The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 289 - Live! David O'Doherty, Dave Anthony, Nick Cody & Bart Freebairn

Episode Date: April 20, 2016

Hand Me Ups, V Line Trips and The Judge.Recorded LIVE at the European Bier Cafe on April 3, 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by, you guessed it, Yalla Chocolate Mousse. Oh, I was actually going to guess something else. What would you have guessed if it hadn't been Yalla? I was going to guess BHP. I thought it was a bad time they got on board. Hey, you know what? If you can make it happen, I will gladly take their money.

Hey, I won't. As long as they make a better mousse than Yalla, maybe I will. Oh, okay. I don't think that's possible. Well, you know, if you're keen to advertise on the show BHP, you know what you've got to do. Get into the moose game. Yeah.

Do it better than the professionals. Get into some iron ore moose. I'd like to taste that. That's true. If anyone, any company who's out there, if you make a good moose that's better than Yalla, we'll advertise for you on the show. Yeah. All right.

How about that? We'll, we'll, we'll match the price. I don't know what that means in relation to what we're doing. Yeah, price match. Yeah. We're like Big W at this point. Two for one. Get one free.

I don't know what we're saying. Guys, this is the reason we sound, we're barely making sense at the moment. This is two days after the Melbourne International Comedy Festival that we are recording this intro, but you are about to hear week three of our live episodes featuring Dave Anthony, David O'Doherty, and Nick Cody. I feel bad because after we recorded it, someone said, you know it's O'Doherty. It's pronounced O'Doherty.

Yeah, sure, maybe, but also the H is in there. I know that's like a thing with Irish names, but I refuse to do it. Does that make me racist? Probably so, but also technically. Hey, if you saw some of the stuff at the drunk cast, that's the least racist of my concerns at this point.

But we've still got Patreon and we've got to say to the Patreon folks, we're about to send out a whole bunch of new stuff for the subscribers. We're actually, after this, we're going to do the next bonus ep. So yeah, that's the way that you can get all that stuff.

Guys, keep getting on it yeah if you if you pay enough money if you pay 10 bucks you get a free uh extra episode every month yeah and if if plus plus the magazine if you just pay five bucks you get the magazine yeah 30 bucks you get all the above plus you get uh a t-shirt yep and yeah patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club get on sign up to that uh yeah, enjoy this episode from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. All our T-shirts and hoodies and stuff are on sale, littledumbdumbclub.com. And we'll see you out there. See you, mates.

Hey, mate! Welcome into the little dum-dum club for another week. Give yourselves a round of applause for coming out. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me, a man who is about to complain about the volume of his microphone, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. G'day, barely audible dickhead. Can anyone hear me?

Alright, good. You alright? You mo? Don't, you're doing it again. Yeah. Strong start. So, this is it. We are into week three of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Last night at my show I received a tweet afterwards, and I hate to be so crass as to just read out an audience compliment from after my show, but this is a tweet that I got this morning about my gig. Hey, man, great show last night. Were you aware that Peter Dacos was in your audience? Really? Yeah.

The Macedonian marvel? Yeah. Yeah. That's what this guy reckons. And so it's like, of course, I know who that is. I don't know what he looks like. And so I then looked him up. I'm like, yeah, that guy does look kind of familiar.

I think he was in my show. Well, you probably could remember everyone that was in your show last night. Hey! Yeah, it was Macedonian night. So I wanted to get in touch and go, is this true? Did the Collingwood Football Club have a Hall of Fame dinner at your show last night? Like, so I was just trying to track him down, like, because his Twitter profile, he hasn't tweeted since 2012. So I was like, well, that's not going to work.

Oh, so you were thinking you were going to get a bit of love from the MM, the Marvel himself. No, I just wanted to find out if it was for real, if he actually was there. I wanted to clarify this rumour. Right. And I went onto his website. It's not run by him. It's like, in the words of the website itself, it says, this website is officially sanctioned by the great man.

Right. So, I don't know. We've got a cliffhanger here. I've got to find out whether that was indeed Dacos who was in my show last night. A cliffhanger sort of relies on anyone giving a fuck. It's like a cliffhanger where the cliff is like this high and there's a big padded mattress underneath. It's like they're definitely going to be fine.

Like there's no stakes here. Who cares? Yeah, yeah. It's like someone that you don't give a fuck about jumping off a cliff. Is there anyone that has played in the past with Collingwood Football Club that has his number? That's weird.

Okay. That's weird. There's no... Thought we'd be off and racing there. Yeah. No. Tony Shaw's not here tonight? No?

Okay. Brian Taylor? I can do a lot of these. Well, we all had... We both had sort of some big names in our show last night, is what I'm trying to get to. Yeah, I did have someone very famous. Another legend of the game, in a way. Yes, a couple of rotten old swingers by the name of Mr and Mrs Allsop.

Yes. They went down to... This is the thing. So my parents came tosop. Yes. They went down to... This is the thing. So my parents came to your show last night. They told me they were going to come along. Even though I went, I really think it's something that you are just not going to enjoy at all. And so they don't know how to book on the internet.

I get that review a lot, by the way. They don't know how to book on the internet. So they were stressing out about getting tickets in time. Because when they were getting into the city, would the car be sold out already? They went down to the bass offices, they were closed. And there was one point where they were going, just to make sure we get a ticket,

can you book the tickets online for us? And I said, absolutely not. There is no way I am logging onto Ticketmaster and paying money for tickets to your show. It would have been a horrid experience. Well, it was quite a show. Was anyone here? Because, you know, I feel like this year you guys are bucking the trend

and are actually coming to our solo shows. I don't know whether you're coming sarcastically or... Well, I've had this experience this week. I've had a lot of listeners in and I see people at the end of the show and a lot of people have said to me, wow, you're actually good. I was surprised that that was a good show because all you do to each other on the podcast is talk about how shit you both are at comedy. And now let me tell you about the 500 goals I kicked for Collingwood.

But it's like, oh, okay, well, that's cool that you really enjoyed the show, but also you bought a ticket, like, presuming I was shit? Yeah. Like, thanks for the support, but that's a weird way to live your life. Man, this, I, so the show last night, was anyone at my show last night? Fuck. Yeah. All right.

Don't do what you did last night, which was hate me. Last night there was a point, I don't know, maybe it was even you that yelled out, but there was a point, I don't know, maybe it was even you that yelled out, but there was a point where, you know, I talk a bit to the crowd to start with, we're slowly getting into the show, and at some stage I say,

who's been to the show before, because people actually come back multiple times, and someone goes, really? That was you. Was that you? That's tough. Get the fuck out

Hey, in my mind, with that, you just kicked ten That's fucking awesome I'd like to think I was doing really well Until you changed the vibe of the show So, don't speak tonight Good No, you couldn't To be honest, the size of my room is a lot smaller than this room

So, I don't think you have the power tonight. Do your best. Come on, give us something. Shut up. Well, I'm surprised by how good that was. Yeah, yeah. There's more of that where that came from. Come to my show tonight, 8.45. So, yeah, look... So I met up with my parents today and I got the review.

