The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 276 - Hannah Gadsby & David Quirk

Episode Date: January 19, 2016

Tommy's Bombshell, Dave's Garage and Karl's Neighbour. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey Carl, I'm a huge fan of this Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast and I want to give back and support it in some way. What can I possibly do? Have I got the Patreon.com website for you? Now that was smooth. So if you haven't heard the last couple of episodes, you can now support us via Patreon.com. What it does is you can chuck money at them which filters through to us and you're supporting the show. Also, there are sweet little rewards so if you go onto our website patreon.com slash little dum-dum club uh you can get what two dollars two dollars a month you get your name shouted out five dollars you get

access to our new magazine monthly magazine hey mates ten dollars you get all of that plus a new episode that no one else gets yeah bonus exclusive subscriber exclusive subscriber-only episode that we're going to do. Yeah. And then what happens after that? $30, you get all that plus an exclusive T-shirt that no one else can get and won't be on sale to anyone else. Yep. And then over that, once we get into the thousands,

intercourse with one or both of us. Yes. Yes, yes. So look heavily into that. Any successful entrepreneurs that have always thought, what's missing from my life now that I've got a Learjet and a… Well, once you get the Learjet, you've got to have someone to fuck on that Learjet.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? At least one person. Definitely. We should also mention Yellow Moose, proud sponsor of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Oh, yeah. Look, I want to make clear that they are distancing themselves

from us being paid to fuck listeners. Oh, okay, sure. Yeah. So they're not paying us to put our dicks in a tub of chocolate mousse because uh-oh. Yellow chocolate mousse available where all finer food products are sold. Yes. Including Peter Monty's in North Fitzroy.

Yes. I know that for a fact. Yes, including a Renaissance supermarket in Glenferry Road in Hawthorne. That's my local. That's my local moose distributor. I had a bit of a shock the other day. It was completely empty for about a week and a half. Oh, they were tapped out.

Yeah. Oh, word's getting out there. They were gone. No wonder they kept renewing. I was literally like, are the paparazzi going to get a scoop and get a picture of me buying opposition moose? Oh, don't say that. It was very tempting.

I would like to see their figures. I'd like to know exactly what we've done for the sales of yellow moose. They're selling out all of a sudden. They're not some super well-known brand. They're a little off the beaten track. The fact that they're selling out, this is unheard of. We have also got live shows coming up all around the country this Saturday, if you listen to this as soon as it's come out, we're in Ballarat.

Date on that is what? January the 23rd. Saturday, January the 23rd. We're going to bring up some friends with us from Melbourne. We've got a bunch of stuff to talk about. If you live in Ballarat or surrounds or even, you know, we've got a heap of people coming from Melbourne, make your way down there and let's sell it out.

It's only a small little venue. Not many tickets there. Very close to selling it out. It would be cool to sell it out. It's only a small little venue. Not many tickets there. Very close to selling it out. It would be cool to sell it out, so jump onto that. Following that, February 13th, we're in Adelaide during the Adelaide Fringe Festival. Lots of friends of the show around. We had such a fun time.

We've had such a fun time every time we've been in Adelaide. Yes. Really looking forward to this one. This is going to be great. The Fringe is such an awesome time. Big names. Big names popping in. We don't have to bring any Mel Burnie and Deadbeats

with us. That's it. It's the biggest advertisement for us doing it, at least. Yes. Then we are in Brisbane on March the 20th during the Brisbane Comedy Festival. I believe it's the last weekend of that. Big names in town if you look in the guide when we're there. Yeah, and look, hey, look, Brisbane, there's heaps of people that come along

in Brisbane. We've already sold very well. Here's the deal. We are in a small-ish venue so we're close to filling it already. Keep buying tickets, sell it out, and then keep selling tickets as well. Just urging people to keep buying tickets. Yes. It's a thing that the individual can do once and then they're done. Yeah. But buy more.

Buy extra seats for yourself. Stretch out. Scalp tickets. Yeah. Buy the tickets and, you know, just sell them for less than what we sell them for. Do reverse scalp. We should scalp our own tickets one gig just for fun. Oh, that'd be good.

So do that and then, look, we're not too far away from maybe announcing a second gig. If we sell a few more tickets, we might do a back-to-back gig like we did in Sydney and it'll be awesome. You get to see two live shows back-to-back. There's a bunch of you guys out there that would like to see two shows back to back,

so that'll be fun. Yeah. And Cheeseburger Spring Rolls, we've been told, are in the venue, which we're very much looking forward to. Oh, yeah. Hayabar. And then Melbourne International Comedy Festival live shows

March the 27th till April the 17th in Melbourne at the European Beer Cafe every Sunday of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So playing you, if you're from interstate, plan your trips. We've been hit up by a lot of people already. We're also doing my birthday show on March 30th at midnight. I mean, not at midnight, 11 o'clock. Wait, what did you say?

Your birthday? Yeah. Oh, I thought, sorry, you said the 30th and I thought you said my 30th birthday show. And I was like, well, well, well. Yes. Look who's getting even more touchy about it No

So do that We've heard from a bunch of people Who are sort of going You know You want to plan your trip Around the drunk cast Of course the drunk cast Is what happens

On the very last night Of the comedy festival In Melbourne And you can only get into that If you have got a ticket To any of the other shows Unrecorded podcast Yes That we do Where some pretty heavy shit goes down.

It's legendary. You may see Lawrence Mooney die this year. Yes. We should also say if you're new to the show and you need some convincing about these live gigs, they're all up in our feed. Go back and listen to our live Melbourne episodes from the Comedy Festival last year if you need convincing.

Those were some amazing shows and these ones are going to be, I'm going to say it, even better. Yeah. I looked through at all the shows we did last year and it's like the live shows were the best ones by far. I just named every live show we ever did. That was the most fun. They were the funniest shows.

So season passes are still on sale if you want to come to all of those shows. $60. $60, which takes you to four. You can go to four live podcasts plus the drunk cast. That is some sweet, sweet value. And we've sold a ton of them already, so get on to four. You can go to four live podcasts plus the drunk cast. That is some sweet, sweet value. And we've sold a ton of them already, so get on to it. So littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to all of that. Our comedy festival solo shows are also on sale.

I'm doing a show called Little Golden Dasolo, which is on 8.45pm every night of the festival. Tickets at tommydasolo.com. And I'm doing a show called Carl Chandler Defends His Title as world's greatest and and Best Comedian. That's on at 9.45 every night at the Vic Hotel. And listeners will be aware of the concept of my show from last year where I got mates in to sort of basically heckle me.

I do heaps of jokes. It's the same thing. It's the same deal again. Different jokes, different guests. It's going to be heaps of fun. A bunch of you guys went in. We had people come in eight times, nine times last year so keep doing that freaks keep buying tickets yeah yeah keep buying those tickets and we'll see you out there see you mates oh what we've also got hoodies on

sale oh yeah yeah we got the t-shirts plus now we've just in this last week done a round of hoodies just in time for the hot australian summer it's time for australia day where we all wear our hoodies um yeah so if you're aware of our aware T-shirts, I'm aware of Little Dumb Dumb Club, we now have the hoodie version. So we've already sold a bunch of them already. Get onto that. These are great. I love a hoodie.

A lot of interest in the hoodie so far, and I've got to say I agree. I would rather go a hoodie over a T-shirt. Well, let's see. Let's push it with Tommy Daslow, because every time we do a T-shirt, I think, oh, Tommy will grab a T-shirt. No, no interest. Oh, really? You've never got an interest in taking one,

so maybe the hoodie will be the one that you take. Yeah, maybe the hoodie will be the one. I just, I'm not like you. I think it's weird to wear your own merch around. Hey, I'm not wearing one every day. I've seen you wear one several times. Well, I like to keep one in the cupboard. Yeah.

Sure, I should get one of those or wear ones on. Yeah. Anyway. Okay, guys, that's it. All that stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com and we'll see you out there. See you, mates. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the little dumdum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. Hey, dickhead. Hey, I've got a bombshell for you, Carl. Yes. For this week. I've got a... You've earned some money of your own. I actually have been,ler. Hey, dickhead. Hey, I've got a bombshell for you, Carl, for this week.

I've got a... You've earned some money of your own. I actually have been, yeah. Oh, wow. I have a Greg Fleet-related bombshell for this podcast. I have just come off the back of a five-day streak wherein I owed Greg Fleet money. Whoa. Yeah. Jesus. The hot takes are flying thick and fast this episode so far. Whoa. Yeah. Jesus.

The hot takes are flying thick and fast this episode so far. Hang on, hang on. Is that the Guinness people at the door? I think they want to take a picture. It was amazing. So he did the gig that I run, Catfish Comedy, on Tuesday nights last week and he knew he was getting paid to do it

and I'm looking around at the end trying to pay everyone. I'm giving money out. I'll be damned if he hasn't just left. Wow. He's just walked off stage and just left the venue. Greg Fleet has turned over a new leaf. To be fair, it's a marijuana leaf. So I'm then in contact with him the next day

and we sort of make these plans. He's like, I'm going to be in the city around this time. I'm like, me too. Give me a text when you're in the city. I'll come get you the money. He never gets back to me. So then it gets gets into day three day four of me just not like not being able to beg him to take this money and then i start thinking like how long can i i was disappointed that it ended after five days you know what i mean i wanted to go a month would

have been sad news he's dead now oh and that money that money was for his medicine. No, but I gave him the medicine. I gave him the medicine money. You don't think it's... But see, that's the great thing. I mean, I owed him five grand. You don't think he did anything stupid with that, do you? That's the great thing. Every time I give Greg Fleet money, I always think,

is this the... Is this the one, yeah. Is this the money that goes towards an inevitable OD? Am I the person that makes Greg Fleet OD? I felt like I had the opportunity to be Robin Hood. Like I could have just gone, like find someone, like who's owed money by Fleety? And then just go and give that to someone else.

Pay it forward. That would have been good. Well, speaking of. What an introduction. One half of the show is owed money by G Fleet. It's only been a decade or more. You know him from Please Like Me. Please welcome back into the little Dunlop Club, David Quirk

Yay! Wow, thank you boys How are you? Good man It's good to be here I'm sorry, I should have thought of you Good to be here at your new house Why? Why would you have thought of me?

