The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 274 - Ronny Chieng & Bart Freebairn

Episode Date: January 5, 2016

A Month of Kindness, Measuring Fingers and Patreon Robots. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, it's ad time for another week and I know how much some of you hate having to sit through this so your boy Dasolo is going to do this solo and try and get through this as quickly as I can. First of all, if you've listened last week you'll know that the Little Dumb Dumb Club is now on Patreon. That's right, if you enjoy the show and you want to kick in and help support this show with a little bit of that sweet cash you can now do that at patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. We're going to give up some sweet rewards to people who kick in. You can get a free newsletter. You can get a bonus episode once a month that we're going to do.

There's some exclusive T-shirts coming down the line in a little while. So, yeah, every little bit helps, and we really appreciate all the people that have kicked in so far. So, once again, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Also, we're about to head out around the country, going to all sorts of different places. We are in Ballarat on January the 23rd. We are in Adelaide on February the 13th.

We are in Brisbane on March the 20th, and then we have our big season of Melbourne Comedy Festival shows running from March 27th until April 17th, every Sunday of the Comedy Festival with huge guests. You can get individual tickets or a season pass where you save a little bit of money and you can come to all the shows. Plus, any of those tickets gets you into the legendary drunk cast on the final night of the festival who knows what's going to happen with that one this year it's always crazy fun also we're doing a special show in the middle of the comedy festival for carl chandler's 40th birthday that is happening on march the 30th all of those tickets are available now at little dumdum club

dot com also my comedy festival show, Little Golden Dasolo, is on sale now. It's on every night of the comedy festival at 8.45pm. Tickets for that are at tommydasolo.com. Also, Carl and I both run weekly comedy shows around Melbourne. If you're ever in town and you want to check them out, Carl's is at the European Beer Cafe in the city every Thursday at 8.30pm. Mine

is at the Catfish in North Fitzroy at 8pm every Tuesday. It's the best place to come and see big name comedians in Melbourne and heaps of friends of the show. And so yeah, if you're ever visiting and you want to come check them out, definitely do that. And finally, I have started another podcast that's about video games with a bunch of other comics where we dick around and we don't really talk about video games that much. So if you have a passing interest in that, go check that out. It's called Filthy Casuals. It's on iTunes.

You can find it on Facebook. Okay, that's enough. I think I did that pretty quickly. Enjoy this episode live from Chang Towers. See you, mates. Hey, mates, welcome into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me, 2016's very own Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads! How you been?

How was your New Year's, buddy? Really good. I counted backwards from 10 to 1. Oh yeah? What time of night did you do that? At midnight. Great improv. Yeah.

It was really good. No, I don't do New Year's. I don't care about New Year's. You've never done a big New Year's the whole time I've known you. I don't like it. I don't think you've ever even gotten off the couch on a New Year's Eve the whole time I've known you. Nah.

Fine. No judgement. I'm just saying. Why would I? Yeah. Nah. That's where all the dickheads live outside on New Year's Eve. It is.

It's amateur hour, isn't it? I'd stay inside where the great people are. Yeah. Get drunk on a Tuesday night with the real party animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Countdown on every other night. That's what I'd do. Yeah.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6. Hooray! It's February 20, everyone! I'm going to start doing that. Every time I'm up at midnight, I'm just going to do the night. That's what I do. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6. Hooray! It's February 20, everyone! I'm going to start doing that. Every time I'm up at midnight, I'm just going to do the count. Joining us today... Make new resolutions. February 21, shit's going to change.

I'm going to eat different... I'm going to have a set of resolutions every day of the year. First of all, joining us, you know him from his new podcast, Spirit Blast and We Are Not Doctors. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Bart Freeband. Hey, friends. You count down every time you do a cum, don't you?

Yeah. That's your New Year's. Yeah, and that's when the fireworks come out. Yeah. Yeah. That's when whoever you're with needs to wear fire-retardant clothing. Although I do another set at nine o'clock so the kids can see it as well. Yeah, so that one you don't have a sparkler in your eyes.

I love you referring to sex as doing a set. Hey, honey, I've got a few new zingers for you. Sit back and relax. Some of these mightn't work, but if they work, I'll use them again. Oh, what do you think about the tag on that one? Come on your face. Oh, Jesus. See, this is why Bart is one about the tag on that one? Come on your face. Oh, Jesus. See, this is why Bart is one of the few people

we get complaints about on the show. Do we get complaints about him? Yeah, I've had at least three complaints about Bart. You can't say that to him because now he's like, there's a record that he's going to try and break. You know what I say to those people? Suck my fat, wild dick, you pieces of shit. Lick my arse asshole for 40 minutes. Also

joining us today, you may have heard his underpants on this podcast before. You might have seen him on The Daily Show, Ronnie Chang. Yay! Hey, I can't be on the podcast but I don't want to get fired. It's too controversial. Can we start a race war right now?

Let me just clarify Everything that happens On this podcast I mean regardless Of what happens Bart is actually One of the nicest Human beings ever

So don't judge him Based on what he's about to say This is a zany little character That he's doing right now I save baby eagles On the regular From getting killed By the man

So happy new year You fucks Thanks man Do you celebrate this new year? I don't give a fuck I'm like you man I don't care about I'm beyond

Do you recognize this new year Or is it just Chinese new year That you do it Whatever Oh man It's another day Wow Another day man

So you're just another Another Carl Really Yeah I'm another Carl Unfortunately With the public holidays I don't give a fuck Wow

I'll stay at home I don't care People invite me to their homes For holidays I don't give a fuck Wow I'll stay at home I don't care People invite me to their homes For Christmas I don't give a fuck Since you've grabbed The pebble from my hand Finally Ronnie

You're finally me Well done I wouldn't say I grabbed the pebble From your hand I came to it independently Yeah I hate that shit

I just hate crowds Yeah You just told me You were on a plane For the countdown Happily on a plane Like give me on a plane On New Year's I'll fly I've always wondered this a plane for the countdown. Happily on a plane. Give me a plane on New Year's. I've always wondered this.

Do people do the countdown on the plane? Did you kiss someone on the plane? No, I didn't. I was on the plane. Midnight came right when boarding was happening. So you couldn't really do a proper one. Not that I mind. You don't want to count down anything on a plane, to be honest.

It's not a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If all you need is a beard and that factor and you'll go to jail straight away. Yeah, you don't want the pilot distracted from flying by trying to pass his co-pilot when it gets to midnight. Yeah, there's a lot of Arabic people got arrested on New Year's in airports. Dad! No!

Get down! Get the fuck down! Hey! Just shout out. Don't worry. After this, everything's going to be different, guys. We're going to make some big changes here this year. Hey, that reminds me.

So, Tommy Dassler, you've made the big statement a couple of episodes ago. This is officially January, and you declared that it was going to be nice January. From you, from now on, for the next month, I guess for the next four episodes, you were going to be nice? I'm going to be nice on this podcast to test the resolve of I guess for the next four episodes you're gonna be nice I'm gonna be nice on this podcast to test the resolve of our listeners

will they still be assholes to us if we're making more of an effort to be pleasant and nice on this podcast when are you not nice on the podcast

you're pretty nice on the podcast you're pretty nice I feel like I get swept up in the mania you know what I mean you don't really go after people though

you kind of tease but you don't like you're not a dick to people that's very nice of you to say but then again I don't really listen to this shit I don't know maybe you're a piece of shit tease but you don't like you're not a dick to people that's very nice of you to say but then again I don't really listen to this shit

I don't know maybe you're a piece of shit yeah so I don't think I think you're the nicer of the duo whoa big call

yeah the feeling like I to be honest I read it as Daslo's got nothing going on in the next month

and so I'm definitely carrying him for the next four episodes why do you think you've got to be mean to have good content on this show? Again, have you listened to this podcast? I'll be very

happy to see what you've got to say for the next 55 minutes. I want to attack you for doubting my skills here. My hands are tied. So what's the deal? Why are you trying to be friendly? Because we get a lot of abuse from the listeners of this show and I, for one, have had enough of it. That's a dip.

You got sensitive. I just think, you know, we behave like we behave. You can't blame the listeners for just wanting to kind of like be like us. They're heroes. They're favourite podcasters. And so I think if I'm nice for a bit and then we still get abuse, then I can categorically say that it's just the animals listening to this show. Put it this way.

