The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 298 - Ronny Chieng & Harley Breen

Episode Date: June 21, 2016

Building Shelves, Overseas Tinder and Ronny's Bachelor Party. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne, this is your last official warning on the podcast before The Little Dumb Dumb Club. 3-0-0 episode spectacular. Carl, what have you got planned for it? Um, look, I don't want to give it away. We're pretty good with our stuff. I was going to stay home and not do anything for the 300th. I was going to upload episode 299 and then just go straight to 301. I was going to wash my hair on stage.

So it sort of feels like I've got something better to do, but I really don't. Yeah, cool. All right. I like it. All right. So I'll do that. I promise I won't do that.

Yeah. That's going to be great. We never sort of reveal our guests, do we? So we've got heaps of great guests coming down. We're going to have a smorgasbord. We're going to have to give everyone about five minutes each. We've got so many guests coming down. Yeah, it's going to be so good.

But we've got cool things planned. Yeah, this is it. This is your last warning if you listen to this on the day it comes out. We've been banging on about this for months. It's filled up gloriously. If you're coming, man, it's going to be so much fun. We can't wait. Don't miss out.

If you're on the fence, you're a fucking idiot. Turn this off and go buy a ticket right now. we're not begging you because we've already got heaps of we got millions of people coming but it's more that thing of going where i still run into people or i still hear from people online that say yeah i love the show never been live a block away yeah yeah yeah just just come along it's fun yeah yeah it's insane but yeah it's gonna be such a good night um a big bumper night a stand-up show the live podcast uh us dicking around afterwards there's sure to be a party afterwards we're gonna hang around we're gonna make it a big night we're gonna hire a party bus to just drive us across the west gate and back at the end it's gonna be great there's

gonna be speeches we're gonna uh then me and tommy finally drive off we have it we have our last dance together um and then we go off on We have our last dance together. Yes. And then we go off on our honeymoon. Yep. We've got the Hilton booked out. We're going to root. If someone can find my car during the gig and tie some empty cans to the back of it and spray paint Just Podcasted on the back window so that when I drive off it makes a real racket, that would be awesome.

Yep. Excellent. All right. That's sorted. Also, coming up pretty soon now, in what, like a couple of weeks, July the 7th, we have got our second Sydney podcast on sale. It is filling up very quickly. Not many tickets left.

Get in there and purchase one for God's sake. So Sydney, heaps of you guys came out last time. It's going to be heaps of fun again. July 7th and July 10th for the people that have already bought tickets to the July 10th one, which very quickly sold out. Don't forget to come along. You've got your tickets. You might as well come.

And then following that, July 30, our first trip to Canberra. We are driving up with a bunch of guests. It's going to be super awesome fun. I think that's completely booked for guests already. So we've got that all. That's the earliest we've booked all of our guests. So that's good. The car is completely full.

I'm assuming we take my car. And you know what the fee is for riding my car, Carl? Yes. Oh, fuck. I've forgotten what the thing is. Ass or grass. Yeah, yeah. The car's completely full and that's just with one guest getting in. So we're going to have to tie someone to the roof rack.

I know which one he picked out of ass and grass. Well, he sort of does look a bit like a cow, so probably grass. I was thinking the same thing, and I thought, that's a little bit too far to push, I reckon, but nope. So we've also, what have we got? The Patreon continues to kick along. People are still chipping in. You get your name read out.

Let's do a little bit of that. Yeah, let's go. Are we going to do our painted nicknaming? Yeah, I reckon. We are still chipping in. You get your name read out. Let's do a little bit of that. Yeah, let's go. Are we going to do our painted nicknaming? Yeah, I reckon. We painted it. Yeah. I just painted it. No one can make up nicknames unless they're one of the hosts of the Little Dom-Dom Club.

And, yeah. Okay, cool. And that's just me and you. Cool. Yeah. Here we go. Thank you to Lucy Barmalini. More like Lucy Barmalini. Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy. Please keep giving us money. Thank you to Lucy Barmalini. More like Lucy Barmalini.

I'm sorry, Lucy. Please keep giving us money. Thank you to, oh, this will stump you. Thank you to Charlie Pickleton. I'm sorry, Charlie, for Tommy laughing at your name. Pick up. You know what? What I would like, I'd like some of these people Because that's I imagine Pickleton

I'd like to know What he's gotten Over the years from people Yeah Nickname wise Charlie Ton of Pickles Please hit us up Let me know what you've copped

Pickleton The Big Pickle Charlie Let us know if you've ever Thought of changing your name Yeah Has there been a stage Where you've gone

You know what I can't cop this shit Any longer Pickleton I think it's cool And is this the point? Thank you to Kelsey Reed. Kelsey Grammar.

Oh, that's horrible. Thanks. I was just trying to think of what they say in the song for Kelsey. For Frasier. For Kelsey. That's Joe Kelsey. For Frasier. Scrambled eggs?

Scrambled fried tomato. I don't know. I've never watched it. A little bit too intelligent for me. I don't like this snooty I'm smarter than you. I love Cheers, but I hated Frasier. Right. And it won all the awards.

It would win all the awards instead of Seinfeld and Simpsons and stuff like that. And I was like, why is anyone watching Frasier to even bother judging it? But you know what? Seinfeld stood the test of time. Who ever talks about Frasier now? I mean, I know we've now devoted what feels like about five minutes of this podcast to it.

But no one even watched it in Australia. Like, that was the thing. It would rate number one in America and win all the awards and whatever. Over here, I remember Channel 9 tried it like four different times going, nah, it'll work this time.

7.30 on a Tuesday. Oh, nah, still no one's watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just no good in Australia. And I would wager if I lived in America, I'd hate it too. Anyway, thank you to Dave Court. Dave Night Court, another sitcom from America. Is Night Court a sitcom?

Yeah. Is it really? Yeah. Oh, I always thought it was like a Lord, like a drama. No. Oh, okay. It was a sitcom. It had, actually, it had a, one of the leads used to be in Cheers.

Oh, okay. Cheers. Cheers. I've got to say, I never watched – Cheers was before my time. I watched the pilot a few months ago because it's all on Netflix. Man, it holds up. Having gone in, no nostalgia for it, no childhood fondness.

It's a cracking pilot. I never watched it back then. I never watched it as a show. Like back then, I've only watched it on like TV One or whatever it was. Like Seven Mate or whatever. It's a great show. Yeah, it's funny. So thanks Dave Court for being part of that.

Thank you to Luke Palmer and your five daughters. There it is. Palmsy. Thank you to Alex Tilly. You don't have a nickname. Thank you to Alex Tilly You don't have a nickname Thank you to Jamie Main Jamie Main The main man

The main vein Yeah Fuck Jesus Thank you to Fiona Donald Donald Duck Fiona She's just two letters off being Fiona McDonald

Yeah From Hey Hey Saturday Oh I don't know who that is Oh fuck Yeah You love Hey Hey Saturday. Oh, I don't know who that is. Oh, fuck. Yeah. You love Hey Hey Saturday. Yeah. Well, why don't you know who... Oh, no. Fiona McDonald was the cousin of Jackie McDonald. I'm sorry. Oh, no. Fucking hell, I did not know that.

Fiona McDonald was on It's a Knockout. Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you remember that show? I don't know what it is, but I've never seen it. Oh, man. It was crazy. Three to go, guys. Thank you to Tom White. Tom White? Yeah. The best colour? Hey, it's not my, it's his name.

Take it up with him. Yeah, okay. Thank you to Steve Nielsen. Nielsen, kneeling down. Kneeling down in front of us, worshipping at the altar of your favourite podcasters. What? You were wincing in a way that I've never seen you wince before. That was like you're in front of the firing squad.

That's because you started by saying he was kneeling down. I'm like, well, there's only one place where this is going. That's a beautiful thing. You don't need to wince at that. Okay, good. It's two consenting adults. Fuck, Steve. You were lucky to get that one in the end, weren't you?

I'd like to fuck Steve. Oh, well, we got there in the end. You gave me a reason to wince in the end. All right, thank you. And one more. I'll get there in the end, all right. You'll make me wince in the end. Oh, I feel sorry for everyone that's fast-forwarded this.

