The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 257 - Joe Mande & Bart Freebairn

Episode Date: September 8, 2015

The National Archive, Chocolate Balls and Andy Lee's Car. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, you dickhead. Hey, I've received a very interesting email on the way here to the Little Dumb Dumb Club email address. Dear Tommy and Carl, National Library of Australia request for permission to archive the Little

Dum Dum Club. Oh, really? Yes. We're going to be, they want our permission to put us into the archive. That's amazing. So that future generations for decades and decades after we've shuffled off this mortal coil can be listening to this. Can know about what it was like to talk about chocolate mousse in 2015.

Yeah. What do you reckon? Are we signing off? How can we not sign off? It's a free podcast. They can do whatever they want with it. It is weird that they had to ask permission. Like what do they want me to do?

Bring some cassette tapes of this round to the archive? Yeah. How do you archive it? How do you actually archive it? Yeah. Like it's already archived. Yeah. Like iTunes is just an ongoing archive. Very weird do you actually archive it? Yeah. Like it's already archived. Yeah. Like iTunes is just an ongoing archive.

Very weird. Yeah, but great. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Because also we don't need – we've got the cloud now. Like we don't need – I like to – but I like the idea that we're – you know, they archive the Herald Sun and the Age and stuff like that to, you know,

so that they know what everyone was saying when JFK was shot or whatever. And then they've got our hot takes on the time when we shit ourselves in 2013. I want to give them permission to archive this, but on the condition that it's not audio. Like I want written transcripts of all of the 250 plus episodes. I want someone in that archive sitting down, typing this shit out, being driven slowly insane. I want it turned into a comic book.

Yeah, oh, great. Graphic novel style. Awesome. Well, today on the program, two very special guests. First of all, you know him from Something for the Drive Home. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Bart Freeband. Hey, guys. Yeah.

Long time between dreams for you. Welcome to the library. Yeah, man. It's got to be in leather-bound books. Have you got anything to say to future generations? Eat my arsehole. Oh, yeah? Eat my dead arsehole.

So you're giving people permission to dig up your corpse? Yeah. Man, in my will it is like I'll be buried so my arsehole is on ground. That's where you put the flowers in. You've got to eat it and then you put the flower in and then you're like it's what he would have wanted. Great. I like the idea that someone now is in the National Library

listening to this and then someone else is making too much noise and there's a librarian saying, shh, they can't hear the dead arsehole talk. Yeah. Keep it down. It needs to be inkwell with like a quill pen into a leather bound book. Awesome. Also joining us from Parks and Recreation and Kroll Show

in the country for his first Australian tour, please welcome Joe Mandy. Hello. Exciting. Welcome to my hotel Mandy. Hello. Exciting. Welcome to my hotel room. Yeah, thank you. Do you want to put the number out there, the room number out there for future generations?

517. Yeah. It's got a mix of a living room and bedroom. Yeah. All in one little area with a little plate glass thing. And, you know, eat my asshole too. Oh, wow. Yeah, exactly.

You're going to need to, just a note for future generations, you need to put real put shoulder on the door because it's caked in jizz. Like it's hard to open it. Yeah, that's on me too. Yeah. I didn't want to get down with the eating asshole thing, but now that two people on the show have done it,

I'm feeling myself be sucked into the peer pressure So that's my wishes For my corpse as well I'm joining in I'm getting on the back of that I'm going to be the guy That stands out I don't want anyone

To eat my dead asshole So I'm glad I'm glad that's on record I would have assumed That people would have known that But I'm glad It's actually on record Now it's on record

It's also funny That it's essentially The government Asking permission To subscribe to a podcast That's all they're really doing I'm glad it's actually on record. Now it's on record. It's also funny that it's essentially the government asking permission to subscribe to a podcast. That's all they're really doing. Yeah, I should write back and go, I'll give you permission. I'll trade you.

Give us a sweet five-star review on iTunes. Yeah. And then you can have it. I want to hit up the government and say, thanks for listening. How did you find out about the show? Did you see one of my retweets? Or you saw me live at Spleen the other night? We probably just recommended it with the other podcast.

Oh, yeah, people that listen to this. Yeah, they went in on the Barack Obama episode of WTM. People who listen to this also listen to. Exactly, because the government would have got a copy of that. So that's exactly what's happened. That's what sprung it up. Obama's on a podcast and the government's gone, hang on, there's something in this. Yeah.

Let's get involved. You've got to get Tony Abbott on here. Yeah. I would love nothing more. So instead of getting, they're going to dismantle ASIO, the spy department of Australia, just to listen to podcasts instead. They're just going to keep, they're going to get all their information about other countries by other people's comedy podcasts.

What's happening in China? Well, we've got a couple of their podcasts streaming at the moment and it looks like they're just, you know, having a good time. Does the National Library of America work in the same way? I know there was a thing, it's like common knowledge, but I've never looked into it. People say that every tweet is

saved in the Library of Congress, which seems impossible and so unnecessary. Yeah, pointless. Again, I'd like to think that they print it out, each tweet on one page. You know, the government is so wasteful. That's probably what they do. Yeah. At reply.

Yes. DM. Exactly. All the DMs too. Yeah. So many tweets of people just saying, can you just follow me for a second so I can DM you something? Yeah.

