The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 293 - Dave Callan & Oliver Clark

Episode Date: May 17, 2016

Ninja Snacks, Brown Eyes and Album Launches.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne, tickets are literally racing off the shelves to our big live 300th episode. Carl, why did we put them on a shelf? What were we thinking? It's all online now anyway. Why are we printing them out and putting them on a shelf? What shelf are we putting them on in the dum-dum shop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In our little merch store that we've got down the street.

Down the streets. Down the streets. Yeah. Well, no, man, they are selling crazily. So, awesome. You know what? This is going to be, you know, we have some pretty good parties. This is going to be the party to end all parties, I think.

I think this is going to be massive. Sounds like we're all going to kill ourselves. Yeah. Yeah, this is going to be like that one where all the guys wore their white Nikes and waited for the marshals to pick them up just as they necked themselves. Wow. Sorry for changing the tone of this show by talking about suicide right up the top. That must be very jarring for the marshals to pick them up just as they necked themselves. Wow, sorry for changing the tone of this show by talking about suicide right up the top.

That must be very jarring for the listeners at this point. But yeah, seriously, we are not just whistling Dixie here. This show is selling quicker than anything we've ever done. Scant few tickets left. It's so close to sold out. Yeah, yeah. So get onto it. Get onto it right now.

Just as you hear this, get onto it. Hit pause, get on there and buy a goddamn ticket. Man, I yeah. So get onto it. Get onto it right now. Just as you hear this, get onto it. Hit pause, get on there and buy a goddamn ticket. Man, I'm so looking forward to it. Yeah, it's going to be heaps of fun. We've confirmed a bunch of stuff already that's going to be really great.

Also, what have we got? What have we got to plug? We've got on the pay... No, sorry. The web store, the Little Dumb Dumb Club web store. We've got our hoodies, our I'm Aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club hoodies,

which a lot more people are buying now that it is winter in Melbourne. We just sold out of another run of them, so we've reordered. We've got a bunch of them coming in. So, yeah, now that we're getting into the chillier months. Brr! Oh, wow, you're making me want to buy a hoodie already. So get on to that. T-shirts are still there.

We do have another. New T-shirt up there. A new edition. Yeah. We've got one that we did a little while ago that we were giving out to our top dollar Patreon sponsors. The 1-800-TIM. Yeah.

It's a shirt. Yeah. It's an ad for the little Dunlop Club hotline, 1-800-TIM. It has a drawing of a little guy holding a phone and a speech bubble coming out of the phone that says, got him. People really loving the design. It's done up by your boy, T-Dassolo. Yeah. So get onto that. People loving that shirt. It's done up by your boy, T Dasolo. Yeah, so get onto that.

People loving that shirt. It's a cool shirt. It looks really cool. Yeah, yeah. So get onto our website. We've got pictures of it on there. You know what? You can even have a look at the design before you buy it if you really want,

if you want to be really fussy. So go and do that. How often do you buy shirts on the internet and not look at what they have on them? Just add it to the cart and check out. Oh, man, I don't have time for that shit. Just buy one shirt. That explains your general aesthetic. So get onto that.

Get onto it. You know what? Everything's on our website, so get onto our website. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. If you're not, get onto the social medias. We're on Twitter, we're on Facebook, we're on Instagram. We tend to announce all the news on there before we announce it on the podcast. We just sort of put it up as soon as we know it.

So do that. We have a lot of fun on there. We put a bit of visual stuff on there, so that would be cool if you do that. Patreon is on our website, if you haven't heard of us talking about that before. That's your opportunity to give back to this mar uh podcast that you listen to extremely charitable men that are in your life just providing you gifting you content every week for what like five years now or something yeah it's your opportunity to to just do something in your week that's just gonna make you feel a little bit better about yourself your chance to give back

to two fucking idiots who are just gonna go and waste your money on shit food yeah so. So do that because you also get – because you want something back for that cash. So you already get – you guys all think we already get the podcast for free. Go fuck yourself. Fair enough. So what we will give you is bonus stuff. We have our magazine that comes out. Everyone loved our magazine last month. Tommy Dasley did some marvellous little cartoons, little drawings.

Yes. It was – we haven't talked about it yet. The theme was Dum Dum Babies, like the Muppet Babies. I said to you, hey, how about we make it Dum Dum Babies theme and you go, okay, you're going to have to draw the whole thing and I go, that's fine, I want to do it. Cut to a week later, I'm going, what the fuck did I sign up for this? It took a very long time but, hey, you know what?

It went out and probably because I bitched on this about how no one ever gets back to us. So I got a lot of very nice feedback which was cool to hear but i couldn't help feeling like it was kind of under duress like it was only happening because i had complained about it not happening but hey you know what just nice to hear from people who liked it uh yeah we put cool little stuff in there every month uh for ten dollars a month you get a bonus episode of the show yeah that we do that's a bit different to this normal one. Somehow even looser than this.

Exclusive. Yeah. You get first run at new t-shirts if you're at $30 a month. What is it? Like $200 a month, you get to fuck us. Yeah. Literally. Of which we've had 20 of those so far.

We've just had sex with a heap of you guys. Thanks for that. Thanks for being gentle for all of you. Yeah, it's been pretty cool to get out there and really get to know the listenership and go campaigning door to door.

Yeah, it's just nice to be, you know, it's like at the live shows when people come up and say thanks. It's nice for people to come up into our bedrooms and give very rough

thanks to us. Give us the suck. So, hey, and this is something that we promised a long time ago That we were doing I'll just rattle

Throughout very quickly We did say That we would mention The names of people That subscribed You know Above two dollars We sort of stopped doing that

And no one seemed to care Another thing That we didn't think through at all Because we thought Oh that's cool Just give them a shout out It takes up So much time on the show

Yeah And anyone who Like the people who've chipped in Are just like Oh cool my name got read out That's interesting Yeah And everyone else is like Why is this in the show. Yeah. And anyone who had, like, the people who've chipped in are just like, oh, cool, my name got read out. That's interesting. Yeah. And everyone else is like, why is this in the show now?

Some people are like, some people are saying, can we pay extra for a name to not be read out on the show? Some people are actually saying that. Multiple people have said that. But no, we should. We got a backlog. Let's race through a few now. Let's do a few.

Let's do a few. Guys, hey, if you've subscribed and you really want your name read out, you know, hit us up. We've sort of figured that a lot of you don't want that to happen. So anyway, let's just do a bit of that. Marcus Little, thank you. Will O'Neil, if you've subscribed and you really want your name read out, hit us up. We've sort of figured that a lot of you don't want that to happen. So anyway, let's just do a bit of that. Marcus Little, thank you. Will O'Nako, thank you. Steph Rowlands, thank you.

Michelle Rowe, thank you. Nick Mosley, thanks. Andy Muser, thanks for your money. Daniel Hogan, thanks. Callum Dwyer, thanks. Charlotte Hollandaile, thank you. Brett Chappell-Jerry. Brett Chappell-Jerry. I'm guessing that one. Thank you, Brett Chappell-Jerry. Brett Chappell-Jerry.

I'm guessing that one. Thank you and sorry. You're giving me a look like, please edit this so I say it correctly. I'm not doing that at all. Chris Allen. Thank you. Tim Unwin. Thank you.

Vanessa I. Thanks. Zach Davis. Thank you. Stu Holding. Thanks a lot. Cale Johnston. Thank you.

Martin Harvey. Claire Doob. David Chilcott, Joelle Standen, Matt Stevenson, Jordan O'Meara, thank you very much. Great. Is that all of them? That'll do for now.

Thanks, guys. Yeah, thanks for chipping in. Every little bit does help. It's really cool that people value this enough to give us even the tiniest bit of money to support the show. Yeah, some people are very, very, very generous and some people are... Not. Yeah, some people are very, very, very generous and some people are... Not.

