The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 286 - Live! Tom Gleeson, Adam Richard & Anne Edmonds

Episode Date: March 30, 2016

No Dansu, Mic Technique and Tommy's FuneralRecorded LIVE at Heya Bar in Brisbane on Sunday, March 20 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by... I forget. I can't remember what it is. Tommy? Yeah? It's Yellow Chocolate Moof. Oh, that's right. Did you just call them Moof? No! Did you just pronounce it Moof?

Did I? It sounded like you said Chocolate Moof. Yeah, it's a new sponsor. Yellow Chocolate Moof. Thucker and Thucker Tash, it's the best Moof going around. I can't believe we saved that. Hey guys, yes, Yellow Chocolate Moof once again sponsoring the show. It's the best moose coming around. I can't believe we saved that. Hey, guys. Yes, yellow chocolate moose once again sponsoring the show. Now, we want to say that they're a definite sponsor of the show

because I think we mentioned within this episode we were a bit unsure. We got our wires crossed. We got our wires crossed, so they are still the sponsor. They were making us sweat. No, someone was away on holiday and hadn't confirmed. Someone was asleep at the switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Asleep at the switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Asleep at the switch.

Someone was running off at the mouth, which was me. So this is, you're about to hear our second Brisbane Live episode that we recorded mere minutes after last week's episode. Yeah. So it was the second one. Our guests are Tom Gleeson, Adam Richard and Edmunds. Yep. And so we should say we are recording this ad

where the Melbourne Comedy Festival has begun. Thanks to everyone who came down last Sunday. This is going to get confusing. I know. We're crossing timelines. We're like bloody True Detective at the moment. Just zigzagging all over the place. But yeah, the Comedy Festival has started.

Three more big live episodes to go. And, man, the first one that we just did was awesome, full room. Let's keep it up, guys. Like, man, it was so good. Totally. So there's still time. Like we said, you can still get season passes, and it will be a bad deal probably from now on.

Well, I reckon this is the last week where you can get a season pass, and it'll still be a decent deal. Yeah. As of next week, hey, we'll still gladly take your money if you feel like making a big mistake. Sure. So we've got three live Melbourne episodes, plus we have the drunk cast at the end.

Of course, if you buy a ticket to any of the live podcasts, it qualifies you to come down to the unrecorded drunk cast on the final night of the festival, which is what, Sunday, April the 17th? Yep. Already a bunch of requests filtering in of people who want to come do it. Oh, really? Yeah.

Great. And you know what? Special request. Do what everyone seemed to do last year, which was see the live podcast on the last Sunday if you're in Melbourne, see the 3 o'clock show, then go and see our shows, then go to the drunk house. Yes.

Except that they can't see both our shows because we're on at the same time. Well, look, hopefully what happens is like last year I put on an extra show in the afternoon and that way they can see my extra show, then see your show and then see the drunk house. Yeah, that would be ideal. That would be ideal if we both had extra shows. Sure. Okay, well, let's both plan that.

So, guys, all that information, littledumbdumbclub.com. Oh, and thank you to the people who've come to our solo shows so far as well. You can get details for all of that. Yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com. And we'll see you out there at the Comedy Festival. See you, mates. Yes! Alright!

Welcome to apparently the beginning of this episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club live from Brisbane. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. Standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Oh, some motherfuckers woke up. Yeah. This is more raucous than 130.

Who was here at 130 at the early show? Yeah. Oh, you just got another beer. All right, cool. I should say, I mean, I've said this to you like fucking eight times since we got here. But for the audience, my ears popped on the plane and they're still blocked. So I actually can't fucking hear. So how did 1.30 go?

Was it good? I have no idea. Fuck. I wish I couldn't hear now. No, I think I heard the same reaction at 1.30. No, it was all right. It was all right. 1.30 show was all right.

I feel like I wasn't as funny as usual. Oh, fuck, I'm back. All right, cool. Welcome back, guys. Guys, please, I can't repeat enough. Please, everyone here tonight, no Dan Su. There is a sign on the wall saying no Dan Su. I don't know what that means.

Is that like something in another language or is that just kind of a racist? Well, it's not something in English. What do we reckon? Is Dan Su like a word for something? Maybe it's like a... It's Japanese for don't call me during the show. I like that.

Oh, Mr Chandler's son, no Dan Su. Well, at least the Japanese are polite. Because there's a chain of Vietnamese restaurants in Melbourne and they deliver and they have bikes and on the back of the bikes they have a slogan that says, You ling, we bling. That's, like, really uncool. Like, that's, like...

What does that mean? You ling, we bling. It's a Vietnamese restaurant. Oh, ring, bring. Yeah, I actually didn't get it. Because the way they speak, they write that way as well. That being the joke. Do you know what I mean?

It's kind of fucked. I'll say this. I think we're safe at the moment. So... Here we go. Finally. Finally we can be real. No. No. Not like that. No, but the Yes Let's hang on

Yeah, I can't see any either No, no I'm doing a scan, I'm doing a full scan I've got the T1000 No Isn't it, talking about whether or not there's a minority in the room has gotten the biggest laugh of anything we've done today. Welcome to Brisbane That's actually not there's a minority in the room has gotten the biggest laugh of anything we've done today.

Welcome to Brisbane. That's actually not a thing. So what I'm meaning is the person who's helping organise this tonight, her name's Kate Rudge and she's a great lady and I'm crashing on her couch tonight, but she said to me, just so you know, when you crash there tonight, there is an Airbnb Chinaman there. So I don't know if that's a different brand of Chinaman.

Different brand of Airbnb by the sounds of it. And also I don't know if we still call people Chinaman. Yeah, it's pronounced Chinaman. Different brand of Airbnb by the sounds of it. And also I don't know if we still call people Chinaman. It's pronounced Chinaman, please. I thought it's, what was that? Tommy's dad still does. Tommy's dad is a Chinaman.

Yeah, obviously. Look at me. Yeah. Of course. Solly, Tommy. Hey, no dance you all, right? Yeah. That's a good call. Hey, I just got back from Tasmania. I was in Tasmania doing gigs over the weekend, just gone.