For the money If I had called you up and said Hey, I've got a hot G Fleet Hyundai Bucks here Would you have taken it? Would you have accepted it? I just want to swear Because yes, of course I would take that money Yeah, that excites me

The thought of getting that money back. I'm sorry, man. If it ever happens again, let me know. It will never happen again. Maybe that's what he's doing to me. Like now I'm just going to get him on at the gig every week with a paid spot just to entice it into happening again. It's just what if he's done that really cleverly

just to spread the legend of that story so everyone thinks, oh, Fleddy's all good again now. Because did everyone, you know, you all heard that story about Daslow owing him money. Like that'll spread like wildfire through the comedy scene. He did say when I met him up the street to give him the money, didn't give him my address, I said... You've learned wisely.

I said, hey, yeah, here you go. And he goes, oh, this has actually been really good for me. Like my cred has gone way up because of this story. Yours, however, has gone way down We should welcome in our other guest You know her from Please Like Me as well Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club Hannah Gadsby

Hello Hi G'day G'day Quirk How are you? I'm very good Wow, stable mates, show mates

Yeah, we never worked together though, did we? We never had a scene together No, really So, really Or lunch Or lunch We didn't even have a crossover catering Yeah, not even worked together, though, did we? We never had a scene together. No? Oh, really? So, really. Or lunch. Oh. Or lunch.

We didn't even have a, like, crossover catering. Yeah, not even the same days, nothing. Not the same episodes, nothing like that. No? No, we are the same person. Oh, perhaps. But, you know, TV shows are shot in a fancy way. Yeah. Oh.

Please don't talk me through it. I have no idea. Yeah. Cameras, lights. It's lovely. Sound. Sounds. It is.

Oh, can I just... Where do we go from there? Does it matter? Because I just want to say that I just saw a film last night that only. Is this what you did on the TV show? It probably can't matter. I think that's where we're heading on that. It can't matter where we go now.

I'm trying to picture something that can't matter. It's easy to do. It's right now. Stop looking at it. It just happened that early. Anyway, I saw a film. It doesn't matter. We'll get to that later.

Yeah, we're having a drink break. Thanks. I was having a sip. You're clearing my throat. Is this what you did in Please Like Me? No, I bloody learned a script. He acted. I learned a script for that.

Acted like a competent broadcaster. I didn't act. I didn't act at all. Have you got that thing? You sort of play yourself, don't you? I play a fat, depressed lesbian called Hannah. Yeah. Oh, wow.

And it's based on my material. It is, yeah. Which is based on my life. It's lucky you got the gig. You'd be pissed off if you missed out on it. Well, I was talking to the casting agent

who, for a moment, apparently was really scared about casting this character going, because it's so clearly you but they give, and I'm like, who am I going to cast?

And apparently they've had to break it to her that it was, it was cast before I even knew that it was cast. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, right.

So they... Josh took a punt that I'd say yes. Right. And so before you signed on, the character was called Hannah? Yeah. And he'd sort of scribbled in sort of, you know, my... In brackets, Gadsby. Gadsby's material from Gadsby's...

I just got on YouTube and wrote your material into the script. I mean, I'm sure he knows it intimately and doesn't have to go on YouTube. I'm sure he knows it off by heart. As do we all, yeah. Yes. Let's do some now. Go on. No. I couldn't. Do you find, Hannah, that... Is there any... You called yourself depressed

basically, the character, and you depressed what lesbian? Fat. Okay, I won't say that. I mean, you can. I called it. But it's not my place to say but. You went with depressed. I think that's more offensive. No no because I thought maybe you're not depressed. Maybe the real you know maybe

you have something. Are you saying I'm maybe actually definitely am fat then? No I'm saying maybe you act a little bit. Fat. Maybe. No. I act fat? Act. Oh this is the best mutual therapy session i've ever witnessed this is so good no because for me it's like i've got these two tattoos on my leg and i had to be in the nude in this and i sort of said you act them away no that's the thing i said do you want me to do we

cover them up do i put and they're like no they're fine i'm like well one of them is a tattoo of this leather jacket one of them is a band that i love i'm like why does this character have these same tattoos i was like there's you know it's fine but i was a bit i was a bit like that seems you're a of this leather jacket. One of them is a band that I love. I'm like, why does this character have these same tattoos? I was like, you know, it's fine. But I was a bit like, that seems like... You're a bit pissed off that you're... It seems to slip between the reality of me and this character. You're pissed off your character had copied your tattoo. That's right.

He has the same tattoos as David Quirk, this gay guy that's dating Josh Thomas. Because that's what I wanted to bring up. Because so Josh Thomas plays basically himself in the show. Tom Ward, his best friend, same deal. Hannah, you're sort of playing a version of yourself. Whereas you, Dave Quirk, you play a grinder hookup. That's right.

That Josh meets on the internet named Ben. And I watched it play his own fantasy. That's right. There was no acting really. My name is Ben. It's so funny to watch it because it's like a character that is like absolutely not you. It's like you're like a journalist and like all the things that you're saying are so not Dave Quirk. But then the way that you're saying them is 100% Dave Quirk.

So that's called not acting. That's right. You're straddling the line. That's true. Or just, you know, cast for, he's just cast as himself. Yeah. Well, I think it's a lovely compliment though though, because, I mean, Josh has clearly, throughout that show, just cast people that he wants to hook up with

through all the episodes. And I think that's a lovely compliment that he's always had his eye on you and gone, well, this is a good opportunity to hook up with David Quirk. It's nice, isn't it? Yeah. It's like prostitution. Well, you've made it not as cool now,

but I thought it was nice. It is cool. I feel glad for you That I was unavailable To do that role And that you were able To get in there That's nice for you

It's a pleasure It's one of the few things I've auditioned for And got in my life actually Just as a random fact Yeah If I'd have auditioned I fear I wouldn't have got it

Hannah would have got The role of Not great at auditions That depressed lesbian Well to be fair Quirk probably wouldn't have Got the role of Hannah either. So you won all day.

You should have made them go through the process just to have the experience of walking into the waiting room at the casting agent and seeing 20 people that look just like you. Oh, yeah. That'd be a wild experience. That would not be pleasant. To just see a room full of people that other people assume I look like. Because I often get people sending me photos of going,

ha-ha, this is your doppelganger. And I look at that and I go, no, that's a fat man with short hair and glasses. Like, that's the only thing that people see in me is my glasses and my short hair. It's never... Even someone sent me a picture of the fat kid from Lord of the Flies. And I'm like, I'm not. Like, I mean, no. No one's ever exaggerating up.

Like, it's never... Like, I'll never cop. There's a little bit of Brad Cooper in you or anything. It's like, no, mean, no. No one's ever exaggerating up. Like, I'll never cop. Oh, there's a little bit of Brad Cooper in you or anything. It's like, no, no, no. Here's Steve Buscemi. You look a bit like him. Yeah, cool. All right.

Yeah, nice one, whoever you are. Did you hear Stuart Dolman had to go for a gig where in the description it said, imagine Greg Larson style kind of guy. Yes, Greg Larson, previous guest on this show. Oh, was he? Yeah, of course. Sorry.arson previous guest on this show yeah oh was he yeah of course and Greg was told this story

and he's like why didn't they just ask me to go for that role like I could have you want a Greg Larson style I can do that I can pull that off

yeah that's wild to be quoted in the description but not get the call in yeah it's pretty annoying I also remember feeling quite miffed when

you know Charlize Theron got cast in Monster which is of course a when, you know, Charlize Theron got cast in Monster, which is, of course, a serial killer, you know, whatever the name, the woman, but, you know, she was a larger, angry lesbian. And I'm like, there are a lot of larger, angry lesbians that could have just nailed that role without a diet.

Yeah. Well, it's a tightening up diet and a lot of makeup. It's like American hustle. Like, you know, Christian Bale gets a lot of props for playing a fat, bald guy. Ah, it's a tightening up diet and a lot of makeup. It's like American hustle. Like, you know, Christian Bale gets a lot of props for playing a fat bald guy. Ah, hello. There's heaps of us out there not doing anything. It's more courageous to live like that in the real world 24-7.

I guess we should subdue our anger after sort of, you know, basically the Egyptians were overlooked for that film set in ancient Egypt. Oh, yeah. Was that recently, wasn't it? Yeah. I mean, my facts are really, this page has issues, really. What was the film? What is that?

Was it set back in the day? Yeah, back in the day when white people really didn't rule the world. And what, are you surprised they didn't get, like, try and cast real Egyptians? I'm just saying that, you know, Tommy and I should really just curb our Curb ourselves Really In the scheme of privilege

We're doing fine Yeah Look at Gatsby trying to suck up to Hollywood I get it I get it Yeah Wasn't that There was that Cameron Crowe movie recently

Where he had like a white actress like Playing a Playing a Hawaiian person or something Emma Emma Rock Stone Emma Stone Yeah Playing a Hawaiian person or something? Emma Stone? Emma Stone. Yeah.

Playing a Hawaiian. Real dodgy. Yeah. Dodgy stuff. Yeah. Maybe you see that in a bit, yeah. And Al Jolson. Al Jolson, yes.

Al Jolson. Yeah. David Quirk, guilty of it. Plenty of young gay actors out there. Yeah, exactly. That want to bone Josh Thomas on screen. Yeah. I don't think...

That's okay to say, out loud. I had to be a white supremacist in one of... Oh, finally it fits. Well, yeah, that's the thing, but I'm not racist, so I had to sort of be it, and I got literally abused at Darling Harbour in Sydney by an African-American man who didn't know it was a joke, and I was like, it doesn't seem like a joke.

Hang on, you... Let's put some context in here. Were you acting as a white supremacist for something? Or was this... No, yeah. I was being paid to wear the full garb, you know, the full outfit. On a TV show. If it was full, they shouldn't have been able to recognise you.

Yeah. Did you take it off? We'll keep wearing it afterwards because that's where the problem would have started. Did you have a name on it? Hi, my name is over the sheet. I had to... Did you immediately put yourself on IMDB? Or were you abused by a ghost?

Yeah, I was scaring a lot of the kids, you know. Darling Harbour, it's haunted. It's unrelated. The harbour's haunted. It was unrelated. But there was not much context for the joke. It was basically a racial sketch where there was a white supremacist. A racial.

A race-based sketch that Nazeem would do, right? You're the king of just dickheads, basically. Nazeem Hussain's TV show. Is this what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Well, you need to say that. You don't start a story by going,

I was a white supremacist and I was walking down the street. That's the first time you named Nazeem. I named him earlier, didn't I? No. No, you didn't. That's the first time I've said Nazeem's name. Oh, God. Nazeem Hussain.

