The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 278 - Allday & Demi Lardner

Episode Date: February 3, 2016

License Plates, Green Faces and McDonalds Managers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Yellow Chocolate Mousse. Yeah, that's it. Very yummy. We can't stress enough how much time we put into that ad, but yeah, it is. We put a lot less time into that ad than the great people at Yellow put into their delicious chocolate mousse. And you know what? Next time we go to Sydney, Tommy, we tried to do it this time.

Next time, let's go to where they make it. There's nothing better I can think of than, even better than yellow chocolate mousse, is when they are making it. And you can get some of that, like cookie dough. Surely the raw mixture of mousse before it sets. You want to suck it straight out of the teat. That's what you want.

Lick the bowl. I want to lick a yellow bowl. Yes. And then we can assure the listeners, if they're going and buying a tub, every little container is going to have a little bit of Carl Candler saliva in there. Oh, man. Like I said last week on the live one,

I want to mount a campaign. Let's get onto Yella. I want some tiny little mention of Dum Dum on the label, even if it's a short run. Like I said, I reckon this is what will get it over the line. We make the stickers. We send them the stickers and say, just chuck this on the label.

Don't worry them with needing to go and get a new label printed. We make the stickers. We send them the stickers and say, just chuck this on the label. Oh. Don't worry them with needing to go and get a new label printed. We'll just do our own little, as endorsed by the little Dumb Dumb Club, a little picture of us on it, and they just whack it on the top there. Okay, that's a good idea. If we just do the work and send it to them,

surely to God there is no reason for them to say no to that. Well, let's... I'm gesturing wildly here. I'm really in a fucking state. This moose has got you riled up um i reckon well all right let's let's approach them with that and if they're not into it maybe because you know what having to stick a lot of stickers onto a moose tub is a pain in the ass yeah so maybe it might even need to wait until we go up there and so we can get oh actually they don't want us touching their product do they yeah they want to do their own

thing they can do it there's a surely there's a machine that they just feed the stickers into. That's how I think factory work works. Well, look, you know, hey, listeners, don't be scared to hit up Yeller. You know, you've got a lot of people. A lot of you guys hit Yeller up to say, look, I live in Perth. I don't know where to get it. I live in Brisbane. Where do I get it?

Hit them up and tell them you want an official mention. Yes. The biggest thing to happen to Yellow Chocolate Mousse in months. That's us. In maybe forever. Maybe forever. I mean, who have they had in Dawson that's bigger and better than us? I wish they had someone else.

That'd be good to compare us to. Guys, we've got to stress this. We've got live shows coming up. We have Adelaide in just over a week's time. Wow, that's creeping up Yeah, what's the date on that? February 13th February 13th

At the Rhino Room A Saturday afternoon in Adelaide Heaps of big names Stars So come down and see that And let's sizzle this up We received some bizarre content during the week That is going to make its debut appearance at the Adelaide show

You know what? Yeah, if I'm sure of one thing is that we have some sweet, sweet content for about, oh, there's got to be 20 to 30 minutes in this thing. Yeah, something happened to us during the week that's fucked that we're going to talk about. That we are saving for a live show because it's a lot more fun. We want these 20 people in the room to see it before anyone else. We want all you begrudging Adelaide listeners to come along.

Then we're in Brisbane for March the 20th. We've one show sold out, other show on sale. Three o'clock, sold out. 1.30, half full. And guess what content we've lined up for those two? Jack shit so far. Sucked in. That'll teach you to buy tickets early like people who like us.

No, so, and that's you in the festival as well. Heaps of big name stars. We've already rounded up a loose short list of who's going to be on it. A rogues gallery of all-star guests. The usual gang of idiots. Plus stand-up show afterwards. We are announcing that officially. Yeah, let's do that.

We're not going to do our full solo shows as part of the Brisbane Comedy Festival, but you'll get to see a little smorgasbord of what we've been cooking up in the last year. Well, you'll basically get to see half the show of each of us. Yes, that's how time works. Yeah. Well, you basically get to see half the show of each of us. Yes. That's how time works. Yeah. No, well, you'll see an hour. It's an hour show.

You see 30 minutes of each. You won't have seen any of this stuff up in Brisbane for sure because we didn't even do a show last year. And you know what? The other podcasts, you know, they're, what, $21 to get into. This one, $10. Oh, baby. Now, that's a bargain. You're making money by seeing this.

No, we're making money. That's us. You're confusing them with us. Well, I was talking to you. Oh,'s a bargain. You're making money by saying this. No, we're making money. That's us. You're confusing them with us. Well, I was talking to you. Oh, right. Well, you weren't looking at me. Then the week after that, we begin the Melbourne International Comedy Festival season of live shows every Sunday. The European

Beer Cafe. Three o'clock. Big guests every week. Getting a season pass cheaper to get into all shows on one season pass or individual tickets. Any of those is going to get you into the legendary drunk cast on the final night, which is always a fucking mess. The last time you'll see half the comedians in Melbourne. Yes.

They're going to die. I'm going to say right now you will see some people die on stage. We've also got your 40th birthday on sale March the 30th. That's a separate ticket. That is going to be a super fun show. That's already sold a heap already, so it's going to be very fun. I've got an exam the next day, so that'll be good. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And then we've also got T-shirts and stuff on sale. I'm aware of the little Dum Dum Club. We've finally got those hoodies in that we've mentioned. The hoodies look fucking great, I've got to say. They're excellent. Very sweet. And, you know, if you want to get one and great, I've got to say. They're excellent. Very sweet. And if you want to get one and you're going to come to a live show,

just get it then. You don't have to pay the extra post. Just hang on. We'll be bringing them to all the live shows. So, yeah, grab one then and that way we get to meet you and we get to have a chat and do a picture. And who doesn't love that? Yeah.

You'll hear a story in this very episode about me having a chat with a listener after the live episode. You do too. Well, you can foresee into the future. That's impressive. We've also got solo shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Mine is called Little Golden Dazzler. It's on every night at 8.45.

I don't think I've talked on the show about what it actually is. It's a show where you come in and everyone in the audience gets a little book and you kind of read along with the show with me. There's little activities in the book that the audience partake in as the show is happening oh is this like one of those what do they call those coloring books now they call it mindful is it a mindfulness show would you call it that a mindfulness yeah i've never heard of that you've never heard that a mindfulness book that's the way they tied up these coloring books that they sell to adults they say oh it's mindfulness oh i didn't know that i thought they just called them adult i knew adult coloring books

for a thing i thought they just called them adult no I knew adult colouring books were a thing. I thought they just called them adult colouring books. No, that's how they get to charge 30 bucks for them. Oh, okay. They call them mindfulness. Right. Well, I'll fill this one. No, it's not like that. Oh, okay.

All right. You're not going to be sitting there colouring in while listening to me do comedy. Dude, you should. Yeah, maybe I should. You should move some units. Maybe I should have a page in there where people colour. But anyway, I'm working on it now. I think it's going to be really fun and different and weird and funny.

And you've got Carl Chandler defends his title as world's greatest and best comedian. Yep. What a fucking mouthful. Colouring in for an hour. I'm guaranteeing it. No, no. Oh, man, you can bring a colouring book in for sure. Oh, are you officially sanctioning this?

I'm saying that. Great. I'm saying it. You can't, you know. What about a crossword? Can I bring a crossword? If you colour in the white squares, yes. With letters?

With black. Just make a black box. That's all I want. Yeah, so guys... What if they make the whole plane out of that material, by the way? Well, there's a lovely little preview of Golden Dazzler. A little Golden Dazzler. My show is the same concept as last year,

which is I have guests every night to heckle me, to go against me, to make it a unique show every night. However, I have got all new jokes that I'm working on at the moment. So I've got a bunch already. Going to have some more. All new jokes. Heaps of repeat guests.

Some newies as well. It's going to be a fucking circus every night like it was last year. I had so much fun. It was the most fun thing I've ever done last year doing that show. Here's a sweet preview. You will definitely not be seeing me in that show because we clash. Oh, no. I don't think I can do it at all.

