The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 260 - Tom Ballard & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: September 29, 2015

Best Newcomers, Misspelt Dictionaries and Yalla Mousse. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Mark Maron Touring Australia. That's right, the host of the hit podcast WTF is going to be in Australia for a select string of dates on the East Coast. Carl, what are those dates? Mark Maron will be performing on Thursday, October 15 at the State Theatre in Sydney. Next night he'll be in Melbourne at the Palais Theatre on October 16. And then the next night, Saturday 17th of October he'll be hitting Brisbane at City Hall, Tommy. Those shows are going to be awesome. We've both seen Marc Maron

semi-recently doing stand-up. He's great. He's been on this show. If you go back through our archives, you can find him on that. And he's totally in your wheelhouse, the listeners. He is, you know, that's basically the number one podcast in America. Comedy podcast, isn't it? So this is your chance to see one of the greats at the very top of his game,

the Marination Tour. Tickets on sale now from all those usual ticketing places. Brought out by Misspelt Youth who are bringing out a lot of US acts at the moment. So hit them up, hit their website to see who they're touring at the moment. But Mark Maron is the jewel in their crown. So check him out on a rare occasion. He's coming to Australia. Yeah, get out there, guys.

We'll see you there. Bye, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. You've got an update on last week for us.

I do. Hit us with it. On last week's episode, I did talk about the young gentleman listener, the person aware of the show that rang me while he was hopped up on mescaline. Yes. In the middle of the Victor Harbour forest, kicking leaves into the air. I put a call out during the episode. I wanted to know what kind of recreational drugs do people get on when and before they listen to this show.

Someone messaged us to say, wow, had just ripped a massive bong and then Dasolo whips that out on the show. Mind blown. So to everyone who's toking on at the moment, fucking rage on, brothers. Is that what drug users say to each other? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For everyone downloading this episode at 4.20 in the afternoon. Yeah, okay.

What have you got, mate? Bong on. Let's go. The guy that hit me up, the young gentleman, replied to me when the episode came out. Great new ep, Chan man. I'd like to clarify some things, though. The fabulous Adam Richard was right. Mescaline is from cacti.

And Daslo was right as well. I did come as soon as you answered the phone. Who would have thought that that piece of information those two pieces of information would have come from those two sources. If I had to guess I would have said that was the other way around. Also Morris Mescaline has caught on as a nickname for me which I'm not totally happy

about. And last night I did see that crazy guy again screaming at the moon about barack obama so that's all see you mate i said ha thanks for the sweet content oh you've written back yeah yeah said ah thanks for the sweet content mozza he said no problemo next time you don't have anything to talk about contact me and i'll take a bunch of meth and go into an insane asylum oh right there's next week's xpx expect a call in the next couple of days. I like how he goes that that nickname's caught on with his group of friends.

Like, who's he sitting down and going, listen to this. I talked about my drug use to these podcasters and they made fun of me for it. Yeah. And it's such a catchy nickname as well. Morris Mescaline. There's 17 syllables in there. Well, today on the show, first of all, you know him from writing the banners at the footy. We've talked about it a lot.

Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club and from the circle, Danny McKinlay. You nearly thought you'd gotten off scot-free, didn't you? I was about to call you out on it. Yes, from the circle. What a great show. G'day, Denise. Yep. Any word on the comeback?

No. Last I heard, there was... Oh, actually, there was rumour going around Channel 10, I'm probably not supposed to talk about it, that there was going to be a baby circle. You said this last time, yeah. Oh, there we go. No, no, I've done it.

But that's still... Nothing's quashed that TV Tonight haven't come out and poured hot water or cold water over that rumour? No, not at all. I haven't been misquoted or anything. Also joining us on the show, you know him from Triple J Breakfast and from Reality Check, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tom at all. I haven't been misquoted or anything. Also joining us on the show, you know him from Triple J Breakfast and from Reality Check. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Tom Ballard.

Yay! Oh, fuck. It's fucking kicking in, bros. Rage on, brother. Rage on. Mr. Ballard. The grateful dum-dum. I was in the circle as well. Come on. Mr Ballard The Grateful Rewind The Grateful Dumb Dumb I was in the circle as well

Come on Were you? Yeah, yeah, yeah I don't remember you there No, nor do anyone I've tried to block it out I did a stand up spot That yeah

That never Oh yeah One of the people That did stand up on there Oh really? Was it no good? Oh look, good luck to them I'm very happy for the gig

Happy for the work Happy for the work But you know bemused old ladies lot of empty chairs that's my demographic pal watch it I was

because I was booked in I made one appearance on it and of which Tommy and Nick Cody were in the audience for and I believe I was booked in to do stand up

on that show and then I believe someone did stand up just before me like within the last couple of weeks before that,

and it went so badly they went, let's not have stand-up again. So then I was just on the couch when I went on. But a blessing in disguise by the sounds of it. Are you accusing Ballard? No, no, not at all. No, no. I like that as you were talking before you said good luck to him for a show that's got cancelled and been off the air for maybe four years now.

Good luck. Yeah, good luck to him. Posthumous good luck. So what's the baby circle? Like people talking about their babies. Yeah, I think so. Okay, all right. I'm not going to get a gig on that, I think.

Fuck them. I want an old bird in flames. You'll be on the Up the Bum No Baby circle. Oh, and it's... That's two for two weeks that I've gotten that one in. She's a place for friendship. Panda bong over Ballard. Jesus Christ.

Up the bong though, babies. Well, this is exciting because you two were, Tommy Dastle and Tom Ballard are about to move in together. You're about to. Central. Yeah.

Things are getting pretty serious. Yeah, right. Which is very weird because like nearly a year ago now we made a pilot of a sitcom in which we played fictional housemates

and now we're about to become real life housemates. Life imitating art. Yeah. Which one do you reckon is going to be more successful?

Which out of us or which experience? No, no. I didn't need to ask that one. Okay, right. Now that's just accurate. Yeah, I'm excited about it. Yes, hopefully fully furnished.

There might still be life in the old girl yet and I'm sure the living experience will be wonderful. I'm actually working on fully famished babies. Fully famished? Fully famished Babies. Oh, Fully Famished. Fully Famished Babies. Where's that filming, can I ask? Uganda. Yeah, how are you getting the funding?

A dollar a day? Yeah, so we went and looked at places on Saturday. We had a great day. We went and looked at about six places, one of which I would describe as liveable. Just shit heaps really. I mean, the better the

location, the worse the place. How's the dynamic going to work between you? Which one, the odd couple, which one's the... I'm going to say this. I'm going to say that both of you are the messy one. Are you both messy? What is this? It's a question. Sorry, I just had a stroke. That bomb has really kicked in.

I will say, and I don't want to out this person specifically, although as soon as I give the details away I think it's going to become pretty obvious who it is. I have been warned about your messiness via a former housemate of yours. Really? Yeah, who listens to the show. Wow. My messiness? Yeah.

Is it Tom's mum? Big listener Friend of the show Yeah Love tuning in to hear how ripped her son is Judy, I need some cash, man Come on, Thomas, stop bogarting it I raised you better than that I think you only really run into problems with cleanliness.

I think as long as people's standards kind of match up, that's okay. Like, I'm not... Like, I tidy. Like, I'm not the tidiest person in the world. But, you know, I'm fine to leave some dishes for a couple of days. And I think you run into problems if you have someone who wants the dishes done immediately. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, I've been... Like, my housemates now, they leave stuff out a bit. But so do I from time to time So it's fine And we've had a big ant problem For the last four months But by and large

It's been fine You say big ant problem I say big ant opportunity Watching ants die Is the only way I can get erect nowadays So yeah I turned that into a positive

Okay I'm going to make some calls And that inspection We're going to this afternoon, don't worry about it. I'm just going to buy a house. Oh, wow. So are you both going to be a bit messy then? Well, you know, there's only time will tell.

This will be the first time I've ever lived in a house with all men, I'll say, which I've heard it said that this is a generalisation, but having a lady in the house tends to kind of keep the standards of cleanliness a bit. And to be honest, that's any time I've been clean in a house, it's purely been... To impress chicks. To impress the chicks that I live with. To get them to come home with you.