The review, the press is in. Well, should I give a little bit more detail as to what happened last night? Because then the review may make a bit more sense. Sure, okay. So if everyone doesn't know, I have a heckler in my show every night. I have an on-purpose heckler. I have a friend of the show that comes in. Good to clarify, on purpose.

I can't explain it. People just hate me every night for some weird reason. Look, that's a lot more believable than the actual concept. So I have a friend come in and give me the shits every night. Usually it's all fun. Here's how it's supposed to work. Give me the shits. Here's how it's supposed to work. I'm getting diarrhea

every night after the gig. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. That's when Dil's my heckler for some reason. So it goes right through me so um so speaking of that like yeah yeah so i have a heckler come in every night a friend comes in sits on a stage and just sort of like gives me a lot of shit usually on purpose the jokes work the heckling works everyone has a great time sometimes that doesn't work that way last night was the night where everyone loved the heckling and everyone fucking hated my jokes.

So there was literally people coming out, literally people coming out after the show going, you know, I like how you just set up bad jokes. And then your usual hecklers just do their scripted, you know, hanging shit on you all night. I'm like, you think I on purpose go out there and take it in the ass like that every night? Fucking hell.

This is why I wanted to start because you are stepping on a lot of my parents' material that I'm about to get to. There was, well, you guys will know, there was literally a guy last night, I got 10, 15 minutes in and it was a bad vibe in the show for whatever reason. And I was watching these people in the third row just sort of talk to each other and I go, and I've got this sixth sense for this sort of thing. And I go, and I go, are you guys talking? I see dumb cunts.

I see them. And in the end, I was a dumb cunt the whole time. That's as topical reference as I get, by the way. So there was literally in the third row, I could see these people talking, I just leaned in and go, are you guys talking about walking out? And he goes, a bit.

I'm like, man, please. And my hecklers last night were Ben Lomas and Ray Badger. And Ben Lomas cannot love it anymore when things go wrong. It was a perfect show. When the heckling was working, everyone was loving that in the crowd. When the jokes died, he loved it even louder than the audience. Here's my dad's review of Ben Lomas. Don't say this on the podcast, but what's wrong with him? Well,

we'll gout for one. Wow. And they're numbered as well. Where are you going after gout? Jesus. Is there such a thing as extra gout? I don't know.

Double gout. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he was fucking loving it. So this guy goes to walk out, and I'm like, you know what? I would fucking love that. If you want to walk out, that'd be great. Like, I didn't want to be mean. I was just like, if you walk out, that's a funny thing.

And I was thinking, I'll have something to talk about tomorrow. So he goes to walk out and then he's like, oh, look, to be honest, I just really feel sorry for these friends that I brought here. Like, oh, nice. And he's like, yeah, they've just arrived in Australia for the first time. They're from Germany and they're not enjoying it. I'm like, well, fuck. You know, they're renowned for their sense of humour usually.

So then I'm just hanging shit on them for like the rest of the show. And all of a sudden I'm like, so I'm like, are you guys still going to walk out? They're like, no, no, the show's getting good now. All of a sudden the Germans are being held and tortured against their will. Doesn't feel so good, does it? Yeah, finally got them back. Gotthard. Was that his name?

What? Oh, his name was Otto. No, that was his dad's name. Gotto Otto. Yeah, yeah. Gotto. Gotto. Gotto. We got to take this thing on the road here.

You were here as well. Was it Jens? Jens. Are you Jens? No. Oh, all right. All right. I was going to say, fuck you, turn it around quick.

You're going to walk out and then you've bought another ticket to see me. But the great thing was, because Dil, if anyone's seen the show so far, Dill does his show an hour before, and so when he finishes, he's got this thing where he knows there's going to be Dumb Dumb People in my show. So he always bursts in the door, like 10 minutes in, sort of going, hey it up for Fat Kramer. So, deal just ran in. As big as the Cosmos, Kramer. Yeah.

But you know what was great about it? So, that's what happens. You know, you guys, oh, you're excited to see someone that big. Cool. You're excited that the stage is that supported. Well, you know, great, great. But he ran in last night and went, hey, and everyone went, who's that? Yeah.

Wait, so you're stepping on a lot of my parents. Oh, sorry. One of my parents' things. So I met up with my parents this morning. This was their review. So I go, so tell me everything. How was Carl's show? First of all, mum goes, oh, we were on our way in and, you know, we'd already had a couple of drinks with dinner,

which is usually enough for us. But we stopped out and we had an extra beer on the way to Carl's show because it just seemed like that was going to be good for the vibe. So you're turning my parents into full-blown alcoholics at this point. Also, I told you they were coming and you go, oh, well, I know who I'm going to be talking to for the whole show. So I'm just terrified that my poor old parents are going to go in there and you're just going to fucking eviscerate them for the full hour.

And apparently when they walked in, you go, you're on stage as people walk in, and you go, ah, here they are, comedy royalty. Which they, yeah. And so mum starts up the review and she goes, well, I've got to be honest, ten minutes in, I really wanted to walk out. And I go, fucking yes, here we go.

And it turned out it was just a complaint about how hot the room was. She was like, oh, man, this is no fucking good. This isn't what I'm after. But she did tell me... I do make a pretty hot crowd. She told me that, yeah, she mentioned Dill coming in because my parents have seen Dill, they love Dill. She said, oh, Dill popped in at one point and said something at Carl, and then Carl

said something back to him that was something like, fuck you, fat face, and it was just wonderful. Also, the first time in my life I've ever heard my mum swear. Oh, wow, and it was quoting me. Quoting you, yeah. Quoting me incorrectly. Exactly as I hoped it would go down. They also, yeah, so they said, yeah, they enjoyed Ray Badren and Ben Lomas' contributions

and then Mum said... So if you've got any, you know, if you can remember any of this any better, please chime in because you're the only other person that knows what happened. Mum said, so who's heckling, do you know who's heckling for the rest of it? Like, who's heckling tonight? And I go, oh, Hugh's actually doing it tonight.

And Mum goes, oh, that would have been good. thing tonight and I go, oh, Hugh's actually doing it tonight. And mum goes, oh, that would have been good. But hey, so dad's, this is true. So very quickly before that. So this was sort of a toe in the water as to how the rest of the gig was going to go. This was funny. So five minutes in, I'm talking to the crowd, I'm finding out who's seen what during the festival, whatever.