I've got a gig I want to ask you to do. That's a classic move. It's like they all get saved in that national library and if you get like more than a thousand retweets, they go into the Smithsonian. I assume that's how it works. I got a couple in there. Yeah, nice.

It's pretty cool. Nice. Along with, stick them in the pocket of Fonzie's jacket. Yeah. That'd be good. This is our thousand retweet room. As you can see, it's rather rarefied air. A lot of fat Jew tweets in here.

Yeah. And anything Justin Bieber's ever written. Yeah, that's right. It's just him in there. Yeah. They've got Bieber's ever written. Yeah, that's right. It's just him in there. Yeah. They've got like a cyborg him that you can fuck and he just says his tweets. Is that what everyone's looking for in the future? Like that would mean the equivalent now would be like.

But in a museum as well. Yeah, it's touchscreens now. It's going to go interactive assholes. But like in 2050, that's not the equivalent of now us having an Android, I don't know. Big bopper. Big bopper, yeah.

Did you ever want to have sex with a big bopper? Not really? There you go. Joe, so you've been in the country like for a week or so

and you've got a couple of shows. If you listen to this straight away, you can go and see you in Melbourne or in Adelaide the next couple of days.

Yeah. I was looking up your PR for Australia, which I was, man, some confusing, like if you're reading your own PR in Australia, it's sort of confusing and weirdly, weirdly, not offensive, weirdly, I don't know. See, this is the thing. There was an article on the major Perth news website Saying hey if you're not doing anything this weekend Go and see this And then just listed your show in Brisbane

Which you couldn't be any further apart Yeah right So I suppose that would take you all weekend to get there To be fair That's truly if you're not doing anything Yeah Perth they're all miners over there So they've got a lot of money

So they can afford to just willy nilly Just fly to Brisbane for one night to see a show that is going to be in their town anyway. How was your Brisbane show? Brisbane was a little quiet. It was fine. I mean, it was fine. People just couldn't make the flight.

Yeah. Yeah. If they're advertising in Perth, yeah, you're probably not going to get a lot of people. Yeah, maybe that's why it was quiet. People are tired from that long flight. But also... We went over to Brisbane to see Joe Manning

and then got in and we're like, ah, fuck this, let's just stay in. Kind of dumb. They did perform in Perth. They could have just... They have money, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here was the extension of the article is,

this is the PR that you've got for people to come to your show. Headline, beer, beef and chocolate balls. There's something to please every dad this weekend. And then you're at number four four You just miss out on the headline You know, that makes sense I would put myself fourth on You're giving a list of things I wouldn't put you below chocolate balls

Oh, well, chocolate balls was number one Oh, shit I thought chocolate balls was three Things to do on the weekend Number one Lindt chocolate has opened a store at Brisbaneisbane airport and so that's a that's a thing you can do they were recommending you just go to the airport to get chocolate yeah perth loves this brisbane airport very strange so essentially that's what they're trying to

they get you to the airport you eat some chocolate then there's like some cows and some beers and then you've had a couple beers and you're like, let's fucking go fly and see Joe. Let's fly to Brisbane. He's in Brisbane. I don't give a fuck. It's Father's Day. My kids will be fine. Yeah, because of the mining boom.

Perth have got a lot of money and everything's expensive over there. So this is a legitimate thing that people can think about doing. Like not to just go and get some chocolate. This is the most expensive way to get chocolate. A, it's lint. B, it's in an airport. And C, it's on the other side of the country. You can't get more expensive chocolate than that.

I do like reading those in-flight magazines where they go, things to do in Melbourne. And it's always just the most basic, obvious touristy things. Walk down the street. Yeah. Go look at a tram. Buy a Gucci bag. It's unique to Melbourne. It's classic Melbourne.

Yeah, I would never follow one of those things. Have you done much touristy stuff yet? I, in Brisbane, I went to a koala sanctuary and like hugged a koala bear. Oh, yeah. Was that amazing for you? It was great. I mean, honestly, that was like my whole like when I found out I was coming to Australia, that was like number one. Have you fed a kangaroo?

I did feed it. Your dick? Yeah, I did. Yeah, there we go. My asshole. And I made crazy eye contact with a wombat. Wombats apparently are just not a big deal here, but I think out of those three, maybe the funniest. They are very funny. I think the platypus is one of the best animals going around on the planet. What the fuck's going on there?

A mistake of evolution. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, and when American's going on there? Mistake of evolution. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, and when American comics come over for the Comedy Festival, we've done that a couple of times, brought them out to a sanctuary. And it's that nice thing where we forget, that's right, we've got the freakest mutations on Earth. No question.

Yeah, yeah. It's awesome. It's actually awesome to go and see ostriches and emus, whatever. Have we told this on the show? I don't know if we've mentioned this on the show a few years ago when we took Command Nanjiani and Emily Gordon were down here and we drove them out to Healesville to the zoo. And at one point, I'd like to claim this was to kind of make them feel more at home,

but I started driving on the wrong side of the road. Oh, yeah. And that put me under a lot of pressure because they weren't noticing because they're like, this is normal. And you were thinking this is fine. And I'm the only person in the car going, what the – am I the wrong one? You were really just trying to make them feel better. No, no.