Well, with my homosexuality and your voice, we're close enough. We're pretty much there. Yeah, let's start a nightclub in the back room. We're pretty much on board. If the housemate who told you, the ex-housemate of mine who told you that I was messy is the person I'm thinking of. You know who it is. Who else could it be that I have a direct link to?

Well. And they listen to this too, so they're fucking sweating bullets right about now. So go on. Maybe just ask them about, you know, whether all the housemates paid rent on time. Or maybe, you know, potentially, you know, maybe still owe people some money. Whoa!

You hear that, Mikey Williams? You've been put on notice. Wow, and Ballard is sweating on it to pay his dealer. So this is what it feels like to make fun of people for financial hardship. I see why you guys have been doing it. Ballard, you don't want to live with someone who borrows money and then never pays back. You're in the wrong

house. You have not learnt. Anyway, to start a completely new conversation, hide a Rhys Nicholson out there. If he happens to be listening. Oh, fine. Everything's fine.

Watch your fucking mouth, cunt. Oh, that's not who that was about at all. But anyway. No, I think it's going to be good. I liked going to inspections. I've realised in looking at just a bunch of different listings, the word funky in a listing is always cause for concern in my experience you'd never go to a you'd never see somewhere good like

a good nice house and describe it as funky do you know you want your entertainment precincts to be funky you don't want your living quarters to be yeah to me that means there's like fucking benches coming out of like weird angles to me it just just says smell. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Funkay, I'm down with. I like funkay things. That's fine.

You don't really see that in rental listings, them describing the smell of the property. But it does make a big difference. It does make a really big difference. What are you looking for and what's the deal breakers with you guys? What can't you deal with for this new house? Well, we went to one that looked great in listing. Podcasting studio is a must?

Yeah. Yes? Yeah, must have egg cartons along all the walls for good acoustics. Must be close to Dilruch Jai Singer. Emergency guest precautions. We went and looked at one. I enjoyed your power move. We looked at one in Carlton that was a real shithole.

And we were all looking through it and all of us being, because you know the estate agents there and too polite to, you know we're all sort of trying to be polite and you know, nice about it and then we walk down the stairs and Tom goes, you know what guys, not to play this move but I've hosted Q&A, I deserve fucking better than this

That's very fair. And just all the other people looking around going, wow that is a fucking rental power move. Drop your price and maybe we'll talk, lady. Tommy's great to look at places too because the first place we looked at, which we actually quite liked, and we thought, this is nice. Oh, there's quite a big garden there.

I wonder what happens. Like the owners maybe hire a gardener to sort that out. As we're walking out of the property, past the real estate agent, Tommy, in an almost loud of a normal voice exclaims yeah yeah that garden our place just goes to shit because we just don't give a shit very loudly so everyone can hear so see i've been thinking about that since you pointed it out and i a breakup that i went through years and years ago um you know like have you ever been through a breakup where the person is just really trying to fucking burn you on the way out

and they're just like, they're just bringing out stuff that, really deep stuff about you that they've clearly been sitting on? Surprisingly not. Either of you guys ever had that? Like, because, you know, there's those things that you're sort of sitting on that you realise that if you bring them up, that's like, sort of going nuclear a little bit. Right. That chops

off all the loose ends. It's like we can't be friends anymore. Exactly, exactly. You've always got to have one eye on the future. Danny, anything like that? No, I date people I like. I had an ex many, many years ago. We broke up.

She was like, you know what? You have got the least fucking tact of anyone I've ever known. You are the most tactless cunt of all time. And it's just now in my as i'm getting older with experiences like that at that rental inspection that i'm starting to realize i think she might have been onto something there's something about you though tommy because i think because you're an only child i do see that about you yeah in circumstances you there's something about only only children yeah i'm oblivious that you are i'm oblivious yeah yeah exactly i don't think you

you're quite you it's not like you've got Asperger's, but there's a little bit of something – I've thought for many years that I had actual Asperger's, and then, yeah, I don't believe I do. No, I don't either. But I must be on the cusp. No, no, I think it's just that single child thing. How about I wish I had Asperger's because then it's some kind

of justification for this behaviour because otherwise it's just I'm a prick. Just ask your mummy and daddy for something. Fuck, he's asked for a rent, he's asked for a car, now he's asked for an illness? Just see what you can do, Dad. Just run it up the pole for me. Whatever makes you happy, son. So how about this?

Now, I've got some, I found out some news today which I'm very surprised at. Now. Is this what you were sizzling when you were trying to get me on the show? No, it isn't.

It isn't. Now, I did, I have got Danny McGinley on the show under certain pretenses because he said, I can't do it because I've got the baby, I've got he said, I can't do it because I've got the baby, I've got the kid,

I can't do it. And another radio interview. No, and a radio interview. Okay, that'll do. So I can't do it, I'm busy. And I said, well, it's a shame because I've got some pretty sweet content on this one. And you're like, I'll put in a word,

I'll do what I can. Okay, I'm in, I'm in. You know, Danny, anything for content. Yeah, yeah. So that content is yet to come. This is just some pre-content. Sizzle on that. This is a foreplay.

All right. I'm pre-contending all over the place. It still can get you pregnant, so just be careful with the pre-content. Not if you're standing up when it happens. So welcome back to Up the Mum No Babies. So I found out today, So we've talked about this Before on the show If anyone lives in Melbourne

That listens to this And even visitors To Melbourne Of which I met a couple Last night at Comedy at Spleen Comedy at Spleen Is on a Monday night In Melbourne

Which I co-run It's been running For like seven years Had a couple of listeners In last night From Interstate That came in Yeah no ads

Keep going That came in Especially delighted to to see, for example, Doruk was there. So we got pictures with him and whatever. So it was really cool to have listeners come into the show. So Comedy at Spleen, I took it over like – there was like four different people that ran it. There was the first, second, third, fourth, four groups of people.

I was the, me and Steel. It passed through many, many different owners, many different operators of that gig. Yes. Now, the first person, and that was all within a year, the first person to run Comedy at the Spleen was Sammy J's brother.

A friend of the show, Sammy J. His brother was the first person to run that, right? Tim McMillan, successful musician in his own right. Yes, successful musician. Now, what I found out today, so the first runner of Comedy at Spleen that ran Comedy at Spleen a year before I took over is now a member of Ugly Kid Joe. Whoa.

Holy shit. I'm going to come right out. I don't know what that is. Ugly Kid Joe. Whoa. Holy shit. I'm going to come right out. I don't know what that is. Ugly Kid Joe? They're a band. How old are you, Tom? What year were you born? In 1989.

Okay. Ugly Kid Joe were popular when you were three. Okay. And by the time you were four, they weren't. Yeah. I reckon the version of Cats in the Cradle that you know, that's Ugly Kid Joe. Yes, exactly.

That's the one that I grew up with. They sang the song from the official soundtrack of Wayne's World. Okay. What's that song? Everything About You. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Was that Wayne's World?

I was going to say that was something else. Yeah, no, it's got the little rap bit where he talks about Wayne's World. How could you have been the presenter on Triple J and not know the body of work of Ugly Kid Joe? It sounds like very easily, yes. I think they asked me if I knew him for the job interview. I said no. They said welcome aboard.

They had one other hit called Neighbour. Yeah. It was about being a bad neighbour. That's their three hits. Right. That says a lot about them that I don't know any of their music apart from the cover of another song. There you go. But you were born in what, 1989?

86. 86, yeah. That just excites me that someone that ran Spleen is now in Ugly Kid Joe, meaning I could be 12 months away from being in Four Non Blondes. Okay, we got your story out for your little line that you clearly wrote at 11am this morning. Can we fucking move on now? Sorry for trying to be entertaining on the show.

Can we all just be surprised? Ugly Kid Joe is still around? Yeah. That's kind of surprising. That was only slightly less surprising than the fact I know someone in Ugly Kid Joe. Yeah. That excited me enough and then I found out I know someone in Ugly Kid Joe. Still around and still recruiting new members. You know what I mean? People jump and ship out I know someone in Ugly Kid Joe. Still around and still recruiting new members.