Yeah. Some people... Yeah, anyway. Look, we give bonus stuff out. You know, I had a look at some other people's Patreon stuff. Basically, everyone else just goes, no, no, no, just give us it for nothing. Yeah.

Just give us the money for nothing. Dave Anthony was on here the other week giving us shit about how little money our Patreon has. Yeah. They do jack shit for their subscribers. Yeah. They're sending out a book. Who gives a fuck?

That sounds alright. But one book once. We've done this stupid thing where we've signed ourselves up to doing all this extra stuff every single month. They're doing one book and then they're off the hook. Fuck those guys. I want to subscribe to us. I wish I liked

something that gave out the bonus stuff we give out, to be honest. A magazine, a cool magazine and a bonus episode. Yeah. Okay, well, chip in and I'll email you the bonus episode when I send it out to everyone else. Yeah. Hey, if any of you out there do a really cool podcast that I would like and you do a magazine and a bonus podcast, let me know about it. Dil Rook hits me up every month and specifically requests me to email

the bonus episode to him. What a scab. Chip in, Dilruk. And then he's going back into the... The show that you essentially co-host. Alright, that'll do. So get onto our website, get onto our social medias. You'll find out about everything, including, hey,

if you get onto the social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, we are very, very close to confirming live shows in Canberra and Sydney. We're doing it. Maybe even by the time this episode comes out, it's nearly, nearly, nearly locked in. Yeah. So if you get onto social media now, you'll probably find out right now when we're going to Sydney, when we're going to Canberra. Our maiden voyage to Canberra, which we're very excited about,

that we may have a certain friend of the show that lives, that does his work in Canberra. He may be one of the guests. Who was in the news. Very on brand for us. Yeah, yeah. Who I believe is going to knight us, I think. No, no, no, no.

Maybe he doesn't have that power. And we may be going up with a certain friend of the show who I think is going to choose a playlist for us on the drive up that's just going to be this show. Yeah, right. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not really. Well, if we can fit him in the car, we'll certainly take him. Okay, littledumbdumbclub.com has links to all that stuff. Buy a ticket to the 300th show. Get on the Patreon. We'll see you out there. Bye, man. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into another episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. You've come straight from your little soccer game, haven't you? I have. Picking the old pigskin around. Yeah, you know sports real good.

Have you ever played a sport? Yeah. What have you played? In high school, I played basketball. I was in the worst team that my school had. We lost every single match. I would say you would have been a big reason they were the worst team in your school. What else? I used to play – I did play soccer for a bit out of school and I played tennis.

Do you think you were good at any of them? Approaching good at any of them? No. No. No. Absolutely not. Because we went to play social soccer once and you just ruled yourself out going, I know I would be just someone that got rained shit upon way too much to even play social

soccer. Yeah, well no, not rained shit upon. I would hate doing it with you because you would take it way too seriously and I would get a lot of abuse from you on the field and I would not enjoy it. Immediately ruling out the reason that I'm there to just like have fun because there's always...

So that's my fault. That you suck. Anytime someone organises like a game where it's like friends no that's my fault. That you suck. Anytime someone organises a game where it's like friends, no one's ever on the same level of what they want out of the activity. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You really need to be clear about, hey, this doesn't matter. We're all just having fun.

There's always at least one guy in there, you I'm generally thinking, who's just angry at everyone else who's not. If you're on the team with me and you're losing because of me, you're not enjoying it, are you? Yeah, yeah, but you should just play on the other team. I'd be very happy for you to suck if you're on the other team. All right, well, let's do that then. Let's play a game and we can play on opposite sides of each other. Excellent.

Then we're all happy. Yeah. You got to my house 20 minutes early and I had just rosen from a little afternoon slumber that I'd been having. Yeah. Yeah. That's a nice metaphor for... I wasn't jacking it.

You guys came in here... Pulling your tiny peen. I wasn't pulling my pud. You guys, the three of you, you were locked up with our two guests. Yeah. I just had... My alarm had just gone off. Yeah.

And all of a sudden, I'm in my own house being accused of jacking off in here. Hey, my wank radar was tingling. Which, even if that's what I was doing, it's my fucking house. I can jerk off in here if I want. That's allowed. Anyway, speaking of jerking off, let's introduce our two guests. I would like to see your bros or history

immediately. Well, first of all, you know him from Good Game. He's Scotland's favourite comedian. Please welcome Dave Callan, everyone. Thanks for introducing me I thought I was just going to have to tennis ball That extremely forced sports conversation for an hour

Also joining us, he has an album launch for his new album coming up June the 23rd, 24th at Halibar Please welcome back into Little Dum Dum Club, Oliver Clarke What a cool guy Ollie, turn your mic on please for God's sakes 23rd, 24th at Halibar. Please welcome back into Little Dum Dum Club, Oliver Clark. What a cool guy. Ollie, turn your mic on, please, for God's sakes. Turn your mic on. Is your mic on or off? It looks like it's not on.

I think it was halfway. There we go. Welcome, everybody. In fairness, that should have been set up for him by the audio technician. I believe it was. It worked before and then he decided to turn it off. I did a bit of repair with the tape on the lead. Anyway, that's by the by.

How's this album launch going to go if the band is just hot on the mic? Sweet ad. Luckily, I'm not doing the tech. This has been a long time between drinks for me, as is the case on the dump. That's what I like about it. Oh, really? Every two years, I think.

Oh, really? No, what was the last one? About a year ago, maybe? Yeah, you pace yourself up. I like it, though, because it's nice. It gives you time to do something and then report back. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Well, last time we got a lot of mileage out of your appearance on this show. You were part of a long-running story of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah. Anyone who's come to the show since then, I urge you to go back and listen to Ollie's last appearance where someone stole your pants at a gig and shat in them. Yeah. Whoa.

Actually, don't go back. I've just told you the whole story. That's all you need to really know. That's the story. But, hey, the coincidence, because I actually bought a pair of jeans this week and they are exactly the same as those, so I finally got a new pair of, you know, Wranglers. It takes you a year to go back on a podcast

and also to buy a new pair of pants. Well, no, but it did take him a year because the end of that story was that the guy who stole them and shat in them then promised that he was going to send you new pants. Money. Yeah, or money. A voucher for new pants. Yeah, yeah, a voucher.

An Australian dollar voucher for just jeans or something. But the New Zealand currency wouldn't allow him to buy the Australian voucher, apparently. Man, all of a sudden he just sounds like some Nigerian treasurer. It was like, as soon as it went to Facebook, it was like, this is a scam, you're never going to get anything out of it. Didn't expect it. Yeah.

But hey, who needs him? You've got new pants. You don't need to wait for him. I've got the money. Yeah. So you literally were just holding out until the last, you were like, you know what, it's been over a year. These pants aren't coming back to me.

I'm not getting no gift voucher. It's time to just bite the bullet, dip into the Oliver Clark coffers. You've been walking around with no pants on for a year. For a whole year. I know. I couldn't justify getting anything out of petty cash to buy a new pair. What about you, Dave? What was the last pair of pants you bought? This is what the people want to hear.

