The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 269 - Live! Dr. Karl, Adam Richard & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: December 1, 2015

A Trip To Yalla, Mr. Karl and Rad Dad Goes To Sydney. Recorded LIVE in Sydney on Sunday, November 22 at The Roxbury Hotel.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse. Tommy, Daslo, any opinions about that said mousse? I think it's delicious. You know how I like to enjoy a tub of Yalla Mousse? How? I like to get it out of the fridge, get the spoon, open up my laptop and book tickets to a Little Dum Dum Club live concert. Wow.

In a town near me while I'm eating. So I sort of like, I put in L and then I take a bite and then I put in I and I take a bite and then on and on until the whole URL is filled up and my belly is just full of chocolate mousse goodness. In my opinion, you are the perfect Little Dumb Dumb Club listener in a way. Don't you think? Like if only everyone was exactly like you.

Yeah, well, I listen to the show the most out of the two people that host it. So, yeah, in many ways you're right. So we've got this big live show coming up in Melbourne, the most out of the two people that host it. So, yeah, in many ways you're right. So we've got this big live show coming up in Melbourne, Saturday, December the 5th. Big end of year Christmas show. We've actually got a lot of stuff planned. Not like this one you're about to hear where we just,

we sort of took the mickey a little bit, didn't we? Charging money to this one. We just get up and we're just talking out of our asses for an hour. This Melbourne gig, we're writing a play. We're writing a Christmas-themed play. It's going to be good. It's going to have all your favourites. We're going to have – and you know what? These episodes are just a big party as well.

So come down. It's heaps of fun to be there live. I'd like to think, yeah, you're just planning to come to a really cool party and laugh. So, yeah, get on that. It's awesome. All I want for Christmas is a sold-out venue at that gig. Is that fair?

That's very fair. All right, so coming up here is the second live episode that we recorded in Sydney. It is awesome. You've got some awesome special guests that you're about to hear. It was very exciting. It's a great episode. Yeah, enjoy it.

See you out there, mates. Hey, mate! Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club live from Sydney at the Roxbury Hotel. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. A good day, dickheads. Boy, it is a real

barn burner in here. We've got too many people in this room, officially. What makes you say that? Let's paint the scene for people at home. We've oversold this. There's too many people in here. There weren't the scene for people at home. So we've oversold this. There's too many people in here.

There weren't enough seats for people in the crowd. So what we've done is we've put some seats up on the stage. So we now have five freaks, let's be honest, sitting behind... Hey, hey, hey. Seven. Seven. What?

Oh. Nah. Is this? I quit. I quit this podcast. I love comedy. Fucking hell. Was that an act out or was that for real?

It was an act out or was that for real? It was an act out. I'm good at acting. And talking. So we've... Yeah, there's too many people here. This is... It's official. We've decided to sell too many tickets because Dastlo's mum was a bit short this week, so...

Yep, yep. Got Tom. a bit short this week. Yep. Got Tom. This is vengeance for the last episode, isn't it? You got dragged through the hot coals and you decided speaking of hot coals, if there's a fire in here, everyone's dead. That's official. So there is an upside to coming to this podcast.

But one of our guests was telling me before out the front that more people die of heat stroke than actual flames. So there you go, guys. You can rest easy knowing that when a fire does inevitably break out in here. Dilrub's chafing when he walks onto the stage.

Starts a small fire. For people that weren't at the last episode... Oh, who was at the, because for people at home, we are recording two episodes back to back, so we, in the break, we did one at five o'clock, we're doing this one at seven o'clock, loosely. In the break, we just ran down the main road, hoping someone would hit us and we'd have a story.

But who was at the 5 o'clock show? Oh yeah Who were newies? You fucking tight asses You missed some pretty good stuff We had the actor Brendan Cowell on And he destroyed us He made us feel like a couple of idiots

That was the episode we were worried about We were like This might be a bit shit this one But 7 o'clock will be good Yeah because I didn't know made us feel like a couple of idiots. That was the episode we were worried about. We were like, this might be a bit shit, this one, but seven o'clock will be good. Yeah, because I didn't know... You know, we've never met him. I didn't really know what to expect from him. I emailed him yesterday through a friend saying, hey, gave him the big pitch of what the podcast is

and saying, hey, man, love you to come down. I wrote this big paragraph. He writes back to me literally an email that just says, cool. But that email was at 3.30am. Yeah. Everything's fucking cool at 3.30am. So I'm like, what is this?

So my friend who put me in touch with him messaged him today and she messaged me and goes, hey, I told Brendan that you saw him at this gig on Friday and that you really loved it and thought he was fantastic I then get a text from Brendan saying hey I'm in

now I didn't see him at the gig she's fucking lying so now I'm caught in this lie with this person I've never met before by the way

caught in this lie so you know all that information he comes up to us and goes and we go thanks for coming and he was like

oh yeah yeah you saw me at the show and great. And you go, no, I didn't. I can't, I just can't, I can't, I don't want to have to, like, keep it up. Do you know what I mean? Why not? It is fucking easy. What if he asked specific questions about stuff at the gig? How could the result be any worse than you going, no, I fucking didn't see you?

Hey, I think you've got to admit it worked out pretty well. Oh, man. I just put my friend in the shit. Yeah, no, he was happy. He was good. Yeah. He's now the new chief executive officer of the little dum-dum club. He worked out the brand quicker than anyone else who's ever been in here.

I believe his first words were what the fuck is this so I think we should do a little bit of mailbag so I did for people that listened to the episode we did live in Adelaide I talked about

a year 12 a female year 12 student texted me for advice on how to pass year 12. Oh boy. Don't ever say that out loud again. I'm editing that out of the podcast because if that goes public,

you're getting in a lot of trouble. So, hey, she passed. 100% strike rate right here. Again, that's worse. That's made it worse. Hey, I don't want to brag, but I did help someone get through the absolute basic requirement of school.

More like 100% stroke rate, know what I'm saying? Carl, do you know what I'm saying? Carl. Break it down for me. What's it like from this angle, by the way, guys? No good. Is this...