No, you can do it. No, I can't. I'll just, one night, you know, one of the nights when you have to cancel because no one comes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How cancelling am I? Oh, that's not a very nice thing to say.

No, no, no. I do. Well, you know, I put on an extra show last year, so that's a possibility. Fingers crossed. That's incentive for people to sell it out so they can see me do one of them. Yes, and I think I have one Monday show this year. Oh, okay. I don't want to do that. Oh, okay. Guys,

all of that information is at littledumbdumbclub.com. Buy a t-shirt, buy a ticket to a live show, come see us at the Comedy Festival, eat some yellow mousse, enjoy this episode with All Day and Demi Lardner. Jesus Christ. Hey mates, welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Question. I'll field this one. We're recording this at the very tail end of January. However, it's going to come out. By the time it comes out, it will be February. So for this recording, am I still on the hook for nice January or am I allowed to just cunt it up massive style?

By posing that question, I would say, as soon as you said the C-bomb, there's already someone complaining outside your window right there. Is that someone actually talking to us from outside my house? No? We really should invite our guests inside next time we record. No, look,

I'm going to say it's February. It's a February episode. Yep, okay. So you're allowed back into the real world. Great. I have to say the feedback on Nice January has been very nice. I did get a lot of positive things from people saying good on you for making an effort to be nice.

I slipped up last week in the live one. Yeah. But it was good. I enjoyed it. I actually, to be honest, didn't find it that hard to do. I'm not, by nature, a mean person. I would say I would find it a lot harder to do. Yeah, exactly. That was my idea in bringing it up, to be honest, didn't find it that hard to do. I'm not, by nature, a mean person. I would say I would find it a lot harder to do. Yeah, exactly.

That was my idea in bringing it up, first of all, was that you would, you know, the whole point of it was trying to get you to do it as well. Was it? Because it would actually be a challenge. I thought the idea would be that we both do it. At no stage was that brought up. I said maybe we could both do it and you went, no.

Oh, okay. Right. No, no. Well, you know, it was interesting to, I didn't think it made that much of a difference to you. Yeah, it didn't really at all. Yeah. All it was was like when I said something vaguely mean, you went, ah, he slipped up.

Yeah, yeah. You fucking stupid little cunt. Oh, yeah, keep it going then so I've got something to rag on. Yeah. Oh, you've got plenty to rag on. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I don't think you need me trying to be nice to have stuff to rag on. No, that's lovely of you to say.

Yeah. Today on the show, we have, first of all, you know her from Open Slather and from the What? No, nothing. Sorry. And from the We Are Not Doctors podcast, it's Demi Lardner. Hey, baby. How are you?

Yeah. Which was watched or listened to more, do you think, out of those two? Oh, shit. I should have slipped plugs in for the podcast into Slav. Yeah. That would have been good. Which podcast, yours or ours? Yes.

I don't know, Baby. Okay. New thing on the podcast, you calling everyone Baby? I like to do it, I like to imagine that I'm a really old black jazz singer. That's how I'm doing it. You know what I mean? Every time I see you, there's some new thing that's happened to you out in the real world that relates directly to your appearance. we went to a concert together the other week we went to

see hot chip yeah Demi went to get a round of beers and while she was going someone asked her if she was lost and then yelling it into my face because it was so loud you got an uber to my house the other day and you turned up wearing a cap and a big jumper with Goofy on it and you said that your Uber driver had asked you if you were in a hip-hop dance crew. Yeah. And weirdly enough, the answer to both those questions was yes. Also joining us on the show, a welcome return. You know him as All Day. We know him as Tom Gaynor.

Please welcome back All Day. Yay. Always good. Welcome back. Thank you. I'm very happy to return. It's always nice to have a little bit of success on this podcast. It's good.

What? You guys are very successful. Relatively. We're doing well. We're able to get rappers on this podcast. That's how well we're doing. Now, I was about to say this before we started recording, but I thought I'd save it for on air.

You, Carl, are on your way to play a grand final soccer match after this yes you're in a you're sort of in a track suit and like you've got a like a snapback hat on as well you kind of look like appearance wise you're trying to look cool in front of all day and it's backfired so hard it's sort of like a neon run d DMC thing that you've got going on. I'm wearing a lot of Nike today. I'm wearing everything Nike. If Nike made jeans, I'd have Nike jeans on, I think. Like if you weren't about to go to a soccer game,

I would think that you are now a nice addict. That's why I brought it up, Tom, because I just feel you sitting next to him going, this dude is trying way too hard. Hey, do you kids like porn? It's officially midlife crisis time. No, no, this is, yeah, I am on my way to yell and abuse a lot of people younger than me at an indoor soccer stadium.

Nice. Just like an ice addict would. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. Yeah, no. But we just had the Hottest 100 on Triple J and you appeared on a song all day that was in the top 50, which is awesome.

Good sneaky way to get in. You don't have to release your own song, you just get on someone else's song. Just guest on someone else's. You're excited by that because it's like sometimes people are a bit too cool for that. That's a good thing though. Yeah, I claimed it all the way.

I said my song got in. Thank you very much. Do you feel guilty in any way that your presence in the Hottest 100 meant that another Macklemore song couldn't get in? Yeah, absolutely. Did Macklemore get in this year? Macklemore did get in, yeah. He got in quite high, which is...

That's good. Good on you, Macklemore. That's all I'm going to say. That came in next week. And your song was officially the only song that i knew on the on the true and true honest 100 so that was good and it is you know look there there's the prestige of being the hottest 100 and then there's a higher level which is that song is also in my playlist when i run comedy rooms really monday and thursday so you know Thursday So I think that's a bit more than being number 47 I want to know this

How are you aware of that song? I did Google a lot of songs around Christmas And I went, right, I need to freshen up my playlist So I don't just have songs from 1997 But what are you Googling to find it? I don't know What are young people listening to dot com? Jesus Christ Yes, what's wrong find it? I don't know. What are young people listening to dot com? Jesus Christ.

Yes, what's wrong with that? I've made an effort. It's on there. It's in there. That's good. Yeah, that is good. Yeah, thank you. You previously...

Look, putting that on there probably elevated you 10 places on the hottest 100. Maybe, yeah. A lot of comedy fans listened to that and then just went, well, let's vote for this. I don't know if you're still doing this, but this is an example of what you used to have up until very recently in the front of House Music for your comedy rooms. You used to have Friday by Rebecca Black in the mix. Oh, my God. No, but I put that in there for one week at the start going, oh, this is funny because

it's just out and everyone hates it. And then it's like, oh, I just couldn't be bothered changing it. So then you saw audience gradually every week sort of go, oh, yeah, I get it. And then people going, why is this still here? Why is this still on? Yeah. Along with having, what's it called, All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.

Yep, year round. Which was also good for one week. And then for 51 weeks, people going, why? Well, at the gig I run for Front of House Music, I had a bit of a playlist on shuffle. I didn't realise that the theme from this podcast was in there. Oh, really? The other week. And it came up and I just saw the people in the room who know this

podcast look around and go this is fucking sad do never do this again yeah no but i do i do really like that song man i do i do like that song that's why i put it in there but what i like you know i think sometimes as an artist you get asked like what you know know, the deeper meanings in your songs and stuff like that. Do you get that a little bit? Of course, yeah. Can I ask, because I've been trying to figure this one out. What does this mean? I don't mean to be gooey, but girl, you make me go kablooey.

At the time. But sometimes I actually think like, although contrary to what a lot of people think about rap lyrics, like I kind of think that sometimes like the dumber the better, like sometimes the power isn't in like tech, you know, like making the words really complex. Sometimes the power is in saying something that sticks in your mind. Yeah. So like kablooey, that's like an explosion, right?