And I did a show in Launceston on Friday night. And I got to the end of the gig and I was just talking to some people who'd been in the crowd. And there was a young lady there. And first thing she said to me after I got on, I did about 50 minutes, after I got off she goes wow, I gotta say I'm friends with a lot of really, really

weird people, but after watching that I'm fucking worried about you. The reviews are in. What was so weird? I was cutting myself on stage. What's her fucking problem? Do an old rope. Just fitting in with the local vibe in Tasmania.

By the way, we should mention, I've just realised now that we have been given a gift like the gods we are for yellow mousses. For yellow chocolate mousses. For tiny snack-sized, with spoons. Is this maybe the first time that someone has bought us mousse with the implement to eat it? Yeah.

No one ever does that. Look, it's great, but people leave food on the stage in tubs and just expect us to fucking growl it out like the grotty little pigs that we are. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Someone's had a fucking go at this one. I take back my thank you. Don't give me your half-eaten

mooses. I'm not that fucking desperate. I can buy my own full moose. That is a... They were sealed when I put them there. They were sealed when I... What? They were sealed when I put them there. Really? Is that a Chinaman? Who was that? Get out.

Did someone dance through this moose? That's got a big fucking bite. Who took the bite out of it if you didn't? I will turn this podcast around. How does no one know the culprit? They've been sitting on the stage that you're all sitting in front of facing. This is a spotlit moose. How do you not know

who fucking ate our moose? Don't sit here and protect your friends or whatever. Tommy, let's go back to Melbourne. We've got a moose eater in our midst.

And also, are these? Oh, fuck. I thought they were gifts. They're just empty. They're just empty glasses. It shows where we're at self-esteem wise.

Like, no, this is what we deserve. We're one all. People's dirty dishes. Gifts and, no, you is what we deserve. We're one all. People's dirty dishes. Gifts and... No, you'll fucking take the rubbish. All right. Fair enough.

But also in Tasmania, I discovered this. I never knew this about Tasmania. This is a fact that I found out that I'm delighted by. I drove from a gig in Hobart to a gig in Launceston, so you drive down the highway there. There is a town in Tasmania that is really small that is called Perth. And apparently, if you're with the Telstra network, when you drive through the town of Perth, And apparently if you're with the Telstra network,

when you drive through the town of Perth, it thinks that you're in Perth WA. So it just puts your phone back by three hours. So people are constantly stopping in the service station there to like take a piss or whatever. And like their business emails and stuff are going fucking haywire. Isn't that amazing? That'd be great.

To be honest, if you're in Tasmania, you would want to rather be in Perth. That'd be great. To be honest, if you're in Tasmania, you would want to rather be in Perth. That'd be nice. Oh, three hours back, three less hours in Tasmania. What a fucking dream. Yeah, exactly. But the guy who drove me between the gigs was a guy called Matt, who is a listener of this show and had a nice drive with him.

He's a cousin of Tommy Little. Yeah. I don't know that that needs to be in the public domain, but yeah. Cousin of Tommy Little. There you go. Sorry for fucking letting the state secret out. We were driving along and he was telling me that he had been talking to another listener of this show

who had said to him, oh, so you're driving Tommy between the Hobart and Launceston gigs. Are you going to, like, you know, do something fucked? Are you going to, like, fuck with him to try and get yourself on the program? On the program? On the program, yeah. And he was like, nah, I'm not going to do that. And you know, I'm sitting there, I haven't really been doing anything lately

apart from going to uni and working on my show. I'm staring down the barrel of doing two of these fucking podcasts back to back going, I wish you would fuck with me. Instead of what I'm doing now, which is telling a story about a thing that didn't happen still one of your better stories but what a move, like a thing that you're a fan of

and you're around the guy that does it and so you just utterly debase yourself just to get a mention on a podcast that you like like fuck with me how like what we're just driving along I start to notice that we're sort of off the highway a bit. We're in a secluded, like, forest. All of a sudden, Matt's got his dick out and he's just going,

what about this for content, hey? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, well, all right, I guess I'll talk about this on the show. And you did. So, what about this? So, I told a story in the podcast a couple of weeks ago that was about, if you've listened to the episode, I talked about with Husey. I was talking about when I went to get a pizza.

And a very quick summation of the story was that I went to get a pizza. I ordered. I came back. There was a different person in charge. They said, what would you like? I said, I'd already ordered a pizza. We looked at the pizza. There was pizza there.

I said, it's clearly mine. They're like, what's the name? I said, I didn't actually give a name. What's the name that's on there and she goes amen which i think is very funny so i was telling that to my friend uh like an old school friend from mirabar and he goes oh man that's great that's like that other time that's like that weird you know when we were uh hanging out with that tony guy i'm like what do you mean he goes you remember that weird tony guy that we hung out that we hung out with for a little while?

I'm like, not really. I remember the guy, but I don't remember the story. And he goes, yeah. He goes, this is like 10, 15 years ago. We're all drinking in Maribor. Everyone's being surprisingly a massive bogan. Everyone's just being a fucking idiot. And everyone's like drinking and doing shots and whatever and then just like screaming

into the ether, get amongst it! Bang, drinking, get amongst it! Get amongst it! Which is embarrassing enough already. But then, so everyone's saying it at once and then for some reason everyone stops saying it just at the point that this guy that we sort of hardly know

keeps going. So everyone's going, get amongst it, get amongst it! Get the monks to do it. So everyone's like doing shots and sculling beers all night and he's just going, get the monks to do it. Is that a fucking thing? Like

for some reason he thought, yeah, that's classic Delo Llama. Get a fucking VB. Yeah. Nice one. Get the monks to do it. That's great. He's a drinking chant. So that's your thinking, let's get pissed with monks. Yeah. How much fun would that be? Yeah.

