The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 259 - Adam Richard & Harley Breen

Episode Date: September 24, 2015

5XLs, Mescaline and Taken 3.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, this episode of Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by the Mark Maron 2015 Australian Tour, believe it or not. Yeah, Mark Maron, host of WTF podcast. He's coming to Australia in October. He's on Thursday, October 15. He's at the State Theatre in Sydney. Friday, October 16, he's at the Palais Theatre in Melbourne. And Saturday, 17th of October, he's at the City Hall in Brisbane. Heaps of Dumb Dumb fans in all three of those major cities. Tommy Daslow? Yeah, a podcast being sponsored by essentially another podcast. What a world we live in. Yeah, but it is not the live podcast.

It is Mark Maron's stand-up. Yeah, I saw Mark Maron at the start of last year in LA, and he was in exceptional form. Yeah, I saw him in Melbourne a couple of years ago and in New York a couple of years before that, and he was super excellent. Look at us, couple of bloody jet setters, eh? Going around the world, seeing other comedians.

And he was very nice enough to be on our podcast a couple of years ago. So go back and listen to that if you want to. Yeah, so go check that out. There's no promo code or anything where you buy a ticket and you let them know that the Dum Dum Club sent you. Have we got any of that stuff going on? Or have people got to go and then just sort of wait outside the stage door and go, hey Mark, just so you know, I wouldn't have come to this

if it wasn't for the little dum-dum club. No, as soon as he walks on stage, I believe you're supposed to scream it at him. Yes, okay. Yeah, great. We'll all do that. And then you get free entry into the outside world immediately. How's a promoter going to like this, I wonder? So yeah, the marination tour on sale now. It's coming up quick, so don't

delay. Jump on those tickets and we'll see you there, mate. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, we should say a big thank you to everyone who came down to our live T-shirt launch last week.

Yeah, live podcast and live T-shirt launch. We had a lot of fun at it. We should say it's probably the most that a podcast has ever dated before we've put it out. We sat on it for about two weeks. There's a good eight minutes of Tony Abbott gear in there. There was that live event where I talked about the Berlin Wall still being up for about 35 minutes. Yeah, I remember that.

There was that one. That one where I said that I don't think JFK will ever be assassinated under any circumstances. That was such an odd prediction. But, yeah, we had a combination of things. We had a lot of Tony Abbott talk. He then was kicked out of office two days before we put the podcast on. Didn't edit it out.

Also, Lawrence Mooney saying that Dirty Laundry will probably come back unless he screws up in any major way and then was in the paper for being clocked doing 168 on the Eastern Freeway on Good Friday. So, yeah, I mean, now we're doing this one like right before we put it up. So is there a way of this dating before we get it out? I'm scared these two guests are going to die tomorrow. Over the course of the episode. Yeah, we might kill them during the episode.

It's a sad state of affairs when really the only thing that's still relevant about last week's episode is the Bogan baby. That's the only thing that's remained as timely now as it was back then. Yeah, and I mean we did launch the T-shirts and we have now put them on sale. So man, we've sold so many already. So get onto our – hopefully it's on our website. If not, it's definitely on our Twitter and Facebook accounts at the moment.

The link to go and buy. And they're – you know what? For all the shit we give Dilruk, we probably should tone it down a bit because there is a lot of people buying 4XLs and 5XLs. The disgusting fat fuck sizes are ironically racing off the shelves. Yeah, they are. It's the fastest they're ever going to move, I think, at the moment. Well, joining us today on the podcast, first of all,

you know him from last week's episode. He's got a lot of new stuff to talk to us about. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Harley Breen. Back to back weeks. I'm glad you said you were going to go easy on Dill and then just went to town on every fatty That's pulled shirts on you Because we realise there's other people that deserve it way more

That's what the point of that was Also joining us today You know him from Celebrity Dog School Celebrity Splash And the upcoming Celebrity Up the Bum No Babies, please welcome Back into the little Dino Club The fabulous Adam Richard.

Babies? I just flushed them when they came. Hey, I just thought of a good new merch. Down the drain, no babies. Great sex movie. I just thought of a good new piece of merch. Off the back of that talk, what if, like, Dill, we gave Dill a T-shirt last week, right? And I said, I was fascinated.

I was like, what's his size? What do you want? He's like 2XL. I'm like, okay. You size? What do you want? He's like 2XL. You were fascinated. Yeah, yeah. He's only 2XL? Yeah. Bitch is lying to you.

I'm 4XL. It's 2XL slim fit. So I don't know. That's what he said. He put it on. He said comfortably fit into it. So was his stomach sticking out the bottom like Winnie the Pooh? Yeah, well.

I don't know if you should be saying comfortably 2XL because it's like I comfortably fit inside the outside world. Wait, me and Dil hang out a lot. If he's Winnie the Pooh, that means I'm piglet and I'm not cool with that. You are so piglet. So we should make a new line of shirts. If he's 2XL, we should just make 3, 4 and 5XL and the design of it is I am fatter than Dilruba.