You know, my phone number's out there to all the listeners. Yeah, it is the dumbest thing. Today I got a message saying, hey, I got a present for you. What's your address? I'm like, yeah, good one. As if I'm letting that out. People are wanting to – and they're like, I want to send you a present. I'm like, no, good one. As if I'm letting that out. People are wanting to – and they're like, I want to send you a present. I'm like, no, I know how you people act.

I'm not giving you my address. You're either going to send me something real bad or you're just going to use my address for something really bad. Look you up and – Yeah. You need a P.O. box. You need a P.O. box. I don't have a P.O. box.

I shouldn't have to have a P.O. box just because I have a podcast. I think there should be a Dum Dum Club P.O. box. That's a great idea. We're recording this in at Chain Towers. Ronnie, of course, you've moved to New York.

This is a rare fleeting visit for you. Why don't we just use this apartment as our PO box? You're never here. What do you care? Is this a fleeting

visit? I feel like since you moved to New York, I see you more often. You've certainly been on the podcast more. When you leave, you guys make more effort

to come visit, you stupid fucking idiots. When I'm around, you guys make more effort to come visit, you stupid fucking idiots. When I'm around, you guys never came around. Yeah. Yeah, now that I'm gone. I've been coming back to Melbourne like once a month

for the past few months and this will be the last time. This is official. This is the last time in Melbourne ever. Well, I'm not back again. It's been good. No,

I've had work obligations that I booked in before I moved to New York. I'm flying over. Yeah, man. Look, listen, mate. We've all got two TV shows spread across the world. We're well aware of how it works. The cross-continental comedy of Ronnie Chang.

Yeah. So I came back to fulfill some obligations and when I'm in town, it's very in and out. Like I'm here for one day and I've got to go again. So, yeah. I'm happy to do a podcast as long as I don't get fired. What are you going to miss

most about Melbourne after you've decided to never come back here again? Oh, Melbourne is awesome. Yeah. Melbourne's the best. Better than New York? In some ways,

yeah, there's more space. Do you think you'll spend more time in New York if you ever actually get on The Daily Show? He's trying, you see Carl's trying, you see, Kyle's trying to come at me

but he's got nothing. The only thing he had on me was that I was fat. Not anymore. Yeah, so now he's got nothing. No, no, no. He's always grasping at straws.

No, no. He's got nothing on me. You could lose a few pounds. He's got nothing on me anymore. I want, I want to be four months to lose weight. Weight loss. How did you do it? How did I do it? Tears? No, I won I only won 24 months weight loss but how did you do it

how did I do it tears no just playing back the podcast they called me fat I'm like we got a lot of downloads

for that episode it was all Ronnie Carl's actually the new biggest loser coach yeah he's the secret I'm commando yeah

come chando yeah Carl Chando yeah everyone's body is different but in my case fat shaming worked oh man Chando. Yeah. Come Chando. Yeah, Carl Chando. Yeah. Everyone's body is different, but in my case, fat shaming worked. Oh, man. So it would be great.

I'd watch Biggest Loser so much if it was all the people training and then just you in a room with your group just being like, hey, fat fucks. Hey, who's a fatty chops? See, you notice this? Because we're going negative, he hasn't chimed in. This is going to be Daso's guest appearance every week from the next four weeks. Carl, look at me. As if I can get involved in a conversation about fat shaming either way if I was being

me. By the way, do you want my old fat clothes? No. You gave me some last time I was here. You gave me a pair of pants that you at your fattest were fatter than I am now. Oh, wow. I was walking around. Those things kept falling down around my ankles all day.

It was brutal. I think Tommy's Rubenesque. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's not fat at all. What's that, Ruben? Rubenesque. You know, like Ruben used to paint. Ruben's the painter.

The painter. He'd paint some nice curvy ladies. Oh, yeah. Buxom. Yeah, that's right. Big ladies. Curvaceous. BBWs.

You look like a big lady is what Bart's saying. You're a BBW. Yeah, yeah. Every girl that I've been with in the past year has at some point said to me – Name them. Okay. Has at some point said to me – That would be a very nice thing to do.

I have asked. James. I have asked to be only polite to answer my question. Okay. There was Miranda Kerr. Whoa. Why didn't you tell me that before? That's actually good.

Every woman I've been with in the last year has at some point said to me, you know, looks and just physical weight and stuff, none of that stuff's really that important to me. I just made a big point of letting me know that. Are you with any of those women still, Tommy? No. Or maybe it was important to

them. They said that as they were walking out the door. They're like, Tommy, it's not, you know, it's fine. Yeah, just Uber, please. Or like your body weight or how much money you have. I just like wit and intellect. Oh, that's not here either. See ya. Well, speaking of luck with affair of sex, Ronald Chang.

You're about to become Mr. Ronald Chang. Because you just proposed to your girlfriend. Yeah, it was great. Congratulations. Thanks so much, man. She said yes. She cried like a...

A girl? She cried like a respectful woman. Yeah. And it was cool. It was cool. You had a cool engagement. Did you cry? Did you shed a tear?

Hell no. Did you cry out of the end of your Are you looking forward to doing it for the first time on the wedding night? Yeah That must be pretty sweet Oh man you'd be saving up there Yeah we're gonna We're just engaged and not married so Oh okay that's how it works

So she's your fiance Yeah my fiance So when's the wedding planned for? Oh no man Oh there's no It's one of those ones where it's like Oh who knows It's some stage

Oh I don't know Like man. Oh, there's no, it's one of those ones where it's like, oh, who knows, it's some stage. No, I don't know, maybe in 2017. Who knows? 2017, okay. We haven't figured it out yet. What do you think? We're probably not going to do a church wedding

because we don't roll like that. We roll Chinese style. So what does that mean? Just a wedding dinner. Just a dinner? Yeah, yeah. We don't do the, yeah.

Shark fin soup? In comedy, in comedy, in comedy, comedy in comedy who do you think is going to get an invite in comedy people that would

you know know Melbourne comedy yeah people names that people know on the podcast Nick Cody will have to come on Nick Cody

okay he's invited number one Bart oh yeah definitely get him in yep so we're talking people in the room now

do you want to turn it into a live dum-dum club people just get married that would be the you want to turn it into a live dum-dum club? People will just get married. That would be the worst possible idea. Turn it into a drunk cast. Do a drunk cast. Yeah.

You guys, man, you guys do so many live shows now. Yeah. It's good, isn't it? It's pretty good. Anyway, so Bart Cody. Who else is a good guy? In comedy. Nice guy, Tommy Dasolo. He's number one.

Oh, nice people at your wedding. Yeah. You want a nice, kind person. Nice people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I's number one. Nice people at your wedding. Yeah, you want a nice kind person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can wear those pants you gave me. You've got to put on some weight to fit them. Hey, I'm taking care of that. Don't you worry. That's actually a really devious way for

Tommy to put them all away. You start giving him clothes that are way too big. He's like, well, I've got to wear them now. Oh, Ronnie gave me these pants. I don't want to walk around with no clothes on. He doesn't need help from me to gain weight. Tommy Little. Oh, yeah, Tommy Little is a good guy. Carl Woodbury.

Oh, yeah. Flying back from LA. Okay, all right. I nearly had to put on weight there for a second. Carl Woodbury came to the show in New York. He was in New York. Oh, great. He came to a recording?

Yeah, he came to a taping of The Daily Show. Look, he's a good guy. I would venture to say most cars in comedy are pretty good guys. Wait, so when to a taping of The Daily Show. Look, he's a good guy. I'd venture to say most cars in comedy are pretty good guys. Wait, so when we were making fun of my weight just before,

did I get an invite to the wedding in the mix? So I'm invited now. Oh, so I'm on the list. Oh, great. Do I get a plus one?

No. Okay. All right. I just have a friend who's pretty keen to come. I thought I could bring him along.

What's the point of giving you a plus one? Yeah, you take up your plus one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus one can fit into his new yeah. You can't assume people. Plus one. That's the only way he can fit into his new pants.

You've got to buy one of those extra tickets on airplanes. This is just me bracing ourselves for the point when Dil Rook is too famous and successful to come on this podcast anymore. You've got to have somewhere to aim all those fat jokes. So I'm just helping you out from the future. A very nice thing for me to do. Oh, Dil.

I forgot about Dil. Yeah, Dil. Dil's coming. I don't know. I'm still working you out from the future. A very nice thing for me to do. I forgot about Dill. Yeah, Dill. Dill's coming. I don't know. I'm still working it out. Chinese weddings. You sound like you're still working it out. There's a few notable missions so far.