I'm glad that you're acting. Had a show. And someone's giving you lines because if you were improv-ing, that show would be cancelled. Before this detail, it sounded like you were just walking down the street with Nazeem just on a social exhibition. No, not with Nazeem. He was walking down the street as a white supremacist in Darling Harbour. I swear.

And kids were upset. Yeah. I swear I said it. Everything in this story points towards people being upset. I'm sorry if you're listening and you now think I'm more racist than I ever was. No, we just think you're dumber than we thought you were. Okay.

Learn to tell stories, Dave. I was employed to be a white supremacist on a scooter in Darling Harbour for a sketch. Right. I mean, you're still leaving the really important... Like, just leave with Nazeem, who has a TV show. Yes. Because when you say you're employed to ride a scooter...

He had a comedy show. Just that could be, you know, to... And he wrote the sketch too. ...pitch a cheap happy hour at a restaurant. I'm assuming that the people that listen to this podcast know that Nazeem, who's saying who he is and that he... Yeah, you know, to pitch a cheap happy hour at a restaurant. I'm assuming that the people that listen to this podcast know that Nazeem Hussain, who he is, and that he... Yeah, you assume that. But you didn't say his name.

But now it has been said. So long ago. It's been said now. Nazeem Hussain, what's the show called? Let's make this the whole hour, guys. We can do it. Oh, it doesn't matter. No, let's try and keep this within an hour.

Legally Brown. Legally Brown, that's the one. Nazeem wrote the sketch. I think that's important to stress too. Let's just stress sketch, yeah. Comedy sketch. Not just employed to ride a scooter. I mean, we all delivered pizzas, mate.

Yeah, anyway, it was a really weird day. Yeah, well, it was a weird story. The sketch was... Weird way of telling it. It was weirder in my head for a while. No, it was... Whatever you're imagining is... That's why it's hard to explain because what...

That's how it ended up. It ended up, at least to one man that was on holiday from America that was, you know, it's a public... It's really public on Darling Harbour. We had to do a... I can't even remember the context of the sketch. I had to chase someone. Did someone physically abuse you because you were dressed like that

before you were enabled to tell this story? No, but I tried to pull out of the sketch that day. I tried to just go, this is really, really bad. That's what we've got here, PSTD. Memory blocks. Maybe, maybe. Anyway. But so you pull out on the day.

He made me... This guy was yelling at me and he said, just take it off. Take off the... And I was like, I don't really want to show my face because that's one of the benefits of being under one of those masks. And he said, take it off. And then I took it off and just looked at the ground and someone tried to sort of subdue him because he wanted to kill me.

Oh, wow. This guy wanted to kill me. And fair enough. Like, it's very out of context. Why is there a full-fledged KKK guy on the street? I think we were the guy at the start of this story for about 10 minutes. Well then, whatever confusion you've had at least it's relevant. If you're explaining it to him

the way you explain it to us, it's just you there going this is for Nazeem. I'm doing this for Nazeem. No, he wasn't saying this is for Nazeem. He's saying I've got a scooter. There's a scooter there. I'm doing this for money. You see the scooter. The scooter represents humour. Come on guy. Enjoy the holiday. You try to pull out Come on, guy. Enjoy the holiday.

You try to pull out when you get there. What is it about seeing all this on paper? Public place, dressed up in full KKK regalia. But you're underestimating how poor. You're going, this sounds great. And then getting there and going, actually. Nothing sounded great. It's amazing what I'll do for money.

Nah, scooter sounds fun. It was meant to be a Segway, to be honest, and they cut that on the day. So, you know, there was fiscal restrictions. One win? One win. That's right. And they were riding this terrible scooter.

It really dates the story, doesn't it? If that was now to be one of those hoverboards, you'd just burst into flames. Catching on fire. Falling down the hover. Not burning crosses, burning Segways. I mean, you just sounded 60 there. What?

You just sounded about 60 there. One of those. One of those hoverboards those One of those hoverboards One of those hoverboards Anyway I'm sorry I brought that up I mean I'm 70 I certainly did eat up some time That's what we're all about

On Little Dumb Dumb Club But what was really Bringing death closer What was horrific was that Because I was in the burning sun And I'm very Literally and ironically Very very white

And I burn easily And he's like Take off the mask I mean they're burning Yeah you know what else burns easily? They're burning. And I had to, just to block the sun

from my face. You had a hood on. I put it up like to block the sun from my face. I was just sort of raising. I thought you were going to say I had a crucifix. No, it may as well have.

A giant wooden crucifix. So you put it up to block the sun. Sounds like a really handy sort of headwear maybe where you should wear it a bit more often. It is a hat, isn't it? Yeah. No brim, to be fair.

Yeah, but it covers the full face. Anyway, that was an example of a role that I wasn't suited to and I hated. And the classic storytelling style of David Quirk. Well, yeah, it was actually very well told because it confused you the way he was confused. So did that sketch ever see the light of day? Is it out there? Can we watch it?

I don't think so. I mean, it got taped, but I don't think it made the cut, no. You've got to get that taped. You put that on your show reel. I had to do a full southern accent and stuff. It was bad. Wow. Give us a sample.

And I sort of said to the director that day, I said, I understand this is a joke, it's meant to be, but what is the context of this guy being in Australia? Why is he, there's no... I mean, we've got heaps of our own. Yeah. Offensive white supremacists. You don't have to get an American southern KKK man.

Yeah, so, and... I think I'd be annoyed if I missed out on the role, like, if there was casting for this role, because it's like, well, no one gets to see you. You're under a hood, you're under a white garment the whole time. Like, what is it about it that made me not get the role? What is it about you that made you get that role? We can't see you, but we can feel in your essence you're racist, David Quirk.

Tall, racist-looking, probably, guy, yeah. I want to talk about this. This is what happened last night. Now, Tommy Dassler, you question me a lot about the people that are maybe drawn towards me in the street or in life. I tend to have a lot of stories about engaging with people who are maybe not quite right, quite weird. You have a lot of stories about that happening on this podcast. Yes. I tend to sort of go, this sounds fabricated because there's no way that one person can attract this much insanity out in the street.

Then I'll spend half an hour with you just walking down to the shops and we'll get verbally assaulted by like eight separate people. Yep. So I get drawn into your world and then I get the experience at first hand. Yep. Well, here's another one. The rest of the time. Here's another one.

Great. So last night I finished doing a gig. I was at Comedy at Spleen. I came home. It was very hot last night. So I decided I opened up the house uh to let the cool air in a bit of a change uh i got on my balcony i thought i'll just sort of you know when you finish your gig and you come home i'm still a bit buzzed i'm still a bit like i need to sort

of cool down a little bit uh so i sat there and i could hear someone downstairs i'm on the second level, like here's someone, just say this, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. And I was like, oh, that's a weird thing to say at one in the morning, but that's cool. And then like five seconds later, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. And I'm like, oh, this is, I don't know why he's hanging out with Doctor Ramsey at one in the morning, but anyway.

And what time is this? This is like 11, oh, 1 Dr. Ramsey at 1 in the morning, but anyway. And what time is this? This is like 11. Oh, 1am. 1am. 1am. Right, right, right. So then that just kept going. Every maybe 20 seconds, just this guy just kept saying, Doctor, Dr. Ramsey?

And it went on, honestly, for 20 minutes with just him saying that every less than a minute. He just kept saying, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. And I could hear him start to move around downstairs. And I've got all the house open and I'm starting to think, I could be in actual trouble here. This guy sounds insane. And it would sort of cool off where you'd hear it sort of go,

Doctor, Doctor Ramsey, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. And I'm like, oh, great, this guy is going. He's leaving, awesome. I'd say And I'm like, oh, great. This guy is going. He's leaving. Awesome. I'd say he's going for a roll. Yeah. But then all of a sudden, immediately downstairs, underneath the balcony, he'd just pop up and go, Dr. Dr. Ramsey?

That is weird. And it just kept going for like, it went on for like half an hour. Then I hear him get in a car and I'm like going, is this guy like not all there or is he severely drunk or whatever it is? He then gets in the car. I could hear him. I could hear the car open. He'd go, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey.

Open the door, slam. And then the window go up and you could still hear him go, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. And then he took off, went down to the end of the block and then came back. He's gone. I'm like, great. Then he comes back, opens the car up again and goes, Doctor?

Doctor Ramsey? Wherever he went didn't solve the Doctor, Doctor Ramsey thing. Doctor Ramsey's not down the street. No, no. He's not a block away. No.

Where else could he be? Yeah, yeah. So then he came back and just said it. Like this is honestly half an hour and the stupid thing is I'm tired at this stage. I just want to go to bed

but I want to know the end of Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. Sure, yeah. I mean I'm feeling it. I feel. Yeah. I don't know if there's a conclusion. I just want to go to bed. But I want to know the end of Dr. Ramsey. I mean, I'm feeling it. I feel. Yeah. I don't know if there's a conclusion. I don't know.

Is it a cat? I'm tempted to sort of go. Why don't you just hang over the balcony and just go, yes? The doctor's in. This is like lost in that it's a great mystery and it's taking forever to get to the end of it. Yeah. And I don't feel like we're going to get a satisfying conclusion. Well, because then I was like.

It's hard to say if it's better or worse than my story, isn't it? It's a cat. Dr Ramsey's is a cat. Really? No, but something. Well, it's the only logical answer at this point, but yeah. Now, wait, hang on. Just to learn from previous mistakes, does Nazeem live underneath you?

No. Is he involved in this in any way? Did I not mention him? I was paid to listen to Dr. Dr. Ramsey. So he comes back. You're employed. Yeah. Sorry.

I was on my Segway. He was doing a sketch. We need a Segway. Yes. So he comes back. He keeps saying Dr. Dr. Ramsey. Then he just goes, like I've listened for 40 minutes this has gone on and I'm just going, I have to sit here.

I put my head over the balcony. I could see the guy. I thought maybe he was talking to someone the whole time. He wasn't talking to someone. He was just like looking very pleased with himself, walking around saying, Doctor, Dr. Ramsey. So he comes out of the car, goes to go into his house and then just stops and the only thing for 40 minutes he has not,

he said that's not Doctor, Dr. Ramsey. He goes, Doctor, Dr. Ramsey I think that was a racehorse. And then walks in his house and that's the end. Wow. He says, Doctor, Dr. Ramsey 40 minutes. I was close. You were close. You were in the animal spectrum.