I don't know why. It was just a – I think it was just a – because when you get out into the country, like a lot of the roads are just – they're all one way. Like there's no – so for some reason I just thought, oh, this is just a road where it's just two lanes going the same way. And then Carl goes, are you on the wrong fucking side of the road right now? Like, nah. And then a car starts coming towards us.

It's like, oh, yeah, trying to make the Americans feel at home by wiping them out. Turning them into ghosts. There's a lot of ghosts in America. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they invented being dead over there. Yeah, that's right.

I think that's got the most ghosts. They're coming over the border. Per capita. Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of doing touristy stuff, I was reading a thing this morning where you mentioned that you're actually a big fan of AFL.

I am, yeah. Yeah, weirdly. Weirdly enough. I used to watch it. We had a satellite dish when I was in high school and it was always like a live feed. So I would stumble home from wherever I was at like 3 a.m. and eat cereal and watch this sport.

I truly had no idea what was going on. And it cracked me up. You have a team, right? You support a team. The Magpies. The Pies. The Pies. Collingwood.

Apparently they're like the most redneck team. That's great. I love that. What's the proper Australian term Shit cunt Yeah Yeah Can I get a hat

That says shit cunt Pies That's what I want Yeah Let's go out And get you a hat Let's go to one of those Hat making stores

Yeah And get you a hat Made that just says Shit cunt And you can wear it At your gig tomorrow night And just not reference it Yeah yeah

People will look at you And be like Nah He's alright He's come good. That's the weird thing, you know, when you go to Thailand, they always have these stalls where you can buy a bracelet where

they can write whatever they want on it. But it's like, instead of your choice of anything good, it's always just the most amazing swear words combined together and the most offensive possible things you can possibly do. Like those magnets.

Do you know that? Oh, yeah. Poetry magnets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is just the friendship. Like I think an apt one, which I think is in theme with this podcast, is up the bum no babies. Yes.

I've seen that. You can have that as a wristband. Like you could have like the Livestrong wristband or like Beat Cancer or you could be like, I've got one that sort of speaks my truth. Yeah, yeah. Up the bum no baby. For people who have never seen it, it's like they'll come up to you with a board

and they've got these friendship places and they've got about 50 of them just in a line and it's just a king's ransom of the most offensive smut you could ever put on your body. Up the bum no babies, that would be selling that to the children. That's nothing. You've got the chilli scale at Nando's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that would be on the mile. That's barbecue. Yeah've got the chili scale at Nando's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that would be on the mile. That's barbecue. Yeah, it's like it's a lemon herb. Yeah. Can I get spicy? And they're like, oh, I don't know. But then there'll be ones that are just like, I fuck my sister. It's like, who wants to wear that around?

Yeah, yeah. And questionable grammar as well. Yeah, yeah. Questionable. But then of course no one wants to wear it, so then it just Becomes a thing Where it's like I fucked my sister So then you go

Oh I'll get this For my friend And then you bring It home to your friend And they go Thanks for that And immediately Throw it out

So it's not for anyone Yeah But hey The exchange rate's good Yeah They're cheap It's cheap That's the main thing

Yeah You get a lot For a little Yeah So have you got A chance to go To a game yet No I'm not

Going to be able to Just my schedule Midweek stuff Next time I I guess. Yeah. Maybe the pies will come to me. We'll do it.

There's a good chance that AFL's going to come to Hollywood. There's no show to be awesome. They were doing that in the 80s. Really?

Yeah, they had this fantasy of the Australian Football League where they thought they were going to grow it to other countries and they would bring it to

America every year and every year they would go, what are you doing? And then the players would just use it as a every year and every year they would go, what are you doing? And then the players would just use it as a massive party and get 80s just like cocaine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And get super drunk and just... Let's play in Miami in the 80s. There's a really funny thing going on right now with this dude who's like making the like 49ers. It's like front page news

and I've had a couple people tell me like are Americans freaking out about this? And it's like fuck no. He's just another guy. Every team gets like 70 guys and he just he gets signed to be a punt returner which is like the lowest job on a football team.

It's just like so funny because it's like front page news. People are freaking out. They're like pride of Australia. I don't know the story, just for anyone who's listening who doesn't know. So this is an Australian guy who's been on there. NRL, a rugby league player who's a big name in rugby league and he's got onto the San Francisco top 80 players list.

Right, exactly. And people are freaking out here. It just happened to be a while I've been out and it's like, no, no one cares. But that's anything here. Like an actor in a shit soap opera that we have will have one line in a Hollywood movie, and we go, this is it. He's done it.

Our little boy, he's cracked the big time. It feels like Australians are sort of taking over Hollywood, though. There's a lot of them. There's like 12 Hemsworths or whatever. There's a lot of Australians in LA, isn't there? Yeah. There's heaps. The first time we went to lot of Australians in LA, isn't there? Yeah. There's heaps. The first time we went to the States.

Rebel Wilson, was she your big fan? Yeah, she's my girl. She's number one. She's your little jumping castle. She's a true talent. We, the first time we went to the States, I think the first time we were there, we went and watched a show at the UCB.

It was like some improv show. And whoever was on stage got a girl out of the audience and the question was something like, what's one thing you're sick of seeing around LA? And she goes, Australians. We've been in the country like four hours and we're getting racially vilified. That's weird. I mean, she must have a story.

