The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 294 - Kate McLennan & Kate McCartney

Episode Date: May 25, 2016

Talking on the Phone, Uber Drivers and Pub Cricket. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club is B-R-O-U-G-H-T brought to you by Sam Simmons. Carl, why is Sam Simmons giving us money? What is he, what, he just likes this podcast so much that he's just given us 10 grand a week? Is that what's happening? Are we getting 10 grand a week? We're getting 10 grand a week from generous benefactor Sam Simmons. Millionaire Sam Simmons.

Eccentric millionaire Sam Simmons is adopting this. Yeah, no, he is doing a return of his show, Not A People Person, in Melbourne and Perth Millionaire Sam Simmons. Eccentric millionaire Sam Simmons is adopting this. Yeah, no, he is doing a return of his show, Not A People Person, in Melbourne and Perth, and he wants you guys, you comedy aficionados that have proven yourself to have excellent taste, to know all about it. He's doing... Well, for more details, let's listen from Sam himself.

Oh, no, he's not actually here. He's not here. He's not even in this country. He is doing a return of his show, Not A People Person, in Melbourne on Friday the 17th and Saturday the 18th of June at the Athename Theatre, and then in Perth Saturday the 25th of June at the Regal Theatre. A Sam Simmons live show is quite an experience.

He won the Barry Award last year. He then went and won the, what's it called now, the Edinburgh Best Comedy Show Award that's changed names about a dozen times. He won the two best big comedy awards last year he then went and won the what's it called now the edinburgh best comedy show award that's changed names about a dozen times he won the two best big comedy awards last year he won the two big ones and look at the perfect opportunity for you guys if you live in melbourne you live in perth but particularly if you live in melbourne to go along because we all know that you guys were flat out going to me and tommy solo show every night during the comedy festival you didn't have time to go and see sam so here's your big chance we're not doing a solo show that night during the comedy festival. You didn't have time to go and see Sam. So here's your big chance.

We're not doing a solo show that night, are we? That's the real part of this ad. It's an opportunity for you guys to go and see something that's not us, which we know for a fact that you love doing. You guys, like, we appreciate you guys coming to our solo show every single night, but sometimes I'm just like, guys, you've heard it all by now, all right? There's more comedy out there that you could be going seeing.

I mean, sure, no one else is as good as us, but give someone else a go. No one is as good as us, but Sam Simmons is a close second. So those dates, tickets and all that stuff, you can get through Ticketek right now. Also, hot off the presses, we have to announce this. Canberra, we've just locked in a date there. We are going up. We are doing it Saturday, July the 30th uh carl what are we going to be doing

we're piling into the car we are driving m31 yeah we are going to drive up to canberra and back uh not not back that same night but we're going to drive up we're going to have a few mates in the back we're going to go up we're going to do a live podcast we're going to do a little split bill solo show to start with it's not going to be the whole three-hour thing that we do in some other states. We're going to do a two-hour show. A split bill stand-up at the start, then a podcast. We've got some guests lined up already, some return favorites. So Canberra, this is our first time in you, so get out and support it.

We're at the Old Canberra Inn. Yes. Who are looking after us, so please get in there. We're at 8 o'clock that night. It'll be like a two-hour show. So you can get in, have dinner, make sure you have a couple of drinks, all that sort of stuff. It's a Saturday night.

It's party time. You guys have been on us to do this for ages. We've been tried in the past and couldn't make it work, but now we've finally done it. So, guys, come out because that drive home, if there's not people at this gig, that eight-hour drive back the next day is going to be brutal. It's a long enough drive without having to tack a trip to the West Gate on there.

And you know it's going to be good because we'll have an eight-hour drive up there to start with, so there would have been some shit go down by the time we get there. We'll just be stopping off at all the towns along the way, committing some crimes to try and have stuff to talk about at the gig. Yeah, hitting people, running from the law, hiding out in the old Canberra Inn. We've also just announced in the last week, Sydney, July the 10th, we are doing the big three-hour Dumb Dumber Palooza show.

Both of our solo shows, Little Golden Dasolo and Carl Chandler defends his title as the world's greatest and best comedian, plus a big live podcast. This is the first time we've announced it on the show. We've just put it out on Twitter and Facebook in the last week and it's already pretty much half full at this point. Tickets are racing out there. So thanks to everyone who's booked so far. If you want to come,

you don't have long left. Don't sleep on it. Last time in Sydney was awesome. That was some of the most fun we've had. So good. Our live shows are just getting better and better. We are really good at this. I agree. So you guys were awesome last time in Sydney, so please come back.

It'll be heaps of fun again. And you know what? If you go and buy your tickets now, we're going to be sold out really early and then we might have to put on something extra. Yeah, certainly look that way because it's still a while off. Also, speaking of tickets moving quickly, the Melbourne 300th episode continues to just sell like hotcakes.

Break Dumb Dumb Club records. Saturday, June the 25th, it's our big 300th show, Live Spectacular. We are busily planning. If you've been to one of our big sort of like birthday sort of shows before, you know we kind of like to pull out all stops and do a lot of different stuff, turn it into a big, big experience. It's going to be a bit of a longer show than normal. Great guests confirmed.

If you've seen any of our regular live shows, like I said, I don't know if you heard me before, we're really good at this now. Oh, I do remember that from just before. It's going to be awesome. Yeah, thanks to everyone who's booked so far. Man, it is filling up. So, guys, get on there. Buy a goddamn ticket.

All of these tickets that we're talking about are at littledumbdumbclub.com. Also, we have the Patreon is still going. Thanks to everyone who continues to chip into that. If you're a $5 or $10 donator, you would have in the last week gotten the new newsletter and also the new bonus episode. People are raving about it. People are raving. We got deep.

It got really emotional. There's a lot of people on Twitter and Facebook that have said that's one of their favourite episodes for the year. Oh, really? Yeah. Let's set the scene. It was like 10pm on a Sunday night. We'd just done another episode previously.

This episode. What? We'd just done this episode. We'd just done this episode. We did it after this. We pulled Tom Ballard out of his bedroom and we got very deep about breakups and all matters of the heart, which now that I'm describing it,

I can't see why people think it's one of the best, but people are into it. The people that don't like us and like to hear us in pain, I think that's what it is. And also our newsletter, if you've seen our newsletter, man, it's heaps of fun. It's really good. It's actually a lot of great illustrations by T. Dasolo in there.

It's good content. It's great content. Yeah, actually a lot of great illustrations by T. Dasolo in there. It's good content. It's great content. Yeah, and plus, you know what? Above all, Patreon really, what you're trying to do there is give back to us, is to say thanks for us supplying our show every week. For a lot of people, that's enough. But if that's not enough for you, if you're one of those sort of half-er jerks, you can always put in just these rewards that we give you are good enough

for the money that you're putting in anyway. Yes, exactly. Exactly. So do we want to do the bottom tier or just anyone who chips in a certain amount, you get your name read out on the show? Oh, yeah. Okay, let's do that one.

You were just looking at me like I was speaking another language. I know. Well, you sort of were. For me, setting up something that you suggested that we do. But you did put it in quite a funny way. Sorry. Here's a little bit, you know, at some levels, at all levels, but nearly all levels you get a bit of a shout out.

I'm rapidly losing control of which ones we've said and which ones we haven't, but I'm pretty sure we haven't said these ones. So thank you to this small list of people. Diomade Harkin. Diomade Harkin, thanks for putting in. I can see why you've delayed that one for so long. Were you trying to learn how to pronounce it? Jay Smead.

Thank you, Jay Smead, for putting in. Is that Jay as in J-A-Y or just he doesn't want us to have access to his first name? Or she. Well, I think he hocked the rest of his first name so he'd give money to us. So, Jay Smead, thank you for your amazing sacrifice. Sean Jelenic. Thank you to Sean Jelenic. Thank you to Sean Jelenic. Thank you to Scott Goddard.

Thank you to Brad Carter. Thank you to Eleanor Cotto. Eleanor Cotto. Thanks, Cotto. Thank you to Joseph Tanti and Kim Cofield. Good. You've read all of these out as if you don't believe that any of them are real names. I've never heard someone sound so snide when they're just reading out names.

