The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 267 - Live! Nick Cody, Fiona O'Loughlin, Demi Lardner & Xavier Michelides

Episode Date: November 18, 2015

Myer, Birthdays and Fire Stokers.Recorded LIVE at the Rhino Room in Adelaide on November 17, 2015. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sydney, we've got a big live weekend for you this very coming weekend. Carl, what have we got? Yeah, we've got a big old Sunday coming up. We've got a 5 o'clock podcast that's on sale. We've got a 7 o'clock podcast that's on sale. Man, I hope some things happen between now and then for us to talk about in two hours. Gee whiz. Back to back.

I'm just going to be walking the streets, just getting into fights. I'm going to be taping meat to myself, walking down the middle of a highway. Walking around like uncovered meat. I like it a lot. Yeah. That's going to get you some stories. So yeah, we've got a huge day of shows. November the 22nd at the Roxbury Hotel. All the details littledumbdumbclub.com. Then if you're

in Melbourne, December the 6th at the European Beer Cafe. Big end of year Christmas show with all our favourite Melbourne mates. And it's our last live show in Melbourne for the year. No, for probably quite a while. I don't know. Are we going to do one between then and Comedy Festival?

Maybe not. Who cares? Let's talk about this when the mics are off. All right. No, but I'm saying if that's the last one, it might be the last one you see for a while in Melbourne. This is what the listeners want. Us working out our diaries with each other.

What else have you been up to? I've just moved house. We're in my bedroom right now. Okay. Pretty nice, right? A lot of toys up on the shelf. You do have a lot of toys. What have you got them for?

Shut up. All right. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all your tickets and extra info. And T-shirts. Go and get a T-shirt. Yeah. We've got the Aware shirts. We've got the Burger shirts.

Buy them in advance. Wear them down to the shows. You look so cool walking to the venue. We'll see you out there, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club live in Adelaide from the Rhino Room. My name is Tommy Daslow. Standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickheads. Yay. Hear that, people at home? You thought it wasn't going to fucking happen, did you? That is an audience. Listen to that shit. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Hey, we made it. I was handling the door sales, like the ticketing thing was going through my account. You want to know how many people we ended up with here tonight? Uh-oh. Was it dinner for two? 69, baby. So proud of you, Adelaide.

If I do the whole gig like this now. Like what? Oh yeah, people at home. Tweet us in right now and try and guess what you think I'm currently doing on stage. That's the thing for all you assholes in Adelaide that wouldn't stump up the money to come to live podcasts. You missed out on Tommy Daslow wearing sunglasses. Yeah. Hey, have I ever told you this? Once,

when I was growing up, we had a... Please, take them off. We had a... Take what off, baby? We had a Labrador as a dog, like a golden Labrador, and my dad was walking her down the shops once, and he had sunglasses on, and he noticed that people were just kind of like getting out of his way.

And he realised like it's because everyone thought he was blind because they're traditionally used as guide dogs if you don't know. And I don't know, this paints my dad in a pretty bad way but he liked how it felt so he then would just whack the sunnies on every time he went out with her. Oh, wow. Yeah, he liked people

getting out of his way. I mean, does that make him a shit person? He wasn't getting free stuff or anything he was just getting people to get the fuck out of his way. Yeah,, does that make him a shit person? He wasn't getting free stuff or anything. He was just getting people to get the fuck out of his way. Yeah, yeah. Something we all would like. He was just getting a bit of help at the traffic lights. That's fine. Yeah.

What? Well, you know, when you go to the traffic lights and you see someone in that position, you're more likely to help someone. Oh, okay. I thought you meant he's in the car. Yeah. Just with the dog on the lead.

Just go. Just fucking go. It's Amber. You can make a right turn on this it's fine, you'll get around in heaps of time yeah hey Adelaide, awesome thank you for having us I mean we did give you a bit of shit you are

a bit slow on the old ticket sales so we thought we'd better scare you or I don't know, whatever we did be very aggressive. Who bought tickets as soon as they went on sale? No, that's not true. We know the numbers.

Who bought tickets yesterday? That's fine. You bought them. That's cool. Like, we're appreciative. Oh, there's a guy up the back. Okay. Yeah, sweet.

Haggard's is for people at home. Again, let's just do admin so the people at home really learn a fucking lesson. Who shouted if you're a guy shouted if you're a girl. Put your hand up if you believe in the death penalty. Let's work everything out. Put your hand up if you're Muslim. It's good that you guys came here tonight because in lieu of the normal podcast that we do, we want to have a serious discussion about...

Oh, no, OK. No, but you know what? I found out, Tommy, why we were so slow with the ticket sales in Adelaide. Because we had too much competition. I found out that tonight... Oh, yeah. That tonight, not only is there the Little Dumb Dumb Club live,

the two heartthrobs of comedy podcasting... Stop laughing! Little Dumb Dumb Club live, the two heartthrobs of comedy podcasting. Stop laughing! That's like just a true statement. Yeah, fuck, people bought tickets just to come in to laugh at me. Not only... They are as fucked in real life, yeah. 69, dude. So,

not only is there us here doing a live comedy podcast in Adelaide, you'd think that'd be the biggest thing happening in Adelaide tonight. Sure. No. Oh, there's something else on. There is Cold Chisel and a Pokemon musical. Which, to be honest, would take a lot of our key demographics.

Anyone done the old double? Anyone swinging here after the old Pokemon? Yeah, there's a few Chan Man Pikachu double fans out there. I'm amazed that you know the name of any one Pokemon. Yeah, Pikachu, that's the only one I know. I have to very quickly pull you up. It's not... God, I sound like the fucking biggest virgin of all time.

It's not... It's not a Pokemon musical. I think it's kind of lamer than that. It's a symphony playing the music from the Pokemon games. So, a musical? No. A musical is like someone coming out in a big yellow suit and going, I am Pikachu!