Something must have happened. Like I've never felt national pride in any way but being there and that happening, there was a part of me that was like, fucking what? Neck up, mate. Rebel Wilson sat on us. Check out this shit cunt Yeah Hey so this is something weird happened to me right then

And you know On the way to the podcast I'm always very often on the way going Man I hope something happens to me today Man I hope I've got something to talk about But this I've found this very weird To me this felt like something that was written

And not something that really happened. But anyway, this is what happened. I got out of my house and I live in Hawthorne in Riversdale Road and I talk about that a bit on the show because for some weird reason, it feels to me like nearly every time I go onto Riversdale Road, which is not a big famous road or anything, people just either recognise me or and i'm no i'm no big deal but

either recognize me or just abuse me without knowing me i just tend to get a lot of reaction on riversdale road as soon as i hit that like about three blocks someone's beeping at me someone's throwing something at me something's happening so i walk out i'm going to go and catch the tram and this car sort of starts to swerve and i can see this car and it's like a nice car and someone's waving at me and i can't tell whether i'm in trouble or because the car's way too nice for me to know anyone in the car so he's like waving at me i'm like am i doing something wrong and then it sort of just pulls over and the window winds down i'm like okay do i go over and talk and so i look through the window and it's andy lee who is andy lee is like one half of the biggest radio duos like the

two of the famous most famous people in australia right i don't know andy lee i don't know him and so i i'm like hey man and he's like hey carl like oh fuck i'm freaking out like i've met this guy 30 seconds once for five years ago years ago yeah yeah yeah he's like hey what are you doing i'm like oh i don't know i don't know not much and he's like oh do you need to do you want me do you want to get in the car i'll give you a ride i'm like oh yeah oh no that's going the wrong way no i better not do that i'm like oh and he oh. And he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm going to go and do a podcast. Yeah. And I go, you can come and do it.

Oh, no, you don't want to do it. I was just getting really freaked out because I just don't know this guy and he's being super nice to me. And I'm like, I don't know what's happening. And I'm like, oh, man. And I remember that he's never been on a podcast before and Hamish has. I'm like, oh, man, no offense. Do you want to come on a podcast? You hamish has i'm like oh man no offense do you want to come on a podcast you can come and oh you don't want to do it you did this for a living and you earned like way too much money to do i'm like oh man what am i saying this for so i'm just saying

he's earning a lot of money i'm like oh anyway i better go but thanks very much for the ride he's like no worries man that's that's fine like and then he drives away i'm like that's like the nicest man in the world. Yeah. But a little part of me is going, you're fishing for Loki votes already. Like, what are you doing just pulling over? Like, you're a millionaire or something.

Just pulling over the side of the road by people that you really have met maybe once five years ago going, I'll drive you wherever you want. What a great portrait of Australian celebrity that you're painting for Joe. Like, you've mentioned this is one of the most famous men in the country. He's apparently second most famous and he's apparently an Uber driver.

But he's one that doesn't wait for someone to hail them. Like he's going out actively finding business. Do you want a ride? You didn't pay attention but just further down the street he tried to do that to a lady who was just like doing her lawn. I'll take you somewhere. I'm fine Andy.

I love also just having like an existential crisis just because, I don't know, a nice car pulled over. You're back and forth about whether to get the lift, then you're going back and forth about whether to invite him on the podcast. You just sound like it turned you into a bundle of nerds. Oh, it really was. I was like a teenage girl. I'm like, oh, this is really weird.

Some famous is talking to me. This is really weird. So did you get in the car? No, but I was like a teenage girl. I'm like, oh, this is really weird. Some famous is talking to me. This is really weird. So did you get in the car? No, because he was – but I was tempted to. Like I was going, oh, yeah, maybe. But he was going completely the wrong way. And I'm like, oh, man, I was nearly going to do it. And then I thought this is just ridiculous because then in a block I'm going to be like,

can you just let me out here? Because I'm running late due to me having to go the other way. Fame is your candy. He's essentially gone like, you want to lift? And you're like, yeah, I'll just go where you're going. You end up like three months later, you're a live-in girlfriend with him. And you're like, how does this work? But see, then this is what happened next.

So I'm sort of a little bit stunned. Burt Newton pulled up. No, I'm a little bit stunned. And so I just keep walking down the street. And then like a block later, I get to the tram stop. So then I get on the tram and I'm – Hamish is driving the tram. The tram is Andy Lee.

You're inside him driving him into the city. This whole thing is just a map of the stars. So I get on the tram and I sit opposite this girl and I'm sitting there and because it's Riversdale Road, again, I'm always conscious of people. On that tram a lot of people have recognised me or said stuff to me before, weird stuff on the tram. So I'm always a bit conscious of that still given that that's just happened. So anyway, I'm sitting there and this girl is right in front of me. And anyway, she then rings someone on a phone and then she's saying on the phone and I'm sitting right there and she goes,

yeah, yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, you're at work. And what? You're bored at work. Well, you know what I do and I'm sitting right there and she goes, yeah, yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, you're at work. And what? You're bored at work. Well, you know what I do when I'm bored at work? This is what I do. This is what you should do.

