The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 263 - Live! Dilruk Jayasinha, Dave Callan, Josh Earl & Xavier Michelides

Episode Date: October 21, 2015

The Weigh-In of Dilruk Jayasinha. Recorded LIVE at The Velvet Lounge in Perth on October 18, 2015. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, we hope you enjoy this live episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club from Perth, recorded over the weekend. If you enjoy this episode and you're in one of the other states around the country, the odds are pretty good that we're coming to you. We've just announced a big Melbourne end of year Christmas show for December the 5th in Melbourne. We're also coming to Adelaide on November the 17th at the Rhino Room and, November 22nd at the Roxbury Hotel. As you're about to hear, our live show is heaps of fun. A whole bunch of stuff happens in the room that's very visual that we have to cut out. So please come down, hang out with us. It's always awesome meeting you guys and seeing you out there.

Tickets to all our shows coming up can be found at littledumbdumbclub.com. Enjoy the episode, mates. Yay! Hey! Enjoy the episode, mates. Yay! Hey, mates! Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club, live from the Velvet Lounge in Perth. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickheads. Hooray. What else is going on? Strong stuff. These people have just sat through an absolute gut-buster of a comedy set from Tommy Dasolo. And I'm going to do it all again now on the podcast for those at home. Just for people

at home, this is, because we're doing this live show in Perth, we have packaged it as Dumb Dumb Palooza, so it means there's two hours of stand-up, me and Tommy each, and the podcast. So directly before this, Tommy Dasso has done an hour of stand-up. That's what the audience here has been put through.

Who wants to fuck after that? Who's keen? Yeah, good one, guys. Pretend that no one's interested. Yeah, funny, I get it. Yeah, I like... Mate, it's just a three-hour difference between Melbourne and Perth. That's what I thought of. That's what I say when I come really quickly.

Like, normally I go for three hours, but I'm on Melbourne time. All right, well, we're 20 seconds into the podcast. This is going to be good. We sat at the back, the other comics, and I sat at the back and watched you sit there. Fuck, here we go. It was very funny. Thanks, man.

And? What else is going on? No. Is this the bit where I get constructive feedback? Well, there was one bit. Yep. I do like the line that you started a bit with that went, people talk about wet dreams a lot.

Do they? Yeah, it's almost like I said something deliberately weird and funny inside a comedy set to elicit a laugh from people. Oh, sorry, I just wasn't used to that from you. Oh! comedy set to elicit a laugh from people. Oh sorry, that that's what I think that everyone here does, just works in a mine site. How many people do work in mines in any kind of capacity? Hands up. Oh yeah. Oh really? Yeah, there's one, that'll do. There was two, there was two, two people. Do you know each other? Okay. What do you do at the mine site?

Either of you. I run cranes there. You run cranes. You manage cranes. He gave himself a little upgrade in the middle of the sentence. Got a promotion. Well done. No, I've earned this.

You what? You own a crane company? Do you own a crane company? Oh, you don't. I'm just trying to upgrade myself. All right. You make paper cranes. You sit in there, you make nice little origami.

You watched Frasier Crane on TV once. Yeah, fuck you. Got you for having a good job? Fuck off. I'm in Perth doing a podcast with my friend, Carl. What about you, Miss? You said you work in a... Are you working in an office at a mine?

And did you fly in, fly out for this gig? No. Okay, next question. This is good banter. This is really good banter. Hey, so here's the thing. I don't know if you guys have heard, but we have a little sponsorship

from a little company by the name of... ISIS. a little sponsorship from a little company by the name of Yella ISIS which ties in well because after you watched Tommy's set you did want to cut your own head off yeah what a fucking

infidel hour of stand up so no so we've got... Allah ak-dum-kand. Doesn't make sense at all. Isn't any good. Just relied on swearing to get it across the line.

And you people applauded it. Al-jizz-era and you people applauded it. Al Jazeera? Yeah, I like it. All right, let's start the podcast. So, we've been sponsored by Yellow Chocolate Mousse. Now, I don't know if anyone's guilty of this. We put out the fact that there's a supermarket next door to us that sells, that distributes the Yellow Chocolate Mousse.

I went to get some before the show. Sold out. Did anyone buy any? Nah. Oh, the CEO of Yeller is in tonight. Real good. Nah, nah. Who's tried the Yeller?

Who's been out there and gotten it? Oh, all of us. Yellow mousse should give Tommy and Carl more money. Well, you guys heard it. There it is. Wow. It's paid off, guys. Wow.

All right. Well, fuck you. I have to say, we've talked on the show in the past about how I used to dislike Perth. I have to say, I've done a complete 180 on Perth. I really like it now. I like it over here. I enjoy my time here a lot. And also, so for those that don't know what's happening,

basically, like, after tonight, we get a red-eye flight home. I get home at 6am tomorrow morning. I have to start packing up my house, which I'm moving out of in a week, and I have nowhere to go at this point. So I'm considering just not getting on that flight and living in Perth. Really?

Yeah. Who would put me up? Hands up if you'd put me up yeah? Okay, oh a few of you I've got an American Netflix account I can cook a few things and I will have a bath with literally anyone so that's my credentials as a housemate. You are a positive person

I tend to sort of concentrate on the 89 people that went I do not want to live with Tommy Dassler It is nice to be in Perth sort of concentrate on the 89 people that went, I do not want to live with Tommy Dassler. It is nice to be in Perth. We come here every year, like once a year, and it's awesome. It's nice to get here after a year and finally put the faces to some names

that have been fucking hanging shit on us for social media. Oh yeah, what's the hotline been doing in the last hour? The hotline? Oh yeah, Gagulmar's been hitting me up. As I said at the start of the show, there's a guy called Gagulmar here who has my number, who's been texting me with his email address. Untraceable idea.

Great work. Gagulmar, you going to put your hand up yet? We'll find you. Classic Gagulmar. Yeah. It is... We've done a couple of gigs the last couple of nights in Gagoolma. Yeah. It is... We've done a couple of gigs the last couple of nights in Perth. Yep, yep.