You know what I mean? People jump and ship out of the good camp Ugly Kid Joe. Yeah, they're still doing the thing of, you know that thing where one member just holds on? Yeah. And just gets to keep the name? Yeah. And then just brings whoever else. Well, why would you let go of such a great name like Ugly Kid Joe?

Well, when you've written all those covers. I remember seeing the album in my local video store. My local video store used to rent out CDs, like music CDs. Can I say, is the cover of their well-known album a cartoon of the Statue of Liberty giving the bird? Yes, it is. Now, does that ring any bells, Tom Ballard? No, you may not say that, but yes, it is.

Oh, right. Because it looked like you weren't sure if you were getting a musical album or it was Mad Magazine. Yes. Yeah, and they had this – did they have a little – they had an almost Alfred E. Newman-esque little – because it was like a cartoon of a guy giving – was he like their little mascot, the guy who was giving the finger

as the Statue of Liberty? Like Eddie from Iron Maiden. Yeah, exactly. But like a little kind of almost Dennis the Menace-y, Alfred Newman-y little figure. What a scamp he was. I assume he was Joe. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I guess so. I'll ask my friend. Tom's asleep. I'm just bored out of my fucking mind. Now you know how regular people feel listening to Triple J. Oh, hello, Tim. Tim's got something for Super Request. Have you got anything from the first album of

Something for Kate? If you want to get him, text in. Let's get Tim to the top of the hottest 100 this year. Let's get Tom Ballard involved in the show. Sorry to talk about things. No, I'm sorry. Okay, let's make it more real. Let's talk about the Buffalo Man from Jamiroquai. Really bring this a bit more current.

If I knew somebody who was now in Smash Mouth or whatever, that would be amazing. There couldn't be too far different Smash Mouth than Ricky Joe. Surely that's only about five years. Yeah, in terms of nostalgic kind of shitty things to be in now. Well, not shitty for him. I'm sure that's a great gig. Hey, it's better than anything I've got going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, did Smash Mouth Become Uncle Wasn't there a shit One hit wonder Of a fat white American guy Called Uncle Cracker Uncle Cracker

No I think they looked Very similar You can be Two different bands You don't all have to be One band For me and everything

Is alright Tommy who do you reckon Is going to leave First out of me and you And then just hawk around This podcast for the next drag around like a distended corpse we all know it's just going to be Dillarook

I like the idea that we both bail and give this over to Dillarook no Dillarook's going to have many better things going on than us yeah that's true it's a compliment paid Tom Ballard so you just got back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival I did congratulations on behalf

Of the Little Dungeon Club On being nominated Thank you For Best Newcomer Thank you Thank you everyone There's something Backhanded coming I reckon

Yeah fuck it No not at all Not at all My chando sense is tingling Not at all How How Has the last ten years

Of doing comedy Been going for you This is like that Drum article That came out During the war Which said How has the last ten years of doing comedy been going for you? This is like that drum article that came out during the week which said four up-and-coming comedians for you to look out for. Ronnie Chang, Sam Simmons. Yeah. How is the time-space continuum working over in Scotland these days? Because I'm thinking about going over there for my 21st Oh fuck

When you do eventually propose She's going to be like What's wrong? Something bad is This is what I wanted for a long time But fuck what? Am I standing on a trap door? What is happening?

Yeah he proposes and then she starts crying, but they're not tears of joy. They're like, you have cancer, don't you? That's the only explanation for why you're now doing this. Will you marry me? Got him. Do you take this, Tim? Look, I understand there was some, you know,

on my advertising in Edinburgh, I sort of had a little thing saying, winner, best newcomer, Melbourne Comedy Festival, and neglected to mention that was in 2009. Oh, right. Which, you know, is odd, I guess, particularly for Corey White, this year's best newcomer, who was also advertising the same angle.

But it was my first Edinburgh Fringe. It's perfectly acceptable. It's all legal. No one's getting any flints back. I said congratulations, didn't I? It's like you've just been cross-examining yourself all day. You've worked out all the possible things that people could say back to you. No, no, no.

You've worked out all angles. I am just this good on the spot. No, I didn't mug the victim. I yelled surprise. Having said that, I've heard good things about, you know, Carl Chandler Comedy Zone 2016. I think it could happen, mate. It could all go down.

I would love that to happen. I thought you guys might enjoy this. This is one thing that happened in Edinburgh. Because, look, I had a lovely time. It was really fun. It's a pretty intense festival. And look, something that brought

a little bit of sunshine into the light of Australian comedians there was that Ronnie Chang didn't have the greatest time of his life at Edinburgh. I heard about that. You know, he...

You lot are a pack of indicative bastards. Well, indeed. I don't know that we like negativity on this podcast, Tom. I think you may have come to the wrong shop. Yeah, exactly.

We love Ronnie. The downside was I couldn't call Dil a disgusting fat fuck. If you're going to be a negative Nancy in this house we live in, I think we're going to have to reassess this because I do not like to hang around people like that. And I don't want to stick the boots into Ronnie at his most vulnerable day. Oh no, hang on. He just started the Daily Show today on US TV. And one point

said to Sam Simmons, like, oh, you know, man, it's tough, you know, I'm still quite working on it. And Sam Simmons quoted saying directly to his face, good. I think that's probably what Sam won the award for. Congratulations, yeah. So, and of course, it wasn't going that bad. It just wasn't going Ronnie Chang good, you know. But anyway, the day that I found out I was nominated,

we all end up in this garden later on the night having drinks and I was quite tipsy and was celebrating myself. Because it's an honour just to be nominated. Did they have a camera on you as they announced the winner? What face did you pull? Fuck this! To be fair, you've they announced the winner? What face did you pull? Fuck this! To be fair, you've had ten years to practice that face, so... Surely they just could have queued up some B-roll from Reality Check,

that TV show that you hosted here for ten weeks. Just good they've given you a chance. Guys, lay off him. He's a lot more green than the rest of us. This little industry whippersnipper. We bring him in here to give him a little boost. After this,

he probably won't even ever go out and do his second gig. Hey guys, you leave the best newcomer host Q&A alive. You guys will see, next year when Will Anderson and I do a split show,

you'll all be swallowing your words. Anyway, I'm when Will Anderson and I do a split show, you'll be swallowing your words. Anyway, I'm in the garden and I'm drinking with a bunch of people, including that traitor, Rhys Nicholson, and we're hanging out. And Susan Proven, the director of the Melbourne Comedy Festival, was in town there. She was there too. And I was drinking an espresso martini and someone said, hey, let's get an espresso martini.

And Susan says, oh, I don't really like them. And I was sort of drunk and sort of forgot about the power and influence of Susan Proven. And Terturret said, what are you, an idiot? And that's when you lost Best New. Well, exactly. Yes. We'll never host anything again.

Anyway, so that's one power trip executed. Then Roddy Chang was there. He came out afterwards. And this is what, just mere hours after the nominations have been read out. So you've gone crazy with power almost immediately. He's gone afterwards. And this is what just mere hours after the nominations have been read out. So you're just, you've gone crazy with power almost immediately. He's gone full Albert Schweitzer.

This is my first big break, guys. I'm very excited. You're starting to get a taste of that power that you have back here over there and starting to exercise it. Very good. Apparently, again, this is a separate sidebar, if I may. A couple of years ago when Ronnie was at his first Edinburgh

and they were standing because I think Matt O'Kane had been nominated for Best Newcomer and they were standing around the awards ceremony and apparently Ronnie said, wow you guys, only started comedy a few years ago. Who would have thought we'd all be here, standing here at Edinburgh, me not being nominated.

So amazing. Let's just turn this podcast into the Ronnie Dirt podcast. If you've got any hot tips, anyone in New York, if you see him in the street, you know, pissing on a homeless man or something, just text in. Yeah. Give him away underwear. So Roddy was walking around and, you know,

wasn't he super happy himself because he was just, like, getting ready for the end of Edinburgh and stuff. He was like a normal comedian. Yeah. What's bad for Ronnie though? Just to explain. He could only afford three of the letters that are lit up behind his name. He just said Onnie. How big was his

venue? Like, was he in a 50 day? It was like, no, it was like 150. Was he playing Tyne Castle? My parents went to his show and I know some of his spots around Tyne, he's fucking hilarious. He's great. He's just, you know, I guess it would be a bizarre world to move from, you know, selling out the main Melbourne Town Hall and being the bee's knees and just being, there's a sensation of admirers that you do just sort of feel lost

because there's just so much. It's a big shift. Big shift, but he did fine. It was all good. And then I saw Ronnie and then his phone started ringing and I was so drunk that I grabbed it from him and answered it in his voice, not knowing who the hell it was. I was just saying, hey, Ronnie.