Yeah, I agree with him. Let's get the monks to do it. We can edit this bit out, but we found out... We found out not long after this that this guy had killed a man and that's when we stopped hanging out with him. So he told us... we can edit this out, but this guy told us after that, we were all drinking, it's like, get amongst it,

this guy's hilarious. By the way, I killed a man in traffic once and hid under my grandma's house for three months. Wow. All right, we're from Mariborra and we're moving away from you. He should have gotten the monks to do it. That was his alibi, the monks did it.

All right, killing a Man is not that funny. All right, cool. By the way, so this episode is like, we're doing this like two weeks in advance. So I'll be putting this up in the middle of the comedy festival. I'm not going to remember that this needs editing. That is definitely going out unedited. And that fucking serial killer from your town is going to call up,

what have you been saying about me on your little fucking podcast? He's probably already a fan, to be honest. This has all of a sudden turned into a serial podcast. Killing a man and hiding under a house. Sounds like a podcast listener to me. Get the monks to kill him. Who's killed someone in this room? Anyone?

Yeah, ring in on our number. 043866... So we've got no ethnic minorities and no murderers. Good to know. Wow. Airbnb Chinaman. I feel like I bring the mood back. Hey, because we got the intro music to the show just started without us having

really talked about what we were going to do up here. Let's not blame the tech, but he didn't play it and then we thought, oh fuck, alright, let's start the show. We haven't discussed what order we should bring the guests out in. Should we get someone out here? And who should we get out here? Again, my hearing's fucked, so I'm assuming the crowd is going wild at this point.

You can't even hear the crowd eating our mousse. Just pick one. Look, you know what? I defer to you. You pick one. Folks, please go crazy and welcome to the stage our first guest, Adam Richards. Hang on. Hang on.

I didn't mean that one. All right. Please. Oh, right. Please. Oh, wow. Please. Please. We are playing with fire here. All right, all right.

Let's get another one out. This is what people, this is what the show is now. Guests just appear in the flesh, don't say anything and then leave. I can't believe we flew him up here to do that. Fuck. Wow, he's really committing to this fake walk-off bit. He's actually gone and he's not coming back.

Yeah, we can see his vapour trails. Any audience members want to get up here for a chat? Alright, get the next one on. Seriously? Get a monk amongst us. Get a monk on. Are we actually... Fuck, this is really throwing me.

Hang on. Are we actually... Fuck, this has really thrown me. Hang on. Now, alright. Now this is happening. I mean... I mean, fuck those guys. That's what I say. By the way, for everyone listening at home that doesn't know what's going on, suck a big one.

We're all fucking on stage right now. That's why everyone's going crazy. You're missing actual penetration at home. What I love the most about that was like when you said is there any audience members, Cody and I were both up the back having a drink and we both

went to stand up and then we both laughed at each other's joke and then went oh fuck it, let's do it. People need to know about what we just did. And much like you two, didn't think about what we were going to say before we came up. We fucking nailed it. I've got to be honest with you,

it's gone better for us than it did for them. Let's leave on a high. Okay. Alright. Nick Cody and Will Anderson, everyone. What a cameo. Who were those masked men?

All right, let's try this again. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from earlier today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Please welcome back into The Little Dumb Dumb Club, Adam Richard. Yay! Oh, am I upstaging? This is awesome.

Hi. I'm so far away from the moose. Was that you that had a bite before? Oh, there's moose up here. Yay. Yeah, it's nice warm moose as well. It's good. Awesome.

Hey, guys. How's it going? This is nice. I like being at your side like this. You towering above me. Like you guys I can hear it going? This is nice. I like being at your side like this, you towering above me. Like you guys I can hear. Like, you know, you said your ear popped. I went swimming.

Like, I've been on the Gold Coast for like a week. All right, mate. Supposedly doing gigs. Mostly swimming. And I got water in my ear and then I tried to get it out with an earbud and I just jammed wax into my ear drum and I had to get it syringed out at the doctor and it didn't work. So I have spent this week putting drops of olive oil in my ear drum and I had to get it syringed out at the doctor and it didn't work. So I've spent this week putting drops of olive oil in my ear.

Does that work? I don't know but it's like a bruschetta in there now. Where did you hear this piece of advice from? Oh, some holistic nurse somewhere. But it's been working. Bits have been falling out. Sounds like this nurse just has a stake in some kind of olive oil company.

She's just looking to make a quick sale. Probably not the worst thing you've had in your ear, to be fair. That is true. I said ear. I was just hoping that Tommy would be on that side of me so I wouldn't have to hear him. Because there's certain frequencies that just aren't getting through and lady voice is one of them. He's like a dog whistle. have to hear him? Because there's certain frequencies that just aren't getting through and lady voice is one of them.

He's like a dog whistle. You'll hear him. Hi, mate. That's a fucking baritone compared to that. I hate it. I wish I didn't sound like this. I'd do anything to change it. Anything?

Yeah. Why, what? You got some wax in that ear? Needs taken care of. Should we just shake him until his balls drop, mate? Any volunteers? Look, I don't want to make a big thing of it, but 1.30 would have fucking hated that.

Yeah, these three o'clock cunts are fucking wild. How does 3pm turn into a late night show? Because you've been drinking non-stop through the 1.30 show. That's why. Hey guys, stick around for my stand-up show at 4.30. It's alright, the rest of Brisbane has been drinking with you. It's fine. This is midnight for these guys.

Right, okay. Hey Adam, have you seen our little dollies? Any thoughts? Because you collect action figures and stuff like that, right? Yeah, yeah. I do, but not scary ones. Like, it's like, what if Chucky had babies? They're terrifying.

Yeah. They're a bit... Like, I feel like my one was a lot more generous than Tommy's one. Tommy's one looks like, what if Burt Newton died in a fire? To be fair, he's been generous with the hairline. Also, when was the last time Tommy could afford to buy a suit? Yeah, well, just for the one that I own. You don't need to buy a new suit every time you wear it.