I bought some pants in 1972. Oh, and you still got them? Since then, it's just been kilts. I had this trouble happening during the comedy festival. I'm ignoring that. Like, I was doing a dance move in my show where you have to wiggle your hips down to the ground

and then, like, open your legs, kind of like you're showing your genitals to the people. And I kept splitting my trousers just, like, incrementally each night. It would just open wider and wider until I had a big hole. Like Lenny Kravitz. Like Lenny Kravitz, yeah. But I had unders on so my doodle didn't flop out. You weren't tempted one night to ever just give the people a bit of an extra show,

a bit of an Easter egg in there for the front row? Maybe I should have. Show them your bagpipes. Hey, bagpipes are a Scottish thing. I don't know what you're suggesting. Anyway, I ended up buying some other pants, and they were drop crotch ones. So there's lots more room in there, you see,

and they're a bit stretchy around there. But the waist was very loose, and they kept falling down. So the pants were drop crotch, and it would drop the rest of the trousers as well. Well, let me ask you this, though. This sounds like you're just describing tracksuit pants. Are you just walking around in tracksuits? They were kind of trackies,

but I didn't want to show... It was like, because when the hole was there, I was just showing a square inch of my inner thigh, but then when the entire trousers fell down, I was showing like lots more because they would fall down to my knees then. Did you get thigh rub by the way?

A little bit, yeah. Because that's the problem with the drop crutches, then your thighs are actually rubbing on skin on skin. Yeah, right, that's what was going on. I'm wearing bike shorts right now just to stop the thigh rub. Oh, yeah. Really? But it just means I'm squelching in my shorts right now.

So much sweat. Heats up a little. I'm going to leave quite the stain on this couch, Tommy. Well, there's probably already a stain there before, thanks to what Tommy was doing before we got in. I've just realised you're more well-versed in different fabrics and their relationship to the body than anyone I know. I think it's like every time I see you, you've got some kind of comment on what I'm wearing

and its heat-keeping abilities. I would say Olly Clark's almost too positive to be on this podcast. You don't hear him say too many negative things. It positive to be on this podcast you don't hear him say too many negative things it's a flaw well I don't say them on mic

that's for sure yeah well outside of it not too many that's my point that's the only time I've heard him say negative things

it's just about a certain fabric that an item of clothing is made of it's like a bit too cold for that I'd say I get thigh rub

what an arsehole it's actually really it's terrible to hear an insult from Olly Clark because you go, man, you just never hear any from him. But you know when it happens, I genuinely do. I know. That's what makes it twice as bad. Because you, you're throwing him out, Carl, left, right and centre.

So it loses all. People are desensitives. You ever go at me, I'm like, yeah, who cares? This is going to happen this week anyway. So it doesn't really matter. Carl on the soccer field, Just water off a duck's back He's you know Every second

I want to go Watch one of your You can just go and watch Your soccer games can't you Greg Larson's Rat World Yes The comedian soccer team That you guys are both in

You can I want to come down I'm going to come down next week Yeah come I don't think I'm in Very yelly form at the moment You actually No I reckon from the start of the year

You haven't been in yelly form No You've actually You've mellowed I think I'm worn out We just get thrashed every week At the moment. You actually, no, I reckon from the start of the year you haven't been in yelling form. No, no. You've mellowed. I think I'm worn out. We just get thrashed every week at the moment. There is a point

where I see your face drop just out of, yeah, we're not going to win this. I'm going to give up. No, hey! Hey! I'm not giving up.

Kyle Chandler gives up. I'm not giving up. No, I'm giving up yelling. There's no point in yelling at people if there's no need for it So what is it? Is this like five a side?

Or what do you guys do? Do you have other teams or do you play each other? Who do you think they're getting thrashed by? Oh yeah, I guess other people You know, it's sort of like Think back to your home team Glasgow Celtic Hey man No, no

We have a comedian's team We have a comedian's team called Greg Larson's Rat World. Greg Larson's never played, never been to the game. It's just named after him. So it's the two of you and then three other men. Yeah. Not a very good representation of diversity. I'm sick of all these fucking gender normative soccer teams going around at the moment.

I've had it. You at least have a brown. Do we? No. No at least have a brown. Do we? No. No, we have a redhead. What about a candidate? That's a bit diverse, I guess. Yeah.

This is diverse as we get. Get Dave in there. Do you play soccer? No, I hate it. Sorry, I've got to be honest. Yeah, that's fair enough. I only do martial arts sports. Oh, yeah, you are. Look at that. I didn't see that coming. Yeah, that's fair enough. I only do martial arts sports. Oh, yeah, you are.

Look at that. I didn't see that coming. Yeah. But you are right into it. So you just came from ninja practice before. No, we had it. Is that what it's called as well? Yeah.

Ninja practice. Yeah, it is practice. Yeah. Ninja training, we call it. But I do it on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday. Happy days. Happy days. Are you the Fonz of the ninja world?

Except you karate chop the jukebox And I do a jump kick over the shark Today on Sundays sometimes we get together And we have a nice Just time having snacks and chatting So we didn't do any hitting today What? How is that possibly ninja luck? We do, we meet

Do you just eat really quietly? Very very quietly Do it while walking on rooftops Yes Do you just throw star shaped biscuits into each other's mouths? I'm going to put that to the team. That sounds like fun. Yeah, we just kind of talk about the philosophy behind it.

Because we, I don't know, did we talk about this? We did a gig together with you, Dave, me, Carl and you and Xavier Michaelides like what, like a year ago or something? Yeah, and it was very cold. Yeah, it was really cold and you and Xavier Michaelides like what like a year ago or something oh yeah and it was very cold yeah it was really cold and you you turn up from practice

and you had like a what did you have you had like a giant stick that like didn't properly fit in my car so all of a sudden people in the backseat are having to like

sit with their heads smashed up against the window because you've bought your fucking Donatello stuff is that the we don't want to insult you.

Is that the proper name for it? Or was that a snack? Was that just a huge baguette? From the Sunday snack session. From the Sunday snack session. On the application form, do you have to name your favourite turtle? Do you have to do that? You're not allowed in unless you can find a giant human-sized rat

and beat the shit out of it for your trainer. But, yeah, what was that that you had? You'd just got it. It was some sort of training thing? Every time I go to training, I have to take so much with me because we have so many weapons, and they only decide on the day what we're going to use. So we do hand-to-hand combat for the first half.

Then we have a tea break and then we do the weapons at the end and they just randomly go let's go swords versus staff today or let's go staff against staff and there's different staffs. There's like a four foot and a six foot. Why is the tea break in there? It sounds like all you guys just

want to be eating snacks. Yeah, yeah. Just get the ninja stuff out of there. It seems like no one's really that keen on it. The first opportunity to just have a break and some biscuits, you're all over it. The sensei's very connected to the grandmaster in Japan and he Skypes his sensei who's

studying directly under the grandmaster and he gets notes and they have a translator over there. On the best snacks? Yeah. He's just over there eating all the different flavoured Kit Kats over there. And so during the tea break they read the translation out and it's quite philosophical. It's quite cool.

Well, this gig that we did was out in like Vermont South or something in Melbourne. We're driving out there. It's a Saturday night and we realise, hey, you know what we can do after the gig we can go out to a little place called the 24 hour Kmart I should have forgotten

about this this was a great night I used to go to heaps when I was a kid I hadn't been in many many years it's exciting have we never talked about this I don't think we've talked about it

okay good yeah because you know what all this built up this great yarn no well no but it was really exciting I get really excited by this because it was quite a drive

and we went out and we saw it and we went, that is the 24-hour Kmart. And then the rest of the whole trip was just about when we finish this gig, let's get this fucking gig out of the way. It was like you and your little karate. Little karate. Yeah, yeah. So you can go and –

I'm a flipping ninja. Yeah, so you can have your Scotch fingers afterwards. Yeah, what would you prefer? What do you prefer, being called Scottish or having it referred to as Little Karate? You can pick one and we'll do it non-stop for the rest of the episode. Oh, bloody hell. Don't make me choose between the lesser of two evils.