Because you're not completely illuminated, but it's not great. You don't see faces from here, so it's good. Go fuck yourself. You what? You don't see faces from here, so it's good. Go fuck yourself. Look, I don't want to push it too far, but fuck, I'm going to go. You look like if... You look like if Dilrock had achieved his goal.

That's a good thing. That's a good thing Anyway, current prospective Year 12 students Take note, this is all good advice for how to So, if people heard that episode The live episode That we did for Madlade So I got a follow up People on Facebook, they saw

The girl actually sent me a picture of her With the graduation certificate and whatever going, hey, thanks for your help. You immediately posted online, which is a super cool thing to do. Why? Everyone, check out this 18-year-old who's been messaging me. I'm pretty much confident the whole internet is filled with pictures like that, to be honest.

confident the whole internet is filled with pictures like that, to be honest, so... LAUGHTER Is this you auditioning...? I know, I've done research. Is this you auditioning to get a job as a PE teacher? LAUGHTER Wouldn't that be great to be one of... You know, I think that'd be the deal with every school,

where you know how you always had a teacher that had the affair with the student? Good reason to get into teaching. Did your teacher fuck you, Carl? He did. Oh, imagine. Imagine that. So,

anyway, I talked about that on the Adelaide episode because I thought that was a bit remarkable that a female year 12 student had asked me for advice and texted me and whatever. I just imagined someone texting me. So anyway, I got another text message this week from a different number saying, I'm a female year 12 student too who has never felt the need to text you before

but I just thought I'd boost your confidence a bit by letting you know there's another one out here. P.S. Have a shit one. Alright. Alright. I don't know what they're teaching you kids in school these days, but I'm not in favour.

How did she go? Did you get results from her? No, I should follow that up. Yeah, you should follow that up, bro. Oh, by the way, also, a guy messaged us on our Facebook page to say that he was on Schoolies listening to our podcast. What a fucking nerd. Yeah, shouldn't you be fucking stabbing someone? Yeah, he was like, fucking stabbing someone? Yeah.

It was like, yo, Tommy, any advice for me on school? He's like, yeah, turn off the fucking podcast, bro. Go talk to some women. Or men. What a progressive podcast. That's why our album artwork on iTunes is just a rainbow flag. We don't care. Anyone can listen.

You know what? I'm going to go as far to say I'm massively in favour of gay marriage, just not the straight one. Another, you know, look, I know I'm encouraging this by reading out text messages I get. I would really rather not get so many text messages. But here's another one. Someone texted me the other night. What year is this person in?

Someone sent me a message saying, you're a fucking legend, bro. Anyway, what else is going on? No. No. Someone messaged me and said, you're a fucking legend, bro. I said, whoa, that was out of nowhere. What did I do? And this is the response.

Just being a sick cunt, bro. I'm at an over 28s club. Fitting right in. And they want dumb clunt cub. They want dumb clunt club. They want dumb clunt club. Hey, keep it down over there.

We're trying to do a podcast here. What do we, do we charge you extra to sit over there or? Should we charge you more or less to sit there? Someone just texted me mid Oh, fuck you. What's it say? Nah.

Ooh. Nah. Not encouraging you anymore. A guy in the front row wearing a T-shirt that for everyone else says, got Tim. Oh! Stand up and show them.

Sit down, fuckhead. I think you've got to give that shirt over, bro. I got Tim. What are we doing up here? What is this? This is again the moment where I realise we have guests that we respect who are watching this and going, call an Uber, someone. What do you reckon? You got any more mailbag there?

I think that is enough mailbag that I want to encourage. By the way, for people at home, as Carl's reciting these text messages that he's gotten, he's reading the text message off a piece of paper that he's transcribed the text message onto with a pen. It's so quaint. Mate, you don't know how we did podcasts in the 70s, alright? Alright, should we get our first guest up here?

Oh, fuck, is it who I think he is? Because if so, no. Ladies and gentlemen, you would have seen him earlier tonight if you were at one of these other shows. You know him from all sorts of stuff. Who gives a fuck? Get him up here. It's Dilruk Jai Singer! Oh, I am drenched with sweat.

I am drenched with cum. Oh, that's right. You were drinking during the five o'clock show. Fuck. Hello, boys. This has been a while. Yeah, that's what you've been doing in the last hour i deliberately didn't hang around you because i didn't want to burn any of that sweet juice that we got going i thought it was my body order no um so what do we do now by the way what's the view like from back there, guys? Pretty sweet, right? Yeah.

Because, you know what, we did an unrecorded thing in Adelaide where Tommy Dasso told me that some people were talking about my sweet arse. What's it look like, guys? That guy says that's wearing a fucking shit-ass T-shirt. Says it's no good. I just realised something when you called that guy and said you look like what Dilrub would have been if he lost weight. Yeah, he's a brown guy.

Yeah, that's the joke. I didn't see it from there. Not because he's brown, but... Anyway, welcome to our rally, guys. Really glad that you all showed up. We usually wear much whiter clothes. We actually... Sorry, I was going to say,

we actually didn't get a chance to talk about this in the last show. I wanted to bring it up because the last show before that I did was Perth, where I went to Sri Lanka for my brother's wedding that was later in India. And the whole issue with the suit and stuff. And the suit was really good. It finally fit really well. And the tailor was an absolute fucking arsehole.

Just a quick little recap was that they refused to fit you. They refused to do the suit because between getting my measurements and the fit on, I put on more weight. And the tailor said, I'm not going to do it because I can't predict what shape you'll be in. Right? A fool's errand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So when I went to Sri Lanka, that was like the day after the Perth podcast, so it was like, you know, much trimmer. Not thin, but trimmer. And he got angry. Yeah, yeah, someone scooped a bucket out of the ocean. When you say bucket, I just think AFC. I'm still in a good mood.

That's me. That's me. Carl fucking Chandler. Have some of my nuggets. What a zinger. Seriously, though, kill yourself. Is there a Tim in the house? But yeah, the storyteller had a bit of a struggle.