That's my suspicious reading out voice. Carl Chandler. Eleanor Cotto. I sent you a photo of me and my dad out the front of your old comedy gig Sotto the other day. You didn't give me any kind of response. Oh, didn't I? No. I thought that was a great piece of content that I was sending you.

Well, here is my response right now. Eleanor Cotto. Cotto. Cotto gets it. We've also got the hoodies, the new Got Him t-shirts that are racing out the door. Yeah, go to our website. Everything's at the website, including I put up on social media just a little message as to, you know, I've met a few people in IRL.

I don't mean to brag too hard. In real life. Yeah. Yeah, you get it. Tommy gets it. So, and a lot of people say, you know, they've listened to a lot of episodes, but they don't listen to the early ones because they're not on iTunes anymore.

So if you want to go to our website, we've got all the episodes. There's a few missing, but I've uploaded a couple more recently. You can get on there, littdumbdumbclub.com and you can stream all the old episodes. It's like Netflix in a way. Your one stop content hub. It's like Netflix and neck yourself flicks.

That's very good. We should redo our whole website so it looks like Netflix but we've just changed the logo. Netflix. Netflix. So, guys, yeah, all this information. So Canberra, Sydney, go out and see Sam Simmons, Melbourne, the 300th episode, the T-shirts, the hoodies,

the Patreon, it's all there, littledumbdumbclub.com. Hey. Yes. While you're doing that, while you're doing Netflix and chill, why don't you sit there with a big tub of yellow chocolate? Oh, yeah. Guys, enjoy this episode with the Kates from The Catering Show, and we'll see you out there.

Eleanor Cotto. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hot off the back of a big old soccer win, isn't he? Well, you know, I've had ups and downs today. We did, we are recording this straight after an indoor soccer match soccer match But This is the second week in a row

We've done this And I'm going to move That we don't do Sundays anymore Because I have to sit here And look at you in your little shorts It's grotesque I'm not into it I don't have gross legs

They're okay I still don't want to sit here And have to look at this In my own house Okay alright Fair enough So we won We had a rare win

After that Here's what happened I drove here And you know what I thought You know Me being a good guy We won. We had a rare win. After that, here's what happened. I drove here and you know what I thought? Me being a good guy, me being close to a loving child of my parents, I thought I'd ring my mum, find out what's going on. I ring my mum a lot. Ring my mum.

I thought I'm doing the right thing. Unmarked car comes up beside me. Boom. And actually it was behind me, revs up, and I thought he's trying to race me. Honestly, because it's not a cop car. It's like this black big van. And then he like stays next to me. I thought, oh, here we go.

Fast and the Furious Down Under. Yeah. And then. Hang on, Mum. Some cunt wants to go Yeah yeah yeah So you can hear this I'm about to make you proud mum

So Anyway Then they drop back The sirens go on I'm like Oh fuck So I get pulled over For talking on my phone

$480 $480 $480 They gotta make an example of you $480 Wow So I am. They've got to make an example of you. $480. Wow. So I am, oh, man. Look, I'm sitting there and I'm waiting to wait for ages.

And then they come out. I'm thinking, you know, 250. I can wear that. Whatever. I've done the wrong thing. 480? Wow. So now, I don't know if you've ever done that.

Have you ever done this? When you came in here, I asked you if I could borrow $480. I didn't know the story. And you were very touchy about it, which I thought was odd. Well, if you had asked me half an hour earlier, I would have been fine. Well, let's bring the guests in and then I'll ask a question. Sure, sure. Joining us today, you know them from The Catering Show.

Please welcome into the Little Dunlop Club, Kate McLennan and Kate McCartney. Hello. Kate McCartney's hugging the Tommy Daslow doll that we have. I'm really fond of it It's like it's making me feel very safe and calm It's like you're blanky It's really nice

It's actually the closest any form of Tommy Daslow has been to a woman Yeah Hello Tim Learn something from it You guys ever been done for talking on the phone in the car? I've been pulled over for doing it But I wasn't actually on my phone. What?

I was adjusting a bobby pin in my hair and I got done. And I was trying to tell this female cop, I'm like, it wasn't like I wasn't on my phone. You can check. Like my phone's in my bag down there. You can check, you know, my call register. Check my hair, there's a bobby pin in there. Look at my hair, There's a bobby pin in there. Look at my hair.

It's unruly. Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to an opening night at the Regent Theatre. I think I was like going to Lion King or something like that. And she looked at me and she like saw that I had makeup and shit on and she let me off. Oh, good. But the thing is that I do talk on my phone a lot.

Whilst driving. Yeah. I'm very bad. I'm good on you. I'm really bad at it. Were you holding my phone a lot. Whilst driving? Yeah, I'm very bad. I'm good on you. I'm really bad at it. Were you holding the phone? Yeah, I wasn't to my ear. I didn't have the bobby pin defence.

It was the old speakerphone, just like a dictaphone. And I'll say I'm guilty of this too, but that's madness. It's like that's not getting you off the hook. No, I didn't. You're not talking on the phone by just holding it a little bit away from your ear. No. You may as well just have it up to your ear. Totally.

But I'm just choosing to do that. It's not a defence. Right, okay. Can you, I don't know road rules at all because I haven't looked at anything since 1998. So I assume it's a brave new world with mobile phones and stuff. Can you just rest it on your leg? I don't think that stands up in court. I think you've got to have a cradle. Isn't it? Can you just rest it on your leg? I don't think that stands up in court

I think you've got to have a cradle Isn't it? I think it's if your hand's touching it in any way for any reason Okay, but your thigh's okay I think the thigh might be alright Is it really? To have it just sit on your leg? I don't know

That's then pretty Yeah, because then that's affecting your pedal work Any of it Like you're concentrating on something else I would assume that any of it is no good Yeah You should have tried to like get the fine reduced Any of it. Like you're concentrating on something else. I would assume that any of it is no good. Yeah. You should have tried to like get the fine reduced if you said, look, I'm on my way to do a podcast now.

What if I get on there and talk about it as a bit of a cautionary tale? Well. I'm going to inspire others to be safe. Maybe drop me down by 50%. So officer, you want me to pay this big fine. Well, I got a few free tickets to our 300th episode coming up. So would that sweeten things up? I talked about it at the time, but I got done years ago

when we used to record in an Austereo. I went in there once to pick up something and Justin Bieber was in there. And when I left, I was texting someone to say, hey, man, I just saw Justin. I was just like standing next to Justin Bieber. And then I got pulled over and the guy was like, because he's like next to me,'s like does the little look of like I got you mate come on pull in here

which was the South Melbourne McDonald's which was handy because I was planning to go there anyway the one silver lining and he's like gives me the fine he's like just out of interest what were you doing I'm like I was just in a radio station I just saw Justin Bieber and I was texting my friend to tell him that he's like wow that's pretty cool and I'm like

is there any and he's like nah man you gotta sorry And I'm like Is there any No enough And he's like nah man You gotta Sorry we can't help If you were texting Justin Bieber Maybe that would be something Maybe yeah

Not texting someone about Justin Bieber Call up Oz Stereo And get them to get him on the line Yeah To get me off the hook For this fight Yeah

So I get done I'm thinking 250 Comes out 480 Something like that And plus On top of this They they pull me over. So I've got a cop in the back of me, a big black van in front of me. They, like, boxed me in and they got, like, there was three cars involved.

I was a three-car project. What? Yeah. So, like, a SWAT team? Did they make you pay cash? I was actually thinking that, yeah. No wonder it's $480. That's some wages.

I did think that. I was thinking, where's this money going to? They tased me a lot, but I was breaking the law to be fair. They would have charged me to be tased, I bet. There's a few electricity dollars. But see, because this was years ago that I got the fine. It didn't change me at all. I still do it all the time.

Well, all right. So this is my question now because immediately I went, I'm thinking I can wear 250, 480, I don't want to wear that. So now I'm thinking, right, how am I going to make this money back? Oh, crowdfunded on the podcast. No, no. I did think that but then I thought, no, we're always asking people for stuff.

We shouldn't do it for that. Who wants to pay the police? Yeah. We're now just like getting our listeners to pay for the crimes that we commit. Look, I've got one more. I've got another demerit point. If someone could just say they had my car for that night, I really can't afford to leave. I haven't done anything yet.

