The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 288 - Live! Hamish Blake, Nazeem Hussain, Dilruk Jayasinha, Greg Larsen & Josh Earl

Episode Date: April 13, 2016

Dum Dum Reviews, Nando's Chips and Whale Noises.Recorded LIVE at The European Bier Cafe on April 3, 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of A Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Moose. Wow. Wow, Yalla. You've done it again. Hey, do you want to say this? We're recording this ad before one of our live gigs, on the stage, before the audience has turned up. So it just feels like we're doing the worst live show of all time. Yeah, it feels like our first live show. Hey, so by the time you're hearing this There's one episode Live one Left to go That you can come to

At the Comedy Festival But it's pretty much full Yeah Yeah if you haven't booked already You've cooked it Yeah So I don't know Whether we release

One or two tickets maybe I don't know Anyway look You know Look it up We're probably full So if you fucked it You fucked it

Yeah one or two tickets Boy that is going to be A heated debate One or two Whether it should be one or two I'm more of a one fan I know you all think it's two. I think it should be two.

Yeah, well, we'll sort this out, I guess. We'll get to the bottom of it. T-shirts are all on sale now. I think, you know what, by this point we'll probably be pretty close to putting up, you might have seen the Got Him shirts that people are wearing that they've bought at live gigs and stuff. We'll put the remainder of them on sale on the website after this. Yeah.

After the festival's done. Sure. Patreon as well. You can get one through Patreon if you chip in. What is it? 30 a month? 30 a month. You get one for free.

So, you know, if you're not into Patreon and you don't know much about it, you can contribute money every month to us and you get little gifts every time you do. So you get, we've been putting out bonus episodes which have been cracking, which we sort of basically record and then go, man, we should have just released them as normal episodes. The last one we did was with Daniel Sloss, the one before that with Demi Larder. So you're getting little bonus little treats from friends of the show as well. And then our magazine that we put way too much time into.

So then you guys read in approximately two minutes and then go, yeah, cool, where's the next one? Yeah, this last one we did, again, it was like the worst timing where it was the week before the Comedy Festival. We both had a million other things to do. And then I didn't hear one thing back about it real ineffective use of time at the busiest part of the year having said that they did give us money sure that's yeah sure sure hey the best feedback of all as far as i'm concerned yeah yeah exactly like if you guys officially don't want to

comment on anything we do but just send me 20 bucks yeah that's fine we're just basically out there rattling the digital jug. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? We're those people at the traffic lights around Easter time. We just come out when you get a red light, we shake the tin in your face, and most of you go, get fucked. And then there's a few of you that do put your hand out the window.

We go, oh, nice one. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I'm more of a trying to clean the windscreen guy myself. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I want to give back. Yeah.

So what else? Oh, we do need to say, so in this episode, if you were there and you heard it, something kind of weird happened in the room at the time for the gig. Yeah, people laughed. So we're a little freaked out and we have to get up here and explain the sound that you're going to be hearing constantly through this episode. Yeah. It feels like coughing, but it's not.

They were enjoying the show. Yeah. Something happened in the room that was very obvious in the room that it was happening, but it will not be obvious on the recording what's happening. Yes. Does that make sense? Yes. So, look, when we get to that point of the episode, we're going to drop in again and

just kind of explain exactly what it is, but just know that that's coming up. It was a very weird situation. Anyway. Weirdly enough, I know you guys sit down. If you're standing up listening to this podcast, sit down. There were technical difficulties. So just get ready for the first instance of that ever happening. And whose fault was that?

No. Someone's done it again. So enjoy this episode. Heaps of great guests on this, and we'll pick it up in the middle and let you know what's going on. Yeah. Hey mate, welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club live from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me, the 40 year old virgin, mainly because he doesn't believe in sex until after marriage, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. I just got it over the line. Yeah. There was a little stumble in the middle there. Cool. It's lucky they were very

happy to laugh at whatever the fuck you said about me. So, that didn't really care. Welcome down, everyone. I don't want to be overly cocky, and I don't think I am, but I just had a panic attack where I had to just very violently close that curtain because I thought, if it's not open, people will be way too tempted to see

the highlights of the one day cricket between New Zealand and South Africa than see this show. People, there's another TV that's just showing the happy hour specials that a lot of people in the crowd seem transfixed by so that's good. It's good to know people just going, oh we can come back here in a week and get a fucking $8 pint. That's good. That's better than

this show. This is like, our show's like the opposite of a happy hour. Depression hour. This is the second week we's like the opposite of a happy hour. Depression hour. This is the second week we've been here. Who was here last week out of interest who saw the show? For those that weren't here, we had a Labor senator. Hang on, hang on. Who wasn't

here last week? Oh, well, they sound a lot happier. We had a Labor senator come on the show, Sam Dastyari, who listens to the show, who just kind of called us up and invited himself on. Wow, sort of. Kind of. Almost definitely. And it was a wonderful experience.

Here's what I didn't get to say. When he called me up, and I had no idea who he was, because I hadn't been given any context, he was talking to me and he's like, yeah, I'm just really looking forward to coming down, because I fucking love you guys. I'm like, aren't you a politician? Like, shouldn't you not just be calling up people

and swearing at them down the line? Like, really bizarre. It's worse than that. So after he was on the show last Sunday afternoon, he then, you know, I sort of did a plug for my show and then immediately afterwards he rings me up and goes, hey, mate, I really want to come down to your show i'm like great ticketmaster.com uh and he's like no i actually want to bring like a heap of people down and you've sort of sold out uh this you've only

got this many tickets left uh we've had this many people uh what can you do just you know what you know what whatever whatever you want to do, I'm just going to sneak in. Again, you are a senator. You make the rules, don't you? You're going to pass that one. I can go into dickhead show whenever I want. Rub a stamp. Bang. So he's like that. So I'm like, okay, look, to be honest

with the Comedy Festival, you sort of can't do that. Like they govern it pretty strictly. You can't just sort of sneak in. Plus, my room's not big enough for anyone to sneak into. As soon as you step foot in, you're sort of on stage. So I said, look, I'd love to help you out, but I sort of can't. Anyway, so then I went to the ticketing office to sort of check my numbers to make sure I'd sold out or not.

They're on the phone going, yes, Senator. I'm like, oh, this is going to be interesting. Like, yes, yes, yeah, okay, yes, yes, okay, yes, thank you, thank you, bye. And he hangs up and then they go, what, you're not supposed to tell him all that stuff. I'm like, tell him what stuff? And he was like, he'd rung up and just sort of gone,

yeah, yeah, yeah, Carl says, okay, just get everyone I want in, just. That is how you become a politician. Wow. So then, after all that, then the show starts and so I'm very aware of what's going on. I'm like, fuck, so mostly it's going to be on a Sunday, it's usually Dumb Dumb listeners that come in after the show and whatever.

So everyone polls in. I see Sam, Senator Sam, sorry, come in and then the guy, the guy's in charge sort of Sam, Senator Sam, sorry, come in. And then the guy, the guy's in charge sort of goes, where's your ticket? And he's like, I'm part of the show. Fucking hell. And he's like, I don't reckon you are. Get out.