Yes. Yeah. But actually you should make them in really small hot girl size as well. Just walk around, I am fatter. But the words don't fit on the front of the shirt. They wrap right around it. You can re-sew it into a slim fit. No, if it's slim fit for a

little girl, it should be, I'm a potential entree for Dilraba. If we made disgusting, fat, fucking proud t-shirts, do you reckon anyone would snap them up? I've thought about it. There's plenty of people out there that I think would. There's plenty of people

that wouldn't. I think that there's a small niche market for it but I'm sure we'll hear off the back of this. Yeah. This actually brings me to a text message I got from my little brother

who's a big fan of the show. Sinclair Breen, friend of the show. Loves it. Does he love this show more than he loves you? Because I reckon he might. Look,

I don't even need to answer that because I know he'll message you on that. Is this his main way of keeping in contact with you these days? That's exactly right. He finds out what his brother's doing. The reason I said yes to this is like I haven't spoken to him in a while. Better get on Dumb Dumb.

And he won't interrupt you. But he texted me after that live podcast went out and he went, man, I just listened to the live podcast. Brutal. I'm really starting to worry about Dil. Oh, really? He's never met him. He's quite concerned.

You know what? We had a lot of great feedback off the back of that, which I was very happy with and relieved about because it was an ep where we get there. We were there a bit early. I didn't have time for lunch. And then beers come out and I start drinking beer and I haven't eaten anything.

So the whole episode to me is a bit of a blur. I guess at the end you go, oh, did we pick on an alcoholic that just came out of a coma? Did we pick on a morbidly obese Sri Lankan? I dressed up like a bogan baby and my parents walked out midway through it happening. It felt like a fucking disaster as it was happening. Like it felt real bad.

I had that feeling and I was like, oh, this has been a rough one. And then it goes out and everyone's like, oh, we like that one. I know. I was actually worried about it coming out going, fuck, I said some heinous shit on that. And then all your fans are like, best one ever. I'm like, you guys are the most depraved fuck up losers ever. Yeah.

It's a real zoo of fans that we've got out there at the moment. Now, you know what? Speaking of fans, you got a text message. I, you know, given that my number is out there as 1-800-DUMBFUCK, and everyone that's ever listened to any of these episodes knows my number. You should have said that,

because now when you give up and you finally do get a change, you're not going to be able to use that. Yeah, yeah. So, as we know, if you listened to the show before, my number is out there, thanks to T-Dass a couple of years ago

I thought it had calmed down it has just amplified so I continue I've already got a couple of text messages today I'm not encouraging that but I got a call about what

three days ago I got a call about three days ago and you know what my number is like sorry to cut you off. You two are two of my closest mates in comedy but I'm always amazed at how

fucking stupid you are. I think Lawrence Mooney put it best last week when he said, this show is like the biggest loser. People like watching it because they're just happy that they aren't you. Sorry, Carl. My good friend Carl Wolfs. Thank you.

So I get a call the other day from a number I don't recognise. Do you answer? Yeah, I answer because a lot of people ring me because of the Thursday night comedy room. It could be Australia's Got Talent. Yeah.

See, I wouldn't answer because I would assume it is some needy fuckwit that wants to be on its spleen who has listened to every episode looking for your phone number. No, it's very rare. People don't ring to book gigs anymore. It's all Facebook and text messages and stuff. Oh, God. Yeah, which is fine.

This is fine. So I get it. I think it's either someone ringing up to come to a comedy night or it might be a fan, a listener, someone who's aware of the show. So I take the call and the person on the other end goes, Oh. Oh. Oh.

And I'm like, oh, well, this is a listener. It must be. They've come as soon as they've heard your voice. Oh, Tim. I was on the vinegar stroke and then I got Chando. And then I was like, oh, sorry, Tommy, you didn't have your number in my phone. Oh, Mark.

I hope you don't have his number in your phone. So the guy on the other end goes, oh, no. Carl? It's Carl, isn't it? I was like, yes. You listen to the show, don't you? Yeah, yeah. Look.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Look, I'll be honest with you I just I just took a lot of mescaline and shout out and I'm in Victor Harbour

just walking around he's a great guy Victor that's my nickname in high school did you have a lot of mescaline in you in high school so he goes have a lot of mescaline in you in high school? So he goes, yeah, I'm just walking around in Victor Harbor full of mescaline and I'm just walking around in the bush and I'm just a bit worried and I thought I'd just talk to someone I knew.

I'm like, well, not really. You can just listen to the podcast and talk at that if you fuck up. It's going to have the same result. Every time I have a really bad bout on the drugs, I'm like, I'll call Carl. He'll level me out. Last person I would call. He'd just tell me to go June Northern myself.

Yeah, exactly. No, but for you, for someone usually like, like it's a podcast they listen to. It's not like someone gets on heroin and goes, oh, no, I'm in trouble now. What's Nova's number? Hello? Hello, is Husey there?

Oh, no, that was two years ago. I'm going to sound like the uncoolest kid in school. What's mescaline? It's so mescaline, I don't... I've added all of you as dorks as well. It's an old school... It's hallucinogenic, mate. Is it made out of cactus juice?

I don't know. No, that's peyote, isn't it? That's peyote. But yeah, it's like a... It's old school. It's a naturally occurring hallucinogenic. It's a hallucinogenic. Yeah.

You'd read a bit a lot in the old beat novels, like Jack Kerouac and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, right. So apparently he's... Your William Burroughs. Yeah, yeah. Your Naked Lunch. All that sort of stuff.

Your Greg Fleets. Yeah. Fleet of None. Fleet of None. You could reference that with any drug that you know, to be fair. Mescaline is just what he takes in between heroin. Mescaline, or 3, 4, 5-trimethoxyphalomate, whatever, is a naturally occurring psychedelic alkaloid of the phenethylamine class.

