough dads. Yeah, a lot don't do that anymore. It's too complicated. Because there's not enough dads. Yeah, a lot of blended families and stuff. It's too hard. There was always one kid who didn't have a dad. It was always sad. Anyway, let's not start on a boat.

I think my dad got brought to, because parents have to go to school camps and whatever sometimes. Yeah, I went on a school camp. Yeah, my dad went to one for my brother and to the Grampians and they got lost in the Grampians. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, your parents, yeah, I've been on my kids' school camp. Yeah, they get one or two

parents to go along. Is that why you don't talk to your brother anymore because he's still wandering around the Grampians lost?

Can't get a signal with my dad and I blame him for that. Has your brother got a baby? No. Oh,

okay. There's a guy in my pool who looks like you and he's always got a baby. Carl Chandler's kidnapped a baby and he's in my pool. I don't think my brother looks like baby? No. Oh, okay. There's a guy in my pool who looks like you and he's always got a baby. Carl Chandler's kidnapped a baby and he's in my pool.

I don't think my brother looks like me, really, particularly. Right. Why don't you talk to him? Let's get into it. I love this topic. Do you know what? We talked about this the first Dumb Dumb I did where you didn't talk to your brother. Really? Yeah. Something about when you're in the room that brings it

out. Maybe. Do you talk to your brothers and sisters? I sure do. I talk to my brothers. Really? Yeah. There's something about when you're in the room that brings it out. Maybe. Do you talk to your brothers and sisters? I sure do. I talk to my brothers. How many have you got? Three. Yeah.

I don't talk to them that often. You've got a twin, though. I've got a twin. You've got a twin that lives in Switzerland, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, Glenn. Glenn. He doesn't speak English anymore. He goes, yeah, hello, it's Glenn here. I don't speak English on a daily basis.

I speak German Portuguese Italian French you know so yeah he's been there for 20 years he's got a weird accent I'd love to see a Dave O'Neill

someone that looks exactly like Dave O'Neill except doesn't sound like he's from Broadmeadows yeah yeah and he's very skinny too

very skinny yeah you actually people make this joke a lot about a lot of different things but you look like a booper ad you and him

we do look like a booper ad we do and sound like it as well he eats like muesli for lunch so like a proper swiss person i've been eating muesli recently because all the cereals i eat are just child's cereal no i'm gonna start being an adult i'm gonna start having muesli you just got a lot of sugar though i'm a fat person but wheat pics is you... Is that what you should have? Wheat Bix or... Man, what a horrible life for Wheat Bix.

I was doing this gig the other day and the head of Coca-Cola was sitting down the front and I said, mate, I've been drinking Diet Coke for 20 years. I've lost no weight.

I don't know how to crack him about Coke Zero. Because you know Coke Zero is overtaking Diet Coke. Is it really? Yeah, well you look at the shelves,

you'll see three or four Coke Zeros One Diet Coke now I have noticed that a lot when you go to a cafe That they'll have Coke and Coke Zero But not Diet Coke On planes they don't have Diet Coke anymore Coke Zero is Do you prefer Diet over Zero?

Of course I do Why? You too? Yeah It's disgusting I've never drunk any of it And look at me I'm a fucking lean machine

So do you drink normal Coke or I've gone off it I used to be a massive fiend for it And now I'm a fucking lean machine so do you drink normal coke or I've gone off it I used to be a massive fiend for it and now I'm trying not to yeah well that's I think those diet

soft drinks put on weight yeah it makes you crave stuff I don't drink any because you were obsessed with when we were together on TV as the white room that was when I didn't

drink coffee and I was starting to hey I was talking about Let Loose Live you know talking about the white room. Isn't it funny

that no one else remembers these shows except people like us remember the white room? Yeah, because it was the greatest years of my life. I was gainfully employed.

Because the most people that saw it were the people in the studio as it was being recorded. I was in hospital with a broken leg and it was on

so I saw, there was at least two episodes on air. Yeah, I saw the third one that never got put out. Oh, wow. It's like that famous Jerry Lewis movie that no one ever saw. Yeah.

Yeah. The one about the Nazis. Yes. Yes. Is it really about Nazis? Yes. Really? There's a Jerry Lewis movie out there that never got saw by anyone,

and I believe he owns the only print of it, and he plays a Nazi clown at Auschwitz. Yeah, trying to trick kiddies into... Trying to trick kids into coming down into the ovens basically. No! Yeah, yeah. But that's like that movie that they're telling. The Day the Clown Cried.

What? Yes. Yeah, yeah, this is a true thing. Sure it's on YouTube. No, no, no, it's not. Here's the thing. It's been seen by about three or four people ever. He owns the only print and I

believe he's just, and this has actually been in the news, he's just donated a print to the American Sounded Film Institute, which means there's now like a ten year embargo on it and in ten years, people are allowed to see it. But the thing is, Jerry Lewis is 89. He's done the odds and gone, yeah, I'm not going to be around when I'm 99 I reckon.

My kids will be copping it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a story in Patton Oswalt's book about how a group of comedians in LA in the 90s, someone got a hold of the script and they were going to do a live read of it. And the lawyers got onto them and went, if you do this, you'll basically all be murdered. And so instead they did an interpretation of what they think it would have been like, which was more fucked. The British sitcom that's on YouTube, it used to be Heil Hitler, I'm Home.

Yes. Heil Honey, I'm Home. Yes. And it's about Adolf Hitler as a, like living in a block of flats. Yeah, as a sitcom. Yeah, a sitcom. Yeah. Yeah, it's for real.

Well, that's funny. I'm pretty sure that was on the White Room As a question I think it was on the White Room Oh wow It's all come back around Show business is so great So the third episode Of the White Room

That never went to air Is that all about Nazis as well No Yeah I think it had I think it had a joke on it That I wrote

That I was like Oh this will be good This is a good joke And then it never went to air Yeah You've got to get Your hands on it And save the White Room

Donate it to the Sound Archive. I'm sorry, but Jerry Lewis owns the only printer. Hey, speaking of TV, listen to this. Straight after this podcast, Dave O'Neill, you're giving me a lift to the ABC. I've got to go to work on the final episode

of Dirty Laundry Live. You're going to the ABC. Those Kim Kardashian jokes write themselves. They write themselves. I think she's overexposed and a little bit fat. Is that right? Or am I right? of Dirty Laundry Live. You'll go on the ABC for... Those Kim Kardashian jokes write themselves. They write themselves. Yes. I think she's overexposed and a little bit fat. Is that right? Or am I wrong?