But yeah. But 2017, you've got heaps of time. It's a long time. Yeah. It's two festival shows away. That's 28 more visits to Melbourne for you. Do you have to be Chinese To have a Chinese wedding?

Because I just feel like Everyone should be allowed To have that Yeah You could have a Chinese wedding I'm going to do it You could have a Chinese wedding If you're not Chinese

Why? Why not? Well That's kind of like The defining adjective You can have a Western wedding Yeah Yeah What's traditional In a Western wedding. Yeah. What's traditional in a Chinese wedding?

What do you do? Do you wear what? We squint our eyes. Whoa. Do you jump over cups? We jump over some cups. Oh, fuck yeah. That's what I thought.

What's a jumping cup? What's that from? Cup jumping. Man, everyone does it. Just depends what's a jumping cup? What was that from? Cup jumping Man everyone does it It just depends What's in the cup As to what culture you're from Most people have Coke Zero Someone's going to get

Offended at the cup jumping bit Oh yeah man Yeah but just take it easy There's Coke Zero in the cups guys Who can get offended at that? It's nothing People will get offended And I will get text messages over this

Hey guys We have babies before marriage. Oh wait, no, sorry, that's white people. Exclusively, by the way. We eat potatoes. Oh no, that's white people. You can have potatoes at the wedding. What sort of food?

Do you have wedding cake? Do you have wedding cake? Chinese dessert. Yeah, Chinese dessert. Just goat testicles and fucking... What do you think is going to be the ratio of Chinese people to white people at your wedding? Yeah, we'll have an open bar where people get inappropriately drunk and naked and just vomit.

Oh, wait, that's white people. What about Qingdao? Are they looking to back this thing or what? Oh, sponsored by... Are you still rolling on the Qingdao? No, but I'm loyal, man. They don't have to pay me money. I still back them.

Yeah, you never drank it anyway. Speaking of, thanks for reminding me. So, I was on the great debate on Channel 10 and I was talking about my underwear was uncomfortable. I was tweeting about how uncomfortable my underwear was. And this guy saw the program and he emailed me like,

Hey, Ronnie, I'm making some cool underwear that's super comfortable. Give me your mailing address. No worries, psycho. Did you give him a PO box? I gave him my company address. Oh, what's that? Management company. And so he said, okay, I'm making the underwear right now.

I'm making it as I'm watching you on TV. The elves are hard at work in the workshop. He's taking his underwear off and putting it in an envelope and sending it to you. So I'll send it to you in a couple months. And I said, cool. And he mailed it to me. Dude, super comfortable underwear. Canvas underwear.

I recommend it. Go Google it. Canvas. I have a pair right now on the floor. Oh, really? I said cool and he mailed it to me dude super comfortable underwear canvas underwear canvas I recommend it go google it canvas I have a pair right now on the floor oh really is that what

super long so they don't roll up because my problem with underwear is that it always bunches up into your crotch they ride

I hate the ride and this underwear is long enough it doesn't ride super comfortable it's got a little pocket does he have a that sounds like

cargo shorts that you're describing yeah you're wearing you're just wearing two pairs of pants Yeah You put on a pair of jeans And you put a bigger pair of jeans

Over the top Yeah It took me 30 years To learn that the underwear I need for my body type Because I got big thighs Is long underwear That's like shorts

It's just good to know What we'll be giving away In about four months time When you give us Your latest load of underwear I gave you the load of underwear Because I've been experimenting For 30 years Trying to find a comfortable pair.

Have you really been experimenting for 30 years? When you were one, were you experimenting with underwear? Sorry. I think you probably started when you were four. When I was maybe 10, I started experimenting. In the lab with boxer shorts? Oh, yeah. Fair enough.

Child prodigy, Ronnie Chang. Shout out to Canvas Underwear. Thanks for sending me some underwear, man. Go check it out. You guys wouldn't have seen this, but I got here before Bart and Carl. And Ronnie's just parading around in his underpants. Oh, really? Just putting on a little show for me.

Oh, wow. And then you text me, Carl, to say you're downstairs. And then the buzzer goes. All of a sudden, Ronnie flies off the couch and puts pants on. Why does Carl get the benefit of pants? I'm having a look at that little butt in those tight little underpants. I told you I give Carl nothing now.

I give him nothing to work with. I've won. There's nothing on me. There's a lot of respect there though. To be honest. You're giving him

nothing. It shows that he's a worthy adversary. He's a worthy adversary. You give him a little bit he's going to nudge you. And now he's got

nothing on me. Let me ask you this. If Bart had turned up before Carl would you have put the pants on? No. Oh, really? That makes me feel a little bit good. He might have taken them off.

Yeah. Hey-o! So, engaged again. Congratulations. Thanks so much. How much was the engagement ring? Oh, Jesus. How much?

How much did you pay for that? You're going to get complaints for that. Straight up. Straight up complaints. You've got to throw in some C-bombs to distract them. Did you get it for free because you were just tweeting going, this engagement ring I've got is really uncomfortable. Can we give away any other old engagement rings you have?

Canvas ring goes the whole finger. Doesn't ride up the finger. How good is it going to be when we get to give away Ronnie's tux from the wedding? After that's happened. How good is it going to be when you finally fit into Ronnie's old engagement ring? You'll be wearing Ronnie's tux in a year. Just everywhere. I measured her finger while she was sleeping.

Oh, really? How far out can you get with a finger? There's not much to move with a finger. Surely they're all about the same. There's a big change. I don't know how much You've been fingered Carl But there's a lot of variations This is like an episode

Of Everybody Loves Raymond You with the fucking tape measure out Wrapping it around that finger I still got it wrong Oh really I still got it wrong I measured I still got it wrong How did you get it wrong

You measured the wrong finger Measured the wrong person As you were sleeping It was dark I measured You measured your own dick instead You know when Yeah you go to sleep

You go to sleep And your fingers puff up Yeah they puff Oh puffy sleep finger I measured it And then I thought I should err on the side of caution Because I would rather

A ring too big than too small Too small felt wrong Like I couldn't get on But where it's like bigger Felt like oh It's all good It's just Yeah

It's not perfect And that's a metaphor for life And blah blah blah It's like a sausage down a all good. It's just, it's not perfect. That's a metaphor for life and blah, blah, blah. It's like a sausage down a manhole. It's a great answer, but not the one to my question. How much does it cost? How many? More than 500? I'm a pretty kind of right-wing capitalist dude,

so I'm not one of those conspiracy guys. Pro guns? Hang on, you're not a conspiracy guy. Yeah. So what's you weren't we weren't talking about bombing

9-11 9-11 was an inside job yeah what really happened to building 7 Ronnie tell us that you didn't measure how big the twin towers were it was your

girlfriend's while they were sleeping the towers are sleeping jet fuel can't melt steel beams so but I will say I resent

the artificial price of diamonds that has been inflicted upon society by advertising people from Madison Avenue. De Beers. Yeah,

because diamonds are completely artificially priced. It's not based on any real scarcity or use. It's controlled scarcity. It's controlled scarcity.

Like, if you talk about minerals, there's many more minerals that are much rarer than diamonds which don't cost anywhere near like opals. Opals are rarer

than diamonds. Is this the speech you gave your fiance before you got married and put a chisel on her finger? Is this what woke her up when you were measuring

her finger in the middle of the night? Like, hey, listen, diamonds aren't real. All right, Leonardo DiCaprio, let's get down to the price. So my point being that I resent, like, listen, diamonds aren't that unreal. All right, Leonardo DiCaprio, let's get down to the price. So my point being that I resent,

I'm not about paying excessively for diamonds because it's not real. I hate that shit. And I think that if you're with someone who has like a requirement as to minimum spend that is ridiculous, it's like, why are you with that person? When you say diamonds aren't real,

you mean like they don't actually exist? I think that's just a fiction of people's minds. People are just imagining diamonds? Yeah. Fucking hell. No wonder you don't want to pay too much for them. Yeah. So how much?

What are we talking? What are we talking? Yeah, I don't want to be talking about that. 10 grand plus? Easy, it'd be 10 grand. No, no. But my point being that I didn't go by any rules of salary or percentage. You're not even going by rules of numbers at the moment.

What is it meant to be? What's it meant to be? It's a month's wage. A month's wage. So you're looking for a free engagement ring, I'd say, at some stage. Very, very funny, Carl. You're looking for someone to pay you to have a diamond. Very funny, Ronnie.