We did one the Friday night. We did last night. You hosted last night at the gig out in Fremantle and I was on at the start of the second bracket and you got into a bit of a verbal altercation with a young lady sitting up the front row and you referenced the attacks of 9-11 right before you brought

me out, which was good. You told, no, you told this woman you were going to fuck someone on stage. You whipped the crowd into an absolute violent frenzy. And it was funny, because you were giving her, because she was, this woman in the crowd, she'd been talking during all the acts, she'd been, you know, quite annoying, people have been saying, hey, please just be cool and be quiet and just enjoy the show and talk during the breaks. She was arguing with everyone, talking throughout everyone, and then

you find out later on in the gig, through her own admission, that she's married. And you go, wow, someone fucking puts up with you. That is insane. She then goes to you, well, where's the fucking ring on your finger? Amazing. Get her in.

Well, what I appreciated last night was we did the gig and this is a funny little thing that comedians do. When you're on stage and you leave your set list hanging around, people tend to add to your set list as part of a funny little joke. And so when I got back, I had this big set list that had like three columns of jokes, right? And when I got back, I think

I recognised Tommy Daslow's handwriting. And at the bottom of the first paragraph was the addition dot point, drinking cum. The bottom of the second paragraph was the addition, Dick's going into my bum hole.

It's a good bit. And at the end of the third column, there was the addition, Funny street signs. Which I have to say I was the most offended at. I'd have gone UN strong, but okay, sure. I went home at the end of that gig just real disappointed that I hadn't gotten any feedback of my vandalism,

so it was good that this came out now. Well, I had to talk about something today, so... But it's just, it is that thing when you do it as a prank, and there's part of me, because I've done that to you a few times, where you honestly, like, as I'm writing it out, I honestly think that there's a chance that you will actually just accidentally do that on stage. Like you're so dumb that you'll just be looking through your set

and going, anyway, guys, so the other day, some dicks are going into my bum and, oh, fuck, he got me again. I wish life actually worked like that. It'd be so good. Yeah. And speaking of that gig in Frio last night, it was very fun. Tommy Dasso, you did very well. Thanks, man. But it's that gig in Frio last night, it was very fun. Tommy Dassler, you did very well. Thanks, man.

But it's that sort of gig, but because we didn't really advertise that we were doing these other gigs, we didn't really expect anyone else to go to those other gigs. We just thought, oh, well, everyone will come to this podcast and actually give us some fucking money.

But some people did turn up to last night's gig, which was nice of them in a way, if they'd have shut up after the gig. But unfortunately, they didn't. They got on social media and said... Preparation is good. Well, I'm right up to it now. Someone on Twitter said,

so happy to finally see the Dum Dum Club dudes kill tonight in Freo. Seeing them both in real life, however, is slightly depressing. Broken men. That's fucked. It's more than slightly depressing. Look at you fucking shit together. And then, like I said,

I was hosting. Then his second tweet was, was great explaining to my friends, no, no, the MC was doing some sort of bizarre anti-comedy. to my friends, no, no, the MC was doing some sort of bizarre anti-comedy. That's the street signs bit, yeah. The little puns are actually smart.

I'd like to think my stand-up is pro-comedy. So is that person here? Because they then said he was going to be here Look at how fucking proud he is What a piece of shit Very brave of you sir You're no fucking Gagulma, that's for sure May I hazard a guess

Is your first name Tim? Fuck Would have been so good Hey, this might be a little awkward, but should we... No, no. No? Let's do one more little thing before we... Okay.

Someone said yes just because they wanted to divert us from doing what we're doing now. All right. Yeah. Also, you know, guys, hey, we really appreciate you guys coming in and paying money to come and see this stuff in Perth. Awesome. There's been a bunch of people who couldn't make it that would hit us up on Twitter and go, hey, you know, we can't, for whatever reason,

we can't be here. And you sort of, I retweet them on Twitter to sort of go, to make sure someone can get those tickets after all. So that happened today. Someone called atcasualjoy on Twitter said, couldn't make it. I'm stuck in hospital and won't make the festivities. I'd like for someone to enjoy the ticket for free. Someone immediately replied, I'll take it. Is this

for real? I'll take it. I'm like, okay. And we sort of go, yeah, that's cool. Someone gets to make the most of that ticket. Someone that probably doesn't have enough money to normally buy the ticket gets to get a chance to come here. The guy who gets the ticket, I just checked his account just before on Twitter. His profile pic is him and six other women topless on a yacht. Oh, thanks for making the effort, dumb cunt.

If you're on a yacht with topless women, you can afford to come to a fucking podcast, alright? Who's the guy? Is he here? Yeah. Oh, this guy. Where are the topless women, you fucking idiot? What's the story? I just couldn't get a ticket earlier.

No, about your profile pic, you fuckhead. Boy, I want to hear more about this transaction. He said I couldn't get a ticket. They were sold out. They weren't fucking sold out. Couldn't find tickets anywhere on the deep blue sea.

Just sailing around international waters. To be fair, we've only had the tickets on sale for like 24 hours slash four months. Oh, well, more money to use on your second yacht, I guess. They weren't topless. Loser. Get a load of this virgin, everyone. Alright, any more of our listeners that you want to individually

victimise at the start of the show? Yes, there's one more. Let's go through one by one. No, I want to do a shout out to this thing. Someone bought a ticket and sent us a message, someone called Stacey Hearn, that is obviously not here tonight, to send the message, hi dumb cunts.

So she's a listener. Yeah, a fan, yeah. We are aware of your show and have purchased tickets, but alas, cannot make it. Instead, we are sending my parents who are not aware of your show and have purchased tickets, but alas, cannot make it. Instead, we are sending my parents, who are not aware of the show, but will hopefully heckle the shit out of you. This has been encouraged.

Mr and Mrs Hearn, are you here? All right, now they can't be fucked turning up with free tickets. Cool. There must have been fucking antiques Rojo was on or something. Parents can't resist that shit. They're next door watching Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 2 or something. All right. Okay.

Got what it deserved in many ways. Yeah. All right, well, that's... Should we... That's... Yeah, well, I think after that point, you know, we're all sitting here. We're all thinking the same thing. We're all...

Should we... We're all thinking about the elephant in the room please welcome to the stage still rook jai singer hello Hello. Hi, Carl. Hi, Tommy. Hello, our friend, Dilruk. What do you want? Would you like a peanut?

I would love a peanut right now. I haven't eaten anything since last night's dinner. This is the culmination, for people at home, this is the culmination of you set yourself a task 11 weeks ago that you were going to lose 11 kilos in 11 weeks. Correct. So you've come over here. We did a gig together last night.