Hey, hey, hey. You've read the script for this week. And married to someone famous. Oh, spoiler alert. They're the three rules of the jokes of Kim Kardashian. So I'm working at the ABC at the moment. Yeah.

I did this the other day. I went to log into my computer. My computer's not working. I'm like, okay. So there's a set up IT place for the ABC. We can just, you've got it on the phone. I bring them up. I go, I can't get in my computer.

I don't know what's wrong with it. Okay, okay. No worries. What's your name? What's your full name? Carl Chandler. Cool. What's your password? I have to reset it. Carl Chandler. Cool. What's your password?

I have to reset it. I don't know the password. That's why I can't get in. Okay, cool. What's your favourite movie? It's like eHarmony. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm like, hang on. Is this? And weirdly, someone already asked me my favourite movie an hour before. Shawshank Redemption? Yeah. No, I'm not in the AFL footy record. I'm not a – See, everyone – it's always their favourite movie, isn't it?

I used to work on the AFL record. I reckon I noticed that before anyone else. But anyway. What is your favourite movie? But this is the thing. So someone had asked me an hour before what's your favourite movie. I don't know. Dury Lewis' Nazi one.

Yeah. And it's a very hard question, what's your favourite movie? I don't even think I could tell you definitely what would be in my top five. Like, do you know off the top of your head what your favourite movie is? Yeah, easy. Really? Yeah, yeah. I can give you top five.

All of a sudden it doesn't sound too easy, Gerald. What are they? No, top five. Rogue, about the big crocodile. Muppets from Space. Oh, I saw that today. It's really good. Jaws. All right, top five. Rogue, about the big crocodile. Muppets from Space. Oh, I saw that today. It's really good. Jaws.

All right, top three. Anything a bit more trashy, though, apart from these arty-farty European movies? They're good movies. No, Jaws is amazing. Jaws would be my top ten. Yeah. Blues Brothers.

That's pretty... That's in my top five. Never seen it. You've never seen the Blues Brothers? No. What? What? You've seen the Blues Brothers, Tommy.

I've seen the Blues Brothers, yeah. Put it on. It's the funniest. How've never seen the Blues Brothers? What? What? You've seen the Blues Brothers, Tommy. I've seen the Blues Brothers. Put it on. It's the funniest. How have you avoided the Blues Brothers? That was on TV every Friday night growing up. Everyone's got a list of those movies that everyone's seen except for them. I haven't seen E.T. I haven't seen E.T., for example.

Oh, I haven't seen The Godfather. Yeah, me either. Right? I haven't seen Titanic. I haven't seen Avatar. I haven't seen that. Boring. I'd say if you haven't seen Titanic at this point,

you're just never watching it. Why would anyone watch Titanic now? As a comedian, the Blues Brothers is a very funny movie. I'm sure it is. I just haven't seen it. Peewee's Big Adventure? Never seen it. I remember seeing that as a kid.

What if we just list movies for the rest of this podcast? I'm looking at Chandler's DVD. No, not my DVDs. Eat,ler's DVD. No, not my DVDs. Eat, Pray, Love. No. Bridal War. Saving Mr. Banks. Beaches. No. Katy Perry. I wish I was making this up. What Women Want.

Magic Mike. Beaches is my girlfriend's favourite movie. If you notice there's a DVD on top of the cabinet. What I'm seeing here is that your girlfriend spends a lot of times If you notice, there's a DVD on top of the cabinet. You are living beneath my wings. What I'm seeing here is that your girlfriend spends a lot of time alone. Yeah, something like that. If you notice, on top is Rocky Balboa, the latest Rocky movie.

I actually watched that last night at midnight. I was up doing work and I watched it and it's so dumb because at the end of it, it's like one o'clock in the morning and I'm like, yes, Rocky. Oh, I'm so pumped to go to sleep! I just ate six raw eggs and went to bed. Ran up the steps and punched a bit of lamb.

I saw the first Rocky movie in a bus at a drive-in because we won a competition at high school to go to the drive-in in a bus. Is that just the dumbest way of sneaking people in, going, oh, there's just one person on this bus? That's a really dumb way to see a movie because the teacher hadn't worked out that he parked the bus sort of horizontally.

Yeah, and the speaker, but also only half the class could see the screen. Yeah. Because the other half, because the bus was packed. Yeah. Wow. I saw the first Transformers at a drive-in And it was raining

And my friend's car battery died So we couldn't use the windscreen wipers anymore So we just was like watching a fucking magic eye picture For an hour and a half That's terrible Because we never had a theatre in Maribor growing up It was only a drive-in We had a drive-in until I was about 15 or 16 or something

Until there was a windy day and the screen blew over on top of a nursery. Wait, a plant nursery or children's? A plant nursery. No, not a children's nursery. It would be a tragedy. No. Yeah, it squashed a nursery.

If that had happened, if it had been a child nursery, you'd know that story already. That would be a famous incident it would have come up on the podcast before now in the first 250 episodes it would have come up before now

oh yeah that joint where the driving thing fell on the kids eight children killed by a fucking rogue Ernest goes to camp yeah where there's a whole generation

where there's no one that's aged 23 because everyone got wiped out there's been a war yeah what's no one that's aged 23 because everyone got wiped out. There's been a war. What's the movie that was playing as it fell? Oh, I don't think there was. I think it was like Midnight or something.

This guy can't remember the password for his computer at work. He thinks he can remember what movie he was playing all those years ago. Imagine what movie would be playing if it fell on a children's nursery. That's a good one. Yeah. Wizard of Oz? Or the Jerry Lewis Nazi films. Yeah, yeah.

I went to the... Which ironically ended a lot of other children. Yeah, sure. I went to the drive-in ones with my parents. Because, you know, there'll be four screens and they're all just like in a semicircle. And we were pulled up at one screen watching this kids movie that was out at the time that was like real bad.

And I'm a kid at the time. But even... So, you know, your standards are pretty low when you're a kid but even I was like this is real bad and no one in the car says anything we're 10 minutes in and dad dad goes nah fuck this turns the engine on and just backs out and just drives to another screen doesn't even look at what's on I think it turned out to be that thing you do which fantastic movie great movie yeah so I saw that movie yeah I was listening I just watched that song on YouTube yesterday. You watched that song on YouTube?

Yes. I got the clip up. You had a big old day yesterday. Yeah, I did. Weren't you consuming some entertainment? I did. And then I looked up NSYNC to a version of it on YouTube as well. NSYNC? Yes.

Really? Yeah. Which the people in the office were particularly happy with. I just played that flat out, the Oneida's version. And then I went, oh, this version and then played the NSYNC version which is identical. How did that start? No.