I'm pretty sure I know how much it costs, Ronnie. It's one bag of dicks. And just can you forward your complaints straight to me, you fucks? People are getting sensitive. Very sensitive. Your audience members abuse you, but then they're going. Oh, yeah, they're sensitive with me. Yeah.

They're fine with God. I can't believe that. No, we get a lot of messages. It's weird that we get messages. You get direct text messages saying, kill yourself, you cunt. And then this guy gets on and goes, oh, windmill gravy copter.

Well, this won't do. I've had enough. Also, you guys have done a great job at building this podcast. When you first started this, I was like, this is dumb. To be fair, you still say that now. Yeah, I still say that now. You haven't changed. When you first started this, I was like, this is dumb. To be fair, you still say that now. Yeah, I still say that now.

You haven't changed. When you first came on, we didn't trust you on by yourself so we got someone else with you. Oh, yeah. We talked about it. You always have more

than one guest. Oh, it used to be one. Yeah, back then it was one. I think you were the first person we had two on with. Yeah, we were a little apprehensive about the skills of young Ronnie Chang.

Yeah, isn't that interesting And he said Look at that And now you look back In hindsight and go He's okay Yeah I'm okay

I'm not the best I think Who's the best On your podcast Who goes the best Who's been Who's been the Most on

That would be The representative I looked at the stats The other day For 2015 Dilrick was on I think nearly 15 times He was on more than you guys.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Well, he weighs more than both of us. He certainly enjoys being on it more than we do. He certainly gets more people going to his solo shows than we do. It's the Dillruch Jai singer club. He's one of the –

Fattest people I know. I was seething to get that one out It's going to be a long month Cursing January What if I just I do nice boy January And then I just All the pent up rage

I do Fuck you Bueri I reckon that's probably Pretty nasty to even say You've just said I think you've almost Just broken your New Year's resolution there

You swore That's nasty Also excessive anger And stress can lead to like- Hemorrhoids. Hunger and eating and weight gain. Yeah, you don't- You just keep it all in. You don't let it out.

Yeah. And that counts for poos as well. Dil's one of the few guys who he- I think he was a fan of your podcast before he got on it. He's still a fan. He's a comedy tragic. Yeah. He's a night soft.

Like he'll ring me and stuff like as soon as an. He's a night soft. He'll ring me and stuff as soon as an episode comes out of our show. He'll ring me and go, oh, that was really great. I'm like, you were on it, dude. Just settle down. Do you have shirts,

dum-dum shirts at Fit Deal? Yeah. Yes, we gave him one. You combined two? All right. Yeah. We have a dum-dum tent and we hire it out.

That's a great advertisement for our shirts that we make them. We do. We get them from small, medium, large, extra large 2XL, 3XL, 4XL, 5XL Is there any fabric left in the world? So he was going to lose weight, right?

You were training him for a while He did lose weight You were abusing him for a while Yeah He lost weight Did he keep it on for a while? No No, he put it back on Like a fucking champion

Dude That's the danger man I've seen him in messages He's currently celebrating Christmas and New Year In Sri Lanka Where we've talked about On previous episodes

He keeps a bottle of vodka By his bed So when he wakes up He starts drinking While he's in bed And then they go on And then he said The other day

He was ordering like An eight piece feed From KFC That was getting Home delivered Shit That is said the other day he was ordering like uh eight an eight piece feed from kfc that was getting home delivered shit that is unacceptable behavior yeah yeah he's just it's not the behavior he's gonna struggle to fit into your clothes soon ronnie yeah it's not the behavior of prosperity and long life yeah but it's it's he's living like a gangster his mom needs to go measure his waist

while he's sleeping. Yeah, get a couple of tape measures and go in there, missus. He'll wake up and there's 45 men in the room. What's going on? We're just measuring you, sweetie. We're taking the roof off and we're letting the sun measure you. You can't yo-yo like that, man. He's a mad yo-yo dog because it's been two years in a row. He like kind of this time year before he was really keen on losing weight and i gave him a hand

not like just said oh hand job yeah well we got a bit of weight out of it but that's only a little bit at a time you could get some weight out and measure him at the same time for a ring it's like bailing a sinking ship with a thimble he's producing so much more cum than he's shooting out. It's got nothing to do with food. It's actually, dill is so full of jizz. Yeah, of cum. Wow. I didn't know that's how that worked.

So, Ronnie, we, because in the last couple of live episodes, we've taken out your, we've taken your underwear on the road. Yeah, thank you so much. You gave us a heap of your old underwear. It's part of our touring party now. Did people just mess around with that or did they actually take it to use? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, yeah. Who knows what they do with it, Ronnie.

Yeah. I mean, it's all part of the game. We don't want pictures of it. I'm interested to know, though, what are people doing? Are they just – I think someone got us to sign a pair, didn't they? Oh, maybe. I don't know. That last show I don't have a lot of memories from, so I don't know.

But so you've given out a lot lot you sent me a message before we gave out the last lot i just went make sure you wash them before you give them out i'm like why didn't you fucking wash them before you gave them to him and also what are you worried about yo do you think that people are going to go out there get your underwear and try and clone ronnie chang that's through your underwear yo not a conspiracy theorist Once again But The amount of DNA That you keep on your underwear You can't clone No I'm just joking

It's because That underwear has been In storage for a while I didn't want people To wear it and get itchy So wash it Where's it been in storage? Oh it's been in storage

In my storeroom In the asbestos vault No I know you guys Don't really shower regularly But When things are dusty, it's usually uncomfortable for clean people.

Okay. So you want to like wash your clothes. Man, you learn so much on this show. Yeah. Wow. Before we went out there. Is that one of the elements of a Chinese wedding? That everyone's clean?

Oh, yeah. People are clean there. Yeah. We shower before we go. Get your storage undies out And then get this No get this We go home

And then we shower again So you don't smear shit On each other After the rings are exchanged Fuck Man nothing makes sense To me anymore My phone's ringing already

This episode hasn't even come out Complaints I did put all those Pairs of underpants on At least once Before we went out on the road Did a little dance around In my room

So you ripped them Okay So what about this Getting back to the engagement. Yeah. How did I know that you were going to get engaged before?

I don't know. I was messaging you. Yeah, you were. I thought I told you. No, you didn't tell me. Did I leak it to you? Who are you telling? Why are you telling people

that you're going to propose to your girlfriend? It just came out like it's a common thing when you work with other friendly people that they ask you what you're doing

over your holiday. And I was like, I'm going to Vietnam. Do you shower in the middle of this? Is this one of these cleanliness things as well? What do you mean? I shower in the middle of the proposal. You're teaching me so much about showering,

about washing, about how to propose. It's good. Yeah, when are you going to do it? You should do it, man. She's good. She's cool. She's a cool person. Who?

Dee. Who? Whatever her name is. Diane. She's cool, whoever she is. Diane, yeah? Dee. Who? Whatever her name is. Diane. She's cool, whoever she is. Diane, yeah. All right, I'm going to propose to your girlfriend. Apparently she says yes.

She's a cool girl. She's way better than you. We shouldn't be... I've said this before. We shouldn't be convincing Carl to engage Dee. We should be telling Dee to leave Carl. That's a way better thing that we should be doing. Why are we trying to get Dee hooked up with this fuck?

Why are we going the other way around?ooked up with this fuck Why are we going The other way around Sure Let's Hey You know what's even better than that Not talking about this subject So

Oh Oh Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh man So why don't you want to engage her? You've been with her a long time Man I'm still in the measuring What you're 40 I'm still in the measuring years Oh yeah And I'm not 40 I'm 39 Her hand keeps changing shape Yeah exactly

Exactly You don't know Women's fingers Grow and shrink all the time That's the only thing Holding me back You're going to spend One bucket of spleen

On a diamond? Is that how much Is your salary? I am having a very nice time observing this conversation. Very, very good. And I've run a word count on you on the episode so far. We're up to 12. Great, Ronnie. Maybe you should just

throw in some random affirmations. So it's not silent. You should just say like, Carl, your shoes look great. Yeah, you take your time, Carl. Ronnie, what would you rather? Would you rather him just do it because people bully him to on a podcast? What, Carl? Yeah, you take your time, Carl. Runny, what would you rather? Would you rather him just do it because people bully him to on a podcast? What, Carl? Yeah, take his time to decide that she really is the one

for him. You know what I mean? I don't know. As though he's going to get a better catch. I don't know what he's waiting for. How long were you with your girlfriend for? On and off for six years. On and off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had two years off. Two years? So a full two years off. Did you just want to see other people?