I told you it was naturally occurring. None of its hallucinogenic effects similar to those of LSD and other hallucinogenic things. So if it's hallucinogenic, he may not know that he actually talked to me. He may have thought that that was all a dream. This is going to trigger some kind of acid flashback for him. Or the mescaline was so good you didn't actually talk to him. Yeah, oh yeah.

It affected your state of being as well. You caught it. I was only on the phone to him for about 45 seconds. He may have talked for the next hour to me. He may have thought he was on the show. It's his favourite episode. Remember they did that live episode of

Victor? Yeah, he's messaging me. when are you going to upload that one? I know people always say that they don't, you know, Tommy and Carl don't look how they expect it, but when they did a live one in Victor Harbour and there were two lizard men, that was fucking wild. I've got to agree. What is up with the lizards? All the times I've taken anything hallucinogenic,

I've never seen a fucking lizard. Yeah. Never once. I'd write to a fucking lizard. Yeah. Never once. I'd write to the manufacturers. Get on to them. There's a lot of Mandelbrot fractals. So that guy was that far gone. To be fair, I still think he was more sober than half the people

at the drunk cast this year. Let's fly him in. Let's get him in. Just have him on mescal and describing what he's seen. So I was on the phone to him. Let's do a mescal and cast. Mo's get him in. Just have him on mescaline describing what he's seen. So I was on the phone to him. Let's do a mescaline cast. Mooney will be there. I mean, I'm so in on that.

I broke my arm for you fuckers. We've done three of these now. We need to branch it. We need to spin it off. We need to do like a mescaline cast. We've done enough alcohol on the podcast. Let's do a mushrooms cast. Oh yeah, because the last time it was just alcohol I was on. Yeah. Let's do a mushrooms cast. Oh, yeah, because the last time it was just alcohol I was on. Yeah.

Yeah, it was just alcohol that made Lawrence Mooney stare at his laundry wall from 5 a.m. until 8 a.m. in the next morning. I forgot about that. So he, old Morris Mescalin, he... Morris Mescalin. It's like a character out of Postman Pat. Here comes Morris Mescalin. Morris Mescalin. It's like a character out of Postman Pat. Here comes Morris Mescalin.

He's licking a frog. So I, because he's just rung me out of the blue and he's off his guts. And I'm like, I don't know if I really want to talk to you. So I was like, oh, no, I'm really busy. I've got to get off the phone. So I get off the phone and I text him. was like, oh, no, I'm really busy. I've got to get off the phone. So I get off the phone and I text him and went, sorry, mate, I had to go, but please keep me updated if anything horrific happens.

Not from a duty of care. No. Just for content. Just for stories. This isn't lifeline, it's cuntline. If you're experiencing feelings of euphoria and feeling like you're a good bloke, give us a call. I'll fix it right up.

And if you have spoken to Carl at any point, 13 11 14 is the number for Lifeline. Why do you know that? I worked in radio. I often convince people to go and do it. Oh, 13, 11, 14, if you're thinking of it. I actually have to give out that number at the end of all my comedy festival shows. Because they're your sponsor.

No, you're like Ronnie Chang. Instead of having the big letters of Ronnie, you've just got the numbers behind you. The lifeline numbers. At all times. Yeah. I just got real serious because that's funny. That's a good times. Yeah. Fuck. I just got real serious because that's funny. That's a good idea. Yeah.

What if you had like a model of the Westgate behind you but then with the number on top of that? Like, you know, like Letterman or whoever the Tonight Show host

will have like all the scenery behind you. What if we, from now on our live shows, just have the Westgate behind us? We should. Listen, I'm really handy

on the tools. Like, I genuinely, on the next drunk cast, I will have ready the 131148 on the top of the Westgate. Oh, yes. Have you been to Story Bridge? Of course you have. Yes, it's my favourite bridge. You know, at either end of Story Bridge,

there are yellow telephones. Yes. Yes, the free lifeline phone, just in case you change your mind. And also, what if you just used it to get a pizza delivered? You go, I want to do a pact, but no one will come with me. Do you want to come? Yeah, yeah.

I'll finish the pizza. I'll pay you. They've got the yellow phones, but the structure of that bridge also makes it that it's just footholds all the way up of that walkway. So it's very easy to get over the side of that. But it's not that high. No, no. So you're just going to hurt yourself.

You just get the wind knocked down over you. That ain't happening to me. So I text him, keep me updated if anything horrific happens. I get a text message back from him saying, all good, it doesn't look like anything much will happen though. I'm just walking around in circles in the middle of the bush, ripping up leaves and shit. Come to think of it,

that actually sounds kind of mental. Oh, fuck. So, so that happens. I get all that about a couple of hours later, I get a massive message from him, says, oh, man, okay. So, but any message is a good message, yeah?

That starts with, oh, man. So, my mates turned up and bought me a litre bottle of Sprite that I scald in about a minute and we started walking into town. So, I saw this guy in the distance waving his arms around and going crazy, and I couldn't figure out if he was actually going nuts or if I was hallucinating from the mescaline. Anyway, it turns out he was real. He comes up to us and just screams at us for 10 minutes

about how there's going to be a war between the soldiers of God and the police because white people settled on Aboriginal land. Then he started going on about the sun and the pokey machines, and I couldn't really follow it. So finally we left him and turned down this street. But about halfway down this road we heard this screaming noise, which, as you can imagine, freaked me the fuck out. And I couldn't figure out what it was,

but my mates told me it was apparently a goat in some guy's yard. I don't know if it was a goat or not. Because I have seen a goat in the front yard of one of those houses on that street, but it was a different house. So who knows, really? Then we walked past this pub that was, for some reason, was just blasting Hugh's radio show out onto the street at a deafening volume. Remember the good old days when you could only fit a certain number of words in text messages?

