The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 277 - Live! Nick Cody, Danny McGinlay, Greg Larsen & Xavier Michelides

Episode Date: January 27, 2016

Maryborough Holden, The Mayor of Ballarat and Bob Laylaw. Recorded LIVE at The Main Bar in Ballarat on January 23, 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ballarat, done. Where are we off to next, Carl? Oh yeah, are we going to start like that, are we? Ballarat is this episode that's coming up. We're about to play this hijinks that we had in central Victoria. It was a very good show. Look, you know what? I'm going to do an ad for this episode that we're in right now. Oh, stick around.

Yeah, stick around. There's more than just this bit. Don, if you're listening right now, don't throw your smartphone into a river. Keep listening, because what you're about to hear after we do this 18-minute ad is going to be really good. This isn't the peak. If you're just a fan of the ads, you know what? Give the actual episode a try this time. I want to give a shout-out to listener Andrew Levins who told me the other day that he enjoys the ads more than the actual show. That's lovely.

Has he ever bought anything off the ads though? No. I do not believe he has. But he's a friend of mine and that would be weird if he did So after this we now have Adelaide We're going to be back there February the 13th Which is a Saturday during the Fringe Festival Do you reckon we can fit anyone more in?

Are we sold out already? I would have thought so Eddie So that's coming up Then we've got Brisbane on March 20 Now Brisbane, that is how you buy some tickets. Different story. It is like the bizarro world Adelaide. We've sold out our 3 o'clock show.

What's the date again? March the 20th. March the 20th. So we've sold out 3 o'clock. We've just put 130 and 130 podcasts on, and we've a third full already. And look, we're going to look into the next week of maybe doing a Split Bill stand-up show after that, maybe at 4.30. Yeah, because Brisbane, you're selling, you're buying tickets really quickly

to the podcast. It'd be great to give you the option of not really buying tickets to something. People love it when we do stand-up. Hey, look, I heard from many people when we did Sydney last time that that was, you know, that was some of their favourite bits. We're both in good form at the moment.

We spend a lot of, you know what, we always complain about people not buying tickets to our stand-up shows on this podcast. You know why I think that might be? Because we're constantly just degrading each other and going, yeah, you're not funny, you're no good at stand-up. We're both very, very good. Let's just put that on record. Two of the best.

Two of the best. Two of the top five in this country. Who rounds out the top five? Oh country yeah who runs out the top five oh good question um i've cut gary chook uh we've then got the melbourne international comedy festival march 27th till april 17th season passes on sale for all four of those big live shows every sunday every sunday of the melbourne international comedy with big guests plus the drunk cast on the final night plus as an extra show which is its own separate ticket, the Carl Chandler 40th birthday spectacular on March the 30th.

So all of those tickets to all those shows, plus information for our solo comedy festival shows, which are running for the whole month of the comedy festival, are on sale now. littledumbdumbclub.com. Head over. You know what? Sell out all these shows,

and then we won't need to do these fucking ads at the start of the show, will we? I'll tell you what. Thank you tocom head over you know what sell out all these shows and then we won't need to do these fucking ads at the start of the show will we? I'll tell you what thank you to everyone because you know what every time we put a live show on except for Adelaide

everything you see the numbers go up and up and up you see the numbers go up and up like Brisbane's going crazy Melbourne we've got great sales already

which is awesome which just means it's going to be a better and better party meanwhile over in Adelaide they're doing the fucking moonwalk on the sales yeah

they are doing their usual Adelaide thing. You wouldn't be Adelaide if you weren't being some proper dickheads over there at the moment. I did see when we announced this Adelaide show, someone commented immediately on Facebook, gluttons for punishment, which I think sums us up pretty well. Yeah. Well, we've got to be cocky because the last Adelaide trip was excellent and plenty of people bought tickets in the end. They took their time, but they got there and we had a great time and then we immediately

just went, oh we fixed Adelaide. We single handedly fixed Adelaide. No we didn't. Yeah, five separate people after the gig were literally begging me to come back. Like saying, please come back and do it again. Where are you guys? Asleep at the switch. I'll tell you what, the ads aren't their favourite bit.

Okay, also we've got our Patreon. We just sent out the first of our bonus episodes for subscribers last weekend, I believe we did that. And so far, the response has been good. People enjoying that. Yep. And, you know, as part of the Patreon, if you go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, you'll find all the rewards if you want to sponsor us for $1, $2, $5, $10, $30, I think, and more. So part of that, if it's $5 or more, you get a big thank you on the podcast from us.

So let's roll through some of our favourite patrons at the moment. Okay, here we go. Big thank you. This is the $5 segment still. $5 a month. Thank you so much to Stephen Edmonds. Edmonds. Edo.

Yeah, Edo. The other Edo. Male Edo. Edo's husband, who changed his name to change his last name. Very progressive. Yeah. Very 2015 of him. Yeah.

2016 of him. Yeah, real progressive. They probably got married last year. Yeah. They're not going to sneak a wedding in. She's been overseas. Progressive, changing his name, you know, subscribing to a podcast. Yeah.

All very new ideas. Oh, so high tech. Yeah. So thank you to Stephen. Thank you to Adam Hayduck. Hayduck. Hayduck. Okay, so high tech. Yeah. So thank you to Stephen. Thank you to Adam. Hey, Duck. Hey, Duck. Hey, Duck. Okay, no comments from me.

Hey, Duck. G'day, Duckheads. Duck-o. Look at this guy. Remember one time we met a guy with the last name Duck, and then we looked him up on Facebook, and his profile picture was of an actual duck. Oh, yeah.

That destroyed me that he was still not sick of that as a thing. Yeah. Thank you to Michael McConnell as well, Macca, as I know him. That's a very – Right now. Michael McConnell. That's a real kind of old – not old school, but it's real like a classic name. Yeah.

What? He comes up a lot on social media. I noticed his name on there. Same as this guy. Thank you to Zar Tarua. Zar Tarua. Yeah. Is that a real name, Zar?

I think that's it. T-Z-A-R. Pretty offensive what you've just said. No, but isn't that a description for a Russian king or something? I'll tell you this much. I think there's people now just praying for an ad in the middle of this. Zar's like a Russian king. I didn't know you were allowed to name yourself that.

I'm going to call myself king from now on. Sure. All right. I think I've already heard you do that several times out in the real world. Thank you to Jono Savory. Jono Savory. Savory. There's a fine line between savoury and slavery.

Oh, Jesus. I was going to say savoury, very underrated flavour of shapes. I like the savoury flavour of shapes. No, but this is spelt S-A-V-E-R-Y, like the same as slavery. Okay. Yeah, stop saying that spelt S-A-V-E-R-Y, like the same as slavery. Okay. Yeah, stop saying that. He's a slavery to the podcast. Well, we're not his slaves because he's sort of paying us.

Yeah, okay. Good. There you go. Thank you to Adelaide Zone. We know this man who regularly hits us up and says, come to Adelaide and then doesn't come to the Adelaide podcast. Thank you to Gordon Anderson. Oh, Gordo.

Gordo Ando. Thanks for coming along to the show, to the Patreon show. Grandpa's middle name was Gordon. Oh, really? Yep. What was his last name? Really miss him. Robertson.

Oh, okay. Oh, that's right. Your last name's not Dathlo. I forgot for a second. And also, it's my mum's side of the family. So, yeah. Story checks out. Thank you to, oh, lovely surname, Paul McWhirter.

Oh, McWhirter. Yeah. McWhirter the squirter thanks again for your money just spraying us with five dollar notes oh no we've got to oh no he didn't pay oh no let's you fucking he did do we keep this in he paul mcwhirter declined i've got this list of people who paid it processed he declined He declined. He declined. He went, oh, here's five bucks. Nah. Well, now I want to squirt all over him. Good stuff.

Alright. Thank you to John Hoffner. He's a listener from the States, always chiming in on Facebook. Hoffner's a long-time listener. I recognise that name from the social medias. King Hoffo. Hoffo. Thank you to Claire Sawn. I believe that's your name. You've just given your name as Claire, but then your email address is claire.sawn at something else. Don't. The Sawn. I believe that's your name. You've just given your name as Claire, but then your email address is claire.sawn at something else.

Don't. The Sawner. Yeah. Is that an abbreviation? Just S-A-U-N? Is that a name? I don't know. Why are you asking me about the origins of someone else's name? Well, I'm just getting a second opinion. Well, I can email her now that you've read that out and find out for myself. Thank you to Carl Preston. Oh, like your name.

Yeah, Preston. Yeah. Preston Chandler. Yeah. Is he a K or a C? He's a C. So we're not related. Yuck. Yeah. Brother of Billy Preston, keyboardist for the Beatles.

Thanks for listening. And thank you to Dom Fell. Dom. Short for Domothy, obviously. Thanks for chucking in. Dom Fell onto his keyboard and typed in a sweet five buck amount Into the Patreon People should be paying us more for this stuff

Actually we had a complaint from last month Just one? We got a complaint from last week's episode When we did those shoutouts This is from Paul Mullen We're all Mullen that name over Shit use of my name in a pun. I want another one.