He was in court for impersonating a man. Is this payback for all the pedophile stuff at 1.30? Oh, yeah, fuck, I forgot about that. Adam, to bring you up to speed, there was a running joke in the 1.30 show that Carl's going to be a picture. Let's keep at the same speed. Can we get his mic up to speed, there was a running joke in the one that you said that Carl is... Let's keep at the same speed. Can we get his mic down, please, just for one second while I

brief one of our guests on what's going on? Running guess that Carl's going to... thread that Carl's going to be a future pedophile. Any thoughts on that? A future pedophile? Yeah. Man, that is so last week. I guess if it's not illegal in Thailand where you're doing it, then you're...

Everyone, just another heads up to everyone. Everyone stop fucking ringing me. Is your phone going crackers? Yes. Why don't you change your number, you dickhead? Oh, another thread from last week. We've covered this and the answer is still mysterious. The answer is I can't be bothered writing material

and hilarious stories about assholes that ring me. Exactly. I actually think, fuck, now Cody's ringing me. Put him on speaker. What's he got? What's he got for us? No, I dropped my phone. I can't fucking answer it.

You are hopeless. What are you doing? It's not going. It fucking dropped my phone. I can't fucking answer it. You are hopeless. What are you doing? It's not going. It fucking won't work. It won't. Look. Give me a try. Oh, fucking hell.

Cody, ring me again. Hang on. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Hello, Carl. Fuck off. That's what I do to all the superfans.

Yeah, should we get our next guest out here? Sure. I'm fucking sick of Adam Richard already. Jesus. Awesome. I've bullied both of them. I can go home. No.

You've got to stay. You've got to stay. You've got to stay. Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest, you know him from the weekly. Please welcome Tom Gleeson. Yes. Hello. Thanks for having me. The last time you did a live episode, your main complaint was that the podcast

is just too much about the podcast itself. How's this stacking up so far? This is a fucking horrendous show. It is just... You should call it the Naval Gazing Club. The Self-Referential Club. Now, I'm talking about it too now. I'm talking about other things.

Yeah. Well, make a fresh. I now feel alone up here. What's it like in real life? In real life? Well I'll tell you one thing. Who made these? Who made the little figurines of you two? Andrew Doodson from Anyone for Tennis. Yeah and like I know you think it's cute but that's such a thing that people without kids

think. Oh how cool is it to have a figurine? When you have kids? Toys are fucked. I hate toys. They're just everywhere. I'm knee deep in them at home. And they're covered in drool. Are you buying toys of us for your kids, to be fair?

Yeah, maybe I should. That'd be nice. All right, we've got another call. Little Dumb Dumb Club, yes. Carl speaking. Yeah, it's Will. How are you? Oh, it's Will. Alright. Is he ringing in and talking

about Dumb Dumb Club? Hang on, hang on. Sorry, sorry. Start again. I don't think Tom's microphone's working properly. Can we make Tom's microphone work? What? Are you giving me advice on mic technique, eh?

Last time I checked, you're a sound guy in a shithole in Brisbane. And I'm a legend of Australian comedy, so... All right. Don't worry, it's just a joke based on the truth. Well, that's the end of the recorded segment of Little Dunlop Club. Oh, that's what we needed. Let's put a rocket up this gig. Hang on.

I feel like my mic is getting quieter, though, despite my really good mic technique. Hang on, I've got another caller from N. Cody. My favourite bit about that was Will had to ask me for your number. This is a mess. No-one can hear what the fuck's going on. Never call this number again. Never call again.

What are we doing? People are at the back of the room calling and just yell out. Just yell out so everyone can hear. I could actually hear him in real life better. People are hating the podcast so much they're just literally phoning it in. All these grumpy phone calls from old cunts

I feel like I'm on Bruce and Phil It's the worst smelling thing in the world Never call us again Wow, now it's gotten even more in-joking Just what it needed Let's not do that I've got a note of all the very funny things that ever happened to me I was going to say...

Oh, yeah. So, this is what happened, right? I got, like, you know, lovely people, whoever gave us that moose tonight, thank you very much. Thanks for the moose. Yeah. I got a gift voucher to Nando's. From Tommy's mum.

This guy in the front, that's the funniest thing he's ever heard. Imagine going to Nando's. It's not good for you. It is some sweet gold. So I got given from a listener to the show, someone gave me it because, you know, years ago I used to talk about Nando's Moose before Yellow Moose came into it.

Nando's Moose, so I got given a gift voucher For like 50 bucks Anyway I sort of forgot about it And didn't use it I went to use it the other day And they would not let me use it What?

Yeah Because I got given I got given it 15 months ago And I came in and I said That's expired I'm like There is no expiration date On a fucking gift voucher

Like How does a gift voucher expire? You know what I mean? Because they just do. That's not an answer. They always have expiry dates on them. No, this didn't. It actually didn't have an expiry date on it. So, anyway, I tried to use it. It was

humiliating. Because they wouldn't fucking, they wouldn't give it to me. This is like if Michael Douglas was even older and falling down. Yeah. But honestly... Hey, these two guys are fucking older than me. Shut the fuck up.

I'm 29. These two guys are older than me and you look 10 years older than me. Ooh, she's feisty. I am falling down in Brisbane. So how do you not honour a gift voucher? Like it's the same, the business is still open. You can still buy the same products. It's like if anything, they're making a better deal on it

because like they've paid the money like a year ago and you're getting, you know, less out of it. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? No, the price has gone up. Yeah, they put the money in the short-term money market. There's interest on that. They've at least made 13 cents.

I know, it's a travesty. And then you're at Nando's, so you've got to dig deep and scrounge together $12.50 for a shit burger. Yeah. I agree. It's outrageous. Yes. Are you doing all right?

You're really sweating this 20 bucks at Nando's. All that's getting you is like chips, man. I do a fucking podcast. What do you think? So anyway, I have emailed them over and over. The last couple of weeks I've emailed them over and over and over. I've got nothing. So now this is the end point.

This is the email I sent them this week. Hi, guys. This is the third time I've messaged you about this. I was given a $50 gift card to Nando's for Christmas 15 months ago. I went to use it two months ago and I was told it had expired. There is no expiration date on the gift card. I mean, why would there be? Your expensive fucking ass chicken is only going to get more expensive

and the card will only be worth less. Anyway, I know you're just taking someone's 50 bucks is a great business idea for you and only slightly more profitable than selling you a super fucking expensive chicken anyway. But instead of that, I'd like you to let me use this gift card or give me another one.