That sounds fucking amazing. A symphony and a musical are two different things you fucking country hick. I wish I could move to the big city to find out the differences between Pokemon shows. I guess that's the one thing wrong with Meribar. Also, what else

do we have? Oh, should we announce, this is pretty disappointing, a bit of admin that we need to do up top of the show. We did promise that we were going to bring in Ronnie Chang's underwear. There was a technical hitch in that Daslo is a massive dumb cunt.

Yeah. And didn't bring them, so... I forgot. And what's weird about that is, like, every time I travel, I normally bring an autistic Asian boy's underpants with me. Like, and I've done that from before I met Ronnie.

It's literally the one time I haven't ever done that. But you know what? As a consolation, don't ask me how I got my hands on these. I do have a used pair of Tommy Dassolo underwear that one lucky fan

can leave this venue with if they really want it. How are we going to choose that winner? How are we going to? Who wants them? Hands up who wants it? Fuck off. Oh, you have no one person up the back. Very politely, like ten seconds after no one else put their hand up, to be

polite and save my feelings. I think it was your dad in sunglasses with the guide dog. The dog's like, your son's dying up there. Help him out. Yeah, so that's very disappointing. I'm sorry, guys. Hey, when we got here, we were at the Rhino Room in Adelaide and when we got here at the

bar, I don't know if any of you guys buying drinks before the show noticed this, but the stereo, I'll be damned if the stereo in that bar wasn't playing music by a little band called Jamiroquai. Oh, really? And so I think this is real cool. I go to the bar girl, hey, this music, is this your choice?

And she goes, absolutely not. Still got it. All right. By it, I mean my fleshlight. I've still got it. I'm using it a lot. You don't get this at the Chiz, do you? You wouldn't hear Pikachu talking like that.

So, a couple of bits of correspondence. A few of you may know that my phone number is out there in the internet. And so I've got a couple of Mr Correspondents lately. We got a message. Oh, no, we got this via Facebook. Someone called, a listener called Chris Ebbs messaged us the other day to say, Hey, mate, I just thought I should let you know that my friend gave her phone number

through a car window to a guy the other day on the Westgate Bridge. Love is real. Who needs Tinder? When you're picking up on the Westgate. Bridger. Wow. Oh yeah, then after that, P.S. Thanks for the podcast.

Just a bit of an afterthought. We've got to be kept updated on this relationship if this pans out. I messaged her back and said, if they get married we have to be invited. If you have met on the Westgate we have to be there to tell the story somehow.

I love the way we've just attached. We're now the fucking spokesman of the Westgate. Should we say what we did last week? Yeah, okay. Maybe... I think they might be up on the internet by the time this comes out online. So it's been a little while since we've had any new photos taken for this podcast.

Through lack of requests. But, you know, we've been using the same press images for the last couple of years. It's time to update the old portfolio. So we last... What day was it? Wednesday? Thursday. Thursday. We drove out to the Westgate Bridge for a photo shoot

and got photos where it looks like we've just jumped off the bridge. And they're fucking great. And also we got a bit of rap squatting with the bridge. And they're fucking great. And also, we got a bit of rap squatting with the bridge behind us. Oh, so good. Yeah, it looked... Yeah, and it's like, you know, if the cops were going to come and pull us up,

it's like, what are you doing? You know how it's funny to look like you're jumping off a bridge? We're simply doing that. I thought people would love this anecdote. People look fucking horrified at this point. This is not tracking that well. This would kill in Melbourne.

What do people kill themselves off here? Have we asked that yet? Oh, where do you... Let's do some topical. Where do you guys kill yourself here? The Meyer Centre. The Meyer Centre. People jump off of Meyers. You jump off a department store. They put sales up on a department centre so you can't jump down. Is that a real thing? But also the sales are what get you in there in the first place because rope 50% off.

Wow. Makes no sense. Why are you buying rope for a noose if you're just then jumping off the building anyway? Hey, I can't resist a bargain. What a way to go. Saving 50%. The Myers. You guys got to get yourselves a tall bridge. That's fucking embarrassing.

Yeah, is that what it is? Adelaide just doesn't have a good enough bridge to jump off and so you're like, fuck, what else is there? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a thing, Mike? Yes. Oh, wow.

How funny is this? Look at us up here gabbing about suicide and getting away with it. Like, this is so good. They jump into the food court. What? They jump into the food court. They jump into the food court. Now that is the way we should go out. Alright, Carl, tomorrow morning,

what do you reckon? Sayonara, cunts. Is that like a new code? Like, are you going to Adelaide? What are you doing over there? Are you going to go to Myers? Yeah, I've heard that Myers are better going to Adelaide? What are you doing over there? You going to go to Myers? Yeah, I've heard the Myers are better over at Adelaide.

Forget June Northern, it's Food Court. Forget June Northern, it's Food Court. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, checking into a hotel where you're going to kill yourself with the alias Food Court. No one will suspect a thing. Just nipping out for a dim sim if you know what I mean. Goodbye forever.

Fuck, Maya. Should we tell the other thing from the other day or when did you want to whip that out? You know, that hot dick of yours. What's the other thing? The moose. Oh yeah, we'll do that later, I reckon. Let's bring on some guests. I just want to do this one last thing before we bring on a guest.

Another bit of mailbag. Through the text message forum that is my phone. You should organise meet up groups for all of them. Start a group message. Fuck man. Fuck a lot of people fucking message me. I literally

turn my phone off at night now because it just rings in the middle of the night. Some of you idiots just thinking, what a great idea. I'm at a party. I could be dancing, having fun, drinking. No, let's ring up Chandler. They're not at parties, you shithead. They're ripping bongs by themselves. It's Adelaide. Yeah, yeah, right, right. How many people had a few cones before they came out here tonight? I can feel it. Because when we say Adelaide, we're ripping came out here tonight? I can feel it. Because when we say Adelaide, we're ripping on Adelaide,

I can feel everyone. There's a big percentage of people going, oh, but then I heard someone go, no, that's true. All right. I got a text the other day that said, hey, Chandler, got any motivational words for a... Yeah, good start. Got any motivational words for a... Yeah, good start. Got any motivational words

for a Year 12 student that needs to finish three assignments, which she hasn't started, within the next seven days? Now, A, it's just nice to have a female Year 12 student give me a text, but... So, my... Still got it.