He actually got annoyed because now he had to take it all in. I'm like, fucking cop it. Like, give me some credit, right? But they go to India for the wedding. And people in the subcontinent apparently, you know, very vocal and not afraid to say what they think. One person came up to me and said, ah, in a suit you're not that fat.

Another person came up and said, you know what a suit you're not that fat. Another person came up and said, you know what? This is like later that night. He goes, you know what? You are fat but you've got a handsome face. Why is this exclusive to the subcontinent? That's stuff that we say to you every week. You've never

called me handsome. I've called you handsy, sure. Should we do that? Let's do a sponsorship update. Yeah, should we do a sponsorship update? So, who been honking that yellow moose? Yeah? So for people that don't know, we currently are in

bed with the yellow chocolate moose company. We're in bed with big moose Moose Company. We're in bed with Big Moose. So Yellow Chocolate Moose, excellent product, something we are heartily happy to advertise because they give us money. This guy in the Gotim shirt turned up with a cup of it, was eating it during our last show, by the way.

Oh, really? He was sitting there stuffing his little face while he was watching a podcast. To be honest, looking at him, not a great of it, was eating it during our last show, by the way. Oh, really? Sitting there, stuffing his little face while he's watching a podcast. To be honest, looking at him, not a great image, but... Nando's mousse is going through the roof now. No, no, no. And we saw this. They've got one of those little big stickers on it. One of those little big stickers, yeah. Yeah, one of those little big stickers on it. One of those little big stickers, yeah.

Yeah, one of those little big stickers. Yeah. Fuck you. They've finally cracked it. Two podcasts in a row, this is what it took. But they've got one of those things when a brand wins some big prestigious whatever it is, competition. Yeah. They've won some best moose.

I like to think that we were a part of that. Yeah. You know what I mean? The judges, big dum-dum fans, they're like... So this is what happened. So we're sponsored by them. We are talking about them. We love them. They gave us some money and then they also

said, oh, we'll give you some mousse as well. I'm like, fucking awesome. Because I literally buy it all the time and they're like, yeah, yeah, we'll give you a big box full of chocolate mousse. I'm like, this is so fucking exciting. And also because it's not cheap. It's a bit of a boutique brand.

I mean, it's very good value though. Yeah, it's fantastic value. Yeah. Great ad, Tommy. Hey, the facts are the facts. Numbers are what they are. But so... So they...

We get told we're going to get this box. Yeah, so they're going to give us this big box full of chocolate mousse. Awesome. Just come and pick it up. I'm like, oh, okay, right, we've got to go and pick it up. So it's like in a suburb. The distribution company is like miles away from where we live. So I'm hitting up Tommy going, hey, let's go on a road trip.

We've got to pick up this moose. And Tommy keeps going, you know, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy. So like we had to keep postponing it. And I'm like, oh, you're flat out, are you, playing Mario Kart? Oh, yeah. No, I'll be honest. It was a combination of it was right around the time I was moving house and also I just really didn't want to go. did not want to drive out to fucking cheltenham just to get a box

of moose yeah you had heaps of stuff going on better yeah uh so anyway so it took like a week and a half for us to get our schedules together so we go okay we got a big road trip we take off uh it's way out of where we live so we go go all the way out there. We go into an industrial estate. Distribution company. It's like a 45 minute plus drive out of the city. It's so far away. What? That's a long drive.

You have fans who have driven three and a half hours from Goldburn to come and talk about how bad 45 minutes is. My mummy and daddy couldn't drive me for 45 minutes while I sit back in the car and play Mario Kart on my Game Boy. They drove three and a half hours to get a fantastic podcast, not to get a fucking tub of dessert that they can just get at the shops,

you clod. Yeah, oh yeah, because it's easy to get a tub of dessert at the shops when you've got money from your mum and dad. Oh, Christ. Christ. I'm trying to set the scene. I'm trying to set up the fucking story. So we drive all the way, we go on a road trip.

I think mid-road trip we realise that we are driving an hour for some free dessert. So we... Oh, get over it! Oh, she's angry. Uh-oh, I think it's someone's time. No. Oh, Jesus Christ!

No, no. Save it for your next guest. Jesus. This is such a good podcast. Wow. So we drive all the way out there. We get into this distribution company and we walk in and then go, oh, what

are we doing? And this woman at the front desk just goes, oh, Kyle Chandler from the podcast and i'm like oh wow i got recognized and then i remembered no i'm wearing my t-shirt that says chandler like a fucking moron so she's like oh yeah we keep getting all these calls about where we can get the the yellow moose like it's going crazy like what's going on like what and we're like oh yeah we're pretty big deal i've never felt more important in a building in my whole life it was like we really they were so excited to see they were treating us like royalty it was so good you guys are the

moose guys cool uh so they're like oh it's so good because you know the the hummus and everything is so cool it's so great isn't it the the hummus that Yellow make. And we're like, yeah, I don't really know. No, no, like, they bring out this box and they're like, here's the mousse for you. It's been sitting out there for ages. And then she's like hyping all their other products. Yeah, yeah, she brings out the big box and she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, get into the

hummus. I'm like, she brings up three times, I'm like, just, look, I'm just going to be clear. We're not contracted to talk about hummus. Yeah. We're here to talk about chocolate mousse, alright? So I don't care for whatever the fuck your little dips are. Yeah. This isn't Greeks on the roof, it's the little dum-dum club.

Yeah. So just give us the mousse. Just give us the moose Just give us a moose lady And we can go back into civilisation Alright To this hell forsaken industrial estate That you fucking live in Alright So anyway

They give us a big moose And we're like yeah great We get back into the car And we're like Alright we've got a big box of moose What now? So as we get closer to Carl's house I go hey And we're like, yeah, great. We get back into the car and then we're like, all right, we've got a big box of moose. What now? So as we get closer to Carl's house, I go, hey, what about this? Because we talk frequently on the show about how Carl gets abused constantly around his house by people that listen to this show.