Ben Lomas, one half of the hecklers, just goes, just comes out from backstage and goes, this is boring, and then just runs up to sort of do a bit of a, and I'm like, man, they didn't recognise Dilrook, as if they're going to recognise an unknown fat cunt. And he gets nothing and then tries to run back. So my dad, my dad has written you another joke for you to put into your show. All right.

He's given you... Welcome to the blast zone. I'm going to get Otto back and tell him you're Jewish. Jesus. Otto. So, look, I know you're not going to love doing this, but it kind of needs it for the set. It's a joke off the back of a joke that you already do. Okay.

So, for these people, for context, can you do the plag of a joke that you already do. Okay. So can you, for these people for context, can you do the plagiarist thing? Oh, okay. What are you looking at? Give me that. Don't touch that. So you do the ban joke. I do my joke. And then I'll give you Dad's follow-up to it. Oh, okay. So he's writing a

topper for my joke. Yeah. Right. Okay. Alright. Alright. Well guys, sorry for people who have got tickets for tonight. You're going to have the show a little bit spoiled. There's going to be one sentence tonight where you're like, fucking heard it, mate. So the joke is, when I was in high school, I was in a band called The Plagiarists, but we got in trouble because there was another band that already had that name, which meant I just think that we deserved it more. I'm also very into politics

and I used to be in a political party called the Apathetic Party. But I just stopped showing up. The Apathetic Party, but I just stopped showing up. Hey, that joke was written by a 69-year-old man, okay? So the joke itself isn't good, just the age of the man writing it should be enough to get it over the line. What do you reckon? Is it going in? Get it in.

Absolutely not. So let's quickly, before we bring out our guest, should we talk about this? Because this is, we are doing these as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So is this any more about my show? No. Okay.

I'll just top, I'll just do something again. Top yourself. Great. Go, right now. This is, and I didn't know this until the end of the show, but when you're in a festival managed venue, there's a tech there and they have to write a report for the festival. Now, Ray Badgerin walked out and went, I just read your report.

I'm like, what report? They write a report after every show. I'm like, I was unaware of that. So this, this is the report that my techie wrote after my show last night. Carl gets frustrated with audience for not laughing. I feel like that's just etched into the pad from writing it every single night. Carl gets frustrated at hecklers for heckling. Carl gets frustrated at hecklers for heckling. Carl gets frustrated at hecklers for not laughing.

Carl gets frustrated at audience for heckling. Oh. Groundhog Day Live, guys. Go check it out. So should we talk about this? Should we do this now? Because this is registered as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, right? We are doing these shows, for those listening at home,

as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So this is a registered show. We've paid to register this show in the Comedy Festival. And what that means is, technically speaking, this show is eligible to win an award at the Comedy Festival. For all intents and purposes, win an award at the Comedy Festival. Yeah. For all intents and purposes, because we're in the Comedy Festival, this could be the best show. Yeah.

Thanks for your support. It would have been worse if that had killed. It's like, everyone went, yeah, facts, cool, get on with it. Yeah, yeah. So that means they have to bring a judge around to every show. Yeah. I hope that wasn't the judge booing us. So we sort of heard that they brought a judge tonight.

So there's a judge here somewhere tonight. So that's why this is a particularly funny show today. We've rehearsed that back and forth for the first 20 minutes of the show like all week. Like we want this. We got to win best show. Wouldn't that be great if this podcast won best show at the comedy festival? Like there's never been a show win best show that's had dumb cunt in it this often.

Yeah, I feel like we're a good show. So, you know, everyone, if you can just like, we really need your support to get this out of the way. That's what I'm saying. You've done a great job so far, but keep it up. Yeah, if all of you, you know, if all of you laugh, surely that'll do something. Because that doesn't happen at any other comedy shows, does it? Just the whole audience laughing?

Wait, so let me... Not at mine, anyway. I've read the reports. The piece of shit papers. The piece of shit papers. Points for trying, I guess. Deduct those points. One quick thing of...

One quick review thing before we bring out our first guest. So we made our television debut this week. The opening night All Stars Gala was on Channel 10 on Monday night. And Tom Ballard, we've talked about it a bit, did his gig wearing one of our burger T-shirts, wearing a little Dumb Dumb Club T-shirt.

Just nice to see some of my work splashed across Tom Ballard's chest. Fuck, sorry. Sorry. That's dumb. Not. Not. Not. Not. So my parents watched the gala.

I get an email from my dad the next day going, wow, Tom Ballard was a real standout, really funny stuff, really insightful, it was great how all this stuff linked together. The end. And I write back and I go, hey, did you happen to notice what he was wearing on his chest? And dad goes, no. I have to say, your dad's watched a lot of comedy this week.

Yeah, he's loving it. I feel like that's nearly every story on this podcast, just ends with a listener of the show going, no. It's always in relation to, are you coming to a show? Do you like us at all? Will you go out with me? Will she be back? Big ups to me and Tommy's girlfriends that were manning the door tonight as well, by the way, as you came in. All right, cool.

I told you it wouldn't work. Fuck. Okay, folks, let's get our first guest up here. I hope he's ready to come on. Unfortunately, we're out of time. Folks, this guy has snuck into the country. You know him from Walking the Room, from The Dollar. Please welcome Dave Anthony. the dollar please welcome dive anthony

is he still flying in hi hi all right see ya. Fuck, that was long. Yeah, I know. Were you still flying when we introduced you? Took a while, yeah. Are you jet lagged to the fuck?

Oh, it's fucking out of my mind. Yeah. I have no idea what's happening right now. When did you get in? I got in yesterday at noon. Right. Because at noon I get a text from you from your Australian number

that just says, hmm. And so I just think, oh, Dave must have just like, from home, just like put his Aussie SIM card

into his phone to just see what's going on. You're thinking, that's what I do. I sit around at my house and I put in my

Aussie SIM card and then I text this fucking guy. Well, that's what you did. You did do that. That makes more sense than what you did, which was secretly come to this country. No one gives a fuck if you're here or not. I don't think that's true. No, that's not true at all.

I heard the applause just then. That is true. You know what? You're the pink of Australia. You're really big here, but no one gives a fuck about you in America. No, it's true. I'm on a television show,

and no one knows who I am. I went to eat at a restaurant the other day and the waiter goes, do you come here a lot? And I go, no. And I wait and I look and I'm like... And he goes, where do I know you? And I go, I'm on a show called Marin. And he goes where do I know you and I go

I'm on a show called Marin and he goes oh and he just walks away so what do you got you snuck in here to be a little

a little surprise guest at the Tofop show last night the stupidest thing that's ever happened yeah I flew in just to do a podcast

but I lost money but now you're doing two podcasts. I am. But I made no money. This is all out of my own pocket. I lost, I mean, it's like a couple thousand dollars, let's be honest, to do a podcast. That's weird because at the start of that question, you're sort of going, will I make money by flying halfway around the world to do a podcast?

