The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 287 - Live! Ronny Chieng, Daniel Sloss, Dilruk Jayasinha & Sam Dastyari

Episode Date: April 6, 2016

Second Hand Shirts, The Aftermath and New Policies. Recorded LIVE at the European Bier Cafe on Sunday March 27, 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by the finest chocolate mousse in the known universe produced by Yalla Foods. Do you agree, Tommy? I'm waiting to hear what the name is. Oh, it's called Yalla Chocolate Mousse. Oh, wow. That was a huge sell. Yeah. Was that, were you sort of, you didn't know what was going to happen? No, I didn't know what was going to happen there.

Really? I thought it could have been anything. We should have turned that into a two-parter. That was a sweet cliffhanger. A cliffhanger ad. This is a product you should buy. Tune in next week, guys. They would love that. How many tubs of chocolate mousse do you reckon you've had so far during the comedy festival?

During comedy festival, not that many, but we're not that far into it. I've already had a couple, but not that many. So that sounds like the opposite of not that many but, you know, we're not that far into it and I've already had a couple. Yeah, okay. But not that many. So that sounds like the opposite of not that many. Yeah, well, let everyone at home know that I, you know, we don't get moose shipped to us. No. I'm actually a customer. Yeah. I mean we are sponsored by them but much of that money I am actually spending.

You're putting back into the company. Yes. That's probably, it's actually working out as a great deal for them. Yes. Like in effect, they're kind of only giving it like outlaying half the money that they're giving us. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

The rest is just coming straight back. And if they ever like decide to not sponsor us anymore, all I can, all I should do is just stop eating their product and they will see their sales plummet and just think, well, that's directly to do with the advertising. Yes. I got to work hard at getting a sponsor. that's something that I'm super, super into. Like, I like Moose, but I'm not a fiend for it like you. Something that I'm going – go through a lot of.

That's it, because I think the ad works – I get this podcast sponsored by condoms, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't really like that. I don't really like that as a product, to be honest. Are you really into that? Sure. Okay, all right. You're really – I'm into not having kids. It's honest. Are you really into that? Sure. Okay. All right.

You're really – I'm into not having kids. It's great. I'm really passionate about safe sex. Good for you. You're a real role model. Yeah. You should do a little –

Why are you saying this sarcastically? That's just factual. No, I'm saying it. It's good to be into safe sex. Good for you. No, that's great. You should get a little Dum Dum Club van to go around and teach school. Wow.

A van with the words Dumb Dumb Club painted on the side of it. Learning how to use your little dickie properly. A little dickie that you can put in a tub of yellow chocolate mousse, if that's what floats your boat. Well, you know, whatever you do, once you pay for it and bring it home, you can do whatever you want with it. Yeah, it's totally yours. It would work as a lubricant.

I reckon. Don't pretend whatever you want with it. Yeah, it's totally yours. It would work as a lubricant. I reckon. Don't pretend you haven't tried it out. You've at least thought about it, haven't you? Guys, we're at this point, what are we, like halfway through the Melbourne International Comedy Festival? Yeah. We've got two more big live podcasts happening at the European Beer Cafe Sunday afternoons at 3pm.

I hope everyone at home is enjoying the live ones because we know that the people at the actual shows enjoy it. We know we enjoy it. We try our best to make sure everyone at home enjoys it and tries to make everything sound good audio-wise instead of just literally physically wise. Yeah, we love to listen. Yeah. Toby, you're a big listener.

So guys, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to these live shows also our solo shows are cracking along 8.45 and 9.45pm every night it's all on our website our solo shows our live podcast all the merch all the t-shirts and stuff we are now officially out of all the burger t-shirts that we used to have

we're starting to run out of this run of the I'm aware shirts as well, but we do have the big hoodies. Winter is coming up. Yes. Winter is approaching. And if you're not going to cover yourself in delicious yellow chocolate mousse

all winter. Yeah, how do you reckon it would work as like an insulator? Yeah, not great. Yeah. Yeah, that's one black mark against yellow chocolate mousse. Not great in winter if you're not wearing anything else. How would it work for blacking up on a television talent show? Great.

If Hey Hey gets rebooted again, I highly recommend it. All right, guys. LittleDumbDumbClub.com and we'll see you out there. Hey, mate! Welcome down to the Little Dumb Dumb Club live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Thank you so much for joining us. Sorry, I believe it's described as the Melbourne Comedy Festival. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival. My name is Tommy Daslow.

Standing next to me, the other half of the podcast, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Oh my goodness. Let's just do the drunk cast right now. What do you reckon? Let's go. I have a friend here who has come down to see this show who I haven't seen for a while. I don't think she even listens to this,

but she just turned up and she saw me with a beer and she went, you're doing that already? Are you going to be all right? It's like, you clearly don't know what the fuck this is, do you? Oh, man, this is good. Thanks for coming out. Who's been to our festival show, our solo ones? All right, what happens at the end

why would you do this to yourself why would you put us through this hey we have a bit of old news to follow up on so we had Tom Ballard on the show

doing an ad a couple of weeks ago he said has that ad worked has anyone bought tickets to Tom Ballard? There you go. That's still more than coming to see us.

Who's bought tickets to Tom Ballard because of the ad that wasn't going to before? There you go. Good money. Tom, put another ad up. It worked on me. Well, thank you, front row listener. So he gets on here and he goes, you know what?

I'm doing the opening night gala at the Palais Theatre. I'm going to wear one of your dum-dum shirts during my set. And we go, you're out of your fucking mind. Like, you are doing too well. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, also, like, if we got to do the gala, we would be hiring tuxedos. Yeah. He's, like, trying to see how fucked he can look on TV.

Yeah, I've got so many TV opportunities this year, I can just afford to waste one of them. Just throw it away. Well, look how you've dressed up tonight. I was in character as Ballard in that bit, by the way. So he then... He goes, hey, I want one of the burger shirts. Can I get one of the burger shirts?

I go, no worries, I'll get you one of the burger shirts. We I get one of the burger shirts? I go, no worries. I'll get you one of the burger shirts. We're sold out of the burger shirts, right? We have none left. So we then have to go on the internet and find a listener who has a large burger shirt that we can borrow back from them to give to Tom to wear on the gala, right? So I get the T-shirt. I give it to Tom.