Hurry the fuck up. Then I gave my card number, my verification code and said, anyway, send me that card now, thanks, or don't. Up to you. Thing is, I've got thousands of people who listen to my dumbass podcast. Wow. And let me tell you, they're fucking insane.

I'm going to make a big deal of how much you guys have been a pack of assholes about this. They're going to go fucking crazy and probably burn down your stupid fucking South African shops. I've already stopped eating your shit-ass moose. Thanks from Carl.

So, guys, look, we haven't got an official ad for Yella this episode. Instead, I want this to be sponsored by Don't Eat Nando's. Get on Twitter, the hashtag Nandoant. Fuck those cunts. Carl, how long have you been doing this podcast?

You know what this is going to end up with. What? It's going to end up with people in Nando's with mouthfuls of chicken going, Sucked in, Carl. Also, you... See? Shit. Sales are going to go through the roof.

I can see it. And it's weird. And I like the way that you're pretending this is not paid sponsorship. Very clever. This is some next level promotion. I know. Yeah, I know. It's like it's reverse.

Yeah, I know. Oh, no, I'm a genuine dumb cunt. Also, you run a comedy gig, right? And you're frequently telling me it's $12 to get in. People are coming in going, I'm a student, can I get in for $10? And you're like, it's just $12 to see people off the telly, you fucking tight-ass cunt.

Meanwhile, you're running around going, why won't they accept my brashest voucher at fucking Big W? Hey, I paid for that $50 voucher. No, man, that's shit. Who's with me? They don't care. Is it because the people at Nando's know that what you're going to do

is get the burger and then eat it over a bin? Carl eats over bins all the time. You drive around Melbourne as much as I do, you occasionally go past a corner and there's Carl hanging over a bin with a subway. Adam Richard, last Comedy Festival, caught me twice eating over bins. In one day.

Twice in one day. What's the thinking? Are you using the bin as a plate? Yeah. Is the idea that you don't want to drip sauce on the footpath? Yeah. Is that what you're thinking? Look.

How considerate. In the street. Yeah, in the street. That pristine street. Yeah, keep it all beautiful. You are presenting yourself in a very negative fashion for the purposes of keeping the street clean. So how far are you prepared to push that?

Just get served from the bin? Yeah. I got to say, I'm going to take a rare stance here. That's fucking genius. I'm with you, man. That's great. What, eating over a bin? Eating over a bin, yeah.

Cut out the middleman. You know, you don't know... Come with me. It's a great idea. Eat over a bin. Fuck Nando's. Yeah. And if you vomit, you're good to go.

You're already there. Yeah. And like once you finish with the wrapper, you don't even have to, you just drop it. Yeah. It's just there, ready to go. Yeah. Once the food passes through you, bin's there, ready to go.

Yeah. Just hop on. Yeah. To be fair, I was eating KFC, so it was an unnecessary middleman to put it in my mouth. I should have just put it straight in the bin. Maybe you should sit on a toilet and then hold the bin in your lap and eat over that bin.

And that way you've got both ends covered. Either way, no matter what happens, you are fine. You've really sped up the process there. And you could just stay there all day. And get a mic in there and do the podcast from there. In the bin. I think I've said this on the show before but I just want to say it

because I think it fits exactly what you said. The second or probably the fourth or fifth last time I went to Thailand, I got severe food poisoning and I ended up all night in my hotel room toilet and I remember I had food poisoning and I was so bad. I was spewing so hard into the toilet and then shitting.

Who else is rock hard right now? I was spewing in the toilet and shitting onto the floor. And so if anyone, if the aliens landed there and they're like, you have got no idea how this shit works, mate. So you got food poisoning in Thailand. I think your pedophile theory is correct because he's clearly eaten an uncooked prostitute. Which is so much better than eating a cooked prostitute.

A little bit too raw. It hasn't really aged properly yet. You've got to check their expiry date. It's written on the back of their head. That's what I've heard. Fuck. Save us Thailand. Guys, I'm banning Thai prostitutes.

Guys, do not go to Thai prostitutes. If the aliens had come down then. So they're mounting their big arrival. Thailand sounds good this time of year. We've heard a lot about it from that podcast that gets beamed out into outer space. Why are there aliens in Thailand? Because it's cheaper to get there.

They're closer to Perth, so they got a good deal. Yeah, it's a good exchange rate. Should we get another guest? Yeah, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, go crazy and welcome to the stage, Anne Edmonds! Yes. Move our little

dolls. Oh, Eddo, you have to sit on the dollies Oh, hi everyone, I went up the guts What have you been doing? We've just been up here talking about really civilised stuff Have you listened to anything we say? Nah, mate Any thoughts on any of the previous eating over a bin? Have you listened to anything we say? Nah, mate. Any thoughts on any of the previous eating over a bin or...? Yeah, don't.

Did you just get here then? No, no, I've been sitting out there just, I don't know, I was talking to Will and then Nick Cody's real pissed. So I was looking at him for a bit. Then I went to the toilet, came back. What was that like? Yeah, it was good. I'm a bit. Then I went to the toilet, came back. What was that like? Yeah, it was good. I'm a bit crook.

Oh, what? Your mic technique's really good, by the way. The sound guy would be impressed. See, he didn't even chat to you. He just approved straight away, unlike the extremely amateur effort I put in, apparently. Sorry, mate, I'm used to lapel mics. In the television

industry where you aren't. To be honest, yeah, Edo, you haven't had any phone calls about your technique so far, so that's a good thing. When you start out in comedy, they tell you to put the microphone here, and it's the dumbest advice, because when you turn on the side, it looks like that. See that? I reckon it's stupid

but try it Tom because you're really doing a bad job. I got it. Just keep it there at all times. I just put it there because I'm lazy. Just rest it.

It's less energy. I get to hold it out and he's like ahhh. You just put it there because it looks like an ice cream cone. I put it there

because that's where I'm used to putting cocks. Yeah. I tried to putting cocks. I tried to clean it up. And do you do the same thing with cocks because you're lazy? Just let them rest there? Yeah. Until you're in the mood?