And he kicked out a senator. Wow. Yeah. Well, did I tell you, I caught up with him later that night. By the way, straight after this, I'm going to jail. I caught up with him later that night. I saw him at about 11pm down at Section 8, and he was like, when I walked in, he was standing on top of one of those shipping crates

I've got in there going, woo! So being kicked out of the show hit him really hard, apparently. Just celebrating not having to sit through your jokes. All right! We dodged a bullet! Woo! But we got written up in the Australian, the newspaper, as a result of last Sunday. I don't know if anyone saw it. We posted it online, which is a very bizarre thing

because it's like... Well, you didn't even have to be that racist to get in there. It's really weird. Like, if you know the show and you know what they're writing about, it's like, oh, this is cool. But to anyone else, it would have just made no fucking sense.

It's like, this isn't news. Why is this in the newspaper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, it's like, oh, this is cool, but to anyone else it would have just made no fucking sense. It's like, this isn't news. Why is this in the newspaper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also it's like, how desperate are you for a credit where it's like, guess what, this politician was on a podcast. Yeah. But the pull quote that we now have that we can use from The Australian is, they riffed extensively about their genitalia.

The Australian. Yeah. I actually wanted to do this last week, but how long does this go for? I think this is... The court or the gig? Well, that's what the audience are thinking. As we walk in, because this is usually...

There's usually like a cover band that come in here and like directly like last night, always before us. And I walk in and saw the set. They've still got their set list, this cover band set list. But as I walk in, I think, oh, fuck, is got their set list, this cover band set list. But as I walk in I think, oh fuck is that our set list? Because it actually does sound a lot like it. Because the set list reads

what's my age? Shut up. So what? Dirt bag. Small. I don't know what... Oh, yeah, I get this. 69.

All right. Dinner for two. Everyone who didn't laugh, get out. You're in the wrong place. You're in the wrong room. Yeah. Hey, we're trying to riff about genitalia, alright guys? Extensively. And last

two, bad name. No, that's the podcast as a whole to be fair. And Mr Big. Nice. That is our set list. Read out the cover band one now. Hey, in my show I've got this thing in there

for the two of you that have seen it already in this room. You'll know what I'm talking about. There's like an activity page in the book. Everyone in the audience gets a book and they kind of like read along with the show. And so there's a bit where there's like a maze that people have to solve. And like a week in, this is completely true

without me saying anything about it in the show, three people had left their phone numbers in the book. It's pretty cool, right? And now I talk about it in the show. Yeah people had left their phone numbers in the book. It's pretty cool, right? And now I talk about it in the show. Yeah, but is it triple zero? More and more and more people have started leaving their phone numbers in the book. Like, I'll read out. This is one that I thought was fucking great that got left the other night, which was,

hey, I think you're really hot. Give me a call after the show and we can get a drink. 0438 660. No. What a slut. 0438 660. No! What a slut! What a fucking slut this person sounds like. What a horrible thing to say about me. I have not seen Tony's show.

Yeah, whatever, you thirsty bitch. You fucking love it. You want it so bad. Yeah, yeah. Your show is like the toilet wall of picking up. So it's just me. Get wall out of there. But it was so bad. Yeah, yeah. Your show is like the toilet wall of picking up. So it's just me. Get wall out of there. But it was my birthday.

Who went to my birthday show the other day? Yay. Oh. What about the rest of you? No, no. So... Oh, what?

You had better things to do at 11pm on a Wednesday? You pricks. To be fair, I probably kicked off about 11.30, but... So thanks everyone for coming. And all the people that brought presents.

We'll talk about it because for all the people who didn't come, I'm not releasing that episode, so go fuck yourselves. So, no, thanks everyone for bringing presents and stuff. There was a heap of lovely gifts. I had the little Got Tim key chain. It's a chain that you put your keys on. Fuck, what is it? No, I'm still young and virile in my 40s.

I'm still as sharp as ever. Hey, I'm not up with your new technology. So there was that. Someone, the regulars brought a slab in. Yes, right there. The regulars. By regulars, you mean people that regularly bring a slab to my gigs and leave it on stage.

Yes. By the way, have you picked... Because I came in here to get our mics the next day and they were like, Carl's slab is still just in the fridge if you want to tell him to come and get it at some point. I think this venue were very unhappy about just storing booze from outside for someone else.

And the cake's still here as well. Is the cake still there? Yeah, the cake's shaped as the West Gate. Yeah, we should bring it up for the end of this, right? Yeah, I reckon we'll be keeping real well. No, no, can we organise that? Can someone behind the bar? We've got a birthday cake that we put backstage.

Some stage, can someone that works here get it? It's like half eaten. It looks like the aftermath at this point. I'm sure we've got our name written on it somewhere. You'll probably mix it up with all the other cake shaped as the Westgate down there. If someone could do that, that would be awesome. But I was the day after you... But I've got presents.

So people that missed the show the other night have brought me presents, which I haven't opened up yet. Oh, okay. Awesome. Oh, yeah. Cupcakes. Thank you. Yeah, nice. Awesome. Oh, yeah. Cupcakes, thank you. Yeah, nice. Thank you.

Fuck you. If you're going to leave them on stage as content, the gifts should kind of be funny, I think. Oh, okay. Oh, come on. All right, yeah. And look, a sponsor of the show, Yellow Chocolate Mousse. Thank you.

Very good. Thank you. Open the card. I forgot that other people aren't as excited when I get stuff. That made me happy. Oh, and there's a card. Open the card up. Okay, well I'm sure this will all be positive.

All right. Belated birthday wishes just for you. You really deserve a truly perfect day. Let's not open that up and spoil it. Boring. Alright. Dear Carl, happy 40th birthday. Hope you had a wonderful 40th birthday on Wednesday. So sorry I missed it. Wishing you everything

your heart desires. Didn't know what to get you. Some chocolate mousse filled cupcakes. Plus an extra tub of mousse. Sorry about the cupcake decoration. My original plan, which included the dum-dum logo, didn't dry in time, so I had to improvise. Anyway, enjoy. Happy birthday.

From Josie. P.S. You're a cunt. No, no, no, no. I just had to save it. I had to put something on there. This is a great example of you not dealing well with just, like, any kind of genuine... And here's best proof of that.

I was walking down the street with you the day after your birthday. You had your phone in your hand and it went off and it was a number you didn't know. And you're like, these fucking cunts that are texting me all the time. They never fucking leave me alone. And you open it up and I look down. It's a text message from my mum and dad wishing you a happy birthday. It's the most beautiful sincere message. Your mum keeps texting me.

Tell her to shut up. They emailed me. They're like, can you give us Carl's phone number so we can text him a happy birthday? I'm like, listen to the podcast, you cunts. Just get it off there. All right, all right. Hey, look, we've got guests.

We might as well get them on. Oh, no. Should we? All right got guests. We might as well get them on. No. Should we? Alright, well Josie made us those cupcakes. Speaking of... What was that us word? Oh, Josie made you cupcakes. Happy birthday to not you.

Wow, someone getting sensitive. Well the point I was trying to make was speaking of brown things that are round and filled with more food. Please welcome our first guest, Dilwook Jai Singer. We're going to get in the Australian again. Oh, shit, I dropped the doll. Oh, no, you might have fucked up its face. Hello, boys. Tommy. Hello up its face. Hello boys. Tommy.

Hello, welcome back. Welcome back. Nice to see you're not wearing a hat. That's a bold choice. I thought I'd get in first. Yeah. Speaking of bold, you look like a fucking full stop with bold on on. Fuck, alright.