Or be in abbreviation. Yeah. So anyway, that was it. I don't know. Is that interesting? I'm not insane anymore, so that's a plus, I guess. Yeah. Because that absolved him of all of his mentalness.

I'd be interested to know what the breakdown is of recreational drug use in our listeners. You know what I mean? How many people are getting on the mescaline? How many people are ripping bongs as they listen to this? Are we the Grateful Dead of podcasting? Do people get high and just listen to us? Are there any ice users out there that listen to this show? There's some that have been on the show.

So as long as they were listening to the show while they were on it, then yeah. No, they weren't paying attention. They were just thinking about what they were listening to the show while they were on it, then yeah. No, they weren't paying attention. They were just thinking about what they were going to say next. I've had some ice users on ice on the show. Oh, no. I like the fact that, I don't know what it is about when you take hallucinogenics,

that you always bump into fucking nut bars, like the guy screaming about the war. Well, because perhaps it's not actually happening. They're hallucinogens for a reason. Or is it because something happens in your head that the people you normally avoid like the plague when you're fine, you go, oh, that guy's a nut bar, and you steer away and, you know, you have all the body language that says don't come near me.

Yeah. But when you're off your head, it's like, yes, I want to know these things. I really believe in that thing of, like, attracting things in the universe towards you. Oh, he's read The Secret. Like, we've talked about this. He didn't read it. He got the audio book.

Hey, his mum got the audio book. Like, I don't have half the experiences with weirdos in the street that you do, Carl. No. Because I think every time you step out the front of your house, you're like, fuck it, let's see what happens now. It's your attitude and then it comes back to you. I do tape heroin to my jacket.

Let me say this quickly because you talked recently about people yelling at you on Riversdale Road, anywhere you live, and I mentioned that I don't know, like I never get people yell at me out of cars or anything and then I had a number of messages come through say, oh, no, I yell at you all the time but you always have headphones on and so you never hear it. Like five minutes ago I called you a cunt.

By the way, nice hat, you cunt. Whereas because Carl's in his 50s. All the cop shit from the one bloke on our show that's older than me. You heard it here first. Carl is actually older than Fleety. No. Oh, scoop. Fleety's only 25.

You just hit the junk hard. We've all seen those photos of ladies who take the ice Oh yeah I love them They're awesome She's hot Oh now she's a nana Now you guys haven't heard this But we had an announcement at the top of the show

We Let's just mention this again We want people out there to be aware That Mark Maron is touring throughout Australia So believe it or not Mark Maron is advertising on this podcast. Oh, yay. Yeah, which is good for us, but also like how the fuck does that happen? Does someone that's got a much, much bigger podcast than us need to grovel down to our

dirty little level? Yeah. And who's listening to this that isn't aware of Mark Maron? You know what I mean? Who's in the podcast? Let's not talk ourselves out of potential future weeks of advertising, Tommy. Oh, yeah, good point. Yeah, because Mark's tuning in.

I would say this about your fans, and I love how you refer to them as I'm aware of the show. Aware. They're really into it. We've talked about this before. It doesn't matter where I go around this country, and sometimes it's in far-flung, remote, shitty little towns. No, he's bragging about doing fucking road shows.

Oh, yeah, that's great. Some of the fucking suicidal... Wait, bragging about doing what? But I'm always amazed at how your fans turn up. They not only turn up to shows, but they turn up in your shirts. They're keen. Yeah. They'd love to see us.

Yeah, we'd love to see us. We'd love to be able to do a gig outside of Melbourne. Post-interviewing Obama, Mark heard about every now and then there's people aware of you and he thought, well, that is... Maybe Obama's aware of you. Mark Maron gets President Obama, we get two dumb cunts.

What were you saying about people being aware of us? Let's just read out this bit of the last... Let's just finish that. Mark Maron. Mark Maron. So just so we know, in case you've skipped on the top of the show, Mark Maron is touring Australia. So he's in Sydney at the State Theatre Thursday, October

the 15th. He's in Melbourne on our home turf on Friday, October 16th at the Palais Theatre in Secura. Man, I would love to play that joint. The Palais Theatre. Imagine doing stand-up there. I went to see Jedward there. I was one of maybe 30 people in the 1500 seat auditorium. And Jedward is like

a UK double act, isn't it? Well, they're twins. They're twins, yeah. They were on Eurovision? Yeah. And they were on X Factor. How many people seriously went to see him? It was maybe about 100, 200 people. And they were in a 1500 seat theatre. No, no, no. Palais is bigger than

1500. At least plus 2000. 2500. That's brutal. I think it's 1500 on the floor. Yeah, yes it is. There was no one in the balcony. You should have all got up there. At one point they looked up to the balcony and had to adjust their gaze back down.

I've done that at the same time. To the orchestra pit. But, yeah, it was mostly teenage girls, like 12, 13-year-old girls and middle-aged men. Oh, really? Did you pay to get in? No. Oh, right. Oh, sad.

So that's where Mark Maron is. And then in Brisbane, on Saturday, 17th of October, he's going to be at the City Hall in Brisbane. Okay, can I get into this? A bit of feedback that we got during the week, speaking of people being aware of the show. This is an email that came through to my email address. Oh, that's lucky.