Just so that you get a line of them on the end of your chin waiting for a go? Honey, just try not to go up my nose. You just do that. You just speak into a cock until someone complains. Imagine if the sound guard told Adam he had bad cock technique. He would have fucking gone off. Yeah, you've got to get closer to the cock. Right up in your face. And then Gleeson would be like,

look, I talk into cocks on TV all the time. I think I know what I'm doing. You do talk into cocks, though. I've seen the people you interview. I know. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I know. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Zing. Oh. Hello, Tim. Timothy. I do have something to bring up from earlier in the podcast. Oh, yeah, sure. My boyfriend is a Chinaman.

Oh. Because I've hit that age. Well, you sat on that for a while. Oh, sorry. Bad choice of words. Sorry. Because I've hit that age. Well, you sat on that for a while.

Oh, sorry, bad choice of words. I'm exclusively bottom for right. That's a good title for your next show, exclusively bottom. Bottom for right. Oh, man. This should all be in the Safe Schools program. All of it, don't you think? You should do a safe school podcast.

We should choose our language very carefully. But I've been telling my boyfriend about all the weird kind of like, you know the things that were handed down from our parents about the Chinese? Like my mother who used to say, don't put that in your mouth, it could have been up a Chinaman's arse. Yeah, my mum

still says, like if I've been unlucky, she goes oh, you must have been up a Chinaman's arse. Yeah, my mum still says, like if I've been unlucky, she goes, oh, you must have run over a Chinaman. That's so bizarre. That's a thing, isn't it? Or is that just my mum? And when I was a kid... Because in the old days, you'd go to court and they'd say, who'd you run over? And you'd be like, it's a Chinaman. Oh, well, bad luck. Not guilty.

That's worse than breaking a mirror. When I was a kid, my favourite book was called The Five Chinese Brothers. And they all had these weird superpowers. One had a neck that couldn't be broken and all this stuff. And one of them could drink the whole ocean. Hence why I've been attracted to them ever since. That's not a power. That's just a thing you can do once.

That Super Bowl must have come in handy when someone needed the world to be fucked. Oh no he could spit it back out again he could only hold it in there for a while.

Yeah he did it back in 2005 on Boxing Day. Oh yeah I just got that. Finally someone brave enough to say it. And the other thing I told my boyfriend was the poem Ching Chong Chinaman Went to Milk a Cow.

And how's the relationship going? It's good. He hasn't tried to milk me again. Well, not from the upstairs. Are you just... Are you just with this guy so you can be racist at him non-stop? No, I'm in the minority. There's billions of them.

We are a minority when it comes to the Chinese. Oh, so it's satire. Yeah. Making fun of authority. I get it. Very funny. Taking on the big man. Oh, wow.

Hey, I've got a follow-up from something that we were talking about the other week. I went to a family wedding. I went to my cousin's wedding a few weeks ago. And I'm now... It's me and my cousin Georgie who are the only non-married single people left in the family. So I went in bracing myself. Are you not married yet? Fucking get on with it, mate.

I now pronounce thee husband and Tim. So I go in and I'm just all day bracing myself going, fuck, I'm going to cop it. Like I'm just not into having this discussion with, you know, uncles and family and stuff. And at one point, someone wanted to take like a whole family photo. So we walk over and my cousin's husband, like, me and Georgie are walking next to each other

and my cousin's husband goes, ah, so it's just you guys left, right? You guys are the only single ones. Why don't you guys just get together? Oh, yeah. Cool. That's a good solution. Like your parents. Yay!

See ya! Like your parents. See ya. You may now kiss the Tim. Yeah, suck shit, Tommy. That was cool. That was really good. That makes me feel better about the whole horrific scenario of being told by a family member to fuck my cousin

and then everyone else in the family laughing. So what happened after you did it? Well, I'm now in love and we're married, my good man. And what's his name? Like you. It's like you. That's like you. There's one on stage so we can make those jokes.

But you're allowed to marry your cousin. It doesn't make deformities. I don't know, Addo. Have you seen Tommy? That's just the same joke again. It's a funny one. No, I mean, is that... How do you know?

Well, I don't know, but... She's a genetic scientist. In royal families and stuff, the cousins used to always marry each other. I think cousins is okay. Have you seen the royals? Yes. It's worked out pretty sweet. Maybe it's okay Tommy is what I'm trying to say. Maybe.

Maybe fuck your cousin is what, is that what you're saying? I got some phone calls to make. Well no one else will fuck you. Maybe your cousin will do. Jesus Christ. Everyone's sad because it's true. Poor Dassa Lonely. Poor old Dassa Lonely.

Hey, hey. Tommy's gone back to school. Dassa Dialogue. Tommy has gone back to school. Yeah. Was that to study or are you just trying to finger teenagers? Yes. Exclusively trying to finger teenagers.

That's one of my classes. Have you met any girls that you think, you know, could be on the future horizon? Any other mature age students? Yeah. Yeah, there's some cute girls at my uni, sure. And anyone you should introduce to me yet? Absolutely not. That's weird.

No, no action going on at uni. I know that would delight you so much for me to come onto the podcast and go, I did a root in the dunny at uni. Sounds like it would delight them a lot more. Well, where's the nearest university? Let's go. We can do it. Tommy, have you gone back to university?

Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm at university. What are you doing? Studying animation. He's finally grown up. Wow.

That sounds like a job that's going to be just as lucrative as this one. I've heard it all, mate. I've heard it all. Yeah, it's good to have a fallback position, which is equally as unlikely to succeed. I saw the animations in your last show. Are you sure you really... Fucking hell.

And that's why you went to uni, he's trying to improve. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, well, congratulations. Did you tell me that pissed? Pardon? Have you told me that pissed?

Me pissed or you pissed? Me. Maybe. I don't know. I reckon anyone that tells you anything has told you that pissed. Do you get odd study? Yeah.