Why would you have said yes? Well, some podcasts make money. You know what? You know what? Now, like literally about 12 hours ago, I got a message from some... Oh, fuck. Yes. Five of you people have rung me already. Literally about 12 hours ago I got a message from Oh fuck, yes

Five of you people have rung me already Welcome back Dave Fuck, stop ringing me Why didn't Acme You've never got a new phone number You're out of your fucking mind Fuck, stop ringing me. Why didn't Acme? You've never got a new phone number. You're out of your fucking mind. I'm busy.

Okay, you've caught up. You're on Australian time now. That's good. The jet lag's officially subsided. Stop it! No, no, actually, because that was Dilric ringing me. Ring me again. Just so people can see what picture comes up when I ring there's so many texts coming up

alright alright alright so here we go here we go now no one ring me for five minutes. Someone texted me yesterday with no text, just screenshots of Patreon pages with how much money Tofop and the dollop are earning.

Oh, my God. Oh my god When I saw you guys were doing a Patreon I laughed so hard That was it It was just like this Tofop, the dollop and then ours Fuck you Whoever did that You should Text him

Oh yeah dudes This guy's gonna make Like 12,000 a month Oh that's a podcast Oh yeah dudes Yeah but that's because They're They're the two old friends

And they have really good chemistry And they're super like Likeable So If you have that It can translate into something pretty great. We should have Dillarook just host this podcast by himself for a month and see what that does to the Patreon. Dillarook has better chemistry with himself than we do with each other.

But you guys don't need to. You just need to find another comedian to bring on the podcast a lot who will then shoot up and be a lot bigger than you. Yeah, in the year since you were here last, some stuff's happened. We're way ahead of you. I'll do this quickly because it is... I feel like I'm still celebrating my birthday because I'm still getting presents.

Thank you for everyone that have brought presents. Oh, yeah, Dave, Carl's 40 now. Shit. everyone that have brought presents. Oh yeah, Dave, Carl's 40 now. Shit. That's a weird age for it not to have worked out. Wow.

From the guy flying halfway around the world to do a podcast, yeah. Please, give him more life advice. world to do a podcast yeah please give him more life advice so so uh i got a present just before and it's it's i feel like it's not so much as a present as as as merch to resell after the show uh uh for everyone uh that's got a lot of people here in there i'm gonna wear a little dumb dumb club t-shirt tonight uh for any of you that have dragged along someone that doesn't know what the fuck is happening so far we've got some merch for you on the way out a shirt saying i'm i'm unaware of the little dumb dumb club and that's great that's that's come from a friend of the show terry pedestrian yeah he walks among us he's in here this Yeah. You have to give that to your parents.

Oh, yeah. Well, but it also, it looks like the text is like literally written in cum. Like it's this weird. It's this weird thought. Give it a bell up. Yeah. What the fuck? What kind of cum do you have? Very literate.

I shoot words. Here is a thing that I found out recently that I haven't brought up. I found out that Tommy Daslow's dad, friend of the show, wears Tommy's hand-me-downs. Yeah. No, no, as he puts it, hand-me-ups. Right. Yeah.

There's no up from coming from you. But what does that mean? Like you have clothes and then you just go? Yeah, Dad, like just when I moved out, I left a bunch of stuff in the house and Dad just started wearing it around. He's like, hey, if you ever got any more shit you don't want, pass it over. So like I saw him today and it was literally like sitting across from myself like four years ago.

So this will be what your dad looks like in four years. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking hell. That'll be seven. That's 73 year old Mr. Daslow. Yeah.

It's like I'm starting to just gradually dress older and he's gradually dressing younger. Right, right. So you're going to meet in the middle in about 20 years. If you make it that far. Yeah, it's pretty cool, man. He's a hip guy. That would rely on the thought that you're a hip guy now. Yeah, I know.

What? What's funny about that? What are you all laughing at? Should we get our next guest out here? Sure. People don't even know who it is. Not you, not you. Give it up for Dave Anthony, everyone. Stick around.

Folks, please give it up for your next guest. You know him from Something for the Drive Home. Please welcome Nick Cody. Howdy I've got some bad news I've got some bad news for Dave You ordered chips They've been delivered I've got a deal looking after them

Nah, you'll be right So we're sitting back there in the corner And there's a couple of ladies And they've ordered chips. And they're a good five feet away. Now this is the best show at the festival. And Dil just comes over, and he doesn't know these people. And then you just see him just reaching across and just grabbing one out, and I'm just like, what the fuck is happening?

Can I just say, the David Attenborough style narration you were just giving that very appropriate. Thank you. It's like his eight armed god. It was just in all chips everywhere.

Once again the judges are in. I hope they're enjoying this. Make some notes. This is good stuff. Yeah. Give us a shout.

Who are the judges? We don't know. We don't know. It could be anyone. They just get a sign is good stuff. Yeah. Give us a shout. Who are the judges? We don't know. We don't know. It could be anyone. It could be anyone. They just get a sign to us. We get told there's like an extra ticket that goes

on the sales. It's a mysterious festival person. So it could be someone who doesn't know anything about comedy. It would definitely be that. Yeah.

That'd give them the best shot. Let's hope. Come on. Our only hope is that Dill has somehow not tried to eat them so far. Because that will take a star off for that. Those chips are gone. Sorry, man.

It's alright. If only you could get fried food in America. Come this far. I see you've tried our Coca-Cola product I hope you're enjoying that Oh my god, you have such good coke down here Nick, we asked you to do this the other night We booked you in and then Whoa, watch that beer

I like how Dil thinks that's a trick to eat stuff It'd be more of a trick to eat stuff. It'd be more of a trick if you got up here and didn't eat something, Dill. I mean, it's like 50% gone. Oh, my God. Dill's eating and Cody's got a beer. Luckily, we came to the live show. Nowhere else do these two things happen.

Hey, Nick, so we booked you in for this the other night, and then we were at Hairy Little Sister, you left, and then almost immediately after leaving, you text me going, hey man, remind me about what a cabbie told me about Dill. Oh. Definitely get a drink in before you tell that story. I was listening to the potty last week, and somebody

had mentioned a cabbie bringing up Dill, and I was going home the other night and the cabbie said oh you're at the hi-fi bar like the comedy festival's on I said yeah

he goes I had a comedian in the car the other night I was like oh sweet who was it and he said Dil hang on was it a maxi cab it was actually Dil pulling the cab down Swanson Street.