Fuck. Attacking me with fonts. Yeah. I thought your intro should have been, welcome to the stage, not our first choice today, dear Rook Diocese. Because we did have someone else who cancelled and so we broke the overly large emergency case of guests. In case of emergency, call up Thor

and get his magic hammer to smash through this glass. Good reference. Feeling like a regular Danny McGinley up here, I've got to say. Hey. Saved it. He saved it. Let's not say things we can't take back. No, I actually did run into a listener of the show

that announced themselves down the street just before who said, and it's always good to make this clear because anyone that buys a ticket to a regular podcast like this gets to go to the drunk cast that's on in a couple of weeks, 11 o'clock, last night at the festival, it gets very messy, it's very unrecorded, it'll be heaps of fun. He said, how do I buy a ticket? I said, you can't buy a ticket, if you've bought a ticket for today, you get to go to that show for free, right?

So he's very happy about that, and he said, I did go last year, I'll tell you this, my shoulder is still fucked from that bit where Dilruch crowd surfed. Man, that was so much fun, the crowd surfing. In fact... Yes, it sounded like it. I'm looking at Thelma. We did it again on Wednesday. Man, it was good.

You know what I want to... Did you crowd surf? Yeah. I went head first into one of the cakes. I want to say it was accidental but nah I was about to just say this without meaning it to be dirty because my mum made a cake

I was about to say you growled out my mum's cake but that's glad I caught myself on that one she texted me and asked me to do that as well I want to see if we can get a wireless mic in here for the drunk cast. My dream would be to do a five-minute stand-up set while I get crowd-surfed around the audience for the entirety of the game. Do you think you should lower first, like do a five-minute set that's funny?

Just start with that, then work your way up to a crowd-surf. Fuck, remember when we used to have Dilric on and he'd just take all the shit and not say anything back? Someone's getting literally a bit big for his britches. Do you get it? I actually answered. Yeah, yeah, no, I got it. Shall we do a bit of this, the review thing that we ask people to do? Okay, yeah, yeah.

So on the way in, we asked the audience, because we don't let reviewers in. I don't know why. I don't know what the fuck they would make of this. So we thought, you know what? We don't have any pull quotes for our posters, any reviews. So we thought, well, you guys know best. You'll be able to give us some glowing five-star reviews. So we opened up the sort of mini mailbag

to you guys. So I haven't seen any of them, Tommy. Yeah, I've been feeling it. So we've got name and... Hang on, hang on. Let me just adjust myself so I can glow in the compliments or about to... Bask in the glowing praise. Okay. This first one comes to us from Joe and he writes to us from

the Dumb Cunt Weekly. Oh, we've got the Dumb Cunt Weekly in tonight. He's got a... He's given the... He's had a few rolls of the dice here. City meets country. A jizz fest of arseholes. This is not suitable for all sops.

Like cereal for fuckheads. That's so bad. A cancer survivor's guide to suicide. Jeez. Jesus. Jesus. Knew that would get the biggest laugh from this pack of animals that pay to come see us. What are you people? That'll get them in.

Let's use that one. Jack's given us this poor quote. Hang on, hang on. Jack from where? He hasn't listed a publication. Jack's gone rogue. Oh, freelancer. Yeah.

His review is, I meant to click on Tofop. Fiona Crowe says, let the dolls host. Well, thank you, because we are. Yay, Mike. Wow, thank you because we are. Wow, the doll of me is doing better than me on this episode. What else? Use your microphone, Tommy. Oh yeah, it'd be a shame

if we missed out on me just opening pieces of paper. Okay, this one comes to us from DCI, which in brackets informs us that that stands for Dumb Cunts Inc. Like an STI spreading through a hippie commune, this podcast is the herpes of the comedy circuit, only with far less

sex. Every comic has been on though, most won't admit to it. Get into it but wear protection. That was just far too long. I'd use it otherwise. Yeah. Yeah. It reads like a five though, I've got to say. Someone wrote, name and publication, as if, and then their review is, this is on brand,

getting everyone else to provide content for your pretend radio show. Feels like Chandler's solo show. You know, solo. This comes to us from Street Rag. If you want to find out the next big thing in comedy check the guest list for this little podcast where two mediocre comedians propel their much funnier friends to stardom

I think that's just from Wikipedia it's a good time to say thanks guys I know you're getting really big now just so side, literally every night it's a case of going, hey, who's here from Domino? Oh, cool. Have you seen Kyle and Tommy? Nah. What a bunch of arseholes. But I love you, of course.

Last two. It's nice that they balance the opinions of a 40-something-year-old white guy with a young female comedian. Yeah, yeah. If anyone listens to this and doesn't look at it, we should be on FM radio. The cream of Australian comedy gathers to tell the funniest jokes. They also bring along their little mates Tommy and Carl.

Those were all kind of mean. Yeah. I don't think we can use any of them. What was the serial one? Serial for... Fuckheads. Perfect. I think that's it.

I can see why you couldn't remember it. It's very high intellect, very witty. A lot of prose in there. He stopped when he heard cereal. I like that one. Cocoa pops. What was that one? Yeah.

Breakfast. The equal most important meal of the day, along with the other six. Should we get our next guest out here? Please. Ladies and gentlemen. Let's get some legitimacy to this thing. Okay, guys, you know him from Hamish and Andy.

Please welcome back into the little dumb-num club, Hamish Blake! Yeah! Thanks, guys. Sorry, I've just come from my job working at Dumb Cunts Weekly. I ran here straight from the office. I've got to say, since you guys went from monthly to weekly, the quality has dropped a little bit. It's become a little more quantity.

We struggle. We're spreading our cunt pretty thin. Which is the number one thing we said we wouldn't do when we opened the man. We want it to stay tasteful. You want that thick cunt, that's what you want. Alright, that's it guys, I'm out. I feel like we've riffed extensively, not on our genitals, but on genitals.

You had an episode a month ago where you weren't live to air, but Andy thought he was live. Oh yeah, great. And you just rattled off a whole bunch of... Yes, no one would have seen it. I was going to say, for those of you who didn't see Oh, yeah, great. And you just rattled off a whole bunch of... Yes. No one would have seen it. I was going to say, for those of you who didn't see it,

so, everyone, it's at the end of our show on a Friday, we just sort of chat to each other and we play jazz music in the background. And it's not great, but it's just like, it can be anything. All right, enough plugs. Well, it's not as refreshing as a delicious Coca-Cola, but it's all right. It's okay. It's a real pick-Cola, but it's all right.

It's okay. It's a real pick-me-up, like a dare-ice coffee. But I was able to... I said to the guy, like the Jack that works with us on the show, I was like, hey, just play the music, like the jazz bed. And, you know, we've done this for years, so Andy will not suspect anything. But we just hear that internally in our studio and playing out to the world is like a emergency message of me going right now

andy thinks we're doing jazz chat but i'm saying bad stuff to him in the studio to see if he'll dump the show like he'll go don't you can't put that to air like you have you have a dump button that rewinds you 10 seconds and you can cut out whatever you said but i knew if we just started and i was like hey andy you know do you, hey Andy, you know, do you ever... Fuck, man. When you're getting a head job, do you ever... Do you ever put a finger up your own bum?

Because he would just immediately go, something's wrong. So I had to kind of ease into it a little bit. I couldn't just go, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I had to panic because we've never... We've only ever had one fuck on air. We've only ever sworn once. Was that the one when you got cockroaches dumped on you? Yeah, that was my one.