We've got some fish and chips about seven o'clock. That's the last thing I ate. Right, okay. No chips, just salad. Yeah. This is the saddest opera show, isn't it? And this is... I'll verify this,

because me and Dil just went across the street to get a coffee, and while we were waiting for our coffee, a waitress brought out a plate of lamb shanks, and I've never seen someone drooling and just more erect. Just, it was full on. I was drooling from my erection. You've never seen someone more erect than I see? No.

You've got to get out more. So you are, this is the culmination, you've been, well, let's not say you've been fasting. You've been, you know, you were sending out pictures on social media of you at Chicken Treat yesterday. So you're obviously quite worried 24 hours out. You know, I still stuck within my diet. What's your fucking diet? It's so weird, isn't it? Yeah.

Based on everything I've posted on social media, it's always been when I have my cheat day. And people are like, what the fuck are you doing? Because I, yeah, well, I don't know, I'm nervous. I'll be honest. I'm really nervous. It's hard to tell when you're nervous because you're always sweating anyway, so. Good! I need to lose

more gluteus. Someone put me in a fucking steam room or something before this. So this is it. We're doing the weigh-in as part of this gig. And for those just to catch people up who maybe aren't familiar, if you're not, what's the actual number, the target weight? So, see, this is where I get really uncomfortable because, okay.

Stop trying to get more exercise in by speaking unnecessary sentences and just answer my fucking question. So the original start weight on my scale was 123.8. And this has been a big point of contention too, is that because you think, you've been paranoid all week that Carl is going to somehow

get a dodgy scale that's going to be rigged up to show the wrong weight. There was talk of you at one point bringing your own scale over from Melbourne. I was absolutely going to do that until I realised I haven't booked in anything other than hand luggage. So I was absolutely going to bring my own. You have a cheesecake to take in with you, yeah.

Why would I need to rig anything up when you're having fucking chicken treat a day out? You're sabotaging yourself. I didn't think you'd rig it. I just feel like if you're going to weigh, if you're going to have something, make it consistently the one scale. But you know what? We can do it, so I'll take whatever scale you have.

Although I will say this. I'm not going to stand on it on the carpet because I've done some research, and apparently... It's true. It's true. Thank you. Thank you, madam.

Well, they say the carpet adds 20 pounds. It does. Apparently 10%. It can increase up to 10% if you're on a carpet. Because of the way... Uneven. Uneven. There you go.

Take my shoes off. Take it off. There's a lot more than my shoes coming off tonight. Don't worry about that. We'll start slow. I'll just keep my clothes on. And if I have not hit the target then we're shedding gear if you

if you were if you were worrying about carpet and shoes you should have done a fucking better job if it's just on the end of it like the very end

like I need to lose just a couple of grams I'm just gonna whip my cock out and start wanking and just just dehydrate myself into the target weight. You were always going to do that.

I think I saw you training for that on the train the other day. On the train. So what? Hang on. So you don't want to be, you don't want the scales to be on cover. This whole room is, what do you want us to do in the street? It's going to look like we're weighing a fucking truck out there. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You take your clothes off and want us to do in the street? It's going to look like we're weighing a fucking truck out there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You take your clothes off and let's weigh you on the street. Put it like a busker's handkerchief in the front to see how much we can collect. No, there's some tiles right near the bar. Just over there. I'm happy to do it over there. Fuck.

No, that's not unreasonable. No, but that is the request of a desperate man. Yeah. Oh, do you not think I'm desperate? Of course I'm desperate, right? So it was 123.8. Are we happy to call it 124? Get a load of this, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, fine. 123.8. I need to be 100 and... Fuck, someone do the maths. 112.8. Josh Earl just said you're an accountant wow yeah and in accountancy

we use Excel so for accounting and also the amount of beers you owe your friends that all goes on Excel shit call back for one year

great so when are we doing we're gonna we're gonna okay so do this later on in the show. Was it 112.8? So is that the aim? 112.8?

112.8. If I'm over... So the thing is, we said, if you don't make it, we're going to have you on an exercise bike for the rest of the podcast. Right. And if... Which, let's all admit, was a really funny thing at the time. We were like, imagine if that actually happened. That'll never happen.

Yeah, we've got it. So what do you think the plan is? If he doesn't make it... We kill ourselves. We'll get him on the exercise bike until he does make it? Sure. Anyone got anything on in the morning or anything? We might have to be here overnight.

We might legitimately miss those flights. Wow, that's awesome. So we've got that up our sleeve. We'll stretch that out a little bit. But let's get another guest on. Man, I'm hungry. Can we do the weigh-in so I can start eating? I've got a full beer that I'm not drinking

because I just don't want to add any extra. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. To be fair, the person who said wham now is the person who offered us Dexys last year. Sure, we'll take your advice. Audience members have already started giving Carl the bird, so that's good. Yeah, should we do... I don't know.

No, no, let's get a second guest. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Dirk J. Singer, everyone. Give it up. You know, our next guest is the host of Spicks and Specks and from his own podcast, Don't You Know Who I Am. Please welcome Josh Earl. Yay!

Hello. The man who came up with the title Operation Dumb Cunt Rob. So proud, so proud. I had lunch with Dil the day before you had lunch with Dil. Yeah. And this is great. So Dil ordered a salad

and when the waiter came over to bring it, he just put it straight in front of me and Dil said, that's actually for me. And the waiter looked him up and went, oh, okay. So if you think it's just us being mean, no, no, no, it is the world being mean to him. The world is my dum-dum club. No, but some people,

some listeners at home have, some people have gone on Twitter and stuff and had a bit of a go at us for celebrating what's the negative part of this. But I'd like to think we've been positive the whole time. Absolutely. This is what you guys don't know, or the mics are turned off. Carl and Tommy are pretty supportive. And they actually are trying to help me lose weight and stuff.

Fuck up, idiot. All right. He's got hair. Oh. Wow. Shit is firing up here today After this Operation Hair Plug drop I'm going to come back here in a month And if I don't have 123 follicles But yeah, I do always find it quite strange

When people do not get what we're doing A, I've always brought it up It's always been The start of this whole thing Was pretty much me and Lomas Going at each other About who's fatter, right? By the way, let's put this on record. You guys were like, yes, let's jump on board of this.

Yeah, but then even this whole challenge, that's all completely my idea. Yeah. I don't understand fat shaming. I don't get it. And you actually, you know, in your words, you want this to happen because if there's a lot of eyes on you to make sure you hit this weight,

that means you're under pressure to do it. You will do it. If you don't have these eyes on you, you'll sort of give up halfway through. And I almost did multiple times throughout the 11 weeks. Some people would have seen footage of me, like, two weeks ago before grand final day, just passed out on a highway from Albury to Melbourne

just next to a pile of my vomit. Which is a good way of weight loss. Because you celebrated the grand final more than the players did. Yes. I had a three-day bender, yeah. By the way, you called me the day after grand final day and I pick up the phone and you're just... This is at, like, 6pm.