All right, let's do both. So, and on with the story. My Little Scottish Karate. There you go. Yeah, so we went and did a gig at a baseball club yeah no it was to send a kid

it was Xavier's cousin or something it was to raise money to send this kid to America to play baseball it was still

at a baseball club or some shit so we did that and we went right let's we're going to go back and do

24 hour Kmart after this gig so that's that's the whole purpose of the gig from then on this is going to be good

it's going to be so great and then we went back and then went into this 24 hour Kmart at like 1 o'clock and went So that's the whole purpose of the gig from then on. This is going to be good. It's going to be so great. And then we went back and then went into this 24-hour Kmart at like 1 o'clock and went, why were we looking forward to this? We don't want to go to Kmart during the day. Man, that's my whole feeling with Kmart. I can't walk past one without going in. Oh, really?

But once I'm in there, I'm like, why am I in here? It was one of those great things where the idea of it and the joke of it was better than the actual reality. Because you get there, it's like, oh, this is a big department store and none of us need anything. Yeah, but you do it for the story. Yeah. You're telling now. Yeah, this growth.

You do it all for the content. I knew in a year's time. You suffer through it for the story. But having said that, we all figured that out very quickly and went, oh, we're just in a Kmart. This is no good. And so we immediately walk out. And then we're like, I think we've lost someone. Callan was just walking around

Instagramming everything in the store. So we had to page you that you hated because they got your name wrong. They called you Dave Callan. Didn't you want to say something else as well? David McCallan? Oh yeah, we were trying to say we were trying to get them to call you Scottish. They were like,

they were onto us, surprisingly enough. They cracked call you Scottish. They were like, and they were on to us, surprisingly enough. They cracked our little code. They were like, oh, no, we'll just say it's now. It's like, yeah, but what if there's like other Dave Callens in here? Like we need our friend to know that it's like specifically him. At two o'clock in the morning he came out, there might be a few Dave Callens. But then there was, so we come out, we're like,

oh, that was a bit disappointing. And then all of a sudden, I don't know how some, whoever it was thought of this goes, hey, wait a minute minute there's a 24-hour pancake parlor yeah across town someone just remembered the other 24-hour thing that exists in melbourne they're not for people not in melbourne they're not close in any way no like you drive basically yeah across the city but man how much more attractive the things seem when you put 24 hours in front of them. Absolutely. 24 hour Tommy Dassel's face. Well, that's broken the pattern. I would never

choose to go to a pancake parlor in any other situation. Paying $22 for pancakes is not a good idea until it's 2am for some reason. So we drive over there and it was going off. That's the thing about that pancake parlor. It was full. You go there any time of night and it's just jam packed.

Let's go now. Oh, do you want to? Can we do the second half of the podcast live from Doncaster Pancake Parlor? Not a bad idea. And then we'll go to 24 Hour Kmart. I like going there because you can look at cool balls. Yeah. Or in the sporting goods.

Everyone's just letting that hang there. They just have these interesting balls there What sort of interesting balls? You know, interesting balls Australia's home of interesting balls They've got like different ones Workout balls? Yeah, they've got workout balls

They've got these pimple balls They're like big balls with like little Is that for your back? Like things on them, yeah I think so Are those the only two 24 hour things we have in Melbourne? The pancake parlor, the Kmart? There's also, that's about it.

There's a couple of terrible pubs. Revolver, is that still 24 hours? Oh, yeah, Revolver's 24 hours. Is there a 24-hour car wash maybe on the corner of Nicholson and... Oh, there's a couple of florists. There's a 24-hour florist, yeah. I've always found that. A bunch of florists.

Yeah, there's a 24-hour bottle shop on Ligon and there's a 24-hour pizza delivery place on Ligon, I think, as well. Oh, is there? And there's La Cesaracia. I think that's an Italian word. I think that's 24 hours. And there's also a 24-hour Kohl's right beside the 24-hour Kmart. Right.

Let's do a night where we hit all the 24-hour joints in one. Go get some flowers, get some grog, get a pizza. Get some balls. Yeah, interesting balls. Pimple balls. Let me ask you, was there any ninja goods in the Kmart? Yeah. You can get plastic nunchucks and plastic sai and plastic katanas

because of the popularity of the ninja turtles. It's really taking off. Where do you buy your Ninja goods from? Do you have to wait for the Melbourne show every year to get them in show bags? Pretty much. Get the Ninja show bag. Get the Ninja show bag. And the shurikens, the Ninja stars have those little plastic circles around them

so you can't hurt anyone's eyes. Yeah, on the way out you're just practising them on sheep. Yeah, I definitely practise. I them on sheep yeah I definitely practice I practice on sheep all the time do they have like events like

do you have fights live events yeah do you actually punch people have you ever killed a man where you can go

and watch people do ninja against each other no there's never any competitive aspect it's not like the UFC

or MMA or anything like that I guess it'd be hard because you're always sneaking. Yeah, exactly. You wouldn't know where the opponent is. Yeah, that's true. But do you punch a man in the face?

Yeah, we punch at each other's faces. We get out of the way. Oh, right. Yeah, you can never hit him. But what you always miss. Does that just mean that you're all shit? No, well, it's about timing and distance and speed. Not necessarily speed, but getting out of the way at the right time.

Beat the shit out of Carl right now on the podcast. Yeah, prove it. Show us how good you are. Oh, look, I don't want to. Dave's trying to choke Carl out using the microphone. Using his own podcasting equipment against him. What a way to go. Very ninja.

Was that even a ninja move at all? No. No. That's just strangling me with a cord. Do you use microphones in ninjutsu? Yeah. Yeah. No, but I'm gonna.

I'm over here. Ollie asked Dave a question. Dave was swinging the microphone wildly around his head and had to wait for it to come back around so he could get it into his hand to answer the question. Was that part of ninjutsu that you just MacGyvered that and just found whatever you had nearby to strangle me with? Yeah, yeah.

Because you can't always find nunchucks. You're not always going to have them on you. Yeah. Do you have to sort of just – is that part of foraging for ninja goods? You always have pizza shapes on him. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you one thing that was really cool is I had an injury on the kneecap for a while there recently, and I kept going to training.

Ninjas love it when you turn up injured. They think that's great because, you know, an opponent isn't going to care if you're healthy or not. They're just going to attack you. So you should train through an injury. And I went there with my walking stick. How do you get any injuries? Everyone always misses each other.

Well, I was being dumb. A bit of biscuit went down the wrong way. Hey, man. Someone dropped a cup of tea. Oh, bloody hell. We can have snacks on Sundays, okay, sometimes. So I had an injury from, it was a great injury. Actually, we were supposed to dive roll over a table.

I do a big salmon leap over the table and then tuck and roll. A salmon leap? You leapt over the salmon? You had out for snacks? This is a pretty ritzy ninja style you're at. A smoked salmon roll. And I thought I'd try and be funny so I decided to do a power slide

under the table but like I forgot the mats have a lot of traction. They don't have any give. So my knee hit the mat And it just stayed there And I kept going And I was like I knew straight away That I just fucked up

So I kind of Limped away And they kind of Bandaged it up But I kept going I did the grading I got the belt Which was cool

Oh what belt is that? It was brown Yeah Is that good? It's not bad It's fourth cue And there's three more to black So what's the go from?

What's the worst belt? Brown White Shut up White belt White's what you get when you're just returning up You get a white one Right, that's a participation trophy

Yeah That's a ninth cue That's right, yeah, yeah That's called ninth cue What is it about belts? Like why Why do you have to be You know

Why does that show How good you are? Why couldn't I have Picked something else? What if you had packed A little What like a funny hat? Yeah a little hat

Oh yeah Yeah A little hat It can be knocked off though A little headband A little Headbands would be cool A badge

A badge No they got it right. These are all worse. They forgot the right system. They did pick the right thing. Don't everyone wear a belt? You don't always want to wear a belt. I think comedians should be made to wear belts. Oh, that'd be good. Yeah, like you can tell at a glance what

sort of rank a comedian is. Oh, great. Now I'm back on board. Yeah, I like this. Get that going at your gig Carl have a series of coloured belts that comedians have to wear when they walk on based on your rankings

yeah can I pick a few where they have to wear around their neck oh that would be fucking great and just like the oh man

this would make you even more power hungry than usual just like like walking off and like having had a good gig and you're there and you're like, my son, that was an excellent gig.