For whatever reason, a lot of people live near Riversdale Road in Hawthorne in Melbourne. So we've got this big box of moves. Like, all right, let's do something. This will be funny. You know, let's use some social media. You know what? We'll set ourselves down in a point in Riversdale Road, somewhere that a lot of abusers will be familiar with.

And then we'll put out a tweet. We'll put it on Facebook. Hey, if you rock up here at like 345 on Riversdale Road on this corner, you will get some free yellow mousse. You're going to get some free chocolate mousse. I mean, what a fucking stunt, right?

Yeah. It's got everything. Yeah. And we're so excited. How good is this going to be? And I actually pick a spot. I pick the exact spot where I actually meet Greg Fleet

to give him money. Just a little bit of a bonus prize for the listener. Yeah. In case Fleet rocks up and asks for 20 bucks, I'm like, well, he's 20 bucks worth of moose. Try and put that in your arm. So we put it out. So we hit send. We fire the tweet off into the ether

We're sitting there, we're raring to go And then I have a little nagging feeling where I'm like I might open this box So I open the box full of moose And go, wow This moose has gone off It looks fucking so bad I'm like, I don't know if we can give this moose away This is like really bad this moose has gone off. It looks fucking so bad. I'm like, I don't know if we can give this moose away.

This is like really bad looking moose. And I pick it up and go... It's hummus. They gave us a fucking box of hummus. Full of hummus. And so we're just sitting there going, you're like, what the fuck are we going to do with this hummus? And you're like, I don't even like hummus.

I'm like, I love hummus. And you're like, well, you take it then. I'm like, I don't have a fridge right now. Like, I just moved house. I don't even know what hummus is. So then we're just in the street. Literally strangers start walking past and this son of a gun over here starts going,

hey, do you just want some hummus? Like, we've got too much. Yeah, and then we're just the two weird guys trying to give away fucking hummus on the street. And everyone is just like, absolutely not. And then we were saying, what if we just leave the box on a tram with a note saying, hey, this is for a podcast.

If you take this moose, give us a call and let us know. Or, Helmus, give us a call and let us know what it was like. A fucking ordeal. Oh, man, we are so devastated. And then we actually just get home. We literally were sitting there for like 10 minutes just going, fuck. This is like heartbreaking. What now?

And then we get like, you drop me off home and we're like, all right. We go back to the home that we live in together. Yeah. We go back to the podcast cave and you drop me off. I'm like, oh, I don't know what we're going to do. All right, I'll take the... And I was so sad. I got home and then sat on my couch for, like, 30 seconds and went,

I'm going up to the supermarket to get some moose. And I went and bought yellow moose after that. But then, so you contact them and go, oh, hey, you gave us hummus instead of moose. You sort of, you know, you got the wrong thing. It's no big deal. But, yeah, so let us know and we can come and maybe fix that up. And they write back and go, oh, no worries.

We'll just post you some moose now. That was always an option to get it in the fucking mail. Why did they make us drive out there? Fantastic stuff. Seriously, though, go and buy some. But anyway, I've now had a bunch of the hummus, and it's

fantastic hummus. I know we're deviating from the script, but I liked it a lot. Yellow should put two enter together and have hummus. Oh. See, that's... That is... That's surprising.

Dill suggesting eating two foods. Anyway, it was... Got a few laughs from the back there. Alright, should we get our next guest out here? Please, please. Dillbrook Jai Singer, everyone. Anyway, it was... Oh, I got a few laughs from the back there. That's good. All right, should we get our next guest out here? Please, please. Dibble Jai Singer, everyone. Our next guest, we are very, very excited to have him here.

You may have heard him on Triple J. You may have read one of his many books. His new book is called Shortback and Science. Please, for the first time, welcome into the little dum-dum club, Dr Karl! Dr Karl, meet Mr Karl. Ahoy! I've even met Dr Karl from Neighbours.

No, hey, yeah, there's a bunch of us What do you mean no? Didn't you see episode 4550? Oh, you know my work That was my work on Neighbours Oh, okay, I mean, yes Yes Oh, come on

The guy's a medical doctor And he has his own radio show And he's called Karl Yeah Coincidence? I don't think so I mean, 24 hours in a day, 24 cans in a slab. It's not a coincidence, man. I have a podcast.

I'm enjoying it right now. Yeah. So you're suggesting people drink a can of beer every hour of the day? Is that what you would recommend? Some people do. I used to live in a caravan and drink lots of beer and I saw UFOs. Whoa, whoa.

There is a correlation in America. Hang on, hang on. There's a lot in that sentence. Let's start with the caravan. So this is up at Dorigo and there's a correlation, if you look at the figures in America, between the peak hours of UFO viewing and the peak hours of beer drinking. Not a coincidence, man.

It's all around us. The truth is out there if you're fucked up or not. Well, so the conspiracy theories, they go way back to Roman times and earlier. Like what? Nero setting fire to Rome. Whole conspiracy theory there. Did Caligula actually make a horse a senator? Don't know.

Okay. Wow. He knows it all. The first question you get asked, you don't know. Get the fuck off our podcast. Saying don't know is the only path to enlightenment. Oh, really? Really.

Very nice. So, Dr Karl, you frequently, you're on Twitter and you will have sessions where you take questions from people. You'll answer people's science questions online. Sometimes I'll go for three hours and do 200 questions, one minute. Now, I've, in the past, I've had a bit of a hobby where I would send you questions that weren't related to science at all. And I've talked about this on the podcast before.

One time I tweeted at you and I said, is the Blues Brothers a good movie? Of course it is. Yeah, that's what you said. You wrote back, but then because that goes out to your followers as well, people get extremely angry at the person who asked the shit question. Because their question about space hasn't gotten through. So I got like a day of hate of people going, Dr. Carl's replying to this idiot, and he won't answer my question about the ocean floor.

This is bullshit. There are no stupid questions. You have never listened to this podcast. That is true, but they're not related. If you want to go scientific, they're orthogonal or at right angles like religion and science. They don't intersect.

Oh, big word. Fucking bubble shit. Here's a quick question. How does that happen? What is the that to which you refer? Funny that. It's a physics question. And biology. Give me a better. Funny that. It's a physics question. And biology.