Oh, God. All right, one more, one more. Let's leave on something that doesn't make me want to kill myself. Thank you to Christopher Rhodes. Yeah, drive on those roads, baby. How many roads can a man go down until he signs up to Patreon and

sponsors the Little Dumb Dumb Club? Next time we do this, I'm reading the names out and you can do the fucking nicknames if you think it's so easy. Did I say it was so easy? Every one I've done, you've looked at me like, God, what a fucking appalling suggestion. No, I haven't looked at you like that.

It's been more like, oh, this is going to get us in trouble somehow. What, by saying driving on a road? Oh, that's a bit testy. No, the bit where you said kneeling down. Speaking of being a bit testy. All right, we've got to wrap this up. Hey, if you want to be belittled in this way, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.

Chip in. You get sweet rewards. You get a newsletter every month. You get a bonus episode of this. Something that's more of this. Yeah. Who could say no? Yeah.

I mean, instead of just playing this introduction two or three times over and over and hearing these nicknames over and over, you can get a fresh episode. So get on that. Get on our website. There's a link on Little Dumb Dumb Club. That's your hub to everything. It's got a link to our Twitter, our Facebook, Instagram maybe.

Does it get a link to that? I don't know. I don't know that it does. I don't know. It's got all the back episodes of all the shows though. It's got all the merch. It's got all the tickets. Whatever.

Just get on to it. Okay. Enjoy this episode from Chang Towers with Harley Breen and Rotten Ronnie Chang. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

Boring. Nearly got it. It was racing. So boring. Can we just start the podcast? Just start the podcast. Why do you have to fucking... Oh, yeah. Sorry we're being...

Oh, we don't know who's going to be on this. Sorry we're being unprofessional while you are actually laying on the ground pretending to be dead while we started the podcast. Can you keep't know who's going to be on this. Sorry we're being unprofessional while you are actually laying on the ground pretending to be dead while we started the podcast. Can you keep it down? My housemate's trying to sleep. Keep it down. There's no housemate here.

There is one housemate in there. Why have we come to your place, by the way? I don't know. Ask Carl. I don't fucking want you guys here. Hey, Ronnie, that metal waving cat that all you people have outside your windows is not a housemate, by the way.

And the waving is not working. Hey, way to talk about something visual on a podcast. You're fucking idiots. Yeah, thank you. What does it mean when windows he's not a housemate by the way and the waving is not working way to talk about something visual on a podcast you're fucking idiot yeah thank you what does it mean when the cat's not waving

it means everyone's racist your chakra's fucked you fucked your chakra it means a daily show is going to get axed in a week it means you're not welcome

when a hand doesn't wave it means it means there's a lot of bad mojo in there or we should get one of them for every podcast. It's here to wave away the bad spirits, but you jammed it.

Is that what it really does? No, you stupid idiot. Explain it to us then. What does it do? What's he for? What's his name? Maybe that cat could introduce our guests that we don't know who they are at the moment. No one's got any idea who that fuck Muppet is over there.

How many random people do you get just tuning in on this? They know what's going on. Yeah, there may be people walking past your apartment door right now wondering who's in here, so let's yell it out for them. House might be wondering what's going on. Let's introduce the guests for their benefit. Our first guest, let me introduce them. Okay, let's go for it.

Our first guest you may know from The Daily Show in America and from being the number one sensitive guest on this podcast of all time. It's Ronald, Rotten Ronald Chang. Thank you. Now my husband's trying to sleep. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, that's okay.

Number two guest. Number two guest is one of our favorite guests as well. Who I personally requested so you can thank me for this gig. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you you can thank me for this gig. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for finally introducing us to this next guest that we've never had on before on our 298th episode. Boring.

Thanks for putting your neck out for me, Ronnie. It's really good. This pays a lot, so you really owe Ronnie that. Hurry up and introduce him so we can get on with you. Yeah, I'm trying, but this crazy autistic guy keeps interrupting me. Two minutes down, 58 to go. Let's race through this. We can do it, guys.

I believe in us. Our second guest for this hour is one of our favourites. It is Harley Breeze. One of the best guys. I know. Guys or comedians as well? No. I'm not much good at that.

I'm all right, bloke. Who's your top five favourite comedians? Top five favorite comedians Yeah Of what That I know personally Yeah sure Wait

How many times Have you told me And probably another dozen That they're your favorite comedian I've told you a couple times You've told me a few I told you and Then I found out

You told other people The same thing No no But I told you I said you When I told you I said you Dave Williams

And one more dude Hey Harley I can think of something worse than that. Never being told that at all. Make you think. Yeah, Harley's doing okay. Harley was going to build a shelf in my apartment for money. He never did it. You know why?

Where have you been over the last 12 months? You're fairly busy? Here a lot, to be fair. Yeah, because I need to be standing there while you build it. Oh, God, man. You can't just build it while I'm not here? Think of us. We're the ones that have been left on the shelf, me and Tommy.

You must really rate my comedy if you just want me to build a shelf. You're a great comedian. You can build my shelf. Hey, you're his favourite shelf builder. He has told me that as well. You can speak gold out of anything. He wants to see the ten minutes you come up with on building the shelf. That's going to be good gear.

It's my new show, Ronnie's Shelf. Get Ronnie attached to it. You can get a show on the Lifestyle Show. At the moment, we wouldn't be able to. What was your previous show, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs? What? What was your other show? No, there was nothing like my other show.

What was the car? The car? Yeah. That's so long ago. That's nearly ten years old. What was it? What was your other show about? No, there was nothing like my other show. What was the car? The car? Yeah. That's so long ago. That's nearly 10 years old. What was it? What car was it? The Kingswood and I.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, dinosaurs. Yeah, dinosaurs and Cadillacs. Ali, stop being so rude to one of your biggest fans, right? He's trying to ask you a genuine question about your Cadillac. And to your employer. Yeah, yeah. Where can I purchase Cadillacs and dinosaurs?

I'd imagine JB Myham. Why can I not purchase it online and Dinosaurs? I'd imagine Why can I not purchase it online? Why don't you have a website? Hey, shut the fuck up. People are trying to sleep. I do have a website. I've had two. They've been stolen both times. Cadillacs.com and Dinosaurs.com Somebody took HarleyBreen.com

and I was like, well, good luck. You can have it. And now I've got HarleyBreen.com.au and I keep getting messages from some bloke with a weird name saying he can do things for me. When you say some bloke with a weird name, you mean your name because he wants the domain? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. It's a weird name though.

Some freak. So what's at harleybrain.com right now? You're going to look it up right now? Have a look. Should I look it up? Yeah, look it up. What's the Wi-Fi password in here, Ronnie? In here?

Yeah. I'm not telling you. Okay. Because I've said this the other week, but I've only just got carlchandler.com.au back. From the Chinese scammers? No, no, no. They've still got.com.

Oh, okay. They've still got that. But they are now selling it for US $2,000. $2,000? Yeah. That's worth it. Yeah, definitely. A lot of people do go there looking for

cheap Air Jordans so but yeah I'm currently designing.com.au so so it'll be ready in six years

yeah alright five maybe five maybe five it's not like your professional graphic design

or anything no I don't know how to do websites though yeah because you start doing graphic design

right when computers start you never moved on to the computer part of graphic design right when computers started. You never moved on to the computer part of graphic design. You're stuck with pen and paper. Yeah, I did a great website made of gouache and watercolor. Carl will go to me. I'm designing a poster for our live shows.

I go around there and it's like cut out letters and stuff from Who Weekly magazine just glued up on the wall. It's all ransom notes. Like a ransom note. You and Dave Thornton both learned graphic design and both cannot use computers. I can use a computer. You just made that up. But you don't use Photoshop for graphic design.

So what the fuck is graphic design for you? What does graphic design mean to you? Graphic design means visual stuff, not backend stuff. Backend stuff is websites. That's like saying... So you supervise people who actually do the work. That's like saying you know how to speak English, but you don't know what the words mean.