You've moved up to... Here's your brown belt. Here's your brown belt in comedy. Fuck, that's actually really good. Pretty great. You get a championship belt at the end. I would just deliberately have a gig where everyone... I made everyone wear white belts just to keep everyone in their place.

Level the field. Are you letting the audience in on this? Are they turning up and it's like, hey, so this is the setup. You know immediately when this person walks out, based on the colour of their belt, how good they generally are, what their skill level at comedy is at an overall level. So they can decide. Someone might walk up with a white belt.

As I'm explaining this, I've just got this bedazzled belt that's like this big, just this massive belt. You've painted yourself gold. Yeah, I've just got this Bedazzled belt That's like this big Just this massive belt You've painted yourself gold Yeah I've got a neon belt It's like a Wrestling belt Yeah

Just a massive one So like people could either They could see a white belt Come out and they could think Hey you know what We're actually part of this process If we give this guy A fair chance

Like they might You know Like he might have a good gig We want to see him Rise up the ranks Or we go Fuck this Let's go get a snack

I would do this I would do this I would give that announcement I'd come out with my WWF belt on And then I'd go So this is how it all works guys Anyway welcome to the stage Tommy Daslow

You come out With like a rope around your waist Hey And then if I manage to Snatch the pun out of your hand I move to the next level Yeah Man you should so do that

That would be great. Just for one night. Karate comedy. Karate comedy. I feel like it's been done before by someone. Really? That's a fucking convoluted idea.

Did you ever do karate growing up, Ollie? No. I wish I had. I had mates who did judo. Oh, you did judo? No, but I never did the judo. Oh, right.

I wouldn't mind doing boxing. Yeah. I'd like to get into boxing. I could do that for sure. I think I told this at the time, but I was doing like boxing for a bit, just like fitness boxing, like not like full on training,

but like there was just like near my house, there was like a guy who ran it in the school, like after hours where you'd go in and just pay five bucks. And I went with my girlfriend at the time and we would like spar against each other and I'd go well i'm getting pretty good at this and then there was one night where she didn't want to go so i went by myself and i got paired up with a random who was like really into it like really really into it and it made me realize just how shit i was at it just even blocking his punches like fucking and he then starts getting angry at me

because i'm no good so he's not getting anything out of it so then he starts getting angry at me because I'm no good. So he's not getting anything out of it. So then he starts getting more intense on me and I can just see the hate in his eyes, actually just wanting to kick the shit out of me. But I did one session of karate when I was a kid. Did you ever do it, Carl? No. It felt like the thing that you, like, yeah, for me, like, growing up,

it was like the thing where, like, most kids try at least once. You had to do it once. I felt like I missed out for not doing it. Yeah, I left three quarters of the way through the class because I just didn't like the vibe in there. What was the point? Was it a singular incident or was it general a vibe that you didn't like? Just the vibe and the other people in it were a bit too into it.

It was just a bit too full on for me. That can put you off for sure. Yeah. I did Taekwondo for a bit when I was in my teens, which is similar to karate. They're kind of relatable. So I know what it's like when someone's just way too into it or a little bit arrogant with it.

I think it's good when martial arts kind of combine humility with the actions that you're doing because it just keeps it a bit a bit lower key and it makes everyone kind of feel welcome there were definitely there were kids in the class

I did that you could tell they were like they were wanting to use it to like fucking beat people up at school which I used to live with a guy who was really into it

in a share house he was really into it and he renamed himself Cat oh god Cat yeah

so he would always go on. Like as in Catherine. Yeah, yeah. That awesome ninja name. Oh, wait. He was into ninja or he was into karate? Oh, I don't know. You know, they're all the same.

Same. Oh, Jesus. Hey. No, yeah, I don't know. I don't know which one it was. It was martial arts. That's easy. Let's say that.

That's way too general. Did you get a ninja name, by the way? Is there a ninja name? No, but everyone has nicknames in the dojo. In the dojo? Yeah, Let's say that. That's way too general. Do you get a ninja name, by the way? Is there a ninja name? No, but everyone has nicknames in the dojo. In the dojo? Yeah, mine's Pirate. Braveheart. Pirate.

Shut up, it's not Braveheart. Braveheart is Scottish. Braveheart is a Scottish man. Yeah. Anyway. So I would be cracking jokes when I arrived, when I first started two years ago. What sort of jokes?

How I was actually a pirate and I was kind of just there to steal information for the pirates from the ninjas because ninjas and pirates are classical enemies. Oh, they swore enemies. Is that right? Is that true? Is that a real thing?

It's kind of a thing that just evolved over the last five, ten years, I think, on social media. That's the local derby. It's like Celtic and Rangers, where you come from. Celtic and Rangers, you asshole are Scottish. I didn't think pirates was a martial art. No, but I don't know, for some reason, it just came out of nowhere, pirates versus ninjas.

Okay, that's a recent thing. That's not a traditional thing way back in the day. That wasn't a real thing. I don't think they ever would have met each other. No, I don't think so either. They travelled in different circles back then. Well, they did. Pir wasn't a real thing. I don't think they ever would have met each other. No, I don't think so either. They travelled in different circles back then. Well, they did.

Pirates are a seafaring race, if I may call them a race. Yeah. Whereas ninjas are more in the mountains and trees. They're landlubbers. Yeah. They're landlubbers.

Yeah. So I don't think they ever would have encountered each other. Yeah, yeah. But it would be cool to see them all fight each other. Yeah. If that gives me an idea.

Someone in a Hollywood boardroom is working on that pitch right now. Yeah, but... A film literally just called Pirates vs. Ninjas. I've actually thought of that before myself, and I would love to make it, but just trying to extrapolate a plot where the ninjas and the pirates encounter each other, it's not possible. Ninjas of the Caribbean.

You're welcome. I like how you think, you say you want to make this, and extrapolating the plot is the hardest part of that process to you. Never mind getting the budget and for you the idea that you can make a feature film by yourself. I can do that. So your nickname is Pirate just because of that. Yeah.

Are you supposed to have nicknames or that's just a thing that you just kept saying you're a pirate so they're like, okay, Pirate. Whatever, weirdos. Going yar and stuff. I uh i know that everyone's got a nickname it's just one of the the nice kind of kind of tenets of or facets of being in a club what what's got more weirdos that or comedy oh great question wow yeah it's comedy oh still comedy because this guy that i knew that i lived with cat it was like uh he was pretty full-on

into it and you know would and was really intense about it. And I was sort of like, okay, well, your name's Cat. And then I found out that that wasn't his name at all. He changed it. You know that thing where maybe because you've lived in Melbourne, you've grown up in Melbourne, Tommy, you wouldn't have this as much. But I find like when people finish high school, especially in the country, they would then move away to the city or somewhere else or whatever, and then they go, hey, I get to be someone else now. I'm going to be the cool guy now.

No, I definitely knew people who would try that on. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to be Cat, everyone. Hey, good time, Cat here. Yeah, yeah, I'm Cat the Ninja, everyone. Check it out. I'm a crazy cat. Yeah.

David Bowie had all his little personas. Why can't i yeah um because well especially because of this because it was like hey i'm kathleen ninja now it's like were you do you live here he's like no no i moved from warnable i'm like okay you're on the run from a different personality or something then i found out his real name dwayne like i can see why you've gone with a different name yeah well i actually did know people who did that like people from my high school would just do that at university. Yeah.