Is that a word that anyone's ever said? Yeah, it's like something exploded in a comic strip yeah it's like you're like if mcgillic gorilla started rapping yeah yeah yeah so yeah you're looking at me so blank like you have no idea who i don't know who that is yeah i love to fit in don't you watch hannah barbara cartoons from 1965 finally tommy seems older than me This is brutal This is what my day is like every day I hate it So yeah a gooey explosion Take that as you may

I don't know how I'm taking it I actually love it I reckon I say Kablooie every day now Now that you put that in there I really like it It is good So you're

in the studio at the moment well not right now this isn't part of your recording this isn't my record working on album two yeah i'm sorry so i'm like getting i'm getting through it yeah i toured a lot and did a lot of other stuff which made my album it's almost been two years since my other album which is like i always think when i see an artist and i go you waited two years in another album how did you like what were you doing but like it just time just escapes you yes when you're touring on give us a scloosie what do you got coming down the pipe for this album what's your next sound effect that you're gonna just going through old comics looking through could you bring back a wooga, please? Yeah, you can get something wrong with a wooga.

Yeah, absolutely. I don't know. Like, it's just like I'm listening to a lot of like R&B and like, I don't know. So you're keeping on the same kind of. Trap tempos. Oh, yeah. It's not really the same.

It's probably a little bit more, but it's hard to explain music until you hear it. Like, unless you guys like Party Next Door or Travis Scott. Yep yep yep i'm cool i know those things cool i know they like the eagles i love hotel california man that's my jam so a bit of r&b stuff this album and the next album just bring out the guitar and go full grunge yeah kid cuddy style Just alienate everyone. Absolutely. He did alienate people, but I really liked that album.

Is it – I've heard such – I've heard nothing but bad things about it. Yeah. Well, the thing is, if we wanted to get into deep music talk, like, I think he pioneered a lot of the sounds that, like, Kanye – him and Kanye did, and then there would probably be no Drake, no Frank Ocean without Kid Cudi. Yeah. So I say we give him a little bit more credit and say, you know,

you can experiment with your grunge even if the album is critically panned and a commercial flop. Do you do a thing like, you know, because you used to be a comic, so you would have – do you have a similar process where like I'll carry around a book and stuff and you put ideas in and whatever. So you would do the same with lyrics and stuff like that, yeah, all the time? Yeah, totally. So would you have same with lyrics and stuff like that, yeah, all the time? Yeah, totally. So would you have a thing?

I have like a page. Every time I do like a book and I put jokes in it, like I carry around ideas and stuff, I've always got a page of like words that I've always wanted to make a joke out of. Like I'll have magnet or, you know. That's literally how I do it. Literally, that's behind the scenes of the magic show that is Chandler's Comedy. Oh, my God.

But, so do you, have you ever had words that you've always wanted to rhyme with something in a song? Oh, that's interesting. Sometimes I think of like a sentence that I want to say and I would just say anything else to connect that, to say that sentence. So I think it's the same. George Bush did 9-11. How can I get that in there? What rhymes with 11 Fuck I love oranges

Ah Fuck So what about this I want to Say this I think I want to break this story Before

Because I think Tommy's already got a little hint of this Before We get too further I The other day I came out of my house and I found out that my number plates were gone on my car. Can I set up how I got wind of this? Yes. I was at your house.

I'd seen the car in question. And I walk in and I go, what's going on with your car? Where's the license plates? And you're sitting down, I'm standing up. You look up at me with this morose expression on your face and go, I've got something for the podcast. I walk out. I actually had got a text from a girlfriend.

She'd walked out of the house and gone to work and just hit me up and gone, hey, did you have number plates on your car last night which means like you can't just brush that under the carpet i'm like all right well i probably you better go out and check this because i definitely remember me being legal to drive last night yeah so i go out they've been stolen they've been taken off they've been screwdrivered off i live in hawthorne like it's not it's not fucking east la who's stealing my my number plates and on top of that i'm like because of all the stuff you know that happens with my my phone number being out there and people know where i live and you know all stuff immediately i sort of think is there a chance is there a chance of a dumb dumb

listener this is the sort of people that that listen to this show to be honest is there a chance of a dumb dumb listener this is the sort of people that that listen to this show to be honest is there a chance that someone's tracked me down and it's just gone let's get the ultimate memorabilia let's get the number plates of the chando mobile well to be i mean that's a fair theory but to be fair your number plate is big dik so it's like it's a hot commodity i can see why just anyone would want it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so someone's just hooked them. They're gone and I'm literally thinking, alright, and so to be honest, this happened like a bit more than a week

ago. So I've been sitting on it thinking, am I going to get some sort of ransom note? Am I going to get some sort of like, someone hit me up with like posing next to the number place going, there we go guys, how much do you want these for? But I've got nothing, so this is the official, this is the best way I can put it out guys. How much do you want these for? But I've got nothing. So this is the official, this is the best way I can put it out there.

If one of you fucking pieces of shit have stolen my number plates and you think you're cool driving around with SYR465 in your car. Oh, you're giving it out. Wow. Why not? I'm not getting it back. Wow. Hey, I'm putting my number plates on Crime Stoppers officially, really.

That's what I'm doing. If you see, keep your eyes peeled, everyone at home, if you see any form of car driving around with SYR465, if it's on your car, if it's on... Your T-shirt design, your licence plate, your old licence plate. Yeah, well, either this. Either a listener has got it, thinking they're the fucking greatest thief of all time.

Fuck, you look mental right now. You're sitting in a tracksuit talking about how you like to play. I've been stolen. You look fucking insane. Either that. And also how many cars are outside of your house? Yeah. Oh, there was like one.

There's one outside my house. Okay, keep going. Yeah. So. Continue this ridiculous train of thought. Yes. So it's either that. Well, it's either one of two things.

It's either a listener that thinks that they've got this awesome prize or it's someone stealing it and like going to commit some sort of crime with my number plate on the getaway car. Yeah? Yeah. People like having spare sets of number plates. So if you can go like steal petrol or whatever, you flip up to Kyle Chandler's number plates when you go steal the petrol. Yeah, right.

And then take them down when you go about your daily business. Oh, right. So you'll be getting a call from the cops to knock on the door any day now. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, there's weird people out there that listen to this. I can't see a fan, a listener...

Man, you don't see the texts that I get all day, every day. Do they say, I am definitely going to steal your licence plate? No, but for example, literally, I'm on the tram getting here today, obviously on the tram, because I still haven't got licence plates on my car. I did one a couple of times, I've seen you at a gig where you were asking me to bring T-shirts to you and stuff. And I was like, you driving to the gig?

You're like, nah. I'm like, why would you not drive to this gig? It's on the other side of the city from your house. Yes, yes. Yeah, no, I've been off the city from your house. Yes. Yes. Yeah. No, I've been off the road for a little bit now. But like, for example, yeah, these are the sort of people that hit me up every day,

literally on the tram before I got here, like 50 metres away from the stop. I'd just been uploading pictures from last week's live podcast from Ballarat. And just someone out of the blue texted me, get a fucking haircut. Oh. Oh. Nice.

Well, I'm glad there's a direct gateway to me like that. Wow. So this ties in with, I saw you tweet about this the other day, Tom. I don't know if you want to talk about this, about you having to go to court. Yeah, no, that's fine. Oh, really?

For stealing number plates? That's why we've got you here. Absolutely. Well, what happened was I was driving Stealing number plates That's why we've got you here Absolutely Well what happened was I was driving And I hadn't I was unlicensed But I didn't know

I was unlicensed So So I got pulled over And they said You haven't got a licence Yeah And I said Well

I didn't know How do you not know? Well I'd kind of been away A little bit What card was it? Was it like a Fucking blockbuster card in your wallet that you thought was a driver's license?

No, as in like I had a license. It had expired. As in it had been like whatever, like I'd been banned from the roads. Whatever, I'd been banned from the roads. Yeah, that little thing. So then I went to court and I said, well, I hadn't got the letter, which I may or may not have got. Like I'm not trying to incriminate myself right now.