Was that the plan? No, I think it was, no, it was just like, I don't know what, it was tough, man. Like I would start, Oh, this is interesting. Yeah, I was starting in,

Comedy? Comedy. And yeah, it was tough. Yeah. Comedy is tough, man. Man, comedy is really hard. Comedy is tough on relationships Well you can't be funny

If you love anyone So Then why is Carl Not funny That's why Carl I get where you're coming from That was a sweet Carl sucks is basically

Yeah yeah yeah I got it I got it I got the vibe Of whatever the fuck you were saying. Yeah, even though it's a lot. We need to use words. Yeah, comedy is hard, man. Comedy demands everything from you.

So, yeah. Everything. Yeah, everything, man. Really? Yeah. So your girlfriend just said, no, you're doing comedy. I'm out of here now.

Is that what happened? No, no, that's not what happened. It was more like, yeah, when you're doing comedy, it takes the toll on your relationship. You know know you're out at night all the time you you know you're focused yeah you don't have enough time for thank goodness now you're spending your time wisely oh no hang on you're doing a podcast with us i love you baby i gotta go bye yeah yeah yeah we heard r We heard Ronnie say that he heard him say I love you to his fiance.

Oh, yeah. Why'd you marry her? Ronnie's in love. Man, I wish I had someone to say that to other than a bag of popcorn. What are you talking about? You get laid a lot. What are you talking about, man? I've been laid

for days. Hey-o. Laying bricks, motherfucker. Oh, complaints. Oh, sorry, man. Complaints. Sorry, not sorry. So we gave away all your underwear.

Now you've messaged me to say you've got more stuff for us to give away. I got a bunch of shit. The Salvation Army of podcasts, the Little Dum Dum Club. You knock it, but it works. This is the hard rubbish segment of our show. Where you start to give us stuff that even the Salvation Army won't take. Like, they won't take underwear. What have you got for us now?

Like an old couch? You can call up the council and put it all on the front porch. Or you can agree to do this podcast for an hour. Oh, dude. You guys are the best. You give out all my shit. Give us some dirty nappies. Give us your VCR.

Yeah. It's not just about... It's environmental, though. I rather give it to people who want it. That's what it's about. Give us some dirty nappies. Give us your VCR. Yeah. It's not just about, it's environmental though. I rather give it to people who want it. That's what it's about. Give the ring that didn't fit. Yeah. Take that around. So I got some stuff for you guys.

I got a basketball. I got a travel pillow. Oh, really? Yeah. He was pointing this out before. Everything in that bookcase is now ours. Basically, yeah. Whoa.

Oh, really? I got a poker set. You've got one shoe there. One woman's shoe We've got Ronnie's bookshelf Wow He's going to give us DVDs Because what would a podcast listener want more

Than a solid state media file Good stuff Yeah as though you guys haven't given up DVDs before Shut up Tommy I got a bunch of comedy DVDs Gave out That's a big metal suitcase on the top of that Yeah that's Pocoset

Oh wow Law textbooks Those are New York bar textbooks If anyone listens to this one The New York bar There's one big metal suitcase on the top of that. Yeah, that's a book set. Oh, wow. Law textbooks? Those are New York bar textbooks. If anyone listens to this one, the New York bar is there. There's one high heel, Ronnie. You had to give that up now that you're getting married? Is that what's happening?

I got a bunch of electronic stuff like cables. What about those two Nutella tubs that say Hannah and Ronnie on them? Can we give them out? Yeah. Oh, I don't eat chocolate anymore, so I can't eat that, but I think Hannah will want that.

Yeah. Okay. Sorry, that's on the bookshelf So it's out I'm sorry That's one of the experiments Of underwear Previously

That one woman's high heel Yeah My dick barely fits in this And it is riding up But you can see You can like Your Okay your big guy

Don't tell me you never Had underwear problems Oh yeah man All the time. So what's your solution? Man, I just grease up. You grease up to fit into your underwear? I grease up just low friction.

No, I just have some of those cool sport, like they're like neoprene. Jog street. Oh, yeah. Nike skins kind of underwear. Yeah, skin style things. Those are good. But let me tell you, man. Let me get you on this canvas

yeah man this canvas one the thing is I don't know how well they would go with crazy exercise oh they're not

they're not terrible but you don't want to be wearing compression skins 24-7 man I've done that before no I agree it's not good it's bad for your sperm count

it's bad for your sac it's gotta be as low as possible your ball sac I'm trying to get that down otherwise I'd be to get that down. Otherwise, I'd be overweight. In that case, then, please continue wearing compression shorts. Your sperm count will drop.

Let me ask you this. Have you still got the measuring tape that you use to measure that finger? Can we give that out on the podcast? Did you say that finger with a D? Yeah. Man, you fucking Internet Grammar Internet Grammar Dot com

The Did you ever take measure How do you measure Someone's finger So the company I use Sent me A thing A paper cut out

That I cut out It's like a slide ruler Oh what Yeah yeah You measure It's a finger measure Mastercast would have been the best Yeah it would have been

Ideal Easy The best But Just take her into the store While she's still asleep Yeah Just carry her in Just a cast would have been the best. Yeah, it would have been ideal. Easy. Yeah. But. Just take her into the store while she's still asleep. Yeah. Just carry her in.

Have the jeweler come to you. Right. So, everyone's giving me advice on how to make a ring. And in the end, I just went to a website that was conflict-free diamonds. And it was pretty good. And I just bought it. Oh, yeah? How much did that cost?

Synthetic diamond? It's not synthetic. It's from Botswana. But it's apparently conflict-free. So, who knows, right? Whoana But it's apparently Conflict free So Who knows right Who knows if it's actually Conflict free Man as soon as you Like if there's a small chance

That as you're giving it to her You fight It's fucked You gotta throw it out There's conflict and stuff Yeah Who knows The idea of a conflict free

Wedding diamond Like there's gonna be A conflict free marriage You know That's a fucking joke As if anything is conflict free Yeah Like anything you're doing Anything you eat fucking joke as if anything is conflict free like anything

you're doing anything you eat like is that chicken conflict free no because you killed a chicken yeah well that's a bit of conflict

do what you can even if you're vegan like you know I don't want any suffering in my food you're like that chef's underwear is riding up into his

ass while he's making you your salad you fucking bitch I find it weird that there's all this stuff about free range eggs, but you can still get eggs at the supermarket that just say caged eggs. Is there a reason for that?

The saddest eggs, but they're a dollar for 12. Yeah, people like that. Some people actually get off on eating. Don't do that, guys. Don't do that. Get off. Get off caged eggs. Don't get off on caged eggs.

Yeah, because someone's paying for that. You know who's paying for that? Who? Chickens. Okay. Yeah, they're paying for it you know who's paying for that who chickens okay yeah they're paying for don't just pay the 50 cents

more egg you stupid assholes Ronnie let me ask you this I quite like that you know what when you see like you know you've got your caged eggs

and free-row eggs or whatever and then you've got your meat and you've got those trays of meat that says you know

a tick from the RSPCA it's like yeah we're cool with that it's like just to be clear is that still a dead animal you guys are you guys signing off on that one?

Going yeah yeah that's cool You get moderation Like Harley Breen His brother Harley Breen by the way Totally invited my wedding Okay cool His brother

Who also invited my wedding That'll be great His brother runs An ethical chicken farm In Queensland And I've been there I stayed overnight On his ethical chicken farm

I know that Because he told me about that He was like Ronnie got very interested in my brother's farm so he brought his girlfriend up there and they just slept

in a shed for a night and they went, okay, thank you everyone and then flew home. What did you do in that shed, Ronnie? Wait until your girlfriend

fell asleep then stuck an egg around her finger. You debated the ethical quandary of euthanasia and chickens. Let's just say

she measured my ring size. Aggressively for an hour. And then you just took your ring into a jeweler and said, make one like this. Let me ask you this. The ring, did it cost more or less than the combined value of all the stuff that you were going to give us to give out? The price is right for

Ronnie's wedding. Well, we're not going to get the number. I'm just doing whatever. I'm trying to help you out, Cal. I'm trying to be a good boy. Oh, thank you. Kind boy. You're welcome. With the value of that shelf?

No. That's way more than that. How many DVDs are we getting? I don't know. Whatever's in that pile of shit. So over $5,000 for the ring. Well over $5,000. What currency are you talking about?