On Sunday. This is on the Sunday. and you're just, this is at like 6pm. On Sunday or something like that, yeah. This is on the Sunday and you're just going, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. And I go, yeah, man, what's up? And you go, Tommy, Tommy, what do you want, Tommy? I'm like, you called me. Oh, did I? I've got to go, I'll call you back.

And then you hung up and I didn't pick up because why would I? But you left a voicemail message that I've actually not listened to it yet. No, no, don't. What do you mean? No. Have you, wait, if you've not listened to it, it...

Yeah, it's probably going to be something really bad. So let's hear it. Oh, fuck you, Tommy Dastolo. This is bullying now. Hi, Thomas, it's Dilraba Jaisingha. I just want to say, as drunk as I am and all that shit, I mean, I really like you. You're one of the best things that happened to me in my life.

And my last two years have been... OK, this is weird now. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. He said he likes me. How fucking embarrassing. I think you've got to take it to have a bath with you, Tommy.

My favourite bit about that is... It sounds like Dilrock was losing some weight while he was... My favourite bit was, it's Dilrock J.S. Sinner. No, your other Doolrock friend. You know Doolrock Smith? Thanks, man. That means a lot. I really appreciate it.

It does mean a lot the way that you just turned off the message. Yeah. What did you get, Carl? Did you get a message? I'll just check. Nothing. I did get a message from someone else about you. I got a message from, again, the army of fucking idiots that text and read me.

Someone texted me. I'll give you a bit of context. This is the previous message that he sent me before this one. Yo, Chandler, want a proofread my speech? F. For English tomorrow. Well, for starters, don't put the F in. I said no.

He goes, cheers. Thanks for giving me self-confidence in my own work. Second message. Oh, yeah. Soz, I couldn't get to the live show, by the way. Keep giving that fat fuck hell, bro. Got him. So people are on your side, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have been great, actually. I had a listener who doesn't want to be known publicly, but she's been... Because they listen to this. She's aware of the show. She's in witness protection, yeah. No, she's been tracking along with me

with the Operation Dome Can't Drop, and she's lost like six kilos, and she was like sending, I fit into a pair of jeans that I couldn't fit into ages. Thanks for that. I'm like, oh, cool. So other people are getting something out of this, not just me. What about, so we were talking about doing this gig in Fremantle last night. You told me a story about the last time you did a gig in Fremantle

that I super enjoyed that these guys haven't heard? Well, I was gigging with Adelaide comedians Fabian Clark and Michael Bowley and we did the Little Creatures gig and we got super drunk there. We then got, this is only like three, four weeks ago while Operation Dumb Cunt Drop was fully operational by the way.

We leave that part, we go to some bar in Frio and we keep drinking drinking I don't know what happened I walk out there's like a pint in my suit jacket I've smuggled it out

and and that's true because like last year at the AFL Grand Final I was having drinks at my house you're at the ground and you rocked up

to my house with a pint from the MCJ yeah I do that a lot because I feel like it's a waste of beer, but I can't scull. If I'm feeling full, I'm like, I'll just take it with me.

And usually bouncers just go, what's that weird thing sticking out from the side of him? Oh, he's fat. It's probably part of him. It's probably a hernia or something. And now you've lost all this weight, you've got extra room in your suit jacket, so you can put even more in there. It's going to be brilliant.

But anyway, so then we go to the Fremantle train station. The train's like 20 minutes away or whatever and I pass out. I just fall asleep by myself on this bench and my two other mates, Fabian and Michael, they're all sort of on the side. And apparently this group of young unruly youths, I guess is the word.

They're like hoodies and stuff. Sort of come to me. They don't know that I'm with them and they sort of see me by myself going, oh look at this guy let's fucking let's see and then you start to approach me and start to maybe try and take my wallet or something and apparently i've just snapped back into consciousness and just like from zero to 100 just gone we have the chance to turn the pages over And just start continually singing Farnham and they lose their shit laughing so hard.

We get on the train, all eight of us or whatever, on the train and we're just doing sing-alongs. We're singing I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. They're so into it that they miss their stop. Like, these kids go, oh, fuck, Jono, we missed the

stop. Oh, man. And they eventually go, man, that was so great. Nice to meet you. And they get off the next morning on my Facebook fan page. One of them messaged me going, man, that was the funniest thing ever. We're coming to your fringe show this next year. They've gone from taking money out of your pocket to giving money

into your pocket. Yeah. Fuck. That's great. You're going to have to build some sing-alongs into the show. No worries. Not a bad idea. Should we get our next guest out here? Sure. When are we weighing him? What?

When are we going to weigh him? Well, let's get the guests on first. Okay. I'm hungry, Carl. I just wanted to ride the bike for longer. Oh, right, right, right. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Xavier Michaelides.

Yay! Thank you. Xavier's Corner has come home to Perth. Yeah. Hometown hero. Yeah, it's good to be back. I actually, in this very room, I got married at the Mount Lily Bowls Club, and I came here and

fucked my wife. No. Right here. What's sex like? It's real good, Josh. It's real good. Pussy felt like velvet. What? Sorry. Start strong.

Starting real strong. I love that this podcast has gotten to like, it's like entertainment during the Great Depression. Let's weigh a man. How much does a big man weigh? I can't wait to find out.

Oh, man, we should honestly have a raffle. Let's get people to guess the actual amount. Yeah, let's treat Dilrock like a really, really, really big jar of jelly beans. No one likes it. Well, that's actually interesting. Just out of interest, who thinks I have made it? Okay. Who thinks I haven't?

That was the scale speaking, by the way. The scale's like... Oh, God! Don't do it! Please. Oh, man. Yeah, mate. Oh, okay.

Very formal. Xavier, we... Yeah, mate, very formal. Yeah, yeah. Should we talk about this? We took part in a TV show. We did, we did. We were asked to do a TV show together

about a year ago or so. It was a year ago where you caught me up and said, hey, I got a TV opportunity. I was like, that's great. I was really excited. Thanks, Jez. Thank you, Jez.