I don't tell him any of this, right? So he goes and does the gala wearing fucking third So I get the t-shirt, I give it to Tom. I don't tell him any of this, right? So he goes and does the gala wearing fucking third-hand clothes at this point. He's basically an ad for an op shop. If you watch the end of the gala, it says Tom Ballard is dressed by St. Vincent. But I

went and met the guy who lent us the t-shirt, a large black burger t-shirt. I went and met him in the city and I'm like, thanks so much for this man, really appreciate it, you're really helping us out. This is going to be really, really funny. I guess I've got to work out when to, how I can get the t-shirt back to you, but, oh, well, the

festival's just about to start, so you coming down to one of the live shows that we're doing? He goes, nah. To be fair, he does live a long way away in North Melbourne. There are interstate people here. Put your hand up if you're interstate or make a noise if you're interstate. Yeah, fucking, you guys are coming from Maroochydore.

He could walk here in five minutes. Fuck. Yeah. So, anyway, look for that. What's it on TV? It's on TV tomorrow, isn't it? Monday? Is it Monday night?

Yeah, that's tomorrow. Then yes. Boy, my friend was right. We shouldn't drink during these shows. Oh, man, it's so good. The photo of him on stage in front of, like, what is it? Like 2,000 people or something? Yeah, and he said he got backstage.

Like, you know, he's obviously still nervous to do a big gig like that. He got backstage and said not one comment on his set, dozens of comments on his T-shirt. He said his management had no comment about the wardrobe. Oh, really? Implying they were not wrapped. That's very funny. So yeah, let's hype this up.

This is what we're going to do. When the set goes up, when it's online, we're going to record our cell. We're going to do a commentary track over the top of it. We're going to do a commentary track over the top of it. We're going to do a commentary track over the five-minute set and put that online. So that's something we're going to do soon. Yeah. It's all content, baby.

These guys get it. Thanks to the people who have... At this point, we are, what, three shows in to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival? Yes. So we've each done three solo shows each. Surprising amount of listeners that have come to the show so far. Thank you to everyone here who have been to my show personally. I did a show the other night and it was going good.

It's only a small room. I had four different people continually yelling out that I was a cunt. Well, to be fair, that's only 10% of the room. That's a nice crowd. Yeah. Yeah, they kept yelling out. They kept going, nah, nah, not that joke. Nah.

No good. No good. And I'm like going, oh, look, the rest of the show is going good. You know, shut the fuck up. Whatever. It's like a Friday night. I figured, you know, there's a lot of drunk people. As everyone walks out, all four people go, big fan of the show.

Are you all the people who like me? Cool. But, like, how much weirder would that be if you had people doing that to you in your gig and then went on the way out as they're walking out? You're like, oh, sorry, I presume you listen to the podcast. And they were just like, what podcast? Like, how much worse would that be? Just strangers seeing you and within three seconds going, no, I hate this cunt.

I'm going to let him know. But what is weirder? People who like you saying it or people who don't know of you saying it? Like, it's weird equally. We could discuss this all night. We're never going to work this out. We've discussed it for most of the podcast in the last couple of years. So, yeah.

All right. You know what? While we're doing that, I do have a text message from a comic friend of ours called Brett Blake, which does set up nicely what the fans, doing that i do have a text message from a a comic a comic friend of ours called uh brett blake which does uh set up nicely what the fans the listeners of little dum-dum club are like oh okay um he sent me a message just a couple of uh a couple of weeks ago he was in a country town somewhere he was uh drinking in regional new south wales and he sent me this message at midnight a bit after midnight he goes oh he sent me a picture of all these

guys, he did a selfie with all these guys in the country somewhere and said found a little group who love Little Dum Dum Club in regional New South Wales. Oh that's awesome. I said surprised they didn't text me themselves. He said oh no they actually said no we wouldn't disrespect you like that.

And so I went oh oh, that's nice. Anyway, half an hour later, the next message from Brett is, mate, these cunts are mental. One just threw a rock at me. So I punched him. Get some better fucking fans. So then... When was he hanging out with them that they had easy access to rocks?

Were they hanging out down a mine? It's regional New South Wales. That's one of the bigger attractions. Yeah, it's not bedrock. There's not just stones lying on the floor in every pub. Yeah, so anyway, I just went, ha, ha, ha. Half an hour later, text message. They're still throwing rocks.

The update. How long ago was that? Can we get an update? Are the rocks still being thrown? No, I believe that was it. That was it. And he did come back and he goes, yeah, I just punched one in the face. I saw him the next day.

He had a black eye. So I don't know whether that was a punch or a rock. Good to follow up on a guy that you've punched. Just check in with him the next day and go How you going bro? That shiner coming through Should we get in? We've got a lot of guests on today We've got more than we normally do

Should we get our first guest out here? Sure, get him in Get him in Folks, this first guy making his debut appearance on the podcast A very fine young man I think he's very nervous about getting up here Please go crazy and welcome on to the little dum-dum club, Dilruk Jai, singer!

Hang on, hang on. Nice to meet you, friends. My name is Dil. Oh, leave me hanging. Hello. Nice to meet you, buddy. Just hang on. Just be on that side of the stage.

We need to be on this one So it doesn't tip over Alright so Like an aeroplane Like an aeroplane Yeah That was really scary When you just started Grabbing me like that

I didn't like it Fuck what's he doing You've had that before Thanks Thanks Dilruk For getting here eventually We delayed the podcast A little bit

Don't be like that No you did not You texted us Like three minutes Before the show To say hey guys Sorry I got held up I'll be about Seven to ten minutes So I guess the pertinent Question is we delayed the podcast a little bit. Don't be like that. No, you did not. You texted us like three minutes before the show to say, hey guys, sorry, I got held up. I'll be about seven to ten minutes.

So I guess the pertinent question is, which part of the chicken were you eating? The arsehole. I'll be there in seven to ten weeks. Because I want to be in the mood of you getting chewed out by arseholes all afternoon. So I thought I'll get a head start on it. No, I sent you a text message well in advance and I took a cab just to make sure that I get here on time.

Yeah, but you get free, so... Hang on, you took a... You took a cab or you drove a cab? Same joke, still racist. Yeah, same. No, no, no, different jokes, same racism. Give us some credit. What are you doing? I'm supposed to be taking...