Oh, that's right. Bring down, down, down, down, down. How did it start with you going to YouTube and looking that up? I love that song. You're just sitting there at home one day going, no, those Kim Kardashian jokes had written themselves

and you were like, time to knock off. Someone I work with knew that I liked that song and just went, that'd be like Chandler Lovin', That Thing You Do. And I went, you're right. Let's play it right now. It's one of the great movie songs. Like for a joke banned in a film,

it's actually a great song. Yeah, a pop song. We should relaunch this podcast with that as the theme. Oh, well. Be expensive. The Oneidas can't sue us because they're fictional. Exactly. Who wrote it? Fountains of Wine.

Oh, a great band. They were big in the 90s, maybe? Yeah. Now we're in O'Neill's wheelhouse. They sang Denise, Denise. I got it for you. I loved Denise and I got it for you. I loved you. I got it for you.

Anyway. We've talked about soft drinks and we've talked about 90s bands. What's the O'Neill hat trick? What's the third thing we've got to get? I'm more 80s but I can touch on 90s. We want to get into fast food, surely. Fast food, yeah. Oli's Trollies.

Oh, Oli's Trollies. So back to the – Set up in Benalla? Back to the ABC, right. Set up in Benalla? Is that where they were invented? Yeah, it was founded in Benalla. I'm sure it was Benalla and not Bendigo. Yeah, Oli's Trollies.

You were so keen to plough ahead and then you got a little tidbit and you were like, wait, what? A lot of people wouldn't remember. That's the podcast double take. A lot of people wouldn't remember Oli's Trollies because KFC bought them out. I know. Well aware.

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Because I used to have restaurants in a tram too. Some of them were in trams. Trolley. Ollie's Trolley. Trolley, old-fashioned word for a tram. Actually, speaking of trams and the drive-in,

why don't they put a tram track that just goes straight into the drive-in? Great idea. If you don't have a car, you get on the number whatever. No, no. Think about it because it'll be like this guy going to the drive-in in a bus. It'll be just one little window and a whole train. Just saying it's very inaccessible if you don't drive, if you don't have friends who drive.

You know. You can just walk anyway. We used to ride our bikes there. ABC. ABC. So they asked me, what's your favourite movie? On the phone, right? As my security.

And the thing is, I get confused because someone an hour ago had asked me my favourite film and I sort of got confused and went, is this a stitch-up? Has someone been talking or whatever? Like, that's a weird thing for two people to ask your favourite film. Exactly, yes. What, so someone can hack into your work computer and steal all your sweet rather partisan material. I don't know.

I wasn't thinking properly. I was already stressed from the computer not working. I'm being confused. So someone asked me my favourite film. I don't know off the top of my head. I'm thinking, oh, what? I go, A, what is it? And B, what would I have told them it is?

Because I'm thinking, have I given them a joke answer? Have I given them a real answer? Or on top of that, what would I give people that would, like, a memorable answer? You know what I mean? Like, when you're making a password, you've got to think of something you're always going to remember. Based on what I know of you, I'm going to guess

either Ghostbusters or Dirty Harry. Oh, I like Dirty Harry. I know. Great movie. So we keep going. I go, oh, favourite movie? Favourite movie? Oh, God. Oh, what like Tootie Harry. Great movie. So we keep going. I go, oh, favourite movie? Favourite movie? Oh, God.

What would I? And I'm just thinking out loud to him going, what would I have as my favourite movie? What would I tell you? Oh, God. What would I have done? And the guy just sort of gets sick of me. I'm just playing for time.

And he goes, all right, it starts with an A. It's me. And he goes, all right, it starts with an E. I'm like, I don't know how good of a security expert you are if you're giving me clues. Ernest joins the army. And, yeah, again, I'm going, E, what would I guess? Entourage. Entourage is a movie. Elephant Man?

No, I don't like that movie. No, that's a great movie. God, that's a sad movie. What would I do? And then, again, I'm going, whatphant Man? No, I don't like that movie. No, that's a great movie. God, that's a sad movie. What would I do? And then again, I'm going, what would I, what would I? And he goes, two letters. Not E.T. And I go, E.T.?

And he goes, yes. Yes, that is your favourite movie. I'm like, it's not my favourite movie. Like, that's not my favourite movie at all. And I go, I haven't given that as a password. He's like, oh, that's your favourite movie here on your password. That's what I've got in front of me. I'm like, you have made up my favourite movie.

Why would you make a security pass where the answer is something I haven't supplied the answer to? Interesting. He's just made... Is that a thing he's just randomly gone or is he... Are you sure? Yes. I'm positive.

Or has someone set up the account for you sure? Yes. I'm positive. Or has someone set up the account for you at work? I don't know. I don't know whether someone – I walked past and someone went, oh, Chandler's got a long neck. E.T., that's your favourite movie. He's like an alien. Yeah.

How do you set up a security code where you don't have access to the answer? Yeah, that's weird. It's not a bad strategy though because it's like you started a new job and they go, here's your favourite movie and they just assign you a movie. Yeah. It's going to make you go out and watch the movie. You know what I mean? It's a good way of kind of seeing different things. Are they at the ABC, these people, do you reckon, or are they outsourced?

I think they're off site. Yeah, it's interesting because the ABC, I worked at the ABC too but we're doing open slather there because they rent out their space to other productions. Because 10 years ago we did Full Frontal there we used to film there at the ABC

I remember the first day I turned up and we didn't know where to go so I said to the receptionist hi we're here for Full Frontal and she goes

I'm sorry to hear that yeah I know burnt from the receptionist yeah well so that was Snobby back then the ABC oh yeah yeah yeah oh so there was Snobby back then, the ABC.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So you filmed and wrote back then, yeah? Yeah, yeah. I wasn't in Full Frontal much. I just wrote it. Yeah, yeah. Just wrote it.

What about Totally Full Frontal? Yeah, me and Toolman were the head writers. Marco Tool was the head writer of Totally Full Frontal when it went to Channel 10. Yeah. It's confusing. I remember that. I remember the very first sketch of Totally Full Frontier.

Oh, really? What was it? It was like a sort of a, how would you describe it, Cold War sort of style thing of like them, all the cast kind of being smuggled over a border from Channel 9 into the Channel 10 building and someone at the front of Channel 10 with an Uzi like waiting to receive the precious cargo of Eric Banner and Sean McCullough.