Yeah, slightly domesticated. So then I spent the next 20 minutes googling Dr. Dr. Ramsey to see if that was a racehorse. I don't know if you needed to google doctor twice. Well, I've done both. He's a professional. My neighbour. His full name is Dr. Ramsey and then he got his doctorate.

So now he's Dr. Dr. Ramsey. So if you're listening, my neighbour, whoever you are, it wasn't a racehorse. Just so you know, Dr. Dr. Ramsey is not a racehorse. Is he anything? He's nothing. He's a cat. He's a cat.

I'm sure there's a Dr. Ramsey out there in the world. Yeah. There's got to be. There's probably several, probably hundreds really. To be honest, it didn't come up on the first page of Google search. Okay, fair enough. Then that solves it. But have you not noticed anyone new move in?

Have you never noticed weird behaviour from downstairs ever before? It seems really… I mean who are you now what are you you've solved this now I'm not saying he's lying

I mean he's just like I play you know I can play a white supremacist and a detective yeah like Miss Marple a little bit right

Miss Marple Quirk it's either that or I ask no questions at all yeah yeah no no it's a very valid question. But, yeah, I'm certainly taking more interest in my neighbours on that side of the house now.

It's very interesting. I actually think you're right, Hannah. I reckon it's a cat. I reckon he's looking for the cat and he's sort of looking all over the house for it. And then got confused. I think it was a racehorse. And he thought maybe it's you. Yeah, well, that bit doesn't check.

Oh, that damn breeder. Yeah, that's right. He's not, yeah, yeah. That's why the cat's not coming. What's the exact quote? Well, it's not a racehorse. No, I think that was a racehorse. I think that was a racehorse.

Yeah, and then walks inside. Huh. I feel like if it's cat-based, there's nothing wrong, and it's called, say, looking for a Dr. Ramsey cat, there's nothing wrong with the name. It's just that you should go higher pitched. The way you're saying it, I'm like, sounds really creepy. It's like, doctor.

You know what I mean? It's got to be Dr. Ramsey. No, no, no. It's really weird to go, doctor. He wasn't doing that. Dr. Ramsey. It's really weird. Now, when you introduced this story, Carl,

you said that weirdos were attracted to you specifically. Yes. Now, do you think that's now, without even seeing your face, just sort of smelt your post-show whatever's wafting down the balcony and then just went batshit crazy? Is that what you're saying? Because obviously you didn't know you were there. Yeah.

Well. So I think you've only got yourself to blame. Maybe it's more, I'd like to think it wasn't my odour, maybe more of a psychic thing. Well, that's what I meant. Yeah. In essence. And it can penetrate through walls or ceiling more of a psychic thing. Well, that's romance. In essence.

And it can penetrate through walls or ceiling and floor in this case. Yeah. Just knowing that, just a weirdo knowing that they're around you causes them to activate. Yeah. You're like a trigger word for freaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just showing off in a way. Yeah.

Well, the night case whisperer's here. Oh, someone's listening? Yeah, yeah. Can you please, can you just go and, you've got to just knock on the door and ask what it was about you just got to go down there honestly i was i was on i was on i was sitting on my balcony and i was on facebook and i was chatting to someone relaying what was happening i'm going this is what's happening and i was just saying every couple minutes i was saying he's still saying dr dr ramsey and they were just saying to me

you're gonna get killed this is the last time i'm ever going to speak to you. So he just kept saying that to me. So that made me stop wanting to sort of jump off the balcony and go, hey, what's the doctor, Dr. Ram? You probably take the stairs, I reckon. Yeah, well. Well, when in Rome. When you're scared, I guess. It's suicidal.

I don't know that that's necessary. I mean, yeah, I think you're confusing the situation with the fire. My only option was to just hang myself and then go ask him what was going on. Well, I guess I'm never going to know this. I'm going to kill myself. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that's what I would have done. I tried everything.

I got in the bath with some razors and still no answers from it. About who this Dr. Ramsey is. I tried everything. I was on Facebook and I talked to someone about it and then I thought, I might bring this up on the podcast. What else have I got? How else can I find this out? We've got nothing now.

How can I add a bit of drama to it? Just leap over the... Jump off the balcony. What is this? You call up the Ambo saying you're thinking about ending it all. Don't call them. Who's going to come?

Who's going to come? Try and save you. You didn't call the ambulance. Dr. Ramsey. Dr. Ramsey. It's Lifeline. Hannah's bloody right. If you're having suicidal thoughts, please call Lifeline.

Get on to Dr. Ramsey. Call Lifeline or me. Or you. What is your phone number? I'll do it. Do it. I'm not doing it. I'll do it. Jump off the metaphorical balcony and give us your phone number.

Doctor? 1-800-DRAMSY. Doctor, Doctor. Doctor, Dr. Ramsey. Because after all that time, it just intrigued me that after all that time he just kept doing the Doctor, Dr. Ramsey. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird thing to keep up for 40 minutes.

It's like he wants a doctor. I mean, we're managing. Imagine if that same guy is outside this window right now listening to this podcast going, fuck, they're talking about this for a while. This just keeps going and going. What are they on about on this podcast? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I was fully aware that it did make me just as weird as him for sitting there wanting to listen to a guy saying, Dr. Dr. Ramsey for 40 minutes. I think weirder in many ways. Yeah. He's probably got a medical excuse for that. I don't. Yeah.

Quirk, can we get an update from you? Yes. Last time you were on this podcast, you had just returned from America and you were living in a garage. It's true. Yep. It's still true. Are you aware of this, Hannah?

No, I'm just worried about this. Yeah, I know. There's a little situation. I feel the tension going on. I've got. It's still true. Are you aware of this, Hannah? No, I'm just worried about this. I feel the tension going on. I've got it under control. For the listeners, the recording device is just balancing on an edge of a table. It's a real issue. Out of the whole table, he's put it right on the precipice

for some reason. What do you mean? He's put it on the table. Exactly what I mean. He means the edge. Oh yeah, okay, there we go. That's what he meant, right we go. Precipice. That's what he meant, right. Can you have a precipice in a lounge room? I think there's plenty of them. When you're as small as that thing, that's a precipice.

Yeah, it's cute. Cute precipice. What are you talking about the precipice? Oh, you mean Nazeem's edge. Okay, I get it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes more sense now. Now I understand the story.

Nazeem, he had a TV show. Yes. You were living in a garage last time you were on the show. I still am. You're still in the garage. This is now like, what are we? Month three. Six months on.

Why are you in a garage? Because when I went away to the US for three months, I gave up my room thinking, as though I'd never come back from America. Just thought, I'll come back and work it out. And then when I came back, I wasn't going to kick the girl out. I had no right to, really. And then we didn't want to.

And I realised that there was carpet in the... Strangely, it's a carpeted garage. It doesn't... The guy, my roommate, the other guy, the original guy... Sorry, again, I'm going to bad storytelling. Is it Nazeem? I'm going to bad storytelling. It's the original guy.

There's two people I live with. One was the new girl. Doctor and Dr Rebs. Yes. And... Oh new girl. Doctor and Doctor Ramsey. Yes. And, oh God, and, Carpeted Garage.

Now this is a sketch. Yeah. It's a good, it's a funny idea, isn't it? It sounds a little bit funnier than a guy in KKK out walking

across the city. Don't think I don't regret bringing up that thing. Don't think I don't regret. I'll regret it for the rest of the day now. I encourage you, if you're only hearing

about it now that I brought up KKK earlier, it's because it got deleted out. I hope that happens. That's not happening. Yeah, we'll just run along and cut that. But something about a garage? It's carpeted. Yeah.

And I had a theory that if it's weird, he said he had to park his car in there for some reason, my roommate, and he said it was really weird to drive a car on carpet, he found. And I said, well, if that's weird, then you've got to sleep in it. So I sleep in it. Yeah. And I sleep really well. I mean, it sounds like something an abductor would say. Yeah.

Sure. Do you want to hear a fact? Last night was hot, as Carl just said, and I slept with the roller door partially open, straight to the street. Is it electric? No. Oh.

It's meant to be, but it's broken. Oh, it's very rustic. So I have to like, yeah, like, and it lets air in. But it's, I don't mind it. We've got a garage out the back here. It's pretty roomy. It's not carpeted, but it's bigger than any of the bedrooms. I think carpet is the difference, if you kind of think about it.

What about a house that doesn't have a garage? Oh. What about a house that doesn't have a car in it? Then. What about a house that doesn't have a car in it? Then you'd just have a garage, I suppose, and you should not, according to my own rules, sleep in there. Yeah. But you could if that was your thing. Yeah.

There's a guy out there that would sleep in that garage. He's just not me. You know what I'm saying? You don't have a bed in your garage, though, do you? Yeah. No, no, but not a proper four-poster bed or anything. I mean, who has a four... Come on.

What are you, a princess? You mean a medieval time star's a i mean who has a come on nobody what are you a princess you mean medieval times yes boy what are you heathens sleeping yeah i've got like a one with a massive um like mosquito net and all that sort of stuff yeah just like yes yeah yeah it's like seven feet tall no no no what do you do what do you it's a bed carl oh okay because i kept thinking it's like a mattress on the carpet no like I keep thinking you're sleeping on the carpet that's why it is still a little bit

funny to me because I think I said last time it's like otherwise it's tragic that's right

it's both it's certainly both but if you are facing one way it just looks like a garage there's bicycles there's stuff

drawers of stuff tools turn the other way and it kind of looks like a movie set of a bed there There's a lamp. It's pretty cool, I think. Slash tragic, yeah. Because I got

the impression last time you were on here that you were looking to kind of amend this situation as soon as you can. Are you still, you know, in an ideal world? Are you looking for something else or have you made peace with the fact that you're just going to live in a garage forever? Well, to be fair, it's hard to get someone in to replace him to live in a garage, so you can't be fair, it's hard to get someone in to replace him to live in a garage.

Yeah, true. You can't really put that on gumdry, can you? There's only one person out there that would say yes to living in the garage and he's already living in the garage. Oh, no, I think my friend Herbie might be keen. Dr. Ramsey. Oh, yeah, Dr. Ramsey. There's a certain breed of person that will live in there.