Wow, it's great to be a toolie and not even have to go anywhere near Byron Bay. Just not even that time of year, just non-stop. Just in my own bed, just relaxing. My response, easy. If you don't do all your work, you won't get a good job and you won't end up with any money and you'll have to become a podcaster. Her response, thanks, going to start my biology right now.

I definitely don't want to end up like you and Tommy. There you go, capa deum, guys. That's very good. We've got to get the name so we can check the results. Like, what if she now is, like, the fucking top of the state? And we did it. We were responsible for it. We're like tutors in a way.

Yeah, yeah, well... Yeah, in the... In a way. Yeah, in a way. I'll check back with her. I'll see how she goes, actually. Okay. At the end of the exam to see if she went well.

We'll do that. Keep us updated. Yeah. Now, I have to come clean. I'm fucking the worst, most disorganised cunt of all time. There's a young lady here who hit me up and who has a friend who's with her in the crowd tonight

who asked us if we would record a birthday thing to send to her friend. This all happened while I was moving house so I did not do it. I then said she then said can you do something at the show and I said sure. I then now have not do it. I then said, she then said, can you do something at the show? And I said, sure. I then now have not organised anything.

So basically what I'm going to do is if something big happens that's like really cool and funny, I'm just going to claim that as the birthday present. Does that make sense? So fucking good luck. It's on you guys. If you want to make this girl's birthday dreams come true, you'd better laugh real hard at something fucked that happens. So if there's a low point in the show, we just start singing happy birthday.

Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, and if nothing happens, well then, there's a gift waiting for you at Myers. Oh yeah, we'll show you an Adelaide Myers gift card. I got you a voucher, and the voucher just has an infinity symbol on it. Because you're going to the afterlife! Alright, that's probably enough of that.

I love doing comedy with my friend Carl. Isn't it fun to podcast? Okay, hey, we dragged three comedians over from Melbourne and we've pretty much ignored them for the first half hour, so let's get on to it. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, our first

guest today, he's recently returned from smashing it at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in New York and LA. You might have seen him on Please Like Me and Kinney. Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nick Cody! I saw that, I saw that. I saw that. Just buying you some time. It looked like the applause was going to run out.

Yeah, there's people listening at home going, fuck the love for Cody Bill. But it's just Dassolo raising his hand going, come on, guys. It's just you standing 50 metres from the mics going, oh, I wonder if I need to get up there at some stage. Cody was in another venue having dinner. Like, oh, I wonder if I need to get up there at some stage. Cody was in another venue having dinner. Oh, fuck, I think I might be up. Fair enough. You know, we've just got into Adelaide. You've still got jet lag.

This half an hour time difference really fucks with you guys. It's brutal, baby. You think you're watching Current Affair? The news is on. It's like, what the fuck's this? Fuck! I want to see about a dodgy fucking Italian neighbour, not this shit. Not this current shit. How want to see about a dodgy fucking Italian neighbour. Not this shit. Not this current shit.

How do you guys live like this? I want to see a criminal getting chased down the street by someone who's not a cop in a suit. Yeah. Welcome to my soapbox forum of the podcast where I go on my little epic rants. Oh, wow. Someone...

Someone... So I think the cat's out of the bag. I'm training to become a ventriloquist and that was my first public expo. You guys totally bought it. That is a sweet day. Fucking hell. I know this time difference is going to really get us tomorrow

when Cal texts me going, Daslo said he's going to jump off Myra at 11 o'clock. It's all right, we've got half an hour to get to him. Oh, fuck! And I'm like, I was aware. So, Cody, you're just back from L.A. and New York and Edinburgh and all that stuff. Africa. Africa.

Oh, yeah, you're in South Africa. Yeah. What was that like? Oh, man, if you haven't been to South Africa before, I do not recommend it. Great South African accent, by the way.

No, it was fucking cool, but the first thing that caught me off guard... I reckon there's probably people doing it harder over there than you, to be fair. Is there? No, best steak I've ever had in my life and it was like 12 Australian dollars. Of course, the downside is I AIDS, whatever. But the...

I got off the plane. You should have got the mustard, not the... How do you say the hiv? Can I get some hiv? No? All right. How do you say that? Hiv? Can I get some Hiv? Nah, alright.

Another Philadelphia combo coming right up, sir. This steak has got great reviews. It says it's magic. Or Magic Johnson. Oh. You get off the plane at Johannesburg Airport and you go to the thing where they, the passport control, where they look at your passport

and there's a guy standing there with a camera and a big screen and he goes, can you just look at the camera? And you can see yourself on the screen and it's this weird, there's like a weird filter on it. So I'm like, oh, this is cool. Then I do a dance and I look all weird on the camera and I go, what's that for?

And he goes, to see if you have a bowler I'm like well I don't because I'm very wacky and then while you're looking at the screen going wow I'm just glowing I'm this is a video game where I'm earning bonus points for me cool dance I got cool red eyes on this camera uh oh but are you did you have to be super secure because like you know from what I've heard you sort of can't rock up to an ATM without being very cautious and one of the drivers for the comedy festival I

asked him I'm like so you hear all these things that it's dangerous in Johannesburg but like is it really that bad and he goes yes it is fucked I didn't even try to Johannesburg, but like, is it really that bad? And he goes, yes, it is fucked. Like, didn't even try to... He said, if you catch somebody stealing from your neighbour's house, you put a tyre on their head full of petrol and set it on fire. And then he said, you know, because stealing's bad.

Fuck, all right. So it's pretty much like if you've seen The Lion King, it's like that. Fuck. So it's pretty much like if you've seen The Lion King, it's like that. So it's really, in a way, there's not that much difference between South Africa and, you know, South Australia. Is that what you guys do? Is that a thing? So, Carl, in answer to your question, don't go to South Africa, keep going to Thailand, all right? Is that what you wanted to hear?