Like you only know one of those things. That's correct. You don't know what you're talking about. You know how to speak, but you don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, that's you. That means you know graphic design, but you don't know how to use Photoshop.

I do know how to use... Photoshop is not a website building piece of software. No, but I'm talking about graphic design right now. I'm talking about graphic design right now. Yeah, well, I know how to use Photoshop, yes. Okay, when you first learned graphic design, what did you learn it on? Photoshop and Illustrator and...

Then why the fuck are you so hopeless with all that shit? I am good at all that shit. Don't try and make me angry. You're getting me really upset. Back when Carl was learning it at uni, it was the bird chiseling it into the slate and then he'd look at you and go into living. My teacher, Fred Flintstone.

This is riveting. Why can't you... Look, I'm so... It's so boring. Why can't you? Look, I'm so excited. It's so boring. Why don't you just smoke some weed like you always do? I had a joint before I came here. Yeah, it's still boring. Do you know what I did yesterday?

The day before, sorry. I cooked weed in coconut oil for 10 hours. Big shout out to our main sponsor, Victoria Police. That's a weird sponsor. No, it's good though. We'll take anyone's money They get a lot of money Yeah

What do they get out of this? What are they wanting us to do? Can I ask why? Why? Yeah To infuse the THC into the oil So I can make edibles What is it?

Edible what? Edible weed Rather than smoking it What? Anything Why do you want to do that? Rather than smoke it It's a healthier way to consume it

So where would you put it into? My mouth Just by itself? Rather than smoke it. It's a healthier way to consume it. So where would you put it into? My mouth. Just by itself? Do you cook it into something or do you just literally eat it? You can't just eat it yourself. You can use it as a lubricant. You get stoned from the cock up. It's true.

That was your show last year, wasn't it? Stone from the Cock. No, no, no. That was his show. How he read the life story. No, that was his show last year, My Cock's Got the Munchies. The picture is just my dick with a Dorito in it.

Wasn't that what your poster was last year? My dick with a Dorito. Yeah, you're just naked and holding it. Me naked looks like a dick with a burrito. Burrito? Dorito. Yeah, sure. So you can put in so much effort to make, you can like MacGyver this shit,

but you can't sell your special on your website. I don't have a website and I wouldn't call it a special. Because I'm an Australian. You wouldn't put your spoken word poems, your spoken word Def Jam poetry on your website to sell. There's nothing on your website. I just checked at harleybreen.com, which to be honest

I did first look up harleywang.com because that's your Facebook name. Great, now everyone's got to know. Batten down that inbox. Here they come. Friend request. Oh, sorry, Superman.

I just revealed Clark Kent is your real name. So can I make a website for you? Sure, man. Knock yourself out. Make one for me. Yeah, but it costs $8 a month. $8 a month? Yeah.

I can afford that. I can do that. Yeah. Okay. How many shelves is Harley going to have to build to pay off his website? Well, he came and built one, so I don't know. How much do you pay a shelf? I'll do that Yeah Okay How many shelves Is Harley gonna have to build To pay off his website Well he came and built one So I don't know How much do you pay a shelf

I'll do a shelf Your fucking shelf Will look like your face All crooked and fucked up Yeah Wow Then you'll be sexually Attracted to your shelf

Okay that's why you don't want it You'll be sexually Attracted to your face Yeah that's what you are What the fuck is wrong With you two We've been penting This has been pent up

For a while now Has it Yeah Why what happened Well we argue online A lot Yeah And then What about you two. We've been penting, this has been pent up for a while now. Has it? Why, what happened? Well, we argue online a lot. Yeah,

what about? Just, I abuse him on a daily basis. He's really mean. You're actually a really sweet, nice,

caring guy in real life. This is all just a persona. Sure. It must be tiring. I think the persona is starting to take over

though, I gotta say. I do too. I'm finding it difficult to differentiate between the two. But, I'll tell you this though if on this podcast people don't want to listen

to Nice and Friendly yeah they want conflict yeah exactly so I'm here to create conflict I love conflict that's why you're my

number one favourite guest I know I try to create my but on previous podcasts I'm not very good on it yes you are you've done like one good one I'm okay

I've done one decent one but most of them are very boring I listen back I'm not very good on it. Yes, you are. You've done one good one. I'm okay. I've done one decent one, yeah. But most of them are very boring. I listen back, I'm like, oh, this is stupid. We've talked in the past about how you organise little parties for the international visitors of the festival, which we've never received an invite to. Then the last time we had you on the show was a live one during the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

We were walking down the street with you. We bump into Tom Ballard and he goes, hey, man, sorry I can't make it to your big party you're having tomorrow. And have a guess which two names had been, have a guess which two people then received a Facebook event invite 10 minutes after that interaction in the street. I've got it. Carl and Tommy.

Yes, very good. Top of the class. Why are you so sensitive about not being invited to my party? Because I thought we were friends. I got an invite to the party and I repeatedly refused to RSVP. And I didn't show up. So I just kept in guessing the whole day. To be fair, though, your cock was so out of it.

Yeah, my cock was munted. No shelves at that party. I kept trying to drag it out of the apartment. Like, come on, get off the couch. Yeah, hardly not organising to attend my party. I was really surprised by that. I did not prepare for that eventuality at all. Yeah, so I did invite you to my rooftop birthday party

and you couldn't come because you were doing something else. Yeah, I was away. Did you come for that? No, I didn't come. If you don't come, it doesn't matter. If you don't RSVP, you know that, right? Yeah, that's what I do. Thank you. I think requiring someone to RSVP is bullshit because... You know why? Because you've never

organized anything in your life. No, I'm sitting why? Because you've never organized anything in your life. No, I'm sitting at home. You've never organized shit in your life. You listen here. I'm sitting at home doing nothing, right? You're smoking weed, yeah? Baking weed or whatever. Baking weed, minding my own business, giggling at my cock, right?

And then I get a message, oh, it's Ronald. What's he got going on? And he's like, no, why did you come to my boring ass fucking party? Now, I was doing nothing all of a sudden I've got work to do because I've

got a reply can't be fucked would rather put barbed wire down the eye of my but you didn't do that anyway

what are you complaining about you didn't do anything you didn't do shit so what are you complaining about

you did nothing you looked at you saw nothing that's a weird thing with where you put your marijuana now next time I see

you with your head in your oven I'm like oh you're not trying to neck yourself. You're actually just getting baked in there. Hot boxing. I was reading an American website for the recipe.

Thedailyshow.com? Yeah. Harleybreen.com. So you do this thing called decarboxylation, which is taking out basically CO2 out of the... It's like chemistry professor. You're heightening the THC content of your weed. Anyway, I read this on an American website.

Please go on, Walter Breen. I put it in the oven for an hour at 240 degrees, but it was meant to be at Fahrenheit, and I had it at 240 degrees Celsius. Centigrade in the old scale. Who knew someone dealing with that much marijuana would make a fuck up like that? I went outside for a joint and I came back in and I was like, wow

that joint followed me into my whole house. Just set fire to a quarter of an ounce of weed. I like that you go and take a break to have a joint whilst cooking up marijuana to consume later on. There was a lot of weed. It's nasty work. Your marijuana was on fire.

Does that mean your oven is out of its fucking head now? Yeah, it's so much. I haven't been able to get anything but chips in it for two days. I put a steak in it. It's like, fuck off, man. Does that mean everything you're cooking there is now infused yeah

oh wow you got a marijuana oven there yeah that's how that's how science works a marijuana kiln the smoke just holds us in the oven forever

anything I put in it goes I'll get in there chemistry I love this fucking guy who couldn't tell Fahrenheit and Celsius strategy just about science. Where is this scientific arrogance when you're trying to figure out the temperature?

Well, all it said was 240 with a little circle. With an F next to it. I thought that meant fucking hot. It had no F. 240 fucking degrees. Fucking Celsius count. F is what he got in chemistry class. 240 F.

Yeah, that looks familiar. Oh, man. We got to go around to your place. Yeah, I'll make you some edibles. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. And then you, this fucking asshole, Tommy. Yeah.