Listen to a lot of podcasts. You should listen to a lot of podcasts. Get a podcast that you really like, like a comedy podcast, and then listen to that. What? And she just said podcast way too many times. And I'm going. She's clearly not even talking to anyone. You? And she just said podcast way too many times. And I'm going. She's clearly not even talking to anyone.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm like, this is, yeah, is this for me? And like the sixth time she says comedy podcast, I go, if you say this a seventh time, I'm going to start thinking this is about me. And then she says it a seventh time. And I'm like going, all right, am I supposed to make eye contact now or what? And so she goes, yeah, listen to a comedy podcast.

Oh, hang on. What sort of listen to a comedy podcast what oh hang on what sort of name a comedy podcast what and then i go oh okay and then i go right i'm just going to look at you now so i look at her in the eye as she goes what sort of comedy podcast and then she then i look at her and she goes she sort of looks at me like what are you looking at me for because then she goes what sort of comedy podcast? Well, I can't think of one right now. As she's looking at me, I'm like, oh, this is really weird. And then on top of that, after that, she goes, I can't think of one right now. Oh, hang on.

You know what's really good? Hamish and Andy. Is that weird? I don't want to, Joe, I mean, this is going to be a big surprise to all of us, but Carla's actually the centre of the Australian version of The Truman Show. Yeah, I was watching it last night. You know we're not meant to reveal that.

It's been going for 39 seasons now and you just fucked it. It's called the Shit Cunt Cloud. I've seen some of the merch, the hats. Yeah, the hats. And I've seen some of the merch The hats Yeah The hats Yeah so Which you know Hopefully we can get you one Before you head back

But Oh man Is that weird Is that a weird story Because I think you're the weird one In the story Okay You hear the word comedy podcast

You start eyeballing this poor woman Yeah Like Jesus Do you think though There's a lot of that If you know Humans are really good At recognising patterns

Where there's none Like I see the number six everywhere Yeah yeah It's number six maybe you just had a mini version of that it is andy lee pulling up and offering your lift is definitely yeah but if it's this riverdale road it's a bit like a cinderella story that maybe the tram just got out of your realm of notability notoriety you know so like you just got past this like radius and then suddenly you weren't you weren't recognizableisable She knew you until you crossed the threshold You waited too long We left Chandler Zone

Spend more time on Riverdale Road You're going to get things You're wearing the arseless chaps when you're there Which is probably going to contribute But then I sort of thought As I'm saying it now I'm going How much of that is a coincidence That then she names Hamish and Annie

But I'm like they're the most famous people in Australia it's not they're not an obscure reference I also think if you had just had that interaction with her without the thing before with Andy you probably wouldn't have thought anything of it but because this famous guy just automatically knows who you are yeah you assume that it should be a trickle-down effect and it's like well if he knows me yeah surely it's an obligation for everyone else below him in fame to know me as well. Yeah, like I should have argued with her then when she's like, I can't think of any comedy podcast. I'm like, don't you know who I am? I'm someone that Andy Lee knows.

Read the archives, bitch. Take these leather bound books. Did she suggest comedy podcasts? Like, didn't she say, listen to some comedy podcasts? And then her friend has gone, which ones? And she's gone, oh, well, now that you've called me out on the spot. You've got me in a lie. I'm just more of a fan of the genre rather than specific things.

You're lucky you're not like schizophrenic, you know, because that could trigger someone to have a complete meltdown. You actually had a very strange coincidence happen to you. It could drive someone insane. This could be the start of it, though. I've had my theories for a little while and I'm starting to think this is going to be it. could be the start of it though I've had my theories for a little while and I'm starting to

think this is going to be it that is how fame works though you see or spend time with a famous person and you get their fame

for a while yeah so if you had actually been in the car with Andy Lee for any period of time there's a chance you'd be on

television now because it was just a tiny conversation I'm on a comedy podcast. That's the tiniest version of fame. Get in that car, man. It's like going to LA is a good place because there's so much fame there.

You can be close to people, even the corpses of people, then you get their fame. If you rub yourself, if you get down on the street and rub yourself all over the walk of fame in Hollywood, I can come back here And have my own radio show That's what The Rock did Yeah

Oh really Yeah What do you got Joe You ever had James Earl Jones Pull up and ask you If you want to lift anywhere Or What do you got for us

No I mean like What is strange Is just Like Los Angeles Is a strange place Because you'll just see You know Very famous people

At like the grocery store Yes You know I've seen like Tom famous people at the grocery store. Yes. I've seen Tom York just at a wine store trying to find red wine. I saw Marilyn Monroe on the Walk of Fame. Like two of them? Yeah. It was amazing. And she had two Spider-Mans.

I got robbed by Elmo in Times Square once. Yeah. That's how so much fame, it raises the dead, I think. Yeah. It's funny what you say about raises the dead, I think. Yeah. Well, it's funny what you say about that because when we've been to LA, it's like that constant thing of going, who are you going to see? And I find it's a very weird, leads to a very weird conversation where I left and then someone said, who did you see?