You guys have shown me the real and dark side of my favourite comedians. Can you just shut the fuck up a little more and let them speak? I love both of you, but you are a vehicle, first and foremost, and if you dare reply with some sort of free content excuse, then I will take away your free passes to the studio that you don't actually use anymore. Cheers, Jeff. Jeff then follows it up with another email, a second one.

Hang on, does it say, I'm on the bridge, I'm about to jump, YN. And there's more. You've made it now. And the best part about that is that you can sit back and just listen. You get that, right? So, you know, Jeff, fair complaint, fair thing. Is it fair? No. Harley, Adam, go.

It is absolutely not fair at all. Because the thing that I love about being on Dum Dum is listening to the fucking stupid shit that you two have to tell me. I know. You've obviously put about 30 minutes of work into the next episode. Oh, that is, you are being generous, 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah. Are you using 30 minutes as a sort of number like hardly any time?

Because that's fucking massive time. Sorry. I think that complaint was for fucking Hammo's podcast. Honestly, this isn't commercial radio. You guys aren't selling a product. And if you were, that product would be Adam Richard and Harley Brayner and fuck no one wants to buy it. No.

You should see my sales report for this fuck, no one wants to buy it. You should see my sales report for this fringe. No one wants to buy it. I think, Geoff, honestly, you're a boring cunt. That is... I don't think that's... He's just saying, sit back and don't speak. Sorry, buddy, can you shut up and let me have... Got him, got Geoff.

Don't take it back, Jeff. These arseholes never let me finish a story. I would love that, though, to just not. It sounds great. Just intro the guests and then just sit here and just do not speak for an hour. Oh, yeah. What a great use of our life that would be. Let's just go around to people's houses, record what they say,

and then go home again for no money. Come on, you've got that sweet Marc Maron coin. Oh, yeah. That's right. I've got all that stuff to promote. You know, that book that I didn't write. Yeah, yeah. That show that I didn't write.

If you buy an ad like Marc Maron, get on the back of that. How much is an ad? Come on, put it out there. People might think it's really expensive. No, let's not put it out there. People might think it's really expensive. There might be all sorts of idiots out there that are like, oh, I could advertise something. Yeah, if you're a listener, if you want to buy an ad on Dum Dum, sure, hit us up.

If you've got a product, yeah, we'll definitely... No, I think more like... Or a service. Yeah. No, if you have money, just hit us up. Yeah. If you've got mescaline that you want to sell, push it through this call. How much of your show are you willing to sell in terms of time?

Basically all of it. I don't care. I actually. Says the guy whose mum flew him to Japan. Yeah, look, to be honest, the whole time I'm thinking, I'm doing all right, but poor little Tommy over here. I'm going to put on the record that is not true. Yeah, you know what?

We're having to cop these fucking people like Jeff giving a shit. Fuck it. I don't care anymore. All of this is up for grabs. I'll brand every second of this fucking thing. I'll sell. I won't say g'day dickhead at the start. I'll say whatever you want me to if you give me $10.

G'day 4 and 20 pie heads. Yes. Yeah, exactly. G'day redheads. There you go. I'll sell matches. People are yelling at me out of their cars. I mean, I'm not hearing it, but fucking for what?

For absolutely jack shit. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what you'll get then? You'll get complaints from your clients going, will you just let our client speak instead of you guys talking all the time? Just talk about the product without talking about a story about you involving the product. No one gives a fuck. But also...

People want it less. Also, the majority of guests that come on the show, you come in like... Like last week, Harley, you wanted to be on the live show. You said, oh, can I be on the live show? Yeah, Harley, no worries. You rocked up. I said, what did you want to talk about? He goes, I don't know.

I just wanted to go out and have a drink. That's the absolute truth. That's 100%. That's exactly what happened. The guests don't actually have something to talk about most of the time. It's like that's what the show is. We have stories. We come in.

We have them in case the guests don't have anything. Well, all of the good episodes that I've been on that I'll get feedback on, go, fuck, that was such an amazing episode. Good on you. Basically, they're complimenting me on my laugh at the dumb shit you guys are talking about. Jumping on the back of stupid stuff. This has become weirdly meta. We're now doing a podcast about the podcast we're on.

Yeah, you must not have listened in a while. That's all you've listened to. The last time I did it, we were talking about Carl's couches. That was great. Yeah. And that wasn't meta at all. Yeah. All right, well, let's get on to the guests then.

So, Harley, you are… Yeah, Geoff, you you got your precious little fucking strap yourselves in Geoff here's a boring story about me yeah I had a great story to tell about I had a moose today but anyway fuck you Geoff you're missing out now it was a cracker

I rooted a supermodel over the weekend but oh well I guess we'll never know about that what's Geoff's email put it out there so all the other dum-dums can get on with him that's like mesmodel over the weekend, but oh well, I guess we'll never know about that. Oh, that's clearly not true. What's Geoff's email? Put it out there so all the other dum-dums can get on with it. That's like mescaline on the weekend. But he says supermodel. He means he now has a poster with a hole in it. Oh, he has a train with a hole in it.

Cutting a hole in the poster. Like, that's just so raw. Harley Breen. Yes. Hello. You are now the face of the motorcycle Grand Prix. That's correct. In Phillip Island.