Yeah. But we were one time. I was going to say that's one more than Dilrick said. But yeah, it was like I gradually had to kind of go. You started with the band name. Yeah, so I said, I was like, I mean, this is now you guys can know. Because then everyone was like, please tell us what you said. Like, please.

Because it was just beeped out when we put it online. But we started with, I was like, he plays in a band. I was like, oh, you know, you guys just, him and his brother have a band. They recently rebranded. I think just, you know, start again. You know, he'd admit that they needed a rebrand. And so I was like, you know, you said it on a name. I was like, yeah, yeah.

And I said, well, you know, what about the Dick Pigs? And he was like, no, no, we're happy. And I was like, oh, right, okay, okay. And then I think I said something. You suggested cock shots. Then I was like, yeah, see, what about cock shots? And he was like, whoa, no, we're fine. By the way, I'm sorry this feels like one of those

fan club meet and greets. No, this is... Well, it's quite handy having Dill here because I can't remember what happened. No, Dill's paid $150 to a VIP package on this show. I have it on my phone. Let's just listen to it. Well, I think then it graduated to the...

Then I started saying fingering a bit because I was like, that's a word that's not illegal to say on radio, but you'd be like... Starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. And I was like, what? I can say that on radio. And then I was like, Dando, I haven't crossed the line, have I?

And then he goes... Because Dando's being a pretty good mate, trying to go... In radio, he's sort of going, if I back you up, people won't think this is outrageous. So he's like, I think we're on the line. So he's like, so I was like Just very quickly, backing your mate up.

Just take note, okay? But whilst at the same time, Ando already mentally in his head like circling classified ads going, fuck, I think we're getting we're definitely like getting fired for this. So, and then I was like, god man, it's not like I was like calling your band, you know I think it was something like, you know, fingering

Freddie and the Puss Squad or something. And then that's when Andy just went, whoa, no, dump, dump that, dump that. But the name's still out there if you guys have a band and you're thinking of starting a band. It's just good to hear stories about a successful duo. It's great, isn't it? Hey, now, speaking of success, I know you had a very successful birthday. Happy 40th.

Thank you. Sorry I wasn't at the party the other night. But I know that there was an issue with Nando's on the day. Yeah, there has been a massive issue with Nando's, if people have listened lately. I was given a gift voucher. I took my time a little bit. 14 months later, I went to use it, and I was banned from the store. They kicked me out.

How does a gift voucher go off? Money doesn't expire. Yeah, exactly. If anything, they're getting a better deal out of this because the prices of the chicken has gone up in the last 14 months. They're getting a better deal. I'm getting less chicken. I know it's tough to follow, but if you do a little PowerPoint presentation

and everyone knows what CPI means, right? All right, here we go. Chicken price index. He's aware. So, taking that on board. Yes. Now, this is going to at first seem like a face rub-in, but then it's going to elevate to a gift.

Okay, let's skip the first bit. Face rub in. Face rub in. Is that a thing that you couldn't say on radio in that story before? Exactly. I swore his wallet out. Yeah, I'm going to give you something that doesn't expire. 20 bucks. I'm going to give you something from my wallet.

Not my demons membership. That is worthless. Something from my wallet. Not my demons membership. That is worthless. I'm going to give you an Ansett voucher. No. Have you ever seen one of these?

Oh, shit. That is the Nando's. What is that? It's made of metal. It's the Nando's black card. Wow. Can I have a look? They give these to people. They give these because they advertise on our radio station.

At first, I've got a mate called Whipper who does radio in Sydney. He got one before I did. I stole it. He was bragging about it. We're in Byron. We're on holidays. He's like, man, I'll get this. It's a Nando's card.

You just have whatever you want. They scan it. Everything's for free. Wow you just have whatever you want, they scan it, everything's for free. I just did a cum. I still got it. He did. He really did. Expires March 2016.

That's the second bit. I want you to take it and see if it still works. So it's sort of a golden ticket, but we all know Willy Wonka doesn't work there anymore. Should we give it to Dil to run down? Because I imagine it'll be like that episode of The Simpsons where Bart's elephant gets loose and comes towards the peanut factory

and they're all fucking freaking out. The blast doors start rolling down. And Dil does't Indiana Jones. Am I the boulder? I was going to say, the boulder's scared of you. So, here's the thing. It's got my name on it, but because I stole whippers and used it relentlessly

for a week, I know they don't really check. Oh. Right? Well, let's get the guy who looks most like you. Like a Hamish. I look like a Hamish, surely. Yeah. most like you Like a Hamish I look like a Hamish surely No you look like Hamish You're really chuffed with yourself on that one aren't you Every time I get a new fat joke I'm like yes I've done it again That's unreal

So this is a donation to the show I would love it Because the first time I got it I was like oh my god my God, I'm rich. But then it expired like a month later. So they only gave you a short window. But I don't know if it will flash up expired and just kick up a sting. Because a lot of the stores haven't seen these before.

And they fear you when you've got one. And they'll scan it a lot but just keep a really straight face. Like just you've got to play the game. Yeah, totally. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank totally. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday.

Do we want to send a roving reporter down there to have a crack? Yeah, should we try and send... Josh Earle's here. Should we send Josh down? Should we or not? Yeah. Yeah, Josh, do you want to? Where is he?

Is he still here? All right. This will be perfect. This will be the best feed he's had in a week I'm really conflicted here because like yeah sending someone down live

is like great radio and it's really good for a podcast but I think I'm about to be exposed that this isn't going to work This one

Closest Nandos would be I think Flinders Street No There's one Oh there's one right back there There's one just behind us Yeah like around the corner. Deal.

Just close your eyes. Josh, wait, wait. Get on the horse. Let's talk through this. Okay, what do you want? It might be Nice shout. It might be

Don't go over $400 a day. I learnt that. There's some There's some like limit in there and they have to clear it past Portugal or something. It might be slightly suspicious if you come in and go,

can I get anything? Do you guys sell franchises on the menu? Just chips. Get some chips and a mousse for you. Chips and a mousse. No, not with the mousse. That's off-brand. Yellow will be really upset.

Oh, no. They're going to miss out on 20 bucks. Get a meal. Get will be really upset. Yeah. Oh, no, they're going to miss out on 20 bucks. Yeah, get a meal. Get a couple of meals. Get some of the Perronais dip as well. Yeah, great. I mean, we're acting like this is going to work. So, yeah, yeah.

Fuck, get one of those big black chicken costumes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go nuts. If you go by Hungry Jackson, get me a double cheeseburger as well. Can you fly on my show for an hour, please? Nando's will be wrapped. Oh, well, thank you very much.

It's very generous of you. Least I could do. Really, really is the least I could do. Wow. You're doing well. The least I could do is give you unlimited Nando's. That expired 33 days ago. Just so everyone knows, if it doesn't work, this only increases the hatred of Nando's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the moment, it's still increases the hatred of Nando's fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the moment, it's still trending. Hashtag Nandont. Yeah, yeah. All right, should we get our next guest out here? Please. Folks, you know him from Legally Brown. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Nazeem Hussain.