Right? So he was supposed to organize the cake for you. No, he wasn't even organizing the cake for your birthday. Oh, a hole's in the story already. Yo, I organized the cake for your birthday. And I say, I need a place to deliver it to in the day. There's this two-hour window where they deliver it. Tommy volunteers his place.

So I ask him, Tommy, do you mind if I deliver Carl's cake to your place? I'll pay for the delivery. I'll pay for the cake. Yeah, but everyone else has to put their percentages into my bank account. Yes. Hey, guys, I'm organizing a cake. Now put your money in my bank account. I didn't ask you to organize a cake.

They didn't fucking put money in it. That money that you put in was in Fahrenheit. All of a sudden, there was a big windfall. You do something nice for someone and everyone starts bitch moaning. Thank you. People who never organize anything always complain

about everything thank you for organizing the cake for my birthday party all I did was I organized a cake and I said hey anyone who wants

to contribute to the cake please pitching if not don't worry about it that's what I said thank you Ronny I didn't chase anyone for money

I appreciate it I never chase you for money so the cake was very nice I appreciate it very much so the delivery was like between

10 to 12 on Saturday. No. And Tommy goes... Not on Saturday. What was it, Sunday? It was the Wednesday. Wednesday, yeah. 10 to 12 on Wednesday.

Hey, you're fucking talking like I did something wrong here, but you know you fucked up. So stop that fucking tone. I didn't fuck up. He got the cake. Did you have the cake? Shut the fuck up. Did the cake turn up?

Let me tell a story. Why don't you let me tell a story? All right, tell the story. Because it's going to suck. So 10 to 12 on Wednesday, delivery is going to occur. Tommy, is this okay with you? 10 to 12 on Wednesday, to be fair,

Tommy's got a lot going on. Yeah, I know. He's pretty busy. Yeah, totally. Especially on a Wednesday. Yeah, it's like 10 to 12. Crash Bandicoot. But here's the thing.

He's busy, that's fine. But he said that he was available. So he goes, goes yeah this is fine and then somewhere else along the line I find out there's a party happening at 11am and Tommy's going for it

a party at 11am correct wow that doesn't sound correct this is none of this what was it it was a lunch organised for his birthday

that I said yes to at what time at 12 the cake was turning up between 10 and 12 yeah easy done no the cake wasn't 10 and 12 it was like 11 to 1 right is that, the cake was turning up between 10 and 12. Easy done. No, the cake wasn't 10 and 12.

It was like 11 to 1, right? Wait, the cake turned up before I left. Yeah, I can't remember. It was a while ago. What are you bringing it up for? Yeah. There's no issue here. No, let me find out.

Are you going into your filing cabinet? What are you doing? Oh, God. You guys keep this podcast going. Were you annoyed that he had organized to go to a party in such close proximity No I was annoyed that he agreed to go to a party overlapping with

the delivery time He had one fucking job That's what I just said Which is to stay at home and accept the cake I would have just gone to the And not only did you fuck that up

I had to find out through someone No shut up How did I fuck it up No you shut up How did I fuck it up Just because everything turned out okay

doesn't mean you didn't fuck it up Yes it does No it doesn't Yes it does No it doesn't What if you weren't there How did I fuck it up? Just because everything turned out okay doesn't mean you didn't fuck it up. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. What if you weren't there when the cake was delivered? Then what would happen? I wasn't going to leave until the cake had been delivered. I was going to wait until the cake was there and then I was going to go. It's exactly what I did.

But people say you're going to show up at a party at 12. If the cake had been late, I would have said, hey, I'm going to be late because I'm waiting for a surprise for my friend Carl's birthday. Okay, well, you should have just said that then. I tried to say it to you. No, you didn't. But then on top of that-

I'm so angry right now. That lunch that he went to, my good friend- Stop yelling. My husband's sleeping. I'm sorry. That lunch that Tommy was going to that he was worried about going to was my birthday lunch. Yeah.

The lunch that then you were invited to and then didn't turn up. Yes. You just straight up fresh air this. You didn't even show up. I'm sorry I'm so busy. I was busy. What were you doing? In here jerking

your little wiener. Yeah. What was it? Waving to your little fucking cat over here. Putting the cat's fist up your ass. Wednesday?

This was a while ago guys. I can't remember all these details. It's good that you brought it up then. Baking opium in your oven. Where's opium in your oven?'s Xavier Michaelides When you're there Why

Because he plays the opium pup I'm not the second thing The opium pup Xavier Michaelides Is strung out on opium That's why he brought That's a funny joke You know

Why is he strung out on opium It doesn't matter Ask your people Why is he from Hong Kong What happened Yeah he's from Hong Kong Xavier Michaelides? Yeah, he's from Hong Kong. Xavier Michael, he's traditional Hong Kong. Why is his opium then?

I don't get it. He does this really amazing bit about a guy in an opium den. Yeah, it's a bit of material. It's very funny. You haven't seen it? No, I'm... Okay. If you'd seen it, you would have told him he's one of your favourite comedians.

That's my mug that you're drinking out of now. It wouldn't take my top spot. You're drinking something that my lips have been on How does that make you feel? Oh, you're going to get childhood cancer The silent killer Just laying dormant But Ronnie, talking about all these

sort of parties and things like that That we haven't been invited to The next big party of your life What? Your funeral When you kill yourself When you go back to New York

Your wedding And boy will we have a party We're free We're all going to buy a cake I didn't know my presents Made you guys so upset. No, we love you, Ronald. I love you, Ronald.

Thank you for organizing that cake, if I haven't said it already, this podcast. But thank you. No, you're welcome. Your wedding. Your wedding's coming up, Ronald. When does the wedding happen? I don't know. Are you going to do it here?

I don't know. Or in Vietnam? Will you be my wife fucking asking me to organize it? In Malaysia or America or any one of the countries you pretend to be from? or America, or any one of the countries you pretend to be from? Why is it so hard for you to understand that you can be from multiple countries? Because you come from country Victoria? No, but it's just what... Country Queensland.

Country Queensland, sorry. Jesus. Take that back. Sorry, reclaim Australia. Sorry, I apologize for multiculturalism. Reclaim Australia over here. So where are you having the wedding? Multiple places.

You're going to have multiple places? That's how... Are you going to be in one and she'll be in the other and you'll do it over Skype? Yeah, it's normal. No, it's not normal. Yeah, it's normal. No.

In no culture is multiple weddings normal. It's normal. Nah, tell me a culture where that's normal. Mine. You don't have one. Which one? Which one of your cultures? When you're a third culture kid,

you have weddings in multiple places. When you marry someone who doesn't look the exact same colour as you, normally you go to the other country. Like your girlfriend who looks like your sister. Wow. Who I actually thought was a relative of yours. Yeah, I see. You're really moving outside your race here.

Oh, wow. Wow. The fact that they're Asian doesn't mean they can't be Australian, you fucking piece of shit. Wow, that's terrible, Harley. Which chapter of Reclaim Australia did you just join? Yeah, because they wrote a book. Not a leaflet.

Oh, my God. Chapter means branch, you fucking imbecile. Oh, my God. Okay, cool. Cool fucking imbecile. Oh, my God. Okay, cool. Cool. So are you going to have your wedding like those people that try and have New Year's Eve all around the world? On the same night, like five times? Chasing the sunset?

You're going to chase your wedding day all around the world? No, we're going to have one in Melbourne because she's from Melbourne. And then we're going to have one in Malaysia. That's surprising to me. Because I'm from Malaysia. Oh, one in Malaysia? Yeah, and then we're going to have one in New because I'm from Malaysia. Oh, one in Malaysia? Yeah, and then we're going to have one in New York.

Oh, really? Because why not? For all you great friends that you've known for three months, yeah? Yeah. But that's pretty rock star behaviour.

That's pretty normal. It's not normal. It's normal. How many bachelor parties are you going to have? Oh, bachelor party. Oh, I don't give a fuck about bachelor parties, man.

All right, we'll do that. Come on, your last night as a free man. You guys can do it and I'm not going. No, you don't get a fuck about bachelor parties, man. All right, we'll do that. Come on, your last night as a free man. You guys can do it and I'm not going. No, you don't get a choice. You don't get a choice in whether you're coming or not. We're going to come kidnap you. You're going to come smoke me out with your weed.