But I've already pled guilty. And then, so I was in there and then you're shocked about the caliber of people surrounding you, you're sitting in the magistrate's court waiting to go in. And basically the magistrate said, dude, you can plead guilty and I'll give you a $600 fine and you can just keep driving. And I was like, all right. Or you can fight this, that you have you didn't get

the letter which you probably did and so i just said all right i'm guilty so that was that man no prison nothing like that fuck finally some rap star cred for you there yeah two pack got what seven what how many times they get shot or 50 cent got shot like seven times nine times two back went to jail Yeah And yeah You drove unlicensed I drove unlicensed You're up there You're throwing out 600 bucks to Vic Rhodes

Yeah So now That'd be the great thing of Vic Rhodes If you're doing that Like for Rapstar Cred And you paid your 600 bucks Just going Yeah

Six $100 notes Making it rain in the rego office Can you pay in cash? How far do you reckon you'd get If you got in your car without plates on it and just went for a drive? How long do you reckon you'd last before? I did wonder. I was thinking about doing the experiment driving to here

to see if I could get away with it or not. But it just looks ridiculous. It just looks really odd. You know that stuff when you see people on the road just doing things that are really odd? Like to me, just smoking a cigarette as you're driving a car looks super odd You know that stuff When you see people on the road Just doing things that are really odd Like to me Just smoking a cigarette As you're driving a car Looks super odd to me

Yeah It just looks like You're watching someone From the 70s or something It just looks like a weird thing Yeah Don't you think? I can't wait to see

What's going to happen with this Are you going to get Like an ETAG fine Or a Yeah a petrol thing Well I've got to go And get a new licence plate That's the thing

I just want to know what Get custom plates Get custom plates Yeah D-U-M D-U-M Do I just want to know what my- Get custom plates. Get custom plates. Yeah. D-U-M, D-U-M. Do it. Oh. Yes.

Or get got him. Do it. Get custom plates. G-O-T-T-A-M. How much does it cost? It's not that much more than just having to get plates anyway. Really? Yeah.

I don't think it's that much more. Do it. That's- Please. That's a new level- Carl, please. That's a new level of person I'm turning into if I do that. Yeah.

Yeah, look at you. You're already there. says the man in the flu you're right i do look like someone who should have yeah well it's like i was like i put in the in the haymates magazine that's through the patreon thing something that you really took a fancy to yes there was someone that i didn't think this was as funny a story as you thought it was but i'll say great there's there was a woman that we knew I grew up in a town called Maribor you're from Adelaide

so it's the same sort of level that's where Matthew Dover is from the basketball player you're right yeah you're right his mum

taught me at school there you go small place yeah so his mum taught me in prep

wow so sliding doors there there you go now here you are in the final of the soccer team. And he's in the NBA. Dressed like an actual basketball. She did a good job with both of you. She taught us well.

So, yeah. So there's a lot of freaks that are in our town. We did this weird thing called the list of Mirabar. Where once we left Mirabar, me and my friends, we just made a list of all the people that we'd given nicknames to and that had super stupid weird stories about them. And so one I was telling Tommy that he took a fancy to was there was a woman we called Hi Jude

because she went to get personalised number plates because she loved that song Hey Jude. But that doesn't fit on a number plate. So she just got Hi Jude and just drove around with the wrong song on a number plate So she just got Hi Jude And just drove around with the wrong song On a number plate How do you not think that's that good It's just beautiful

It's just someone's tunnel vision With needing it It's not a tribute anymore It's not It's like Paul McCartney Na na na na na na na G'day Jude It's not. It's like Paul McCartney. G'day, Jude.

It's not the same thing anymore. Oh, please get personalised plates. Please. What do you do? What do I have to do to get you to do this? I'll do anything, Carl. But to get what? Either dum-dum or got him. If you got got him, that would be amazing.

Well, you must be able to look online to what's available because there's already stuff that's taken. A listener has sent it to us before. Right. They've looked up got him and said you can get it. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah.

Well, I can't get hi Jude. Maybe I can get bi Jude. B-I-J-U-D-E. B-I Jude. Bisexual Jude. Bicarious Jude. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll look it up. B-I dude Bisexual dude Bicurious dude Yeah Alright well I'll look it up I'll look it up

It depends on how much it is Because that's crazy Yeah I'm going to feel weird Would you actually do it? If it's like It's not that much Yeah

You seriously would do it? Because this is the thing Fuck yes This is the thing I looked up how much it is To get replacement normal plates Yeah Because I'm like

Oh this is going to take The rest of my week My number plates have been stolen I've probably got to go to the cop shop i've got to go to vic roads uh it's going to be like i'm going to have to order a plate so i just ring them up and go look this is what's happened someone's stolen my plates what happens now and they go uh just rock up to vic roads and just grab them off the counter like do i have to order them or anything they're like no no no don't just have some lying around oh just grab them off the counter. I'm like, do I have to order them or anything? They're like, no, no, no. They'll just have some lying around. Oh, it's just random, right.

I'm like, oh yeah, but how much is it going to be? 500 bucks? They're like, no, 20 bucks. Yeah. Whoa.

This is a really easy thing to have number plates on your car. Yeah. 20 bucks? Yeah. I might get a few. One for every day of the week. Yeah.

You're just going to license other stuff? Like your clothes and your girlfriend and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put them on my week. Yeah. You're just going to license other stuff? Like your clothes and your girlfriend and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put them on my bike. Yeah. If this is a fan that's done this, Tom, you've got, we talked I think a bit on the last episode you were on, you've got a very devoted fan base.

Do you have people that cross over and try and steal your shit from you? Surely. Steal my stuff. Not everyone knows where I live. A few people I've found out and come and, like, knocked on the door, you know, in the middle of the night. Oh, really? Middle of the night.

Yeah, in the middle of the day. But the middle of the night is a little bit more ominous. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know. Like, that's always a bit like. That's a weird choice. I mean, if I was going to do that to an artist that I really liked,

I'd go, it's already weird. You've got to go middle of the day. Even if it didn't suit me at all. Yeah, but that's almost a bit... That's also weird, though, just the middle of the day, just three o'clock, knock, knock. At least if you, you know, it's middle of the night, you're probably drunk, so you can sort of get away with it.

Middle of the day, it's like, yeah, yeah, just came in recess. Yeah. How you going? It's actually, you'd feel a lot weirder. How many people have done this, turned up at your house? You want some sort of rep map? I honestly, it's just like I'm just, because I'm always walking around Brunswick,

so a few people have like just followed me. Yeah. It's not too bad. It's usually like cool people. Yeah. But if it wasn't, it'd be scary, you know what I mean, if they weren't cool. Do you know Mac DeMarco, the musician?

He has a thing where he says, sorry. Yeah, he's put his address out there publicly. Oh. At the end of like an album, I think, yeah. The last song on his last album, he just goes, here's where I live, come and see me if you want. And I read a thing of a journalist just hanging out at his house for a couple of days.

And it's a constant stream of people like knocking on the, it's a great thing of like, yeah, we'll go meet this musician we really like. And then they get there and one of his housemates answers. And they're like, oh yeah, Mac's out the back. Come on in and say hello. And then they're all of a sudden like, oh, what do we do now? We hadn't thought beyond just knocking on the door.

But with the internet, everything's so easy to find. I'm sure you can sort of find everything you want. It is really cool that Mac DeMarco does that. It'll be tiring though, you know. You rang me just before to tell me and your number came up and I didn't have your number. How did you get my number? Did you Google it? Because when I was a comedian

I used to have to call you and go, give us a spot. See, that's what I mean. You're too paranoid. You're like, I found it off Google. He Googled me. That's how he got my number. Okay, alright. No, I just got your number plate and I Googled that and I got. You're too paranoid. You're like, oh, he found it off Google. He Googled me. That's how he got my number. Okay. All right. Yeah. No, I just got your number plate and I Googled that. I got the phone number off that.

What about you, Demi? Because with female comics, I always feel that maybe it's a bit spooky. Demi's already like, don't even go there. No, not in a happy. Not in a not cool way. Demi, are women funny? How do you do it? How do you talk about your dick when you don't have one?

No. When, like, I feel like female comedians. I think I talk about my dick way more than any male comics. I reckon you do too, yeah. I think I 100% do. Sorry, go on. Yeah, people do say, oh, yeah, comics and all their dick jokes. I can't think of anyone that does any dick jokes.