Hello. Salam. Hey, sorry I couldn't come to your birthday thing, but I'm actually a proper loyal Nando's fan. I'm a loyal customer. I feel like we're giving them way too much advertising. Yeah, so I've got to jump in here and slide with Nazeem too because I think I might be able to get another one of those cards.

Definitely if head office is listening to this. I love it how just apologising for not being Chandler's birthday has just sprung into them talking about Nando's. I did chip in for the... $13 for the cake, that was my contribution. Oh, I see. Because I feel like... I peri-peri-chipped in.

That is a metal joke. Yeah, that is a metal joke. Yeah, that is a metal-worthy joke. No, basically, at $13, because I feel like he presented like he didn't... Like he paid for the whole thing. Oh, yeah, he did. I thought he paid for the whole thing. No, no, no, we all chipped in.

Yeah. Which was actually... I feel like you would have chipped out. That's funny. I just started salivating. It's like, what's me? Yeah, Ronnie Chang, hugely successful comedian, I just started salivating. That's how I can speak. Yeah. Ronnie Chang, hugely successful comedian,

selling out the town hall on The Daily Show, organises a cake for Carl's birthday and then hits up every impoverished comedian in Melbourne and gets them to chip in 13 bucks for it to cover the cost of it. Meanwhile, Nazeem, you messaged me the other day to say, hey, the ticketing link for your show isn't working. I want to buy tickets. And I found what was wrong. And I was like, thanks for tipping me off.

By the way, don't buy a ticket. Come and use your pass. And he goes, man, it's fine. I'm coming with my manager. I've got merch cash. She produced Kevin Hart. We'll fucking pay for a ticket. And she's over there.

And then I went from going like, that's great. And then all of a sudden I went, hang on a minute. How about you just book out the whole venue, you cheap cunt We'll go for a drink and I won't do the show That'll be so much better Yeah, pay for all 14 people No, no, there was at least 15 Good show

I left with a lump in my throat Just what you want on a comedy show I was going to say, is that cancer? Cancer's not contagious, right? I hope not, because you're sitting very close to this kid. I'll take it, I'll take it. Is this a genuine question? Is cancer contagious?

Because they're not paying cancer doctors enough, if that's the case. I'm going to check you out. I've put my finger up your bum, which is a huge, huge thing to do for another man. And yes, you have prostate cancer, and now I've got it, because I was the guy nice enough to check.

Yeah, my food got tainted. Yeah, who knew cancer was an STD? I feel like that was about as funny as you can get for talking about cancer. That's true, that's true. And that's not one of the pull quotes for the poster. I think we've got better. They riffed extensively about how funny cancer is. Great stuff.

Oh, I meant to say this before. You, in my show, I show my tattoo that I got that most of you are aware of. The tattoo that Demi Lardner designed of me. For me, it's a tattoo of a dolphin with big tits. So it kind of is of me. That slip-up was pretty accurate. And my

parents came along the other night and they didn't know I had it. I've talked on this show about how they were not excited about me doing it. Are your parents here? Because they came to the birthday show. They came to last week's show. Yeah, no, they're not here. Okay.

So that's why I'm telling this story. So my parents come along. They see the bit where I show the tattoo. And then at the end I was like to mum, I'm like, oh, by the way, I was going to give you a heads up about the tattoo. So I hope that didn't blindside you or anything. And she's like, no, it's great.

It's funny. It's fine. It's really funny. I'm like, oh you're cool with it? Oh great. And she goes yeah, because it's just like temporary, right? You just drew it on. You just drew it on with a pen for the show. Yeah mum, I'm not going to permanently damage my

body for a shitty laugh. I'm the best son you ever had and I'm going to uni next year, I can't wait. That's all. You couldn't have picked that better. That's exactly what's happening. But then I say to her, no, mum, it's permanent. And she goes, oh, God.

Mate, I was in, I was travelling in Thailand like 10 years ago. Tell me more. With Tommy's mum. And we were having the same chat. We ran into a girl and she was like, With Tommy's mum. And we were having the same chat. We ran into a girl and she was like, before I go away, she was in English, she was like, I'm going to go home tomorrow,

I'm going to get a henna. I'm like, yeah, great. I mean, it's Thailand, so this is not surprising information. Caught up with her for dinner that night and she was like, yeah, I got the henna. She was brown-faced up? Well, she was like, I didn't expect it to hurt so much. Oh!

That's not henna. That doesn't sound right. And then we're like, I didn't expect it to hurt so much. That's not That doesn't sound right. And then we're like, where did you get it? And she goes, just on the small of my back and turns around and it's like, either that guy has a fucking powerful brush stroke or you are bruised and

bleeding. Wow. And we're like, that's a real tattoo. She's like, really? Because you didn't really speak English? Was it buzzing? She's like, really? Because he didn't really speak English? I thought you were going to say she goes... Was it buzzing? Yeah. She's like, yes. And it's like a bad scorpion because there's something star sign related. And it looked

and it was like diving into her ass crack. Wait, is this your wife you're talking about? Yeah. And you know, that's the son. If you're listening, that's how I'm going to have it. but it looked like it had dropped some like dirty meat down there and it was like

just diving down for a meal which you know hey and then we've all got wonderful ways

of remembering that trip I thought you were going to say it was like she goes I got a henna tattoo and then you look at it and it's a real tattoo

that just says henna like that pretty good that would be a great scam really good if you had a sleeve and you were struggling for space because I reckon

everyone that has a sleeve is like, that can't all mean something to you. There's definitely filler on a sleeve. Just get the word henna in there. Get in. Maybe that's the next thing I'll get on this show. I've got way worse tattoos than anyone else. Really? What have you got? Just the worst.

Like the absolute... Whereabouts? I've got a worst. Like the absolute... Whereabouts? I've got a sleeve. It's a short sleeve. It's the beginnings of a sleeve, but it started when on the radio show we went on a tall ship down to Tasmania. Hang on, someone heard Hamish and they're bringing up... If it's Nando's, I'm Andy.

I got the smallest anchor that you could get. I'll correct you, even though this is your story. I think it started with Pink. I do think it started with the anchor. However, it is our body. Bullshit! It is our body and we get an even vote. Because I went to the guy,

can you get me a tiny, tiny anchor like the size of an M&M mini? Like I want a tiny anchor because it would just smudge. We can't do them that small. So do you have a smudge tattoo? No, so I got a tiny anchor. That's as small as they could do without smudging.

And there's a frog under that on the skateboard? Well then I was like, well since my arm's a joke now, like we had Pink, we had Pink the singer on the show so we're like, you, since my arm's a joke now, like we had Pink, we had Pink, the singer on the show, so we were like, you can tattoo me

while we do the interview. You can do whatever you want. And for some bizarre reason, she did a frog on a skateboard smoking a joint. Which, if you know me, is very mean. Old amphibious stoner bloke.

And then the Olympic rings, I can't really remember why I got the Olympic rings. By this stage, I was like, just any loose reference, chuck it on. Did you win gold in shit tattoos? But then I forget I've got the Olympic rings. And if you're, like, at the beach or something, there's a certain look people give you.

Because no one would have the Olympic rings on their arm unless they were an Olympian. Competed in the Olympics, yeah. So if you're overseas, there's a look, there's a certain look where people sort of look at your arm and they're looking at your face and they're looking at your body going, what the fuck did this guy do? Is this just darts?

