The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 299 - Dave Thornton & Nick Cody

Episode Date: June 29, 2016

Dead Neighbours, Old Houses and Sizzler Proposals.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey Sydney, not long until we come to you to do a big live podcast. Carl, what date is it happening on? Can you even remember this? Yes. We're doing two shows. We're doing Thursday, July 7 at 7pm and we are doing July 10 on the Sunday at 4pm. At 10pm. No, 4pm.

Yeah, 4pm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that one's sold out July 7. Check the website to make sure if it is sold out or not. It could be sold out by now. Check to see if there's one or two remaining tickets. We're doing this at eight years in advance, so it might have sold out by then.

We're at the 84 LA Olympics right now, so we're just guessing. I'm minus two. I just beat Carl Lewis, and I've been disqualified for sticking heroin in my veins. That's going to be great. We are looking forward to that so much. Yeah, Sydney, last couple of times we've come up there, Sydney's really turned it on for us. Hey, and look, how about these two tips?

So this is merging into the next thing, which is the mention of Canberra. Of course, we're going to Canberra basically straight after that on July 30. Hey, we're going there. Please feel free to come and have a drink, have something to eat. The meals apparently at both venues are going to be great. Oh, really? So that's what we'll be eating. There are great burgers at both places.

Feel free to do those things. I personally would request that none of you talk to me after or before the show. Hey. With Carl, knock yourself out. With me, this is what I request. The opposite. I'm going to sit on a table by myself with no food. Please bring me food.

Bring me offerings. This is great because we're doing this so far before this episode comes out and so far before the gig. You'll certainly have forgotten that you've said that. Someone's going to pick up on it. You're just going to have this harem of people just bringing you food all evening. And you're going to be like, what the fuck's going on? Tommy, what the fuck did you say on last week's episode?

And I'm like, what did I say? Don't fucking talk to me before or after the gig. So you'll be in your cone of silence. Yes. I'll be surrounded by ice cream cones. I'll have. Now, is that a pun? Yeah, I guess it is.

Yes. I'm sorry, everyone. Yeah, July 30, like you just said, we are driving up to Canberra. Our first time in Canberra. It's selling so well. It's going to be awesome. It's a multi-purpose venue, so we're going to have plenty of – there's plenty of food there.

You don't want to get anything before you get there because we start relatively early. So come and get your dinner there. That's what we'll be doing. Because the venues really appreciate if we spend a lot of money there, basically, and that's how come we get to go back there the next time. Yes. Maybe we need to tie Milano to the roof rack of my car and drive him up with us man uh well we do have a certain guest

coming up with us to canberra which what am i saying we'll be fine with the food yeah that's this is true yeah uh yeah that's gonna be super fun uh oh camera i don't know if we've properly mentioned this but we're doing the podcast plus we're doing a stand-up show as well so it's gonna be a big bumper show yeah with a break in the middle and it's not it's not we don't want to drive all that way to just do one hour of content and come back yeah exactly it's like a weird use of time it's a bit like that but it isn't it's a two-hour show at canberra so you you come up you get there early you get your dinner get a few drinks we'll be having a few drinks then we start the stand-up it'll be half an hour

each of me and tommy then we have a bit of a break In the middle Go and get a drink Come back for the Big live podcast And then Saturday night baby Where are we going out? Hit us up Where should we go? Where do people hang out? Should we stay

At the old Canberra Inn? The only other time You and I have been To Canberra together We got hammered After the gig The bar we were doing The gig in

Closed almost immediately After and we just went And hung out at McDonald's Do you remember that? Yep Then we had to get up At like 6am To drive home the next day. Oh, yes.

That was not fun. No, that was all right. It was a good road trip. That was great. Good road trip. We really got to know each other. Yeah. Do you remember what we did?

Hey, let's bring this back. Do you remember what we were doing a lot when we drove up that I had not done in maybe 20 years or something? Heroin. No. Seeing a police car. What's the color of the two cent piece? Kiopa.

Kiopa. Bring it back. You don't ever... It feels weird to just do... If you just walk down the street in the CBD and see a police car, it feels weird to do. It feels like something you've got to do on the highway in the country. Man, because we are going to drive up there.