Maybe that's where he is. Greg Fleet was looking for a house. No, it is temporary, but recently I was house-sitting, and so I'm coming and going. It's just a place to lay my head. Coming and going, much like the car that is meant to be in there. That's right. Well said.

Thank you. Carl liked that, didn't you? You really liked that joke. I thought it was a good joke, well told. And there's something about You living in a garage That really tickles me Yeah well it should

Yeah It should a little bit But I've brought Some people have come over And I was like Just check it out And they look and they go Oh it's not

It's alright Like There is something that's I should take a photo Oh you don't It's a podcast Let's do an episode Nothing visual about it

I mean you could You could just reframe The whole situation And say you're living In a bungalow Yeah Yes It's about language Yeah I always say You could just reframe the whole situation and say you're living in a bungalow. Yes, it's about language. Yeah.

But bungalow to me is always like, you know, especially if it's a share house situation, it's like you've been cast out there because your housemates don't want to have that much to do with you on a day-to-day basis. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes a bungalow could be better though, bigger and better. True. Well, what does a garage say? Like if a bungalow says that.

Garage says radical well like you're not even paying rent you're not even welcome I haven't encountered the garage situation enough to form a good sample size to really base

yeah I just think even though the bungalow seems to suggest something not great I still think the garage is worse yes no I agree

I mean completely agree look I can't argue that but you can't you don't know what to compare it to it's too radical for you for me yeah you're just like you saw a garage once yeah Look, I can't argue with that, but you don't know what to compare it to. It's too radical for you. For me?

Yeah, you're just like, you saw a garage once. You're not really operating from a place of clarity when you talk about how I live. Wait, how many garages did you see? I did extensive research. Yeah, Hanna, you're not a real grease monkey like this guy over here. I have a garage. You're not like David Fudge? Yeah.

Wait, hang on. Quirk's lit up. Hanna's got a garage. Yeah over here I have a garage you're not like David Fudge yeah David Fudge wait hang on Quirk's lit up Hannah's got a garage I've got a garage just put a rug down and just spend some time in there

you know what I mean I don't want the likes of you in there actually a friend of mine was staying she had she'd was

forgot her key she'd been out it was in the middle of winter and I said I'll be home in an hour the garage is unlocked just go in there I'll be home in an hour. The garage is unlocked.

Just go in there. I've got some camping gear. Just keep warm because it's fucking freezing. And she'd forgot. She'd passed out. She was so cold. She hadn't found the camping gear. Probably wasn't even carpeted.

No, it wasn't carpeted at all. Most aren't. No, they're not. We've learned this. When we're talking about a garage, we can just assume that no carpeting is the default. We don't need to bring, we don't need to specify. Hang on, hang on. Can we confirm that, David?

Yeah. So how is it in winter? I haven't been in there in winter. Well, I can tell you though, it's hot in summer. I bet. And you can imagine it's probably cold in winter. Because what a roller door. you almost shouldn't live in it I think

what a roller door doesn't possess is a little thing they call insulation but I'm fine with it people aren't too worried about their car keeping cool or warm

have you lost weight like with the sweating no I operate well you operate well in sort of weird temperatures yeah come winter you're just going to be like DiCaprio on the Revenant

Well that's the film I saw last night Yeah Did a number on me actually Did you really? Yeah anyway Because you were thinking about That's going to be your experience in winter I mean that's the appropriate time now

To talk about it You know when you brought it up earlier This is now the time How many people have seen it? Before the podcast David Quirk says I saw a movie last night I really want to talk about it And we're like okay You bring it up Then he goes, I saw a movie last night I really want to talk about. I'm like, okay, you bring it up.

Then he goes, yeah, I saw that last night. Anyway, what else is going on? Well, it relates to my home as well. And I bought the reference. I don't want to be a spoiler guy. Did anyone see it here? I've seen it, yeah. I haven't seen it.

That's why I made that reference. I mean, I just don't care. You don't care about the film? No, fair enough. No, I don't care about it being spoiled. Like, I just think it's, you know, I think you're there for his, if I'm going to watch the film, it's all about his acting, isn't it being spoiled. Like, I just think it's, you know, I think you're there for his, if I'm going to watch the film,

it's all about his acting, isn't it? Yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, he's grunting. Yeah, apparently. Yeah, I don't think it's the, you know, subtlety of the plot and the dialogue. Yeah, it's pretty brutal.

There's not much to spoil, I would say. The reason why, okay, well, I can, the reason why it was funny to me is because my roommate downloaded it. Hang on, let's get things clear. Nazeem was in the movie. No, he wasn't. Carl, I need you on this.

You got me. You got me, babe. I knew nothing about it apart from the film was shot with all natural light, which I found fascinating as an idea, and that Leonardo DiCaprio was in it and everyone's talking about it. But beyond that, I didn't know much about the plot at all. And as I was leaving... Is that a thing that will get

you into a cinema? What's that? If you hear the movies shot with all natural light do you go... Absolutely. It'll prick up my ears. Absolutely. It's like Candlelight. Kubrick filmed a film just Candlelight. And that's the strength of which I watch

that. Okay, well that's okay. But that just means the movie's outside. Is that right? No. Is that what Aidan Buckworth... No, if it was shot in this room, you'd just be using the light that's available. We get it.

Yeah. Oh, all natural light. Is that what you mean? Okay. Yeah, all natural light. Okay, no, no, I'm going to go and see it now. Yeah, continue. You're an idiot.

Isn't he an idiot, listeners? Hey, please don't talk to our listeners without our permission sorry sorry listeners i'm so confused anyway this guy my roommate the man who once drove a car on carpet he said to me before he uh grant his name he busts that one out of parties that story but he said to me he goes are you going to see it i've already downloaded it uh it's brilliant and i said oh great that's a good thing to hear before that's great awesome and he goes i go i don're going to see it? I've already downloaded it. It's brilliant. And I said, oh, great. That's a good thing to hear before. That's great. Awesome.

And he goes, I don't really know what it's about. So Grant's committed an illegal activity here. You've just outed him. Drove a car on carpet. Oh, sorry. Downloaded an illegal movie. Yeah, I've just outed him. And renting out a garage.

Yeah, true, true. He has unnaturally downloaded a movie with all natural light. Unnaturally. You're an idiot. Anyway, and then he said to me, I go, it's good, right? And he goes, yeah, it's good. Leonardo DiCaprio makes friends with a bear. That's what he said to me.

And I was like, oh, you just said it was brilliant. That sounds kind of shit. You're thinking this is a Pixar romp. I was like, I knew it was an outdoor film. Smokey the bear. I was like, that sounds kind of shit. You're thinking this is a Pixar romp. I knew it was an outdoor film. Smokey the bear. That sounds kind of shit. We'll go along to that. I do not want to spoil it but when this bear...

Did you go on a picnic? There's a bear in it. I think he picked Leo's picnic basket. It sort of weeded me out for 15, 20 minutes. A lot of porridge. This one's too hot. this one's too warm. Oh, this Leonardo is just right.

So you watched that scene where he gets brutally fucked up by a bear and you thought, I've been doing friendship all wrong. No, I just thought, it hasn't killed him yet. So I was waiting for him to befriend the bear, for real. And then when he kills this bear, sorry, spoiler, he kills the bear, there's cubs. I was like, oh, maybe he must befriend one of those.

Like, I was committed. Like, he's told me that's what the plot is. Were you just waiting for one of the bears to talk as well? Just a little bit. Voiced by Angela Lansbury. I'm not walking out of this cinema until he is made to be one of those bears. And then I have to just go to myself, oh, friends with the bear. I get it. Did you wait for all the credits to go for that little...

The bear was played by... Yeah, that little... Like the Avengers where there's a little tree at the end. Yeah, the little dance. It's just Leo shaking hands with the bear right at the very, very end. Good job, mate. Good job. Well played.

New Line Cinema, the end. Last logo, then a bit of a handshake and that's it. The Revenant 2, Humphrey. Yeah. It's clear to me now that my roommate is keeping me down. He's got me living in a garage. He's lying to me about the plot. Yeah. It's clear to me now that my roommate is keeping me down. He's got me living in a garage. He's lying to me about the plot. What's school like?

But what would you give it out of five? It depends what you go in thinking it is. If it's a friendship between man and bear. It was zero. It was terrible. So did that hinder your experience of The Revenant? No, it just made that brutal bear scene a little bit weird for me. I was like, why is the bear harming him?

I wish I could go back and see it with that experience. Is that like you with your mum and dad at the zoo where it's like, what's that kangaroo doing to the other kangaroo daddy? Oh, they're friends. They're making friends, David. Is that what it was like? Yeah, I believe what I'm told. Okay.

Hannah's nodding because that's probably true. Well, in this case, it was true. I believed it for a period of time. Yeah. Because why wouldn't you? I hate when people lie because I don't see the point in lying sometimes. Yeah, yeah. I've noticed that people naturally, you know,

will believe anything that anyone says because it's not nice to walk around thinking everyone's a liar. You'll believe whatever people say. If someone tells you the plot, yeah, anyway. Yeah. So that's out of five. I'm sorry, David. There's a lot about that film that I would sort of, apparently it went well over budget to the tune of over $100 million.

Not from lighting. No, they saved money there, didn't they? Yeah, they saved a shit ton. What did they spend it on? Sound? Yeah. No, if you see it, the scale of it is... Counting for Leo, maybe.

It's impressive. People kept quitting, apparently. Yeah, yeah. The bears. Half their day each way was just going and setting up. The bears union. The bears. Yeah.

The bears weren't having it. They were hard to work with, yeah. Yeah. They didn't stick to the script. The bears wanted the script to be that Leo becomes friends with them. We like Leo. We've got nothing against Leo. This is bad for our reputation.

Yeah. Up went their price. That's why. They didn't originally want to shoot it with all natural light. They just couldn't afford it in the end for the Bears. They realised it was more expensive, ironically. It sounded like it went over budget and out of control, like Apocalypse Now or something.

Yeah, from what I can gather, yeah. Imagine if you walked in thinking. Okay. So who's, what's his name in Apocalypse Now? Who plays the bear? Yeah, who plays the bear? Who's the bear in Apocalypse Now? Is he floating down the river or is he already there?

I love the smell of bear fur in the morning. Who are they trying to be friends with in Apocalypse Now. Is he floating down the river or is he already there? I love the smell of bear fur in the morning. Who are they trying to be friends with in Apocalypse Now? The natives? Kurtzman. Colonel Kurtz. Colonel Kurtz, I think. I've never seen Apocalypse Now. He just outed himself there, didn't he?