They just have a guy running in front of them with fries. Wow, he's come on for a visual joke after everything we brought up about him. I can't wait to see how he pulls this one off. No, he said he was driving, he picked up Dill and a girl. They were at Boney, a club called Boney. Boney. That's the first time Boney and Dill have been in the same sentence. And picked up and Dill.

I feel like that Boney joke should have got more. That was fucking primo. Oh, my God. Apparently, they've gone to Dil's house. Dil had to grab something. And so Dil's run upstairs and the girl's left in the car. And the cab driver said to her, you two having a good night? And she said, I don't know how to tell him this, but I'm gay.

Well, I mean, hey, this is one way on his favourite podcast. And the rest of the sentence, I was straight at the start of this date. Fuck. And then she said, he's been buying me drinks though, as he's hopped in the cab and the cabbie said nothing else. Just took him back to the bar. Fuck. Get him in, get the cabbie in here.

Should we get our third guest out? Let's get our third guest out here. Guys, you know him, regular visitor of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. He's been on the show before, but not for a couple of years. Very excited to have him back. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, David O'Donoghue, everyone! Hi! Hiya! It's great to be here, guys.

It's great to be able to provide some gender balance to this, which is something the judges are really looking out for this year. Yeah, yeah. Like this fucking rampant, hairy sausage fest. Hey, not that hairy, alright? Hey, so we've got to ask you. We're here, we're campaigning, we've got the judges

in, we're trying to win Best Show. You've won Best Show at the Edinburgh Fringe. How are we going? What have you got for us? What sort of advice could you give us to turn it from what we've done so far? Can I jump in? Yeah.

Try talent. Oh, oh, oh. You, so, I mean, I hate to really call out a big problem with this show, but, I mean, I hate to really call out a big problem with this show, but I mean, you have to start maybe four months ago with like a pen and some paper. Uh-huh, okay.

And that's your base level, as opposed to just hiring a PA and getting some mics and just going, yeah, it'll be fine. Right, okay. Well, I feel like that's maybe good for next year. Yeah, yeah. If you I feel like that's maybe good for next year. Yeah, yeah. If you want to win back to back.

So when you do your show, you don't go out every night and talk for 20 minutes about what happened yesterday? And before that, for the sake of material, bribing my father to come into my friend's show again. With old clothes of yours, yeah. No, I mean, goodness me. I couldn't see why this shouldn't win, definitely. It's been pretty great, right? Well, you must hate the rest of the festival. I mean, never mind that the show's like Tom Ballard's

where he's trying to change the world, you know. Whereas what the world really needs is just people going, blah, blah, blah, and one man eating chips. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Deal ate some too. That's two men. Yeah. We're trying to change the world.

We're trying to make a room full of people kill themselves at the end of a gig. Yeah, overpopulation is the problem. Yeah, exactly. And not the problem. Yeah, exactly. And not enough room for those refugees to come in. And let's be honest, these people like this show, so... Yeah, so I did a gig in Dublin

recently, and the mics were just fancier than the normal mics. And it's in a, there's a rock club near where I live, like a small, it'd be about this size. And, like a tiny one. And, I'm joking like i was like to the tech why is the gear so fat why is this so fancy yeah and he said because ed sheeran is recording a set here tomorrow night and so i uh then just started rubbing the mic off my crotch. You know what I mean? And this being the times we live in, like 30% of the audience were just like,

hey, Ed Sheeran, David Adardi is rubbing your mic off his crotch. But then Ed Sheeran, for some reason, I don't know Ed Sheeran, but he got back, and he was like, oh, that's charming behavior. And then I was like, Ed, I didn't want you to get pregnant. And then me and Ed Sheeran had this back and forth. And I immediately got 40,000 new Twitter followers. Wow.

And they were all 14-year-old girls from South America whose Twitter name is, please follow me back, Ed Sheeran, or I will kill myself. And I slowly burned them off over the course of, I'd say, two and a half weeks was all it took, my relentless narcissistic bullshit. You're clearly a better musician than Ed Sheeran, so I'm not too shocked. Hey, man, we're hoping to get him on the show next time, all right? Next time he's out here.

Hey, Ed Sheeran could be the judge tonight, all right? Yeah. Seriously, that was out of line. Sorry, guys. Dill's fat, isn't he? And we're back. That is a dumb, dumb reset. Come on, boy.

Come on. Come on. What do you got? Is the text line running hot? No, hey. So in my birthday week or whatever it is. So this is another present that someone, a friend, a listener of the show. I don't know whether I should say his name because he's in a position

where he could be sacked for doing exactly this. So I'll say what he did and then we can decide whether I say his name. So he's a train driver. He's a train driver. And he, on my birthday, he sent me a message. This is what he said. You know they're not called train drivers, right? What are they called?

Choo-choo pilots. What a sweet double act you have there. Pippin and Jordan. Nice to meet you. So he sent this message. First thing in the morning, he gets on meet you So he sent this message First thing in the morning He gets on the train And he puts this message Over the loudspeaker of the train

Good morning passengers Today's a special day It's Carl Chandler's 40th birthday People are going to work Listening to this It's his 40th birthday Presents of yellow chocolate mousse Can be forwarded to him

Through his website LittleDumbDumbClub.com Otherwiseousse can be forwarded to him through his website, littledumbdumbclub.com. Otherwise, you can always just scream at him on the street. How many people got off that train and then jumped in front of it? He loses points for not giving out the phone

number over the PA, in my opinion. Yeah, right. Which is 0438668. Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up. Otherwise, screaming at him on the street is also welcome.

There's a big chance he's not even on this train because he's a comedian and probably can't afford it. So, thank you. I saw Ballard, I saw his set

on that gala the other night and I saw the t-shirts but I didn't see all of it so I thought it said Tom Tom Club which is that cool band that was the spin off of Talking Heads

I was like that is a very fucking cool t-shirt you're wearing there Ballarat now I have my dreams dashed by this well that leads us

into I guess this train thing Nick we so we did a gig in Ballarat in country Victoria at the start of this year.

We did a live one of these. The V line, the train out to Ballarat was free for the day. So we all go, you know what? We're doing pretty well with this podcast. Let's get a free train out to the country. It's really going to increase what's coming into the skyrocket off the back of these sails. Why would they do that? Because it's fucked and they went to you.