What event did this... There's no darts at the Olympics. But I was... Nassim gets it. But I got in a lift once, like we're overseas. Is that the Commonwealth Games, by the way? They probably should be. I mean, it's a tough sport. I got in the lift once, like we're overseas. Is that the Commonwealth Games, by the way? They probably should be. I mean, it's a tough sport.

I got in the lift once and I had just a singlet on and there was an American woman in the lift and she was giving me the look and it kind of clocked in my head. Oh, she's looking at the rings. You know you're famous, right? That's why people are looking at you. No, but this is an American person, right? And she looks at my arm and she goes,

oh, what event were you in? She's like a 60-year-old American trying to make conversation. I was like, I play a little game sometimes. I play a game called not lying. So you can't lie and go, oh, I was 100 metres from that. Most of us do that all the time. But there's some real specific rules to not lying. You have to say something that sounds like it's true,

but you're technically not lying. Do you know what I mean? So if someone goes, did you enjoy your meal? You go, hey, who doesn't love a good curry? But it could still be shit. People say to us, what do you do? And we say, we do a thing that some people

enjoy. Exactly. You ask our fans, they bloody love it. We don't have jobs. So she goes, what event? Oh, what event were you in and so I went well I was I was at Sydney and London and Beijing which is true and she was like wow and I said let me just tell you I didn't exactly win the gold medal and then she went well I'm sure you did your best

And I thought back to when I was just shit-faced At all those Olympics and went I did do my best I really did do my best We have our cub-roving reporter back Oh my god Oh my god Did you paint?

Taking it to the street Okay, what happened was Oh my God! Oh my God! Wait, did you pay? Taking it to the street. Did this work? Okay, what happened was... Oh my God! Carl is going to get a phone call tomorrow because the balance is zero. And then, I was with the manager. He was like, I'm so sorry, sir.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what, because this shouldn't have a balance on it. It just says zero. It shouldn't have a balance. And I said, oh, it's never happened before. He's not lying. Not lying.

Not lying. Not lying. Thank you. Are they real? Are they real? They're real. You won't be interested. And then...

Fuck Nando's. Hashtag Nando's. Fuck the carpet cleaners at the European Beer Cafe too He didn't have his glasses on So he couldn't read the name on it So then he called someone over And they went Are you from the Hamish and Oliver show? Yes, not lying

Well, then I said Yes, not lying. Yeah, yeah. Well, then I said... Look, I'm a very anxious person. And I went, I'm not. But it's his card and he's doing a show. Can I just get them and quickly take them back? I'm panelling. I'm not panelling.

Yeah. And they said, yep, sure, sure, sure. And they said, can we get Hamish's number? And I said, well... I said... 0438. No! No!

Well, I said, if you call me tomorrow, I can pass it on. So you will be passing on Tommy's number, and Tommy, you'll be Hamish. Josh Earl! Josh Earl, everyone. Joshy. Taking it to the streets. I don't know about you guys,

but that sounds a lot easier than paying $5.80 to me. Wait, so did you basically pay for Chip's car? That's on your account? I don't have an account. No one's paying anything yet, but now there's like a two or three day lag of keeping up this facade of

names, numbers, shows that don't exist, guys panelling. We're probably going to spend as much in fake beards and hats

as we would in Nando's. Everyone who works at that Nando's has a story where they're not quite sure of any of the details.

That was a $50 gift voucher they owe me. Now they only owe me $42. Does anyone want some chips? Yes. People look very sorry. Who, does anyone want some chips? Yes.

People look very sorry. Oh, you mean any of my chips? Let's crowd surf the bag of chips around. Man, surf those chips. They were hard fought. There's about four aliases behind those chips. They're going to self-destruct in five seconds because they're like CIA chips.

The next Ocean's Eleven is about these chips. Thank you, Oliver. Well, it is odd that we've been talking about that, that that's all happened, seconds because they're like CIA chips. The next Ocean's Eleven is about these chips. It is odd that we've been talking about that, that that's all happened because I have been getting that Nandont, hashtag Nandont, trending on Twitter all this week, last couple of weeks. What do you mean by trending?

Eight retweets. Your own tweet doesn't count. There's a lot of Russian bot Eight retweets. Your own tweet doesn't count. Hey, hey, hey. There's a lot of Russian bot accounts that love the shit out of this hashtag. Hey, after last week's episode, there's nearly double figures

have been using the hashtag. So, it's going viral. Stop bringing me whoever the fuck you are. Fuck it, alright. We'll answer. Who are you? Shit, it's Ned, we'll answer. Who are you? Shit, it's Nando's. Hola, Carl.

I am Gustavo Fernando. You need to stop talking shit about me, my friend. We do, because I got that training. That's a good Portuguese accent. Because I got that training this week, we have been approached by Nando's, and as a special guest tonight to come back, to give his say back on this whole controversy,

we do have the CEO of Nando's that we're going to welcome to the stage. So welcome to the stage, the CEO of Nando's. That's so, that's awesome. How are you doing doing ladies and gentlemen? Oh sorry, what's your name? My name is Gary Nando's and I'm... So Gary Nando's, not Gary Nando.

Like Gary Nando's. Gary Nando's. Okay, with the apostrophe in it? There is no apostrophe in my name. Okay, sure. But then when you have multiple stores, it does create a difficult apostrophe situation. It's Gary Nando's. It should be Nando's, yeah. Shut up for a second. Gaz, you're doing a great job.

So your name is Nando's, so I thought that was like a Portuguese term or something, but it's actually... No, no. Nando's has nothing to do with Portugal or Portuguese. I'm from Moorabbin. It is a traditional Moorabbinese restaurant. I've decided to call it Nando's.

It sounds more exotic that way. Basically, it was more exotic, at least in the first name, the original name that we had. What was the original name? Gary's Toilet Chicken. Why was it called that? Well, for obvious reasons. I mean, we put the chicken in the toilet before we serve it.

And that is an ongoing policy here at Nando's Australia. I'd like to point that out. We don't serve you chicken without it having human faeces and human urine exposed to the surface of the chicken. But the chips are okay, right? No. Oh. Soz.

The chips are much worse. Sorry, everyone that just had a chip. Why are you dressed like a referee? Or actually, more worryingly, the hamburger. I smell a double agent. Did you eat the hamburger? It's marabonese. Because I thought...

I think everyone thought of thought that it was like Portuguese, but I actually did some research when I was trying to attack them on Twitter. They're actually from South Africa, aren't they? Well, no, no. That's actually a common misconception. A lot of people think that Nando's was started in South Africa. That misconception only exists because I was

and ongoing I am a big supporter of apartheid. Obviously. And that is, again, I want to point this out and I want there to be no mistake. That makes the design of your polo top very ironic in that case. There's absolutely no blurring between those.

There's no grey area between the black and white stripes on your top. And the collar at the very top is white. So it's really a battle all the way up. Exactly. And you've picked your favourite. I want to point out that that is one of the Nando's Australia core values is white supremacy. I feel like you sort of, you know,

oh, you know, shit and wheeze, definitely been on the chicken, we're white supremacists. A lot of this is talking in riddles. I don't know. I'm still for Nando's. Stop. What are the rumours? I'm sick of the kind of corporate spin that these guys get up and give.

Why don't you guys just tell us what you're about? What are the truth to the rumours that he was originally going to be KKFC? Well, I originally was thinking of something more like Neo-Nando. What are the truth to the rumours that it was originally going to be KKFC? Well, I originally was thinking of something more like Neo-Nazi Chicken Shop. It's too big an acronym. What is your accent? I don't know. Not 100% sure.