Shit. I'm not afraid to say it. It's worth a look. Yeah. I want to bring this up. We had a, you know, we've got some very different listeners. I think it's fair to say if anyone's listened to this podcast before. We've got a very loyal, in a way, band of listeners.

In a way, they're loyal together to sort of attack us and be weird to us or whatever. Do they know each other? Do they know they're a band? I think they make friends via Facebook and Twitter and there are some groups of people who listen to this who've become friends through this. You've brought people together. Well done guys. They're like Leo and the Bear in that movie. I feel like

this podcast has driven me and Carl further apart and brought our listeners closer together. I remember a few, I did this quite a while ago and you did sit a lot closer than you are now. I feel this is akin to tennis. I was on Carl's lap, if I remember correctly. He was working me like a little puppet.

We were both backed into a corner in each end of this room. But we had a... I got a message. You know, a lot of podcasts or a lot of people get their messages via Facebook and Twitter. We tend to get a lot of ours through my phone. A lot of people send me stuff.

Yeah, my phone number's out there. Great. I read out Carl's phone number on the podcast one time. Dr. Ramsey. Dr. Ramsey, yeah. Okay. If you're out there, my number is on the internet. How did that come from this?

You were present for that episode, I believe. Yeah, that rings a bell. Yeah, that was many, many years ago. So tell me, what is this message? We got a... Someone messaged me and took photos and sent me these photos, a little bit of fame. There is graffiti of us on the toilets at the Southern Cross Station.

Oh, you showed me this, yeah. Yeah. So someone's gone in, you know, to relieve themselves and they've just come face to face with... Relief. Yes, yeah, podcast relief, yeah. So it's like you guys can show, I'm just showing you visually here and there, which the nice bit of the touch of the graffiti

is it wasn't just the little dum-dum club. They've actually bothered to write the little dum-dum club with Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler. Yeah. The full detail. Is that the full detail? Because then, as I understand it from looking at that, there's no extra information

underneath about what this thing is or where you can obtain it. They're just calling you to just little dum-dums. Yeah, well, I don't know what, you know, people in Cuba... It's probably Nazeem. Sounds like something he'd do.

Another classic Legally Brown sketch. There's a time and a place for it and that's it. So, yeah, I mean, I did assume that that was with Texter, but I'm not sure. Oh, boy. It would suit our listeners a little more if it was not Texter. Yeah. But I think that's nice.

I think it's nice of people to get our name out there some way. It's not quite our name in lights. I did it. But it's Texta in a cubicle at a train station. I think that's where it belongs in a way. What's weird to me is bringing out the Texta in a train station toilet where I can't think of any time I've been in that situation where I've thought, boy, I want to hang around in here a little bit longer.

Yeah. I'm going to do some little art while I'm here. Yeah. You know, that's the weird bit to me. That's the bottom of any form of communication, isn't it? It's like riding on a toilet wall in a train station. That's the absolute bot. That's the opposite of a zenith.

So what are we doing? Are we doing a... Or Twitter. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I had to do in those toilets, those exact toilets recently, Kerr? I had to spend more time than I wanted in there. I was standing at the urinal.

I noticed an old man next to me. You're in a Nazi uniform. And his pants... I've heard Sam Simmons has done this for fun. Just pulled his pants down like a child. All the way down. All the way down. Super weird. Sam always says that in hindsight. You don't think he's ever done it? No, but not for fun. He only says it's funny in hindsight.

Yeah, totally. But this old man had done that. I don't know if he deliberately let them drop down. He was a genuinely old dude. And then, and I sort of was, I'd finished before him and I was watching him, just keeping an eye on him, and he was slowly bending over and he couldn't, there were sort of, his pants were hitched on the bottom of his heels.

Oh, no. And he was just so old and slow. And I watched him for 30, 40 seconds before I actually had to go, do you need some help there? Yeah. Do you want to do some graffiti? Yeah.

And I helped this man. I said, you just got to rock on your toes. He stood there long enough for me to write little dum-dum club with Tommy

and then pull his pants up. Yeah, it was a very, it was a confronting moment. So you did help him pull his pants up? I helped the dude. I said,

you got to rock forward onto your toes, buddy. And he lifted his heels up and then I... Pushed him forward and smashed his head. Sorry, what? That's good. Did he then pay it forward and help you move out of a garage? Yeah, and we had a sword fight.

Who was in a worse predicament in that situation? That guy or you? It's just going to show a lot of good stuff happens in those toilets. Yeah, yeah. But I like that someone is getting us out there. I'd like to think that they're doing that positively, like spreading the word as it were. Are we saying we want...

One crap at a time. Yes. Are we saying we want to make this... Are we putting the call out to listeners and saying, next time you're in the dunny... I reckon. Yeah. Right.

Doctor. Doctor Ramsey. Doctor Ramsey. Doctor Ramsey. Let's spread that. For a confusing time, call someone Doctor Ramsey. Yeah, for a confusing time, call Doctor Ramsey underneath my balcony. Yeah. Yeah, but look, I'm a massive fan of illegal graffiti of our podcast.

If you want to give any more context, that's fine. Maybe the longer the graffiti, the better. Like he's gone the full, the little dum-dum club with Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler. Maybe you can... And then a transcript. Not of this episode. Maybe of the last one I was on when I got to talk.

Well, we can have a little Hannah's Corner whenever you put your hand up and we'll give you five minutes. But definitely if you want to put like a five-star review, if you want to put your favourite guest, if you want to put a shout-out to Hannah, like a request for Hannah to talk more. Do you want someone to come forward and admit who did that? Sure, but I think so many people would want it.

Here's what I reckon. Put a quote and then… So many. Put a quote and then the website. So many copycats now. Yeah, exactly. We want to copycat graffitias. And send us a picture.

If you do it in the toilet cubicle, sure. If you want to be brave and put it somewhere else, sure. Scale the side of the opera house. Just spray paint it on there. Yeah, exactly. Any of those great political sort of... Yeah, just scratch out the political statements that have been said prior.

Yeah. I think that's even better. Yeah, exactly. Don't they have the beat the drum thing coming up? Oh, yeah. You know, where they

drop the flags? Just cross that out and just put dum-dum club. Can they still do that for Triple J? Yeah, beat the dum-dum. Okay, here's what I'm going to say to a,

if there's any listeners out there that are particularly flush with cash, Skyrider. Oh. Get little dum-dum club, Australia Day, just up in the heavens. What do you reckon? It's definitely not going to happen.

I mean, we've just, yeah. We went too far. That was a step too far. But look, I think even asking more people to ride on toilet cubicles is probably a stretch. No one's going to waste too much more texture on us, I think. I don't know. I feel like maybe there's someone out there who's just, you know.

I mean, I would, but I don't often find myself with the texture. That's it. Yeah. Like, at the very most, you've got to borrow. And that's not great. You have to trace over it. Yeah. And I like a fine liner.

So that's, you know, it's not, I think a ballpoint would stay on. No, it would just wipe off real easy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. A little dum-dum smear. And also I think, what I also like about it is like that, you know, your traditional graffiti in a toilet cubicle is like dial a route, 0408, whatever it is.

It's like, you know, dial a fun hour of comedy podcast. Dial a podcast, yeah. A little dum-dum cut. Yeah. What would you want you know, dial a fun hour of comedy podcasts. A little dum-dum club. What would you want written about yourself on a wall? And secondly, would you ever download something if you saw it written on a toilet wall? Would you ever take the advice of something on a toilet wall? I would, yeah.

Really? Yeah. Has anyone ever rung the number of those dial-a-root and all that sort of stuff? Yeah, I've never. I've thought about those. They're normally just to shame people, aren't they? I've thought about, exactly, because I've seen like a phone number written on a wall in a toilet and gone, well, this is clearly probably a prank on someone. So maybe I'll just make contact and see what they've got to say for themselves. Maybe make a new friend.

Yeah. Well, do that. I mean, if anyone has actually stumbled across this podcast thanks to a toilet wall, please hit us up. Please let us know. If you've ever believed that and gone, oh yeah, I've got an hour to kill, no worries, and particularly in this cubicle. I've got to say, this is more effective than

advertising in street press, I reckon. Oh, wow. In this day and age. Well, that's a given. What about you, Han? If you could have anything written about you on a cubicle wall, what do you want people to put out there about Gadsby? Let's make a request. Have you ever had fans, maybe easier, have you ever had fans like, you know, this is the sort of behaviour.

Have you ever had fans full stop? No, it goes on, it goes on, it goes on. I bet. This is the level of our listeners. I don't like saying fans, of our listeners. Surely you've got some people that have made some out there tributes or ways of getting in touch with you. Yes yeah

there's a video on YouTube where someone sort of strung a bunch of my photos not my best photos and not centred in the video bit of Ken Burns effect gone crazy and never quite reaching my entire face but

so the video strung together to some free acoustic music you can get online. Oh, wow, one of those. And it's a little tribute video. As if you're dead almost, that sort of video. The acoustic music. The only way I found out about it was I was going on a date and the woman I was going on a date with thought she'd Google me

but she didn't want to see the first things that came up, so she just went down a bit. Finds a YouTube video. That's what she found. And it took a lot of work to get back from that. Oh, really? Yeah. That's weird, isn't it?

It is a little. Did she think you'd made it? No, she thought that I attracted. Right. So if I get into this person's world, this is what that means. Is it still up, Hannah? Is it still up? Yeah, I assume I haven't looked for a very long time. Why would you? I didn't take it

down, I'll give you that. I mean, generally I mean, mostly I get I mean, the worst ones are from the not fans, you know. Yeah, right. Also, I've had biscuits made for me, which I find a little distressing. Yeah.

Because as much as I'd like to trust the no bodily fluids thing, I don't. Yeah. Just because I've got a – I have that imagination. As soon as I've thought of it, I'm like, I can't. Yeah. I don't want to – I received biscuits at a gig recently. You ate them now, though.

You ate them. No, but they weren't homemade. That was what was weird. They were just from a packet. Yeah, no, that's great. That's what you want.. I received biscuits at a gig recently. You ate them. No, but they weren't homemade. That was what was weird. They were just from a packet. Yeah, no, that's great. That's what you want. I want packet biscuits. I don't want homemade.