If you guys can put together $400 for me, I'm going to run a red light tonight. Look, we're in some hot water. We need an alibi. If anyone can come and say they were with us. So have you ever done this thing? Now, is this a common thing where i so i've got this 480 i'm thinking right you know what i'm gonna make this 480 back how am i gonna get this 480 back so i'm gonna cut down one of my expenditure i'm gonna make a little list i've made my little i've made a little list already here when i got here uh so i came from soccer usually i get a drink on the way

on the way after soccer. So I'm like, you know what? Not going to get that drink. Bang. There's four bucks. Down to $4.76. Down to $4.76. You're going to sell some shit on eBay.

That's one thing that I like to imagine that I'm going to start. Well, that's what I've been doing over the last eight months intermittently when I've needed cash is thinking about selling baby clothes on eBay. Right. So that's – You never do it though. You just think about it. That in itself kind of reduces your debt.

Because, you know, I have an issue with logging into things. I have a major problem with logging. Just make it all the same password. I know. I know. So I can't remember my eBay password. This is the thing. As of three years ago, all these websites started doing, you now have some of them you

need a letter in there. Yeah. And a capital. And a number. But they're not all the same. It's madness out there. I'm with you on that. There's certain where I never go on eBay.

Plus now they don't fuck going through the rigmarole of getting my password back. Now they don't let you log in while you're driving as well. It's weird. So what else have you done to save money? Well, it's only been an hour to be fair. But hey. I've gone down to the toilets down the road. I'm looking around Tommy's house here for things to sell.

I made a Swiss 30. You're drinking a beer out of my fridge. That's free. That would have been like four bucks. Well, that's another thing. So then I message you and I've come – this is at night time. You're not going to get the money from Tommy if that's what you're thinking. I might get it from his mum.

So I messaged Tommy. He said, I'm just down the road getting a hamburger. I thought, you know what? I would usually join you down there. Not going to do that. There you go. There's another $8 surely. That's $12.

That's $10. They're $10 down there. Oh, they're $10. Well, what would you have got? Would you have gotten a lot? No. Oh, you wouldn't have? No, no, no.

I'm trying to help you out here. Yeah, yeah, sorry. No, be realistic. I would have got like a cheeseburger thing. What are they worth? Oh, they're like $6 down there at Danny's. What about chips though? I would have got chips.

Oh, chips. Chips are like $3 or $4. There's $10. There's $10 right there. So what are you now on? It's $14. $4.66. $4.62 minusing that beer.

I wasn't going to buy a beer off you. I wasn't going to buy one of your beers out of your fridge. I'm trying to help you. You're here so you're not at home chewing up electricity watching TV using the lights at your place. Yeah, you're using someone else's lights. Yeah, I reckon someone – This is your system that we're trying to help you with. Yeah, you're using someone else's lights. Yeah, I reckon someone... This is your system that we're trying to help you with.

Yeah, I know, I know. Every time someone chimes in, you're like, nah, that's not fair. I know, I'm just trying to be realistic about it, that's all. But essentially what you're saying so far is that you're neither going to eat or drink. Yeah, that's the first one. That's really until you pay off the debt.

Yeah, plus I haven't... Or you die, depending which one happens first. So the next trip to Thailand, is that happening? Oh, look, you've got to – You've got – They're needs rather than wants. But I like that now that you've said that, now that you've said that, oh, yeah, you're stopping eating and I've just realised,

yeah, yeah, I've got to drink off Tommy. I've skipped dinner and now I'm hitting the free beers instead. So I've got to drive home from here. Yeah, you're going to get done. Here's another. And what did your mum – so did you hang up? Were you on the phone to your mum like, oh, shit, the bacon are here. I've got to hang up.

Yeah. Yeah, and what did she say? No, I just immediately just hung up. I was halfway through a conversation and went, got to go, bomb, just hung up. And then ironically, she was in the car with my dad Who had pulled over by the side of the road To talk to me so they didn't have to drive and talk Even though mum was talking to me

In the passenger seat dad decided to pull over So he's displaying extra caution And his son is displaying That's probably too much of it for himself He should have passed some of that on to you He should have taught me that as a kid about mobile phones in cars My parents hate the idea that I talk on the phone in the car

and mum will call me and I'll just go, oh yeah, I'm just driving back from dinner. And she'll go, you've pulled over, haven't you? And I'll go, yeah. And then we'll have this ten minute conversation and it's very obvious that I haven't pulled over. And I'm like, get the fuck out of the way. You can hear the

blinkers going. Oh, I better pull in and get some more petrol. Do you? But it's just this, we just, she just knows she's being lied to, but she's just like, you know what, I'll just let this pass. If you've got a passenger in the car, so my partner Joel and I, he will often do the call to his parents in the car. And I sit in the passenger seat and I pretend that I'm not there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what do you do? Yeah, so if they're making a call that's on speaker, do you participate in the conversation? Or do you pretend you're not there? It's just easier that way. Well, it's like that old thing. Did I know about you? But it's like that old thing if the person making the call goes,

oh, by the way, you're on speaker and Kate's here. That makes you go. But if you miss that moment, like if you miss that moment of saying that and then it becomes like you've gone beyond the point of no return, like you've just got to sit there and sort of – and then they start having a conversation about you while you're sitting there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's very odd. I should just speak up. When are you going to get back with your old girlfriend? Oh, this is awkward. Should I chime in or – Where are you going? To the shops? Is she making you buy stuff from the shops?

She's bleeding you dry, Joel. You should have gone out with a lawyer. But are you guys – because you both have kids I imagine if anything was going to make me stop the old phone in the car use It would be that amazing When the kid's in the car But at the moment, the kid's not in the car Then I do my, I think, probably legally fine trick of putting the phone on my thigh Yeah

Yes, I also do that and I never – I did that today. I just have a really big thigh that goes right to my mouth. Four hundred and – what was it? 480. Yeah. That's so expensive. Do you get that much for running a red light?

Like that's so much money. That's my point. So I got that plus four demerit points. How many demerit points do you have on a license? Is it like 12 or something? Okay. Is that what you get? That sounds pretty high. Yeah, but if you hit a cyclist, you might hit a cyclist and then you're done. No, completely

sure, but... It's wrecked your day. How much... It has wrecked your day. Yeah, my day. So, if I'm paying 480 and 4 demerit points for talking on the phone, what are you getting for running someone over? Like what are you getting for running a red light?

What are you getting for speeding? You probably get less for actually hitting a cyclist. Pat on the back. I don't agree with that. But what, you think you get 12 demerit points? That means you can be on the phone, you could do it two more times before you would lose your licence. Yeah, and that's fair. That seems crazy. What, you think I should lose my licence for being on the phone once? I do it two more times before you would lose your licence. Yeah, and that's fair. That seems crazy.

What, you think I should lose my licence for being on the phone once? I reckon a second time, yeah. Really? Yeah. Twelve? That's pretty harsh. Yeah, I think that's very harsh. I mean, Kyle's got to drive to important appointments.

To podcasts. Through his livelihood. I've got to drive from my game with Greg Larson's Rat World to my podcast, The Little Dumb Dumb Club. That's it. I'm over in Hawthorne. You know, that's a long way away from all the other things. Your Honour, I have important business that I need my car, my licence for.

I need to get to Spleen on a Monday night. I need to do a podcast. You know podcasts. Imagine part of your defence in court being that you were doing a podcast. Wow. Being the first recorded case of someone getting off. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Because they were making content. Yeah. This is weird. I went to court to battle a talking on the phone charge. I'm in jail. How did that happen? We then have to do this podcast over conjugal visits. Not conjugal visits.

Yeah, through that bulletproof glass. That's the only way we can get privacy because otherwise we're in that meeting room, other people are trying to get on the podcast. We don't want that. It's just easier for me. The glass thing isn't a conjugal visit, Tommy. No, I know. Conjugal visit in the caravan.

That's what I'm saying. I said that by accident and then realised the mistake. Right, okay. Mistake. That's one way you can knock off $4.60. Fuck me and I won't charge you. Fuck, we're even already. Oh, great.