There was an actual date. My friend works for Metro and he said a lot of the boom gates weren't closing for about a month. So trains are just going through at 100 kilometres an hour. And they're like, fuck, better give them free rides for the day. That'll even it up. If you're going to be on something that runs over a cunt, you don't want to have paid for it. That runs over a cunt, you don't want to have paid for it. That runs over a cunt. Best show.

That's the line that cemented it, I reckon. That's it. The judge was sort of going, oh, is it that or Will? No, no, it's this now. So do you have a following in rural Victoria then? Technically, yes. We have a following in retro Victoria that is prepared to travel on the same

train as us to go watch us do a gig an hour and a half out of town. Did you say in retro Victoria? Did I? Yeah. Retro, well, I mean, hey, you know what? It felt pretty retro up there, am I right? Is your guys' listenership going up? Why are you so mean?

Bring out Gareth or get the fuck out. He's funny. You should get a funny guy to do it with. Fuck. You know what? I'm going to stop subscribing to you on Patreon. You know? That's fine.

So we do this gig in Ballarat and then we all got pretty lit afterwards. And we get the last... We went to All You Can Eat Pizza Hut as well. Oh, what? That's a thing? Yeah. Yeah, it's real bad. It's fucking grim. It's like don't try and relive childhood memories. It wrecks it. It wrecks it.

If I'd never gone in, I would have always had happy memories of an All You Can Eat Pizza Hut. It's like Milo and Otis. I saw it when I was six. I'll never watch it again because I know heaps of dead animals. They were just fucking chucking them off. Yeah, speaking of pizza hut. Yeah. This is a tangent,

but for the Irish listeners, and I know there are none, I would guess, but my local, and Nick came to stay with me in Dublin, my local pizza place is Four Star Pizza in Dublin, which I always thought was a curious name for, they could have called it anything. Yeah.

For example, Five Star Pizza. But they had an honest tasting of it, and they said this could be at least 25% better, to be honest. You've got to give yourself something to strive for in your business. The Herald Sun don't send reviewers here, but they send them to his pizza shop.

I mean, who said comedy shows and everything should be out of five stars? Let's not forget, Jesus only had one star over his table on the first Christmas night. If they'd been comedy efficient, if the Three Wise Men had been comedy fans, they would have seen it and gone, well, that's probably quite disappointing. I feel like that's a fair comparison to this show.

To be fair, he was just born. It was previews. And also he looked up in that sky. That one star read like a two. He was saving people by the end. But also in the Michelin food guide, one star is, you know, like Jiro's sushi restaurant in Tokyo

has like two stars and that's as good as it gets. So you guys should be happy with whatever you get for this show. All the awards, yeah, we'll find a way. But so we go to Pizza Hut. We get the last V-Line home and we... Well, let's paint the picture. This is the state we're in.

We go from Pizza Hut to the train station with you being pushed there in a supermarket trolley. Yes. Xavier Michaelides wheeled me and kept doing this hilarious thing where we would just get to a road and he would just let the trolley go. But because it's Ballarat, there's literally no cars in that town. So he's quite safe.

This is how fucked we were acting. Milan at some point said, hey everyone, be careful. By the way, I don't know what he laughed at that. So you know Milan, right? Yeah. Great. The far reach of Milan. Is he just in Australia PayPal-ing you money to buy shots in Ireland? So go on. So with the V line, and I've just accepted that that is a reasonable name for a fucking train. Obviously that's a train. It for a fucking train. Oh, yeah. Obviously, that's a train.

Yes, yes. It's a V line. Yes. So, yeah. So, do you make it onto the train then? We make it onto the train. We're in a pretty shabby state and we end up sitting in front of a couple of people who've been at the gig, right? Yes.

Yeah. And so, then does someone else want to pick what happens now? I'd only gotten back from travels maybe a few days before. I was a bit fucking tired. I'd had infinity beers thanks to Milan and friends. I go to have a nap on this train and the dum-dum fan hits me in the back of the head. Just palm, back of the head. Weird behaviour from people that are just still ringing me on stage.

You should consider yourself lucky they have your phone number and that's how they annoy you. It could be physical abuse in the street if they didn't have that option. So I turn around. I'm like, oh, sorry, guys. I was just trying to have a sleep. They're like, ah, Cody, have a beer. I'm like, I have been. Heaps of them.

So many. Oh, yeah, by the way, these guys snuck a six-pack onto the train and gave us some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I go back to sleep and about five minutes later, palm in the back of the head again. I'm like, guys, come on. Just trying to have a nap. We're going to a pub once we get into the city. Let's have the head again. I'm like, guys, come on. Just try and have a nap. We're going to a pub

once we get into the city. Let's have a good time. They're like, yeah, no worries. And then I've gone back to sleep and a couple minutes later, guys tipped half of a Corona down the back of my shirt. And there's only so long I can pretend to be not from Werribee. And I jumped, fucking

jumped the chair by the throat, fucking chopped the beer out of his hand. I've never seen anything like it. It was insane. Yeah, good moves. And fucking sweet moves. It really, it brought a halt to the fun on the train. Yeah, and it's like, this happens like 20 minutes into the trip.

There's like another like over an hour that we're like locked in a carriage with these guys. And the guy immediately went, yeah, I fucked that up. And I was like, yeah, you did. Even I apologised. I picked his beer up, gave it to him. All was fine. But Milan's on the train and Milan's going, fight! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! We're pulling into stations.

Milan's seeing if there's a bar near the station that he can run to to get shots to bring back onto the train. Because this is all happening, we're pulling into stations and we can see bunches of girls coming into our carriage and the driver jumping out and going, not this carriage. At one point there's a guy, another guy gets on the train

and it's us, the other guests of the show, a few fans of the show and it's all calmed down and then the other mate, few fans of the show. And it's all calmed down. And then the other mate, the other dum-dum fan just kept lipping off. And I was very reasonable. I said, I'll kill both of you cunts. I'm not even fucking playing, right? And the DJ said, what are you guys doing? This is the fucking best.

This is what happens. So a guy gets on. Somehow a guy gets onto our carriage, gets through the security. He's like an 18-year-old guy from Bacchus Marsh who comes on and sits down. And we just go... As soon as he walks in, we just go... And he goes, oh, cool, and sits down in the middle of us. Yeah.

And we then find out he's a DJ. He's on his way to a DJ gig in the city. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad that that was clarified. He just said, and then the DJ said, I'm like, what?

These V-Line carriages each have a electronic dance music guy who's just like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Let's go. And the pills kicked in and we're all fine.

No, no, no. And the DJ's like, what are you guys doing? We're like, my hand's bleeding. We're like, we're into a comedy podcast. There's a guy just up against a window.