Even though I love a melting moment, but I am not going to take it. I'm not going to trust it. That is a bit of a lazy fan, though. Like, they haven't even bothered to open the biscuits. It's like me whenever I go to someone's house, though. I'm not. Well, they were. That's my kind of person.

Yeah. So I'm going to trust that. Yeah. Somebody's lazy. Good on you. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I mean, if someone's making biscuits, they really don't get me.

Yeah, right. You know, if they're putting effort. You don't know me. Store bought's always best. But most people cherish... No, it's not. I actually really... I mean, it's a lovely sentiment, but I'm not going to eat them.

Yeah. My parents have discovered Aldi recently, and they keep going on about it like they've been bought into some kind of, like, cult or something. And I was around there for dinner the other day, and Mum was like, yeah, I've made this anyway. Here we go. And I eat it, and Mum's like, how was that?

I'm like, that was delicious. That was great, Mum. Really, really, really nice. Thanks for cooking that. And she goes, I didn't cook it at all. I bought it from Aldi in your face. Like, she'd punked me. Like, I have something against Aldi, and she's, like, won me over. I'm like, good for all. I bought it from Aldi in your face. Like she'd punked me. Like I have something against Aldi and she's like won me over.

I'm like, good for you. Good for Aldi. Good for all of us. Good stuff. That was good. That's good to know. I've never been to Aldi. Aldi's great.

In my face. It's a bit weird. Yeah. It's a large, isn't it? It's a large. Oh, no, it's not Costco either. Costco's the big thing. Oh, that's the big one, yeah.

Yeah, I've not been to either. Aldi, I was trying to put my finger on the first time I went in. What is weird about it, it's that the aisles don't go above head height. So you can see everything, if that makes sense. You know when you're in the more major supermarkets, you've got an aisle and you're sort of alone a little bit. This doesn't have that. It's like a stable.

Have you ever been... Yeah, it's the feed that. It's like a stable. Have you ever been... The feedback. It's like swimming lanes. Yeah, why not? I've been in public toilets where they have a cubicle that's a bit of that situation. I've been in a couple where I've sat down and I've been able to just see over.

It's no good. Sitting down, you can see over. There's one in Adelaide. There's one in Adelaide. There's one in Adelaide in Rundle Mall and it's wild. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah. Not wild. Just disconcerting.

Yeah, just... I think if it also had like a bucking bull, that's wild. Yeah, but if it's just the stable doors, that's not wild. That's just weird. I'm just trying to go to the toilet on a bucking bull. Bronco, yeah. But what do you mean to do? I mean, it's good if you're, you know,

been taking painkillers and you're a bit bound up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you meant to be making eye contact with the people? Are you meant to inspire? I mean, absolutely not. That's going to make most people physically ill. It's good for... Clam up.

It's good for passing toilet paper over. I think that's about it. You know what it's bad for? What? Scribbling down how much you love the little dump club. Not enough wall to go around. It's good for passing toilet paper over. I think that's about it. You know what it's bad for? What? Scribbling down how much you love the little dump club. Not enough wall to go around. It's good for passing texters over. Yeah.

True. Yeah, it's something. I once stayed in a hotel in Vietnam and I was cycling around Vietnam and I don't know why, but I'd done the Mekong Delta. I'd flown into Saigon, did the Mekong Delta and then I said, well, I've done that. I don't want to cycle back up, you know. So I caught a bus and on that bus I got sick. I got very sick.

Just, you know, whatever, gastro, but that's where it hit. But they wouldn't let me off the bus. They had like a bus bench as I called her and she just, the driver had nothing to do with the goings on and she wouldn't let me off. So I'm about to vomit. So she just gave me a plastic bag and when I filled that up

she threw it off and gave me another one like that was my gastric so you let the bag off but not me yeah is that because they don't want to stop

or they're making good time yeah making great time and someone's dad's driving the bus nah nah nah and so then I started strangely enough

feel better by the time I got into the Saigon bus station but not great and I was on my own and then this as soon as I got into the Saigon bus station, but not great. And I was on my own. And then as soon as I got off, the sort of smell of that sort of part of town hit me and then I saw a woman taking a dump in the corner

and that was enough to send me off again. And this woman that was on the bus just said, can I help you to a hotel? And I said, well, it's across town. I just don't think I can make it. So she got me to the closest hotel, to the Saigon bus station. And that was fine. And I knew the drill. You have to me to the closest hotel, to the Saigon bus station. And that was fine. And I knew the drill.

You have to give the hotel your passport. Yeah. And so I tried to give them and they're like, no. And I'm like, okay. And then they kept saying, where's your friend? And I'm like, look, I mean, I have some back home. Don't think that I'm, you know, I'm not lonely in life, but I just don't have a friend now.

And they were just very confused why I bought a bike and not a friend. Right. Anyway, so I went up to this room and it was a bad room. It was a bad hotel. You know, it was a dodgy part of town. Was it a tandem bike, by the way? No. Because that would explain what it was for the other person.

No, no. It was me and my bike and no friend. And so I got into the room and it had a bathroom, but the wall to the bathroom was just the same height as the bed, which was pushed up against it. So that was the... Wow. Yeah, and I found that with a troubled stomach handy.

You know, if you're lying down and the nausea hits you in the middle of the night, I could just spring up and... over the wall yeah yeah um but disconcert not wild but disconcerting um but really what i worked it out in the end because you know um i've been there enough time to get sleep but not not a lot of time and um i hear a knock on the door and i'm just like i go out and answer it and i go uh i, I'm like, I don't know what you want. And I'm just like, you know, more? And I'm like, yeah, what? And so then they left, still asking after my friend.

And then they asked if I wanted a friend. And I'm like, no, I don't want a friend. Not Dr. Ramsey. No. Or Nazeem. Nobody. I want to be alone with my bike and sleep. Anyway, after another couple of hours, door knocks again.

And then I see a woman giving a blowjob in the thing. I'm like, oh, this is a brothel. Hang on. They knocked on your door to show you that? No, I just saw past. Check this out. Maybe. Check this out.

No, but I saw past them and I'm like, I just put all the pieces together. You only rent this hotel for two hours with a friend. You're in the love hotel. Love is a strong word. That's more Japanese, I think, than Vietnamese. No, this is just a straight up pay-as-you-go brothel. Hang on. It still doesn't really explain the low wall.

And then once they worked it out. It doesn't really explain the low wall, though, being a brothel, does it? Let me go in here and just prepare. I'll be watching. It's cost-cutting, I assume. It's cost- I assume it's cost cutting just a slight

divider yeah somebody just fling the condoms was this an Aldi brothel yep

that's where it is so in your face so when they what with what

so when they knocked on the door and you saw did you say the blowjob was happening in the

corridor yeah so what's the point of getting a room well the room wasn't available I was taking Yes, I get jokes When they knocked on the door and you saw it Did you say the blowjob was happening in the corridor? Yeah So what's the point of getting a room Well the room wasn't available I was taking up the room No, I don't know I'm just saying Maybe that was even cheaper

It was very cheap Sorry, there's an Australian lady Once they realised that I was just sick And I'd made a mistake They just brought me up soup I didn't drink it But how lovely Because they should double up Because if you're I didn't drink it but how lovely.

Because they should double up because if you're – I can't believe you would eat the soup from a brothel in – Okay, good. But not a cookie that someone made you. I call soup brothel biscuits now. Yeah, right. Now that you think about it, like they should double up because like if you're in a different – if you're holidaying – Is that Dr. Rand?

Dr. Rand, you just walked past the window. It did actually look like. There was a man who did fit the description, just walked past. So speaking of low walls and stuff, our living room window looks directly out onto the street and there are constantly, it's like at people's head level, people just walking past, just having a look in while we're in here watching TV.

It's very weird. Because you've got On your window Sort of fly wire Doors I can see someone Getting a blowjob Out there as well

Where's your friend? There's a person Eating soup out there Or not But they should Double that up Because like If you're travelling

You know You've gone You're in a different town And you've sort of Gone to the other edge of town You're very sick You know You've got gastro You don't just need A public toilet You need a different town and you've sort of gone to the other edge of town. You're very sick. You know, you've got gastro.

You don't just need a public toilet. You need a bed for a little bit. You just need to wait a couple of hours for it to pass to get your strength back to get back to the hotel. Boom, go into a... I like to think that you're in there with severe gastro and they sort of walk in on you and go, wow, you're into some kinky shit.

I mean, I think that did pass their mind when I'm sort of in Lycra with a bike. By yourself, just shitting wildly. Sweat me. Wow, those Aussies do it pretty wild. I would just like to amend that because I said that because it conjures up a funny image, but I did not wear lycra. Oh, yes, sorry.

That was a bit too far. I just need to say it. That was a bit too far, didn't I? Yeah. Apologies. Yeah, wearing lycra around Vietnam, that's gross. That makes the story disgusting in my eyes. I mean, it is.

Very offensive. It's very offensive to the people. Have you ever worn lycra riding a bike in that period of – it's a really practical thing to wear, but have you ever done it? Well, it's not practical for someone – you know, like my clothing flapping in the wind is the least of my wind resistance problems. So lycra is like overkill.

That's true. So it was just like I just wore, you know, loose fitting clothing that was comfortable to ride in. And it's humid, yeah, yeah. You know, it's fine. I don't think you need, I think you know, lycra, I think lycra is like, I don't think we need lycra. I don't think fat men who

ride on Sunday morning need lycra. I think they should just go away the same way that Lance Armstrong, who inspired them, should go. Just go away. You're not relevant. He cheated. Very true.

Very true. All right. Well, I think that, on that note, that brings us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week, unless you've got something to do. Oh, I mean, you know, like, it was a real full stop, wasn't it? Very true. You don't want to end halfway through a story

so that's fine. You're finishing it at a full stop. I just figured you guys to be taperers. You know we just taper it out. Then we find a hard out

and then we as we're proving right now we find a hard out and then we Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just you know our classic catchphrase at the end of the show

the end and then that's it. Classic. Can we do this every week we want to read out some contributors to our... We have a Patreon account, if this is your first time listening.

We have a Patreon account where people who listen to the show, if they don't have a texter, if they don't have the money for a texter, they give us the money instead. Instead of writing on toilet walls, they contribute money to us every month. So we want to read out... $5 and above a month we read out their names. $2 and... Actually, it's $2 and above.