I've done it three times. Kidnapped men for their Bucks nights. You've done it three times? Yeah, three times. Hey, this podcast really isn't good for your court case. You've got weed and kidnapping. Two of them have showed up. Ronnie Chang, Buck Party, everyone have showed up. Ronnie Chang,

Buck Party, everyone drink irresponsibly. Buck Party? Ronnie Chang, Buck Party! Everyone drink irresponsibly. Hey, what about this? What if I run down the shops,

get a slab, we turn this podcast into the Bucks Party? What's your fucking go for? My son's waiting in the car. This is actually true. That's the fourth crime

you've admitted to. Harley Brin's girlfriend and his son are doing laps of this building at the moment waiting for Harley. I thought that was a joke. Is that serious? Well, I hope they've found something more productive to do. If they make me wait when I'm finished, there will be hell to pay. Tell them to come up.

No. Get them in. I don't want them influenced by you. They're outside in the car. Meanwhile, there's fucking... They're outside in the car Meanwhile this fucking They're outside in the car Harley's done a lot of Weeding in the car

So they're just Infused Don't come up It's a cold day So the heat is set To 240 degrees Celsius So Ronnie Chang Bucks party

Bucks party Ronnie Chang Bucks party That's what I'm calling it You can go I'm not going to Invite you anywhere Yeah you go

Yeah I'm not I'm not going to Invite you anywhere Even if I had a buck party Well you don't organise it Because you don't organise Your own buck party Yeah

Who's your best man? You guys I don't have a best man What? Then we'll do it No I don't have any groomsmen I don't have a best man My wedding is

I don't need your approval to do it We're doing it Okay well I hope you don't need my presence either Because I'm not going Yeah because I'm going to kidnap you Well if you think this is going to happen I outweigh you

Borrow some money to fly to New York then Because I'm in New York If you want to come kidnap me No you said you were going to have a wedding here Yeah but I'm only going to come back for a wedding I'm going to kidnap you. The thing that's going to happen, I outweigh you. Borrow some money to fly to New York then because I'm in New York. If you want to come kidnap me. No, you said you're going to have a wedding here. Yeah, but I'm only going to come back for a wedding. I'm going to leave immediately. No, you're not going to fly into the church and then straight out again.

There will be other times. You're going to parachute right beside her. I do. And then boom, you're out. Like Tom Cruise's Mission Impossible. He's just going to come down from the ceiling. I do. Also, church? What are you, white? Yes, I am. I'm not going to get married in a church. Like Tom Cruise Mission Impossible He's just gonna come down From the ceiling I do Also church

What are you white? Yes I am I'm not gonna get married In a church What are you having A bloody yum cha buffet Yo A sushi train

You're gonna be on the sushi train You guys don't know How Chinese people get married? No Wow you guys are ignorant Well tell us No you guys are ignorant as fuck I don't wanna tell you anything

Well make us less ignorant Educate us It's impossible I genuinely I don't want to tell you anything. Well, make us less ignorant. Educate us. It's impossible. I genuinely, I just want you to know this from my heart, I genuinely don't give a shit how your people get married.

Yeah, it's true. I'm not going to tell you either. Tell you what, send someone around to my house to teach me between 11 and 1. I'll be waiting there. Shut up, Tommy. What do you do?

What sort of venue do you get married in? What's your big special Chinese trick for weddings? What's the weirdest place you've had sex? Why did you start doing comedy? Why? A friend dared me to do it. A fair reason to give up on the rest of your hopes and dreams.

I was 16. I had none. Yeah. It survived cancer. It was all weird, wasn't it? You're clear. What now? What's next?

I was going to stretch these out for 50 years. I'm going to have to figure out something else to do. My diary's just opened up. I'm going to die every night. Wow. I kind of like not having hair. I know that's coming back. All right, cool.

Thank God. I can't even joke about Tommy's childhood cancer. Why not? I don't know. It's funny. He's alive. I know. If he was dead, it would be so cool.

I did it. I mean, even if he had died, it would be funny. Let's be honest. It would be a bit funnier. So wait. You somehow, you read about it in the paper or whatever. You just happen to see this obituary. A childhood you've never met, but you didn't know.

I'm 12 at that point. And up till now. You're 22. No, I read about it only now. I go into the library and I just go through the old newspapers. And I've gone, man, I'm running out of things to talk about on my one-man podcast. I'm 290 episodes in. Hang on, some kid died of cancer.

Harley, Ronnie, get in. If I'm not on this podcast, your number never got put out there. I don't think you would have made it to 290. That is sweet content. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. So didn't you feel like you're a second lease on life?

Yeah. And look at me. I'm hanging out in chain towers on a Sunday afternoon. I'm giving the gift of laughter, Ronnie. How's school going? Good. Okay. Yeah.

You learning some stuff? Yeah. All right. Are you going to put anything to practice? Yeah. You keeping up with your work? Yeah. School school going? Good. Okay. Yeah. You learning some stuff? Yeah. All right. Are you going to put anything into practice? Yeah. You keeping up with your work? Yeah.

School looks okay? Mm-hmm. What uni? Same uni as Ronnie? Yeah, law at Melbourne University. Oh, right. You're doing law now. Yeah, I'm writing a pilot.

Tommy Dasolo, national student. Which by the way, I tried to get you on. No, don't. I hate that bullshit. What? I tried to get you on that thing that I've that bullshit Why? I tried to get you on that thing That I've already done and finished

Again There's something worse And that's not being told That at all Man time you're still on that shelf That hasn't even been made Okay Because I've been told this a lot

By a lot of great people In this industry Oh man I really wanted you to get on Oh that's good That paid me rent What was your roadblock then? In trying to get me on What was the roadblock? You just said You were trying to get me. Oh, that's good. That paid me rent. What was your roadblock then? What was the roadblock?

You just said you were trying to get me on your show. Who said no? No one said no. You weren't answering the phone because you were baked out of your head. Highly likely. Turns out these parties weren't parties. It was actually like shoot dates. I'm like, fuck off.

See if I'm Irish repeat for that guy. It's a contract. No. What's all this money going into my account? Fuck off. I'm not coming to your party. Why does he need my super details? No, that's fair enough.

I hear you when people say that too. But I'll be on the second episode. Yeah, please do. I need to know your character though. There was someone who... I'd be a janitor, I reckon. Or a stoner I can play that role

What about me and Tommy? How about we get in the rest of it? Do you have any stoners at university? There's got to be stoners Can I play a bronze statue that they've erected Of a kid who looks like me Who died of cancer at the university? No

Okay Worth a shot So you're wedding Who's coming? Who's getting invited? If I get invited, I'm not a RSVP. Yeah.

You've got a lot of friends in Melbourne comedy. A lot of friends that have been on this podcast. Yeah, it's going to be tough to fit everyone in. So I'm going to have to be very judicious with who I pick.

Like what? What are your rules going to be? It's going to be people who are nice and I get along with and who are encouraging and who know how to behave in a social environment.

Fuck, I'm four from four here. Yes, go on. And like under 45. Five from five, yes. That's about it, yeah. Why is there an age limit on your wedding? Sorry, mum and dad, you're out.

If you're not going to be culturally sensitive to how the Chinese... Oh, that's the trick. That's the Chinese trick. Yeah, we don't like old people at the wedding. What are you doing? What's the venue, in all seriousness?

I'm going to tell you on the fucking... Yeah, we don't need an exact address. It's in Melbourne. If you don't do a church, what do you do? Oh, I'm just going to have a fun dinner. A fun dinner? So what, you go on a bloody... Or you can eat Pizza Hut.

Yeah. It's a fun dinner. Yeah, sure. So, fuck, you won't be able to invite Dilrok. That's one man down. Well, I could eat everything. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to.