Australian dollars. Earth dollars Do you understand that there's different countries? No Alright well then Give us the value in Bitcoin US dollars would probably be the best No I don't want to talk about the value of the ring man

Okay So how much? It's priceless because it symbolises love Thank you Bart And so what about you? Did you ask permission? Off your girlfriend's parents parents Yeah I asked the parents What did they say

They said yeah cool Yeah cool They said okay cool Okay cool They obviously said okay Well I don't know That would have been An amazing story

If Ronnie was then like No they said Absolutely not Obviously that's If you're going to get married To your girlfriend And the parents said no You'd still be like

Well that was a formality So I'm going to just Ignore that anyway Well if you're a white person Then yeah But if you're going to get married to your girlfriend and the parents said no, you'd still be like, well, that was a formality, so I'm going to just ignore that anyway. Well, if you're a white person, then yeah. But if you're Asian, then you're like... Oh, really? So would that have stopped you? No, it's not true. But I mean, you know what's going on.

You're not meeting your parents for the first time, hopefully. No, you have a relationship. Yeah, I get along with my parents. I know what's up. I tell you, my sister just got engaged as well. And she told the the boyfriend you got a group discount happening yeah that's part of Chinese weddings oh it happened in group yeah it's like a group on yeah yeah the group on yeah and she

told you have to measure your sister's ring or that happened when they were We're teenagers Right Oh my god So The boy The fiance came And then he said Whoa Sounds like a monster When you say the fiance Gonna get complaints Gonna get complaints

About this The fiance came Stop saying the fiance came He did a countdown And he came To the car To meet my parents And then he asked my dad

If He got He got married My sister asked my dad If he could marry my sister And my dad was at the airport Just the two of them And then my dad said Yeah, okay And then And then My sister's fiance was like

Thank you And then he left And he told my dad How he was gonna do it And then he left And then my dad was like called my sister immediately

oh no what? oh my god do you know what just happened? what? yeah what? B just told me

he wants to marry you yeah yeah he's gonna propose he's gonna propose on the trip the trip to the trip to Tasmania you're gonna go

your dad's an asshole your dad's a rat and then my sister was like wait I'm pretty sure you weren't supposed to tell me that and my dad was like why I'm pretty sure You weren't supposed to tell me that And my dad was like Why not?

He didn't know He just didn't know It's a white person thing To keep it secret So Asians haven't Heard of surprise before You don't know that I don't speak for Asians

Obviously But my dad I think you do I think you'd like to On this podcast you do I'm the only Asian You fucking people know I know

You Bruce Lee Pull away the women Jackie Chan I'm not talking about women I know Skinny Ronnie Fat Ronnie

That's it That tall basketball guy That is in the NBA Michael Jordan I know the guy At my local dumpling store Who's trying to give away his paintings Yeah yeah

Well he's half Thai But whatever Oh man that counts oh no wonder I like him yeah yeah um oh god

yeah you like half of me yeah you like to visit yeah um my dad is just a really like you think I'm

blunt my dad is like way more blunt than me my dad is how's it going your dad up on the banana farm oh it's cool he's going pretty well

yeah how are the bananas going this season it's going a's going pretty well how are the bananas going this season it's going a bit huge man the biggest fuck you've seen

I sent you a photo in private and you posted it on internet yeah and you got very angry with me like a paparazzi a private banana photo

yeah he sent me a private photo of him holding a big banana smiling couldn't have looked any happier I put it online

and he goes what the fuck you shouldn't have done that I'm like what how secret are your dad's bananas

you should ask permission when someone sends you a private photo well see that's another Asian tradition I didn't know about ask permission about a banana photo

before you put it online people are not courteous and rude oh wait sorry that's white people it sounds like he just did exactly what your dad did

to yeah exactly Carl is actually your father yeah exactly would you do would you do that Carl would you ask permission is that a thing Your dad didn't. Yeah, exactly. Carl is actually your father. Yeah, exactly. Would you do that, Carl?

Would you ask permission? Is that a thing that you believe that you should do? I just thought of that. What do you do in Maribyrnong? In Maribyrnong. Yeah, in my Maribyrnong traditions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, whoever we can knock out of the pub. Whoever rides the car the longest gets to marry the woman.

Yeah, gets to marry that cow. The man approaches the woman who's passed out and then he softly says it's not going to suck itself and then they're married. They're 100% married. You measure each other's rings and then you're man and wife. But would you do it? You know, when you were saying that then,

I just thought, oh man, you know, I've never even thought of that, to be honest. Never even thought of the idea of asking a dad permission. You're almost 50 now, so you better start thinking about it. I'm 39. Yeah. My ex said to me once, if it ever heads that way, do not ask my dad. Like, that's so old-fashioned.

Do not do that. That would be the worst. And I was like, okay. And in my head going, of course I would still do it though because it just feels like, I don't know, if you've got a relationship with the parents.

I know one friend who he said he didn't ask for permission. He went to inform. Yeah. And he made it clear that he was not asking for permission. Not to the father,

obviously, that's very rude. How do you make that clear? You just come in and go, look, I'm just telling you I'm marrying your daughter. I don't care what you say.

Are you doing me right now? Yeah. So he told me, like he said, Look I'm just telling you I'm marrying your daughter I don't care what you say Are you doing me right now? Yeah So he told me He said I went to tell her father That I wanted to marry her And I said Why didn't you ask him first?

And he's like Because I don't own her And I was like Whoa just relax man Yeah that's what my vibe would be I wouldn't be asking It feels weird to just But you gotta tell them tell them, geez.

Yeah, you want them to know. It's common courtesy. Do people do that anymore, though? I assume so. Yeah, I think all the things still happen. Like if you had a kid and then some guy just comes along and then just with you not knowing, you'd feel pretty weird about that, wouldn't you?

I would, I think. Maybe one of the reasons Carla's holding off is because he's waiting for her parents to die. Maybe the reason he hasn't done it is because he doesn't have her dad's phone number. Can we get that posted online somewhere? So if you have a kid now, you'll be 60 when he's 20. Yeah. No, 59.

59. So what about when the kid's 30? My 69. So good. 59 So What about when the kid's 30? My I don't know 69 So good My brother Got married Overseas

Just like went on holiday And did a secret wedding So it didn't count When he came back No no no It counted Oh does it really? Yeah

Fuck You can get married overseas Fuck It's like a driver's license It still counts You can use that same license Shit I can't remember Which part of Thailand do you do it? No no no Fuck It's like a driver's license It still counts You can use that same license Shit I can't remember

Which part of Thailand do you do it? No no no I think it might have been Fiji or something That's why Carl likes Thailand Because there's no risk of running into his brother there Yeah So Yeah he got married

He did a surprise wedding overseas And he was like Oh it was a surprise And like he got back And mum and dad were like pretty upset Like my mum was upset But like being nice My mum was upset, but being nice. My mum's lovely and she's cool with it.

But privately, she was really upset going, oh, I didn't get to go to the wedding. That's really bad and whatever. But she probably at the time thought, oh, well, there'll be another one coming along pretty soon. Is that a nice thing to say? It's nice for the listeners. A little treat for their ears.

All right, we're going to go that way. All right. Because weddings are beautiful, aren't they? Weddings are a gift. Sure. Don't you get a senior citizen discount for a wedding now? Yes. Yes, Ronnie.

What is that discount? It's actually a 20% off. I thought the discount was like no one's left to marry you, so you're just married by default. Well, the older you are, the less time you're going to be spending on the earth with that person. You don't have to pay the same rate as someone who's 19. It's a cheaper marriage.

Yeah. So he got married overseas, came back, mum was upset, but my brother sold it like, oh, it was just this, you know, random sort of, you know, surprise sort of moment. Random. So that's why, you know, you weren't invited. It was just a surprise to everyone. It was a secret and whatever.

I tripped. Yeah, yeah. All that sort of stuff. It's likepped yeah yeah she fell into the ring yeah it's just somehow it fit somehow while a priest was asking you i just was on the phone talking to someone else with her yeah i didn't want to be there yeah i fell off a ladder and then yeah yeah it was a so a, so apart from all that, it was like, yeah, it was a surprise. It was all accidental. It was all whatever. It was like, hang on, you were on holiday with the girl's sister.

So she was at the wedding. So it wasn't a surprise at all. Like she got clued up. She's gone to her sister. Hey, I'm going to get married. You better come along. My brother's going, yeah, no, we didn't know what was going to happen. Mum's like, yeah, great. Nice one.