Happy Australia Day. Paul Mullen. What does he want from us? What sort of gold is he getting in his day-to-day life that that's not? Two professional comedians can't do better than that. Let's do another one then to Paul Mullen. Oh, Paul Mullen. You didn't like your little name thing there, guys.

It's Paul instead of Paul. Paul Mullen. You didn't like your little name thing there, guys. Paul instead of Paul. Paul Mullen. Paul crying over his fucking shadow on his favourite podcast. Yeah. All right. Well, I think we fixed that. Great. So that is Patreon.

If you want to be part of this amazing content that you've just heard, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Here comes our episode live from Ballarat. This was a fantastic day. Thank you to everyone who came out. Thanks to those who made the trek up from Melbourne, all the people in the area who came out. It's a really, really funny episode.

Don't be put off by Danny McGinley's bizarre introduction that kicks off the episode. This was something that we thought would be a nice little, something different at the start. It would make everyone happy. Oh, it was different, all right. See if you make it past the one-minute point of this episode. But also, listen to the episode, get excited.

It's a really fun episode. And then, man, we've got plenty to talk about stuff that happened on the way home as well. Yeah, some big sizzle for an upcoming episode. I don't know when we'll get around to it, but the train trip home was pretty gnarly. We should also mention Yalla Moose they copped a shout-out in the middle of this episode. So, hey, pull up a tub of your favourite chocolate mousse that comes from Yalla. Eat the tub. Eat the contents of the tub.

Turn it upside down. Sit on it. Hey, sit on it. Make it your little special podcast chair, an upturned tub of mousse, and listen away. And a quick shout-out to everyone who complained about the seven-minute ad last week. This one's gone for ten. So suck it large.

See you mates. Are we actually recording? Is this going on the podcast? Yes! G'day fuckheads at home. Carl and Tommy have asked me to warm you up as you drive in your car or listen on your little iPod or whatever. Oh fuck. So okay.

Alright. Because I was going to say things that were really slanderous about my employers. So, well, for those who don't know, I do the audience want for the project. So I'm just going to do this exact same thing, but working in for you guys. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the project. No, guys, you can... All right, all right.

I'll use the actual title. Welcome to Dum Dum Club. Excellent. That is your job tonight, my friends. React to things out loud. If you guys don't clap and cheer, the show is a little bit awkward. And if you don't laugh at the jokes,

the show's fucked. I mean, it's fucked anyway, but really. So, yeah, your job is to react to things, laugh out loud even if you only find it slightly funny and let's face it it's Dumb Dumb Club

especially if you find it slightly funny has anyone been to a live show before? has anyone never listened to the show ever like not even the podcast? one guy well done my friends so what are you expecting from tonight? Fucked

if I know. So tonight, what do I say for project? We talk about how you should laugh at the jokes. Don't get freaked out by the, okay, yeah. I say don't get freaked out by the sad stories. You know, laugh at the jokes, everything. Laugh at the jokes. The equivalent would be, laugh at the jokes, even if you find them slightly funny, and we will be doing stuff that's probably shit. Don't get freaked out. There's probably a rad dad coming.

Has security done the mobile phone speech? This is fucking gold warm-up, by the way. This is brilliant. You guys are already warm. Ladies and gentlemen, it's my absolute shame to bring on stage Tommy Allsop and Carlos Tendulia. My lover, you're my friend.

Hey sister. Hey mate. Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club, live from Ballarat. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me, the prodigal son returns. You know him from spending most of his twenties in this very town. Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads.

Yes. Wow, wasn't that the definition of a good idea at the time? I feel like we should have done warm-up for the warm-up. Did that make sense to anyone? Because he does that for the project. And imagine doing warm-up for a podcast. You can imagine. The idea was, do the warm-up you usually do,

but change it for our show. And he took that as, do your warm-up and don't change it at all. Yeah. Just talk about how they're going to bring up a news story about dead babies. Just do that. Cool. Just roll that out.

I do have to say, I did enjoy just watching part of our podcast happen without us in it. That was joyous. As fucked as it say, I did enjoy just watching part of our podcast happen without us in it. That was joyous. As fucked as it was, I kind of wish it was going to go for the whole hour because that was the best part of the day so far. I was like, we got told we've got to get more seats in. We walk out, fucking the front rows are full. Why didn't someone just sit at the front row?

The whole night. And that is directly right in front of me. So all I'm doing is looking at 20 bucks I could have had in the Skyrocket right here. Is anyone on there lonesome up the back? You want to come up the front? Get more of the old Dum Dum Club experience? No, a guy was just going to move from a row further back. That's fine.

No, but now we can see that one as well. Yeah, yeah. All right? No, that's fine. No, now that you moved, I can see another one that's empty. You fucking arsehole. We're on the street. We could just yell at people out on the street

and try and get someone to come up here and fill that seat. That'd be pretty cool. Just get someone off the street. Or not. Cool. What did McGinley tell you guys? That was a dead baby if ever I've seen one. Fucking give it some juice.

You were on the street. You saw the people walking past this place in Ballarat before. We do not want those sort of people up here. That's true. What, you mean you 20 years ago? Yeah, yeah, exactly. What are you drinking your fucking beverage out of, by the way? I found a mug backstage that says Big Daddy.

It's not some kind of Adam Sandler film tie-in. It's just the phrase in and of itself. No, no, no. Let me make that clear. That is a tie-in. Is it really? Yeah, they've decided to, a movie no, no. Let me make that clear. That is Italian. Oh, is it really? Yeah, they've decided to, a movie that's 18 years old has decided to sponsor us for this episode.

Oh, great. Fantastic. It's not a bad film. Yeah. Well, lovely. Thanks for buying into it. Yeah, just keeping it on brand. They've spent the money.

Yeah. Hey, you know, you've seen the poster where Adam Sandler pisses on a wall. Now you've seen the mug. Now you see the fluid that created the piss. Awesome. Pissing on a wall seems like a very Ballarat thing to do. Who's done it? The guy who runs this joint was telling us before

he was sitting up here last night and he saw someone across the road shitting in the fucking doorway of a restaurant. Yeah. One of our fans 24 hours early, I think. Usually when you walk into a restaurant or a pub, they tell you good things about their restaurant or pub, but the first thing he said was, where I was sitting last night from this restaurant,

I could see a shit. And then what was the end of the story? He went over and confronted the guy and said, dude, you've got to clean that up, and the guy reached into a bin and found two Maccaers chip containers and like fashioned gloves out of them and used them to scoot i mean this is the most on-brand listener we've ever had what scooping shit up with a mcdonald's container how very dumb dumb club how very big dad So how many people...

Round of applause if you're actually from Ballarat or surrounds. And round of applause if you've just come up from Melbourne to see this. Ah. All right, we should just... You're welcome, Ballarat Tourism. We have pumped a dozen dollars into you. We should have just done this in our fucking living room. Yeah, there's a lot of people coming up.

Did anyone catch the train like we did? Oh, yeah, yeah. The free trains. Free trains to Ballarat. Most importantly, free trains out of Ballarat. So you guys have no excuse anymore. I don't know if we're going to be allowed on the train back because all seven of us came up in one trip and we

I think we broke the land speed record for most sea bombs set on one train trip. We were like those people that you see on the train that you're like these fucking assholes. That was us. I did get into a very minor altercation with an old lady. Did I win?

Yeah, I fucking murdered that cunt. Oh, fucking hell. What was the altercation? Big Daddy, go to... What is it, Theatre Royale? No, it's not called that. It's called... What's the Ballarat Cinema called?

Region. The Region. Fuck. And you call yourself a local. Get out of here, you pretender. I know. What was your altercation with the old woman? Oh, well, I was saving seats for you,

and so I just put my bag on the seats next to us. And there was, like, no one sitting on any of the chairs. And she came out and wanted to sit directly next to us. And I said, oh, that's saved. And she goes, that's your bag. And I went, yeah, well, in a way it is. Got her. I told you I murdered her.

Platform Tim. Real good. We got on the train and some of you probably saw Carl put a photo up on the Facebook page of all of us on the train having a lovely time. And, you know, nice to see a bunch of comments on the Facebook post of the photo of us all going, is it nice?

Well, I mean, maybe 5% of them are nice. 5% of them are like, I'm coming to the gig too. Can't wait. The rest, you know, cultivating with one guy going, Tommy's sitting next to all his friends. Guess the others don't want to catch fat slash bald slash poor slash cancer. don't want to catch fat slash bald slash poor slash cancer. I like how you guys didn't laugh at fat, poor, but cancer.

It's like, yeah. Finally, some relatable gear. But it's that classic thing on Facebook where you go, wow, this seems like a pretty rotten egg. Let's go have a look at him. Oh, what's that? His profile picture is him with his newborn child. Yeah, what a great... Just bringing someone into the world.