I'm still trying to figure out how to get everyone in on this. How to get everyone in? Yeah, because there's a lot of family from her side who needs to come. Yeah. I don't have any family here, so I'm... Well, what's the problem? You just invite them. And then your side of the family

are all of us all your buddies yeah I don't know we're your family now Ronnie yeah how much how many family well it's gonna be

like 200 seats and I don't know how many she's gonna have so well how many you just said you got no family so you got nothing

you got nothing by right she should get 100 seats that's fair and even sure but has she got siblings no I'm not gonna get 100 seats

I'm okay with that. What if you get 50? Yeah, if I get 50. 50, you'd be happy with 50? Yeah, I'd be happy with anything. I don't care about this stuff. Well, I can't name you

50 good comedians. I can't think of 50 better people to invite than us. So we've got to be in 50. We've got to be in the top 50. You know what she did say though?

She did say, don't turn this into a Dum Dum Club podcast. Because I said, it would be funny if we we roast each other on the thing

she's like don't turn this into a dumb dumb club podcast at your wedding you said you you want to roast your wife at the wedding

no no I wanted to I wanted to get you guys on to roast at your wedding at your wedding oh roast you yeah yeah

oh man but she said don't turn this into a dumb dumb club yeah that's more of a bucks night thing yeah yeah once again we'll organise that you really want to have a bucks night no I said don't turn this into a... Yeah, that's more of a Bucks night thing. Yeah, yeah. Once again, we'll organise that.

You really want to have a Bucks night? No, I do not. Yeah, exactly. That's a Bucks night thing. Let's do that. I don't want a Bucks night. I don't know how to make this any clearer. I know you guys don't speak English.

You're just describing it. You're saying, I want this to happen, this to happen, this to happen. You're just describing a Bucks night. No, I'm not. I'm describing my wedding. And also, I said I wanted... Yeah, I wanted Yeah I wanted

Some close friends to come And no groomsmen Yeah No groomsmen Is she having bridesmaids? No, no bridesmaids Right Yeah

Because that would be lonely for them Yeah Yeah So 50 So do you need us to know? I love taking wedding advice On YouTube by the way Experts in

Oh wait You did get married Yeah I did I nailed it Got married Got rid of it Clocked it onto the next one I'm taking wedding advice on YouTube, by the way. Experts in... Oh, wait. You did get married. Yeah, I did. I nailed it. Got married, got rid of it. Clocked it onto the next one. Right.

Second one. Any advice? Second one ready. You got any advice for Ronnie for his first wedding? Uh-oh. For your first... I just... Well, for the actual wedding day,

it should just be like you said, a fun party. A fun party, yeah. That's exactly what it should be. Just do it exactly what you and him want to do exactly so stop fucking

with this Bucks night thing yeah no but that's about us yeah alright well then you guys go and

do it you don't need me don't drag my name into this we are dragging you through a lot of things are you going to

sign a prenup oh good question am I going to sign one yeah you guys you both sign them, don't you? There was some serious sexism in that response.

Am I going to sign one? Are you going to make her sign one, but you're not going to sign one? No, I'm not going to know when to sign prenups. So she's definitely signing one. What? No, no, no. You sure? I haven't thought about this.

You're getting very nervous about this. I don't want to mix the personal life into this shithole over here. This is a pile of shit which I don't want to drag. Is this about the podcast or about your wedding? You guys personally and the podcast. I don't want to bring that into this. What is your opinion on prenups? I don't know.

I think it's okay, right? Is it? I don't know. It's weird. It's a weird one. A contract on love. Yeah, yeah. I suppose that's marriages. Yeah. I don't know. It's a weird one. That's because you can argue both ways, right? Is it? I don't know. It's weird. A contract on love. Yeah, yeah. I suppose that's marriages.

Yeah. I don't know. It's a weird one. That's because you can argue both ways, right? You go, if it doesn't matter. Your people invented the paper that the contract was drawn up on. So you kind of have to get one, right? Yeah.

You're obligated. Are you going to invite Trevor Noah to your New York wedding? Oh, my New York wedding is just a small ceremony. It's going to be two of us. What about Jon Stewart? Are you going to invite him? Yeah, I'll invite Jon Stewart. Trevor Noah is coming out infamously.

He didn't turn up to a live podcast. Correct. That was when he was in Melbourne. I told him about it. He's touring Melbourne in a couple of months. Yeah, yeah. Is he going to come on the show? I can ask him if you want.

Ask him. Say, Trevor, get on the dum-dum or I'm walking. Give him the ultimation. Or I'm walking here. I would never do that. I would never do that. I can ask him if you want when he's in downtown. Threaten him the automation. Or I'm walking here. I would never do that. I would never do that. I can ask him if you want when he's in downtown. Threaten him.

Don't just ask. Do you actually want him on the podcast? Yeah. Why not? We want to find out what you're really like. Oh, who are we kidding? You'll be here when he's here. You're here every two weeks anyway.

No. Yeah, I can ask. I'll see if we can get on. Yeah. I'll help you guys out. Just not ask. What? Demand that he gets on your fucking podcast.

Make it happen. Yeah, sure. Okay, I'll make it happen. I'll give you a time and a date you show up. Guaranteed. It's the least you can do for us, your groomsmen. After we've gone and organized this box for you, the least you can do is get Trevor Noah on our podcast.

We've booked our gold fingers already for you. Are you all right? How's the dating going? Good. It's okay? We can organise this box for you. The least you can do is get Trevor Noah on Apple. We've booked out gold fingers already for you. All right. How's the dating going? Good. It's okay? Are you dating? Tommy dating. Is that what you're talking about?

Tommy's been dating. How's it going? It's good. How are you doing the dating? Tinder? Bit of a mix. Bumble. Bit of online stuff.

Bit of meeting people IRL. Anything you want to confirm? No. Tommy Dasolo. This seems like there's a lot here if we dig. Anything you want to confirm? No Tommy Dasolo This seems like There's a lot here If we dig Did you photoshop Your face?

What? On Tinder? Did I photoshop my face? Yeah What image do you use On Tinder? I use a photo of me With no shirt on

In a kiddie pool From my poster A couple years ago What do you think about that? It's pretty cute It's a press shot It's cute Sort of separates The wheat from the chaff.

Does it? Yeah. That's a good way to... Do you get any wheat out of it? No, I want the chaff. That's why I do it. Bumble? You want Bumble?

I use Bumble for a bit, but... What's Bumble? Bumble is like... But beggars can be choosers, I guess. Yeah, exactly. So you just threw it away. Yeah, thanks, Ronnie. Bumble's like... It's the same as OKCupid and Tinder and stuff,

but girls have to make the first move. Oh, I made... So you match and then they have to message you. I made Harley go on Tinder. You did? In Singapore, yeah. Yeah, I went on for one week and then got off. You had a decent time.

It was all right. Yeah, you had fun. Why did you do a little head wobble then? You've been in America too long. You're like, you had a decent time. You had a decent time. You had a decent time on it. You get some, some. You haven't been to America, have you, Harley? Hey? No. You had a decent time. You had a decent time on it. You get some, some.

You haven't been to America, have you, Harley? Hey? No. You haven't been to America. No, I haven't. I did. Look, I didn't mind it. I went on a Tinder date in Singapore and then we went to Hong Kong.

Yeah. And I went on another date with a stoner. Yeah. Remember? I went back to, I think I talked to her about this on, because I went back to the stoner's house. Both times in Singapore and Hong Kong, there were white people?

No, first time was white. Second time, she was Asian and she was racist against her own people. That's right. She was half and she hated the people of China. Wow. She was very racist. Has she met Ronnie?

She was very elite about the way she would talk about things. I talk about this a lot. When I say I performed in Hong Kong twice, I always say performing in Hong Kong to Australian expats was the worst. That was the worst. It was the fucking worst. It was about one of the rudest crowds I've ever performed in front of in my history. For two or a week and a half.

And I didn't know. The reason I bring this up is because I don't know whether I was being too sensitive or whether you felt the same way. There was one particular, I didn't feel the same way with every show because we were doing double shows. We did 11 shows. I didn't feel that way about the 11 shows.