Hi! What are you doing? I'm taking over the Beat magazine Instagram account So I'm taking photos of as much as possible But then I saw the look on people's faces here I'm like, people don't need to see those ugly mugs Wow, what a great marriage. You and Street Press, two

bloated, dying beings. You know, the cruelty of that is nowhere near as funny as it actually is, so I'll pay that. It's good to be back on this podcast. I've missed feeling shit about myself. So I've been doing my comedy festival show every night.

I have a guest in every night. You're in the same building. You do your show. I've done three so far. You have run into my show twice already. Yes. And run is true, believe it or not. Waddled.

Is that true or is that just his show is in the room next to you and bits of him are spilling over into your venue? Yeah, I'm halfway through a set-up and I just have to kick it back in. There's always the point in the podcast, in the live ones where Dill's on, where it's like you very audibly hear people go, all right, that's enough, fucking leave the poor guy alone. Which I wish he would say at dinner. Haven't you missed this?

I've missed it This is nice I really do I really do I had Last night I had A couple of people In the bar after the show I was having a few drinks

And this An older couple came up And they said Oh we came and saw your show Last night It was great Really heaps of fun I said oh great

That was a great one I thought that was really fun They said yeah We just went to the footy. We got in the cab. We were going to the footy and the taxi driver started asking us what we were doing. My cousin. What we were doing. That's really crook, man.

I want that sort of rot on this podcast. That is offensive towards cab drivers. Anyway, they're on the way to the footy and he was like saying, what have you been up to? Oh, we went to the Comedy Festival show We went to this show and we went and saw Carl Chandler And then in the same show it was Dilruk Jai Singha And the cab driver goes, never heard of Chandler

I know that Dilruk Jai Singha though Oh, wow! Good on my cousin Really, I'm finally getting out to that sweet, sweet cab community Do they pay by cab charge when they come into the show? Yeah, that community of people that have no spare time to go and watch shows at night. They're constantly working the same time that you're on. Yeah, it's good.

Hi, Thelma. Good to see you again. How are you? Sorry. Hey, Thelma. We haven't mentioned... We haven't talked about you guys, I don't think, before, but you guys are from Sydney. We're in the front row.

Thelma, I'm just glad to see there is someone here that is older than me. She's 42, ladies and gentlemen. Can we ask for the record how old you are, Thelma? You're 90. 90. Wow, that's like 30 kilos less than I want to be. Once again... This job wasn to be. Once again, this job wasn't running.

Once again, I'm just trying to get through the same doorway. Just shows you're never too old to laugh at fat cunts. Come on. Tell me, what do you think of Chandler frequently using the C word? It's fucked, isn't it?

He really cons it up. Okay. It was so much fun until that moment. Somehow made people miss the fat jokes. What's going to happen first? Thelma getting a letter from the queen

for reaching 100 years old or Dil getting under 100 kilos? What do we reckon? No, noelma getting a letter from the Queen for reaching 100 years old or Dil getting under 100 kilos? What do we reckon? No, no. Her getting a letter from the Queen for being 100 or him walking past a Dairy Queen. Do we even have Dairy Queens here? No, because you ate them. Yay!

Dairy Queen is Adam Richard's stage name. Yeah, it's him in a cow costume. No, just himself. Okay. Milk in his little kitties. He's got three of them. There's one that actually discharges.

Welcome to Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'm just warming you guys up for... Hey, you know what they say, no one's going to buy the cow if you give away the cum for free. Delmar, I wish you hadn't seen that. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. All right, well, should we make the most of our guests?

Let's get the next guest. Yeah, let's get the next guest out here. Ladies and gentlemen, fresh off the plane, you know him from The Daily Show. Please welcome back into the little Dunlop Club, Ronnie Chang! Hey, bro. Yeah. Jesus. I refuse to be outdressed by this fucking asshole anymore.

Every single time, this guy makes us all look like shit. Never again. Now, you are what, Dill? This shit is tailored. This shit is Target. Target. Actually, no, Kmart. I swear, I promise you, this is from Kmart.

Yeah, how does that make you feel? Dressed like a fucking child. I'm relaxed, man. I'm comfortable in my appearance. I'm having a good time up here. I feel great. And I look pretty cool. I look like a cool guy.

I'm wearing a cool hat. Let me get a mirror and take your hat off. Then let's see how you feel. Oh, so obesity is fine, but fall jokes are fucked? Yeah, to be fair, I could lose the weight. I could lose the weight. He'll always be... Yeah, exactly.

I'm technically crippled. Like, that's a physical disability. You're not allowed to make fun of people like us, man. What were you going to ask me? I was just going to say, this should be inspirational to you. It is. I mean, his career or just everything about him No Career and size

Yeah It is I lost weight yeah Yeah It's all about It's all up here man It's all about mental Yeah

People concentrate too much On the physical aspect Yo-yoing back and forth Every single time you try Right If you're not strong up here You can't get it done I don't know if it's

I'm telling you I've lost 10kg Twice in my life. And the second time I lost it, I was like, never again. Big fucking deal.

I lost 10 kg this morning taking a shit. That wasn't this morning. Go see a doctor. That wasn't this morning. That was your festival show last night, I believe. Oh, what?

What are the fucking morals of you people? Also, I don't know if you can call it yo-yoing if it's a yo-yo that just gets to the bottom and then never really goes back up. That's like me when I go bungee jumping. There's no coming back up. You can't yo-yo. You've got to stay strong.

You've got to stick to a routine you have for life, okay? Stop making this some kind of three-month journey. What do you think is gonna happen after three months? I don't know, man. It's gonna stay there. You're gonna bounce right back.

Right, okay. Right? Keep it for life. Whatever the fuck you're doing, just keep it up. To be, whatever I'm doing,

keep it up. Yeah. Like eating, like, buckets of KFC chicken for breakfast. aren't you posting, like,

a social media whore, like, every single day you're posting that fucking dropping kilos? It is. Just keep that shit up.

Oh, thank you. Hey, Ronnie, lay off. What? What the fuck? Just go easy on him. You're making him so nervous he's starting to sweat, okay? I told him to take off his jacket before he got on. Ronnie's pretty good actually with the advice.

He sent me some tips regarding weight loss. How to sort of, basically what you did. I did some of it. And it worked. But then I kind of forgot about it and went to Sri Lanka. And in three weeks pretty much put it all back on. See, that's unacceptable. But you haven't been to Sri Lanka.