I am actually Phil Island. You are Phil Island. My name, I am Phil Island. I've seen the ad on TV. You play a guy called Phillip Island. I've seen the ad on TV. I've done guy called Philip Island. I've seen the ad on TV. I've done English good. Can we speak proper English on this podcast?

I think he said I've seen, but, you know, what part of I grew up in Maryborough have you never understood about Carl Hofter? Crime hotspot, Maryborough. Anyway, now that we've mentioned that, can we hit up the GP to see if we can get any cash out of the mansion? Well, actually, I've been offered three extra tickets because I've got to go to the MotoGP as a part of that contract.

Don't say I've got to. Say I'm really excited as an ambassador for the GP. Thanks for cutting me off because I was about to say I'm very excited. One because they're putting me a lot of money. Jeff's going to pick on a guest as well. And Richard, shut up and let Harley talk about boring shit. But they've said, because I've got to go down there for some official reasons to do some more aspects of that advertisement.

And also they go, hey, but we want you to have a good time. They're really actually a lovely group of people. They're like, bring some mates. So why don't you two dickheads come down and record a podcast down there? Seriously. Oh, no, no, no, no. I already thought about this. You can't come.

You're doing your live show in Perth. Oh, that's a shame because it would be the greatest place to do a podcast. Oh, no, there's a million motorbikes screaming as loud as they possibly can. Because I've got my own clubhouse. Oh, yeah. Phillip Island. It's Phil Island's clubhouse. And you can come in and have a beer.

The best part is that the – Do they know about this? Yeah. No, they've built it. And I said, I want to get behind the bar and serve everybody. Oh, you've got to get your RSA. The advert's been received really well, mainly. People are like, that's great.

Because it looks really good. What did Geoff have to say? Geoff was a bit of a fuckwit about it. I don't care if it's free. I'm going to fucking comply. Geoff doesn't like us interrupting the guests. How would he feel about us trackside at the motor show? These fucking bikes, I swear to God.

Anyway, Valentino Rossi, do you want some of my mousse? If you don't know Phillip Island, well, it looks, it's an amazing vista, right? So they shot it. It looks really beautiful. The art itself is not funny at all, which is slightly annoying me being stand-up, but it looks great and I'm happy with it.

Whose fault is that? But all the feedback that's negative. It's full of Harley's gear, but... Yes! They just bought the Kingswood and I. So, anyway, the negative feedback that's come through on their Facebook page is, Monally, that's great, we're coming along.

It's all about me looking like a hipster douche and how dare you let a hipster advertise the MotoGP. Like a man with a beard has ever ridden a motorbike. That's never happened before. It's like, oh, beards and motorbikes, they don't get together. Yeah, a seven-foot bloke with a beard, it's not masculine enough. Get the Incredible Hulk on a fucking motorbike. Have you seen Sons of Anarchy?

Have you watched My Name is Harley? I was named after a motorbike. You fucking idiot. No, but in the ad you're called Phil. Yeah, but again, he's named after the place where the motorbikes are, so that's something. But that's like if they're angry about you not looking enough like you're a biker, I got asked to audition for that ad.

So imagine how fucking furious those people would have been if I had gotten it. G'day, guys. Going to have a great time down here at the Lattern GP. I love the bikies. Yay. I'm sorry. There's been a terrible misunderstanding.

You were supposed to read for the merry-go-round ad. The merry-go-round GP. Where everyone knows who the winner's going to be. This is fucking rigged. What are they called? Mini-mokes? Is that what they call them? Tiny little bikes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, mini-moke is a Suzuki. No, it's a mini. Mini-moke is that over there. Mini-moke, isn't it? It's like a frame with a tarp on it and some wheels. Pretty good, right, Jeff? Man, that's amazing.

You got called for that. Yeah, I got asked to do it. Not to ask to do it, I asked to audition. Well, I got another ad after that and had to shave my beard off. Yeah. That was very weird because, as you were saying, a lot of people only know you as having a beard. Yeah, and then I had to take it off,

but I've got to go to the MotoGP in four weeks from now, or four weeks from now, with a beard. Oh. And I'm frantically trying to will my testosterone. Well, you have a beard right now, so as long as you... But it's not what it was. No, but it's... It's not thick and lustrous as it was. It's a beard.

It's a beard, yeah. It's actually... You know what? I'm not a massive fan of the overgrown beard, which I reckon you had. It was too much. It was huge. Yeah, it was huge. This is good.

What you've got is good. All right, mate. You look like a block of flats that the gardener had dyed and no one had called to complain. I had oil in that beard. You look like you had a hedge maze on your face and your nose was lost. Listen, I don't agree with that.

I know you had oil in the beard, but that's because you've got a terrible diet. I would wash and condition it every day, oiled it with macadamia oil. There's a lovely lady in my life that enjoyed touching it with her face. All right, now I know why there was complaints. There's a lovely... Now you...

Can we say this? You are taken. Are you officially taken? Yes, I am officially. You are officially up the Liam Neeson. Up the Liam Neeson. I'm happy to say. I just made that up right then, but I want that to be a thing.

It's up the Liam Neeson. Up the Liam Neeson. Right up the Liam Neeson. Because those films were so full of love. I don't know who you are, but I promise you this. I am going to find you. I have a very particular set of skills. I am going to find you and I am going to fuck you.