I just got a beer. Clang. So you said, I want a great TV opportunity. I was like, oh, awesome. Sounds really exciting. It's like, come meet me at a kebab shop. And then come have a kebab. There are hidden cameras.

Let's have a chat and then we're going to record us. I'm pretty sure to this day, Kyle just wanted to hang out. And he pretended it was a TV show. Because Kyle, outside of the podcast, Salah doesn't have that many mates. Does he have mates on the podcast? Sorry, yeah. No mates either in or on or around.

Even his friends on the podcast called friends of the show, not of Carl. You leave my friend alone, you fucking cunts. But it was a show. It wasn't a... It was an actual show. Well, apparently.

See, the weird thing is this pitch was given to us like, it's going to be a TV show, it's going to be in this kebab shop. They hit me up and said, if you can bring one of your mates along. I was hanging out with Xavier on that day. Bring your mates along and just hang out at this kebab shop. So we went to this kebab shop and they told us

there's a microphone in the flowers at this table or something and so we just sit there and talk for like half an hour thinking oh you know trying to give

good content on this fucking TV show and then a producer comes out after half an hour and goes are you guys going to start yet or what? Yeah we've been

we've been talking for half an hour for your TV show. He's like, oh, right. We'll turn the microphone on then. And I prepared a lot of stuff. Like, I wrote a whole bunch of, like, great stories. This will be hilarious.

I'm pretty sure... Well, the show doesn't fucking exist. It's never been on TV. Yeah, what is this show? I don't know. This is, like, honestly, like, it's getting to this stage we talked about the other day.

We went, oh, remember we were in that kebab shop for a TV show? That was over a year ago. There's been no sign that that's ever going to TV, that that's ever been a thing. I'm pretty sure it's just a prank at this stage. Just ASIO trying to get the information easily. Going, he knows Nazeem.

Let's try and get him to invite Nazeem along. Kebab's a Middle Eastern-ish. That'll work. Yeah. And also, the worst thing to eat in a TV show. Like, we never ate the food because we had kebabs. You don't want to be hoeing into a kebab like Dylan is cheat day. Like, you just want to...

That was the worst thing to eat. I was like, everything about this doesn't work. Didn't you film it on, like, a Friday night or something? Like, you ate it on a Friday night? Yeah. So everyone around you is just real pissed. Yeah. They said, they'd text me like with a couple of hours to go and go,

can you just come in and do an episode of that TV show at 1.15am? Oh yeah, I've got nothing much going on that night apart from fucking sleep. So we were rocking up in the middle of the night and they go, just pretend you've just done a gig. Yeah, no worries. And also because they were recording any other random person that go in night and they go just pretend you've just done a gig yeah no worries and also because they were recording any other random person

that go in there and they get them to sign a release form they said something interesting and you could tell because the producer would sort of be in disguise in the corner

so me and Carl are just zinging away and then a bunch of drunk guys come in and then you knew it was like yeah that's way more interesting than the dumb shit

we were coming up with because the guy walks in and goes give me a fucking kebab can and that's the good stuff no that's what the producers wanted

they wanted you two idiots to get your heads caved in on TV that's the show so the chatting's not the show that was just a ruse

to get you in there they wanted us to get our heads kicked in but I just thought these are two people if we sit in a kebab shop long enough

so we go what are you looking at cunt my worry was when they said if you can eat a kebab shop long enough so we go, what are you looking at, cunt? My worry was when they said if you can eat a kebab during the show that would really help us out. That's good TV. So then we would eat a kebab

and they'd go, oh, we'll fix you up afterwards. And then I had to walk to the producer to an ATM so he had enough money to reimburse me for a kebab. He was really annoyed he didn't get asked to do that show because one, it would have been TV two, it would have been a kebab. He was really annoyed he didn't get asked to do that show because one, it would have been TV, two, it would have been a kebab. So he's really annoyed. That would have been a sweet get. I just want to know when it's a Friday night

and you say to your girlfriend at 1am, hey, I've just got to go step out and film a TV show where I'm eating a kebab, how is she not leaving your arse and going, not only is he having an affair, he's not even bothering to come up with good excuses. The fuck does that mean? Say a family member's sick

or something, you fucking idiot. Should we get our like a special surprise guest on? Mystery guest. Who could it possibly be? The irony that this venue is called the Flying Scotsman. Well, let's not be a dumb fuck about it. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from Rove,

you know him from Good Game, you know him from the Comedy Festival Gala. Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Callan! Hello. Hey. Braveheart himself. The Scottish comedy of Dave Callan.

I'm not flipping Scottish, you assholes. Can we get to the Scottish thing in a second? That was, I just want to talk about one thing, that was a way better introduction than the last time I was on the show. Do you guys remember that? Do you remember Josh? Was I one with you? We were on together. And they went, you're good at Twitter. This is what they said. was on the show. Do you guys remember that? Do you remember Josh? Was I one with you? We were on together.

And they went, you're good at Twitter. This is what they said. This is the introduction. Hey, guys, today on the show we have Josh Earle. He's the brand new host of Spicks and Specks. And Dave Callan, he's quite good at Facebook. To be fair, Facebook lasted for longer than Spicks and Specks. Yeah, I was going to say.

Yeah, at least you're still good at Facebook. That is one good thing. But maybe if Adam Hills hosted MySpace, it would be a different story. It makes no sense. Hey, by the way, if you... Carl, if you had a towel, you guys would look like Linus and Charlie Brown. You would from off of Snoopy. That flies a lot better on Facebook, that one. Yeah, that would be...

I'll post it on Facebook a little bit more. That joke would go a lot better in Glasgow, where you're from. Hey, I'm not from Scotland, OK? Where did this come from? I said once I was from Perth, and it's Perth here, not Perth, Scotland. Okay? So you can drop the flipping Braveheart. You can drop kilts and flipping bagpipes.

It's potatoes, shillelaghs, and flipping... And cat haggis. No, not haggis. The other night, Tommy emceed a gig where Dave was on, and back-announced him as Scottish comedian. But your brother was in the audience. Did your brother say anything about this? He was like, that fucking idiot didn't even know where you're from.

Do some research before the show. Linus. That's a good name for Carl. Linus. You don't look like a Carl, you look like a Linus. Because you're so close to anus. Got Tim. Linus. You don't look like a car, you look like a Linus. Yeah. Because you're so close to anus. Got Tim.