Yo, fuck you. I went to Malaysia. Fuck you, man. I had to do my diet in Montreal in in Singapore in Malaysia in Edinburgh I still kept it up did you eat my mom's cooking no yeah there you go that's him if you had Razia Jaisingh's cooking you wouldn't be fucking I've known you for a while now I've been hearing words come out of your face for a while now right every time I come back you get your sound more and more Australian okay

all right we just took a bit of a detour that's truth that's quite the yeah Ronnie love it or leave it mate I love it dude I'm so happy to be back yeah shut up okay so I started to calm down. I'm really happy you're back, man. It feels like being home. Oh, is this the Daily Show, Ronnie? Yeah, it's all right. Okay, good.

It's a cool show. What about this? So you did a gig. So you are now on the Comedy Cellar, the famous New York gig that Louis C.K. goes into on the start of his show. Yeah, yeah. And you did a week there this week. And then we see in the news that Robert De Niro did a set.

Robert De Niro did a set, yeah. And you were on the same bill as Robert De Niro? You were there? I was at the cellar he was doing at the Village Underground around the corner. If you're a nerd, you know what that... If you're a comedy nerd, you know what that means. He was filming his movie, The Comedian,

out February 2017. Yeah, I'm Asian number three At the bar If you give a fuck He was Yeah he was doing a set So we all kind of Crowded into Everyone who was on that night

Went to go watch Because we want to see Robert De Niro do stand up Right Yeah Because he's a method actor And you figure If any actor

Can nail the nuances Of stand up comedy It'll be De Niro Right Because it's hard Like I'm not trying to You know glorify What we do here

We don't You. We don't have a lot of skill sets. But stand-up comedy, it requires a certain skill set which is hard to just jump into. But you figure if anyone could do it, it's method actor Robert De Niro, right? So you go watch him. And he... Where do I start with this story?

So I was there doing a set and then... How detailed do you want? Fuck, comedy is hard. Yeah. How detailed do you want? Do you want names? Give us a complete reenactment of the film Taxi Driver right now.

Let's go right back to the very start. Did you use the opportunity to look at him and go, are you talking to me? No. He came in with Leslie Mann and then they were having banter with the host, Jessica Kirsten. Oh, I love banter. And then I didn't actually get to see set. I had to leave before he did set. Why?

Why the fuck did you have to leave? To get to this podcast. No, I... Hang on, were you asked to leave Because you just kept texting De Niro Going fuck you Fuck the Godfather Fuck you I will say the seller

Like they I'm not some big shot I just got passed last week So I happened to be there When De Niro was filming Everyone crowded in And I'm like I'm like you know

The new kid I'm a new kid I'm nobody there So I go I'm like standing there Waiting for the manager To let me get in to watch De Niro, right?

And so Will Savings was there. You guys know Will. Anyway, Will says, hey Ronnie, Will was going to go and sit down in the room when De Niro was doing the set but Will had to host the show

so he said, hey Ronnie, just finished his spot. He's free if you need an extra guy sitting there. So he got me in and then I sat down

and then what I'm trying to say is that the seller was like looking, they kind of look after you a bit like if you're one of, part of. So he got me in, and then I sat down. And then what I'm trying to say is that the seller was, like, looking. They kind of look after you a bit, like, if you're one of part of the family. Just like this podcast. What the hell? So did you watch his set or not? No, I watched him come in.

He had some banter with the host, and then he left. And he did that, like, five times. And then I had to go. What did you have to go do? I had work the next day. I couldn't stick around, so I left. It was, like, 2 a.m. at that point. I had to be up at like 10.

I couldn't be responsible. I reckon you made that earlier in your head. I saw the moment of hesitation where really it was midday. I'm going to look like an arsehole here. No, I have to be at work at 9.50. Look, we've made it up for you. Our next guest, please come on. Robert De Niro, everyone.

All right, let's get our next guest out here. Give it up for Ronnie Chang, everyone. Please welcome out, all the way here from Scotland, please welcome into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Daniel Sloss. You want me to stay or can... Please stay. Can I go? No, please stay. Yeah, yeah. No, go. You've got to get up at... Please stay. Can I go? No, please stay.

Yeah, yeah. No, go. You've got to get up at 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm jet lagged. I just got off a plane. Sorry, I'm eating into Daniel Sloss' time. Hey, it's good to see you, man. You too, buddy.

It's been a long time coming. You've been trying to come to this festival for a while now. I'm really glad you finally made it down. Roddy's my hype man. Yeah. Scottish comedy prodigy Daniel Sloss fresh off his Roger

Roger Sloss fresh off his multiple Conan appearances 5 but who's kidding 5 yeah I am actually how you doing man

hey Sloss so you've been on the podcast a couple times before and we know you but we don't know you like we don't know you you've been on twice when was the other one you were What? We know you, but we don't know you. We've been on twice. What was the other one?

You were on a live one in Sydney like two, three years ago or something. Oh, yeah. That was you guys. I had a feeling you didn't remember that. Yeah. I just thought, oh, yeah. But anyway, I was trying to think of stuff to bring up today because I haven't hung out with you a great deal.

And so I texted Demi Lardner, a friend of the show, who you spend a lot of time with. She's not going to have good things to say about me. And I said, hey, have you got anything about Sloss that we could maybe bring up on the podcast? And she wrote back, and I quote, Sloss is hard to have dirt on because he is openly scum. It's true.

It's a good defensive maneuver to just be openly a shit person. I am a fucking piece of shit. It's so good. I get really bored during festivals because the standard question you always get asked

is like, hey, how's the show going? Hey, how's the show going? And every day you get asked by fucking comedians and I've worked out the best way to counteract it. No one will ever ask you again. Hey, Sloss, how's the show code, here's the show code. And every day you get asked by fucking comedians. And I've worked out the best way to counteract it. No one will ever ask you again, hey,

Sloss, how was the show? You just go, fucking amazing. I'm really talented. No one will ever say. And then whenever comedians do the same thing, I fucking hate just talking about comedy after we've done it. We're all in our own heads. Stephen Kamos the other day slapped me because I went, how was your

first show? What did you point at do when you said Stephen Kamos?os the other day slapped me because I went, how was your first show? Why did you point at Dool when you said Stephen K. Amos? Is this not... God, he's let himself go. This looks like Stephen ate Amos. No, no. I was going to go with Stephen KFC, Amos. Let's do a round robin. Everyone get up here and do one.