Hey, this is Ronnie. What's going on? How's it going? Hey. And making a lot of things in Ronnie's voice. It was George, Ronnie's agent. And I made fun of that, gave the phone back to him and then we carried on with the night.

And then... So you're now signed with him. Well, now Edinburgh finishes and then, of that, gave the phone back to him and then we carried on with the night. So you're now signed with him. Well, now Edinburgh finishes and then, of course, the news breaks. Ronnie has got the Daily Show news, which is fantastic. Then I thought, I got in contact with Ronnie and said, hey, you know when I answered your phone from George around about that time, what was that call about?

He said, oh, he was calling me to tell me that I'd got the Daily Show. So you could have got it. You could have just stayed on the line a couple more minutes. You would have gotten it. You could have got your second big break. Thank you, George. I don't want that job, but my friend Tom Ballard is available. Who would have thought ten years ago we'd all be standing here

watching me get a phone call saying that I've got the Daily Show. And giving it to my friend Tom Ballard. That would have been a happy ending, wouldn't it? Just a fresh-faced newcomer

then getting the Daily Show. Speaking of big breaks, we, we, Tommy, like we've got live shows. We've been plugging on the show lately on the podcast. We've got live shows coming up.

Yeah, we've got a whole bunch and them. What have we got? We've got Perth. This was the content you were fucking sizzling. It's still coming. We've got Perth. We've got Sydney. We're trying to sort out Canberra at the moment. That's looking good. We'll do Brisbane at the end of next year and we've also... No, no. We'll do Brisbane starter next year.

We're going to do another Melbourne show. We'll do another Melbourne show before the end of this year and we've also got near the end of November, we've got our Adelaide show coming up, don't we? Have you guys heard of Adelaide before? It's a village port. Oh, that's a lovely thing to say about it. But anyway, we have got an Adelaide show coming up.

And look, I feel like we... Big announcement. Big announcement about the Adelaide gig. The big announcement. This is still not the sweet content, but this is a big announcement we're making official right now. Tom and I will be the punters. We've already announced that we are going to Adelaide in November, but we're retitling the show.

It's the official farewell tour of Adelaide. Hashtag go fuck yourself, Adelaide. We complained about this last year. Never again It's hard to get people to get out of the house And buy tickets to go to our show So we're struggling with sales again this year It's okay

We're like okay Adelaide we get it You don't want us You don't want anything You don't want to live Go fucking neck yourself Adelaide But this is like So we're doing the big three hour show And tickets are $50

Which isn't cheap And I've heard that on Twitter as a complaint, like maybe if tickets weren't $50. We went and we checked the sales from the start of the year when we did a regular price one for $20. It was the exact same numbers. No, it was less. So how many tickets have you sold?

Oh, let's not go into specifics. All right. Let's put it this way. They're very low for us. They're about three times what you would get to. Yeah. Let's just, let's put it this way. The very life for us are about three times what you would get to any show. So it's roughly,

it's roughly a third of my favourite sex move. Wow. One. I think you guys are spoiled. I mean, as a new,

half a dog. As a newcomer, I'd love to get those numbers. I like how you equate not wanting to go to the live dub dub club as not wanting to live anymore. Like that is all these people have left. If you lived in Adelaide, would you book ahead for things? Why not?

When's it going to sell out? It's going to be fine. I would if the people who do the thing that I really like were constantly berating me on the air and saying, get off your fucking ass and buy a ticket. I probably would. Why does every other city book ahead? Why does every other city go, okay, great,

let's go and get tickets to this thing that we listen to all the time? Having a big enough population that it might sell out. Okay, all right. Well, how's this? Adelaide has a reputation. Their people have a reputation of not leaving the house, of not going out at night, of not going to things. A lot of promoters won't go there.

A lot of promoters won't bring their axe to Adelaide. That'll be the one black spot in Australia and they won't go there. How does it work in Adelaide that they have four 24-hour bakeries but no one wants to fucking go outside their house at night? How does that work? That is suspicious. Fucking hell. You guys are going to be like the big day out of live podcasts.

Yes. Four people. Yeah, first Adelaide folds and then nothing. Then it all goes down the toilet. Drag down the rest of the podcast. So we are coming, but come and give us a kiss goodbye. Come and just take it all in for the last time. Come and really just stare at us for the three hours. Bring your cameras.

Make sure you get your photos, anything you want signed because this is it, guys. This is your last fucking chance. We're going to kill ourselves. He even said chance, not chance. He's really reaching out to Adelaide. That's good, yeah. So that's it, Adelaide.

Come and we'll have a pie with you at the 24-hour bakery afterwards, but this is it for you guys. And then that's it. And then we'll have a pie and we'll be saying, oh, so great to meet you. Thanks for coming. But guess what? When we were on that plane on the way back, that is fucking gone. Those memories are dust.

We are not going to think about you for one more second after we've left. Any time we turn left from now on, all we see is Perth. We don't see, we don't recognise that state anymore. I'm wiping out the whole state now. Wow. So there's never going to be a Port Lincoln live dum-dum show? No. There's no Wyala.

Horsham? Would you go Horsham? Horsham. Would we go as far as Horsham? Okay, Horsham. Halls Gap, maybe. Yeah. Tail and Bend, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, yeah. So that's it. Boy, I wonder what this is going to do for sales. Then another message to all other states That if you hate having the WNB club in your town Cancel those tickets This is the way to get rid of the system To be fair Tom That's not the most complicated idea of all time

If you don't like something don't buy tickets to it Yeah we're ahead of you on that one I think I saw a change.org petition Asking people to valet to not buy tickets You know the public support is out there guys Yeah, we're ahead of you on that one. I think I saw a Change.org petition asking people in Valais to not buy tickets to Dumb Dumb Club. You know, the public support is out there, guys. You've got to listen to the people. Title of the creator, Chris Brown, the little Dumb Dumb Club.

Because listening to the show makes guys want to hit their own girlfriend. Makes girlfriends want to hit themselves. No, makes people want to hit who they think is a girl, Tommy Daslow. That's that little cunt that owes me money. Bam. Settle down, Mr Ballard. Yay. Very good.

Very nice. I said Mr Ballard, not Mr Daslow. Yeah. I didn't quite get it. I just went along with the fun that everyone else was having. Yeah, I made a wrong joke. Tom's dad hits me. Yeah.

I thought you were looking into the future Where Tom was Going to be owed money By Tommy Oh yeah Yeah no the joke worked Alright we're there It all works out Adelaide buy tickets

Or you'll miss this Hey can I Before you get to this Sweet content Can I tell you guys Something that you may enjoy Now you guys all Met the dog

That we are currently House Dog sitting in this house Daisy My housemate Sister's dog Daisy Two year old golden retriever. Very kind and loving dog.

Can you see her out in the backyard? No, she's gone. Is she gone? Yeah. Is she actually gone? Can you guys see her? She's gone forever. She was walking around before.

No, no, no. Is she just in that garden over there? I definitely saw her climb that roof and then jump off backwards, so I think it's gone. Maybe she's gone down the side. It's all fenced up. No, there she is.

Oh, she's there? Okay, cool. I'm leaving that in. And she's looking down the side. It's all fenced up. No, there she is. Oh, she's there. Okay, cool. I'm leaving that in. And she's looking at us thinking we're going to let her in. So she's like just a young golden retriever. She's very nice, very good-natured. The first morning that we had her, I was in my room. I was getting dressed for the morning, getting ready to face the world.

All right, mate. We've all got stuff going on. I had the door to my room open. I need to be excused. There's plenty more where this comes from When you move in together buddy Oh lordy I'll be getting dressed every morning

I doubt that but anyway Unless the black dog comes back Jesus Daisy's yellow Oh I get it So I was in my room Getting dressed And the dog

Like walked into my room As I was getting dressed So walked in Sat down Took me in In my naked state And then started crying What do you think of that?