So, yeah, I've got all that. So, you don't do that? Have you never done that thing where you go, you get a big fine, then you go, I'm going to get this back. I'm going to cut this. I'm going to sell this. I'm going to, you know, justify it to myself. Oh, like for a day

And then I forget it Then I feel like I've done enough Right And anything else Would just be sort of Like Trying to make myself

Tricking yourself Yeah exactly That's just my life Yeah yeah yeah Constantly just How do I pay this phone bill How do I pay Like everything that comes in

It's like how the fuck Am I going to Like pull this Out of my hat In terms of Like I'm very I'm struggling for cash Let's be honest I do Like am I going to like pull this out of my hat in terms of like – I'm struggling for cash, let's be honest.

I'm just going to pour McCartney another glass of wine. You guys were very excited to get here and get out of the house and straight away you went down the street and bought a bottle of wine. That's a very big pour. That is a huge pour. That is a very generous pour for you. Oh, really? I won't – she'll be getting the bottle when I

get home after this one. On that, I do the reverse where I go out and I'll go out and spend too much money on booze and then I'll get up the next day and go, oh man, that was too much. That was too much to spend on a night out. But then I'll go, yeah, but to be fair, I found that five bucks in the street six months ago.

So I'm kind of ahead. You're doing pretty well. Yeah. You're doing very well. I'm literally going to make one of those, you know, what are they called? The fundraising thermometer sort of thing. Oh, yes.

I'm going to make one of them when I get home and just make sure that I make this $480 back. Yeah. I don't want to, you know, because I don't want to ask other people for it because it's just fundraising money for the cops, which I think is weird. Like, to be fair. And you don't want to be, you know, another comedian doing that.

That's just boring, isn't it? Doing what? Doing fundraising. Fundraising money for the cops. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Do people do that?

What are you talking about? Yeah. I felt like you said that in a way that we would understand. Yeah, I was like, I just don't, aren't there lots of comedians who have issues and they need to, like financial problems, I guess indirectly related to the cops. Oh, right.

Oh, I see what you mean. I was just thinking illegal activity. Yes, I get it now. Everything's gone back to the cops eventually. Large tax debts. Cut that out. Shut up about my tax debt. Shut up about it.

You've got a tax debt? Massive tax debt. Oh, mate, I just had a look at mine and I think I'm going to get done too. You're going to get done too. Yeah. Yeah, we fucked ourselves on catering show merchandise. We sold aprons and then we'd just take the money and we haven't paid any tax on the aprons.

It's the aprons that have done us over. Yeah, you sound really stupid for doing that with your merch. You guys must make – see, I've actually wanted to ask you guys about this because we've found that that's the only way that we can make any money at all. Because we've found that that's the only way that we can make any money at all. And then you guys, you sell your T-shirts with your little... If we turn this episode into a merchandising masterclass, we could put it online and charge $300 a download for it. Yeah, better.

Charge $480. Then all of a sudden I've only got $150 left or so. You guys do all right from the merch, don't you? It's okay. I reckon you guys would do better, I've got a feeling, than us. Because I'm looking at your merch page right now. Are you? And you guys are fucking sold out.

We've added stuff. We've expanded. We've really... We got cocky. Yeah. Well, this is the thing. So the catering show, right? You've got the catering show.

So it makes sense. You've got some very, you know, on-brand things. You've got your tea towel. You've got your shopping bag. You've got your... But what what do they say carl what do they say apron they say things oh they say uh the catering show tea towel says i fucking hate cooking yes uh the shopping bag says cooking food makes it cooked yes that's a quote from the show it's true yeah yeah uh the apron says the catering show i think yeah. Yeah, that one's pretty hilarious. But then the stubby holder says Hitler had the right idea.

You got it from the show as well? You got a stubby holder. That's just McLennan's personal manifesto. Stubby holder. How many pay tax on that would be a bit of a bit of a... No, your stubby holder says fuck the ATO. That's weird. You got a stubby holder.

How's that linking to the show? Because we booze on. So we've got this segment in the show called the Booze Reviews. Admittedly, we've never drank. Oh, no, we did drink beer once. You drank beer once in the – oh, no, you didn't. You didn't even drink beer. No.

You said you were going to drink beer and then you didn't. The stubby holder is just something that we could sell. We just thought people might like it. But we have a wine cooler. Do you do live catering shows at footy clubs or something? No, we did our first corporate this week. It was – we met Eddie McGuire. Yeah, we did it.

At a footy club. Yeah, so we did the Collingwood Football Club. Oh, wow. So we did the Collingwood Football Club. Ladies in business lunch. Yeah, women in business and sport luncheon. It's a likely one of them, I wonder. Like a lady in business and sport.

Everyone seemed to be having quite a nice time. They were all boozing on on a Thursday. Yeah, but how much did you move there? Well, I had to fucking give away an apron and I didn't mean to, but it just sort of happened. We dragged someone up on stage and I put an apron on her and then I said, we're going to need that back. And I genuinely meant we need to get that back.

And then at the end this woman was like, can I keep this? No, she said, I can keep this, can't I? And I was like, And he went, yes. Sure. And so she did a – Did she ask that while you were on stage, while you were in front of people? No, like afterwards. And I think she was like fairly high up with something.

And so I was like, okay, you know how rich people just don't – Assume everything's theirs. That's how they got their wealth. Yeah. Just walking around. Just fucking take it. Yeah. So that was our first kind of little gig.

Or maybe she just had gotten a recent speeding fine and she's just trying to. Yeah. She's going to auction it. That's $28 off my $4.80 fine. Yeah. On her head now. Yeah. The aprons.

What are the aprons worth? Yeah. $28. But it was this gig that we did. So it was at the Lexus. Do you know the Lexus Centre down near opposite Rod Laver Arena? Yeah. And so we did the gig and we had all this gear

because we did like a thermomix demonstration. So we had all of these props and stuff. And so I went and got my car and then pulled into this little car park and it was the end of the event. So there were all these people waiting out the front. And this woman, when I was parking, she let in and she said, Uber? And I thought she was joking. Like, oh, she's just seen me perform.

And she's like, oh, you know, being funny. And I was like, oh, very good, very good. And then I told my cat, you know, someone was playing funny buggers when I pulled in and, you know, said Uber, like, you know, saying, oh, you're an Uber driver. And then just as we were pulling out, this woman got into an Uber. So she genuinely thought. You're like, fuck, you've got her apron on.

You should have known. I was like, do I really look like a nurse? This is what it's come to that I'm just doing fucking Ubers. What are you driving Ubers? What are you trying to say about Uber drivers? Yeah. No, this is like that I've just come straight off the stage doing this gig. And you were so forgettable.

Uber. Well, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, nothing against Ubers, but Carl, that's something maybe you should think about on the way home. Oh, my car's too old to be an Uber driver. Oh, man, if I booked Uber and your car turned up, man.

Hey, I've got a good car. Hey, man, if you can just go unlock the boot so that you can get in the passenger seat. Move those. I got in your car the other day. I had to move a bag of Doritos off the windshield and I had to move three empty McDonald's bags off the front seat. That's not true. That's partly true.

It's mostly true. Maybe it was two McDonald's bags. It sounds like my car. I'm off the front seat. That's not true. That's partly true. It's mostly true. Maybe it was two McDonald's bags. It sounds like my car. I'm not eating McDonald's. That's not true. You'd fucking love that, Tommy. McDonald's. It's probably from you.

Yeah. Let's be honest. Yeah, I would love that. Well, no, not the bags being empty. That bit I wouldn't be that into. But, yeah. Let's pin it on to Tommy. But I feel like we haven't really given

your show context the catering show that you guys are doing it's a it's a show about Uber so in any way it's that last story yeah

makes total sense so catering show is getting really big you guys are like getting broadcast into America and stuff now yeah yeah

we're on a S-VOD S-VOD S-VOD S-VOD streaming video on demand service well let's go back just to contextualise for people who may not have seen it Yeah. Yeah. We're on a S-VOD. S-VOD. S-VOD. S-VOD. Streaming Video On Demand service. Well, let's go back just to contextualise for people who may not have seen it. You did season one, you made a bunch of videos on YouTube.

They go up and they explode. The Thermomix one in particular. Yeah, like in an Australian way. Yeah. Like not in a Troyes event. Yeah, exactly. Let's everyone, you know, calm down a little. Ten likes on Facebook.