Is Moorabbin a good or a bad suburb? Let's get back to the questions that we had answers for. Sure. Sure thing. So, see, the big thing is that... Stop getting so upset. First walk out, surprisingly. Hey, he's on the board. This guy's against apartheid. Boo!

Someone from Lisbon walking out right now. Someone from a porno's going, guys, we've got the upper hand. I've got to call head office. We're finally in the driver's seat. So the big controversy is that you've taken my $50. That $50 is rightfully mine

from that gift voucher. Hang on. You didn't give them $50 for your own gift voucher, did you? No. Because if you're laundering your own money through gift vouchers there can be no sympathy for you.

It was given. It was a gift to me. So it's rightfully mine, that $50. So what have you done with my money? Well, obviously there's an expiry period on the $50, but you will be happy to know that we have donated it to starving children in sub-Saharan Africa.

The white children in sub-Saharan Africa? No, black children in sub-Saharan... Oh, sorry, I misspoke, though. When I say donated it to, I meant used to purchase starving children in sub-Saharan Africa to work in our many diamond mines as human slaves. So that's how you keep those wraps so, so cheap. That's absolutely correct.

Nando's Australia actively engages in human slavery. It's another thing I'd like to point out. So much. To all the... To all the listeners. Teal is sitting here going, I'm still gonna wait. I'm still gonna wait.

What have you purchased a child's slave? Give us a call. Twelve stones a slave. Hey, Gaz. Gaz, I mean, I obviously wouldn't have... I know that that card was given to me to just get as much sand as I wanted. I wasn't allowed to share it.

Had I known the CEO was here, I definitely wouldn't have. That was just mucking around. Sure, sure. Can I have another one? Those juicy African babies. Well... sure. Can I have another one? Those juicy African babies. Well, no, you cannot have another one. And I would like to point out, you have been marked for execution.

Immediately. You need to after the show. We do engage hit men on a regular basis to kill our enemies. I don't know who's doing your PR, but they should step in. I just think this is great. This is all great stuff. You want the best. You want the strongest, most powerful man

to run a chicken shop that serves the best chicken in the world. Can I just say, Gary, the Perennaise chip dip, delicious. Really good. Can you give up the secret ingredient? The secret recipe, because we found out with the Perenonese dip, we used to

churn it using machines. Machines that are unreliable and expensive. Ah, so you don't use machines anymore. We don't use machines. It's now churned in a large Olympic swimming pool with two million... With two... Check. With two...

What's going on? Check. Alright, so, Tommy, what is about to happen right now? Okay, so what happened was... By the way, this isn't a live bit. This is a bit where we've dropped in. Yeah, we're just dropping in. So what happened?

All of a sudden, all of our mics cut out. You couldn't hear in the room any of us over the amplification. Our tech pneumo has done it again. He's been jerking his tiny dick in the sound booth. He's also currently in the booth recording this for us. So we want this to be recorded and ready to put out at the end. So let's not bag him out too hard. All right.

Well, he was jerking his medium dick. For people at home, he's in the room enjoying this very much right now. Oh, he's enjoying something. I prefer my dick rare instead of medium, but anyway. So what happened was, yeah, all of a sudden, you couldn't hear us through the microphones, but we were hitting the microphones and you could hear it. Just the minimum.

Yeah, you could hear the minimum, minimum sound coming out. I don't know technically what it was, but I think it was like all the top end went out. So if something was really bassy and really low end, it was coming through the speakers. So we then start... So it sounds perfect to you. When you hear this, it'll sound...

No, but this is what I'm getting to. So we then start screaming at a very low frequency to try and get the the mics to pick up we think it's a problem with the mics halfway through doing this we realize it's not a problem with the mics it's a problem with the speakers so what we've been doing we've been yelling into the microphones about how they're not working that's all picked up perfectly on the recording and the reason we keep doing it for 15 minutes is it's killing yeah it's the best yeah the best part of the reason we keep doing it for 15 minutes is it's killing. Yeah, it's destroying. And it's the best part of the show for the audience in the room.

For you guys at home, you're going to probably, if you were a subscriber of Patreon, you're probably going to unsubscribe now. Yeah, I haven't had a chance to listen back to this yet. I have no idea what it sounds like back in the recording.

A lot of people in the room saying they cannot wait to hear how this bit comes out. So yeah, enjoy what is the next five minutes of people who are perfectly audible over the microphone, shouting into the microphone about how they can't be heard through the microphone. And, you know, just another great ad for coming to a live show. So you get to actually enjoy it rather than sit at home and go, what the fuck is this?

Okay, here we go. Good luck, everyone. We're fucking out. What's happening? Oh, God. You can't censor the truth. You can't censor the truth. Illuminati.

What's going on? Check one. Why don't the mics work when you hit them but they don't when you talk to them? We're getting a lot of hit, not a lot of talk. Alright guys, the remainder of the podcast will be percussion only. In Morse code. I yelled at Numo the tech guy, within one second he just went...

Oh wow. I guess he tried everything. What's dumb cunts in Morse code? Wow. I've got to say what I was about to say was really worth it too. I do my back. No we're not. No we're not.

Did you just go and kill our power? This is very suspicious Mr. Reporters. Nemo, quit pulling your putt up there and tell us what's going on. Well, there's power in the lights. Yeah. I didn't know that. Oh. What?

What? What? What? What? Oh. Let's get back to it. This is cut. This is how it is. Oh I need to respond in well Oh If you switch to Chewbacca... This is Hugo Boss by the way This show actually cost me $180 I'm freaking out

Testing, testing, testing actually cost me $180. I'm freaking out. Talk lower. Talk down here. Testing, testing, testing. Oh, no. This is how you got to talk. I've got the only mic. Wait, wait. Attention, attention.

This is Hamish. We are experiencing technical difficulties. Unfortunately, you have to be able to talk in a baritone register very low on mic to be heard. We are working overtime to address the problem. Everyone needs to know cause numbers also to be heard. Can we just say, all that mucking around with Nando's was good fun but did not reflect the views of everyone on the show. Especially those in line to receive another promotional card.

Numo, what do you think's happening? Anyone in the crowd want to have a hug? What if it's just the speakers and the recording is coming through clear? Fuck off. His accent's broken. Oh, man. Ah! Wait a second.

Hey, this one kind of works. This is great. For all the aquatic listeners out there, I'd like to take this opportunity to present the Hamish and Andy podcast. If you've got oceaners underwater... I do like the idea that it might be working fine on the recording. Yeah, yeah. Is it?

That's what's happening. Is it actually recording okay? This is not coming through, is it? No. Sorry? But this is. Oh, it's working fine on the recording. What the fuck?

Okay. Bum, bum, bum, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Okay, we've got to remember our schedule time right now to do an intro for this episode before we put it off. Alright, so let's just project. Yeah. And let's maybe finish the end of our... Oh, yeah. I'm the Nando CEO. Tell us how you make that pair of nays again.

I'll tell you what. Alright, everyone, let's go. We'll go you what we'll pick it up from hi mates okay Get on mic or people won't be able to hear you. Are there any more chips? I'm talking to these guys. You fuckers are really scary when you yell. I feel like you're about to start a rally. Is there any more chips? We need some chips in the name of Allah.