And sort of saw me As I was like Kind of bending over Putting jocks on So got the worst view of it So the golden retriever Actually turned black As it was

How's the... And started crying. How's that when a thing that will definitely eat its own crap if given the opportunity looks at you and goes, you disgust me. The dog then left the room, found a shotgun, dragged it into the room, laid it at your feet and looked up to you with dear eyes saying,

please, do the right thing. Then ran to the video shop, grabbed a copy of Old Yeller. Look at that look that she's giving us. Like she knows that she's being talked about. Isn't that weird? I think she was trying to summon someone to rescue you from your life. What's that, Daisy? Tommy's a disgusting fuck.

What's that, Daisy? Tommy's trapped disgusting fuck. What's that, Daisy? Tommy's trapped in a dead-end career in the arts. What's that, Daisy? Tommy's fell down a well. Oh, no, he looks like he's fallen down a well. Okay. He looks physically unwell. Speaking of you, Dagan,

do you want to share that lovely dream that you shared with me the other day when we were looking for houses? Oh, fuck. Your forecasting dream. It's pretty raw so that sounds good i had a dream someone else's dream brilliant oh this is the great content carlos i had a dream that i was at a music festival i had a dream it was raining very heavily and it was very muddy in the dream and i made a conscious decision early on, because all my clothes had gotten wet,

to just be nude for the entire festival. I thought I'd just walk around naked in the mud. Everyone's getting dirty and wet and muddy. To be fair, which is better dressed than how you usually dress at a music festival, so... Fuck off. Clever. So, in this dream we're walking around...

Space jump. Some sweet improvro going on Yeah but nah No way to get fucked Space cunt So in this dream I'm walking around I'm covered in mud And then at some point in the dream I decide Actually this is fucked I'm going to go put on some clothes

So I'm running through the mud And I slip in the mud And I fall down face first in the mud. And then a woman who I don't know, this is in the dream, let me remind you, this didn't happen in real life. A woman just came up behind me while I was lying face down in the mud and started giving me a rim job. And that's the point that I woke up and went, fuck, what's going on there? And again, you're bringing this up very loudly at a real estate inspection

yeah can't you just ask me a rib job anyway what's the lease on this joint can we get a contact number for the application form before I do that let me what do you make of this what are the neighbours like they're not weird are they

there's no mud out in the back, is there? Because I had a dream about that last night. The agent goes up to Ballard and goes, mate, just before you choose him as a housemate, you hosted Q&A. You deserve better than this. Yeah, anyone who's in any way specialised or trained in the art of working out what dreams mean,

write in. I'd love to know. I'll give it a crack. You're fucking lonely. And also cancer, I think. Cancer. Wow. Okay. I'm glad you brought that up.

Now we know exactly what's happening. As she was giving you a rib job, did all her teeth start falling out? And did you wake up and the dog was there? No, my anus fell out. What does that mean? Money problems, I bet. Well, to be fair, all your dreams move back. Yeah, exactly. It's always money problems. At least with me it is. All your dreams and everything that happens

in your life can be brought back to that. Yeah, put in the category of money or problems or money problems. Alright, now let's get to this sweet content. Sweet content. Are we done? Have we cleaned that asshole out in terms of that story? Have we gotten rid of all the sour content?

Have we gotten rid of every bit of rotten content we can? Now we're just apexing towards the top of the content? Because I had that other story that we talked about. Oh, okay, let's go into that. All right, so we'll build up to yours. Yeah, sure. Okay, sweet. Well, it's not even my content.

This is a story you told me backstage at Spleen about a month ago. Right. And I said, have you talked about that on Dum Dum? Because I was laughing very hard at it. Oh, this is about the job that I was fired from. And the great thing about this is... Oh, do you want me to tell it then?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, you're going to tell it better than me. Great content, Danny. Really appreciate you. Hey, this is an alley-oop for Carl to slam dunk. But the reason I really like this story, it's Carl getting fired from his job, but he wouldn't...

They wanted you to quit, but you wouldn't quit. And it's just... It's Carl using... You know how he's a fucking obstinate, stubborn prick that we have to deal with a lot of the time? Carl Chandler. Carl Chandler. and obstinate, stubborn prick that we have to deal with a lot of the time.

Carl Chandler. Carl Chandler. It's nice to hear those powers being used for good. Well, I disagree. But anyway. All right. Well, tell the story. That was me being obstinate.

There's a little joke there. So I once had a job at a publishing company, a book publishing company, and I worked there for a year. And I've told the story on the show of a very horrible breakup I had, relationship breakup. And I happened to have that while I was working at this place. And at the time, right when that happened, I was going into meetings, a couple of meetings,

honestly a couple of meetings, and I was pretty down about everything. And they would pull me out of the meetings and went, oh, you looked a bit sad in that meeting instead of going oh what's wrong they're like yeah we don't like you being sad in meetings like am I getting complained about for being sad in a meeting of which I had no use in being in like it was a meeting about something I had nothing to do with so I was just literally sitting in a room going what does it matter whether I had a smile or what on my face but they're like no we don't like don't like that. It's like bringing people down and stuff like, wow, really? Do you want to hear what I'm sad about? Not really.

Okay, I'll just keep going. And anyway. This would be, I'd love to see again, as with most of your stories, this version of the reality side by side where you're in the meeting just with the razor blade out, just casually, just running it down your wrist. I was doing nothing. Honestly, I would love to know the real reason behind

them giving me the arse from this thing because I was like stunned at how all this happened. But anyway. Voodoo doll that was sticking pins. And by the way, it's Janet's birthday. What a cunt. I had a weird dream last night, guys.

Anyone want to hear it? So I'm having this insanely rough time. I actually take time off. I take like one day off from work. And, you know, when I joined, I'd only been at this job for like 12 months. And they actually, part of the selling thing at the start of the job was saying,

you know what, we've actually got our own sort of phone line sort of thing. So if you have like really bad personal problems and stuff, you can actually use this function. Like we pay for this sort of lifeline-y sort of function within the company. It's not lifeline, but we sponsor this individual lifeline thing within the company. I'm like, wow, I might actually use that because I'm like really, really having a rough time with things at the moment. I'm actually really down.

And I took a day off and I came back and they went, anyway, do you want to come in for a meeting? And I came in for the meeting and they go, yeah, you're really having a rough time, aren't you? And I was like, yeah, I really am. And they go, yeah. So you're quitting today, are you? And I went, no, I don't think that was the plan.

Actually, having a job would help me out a little bit because I'm having a rough time and the only thing that's helping me is how I can pay for food and things to, you know, keep me alive and they're like, nah. We think you need more time to focus on your depression. Yeah, you're too busy.

You need to really think about how that girl dumped you. You're not really concentrating on the bad aspects about yourself that she hated. And we've got you a severance gift. Here's an oven. What are the old gas ones too? Really hard to find these days. And here's half a taxi voucher because I was working

in Port Melbourne, living in Williamstown. Here we go. And you need to go over a certain bridge. Yeah! Chandler begins the origin story. There it is. Oh, we're hearing about him training with the League of Dumb Cuts. So, and that's just after I got my ward Tommy in

to become Dumb Cunt Robin. Ah, fuck. Nerd. It blew back on me. Fuck. So, anyway. D dumb cunt Robin. Nerd! It blew back on me. Fuck! So anyway. Dumb cunt Robin. It's my Mad Magazine parody of Robin. I'm Fat Man.

I'm dumb cunt Robin. They really gave up on that guy. Can I write dumb cunt in a magazine that's just on sale in a newsagent? Next to Archie and Veronica. Look, it's Ghost Dusters. Look, it's dumb cunt Beckman. I don't like this new writer.

It's got a lot of issues he needs to work out. Dumb cunt Beckman. But I like Ghost Dusters The title of the actual movie is so tame It's like this is a nice little joint Have you got the new issue of Scooby Cunt? It's the best I like Ghost Dusters cunt better. Anyway, back to my story about depression.