Shut up! And we do a podcast. And by the end, the train pulls into Southern Cross Station. And he says to Carl and Tommy, hey, boys, just subscribe to your podcast. That's how we do it. Oh, man. That's how we do it. Oh, man. That's how the dum-dum works. You get rid of two fans and you get one.

Yeah, yeah. No, here's the thing, and they're well aware, I saw them come in, those people are here tonight. Oh, yes! Stand up! Kick these cunts out! I got the rest of the corona. You left it on the train

I'm polite I literally thought these guys would never come back but for some why? of course they did are you shitting me? the rematch that's where the money is

it's like Conor McGregor DS2 but I remember I remember the drunker cunt of these guys oh my goodness he said I remember him going at one stage of these guys. Oh, my goodness. I remember him going at one stage, just being led away from you, going, mate, from now on, when I see you, I'll be fucking crossing the road to get away from you. Where's the road now, buddy?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Cody was drunk again. Dave and Dave, have you ever had any experiences like that? Of people following you back after gigs? I'm always struck by how... Here the other night, I was at the bank ATM machine going to add some money. Great gig.

Pays well. Oh. going to add some money. Pride gig. Pays well. It's like a pokey's machine where you never lose. And I'm taking the money out, and these dudes were like, and were taking photos of me doing it. And they're like, I can't believe you don't have someone to do this. And you're like,

how rich and successful is he? Firstly, if I was really rich, surely I would spend more time at the ATM than just getting out huge sums of money. No, that's not true. Tommy's got his mum

to do that for him. Come on, buy your dad some future clothes. The circle of life. How great would it be if your mom started wearing your clothes too? I think he started wearing his mom's clothes. My dad has, and I know he's listening to this, not. My dad is a musician and tours in America.

Sometimes he's a piano player. And he goes to outlet malls to buy clothes sometimes. Particularly if they're on a tour where they're in America. Sometimes he's a piano player and he goes to outlet malls to buy clothes sometimes, like particularly if they're on a tour where they're in Florida and then they have to go to Chicago and he'll just buy a coat and his coat that he still wears sometimes in the winter.

He got it about four years ago. It is a, zips right up from like the knee to just under the chin and written across the front. My dad is a jazz musician. The code says, Woo Wear. It is the Wu-Tang Clan's short-lived clothing line.

He has no idea. He also wears with it baggy jeans he's bought from a bargain basement and he looks so fucking street. So he's wearing that when he goes out to do a bit of skiddly-bop action, right? He sure is. What would his Wu-Tang name be? Old Clean Bastard. So he's that formal that he's going old.

He's not using the apostrophe after the L. He's keeping it real. He's like whatever was before old school. Hedge school. Whatever that was. That's what my dad is. You must have some obsessive podcast fans, other Dave. He's flying around the world to do them.

He's an obsessive podcaster. But the podcast fans, they don't do anything weird. I was eating. Yeah, hold on. I was eating at a place, and all of a sudden, there's just a guy like this. And he's not. Lucky that beer's empty, mate.

This would have been V-Line 3. I'm just eating, and he's just standing there. And I look up, and I'm like, hey. And he goes, I like this podcast. And he just fucking walks away. I'm like, oh, I'm going to die. Those are the kind of fans that, I don't know why, I don't get the fun stories.

So those are your options. You can get into a fight on the train, you can have people stand close to you in restaurants or you can get harassed for using an ATM. These are the three options available to you if you get into comedy. I did, I will say this, I did kick a gangster

in the face. In a comedy club in New York. Did you really? What, for annoying you? Some old cunt dressed in woo-wear? Kick this wigger right in the head. Fuck you, ghost clean.

How dare you assume my father's white? So we're doing a... You know, it's a night at the comic strip. And I go up and there's a fucking table in the back and they're just loud and they're fucking with everybody. And the club doesn't take care of it, because they don't there. And then I'm sitting after my set.

What sort of awesome club is that? They just want to sell drinks. All right, three head kicks, then you're off, mate. That's it. So now I'm sitting out after my set, and they do get kicked out. And it's like three comics later, and I'm sitting there, and they walk by, and I say,

will you fucking ruin the show, shitheads? and it's like three comics later, and I'm sitting there, and they walk by, and I say like, well, you fucking ruined the show, shitheads. And then two of them come, like they're literally, they're actually gangsters, I find out later. They're actually mafia,

and they come towards me, and so I, as being a man, jump up on the table, and start doing this. They're fans. They're fans. You just killed a 90-year-old woman. She's been to almost every one of my shows in Australia.

What? The two so far? Yeah. She's only 40. She looks 90 after seeing your shows. You guys went to Perth, right? Were you in Perth? Yeah, they came to Perth to see a podcast, so fuck off.

I don't care. Tell me about the gangsters. I don't care about the front row. So the bouncers, the bouncers, like, fucking tackle them and take them out, and the guys are like, you're dead. And then one of the bouncers comes back in and goes, the reason we didn't want to kick them out is because they're actually fucking gangsters. Like, they kill people. And I was like, oh, that's cool,

because I kick one in the face. But I'm such a nobody. They didn't know who I was. No, no, no. It seems like they didn't want to get you, so they just killed your career. To send a message. Oh, my goodness.

Dave Anthony's next news festival show, Horse's Head. All right, here we go. I love the idea that they're trying to, you know, making a murderer style, figure out where you live by listening to all of your podcasts. Just these gangsters sat in a room for months

taking notes, like the three investigators. Okay, so the little one, his dad wears his old clothes, all right? They're trying to figure out which one is dumb cunt. They use that name so often. Yeah, we listen to them. It sounds like they're each trying to take each other out already. But you see them sitting there going,

oh, fuck, I've got to listen to a little dumb, dumb club this time. Oh, best show. I think we can all agree. Well, I'll say this. Just the end of the birthday thing. So I got one more. Guys, I'm still getting presents. The level of self-obsession is

Yes So I got it This is like the best That's the shirt you wore when I heckled you Last year at the festival Yeah, I haven't been home yet Yeah

Yeah, what? You didn't give it to your dad yet? You fucking idiot Mate, I will say I wore this shirt for the roast night For your 40th birthday because I know Peter's down the front

taking photos and I just want to see what toll the comedy festivals had on me yeah but I get that thing a lot you know Facebook does the six years ago

this happened and so often it's like I'm wearing the same clothes again today can I say as a slowly balding man the six years ago function is fucking brutal. Remember this a year ago?

Yeah, that was great. Yeah. Take me back. Yeah. So I got a present from someone. His name on Twitter is Nick Ibis. Is that actually Nick? He's your friend.