I told my boyfriend the other day, I was talking to him. All right, mate, we've all got boyfriends. Yeah, all right. That's the whole story. I was with my boyfriend. I made some joke about, I think it was like fucking a spider. I was just talking to him and I was like, how would you do that? You'd kill it.

And I was like, yeah, you'd have to like mash it onto the end of your dick. And he was like, and I was talking about like me doing it. He was like, why do you always assume that you have a dick in these situations? You do it all. And I have to say you act out as well. And you have a huge dick when you do the act out. You are fucking packing hate.

Thanks slugger. Despite the fact that in actuality you have the smallest dick out of everyone in here. I know, I know. Shut up. Don't. No but do you get a lot of like weirdos because I feel like from the outside looking in it looks like girl comedians get a lot of unwanted attention from

weirdo comedy fans. A lot more than what we do anyway. In some cases weirdo comedy promot? A lot more than what we do anyway. In some cases, weirdo comedy promoters. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, a bit. I get a lot of random ads on Facebook, but they're pretty easy to ignore. But at gigs, if people

do weird shit and be like, hey, you bloody... I'd just be like, yuck, and walk away. That's not weird when people come up and say you're funny, by the way. That's the thing that you aim for. No, I don't like it. It is if they're still making laughing noises to act out what their reaction was. But we should get into this because you guys, Demi and Tom,

you're both from Adelaide. And you guys kind of were doing comedy around there at the same time. Yeah. Totally. We went on a bloody road trip. We went on a road trip to Canberra together. Oh. That Green Faces?

Green Faces. Green Faces. Which neither of us won, if I recall correctly. What? Tom Shaw won and we both lost. Yeah. Because there was a national competition called Green Faces. It's not around anymore where they'd have a state-by-state

every week winner of like there'd be a state heat. So one week everyone from Adelaide would come up to Canberra. Yeah, there were heats in every state for every state. But the heats all happened in Canberra. Yeah. For some weird reason. At the Irish Club. Yes.

Everyone would get in a bus and drive to Canberra. But you guys, so Adelaide to Canberra, was that an overnight trip or was that? Yeah, that's where we stayed in like Wagga Wagga or some weird thing. Yeah, some place I don't know anything about it but there was um that was a weird time we all

had to like prank each other because of Chong's challenge do you remember that yeah we all did Craig told us he was driving back to Adelaide to get

another comedian oh my god we'd just driven for like nine hours so let's just so weird let's use a little bit of context

people at home their minds are going kablooey right now. Let's try not to fuck the spider too hard. We had, no, there was just, there's a comedian in Adelaide, Jason Chong, and he would just give, like every year on the Canberra trip, he gave everybody challenges that you had to do. Because you are driving a long time. It takes maybe 15, 18 hours.

Yeah, it was ages. Do you remember Georgie Carroll, who's great and still lives in Adelaide? Her challenge for you was that on – Quick comedy and become a rapper. Nice one, Georgie. Can you tell me what to do with the rest of my life? Her face is red right now. She had to tell you she was going to steal one of your jokes for the gig.

Oh, wow. And she did it on – it was gonna steal one of your jokes for the gig oh and she did it on the like it was five minutes to get to the gig and she was like well i have to do it before we get on stage and she was like hey i was just thinking of doing this joke and i know it's like yours and you're like yeah it's pretty much exactly my joke she's like yeah i reckon i'm gonna do it and you and you were just sitting in the front seat like this is fucked and then like we all got out. And she was like, hey, Chung Challenge. And you were like, fuck, I was actually thinking I'm never going to fucking talk to you again.

You were so angry. It's weird. I haven't thought of that, but I was really mad. Yeah. So, yeah, it became, like, fun because we had pranks to do. It sounds fun. Yeah. I had to, like, just eat someone's food, like, just take some of their food.

And I just took one of Georgie's slices of pizza and the challenge was like you have to just eat some of their food and then spit it out and say yuck. And I did it and she was like, oh, all right, and just finished her pizza and I was like, never mind. So John's just puppet master of this trip. He's going up to you all and like, yeah. He wasn't there.

He would text us from home. He wasn't even on the trip. Yeah, no. And so you'd get your challenge and then you'd have to execute it in secret. Oh, yeah. He wasn't there. He would text us from home. Oh, he wasn't even on the trip. Yeah, no. It was just tradition. And so you'd get your challenge and then you'd have to execute it in secret. Oh, wow. He's like Jigsaw, just offside. No, he's like Charlie in Charlie's Angels.

Charlie's fuckheads. Yeah. How do you remember the gig going? I thought I was in because it was an Irish club and I'm Irish. Yeah. But, yeah. Just to be clear, it's in Irish club and I'm Irish. Yeah. But – Yeah, and I thought I had it because I – It's in Canberra, not Ireland.

Yeah. But then Tom Shaw, who's even more Irish than me, Irish accent and all. Yeah, actual Irish. Actual Irish. I thought I was going to win because, like, I'm a leprechaun, you know. Because that gig, like, that gig is like – It's a little bit of a rite of passage. Yeah, especially when you're first starting.

So it's like some people doing it have been doing comedy for a year and the people that run the gig they rent the van they pay for the van they you get put up like you get which is like just unheard of when you're that early on in your one year into comedy for sure yeah getting a free hotel amazing and not only that the sweet per diem that i always appreciated i think i did it twice you go up there it's like they put on the van. You get up there and you're waiting around for an hour or two before the gig and they go, here you go, boys, and give you a voucher for the canteen, for the restaurant there.

And it's a $7 voucher. I was like, there is nothing in there less than $14. So you're not getting anything. Yeah, there's no $7 note. So we've just printed up a sheet of paper for you. It's like coming up and going, there you go. Thanks for coming and driving the camera for eight hours. Here's half a meatloaf.

Yeah. And the great psychological thing, which would have been worse for you guys doing a longer drive back to Adelaide, where you go up and you're all sort of on the same level. You're like, how's the gig going to go? We all want to get through. Who's going to win? And then you go to the gig and someone does win.

So suddenly on the way back, it's like a completely and someone does win, so suddenly on the way back, it's like a completely different relationship. There's a hierarchy on the way back. Yeah, there's a hierarchy. I get the best seat. I beat all of you shitheads. Yeah. Have I ever told this story in the podcast?

I'm sure I've told you a lot of times off the podcast, but my green faces experience? I don't know that you have. Right. Well, okay. So one year that I went up, the first, yeah, I was in my first year comedy and we went up and uh this guy this much older guy was on first i think and he went on and he

went very badly and he was sort of like a pretty mean looking guy pretty rough looking guy i think he'd been in jail before when you say much older guy would you say he was the age that you are no well maybe he was a bit older he looked even meaner than me right now he looked even more Was the age that you are currently. No, well, maybe. He was a bit older. He looked even meaner than me right now. He looked even more street. Yeah. Street.

Street. So he went on, did very badly. And, you know, those gigs were great. They were always full and they were actually really good gigs. So he went on, did really badly, and then sort of came off and he was devastated he'd gone so badly. But they also used to put a big garbage bin full of beer and ice out the back. So because he was off first, he's like, okay, well the rest of my night is devoted to drinking this bin dry.

So he starts in on that. So everyone else goes on and does very well. And the more the night went on, the more beers he'd had and the the you know the different idea he'd had about the gig so at the start he came off went oh that was oh fuck oh we did so bad he just had more beers more beers but the third and fourth act that went on he's like i fucking killed that gig i was great i was really good then it gets to the end and they announced the winner and he's on the phone uh like to his wife or his girlfriend, and they announced someone else as the winner and he's on the phone just going,

these fucking assholes. They fucking rigged it. They rigged this. I was the best and they're keeping me down. You know why? Because I didn't suck the organiser's dick. He's saying this all in front of all the other competitors. Wow. Everyone else, we're just front of all the other competitors. Wow.