And that's like – that's a more wild thing to try and pull off because you're not moving away from anywhere. It's like, hey, dude, we still – you still see all the same people around pretty regularly. Yeah. It's just meeting a new group of people all at once. You think, I reckon if I can just sort of see these people for six months and then by then the transformation will be complete. And then when I see people from school, it'll just be like like don't know what you're talking about yeah i'm deep in

at this point well this never comes off well this is this is particularly before internet though that was a lot easier to do i reckon he's saying the same thing about you he's going i used to live with this guy was like really into comedy like called himself charlie chuckles yeah yeah what sort of comedy did he do i don't know it's all the same yeah same. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Musical, I think. I don't know. Who cares? I still get that. I was talking to my dad last night and he was saying,

oh, I ran into this guy, this guy that used to teach you music at high school or whatever, and he was like, oh, hey, you sound comedy and whatever. You sound comedy. Yeah, yeah. Wow. You're calling yourself comedy now. Comedy.

Become the comedy. Yes. It's very much like. My name was Comedy when I lived in Maribor. Oh, right. I've changed it to sound cooler. Yeah, yeah. You moved to Melbourne and...

What did you play, by the way? Musical instruments? Oh, I played guitar. Wow. Yeah, I don't remember any of it. You should bring it on stage, see how it goes. Do it without even trying to practice again. No, no, not at all.

No, but this was the frustrating thing. Like, there was only one music teacher, one guitar teacher in Meribah and he just taught us country and western songs. And I was like, I don't want to learn any of this. You'd like to find time to leave me, Lucille. Yeah, all that stuff. I learned a lot of Slim Dusty songs. A lot of them.

Did you learn All My Exes Live in Texas? No. That wasn't Slim Dusty. Did you learn All My Exes Live in Texas? No. That wasn't some dusty. Did you learn Lord Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz? No. You keep naming them though. Shut up. Did you learn 131166 Pizza Hut Delivery? No. That's a good one.

We're sponsored. That's not sad enough for a country song. That's quite happy. Is that the best ad campaign of all time? Everyone of my generation still knows the Pizza Hut number from that ad. That's insane. Did you learn Party in the USA by Miley? No.

Did you learn I spent my last $10 on birth control and beer? No. It was so much easier when I was sober and queer. No. I wouldn't have learned that in grade six. No. A music teacher at school would never taught us any music. He would literally, this is what he would do,

come in and put on Stand By Me, the movie, and go, hey, there's a soundtrack in this. That's it. That's literally just us watching movies that he liked that had good music in them. Great teacher. Yeah. I mean, cool at the time, but also it's like,

I would have actually liked to know some kind of music theory. Like it would have been cool if that had stuck. So that was my teacher. I think he taught me for like four years Four years? That's a long time That's some wasted money from my parents Do you own a guitar still? No

Oh so this wasn't a school teacher This was like an out of school Yeah Like wow I think it was a bit of a thing of me watching Rage And going hey this music's pretty cool Maybe I should learn guitar Who did you want to be?

I don't know Can you shred? Not at all Can you shred in any Slim Dusty song? Probably not. Probably not. I think you have to be half dead. I was singing,

they were all truck driving songs and stuff. That's the only thing I ever learned, truck driving songs. And he wasn't into you being able to go like, hey, I want to learn this and bring in like an Elvis Costello song and him go here. No, no, no.

It was just like me going, I remember literally me going at one stage just breaking because this is like me in grade three grade four something like that

and going okay well I guess we'll get beyond oh no here's another song about I Miss My Dog cool great so it was just ongoing

and ongoing and those songs are just all the same chords as well like that's great if you just want to it's actually good as a beginner exercise

because it's like hey get these chords down learn how to play them in different orders. Totally. But then if you're not doing anything with that and advancing, what's the fucking point? Yeah, so I didn't advance. It was just the same sort of songs. It's like learning how to write one-liners just to teach yourself

the basics of comedy and then never doing anything else with it. Yeah, yeah. The best form of comedy. The thing that I've mastered that makes me better than all of you. So if Ollie started singing Slim Dusty now and you had an acoustic, would you be able to keep up? I don't think so. Can I get my guitar and watch you try and play a couple of chords now?

No. In four years. Yeah, but this is grade three to grade six. Your motor skills will come back. They'll remember. Let's do a song at the 300th podcast. That's enough time for you to learn learn four chords you can pick it up again

I will say this I got my guitars out of storage I started playing again for the first time in like 10 years and I'm amazed at how quickly

it's kind of coming back like I hadn't picked one up in literally 10 years alright well all I need to do is pick up a guitar and see if 30 years

distance between has dulled my skills at all. Hey, let's quickly talk about – So the end of that is that teacher that I had, he ran into my dad and my dad, he was like, oh, your son does comedy and whatever. And this is something I get all the time. He was just like, your son does comedy? Carl?

Carl does comedy. Really? He does it? It's like, okay, you only need to ask it once. Ironically, this sounds like

the set up of like a really sad country song. Yeah, yeah. My shit teacher doesn't believe that I do comedy. But it's like,

oh, I can't believe he would do comedy. It's like, mate, the last time you met me was when I was 10 years old. But you know also the problem is because you were doing something

you kind of fucking hated. Yeah. Your true personality doesn't come out. You just want to get the hell out of it. Yeah, like what did he expect I was going to do whilst learning Bulldog Mac by Slim Dusty when I was nine years old? What was I supposed to be doing? So you do remember, don't you?

Yeah. I remember that song. You were there somewhere. I remember that song. I remember him. There's nothing funny About his G major Yeah yeah

That's shit No chance I don't know if we did G major I remember G G C So you remember G See you're gonna You're playing a song

G C D 7 E Ollie can you See D 7's a great chord Very happy Yeah very nice Ollie can you take this guy Under your wing Can you get him up to speed

For the 300th time I'll put him right under there With those chords You could play any Metallica song. Oh, really? I don't think they're doing a D7 in Metallica. Oh, that's fair point. Yeah, a bit too.

There's 2% of the listenership that fucking went wild for that joke. I'd rather learn Ninja Stars from Dave Callen and throw them in the audience for the 300th episode. I'd rather learn Snacks. Come on and do ninjitsu. It's really awesome. It's so good. Is it free?

No, it's like 25 bucks a lesson. I'll pass. But it's like three hours. Hey, but it's catered. Three hours. Do you guys actually do catering, by the way? Ninja catering?

Yeah. I'd love to see the smorgasbord on offer. There was a lovely spread today. What terrific fare. Is it ladies bring a plate? What is it? No, no, the sensei provides all the nutrition. Senseis bring a plate?

No, we don't bring any plates, but we go there and we talk about the philosophy of the martial art and catch up with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. What did you eat today? Today I had some hummus And I also had A variety of cheeses Any yellow chocolate mousse in there?

No yellow chocolate mousse It was some nice cashew dip Our wonderful sponsor Yellow chocolate mousse It was those weird things And they're twisty And they're made of like pastry And they're hard

Cheese twists Cheese twists Oh I don't rate them Did you dip them into the hummus? I rated all of it very highly Okay Soul food Is it supposed to be good food at all? Because you're athletes I guess Twists. Oh, I don't rate them. Did you dip them into the hummus? I rated all of it very highly. Okay. Soul food. Is it supposed to be good food at all?

Because you're athletes, I guess. I guess you're athletes. Is that what you call yourself? Yeah, well, the nice thing about ninjutsu is, you know the way you go to martial arts classes, there's a very intense warm-up and everyone's jogging around the gym and doing star jumps and shit.

Yeah, we know that. No, but go on. Stretching and bullshit. We just get straight into it. There's none of that. Why don't you stretch? Because if you're having a fight in the street, if someone's attacking you, you don't get to do that. No, but go on. Stretching and bullshit. We just get straight into it. There's none of that. Why don't you stretch? Because if you're having a fight in the street, if someone's attacking you, you don't get to do that.