An excuse to not branch out. Yeah, sure. Oh, it's fucked out there. I'm going to get a tyre on me head. I had a radio interview where the girl told me that at one point I have to go to a local market and try some clay. And I'm like, oh, what's clay? Like, is it a food?

And she said, yeah. And I said, oh, cool, what's clay like slang for? And she said, oh, what's clay? Like, is it a food? And she said, yeah. And I said, oh, cool. What's clay like slang for? And she said, no, it's clay. And she said, poor people eat clay and they've got a whole wing at the hospital for people that have had too much clay. But she also took one look at you and said, you should eat clay.

Look at this plaster-fine house-looking cunt. Get in there. Is it organic clay? Free range clay? What's the carbs in this? Just shit your own plaster of Paris thing that you can paint afterwards. Just shit

a piñata. This is the darkest podcast we've ever done. Just talking about atrocities in all these places and everyone's like, yeah! We're out on a Tuesday! We've spent three months complaining, why aren't you coming to see this? And they sit down, guys, there's a lot of evil in the world

and you need to be reminded of that. Now, Carl, get the tyres out. These cunts aren't laughing hard enough. Yeah. Fucking laugh it up or go and fucking see flame trees, alright guys? Um, oh from the restaurant thing before, Dallas Buyers

Club Sandwich. I just thought of that then. Oh, okay. Can everyone just laugh heaps so I can like patch it in from earlier when I do the edit? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear. I forget.

Oh. What a beautiful tribute. Hip hip. Hey. Hip hip. Hooray. Hip hip. Hooray.

Wait, who shouted out? Beth. Beth. Beth. I knew Beth. Beth. I knew it. Beth.

It's like John Edwards, the mind reader. I'm feeling it. Beth. Beth. Yes. It's like John Edwards, the mind reader. I'm feeling her. Beth? Beth, yes. She told me to tell you happy birthday. I'm also getting a strong reading that someone is a dumb cat. No, my show is called Crossing Over.

Brackets, I wish you would cross over, you fuckhead. Hold on, she's telling me something. She's saying, meet me on the roof of mine tomorrow. All right, should we get our second guest out here? Sure, let's do that. Ladies and gentlemen, this next guest, you know her from Open Slather. She is a hometown hero. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Demi Lardner. Yay!

Yeah. Oh! I have to say, Tommy, so far, bit of a sausage fest up here. Yeah. I'm a little boy. G-O-T-T-I-M. G-O-T-T-I-M. G-O-T-T-I-M G-O-T-T-I-M G-O-T-T-I-M Looks like somebody didn't eat their clay

when they were a little kid. Yeah. Sounds like someone didn't go to Maya when they were a kid. Yeah, nah, it's good to be home. Hey, Demi, we got in this morning. Your father gave us a lift from the airport. He certainly did, my lovely father. It was such a treat.

Now, your dad used to be a prison warden or still is. Prison officer, not still is. Is not. I think we just figured out Demi's a robot. Will you answer? Is not. Does not compute. Dumb cunt.

He's not. He's an a... Does not compute. Dumb cunt. He's not. He's an old fat man. He's an old fat man. Yeah, and he can't do it. He can't do... That car ride... He can't do it. That car ride from the airport was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

And also the weirdest. Like, first of all, we get in the car and Demi's dad goes, so Demi, have you gotten any new tattoos since the last time i saw you and you go yeah in fact i got one of the logo of tommy's podcast and he goes ah that's not gonna date well two weeks that's gonna be bloody rubbish yeah so then that's out on the table early on in the drive. He then puts down the window of the car and just to a man walking past, he goes, Ross. And the guy turns and looks at him. And you go, did you know that man?

And he goes, no, but if you yell that at anyone, they will respond. So anyone here tonight, if you've had Ross yelled at you from a moving vehicle, that was Mr. Lardner. Yes. He's good. He's pretty, he's good. No, he's great. I loved it.

He was singing a lot. We did a thing just so we don't have to talk to each other. We just both sing a different song at the same time and try and drown each other out. So I was singing Ironic by Alanis Morissette and he was singing Thunderstruck. And it's a bellissimo masher. Now you're talking my language. No, Pokemon symphony. Well, that's funny you say that.

Because last time you were on a live podcast with us, you did get the tattoo. I did certainly do that. How's it looking now? It looks alright. I'm not sure how tight these pants are. Should we show it? Yeah, take your pants off.

What's the question here? Happy birthday to you. You get home, you take your pants off. Can you keep talking while this is fucked? Yeah, okay. You did not plan on doing this, did you? I can't. I'm surprised you had to put your microphone down to fucking pull your pants up, but anyway.

Oh, my God! I'm more blown away at seeing size three Timberlands. Yeah, there we go. Oh, yeah. That's the stuff. That's good. That's really good. That's us.

We made that happen. That's really good. That's us. We made that happen. That's really good. So this is what I think of. So you did that last time on the live show. Because we did a... We paid for that. We did a fundraiser. All right.

I got it. I know. I chipped in when I was drunk here last time. Oh, yeah. I was drunk in Adelaide. So good. And there was $52 to go. And I went, I've got $52.

And I sent it in and then they just went, no, we're just taking more money. Yeah. It just kept going. Well, that's what happened. That's how I set it up. Yeah. Set it at $500, then let it go to $600 or $700. Those numbers are wrong, but anyway. Okay, you tell me the number.

Okay, it wasn't as much as five hundred. It wasn't like two hundred or something. I thought I'd won the hundred metre sprint at the end and I ran through the ribbon and they're like, it's a marathon now.

And you're like, oh, I don't have the money for a marathon. Are you trying to scrub it off? I can't pull my jeans down and I look like a slut. So we got five or six hundred bucks.

Yeah. Tattoos came in. Tattoo cost one fifty. Speaking of current affair, where'd the money go? Oh yeah, you paid for that,

didn't you? Yeah. Did you pay him? Yeah. Oh, I've got money for you. Where'd the rest of the money go though? Wasn't that Tommy's boob job?