Everyone else, we're just going, all right, we know exactly what you think of us. Yeah. By saying, yeah, you only won because you suck someone's dick for some reason. Anyway, we're now just like hanging around this guy on purpose. He's walking around the venue and we're following him just to hear what else crazy stuff he's saying to his wife on the phone. He's on the phone to his wife for an hour. Then it comes to a time where we go, oh, that's right. This bit happens now. We all get told to get back on the bus to his wife on the phone he's on the phone to his wife for an hour then it comes to a time where we go oh that's right this bit happens now we all get told to get back on the bus to go back to the hotel yeah so we all have to get back on the bus with that guy yeah that guy

gets on the bus everyone is stone silent on the bus on the way home there's six of us on the bus he just keeps saying on the bus these fucking assholes i fucking i can feel that they fucking don't like me. I can feel their thoughts, but fuck them. I hate them. And you know what else? You know what they don't know about me? You know what they don't know about me? I've got a six inch knife in my boot. So I wonder what they think

about that. And is he on the phone at this point? Yes. Oh my god. No, he's not talking to himself. I mean, all bets are off at this point in my head. I don't know if the phone's on. So he says all this stuff on the bus and then we get back to the... Imagine being the wife on the other end of that call.

Yes, honey, I know about the knife. I helped you pack it into your duffel bag. Yes, yes, yes. No, I'm sure. I just picture her as this real quaint, like, really nice house, like, sipping tea. Maybe he's done it before. She raced him up the stairs and got into bed first,

so he just gets smashed and he's like, she only fucking got up those stairs because she sucked my dick. Because she sucked the stairs dick. Yeah, she's saying to him, yes, honey, I packed it. I put glad wrap around it, honey. Oh, no. So then we get out In this hotel in Canberra

By the way Are you sure at this point This wasn't all just part Of the Chong challenge Like Jason Chong's just been On the phone from Adelaide Yeah yeah

This'll be great Just convince everyone That you're gonna murder them In their sleep Gotcha Yeah imagine those threats For 13 hours back to Adelaide So we just get back to the hotel

And then everyone's just In silence the whole time And then everyone gets Off the bus And then finds a reason To check to see if the engine's okay on the bus. There's nothing wrong with the bus at all. So we get given two hotel rooms to split up, you know, three each or whatever. Everyone just waits for him to go into one of the hotel rooms and then goes, all right, five in one, let's all do it.

Oh, so bad. And then nearly all of us went, you know what, let's fly back. And then got on the plane the next day instead of getting on the bus, except for the one guy who was supposed to be the driver. So the driver just went back with that one guy. So he could feel your thoughts and he did have them. Oh, man, that's rotten that you got a fucking on his own. Fuck, that's terrifying.

Every man for himself in a situation like that. He should have done the same the same thing just cheap hotel in canberra that's like the ultimate place to get murdered yeah yeah exclusively that's where it happens in your time uh you know touring the world doing uh doing concerts have you done anything that compares to doing green faces do you do any competitions has there been any no i haven't like comedy i felt like we were always doing competitions yeah yeah raw and then there was like there's a one around adelaide which would tour kind of um community centers oh yeah remember that one up in the northern suburbs which would it was a lot of elderly people yeah that was really weird and they fucking hated me didn't you win that one time when we all went like i think we had just come back from green faces

or something it was you me and tom and Tom Shaw and like Julia and stuff. I feel like you won but you felt bad about it because we were all friends so you bought everybody drinks or something. Sounds like a really cool thing to do. I don't know that. Yeah, I don't know. It was weird. How could elderly people hate you?

Don't you just remind them all of their grandsons? Yeah, I don't know. I think probably because I was screaming cunt and stuff, you know, in like an RSL. That's a pretty edgy material. That's a great idea for a comedy comp, doing it in front of old people. No, that's the worst idea. That's real just baptism by fire.

Don't we kind of do that at Spleen? No, that's just the promoter. Yeah. Got me. Hey, how about this? I work sometimes on that TV show called The Project. Sometimes I go in and do a little bit of work for them. And part of the job is like you sort of, you know, do some jokes

and they get you to monitor like the Facebook and the Twitter feeds and stuff like that, which is always interesting, especially when they have anything to do with Muslims on the show. Oh, boy. Good to know what middle Australia think about that. But they send a lot of weird messages. A lot of time people are just saying, oh, what's Carrie wearing tonight?

And, you know, when's Waleed going to get shot? Stuff like, you know, cool stuff like that. Oh, man, there are some brutal messages in there. Anyway, here's a message maybe i shouldn't have said what show i go to but here is a here is a message that i you know you have to check all the messages people put through and say hey thanks for listening and here's the answer that this is this is you know hey carrie where's treasure way tonight or whatever uh so here is a message that got sent through

that I thought was very good. It was a complaint from firefighters in the middle of some fire. Those cunts. Going to rant here, whilst we were resting in Rockingham after a 30-hour shift fighting a fire, we got up to go back to the fire,

but we had to get a feed first since it was late, about 10.30 p.m. So we decided to go to McDonald's in Rockingham, on point for this podcast, Reed Street. Upon the bus driver parking the bus, we all headed to the fast food joint. We reached the door and it was locked. We looked at the staff and asked, could we come in? They said, no, go through the drive-thru. We said, we only have a bus. It's too big for the drive-thru. And being that we needed feeding and had to go back to a fire,

could we come in? The manager then turned to us and through a locked door, he told us to, and I quote, get far. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and I quote, get fucked. The phrase, any time you hear the phrase, and I quote, you go, this is going to be good. When someone has to stress that this is an embellishment, this did happen in real life.

And I like that, and I quote, like, you know, don't paraphrase it and say, get rooted. You don't want the McDonald's manager chiming in and go, I did not say get rooted. Come on. What did I say? Get fucked. Thank you.

Thank you. That's cold, man. Thank you. Oh, wow. I'm in the heroes of Australia every summer risking their lives. But would that have really happened? Has that ever happened where firefighters try to go through the drive-thru, they say, please, just open up the door, and the manager through the door goes,

to someone with a huge hose, get fucked. Does that ever happen? To someone with a huge hose. They're not taking the hose into the restaurant with them. Mate, can you just fill this thing up with Diet Coke, mate? No, just fill it up with nuggets so we can feed everyone back at the site. Oh, my God. We've tried everything.

Water's not working. Maybe we'll give McFlurries a go. Maybe that'll put out this inferno. Is that the end of the message? No, no, there's one more line. Right. So, so do you, Mr Mackers. Pull your head in.

And this has been sent for context to the project Yes So they've thought we'll get our best men on the case Who's the real champion of the people out there Yeah Limo on the boys down at the project They'll sort this out Yeah

That's more I don't know how they're going to fix that situation That's more at a current affairs wheelhouse Where they'd go in and do a bit of gotcha journalism And just like be at the front door going Go on mate tell us to get fucked It's good enough for the fireys. Wow, that is wild stuff.

I would just love to see if that actually happened. But then again, it's just as stupid to make up a story, to go, I'll get them back, I'll tell the project, they told me to get fucked. They didn't even tell me that. I mean, look, they're fireys, so you've got to take them at their word. Yeah, exactly.

Absolutely. I would say, in a way, McDonald's managers are heroes to us as well. Yeah, that's true. I don't know. I'm torn here. You trust the Fierys 100 times out of 100 against Macca's manager. Yeah. No offence to the Macca's manager.

Yeah, well, they've got that big hose. You've got to trust them. I don't know how I feel about also Fierys, like they've been working for 30 hours to put this inferno out. If I was in like a bushfire affected area, I don't know how I feel about my firefighters going back out onto the scene full of McDonald's. You know what I mean?

If you're in harsh conditions. But what an awesome visual. What do you want your firefighters eating? Just anything that's not McDonald's. I don't want them like on the front lines putting out this fire and then going, oh God, I'm going to shit myself. Put the hose down for ten minutes we don't want them

spewing on the fire ideally yeah I'd like them eating a kale and quinoa salad exactly it's energising it's not really up to us yeah

so just to be clear good caveat so to be clear the McDonald's manager in this case wanted them to drive the fire truck through the driveway

oh man that would be good. And, like, just passing the McDonald's, passing the brown paper bags onto, like, the Dalmatian dogs that they've got? Yeah. Is that still a thing? I don't know. Is that just a thing in cartoons?