This isn't even the content yet, guys. We've still got the content to come. Oh, boy. So I'm in a meeting I'm in a meeting and I'm being forced out of the company I'm being told how much I hate

being there and that I should quit my job and I'm saying no I actually quite like it I've liked nearly every part of this job

apart from you trying to sack me against my will right now this has been my least favourite part of the job but apart from that it's all pretty good.

They're like, no, no, no, you should leave, you should leave. I'm like, no, I actually shouldn't leave at all. I think I'm totally against this idea of me leaving. What a negotiator. But this is literally... Again, you sound so stoic and like just, you know, calm and collected in your version of events. I bet you're like crying as you're saying this.

No, I actually wasn't. This was actually good for me to have some sort of bad thing going on that I could fight against. Yeah, because you didn't have a girlfriend around to do that with anymore. Yeah. So, at the end of the conversation... Yeah, the classic Carl Chandler story. When you've had something

to rail against and hate and focus all your cynicism onto, I feel better already. This has really turned around. Exactly. So I get to the end of the conversation and they're like, oh, we really think you should voluntarily leave. Oh, my God. I'm like, I really shouldn't.

And they go, well, you know, you can leave and, you know, you'll have that, you'll have, you know, six weeks pay to go with. And I was like, oh, okay, all right, okay. And I'm thinking, gee, I'm on my last legs here. I'm not going to last in this job. Did you like the job that much to begin with? I actually really enjoyed the job itself. The people were really bad.

Okay. The pay was bad. Right. But it was something that I really – it was book publishing. It was designing book publishing. It was something I really wanted to do maybe for the rest of my life. I really enjoyed what I did. So I really wanted to do the job. It was just everything else that was no good. So I was like, look, I'm going to be out of my life. I really enjoyed what I did. Yeah. So I really wanted to do the job.

It was just everything else that was no good. So I was like, look, I'm going to be out of this job. If I've got six weeks pay, free, you know, extra pay, let's just take that while I can. So I said, I'll think about it. I'll come back. So I came back and I said, so that sweet extra six weeks. And they go, oh, what do you mean extra?

Like, no, what we were offering to you that's six weeks was your holiday pay like so your offer to me was the thing that i'm completely entitled to already yes because that's not really an offer anymore they're like oh well you know but you'd have those six weeks i'm like yeah i'm aware like i could i've got that now that's not that's not an offer you need to offer and they're like what do you want i'm like, yeah, I'm aware. I've got that now. That's not an offer. You need to offer. And they're like, what do you want? I'm like, oh, give me another four weeks. They go, you want four weeks? And I went, yeah. They go, you want four weeks for doing nothing?

I'm like, no, I want four weeks for you sacking me. They're like, oh, we're going to have to think about this. I'm like, all right, well, you go for it. I'll go back to my office and do nothing. Carl Chandler, union leader. This is awesome. Yeah, so I went back to to my office and do nothing. Carl Chandler, union leader. This is awesome. So I went back to my little office and they go, look, the only

way we'll do this is you go back and write me an essay about why you're entitled for those extra four weeks. And I went, alright, I'll do that. And I went back there and did absolutely nothing. I actually just surfed the net. Just did nothing at all.

What did you look up? Big Brother Nudes. It's first season. Still got them. You know it's a long time ago because he used the expression surfed the net. Yeah, yeah. With Sandra Bullock. So I went back and did...

I hacked into the mainframe. Well, do you know on Mad Magazine it's called the dumb content? So clever. I went back. I did nothing. After a couple of hours, they came back and went, okay, we'll give it to you. I went, okay. And they went, we want you to leave all of your stuff immediately.

Leave the office immediately. Oh, my God. So I had to get like marched out. Oh, classic all your stuff in a cardboard box style. Yep. Straight away got out of there. They didn't want me touching anything else, whatever. So left there that day and was just like, wow.

Like literally I'd left, I'd lost the girlfriend like two weeks before. Now I didn't have a job like that. I'm living in Williamstown for some reason. Anyway, I got out of that job. And still so little humility towards anyone else who's going through a bad time. So I got out of there and then, you know, I'm really down about things.

But then I heard, and this is a bit I think you enjoy. This is my favourite bit. Yeah, this is the kicker. Because he's been ultimately sacked for no reason. And, you know, it's a classic opening lines of a Bon Jovi song. Yeah, yeah. So I get out of there. Probably more like an Ugly Kid Joe song if I had to.

Tom, that was a band in the early months. So anyway, I get out of there. I run into someone I used to work with in there a couple of months later. I'm like, oh, and they go, I said, oh, how is it in there? You know, I thought it was really unfair how I was treated and everything. And they go, yeah, look, I don't think you were really thought of any higher once you left. I'm like, well, I didn't do anything bad as I walked out.

I copped it up the bum, really. I was like, just bang. No babies, though, so that's good. Yes. Get out of there. I hadn't done anything wrong or anything. They go, yeah, well, once you left, a couple of weeks or months later, we found out that you'd actually made a big mistake.

And so if you were there at that time when we found out that you'd actually made a big mistake. And so if you were there at that time when they found out, you probably just would have got flat out fired then anyway. Like, how bad could it be? They go, well, you know how you designed the cover of the dictionary? On the back cover, you spelt one of the words wrong. The way you told it to me backstage, you go, I spelt a word wrong on a book cover. I go, oh, right, what was the book?

Oh, yeah, it was the dictionary. It's D-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y Not S-S-E-Y-A-C-U-N-T-S It's not even close What word was it? No Concise? No

Oh no, I can't remember Carl Chandler So there was a day where they had to sit around and just take covers off dictionaries and put new covers on. So that was the Chandler day. Great. Very good. While we're doing Chandler by Request, it's a quick one,

but can you tell the story about the restaurant that you tried to go to the last time you were in Thailand with your girlfriend, the one that had the really good reviews? Oh, yeah, okay. Tell us a had the really good reviews? Oh, yeah. Okay. Tell us a story, Uncle Karl. Tell us, Karl. All right.

Because I've been to Koh Samui a few times now and I'm a big user of TripAdvisor. Big fan of TripAdvisor. And you always, after you've been somewhere, you put the reviews in. You're the full circle of life. Yeah. Yeah, I try and remember to, even now, I'll get on there and still look. I still look at restaurants now, even though I'm not planning on going or anything.

I just like to look at restaurants on TripAdvisor. So I have always seen one of the top restaurants on Koh Samui. It was always in the top five and I'd never been there because I hadn't been to that part of the island. So when we did go to that part of the island, I was like, well, that's my one goal. I'm going to go to this one restaurant because it's always right at the top and I've been to nearly all the other top restaurants. You've got to go.

Who knows when you'll be back? Yeah. So we were in the vicinity and I was like, right, let's go there. We're going to go there. And so my girlfriend's going, let's go there. We're going to go there. And so my girlfriend's going, okay, all right, we're going to go there. And how far away is it? Oh, it's just 50 metres up the road. Okay, we'll get up there.

We got up there and I said, look, that's it just across the road. She goes, we are not going to that restaurant. We're not going. I'm like, we just walked all the way up. There's no other restaurants around. She goes, we're not going there. I'm like, there's nothing else. Why not? She goes, look at it. There's no other restaurants around. She goes, we're not going there. There's nothing else. Why not? She goes, look at it. It's called

Cafe 69. And there's a massive six and nine out the front. In pink letters. In pink letters. And that was where you were going to propose.

Yeah, dinner for two. So we went in there and it was all like a porno scene. It was like, you know, leopard skin. Is it really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. So it's not just a mistake. Like they're sort of trying to, the numbers being pink says to me

there's a little bit of, you know. Yeah, yeah. So it was all leopard skin seats and couches and and tables and stuff it was like really over the top let's just go somewhere let's go to restaurant reverse cowgirl and just have a nice meal restaurant up the bum no baby i hear the martinis at the rusty trumbo now yeah i stuffed myself at cosby sweater. I fell asleep right there. Yes, so we were there. We were sitting there and it looked horrible and we're both going, we've made a horrible decision.

There's no one in the restaurant at all. We get served, we get seated. They're not even particularly polite there. And we get the menus. And not only that, the horrible crime in Thailand is to charge over $3 for a main meal, obviously. So we're there. It's actually reasonably expensive for a main meal.