Because I'm getting... By the way, this is a weird... Just a sideline. I will come back to this. People keep asking me at the moment. People keep seeing me and going, have you been working out? Because you're looking real...

It's like, no, they're tits. Like, I'm in very bad shape and I have breasts that, like... People consist, like... Honestly, two times away, people go, man, you're looking, like, real,'re looking real kind of bulked up up there. No, no, no. I want to believe you, but I don't think you could actually give me one example of that happening.

No, it's happened today. But you're complaining about that. Would you rather people coming up going, sweet titties? Because I do that constantly. No, so we got extra money. We went over the stretch goal and I've, you know, the whole thing was I'm going to get the tattoo of Demi's choosing. Me and Demi need to go in together to get the tattoo,

but Demi's been very busy with Open Slather and now that it's on a break. Yes. It was on a break. Friends. Now that it's on a break. I'm such a Ross. We've been trying to find time to actually go in and do it. We've settled on

the dolphin with big tits that Demi put up. Some people are really excited about that. Tommy wants me to put a bra on it. Fucking slut shaming. Free the nib. Yeah.

Yeah, that's like that's bad to like trap dolphins like that. Okay. No bra but a six pack holder around its neck. How does that make you feel? You did this guys. You did this to this fake tattooed dolphin. No, we are going to get it done.

We're going to get it done. Hopefully. I'm aiming to try and get it done before the Sydney show that we do. There's a little gap. Really? I'm going to try and get it done in Sydney. Okay. I'm going to try and get it done soon.

I'm going to come with you at the same time and get another fucked tattoo, if I may. Yeah. No, definitely. Actually, I have no time at home between this and Sydney. I'll do it before the Christmas one in Melbourne. So there you go. Now I'm on the clock. Anyone have any questions? When will this be funny again?

Sorted. I knew there was a reason we paid $50 to fly you from Melbourne. Thank you to Jetstar. Should we get our third guest out here? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from Stand Up At Bella Union, you know him from Xavier's Corner. Please welcome Xavier Michaelides. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I just want to make an announcement, guys. After doing the Perth live one, I was really inspired by Dil and how much weight that he lost. Oh, and he set his target, yeah. So he set his target sort of thing.

So I've set myself a target. So for today's podcast, by the end of it, I'm going to grow a full head of hair. See what I can do. Set a target. You know, you're trying to achieve. Yeah. You dream, you achieve. He got there.

I can get there as well. He got there. He put it out there and then he had to do it because he put it out there. Good. Yeah. Are you going to have a cheat minute where you actively lose hair for a minute? Where you lose as much hair as you can? Yeah.

I just stick my head in the microwave and then just watch it all fall out. Or put a tyre on my head and light on fire. There's a lot of ways to lose hair. When did you first start going bald? Probably the time I put a tyre on my head and burned it all off. But I'll never steal again. Lesson learnt, guys.

Lesson learnt. Bridgestone. New sponsor of the Little Dum Dum Club. You just turned this into Triple M. I wouldn't say it was a good year. Because my face was on fire. It was probably the worst year. That's how bad puns are.

Killing somebody by setting them on fire is not as horrific to hear about as a pun. Where's the warning? We've had a bit of update. Since we talked on the Perth episode You and I talked about being on this weird kebab show in the past That we thought would never come to fruition Immediately as soon as we talked about it

It gets advertised everywhere It's actually coming on air This weird kebab show that we spent a couple of late, late nights It was very weird timing You did it like three years ago No, no, we did it like 18 months ago Oh really? But that's still a while ago And, late nights. It was very weird timing. You did it like three years ago and then you just happened. No, no, we did it like 18 months ago. Oh, really?

But that's still a while ago. And then you talk about it on a podcast and all of a sudden it was like someone at SBS was listening and went, hey, you know what? Yeah. Get that fucking kebabs show off the shelf. Yeah. Put it in the old fucking VHS. Hit fucking play.

Turn on the fucking satellite and beam this into people's homes. Yeah. That's how TV works, you cretins. There was some hot talk going on. I'm just surprised that we weren't in the ad. I was disappointed that it isn't just... I'm guessing it's going to be in the show. It's not us talking.

It's just going to be a montage of, look at the way idiots eat kebab. Eating food. And then cut to me going... And cut to Carl going... Eating like that. There's a kebab in my mouth. Carl, for the people listening at home, I've seen this.

Carl does eat his kebabs. He just tilts them right up and he just really empties it in. Yeah, he does. Classic Chandler. So are you guys actually in the show? No, we don't know because for some reason in our contract, there was no contract. That was a menu.

Oh, that was a menu. Got to have my agent look over this chicken wood. Yeah, yeah. Sign here if you want garlic sauce. Thinking back, I've never ordered off a contract before so it makes a lot of sense um no so we just haven't heard so then all of a sudden it just pops up and so every time it pops up people have just been linking us into it and whatever and going oh this is the show this is the show and i've watched everything that people have sent to me there is

no sign of us like i'll there'll be a massive chance of us there'll be a massive chance of us not being good enough to being a shit show about kebab shops. Or being the season one closer. And they bring us back. Oh, right. Yeah, there's a cliffhanger. Sorry, guys. Spoiler alert.

Are these two idiots going to fuck at the end of this kebab? Tune in next year and find out. Well, yeah, we were having late night drunken kebabs with each other, so that's fair. And I did suck you off the toilet. Sorry, sorry, spoiler alert, sorry. Wait, did you pick the garlic sauce with that?

Yeah. Again, like Demi, I don't think that was made official. We shouldn't be revealing it. Yeah, that's true. But I like also when you convince me to do it, you're like, this will be good for us. This will be a good thing for us to promote ourselves. Wow.

I'm sorry for getting you on a TV show, Xavier. Yeah, but who is like, I'm going to go see... And a free kebab. They pay for our kebabs. And Xavier's complaining, you're welcome. Do you ever pick to go see a show, see a comedy show, and you go, you know what I want to see? Someone I previously ate a kebab on a TV show.