And? Well, and? Well, hey! Tommy just came. $50, people. You just caught Scottish. What? Yeah, worth it. Hey, don't forget, guys,

Carl's stand-up show is coming after this, so stick around for more gold like that. He does one-linerses. Fuck, that show's going to be easy if you're like that. Oh, yeah, Dil, this is what I was going to ask you before. You told me this a while back. Because there's nothing else Dil wants to do. Right now.

It says funny street signs on there. Building up to the whole scales thing. Let's do the scales in like a minute. But part of the reason that you were losing weight, you told me a story just before we set the whole target thing where you went, you know what? I've gone through a couple of laptops in my time. And I was like, what does that mean? Fuck, you remember the good stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, well, okay. So what else did I tell you? You don't remember? No, I know. I just want you to say it. Okay, so I'm on my third or fourth laptop in like six years or something.

The first one, I got too drunk and I was walking down some stairs and I dropped it down the staircase. You know when you're walking down, looking at your laptop down a stairwell? You know that thing? The second and third one both went away the same way, which was me. When I get drunk, I like to go home and listen to a lot of pop songs like, seriously, this is true, like

Backstreet Boys and more recently, Sia Chandelier. Last Monday... We have the same hobbies. It's the best because you're like, I don't care about the world anymore. I'm just going to listen to songs that make me happy. And I started crying listening to Sia Chandelier going, man, she

really means this shit. And I was just like bawling my eyes out. I do that a lot. So the last two laptops I got drunk and I went home and I'm doing that. But I'd fallen asleep with the laptop and I'd rolled on it and crushed the screen. Twice.

Twice. How do you crush a laptop that's already fucking pancake thin? Like, they're already looking like that. I don't know. Yeah, it just slept on it. Maybe I'm that lonely that I was trying to caress it going, Oh, you're my only French seer. Yeah, so now I'm on my fourth laptop.

Someone went, oh dear. Because it is that sad. It is. Welcome to the sad, sad club. At least it was warm. Maybe it felt like a human being. Yeah. And you were cuddling it.

And it went, boop, boop. You know, a little noise back or something. Maybe you're just cuddling Dave Kellen on Facebook. He's very good at it. 20 minutes into Netflix and Dill. He gives you this look, shattered screen. So if we get drunk tonight and someone does come home with me, you know what you're going to get?

Some sweet, sweet Backstreet Boys tunes as I fall asleep on my laptop. A sweet, sweet broken spine when he rolls onto you. All right, enough foreplay. Should we do this weigh-in? Yeah? Alright. Let's do it. So, you want to do it over on the tiles?

Yeah, man. Really? Should we... Fuck, I love my cheer squad. I really do. Thank you. So, should we get one of these guys, Carl, to go and be like roving reporter over there and read the scales for us? Or how do we want to do this? Can we do that with the mic?

Is the mic going to lead that long? Great question. I could shout, though. I could shout stuff out. Yeah, cool. Say all that stuff into the microphone, Dil, if you can, but anyway. Dil's just taking his shoes off for the listener.

$50, people, $50. This is exactly the treatment he gets at the airport, so that's good. Did you bring the scales? Okay, we got the scales. Okay, I've got the scales here. Now, I've borrowed these scales from the people I'm staying with. They very generously lent me this.

Now, this is a Fitbit scale, which are apparently quite expensive. And if it breaks... Sorry, when it breaks, we're on the hook for a lot of cash. So the stakes are very high. You're giving it to a guy who breaks laptops with his weight. I know, we're in a lot... We may have to raise a Kickstarter to replace this scale at the end of the show. So what's the agreed amount?

112.8. 112.8, is that it? Fuck. Do I get any, like, a little bit of leeway? No. You've had 11 weeks. Dil, let me calm you down. Dil.

Dil, Dil, Dil, before that, let's give you every chance. I think you should get rid of the gear. Dill, I think you should... Dill, I think you should take your clothes off to give yourself every chance of making the target because we are very supportive over here. Get your duds off. We can go to Swanbourne after. Perth reference.

Is this the one? No, it's not. Step off. It's now thinking. What is this shit, guys? Perth reference when was the last time you weighed will you verify that that's kind of on that'd be about right so you're 67.5 someone did come up to me in the break before and go, is that really Josh Earl?

Because he's very small. Because that's... To be honest, that's a lady's weight. Oh, take your shirt off. Come on, Dil. No, no, he's not got his pants. Get it off! Get all of it off. He's taken off his pants to weigh himself. Take your shirt off, come on Dil. No, I'm not getting pants! Oh, bro! Get it off! Woo!

Get all of it off! He's taking off his pants to weigh himself. And take the pints out of your pocket, Dil. It's like step off, step off. Now it's very quickly saying step off the fuck. Kill me! It is 110.5. Crowdsurf.

Crowdsurf. We are the champions, my friends. And you'll be a fat cunt till the end. Crowd surfing. Someone get this fat fuck a pizza. Pizza. I've never seen anyone as happy Put your pants on, Dil.

I've never seen anyone as happy to see Dil take his pants off. Do we want to order him some menu log, just as a treat? We've got food in the menu. Can we order a pizza right now? Can someone put in an order and we'll pay for it? A woman just handed Dil's pants

like she was holding a dead fish. And you're definitely pregnant now from touching those pants, by the way. By the way, we're great if we can get a pizza from him here. And I looked at the pizza menu already and one of the pizzas is called Fat Bastard. Oh, please, someone order us a Fat Bastard. We've got money here, please. You've already got one fat bastard. Can we get two?

Yeah. Fuck, see someone... See a fat bastard eat a fat bastard. Can we do that? Can we do that, possibly? Yeah. This is the greatest day of my life. I am 110.

How happy am I? Congratulations from going from disgusting fat fuck to just a disgusting fuck. Well, should we get this out? Because we said, you know, we made the thing. If he wants... Oh, there we go. Look out.

Wait. No, not on my bag. Yeah, that's my bag. I've got a cough. I've got a cough. That's all it is. Okay, for the listener, Dil almost vomited all over the stage.

That's how he's lost the weight, people. Let's get under 100. Why did you nearly vomit then? Because I haven't eaten anything since seven yesterday and I scalded warm beer. Oh, God. I would love that we've gone from hooray to, oh, this is fucked. This is a bad show. That would be the best end to a that we've gone from hooray to oh this is fucked this is a bad show

that would be the best end to a gig we've ever had just people disgustedly filing out of the room that stinks of vomit well we did we did say uh that dill had to get on the exercise bike if he didn't make the weight we have made the effort of getting an exercise bike so I feel it's only fair that you know me and or Tommy now have to use the exercise bike for the rest of the program.