Anyway. Yes. But wait, this has taken two for you right? This is not This is not taken as in Like your car was last time Oh yeah technically This is number three at this point

Jesus Christ It's good to have good mates Sorry Jeff Won't let anything go Let's remind Harley Of how badly he failed at relationships. The only thing I can lose now is a push bike with a kid trailer on it. Oh, and your dick, Neddy. Yeah, you can't even...

I never had that. I gave that up when I got married. You can't even lose your beard. Anyway, to answer your question, Carl, yes, I'm in love. You've got to talk quick to get in here. And she's a listener too, so hi. This is only just what I found out today. She listened to the show before she got with you?

Yes, before she knew me. Amazing. She listened to your show? She stalked you through the show? No, not at all. Did she get your number from Carl? No, but she does take mescaline a lot. Shout out to Harley's new girlfriend, Victor Harbour.

So that's amazing. So when you got together with your young lady, she knew all about stuff from the podcast about you. And that didn't put her off. But we knew each other socially before that, so I knew she was into dum-dum before that we hooked up. Wow. It just blows my mind that people can have relationships

with any tiny bit of help from this podcast. Not that I'd call it help. No, there was no help from this podcast. I think what blows your mind is that there's anyone that's normal that listens to your podcast. Yes, yes. As all the examples I get are the opposite. No one's ringing me up going,

oh, sorry to interrupt you, can I send you $50? No, it's, I'm lost in the bush, I'm on mescaline. There's a goat screaming at me. Are you Hughsy? Just in the middle of Bible study class and I felt like a bit of a chat. How are you, Carl? No, that's never happened. No, that's actually weird as well. At the risk of insulting your lovely lady friend. Yeah, yeah.

It's all on you. Calling anyone that would choose to have a relationship with you normal. Well, I was actually going to review that and then go I don't, in the best possible way, she's not normal at all. She's extraordinary. at all Oh well then She's extraordinary Oh yeah Oh

Yeah Fuck I'm good You're gone And I meant it You are You are deep in Yeah I'm Yep

What are you proposed to wear right now On this podcast If love was water You would have drowned Happy to So Cause that's like You've You've Are we allowed to talk about this yet Wait what If love was water, you would have drowned. Happy to. Because, Dastla, are we allowed to talk about this yet? Wait, what?

Let's find out. All right. Are you and the poster officially together? Yeah, I've been fucking a lot of other posters and I've had to roll them all up and put them back in the tubes. Got my main... I'll tell you what. Pull your pants up, walk out of Blockbuster and... Got my main A0 now.

Geoff is not going to be happy about this, but Tommy, please, have you found someone that you're keen on? No, no, no, this is more of a segue of that you met someone possibly in a tiny way through the podcast. I just want to bring up the whole idea of Tommy has been with girls, has met girls that have initiated by saying, hey, I listen to the podcast. And then it all rolls off. They've seen him and run screaming to the hills.

I want to make it perfectly clear that in no way my new relationship has anything to do with you fuckwits. Absolutely. Make it perfectly clear that in no way my new relationship has anything to do with you fuckwits. Absolutely nothing. But we're still going to be flower girls, yeah? You're definitely flower girls. That's absolutely happening. You mean you don't come home and you say, hey, mate. She goes, good evening, dickhead.

Promise us at the very least that the wedding can be a live podcast. Yeah. On Phillip Island. Yeah. Right. Done. Sometimes when you want to do her up the backside, you say,

I want to put it in Dilruch. Oh, Jesus. Fuck me dead. Jesus. Oh, wow. Wow. Hmm. Quick Dilrrick update.

We meant to really have an update every week about weeks ago. Let's go to a dumb cunt drop. Yeah. Operation dumb cunt drop. Dumbo dumb cunt drop. He was going to lose a lot of weight. He was putting it on Facebook and Twitter and updating what kilo he was on. In the last couple of weeks, he has not done that at all.

And I'm very concerned that we really have to get this exercise bike in Perth. Yeah, I asked him about it last night. I saw him last night. And he said because he was in Perth, he's delayed the weigh-in for this week. Because you weigh more in Perth, apparently. Well, I know he was on the way doing gigs and didn't, I think, I don't know, I don't want to speak on behalf of him, but I feel like he didn't,

maybe he thinks he didn't. I was going to say he's dropped off the wagon but I'm not sure he could have fit on a wagon. And you should speak on behalf of him

because I can't understand a fucking word that guy says. This is what I think about Dil and his bullshit cheat day. There is no way he's going to lose that weight

because what happens in weight loss is you do have a rapid moment of change. So that's why he dropped that eight kilos. And then you reward yourself, which is so stupid. Reward yourself because you dropped eight. Have you seen him? And then he has a cheat day where he eats more than any other normal person would eat in a week in one day because he's like, it's a cheat day where he eats more than any other normal person would eat in a week in one day because he's like, it's my cheat day.

It's the dumbest thing with weight loss ever. I will put money you need that exercise bike in Perth. So that was the setup at the start when we set this whole target goal for him. If he doesn't make his goal weight in Perth, the Perth live show that we're going to do next month. He had to weigh in. He had to have 11 kilos in 11 weeks. Yep.

And he's not there. And I upped it last week because he was doing it too easy. Yeah. No, 11 is hard. So you think and he thinks it's easy because he did that eight, but I guarantee you that's not going to come to 11. He'll put all that back on. Yeah.