Exactly. We went very well. A question in the cryptic crossword in Take Five magazine. That's the peak. I'd love to be in a crossword. Yeah, that would be pretty great. Yeah. I don't think that's happened to us.

No. No. Not yet. Not yet, mate. Oh, but you have been to the Logies. Yeah. So we went, because the show's on, so the second series is on iView now. And, yeah, and so we got to go as part of the ABC entourage.

But I think – I was actually thinking about this the other day. Is there an iView table that's like way up the back? No, we were sitting – well, this is – everyone's like, you know, oh, what's your show? And, like, everyone was like, why the fuck are you here? But then also there was a tad, like you could, people were a bit, I reckon, just like, what's happening? What's, these guys will be, you know, in the next few years.

Oh, they're looking at the future. There's going to be a new category. Oh, there's going to be a fucking Twitter table next year, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. If it was like the Oscars, you guys should be really at the afternoon one when they do all the technical stuff. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I view ABC3, seven, mate.

You can do all your shit in the afternoon. The big boys can do the evening stuff. Well, we somehow made it onto Josh Thomas' table. So we were sitting with Josh and Tom Ward and I was thinking about it the other day like how did we get onto that table because we were like right up the front, like in the front row. And then I suddenly kind of had this realisation that Celia and Luke were starting shooting their show the next day in Tasmania. They declined and we got their tickets.

We are totally that's what happened. That's absolutely what happened. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's cool though. Hey, I would hate to know how many people would have to decline for us to get tickets to the Logies. Yeah.

Yeah, that seagull that appeared behind Peter Mitchell one night on the news, he couldn't make it down. So do you guys want to come along or what? Yeah, yeah. Who knocked an invite back from the Libsyn table for us to be able to get in? I'm amazed that you know the name of our hosting company even though you don't know any of the backend stuff. But, yeah, so that's pretty cool.

So you guys, yeah, season two has come out. I saw a clip of you guys getting mentioned on Ellen. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you want to tell that story? Well, it's, you know, I can't really remember what happened. So, like.

Oh, yeah, because it's pretty unmemorable being involved in something like that. You know when things happen that are so big you kind of can't understand what's happening to you because mainly you just sit at home. Yeah. Like, on your phone on the toilet. Yeah. Hugging a Tommy Desolo doll. Yeah, yeah.

So it's like when this stuff happens, it's almost like a trauma, so you have to kind of forget it as quickly as it happens. So Elizabeth Banks, who's a producer and an actor and a director as well. Yeah, she directed the, what's that show with Rebel Wilson in it? The Dance. Pitch Perfect.

Pitch Perfect. She directed that and she executive produced it. She's in The Hunger Games and stuff like that. Yep. Everyone knows who she is. Yeah, okay. I don't know. I don't know what people do.

So she has this website called something. Who Ha Ha. Sure. Who Ha Ha? Yeah. It's about funny women online on YouTube or just online? I think it's just in general I love this person has gone on Ellen

And gone this is really great You haven't bothered to find out who she is What the website's called God damn respect Because I just can't If this happened to us This would be burned into our retinas Everyone who's ever said something nice to me on Twitter

Even if they're just a punter I know their name, their age, where they live Their handle We got 20 retweets for our episode last week said something nice to me on Twitter, even if they're just a punter, I know their name, their age, where they live, their handle. We got 20 retweets for our episode last week. I'm still stoked about that. It was good. But anyway, so she was on Ellen

promoting her website. And sorry, pardon me, she profiled us on the website, which is cool. And then we got in these weird sort of Twitter interactions with her where we're like talking to a celebrity and that was strange. Yeah. Right. But she then, yeah, she went on Ellen and talked about a website and then.

She didn't talk about us specifically. No, just the website. But then in the background as she talked about it, a stupid fat white mugs just appear between her and Ellen. Just for like what, three frames, four frames? Yeah, but enough for people to get a screenshot. Is that going to come back to bite you when it's like the ATO come and call on for that debt and you're like,

no, it's still listed as a hobby income. It's like, who do you reckon that was on Ellen, guys? Yeah. It was, yeah, it's weird. Like that stuff is very, it's weird Like that stuff Is very It's weird Like we had Katy Perry Contact us

As well What So she's So Yeah We were like Wait do you want to take time out To tell Makani who that is

What she does Oh mate I know who she is Because like We got the So we got the email From her agent or her record company. It was from her label. Her label.

And they were like, Katy Perry really likes you and wants to do something with you or be on the show. Oh. And at that point I was literally at home again in my jocks and my kid hadn't, like, done a shit for three days. So all I was doing was just feeding a pear. Yeah. And you had a kid like three days beforehand.

I'd had – my kid was three weeks old. Oh, three weeks. So I was literally like just sitting there like still had my dressing on from my cesarean. Yeah, you were just – I was still – All right, mate. We've all had cesarean.

I just – you know, like I was still wounded very much, like 10 layers of flesh. It's very hard to process the information. Man, I was so excited at the start of this story. You really drained all the fun out of this Katy Perry story for me. Well, I was a caesarean birth, so I'm really connected to this story now even more so. I'm deep in it.

It was like so full on that this thing happened and like I had no sense of joy about it at all we were just trying to figure out what because she was like you've got to manage it yeah she's like you've got to come to LA I can't come to you so you've got to come to us okay and you were like I was like this can't happen just let me finish this shit I'm doing at the moment. Just give me five to ten minutes. But you said, mate, we have to do this. It's every time a good piece of news comes to us, we treat it like someone's just told us we've been conscripted or something. Yeah, it's too much for us to cope with.

And so my kid. That's why you weren't really fussed about doing this podcast. Exactly the same scenario. It's like a beautiful joy. Yeah, and like Dusty, my kid, she hadn't – like I hadn't registered her name yet so she didn't have a birth certificate. So I had to do that before I could get her a passport. Oh, yeah.

So all this logistics. Right. And I literally hadn't walked out of my front door in three weeks. So it was just this ridiculous day of McCartney taking me to the Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages and I'm sitting there like breastfeeding in public for the first time.

That was the most stressful thing I'd endured. What? And then that's what i did in public don't fucking shame me tommy fucking podcast is over get out no one wants to hear about that shit we've i forgot i forgot we can't talk about that stuff you can't pretend that you're a mom you have to imagine that you're a 14 year old boy who loves wanking i love wanking i'm just i'm sitting opposite you guys who are on the same couch having this conversation and just looking at a little doll of me just nestled in the middle of the two

of you i'm going to take you to my breast soon tommy that's what's gonna happen um yeah and then we we we got dusty's name registered and then like literally the next day she pulled out and said that she couldn't do it so That's what I don't get. Hang on, hang on. Who pulled? Dusty pulled out? She's like, mum, I'm out. I'm out.

I'm fucking going. We're going to find a new family. I don't want to suck on these tits in public. But what's Katy Perry playing hard? I mean, I know she's, you know, she's busy and stuff. And we had no money as well so like how do we go it was just so weird because everything because i knew that she was famous but then i watched that documentary and then i was like oh fuck she's like really yeah really

famous she'd been biggest pop stars on the planet she's the highest female yes exactly she she earns why i saw that the other day. She earns way more money than Taylor Swift. Could she not? Yeah, and more than Beyonce. Wow. She's like the richest. Spot us a couple of airfares.

Yeah. Yeah, and so we were like figuring that out. Not just virgin. But she knocked us back. But then we got a – Yeah, 12-hour flight on Tiger to LA. That's great. We got an email the other day because i think our agents might have contacted

her label again and said hey we're coming over because we're going over in a couple weeks time to la and just said hey look you know the girls are coming over what's katie perry up to yeah and she's recording an album but she said that she still loves this and what do they say it's not a matter of if but when we get to do something with her done in the toilet we'll be able to make something happen so watch this space everyone get into studio feed her peaches and then uh she gets regular get her out of the studio try and get a verse on that on that new album with just you guys on the thermomix in the background i just wanted to kind of – I just wanted to give us money. You seem poor.

We are poor. Here's some money. That's how I imagine the interaction going. If she's throwing out the buns, if you can try and get an extra $480. Yeah. By the way, this is sorted. This beautiful little boy called Carl who desperately needs your help. Here's a doll of his image.