Would you say it's a sweet cold open? Yeah, it's a sweet cold open. But I of Eric Banner and Sean McCullough. Would you say it's a sweet cold open? Yeah, it's a sweet cold open. But I reckon Eric Banner... And then bang into the opening credits that they'd stolen off a roller coaster at Dreamworld. Yes, that's right. But I reckon Eric Banner and Sean weren't in it anymore. I reckon they'd left by then. You might be right.

I think Sean probably was. He might have been. But Eric maybe not. Eric, yeah, I can't remember. Well, here's some other showbiz news that long-time listeners of the show will appreciate. Here we go. I don't know what episode we are calling back to. Let's say the one with Harley Breen and Scott Dooley.

That's about 150, 140 or something like that. You can look that up. Right. Go to the website and look that up. But if you have heard that one, there was a lot of talk on that episode about hypothetically about, let's say, a person called Charlie Candler hypothetically going on a very hypothetical talent show. I remember that episode. Really good.

Let's say it was Narnia's Got Talent. Let's say it was that. Yeah. A show that he may or may not have signed a nondisclosure agreement saying that he wouldn't talk about it in any kind of public forums. Exactly. Hypothetically. And then did a festival show about it.

I saw it. Yeah, it was good, but I mean, they're not going to care about that. Well, let's see. Especially with this update. So we've got an update. Especially with this update. So whether it's a coincidence or not, after all that happened, that show hypothetically didn't stay on the air.

No. After that, it got the ass from Channel 9 or let's say Channel 8 plus 1. Yeah. But it moved over to Channel 10 as totally Australia's Got Talent. Totally. No. So anyway, again, hypothetically, maybe a bloke called Charlie Candler may have got a phone call this week going,

this is Narnia's Got Talent speaking. And I went, I mean, he went, oh, what's this going to be about? Are you still around? Yeah, what is this going to be about? Yeah, we'd like to speak to Charlie Candler about the possibility of hiring him to find new talent for the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because old Charlie will have plenty of good things to say about it

as he's recruiting people. Go on there and they treat you like crap and they keep you waiting for years. Charlie wouldn't say anything like that. Oh, no. Charlie would be a very, as long as he's getting paid, he'd be a very high publicist for the show. So are you going to do it? Is who?

Is he going to do it? Is your friend Charlie going to do it? The money's right. Charlie could destroy so many people. Yeah, yeah. Ruin their souls. The power in Charlie's hands. Are they wanting Charlie to find just comedy talent?

Is Charlie going to have to go down the Bourke Street Mall and keep his eye on all the hoopers and the bins, the plastic bins. The sonic manipulator, see what he's up to these days. No, no, Charlie doesn't have to go and look for bearded ladies or anything like that. Just comedians. Just comedians. Yeah, but I mean, who would do well on that show?

It's very hard to go on that show. Well, I can name one person who wouldn't. Yeah, Charlie guy. You've got to, it's just variety acts that will go. The Nelson twins were perfect for that show because they walk out and people go, oh, they're two guys that look like each other. Perfect. But were they on that show?

Yes. Okay, we'll get them back. Hypothetically. Get a third one. We've got the Nelson triplets. They weren't hypothetically on that show. They were definitely on it. They were in the grand final, I think.

They almost got through to the – Semi-final or something like that. Semi-final, yeah. Do you know what I mean? He's sitting here with a tiny dog oninal. Semifinal, yeah. Do you know what a hickey is? Sitting here with a tiny dog on your lap. You can go on. Do you know any tricks for that? Yeah, bring the dog into your act.

Yeah, she can... Sleep. Oh, do you know what a great trick that she does is when she pees, her two back legs go in the air. Yeah, this is not going to make the show, I'm sorry. So great. It's almost like the force of a pea Makes it lift her up Off the ground Oh wow

Oh okay That's what it looks like But she just Doesn't Yeah There you go I'd vote for that I'd text in to vote for that

Is that how it works? Geraldine Hickey And her fabulous piss puppy Here we go Gotta levitate off the ground Everyone You can get merch You can get little t-shirts

Is that like those ones Those people that you see In the ocean that have got the jetpacks but it's just all water that's projecting them up in the air? Yeah. Well, could you think of any acts that you would suggest for that show? Well, that's why I've invited you two on the show today. Guys, what are you doing next Thursday? No, thank you.

It's a shame that you've never done it Because your style of comedy Is really short stuff Yeah one liners One liners Really short stuff That was the thought About two years ago Yeah The theatre's just full of

Like bogans from wherever Oh yeah And they just I mean they must get bored And hungry though By the time You know Oh

You need a guitar I reckon Anyone with a guitar Would do okay Yeah you need to be allowed If you really want to game them You know who you send in Bart Freeban Bart Freeburn. Bart Freeburn!

Yeah, but then it's punishing my friend, Bart. You know what? I reckon actually Dilruch could go all right on it. I think Dilruch would go all right. Because he's a novelty actor. Oh, something a bit different. Look at that, guys. You finish your act.

Let's talk to you. Take off the fat suit and let's talk to the real guy, okay? Finish with your whole Klump's family thing. Do you have to write the jokes for the judges? No. I mean, where do you park your taxi? Hey. Oh, no.

Come on. I went on New Faces. Yeah, great. 92, I reckon. Dary I went on New Faces. Yeah, great. Yeah, 92, I reckon. Daryl Summers host? No, Burt Newton. Oh. Burt Newton and the judges were Ethel Guy.

From The Seekers. From The Seekers. Oh, man. And Karen Knowles. From Young Talent Time. Yeah, who had a hit. I looked her up in 1981. She had a number one hit.

Right. Big fans of comedy. Big judges. Big experts. We're going to... Burt was pissing himself I did a character Called Podgy

It looked a bit like you Had a beanie And like he It was like an unemployed It was pre-Dave Hughes Before Dave Hughes Had started stand up I believe he was

A young man in Warrnambool Watching new faces Saw me Come on as Podgy The unemployed guy I'm angry I'm Podgy I'm angry

I'm really angry I was a pioneer In the dull material And he I got beaten by a girl On roller skates I think Yeah well you always

Got beaten by a little kid If you saw a little kid A little girl You were staffed But they asked me back For the viewers choice Awards Yeah but like

You know we loved you And we want you back To come back But I didn't have The material So It was horrible But anyway I got beaten by Again by another girl I think Yeah, Bert, like, you know, we loved you and we want you back to come back. But I didn't have any material. So it was horrible. But anyway, I got beaten again by another girl, I think, on Roller Skates. What was the prize?

What were you vying for on New Faces? Yeah, that's a good question. Probably a McDonald's voucher or something. Yeah, they weren't. Brand new Astra. Yeah, they weren't. No, they weren't. Oh, I can't even remember.