So the sister's allowed to come, but I'm not allowed to come. Did you see your brother over Christmas? I wouldn't have thought so. Let me ask you this. When am I going to meet your parents? I was driving through the town that they have a holiday house in the other day. And I know where it is and I thought what if I just rocked up at the Chandler's house? Oh, you haven't met them? them i've never met them i don't think my mom and dad

have met any comedy people how's your dad's knees excellent oh cool yeah he got a knee replacement uh in december yeah i know and i don't know if i talked about this on the show but i was doing a show i was doing a gig in ballarat and he was getting his knees replaced in Ballarat, in a Ballarat-based hospital, no, the private hospital over the road. And so I went to visit him. And so this gives you a glimpse into what even my dad thinks of me. I came into the hospital as a surprise. I told mum, I'm going to go and visit because he's there by himself. He's been there all day, like for 48 hours by himself and no visitors or whatever.

What was the surprise? You like dress up as the doctor and then like halfway through operating you're like it's me your son yeah so i walk in he's recuperating in his private room i walk in and he sort of gets quite surprised and then he goes hey just to rule this out you weren't here last night were you and i went no and i start thinking oh my dad's lost his mind like he's you mind. Like he's never away from my mum at all. So he's been there for two or three days by himself. He's in a strange environment. He's lost his mind.

How old is he? How old are your parents? My dad's 68. Okay. My dad's older than your dad. Isn't that weird? My dad's even older than me, yes. Dads are usually older, aren't they?

That's a white person thing, I think. Then their children. Dads are always older than their they? That's a white person thing Than their children Dads are always older than their children It's a white thing though His dad is like over a thousand You're catching up to your dad I reckon You're aging quicker It's a Maribyrnong thing

So he goes You weren't here last night I was like no My dad's losing his mind He goes okay Alright I think that was the drugs then I'm like why he goes oh i was pretty sure that last night you walked in and then i heard all this noise and i looked out the door and you had walked in and there was all these nurses here and you were calling them all cunts and going what the fuck are you doing with

my dad in there is he he okay? Because if not, I'm going to fucking start bashing people in here. I don't want to alarm you, Carl, but I was actually dressed as you the night before. I was the person who replaced your dad's knees. I gave him robot knees. My dad is in a hospital.

If he's not okay, I'm going to beat up everyone in this hospital. Anyone that can help him is bashed yeah and how did he feel about that was he concerned by your use of language

or was he touched that you would be there looking out for him and giving him that kind of care I think he was I think he was a bit proud of I think he was a bit proud of drug dream Carl

yeah it's the opposite of yummy Carl have some of the Rubinon thing yeah yeah so he was get the shit out of your doctors. Yeah, but I like that he actually did double check the next day just to make sure that wasn't – yeah, that's right.

And he asked the nurses as well. He was like, my son wasn't here last night. And the nurses were like, oh, we weren't on duty. And he was like, yeah, but you didn't hear anything, did you? How many times did you hear the C-bomb in the corridor last night? Yeah, yeah. That would have gone around the hospital, I would assume, if that had actually happened.

Everyone that could have spoken was bashed. Yeah. They were in the beds next to him. They were still in comas. The coma ward was chockers. What do you do for Christmas, Bart? What's a Bart Freeman Christmas consist of? Man, I ate four kilos of cherries.

Cherries? Yeah, and did a shit that no one has ever conceived before. Very white people of you. Yeah, yeah. I destroyed the back fence. Did you create

a new podcast as well? Yeah, man. I've made a new podcast. I actually made a podcast on Christmas. Why do you have two separate podcasts? I don't know.

I just wanted to do Spirit Blasters. They're both really silly but I just wanted to do a guided meditation podcast. Oh! So one of them is A guided meditation

That's good And the other is just me Talking shit But is it a parody Yeah Guided meditation Yeah yeah It's not

It's not serious Not legit It's vaguely relaxing But it's really tardy Right As well That's pretty funny Yeah so

That's right up your alley man Yeah I don't know I just wanted to give it a go So I'm just gonna do it Until my card's enough Man Carl Everyone's trying to be A Carl and Tommy

With the podcast The inventor of the podcast Yeah yeah These guys did it first And now Steel's Nipping at their heels Mark Maron noticed Their podcast

Yeah He was like What the fuck I need to make one of these There's a lot of like Australian comedy podcasts Starting Have you noticed

Are there more No as in these duels have started doing I haven't even noticed I can't see any smoke behind us so yeah

the dust yeah we're just blazing it up as we do this thing yeah okay so this is you'll be interested

in this oh yeah because we've got this thing we're on patreon.com now so now we're getting

people becoming patrons of the podcast oh you're not approving of this people put in money every month and they get to be becoming patrons of the podcast. You're not approving of this. People put in money every month and they get to be a part of the podcast in terms of we will do stuff for every amount of money. Like $1 a month, you get nothing.

$2 a month, you get a shout-out. $5, you get – what do you get? A newsletter. We're going to do a little newsletter. The little Dumb Dumb Times newsletter. $10 a month, you get all little dumb dumb times newsletter. $10 a month. You get all of that. Plus you get free monthly extra podcast that we put together.

Yeah. And then I think it goes to 30. And so it's all that. Plus you get a new specialized t-shirt that we're making just for the, do you want to hype up what we're going to put on the t-shirt as a bit of an ad for anyone who hasn't said that? I don't think we've confirmed it. So I think we've talked about what it'll be.

How are you going to do all this shit? You can't make a fucking website. It's a bit of an ad for anyone who hasn't seen it. I don't think we've confirmed it, so... I think we've talked about what it'll be. How are you going to do all this shit? You can't even make a fucking website. It's the value. Get a website. The new t-shirt is the value of Ronnie's engagement ring. We've got a website. LittleDumbDumbClub.com It's a good website.

Go to it. Go to it. Is there a $100 a month thing where it's jobbies? No, no. There is a, yeah. You get a jobbies. They're not far from it. I think it's $2,000 a month you can have sex with both of us.

$2,000 a month you can have sex with both of us. For $3,000 you can have sex with one of us. Man, I'm going to build. He was always going to go there. I'm going to build a robot and pay $2,000 a month and it's going to fuck you both to death. Can I just say, I think there's a lot of people listening at the moment who are delighted

that the phrase jobbies has come back into their vernacular. The old jobbies. I like your logic there. I'm going to build a robot and then what, the robot's going to generate $2,000 a month? Like a new robot. I'm saving up. Yeah, I'll save up. Plus you're saving up the costs to build the robot. I've already

got a robot. I've got a fuck robot already built. You're going to have to measure our assholes while we're asleep to see how big you have to make the robots dig. It doesn't measure. It just makes a hole. And then we're going to be engaged in something completely different. This Patreon thing's really working out.

All I ask is that you call up my dad and ask his permission before you have this robot fuck me to death. Hey, Mr. Olsop. You're in the background going, Daddy! Say no, Dad. Say no. The Patreon's going really well for the boys.

Fucktron 8000 is very happy. So how much money are you making? About a dollar a week No you can actually see how much money we're making If you go to the website How much money are you making? Well right at the moment I think we're up to

Are we up to $800 a month? Whoa That's great That's okay What is going on? Just helping to keep the lights on in here At Dumb Dumb HQ Yeah

You guys have got some big overheads Yeah exactly All those wet wipes Cleaning up all of the What is going on? Just helping to keep the lights on in here at Dumb Dumb HQ. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys have got some big overheads. Yeah, exactly. All those wet wipes. Kelly cleaning up all of the... Yeah. You know what? All the surgery we're going to need soon.

You're going to need your knees replaced. You're definitely going to need your knees replaced. 3D printing. Yeah, that's right. 3D printed knees. That's not bad, man. You guys don't Patreon. That's cool.

That's something. At least you guys are getting You know productive Yeah I don't mean You know I don't mean to blow my own horn But after five years I averaged it out just before

We're going to end up making Nearly $75 a week Off this So Hey Sounds pretty great to me I'm I'm definitely going to start

A fuck robot Patreon Okay Cool Hey If If it means we're getting $2,000 a month Yeah definitely going to start a fuck robot Patreon. Okay, cool. Hey, if it means we're getting $2,000 a month. That's really only $1,000 a month. Well, no, but it's three because to individually fuck us, you have to pay $3,000.