Really good stuff. Now, we've got a couple of people that we want to share it out to. Someone is celebrating, believe it or not, his 18th birthday by coming to this. Oh, it's this guy. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I've never heard a sarcastic clap before.

Celebrating his 18th at a podcast, he will never get the suck. Wow. I just wish I'd done something better for my 18th birthday so I could hang shit on you, but no, I didn't either. What's your name, man? Terrence. I would have gone with Terry, but that's cool. Sorry? That's your name? In a way

you're right. Fuck, I feel like I'm taking on that old lady again. Just covering both ends of the spectrum. An old woman and an 18-year-old boy. From 18 to 80, I can lose to anyone. So who bought this ticket for you for your 18th birthday? Your girlfriend.

Fucking good one. No, no, no. Good on you. Because we met you guys at McDonald's before. Yeah, yeah. So you were... No, serious, serious. People think that's a gay...

That's a real-life thing that happened to us about an hour ago. Yeah, yeah that's not a thing to laugh at you people from ballarat know that that's one of the three things you can do in ballarat so it's a huge mcdonald's as well i was blown away it's a fucking massive mcdonald's oh but this is true so i was googling like i know ballarat but i was googling ballarat stuff this week to go like there was an article maybe it was like this week or last week that was like 10 ways that you know you're really from Ballarat. Like great things about Ballarat. And like number three was chips and gravy. And it's like

just so you guys know that's not unique to you. What is unique is that you put it in your top three. 10 ways you know you're from Ballarat. You got VD from Chandler in the 90s. All right. Fuck. Man, I wish.

That would rely on me getting it from someone and then giving it to someone. Two extra routes, I'm in. Sign me up. Man, that would be two success stories I had from 21 Arms. That'd be awesome. Oh, here we go. He's pulling out the local references. Took you a while.

I know, yeah. I can do it all. 21 Arms nightclub. The chapel. It should be in that what you're known for in Ballarat, turning a church into a pub. Fucking hell. What else?

Publicity? All right, I'm just making up names now. No one. Does anyone here from Ballarat? You've heard of the Lonely Planet? Here's the Lonelier Planet. All right. All right, well, I'm not going to bring up anything else

that proves that I'm older than everyone here. Yeah, very sorry, Big Daddy. You continue to fit in with the kids. All right. And so the other person was someone who texted me the other day saying that they were coming, like, what was it, yesterday? Coming from the UK and they were texting me from Dubai saying can't wait for the podcast.

In the front row as well. What? Is that true? Why? You seem so nonchalant about it. What, you've never flown 24 hours to watch a podcast? We had a hard act convincing the guest to be on the train for an hour to come here.

So you came from London. You were in London on like Thursday, Friday or something? Yeah, I got in yesterday. Got in yesterday. And you were in Dubai, you were texting me in Dubai. Yeah. Plenty of stuff happened in the airport there that day, obviously. I feel like this is normally a pretty bizarre occurrence anyway.

How fucked up does this look through the prism of jet lag at the moment? And the lighting is real blue and weird in here as well. Is this just full David Lynch at the moment? And you've like flown from London and then Dubai and gone, I better get in there quick and you've got the front row and it's like, yeah, no one else was as keen as you, dude. A lot of these dudes from Ballarat just sauntered in at the end and tried to get in for free, so, yeah.

Should we talk about, I mean, we're here to record a podcast but I guess the main reason that we're here kind of inarat, is to do the unofficial Ronnie Chain Garage sale. Should we? Oh, yeah. Should we get into a bit of that? Because we do have some stuff to give out. Well, for the man that's travelled here the furthest, or is there anyone that's come here from further than London or Dubai tonight?

Is anyone here from Wendery? Still got it. Got Wendery. Yeah, so let's get something out of there. Are you into sports? You look like the opposite of someone who's into sports. You've got long hair. You've got a bandana on. You look like, to be honest, you look like Axl Rose's 12th child.

Are you into sports at all? No, you're not. No, you're not. All right, we'll save the sports stuff. We don't even know what's in this bag Yeah Why don't you just give us A carload of

Oh fuck Well you use this on the way back This is for the listeners What do you call that officially? A neck pillow A neck pillow Alright alright Officially

Yeah officially Anyone know any good bootleg names for it? I've been calling it that unofficially over the years I just wanted to clear it So is it Would this come in handy? Yeah Are you flying back straight after the gig obviously? For a little while I've been calling it that unofficially over the years. I just wanted to clear it. So would this come in handy? Yeah. Are you flying back straight after the gig, obviously?

For a little while. What, two days? Ten days. Ten days. Oh, right. Okay. So this is part of your ten-day experience back in Melbourne? It is.

Oh, there's a map on the neck pillow as well so you know how to get home. I dare you to keep that on for the rest of the time you're in this country. It's not even the... I thought it was the world. It's... It's Ronnie Chang's brain. You're right. You're right, because it is like a map, but then there's just a heap of shit made up on it.

Is there... Is there any such place as Africa? Is there any such place as Africa? Should we give some more out? What else have we got in here? What have we got for the great man's 18th birthday? Oh, yeah. Are you into poker?

Hang on. All right, well. Hang on. The inclination of what you said, you went, yeah. Let's see. We've got casino-style Texas Hold'em poker set. Well, finally he's legally allowed to gamble, so, you know, that's a thing. Yeah, it's got to be Texas Hold'em. At the very least, it's the heaviest thing we have.

Yeah, it'll just make the train trip back a little easier. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Terrence. Happy birthday to you. Hip hip.

Hip hip. Hip hip. Hip hip. Quite everyone else remembered that one. And Terrence, I'm not saying you look like a dumb cunt, but here's Texas Hold'em for dummies. Oh, really? Yeah.

How shit is Ronnie at cards? All right, should we invite our first guest on? I think we should get our first guest up here. Folks, you know this guy from Kinney. You know him from Please Like Me. He's one of our dearest friends. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club nick cody what happened then i just saw you walk out and you um i just saw you set your watch as you walked

out are you timing your appearance i checked the time for no reason at all you're not doing a five minute spot tonight mate you're just on here for the rest of the show. Is that cool? Yeah, it's beautiful. Alright, alright. No, I just had the last of my beer and I was like, oh, I've completely fucked this. I'll time until how long I get alcohol in my system again. Like somebody that doesn't have a problem.

What's the longest you've gone without alcohol in your system? Are you going for a new record? I forget to check the clock after I start drinking again. And you're right to be scared because there's no one in this room that's prone to just bringing his beers while we're on stage doing gigs. Not at all. Actually, you should set your watch to see how long it takes him

to come and get us a beer. Set your watch right now. There's a man that may be in charge of a DVD company that may be about to drink Ballarat dry. Long-time eagerly listeners will know Milan from our Adelaide drunk cast. And we talk about him a lot. He may have bought many of your beer. He came up with us.

He got the train up with us, which he was not... I think it was the first time he's ever been on a train. You can't buy beer on it. It's the same reason he doesn't catch cabs. He only flies everywhere. Yeah. So we're in flies everywhere. Yeah. So we're in Ballarat.

Yeah. And you've got roots of Ballarat as well, like me. Not, not, the anti-chamber. Yeah. Oh,

it's starting to make sense now. You like saying cunt as well? Me too. Where did you used to live? No, my dad's, my dad's side of the family is all from here. What suburb?

Fuck, I don't know, mate. I know I was in Sebastopol a few months ago for a funeral. So, you know, just while we're laughing. Finally, a feel-good story out of Sebastopol. Wait, so cancer gets a laugh, a hundred and something year old woman dying that gets okay yeah yeah she was 102 yeah my great grandma we went down really yeah got to 102 she leaves the telegram to none of us have read it none of us have read it did she get one yeah she got one for 100th birthday my grandpa at the birthday this is how much of a fuckhead he was. He actually read that first.

He's like, we've got all these letters because my mum turns 100 today. We're like, yeah. My great-nana Minna's like, yeah, Minna, you've turned 100. That's awesome. He goes, I'll open up with the letter from the Queen. And then it worked backwards until it was like, we've got a letter from the ALP member of Bendigo. And it's like, fuck, mate.

End on the queen. There's nobody in show business here. Chandler's hearing all this, he's just regretting she passed before he got a chance to have a fight with her on the V line. Or Ruta in my 20s in Bellarack. They are similar ages. I'm sure they would have fought at some point.

The Ruta! in Ballarat. They are similar ages. I'm sure they would have fought at some point. The little! See, she would have loved my 21 Arms reference. Oh, apparently we've got some business. We were just talking about you. Two minutes and 17 seconds. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, the birthday boy.

Nice work. Milan just shouted the birthday boy his first ever beer. If I know Ballarat, today's your first beer, yeah? No, he's got a sleeveless T-shirt on. Definitely first time he's drinking. What does that mean? He drank his sleeves? Yeah.