It was Ford's New Faces, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. Yeah. Ford's New Faces. Yeah, it was Yeah, it was. Ford's New Faces. Yeah, it was on Channel 10 on a Sunday night. I've never seen it. You would have got a night in New Fairlane, something like that. Oh, good.

Oh, yeah. And I was actually unemployed, so. So when you say character. Yeah, character. You put a hat on. Yeah, your character is my current real life Unemployed and wears a hat Yeah, I'm angry

I'm really angry I went to the office Yeah, yeah, keep punching down, Dave I still remember the jokes Is that really what your act was? Yeah, it was a doll guy It was a doll I wasn't angry

I was just like I was more A bit simple, basically Right I'd go Oh, how's it going? Oh, I just I got stuck down in the doll office the other day.

I always get stuck behind the same person going, where's me money? I want me money. I'm like, whoa, settle down with your mum. Oh, the great man. Wow. We thought it was anyone else but your mum. Comedy. A round of applause.

Oh, he's awesome. That is Husey. Yeah, girl. But there was a whole generation of comics. We were all on the doll. The doll was very easy to get in the late 80s, early 90s. And you would seriously go down to the doll office and see other comedians. And the CES, whose role has been taken over by Salvation Army,

it's all been privatised now. Yeah. They were really nice because they were all sort of hippies and arts graduates and they'd go, oh, what are you doing, man? Oh, I'm a comedian. Oh, great. I remember one of them said to me, oh, great, do you know Elliot Goblet? Like this is the ladies.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, he's a friend of mine. Never met him. Oh, great. Don't worry about these forms. I'll look after that, that kind of stuff. Oh, wow. The comedy fans were giving out money at the doll office back in the day and now they're all just like bloggers and running websites.

We need to go back to those days. Listening to this show on baggage. So there were a lot of comedians on the doll. As a result, a lot of us did doll material. But usually it was one in my old age. I remember there was a stage where there was a lot of comics that went through that new... Oh, the niece program.

The niece program, yeah. What's your business it's me yeah Dave Thornton Sammy J Michelle Laurie met her husband there really

yeah met her husband at the niece scheme wow is it still going because it sounds like it's produced a couple of good people

yeah well you guys should know they don't allow you to yourself to be the business. They go, yeah, but what's different about. Yeah, you've got to trick it up in some way. And you go, I've got a dog.

I'm going on Australia's Got Talent. I just thought, you know, Hickey, you've got a bit in your act that you sometimes do. Act, Jesus. In your comedy, little comedy play. From a little comedy skit. In your skit. You can call it an act.

Where you scull a beer as part of one of your jokes. Oh, yeah. I did that on AGT. I don't know if they'd let that on primetime commercial television. I don't know if I could do it anymore, to be honest. A bit past it. Too old. It's a young man's game.

I reckon you have to train for it and I'm out of practice. It's more of a 15-year-old person's thing to scull a beer. Did you do it at a festival show? Did you do it night after night? Yeah, I did it, yeah. And there was one night where I nearly spewed. I spewed a couple of times whilst doing it. I did once at On Roadshow in Griffith, I think we were.

No, I know. Yeah, but I'd sculled this beer and then was like, I wasn't feeling scald this beer and then was like i wasn't feeling quite right anyway and then was like oh and of course the audience is like there's 600 people there going oh fucking chicks just scald a beer and i've gone oh sorry i think i'm gonna vomit in about two seconds time and i went oh whoa that's funny and, oh, nah. And then I walked off stage and went, someone get me a bucket now. And then there's like an ice tray out of the freezer someone grabbed. What? And I'm spewing into that.

You vomited into an ice cube tray? No. What you tip the ice cube. Oh, the big bucket thing. I thought the same thing. I thought you were spewing individual little cubes. Save that for later. Save that for the most disgusting cocktail in the world.

Wow. So you actually vomited? I vomited. And then there was Mickey D was on stage because he was the MC. And he's just doing filling stuff like going, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, doing Feeling stuff Like going Da da da da da Thinking I was just Going to come back on again And you weren't

And I wasn't So you didn't even Finish your act You just rushed Halfway through Yeah halfway through the act And then He looked further along

And Anthony Manketty Was on the tour as well Back when he did comedy Wow how long ago was this? Oh like Maybe eight years ago Something like that And then

He's yeah Looked further along and then there's Anthony just standing there just going, nah, it's over. And he looks further along and then he sees me spewing into this ice bucket and he's going, oh, well, I guess it's the last time we ate at the Happy Dragon. We've just done a road show. We did a road show, didn't we? We did. We had a really great time

Just a couple of days That sculling a beer thing That to me Is fraught with danger Because if you're going to Try and not be sick Because the people who love And it's such a crowd pleaser

For you to scull An entire pint of beer Yeah But then people afterwards I would have thought Would inevitably come up to you And show their appreciation By going

I love this I'll buy you a beer Do it again Yeah that would happen as well. But I'd, you know, it'd be quick and it'd go, you know, I'm very good at spewing and then getting back on the wagon. Yeah. See, this is all just sounding like.

There's another talent that you can put on the show. Yeah, that's right. And also there was, because there was one night where after the show I was at the front talking with Harley and he bangs on. Has he ever done the roadshow? I don't think he's done it. It's a joke. He's done it a lot.

What's that word you guys keep saying? Is it roadshow you're talking about? It's just some comedy skit thing that they do. Can you explain what it is? Because a lot of people at home don't know what you're talking about. A lot of people on this podcast have no concept of what you're talking about. I did the first one. A lot of people on this podcast have no concept of what you're talking about. I did the first Comedy Festival Roadshow. I filled in for Peter Burner when he went to do his TV pilot,

which was Backburner. And so I was working on the pilot and it was very fractious. What's the word? Fractious. People were fighting and stuff. And they said, oh, do you want to replace Peter on the – he's got to come back and do the pilot. So I went to WA when there was – Mickey D was on it.

Yeah. Jeezy. Lewis Schaefer. Lewis Schaefer. Lewis Schaefer, not gay. That was his catchphrase. Lewis Schaefer, not gay. He was an American guy who was like an MC from the Boston Comedy Club in New York, but he was not like a comic.

He was like a spooker, he said. He would get out the front and get everyone into the room. Wow. And then just get up and host the night. And they brought him out to host a night of black comedians and so then they put him on the road show. We didn't have a routine. So he would get up every night in places like Horsham

or wherever we were, like Esperance in WA. So he's been flown out to be an usher basically. Yeah, yeah. That's wild. Louis Schaefer, not gay. And he'd get out there and he'd go, Louis Schaefer, not gay. I'm not gay, guys.