Oh, you're a fat fuck. Hey, hey, it's disgusting, fat fuck. Stay on brand. Stephen K was like, how was your first show and he just went oh yeah the first one was pretty tough and I just went

yeah that's what I heard and he was like from who and I'm just like yeah word on the street it's great fuck with people fuck them

oh that's not cool was he being ironic or was he I didn't listen to his answer there is a lot of intense Open psychological warfare Amongst comedians In this festival

A lot of like Sending people a text Hey man Sorry to see about the review You know No that's not true There are people That like to fuck with us

You're one of them No I don't I don't do that I never do that shit I don't participate In that negativity I know one guy who goes around telling people

when they get shitty reviews, but he does it like... No, another guy. He does it exactly like what you just said. He goes like, oh, sorry to hear you got a bad review, but that's okay. I don't think you're that bad.

Oh, really? He does shit like that. He's a fucking dick, yeah. I know who it is. Name and shame. Name names? You would have heard of him. Or her.

What about someone actually does get a bad review, you get it printed on a t-shirt just for when you go flowering? That'd be good stuff. Yeah, I don't know. Is that the way to go either? To be like, oh, fuck yeah, I'm comfortable with my shitty reviews. Just don't address it. Just don't talk about it.

You get your own bad review printed on a t-shirt. Yeah, that's what I mean. And then you wear it and you sold out Town Hall show that. Fuck, that'd be pretty gnarly. No, just don't address it. Just don't talk about it. You get your own bad review printed on a t-shirt. Yeah, that's what I mean. And then you wear it and you sold out Town Hall show that. Fuck, that'd be pretty gnarly. No, I just don't want to address it. No, no, he'll sell it as merch. Fuck, yeah. I need some new merch ideas, by the way.

But yeah, I don't want to address that stuff. Let them, let the fucking reviewers. Oh yeah, let's work out some, let's work out some, let's work out some new merch ideas for you. What do you got, what are your ideas? Because you're kind of always at the forefront of merch in the comedy game. You had wristbands, you had dick towels. That sounds like I'm making fun of you. That's an actual real thing that you did. Yeah, I got dick towels.

What's a dick towel? Okay. Can I tell people about your dick? Ronnie just put the mic down and very audibly said to Sluss, oh, can I talk about your dick? So he's... Hang on, are you just trying to sell a towel to him? It's really wet, right? It's like a testimonial.

You know, you get the before and after. Oh, my dick towel. Sluss's dick is terrible. You know when your dick gets out of the shower and it's just dripping wet? When your dick gets out of the shower. So you're out of the shower. it's just dripping wet? When your dick gets out of the shower. You're out of the shower.

The joke was that I wash my dick in the sink and so after I pee, so I need a dick towel to wipe it. That was the joke. Why don't you just use your girlfriend's towel? At the time, I didn't have a girlfriend. You have a fiance.

Oh, no, you don't. Well, you remember when he said he had a girlfriend do you know what that is it's on tree what the fuck do you still sell tech towels yeah I got a couple left but I don't I just no one buys them anymore so I stopped doing the joke you did it wrong struggling wait hang on So I stopped doing the joke. Ronnie's struggling. Wait, hang on. Did you stop doing the joke because the towels

weren't selling quick enough anymore? No, no. You just move on from material and then you got stuck with all these dick towels. Well, you know what? Just do what you do

with all the other shit lying around your house. Give it to these guys. I should. Jesus Christ. I wanted to give out this suit I have that I'm too skinny for.

I had this suit which I bought in Edinburgh. I'm too, it was too big, it's too big for me now. I wanted to bring it this suit I have that I'm too skinny for. I had this suit which I bought in Edinburgh. It's too big for me now. I wanted to bring it down and give it to you guys. And give it to him as inspiration. He's too big. He's too big for it. Anyone here a 38R US?

Dil can use it as a sock. These aren't people that wear suits. I use it as a dick towel. Wrap it around the suit jacket and look who's coming to dinner. Have we got someone here who will fit into the suit who wants it?

That's great. Australia. Yeah, Jerry. Yeah, I'll take it. That's a good Australian accent. Yeah, I'm trying to do an accent. Have you got the suit here? No, I was going to take it out and then I realised

it was too good. To these fucking assholes. I'll give it out at Carl's birthday. Okay. Give it a birthday suit. Yeah, give it a birthday. Let's play pass the parcel with the audience at your birthday

and every layer is just a different thing That Ronnie has given us Can I just ask about What happened with Sloss' dick Yeah Oh Tell us about that pain

Okay First of all Hang on Sloss Do you know this story Yeah it's my dick Yeah So You think I wake up

Some mornings Where have you been Hanging out with Ronnie Chang So So You think I'll wake up some mornings Where have you been? Hanging out with Ronny Chieng So Any stories from last night buddy? I was I was also the first comic To sell my special on USBs

That was me Yeah First comic ever? I think so yeah I feel like we're Fucking reading a fan tale At the moment So Daniel Sloss' dick He's too modest I feel like we're fucking reading a fan tale at the moment.

So Daniel Sloss' dick. He's too modest to talk about this. I'm fucking not. He was the first comic to fuck a USB. We get it. No, people, he never mentions this in his act and whatever. Why don't you suit around his dick? His dick is so big he needs special condoms for them that's it that's it so yeah meet same yeah good

same we go have no no you don't stand no no you guys you need to understand what's going on down there it is so big he can't wear it. Help us understand. Like I said, Ronny Chieng is my hype man. He sounds more like a fluffer. Both. Yeah, he's so... Have you seen it? I've seen the aftermath. I don't even know what that means.

I don't even know what that means. Wow. Is it like the end of taxi driver I never watched that job is that the Robert De Niro one yeah no it's not like that okay is it a queen latifah one is that a question Queen Latifah Jimmy Fallon yeah that's just taxi okay Andy Kaufman I love that Taxi Driver movie Yeah Oh Taxi the sitcom Yeah Ronnie gets it

On Dreamcast Yeah yeah Crazy Taxi Crazy Taxi Great Hey great video game Yeah yeah it's okay Doing some free association right now

Yeah Taxi Like my cousins Alright let's get another guest on Yeah We've got a very Usually we just Have like comedy related guests Unlike Dilrub

But Comedy related I cannot believe you got this guy Yeah I know This is pretty sweet So usually it's just comedians But we have a very special guest So please welcome to the stage

Senator Do we all have to stand up for this? Or what the fuck? Can we get the national anthem before we leave now? No? Okay. Senator Sam Dastyari. Woo! This is, I can feel everyone is very confused. I can feel like everyone thinks

is this Sam you're dressed up or? I'm glad I came here for the dick jokes. That was really funny. Is this microphone on? Is this microphone on? Hey, Senator Sam, do you mind if I tell them about your dick story? Can I just say it's great to be here for the end of the podcast? No, no, no.