Give me a better noun than that. I wish I could. How about this? Here's a serious question. No one buys that. What's your thought on weight loss? That's easy. There's a book by Michael Palan called In Defence of Food.

And I can sum it up for you in seven words. Eat food, mostly plants, not too much. So by food, he defines stuff that is fairly close to its origins, not something that's been modified and processed to have lots of salt and fat. So you can process tomatoes yourself and you add garlic and olive oil. That's quite different from the hyperpalatable food that the food producers make. The thing about their hyperpalatable food is that it leaves you hungry, which is exactly their goal. What does this Michael character think of yellow mousse? It's up there with hyper palatable food.

So eat food, mostly plants. You can get by with a bit of meat. You don't need too much. But it's hard to be a vegetarian because you can end up a bit iron deficient and B12 but you can get there. You need plants for all their wonderful chemicals and then not too much. There's a 20 minute

delay between when your tummy knows it's full and when it bothers to tell your brain. Oh, sometimes it's 40 minutes. And this is an excellent... And so this is part of our evolutionary history, that if there's some food there, eat it, and even if you fall, keep on eating, because it might not be there tomorrow.

Right. It's only for the... I feel you, brother. Hey, I do have a genuine question. So have you heard of the concept of a cheat day? With regard to which one of the many human desires? Oh, no, no, no, with regards to eating. Oh, that one, that one, yeah, yeah. What is the scientific explanation for a cheating on your partner day?

Well, the basic rule is never have sex with anybody who has more problems than you do. Oh, I learned the hard way. That's what I've been doing wrong. I had this girlfriend when I was doing medicine. Oh, here we go. We don't hear about this on Triple J. She was dropping speed all the time and not telling me about it, and I didn't know. She wanted to have sex all the time until it was broken

and it wouldn't work anymore. What are you... When you say it, can you clarify? I have so many more questions for Dr. Carl now. We're talking genitalia here. Genitalia. Hers or yours? Mine.

Worn out. Broken. Broken. Just gone, man. Just gone. Just gone. And so I managed to get some sleep after a night of absolute and glorious filth. And then

knowing my duty, which was to study, so I walked out the door of my squat, which I'd got by booting out some junkies. Was this happening when people were spotting UFOs, by the way, out of your car? No, no. This is about a kilometre from here when I was squatting in Glebe.

Oh, right. Yeah. And so I started heading for Physiology 101, and then she came flying out the door at high speed and partially clothed. Like a UFO. And then just ran straight onto me, grabbed me around the waist, then slid down my body. And I'm trying to walk up the road and dragging her behind on one leg while she's describing the beautiful filth that would go forth if I were to come inside again. And at that moment, the heavens opened and God said, mate, never have sex with anybody who has more problems than you do. The sex is great, but you're paying for it right now, you idiot.

Wow. And, you know, some people never learn that lesson in their whole life. Yeah. I think we're all stunned, just to be honest. I think there's been a bit of a mix-up. I thought we booked Dr Karl, not Dr Feelgood. On relationships, I have a question. How long is too long to wait before proposing to your long-term girlfriend?

Ah. That's already been solved. It's called the secretary problem. Oh, please continue. Oh, please continue. And mathematically, it's roughly one third of the window of your maximum fertility. So it's different for women and for men. Right.

So your maximum fertility, well, like all males, you probably reached your maximum fertility when you had sex all by yourself with nobody else around to help you. Well, hang on, Dylan Dassler, you can relate to that. So beginning at about 13, up to about how old do you want to be with regard to having your first child and being able to pick up the kid and throw him around or her around and have a good time. Is it like 40, 50, 60? Pick a number. Divide those numbers of years by one third.

And in the one third period, the next best person that comes along, go for them. Right, okay. It's called the secretary problem. So Carl's 40. I'm not 40. Quickly, go back to cheat day, though. Yep, cheat day.

Should we get a guest on quickly before we get this? Please, come on, we're missing our best friend. Come on, where is he? Let's go. Folks, we're going to bring our third guest on now. Please welcome, back into the little dum-dum club, Adam Richard. Yay, right on. Hi.

Hey, Jill. Dr Karl, Dr Dumb Cunt. You must have been up the back watching that last bit, just chomping at the bit to get involved, right? Oh, no. I don't need to talk about my broken dick. Can I just say, before when you were talking about... This is a bit where I did want to mention something.

When you were talking about Brendan Cowell and how you can't lie, I thought that was the height of irony, given that you look like Pinocchio melting in front of the fire. Give me that t-shirt. I got him! Sorry. That is a horrible thing to say.

About Pinocchio. Carl Chan, the school of comedy. Number one lesson, be funny. Got it. Thanks a lot, Jiminy Crick Hunt. So, let's get back to the question. Okay, let's get back to cheat days. Cheat day, right.

So, I was on a diet which basically said... Let's get back to the question. Let's get back to cheat days. Cheat day, right. So I was on a diet which basically said... Say it again. It's the funniest thing ever. I was on a health kick. Yay, more minions.

We just got an advent calendar. So, Dr. Carl, it basically said that you diet for six days, but on the seventh day, you can basically binge. You can have whatever you want just to reset the metabolism. Because what I was told was that when you go on any diet, after a while, the body just starts adjusting to this new less amount of food and just starts plateauing. So when you have a cheat day, it spikes the metabolism and then you continue on the diet and continue to lose weight. Is there any truth to that? Zero.

However, you have no idea how sad that makes me. Okay, let me quote you with two world records. The world record for going without eating food of any sort whatsoever is one year and 17 days. That was in my book, House of Carls. Wow. That person, his full name is the anti-Dilrook-Jaisinger.

And the world record for absolute constipation is nine months. Oh, so not taking a shit for nine months. Yes, Dil. Hey, English is my second language. That would be like a concrete turd. Could build a house with it. concrete turd. Could build a house with it.

My boss was given the job when I was doing gastroenterology of the technical term is disimpacting. And let me just mention the word long-handled teaspoon and stop right there. Right. No, no, keep going.