He's going to be real funny. He's going to be real good. The next time you're on a live dum-dum, it's going to be, ladies and gentlemen, you've seen him with sauce on his fingers, give it up for Xavier Michaelides! And that's the only way people will accept you, so you have to come out. You've just

got a bit of sauce that you're dabbing on your face. Boo, here I am! I've made a mess, everyone! And you're going to be at the comedy festival. You can market yourself. You can be on at like 1am, and it's like, you're the kebab of comedy from now on. It's just a late night bad decision. Oh, this can't see Xavier Michael Ealy.

I wake up with a crinkled up flyer in their bed. Oh, fuck. Sounds real good. I have a bunch of catchphrases like, who wants double meat? You know what that means. Penis. Actually, it's pretty good. I'm going to keep doing it.

Now, this is my kind of spit roast. Yeah, that's good. I'm saving you my galitis. Make that part of your catchphrase is that you say your name after every one of them. I'm saving my galitis. Extra onions, fuckos. Feels good.

Hey, Demi, can we briefly go back to this car ride? We drove past a street that you used to live on. Do you mind talking about your house that you used to live in? Because it sounded pretty fucking wacky, if I do say so. Sure. I used to live... Can I... First of all, it's really fucking hot. I need to take my jacket off. Yeah, sure.

Just talk through it. Yeah, it's too hot. So you were telling us about this house that you used to live in. And, uh... Oh, what, what, what? Happy birthday, Beth! Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Beth. Happy birthday to you. I didn't forget at all. Real quick, I'm trying to mark it. This is like, this is the new dum-dum merchandise that I'm doing. It's boot like this is the new dumb dumb merchandise that I'm doing like it's bootleg

yeah take a photo but real quick I didn't wait what's on the back yeah just shut up for a sec it's a so I just felt bad because it's such a big picture

of Kyle that I felt like I had to put Tommy on as well that's the wrong that's the wrong Tom that's different that's the wrong Tom. That's different. No, that's you. That's what I see when I look at you. Oh, what a compliment.

You've got a picture of Tom Ballard on your backside. That's weird. Demi's like a reverse pedophile. Like, look at this old nude man. I'm going to miss you. Hey, he looks in pretty good shape to me. He is in pretty good shape, yeah. You know what?

Taking a shit? Rad, Dad. Just so people at home, this is not translating well. That's what we want. Did you guys know that Carl had a tattoo? Right there? Yeah, I've got it. That's what they want. Did you guys know that Carl had a tattoo? Right there? Yeah, that's what they're focusing on. Chandler's got a tat?

What? For people at home, Demi has taken her jacket off and surprised me. She's got a big picture of me nude on the toilet on her shirt. And the backstory to that is me and Tommy have a thing where we just send very silly pictures of ourselves

wherever we're, you know, talking on the phone or texting each other. It literally started, it was a Friday night, I was having noodles by myself, being single's great, and I took a photo of me with like noodles in my mouth going hey Carl, happy Friday, what are you doing? I then immediately

get the reply of that. And like I'm in public and I'm in a very crowded Vietnamese restaurant and there's all these people that see it and I'm just very quickly sending messages as quick as I can to kind of like bump that up the screen. Yeah, because they could have been cameras. I was at a kebab shop once. You're welcome.

They'll film everything. So just so you people know, that's actually not Photoshop. That's a real picture. Because I was looking at it going, it does look Photoshop, but it's real. It was really great watching your face work out. The face looks real crazy. The face looks real... Who did the print job? It's a good job. The face looks real crazy. The face looks real... Guys...

Who did the print job? It's a good job. We should get them to sponsor the podcast. I couldn't find a place that would do the turnover so quick enough. This took me so long. I just sat in my room printing out pictures of Carl. And ironing them onto a shirt.

It was so fucked. It would have been great if you died and then the police found nude photos of Carl everywhere. The police are like, this has got to mean something. And they're going, she nicked herself over this guy

who is taking a shit. That's the best picture she has of him. That must have been some shit. Oh, my God. So I guess it's a good time to announce they've got new merch and it's also our after. I feel like that... Do you mind?

I'm just volunteering you for this. I feel like Beth should get to keep that T-shirt as a birthday present. Wait, is Beth here? Yeah. Where? I don't know. Is that... are you Beth? Do you want this shirt on you?

Hey, do you want the shirt or would you rather see the real thing, know what I'm saying? Hey. What is it now? Oh. It's hot. That's, weirdly enough, by the look of all your tattoos, that's actually not the worst thing you've got on your body, so.

And for the listener at home, Demi had a shirt on underneath that shirt. She's not just standing here now nude on stage. Yes, yes. Let's get out. Look, you know, we hadn't planned this, but we've got an extra special guest. Does that mean I have to go, guys? No, no, no. Not at all.

Hey, share that mic, bro. If you want to spend some private time with that T-shirt in the toilet, go for it. You've got to send somebody a photo. Oh. What? Beth has now gone, you can have my shirt and thrown us a little Dum Dum Club shirt up onto the stage.

What? I'm aware that you're a bit of an arsehole. I'm aware that you're a bit of an arsehole. I'm aware that you took a shit once. Hey, prove it. Oh, wait. Wouldn't that be great if that Beth had, like, a scavenger hunt going on? She's like, fuck, this is worth a thousand points. I need a photo of Chandler taking a shit on a shirt.

That was literally item number two on the scavenger hunt. All right. Guys, should we announce this? We've got a... Yeah, do your shirt back up. We've got a special guest. We didn't even kind of realise until we got in today that she was here. So it's kind of a surprise guest for us as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know her as June Northern. Please welcome Fiona O'Loughlin. Thank you. Thank you. thank you. Well, yes, I've moved back to Adelaide. I live here. I'm a local. Well, once you heard about Maya, sure. Hope you don't plan on doing shows and selling any tickets,

because... No, I had an intervention with my family I hope you don't plan on doing shows and selling any tickets because, bleh. No, I had an intervention with my family when I got back here and they said, you need to give up comedy and you need to wash pots. Wash... You need to wash pots. Pots. Even if that's what it takes, wash pots.