It's quicker than Googling a headshot. Just carry this around with us. That's cool because everything I see about you guys online, like the people who are into catering seem very positive about it. They seem like they really like it. It's nice kind of looking at that. It's a nice little refreshing break from dealing with this podcast. The only people who, like, we've got, like, on our Twitter account,

we have lots of people who contact us and are very, very nice. And I think we've been spoiled because the only people that have been negative, and we hate them, I do anyway, is like two guys from England who have cracked the shit. Two guys from England? It's literally two guys from England and you're out to bring them down. All they've said. Imagine only having two.

What a dream. But McLennan brings them up every time I see her. Good. Because I know, because we have our, not favourites, but the opposite of that. Repeat offenders, I think, is the correct term. Yeah, some very hardcore repeat offenders. The culture of our show is we're very sort of. In what way do you not like them?

Well, so put it this way. In the way that they call us cunts once a day. Yeah. Right. We've never met them. But do they watch, them? Well, so, put it this way, he'd call us cunts once a day. Yeah. Right. And we've never met them. But do they watch, I'm sorry, do they listen to the, so they still listen?

Yes, here's our thing. Yeah, it's not like a, like your people might hate you, I don't know. We'll hear about that, I guess. But our people, a lot of people like us and occasionally say nice things.

But we have a lot of people that listen to our back and forth and see how we generally hang shit on each other and everyone and go, we're just like you. We're your friends. You fucking cunts. They listen and they go, we get how this works. Fuck you. You should die, you bald idiot.

One of the gang From mum at Hotmail I mean like we do get a little bit of that though Through YouTube because that's all dudes I just ignore that Well in the first season we did this joke About how if you're a lady on YouTube All you get is dudes just saying

That they want to fuck you in the face Irrespective of what your content is. So we made a joke about that and that meant that we got like 12 months of dudes telling us that they want to fuck us in the face and thinking that they're making a joke about it. Yeah. But it still is, you're a stranger that is just saying that. Just essentially saying that, yeah.

The joke is to just do the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Like they've made the decision, like they're in charge of making that decision not us about whether they want to fuck us in the face so i don't want you to fuck me in the face no no we want you to buy an apron 27.95 you want to help me out i guarantee knowing what the incident is like some of those guys leaving that comment, they think like, you're going to read that and think it's really funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, we do know. It's the beginning of a love affair for the ages. Guys, you're really fucking us in the face by not buying a stubby holder. I watched a bit of the show with my parents today, by the way. And my parents really liked it. My dad leaned in and he went, you know what would be good in this?

Get your little mate Dilruk in that kitchen, eh? He'd make a lot of work of all that, wouldn't he? Dilruk was on the Ronnie backup list. He was, it's true. Because we wrote the – so we do an episode where Ronnie Cheng is a guest star. American comedian Ronnie Cheng. episode where Ronnie Cheng is a guest star. American comedian Ronnie Cheng. American comedian Ronnie Cheng.

Number one sensitive comedian in America. Yeah, very sensitive. So we wrote, I think that was pretty much the first episode that we wrote with Ronnie in it of that series. I can't remember. It was like when we just wrote it in a day, it was really easy to write. You wrote it. Yeah.

I just like impersonating Ronnie so we just sort of did this. Me and Tom Bella did the same thing with our pilot. We wrote an episode around Ronnie. He's the easiest person to write. Yeah. And you actually, you did it as well. So we wrote this episode and then all this stuff happened for Ronnie and we were like, oh, we're not going to be able to use Ronnie anymore.

As you went to the Daily Show. Yeah. He got fat. He lost so much weight. Yeah, so we started thinking, well, actually, no, we were like we're always going to get Ronnie and we've got this. Were you just doing that in the voice? We were always going to get Ronnie.

We've got this great producer who just kind of lets us do whatever we want and doesn't really – like she just bends over backwards to make stuff happen. So I don't think we ever really thought that it wasn't going to happen but then it just – the schedule got so crazy and we had to keep changing it because I kept like thinking that we could write a show when we had two children in the room at the same time and so it kept getting pushed back and then Ronnie like he had a window of two days to come back and do this episode and it was sort of like touch and go as to whether or not it could actually happen. So we made this like backup list of people who could come in

and do that episode. And so I think Dill was like, Dill was on there. Dill was there. He was about number three. Because we just used Dill with – Number two. In Bleak. Dill was in Bleak.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then Dill was the Greg Larson replacement in Bleak. It's true. Because Greg couldn't do it, this scene in the opening scene of Bleak because he was shooting some other shit, like, I don't know, some SBS shit. Wow, all our friends have so much going on, guys. This is the thing I was like.

Imagine even being a backup time. So anyway, but Padil missed out. Anyway, our backup for this podcast episode was Katy Perry. Yeah, yeah. Well, speaking of Ronnie, it's funny because he, as always, he's losing his mind still in New York. He's over in New York. He's making a TV show.

He's doing spots at the famous Comedy Cellar. He's still got time to spend most of his day abusing me on Facebook abusing me on Twitter cause on was it Friday you turned on your phone and there was just this series of voice messages going fuck off cat

cause he does an impersonation of me where he goes fuck off, cats. His Australian voice is so funny. It's like perfect. Well, do we want to hear it now? Because you sent me, you forwarded a message to me that was like, he was doing, he had this, I think it was in the middle of the night,

he was just recording his voice to try and make it sound like people we know and sending them to me. So I've actually got it here. And then you sent it to me. I was like, I'm well aware. I've got a dozen of them sitting here already. So I've actually got them lined up here. I hope I can...

I hope we can hear this. I'll try and play it. Obviously, that's not happening yet. Push the play button. No, I am. I am. Hang on God I might

Yeah that's coming through You can Yeah you can hear that I'll play the rest of it Alright here we go God I might It's Kendo here Yeah

Kyle Chandler Yeah My fucking haiku. Listen to my haiku. He did one. He's doing it to my haiku. Yeah, he somehow, when he impersonates other people, sounds even more Asian than him normally.

But he did one to you that sounded like Edo. I actually thought it was Edo. Yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah. Maybe he can do ladies better than he can do dudes. I don't know where to be. He did a girl to me and I was like, I actually thought it was a girl, but it was actually him. Did you think it was Edo?

Maybe it's this one. Hang on. Did you think it was... G'day mate. It's Kate McLennan here. Fuck off. Chur. See, that sounds like Ed, I know. It doesn't sound like you, but it does sound like...

It's like, g'day, mate. G'day, mate. It sounds... Hey, Nick Cody here. What of it? Sounds like he's Irish. Well, no, I think that sounds like... What of it?

Classic Nick Cody catchphrase. Yeah, what of it? He'll be getting an apron made up of that. I want to play that one again. Hey, mate, Nick Cody here. What of it? Like I say, he sounds Japanese then or something. What of it?

Do you think he might be a little bit homesick maybe? There's something going on, isn't there? Sitting up at 3am in Hell's Kitchen just pretending to be all his mates from back home. Hello, it's Dave Carlin. Dave Carlin. There's his mental illness.

So, alright, does Ronnie send you those voice messages all the time? Yeah, okay, because he does that to us as well. Yeah. So he sends us messages going, sell more Tupperware. So he's just got this thing about us selling Tupperware. He thinks that's what – For some reason, he knows all this stuff about my dad

and I put a thing on Snapchat the other day where I had a face swap of me and my dad and he commented on it going – he sent me a thing back going, famous architect David Allsop. Let's hear this one. Okay. Hey, it's me, little Tommy Desolo. It cuts off the first bit. Do it again, do it again.

Dickheads, it's me, Little Tommy Dazzle. See, I reckon you need to get this doll with that voice. That is Little Tommy Dazzle. Little Tommy Dazzle. Do it one more time. Dickheads, it's me, Little Tommy Dazzle. I feel like we need to get a Snapchat of that. Fuck.

That's too good. Little Tommy Desolo. Ronnie is fucking losing his mind. He is. He's totally losing his mind. Tip us up, Dan. How many other people do you think he's doing this to that we don't know about? That day, I got that from you, and then I think Josh Earl sent stuff to me as well.

I'm like, we're all getting it. See, I felt kind of special that Ronnie was sending us those messages, but he's just – I get a lot of abuse from Ronnie. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. A lot of people are in that boat.