So you had to go in and get the shit out. Adam does that on the weekend. On the other hand... That sounds like going into a nightclub to remove Lawrence Mooney. That's also a cheat day. The worst thing is that Dil had six cheat days a week. Now, the trouble is that when you go without food,

you're surviving, but your brain is not its full efficiency right and so i used to go on fasts and i still do but the family tells me i'm behaving like an idiot and i of course don't believe them because i'm arrogant i'm sorry and so they said look you're not behaving rationally my last fast was for six days or seven days last year and i went on air on day six. And then I seemed okay. And then at the end of the day, I was cutting in for my regular Great Moments in Science pre-record.

And as I had done for decades, I tried to start off normally with the mouth exercises. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, red lorry, yellow lorry, she shall sell seashells on the seashore, unique New York. Could not do it. For the first time in my whole life, my brain could not control my vocal apparatus so that I could speak properly, and then I believed my family.

Right. The family's right, I was wrong. Hey, by the way, Dr, you're preaching to the choir over here. So this guy went for one year and 17 days without eating anything at all and did he cock it some people have it was in the guinness book of records and when people tried to follow him they did at one stage his potassium level went dangerously low and he could have gone into abnormal rhythms of the heart and they gave him they injected him with some potassium and he came good but people have died firstly from abnormal rhythms of the heart and the

bowel swallowing itself and going into a knot and blocking up the blood vessels. Oh, Baroto. It is messy. But you misunderstood. I'm not saying fast where you don't want to eat anything for six days. I just ate like a normal human for six days. What you've got to do is find something. So three meals a day and then 22 on Friday.

And then 22 on Saturday. You've got to find something that's sustainable for the rest of your life because otherwise you'll die sooner and all of your friends will be sad. Not these cunts. No, they'll be sad. They'll be pallbearers, the poor arseholes. the poor arsehole.

Here's my favourite thing that I learned about you, Dr. Carl, when I did a bit of research. And I think this will... Hang on, you did research? For this show? No, scientists do research, he did reading. Yeah.

Carl clicked a link. Hey, looking at the first paragraph on Wikipedia is research. Right. Does it mention that I was kidnapped by gypsies and brought up in a zoo? Yes. Good. By the way, this is my invitation. Please change my Wikipedia entry to anything you like.

You do not know what you're starting there. Hey, do you want to give your phone number? Go for it. Just don't take away my planet. I have my own planet, 18412. Is that named after you? It's called 18412 Krushelnitsky. Oh, okay.

To give it its full name. When I say planet, it's a minor planet. But I still call it a planet, even though it's fairly minor. What's it like? About the size of this room. Can I crash there if I'm in the area? What I'm worried is if it goes into an interaction with another

meteor or another little rock in the asteroid belt and then wipes out human civilisations we know of. People would dislike me for that. Like, you wouldn't be here. People on Earth will really think you're a bit of a cunt after that. We never got wiped out on

Halloween day, August 31. And the rock that just missed us was discovered only on October 4. Hey, he has a name. It's Dilrub. It's funny because you're fat. Oh, it's not. Speaking of planets. Did we really nearly get hit by a meteor on Halloween?

Sure. This Halloween just passed? Yes. Wow. What was it dressed as? Was it a slutty zombie nurse? I saw one of those. Just as an asteroid.

I'm going to go on record as saying that's a trick. Well, it was about 100 metres in diameter and if it had landed on... If it impacted on land, we'd have to evacuate everybody for 1,000 kilometres around. If it landed in the Pacific Ocean, which by itself is bigger than all the land masses on Earth put together, it would have created a tsunami 100 metres high on the Pacific coast,

which means we'd just have to evacuate to a height of 100 metres. Everybody in South America, Central America, North America, Siberia, Russia, and work your way down through China and into Australia and New Zealand and the Philippines and Indonesia. Well, if it had have hit in Adelaide when we did the show last week, it wouldn't have hit too many people. And also, aren't you all glad that it didn't hit so you could come

see this live podcast? Be sitting on a stage. Don't suck up to Tommy. Can we actually get one fake fact sorted out tonight for Wikipedia? Like, if you wanted one fact about you on Wikipedia to be true, like someone to put it in, what would it be? One fact to be true? No, no, a fake one.

A fake one? It's not a fact in a way. Well, what I'd like to have is that being fairly clever at the age of 16, I worked out how to invent the Fosbury Flop and won the Olympic gold medal. Alright.

You heard him, Dum Dum Club. Come on, hive mind. Surely the Fosbury flop was invented by Mr Fosbury. Yeah. Or the very late Mr Flop. That's my major problem. It was really cute because until then, everybody thought that if you had to go over a high bar... Yeah, you had to go forward.

You had to get your whole body over it, including your centre of gravity. And he was the guy who realised your centre of gravity could go anywhere. You only had to get bits of your body over at, including your centre of gravity. And he was the guy who realised your centre of gravity could go anywhere. You only had to get bits of your body over it at a time. So you'd fly over it and your centre of gravity would go underneath it and instantly they got a whole extra foot because they measured it in feet in one go.

And that could have been me if I'd done my physics properly. I could have got my gold medal in Olympics then. That will be on your Wikipedia before these people have left this room. I guarantee it. Please put it on there for me. I pass it on to Mr Fosbury via the internet. Yeah, right.

So this is my favourite fact about you. This is a real fact. And I think this will resonate with people here. So on Dr. Carl's Wikipedia page it says, After university, the 19-year-old's first job as a physicist was working for a steelworks in his hometown of Wollongong, where he had to test the strength of steel made for use on Melbourne's the Westgate Bridge.