Right, they just want you to give up comedy and take whatever job you can get. They see comedy as the badlands. Right. Yes, and so any pot washing needed. Please go fuck yourselves. I know of a toilet that needs a good scrubbing if you're... Unbelievable.

It's a big day for me. I just had the fifth cab off the ranks. She finished year 12 today. Awesome stuff. Happy day. They're all out of school now? They're all out of school now? All out of school.

And all competing with you for pot scrubbing jobs? Was she the one that texted Chandler? Yes. So when I got the call that you were doing the live podcast, I was having a nap. I nap a lot since. And I thought, will I wear a bra or won't I? Anyway, so I just whacked it in my bag on the off chance.

What do you think? It's too late now, isn't it? I think Beth will put that on. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Beth. Wait, wait, wait. Do you know this song costs a lot of money to use?

Oh, yeah. And you've sung it like four times. dear, dear. Wait, wait, wait. Do you know this song costs a lot of money to you? Oh, yeah. And you've sung it like four times. Oh, shit. Yeah, APRA's going to be all over this shit. Not anymore. Not anymore? Oh, really? Yeah, great stuff.

Yeah, no, we're clear. Some guys, I think you're all right now. I think. That's our lawyer. Yeah, one of my kids. I'd always take legal advice from Voices in the Darkness. That's the same voice that gave you the advice

to do the kebab show. I like that guy. Finally the one piece of trivia I know. You know how kids get things wrong like the songs. Number four, he's turning 21 on the weekend. Wait, is that his name, number four? It's like two number twos. He's number four. He's turning 21 on the weekend. Wait, is that his name, number four? It's like two number twos.

He's number four. Brutal. Bit of a creeper. And stick around for more Chandler Zingers after this. It's become like a tradition in our family because he still thinks the way it is for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly fellow and Sophie's on the bus and the other kids try to be mean to him when he's ill because it's my favourite.

And they're like, it's not Sophie's on the bus. And I'm like, don't you dare tell him it's not Sophie's on the bus. Just to be clear, this kid has just finished high school. Why is he singing Freeza Jolly Goodfellow on the bus? No, when he sings at birthday parties. Oh, right. Because my dream was that he'd go out and be the Minister for Defence or something.

Or at least defend Sophie on the bus from an attacker. No, he'd be at a really important, you know, function in... I don't know where important people go. Adelaide. Adelaide, yeah. Why, to the writer room on a Tuesday night? It'll be paunchy and middle-aged and Sophie's on the bus. That's actually what Sophie's choice was about.

Should I get the bus or should I get an Uber? Yeah. That wasn't even a choice. One was dead ugly. Take the pretty one. Is being on the bus like going to Maya? I want to go on the bus. We've got to campaign, Fiona.

We've got to get you as the spokeslady of Maya. Yeah, okay. We've got to get that to happen. Because I've got the body. So you're back in Adelaide. So you're actually living here now. This is your base. Yeah, this is my base.

I was born here at Calvary. Oh, really? Yeah, Calvary Hospital. Who was born at Calvary? Yeah, everyone was born at Calvary. Gets a crowd jumping. Calvary Hospital say, well... Calvary represent.

How many of you motherfuckers be C-sectioned? Where my motherfucking midwives at? It's in North Adelaide. It's where all the Catholics are born. I was born in Calvary. I had the same gynaecologist deliver my children that delivered me. And by then, we used to call him Dr. Fuckknuckles. And he's thinking,

guys, I did it. I delivered the first human babushka doll. Yeah. To the people at home. Did he do anything in between or was he just waiting? No, no, he just did a lot of places. There's not much else to do. She'll be squeezing him out soon.

But he'd come in and stick this fucking claw up, you clacker. Hang on, slow down with the medical bumbo jumper. You're already four centimetres dilated. I'm like, by what measurement? Fiona is acting out. It's distressing me a great deal, I have to say.

And to be fair, Fiona gave birth in a skill tester machine. Yeah. Have you met her son, Fun Size Masma? Oh, fuck, I miss him. Have you got 20 more cents? And Sophie's on the bus. I hate that doctor. His hand's so fucking weak, you know?

I mean, we've got every family, you know, in our family. We're only small. There are only seven of us, but, like, cousins. No, seriously. Frigid. The other cousins, they had nine. The ones in the next town had, in Edithburg, they had 12. And there's a fire stoker in every family.

They're the clunky ones at the end. They're not fully retired, but no one's going to marry them. The fire stokers, you say? Yeah, it's an Irish saying, the fire stoker. That's a thing. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, a classic example of a fire stoker. That's the thing. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, a classic example of a fire stoker is Susan Boyle.

You've thrown the dice that many times. But what does fire stoker mean? They had the wherewithal to put the kettle on and start the fire. They're not fully munted, but they're not... But they've still got enough stoke the fire. They're not fully munted, but they're not... But they've still got enough to stoke a fire.

They've got the wherewithal to put the kettle on, stoke the fire. They stay home, look after the parents. Still helping community. No, it just saves money in nursing home fees. They look after the parents. Right, right, right. And which one of your kids is that one? Say the full name on the air.

I quit at five. You need to be nine, tens, elevens to get the fire stoker. You've got to really want it. You've got to really need a fire that needs stoking. I could name six fire stokers, but I can't name them.

You can name five. I know I've got six fire stoker cousins. Oh I can't name them. You can name five... Well, I know I've got six Firestoker cousins, yeah. Oh, really? I thought you were going to give me, like, six Firestokers in... Yeah, you just go... That we know the names of. Firestoker, mm-hmm. They say she was dropped, mm-hmm.

Could you... Name us five Firestokers in comedy. Celebrity Firestoker. What a show. Oh, Firestokers in comedy? Celebrity Fire Stoker. What a show. Fire Stokers in comedy. Yeah. Oh, God. It's me, isn't it?