Hey Carl, can I recommend Tommy Does It? Sorry? Can I say Tommy Does It? Well, yeah, well let's, if we go by the rule of who needs it, let's go with Tommy. Alright, let's watch a man carry an exercise bike.

$50. Where did you guys get this from? Seriously. Did you get it from Cash Converters? Listen to the show, Liz Hayes, who's right here, brought along an exercise bike, which is very nice of her. Thanks, Liz. Go, Tommy.

Fuck you, Liz Hayes. Do you need a mic? Yeah, I've got one here. All right. Thanks for all just going silent while I carried the fucking bike in, Liz Hayes. Do you need a mic? Yeah, I've got one here. Alright. Thanks for all just going silent while I carried the fucking bike in, by the way. If only there were five professional comedians on a stage who could have filled content. What? Why? I'm on it.

What more do you fucking savages want? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Alright, I'm getting in Has anyone ever done a podcast on an exercise bike? I feel like we're breaking boundaries here. Yeah, get Guinness on the phone This is great. Imagine if you got Obama

to ride a bicycle on your podcast Yeah, alright Fifi Box did it first What a bitch I'm already fucked by the way Why are you worrying about how he's sitting? Oh we've got a number Oh we got the fat bastard pizza

Yes 91 as if Hey so Dil now that we've done that I was about to say yes. 91, as if, Dill. Hey, so, Dill, now that we've done that, can you tell me this story? So this is what happens yesterday, right? Dill calls me up and... Keep riding, fat boy. I am!

Can I say to the... I am! Has the fat enveloped your eyes? I'm riding you fucking... For the listener, Dill's just taken Tommy's seat and it looks very good, Carl. Can I just recommend it? This is a good look for the... Oh, wow. That's real good.

Oh, my feelings. Oh, fuck. Stop giving me fucking feedback. Take your pants off. Oh, fuck. Alright, so... Tommy. Anyway, wait, wait, wait.

Let me set this up and then while Dil's telling the story, I'll keep writing. No, keep writing. I can't fucking speak. It's like speed. If you dip below 50 k's an hour, you're a dumb cunt. So yesterday, Dil calls me at 9am and goes, what are you doing today? I'm like, nothing. And he goes, I really want to check out Chicken Treat.

Can we come to Chicken Treat with me? And I go, okay, I'll have a shower and then I'll meet you there like for lunch. And he goes, what time will that be? And I go, I don't know, like midday. And he goes, oh, midday. Oh God, all right. It can't be sooner. I'm like, deal, it's fucking 9 a.m. We'll do it at midday. He calls me back an hour later and goes, can you go any sooner? Can we meet there at like 11, 11.30? And I go, fuck, all right.

So we meet at Chicken Treat at 11.30 in the morning. And you continually are telling me there's a reason for this. It's for the podcast. I can't tell you what it is. Stop trying to guess what it is. Because I just want to know what the fuck's going on. You keep saying to me, stop trying to guess what the story is. Just distract yourself.

Just think of pink elephants or something. At the time, you were wearing a pink shirt. So that was actually very easy to do. You are so out of breath right now i know you've been riding for two minutes i know you stopped pedaling all right so now can you please tell us what all that was about yesterday while i while i ride my bike down to the shops so when i announced that um that i'm going to do this challenge everyone make sure he keeps pedaling when i when i announced uh on facebook that I'm going to do this challenge

where I'll lose 11 kilos in 11 weeks, a fellow Perth comedian now in Melbourne, Brett Blake, put a comment and gave me a little tip saying that a really quick way to lose about two or three kilos is if you get a colonic irrigation. Which is... Which is basically, for those who don't know what it is, they shove water up your ass, and then you shit water,

and then some other stuff that's been backed up in your body, and then you can lose two to three kilos. So that's what I book myself into. Hey, Dil. It sounds a lot like this podcast, but anyway. Can I guess the end of the story? Yes. Okay, an Aladdin lamp came out.

I can show you the world. Indescribable feeling. Indescribable feeling. Tell me, princess, have you smelled anything like this before? Sorry, fuck. Just yes-ending, jumping in there. But, yeah, so I booked myself in for this appointment at 3.30 yesterday,

and you had to stop eating two hours before the treatment. Two hours before 3.30 is 1.30 you fucking idiot. I know, but I kind of wanted them not to see chicken come out. Oh. The chicken treatment. Yeah, that would be an embarrassing form of shit to come out of your ass.

Yeah, you're right. Other stuff would be fine. But it didn't work. So the science is that apparently all of us have, you know, that naturally don't push out about, like, apparently up to seven kilos of stuff that's just built up in your colon. And apparently with these colonic irrigations, it sort of loosens it up and then you get rid of all that.

Tommy's actually sweating. I feel like I'm about to pass out. Is that the bike or what i'm hearing right now because like i think it's a combination of both but but apparently so apparently that's what it happens you know he goes in cleans it up and brings out everything that was backed up there but the lady who was treating me said that apparently that my diet is so bad that it's so backed up that one treatment's not going to be enough. So I have to do two or three more before anything actually comes out. So it actually didn't work at all.

I spent $115 just to get water to go up my ass and come back out again. That sounds like an upgrade on your usual relationship status, though, to be fair. Yeah. But so I'm thinking

I might go when I come back from my holiday in Sri Lanka I might go for two more treatments just to see if I can get rid of that other extra five kilos apparently that's in me.

Fuck. So what are you going to because you go to Sri Lanka this evening. Tomorrow yeah. Tomorrow for your brother's wedding. Yes. And so are you going to keep this up

or are you just going to go fucking hog wild while you're over there? Because you've got to get your suit done. Yeah, yeah. So we go straight. I think I said this last time Josh and I were on the podcast. The reason I even started this is because we went to get the suit

for my brother's wedding and nothing off the rack fit me. Because apparently I've outgrown the whole country of Sri Lanka. So we get a tailor-made suit. The tailor does the measurements and then says, come back in four days and we'll do some last-minute adjustments. But tailor does the measurements and then says, come back in four days and we'll do some last-minute adjustments but within those four days, I'd put on more weight

so he refused to do it because he said, I don't know what shape I'll be in in October so from the airport, we go straight to the tailors and as I have my second beer. Yeah, so hopefully I'll keep it up, Tommy. I don't know.