It's going to be an eight-hour road trip. It's going to be interesting. We're going to have a full car of guests and us. So we'll build up you know what we'll be in some good form I think by the time we start the show

or we'll be fucking something will have happened on the drive yeah exactly we'll have had a big fight and we're all sick of each other or or yeah

I think a lot of stuff would have happened we'll have all that to talk about and we won't have to have any content apart from that yeah let's just stop off in every town trying to get content

on the way up just trying to get in fights. Yeah. Yeah. In little country towns outside the ACT. Yeah. All right. What's the plan?

What movie is that a reference to where it happens like in a lot of different things? But like us, we drive into Canberra with just a fucking rally behind us of like we've picked up a different person chasing us from every scene. Do you know what I mean? behind us of like we've picked up a different person chasing us from every scene. Do you know what I mean? There's like a motorcade of about 20 people with pitchforks and like flaming torches driving

after us. Is it a bit of like the Great Race or Around the World in 80 Days or something like that? Yeah, let's each take our own vehicle up to Canberra and race. Wacky races. Wacky races. I'll be flying in with Penelope Pitstop. Yes. Dumb cunt dastardly. Cuntly.

Oh, that's me. No, that should be Dill's laugh. If he was to come. No, Dill's Penelope Pitstains. And we're the wacky racists. Yes. Oh, this is the best. All right, guys. And we're the wacky racists Yes Oh this is the best Alright guys

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Yes And enjoy this episode with Dave Cody. Dave Cody? Oh, Jesus Christ. Dave Cody. Dave Thornton and Nick Cody featuring a bombshell announcement from about five weeks ago. What of it? Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Hey, dickhead. With his little haikus. Yeah. His fucking little haikus. Yeah, thank you, Ronnie Chang.

This is it, episode 299. Oh, the penultimate. What happens next week? Man, we I think we haven't recorded next week yet, obviously, but this will come out after we have recorded. Yes. Big predictions. What do you think will have happened?

We're going to have a lot of people there. I may not remember three quarters of it. This is horrible improv. Yeah. Stick to the haikus, mate. All right, all right. So let's get our guest in here. What do you reckon? Yeah, sure.

Two very dear friends of ours. First of all, you know him from Please Like Me. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nick Cody. G'day, Nick Cody here. What of it? That's my best Ronnie impression. Very good. Of you.

Yeah. Excellent stuff. Have you ever said what of it in your whole life? Can we do a recap? Can we just play Ronnie's impression of Cody just to see how that holds up? All right. Give me a sec. Give me one sec here.

This is the thing that I asked you to load up. Yeah, and then I played it for Thornton. Okay. Hang on. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, it's almost like you should have done this before. I'll edit it in.

We'll be able to hear a bit of that. Fucking hell. Christ. Can you guys introduce me so I can shit on your podcast? Is that fine? Fuck me. Also joining us, you know him from Fox FM Breakfast. Please welcome back

into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Thornton. Thank you. Thank you. Which I don't want to... Look. When you guys do secret sound, is it like that?

Fucking come on. No, get the YouTube thing up. Yep. No, type in a Coke can opening. Come on. Fuck. We'll let it in. We'll let it in.

Don't worry. Mate, well, this is my Ronnie Chang story. He now sends me just... You know on iPhones, you can send voice... They're voice they don't voice mails you're about to say something that we've all received already yeah but then does he does as well the aldi twist on whatever your name is so i'll just get like flam schmorrenberg that traveled a continent to get here yeah i wouldn't call that a twist i'd call that a straight up just turning it inside out,

completely back to front. Yeah, that has no relation to your name. He's doing that. We get them. We get all these voice messages from Renny Chang during the afternoon here, mid-afternoon, which means he's just sitting in his little New York apartment just finding stupid things to send to us at 2am in the morning. The greatest city in the world.

Because you're like, oh yeah, 4pm, you must be getting ready for the Daily Show, hold on a minute, massive time difference. What is this mental cunt up to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The city that never sleeps but really should try. Maybe we're part of some investigative piece that he's putting together for the Daily Show.