And I was like, I think I saw Vivica A. Fox. Right, that's always what it is yeah yeah you're never quite sure because you don't want to like to gawk you know but then you're like yeah i'm pretty sure that was vivica yeah yeah i just saw something really quickly i was like i think it's vivica fox and it was like who's that i'm like i don't really know i don't really know who that is but it's i'm pretty sure that looked like that's something that i sort of don't know so it's exactly like pokemon like you know it's a pokemon but you don't know which one right i can't remember the name another strange thing about it too is like

you know that there's just so many famous people now with like youtube celebrities like people like i i don't recognize that like i'll get off the plane lax at the baggage claim and uh there's just paparazzi taking picture of this girl who was like on my flight. You know what I mean? I have no clue what this person does or who she is. Wasn't there one time we went and the most famous person we saw was like some old Australian tennis player?

Oh, yes. I can't remember the name. Yeah, I saw John Newcomb at LAX. That's right. Yeah. That's excellent. Is that how it's going to work where like more and more people are getting famous until it actually tips over and less people

are not famous than people are famous and then it flips over. Right. There'll be like tabloids for someone who just like had a normal day. Yeah. There's only one left. There's one guy left. Imagine. Yeah.

Who's not a DJ and an accountant. Yeah. He's just an accountant. He's like, I'll just do your books. So it's literally like you become more like respected for not being famous. So when you say, don't you know who I am? Like that's a good thing. Like that's not saying I'm famous.

That's going, I'm good because you don't know who I am. You're either the least slash most famous person or you work for a spy agency. That's actually how we're going to find out who spies. Because they're the last ones that aren't famous. And you're like, hang on a second. You've been using a lot

of ciphers. I feel like you're giving Joe an unrealistic idea of how normal people are from Australia. You're over here painting a pretty healthy picture of the Australian psyche. It sounds dope. If Justin Bieber pulled up and offered me a ride, I'd be Yeah, yeah. It sounds dope. I mean, if like, you know, Justin Bieber pulled up and offered me a ride,

I'd be like, great. Yeah. He's got a chrome car. Does he have a chrome car? I just have to say, if Andy Lee did that to me, I'd just be going with him in the opposite direction. I'd be texting him going, sorry, I'm going to be late to the podcast, but I'm driving out to Bandura with Andy Lee to get timber.

Worst case scenario, you're late for your own podcast. You see how long you can hang out. Like just how long until they're like, all right, well, I got to go. And you're like, you sure? What else are you doing? To be fair, you wanted to get me in your car off the street and I don't know you. So I think you're the weird one, not me.

I know I'm just hanging out in your car and going, what's for lunch now, Andy? But you started it. Yeah, it could have just been he'll break out the drugs and we just don't see you for weeks. Then you come back and you're like... I want to officially say I don't think that Andy Lee is on drugs. I want to officially say that on the podcast.

Okay. I don't know this guy, so... Yeah, what do you reckon? Based on what you've heard, he's just driving around picking up strangers. I think he's loaded. Yeah, exactly. Picking up Carl. He probably thought Carl around picking up strangers. I think he's loaded. Yeah, exactly. Picking up Carl.

He probably thought Carl was a beautiful lady. Actually, when he opened the door to let me in, he was throwing out a lot of invisible spiders. So yeah, this story does start to change. Also, on this Riverdale Road, you're dressed as a beautiful woman. You just get a lot of attention. I'm dressed as Marilyn Monroe. I thought it was the Riversdale Road Hall of Fame.

I do need to correct you, not to be pedantic, but I can tell there'll be some Melbourne listeners that you've both said it and getting infuriated. It's Riversdale, not Riverdale. Oh, I'm sorry. This isn't fucking Archie Comics, mate. Right. You're right.

If you get infuriated at that, if you guys get worried about that, you can neck yourself. Yeah. I'm fine with people thinking it's Riverdale Road because it makes it harder to find my house. They already have my phone number. My phone number is out on this podcast. But the story isn't you

getting offered a lift from Jughead. Yeah. You're being very angry about this. I didn't even know Archie was in Riverdale. Oh, right. Okay.

This is your cultural history we're talking about. I know. Yeah. I know. That's all based on true events, right? It is, yeah. Yeah.

It is. Do you know him? Jughead? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen him on The walk of life Super nerdy but they've rebooted Archie They've like started it from scratch

And it's drawn in this real serious Like kind of proper you know realistic Style And it's all the storylines are a bit more realistic And it's cool except for the fact that Jughead is still just wearing a little paper crown That no one ever No one ever comments on.

Yeah, yeah. Realistic. He's like a human who can only eat one hamburger. Yeah, yeah. He's in the cafeteria and he's drawn like a really super stylized, realistic style. And his friends are all just hanging out and he's like talking really in depth and serious about complex emotions and relationships. But while he's just scoffing hamburgers, wearing a little paper crown. Who is this for?

I don't know. That's so strange. Yeah. People who grew up on it who are like, finally, gritty reboot. People who grew up on it are like 80 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just don't... Sometimes you can just like, you can let Archie go.

Yeah. I think they think, well, yeah, maybe they're thinking they'll capture that new audience, that elusive teen audience. That's what teens want, man, is RG. Some redhead who's got two girls fighting over him. Yeah, really realistic. Yeah, yeah. They'll just rewrite Dickens novels soon.