We need some chips right now. Is that true? We do need some chips in the name of Allah. All right, anyway, now I'm the CEO and I'm giving Kyle his big check. To say sorry. It's the wrong way around Carl his big check. So say sorry. This one. Fuck. That's why we were coming back to it.

Hey, Carl Chandler. So I'm going to get fucked, you old rotten cunt. Well done, Carl. I think what's more interesting is the check on the other side for $2,000, Carl. What's this? That's an actual real one. Is that expired as well? Very, very dangerous to bring your whole superannuation fund to a gig.

This could get destroyed. You protect this. What the fuck is university meat? Looks like we've got a little bit of a meat beef here. Vandos, there are other companies that sell meat. Chill out. What am I? Fucking watchmate.

It is funny. Hey, students, get your chops here. I don't know which one's more embarrassing, which side. All right, all right. So should we do... Look, we've sort of run out of time, maybe, due to the unscheduled ten minutes of whale noises. maybe, due to the unscheduled 10 minutes of whale noises.

I have to repeat, that bit was not written. The little swim, swim club. In all seriousness, though, when they're like, hey, would you come on the show? The rundown was just like intro, chat, chat, whale noises. Wait for someone to go down to the shop. So Carl Sagan's unscheduled. As much as we'd love to believe it, that's all planned.

Thank you so much. So should we... We had one little thing left to do, which was an episode of Rad Dad, which I feel like that's a message from God not to do that. Should we quickly try and do it or not? Yeah! I'm glad not to do that. Should we quickly try and do it or not? Yeah! You might play the music.

Oh! It's like... It's like... It is like's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like

It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like

It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like

It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like It's like I like this version better. Alright, here we go. Is it over? How would you know? You mean the podcast? Okay. Wake up, Rad Dad. It's your birthday.

Happy birthday, Rad Dad. Thanks, Jenny. It's finally your 40th birthday and the fifth anniversary of you looking 40. I have to say, Jenny, it feels pretty surreal being 40. It's not quite right. I mean, what other 40-year-olds still keep their finger on the pulse like I do? Now, hand me my Pennywise T-shirt, will you? It's just over there next to my Saved by the Bell box set

and my Whitlam CDs. Anyway, I've got a couple of great presents for you today. First of all, I've actually got your favourite radio duo to give you a call for your birthday. Helen and Mikey? No. Adam Spencer and Will Anderson? No.

Roy and HG? No. Jane the Doctor? No. How green is my cactus? I don't even know what that is, but it sounds fuck. I'm not in character for that line, by the way. Oh!

Oh, God! Oh! Oh, my God, they're working again! Nazeem gets it. It does. It is amazing that as soon as we stopped bagging Nando's, the mics came on. On air, it just seems like a half-brace for a Texas reference with real language. Aren't you guys glad you paid money this year? That's why that mic gear not working, that mic not working gear, that won't play well at home at all.

You've got to breathe it in. I don't know what that is, but it sounds fun. Oh, Michael Tunnett and his haircut? Anyway, like I said, it's your very favourite radio is, but it sounds fun. Oh, Michael Tunne and his haircut? Anyway, like I said, it's your very favourite radio duo, Hamish and Andy. And I've got them to ring you up for a very special birthday message. Only thing is, one of them is sick, so only one of them can talk to you. So here you go. It's a big happy birthday from Andy Lee. Oh, hi, Rad Dad. My name is definitely Andy Lee.

I'm just speaking like this in case we lose connections again. Sorry Hamish couldn't make it today because he's in Nando's jail for bad-mouthing them and he's about to be executed. I mean, we've added that in, but yeah. So, can I have a crack at the secret sound now? Oh, Rad Dad, we're not on radio right now. Sometimes we take breaks, you silly dickhead.

I'm Andy Lee. Hamish would never talk to a valued family fan. So, is it a can of Tarex lemonade being opened? Sure is, you old bastard. Everyone's still drinking Tarex non-stop. See ya! Oh, wow. Thanks for the call,erax non-stop. See ya. Oh, wow. Thanks for the call, Guido Hatzis. What a great present.

Okay, here's my next present, Rad Dad. I know that you've been thinking about starting a podcast, so I've organised a microphone technique workshop with someone who is an absolute professional, Nazeem Hussain. Oh, you guys are fucking dickheads. All it says is riffing about mic technique all off mic. You guys can really talk, okay?

You have one job. It's called a fucking podcast, not a light show. I love that you've included mic technique in today's episode. Yeah, I felt like we really stepped over that one with the 20 minutes of whale noises. The one time we wanted you to not speak into the mic, you fucking speak into the mic. All right, Rad Dad, now that you're getting older,

you've got to start looking after your health. So inspire you to keep fit. I've recreated a real life booper ad right here in our living room. I think the listener at home can guess what just happened. I feel like it's two guests standing next to each other. I feel like this would also be accurate. What, then they become fucking brown and fat? Essentially join Booba, get a hat.

Just side note, my dad, I told him, we have your 40th birthday coming. First I said, oh, he looks like Adam Gilchrist. I'm like, oh yeah, he kind of does, totally. And then he said, he's got Carl's 40th. He goes, he's 40? He looks so much older. Oh!

Hey, that's not in the script. Anyway, here's my final present for you, Rad Dad. I know how much you like fast food, so I've got some delivered. Here's some birthday chicken from Moorabbin's Finest, Gary's Toilet Chicken. Fresh from a full flush, I got heaps of deliciously spiced chicken for you right here, Rad Dan.

I forgot the axe. Thanks, Ronnie Chang. If you don't want it, I'll have it. Now, let's hear from white people. Let's hear it for white people Hip hip hooray Hip hip hooray On and goes

Is this a bit where Dilraba crowd serves? No No Oh my god alright everyone we have to wrap it up Is this a bit where Dilrub crowd serves? No, no, no. Oh, my God. All right, everyone, we have to wrap it up for another week of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Please give a big round of applause for Hamish, Blake. Thanks, guys.

Thanks for having us. Nazeem Hussain. Dilrub Jai singer. Greg Larson. Our roving reporter, Josh Earle. Songs of the Sea's very own Marcus Newman. Give it up for Free Willy. Let's give it up for the lower voice register

that was saving us for a while. Go check out... All these guys have festival shows. Nazeem, you're on... Seven till eight, Tuesday to Saturday. Hussein and the Membrane. Hussein and the Membrane Hussein and the Membrane yep

my one's Sri Wanko come for that it's been good a lot of dummies have been coming which is really nice yeah keep coming can I say

every time there's a dum-dum person in the crowd wearing the t-shirt you guys are more mental than everybody else seriously like laugh way too long yeah if only they'd do it here

and Greg Larson you're in the show True Australian Patriots, which I saw last night, and it's fucking hilarious. Thank you, yes, I'm in True Australian Patriots. It's on every Friday and Saturday during the fest at Town Hall at 11 o'clock, and it's super racist. Yeah, it's... And I'm attending a lot of comedy festival shows,

so if you see me in the audience, come and say hi. Don't be weird, just say hi. All right, guys. We're back here every week. We've got our own shows on. 8.45 at the Grand McHua and 9.45 for Carl at the Vic Hotel.

One more big round of applause for all our guests this afternoon. Thank you guys for coming out to support the podcast and we'll see you next time. See you next time see ya woo woo

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