Fire Stokers Corner. Sorry, guys. I'll put the kettle on. I'll put the kettle on. Well, should we do a quick special segment with this guy over here? Speaking of... Yeah, I've got a Xavier's Corner. You know, you guys have been talking a lot of bad shit about Adelaide. And I don't know if you guys have been listening to Xavier's Corner,

but we've been really positive about Adelaide. We try and listen to as many episodes of Xavier Corner as we can. By the way, Fiona and for other people here, Xavier's Corner is Xavier's podcast that just happens within our podcast. So it's like his little side podcast that he has. I think I might be the fire stoker.

The fact that it's taking you this long confirms you are the Fire Stoker. If you don't think there's a Fire Stoker in your family, you're the Fire Stoker. I just love what we finally got Bernie Mac on the podcast. I ain't scared of you Fire Stokers. I ain't no firestalkers. It should be more Irish.

If there's no firestalker in your family, you're the fucking firestalker. You dickhead. Okay, can we, should we tee this up? We got music. No, I just want to think about something. Okay.

All right. Take your time. No, when I first had sexual intercourse... Oh, fuck. All right, well, we're starting a new thing. No, no. Wait, wait, wait, with Dr Fuckknuckles. Oh, we've led to Dr Fuckknuckles,

but I'd never seen a naked man, you know, other than Gramps. Just, by the way, this isn't Xavier's Corner. This is like, we've... We'll come back to it. Fuck, you wish. By the way, this isn't Xavier's Corner. We'll come back to it. Fuck, you wish. But I actually thought penises went out that way. They do. No, they don't.

Yeah, look, we'll show you. Did you not see that T-shirt? They go that way, up like that. And when you're a Catholic girl and you've seen an erect penis for the first time six weeks before your marriage that fucking freaks you out. Wait, wait, wait. I think Carl is just realising some penises go up. Yeah.

Carl is do you have a gun? Or do you have do you have a banana? Like that looking at it. Or do you have a banana? Like that. That's what I thought was normal. Is that not normal? Is someone taking photos of that?

That's not normal to me. No, no, it was like up against his stomach. I don't even know how this is going to work. How do I get on with that? If it's just on your stomach, oh, no, his stomach. Yeah, but I've got to get in there somehow. You don't have to get in. No.

You just go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to get in him. No, no, no. You come in, you can go a bit of up the date if you're really keen. Wait, guys, guys, I've been getting in. Is that not? Did you?

Demi, I think you may have made your boyfriend pregnant. I'm not pregnant! I don't have a job anymore! Edit point. Edit point. I'll have a word with the kebab shop. Well, I'd like an answer to the question, what's normal? Up or down?

Yeah. Like, straight out, it's not normal. And what was that? It was straight out. No, it was up. It was up, yeah. And I thought, oh, his dick's broken. Now what am I going to do?

And did you fuck that broken dick? Did you? They call me the parkie of podcasting. Did you? Did you put that broken dick in a sling? With all the... I did with all the love in my heart. Yeah, so good, bro.

Yes! Intercourse. So good. I, um... Why don't you give your advice from your own mother on your wedding day? There's a secret to a happy marriage, you're sitting on it. Dave, there's a secret to a happy marriage. You're sitting on it.

I really don't want to do Xavier's Corner anymore. Genuinely don't want to do it anymore. Please do Xavier's Corner. Let's do it. Come on, let's do it. All right. It's what the people want. You have to want it.

You have to want it. We'll be honest. We'll be honest. That $50 ticket, 48 of that was just to pay Xavier for Xavier's Corner, okay? So the bulk of your fee has gone to this. He would not do it without the fee, and we thought, you know what? The people of Adelaide wanted enough. Do people pay for this? Yeah, with sex advice like that, why wouldn't they?

50 bucks. Okay, I'll do what I can why wouldn't they? 50 bucks. Okay, I'll do what I can. Okay, let's do it. Okay, you ready, Zave? Here we go. Fashion. Topics. Popular culture.

You're listening to Xavier's Corner. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Xavier's Corner. Sponsored by Yellow Moose Xavier's Corner is Yellow Moose's number one podcast Today we're talking about Adelaide and how great Adelaide is

My guests today are Ronnie Chang Hey, how you doing? And Dilruk Jai, singer Ronnie, you love Adelaide Tell me, what do you like about Adelaide? You know, I like the festival, I like Walmart Like all that stuff, it's really good, you know It's good fun

Do you like Adelaide? Yeah, I do like it Do you like Adelaide? Yeah, I think it's really good Do you like Adelaide? Yeah, it's great Do you like it? Do you like Adelaide yeah I do like it do you like Adelaide yeah I think it's really good do you like Adelaide yeah it's great do you like it do you like Adelaide

I do do you like it do you sir sir do you like Adelaide I do live answer your question special guest appearance

by Arnold Schwarzenegger in this episode so it gets shaky after a while I can't ah that's beautiful oh no look

we got a special guest. Did somebody say duck sandwich? It's Carl Chandler and Tommy Tassolo from the Little Dum Dum Club. What are you guys doing here? Oh, hi, Xavier. We just want to say that we like Adelaide. Things got out of hand.

It's a great place. Yeah, I love Adelaide. When I scrape my knee, I put an Adelaide on my knee. Carl, that's not Adelaide. That's a band-aid. Oh, Carl. I'm sorry, guys. I'll go put the

kettle on. Savious corner. Savious corner. Savious corner. Now, would it be inappropriate now for me to show you my tattoo of Quentin? Hang on, your what? Your tattoo of Quentin? I'm, you're what? You're a tattoo of Quentin? I'm kidding. Oh, okay.

No, but we can start a fundraiser if people want that to actually happen. I believe we already have the money. Guys, I think that's just about all the time we have for the Little Dum Dum Club this week. Big round of applause for Nick Cody, Demi Lovner Xavier Michaelides

Fiona O'Loughlin thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you next time bye