Because we're getting close. And the next three will be harder than the first eight. You know what? I don't subscribe to that thing of it being, I know it's harder as it goes along. No, but have you met Dil? Yes. I know it's harder as it gets along,

but to be fair, it's a little bit like going, I took eight buckets of water out of the ocean. Oh, it's going to be tough finding another three buckets in there. No, it's not. There's a lot of fucking buckets to lose. There are a lot of buckets to lose. What the fuck was that metaphor? I guess this is why you're one of the trainers on Biggest Loser. That is the worst

piece of weight loss analogy I've ever heard. That was the worst anything analogy. I would like to be... You know what? I have a secret thing. I would really love to be a trainer. I think it's more I would like to be it rather than I would be good at it. You'd have the highest level of suicide out of all

your clients. His business card would have lifeline number on it. He's shedding a lot of weight so it's still working. He's shed every kilo you've got off the Westgate. You lost 120 kilos off the Westgate. Once they put your corpse into the incinerator,

fucking boom, that weight just dropped off. Yeah. What about this? If an overweight listener of the show wanted to hire you to do a training session with them for an afternoon, would you do it? Yes, absolutely, yes. Okay, let's get someone to do that.

If there's an overweight listener of the show listening to this thinking this is your key to weight loss, it isn't. You would lose more weight eating drive-through every day for a month. I reckon I could get Dil from a 2XL into a 1XL. There you go. That's how good I am. He's not even a 2XL. He's at least four.

Really? Yes. He's big. Mate, I'm a 2XL. The shirt I've got on right now is a 2XL big He's enormous Mate I'm a 2XL The shirt I've got on right now Is a 2XL Really? I'm a 4XL

Yeah Dil's not a 2XL He's not a 2XL He's laughing But he's got He's wearing the shirt I don't know Has he let it out? Has he gone to a tailor?

Are they American made shirts? But he likes a tight fit He does He doesn't There's no No but to be fair He doesn't have much choice. Well, he does because you go up to 5XL.

He can actually get a shirt that fits him. But he's got on a boob tube. Have you seen him in the 2XL? Yes. Or he just told you? No, he wore it at the gig, didn't he? Yeah, but you know what? I didn't check the tag.

So he told me it was too extra. This is like Obama's birth certificate. Dil's tag. The scandal that's rocked the Dumb Dumb Club. But what are we? We're like four weeks away from Perth. We've got to start getting quotes on exercise bikes. Yeah, we do.

We've got to start getting serious. Well, there are listeners. Someone has hit us up on Twitter to say they are willing to bring in an exercise bike to the show. Great. So if you are listening, please, Perth people, get in touch with us. Keep in touch with us about the possibility of bringing in an exercise bike. The idea is that we have him. He's a guest on the show, so he's mic'd up as he's doing this.

So we'll need some kind of sweat guard for our equipment as well. Anyone can provide that. Someone bring a bike. Someone bring a tarp. Someone bring a tarp. Someone bring a tarp. Someone bring an industrial fan to get that stench out of the room. Someone bring a little curtain and a rifle so we can put him down. And someone bring a gurney so we can have a shower at the end.

I just want to be clear, we love Dilruch very much. He's so adorable. And Sinclair, I know you're concerned about him, but we check in, we hug him, he's alright.

He's just a disgusting fat fuck. He's selling more tickets to his shows than us off the back of this podcast, so he's doing alright. We should explain that we're very mean

to Dil, but it's because Dil gets so excited when he hears his own name, he doesn't hear anything we say after that. He is definitely listening to this podcast

and he's already done four comes. Yeah, exactly. Hey Dil, here comes number five. Maltesers. Papa Dom. Oh, wow. Well, should we wrap it up? Hey, guess what, Dil?

Guess what? Because of the time difference, Dil, you can have your dinner at 12, then get on the plane, go to Perth and have another dinner. Oh, I just heard a future come happening. Is that what he was doing in the portal room with his dinner? Oh, good Lord. Well, guys, I think that just about brings us to the end of the little Dum Dum Club for this week.

Harley, Brian, Adam, Richard, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. You guys got things that you would like to plug? When does this come out? Well, pretty much straight away. Yeah, Melbourne Fringe, 9.15 at the Imperial until Tuesday the 30th or the 29th, whatever that is. Just look at Harley at Harley Breen on Twitter or your Facebook page. Adam?

I've got gigs everywhere. Just adamrichard.com. Great. There's a list. Ooh, very nice. You can go to slash calendar, I think it is, or slash gigs. I don't know. And obviously we have

our live shows coming up in, first one is Perth, the big weight loss, extravaganza. The big weigh-in. The very big weigh-in. Operation dumb cunt drop.

Yeah, the biggest dumb cunts. Yeah. October the 18th. On Sunday. Yes, on sale at littledumbdumbclub.com.

Also, Adelaide, November 17th, on a Tuesday at the Rhino Room. Yeah. Now, in Perth, the guests are – we're doing two hours of stand-up, one hour each. And then the podcast is guest Dilruch, Jaya Singer, Josh Earle, Xavier Michaelides. When we go to Adelaide, the guests are Dilruch – no, not Dilruch. Demi Lardner.

Demi Lardner. Nick Cody. Nick Cody and Xavier Michaelides. Xavier again. Yeah. And then we've got Sydney coming up. Yeah. On November the, what's that, the 22nd, I believe.

But all that stuff is on our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. I'm also, if you're right on this, I'm doing trial shows at the Imperial this Thursday to Friday, ending on the 25th of September. Tickets on the door, just seven bucks me doing new material. In Melbourne, obviously. Yeah. Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.