They get desperate. It's like prison wine or whatever. Just mush up some T-shirt sleeves in the tub. Prison wine. What do people in prison treat as wine? I haven't been, mate. I'm not Chris Winehouse. Ask Winehouse.

We are drinking in Ballarat, though, so there's a good chance we'll all get to go to prison later. You'll go to prison. You'll go to prison. It's like sad Oprah. What are you doing? Big Daddy can't pour. I'm trying to give good coverage to my Big Daddy mug

and I have poured a lot of beer on my pants. All of it's on your crotch, like exclusively. Again, it brings me back to my 20s in Ballarat. I love that, sir, your effort to come here all the way from London, from the podcast, it's like, you know what? It comes out every Wednesday. If I can get to Wednesday before London gets to Wednesday... Well, my question is how shit's the Wi-Fi in London? if I can get to Wednesday before London gets to Wednesday.

Well, my question is how shit's the Wi-Fi in London? It's like, fuck this, it's easy to just go watch it live. Bullshit. I'll say this. Please, I beg of you. All right. Well, since you've requested it, after I said I was going to say it anyway.

Oh, we've had a few walkouts and one of them was a guest. So that's... That is a big problem. My aunt's definitely not going to the bar, that's for sure. Let's start this again. I, speaking of being in central Victoria, my dad gave me a call the other day. And my dad lives in Maryborough. And he gave me a call because, a little bit of backstory,

I told him a couple of months ago that the owner of the Holden dealership in Maribor. Quang. Yes. I know a few people. He gave me a call to go. He rings me up and says, Yeah, yeah, look, he was a guy that... There's so much to process already.

No, there's not. It'd be more to process if it was my dad knows the Audi owner. When you're holding in Maryborough, it's a fucking course. Which one? Yeah, yeah. So he gave me a call because he was at the same school as me. He's a couple of years different from me. And he rings me up and goes...

Your dad's friend? Different. No, no, this is... You, Carl, you got the call. Fuck, the David Quirk School of Storytelling. You got a call from this Holden guy? Yes. And you called your dad to tell him that you'd gotten a call from him?

No, no, no. Listen. Okay, I'm trying. Yeah. Sorry, I've started the story And then I've gone back To give you a bit of backstory Alright Tarantino Just fucking

I believe a young Tommy Dasolo Once got shit for structuring A story in this way But by all means Start with the end my friend Well I'll change it up from you By having a punchline That sounds like something from

the Big Daddy. You're on my fucking turf now. Well, I don't know why I came here tonight. So, the guy... Down to the left of me, down to the right. Yeah. Stuck in the middle

with Tim Mr. Fucked and Mrs. Pink got em yeah by the end of this podcast everyone will have

a gun trained on each other as well but on themselves so anyway oh that suicide joke didn't go as well so

I love that you make a suicide joke you go sorry guys I worded that wrong you didn't get as well. I love that you make a suicide joke. You go, sorry, guys, I worded that wrong. You didn't get it. Let's go back. So the dog from the bugger ads called you up?

Yes. No, so the head of Maribor Holden has rung me up and gone, oh, Carl, you know, I haven't caught up with you in a while. It's like, well, we never spoke ever. But anyway, cool. And he's like, oh, I want to put on a function for my mechanics and whatever for the end of year sort of Christmas party. Do you, you know, I'd love to get a comedian in.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, great. You know, that would be ideal. He's like, yeah, yeah, cool. Do you know the Nelson twins? And I'm like, you know what, that's fine, that's cool, you know, that'd be a good fit for that party. So I'm like, yeah, yeah, no worries, you know. You know, I immediately sort of go, okay, I get what's happened here,

but anyway, here's their number, no worries. Anyway, then I tell my dad, I ring my dad and say, you know, within conversation I go, oh, this is what happened, and he said, have you wanted a comedy? And I said, yeah, and he said, yeah say, you know, within conversation I go, oh, this is what happened. And he said, have you gone to comedy? And I said, yeah. And he said, yeah, do you know the number of the Nelson twins? And he's like, right, okay, that's what he said to you. Fuck some people. I don't know.

You know, how do some people think about things? I was like, yeah, it's sort of a funny story. He's like, yeah, that's a fuck story. Like, all right, so I didn't really think anything about it. Anyway, he rings me like a couple of weeks ago and goes, yeah, you know what happened the other day? Went into Holden. And I didn't remember, you know, the story was actually a little while back. So he goes, yeah, went into Holden. Oh, yeah, yeah, cool, right? And he goes, yeah, yeah, because I'm looking for a new car. And he goes, oh, yeah,

cool. He goes, yeah, went into Holden. I said that to him. I went up to the salesman. I said, yeah, I'm looking for a new car. I'm thinking about buying a brand new car. And the guy goes, great, because we've got a heap here to choose between he goes yeah well you know what one of your blokes rang my son up the other day

and asked for a comedian and then said he wanted someone else so you know what you guys can all go fuck yourself I'll be buying a car absolutely anywhere else

see ya Mr Chandler so what's horrible is the apple's fallen very far from the tree anywhere else. See ya. Mr Chandler. So what's horrible is that the apple's fallen very far from the tree. I think I may be adopted. I thought someone else would say something. No, no, no. I do love that they've gone. There's a lot to take in.

Yeah. Every one of your stories's a lot to take in. Yeah. Every one of your stories is a lot to take in. You say to them like, yeah, you know how this happens when your dad stands up for you when you're 40. No. How do you feel about that? Are you embarrassed or are you like? Oh, yeah, of course.

I was horrified. Yeah, so now like everyone in the Holden dealership is like, How do you feel about that? Are you embarrassed or are you like... Oh, yeah, of course. I was horrified. I'm like, yeah, so now like everyone in the Holden dealership is like, yeah, yeah, tough. Remember tough guy Chandler? Did you see him on the TV the other night? No, no, no one's thinking that. Because also here's the other thing.

What you said, you danced around this. You said he's a couple of years different from me at school. He's younger, right? So the older boy from him at school is getting his dad. That's even worse. And he's younger than you. Some bloke in the class of 1982 has found out. But what I like is, I like, because your dad's in a, you know,

your dad could have tried to sort of get a bit of contra going. Like, look, I heard about this phone call. Get him in. He's a good boy. He's good at comedy. Get him on this gig. Instead of trying to get you in, your dad just goes, go fuck yourselves, you rotten, holding cunts and just walks out. Also,

I didn't ask him, but I strongly believe he's not looking for a car. He just went in there to say that. So I'm like, and then I had an argument with him and then I had to tell mum what to tell him because he wouldn't listen to what I was saying. Because that's who you get to fight your battles for, your parents.

Dad stood up for me, let me talk to mum. So what I'm saying is if anyone's here from Ballarat Ford, I am available

for a gig. Is your mum calling up Channel 10 and going, you give my boy more days on the project, you cunt.

Alright, I'm never watching again. Well, they're obviously in need of a warm-up man, so. Oh, shit. Well, look, before we get beep alright I'm never watching again well they're obviously in need of a warm up man so oh oh

shit well look before we get him out here we have a guest we have a special drop in guest oh yeah

we are in we are in Ballarat so we have had some requests you've said that so many times we're in Ballarat just so you know

just so everyone listen more people listen to this show than just the people in this room yeah but when they when they right click download Ballarat, just so you know. Just so everyone... Listen, more people listen to this show than just the people in this room. Yeah, but when they right-click download Ballarat episode, it's fucking... Where's it from?

No one has right-click buttons on their mouse anymore, you fucking caveman. People are streaming this. Yeah, this out of touch, cunt. I'm calling my dad. I'm such a cunt. I'm calling my dad. Well, to be fair, your dad's not buying... You know, you wouldn't be buying a car

because you don't have a driver's licence. Oh, okay. That is tough talk in Ballarat. The bike ride in Foxton. Go down to Tim's driving school, you fucking idiot. We have had a lot of... Since the word got out that we are doing a podcast in Ballarat, we have had a lot of media attention, a lot of people that wanted to come in on the show, locals from Ballarat, to do a bit of talking about their businesses,

about their industries, about promoting bits and pieces in Ballarat. It's a good day for tourism in Ballarat. As we've seen, we've had people flying halfway across the world to be here. We've got people celebrating their milestone birthdays here. I was going to say he's bringing money into Ballarat, but he just got bought a beer by Milan. So he hasn't actually spent any of his pounds. Got the train here for free.

The council are going to try and figure out what happened on this day. We've just got to let them know Milan was here. And it's like, oh, wow. Suddenly we're the GDP of a small nation. 300 bucks at McDonald's and then a local bar had to close down so they could restock all their alcohol. Was there a fire? No, worse than that.

Yeah. Milan was here. All of a sudden we've now got more pubs than we had in the Gold Rush era. This is weird. All of a sudden we've now got more pubs than we had in the Gold Rush era. This is weird. There's people coming from overseas trying to mine Milan for beers. Is this over in Hilliard Panning for gold?