So we're sitting there going, nothing about this is good. I disagree. The name is fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The outside is fine. I'd be happy to pay for just the experience of getting to say, I'm in Cafe 69. Sure. But there was nothing particularly on the menu that grabbed me.

So I was like, you know what? I know it's really rude. I hate this sort of move. But we're the only people in Cafe 69. Sure. But there was nothing particularly on the menu that grabbed me. So I was like, you know what, let's just – I know it's really rude. I hate this sort of move. But we're the only people in the restaurant. As soon as the waiter's back was turned, I just went, right, let's go. Let's go. And I just grabbed my girlfriend and we went out. And she was sort of like going, oh, do we have to do this? I'm like, yeah, we don't want to be here.

Let's go. Let's go. And I'm sort of pushing her out of the restaurant. She goes, I feel really bad because what are they going to think of us? We're acting really rude. I'm like, I reckon they'll get over it. Their name's Cafe 69. I reckon they've seen ruder behavior

like their own behavior in naming this restaurant. Please tell me the menu's themed too. I'll just have the missionary and like a couple of Kama Sutras, please. That'd be great. Who's going to say it? And the cream of some young guy. Dassolo's dream.

Chocolate ice cream. So did you then go on TripAdvisor and be like, what's everyone talking about? How did it get rated so well? Maybe the food was amazing. Oh, I'm sure it was. Maybe you literally got oral sex afterwards. Yeah, maybe there's sex stuff going on in there

and that's why it's rated so high. Oh, okay. Well, sounds like's sex stuff going on in there and that's why it's rated so high. Well, sounds like a good excuse to go back to Thailand. Clockwise. To the channel plane. This is my dream for me and you, Tommy, to do a podcast in Thailand now, I think. Yeah, I'd love to do that. Let's go.

You're already on a list for going there so much. You go there with a small boy. Boys pushing it. How about we do, because people have like destination weddings. What about a destination podcast? Like an end of season podcasting trip where we say, come on listeners, come over to Adelaide. Yeah, that's how you get South Australians in.

You're struggling to sell tickets in Adelaide. No, but this is how they do it because you're going down. You get to see the show and you get to leave Adelaide. Hey, I tell you what, we've been doing this podcast for nearly six years now but you know what we could get? Best Newcomer in Thailand. Best New Podcast.

Thailand Comedy Festival. Hey, you had me at comer. As long as Tommy shoots some ping pongs at his arsehole, I'm there. Hey, that was actually an item on the menu at Cafe 69, actually. Tommy shooting ping pong balls out of his arsehole. Yeah, that was an entree. Is that spicy?

No, it's check, please. You really shouldn't put the toothpicks in there But anyway Lord Alright we're getting near the end I reckon Ding ding ding ding ding Sweet content alert Grab your ankles boys here comes the sweet content

Just lest we forget Robin Dumbcut or Dumbcunt Robin Dumbcunt Robin Batman and Dumbcunt Robin That's what you're up against you've got to beat Dumb cunt Robin and all Carl Chandler's Mad Magazines parodies. Please. Look, I don't need to. How am I beating that?

Am I beating that with like hilarity? I can't beat that with hilarity. We laugh like an extra. Oh, okay. So this is unfunny sweet content. It's just great. Just great content. Ghost dusters, dumb cunt Vekman.

It's just a little taste along the way. Previously on the Little Dumb Vekman. It's just a little taste along the way. Previously on the Little Dumb Vekman. Well, he's a little built up to it. So the other day, everyone that listens to this show, I like to think knows of my fondness for the dessert chocolate mousse. I do buy it quite a lot. For the first time the other day, I bought my own packet mix to make it by myself.

Putting in a complaint, it says feed six people. It only fed one. There was one sitting involved. Was it good? So I made a huge bowl of chocolate mousse by myself. Jesus Christ. What time of day? It's my lunch dessert.

Lunch dessert? Yeah, straight after lunch How are you alive Yeah I'm in good shape Yeah you look good For someone that eats this badly I'm doing alright

Yeah So another thing that is known To listeners of the show is Our sometimes begging of sponsors On this show I approached My favourite moose company Last week I have got official confirmation today I approached my favourite mousse company last week

I have got official confirmation today That we are now sponsored Oh, it's happening By a chocolate mousse Yes Yes Very nice We now have an official chocolate mousse of the podcast

Holy shit Very good This is huge Oh, wow Welcome to the Dum Dum Family Yalla chocolate mousse of the podcast. Holy shit. Very good. This is huge. Oh, wow. Welcome to the Dum Dum family, Yella chocolate mousse. Oh, wow. You said my favourite and then you literally had to read the name off the label as you pulled it out of your thing.

No, I didn't Yella. My friends at Yella. Do we all get a Yella now and enjoy it during the podcast? Oh, well. No. Okay. I've had this in my bag. Can we all just have a...

Yeah, let's taste it. I'm keen to taste a little bit. I'll get a spoon for everyone. Oh, this is nice. Yeah, let it be known, I am in no way getting anything out of the sponsorship. I will be honest about my opinion on the yellow mousse. Oh, okay. I will not be bought.

See, Tom worked for, did radio on the ABC, whereas I did commercial. I will lie through my teeth. Yeah, great, great. Because this is a real deal, yellow chocolate mousse, I hit them up because at a live podcast, I think at our third anniversary live podcast, listeners of the show... Tommy, can you just make a bit more noise there, please? Is that all right?

Oh, God, and they're not even moved in together yet. It's the theatre of the mind, Tom. Hey, a bit of respect towards yellow, please. So, at the third anniversary podcast, a listener brought to me mousse. Like, that happens third anniversary podcast Alistair brought to me mousse. Like, that happens a lot.

A lot of listeners bring mousse to the live show, which is always appreciated even though generally after the show I'm just drinking

and then it just gets really warm in my bag and then inedible later on. but someone brought this yellow chocolate mousse,

gave it to me and I thought it was the best mousse I'd ever had. It's very rich, dark chocolate mousse, my favourite kind. I hunted it down. It's being stocked dark chocolate mousse, my favourite kind. I hunted it down.

It's being stocked in the restaurant, in the supermarket near my house. So it's convenient for all the listeners of the show that yell at me on Riversdale Road. After they call me an arsehole driving down the street, they can then park out the front of the Renaissance supermarket, get themselves a sweet little tub of yellow chocolate

mousse. This is exciting. Shoutouts to the yellow representatives who have sat through Tommy getting a rim job and Tales of Cafe 69 to finally hear. The yellow AGM is getting very awkward. Yes. Shout-outs. Is there a credit line you've got to say? Like, yellow mousse.

Mmm, moussey. Oh, yeah. There's what I've got on the website here. Here's a little catchphrase on the chocolate mousse page. Just one taste and you'll find a party in your mouth. And everyone's invited? It is an airy, bitter, dark chocolate mousse. You know none of those adjectives are good.

No, that's good. Very funky chocolate mousse. So going off the Yella website, the chocolate mousse page, Yella is award-winning chocolate mousse, has won champion cream or dairy dessert at Sydney Royal Show. Read more. There's no more to read. What more do you need to read?

They won best at the Sydney show. That's enough endorsement for me. Exactly. Now, you guys are all tasting chocolate mousse. I'm going to taste it live. I'm going to live tweet it. Here we go. Oh wow. That's genuinely good

mousse. It's really good. Just a reminder that listeners do love it when we eat right into the mic. So please let's make sure we get this really that's really good mousse. That is delicious. On the website itself it says refrigerate between zero and five degrees Celsius

whereas I've just whacked it in my bag so that's a serving suggestion that's not even peak serving conditions what you're tasting it at this is

what do they say it's like a party yeah this is like a party where everyone's giving me a rim job I'm going to say for me

that's like on my end that's the kind of pleasure I'm feeling it looks like that too this is like a party hosted at Cafe 69 in your mouth say. For me, that's like on my end that's the kind of pleasure I'm feeling right now. It looks like that too. This is like a party hosted at Cafe 69 in your mouth. That I will not walk out of. Oh man.