And all this. And you're like, he'd die every night. Oh, guys. And I listened to him. He'd die every night. And then he'd stand at the door as people lived like a vicar at the end of church handing out badges, Lewis Schaefer not gay. Oh, wow. People of Western Australia, farmers and stuff, would just come in.

That's a guy that was terrible. Why does he give you such a badge? And Jody J Hill was on the tour and Fleety, that's right. Anyway. Geraldine, So I've got I've got your pitch for This is what you do On Australia's Got Talent

Yep You come out You scull the beer Your dog's doing the Hydraulic piss Yep You then spew And then you cap it off

With a bit of Mum The end Wow 10 out of 10 From all the judges Alright I reckon it's got everything

Alright It's got stuff going in It's got stuff coming out It's got a little twist at the end. You should do Carl's job. You should do Carl's job. I'm locking you in. Locking you in.

Thank you. I mean, Charlie Campbell is hypothetically locking you in. So are you going to do it? Is he going to do it? Sorry, is he going to do it? Yeah. Sure. Why not?

If there's enough money. If there's money in it, sure. Well, it's Channel 8 plus one. They've got cash. So what would you have to do? Just like recommend Just find comics Yes For them

Yes People that you don't like People People Yeah You're right There are some comics That would do okay

Like you're right Would seriously do okay Exactly You've got to find people Who would be good at it Who would Who'd like to do it Who'd like to do it

Exactly Yeah And who wouldn't be Too destroyed by it I think Yeah Yeah So you need someone with Some Terry Tuffnuts Yeah Yes Yeah exactly Exactly. And who wouldn't be too destroyed by it, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you need someone with a... Some Terry Tuffnuts.

Yeah. Yes, yeah, exactly. So you can be sort of dual... I mean, Charlie can be... You and Charlie together, Jesus Christ, can be dual, like, booking it and also, like, kind of counselling people as they come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's, yeah, he's... The post-interview. Like, when you come back from a war. Don't make the mistakes Charlie may have made 18 months ago or something. So their sign-up pack is like the copy of this podcast when we talked about it, hypothetically. A copy of the festival show that Charlie Candler maybe did or didn't do. Yes. And also try and get a guarantee from the Charlie's bosses that they get the comics on a little bit early or something.

It would be good. Yeah, unlike Midnight. Unlike Midnight where they make Charlie wait for 12 hours or whatever. get a guarantee from the Charlie's bosses that they get the comics on a little bit early or something yeah unlike midnight Charlie wait for 12 hours or whatever you want to

get the comics on like when I do football club or at the very least get them on

early get the comic on early yeah or at the very least if they can't

guarantee that pay me more money yeah yeah either one and send you to a

counselling course at TAFE yeah council Dilruch when he comes off Shat. Yeah. Oh, there's someone in front of me at the council line. Mum.

Mum. Mum. Oh, man. Yeah, so that's hot music. Me and Dad have got to go through yet. That's what I remember. I'm going to go through yet. I wish I could remember my other doll jokes.

Oh, I had so many of them oh about how the doll diary was like anyway people copying other people's diaries and just handing in Anne Frank's diary Wednesday still hiding in the attic

that's good you should bring that back I should bring that back yeah that's good about you being on the doll yeah about me being on the doll yeah that's the worst thing though

like I don't know if we've talked about that before, just the concept of everyone doing their first ever five minutes from stage. Like there's some people around that's still doing it, but you shouldn't be. Yeah, you bring back your first five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone had a TV show idea about that once,

but I'd never got off the ground. Oh, that's hideous. That's a weird concept to go, hey, we're going to put all of our worst material on TV. Yeah, but what a boring show. I started so long ago. One of my opening jokes was about E Street. Oh, wow.

I did a joke about why they call the guy on the wheelchair wheels. That's a bit cruel. What are they going to call it? Deaf guy ears? Comedy. Comedy. Bang. Smashed it.

I would not like to be Alyssa Jane Cook at the moment. She's about to topple. I want to see you bring back Podgy, I reckon. Podgy? Yeah. Yeah. Put a hat on. Put a hat on.

Put a beanie on. Such a transformation. Check in with Podgy. What's he been doing in the last 15 years? What's he been doing? I reckon he would have had kids. Yeah, he's had kids. Reboot Podgy.

He'd still be in a flat. His kids would be on the doll now. Yeah, his kids would be on the doll. That's right. He would have been on Reboot Podgy. He'd still be in a flat. His kids would be on the dole now. Yeah, his kids would be on the dole. That's right. He would have been on the Bogan Hunter show. He would have come second in the Bogan show. Fat pizza. He would have been on fat pizza.

Did you see that Bogan Hunter show? No. Chris Franklin, I did a gig with him last night and he was one of the judges. He had to host the live. I think I saw that. And the winner won like a makeover. The winner was from Gippsland who was a nana who had no teeth.

He used to smoke bongs with her grandkids. And Chris Franklin said so he was asked to host the live night which was going on Seven Mate, the finale of the show in Sydney. And he goes, I thought it was going to be like my Rove moment, my Grand Tenure moment where I was going to step up and be like this guy. He goes, I got there. And he said, they'd all been on the pierce from midday and we had to start at like eight or nine. And he goes, I was basically fighting with them on stage. He just had to control them and grab them.

Imagine the situation where Chris Franklin, the bloke, is complaining about people being too drunk. They're bogans being bogans. He's like, mate, they were beyond bogans, these guys. He goes, I'm not a bogan, but they were worse. He said they were just terrible. I love anything that's like a perfect storm where you just think like any rational thinking person would be able to see this scenario coming a mile off.

Like what did you think was going to happen? Chris said it was going to be his big break. He's like, oh, you know. Can you imagine him on stage, his dream just crashing in front of him? As he's getting curb stomped by an old woman with no teeth. It was filmed in a pub, wasn't it? What pub? Yeah, it was in Sydney, he said.

So they got all the finalists from every state. Like Tasmania had a finalist. The Tasmanian finalist didn't have a licence, so they had problems getting in there because he went to get on the plane. They said, we need a photo ID. He goes, I've only got my prison card. I've got a prison. He goes, I've never been on a plane.

Oh, we should laugh. But as he said, those people. I'm laughing at the utter lack of the producers, like the complete lack of foresight in seeing that this would happen. That's what I find so funny. I'm still laughing. Let's make a show about the worst people in Australia. Oh, this is going wrong.