No, I'm trying to find a fucking beer. They're out at that shit bar down the road. That's why I'm drinking out of this gold pan. But yeah, we do have a very, very special guest here who we're very honoured to have come on the podcast. A lot of the locals would probably know him already. Ladies and gentlemen, please, can we get a big round of applause in here and please welcome onto the stage the Mayor of Ballarat! Hey Tommy, hey Kyle.

Hi everybody. I'm Cal. Hi, everybody. I'm the mayor of Ballarat. What? The mayor? Sorry, I haven't got full notes. What's your... Sorry, mayor, what's your full name? It's Sturt Sebastopol.

Sturt Sebastopol. Sturt Sebastopol. Sturt, after my favourite plant, the Sturt Desert Pea. And you can look that one up on the internet. And Sebastopol. Yeah, what's that after? I'm of the Ballarat Sebastopol. I've been here my whole life for generations.

Oh, sorry. The Sebastopols have always been here in Ballarat. There's a suburb called Sebastopoles have always been here in Ballarat. There's a suburb called Sebastopoles. There's a suburb called Sebastopoles is the whole point of what I'm saying to you. It's cool that you know that as the mayor. That's great. Of course I know that because I'm fucking named Sebastopoles. Excuse me, Mayor.

Did Milan take you drinking before this event? He has, as a matter of fact. But that's got nothing to do with nothing. I'm just trying... I'm just thankful. I'm just so glad we've got your little pod stream up here. It's a podcast, but yeah. In Ballarat.

Sorry, I'm just a bit in awe of how you've worn your Meryl robes here today. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, this is what a super cool dad looks like. Yeah, that's a T-shirt you've got on that says that on it. I've never seen you. You seem like a pretty down-to-earth man,

a bit more hip than the common man. Oh, I'm very hip. Ballarat is a hip happening city. And let me tell you, as part of my mayoral policies, I'm trying to figure out ways to make it more hip. I'm thinking of changing Ballarat. Who wants a rat? A dirty rat? Nobody. I'm thinking of changing it to Balarat. Who wants a rat? A dirty rat?

Nobody. I'm thinking of changing it to Bala-cool-cat. One of my policies. In your opinion, Mr Mayor, what's your favourite thing about Balarat? What do you think the best thing to do in Balarat is? Well, my favourite thing about Balarat... Now, you might have heard in the news, Colorado has recently legalised marijuana,

and we've done a similar thing here in Ballarat. Oh, right. What have you done? We've legalised meth. Honestly, it was purely a formality because 98% of the population were already completely addicted. To be honest, we were at Bakery on McDonald's. It did freak me out when I asked for a quarter pound and they said, would you like meth with that?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, now it's improved the city dramatically. I mean, in some ways. Obviously, in other ways, it's a nightmare hellhole from which you can't escape. The fact that this room is full to see a podcast is proof of some kind of sanctioned drug usage in this city. Absolutely.

Look, I don't mean to pry, but there seems to be something slightly wrong with your neck. My neck, yes. You keep having to push your head from side to side. You're very hunched over. Sure, sure. Well, it is broken. I have broken my neck on the way here.

I say I have. We do have significant, since the meth, significant violence in Ballarat, and it has been broken. And I am surprised that I'm, it's just gone all floppy but I'm still able to walk. I didn't know that could happen but I am starting to get a bit of a tingling in my tootsies. You didn't think to pull out of this and go to a hospital instead?

No, no, because it was my sons that did it and I didn't want to get them in trouble. I love my boys as much as they hurt me physically every day of my life. That's the Ballarat spirit in a lot of ways. Oh, that's exactly right. I exemplify the Ballarat spirit and say to my boys who lead a gang of teens, hundreds of thousands strong, through the city of Ballarat,

creating crimes and violence every day. Hundreds of thousands of gangs. Yes. I mean, look, Ballarat is great, but also part of the reason I asked you guys to come to my fair city. And that's why we came. We got the mayoral invitation. Exactly.

I invited them. Part of the reason I did invite you is because if you could, I'd love you to take me away. Anywhere you like. Anywhere. And to be fair, he did say key to the city and it was just a kilo of men. That's a kilo.

Carl gets it. I'd just like to go to any place. Someone hasn't watched Scarface. Oh no. Just anywhere you can take me because I mean objectively Ballarat is the worst place in all of human civilisation and

I am remembering Nazi Germany when I say that. The great thing is no one in the audience can get offended by this because it's your own mayor saying it. I represent you. Hey the great thing is no one in the audience can get offended by this because it's your own mayor saying it. Exactly. I represent you. Hey, you voted him in.

All right. Well, you know what? You're more than welcome to come home with us. Do you want to go have a bit of a lie down? We've got to finish this. I'd love to go have a lie down.

Go to the Ballarat base. We'll pick up on the way home. All right. Thank you all. Thank you very much for having me on the podcast and thank you everybody. Stuart Sebastopol everyone.

Wow, what a wild city. You guys must have a lot of fun up here. Who was he up against in the elections? Mr Chandler and he. This can all get fucked. Alright, should we get our next guest out here? Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from that warm-up that you saw at the start of the show. Not to mention the circle. Please welcome Danny McGandler. You put your hand up for the circle. Oh, yeah. Fucking A. Where the 60-year-old bitch is at. Oh, yeah. Fucking A. Where the 60-year-old bitch is at?

Say, hey. Yeah, hang on. The ones that haven't died since the five years it was on air. I just hope we're going to do some awesome critique of the fashions at the Golden Globes. And then we're going to cut to Moira selling us a arbor. Well, what I like is it is your first... We haven't had you on the live show before.

Do you want... It's your first live show appearance. Yeah, thank you. Pressure's on. Yeah, I know. Pressure is massively on. Yeah. I should do a joke.

Well, we've got... You bought some of your copies of your DVD with you. There's one of them sitting on a grand piano behind you. Play us a tune from the DVD. I'll just throw this in the... Pianos don't have cricket noises. Come on. Do it.

Do it. I don't know how... Do a bit of music, Sammy J and Dumb Cunt. Come on. Do it. Do it. I don't know how... Do it, do it. Do a bit of music, Sammy J and Dumb Cunt. I don't know how pianos work. Those little pedals on the bottom, do they kick in the Yoda voice on the keys? This is like... This reminds me so much of Christmas

when Dad's got drunk with his brothers and we go, oh, you going to do some little comedy on your Nintendo 64 there? Just completely not knowing how fucking technology works. Christmas at your house sounds fun. It is. That's why I love 64. I'd love to see comedy on the Nintendo 64. How does that work?

A comedy game on the Nintendo 64. How would you... Who's the end boss? You. Carl Chandler. It's you. You've got to try? You. Carl Chandler. You. It's you, you've got to try and get a gig at Spleen

with, with your self-esteem intact. I've got to try and get a gig at Mirabar Holden. No, you've got to try and get a ring

on your girlfriend's hand and, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, that is a cheap shot. No,

it's the, no, it's the opposite. The Chandler game is she's the final boss and she's throwing rings at you and you have to dodge shot. No, it's the opposite. The Chandler game is she's the final boss and she's throwing rings at you and you have to dodge them. Oh, yeah. Like Space Invaders style. Fuck! I like that. Do you?

Yes. And is it like Galaga or Space Invaders? You can never win. No, I think with Chandler's, he just saw Lord of the Rings and his girlfriend's like, when are you going to propose? I fucking chucked it in that volcano. And she has to wait as long as the Lord of the Rings movies have been. And you look like Gollum.

Pressure's off all of a sudden. Man, I'm happy he's got one joke in. Round of applause for the most current joke reference that McGinley's ever made. Oh, here we go. Righto. The films of 2006. Mate, I'm in Ballarat.

I'm doing my Cryo Castle gear. Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, we forgot to do this. As is customary for any Dumb Dumb Club affiliated gig in the Ballarat region, hands up if you play a whore at Cryo Castle. That's, we forgot to do this. As is customary for any Dumb Dumb Club affiliated gig in the Ballarat region, hands up if you play a whore at Corral Castle. That's where we need to... Or I believe, as the great Lawrence Mooney asked,

not who does, where are they? Where are you? Oh, here we go. So she was there. She clearly needed to go to the tile and go, when should I walk out? I'm in the front row. When's a good time?

Horser Crow Castle. Fucking bum, bum, bum. No, no, keep walking, McGinley. Fuck off. The text line's looking pretty busy. I know, I know. I've gotten many texts already. Yeah, wait.

But most importantly, I've got a text from Numo who's running the tech here saying the recorder doesn't have long left. Oh. Oh. About 40 minutes. 40 minutes.

What do you mean? Oh, on the SD card. Well, that's okay. Only 40 minutes left. Well, we were supposed to finish in five minutes so that's fine. But then once you cut out

McGinley, how much... Guys, I'm so sorry You put the VHS on long play And it doubles the speed The guy said to us out the back What are you going to talk about McGinley and I We'll walk out

Hang shit on each other You know like every episode Of the little dum dum club If we get stuck Podcast audiences are big nerds I'm sure everyone here Has a fucking SD card in their pockets I'm sure everyone here has a fucking SD card in their pockets.