I don't know. I highly doubt that they're out there in bushfire-affected regions throwing a Dalmatian into the mix. What were they ever supposed to do? What do the Dalmatians do on a fire truck anyway? I don't know. What did Ren and Stimpy do when they worked

for the fire brigade in that episode? I don't know. Have I told this on the podcast before about my Macca's drive-thru incident a couple of years ago

where what a lot of them do now is they shut up the shop like at a certain time but the drive-thru is still open. Like kind of sounds like kind of

what's happened here. But like late, late at night. Like so I was, some of them now what they do, because I've done this, they'll still let you walk through the drive-thru. But this one wouldn't let us. So we had to sit there and wait for a car to come past and sort of co-opt them and go,

guys, can you get us like 10 nuggets? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And just give them 20 bucks to get our food. Yeah, it's like you're underage and you're trying to get like a good bag from the drive-thru. Yeah. So we do that. They go through, they get their order

and then I'm sort of like waiting at the other bit where they come out and they sort of slow down just far enough for me to like go, hey. And then they're like, ah, sucked in and they drive off. But like as a prank, they're like ah sucked in and they drive off but like as a plant they've just driven up the street but i've never felt myself have such anger in my heart like i was like i was literally running after the car going i will fucking murder you you dog cunts like i've never felt that wave of just sheer aggression come over me no and, and I quote, I will murder you, you bad cunts. Yeah, it was really gnarly to tap into that. But I mean, I think this is

like before the project. I didn't even know to ask the project to get onto the beat. Back in a time where you didn't have to ask TV shows what to do in a McDonald's situation like that. Oh, I just remembered. So with the stolen number plates, this is what happened like a couple of days later.

So a couple of days later, so my car is sitting out there without licence plates on it. Someone wedges a note on my windscreen and I think immediately, oh, I've been waiting for this. Like the tenants in the apartment block I'm in, there's some real old biddies in there that have got nothing to do but complain about me putting my washing out and stuff like that or having a dirty front door or stuff. I just want to complain about everything that I ever do in there. Your front door is filthy. Yeah.

All these people knocking on it. Cover it with all your kablooey juice. Yes. Oh, I'm so happy to be home. Yeah. I can't wait. I'm busted oh so close

so number 47 so I I I figured this is a complaint this is some sort of ticket

for not having a number plates or anything instead I've got like two different notes from people from apparently two different people

saying oh I noticed your car. Do you want to sell it? Do you want to, I'll buy your car for a reasonable price. And I'm like, wow, that's a weird thing to have two people do that and leave two notes like that. And my girlfriend saw it and went,

it's obviously the thieves. It's obviously the thieves that stole the number plate. I'm like, how is that a master plan? You steal someone's number plates and you come back and go, now I'll just buy the rest of it. I've stolen one bit and I'll just have the rest of it now. I don't know. I don't think that that's…

I don't get that theory. But does it drastically reduce the value of your car not having number plates? Well, I don't know whether that's some sort of idiotic master plan. If someone goes, well, I've knocked off your number plates. Well, you can't drive it now. So you'll have to just knock the price down and sell it to me. What kind of car do you have? Is it just like a normal car?

This is like a 1990 BMW. Oh, so it is a car that somebody might really create a master plan to purchase. You know, it's like 26 years old. Don't you have to like get in it through the boot or some shit? Yes. I was about to say that. Yeah. Yeah.

If you really wanted to create that complicated a master plan to steal the car, I would have stolen a different car to be honest. Because my car is, yeah, you can't open it from the front door. You have to open the boot first. But you don't climb in the boot. For some reason you open the boot and then it's got the master central locking there and then the rest of the car is open.

Wow, look at this. There's McDonald's wrappers on the back seat from four years ago. I don't even print them like that anymore. It would be worth something to a collector. I'm going to get this for a bargain. Yeah, there's something a bit like that. But I was like... Because I get why people think it's for sale.

You see a car on the street with no licence plates on it. Yeah. I mean, it's one step away from being up on some cinder blocks. Absolutely. That's why, because it's older. Yeah, well, I sort of tricked myself into thinking, no, it's just a coincidence. Like, people going, no, it's a good car.

And I'm like, yeah, it is a good car. So I texted them back and went, well, how much are you how much and the both people are like i didn't really have an idea i'm just gonna tear it apart and use it for parts like ah fuck you no would you ever sell that car i plan on not selling it just because i don't think it'd be worth much yeah and i like it yeah i've looked my girlfriend continually asked me when I'm going to sell the car. Yeah. Which I don't think it, you know, it wouldn't make much money. So I'm just going to drive until it absolutely breaks down.

Drive it into the ground. Yeah. That's what will happen to you. You'll be driving to, you know, you'll be driving to Canberra again or something. You'll be on the freeway and it'll just conk out. It'll conk out. The RACV will come to rescue me and go, oh, bloody no wonder that conked out. Look at your number plates.

Dumb, dumb. Yeah. You fucking sure are. You sure did got him. But no. Yeah. So people out there, man, I'm so interested to know if SYR465, I either want someone to spot it on the road or I want it to turn up in some sort of police report as in someone's committed a crime under my name, under my good name that's got no police record.

Oh, you're going to get your wish. It's going in the next few days. Yeah. I can't wait to see. Maybe, hey, you can change the course for album two. It can just be a concept album about this guy and his fucked existence. SYR465. Oh, yeah, great album name.

Yeah. You should make merch Of that license plate Yeah That's a good idea No Why? You're not getting it back What do you care?

Yeah Get it more famous Yeah Well you can You know I'm gonna Yeah alright Well look

That's the next That's the next plan I'll go and see about These personalized number plates Yeah I'll see if I can do anything I can't believe you're Actually considering this

It's so good It's great It's so great This is not like I don't want to pay $1,000 to have got him. We could have just looked it up in the time that it's taken. Do some talking. I'll look it up now so we can have some closure on this. Yeah.

Feel some time. Demi, do a little dance for the podcast. Fuck. I think I've done enough for you guys. Well, what about this? While we talk about this, I actually had a listener approach me at a comedy gig the other night and they were from Brisbane. We've got a lot of live shows coming up soon. We're doing Adelaide.

We're doing your hometown very soon. If you guys could get onto your fucking idiot people from Adelaide and tell them to buy some tickets. They are the worst ticket buying people in the world. This is why. The Melbourne Victorians have a sense of superiority. Creates all the attention. I would love them if they bought any tickets but like brisbane they're all a hundred years old i don't know fair enough um brisbane are awesome brisbane bought so many tickets so far do you find that do you find it harder to sell tickets

in adelaide or uh it's weird adelaide's weird because it's got so like you know a lot of people so if you do a show it's got a different vibe because there's a lot of people going that's my mate or that's my friend's mate or that's this guy or that

so it's like everyone's just going good on him like he's up there and I know him but half the show is just people you know do you have a lot of people

like when you go play shows now do you have like people crawling out of the woodwork trying to get on the door list and I don't give I don't care

like I I will happily put you on the door that's more people oh yes that's good to know for the future i remember i went to one of your gigs once like years ago like when you still lived in adelaide i'm pretty sure and we were doing comedy and somebody i remember some dude just got clocked in the face while you were on stage and just like collapsed and they had to call the ambulance and stuff. And me and the people I was there with were like, well, seems like it's kicking off. Let's get out of here.

Like we didn't stay for the end of the gig. That's not a regular occurrence for anyone who's considering buying tickets. That was actually two of my friends. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, so Adelaide's coming up soon for us. So please go and get tickets despite the fact I just called you all idiots. Heaps of you came last time, so get some tickets.