So straight into it. You've got to be armed. What if they attacked you while you were stretching before you went on a run? You've got to be prepared for all scenarios. I guess so. We do rolling at the beginning. We do ukemi, which is Japanese for rolling about.

That's it. We do backwards rolls, forwards rolls, sideways rolls. It's good. Dive rolls. What's your favourite bit of ninjidom? I just really like the way… Being grilled about it on a podcast. I just really like the…

Belts. One thing that fascinated me about dancing when I started doing that a few years ago was how the physical body moves and what it's capable of. And I think ninjutsu is very interesting in any martial artist because it teaches you more about how human bodies bend and twist and the locks and the throws and all that sort of stuff. There's another activity that can teach you all those things, Dave.

What is it? And Tommy was doing it on himself before the episode. Speaking of bending and twisting. I noticed the bedroom door was closed. That's interesting. Hey, I had almost forgotten to bring this up. So we were talking before about gigs that we've done, me and Carl have done with you, Dave.

We went to Tasmania at the start of the year, the three of us, to do a gig at the Launceston Beer Festival. Oh, yeah. It was a fun gig. We had a fun day. And then we spent the – the gig was like at, what, four in the afternoon or something? Oh, yeah.

And then we spent the rest of the day hanging out. Me and Carl had a bit to drink. We got some food. We sort of dicked around together all night. We had a lot of fun. It was a good festival. We found in the middle of the – I'm keen to go down there without performing.

Yeah, same. That was really fun. That was crazy talk. We found a speaker and a mic just abandoned in an alleyway. And so we put on our own impromptu gig. Me and Chandler were pretty drunk, but it was like 7 p.m. because the gig had started at 2 and we just got free beer. Yeah. So we're just in an alleyway just getting Dave to get up and do comedy.

And they were just three. He kept introducing me and I'm sitting there going, I'm sober, no. Yeah, because you don't drink. So we're just fucking around and you're like not enjoying it at all. And so then I told this on the show about the guy who came up to me after my gig and like I have a bit where I just say the word zombies in it once. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he came up and was like, I love that bit you did about the zombie apocalypse. I just called my dad today and was telling him my plan for the zombie apocalypse. It's like, oh, okay, cool. Anyway, so we spend the whole evening together. We hang out. Then the next morning we get up. We have breakfast.

The guy who organized the gig comes to pick us up to take us to the airport. We're like three quarters of the way through to the airport. And then the guy driving the car goes, oh, yeah, Dave, what about when you were on stage yesterday at that gig and that guy like bent over and showed you his butthole while you were on stage? We'd hung out with you for like seven hours after the gig and at no point while you were on stage we'd we'd hung out with you for like seven hours after the gig and at no point did you bring because we were out of the room at no point did you think to bring up that that had happened to you oh yeah yeah that was

truly bizarre we were putting on some dumb ass gig in some alleyway fucking around trying to make our own fun you want a sweet butthole story you wouldn't even share it. What sort of thing are they teaching you in ninja school where you're hiding sweet stories like that? We are the masters

of concealment. I don't know it's just like you know when there's a beer festival going on around a gig just random people get randomly drunk

and show their random little buttholes. That's pretty much what goes on. Was that his review of your gig? What was he doing? I think he was trying to be funny in some shape or form. Well, I hope he wasn't trying to be serious because that's a weird move.

I hope he wasn't trying to be sexy. Because I don't know how we worked this out but I'm pretty sure it was the same guy that came up to me. Oh, what? I think that's how the story came out because I was retelling it in that came up to me. Oh, what? I think that's how the story came out because I was retelling it in the car the next day. Oh, what about when the guy said this? And the guy, Stuart, who runs gigs down there was like,

oh, yeah, that guy showed you his butthole and we just could not believe that you had been holding this from us. I feel like maybe it's like one step above a standing ovation. You know, like that's... I'd love it if the whole audience just did it. Was he clapping with his cheeks? Is that what was happening?

You'd have to go up a rank in the belt scales if you got everyone in the audience getting their power out for you. Yeah, he was just showing you his rank. Brown eyes and a brown belt. That was his rank as an audience member is that the

first piece of you know bodily bodily part of that nature that you've been shown while performing

yeah no dicks I think that's the single only brown eye I've experienced the only

sort of genital you've been shown whilst performing Yeah I don't think I've been flashed While performing before No I haven't In your private life? Maybe Have you ever seen genitals before?

No Did you just not bring it up because you'd never seen it before You didn't know what it was? Yeah Isn't it weird like the way certain people Think a thing will be funny? Yeah. Like this podcast is a great example of that.

Yeah, we'll just get our mates in and not prepare anything. It'll be awesome. What goes through a person's mind where they go, I'll brown-eye the comedian? I don't care. I don't know either. Because there's a lot of, there's to me like if you're a girl and you're at a concert or whatever

and you want to flash the boobs, that's pretty, like, that's pretty, let's just lift up the shirt. There's a lot of effort involved in chucking the brown eye. You've got to stand up for one. And not only that. You're probably wearing a belt, unless you're Kyle Chandler, who we've discovered in this podcast is just going around with his fucking pants low riding around his ankles.

Like yours were when we arrived. Oh, come on. But to me that would take a good minute of preparation to have that happen. Also, you don't get to see the reaction. You're facing the wrong way. Unless on the way to the gig you've had an inkling that I'm such a big Dave Callen fan.

I've got to be honest. If this gig goes as I think it's going to go, I can see myself chucking the brown eye at some point. So you bring a mirror You bring a tiny mirror You're like in that Freedom Is it the Freedom film

With George Michael Where there's a model With like review mirror On the outfit Do a bit of that Yeah Yeah great Good reference for millennials

Yes Now that we've said this You know the fucking weirdos Who listen to this show Are going to do At the 300th gig It's going to be Butthole sexy Oh fuck Oh yes It's going to be butthole sexy.

Oh, fuck. Oh, yes. It is going to be stinky. Could you imagine the whole crowd? I mean, what do you do when you prep to chuck a brown eye? Do you make sure it's all good down there? Get some talcum powder going on there. Shower right before you leave to go to the gig.

Don't walk there. It's not like porn where, you know, they sort of prepare themselves. If there's going to be any butthole action, you know, they tidy up. What do you call douche? They douche everything. Douche it? Yeah. You mean squirt?

Yeah. Get a colon cleanse? Yeah. Oh, right. Really go the full hog. That's what they do. You've got to keep it sort of. You don't want anything popping out on camera.

You mean for anal? Yeah. Okay. What do you think I meant? I don't. That's why I was talking about buttholes for the last ten minutes. I thought we were still talking about? I don't know. We were talking about buttholes for the last ten minutes. I thought we were still talking about brown eye people. Yeah.

We were talking about throwing the brown eye. You've just segued it into your favourite topic, anal. I'm out of my intellectual league here. No, what belt are you in, anal? Brown. It's just different shades of brown. It's very hard to tell Who's better than who

Well if you do it properly Pink Pink belt Yeah Yeah That's if you douche really well Yeah Yeah exactly

So Anyway That's good Yeah Olly Clark Let's talk a bit more about The album that you got coming out It's called

Strangely Familiar Because Actually I played a bit to Dave Last week Just on the ride home for that gig. I'm a fan. Oh good yeah very much so which is very nice to hear. Good feedback from you. What I love about it is

it evokes like kind of a probably the period of Tom Jones between the 60s and 70s which I'm a huge fan of. But it also kind of evokes I don't know maybe a bit of Humperdinck. A bit of Humperdinck. Maybe a little. And there's sort of

accents of maybe some classic live Elvis. Oh, very nice. Well, I can't have a grudge. You played me a demo that you'd made a couple of years ago of a pretty banging dance number. And you were saying you were going to bring out an album called Oliver Clark Goes Commercial.