Yeah. He knows how to – like, without this all being about Ronnie, like, what – does everyone think that he knows how to conduct our jobs better than we do. Yes. But that's a given, isn't it? That's what he thinks. That Ronnie knows more than us.

Because he outwardly says that that's what he thinks. Yeah, and you just believe him. Yeah. I mean, I believe him. And I guess because he is doing better than all of us. He's doing very well. Yeah, but he was carrying on like that even before The Daily Show. And then when he got that, there was part of me that was like,

great, here we go. This is just another. This is just more evidence for his case of everyone else being fucked. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Kate, I'm not sure if I knew this about you, but you went to school, went to university, we call it university, in Ballarat. Yes, I went to the Ballarat Academy of Performing Arts.

That's not a university. Is it part of the uni or not? Yeah. I don't think it's called that anymore, but it was definitely part of the University of Ballarat. Yeah. Which is the same. You went there as well, didn't you?

So you were at Mount Helen, were you? No, we were in this, like this old convent. Oh, yes. Victoria Street in Ballarat. So like this haunted convent. Was it near the Hungry Jacks? Yes, it was. I was very sick in that Hungry Jacks toilet that night.

I think I've talked about this. Like in the early days. Before I used to drive past it and see people juggling and eating fire and just went, fuck that place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And look, you know, I needed to make some money. So I got done on my phone when I was driving to Geelong.

Yeah. I had a great time in Ballarat, but it was sort of like – So is that because you grew up in Geelong? Yeah. So did you move from Geelong to Ballarat? Yeah. Just putting off going to Melbourne like I was. I grew up in like a little country town called Mortlake

and then went to Geelong. And then, yeah, when it came, you know, crunch time to go to university, I just wasn't ready for the big smoke. Yeah. Or a real degree. It's true. It's true. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I think there's a few Friends of the show now For this show I went to Ballarat Uni Aunty Donna went there They would have done The same course Yeah

But like about 10 years After I did that Yeah yeah sure Sure But you know It was cheap rent Yeah I think I paid

35 bucks a week rent When I first lived there Wow Yeah I think I was doing The same thing Yeah That's pretty good It's crazy rent.

But it was also a bit of a – because it's on that highway between Adelaide and Melbourne. So it was on sort of this drug route, like people – What? Because I think like in – well, in Adelaide. Could it be in South Australia? Hang on, this drug route, was that what happened in the toilets hungry Jack she was talking about?

It didn't, like, I don't know, South Australia you could possess pot or something, or you could grow a little bit of pot and it wasn't. So, like, lots of people would grow it and then, yeah, and drive to Melbourne to, you know, deliver it. And so they'd stop off in Ballarat. So Ballarat had this big pot smoking culture when I was there. So that was, yeah, like that was my first year of uni. I didn't know anything about that.

Didn't you? No. Oh, okay. Neither did I. Another thing for the ATO to know about. I didn't sort of know that much about it but I was around it. So like my first year of university was sort of just being in like really kind of like dingy lounge rooms like this tommy yeah and just sort of this is a uni share house that tommy lives in yeah just you know people doing bucket bongs

yeah yeah but i'd sort of yeah did you go to the were you going to nightclubs in ballarat were you going out oh like every now and then i'd go to 21 Arms yeah but mainly we just used to get pissed at each other's houses oh really on a bag of goon and that was it because we were kind of

we weren't like cool you know human movement kids yeah you know we were the fricking idiots walking around in like full length

leather jackets right and shit like we were the worst yeah just performing art students were the worst yeah so we were well that makes sense. Just performing arts students were the worst.

Yeah. So we were. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, you weren't going to the, 21 Arms was like the big nightclub. Yeah. They were having phone parties. You can't bring your full length leather jacket and your top hat into a phone party. No.

And I'd already done that. And it puts out the fire reading as well. So, yeah. Yeah, that's it. I actually tore the ligaments in my ankle at a phone party when I was 17 Oh you did Yeah I've never been to a phone party

It's just like Do they still have them? A pantry dish of germs Yeah It's just wet When I was in Thailand there was like a bar that was advertising that they were having one that night It just seemed like a weird thing for a place to have that's not a uni bar But those places are full of uni types.

Is it just like a way of groping people but you can't see where the hands are coming from? Yeah, it's a good cause for sexual assault. Because there's no way of explaining it that's not that. It's like, no, it's just fun being in lots of foam. It's just good. Yeah. Haven't you ever wanted to be in the dishes? Yeah.

It's awesome. Be in the dishes. It's like a bath but you get dirtier. Yeah. It's like the traffic light parties that they'd have at uni. Well, surely that's not still happening because that's like – The phone parties are always like I never heard a good story come out of it. It's like the chapel.

Do you remember the chapel nightclub there? Yes. Chapel. The chapel's having a phone party. Cool. Next day. The chapel is closed for six to eight weeks. There was another thing that people used to play when I was in high school

called pub cricket. Have you? So you don't know about it. This is like the worst kind of – again, I think it was just – this is growing up in Geelong. So it's just sexual assault where guys would just – so when you're walking past them in a nightclub, they would like get different amounts of runs for like whether or not they could sort of like, you know, lean out and rub their cock on you as they went past or like you know touch your boob

but that was pub cricket man i've never been so proud to not know something i've never been so proud to not like cricket um yeah did you ever did you have traffic light parties when you're at uni they must be getting phased out they're the thing where it's like turn up if you turn up wearing red that's like hey man i'm off the market if you turn up wearing yellow home don't wear it maybe i'm down to fuck tonight wear up turn up wearing green it's like so everyone's just like i've got tinder i don't need to do anything yeah it also does lend itself to a real culture of like but she was fucking wearing green you know like they must have been phased out by now. I'm interested to see, because you went to Melbourne Uni.

I did. Was there any, like what were your social activities? Honestly, I got drunk with Declan Fay from 1999 onwards and that was it. A little more upmarket, there wasn't pub cricket, it was pub lacrosse. It was a sexual assault game of there. It wasn't pub cricket, it was pub lacrosse. Was it a sexual assault game of choice? It was pub fencing. Well, you are poking someone with something. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, with a rapier. So no wild partying? What kind of... No, not really. I went from the choir I'm sorry, straight to theatre with Declan and that was it. So, yeah, no, not really. It was just – I just got really drunk.

Like I was able to – I used to be able to drink like two jugs. What would you have? Like a couple of nips of sherry after class? I feel like Dave O'Neill would be very intrigued by your choice of Melbourne uni because Dave O'Neill is, very intrigued by your choice of Melbourne Uni. Dave O'Neill is just someone that's obsessed with the uni that everyone, or high school, that anyone went to. He's got a thing about people who went to private schools.

I'm well aware. Why is he interested in it? His judgement calls on everyone is what school you went to. Yeah. He's just got a thing about it. I don't even understand it. But isn't he in his 40s? No, above that. Okay. But he's still carrying this through.

Yeah, he's got a thing about it. Whereas I'm – because I come from the country, it's like, well, I went to the school in town and then I went to the next town and then I went to that school. I never made any choices. Yeah, I mean, that's the sort of – if you do go to a private school, that's the conversation you have For like two years after Yeah

Going to school And then you realise That your schooling Didn't prepare you for life at all Although having said that And you're actually on the back foot I went Last year

I went to The What's it called You know the The members At the football Oh yeah At the MCC

MCC I went in there And that They're still very much That's kind of what school you went to Oh okay Maybe I just got out, I'm not sure There's a couple of dudes that I went to school with

Who show up on Facebook every now and then Who you can tell are still very into it Clinging onto that shit Very, very into it, yeah Just hanging around with the same people But for the most part, it's such a weird thing to Get a judgement call based on Because it's like, yeah sorry

My parents just decided to send You know what I mean like yeah i'm not i'm not i don't love it yeah you know did you go to uni i'm at uni at the moment are you at uni now yeah still yeah what are you doing starting animation oh yeah great which that's what this one did that's what i've got a master finally a more pretend course than the one Kate did. I always bag McClennan out about how ridiculous her course is and then I go, I'm a master's of animation, like I'm fucking from Greyskull or some shit. It's just not, it doesn't count.

If this doesn't work out for me, I'm going back and doing fire twirling. That's probably going to be it. That's a hextet until I'm in the grave. Where are you doing it? Are you doing an RMIT? At SAE. Oh, okay. What's that like?