Hang on. Is odd study the Christian name of your mum? Odd study or something? I actually don't at the moment, no. I'm getting... I'm like on hex, but I'm not getting odd study. You're on hex? Yeah.

Hex. Yeah. So you're getting a hex debt? Yeah. Yeah, wow. Being on hex, that's not a thing. That's just paying money. That'm not getting out of school. You're on Hex? Yeah. Hex. Yeah. So you're getting a Hex debt? Yeah. Yeah, wow. Being on Hex, that's not a thing. That's just paying money. That's not getting anything.

Well, that's a lot. How old are you now, Tommy? 29. 29, right. So basically, by getting a Hex debt, you're guaranteeing for yourself that you will never make enough money to pay that off. Yeah.

Going back to uni at 29. Yeah. Can we go back to the good times of him being a pedophile when it was like fun and upbeat in here? Nah, that was episode one for the day. Now we're on to how you're going to die with a debt. Yeah. You're going to be one of those 65-year-olds,

yeah, I never had to pay a cent on my ex-debt. Never made any money. You're going to die alone with a debt and at the funeral there will be some very poor animation of your life that is incomplete. And Tom

Can you take Hex out of a pension? Tom, I'd ask you to make a speech at the Hex out of a pension? Tom, I'd ask you to make a speech at the funeral, but I'm going to be able to fucking hear it. Got Tom. Plus, it'd also upset your widow slash wife, cousin. I just like to... You got there, you got there.

The first one was good. Fuck. I just like the idea of there being no one at the funeral Except Carl right in the back row Just sitting there eating a moose He's written a roast He's gotten the funeral completely confused He's gotten up to just blast me You lower it into the ground in your coffin

And Carl throws a little pinch of dirt on top And goes hey man into the ground in your coffin and Carl's just there, throws a little pinch of dirt on top and goes, hey, man. No, you get cremated and I'm like, call that a roast. Feel the burn, arsehole! But real question, out of you two, who do you reckon's going to die first? Good question. Look, I'm backing myself totally. I mean, for like living longer.

Really? Why? Because I'm backing myself totally. I mean, for living longer. Really? Why? Because I look after myself. I know, you're constantly avoiding Nando's. You spend a lot of time putting your head into the bin. I was going to suggest that to Dil as a diet plan. Eating out of the bin. Yeah, just eating out of the bin because the smell's like, oh yeah, now I want to finish this.

And also because it's only half portions. You said that you eat over a bin, you're cutting out the middle man, but do you like maybe eat, like if a garbage truck pulled up, would you like move from the bin to the truck and eat over the tailgate? Yeah, yeah, as it's moving. Just jogging

down the street on an early morning run. Totally burning off that KFC as I'm going. That'd be great. But no, I definitely think I will outlive Tommy. I'll put money on it. And if I lose, I'm happy to pay up. Is that because, let's not get depressing, but we all think Tommy's going to go off the Westgate

in the next 18 months? Yeah. It's going to be like that crime, like he's going to get thrown off. Carl's going to throw him off. It's going to be like that crime. It's really bad. A kid was thrown off. Anyway, because you're so tiny, you're easy to throw.

You mean another kid. Yeah, another one. Unrelated, can anyone give me a lift to the Story Bridge after this? Anyone driving back that way? There's little yellow Lifeline phones at either end so you can ring up someone. I won't be needing them. Wouldn't have thought so, Ed. Who are you going to call?

It's you. Yeah, I'm not going to answer. How bad would that be if you jumped off the Westgate and while you were falling you called Beyond Blue? I'm in trouble. I'm falling. The ground's coming towards me. Blue. I'm in trouble. I'm falling. The ground's coming towards me. Quickly. Splat. Oh, sorry.

I'm in transit. I like it. Or just accidentally pocket dial them. Hello, Beyond Blue. Sorry, this is an accident. I didn't mean to splash. What if so many people did it that you're like, I'm stuck in traffic off the West Gate? Yeah. Oh, well. It's a pileup. It's nice to get out on a Sunday afternoon

and just have a bit of a light-hearted laugh, isn't it? Just escape the doldrum of your life and really just let loose and enjoy yourself with some light-hearted comedy. You know comedians are ringing from the back of the room now, are they? They don't want to be involved. This might end up in the papers. I wish. Fuck, it'd be good to get some publicity.

So anyway, what do you guys want to talk about? I think that just about brings us to the end of this episode. Really? Surely. It's ten past four. So will this episode go up after Carl turns 40? No. No, it'll go up the day of.

Oh. Happy birthday, Carl! Happy birthday, Carl! No. No, go up the day of. Oh. Happy birthday, Carl. Happy birthday, Carl. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear old cunt. Happy birthday to you.

Hip hip, old cunt. Hip hip, old cunt. Hip hip. Old can't. Hip hip. Old can't. How? How do I get shit from people who are older than me? How do I get that? How does that happen?

Because you're sensitive about it. Sensitive. Carl's 40. I'm not. Carl is 40. I am 39. Have you set your phone to automatically make the text size bigger? No.

On the day? All right, all right. Here's the thing. So how many, I think I've got like 11 days or something left until my birthday or something like that. Who's counting though? No, I actually just made that up. I don't know how many. So what about my, what about a bucket list?

I want to do stuff. A 30s bucket list? Yeah, a 30s bucket list. Is one of them rude a kid? Because I think you've done that. Oh, boy. Okay, straight away in your 30s bucket list, you should be eating a meal away from a bin.

Like on a plate or sitting down at a restaurant. Well, bring on the 40s because fuck that. Disappoint a lovely young lady for close to a decade. Tick. Are you going to have one of those proposal surprise weddings at your 40th? It'd be a surprise if it happened to me.