And there's unfortunately a true story there. The bridge is inadequate. The bridge is inadequate. It's pretty good at one thing. At the moment. But the first bridge didn't last very long. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's it. Well, that's what it was about. So it was under

construction at the time. It says here that you worked on it. It says in brackets the Westgate Bridge collapsed during construction, but the fault was found to have occurred due to structural failure, not to the quality of the steel used. No, but the steel is inadequate in quality and it may well fall down oh all right so you've got two rolls of the dice if you get on the west go they're two separate issues yeah but this i was involved in testing the steel and i told my boss

about it and i said the steel is not strong enough in its fatigue life and he said, you know Carl, I'd like you to go back and check your figures. I said, okay, so I went back and I checked everything and I said, look, I've checked everything, it's fine. He said, you know Carl, I want you to go back and check your figures. And so I then asked a friend of mine to go through with it and we checked all the figures and I went back a third time and he said, I want you to check your figures. So what he wanted me to do was to cover up the fact that the steel had an inadequate fatigue life. Right. There were a few problems. One is that the steel was called,

when we were making it at the Steelworks, we called it LY for Lower Yarra. There were two grades, LY35, LY50. 35 had 35,000 pounds. Yeah, no shit. We're not idiots So there was LY35 for 35,000 pounds per square inch

breaking strain and LY50 similar What they did was firstly both steels were made to inadequate strength and lied about and put into the bridge. Secondly, the steels were made at Port Kemble and sent down to Melbourne. They were identified by being painted with a water-soluble paint.

It rained and then the markings came off, and they used the high-strength steel in a low-strength application, which is no biggie, and vice versa. They used the low-strength steel in a high-strength application. Third problem, when they realised that they'd been doing this for a bit too long, they then got big burly guys with arms the diameter of your waist to go and bang identification. We're talking Arnold Schwarzenegger here to bang identification numbers into the steel but the steel was only that thick

and so therefore the identification marks that they put into the steel which were permanent acted as stress raisers and could end up collapsing the bridge one day I I busted my head and then I went to New Guinea instead. Well, a happy ending at least, so that's good. Can I point out though, it's just people going to Geelong. No one cares. Yeah, that's it. No one cares. He's saying this.

People in the crowd are like, oh my god, you don't live there. You're never driving over. What do you give a shit? I don't know why they keep making it easier to get out of Geelong. Wow. That is... I've never met someone who's had so much to do with the West Coast. So good.

So you reckon it's going to go down? No. What I'm reckoning is that it's made... that all of the steel in it is of inferior quality and that high strength steel low strength steel has been used in a high strength application and that some of the steel has been identified so badly that it has stress raises within the steel So you reckon it's going to go down?

I can predict an eclipse. I can't predict the bridge going down. Okay, all right. Are we going to get taken out because of releasing this information into the public sphere? Yeah, is there any impact on us? Like, this information goes out. Does everyone know that it's going to...

Everybody in the steelworks knew. Okay. Well, it'd be nice of them to pass it on to us. Well, I'll ask you a question. Okay, I'll field this one. Okay. And this has an analogue to global warming, right, and big business. Hang on, I just want to brand this segment as Ask Mr Carl.

Yeah, right, okay. Ask Dr Shithead. Slavery existed in both the United States and the United Kingdom. Oh, yeah, I think I'm good enough to answer this question, yes. And then it was made illegal. And then certain people got compensation from the government. Question number one, was it the slaves themselves you think that got compensation?

I'm so glad Carly's fielding this one. I have a million things I could say on this, but I don't want to be rude. All right. No. Correct answer. Question number two. Did the slave owners get compensation

for not having people who'd worked for them for free? Is this really under your jurisdiction as a scientist? It's part of the world view. And they did get compensation in the same way. I was about to answer. Before you really interrupt it. And in the same way. Oh, I was about to answer. Yeah, before you really interrupt it. And in the same way, with regard to global warming, our friends in the fossil fuel industry,

having, for example, set up a situation where by the year 2040, one fifth of the Earth's surface every year will be subject to a heat wave, they will demand compensation. So are you comparing slaves to fossil fuel? I'm comparing... I'm talking about the amoral behaviour of big business. Dil, you shouldn't open your mouth. The amount of methane you're pumping out into the atmosphere.

That's another misconception. That was in my 23rd book. Most of the methane... No, no, you're right. The methane comes out of the mouth of cows, not out of the bums. He's right, I'm wrong. Good one. Dr Gotten.

Are you considered sacred? Milk me and find out. Well, in India, there are 40,000 gold. Who wants to grab onto your samosa? Well, as a shameless plug, in my latest book I do raise the question of if you feed a cow strawberries, will you get strawberry flavoured milk? And should we find out the question? if you feed a cow strawberries, will you get strawberry-flavoured milk? And... Should we find out the question?

All right, bring up some strawberries. I'll have a crack. I know pineapple works a treat. Fuck off. You've never eaten pineapple. You only know that because you tasted it yourself. Hey, there was no one else there. Because you tasted it yourself. There was no one else there. You can find out more in Dilrock's new book, Confessions of a Dumb Cunt. Fifty shades of hate.

I feel really bad about the amount of C word that we've used around you, Dr. Carl. I have to say, I feel awful about this. I've worked in the field. I've been a taxi driver. I was a roadie for Bo Diddley. I'm cool, man. A roadie for Bo Diddley? Yeah.

Oh, sorry. No, but you were... No, Carl's old enough to remember Bo Diddley. How do I cop shit from a bloke older than me? Dr. Carl, any thoughts from a scientific perspective? On what particular topic? No, I love this. So you were actually a roadie. You were a roadie for a lot of music.

So you were a roadie for Bo Diddley, for Slim Dusty? Once, and for Chuck Berry once roadie for Bo Diddley for Slim Dusty? Once and for Chuck Berry once but mainly Bo Diddley. And then a whole lot of bands that didn't make it big but when Bo Diddley came over, whenever he came over he would take this band, Waste of Days as his backup band and therefore I was a roadie for him.

And so we'd go around and go to the Wenty RSL and all sorts of places and set up a gig. Actually people responded to it. Love the Wenty RSL. What was Chuck Berry like, being a roadie for Chuck Berry? He was... You didn't get to see him and he was pretty tough and hard and probably mean to people because he'd been a black person in America

when black people were discriminated against very strongly. There were two separate parades. He could go on the road and he wasn't allowed to use the bathroom, all that sort of stuff. So he was pretty mean. Beau was much more laid back. He was talking about, say, if I save up some money,

I'll be able to buy the 20 acres of desert beside the bit I've already got in Arizona. He was a really friendly guy. Yeah, right. So what was it like backstage? Those guys party pretty hard. Were you fending off groupies? Is that part of your job?