And it was going to be all super pop. What happened to that song? I really liked that song. Yeah, well, maybe that was on the last. It could have even been on the last album. Yeah, I was going to

bring out a real dance album before this last one. I was going to call it Oriental Nights. It was going to be called Oriental Nights and then in parenthesis Let's Dance.

Can that still happen, please? Yes, please. Oh, man. I'm a big fan of the parenthesis in popular music. Yeah, it's great. It feels like it's being phased out a little bit, the parenthesis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm going to do some remixes of some of these songs,

kind of like the Elvers had Little Less Conversation and they did a remix that was quite dancey anyway. Oliver Clarke versus JXL. I'm thinking it might even put it out to a few. Oliver Clarke versus Fleety. Hey, a lot of people are laughing at this. They're just not laughing into the mic. I just want to make that clear.

Carl's enjoying his own jokes more than anyone. Junkie XL. Wow. Okay. Carl's enjoying his own jokes more than anyone. Junkie XL. Wow. Okay.

Have you got a Junkie XL and like a remixer in mind? No, no. So if there's anyone out there that feels like they want to remix a track. My brother might. He does that kind of jazz. Yeah, he does jazz. No, he doesn't do jazz. Well, I'm after something different. I probably shouldn't confuseuse the vernacular there

Anyway but It's The album is still Sort of being Finished I guess But it's sounding I'm liking the album But the album launch

Should be great fun Well the album launch Is actually the night Before our 300th episode Yes What a weekend So anyone who's coming in Interstate

Coming in hot From interstate For the 300th If you're looking for Something to do on the Friday night Get in early It'll be fun I've been to I think Your last Maybe two or three Album launches coming in hot from interstate for the 300. If you're looking for something to do on the Friday night. Get in early. It'll be fun.

I've been to, I think, your last maybe two or three album launches and it's always, it's so much fun because we get together a lot. You do a lot of music stuff in your stand-up, but just with a backing track. And it's so good seeing you with the full band. Full band. Full bifta. So much fun. Yeah, it's good night.

Good night. You don't even have, you can talk amongst yourselves while it's on as well. That's the great thing. You don't even have to listen. You know what I mean? You can just be there and enjoy the music. Don't give our listeners that option.

Oh, yeah, fair enough. How many brown eyes do you reckon you'll be getting? Yeah, exactly. Oh, if I'm lucky. Maybe that could be the time, you know, he gets undies, I can just get brown eyes. Yeah. But I think you get what's underneath the undies.

You're taking it to the next level. Well get what's underneath the undies you're taking it to the next level what's your venue for it the Howler Bar in Brunswick which is a great venue good sound system

in there yeah it's going to be great I had the last one there too and it went off so you'll be around for the next night

I'll be around for the next night you can do something for us in the 300s I would love to anything you want me to do like a brown eye

whatever write a song about brown eyes for us how about I'll write I would love to. Yeah. Anything you want me to do. Like a brown eye, whatever. Write a song about brown eyes for us. How about, hey, how about I get like a... I'll write a... How about I write... My kind of woman. What were you going to say? Well, I can write a country song for Carl to play.

Oh, no. That could be it. Yeah. I want to see that. That's a it. Yeah. I want to see that. That's a thing. Yeah. Jesus Christ. It doesn't have to be long.

20 seconds. Oh. 20 seconds. All right. Let's work on something. Of misery. And this is the thing. People can...

What do you think a good... Because they're always like... Country songs are always like big, long kind of stories, aren't they? There's always like a lot in them. Get on the socials. We haven't done like a call out for content for a while. But suggest us things from the dum-dum lore.

Carl's hating this idea so much. Yeah. Let's talk about this afterwards. Well, I think that's just about all the time we have for the Little Dum-Dum Club this week. Dave Callan, Oliver Clark, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, thank you. What a pleasure. Dave Callan, what have you got coming up that you would like to plug? Loads of ninja classes.

Oh, yeah. Cool. Yeah, I'm going to maybe do some comedy sometime as well Is there a viewing deck at the ninja facility that we can watch from? The sentence is if you come you have to do it Is that the deal? You have to jump in Does that mean you can just eat?

Yeah! Can we just participate in the eating? Can we just come for lunch? Have some tea. Yeah. Okay. The Smorgies Karate Club. Get down, everyone.

Yeah. Hey. Ninja Buffet. What? Let's come down there. Yum-o. You're at Dave Callan Twit on Twitter if people want to keep up with gigs and stuff that you've got going on.

Yep. Cool. And I'm on Facebook, as you mentioned the last time I was on. You're a big Facebooker. I said I'm quite good at it. Yeah. Thank you. You You're a big Facebooker. I said I'm quite good at it. Yeah. Thank you. You're a really good Facebooker.

I do some good memeing. Yeah. Yeah, you like sharing your little memes. Memes. It's fun. I like memes. Oliver Clark, yeah, we mentioned the album launched June the 24th at the Howler Bar. People Google the Howler Bar.

People Google the Howler Bar. They can go to my website, which is theoliverclark.com. And also listen to the previous albums if they want as well. Yeah. They're all good. They're all on iTunes. I think I have all of them except the last one. I should get the last one.

Oh, and may I add, also, I'm doing a segment on Triple R every second Friday. I am dishing out love advice. Okay, so every second Friday. I know, it's so hard to keep track of. So if you tune in this Friday and it's not on, the next week tune in, it'll definitely be on. It's a four-hour show, so tune in for the whole four hours. Oh, wow.

But we'll plug you the live show when it gets a little bit closer as well. Thanks, guys. That'd be great. Yeah, definitely. Like I said, if you're coming from interstate, perfect weekend if you come in for that. The Fridays, Saturday, back to back. Sweet combo. Around the halibut, you've got a lot of good food around there.

You have a great night out on Sydney Road. Yeah. Awesome stuff. We've got all of our stuff on sale. The 300th episode, littledumbdumbclub.com. Tickets for that. Wow, tickets are moving. Crazy.

Pretty crazy, right? It's going to be huge. Thanks to everyone for listening. Feel free to, you know, look, this thing keeps growing, which is awesome. Thank you very much and keep doing whatever you do to get it out there to other people because our tickets keep going up and up. Our shows keep getting bigger and bigger. This one is bananas.

The quality of the show remains pretty flat. Oh, you know what? Sideways. I don't know. A little bit country music. I was talking to our biggest fan in many ways, Dilruk Jai Singer,

the other day, and he was like talking about listening to the first episodes that we do, like going back even now. He does that every few months. He'll tell me, he'll just call me up to go,

man, I listened to Eb Eight. Jesus Christ. I'm like, well, thanks for this phone call. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh man, yeah, you guys weren't that You know the bare bones of it's there

Like you guys are still assholes But You just weren't as good at it Back then Like yeah cool alright Like that's Like of course Yeah

Like hey this thing After four years It's better now Yeah yeah Yeah exactly Too bad Dilric You haven't got better At listening to the right stuff

But anyway Having a life That doesn't involve Listening to every bit of comedy that's out there. But we've gotten better at it, so that's good. It's going to be fun. It's going to be a really fun show. We've also got the hoodies, the I'm Aware of the Little Dungeon Club hoodies up there. You guys are buying a heap of hoodies at the moment. And we've just today, on the day that we're recording, put up the Got Him shirts.

We sent out the first round to our Patreon subscribers. We sold some of the live shows and then the ones that are left are now up on our store. So if you missed out, if you weren't involved in any of those things, you can now get them on there. Yeah, just go to our site, have a big browse. We've got heaps of merch.

We've got heaps of tickets. So do all that. Cool. Thanks very much for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you later. You're Scottish