Well, well done. What did you get for your birthday off him? Sounds like he's my friend. What a name, though. Hello, Tim? Nick Ibis. Nick Ibis sounds like a detective. Well, either one, he's a large, long-legged bird that stands in a river

who listens to the vodcast. Or two, it's like someone's got to take on this job. Let's call Ibis. Yeah. Nick Ibis. No, she yelled out woo because she wants David's got to take on this job. Let's call Ibis. Yeah. Nick Ibis. No, she yelled out woo because she wants David's dad to come out on stage. Technically a joke. So.

So what he is saying. I just got it. I'm real stupid. So Nick Ibis, ex-friend of whoever you are. Shout out. Shout out to you. I got given...

Sit the fuck down! Are you down? Is that Nick? Lock him. Don't let him out. Mate, we all need to piss. You know what? You pissing your pants at this podcast.

You have these people who shit themselves. Yeah. Why should you be any different from the rest of us? True fans of this podcast know how long it goes and wearing nappies. Yeah, right. There goes best of you, cunt. I just saw a man. you, cunt. Go on. Go and fucking have a wee like a real pussy.

I just saw a man running through a crowd with a backpack and I'm like, thank God it's coming to an end. Oh. So the speakers actually go into the toilet so he can still hear us. Oh, yes. What relaxing toilet music. Hold the door closed so he can't get out again. We'll just brush him.

Thank goodness they put this camera in this toilet. Oh, your dick is so weird. You know the pressure you feel when one person's standing next to you in the urinal? Well, there's 200 people listening to you. Hey, bro, just start jerking it, man, while you're in there. I know you can hear me right now. You've got it in your hands right now. Just start working it.

No one will know. How hard is it to wee when everyone's listening? Dance like nobody's watching. Wee like over 200 people, are listening. I really hope that's the judge in there. That'll be... Oh, fuck. This is going to get us over the line.

Fuck. We're getting kicked out of the festival. So. All right, read this out. Nick Ibis. I beg of you. He has sent me For my birthday

He's sent me Tickets for two To all you can eat Indian Which is Which is sort of Sounds like a description Of dill to be honest Yeah

So two tickets It's like you and I Could go together Or dill could just go Yeah Well I actually thought Because you don't like Indian So

I love Indian What Do you Yeah Where's this come from because you don't like Indians. I love Indians. What? Do you? Yeah. Where's this come from? No, he doesn't like Indians. Yes. Yes.

The food's great, but not the people. Yeah. Right? I like their food. The people, not so much. Their bowling is so spinny. Oh, well, I was going to invite... What the fuck?

Does it go? If there was just one important person in your life, you could take to dinner. Hey, bro. How was it? That took a long time. Hey, bro. How was it? That took a long time. Three pints.

Oh, you had three pints to wee. It's weird to measure your wheeze. Full keg yesterday. Just sitting there with a glass one. Two. I've lost count. I've got to start again. So I was going to invite Dil. I was going to be me and Dil because I thought, well, let's make the most of it. Yeah.

Do you want to go instead? I would love to go instead. Oh my God. It's a date! Yay! Yay! But I heard an audible crying sound. It was like that.

Did you not hear that? Funnily enough, it was like whale sonar. I mean, there's quite a few different couples that could go on this. It could be Cody and the aggressor. Oh, yeah. It could be one of you and the wee man to really get an actual total on those wees. Just see over an hour what he's capable of, yeah.

Or maybe it could be one of us and the judge. Oh. Because I've got to say, right, we've got to wrap this up in a minute. We're running late. You know what? I feel like this has in a minute. We're running late. You know what? I feel like this has been so good. It's had everything. You guys are unbiased, but should this show win the best show in the festival?

I feel like this is easily the best show of the festival. I would say it would, but the first 20 are problematic. Yeah. Well, look, I know this is very uncouth to do, but I feel like this has been so good. I feel like we should just do away with all airs. You know what? Is the judge here?

Because this is surely... Fuck the last week off. We must have just won this show already, right? I didn't notice you stood up. Yeah, we got to... Is the judge here? Can we get the judge out here? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is the judge here? Can we get the judge out here? Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm the fucking judge! Get him on mic. I'm the judge! Wait, Tate, do you want to give... I'm the judge! The judge is speaking into the mic. I'm the judge!

I'm a judge! I'm a judge! I'm a judge! I'm a judge! I'm a judge! Okay, so you've been here. This is the worst. Good ending, guys guys We did it Okay we gotta say Shut the fuck up Dare I ask What do you think I mean that's been pretty good right

You're here judging the show on behalf of the festival I mean Guy took a piss that was pretty good Yeah You're here judging the show on behalf of the festival. I mean, Guy took a piss. That was pretty good. Yeah, it had everything. It had a little resolution of a story. It had poignancy. People rang me. It was very good.

I, uh... You seem more mentally on the ball than most comedy judges. I'm the judge. You are wearing a gold crown. You don't worry that when you go to other shows, the crown will glisten, those jewels might put off the performer. No? I hide.

He's like Doody's video that he cut up of your comedy channel spot. Judge, judge, judge, judge, I'm the judge. So please, how are we going? You've got to put us out of our misery. To be honest, it's a great show. It's very edgy. It's PC. You guys have got great fashion.

I love the room. I love these awnings. These awnings are award winning. Son of a great show. Yeah, I feel funny about all of this, but five stars. As judges give, that's what judges do. They give stars. I think I'm going to have to give you best show.

You guys are the best show. Best show. Best show. Best show of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. We did it. No, no, wait, wait. Best show of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival! We did it! No, no, wait, wait. Best show of the Melbourne Comedy Festival. It's not the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

I'm a judge for the Melbourne International Dumb Cunt Festival. I'm a judge! Hey! I'm a judge! I'm a judge! Give it up for the Dumb cunt festival judge, everyone. He just tossed his crown to the side. Oh!

Alright, we've got to put a pin in this. Guys, give it up for Nick Cody, Dave Anthony, David O'Doherty. Thank you so much. All right. Now for the 20-minute outro. Yeah. Now, what else happened in my show last night? No, no, no.

Give it up for these guys. So, David, they've all got festival shows except for Dave Anthony, actually. Yeah, go see Odoity and Cody at the Comedy Festival. Go check them out. You've got a little bit of time. You guys here and also when this comes out. Cancel your Patreon with the dollop. So, go and see those guys.

What else? What have we got? We've got our own shows. We've got just about a week left of them. 8.45 for me at the Grand McHugh Hotel. 9.45 at the Vic Hotel for Carl Chandler. I don't want to put any pressure on Dave Anthony, but Hugh's just pulled out of my solo show tonight.

Do you want to come and hang shit on me for an hour? For a change? I'd take that as a yes. Okay, let's wrap this up. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.