$2 and above, yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's this... Let's do a couple. Let's do a few. Can you just do it out of the goodness of your heart so you guys keep going but you don't have to have your name read out? That would be in an ideal world, yes,

but that's the economy we live in now. That's not the podcast. I won't do things without some kind of reward. That's it. People don't want to be just nice for nothing, which is fine. Hey, Martin do things without some kind of reward. That's it. People don't want to be just nice for nothing, which is fine. Hey, Martin Harvey, thank you. Thank you.

These people are on the $5 list. There you go, Martin. You've made it, mate. Well done. Five bucks a month. You're famous. Yeah, that's it. Legend. You've got two first names.

You've made it, mate. I'm glad that you're not like the rabbit Harvey, imaginary, because then we wouldn't be getting any money from you. Yes. That's the kind of thing we do. We riff on their silly names. Bang. If you've got any, just dive in.

Harvey? What was his name again? I've got a new one. I've got a new one here. Okay, let's go. You can riff on this one. This is good. Emily Lind.

Lind? Yeah. Oh. All right. Glad he's good. Glad we got you. Very good. Linda Hand.

No joke needed there. Excellent. Good on you Emily and Lynn Sam Sam Scriber Scriber Sam Scriber Scriber Yeah

Sam Subscriber to our podcast More like Wow Boom Thank you Real good I'm so glad I picked you five years ago For this podcast

Yeah I was right about the tape I wasn't I Alright let's do a few more A couple more Amanda Windsor I'm not sure if she is related to the famous family If she's a royal that's subscribing to our podcast If she is I'd hope she'd put in a little more than $5

Maybe just the Melbourne suburb Well I haven't heard of Queen Amanda Or Princess Amanda There's only one queen So you wouldn't have heard of Queen Amanda If she's somewhere connected Princess She should be getting that Skyrider for us If she's got that connection

Yeah She can afford it Yeah Skyrider Or at least You know Some sort of jewel Take the royal blimp out

And put our name on the side of it Yeah Take that thing that exists out Do they have a A royal blimp Do they really Oh I like that idea though Oh right

I thought that was Princess Anne King Goodyear I believe he has control. Yeah. Nick Marshall. Thanks, Nick. Thanks for giving us $5 this month. Better shit name to riff on.

Yeah. Yeah, well. It's the Marshall batteries. I think from now on we're going to have to ask, if you're going to chip in for this $2 and more, you've got to name. You've got to give us a silly name. A pseudonym.

The least you could do. Yeah, yeah. Make it up. It's like worse than the home viewers. Do one more a silly name. A pseudonym even. The least you could do. Yeah, yeah. Make it up. It's like worse than the home viewers. Do one more, one more. One more, one more. All right, all right. One more, we'll give it to Paul Mullen.

Paul Mullen, I don't want to give too much away, uses Outlook as his email provider. He's a real outlaw. Yeah. Mullen. Punk. We're all mulling that name over, aren't we? Trying to work out what to say about it.

That's good. Yeah, no, I actually enjoyed that, Tommy. I enjoyed that. Thanks, Hannah. I appreciate that. This level of riffing, I think I might chip in five bucks. I want to see what you guys can come up with. Hello.

Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks to all of you guys. If your name hasn't been read out yet, this is becoming a real romper room of podcasts. Thanks. Are you going to start telling when people should go to bed? Don't worry.

They've gone to bed already well before this point. Let's say this. If you're listening to this now, whatever time of day or night you listen to this, please go to bed right now. Please have a sleep immediately after listening to this. Go night-night. Go night-night.

Immediately after you've written the name of the podcast. All asleep on the dunny. Go 9-9. Go 9-9. Immediately after you've written the name of the podcast. Yes. All asleep on the dunny. Yes. In the public toilets. Everyone go Dr. Ramsey. Look your mate in the eye and then fall asleep. Go Dr. Dr. Ramsey right now.

Yep. Awesome. Alright, well that brings us to the end of the little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Hannah Gadsby, David Quirk, thank you so much for joining us. Take your little mates.

You guys are about to take off on your festivals, your various comedy festivals. Is that something? I mean, I am thinking about taking off on them. Yes. Just not going. Right.

It's that time of the creative process where I'm like, oh, I've got nothing. It is that horrible time of year where you're stuck between going, please come to my show and I don't have one yet though, but please come. Yeah, I'm already, I'm giving interviews

and like, so what's about? I just, I mean, no. Yeah so what's about I just I mean no yeah anyway but like I said before the show you do have a poster with you as an astronaut which I'm a massive fan of

thank you with a dog yes with a dog by my cubby house yes yeah so what's not to love yeah great poster

that's all you need the content doesn't matter yeah poster gets a man everything else I do love the the whole idea of comedy festival posters

where it's like you go to all that effort, it's like you're in an astronaut suit, you've got a dog, you're in a cubby house.

Just so you know, the show will be one person on stage with a microphone and a tiny little statue. Originally I

wanted to take my dog on tour, that's why I called it Dogmatic because it's like it's got dog in the title, I can work something out.

I just wanted to take my dog on tour. What kind of dog are we talking? Dickhead I think. I think that's what I'll call tour. Right. What kind of dog are we talking? Dickhead, I think. Dickhead.

I think that's what I'll call him. He's a Lagotha Romano. Ah. Italian truffle hunter. Would you put him in the show? Like on stage? Well, I wanted to and then I thought maybe he won't like it because I don't even really like it.

That's the test, isn't it? How about this? Look, you know, if your show's not finished yet, let me pitch a small idea. Bring your dog on tour. Hide three truffles under various seats throughout the... And he'll find them. Yeah. Yeah.

There's five minutes. Have him 20. He's not real good. He's not that good at it. But he has found truffles. No, I just decided... I've got videos of him reading his diary out. Oh, right, yeah.

Well, he's not reading his diary. I wrote the diaries. Someone else voices it. I don't want to sound smart, but I assumed that. Oh, sorry. It's just your face. Yeah. I just thought that's a face weirdos like. Maybe he doesn't understand. That you do. You tricked me. So what are you coming up? You got Adelaide? No?

Yes. Oh, we're finished. This is a no. Just say it. Oh, okay. Sorry. Adelaide, Lismore Yes. Oh, we're finished. This is an ad. Just say it. Oh, okay. Sorry, Adelaide. Lismore for summer. Canberra. Brisbane. Hobart.

Melbourne. Yep. And this is all your brand new show, Dogmatic. Yep. Brand new. Like so new. So new it's not here. Yeah.

Yeah, well that's new. You can't get any newer than something that doesn't exist. It's got that new show smell. What about you, DQ? What kind of hell are you trotting out in your hour? I wish I was doing it in Tassie. I am going to Perth. I think it goes Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney. Great.

I am doing Sydney too. Those are the facts. Sorry, Sydney. Don't leave Sydney. Approaching Perfection, it's called.'t leave Sydney Approaching Perfection it's called yeah for right and wrong it's called that

go and check out the comedy of David Quirk yeah ignore what's happened here today no but what I like what I really like

was we did a gig together I don't know if we've talked about this on the podcast but we did a gig together at the comedy store this really is a tape I was right

yeah it's all fresh content it's all good weird order but sure you did a gig together at the Comedy Store. This really is a tape, I was right. Yeah, it's all fresh content. It's all good. Oh, I know what I'm saying. Weird order, but sure. You did a gig and you tickled us muchly by finishing your set. You did your set and then you just said,

that's been the comedy of David Quirk. And then just walked off the stage. That's right. Which made me laugh a lot. And we talked about it. And then... It's become a thing, hasn't it? Then Tommy Dasolo from the little dunlop club with tommy dasolo and carl chandler as from that guy that guy over there he then did

a gig not that long ago in sydney but what and he wanted he did the same you've butchered this story by the way this is all the one night you weren't there now they're fighting mom and dad are fighting you walked off stage you did you walked off stage and immediately to the green room you said that was the comedy of David Quirk. Which I thought was very funny. You then dared me to end my set on the same night by saying this has been the comedy of Tommy Dasolo. Did you? Which I did.

And it's a thing where when you say that you're going to say it, you think that it'll just be very quick. But on stage it feels like it's taking an hour to do. Everything went into slow motion. I'm going to start saying that was the comedy of David Quirk. I was going to suggest that. Especially at my trial shows. It feels great as a dismount so I do it.

It was really weird to know. So I do it and then I walk off stage. You're not in the green room. I find you in the bar. I did it. And you're like, did what?

I'm like, the thing that you dared me to do. You're like, what thing? I said this has been the comedy of Tommy Das and you're like, oh, I didn't, this has been the comedy of Tommy Dassey. And you're like, oh, I didn't see.

So Dave Quirk off in his own little world. Dares. Yeah. Well, see, you know why I'm confused? Because you've obviously done that more than once. Because I was with you at a gig at the Comedy Store. And what I found funny was you were on stage. And I assume you had a gig to what, in hindsight,

it was a gig that you probably weren't that happy with. Because you were on. And then I heard you finish by going, that was the comedy of Tommy Daslow. And then there's applause, you walk off. And as I'm just laughing at the concept of you just saying, that was the comedy of Tommy Daslow, you walk up and go, bunch of fucking cunts out there. That was a shit show.

And I'm like, what a weird contrast between you going, the comedy of Tommy Daslow, you fucking assholes. Yeah, well thanks for outing the way that I talk about my audience after I've left them. There's some slight exaggeration going on there, but yeah. I don't think there's any exaggeration at all. I don't know that I ever refer to my audience as a comedy.

Mum and dad are fighting. Please buy tickets. This has been the podcast of... They weren't buying tickets to you. Yeah, that's true. Now we're tapering. Now this is tapering. We've done long enough, we can edit out that bit. I feel good about the taper.

We've got our live stuff coming up. Ballarat, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, all of that is on our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. We've got our T-shirts and now hoodies for sale. Now, I always think this is way too quick, but let's actually start at the start of the show. No one's listening to this. You should get Sharpies made, you know, so people can write little dumb dumb Sharpies. Little Vandal.

Vandal. Vandal. Vandal texters. Toilet paper moment. Yeah, so get along to all the shows. If you haven't been to all, I've been hit up a few times by a few people that have said this year, hey, you know, we always think the live shows sound great, so I'm going to get off my ass this year

and go along to a live show. So do some of that stuff. If you've never been along, if you're close to a show, come and hang out. Yeah, awesome. All right, guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate. Mate. Doctor. Little mate. Ramsey.