Everything's going to get rebooted. Nothing's going to be sacred. I mean, so Joe, you were in The Interview. That movie, The Interview. Man, which is, you know i'm i'm barely in it my scene guy i had a big scene that got cut out so it's very strong it's almost like you know in peewee herman where you had like that one scene in the hotel at the end that's kind of like my experience i just like hand seth rogan a piece of paper because i had this whole thing that got cut

out yeah i mean that must have been amazing with all the pr and everything that happened that that north korea was so angry at something that you were part of. I was right there because I was hosting Q&As with Seth and Evan. So we would fly to Denver or whatever and I would moderate a Q&A and then we'd do a screening of the movie. And things were just already falling apart. On the other side, we'd be on the plane and they'd just be getting these emails that the FBI is going to be at the airport. It was just seizing computers and all sorts. It was really, really bananas.

And those guys are so funny. They were just kind of laughing about it. Oh, really? It wasn't quite clear if their lives were in danger. You know what I mean? It was a very weird experience for sure. It was a sweet movie. I think upon watching it, it's like hilarious.

But it's that sort of thing where after you see all the press, I kept thinking, oh, this is going to be some dramatic expose. Like a little bit in my mind is like, man, this must have something in it for those guys to be this angry at. It's a Seth Rogen movie. Oh, no, it's Seth Rogen. It's like jokes, you know. Yeah, weird thing to be angry at.

Oh, man, I wish I'd love to go to North Korea. Like the pictures that you see of north korea too honestly me too yeah have you seen the do you have vice here the vice documentary where those guys like convince them that they were diplomats yeah yeah smith when yeah they're just like constantly just like what the everything's bugged yeah it's kind of cool all these weird like set up contrived little places they go. There's all these pretty girls and you can see they've just like pulled together anything that works and is clean into a small room. Yeah, actually use some of that info for the movie like the fake grocery stores and stuff. That's all real.

Yeah. Yeah, you see those pictures and it's just like these weird like the guy up top has decided that everything's going to look like it was in the 50s and nothing's been updated and the airports look really old and really weird and whatever. I just want to be part of that. It looks like a movie. The whole country looks like a movie. I want to be in there. To be fair, I think that's how Australia might look to someone from there. Or Brisbane, yeah, for sure.

Look at these wacky animals. Oh, that guy's going to bash you. We've got chocolate at the airport. Come check it out. Yeah, it's the number one thing gonna bash you We've got chocolate at the airport Come check it out Yeah it's the number one thing to do Go and eat chocolate at the airport But is it Like North Korea

Are you Are you allowed to go there? No You're not allowed to go there It's almost impossible Right Yeah So what do you have an airport for

If you're not allowed to go there? Well people like Like they have Where's the chocolate from? They have diplomatic ties to like China And like you know Whatever Syria I don't even know Like they have... Where's the chocolate from? They have diplomatic ties to like China and like, you know, whatever, Syria. I don't even know. Like they have like two countries that they talk to that people come in and...

Right. Yeah. Right. I know they send a lot of North Korean workers out to different areas essentially for slave labor. Like there was this like workers camp in Siberia or something. There was just heaps of North Koreans working there. They get treated real bad.

Right. So they're probably sneaking them out. Because it's like that whole thing, I think it was that vice thing where they had the new airport designed and it looked a bit like, you know, the whole thing gets designed, the whole thing gets built and then someone walks in on the first day and goes, this looks a bit weird. And the big guy up top has gone, right, architect,

can we get this guy killed? And immediately, like the first time someone fills in one of those customer service surveys and the first negative one that goes boom bullet in your head oh man it's really crazy have you ever seen the um the satellite photos at night no it's kind of insane because they have no electricity so like south korea is just like the entire every piece of south korea is lit up at night and then you get like you can just actually just see the border and it's just pure darkness it's pretty crazy yeah they're living in the middle like the like middle ages essentially

like they've still got you guys are so close you should just go yeah yeah probably swim there yeah yeah i mean you guys holiday in thailand to just like bounce up you know yeah to be honest i think north korea is about as hard to get into as australia at the moment with the border security but yeah what are you talking about it was they didn't check my bag i just walked in in where in melbourne you look when i've got off my plane i know i look like i could you look we've got a bit of a tan. Yeah. But I think you look sensible.

Thank you. And that's what they would have gone. They would have been like, is he? Slowly taking off my pants. Yeah, they're like, nah, he looks sensible, mate. Let him in. I mean, if you think like border, I mean, maybe it'll be hard to get out of here for me. Oh, yeah, you live here now. Yeah, I live here.

You're stuck here. This is your house we're at your house yeah they'll send a wife over this hotel yeah oh no yeah yeah get your nice aussie wife yeah she'll come over cool cool you know a little while well you like because america has much stricter security airports you think than australia yeah and then like it's always a like it takes forever to get back in with like uh customs and stuff. How are you liking doing domestic flights? You're not having to take your shoes off when you go to security. It's pretty sweet, hey?

I love it. You just walk through. They're like, take your laptops out. Have you got any aerosols? You're just like, nah. And they're like, all right, man. It's also crazy. No one ever checks their ID here when you just take it.

That's crazy. It is a pretty sweet upside to having nothing worth bombing in this country. Yeah, I guess. If you've got a ticket, you just walk in. That's crazy. Yeah. That's actually crazy. It is a weird thing where that has happened where, yeah,

if you buy tickets from Melbourne to Adelaide and it's like, I can't use this anymore. Do you want it? Do you want my ticket? And someone can just go and take it. Yeah, because no one checks. Because if you do web check, if you do web check on it, you just have carry on.