Well, as the one who's planning the entertainment, I'll fill this one. Yes, definitely. And then after the wedding, all of the teenage prostitutes from Thailand. Mate, we couldn't find a venue big enough. Man, I wish I'd done that once

just to make up for all the shit I got. Yeah. I always go to Thailand with my girlfriend. There's no sneaking off hours. There's no sneaking off hours There's no time What? He's wiping up He's saying that

That sounds like a male prostitute I've been with in Thailand So no I went No I did go twice without her So The lady boy tour No So okay 11 days Stuff you want to do before you turn 40 The lady boy tour No

Okay, 11 days Stuff you want to do before you turn 40 What's on there? Jump off the with Glad you brought it up No, it's a question What should I try and achieve in my 30s? What's something that

Oh, okay Maybe keep an audience member from walking out See ya You can have me later if you want. I can have him later if I want. Alright, well. Brisbane audiences, they're very weird. Bummer weirdos on my list.

I think do a podcast nude. Yeah. Wow. Yes. Yep. This is one of those things that you think you want. I've seen Edo nude in a podcast. It's pretty spectacular.

But also we could... Edo is fucking built. Yeah. Edo's stacked. Wow. Just show these people your dick for like five seconds. All right. Yeah.

Show them your dick For your birthday Birthday dick Because you can't do that In your 40s It's weird if you do that In your 40s Yeah yeah I'd be embarrassed

Doing that at 40 You show your dick For your birthday And Tommy will blow out Your candle Where did you think You'd be When you were younger

When you were like 29 What did you think You'd be doing at 39 When I When you were like 29, what did you think you'd be doing at 39? When I was 29? Yeah. You just said when I was young at 29. No, well, when you were younger. Is that what you were trying to say, that you're young? Yes. I'm 29.

Yeah, you know, back when you had a Hegstead. Back in the good old days. At the age that you should be at with a Hegstead. What were you thinking about getting older? Back when I didn't have a career, yeah. So, I... What did I think? At 29, I was a headstand. What were you thinking about getting older? Back when I didn't have a career. Yeah. So I what did I think? At 29 I was a

graphic designer. I'd just moved to Melbourne. I thought I would do graphic design forever. Yeah. Because it seems like a reputable stable job. But then I didn't know

I'd be doing a fake radio show for dozens of people. Sounds like you might have run over a Chinaman. Yeah. There you go. Put that on the bucket list. Run over a Chinaman before you turn 40. All right, I'm locking my boyfriend in the house.

Yeah, actually give a reason for where I am at the moment. Yeah. Run over to Chinaman. Well, you know what? Another thing will be make sure that Nando's goes fucking under. That'll be a thing. I've got two weeks to make that happen, so that should be fine. Because to be honest,

Yalla Chocolate Moose hasn't renewed their subscriptions. Oh. Just, you know what? I started hitting him up. To be honest, Yalla Chocolate Moose hasn't renewed their subscription. You know what? I started hitting them up. I was saying, hey, a lot of people want this sticker to happen. It's got a sticker saying, Tommy and Carl from the Little Dum Dum Club support this moose. There's been a lot of radio silence happening there. They've heard about the pedophile stuff.

They got the jump on us. They're like, nah, it's just bad for our brand, believe it or not. But it's a niche market though, like moose-eating pedophiles. Like if you went after... Because they say in modern business you should go for just like a tiny slice of the market. Yeah, we know. Just Carl and...

We're well aware of the tiny slice market. Look around you. Stick around for the stand-up show afterwards. Nice and roomy. Yeah, please. Women and children first when you evacuate. When we start doing our stand-up show, guys, please, use the lifeboats. You don't want the children to leave first.

Wow. Can you change the name of this podcast to Hey Carl? Hey Rad Dad. Oh, Mr Chandler. Wow, boy, do I hope this doesn't continue in Melbourne. All right, guys, we've got to wrap it up. I think that brings us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Please give a big round of applause to Anne Edmonds,

Tom Gleeson, Adam Richard. You've all got shows coming up at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yeah, I'm doing five shows only at the Comedy Theatre. Come along. Right. Great. And it's called... Oh, it is great.

Yeah, it's called Great. Give us a preview of how you're going to be holding a microphone in that show. I'm going to be just like, I'll do a bit of this shit. Because I do whatever I want. No one tells me what to do.

Go get fucked. Edda, what have you got? Guys in Brisbane, hello. Anyone been to the True Australian Patriots show? Get fucked! Eddo, what have you got? Guys in Brisbane, hello. Anyone been to the True Australian Patriots show yet? Oh, yes. I actually went on the first night and it is very funny. It is like, go to it. You saw it? You saw it? Yeah.

Yeah, it is outstanding. Well, there's one at 7 o'clock. Who's coming? Woo! No, fuck you. I've got a show at the Comedy Festival for the whole run, so come along. And it's called That's Edotainment? That's called That's Edotainment.

And you've got the Australian Patriots showing. Oh, two Australian Patriots in Melbourne as well, 11 o'clock. I'm going to call the true Australian Patriots the surprise hit of Melbourne. Oh, thanks, Tom. It's already, yeah, the word's out. The word's out. I'm going to call my show the expected hit of me. By the way, the thing I like the most about the true Australian Patriots

was I agreed with their views. Yeah. Finally someone's saying it. It's just so good to go to a comedy show and agree with everything for once. For once. Not enough right-wing comedy, is there? It's good to go to a comedy show where there's not jokes, just facts.

Yeah. Just facts and correcting history. Just 60 minutes of running over Chinaman. See, it takes place in a car park. Adam,

what have you got? I'm doing a show in Melbourne called Split Secondism and we have the shelf on Mondays just the last three shelves I think the only three shelves

this year great so yes very exciting adamrichard.com if you want to find me I'll be back in Brisbane in May

come and see me yeah I like doing the shelf the sound guy there he's um I've never actually talked to him he's never made himself known which is kind of

it's kind of the way it should be so I like doing the shelf he can record a 20 track album I know he's often recorded gigs and given me the record I don't even remember his name but he's very professional

alright guys we've got all our stuff on sale too for Melbourne all the live podcasts our solo shows and stuff all that information is at littledumbdumbclub.com guys one more round of applause

for our guests thank you guys for coming out to see us live in Brisbane and we'll see you next time is at littledumbdumbclub.com. Guys, one more round of applause for our guests. Thank you guys for coming out to see us live in Brisbane and we'll see you next time. See you next!