As he said, they really wanted to do it. It wasn't like they actively wanted to do it it wasn't like they actively wanted to do it this show so then you big break on TV the Tassie guy he's then having to get

the spirit of Tasmania over sweet show this the train to Sydney probably so wow it sounds like Chris had a bit of a bit of a hypothetical

you know hang on when you say prison prison he'd be a good act yeah but when Hang on, when you say prison, prison card. He'd be a good act. Yeah, but if his only form of ID is a prison card, what's that to get you into prison? Is someone knocking on the door going, can I get in?

No, I'm going to need to see some ID. Prison in Tasmania too, oh. It sounds like you should just, you know, you guys should, you and Chris Franklin should hook up, just filter these Bogan Hunters people in onto Australia's Got Talent. He would be great for Australia's Got Talent. Yeah. Except he's probably too famous now perhaps.

But if he's got kids, maybe get the woman who smokes bongs. What an interactive shit is smokes a bong. Yeah. No, there was people about that talent that were going on before Charlie Candler Last time and getting through So it'd be a massive chance I'm gonna When are you starting this

Because I wanna I wanna go on But like not doing comedy I wanna learn A weird skill No Alright Let's get you on

Doing comedy I'll sign you up Yeah alright I'll do it If you wanna do podgy I'll give you the podgy script I've already got the hat Podgy script

Go on to Dave O'Neill's laptop, podgy.doc. And you know what they'll just say? It's a bit of a Husey rip-off, this bloke. I don't know. Maybe I can debut this on the podcast, my new comedy character. All right. What about me and you work on a new character for you and you audition hypothetically on this show?

Okay. All right, cool. We'll do that. That would be hilarious. This is the character that I've been doing at parties recently. This is a new one I've got called. The obnoxious arsehole. Is his name Tommy Dasolo?

That's not a new character. Arsehole, I'm not obnoxious. What about this? This is a little something I call triple X Hughsy. Oh, I'm horny. How do you reckon that would go? I don't know. The three judges are saying no.

I reckon that's good stuff. Okay The three judges are saying no. I reckon that's good stuff. Okay, what can my character be? So you're saying we write a new five for me as a character?

Yeah, test it out somewhere. I would test it out. What can I be? What's the character? What's the character? What about a little kid?

That's always funny. Come on, dress as a little kid. A balding little kid. G'day guys, I'm doing my iPad. Maybe I could be, this is what Sam Simmons called me back in the glory days when I'm doing my iPad, you know. Maybe I could be.

This is what Sam Simmons called me back in the glory days when I was doing Roadshow. The nickname he came up with was the pubic toddler. He said, you look like a pubic toddler. Because I had a bit of a beard but still a little baby face. Maybe that could be my character. Yeah, you could wear your overalls. I wear my overalls. Come out on a skateboard.

Slingshot in my back pocket. Oh, yeah. You know, and if Carl Sandilands gives me shit, I'll just fire off a little slingshot right in his eye. People say, I've got ADD. No, no, I've got... You can use some of my jokes. People say I've got ADD. No, I've got FWP. What's that? Fuck with parents.

How did Burt Newton like that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he did. You've got to do that... Oh, yeah, let's do the catchphrase. Oh, yeah, I'm No, he did. You've got to do that after. You've got to do that after on a catchphrase. Oh, yeah, let's do the catchphrase. Oh, yeah, I'm not gay. That can be my catchphrase.

Not gay. Apparently he got very good as a comedian, though. That's what people tell me overseas. He's like a proper comedian. Oh, wow. Okay.

There we go. A little safer update. Yeah, if you're a pubic toddler, you can just do a joke and go, yeah, and then I was like, mum, I want my mum after every joke.

Are you my mum? Are you my dad? I almost feel like we shouldn't put this out now. They're going to be onto us. We're going to infiltrate Australia's Got Talent. This might ruin your chances of being humiliated on TV. What about a nappy? A man in a nappy is always funny.

Yeah, okay. I'm just imagining it's like I go on and I just destroy and then this makes me famous beyond my wildest dreams. Yes. And you get a number one single like the bloke. Yes. I'm the toddler. The pubic toddler with I want my mummy.

Mum, mum, mum, mum. And then you tell it to a person. We just did it as a joke. No, no, mate. It's working. It's working for you. Yeah, yeah. We'll be working for you as writers.

Oh, jeez. Then there's going to be word gets out, you know the pubic toddler? Oh, duh, yeah. I heard he's been doing this weird new character at comedy clubs called Tommy DeSalo. He does all this arty farty shit where he doesn't piss his pants. Oh, man, I'm really looking forward to this. Can we actually seriously do this? Yes.

Wow. And then pubic toddler enterprises get set up. You're coming to work for me as a writer. You're always forgetting your password. I reckon it can't be pubic toddler because pubic's not going to get on a family-friendly TV show. It's not going to get in, yeah. It's got to be like the overgrown toddler or something like that.

You've got to have something broad so it's either a toddler or we go Bogan or we go... Beady toddler. Yeah, Bogan's always good. Bogan character. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think anyone would buy me as a Bogan though. Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen yourself or... Have a look at what you're wearing. You haven't shaved. You've got a hoodie on

and you've got a... You've got a beanie, mate. Beanie on. Yeah, but... What isn't a Bogan about you at the moment? I'll fucking smash you, can't I? Yes, there you go.

But you could be like the bogan apprentice or something like that. That's not a bad idea. The young bogan. Are we moving on from the toddler? Hey, there's no bad ideas. We can't go with pubic toddler at least. Blue sky at the moment. Have a bogan toddler The bogan toddler

The little bogan Come up with like a feeding bottle But it's like a stubby I've got beer in me thing Kyle Next onto the stage all the way from Broadmeadows It's Lil Bogesy You've got to make it more obvious The bogan toddler Next on to the sage all the way from Broadmeadows, it's Lil Bogesy. You've got to make it more obvious.

The Bogan Toddler. You know what? I was thinking of Lil Wayne, but that's already a thing. Yeah, it's a thing. Lil Daz. Bogan Toddler. Yeah. Look at me, Graham.

It's hot as hell. Bogan Junior. Yeah. So he's what he's talking about, like, you know, yeah, getting into punch-ups at kindergarten. Yeah, So he's what he's talking about, like, you know, yeah, getting into punch-ups at kindergarten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Waiting at the dog queue to get breastfed somehow. Yes.