It's like the jump the shark moment. end of the podcast? No, no, no. It's like the jump the shark moment. What kind of idiots decide in the middle of the International Melbourne Comedy Festival, this is the time we're going to get a politician

to come on our podcast. All the great comedians from around the world are in one city at one time. Yeah, get hot on that mic. There you go. No, that's it. We're going to get a politician in. Yeah, yeah. Well, not only that, a politician who has horrible mic technique.

I'm just glad you don't have a job where you have to speak publicly. So, Sam, this is what happened. So, Chandler, we get an order a few, a couple of months ago. Was this true? Is this what happened? I sent out all the order A few A couple of months ago Was this true? Is this what happened? We

I sent out all the t-shirts You ordered a t-shirt Didn't you? I ordered a t-shirt And I'm a sponsor on Patreon Right Yeah right And so

Don't applaud that Unlike most of you fuckers So Your taxpayers money Had to run Yeah Yeah So all of a sudden

I'm sending like a t-shirt to Parliament House or something? This must be a mistake. This must be some form of mistake. But can I say, being booked on this show, and I use the word booked as if there's a level of professionalism that doesn't exist. Was the most pathetic experience of my career. Wait, did you book with Tommy? Well, no, it gets better. Was it Tommy?

So I called Tommy. Because this fucking guy can't do shit. Hey, hey. This guy can't open a door. No, no, it gets better. This guy couldn't book a shelf. I called Tommy at 2pm on Wednesday, right? Yeah.

So clearly I've just woken the fucking guy up, right? Yeah. And I got him, oh, mate, look, I think I've been booked to come up, right? Yeah. And I go to him, oh mate, look I think I've been booked to come on your show on Sunday. I'm going to fly down to Melbourne. He goes, look mate, I don't know who you are. Yeah, no. I don't know anything

about this. This is one of those dumb ideas that Carl keeps coming up with. This is why we don't let Carl actually do anything on the podcast. No, because Carl says to me, hey, I've got a secret for Sunday, but I'm just wondering whether I should tell you about it. Then doesn't tell me about it. Somehow the wires get crossed over.

Sam gets given my phone number instead of Carl's. So this guy calls me. Can I give it out? Can I give out your mobile number? No. But so this is what then happened I was talking to someone about this last night And they were telling me, this is someone who

Works with you, and they said that You were telling someone at one of your jobs About us having Sam On the podcast, talk to him About various stuff, and they said that They observed you talking to a friend of ours Who's a comedian who does political comedy And you were just saying, hey we've got Sam on, we're going to talk to

him and, you know, it's going to be all this good stuff. And then apparently you say to this political comedian, so, um, what's the Senate? Yes? Hey, sorry to get distracted, but one of the mics isn't working. Who the fuck organized this goddamn podcast with microphones that can't fucking work?

We got the center in. You know how busy this guy is? Do you know how busy that guy is? The ashes aren't going to unbuy themselves. All right. Who's that guy? Now we found someone who can use a mic worse than him. Who's that guy behind the've found someone Who can use a mic Worse than him

Who's that guy Behind the bar At the footy show Trevor Marmalade Yeah that reminds me of that I got a question That's De Niro level Bandit

He asked me Sorry can I tell you What Ronnie said Just backstage A minute ago Backstage is generous For sure Can everyone stop airing

My private conversations in public? A lot of what I say in private isn't meant for people to hear. From a bloke who 10 minutes ago was like, hey, I'm going to tell everyone about your dick. I asked him first. I asked him first. It's a good story. His dick is super big.

It is so big, he can't use normal condoms. It's actually a problem. Hey, what does the aftermath look like? Oh, just like... It's just a mess. I got a question for the senator. All right. By the way, welcome to Question Time.

That's exactly... Question number one, how did you Question Time. That's exactly... Question number one, how did you get that? That's exactly what I say. First of all, thank you, Senator, for coming to this podcast and giving this podcast the legitimacy it doesn't deserve. All right, first of all. Second of all, can someone please explain to me why the Australian Parliament, Congress, or Senate,

or whatever the fuck you guys call it, all it, why is it that during a meeting session, when someone's talking, everyone else starts chit-chatting like a bunch of children. When someone has the floor, everyone else needs to shut the fuck up. I don't know what you mean. Yeah, it's like a podcast. Sorry, have you listened to this podcast before?

Have you ever actually listened to this podcast? No, you don't listen to it. You're going to compare the Australian Parliament to the fucking Dum Dum Club podcast? You guys are getting shit done. We're a bunch of fucking assholes just trying to

insult each other as much as possible before this guy drops off a heart attack. The cutest thing here is that you think there's a difference. insult each other as much as possible before this guy drops off a heart attack. Alright? You know, the cutest thing here is that you think there's a difference. Oh my God. Seriously,

if I was in the Senate or Parliament or Congress or whatever the fuck you call it down here, alright? If someone was talking, I'd be like,

shut up! Shut the fuck up! I'm talking! People start heckling like a bunch of children in the back. Might back must open up an open bar what he was all right bunch of uncivilized barbarians anyway no it's great to get lectures from a comedian from the Dali show. Tell us more about democracy. No, that's... Oh, dude.

Oh, dude. No, no. You have a fucking page. No. Oh. Boom. No, I love that because I'm with you. I agree with you.

I think that comics just shut the fuck... Well, look, okay. You can... Question time? More like question Tim. You can make... Oh.

He didn't get... Got Tim. Yeah, he got me. Dude, I'm with him. I think sometimes I hear comics like bitch moaning about society and the government. And it's like, yo, why don't you try to fix this shit? You're just standing on stage in front of a bunch of drunk people trying. Yeah.