You don't see any human until you actually get to the plane. I've been checking bags. No one asked me for it's crazy I know I don't like it's I mean You could be a different gender on the ticket and I don't Think they'd yeah okay yeah Because I don't think it officially says Mrs. Or Mr. On the ticket does It

I don't know we've not even Paid attention to what's on our ticket yes It's just crazy for me because like in America, I once had a plane ticket. Someone bought me a ticket for a show and used Joe Mandy on the ticket, but my ID says Joseph. They were like, that's not the same name. And I was like, it's the most common nickname there is.

Like average Joe. You know what I mean? I was just like arguing with this person and it was this whole thing and they had to like have the phone calls and change the actual ticket to say joseph because i couldn't get through otherwise see that's just fucking ridiculous anyway i'm the absolute i putting the absolute least effort into airports like i literally don't check in anything i just go to a counter try and get on a a plane and go, my name's Carl, can you do the rest of it?

Like, I don't do anything. I don't print a ticket. I don't do anything. I just go, can you do it all? Because I know they will. They'll do it. I've almost been detained a couple of times because I get so worked up about stuff like Oh, really?

Yeah. When I was flying in the States, it's like ridiculous. Like, even like domestic. You walk in, there's a dude at the beginning of the line who just gets your ticket and scribbles on it. Just like circles a couple of random things and does an X. And then you see another one

and then you see another one and then you go to the backscatter. And he's the guy who's supposed to, like he's the guy who's making sure there's no guns. You know what I mean? Like he does nothing. We've got a super budget airline called Tiger, which is really, really cheap.

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's just its own shed at the airport. Yeah. And it's all, there's no like different gates. It all just leaves out of the one walkway. One hole.

And I went to Adelaide once and there was a flight going to Perth at pretty much the same time and it was just we all walked through the same doorway and then there was a lady there going, yeah, so Adelaide go to the left, Perth go to the right. And I was like, man, next time I want to go to Perth, I'm just buying a ticket to Adelaide at the same time and just walking out and getting on that Perth flight. Wow.

I reckon you could get away with it. I'd love to try it on. I'd love for you to be caught doing it though. Just halfway through the flight. Yeah. Just playing dumb though. Just being like, nah, fuck. Oh, what?

Nah, it's the same. No, it doesn't matter matter And you land in Perth And like You gotta go to Brisbane man Everyone's going to Brisbane Yeah yeah We detain you in Brisbane Joe's in Brisbane

That's where you gotta be Yeah yeah yeah Chocolate balls are in Brisbane God what are you in Perth for Yeah Yeah Well I think that brings us To the end of the little

Dum Dum Club For this week Joe and Mandy Thank you very much for joining my pleasure thanks for having me so we're gonna put this straight up uh tomorrow night wednesday night the what's the date on that the 9th of september the 9th of september at the toff in town uh get on that go check that out and then thursday the 10th in adelaide yes i believe yes and then new zealand new zealand auckland wellington i think we got some new zealand

listeners out there. Yeah. Actually, we don't get hit up by a lot of people, but not New Zealand much, I don't think. I think, you know, anyone that lives in a small town always hits us up and goes, you should come and do a live show here. Like, it doesn't matter that no one else listens to it,

but come and do a live show. But I don't think anyone from New Zealand's ever asked us to come and do a live show. Yeah. Well, that'll change. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

Do some promo for us over there. I will. I'll be happy to. Great. But, Freeband, you've got shows coming up at the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Yeah, Melbourne Fringe Unlimited Comedy Battle Spirit. One hour only. That's what it's called.

That's the real name. Fucking weird. Yeah, that's the real name. You don't fucking know me, cunts. You don't know me. Only one hour? Jesus. Yeah, yeah, one hour.

It's probably going to be less. It'll probably only be 20 minutes. Don't upsell it too hard. No, I mean, the thing is that 20 minutes will motivate you to start your own business. Like you'll walk out and start your own business. Oh, wow, so it's motivational speaking. Yeah, well, no, it'll just be jokes about Source.

Aim for your show to be purchased by the National Library of Australia. Oh, yeah. Man, they messaged us about something for the drive home as well. You got hit up before we did. Yeah, we got hit up three weeks ago. And I wrote back saying, suck a fat dick, you can never have our podcast. Which, to be fair, is most of the content of your podcast.

It's very on brand. It's a little bit sweary. Did you send that email from in a wind tunnel? I just sent an email of my asshole. Oh, great. Yeah. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening.

We got Adelaide and Perth live shows and Sydney live shows coming up. Head to the website, littledumbdumbclub.com to check that out. And we'll see you next time. Hey, hey. What? Oh, oh, oh. And we've got new T-shirts to sell. Yes.

At all those shows. We've got a lot of them. We've got plenty of T-shirts. Yeah. Send them all to that Hamish, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And Andy? No, just Ham send them all to that Hamish dude yeah and Andy no just Hamish oh just Hamish

oh yeah let's get Andy to just drive around just chucking them out the window yeah alright thanks very much for listening

and National Library if you want to buy any t-shirts that'd be awesome yeah thanks for listening guys and we'll see you next time see you mates