Now, can I ask about the deals of the sponsorship? Are they sponsoring you with moose? Or are they giving you food? This tub that we just served up, was that our whole sponsorship? That's it. Really. The next 28 episodes you have to bring it up. It's not an official sponsorship as in I just stole it from a supermarket. No, it's an official deal.

So we're officially sponsored with money, like grown up proper money, like big boys earn. And also an offer to go out to their factory And get a 17 pallets full 17 pallets Really I may have exaggerated that

There wasn't a real figure given Tom can I borrow Your pallet mover Well that's great That's fantastic That's fantastic work Carl This isn't even free moose This is moose I bought

I'm supporting Who supports me What do you want Do you want us to pay you back or something? Who do I invoice for this? That is fantastic mousse. You're right, it's very creamy. I'm sort of used to your mousse that's got that fluffiness to it. Maybe it has that when it's not been sitting in an insulated bag.

Yeah, in my laptop bag. Now, the other question. Are you mousse exclusive? Have they bought moose exclusivity? And you're not allowed to eat? If aeroplane jelly comes a knocking are we going to have to kick them back?

You know what? I'm happy to eat this. This is my desert island moose. I'm happy for this to be the moose I eat from here on in. Oh, you're dim. Yeah. Okay, cool. Please add a sound effect that was just desert the moose I eat from here on in. Oh, you're dim. Yeah. Okay, cool. Please add a sound effect. That was just desert island moose. So what do they need to see to keep this arrangement going?

Because I'm thinking, you know, we need to get ourselves on that label. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Get some kind of tie in, you know? Well, let's, you know what? I just want to see as many listeners support the podcast by going out there. You know what? We get tweeted and Facebooked a lot by people eating chocolate mousse

and then sending it to me going hey Jando check this out and I'm like oh that's good and also worth noticing anyone from Nando's who's listening

you fucking blew it you've had three years to make it right Nando's rim Tommy Dasolato rim Tossy oh ring ring

yeah your ring with a counter off it no no here's the thing because the whole moose talk From here Was built from

Nando's An episode Where it was brought up That I ate Nando's moose Now that That was a moose Of convenience Wow

That was a moose That was near the comedy gig That I put on It was there It was there It wasn't a choice It wasn't like I was saying

This is the best moose going It was the moose That I had to have This is kind of I don't like hearing this. This is like when someone breaks up with a girlfriend, they're like, yeah, she's a fucking bitch anyway. I always hated her. Sorry, yeah, that's what's happening.

Yeah, it just makes me a little sad. I found a new sexier moose. So, Carl, when you do your wedding vows, maybe don't start with a preamble of how horrible the other moles were. I genuinely can't promise that Danny very cute when that's very very cute of you

when I get married to yellow chocolate mousse you're all invited so how do yellow know that they're having any do they have any kind of social media presence yeah what are the KPIs have they got Twitters have they got Facebooks

to be honest I think the sponsorship if they do do they refer to them as Twitters? To be fair, I think the sponsorship amount we're getting is so low, it really doesn't matter either way. I think it sounds to me like this is just money that they're paying you to leave them the fuck alone at this point. They did, to be fair, to be completely fair,

I did submit a proposal to them for them to sponsor the podcast. They didn't get back to me. I then followed up with three different emails that were pictures of me holding today's paper with a bucket of mousse next to it, pointing it to show I was eating it on that day. So you're holding the paper saying, I will blow this mousse's brains out if you don't come to the party.

Those people at that publishing company thought you were crazy. Egg on their face. I'm looking forward to you spelling the word moose wrong when you put this plug out there. Chocolate mouse. Who doesn't like that? That's delicious. That is great moose. That's really good moose. Good on you, Yala.

It is my number one moose. What happened was I didn't get all the full details because I did contact their subsidiary suppliers about where to find Yala Mousse. So, you're going to have to find out either on Facebook. We'll find out the details. Facebook, Twitter, maybe even our website. Further episodes along the road, where exactly you can find it. You probably at least had a contact number for someone who knew this and had a direct line of the stockists, that could be helpful.

But, hey, if you're near a Renaissance supermarket, I know they for sure have it because that's where I get mine. At the very least, guys, if you're anywhere near the corner of Riverside Road and Glenferry. Jesus Christ. That's where I usually meet Fleety to give him money. So you can come there. You can meet me there.

You can get... Fleety can get 50 bucks off me. You can get a bucket of chocolate mousse off me. Next time, give Fleety 55 bucks. Get him to go in and get some of this yellow. Yeah. You know? That's not a bad idea.

Fleety's written a book. They'd be happy with that kind of endorsement. Yeah, so if you can stick mousse up your arm. Yeah, well, anyway. Said with a mouthful of it. Because don't forget, the Little Dumb Dumb Club is followed by yellow mousse. Stick that up your arm Yeah Well anyway Said with a mouthful of it Because don't forget The Little Dumb Dumb Club Is followed by

Yellow Moose Stick that up your arm Yes Alright guys I think that's just about All the time we have Just one taste And you'll find a party

In your arm You'll want more Lots more It is addictive It's very good Alright guys That's all the time we have For the Little Dumb Dumb Club

This week Tom Ballard Daddy McGinley Thank you very much for joining us. Thank you, friends. Absolute pleasure. Thanks for letting a little newcomer like me on your show. I really appreciate it.

Happy to give you a trot, mate. Shut up, dumb cunt Robin. Shut up, dumb cunt Vekman. I'm so happy with that nickname. What have you got coming up, Danny? I'm in Brisbane. Dustin Ghost. Dustin makes me feel good.

Is this coming out tomorrow? I ain't afraid of no mess. Yeah. I'm in Brisbane all next week playing this sit-down comedy club. Oh, excellent. And the plug you always want to get in, your DVD. My DVD, yeah. Sales always spike after I appear on a Dum Dum episode.

Zero to two is a spike, officially. It really is. I'm going to get defeated. If you make a big enough graph, that is a spike. It really is. I'm going to get defeated. If you make a big enough graph, that is a spike. But yeah, and you actually had a great selling point.

If there's anyone out there who wants to come to a drunk cast but has never been able to, the closest thing you'll ever get is the DVD commentary of my DVD. Like, we were drunk and it gets pretty loose. And we don't hold back. They don't hold back. I actually watched about 20 minutes of it last week. Oh, you poor thing. Yeah, I know.

It's intense. Just feeling a little too good about yourself, were you? Of course. So just to be clear, it is a proper old school roasting of Danny McGinley on the live commentary on the back of his DVD. Very fun. It's me, Tommy, Harley Brain.

And Nick Cody. Nick Cody. Yeah. Very good. So DannyMcG Tommy, Harley Brain. And Nick Cody. Nick Cody. Yeah. Very good. So DannyMcGinlay.com is where you can get that? Correct. Are you guys still going to think about the ABC's Mental As Week? I think it would fit in really well.

It's a wonder we haven't been asked. It's weird. It's weird. Real weird. West Gate As. Tom Ballard, what have you got going on? I am going to be at the European Beer Cafe this week, on this Thursday night. Yeah, if you hear it officially straight away.

Yes, if you hear it, yes. Right, Thursday the 1st of October. Other gigs are on my website at tomballard.com.au. I'm going to be in Sydney for the Just for Laughs Festival. And I have a podcast called Like I'm a Six-Year-Old. And I would love people to listen to that. And yeah, we're getting a new show together to tour next year. Should say if people miss you at the European Beer Cafe, you can double up.

You can catch Tom, Catfish Comedy, my gig, October 6, I believe that is. Indeed. Yellow Moose, get out there, tweet us your little screen grabs of you with them. Get screen grabs of you eating the Yellow Moose. Or shooting it up. Do we know how anything works? Take pictures. Get us on Twitter.

Get us on Facebook, Instagram. We'll retweet all that sort of stuff. We appreciate it. Hey, support the people who support us. Especially, you know what? If you're in Adelaide, go and buy some moose. If you're not going to buy a fucking ticket to our show. Yeah, get your farewell speeches for us.

We'll be there in a couple of months, guys. We don't need you anymore. We got yellow. We got moose. We got Moose. Alright guys that's all the time we have for this week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

We'll see you next time. See you mate. I love you Yella. That man. Yella good.