There was one in particular where you lost it and Anne lost it and Creasy lost it. That was obviously... Why were people losing it? Were audience members yelling out or something? In particular, one woman,

there was no... He didn't enter the stage from a backstage area. He actually walked through a portion of the audience to get to the stage. It was just a little place called the Fringe Bar

in Hong Kong. And one of the audience members who looked a certain way, she looked like she would have lived on the North Shore of Sydney. I think everyone can get the picture of what that woman looked like. Yeah, looked like Tommy Dessler.

Very entitled arsehole. Was trying to trip people as they were trying to get to the stage. Oh, wow. Fuck that. And it went on and on. And then I, at the end, I booted her leg. Well, I was running to the stage because Creasy had just finished. And the leg went out again.

And I just didn't have the step to move it. So I just went crash into it. Then she nearly stage because Creasy had just finished and the leg went out again and I just didn't have the step to move it. So I just went crash into it. Then she nearly tripped Creasy up. And so he went, I think he said something like, don't do that, I'm from the TV. And then Edo and you walked over while I'm trying to close the show. It's only like four rows back from where I was and just tore her a new one.

Yeah, I said stop tripping people it's not fucking funny what did she say she didn't say anything she didn't say anything and then Edo just went you think this is funny

but actually you're just a fucking bitch I think is what she said it was like school it was weird everything got a bit grade 10 playground

yeah they were particularly bad but yeah just man that that vibe. I'm telling you, like, not even that.

Dude, we had the boyfriend of the press officer from the Australian consulate. What was that? Some government official. Was this in Hong Kong? In Hong Kong, yeah, yeah. And he was heckling the whole night. Oh, that's right.

Where he got dragged out at halftime. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like one of our gigs. Get us over there. They just really entitled people who are living away from home. And so then on a night where it's like, oh, it's the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Cool.

So they turn up and they think it's their night. It's Melbourne Comedy Festival Roadshow, International Roadshow. Yeah, in Hong Kong. Tommy, remember? Remember that? Yeah, yeah. Remember when we've been yeah we've both done

you guys have never been asked to do it yeah if that wasn't clear from the start and I think I mean as someone who's lived in

Southeast Asia for a long time like I've lived there for what over 10 years there's this weird one of the 50 cities you've lived in

we get it yeah one of the 50 cities I pretend to be from. There's this weird thing about if you're a white person in Asia, you're an expat. But if you're an Asian person in white countries, you're an immigrant. Yes.

And that thing carries on, this colonial sentiment carrying on into... I've never looked at it that way. Yeah, and then it carries on to Asia so there's this kind of white people

a little bit superior in Asia especially former colonies like Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong and on the other end of the coin I will I try to see from their perspective

I will give them that Hong Kong if you can't speak Cantonese even if you can speak Cantonese if you're not from Hong Kong it can seem like a very rude abrupt place by the locals just because in Hong Kong, if you can't speak Cantonese, even if you can speak Cantonese, if you're not from Hong Kong, it can seem like a very rude, abrupt place by the locals. Just because in Hong Kong, the way

culturally, people don't have time to mess around. So, if you live there for a long time, for example, when you order food, people can be very abrupt. And that's in Western culture, that's rude. But in Hong Kong culture, that's not rude. That's just how it's done. But if you're not from there, you just think that people are being rude to you every

single day and then you just you know does that mean that your Asian wedding that you've been described before does that mean you're just going to have a really rude wedding like wait do you do you will you take this woman fuck you

you stay there now kiss her. Yeah, I'm going to get married in a Chinese restaurant themed wedding. Well, you know what? This will come out. As this is coming out, this episode is coming out on the first day. We've done a few episodes in advance. I'm a massive chance.

I'm going to be in Singapore. I'm going to spend a night in Singapore. What for? Oh, it's just a stopover from on the way to somewhere else. Do you want to do some shows? Where are you going?

Where are you going? Which part of Thailand are you going? Hey, just because I go every time to Thailand doesn't mean I'm going this time. But in this case, it does. Who are you going with?

I'm taking my mum and dad again. Oh. So this is, as this is coming out, I'm going this time But in this case It does Who are you going with? I'm taking my mum and dad again Oh So this is As this is coming out I'm probably going It's probably It's semi locked in at the moment Okay which budget airline

Are you playing? Qantas Okay So that's not a budget at all That's like probably The best airline in the world Don't you think? Sure

Yeah And Do you want some gigs In Singapore? No I can hook you up No Okay I don't think you would hook me up anyway

I would hook you up If you want some gigs in Singapore Yeah Can you hook me up with some gigs in Melbourne? No Okay In Singapore comedy is very new So you will actually look like you know what you're doing

Can I MC your wedding? You want to MC my wedding? I don't have MCs We're just going to have a nice wedding There's no going to I don't want speeches I don't have MCs. We're just going to have a nice wedding. I don't want speeches. Is this even going to be a legally binding wedding? It sounds like there's

not much going on here. Just because it doesn't sound like a wedding by white people doesn't mean it's not binding. Can I be the waiter? Well, there still needs to be some legal things done.

No, nothing. It needs nothing. Well, then you're not legally married. It just needs two people saying hi. That's just dinner. That means we're all getting married tonight.

It's like you're going to stand in a park in front of 50 strangers and say, I love you. Once again, why do you have to assume that it's in a park? Well, you have to sign a form. You don't have to sign shit. And it has to be put in with the Office of Birth, Death and Marriages.

Yeah, that's true. Otherwise, you're not legally married. I don't believe in the system. Well, it's good that you don't because I think the system's fucked. But it's still the system. Well, don't call yourself married then. You know law? Did you do law?

Did you, like, study law? Have you heard of law? You're saying all this stuff with a Melbourne law school job. He's just freaking out about that prenup that we brought up. Yeah. It really rattled him. Take the letters off. Take law off just so you've got Melbourne school.

Yeah. And to be honest, you should probably take school off as well. Oh, sorry. So, Harley, you were saying what happened in Hong Kong with the Tinder date? You went to Take school off as well Oh sorry So Harley You were saying What happened in Hong Kong With the Tinder date You went to her house Oh wow

Back there She was boring And racist So I smoked all her weed And I left But why don't you And then I didn't like it It's like a country

And western song Yeah She was boring And racist So I smoked all her weed And I was gonna Put a bone in her oven But I was filled I'm racist, so I smoked all the weed. And I was going to put a bone in her oven, but it was filled with weed instead.

We would just rule at an impro show. We would just be the best. All right, guys, rhyme. Something with something. My face is orange Fuck But So I'm gonna So I'm gonna

I'm gonna go to Thailand By the look of things I'm gonna go there By the look of things Because my mum and dad Want to go again So that's the only reason I'm going

Because mum and dad Want to go So I have to be their chaperone So I'm gonna go there And I've talked a lot On the show recently About the webcams So I just want to say

The webcams I'm a want to say the webcams I'm a bit obsessed with for you guys very quickly when I go to bed at night I watch a Thailand webcam every night yeah I know

you told me the other day and I still can't fucking figure it out do you know that he does this he just watches webcams but the way he talks about it is like it's normal there's nothing normal

about this thing you're such a weirdo it's so fucking creepy you are the creepiest in this fucking you look the way your face looks. That's good. Melbourne Law School.

I hope you're proud of yourself. Well done with English there, Jack. So I'm going to make sure when this comes out, this might be the Wednesday. This will be the Wednesday when it comes out. If it comes out straight away, I'm going to go in front of the webcam. I'm going to go and do a bit of a live feed in front of the webcam that I'm talking about. You know you can just live feed into Facebook anyway. You don't need to use this webcam shit.

Yeah, but... No, but it's funnier on the webcam. Yeah, this is good because this is a webcam. I've been convincing people to watch this webcam. Like, listeners of the show have been... I put the link up on Twitter and Facebook. People have been watching it. What webcam?

What hotel is it? It's the... What is it? It's a pub. Does the webcam now have more audience than this podcast? It's a jump ship. People are very aware of that webcam. It's the Tropical Murphy's webcam on Chewing Road in Koh Samui.