I'm sure we're fine. Can we tell the story of the guy? Hang on, very, very, very quickly. I just noticed that I just got a text from someone saying

there's been a present left for us on the stage. Oh, hey. Yeah, which then I needed a second text to go. The card as well. All right.

And read the card first. Don't be rude. Card first. This better be good. McGinley was about to do some sweet elf gear, so... Hang on, I'm reading the front of your vote. This is... I just had a peek at this.

This is controversial. Go. It's your fiancé's head in the bag. Have you guys seen Seven? It's a great film. It's just out. What's in the box? Chandler would go, what's in the box? Chandler would go,

what's in the box? Are you serious? I don't have to propose. This is sick. Tommy and Carl, wishing you a wonderful Christmas. How long's this been here for? And a happy new year.

I spent the whole drive to Ballarat trying to think of something to write. Enjoy the moose, cunts. So I wasn't allowed to give away what it was. And that's, you know what, that's very offensive because there was no comma between moose and cunts. Enjoy the moose, cunts. What?

Is that a delicacy? Oh! Oh! Oh! I didn't realise that was Yala. I thought that you'd bought a different brand of Oh. Oh. Oh. I didn't realise that was Yala. I thought that you'd bought a different

brand of chocolate mousse. Oh, then it's just a really obvious gift and that's quite shit. Wow. You know we get this for free, right? What?

They're big ones. They're big ones. They are big ones. They're massive ones. Couple of big boys. Oh, yeah. They are fucking... That's heavy mousse.

This will taste great after a two hour unrefrigerated trip on the train home. Hey, yeah. They are fucking... That's a heavy moose. This will taste great after a two-hour unrefrigerated trip on the train home. Hey, hey, in her defence, it's one of those freezer bags from Coles. You know how they retain thermal energy. Can we get this? It sounds like McGinley's workshop in gear. Can we get this in a fridge?

Can we... Milan, you must be due to go and get a beer any second. Can you do a swap? No, no, no. Don't give it to Milan. He's never put anything in a fridge? Can we... Milan, you must be due to go and get a beer any second. Can you do a swap? No, no, no. Don't give it to Milan. He's never put anything in a fridge. Magnets. Stuff goes in here?

Round of applause for Ebony for supplying moose, everyone. Yay! You know what it's like for Milan with the fridge, just like Indiana Jones? He's got the beers and the moose. He's trying to get... Fuck, dude, even I think that's a dated reference. Should we get another special guest out here?

Yeah, what order are we doing this? Another drop-in? Oh, no, should we do a bit of that bit first? Suck each other's dicks on stage. Wouldn't have thought so, Ed. Thank goodness I didn't say it. Yeah, okay, let's do... We've got a little bit of everyone's, well, new favourite segment.

Numo, you've got the music there ready to go. Let's hear a little bit of Ask Mr. Carl. Woo! Yeah! If you've got a Q, then he's got an A, but it's probably going to be the jump off the West Gate. Ask Mr. Carl, yeah, it'll be fine. You don't need the number to call.

I fly with Mr. Carl, Carl, Mr. Carl, Carl Mr. Carl will help you, cause helping is his game Work for Dylan, Ronnie, he just fat shamed Mr. Carl, Carl, Mr. Carl, Carl, Mr. Carl Ask Mr. Carl Wow, that's good. Big shout out to Josh L. That's actually the first time I've listened to that.

That's the first time I've heard it. I feel like it's when Lisa and Ralph were dating on The Simpsons and you can actually hear the moment Josh is really questioning his life choices. All right, well, let's do a couple of quick ones. Scott Charles asks, Mr. Carl, what does does success mean to you? Do you plan to achieve it? If so, when?

Who's going to feel this one? I can't believe your girlfriend chose Scott Charles as a pseudonym I can't believe the head of Holden in Maribor his name is Scott Charles I can't believe a third joke about the name Scott Charles. I can't believe a third joke about the name Scott Charles. I can't believe a non-joke got a better laugh

than the other two jokes. Yeah, I know. I can. I heard the jokes. Officially, I will field this one. Look, you know what? I've come back to where I used to live and I've filled the room.

This is success right here, yeah? Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. So that's when you plan to achieve a January 22, 2006. Yes. 23. What day is it? What year is it? Who's the president? Who's the mayor? Yeah. This is officially success. Hang on. I'm a man of science. How many people are here specifically just to see Carl? Three V-Lines. That's two. Two. Two. What's that?

Three V-Lines. Three. Three V-Lines. The thing you were on for an hour and a half, you fuckhead. I was in Tassie this morning. I'm tired. How many people are here to see Tommy, Nick, Xavier, myself, Milan? Oh, no.

Hang on. I was pretty excited to see Carl. How many people are here for Milan? Yeah. Some people are thirsty in here. Three drinks. Oh, fuck, yeah. Milan's making a lot of friends.

All right, now, I don't know this guy's full name, but his Twitter handle is at 11th Ghost. That sounds about right. Yeah. It's just, man, he got that. I believe... I'm at 11th Ghost too, so... I believe he's the guy who snuck a slab into your final show.

Oh, really? I do know that man. How do people in this room know that? Yeah. It's bizarre. Okay, sweet. Oh, some of the people drank that slab. There's the first 10 ghosts.

Right, yeah, that'd be it. Right, yeah, yeah. He did sneak a slab into my last comedy festival show last year. Speaking of which, we should all crowd surf out of here. I reckon. It's back. He said, if the people at Yella let you design your own dessert to sell, what would you go for?

What's the unmistakable twist on sweet treats for Chando? I would say... Who would like to field this one, by the way? Oh, no, okay, cut. Not you? What about you? It's clearly mousse. You like mousse.

You don't give a fuck where it's from. You just want it for free. Yeah, cut. What's the twist? It's free. I love it. Officially, I will field this one, yes. If they could squeeze any more chocolate into the mousse that they currently have...

Fucking hell. What do you mean? Squeeze more chocolate? How do you think they make have. Fucking hell. What do you mean? Squeeze more chocolate? How do you think they make mousse? No, I want it like... I literally want it slightly, like 1% more liquid than a block of chocolate. That's all I want. You want melted chocolate.

That's what you want. Yeah. I left some Cadbury in the car and fucking best dessert ever. I've got a recipe. It's called dark chocolate and a microwave. You better start buying those Wonka bars so you can get a golden ticket to Wonka's factory, you fucking idiot. I don't think they did the insult at the end of that.

I thought it was nice January. It's still January. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, as Tommy said at the start of January if he ever tripped up he has to take all his clothes off No, no, no, he was being pretty nice He was being very nice there

Very good point I was trying to make a little whimsical Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference It felt like it wasn't tracking so I thought if I put cunt at the end of it, that'll get over the line and then even that didn't work. You had great commitment to Unfunny January. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. You know what I like? This is actually what I want to do. Like, with Yellow. So, Yellow Moose, the sponsor of the podcast, Yellow Chocolate Moose. Oh, wow. It really is a great moose.

It is. It's a fantastic moose Do they have a credit line we should say? Yes Get it in ya At Yellow Moose We're fucking good I can't believe mine was better than yours

You had three seconds to think of a sponsor So You know what I want This is my new aim This is what I want to do For everyone that follows us on Facebook and Twitter. If they can bombard Yella, this is the next move in our sort of sponsorship with these guys. I want, even if it's in tiny fine print, I want a mention of us on their label.

Yeah. Like the official moose of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. We should at least get, like even if it's like, I get printing up their new labels, if we just, like, print little stickers of us that they can whack on their pre-existing things, we'll get the sticker name and send them out. G'day, desert. Yeah, just in the, like, little,

they've got all their bullshit in there. Even just have a picture of us next to the barcode or something, you know, just a little mention. What if we, because Officeworks do 3D printing now, if we go down and get little tiny figurines made of ourselves and make them be hidden in the moose like a little toy, a little surprise. Oh, yeah, I had an idea about having our names in like six point,

but yeah, that makes a lot more sense. A little toy in there that you could possibly choke on. One of you guys in a moose like a cunt surprise. You've heard of Kinder Surprise, here's Mature Age Student Surprise. And just as a caveat to that question, Eleventh Ghost, he also sent me a text message saying a couple of months or two ago, hey mate, I'm at the Adelaide Oval for the cricket and they totally played the Dum Dum Club theme song during a break.

I tried to stay on brand by joking about suicide and calling everyone cunts. Unfortunately, nobody was into it. Which is also the credit line of this show. That 11th Ghost guy, he tweets us a lot and he's always very on brand with going, you fucking idiots, yeah. And then

I was at, you might find this hard to believe, a few months ago I was at a video games convention and I bumped into, a few months ago I was at a video games convention and I bumped into him there and he was in costume as a video game character and he just grabs me on the shoulder and goes, get a dumb cunt, which was just very weird on the floor of like... What character was it? Is it one anyone has heard of?