My role in becoming a groupie was to – or becoming a roadie was to try and fend off groupies. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Freudian. Let's just get back one. Going back one. Was that a Freudian slip? No, it was a misstatement. So I was hanging out.

I was hanging out to meet groupies and never succeeded. Oh, really? Yeah, I failed. Oh, wow. Despite your knowledge of maths. I know. Go figure. This is shocking.

I'm shocked by this. Shocking information. Have you ever used your knowledge of facts and stuff to pick up? Stuff? Your knowledge of the vocabulary on Dill. Have you ever used it as a pick-up line? Very unsuccessfully every time. Is that like Schrodinger's pussy?

Ooh. It's a science joke. I know. I know Schro know shorty gets cat. I don't know if science wants to be tarred with that one. What do you reckon? I reckon we're getting just about time to wrap this up. Oh, okay.

Is it done? We're getting pretty close. If people have to go somewhere, we should probably go. Smooth dismount We really We really quickly wrote a Episode of a long running radio serial Oh no

We have a We have a radio serial That we A little play that we do on this podcast Would you like to play We've got a script written I love radio plays Would you like to be in it

No no no Don't call it to a We've got a script for you Would you be up for doing a part in it? I'd be honoured. Alright, folks. A lot of people hate this. It's called... Everyone here kind of knows but the show is called Rad Dad. It's a show

within this show and it's because Carl got asked to do a role in a Target catalogue and the role they wanted him to play was called Rad Dad. Were you a fit model? Yeah. Fucking, you don't know it all, do you? Alright, what have we got?

We don't have the theme music here. I don't think we planned far enough to have the theme music. Yeah, We don't have the theme music here. I don't think we planned far enough to have the theme music. Yeah, we don't have the theme, but we'll... Well, it's Rad Dad here, and I'm here to say I'm just radding around in a Rad Dad way. I don't know the rest. Well, here we are in Sydney, Jenny. I told you I'd reward you if you passed your year eight exams

and now I'm about to show you all around the sights of Australia's capital city. Thanks, Rad Dad, but can you take off your neck pillow? We landed in Sydney two days ago. Ha, ha, ha. What else would you want me to do? Take off my bum bag? Don't be silly, Jenny. I mean, what if I wanted to buy you a present up here?

Are there any pogs you have your eye on? Are there any new Crash Bandicoot cartridges out? Rad Dad, what's it like being back in Sydney for the first time since the 2000 Olympics when you won gold for being a bit of a dumb cunt? The year... The year... The year 2000? Wow, that takes me back.

That must be almost five years ago. Anyway, let's go on the first part of our journey today. I'll hail a cab. No, Rad Dad, let's get an Uber. Taxis are so 1996. 1996 that I am definitely getting one. Taxi! Look, I don't like taxi drivers.

They're always fat, lazy, smelly idiots who don't know jack shit. Hi, guys. Where do you want to go? I'll be your driver. My name is Delrick. Hi, Delric.

Can I put my luggage in the boat? It's pretty heavy. Well, this car is only licensed to hold 500 kilos, which means legally I'm not even supposed to get in. But fuck it, yeah, put it all in. Thanks, Delric. You know Sydney. Can you take us on a bit of a tour? Yeah, great timing.

You guys are from Melbourne, yeah? Well, as you can see, we're going over to the Sydney Harbour Bridge. So make yourself at home and feel free to use it the same way you use your own bus gate bridge. Well, with your fat ass in this cab, I just hope someone's tested the suspension of the steel on this bridge. Okay, now just over there

are the Triple J Studios. Oh wow, think of all the awesome comedians that have come out of there like Merrick and Rosso and Will Anderson and then all the great presenters who aren't comedians who have come out of there like Tom Ballard. Oh hey, there's Dr Karl over there. He's walking out of there. Hey, Dr Karl, I've always wanted to ask you some questions. OK, mate, look, now, just by looking at you, let me take a quick guess at some of the answers you're looking for.

OK, number one, no, I can't invent you a time machine so you can go back to 1992 to kill a drummer of Jebediah and then wear his skin. LAUGHTER wear his skin. No. Number two, deodorant is not an Illuminati conspiracy, so you should actually use it. And number three,

this one's for the taxi driver, cheat days do not help you lose weight. See you, lovely people. Oh, wow, we've just seen one Sydney radio star and now there's another one. Who is it, Rad Dad? Well, I can't be sure, but it looks exactly like Kyle Sandilands. So it must be Kyle Sandilands.

Uh-huh, guys, I'm Kyle. I'm the second biggest cunt in the entertainment industry. Hang on, I'm chewing. I'm the second biggest cunt that has a name with four letter names starting with a K. This is strange, but I somehow feel offended by that last remark. Okay, Dilrek, turn the engine back on and book us in for a trip back to the Sydney Westgate. One way, please, driver. Alright, Dad! please driver alright dad I just wanted to point it out

that I did not write that line about Tom Ballard mainly because he listens and I'm going to have to see him in my fucking hallway and answer questions about it. In a way, I wish you hadn't written it. All right, guys, that brings us to the end of A Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Big round of applause for Dr Karl, Adam Richard, Daryl Rook-Jay Singer. Dr Karl's book, Shortback and Science, is available now at all good bookstores. And even those with questionable moral values.. And even those with questionable moral values. Pardon? Even those with questionable moral values. That's everyone who listens to this podcast.

Go and get Dr Karl's book. Awesome. And Richard, what have you got going on? I'll be at Happy Endings Comedy Club next weekend. So pop down in the cross if you like, you know, being stabbed on the way home. Delrick? Just Twitter, at Del, being stabbed on the way home. Delrick? Just Twitter, at Delrick J.

I put everything there, so yeah. In other words, he's not got much. Guys at home, thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next!