This is what jet lag looks like. No. So Senator Sam, I'm with you. Can I say how wanted I am to be here with your drunk cop? Senator Sam, I'm with you. That's all I'm saying. I'm with you. Some people don't know. You have a

difficult job because no matter what you do, half the people are going to hate you. There's like three parties. I don't know how many people there are in Australia, but people are going to hate you. Alright? And there's no good answer. I get it. It's a tough job. Dude, someone has to do their job. It's tough to do and it's easy to hate and

it's just like comedy. Well, I wrote some policies. You've got, Well, I wrote some policies. Sorry? I wrote some policies for you. Oh, some policies. So these are policies, what, that you want to get through Parliament? Well, I want to be honest. Look, I don't want to say I'm a fan of the podcast. I want to say I'm aware of the podcast.

We're aware of the Labor Party, so yeah, it balances out. And I reckon we both have about as many listeners right now. So I've written six policies that I thought would appeal to, you know, dum-dum listeners. Oh, great. So this is to get people voting Labor at the next election. Alright, lovely. Well, voting for me

at least, if you're in Sydney. Okay, the first one. Everyone in the country will receive a $900 Are people voting Labor at the next election? All right, lovely. Well, voting for me at least, if you're in Sydney. Right. Okay, the first one. Everyone in the country will receive a $900 stimulus package from Tommy's parents. Yay! Pretty good. I'm taking a pay cut on that, so I'm bummed out on it.

More female cabinet members and more male cabinet members called Tim. Yeah, that's good. I like that. In honour of Kyle Chandler, we're banning opposite-sex marriage. You got my vote, buddy. We're removing trade barriers from North Korea and removing the barriers from the Westgate breach. Finally. Some fucking sense in this country.

I'm not going to do this one with a straight face. We're going to let in 40 more refugees from Syria and send one 40-year-old man to Thailand. It's a good trade. It's a good deal. I'll do it. And a 24-7 government-funded hotline for the public to voice any questions or concerns they may have.

0438. No! No! No! No! Six, six, oh! No! No! No! No! Six, six on. No! No!

You might boost it so that it's hot in the mix. It's fucking, unlike me, it's constantly engaged already. Can we, let's talk about it. Where's he gone? Duroc's walked off the stage Dillrock goes, that's it, this is below me Can we talk about this? Because I first became aware of you

A few weeks ago You're in parliament That's a lie No, this is true I'm on a Facebook group that I'm a big fan of And Dill's in there too It's a Facebook group called The Halal Snack Pack Appreciation Society.

Now, a Halal Snack Pack... Wait, wait, wait, back, back. Dil's in a Facebook group about food? The Halal Snack Pack, for those who don't know, you get it from kebab shops. It's chips with kebab meat on the top and then cheese and then sauces. It looks like the aftermath, I imagine. And so...

It's a very strict community, and people get in there and they post reviews about the snack packs that they've had, and they review categories like the greeting that they got when they went in, the quality of the meat. And so the group went crazy about two weeks ago, because you, Sam, you're in Parliament, you get up there and you just start giving out a snack pack review.

Have we got the audio for that? Can we get the audio of it? Numo. Some senators may not be aware of what a halal snack pack is. A halal snack pack is a styrofoam container containing two incredible ingredients, chips and halal meat. This is a great Sydney tradition, it's a great Sydney food and it's a movement that is continuing to grow in recent weeks. So in the minute I have left I do want to give a very quick review of this kebab house. I've got to say the greeting I got was 10 out of 10, the signage was 10 out of 10, it was very

clear I was purchasing halal products, something that I know many senators on the other side are concerned about. The sauce, fantastic. I don't think there were people watching this at the time going, wow, this kind of seems rock bottom. The packaging, the styrofoam containers. There is no way you can get lower than this. Some of the world's senators have an issue with styrofoam,

perhaps I've had from time to time. But the pack, incredible. And importantly, Senator McGuire is asking an important question. It's important. If you ever really want to appreciate a halal snack pack, I will take you to Sydney. I will take you to Western Sydney. Senator McGrath, I will take you on that offer. Together, we will, with our friends, the brothers and sisters in the Halal Snack Pack Appreciation Society,

we will experience the delicacy that is a halal snack pack together, bringing together both the conservative and progressive side of politics in what can only be described as a great Australian tradition. You know that you can't over me. Oh! Fucking hell. Hang on, were they playing Little Dum Dum Club in Parliament?

Hey, can I say one thing? I saw the photos from Tom Ballard, right? And, you know, Tom tried to upstage the rest of us and good on Tom, right? I'm going to beat him. I'm going to do a full press conference wearing a little dum-dum t-shirt. Yes! Yes! Right.

Right. To be fair, to be fair, someone in the Labor Party wearing a t-shirt saying little dum-dum club won't look that weird. Yeah, you're really keen to be out of a job soon, aren't you? I keep it going, I'll wear one as a condom. I don't think we make them that big. I just want to say this quickly on the Halal Snack Pack group, because Dilrick, you're in there.

There's a guy in there that runs a kebab shop in Melbourne that's got on there and started promoting his business. And one night I was at home, I was on the Facebook page, and he put a photo in the group of you. You had gone in. He's like, hey, so good to see so many members of this group coming in to get halal snack packs. It was a photo of him and Dil. And I wrote on the photo, busted.

And the guy who posted the photo who runs the store commented and went, oh, what do you mean, Tommy? And I went, oh, that's just my friend Dilruk who's in the photo, who runs the store, commented and went, oh, what do you mean, Tommy? And I went, oh, that's just my friend Dilrook, who's in the photo with you. And he wrote back, ah, yes, Mr. Calories. Mr. Calories! Please, please, Mr. Calories was my father.

He died very young. Is there a Mrs. Calorie? Oh, never mind. It's like a superhero. I am Mr. Calorie. Anything you don't want to eat, I will take it on board. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

Or in general. If you hand that... Sorry, Sam. So what I wanted to say is, like, because I just want to make it clear to everyone that you are a genuine listener of the show, and let's prove it. So, like, you actually paid for a ticket to come here today.

I was coming despite being dragged onto the fucking stage. Yes, yes. Now, to show that you are a true fan, so you're here today, have you seen either of our solo shows yet? OK, this is going to sound terrible. Tonight, I'm not because I'm going to the Uruk show.