Wario? It's a me, a dumb cunt. Let's check in with a guy who's never listened to the podcast before. How's it going? That's the best review we've ever gotten. Not too bad at all. I get it. You get it.

You get it. I get it. I get it. All right. There's some drunk people talking. I've connected the dots. Yeah. We don't need too much backstory to realise that there are four dumb cunts on stage.

They're all fuckheads. I figured it out. Do you run any car dealerships? What? You drink lots too. Do you run any car dealerships that you can get us in at? He has to think about it. You know you're pretty drunk when you're like,

fuck, do I run a car dealership? I hate when I get asked this after a few beers. I never remember. What do I do? Just hope you walk out of here thinking, one, Dumb Dumb Club, I have to download it at some stage. And number two, Big Daddy. Should we get our next special guest up here?

Yeah, we do. We do have another local special guest. I've forgotten the name. Have you got the name written down? Yes. Very special guest. I do have it. Very special guest.

Look, if you visited Ballarat before, you may have seen his work down at Sovereign Hill. He works there during the week. We believe we don't know too much about him. Please welcome onto the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Bob Laylaw. Yes. How you doing, guys? Welcome.

How you doing? I'm Bob Laylaw. G'day, Bob. And you work at Sovereign Hill. I don't work at Sovereign Hill, mate. I live there. The year is 1867. Hang on,

that's an odd thing for anyone to state the year before they talk. But anyway, sure, okay. Go on. And I'm a prospector. You sure you're not

the model for the ice cream bubble-o bill? I don't... Why has someone shot a hole out of your hat? That's weird. I don't understand the reference, mate. That must be one of these 21st century... Did they have stools back then?

Yeah. These stools are too high for this cut. Did they have Jenny Craig back then? Also, did they have girlfriends to borrow the hats off back then? Yeah. Because it looks like they did. For somebody from the 1800s, very good on a microphone. Oh, yes, it's a podcast like the good oldie days.

Just like Mark Maron's ancestor. I've travelled in time to be here with a wizard. I'm familiar enough with your ways in the 21st century that I know what I'm doing. But I'm from 1867 is what I'm saying. The year is 1867. We get it. Let's go. So how's the mutiny in India going?

That's actually an accurate date. I'm very impressed with myself remembering year 10 colonialism. Anyway, carry on. And again, one of McGinley's more recent references. Yeah. Well, crowds always love facts, don't they? Facts are hilarious. No wonder that project crowd is so warmed up and stuff like that.

This guy's looking for gold, so McGinley's set list is fine. He's left that alone. You can see this at the Melbourne International Trivia Festival happening in my lounge room. So, Bob, why did you ask us if you could come and be on the podcast today? What do you want to talk about? I just wanted to talk about traditional Australian values. Oh, beautiful.

And the founding of this nation. Eureka Stockade and all that lot. See, I'm from the gold rush era. I don't mean to tell you it was a better time. What was better about it? Oh, there was gold. Rivers of it. Chinaman, as far as the a better time. What was better about it? Oh, there was gold, rivers of it. Chinaman, as far as the eye can see.

What? And it was long before the Crown, the British monarchy, had instituted a law saying that you couldn't show squirting in pornography. Okay. Alright. Oh, no. Hang on.

So... I don't know. The press person from Sovereign Hill did not tell us that this was going to be part of the speech. Is this what? There's a lot of school children that learn stuff at Sovereign Hill. Is this what they're being taught? Is this?

Is it? I remember going there when I was, like, 15. I don't remember that coming up I remember taking your girlfriend there and trying to pan for orgasms Mate I'll tell you what they called it the gold rush but I called it the gold gush

Wait if it's gold coloured that's piss man that's not It's not urine and that's what the UK government says and that's bullshit it's a different thing,'s what the UK government says and that's bullshit it's a different thing if it was urine why does it taste different that's what I'm saying oh god do you know how fucked it was

because he was rehearsing this loudly on the train up here there was a family sitting opposite us it was 1867 he was rehearsing it on the stagecoach on the way up. Exactly. Thank you, Mr Coney.

The train was going off a cliff, so the trimachine could go 88 miles an hour. Exactly right. Look, there are people that have just turned 18. I don't think we need that sort of rot here on stage. All right. Well, am I head off? I just want to say my name is Bob and I love squirting.

So thank you very much. Oh, God. Bob Blaylock, everyone. Please applaud so that he leaves. Bob. I mean, our press contact at Sovereign Hill did not tell us that's what was going to happen. I'm so glad we've evolved since the 1800s.

That was meant to be an ad for Sovereign Hill to get the government to underwrite this and now we've fucked it. It's brutal. I'm surprised the mayor let him on stage. I have to notice a lot of people from the Ballarat region all kind of look the same. There must be something in the water, and I think I know what it is. And how much are you never going to eat in a bubble-o-bill ever again? There's that yellow bit in the middle.

We won't worry. Okay, I believe we have one more guest For today A little segment What? A little segment A little segment Ladies and gentlemen

It's my favourite podcast You know it You love it It's travelled all the way from Melbourne Just for this Please give it up For Xavier Michaelides Presents

Xavier's Corner Yeah Fashion Xavier Michaelides presents Xavier's Corner. Yeah. Fashion, coffee, topics. You're standing in Xavier's Corner. This week's Xavier's Corner is brought to you by Shouter Moose. Shouter Moose, the only moose that doesn't have AIDS in it. Oh, come on.

I'm looking at you, yellow moose. You're AIDS ridden. No, hang on. Bring back Bob Laylaw. Hang on. Brought to you by Meribah Holden. Quiet, son. Daddy's talking.

I just want to put on the record, I don't approve of either of those sponsors. Also brought to you by V-Line Trains. We're so bad, we're free. Also brought to you by Big Daddy Coffee Cups. Popular with the over 60s. How many fucking sponsors does this show need? A lot of sponsors.

How much money are you raking in for Xavier's corner? A whole bunch of cash. We should get some of this. And also brought to you by Sovereign Heal. Feel the gush at Sovereign Heal. Wait, we had to pay to get him on and you're getting paid by them? Fucking hell. We're on a good cash. So welcome everyone to Xavier's Corner.

Also, a massive coincidence because we talked about a lot of those things. I know. I know. Isn't it funny that you're all sponsoring me? Somehow it always works out. Welcome to this week's episode which is a holiday special of Xavier's Corner.

Today my guests are Carl Chandler. Did somebody say duck sandwich? Yeah. That's what he says for sure. All the time.

And Tommy Dasolo. Oh, thanks for having me. And also... Has there ever been an episode where Tommy and Carl aren't the guests on Xavier's Corner? Tommy Dasolo oh thanks for having me and also has there ever been has there ever been an episode where Tommy and Carl aren't the guests

on Xavier Corner we're like the dill rook of your show you guys got nothing better to do and then also one extra special guest Ronnie Chang

hey bro so today's a holiday special so let's just find out what are each of your favourite holiday destinations? I'll start with you, Carl. I think my favourite holiday destination is Thailand. And why is that? Because Thailand's got great drinks, great beaches and ladyboys. Good work.

Tommy, what's your favourite holiday destination? Sorry, wait. I'll stop butting in. Stop butting in, Carl. It's Tommy's turn. Sorry. It's Tommy's turn. I like to go to Japan.

And why is that? Because the ladyboys. I didn't know there were ladyboys in Japan. No, no, no. I'm a ladyboy. And they don't mind me being there. Okay, and last one. Ronnie, what's your favourite holiday destination?

I like to go to Ballarat, bro. Yeah. Ballarat. Why do you like Ballarat so much? Well, because it's got great history, you know. You got Southern Hill. And also, it's like a giant tip. I can dump all my shit there.

I've got a lot of shit to get rid of, bro, so I don't care where it goes. And the ladyboys as well. Yeah, hey, bro. Hey don't care where it goes. And the ladyboys as well. Yeah hey bro, hey Tommy, hey Carl. Oh, a second Ronnie. What? What are you doing? Sorry, who are you? I'm Ronnie, who are you?

Excuse me sir, excuse me sir. I'm Ronnie. Can you just shut up for a second? No, you shut up. No, that's fine. No, okay. No, no, no. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Don't worry about it. It's fine. It's fine.

You're clearly not Ronnie, though. You're clearly not Ronnie. You don't take care of your health. You don't shout after shit. You're not Ronnie. No. I'm Ronnie Chang. No, I'm Ronnie.

Excuse me. I'm Ronnie. I'm Ronnie. I'm Ronnie. No, no, no. Ronnie. No. Hey, Tommy, Carl, who's this guy?

This is not Ronnie. Is the prospector excited? Chinaman as far as the eye can see. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Let's keep going until we run out of the fucking SD card over here. Yeah, okay.