All of those words sound like you made them up. No, no. Tropical Murphy. It's like Irish Murphy. You know the thing where. Oh, yeah. You know that Asian bar, no tropical Murphy's it's like Irish Murphy's you know the thing where oh yeah you know that Asian bar tropical Murphy's

you know Irish Murphy's you go over there there's heaps of English backpacks yeah why the fuck do you go to Thailand to be with white people I'm not

you're such a weirdo you're sick and you're deranged I'm saying the people that go there do those things I don't I immerse myself

you just stay at home and watch webcams while your girlfriend sleeps beside you. Yeah, me playing video games is a waste of time. But please, tell us more about this webcam. Do you like Thailand that much? Do you actually like it that much? I like being on holiday. Yeah, I like the culture. There's other places.

Yeah? Like what? Malaysia. It's not as good as Thailand. Well, have you... Oh, okay. How many times have you been to Malaysia? 17.

Oh, someone's getting sensitive. Are you going to have a wedding in Thailand? I'll come to that. Can I come to that one? Are you going to have a wedding in Vietnam? Why not? It's where all of her family's from. Yeah, it is too.

How come her family doesn't get a go? Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah? Put that on the road show, on the wedding road show. Her family's more sprawled than mine. Her family's in America, in the UK,

in Australia, in Vietnam. There's no way we can nail it all. Yeah. It's a lot of weddings. Yeah. So... You guys really get around the world,

don't you? Yeah, I know. So get, what I'm saying is, all right, this is the idea. When you have your Thailand, when you have your Thailand wedding.

I think that needs more time to breathe, please. I want to really gloss over it. Slash more space for me to be able to cleanly cut it out. You going to cut that out? Can you cut out the, can you cut out the, the bit about

oh no okay then fuck it I'm never coming on this again you guys act like you got authority over me on this you know I have you by the balls

shut the fuck up you know I have you by the balls what are you trying to muscle me out I'll take over this podcast if I want to

I've done a lot of these podcasts I think this is the first one I've been on with you and I can say it is by far the worst one I've done oh really I told you I This is the first one I've been on with you and I can say it is by far the worst one I've done. Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. I told you I'm not really good at podcasts. No, you are. It's great. I'm okay. Harley's very negative. He doesn't need to be so negative. This is great.

I'm crying with you. But why do you smoke so much weed? What are you compensating for? It's not compensating. What's missing from your life? Why would I be consuming to compensate? I've got a really small dick. I'd better smoke it.

I know what will help my limp dick. I'll get... Why can't you find happiness in other things? I do have happiness in a lot of things. Yeah, shut up, Tommy. What makes you happy, Ronnie? The fuck are you talking about? I'm talking to Harley.

Why are you interrupting? I'm asking you a question. Are you happy? I'm happy. What are you? Are you happy? Yeah, I'm happy. Then shut the fuck up.

Okay, cool. Have you smoked weed? No, I've never done drugs in my life. We should... That's not true. No, it's true. You've drunk alcohol. No. Have you done alcohol? I, I'm happy. Then shut the fuck up. Okay, cool. Have you smoked weed? No, I've never done drugs in my life. We should... That's not true. No, it's true. You've drunk alcohol. No.

Have you done anal? I've never done alcohol. You have. I've seen you drunk. I got you drunk. What did you say? Never mind. He said, have you done anal?

That's a hell of a drug. It'll really leave your eyes bleeding. I've had, what do you call that? The edible version Not as good Be careful Don't have too much of that Or you could bleed from the ears

I've had it injected Wait I've had that What do you call that? Mix it with coconut What do you call medicine You take through your butt? A suppository

Yeah I've had a suppository Have you? What was it? What do you think? I can't remember Did you like it? What was it? What were you think? I can't remember Did you like it? What was it? What were they putting up there?

I can't remember They're dicks This is for your health I don't think this guy's a doctor Did your dealer tell you to close your eyes first? Bite down on this I'm just going to give you a really big pill And then move it around a bit

Until the stuff inside comes out. Slow release. Are we in Harley's kitchen right now? I'm on my head in the oven. There's a lot of fumes coming off your jumper Harley oh butt sex is funny oh it's so good oh wow

alright my kids waiting in the car gotta go just wrap this shit up okay so you're gonna just to wrap this up you're gonna go we'll put it we'll broadcast a time,

we'll work it out. When this is out, you'll get in front of the... Get in front of the camera. I'll put on a showing so you can check out the... You'll put on a show? One that we've just described.

No, the Tropical Murphy webcam. Can you put on a photo of what you looked like before the one ring corrupted your face? Yes. Yes, right. Can you get your... Take some of our t-shirts with you. You've got to be flanked with your

mum and dad both wearing Dumb Dumb t-shirts. Oh, okay. Yeah, alright. I was going to bring some Aware t-shirts because there's a lot of dudes that walk up and down the beach selling ice creams and I want to make one of them. I want to give one of them a shirt, so it's like an ongoing ad. That's so good.

The only thing is it's black, so then these poor guys are going to be walking up and down in 35-degree heat with a black T-shirt on, which is probably not their first choice. I feel like maybe they've got bigger problems. I feel like they made some pretty bad choices leading up to selling ice creams on the beach in Thailand. Oh, wardrobe malfunction.

Black in Thailand is good. You don't see the sweat stains. Oh, okay. All right. Thanks. Also, it makes you fat fucks look slimmer. Yeah.

I'm not fat. Sure. Compared to, yeah. Hey, where do you get your ideas from? Shut up, Tommy. Good interview. All right.

Let's wrap this up. Harley Bray and Ronnie Chang, thank you so much for joining us. Fuck you. Harley, what are you coming up? I've got a heap of gigs coming up at Sydney Comedy good interview alright let's wrap this up Harley Bray and Rodney Chang thank you so much for joining us fuck you Harley what are you coming up I've got a heap of gigs

coming up at Sydney Comedy Store and around you can check on my website except I don't update it harley-wang.netspace.com for all the gig deets Sydney Comedy Store

you're doing a solo show yeah I'm doing a solo show at the Sydney Comedy Store plus that is in June the end of the end of the end of

the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end is in June. The end of. The legs and dinosaurs. Is it the end of? No, end of July. Sorry, July. There's two weeks in July.

Can you do a show about a Tesla? Tesla's and Tyrannosaurus Rex. Tesla tickles. Harley's one of the best comics in the world I've ever seen. He's a great, great guy as well. Thanks, Ronnie. Very nice of you to say that about me. Shut up, Tommy. Tesla and the Tickles Harley's one of the best comics in the world I've ever seen he's great great guy as well thanks Ronnie very nice of you

to say that shut up Tommy fucking piece of shit shut up I'll plug whatever I want I'll plug I'm on

my website it's ronniechang.com and I'm on Snapchat now which is going well and I might get on there just to follow you

yeah Instagram and Twitter doing some gigs coming up in Denver and keep it down there's people

trying to sleep next door in Minnesota at the Acme Comic Club you got Acme what? Acme Comic Club in Minneapolis

Minnesota and Comedy Works in Denver which one of them is the wedding coming up? and I'll be down at Union Hall on Sunday.

Union Hall? Like a marriage? In Brooklyn. I'll be at Central Park Summer Stage. Alright guys, see you later. Wait,

do some Nick Cody for us before you go. Oh, Nick Cody? G'day mate, Nick Cody here, what of it? G'day mate Nicode here What of it?

Now give us some Ann Edmonds Ann Edmonds Oh um G'day mate Fuck off Cunts Do some Harley Breen Harley Breen

G'day mate Wait I Can you say something? Sure Sure G'day mate I'm Harley Breen I smoke weed Wait, can you say something? Sure. Sure. G'day, mate. I'm Harley Breen.

I smoke weed. Hang on, which one of you is Harley again? That was very good. I thought I was looking in a mirror. Do the two of us. That was very good. Carl Chandler. G'day, mate.

Chandler over here. Listen to my haikus. My fucking haikus. Tommy, just shut up. G'day, mates. Tommy Desolo here. It's your good pal, little Tommy Desolo. Shut up, Tommy.

All right. We got all our stuff coming up. We got a competition. Check our Facebook and Twitter to win tickets to Ronnie Chang's wedding. Giving away tickets. Yep, always get married responsibly. Sign a prenup. All right, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

Boring as fuck. Boing.