So yes, you have proved. Which is what a real fan would do. That's it, I'm voting for the sex party. Oh god. Which is what a real fan would do. That's it. I'm voting for the sex party. Oh, God. Oh, man. Yeah, I like that. I can't because I'm going to Dilwooks.

That's on a different time to my show. So you can do. If we show up, can we just start heckling you ourselves from the crowd? Wow, you don't listen to this show, do you? It's never been given as an option. People just do it. No, yeah, look, if you can get a word in tonight

because tonight's guest is Lawrence Mooney. You know that by the time this podcast is actually played, like it's after the show, right? I'm aware. Because otherwise that room would fucking burst with people wanting to see it. I think we should wrap it up.

What do you reckon? Yeah, we actually... I know. I know, but you're all good boys and girls and we'll see you here next week. Yeah, I think, yeah. Well, you know what? The only other question I had left for you, Sam, was I thought because you listened to the show, I wanted you to say maybe who in...

Between the host and the guests, who's sort of the equivalent in Parliament House? Like, who's the equivalent within our show of, like, Malcolm Turnbull? You're like the Corey Bernardia, the podcaster. And Tommy's like the Eric Yibetz. Am I the Clive Palmer? Can I just say, there's been a lot of bagging out about you, but Dilruch, you look fantastic, mate.

Thank you, mate. I'm very aware. Get the fuck off our show. Get out. Doing nothing to dispel the cliche that all politicians are liars. cliche that all politicians are liars. We don't have any like, you know the whole cliche of politicians kissing babies on the trail? We don't have any babies. I think we have something that's the size of a baby. Do you want to kiss Chris's dick?

Well, it's going to turn into one of those podcasts. What do you mean one of those podcasts? No, this is great podcast content. You mean one of those podcasts. What do you mean one of those podcasts? No, this is great. This is great podcast content. You mean one of those podcasts where everyone has a working microphone?

You fucking idiot. You're so fucking stupid. Did anyone see Ronnie checking when... I lost my shit. Ronnie was checking why the microphone wasn't working

and he did two things. He went... Oh, this one? Oh, yeah, yeah. You've been a professional sounder for how fucking long and you're holding it to your ear like

well it doesn't sound incorrect. Hello. Who was in charge of the microphones? Who was in charge of the microphones? Numo.

Oh, you know, the guy you use every time you do a live show. He volunteers. It's alright. Thanks, man. Thanks for helping out. He's doing a good job. Thanks, Numo. Yeah, it's alright. Thanks, man. Thanks for helping out.

He's doing a good job. Thanks, Numo. Yeah, it's your responsibility to make sure shit is working. Fucking dicks. Alright, it's just good to have a... You already were one microphone down. You had six people and like five mics

and one of them is broken now. Yeah, we have our tech runs at the end of the show. What's the sound guy like on the Daily Show? Yeah, he's alright. Give him a shout out. What's his name? Yo, there's like a team of people handling the sound. Great.

Name one of them. Name one of them. Marco, name one of them. Marco, I swear to God. Marco. Marco. Is that the sound test? You're going Marco, him going Polo? Yeah, right.

We're good to go. Trevor can hear it. It's great. Let's do it. I'll tee that up a little bit. Marco, shout out Marco. Yeah, he introduced me to a jazz album, Nighttime, by Oscar Peterson. Yeah, I really appreciate it.

What a thorough backstory for someone you just made up. Where's BuzzFeed? Where the fuck is BuzzFeed? Where's BuzzFeed? You're up the back. How you doing? How you doing, man? Looking forward to that article tomorrow. 25 examples of autism from the little dum-dum club over the weekend.

Numbers 1 through 25, Ronnie Chang. Sorry. On the whole BuzzFeed thing, can I just say, so I get the call from BuzzFeed. They say, oh, you can actually do this podcast? Yes, because we called them. And these people have no fucking idea what they're doing. Is it a real thing, this podcast?

Yeah. Yeah. All right, we've got to wrap it up. We've got a show in here afterwards. Guys, big round of applause for everyone you saw on the Little Dumb Dumb Club today. Tillbrook Jai Singer, Sandus Diari,

Daniel Sloss, Ronnie Chang. Please. Please. Please go and see Sam's comedy festival show Yeah, so good His pussy eating material is amazing Fuck My show's on the 2nd of July

Good Google what is happening on the 2nd of July That's what I just did mentally What is the Senate? Mental Google Google what is happening on the 2nd of July. That's what I just did mentally. What is the Senate? Mental Google. Are Labor the good guys or the bad guys? Oh, mate.

They're the better guys. No, well, you should thank Sam for coming on, man. He's a good guy, yeah. Oh, that thing we did a minute ago. Sorry, I stopped listening after the... All right, Derek Joysting, you've got a show on called... Yes, it's called Sri Wanker. These guys are aware. You don't really need to plug it at this point.

They know. They've all been four times already. I've got flies on the way out. Shut up. Just quickly, Kyle's on straight after me, so you could do a double. You could see my show Shut up, Jill Shut the fuck up

Daniel Daniel, go No, if you say your show Then mine That's technically a triple I think, so Daniel Sloss 7.15 at Roxanne

Or 6.15 on Sundays I don't know You have Google Use it Sloss, by the way Sloss is You're a fucking awesome stand-up You did both our gigs In the last week Before the festival And yeah Go fucking see Daniel Sloss You will Google Use it Sloss by the way Sloss is You're a fucking Awesome stand up You did both our gigs

In the last week Before the festival And yeah Go fucking see Daniel Sloss You will not regret it And for someone That your management Has asked us five times

To have you on That is the worst Sell of your show You either come Or you don't Do we see your dick On stage That depends

How good the lighting is Numo No Ronnie Next weekend Is it Your show's next weekend Yeah yeah I'm just doing That depends how good the lighting is. Numo? No. Ronnie, next weekend. Is it your show's next weekend? Yeah, I'm just doing two shows of my last year's show. So I would appreciate you guys coming down. If you haven't seen it, if you've already seen it,

thanks for coming last time. It's really good to see you guys again. Thanks a lot. We're here every Sunday. Oh God, now I feel much better with my plug. What do we got? We're here every Sunday Oh god now I feel much better With my plug What do we got We're here every Sunday Our show's 8.45pm At the Downstairs Lounge for me

And 9.45pm At the Victoria Hotel For you Guys one more round of applause For these guests For coming down Thank you guys so much For coming to check out the show

And we'll see you next time See you next