We've got about 10 minutes left. I'm Ronnie. 10 minutes on the SD card. I know about technology. I know that there's... You can actually find a way to make that sort of draw it out more, but, you know,

new modes are idiots, so who gives a fuck? I don't fucking care. I don't care about anyone here. I don't care about any of you. You can take all my clothes and underwear. Fuck you guys.

You're all just haters and stupid idiots. Just stupid haters. This accent is not racist or doing an impression of a specific person. No, exactly. That's exactly why.

So it's not a rude thing to do. Hey, Dime, again, can you do a bit of Ronnie for a second? Hello. Hey, no you do a bit of Ronnie for a second? Hello. Hey, no, I'm Ronnie. I am Ronnie Chang. I'm Danny's best friend.

We're very close. No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry, Arnie. Can you let Ronnie have a go? Dumb cunt minds think alike. No, well, that is the thing. Whenever someone does a Ronnie impression,

it does sound a lot like Arnie. So here is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, wow. Get to the end more. I've got to sell that show. Okay, McGill. Okay, I can't believe I'm... Okay, I'm here.

I am now doing a show at the podcast in the Ballarat and I do an impression of my favourite Asian-Malaysian Australian comedian. That's fucking Ali G, you cunt. This is the beauty. I just do voices and you guys just choose who I'm doing a brilliant impression of.

I knew why we hadn't had Danny on before. Here's McKinlay doing Ronnie. On the Daily Show I am. Alright. I want this on fucking broadcast. I do a lot of shit voices. I've never done

fucking Yoda. Look, I'll allow that if you can speak louder into the mic. What are you saying, McGinley? Know which of a friend I am. Just go back to Afghanistan, fuckhead. Hey, McGinley, pass over the mic for one second.

Greg, you got the train with us. Where the fuck have you been all afternoon? Oh man, I've just been out the back eating some moose because I'm a big fat cunt. Have you had any crazy guests today? I've had so many crazy guests. Oh man, I'm sad I missed it.

Can I... Actually, Greg, now that you're here, look, we'll have to wrap up very soon. Just quickly, just because it's been a running theme, what's your thoughts on squirting? On squirting? Yeah. I'm against it.

Oh, okay. Dead set against it. Good. What about China and gold mining? Oh, yeah. Against both of those as well. Hang on, the guy that's never listened to the show is heckling me. Sorry?

What year was this squirting invented? What year was squirting invented? I believe it was the Romans. It's not Salo, the century can't fucking calm down. Mate, it was the day you were born, mate. Got him! Got him. Tim. Got him.

Oh, man. The guy went to high five Xavier. Xavier left the building. Sovereign Tim. Hello, Tim. Oh, Tim's engaged. There's too many people trying to ring Tim. Oh, man. No, very quickly, Greg. Yeah. Oh, Tim. Oh, Tim's engaged. There's too many people trying to ring Tim. Oh, man.

No, very quickly, Greg. Oh, no, I don't think I should even talk about this. That is the best thing I've ever seen. Just Xavier dropping the mic and fucking off. He's left too. He's gone. He's gone. He's got his own V-line waiting for an engine ready.

I'm just looking in the green room. He's hung himself. He's just swinging from a noose in there. Wow. I thought he did a good job. Oh, God. Let's do this very quickly. Greg, now...

What have we got? How long have we got? Ten minutes. Got ten minutes. Let's do five. Let's do five. How long have your bladders got? Two.

Two. Two more Two Two more Two more beers from Milan or two more minutes? Who's stressing on getting that 6.15 train back to Melbourne? Greg, I play indoor soccer I play indoor soccer and we have named our team For some reason it's a comedians team It's all comedians that play

Cody's played before Cody's played before And it's all comics And we've called it for some reason Cody's played before. Cody's played before. And it's all comics. And we've called it, for some reason, we've called it Greg Larson's Rat World. We've named it after you. Thank you very much. You've never been to a match. No, not once.

Never attended. We've played for three or four seasons. You've never played. You have no intention of playing. Do I look like a man who's played any sport ever? Or has watched or heard of? Is squirting a sport, Kis? Because you would win gold.

Sorry, you didn't see that. You have no idea what that's about. Yeah, yeah, sorry. It's all right. What? Nothing. Our new biggest fan just piped up again. A lot of questions.

T-shirts on sale at the door, mate, if you want to... So, what's happened is... Look, I don't mean to sully your reputation. The name of the team is Greg Larson's Rat World. We've had a few complaints. About the name? Not so much about the name. Wouldn't have thought so, Ed.

Yeah, we had a couple of complaints early on We've just got a complaint yesterday And just so you know I just thought it would make sense to let you know what's going on Sure As manager? Yeah As the figurehead

As the person Sort of unofficial mascot in a way Somehow I think my I've had a bad influence on the team This is literally an email that we got Passed on from the From the The Futsal Centre

Just very quickly You're in these matches You've taken on the role of kind of Unofficial captain Is that fair to say? Leader I would say Yeah Here's the email

About us We do thoroughly enjoy playing Futsal Here at the Centre However it has reached a point where this enjoyment is continuously being tarnished. Not only when we play the team in question but even whilst watching other

teams have to deal with the overly aggressive nature that they play. On many occasions I've felt that the way they take zero regard for the consequences of their actions, that is, they appear to have a complete disregard for sportsmanship and people's health, and ensuring that they all leave the field with injury.

Chandler's the first guy to sub on his dad to talk to the... I know that you do your utmost best to ensure that these stands of fair play are upheld, but in no way am I writing this in question of the way that you have run your football league. However, the unease I feel when knowing that we have to play the team in question has reached... Oh, just what a soft cock. I can't wait. I haven't played with the team for maybe 14 months, 15 months. I'm going to join next weekend and just fucking bash this cunt.

What a nerd. The team in question. And in the thing will be the team's name, surely. Sorry, I'm getting very... I'm back in Ballarat. I'm nine beers in. I'm with Milan. I'm pumped up.

Yeah. Well, that's... Yeah. I'm sorry, but your name has been dragged into it. My name has been dragged through the mud. I'm coming down there with a suit and a clipboard next game. Yes. And a fat fucking cigar.

And I'm going to rip the shit through anyone who opposes the might of Greg Larson's rat world. Yeah, please. And I'm the coach now. I'm saying it. I'm the coach. Soccer has managers. Yeah, please. And I'm the coach now. I'm saying it. I'm the coach. Soccer has managers. Manager.

Whatever. But surely you have a coach. Is that not true? Aussie rules football has a coach. Roundball has a manager. So you don't have a manager. You just have a manager, not a coach as well. Well, there's a first team coach.

It doesn't matter. If you want to ask the one person who actually plays for the team, you can. No, no, no. And what I also love about soccer, just when I thought it wasn't soft enough that somebody runs past you and you fall over, now they run past you, you fall over,

then you're like, that's upsetting. I'm sending an email. What a bunch of soft box. Doesn't this follow up from another memo you got about a year ago that was like, look, guys, it's all fun and games, but if your team could just tone down the use of the C-bomb when you're running around out there, we'd like that a lot. Yes, that is, I believe, the third complaint we've had, yes.

Well, to be fair, the team was called Cunt Larsen's Cunt World. You have to address the team. Carl, does anyone who appears on this show regularly play for the team? I mean, I've never played for the team because you play at night and I'm a working comedian, so I have gigs. Fucking hell. Blast zone ahead. Chandler and I are just lobbing this up to each other,

going, who's going to spike it? McGinley's pulling his pants down and it's over. Let's have it. It's two in the afternoon on a Sunday is when we play. So not only are you wrong, you're also a cunt. It's that sort of language that gets those messages sent. Hey, hey, hey, Mirabar Holden, you're missing out on this. Hey, he's not just a cunt, he's a Ballarat cunt.

Wow, if that's not the end of a festival show, I've never heard one. All right, what have we got for the SD card? We are nearly, we've got five minutes. I reckon, does that bring us to the end? Have we got anything else? I think, the audience has just said yep. Ladies and gentlemen, that brings us to the end of the little Dundum Club for another week.

Big round of applause. Nick Cody, Danny McGinley, Greg Larson, Xavier Michaelides, Milan Krencevic. And big thanks to, if you're in the area, the main bar in Ballarat. Go check them out. They've been super awesome to us today for putting us up. And everyone on the podcast has got a festival show in Melbourne

and all around the country, so please go and see their shows. Give it up for Marcus Tumor-Newburn. No, I mean... Can I plug one more thing? If you want to see... Xavier and Tommy were guests on my web series, which is a movie panel quiz show they did brilliantly. It's called Act Naturally.

Google that. Shut up. Yep. No, what's it called? Yeah called Act Naturally. Google that. Shut up. Yep. No, what's it called? Yeah, Act Naturally. Look that up. Guys, give yourselves a round of applause for coming out. Yes.

Ballarat, thanks for packing out the main bar. Thanks for coming out and we'll see you next time. See you next time. Go watch Big Daddy