It's going to be heaps of fun. Brisbane, though, why don't we bring that up? So Brisbane, I ran into a Brisbane listener of the show last week, came to a comedy gig. He's like, can't wait, can't wait for you guys to come up to Brisbane. We've sold so many tickets already. We're like, awesome, you guys are the best. Then he goes, yeah, you know what?

I came to like a Melbourne live show, one of your last ones in Melbourne, and I really loved it. I'm such a big fan of the show. I'm like, oh, awesome. Thanks, man. He goes, yeah, you know what? You know what he did after the show? I'm such a fan.

I saw Daslow after the show, and I think he had a few beers or something, and I went up to him and I went, man, man, I love the show. I just want to do this to you. Here's, you know what, here's 20 bucks. I'm just going to put 20 bucks in your hand. Thanks so much for doing this for the show. And then he goes, Dassault's hand was all like sweaty and disgusting and I was like, hey, man, go and buy something really gross with this.

And he was like, oh, man, I definitely am going to do that. I'm going to do that. What? So, guys. What a cool story. So, this is an ad for the show. Come and touch Daslow's disgusting, sweaty, gross hair. He's really giving you, when this story is happening,

you're fucking asleep in the street. Yeah. Literally, Tom, this is a true thing that happened. We did a gig where Chandler got so drunk afterwards that he fell asleep in the street in Richmond. Wow. Oh, pardon me for having a clammy hand after a couple of drinks. Hey, to be fair, we can't confirm that because I was unconscious

and I don't know how I got there. So I could have been drugged, it could have been anything. By the way, it seems like depending on what colour combination you get, it's a different price. Yeah. Because I've put in a couple of different ones. But just black on white, $495. Oh, $500 to get Dum Dum or Got Tim.

To get Got Tim. Surely you could get like a GoFundMe page or something happening for this. Yeah. What about if I just get one of those misspelt ones like, hi Jude, just Got Tim. Can I get that? Wait, no. You think that if it's a spelling error it's going to be cheaper?

If you ask for a spelling error, it's going to push it down. But maybe M's are more expensive than N's. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Imagine trying to butter with them. It's like, there's less going on here. Yeah. There's more material in an M than an N.

So maybe it's cheaper. You just get six eyes. The cheapest license plate. And be like, see, guys, the reference from my podcast. Listen to the podcast when we always say Eeeee Welcome back to the only podcast that Exclusively dogs can hear Okay well guys

500 bucks is a lot We got some good money in that Patreon skyrocket 500 dollars to spend on something that makes me look like an even bigger dickhead than normal I don't know if that's worth it

well you paid money for all those clothes you're wearing at the moment alright guys I think we should wrap it up there Demi Larder Tom Gaynor thank you very much

for joining us always an immense pleasure Aldo what have you got down the pipe that people can check out? Down my... Down the pipe. Tell us about your pipe.

I'd like to hear about your pipe. Unblock your pipes for us. All right. So, in the pipe is... I'm finishing my album and then I'll just be around, making songs, hanging out, staying alive, breathing oxygen. Cool. Turn up to your house at midnight, knock on the door.

Yeah. See what's up. Yeah. Get on your Twitter and Instagram and all that sort of stuff, yeah. Yes. At old HIV way. And the album that's out is Startup Cult, which people can find on iTunes. Yeah.

And it's part of retailers. Yeah. That's a bit old now, but there's a new one coming. Well, if you want to hear one of his songs, come to my comedy gigs. You'll get a bit of kablooey for your ears Demi you've got the festival's coming up I've got it coming up

the show's called Life Mechanic go to my website it's demilardner.com I'm going to be coming on Chandler's door I guess oh yeah

my podcast We Are Not Doctors That I do with Bart Freeband It's good You can go leave a voicemail for it And we'll answer your question Give you some horrible advice Oh yeah

Go to your website Because you can actually do that Record a question for you guys Yeah Leave a voicemail And we'll play it on the podcast Yeah Cool

We've got What have we got Adelaide February 13 We've got Brisbane March 20 And then we've got the entire Melbourne Comedy Festival Brisbane We've got one show sold out

we've put another one on sale that is now half sold out and we're going to do a stand up show after the two podcasts so go to our website for all our stuff

Melbourne and we've got solo shows and let's do this quickly every week we give a shout out to the Patreon the people if you sign up

on patreon.com slash little dum dum club and sponsor us for any amount of money if it's over $5 over over $2, you get a shout out and you get heaps of gifts, rewards and stuff like that. So guys, thank you so much this week to this week's sponsors. These are the big boys. These are the guys that chuck in 30 a month.

Oh, baby. 30 big ones a month, which is pretty sweet. So give them a lot of love. Straight into that sweaty hand of mine. Yeah. Into that unconscious grip of mine. Alexander R. Corbett. Thank you so much, Corbo.

Ronnie Corbett's relation in some way. That could be an R in the middle. Alexander Ronnie Corbett. Yeah. R. Kelly, R. Corbett. That's a reference that our 13-year-old guests can fully understand. What's happening?

Wait, what? You know the two Ronnies? Oh, yeah. I'm a reference to our 13-year-old guest. What's happening? Wait, what? You know the two Ronnies? Oh, yeah. I'm a bigger fan of Barker, to be honest. Oh, Ronnie Barker. There you go. I don't think anybody

agrees with me, but Barker was way better, I thought. Well, that show Open All Hours that he was on was excellent. It was better than the two Ronnies. I thought Porridge was great.

Oh, yeah. A lot of people think that too. It's my favourite. Yeah. Matt Andre. Hey, he's a friend of ours from Perth. I know Matt Andre from frequent abuse of us on Facebook.

And more likely, he's obsessed with calling Dilwook Jai Singh a fat on Facebook. Wow. Now, that is the pot calling the kettle black. So, thank you to Andre. Matt Andre the Giant. There you go. There's some sweet riffing. Good stuff.

Jackson Rogers. Thanks, Rogo. Jackson Rogers. Two surnames. There you go. There's some sweet riffing. Good stuff. Jackson Rogers. Thanks, Rogo. Jackson Rogers. Two surnames. Thank you for doing that. Chris Breaker. I've never heard of you before, Chris. Breaker, Breaker.

Thanks for the money. Oh, my God. Why wouldn't people chuck in money to us to hear stuff like this? This is so good. This cost him $30. He should get stuff that good. This, man. I feel embarrassed that you're not coming out with raps as good as our rhymes like this.

Was that a rhyme? Taking it all in. Typically it was. I just said his name twice, so it did kind of rhyme, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Breaker rhymes with breaker. Yeah. I don't think there's another word that rhymes as well.

What the fuck? Big claim. Vicky Hanlon. Ah, the Hanlons. Vicky Hanlon, one of the Hanlons. One of the Hanlons, yeah. Yes, one of the famous Hanlon sisters. Yep. Thank you, Vicky Hanlon Ah the Hanlons Vicky Hanlon One of the Hanlons One of the Hanlons Yes one of the famous Hanlon sisters Yep

Thank you Vicky Damien Perkins Perko Yeah One of the perks of having him as a listener Is that we're now getting his money This is good stuff One of the Damions is

Oh fuck Beck Hillis Thanks Beck Hillis Thanks for your money I will spend it on... What will I spend your money specifically? I'm going to earmark your $30 specifically to get a chicken burger, I think. That is a hell of a chicken burger.

Yeah, it's going to be. Thank you so much, Beck, for the chicken burger. Yep. One more, one more, one more. Lastly, Courtney Butters Kerr. I think the first hyphen we've had on the show. Butters Kerr. Butters Kerr. I think the first hyphen we've had on the show. Butters Kerr. Butters Kerr.

Do you reckon that's by marriage? I reckon it was just Kerr and she decided she wanted Butters in there somewhere. Yeah. Courtney Kerr. Hey, Butter makes everything better. Exactly. Thanks, Butterzo. Butterzo.

Oh, my God. All right. We'd better put a pin in this one. Guys, thank you very much for listening. Thanks for chucking in. If you want to go to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub, all of our live shows coming up are at littledumbdumbclub.com. We've got hoodies on sale now.

Get onto that. All right, let's get out of here. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next time.