The wedding's in India. In no way, in no way I'll keep it up Tommy I don't know like the weddings in India in no way in no way will you keep it up as soon as you jumped on a scale you've ordered a pizza and had two years but to be fair I was doing that anyway during the last 11 weeks I just picked which day I went and by the way man this feels so good which is a massive fuck you to like Harley Breed who was

ongoing I'll put money on the fact that Dil would not make the target. He's a fucking idiot for doing this. Fuck you, Breen! And to Adam Richard who said, this is not a 2XL, this is a 2XL dum-dum shirt that I'm wearing right now. I do like how

Adam Richard does hang shit on you for being fat when he's 40 kilos heavier than you. Yeah, but that's all the cum he drinks. Oh. Oyyyyy! Ah! So, Dale, so that's how you put the weight on, right?

I think it's Carl's turn to jump on it. Yeah. Let's see if you can talk and write at the same time. Oh, man, my bladder is so full. This is going to be not good. Yeah, piss yourself on the bike. It'll be great. How long has this gone for, by the way?

Is it maybe time to bring this thing in, bring it home? Oh, well, Carl's only just got on the bike. I want to enjoy this. I'm just going to sit back here, drink my beer, look back on all the cheat days I had. Because you said to me, imagine the amount of weight you would have lost if you didn't have a cheat day.

And I was like, well, no, I don't think I could get through the whole week if I knew I didn't have that cheat day. What's your ideal weight to get down to? I think like 78. I think according to my height, I need to be around 80, 85. You're going to look like a Bollywood star. Thank you, David.

Yeah. David, I'm going to grow a sweet moustache. Yeah. Oh, no, I can't. I haven't hit puberty yet. Right now, you look like a Bollywood sun. Fuck, that went bad. Wow.

You're like Ben Lomas and Nick Cody. I know. I'm just Ben Lomas-ing us right now. I love that you're wearing our T-shirt, though, by the way. Because it does tell people that however big you are, you can fit into one of our T-shirts. It can be done. It feels like we should wrap this up, yeah?

We've got a whole other show to get through. Oh! As a pizza enters the stage. Thank you, Jez. Dill has just got... Scal! Scal! Scal! Dill has just got the Fat Bastard pizza delivered to him. It actually looks awesome.

I actually didn't even look at any of the ingredients. I'm like, it's called Fat Bastard. No, you look... It was part of a menu. Of course you fucking thought it was going to be good. It's a sweet ad for the Fat Bastard pizza at the Flying Scotsman in Perth If you're ever in town, come check it out

What's on it? Talk us through it All of the endangered species Are you glad you paid 50 bucks to hear someone describe ingredients of a pizza? Dil, just eat it What the fuck is wrong with you? Sorry, I'm I can't eat and talk at the same time

No shit This is your worst nightmare There's food but there's also an audience I don't know and talk at the same time. No shit. This is your worst nightmare. There's food, but there's also an audience. I don't know what to pay attention to most. Mate, I don't care about that. This is great. This is pizza. Everyone listening at home has just made a pizza sandwich

out of two pieces of pizza placed together. It's so good. That is a man playing catch-up. Dill, what was your weight when we weighed you before? What was the actual weight? 123.8. No, just then. 110.5.

110.5. Okay. Let's see between now and the end of my show in an hour. Yes. Yeah, all right. Yeah, that sounds fair. Let's set a new challenge for you to gain 10 kilos. If only Adam Richard was here, we could

do it in four seconds. Wow, is that... What does that exactly mean? I mean, I like it, but I'm confused. I just want Gil to say it out loud, to be honest. If you think the colonic can't get up there, Adam won't either. Trust me.

Oh, bring spix and Spex back. Carl, you're actually doing all right. You're able to write and talk at the same time. Yeah, because I'm fit. Fit in the actual sense of the word, not the British good-looking meaning. Because you're fucking ugly! The new Dil, everyone. I like it.

Yeah. He's very arrogant once he broke 200 kilos. Alright, should we take a quick break and then get into your show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, give a big round of applause.

Dilruk Jai, singer. Xavier Michaelides. Oh. Thank you. Were we going to play you a thing? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, actually, before we finish, we've got an episode of Xavier's Corner to play.

Yeah! I just recorded something and we'll just listen to it. I recorded it a few weeks ago so we'll just do it. So we'll play the music.

Thanks. Son of a Rocket. Play that one. Son of a Rocket. Very professional. Pre-recorded. Fashion. Topics.

Popular culture. You're listening to Xavier's Corner. Welcome back to Xavier's Corner. This week, my guests are Ronnie Chang. Hey, how you doing? And Dilruk Jai Singer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Today we're talking about weight loss.

Ronnie, you lost a little bit of weight. What was your key? I look after my body. I respect my body. Do you respect your body? Yes, yes, I do. Do you respect your body? Yes, yes, I do.

Do you respect your body? I've answered your question. Do you respect your body? Stop repeating yourself. Do you respect your body? Yes, I do. Do you respect your body? I totally fucking do.

Do you respect your body? Stop. Do you respect your body? All right, now it's getting funny. Do you respect your body? Yes, I do. Do you respect your body? I totally fucking do. Do you respect your body? Stop. Do you respect your body? Alright, now it's getting funny. Do you respect your body? I can see why this is good. Dil, do you have anything to add to this? Xavier's Corner. I'd actually be laughing if my mouth wasn't full of pizza.

That's what she said. What? That makes no sense. Okay, this is live. So, oh, some special guests have popped in. Oh, look, it's Carl Chandler. Did somebody say duck sandwich? Classic Carl.

Carl, looks like you just ate a whole snowman. Oh, another classic. And look, there's Tommy Dassler as well. It's great to be here. Now, Carl, you lost weight by stopping eating bread. Yeah, no, bread works well. And Tommy, what did you do? My dad taught me to not eat what your face looks like,

so no potatoes for me. Leek. Kick him out. Kick him out, the leek. Got him. Rat cunt. I guess that's a... Got him. Rat cunt. I guess that's a... Got him.

Well, that's all the time we have for Xavier's Corner. I'd like to thank all my guests. Ronnie Chang, thank you. Dilraba Chai, singer. And Kyle and Tommy, thanks for having us at Xavier's Corner. Xavier's Corner! Xavier's Corner! Xavier's Corner. Yeah.

All right. That brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Big round of applause for Dilruk Jaisingha, Xavier Michaelides, Dave Callan, Josh Earl. Thanks very much for listening, guys,

and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.