Oh, this is going to be great. And, you know, we had to bring some fruit because that's what happens at kinder. You've got to bring fruit, you know. You've got to bring one piece of fruit. So the only green stuff we had in the house was a marijuana plant. So I'm cutting it up. Yeah. Cutting it out.

All right. Maybe this can – because we get a lot of the parody accounts and stuff. We've seen that listeners of the show are quite funny. If you want to – let's design by committee. Bogan Toddler. Got some ideas for the Bogan Toddler. Coming soon to Australia's Got Talent. It would be great for you to come in on a pusher that's been hotted up

Well that's what I think it is I think it's a stroller or a pusher A trike, he'd have a little trike I'd have a trike and be a toddler No, there'd be a pram but it'd be full of like stolen stuff from Kik W That is the thing about bogans You do see like four year olds getting pushed around strollers And like they're too old to be in them

But they're like, you know, getting pushed around byers. They're too old to be in them, but they're being shown by their mum. So I've got flannelette overalls, maybe. Yeah. Or flannelette nappy. A mullet wig. You've got to get the mullet wig going. Yeah. With a little hat.

You've got kid rock pyjamas on, mate. Yeah. Because of what I'm thinking, I think Australia's Got Talent does this. The first round where you come on and you just do the audition, the first time anyone on the show sees you, you just come out and you're just doing it with no bells or whistles. Then once you get to the grand final, do you know what I mean? There's a really – like your mate, Charlie's mate, the bass playing Bunny,

when he got into the finals it was like this – it was a stage set up to rival a Daft Punk tour. Like he had girls dressed with bunny heads dancing around him. Was there really? Yeah, he was like on a pyramid that lit up. Let's say I get to the grand final. Yeah, then I'm coming in on the souped-up pram. Yeah.

Fireworks coming out the back. Yeah, and I've got backup dancers. I've got the little bogeys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you sing a bogan song, you know, like K-Sam. Little girls in nappies with pigtails singing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. you know like yeah little girls in nappies with pigtails singing yep yeah and then you know

all of a sudden I'm doing I'm doing the main hall of the town hall at the comedy festival every night and I never have to talk to any of you cunts again

I fucking can't wait and you enter Raw and come forth and then and then I'll get on that goddamn road show baby toddler's on goddamn road show. Baby Toddler's on the road show.

Baby Toddler. Yeah, you're going to be so much happier when you're professionally playing a Bogan baby for the rest of your life. Then you'll be truly happy. Yeah, and it's like I do that. That's just the cash flow. Scull a beer, baby Bogan. That's like my cash flow

and then my real artistic pursuit is the BS where I just talk about my own life. Like my actual stand-up becomes my side project. People do like they do to Hellier. Do Strawny. They'll be like, do the Bogan baby. And I'll get corporate work. Oh, man.

Hey, Bogan baby, do the line, do the line. All right. Wah, you cunt. This is the best I've ever felt at the end of the podcast i feel so positive i feel like i've just my whole life is laid out the whole rest of my life is laid out for me you can charge it because a guy at a footy club once said try to get your mate peter how are you doing the gig it was so much grand for to get him and then it was an extra grand to do strawny yeah great i'm not paying a grand for a fucking wig

but that's but that But that makes complete sense though To take nothing away from Pete Because you don't want to have to do that No you don't You want to get paid extra of course So you drive around with the Bogan toddler wig in the car Just in case And just when you do your footy club or whatever

You go I can do it but it's going to cost you In a little case it says break open in case of a couple of grand well this is very exciting yeah so guys if you're listening at home

if you've got some ideas to contribute to the the Pogan baby send them through guys that's all the time we've got on the Little Dum Dum Club for this week

Geraldine Hickey Dave O'Neill thank you very much for joining us thanks for being here at the start of a completely new career for Tom and me

that's so exciting bold artistic change in direction this is like when we invented Poita on Full Frontal it's just like joining us. Thanks for being here at the start of a completely new career for Tom and I. So exciting. Bold, artistic, change in direction. This is like when we invented Poirot on Full Frontal. It's just like, wow.

Anyway, if you can dig up those scripts as well. It's actually really similar. It's very similar. I've only got one idea. It's a good one.

I'm going to end up playing the Hulk. Awesome. Yeah. Geordie and Hickey, you got things? You doing a show at the Melbourne Fringe?

I am. It's called Winner because that's what I'm going to do, win all the prizes. No, it's about Lotto. Oh, wow. I think. We're going to play Jez Lotto. You're selling it?

Yeah, we're going to play Jez Lotto. What is it? Who knows? I'll write it. It'll happen. It'll happen. Dave O'Neill, things that you would like to plug? Oh, wait.

No, the details of that show. MelbourneFringe.com.au. That's gone on sale now. Yes, and tickets are on sale now. And it'll be at the Imperial Hotel from the 23rd. In Melbourne. In Melbourne. Excellent.

Because it's Melbourne Fringe. No, no. I just run a regular night at the Grandview on Wednesday. Oh, yeah. Melbourne at Fairfield. Dave O'Neill's comedy fun house in Melbourne. It's a good night. A few Dundon people, a few listeners of this go down there every time I've done it.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, it's a great night. A great night out if you live on that side of town. Yeah, great. It's awesome. It starts at 8, it's over by 10. It's early. It's good.

It's good. That's on the Wednesday night. On the Thursday night, my room has, my comedy room has moved location again. People in Melbourne, if you're a fan on Facebook or Twitter, you'll know this already, but it's now at the European Beer Cafe in Exhibition Street in Melbourne, my Thursday night show. I'm doing a, during the Melbourne Fringe, not as part of it, a night of new materials, September 23 to 25. What a way to not pay the rego, eh?

Yeah. Got them. Where at? Just me mucking around at the Imperial. Tickets are real cheap. It's at TommyDassolo.com if you want tickets to that. We've also got our live shows in Perth on October the 18th, Adelaide November the 17th. Huge live shows, bringing guests over, all that stuff.

Very quickly, as an update for every week we've been talking about, my captured website, CarlChandler.com.au has been bought by someone else. I went to buy it. Some listeners of the show Has bought it So every week they Every week After they hear me talk about it

On the podcast They then change the link To what's on it It's been linked to The Westgate Bridge homepage It's been linked to How to propose to your girlfriend Yes

It's been linked to Dill Rock's Twitter account Twitter account This week on This week If you go to This week on

Carl Chandler dot com dot au Yes It is It goes to an Amazon site where it's a t-shirt on sale. You know the Got Milk slogan? It's Got Tim. Got him. A Got Tim t-shirt. Very good.

I might have to buy that for the Bogan baby eventually. Yeah, there you go. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, poofs.