It's good. It's good so far, yeah. Did you do your poster this year? Because your poster was very attractive. Sorry, for Comedy Festival. Yeah. No, I didn't do it. Okay.

Well, okay then. But he knows what looks good, so he's chosen that. It was really good. I curated the aesthetic of the poster. Okay, well, you curated it well. But he knows what looks good, so he's chosen that. It looks really good. Yeah, I curated the aesthetic of the poster. Okay, well, you curated it well. With our kind of partnership that we have, I have no idea about that kind of stuff,

so I'm just constantly deferring to you on everything and now that's sort of extended to our personal lives as well. Like constantly sending McCartney photos of clothes now and going, so like will this suit me? Oh, really? Does this colour palette work for me? No. Does this neckline work for me? No.

Does this lipstick work for me? Definitely not. But today I went shopping. That's a lot of texts you're sending from savers. Yeah. But today I went shopping because I don't know if I've already mentioned it

but we're going to LA this time and I need to get some clothes. Picking out the perfect neck pillow for the flight. Yeah. No, I bought clothes for meetings. Does this suit my neckline yes um and the chick behind the counter at the shop said you've got a very nice color palette

of clothes here i said thank you i said my friend she's told me what colors i can wear what do you think of what do you think of this at the moment? See, I've got blue. I've got blue. Like I've got blue and blue. Yeah, I mean that's the easy option for you because you've got blue eyes. Yeah. So that's going to be fine. If I start talking about colours, like my eyes roll into the back of my head

and it's like I'm, you know, quoting, you know, code or something. But you're very calm when you talk about colours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the calmest I'm ever going to be. What about me and Carl right now? Go on, Joan Rivers. Tell us. What do you make of this?

Do me. You're fine. You've got like two colours on. Tommy and I are almost wearing the same. I like Carl the most at the moment. Really? Yeah, I do. I like it because you've decided to use every colour.

Really? You've got red socks. You've got blue shorts. You've got sort of an Australian. Zucchini wrapped up in tinfoil under the shorts. A bit unnecessary. I'm wearing the Brazilian soccer fans. What do you think about the fluoro yellow with the yellow, yellow McCartney?

Like egg yellow with fluoro yellow. Oh, I think it's obnoxious. Oh. Hang on, I'm the one you like the most in the video. Yeah, but I like that. He's also got pink laces with red socks. Yeah, there's a lot going on. Does that work?

That can work, though. Well, you wouldn't wear it to your wedding. Pink and red can work. Fuck, you're complaining about that $400 for being on the phone. Thankfully, you didn't get pulled over by the fashion police. Yeah. Fucking hell, it would have been a lot more from them. It needs to be said that I don't know what I'm talking about either.

I'm wearing a dress from 2009. But you do have that thing where you can tell lots of shades of colour. That's true. I've got Perthit's Colour Acuity. Yeah. I've done tests online. Really? And they are definitely not wrong.

What does that mean, Colour Acuity? I've got a lot of time on my hands, guys. She can see lots of shades. My kids go to sleep at 6pm. You can recognise a lot of colour shades? No, no, no. I can just tell the difference between colours and I can put them in the right order.

Oh. Wow. What order do you need to put them in the right order. Oh. Wow. What order do you need to put them in? I don't know. They need to be ordered though apparently. From like – it's like – That sounds like you've got OCD. It's basically what I'm saying is I'm not doing well.

Like you look at a box of Dowens, like what, a 72 box of Dowens? Oh, go – it's about 100 shit. Yeah, I'd be able to do it like within, like a Rubik's Cube. I'd be able to do it in 12 seconds. Oh, man, I have so many tins of pencils that are out of whack. How about this big event at the 300 Live show? You just saw them while the gig's going on. We checked that in with you.

She's the female Lawrence Long. Just get her in it. Wow, what a great ad for the 300th show. Come and see pencils get ordered. Such a good, such a visual medium. Come and see. Podcasting as well. It'll be great.

Come and see a lady sorting pencils while Katy Perry does a song in the background. Oh, that's not a bad idea. Do you know how long it took for us to figure out? No, it's not a bad idea for us to have Katy Perry in our group. Do you know what? When we were thinking about like what the fuck we do with Katy Perry, it took us like what, 72 hours to realise her name was Kate too? Took us like a long time.

Well, I saw, when I was looking at you guys before to try and find stuff about the show, I found a thread about you on Reddit. Oh, yes. And it was more fuckable. What was that one? Was that the one? Someone going, oh, I've just realised it's McLennan and McCartney. Yeah.

Like the Beatles. And then the first comment under that, oh, I didn't realise that. It's like, wow, some deep discussion going on. But that's as far as that conversation goes because that can't go anywhere else because they then go, well, they're clearly not as talented. Well, it's like, which one's the dead one? Yeah, exactly.

Which one got shot in New York? Come on. Well, I think we'd better bring this to a close. That's just about all the time we've got for the Little Dumb Dumb Club this week Kate and Kate Thank you so much for joining us Thanks for the wine, did you buy that? I bought that

I can't accept any of that The season two of the catering show is now on iView If you're in Australia Season one is on YouTube And what about if you're for our international friends So if you're in America You can watch it on full screen. So you just download the app, which is free for the next couple of weeks.

You got that, Ronnie? Good. Ronnie. And then it's going out to the rest of the world on YouTube in like any day now. We're just waiting to get some shit started. So you've got, what is it, thecateringshow.com? Yeah, so that's our website.

That's probably the best way for people to find all that information. Yeah, and you can sign up to the mailing list or just follow us on Twitter. We'll, you know... Cool. We'll post about it. We'll get someone to post about it. Keep an eye out for Kate McLennan's LA Fashions

in the streets of Hollywood in a couple of weeks' time. Yeah, you can follow me on Instagram. Curated by me. That's right. Yeah, curated by you. I wouldn't dare step out of my hotel wearing anything that wasn't approved by you. So, yeah, you got 50,000 likes on Facebook, so get onto that. Do we?

Join the herd. Do we? Oh, good. Okay, good. Yeah, what we're trying to say is a few of you out there, unlike him, just to bring him back down to earth. Should I say this? Yes, do it.

I do a thing about a... Kate, you might... You don't have to be specific in any way about who it is. Just a person who you want to antagonise. I do a thing where I antagonise a certain comedian that people probably won't know, so don't email me and ask who it is, where they make a big fuss about them getting close to 500 likes

on their Facebook fan page, and when it gets within 10, they go, oh my God, everyone, if you could just like my page, because then it close to 500 likes on their Facebook fan page. And when it gets like within 10, they go, oh my God, everyone, if you could just like my page, because then it gets to 500 and then it'll be great. Then my life will be different, whatever. And it creeps up, it creeps up, it gets to 499. Then I go to his page, find all the people that like it, message them individually and say, can you do me a big favor?

And unlike this, and I've been doing this for years now. And so it just got to 500 the other day again and I just put in a few messages. I'm running out of people that I know that like it. So now I'm messaging people I vaguely know going, I know you don't know me very well, but can you do me a favour and unlike the page of a person you probably know better than me.

You're going to start showing up in a lot of filtered requests folders. I was thinking you were asking people to like the page so then you could specifically write to them in a little while and say, okay, jump off now, guys. It's like you're a Facebook stockbroker. That's not bad. I like it. Start doing that.

No, I like it. I like that it gets so close because he's put up messages before it gets up and then it's come back to 480 and he's gone, what's happening? That's my favourite bit of it is just him, like this insanely fluctuating scale of fandom that he seemed to have. There was actually a message where he put it out where it got to 499. He's like, it's finally going to happen. And I put in an afternoon's work and went down to 480

and he put out a message going, I don't know what's happened, guys. I guess my comedy is just a bit too edgy for a lot of people. Oh, he blamed the edginess of his comedy. Being that stoked about getting to 500, that's crazy. All right, guys, we'd better leave it there. We've also got our 300th show coming up in a few weeks' time. We're going to be in Sydney, July 10, doing our big Dumb Dumber Palooza show we've got the t-shirts

we've got all that stuff the Patreon is at our website littledumbdumbclub.com go and check that out thanks very much for listening guys and we'll see you next time see ya mate