No, but that's a one time fee because you'd be dead. Yeah, but he only wants to pay $2,000 because it's both of us. Can I get the money up front, have a bit of fun with it for the month and then be fucked to death? So you're saying, hang on, this hypothetical is, you're saying. I'm putting a price on my own life, yes. This is how many jobs Tommy Daslow has had in his life,

where he's happy for 250 bucks a week, he's happy to be raped by a robot to death. That's how well Tommy Daslow is doing. It's not rape It's completely consensual Yeah I've accepted the money I think I'm signing off on it shoot the bills out

at you as it's fucking you like each pump shoots a $10 note at you Tommy Daslow has put a price on his ass

and it's $250 a week Oh The most complete I love how Bart's the most complete You're like Bart you get the most complete

we have some pretty fucked up people on this podcast yeah Bart's the one that gets the most fucking hilarious so I was holding

on to my iPhone the other day and my finger slipped and I accidentally pressed the dub dub club part so it played and I tried to cancel it

I don't listen to shit it just played yeah tried to cancel playing yeah I tried to cancel it It was like jammed up If only you didn't have

That slippery finger Yeah If only you had measured Your own finger So you'd know You could get a Slip proof ring on So I accidentally

Fell off a ladder And listened to the First ten seconds Of one episode I don't know what it was Some episode of The Dungeon Club And it opened with you

Announcing like a Chocolate mousse sponsorship Yes Is that a thing? Yeah Yellow a chocolate mousse sponsorship yes is that a thing yeah yellow chocolate mousse do they give you money

yeah oh for real yeah how did they find out people kept tweeting them or what no because you know what happened

canvas underwear by the way yeah google canvas underwear yeah yeah yeah that's what you shit the mousse out into into yeah

it's a sweet synergy between those two our two sponsors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, I hit up Yellow Chocolate Moose because they were my favourite moose

and I thought, you know what? I hit them up and just went, look, I love you moose so much. We've got this podcast. It has this many people listening. I'm positive

that our fans are so weird they would get right into it and we talk about moose. It's actually a good synergy between us And then they sort of went And then literally this is what happened You emailed them 10 more times And they went

If you'll stop We'll give you 20 bucks Yes I did a thing Like it was in the movies I just every day Would buy some chocolate moose At my local supermarket And then take a picture of myself with it

With the day's newspaper Like a kidnapping movie Yeah it was like ransom Yeah It was like a kidnapping movie. Yeah, it was like ransom. Yeah, it was like a ransom. And it worked. You got 20 bucks. Yeah. They just signed up to Patreon. Yeah. Alright guys, I think that's all the time we've got for Little Dumb Dumb Club

for this week. We need to go eat some fried chicken. Bart and Ronnie, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me, guys. I'm really glad that you guys are going well in your podcast. Every time I look at the live numbers, I'm like, wow, that's really impressive for two really dumb idiots. It's a dumb-dumb club.

Thank you. Very good. You kept at it and you proved the haters wrong. Yeah. Well, prove you wrong. And your reward is every day you get more and more haters Just hating on you Yeah

To the point where now Tommy's so sensitive He's affecting him mentally Yeah That's very true And good luck to you Ronnie You know You give me a call

When you first appear On the Daily Show And I'll watch it As soon as you Make your first Appearance You got nothing on me man You got nothing on me anymore

As soon as you get that Fat ass You got no strings on me On the Daily Show Dude I'm like Ultron You got no strings on me man you got nothing on me anymore as soon as you get that fat ass on the daily show dude I'm like Ultron you got no strings on me anymore

I've lost my fat I've moved away from Melbourne most of it you got nothing on me I got engaged I got no weaknesses

anymore my pants are on I'm not wearing my underwear how long do you think the marriage will last out of interest I'm engaged

so I'm not married yet I think like one of the reasons you moved is because if you stayed Carl would have found the new weakness yeah kind of

you're like I gotta get out he'll know you know what I actually sent your now fiance a message a few months ago and she went

ha ha ha I'm not telling you anything about Ronnie I'll get in big trouble if I tell you any personal details about him because you'll use it against him

dude she's no leak man she's on my back she knows what's up I showed her I showed her your messages to me oh really yeah yeah

I show her all the time look at what's up there's a daily security briefing at Ronnie's house alright don't talk to Carl don't post this on Instagram

that's why my life is sealed tight here are some PDFs of things that have happened even though they're shit I've got them. Bart, stuff you want to plug? Your two podcasts?

I've got my little podcast. It's all on my website, bartlal.com. Comedy Festival show's coming up. Yeah. If everyone can just buy all the tickets. So it's just full. Buy a robot to buy all the tickets. Well, man, the robot, there's a ticket buying robot,

but I haven't finished it yet. So if you can get onto my Patreon, which is www.patreonrobotfucker slash tommyandcarlaregonnadie.com Oh, man. Oh, wait, does that robot that fucks us also buy tickets? Yeah, yeah. It's a similar mechanism, just the thrusting,

but it's just like doing keys on a keyboard to put transactions in. It's a good robot. Everything's getting automated, man. Self-driving cars, Carl and Tommy fucking robots. Suicide by sex, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's not suicide. I don't think it's suicide.

Well, it's, what's the Japanese term? Harry Curry? Harry Curry, yeah. Harry Curry, yeah. It's honourable. Harry Fucky. Harry Cummy. So what's the name

of your comedy festival show you're touring around this Unlimited Comedy Battle Spirit okay one hour only your show's always

really good Bart oh thanks man way to go I love it go watch his stand up he's great yeah I'm doing my best and Ronnie Chang oh uh

you're not doing comedy festival this year I'm not I might be back for final week I don't know but I'm not doing comedy festival

watch the Tune In to the Daily Show if you can VPN it or whatever you need to do yeah it's not very easy to watch here in Australia

it's not easy to watch no it's not disappointing not that you should torrent ever no don't torrent this give us the views we appreciate that

it's on Foxtel though right isn't it yeah and watch it there also if you VPN it, that would be great. Also, I've got a TV pilot coming out in April.

If you guys could tune in, ABC. That would be cool. When you're back in Melbourne and you're on the podcast next week, you can plug it there. It's fun.

Also, check out Canvas Underwear. Where can you get it? I don't even know. Google Canvas. He's got a website, obviously. Google Canvas Underwear. Do not text me for details to Canvas Underwear? I don't even know. Google Canvas. He's got a website, obviously. Google Canvas Underwear Australia.

Do not text me for details to Canvas Underwear. I don't know. Please text Carl all your complaints. Shout out to Canvas Underwear. No, don't do that. Shout out to Claire Richards for illustrating. She's a really cool illustrator. She made an illustration of some comics in Adelaide last year.

She made them like kiddie style. I've seen them, yeah. Yeah, Claire Richards. Go check out her website she didn't do us so who cares I believe the

academy's string section is starting to play you off we've got our live shows Ballarat Adelaide

and Brisbane on sale for the start of the year Ballarat is coming up very very soon Adelaide is not

too far after that and then Brisbane is in March so please please go and get tickets to that Ballarat would be awesome

because it's the first time we've done Ballarat. So if you're in central Victoria, you've got absolutely no excuse. Come along to that, especially if you're in Ballarat. But there's plenty of people coming from Melbourne and they're going to do the trip up for the day. So that's awesome.

Adelaide, we know how much you love us. So come and do your thing. You came in the end to the last live show. So come along. We always do great live shows in Adelaide as well. Yeah, they're always super fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was at one. always do great live shows in Adelaide as well so they're always super fun yeah yeah I was at one

it was amazing yeah Adelaide's great someone sent me hate because I jokingly hated on Adelaide Adelaide's great

they always show up great crowd love their live stuff Perth Perth loves their live yeah you love Perth

and it's people don't you we've also got I think I found a string as we mentioned Patreon patreon.com slash little dum dum club

we've also got links on the website and we've got come to Melbourne Melbourne's coming up as well so get your tickets heaps of people bought season passes

and also Ronnie you know if you're back in time my 40th birthday show is during the comedy festival it's a live show oh great yeah that's

great if ever you're gonna be back it needs to be for the 30th of march 2016 figure out yeah that'd be really good is it gonna just be a like a night another yeah it's at 11 p.m on a wednesday night it's on like after everyone's shows for the night so So it's a late night. Where are you doing it? At the European Beer Cafe, the same location that we are doing all the other live podcasts. But what do you get the man who has everything? A fuck robot. You reckon you're going to have it done in three months' time? Man, there's a couple prototypes ready to go.

Man, life really does begin at 40. And end. Quickly after. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.