Do you know what I mean? Maybe this is part research, like how people respond to these sorts of things. No, I think we're all people that are going to be interviewed on the news going, did you have any clue that he was going to kill 40 people in New York? Yeah, actually. We played all of the sound clips.

Yeah. Does it make you wonder how he got the nickname the Unabomber of comedy? He's just in some shack up in Buffalo in New York going, I'm writing my comedy, guys. I think he needs a hug. I think he really needs

a lot of hugs. Well, you know what? Speaking of mental people, this is what I do. I go to the post office all the time because I'm the one who sends out

all the merchandise, right? For Dumb Dumb, right? All the t-shirts. Hey, before this keeps going, brilliant segue. Carry on. No, but, but but I'll get to it listen

so I go to the post office I've mentioned this before on the show there's this guy he's super nosy my local post office guy I go in there

he knows where I live he knows all the people that live in the building he's always asking questions it's almost like there's something he receives with your name and address yes

but he wants to know more how did he crack the case yeah he probably knows your post cover receives with your name and address. Yes. But he wants to know more. How did he crack the case? He probably knows your postcard. But... Can also tell me how expensive stamps are. What kind of weirdo is this dude? But... Yeah.

It's like he's in the Matrix. So... But he doesn't know my address because whenever I send out merch, I don't put my address on it because that's going to listeners of the show. I don't need these fucking idiots knowing my phone number and my address.

So I put a different address on the back of it. So he doesn't know where I live. But he knows that apartment. What's the address that you do put? I think I know. The address of Spleen. Oh, really? I love the idea that someone, a listener of the show,

comes down from interstate and they're like, oh, I got sent a T-shirt. I can go see where Carl Chandler lives. And they think it's going to be some nice apartment block. They turn up to this rat-infested alleyway and go, oh, the Patreon must not be doing very well. Story checks out, to be fair. Yeah, or the fact that Spleen Bar is just getting envelopes of anthrax

and going, what did we do? Yeah. Yes. I think they know what they did. I think there'd be enough of a smokescreen of other stuff going on. Yeah, they're getting other envelopes of anthrax for other reasons. Throw it in with the bunch. New cocktail, guys.

Chandler's house is shitty, but it is open until 5am. It's licensed. That's cool. He's got a lot of people there telling jokes too, for some reason. So you're mental. You're down at the post office. No, I'm not the mental one in this story, which is a bonus.

We will be the judge of that. You're paranoid about people getting your address, so you're going down there in your little tinfoil hat so the government can't steal your thoughts. Posting off a manifesto written in blood. I've got a broom that's sweeping off the footprints as I go up to the post office. Just looking out for chemtrails.

The usual shit. What of it? So I go in there and he always asks me all the gossip about the apartment block. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to talk about it. I don't know anything. Like he knows everyone in the apartment block. I don't know anyone that lives there. I've lived there for five years.

I don't know anyone that lives there. He's barking up the wrong tree. You're the gossip. You're the guy that the other people are going in there and talking about. Yes, yes, that's fair. So I go in there and every time I go in there, he goes, that guy, that guy that's really sick, this guy that's really sick, is he dead?

Is he dead yet? I'm like, oh, I don't know. There's a guy in there that looks like he's a bit ill. Do I look like Dr. Dr. Khan? I have asked him about Dr. Ramsey before actually and he doesn't know anything about it. But yeah, he always goes, I've been in there today. And it's like, honestly, it's got to a point where, like, five weeks ago,

I've been in there heaps, and every time I go in there, he asks the same question. How about that guy? I'm like, mate, I haven't seen his car. He was obviously very ill. He's probably passed away. So still today, five weeks later, he comes in and goes, that guy, he dead?

Is he dead? I'm like, man, it's sort of quite bad to keep asking that, like, when he's clearly dead five weeks ago. Well, so the lesson here is, if you want to disappear without a trace, move into the same apartment block as Carl Chandler, your corpse can just be decomposing. The smell is bursting through the doors. There's a car that hasn't been piled up with parking tickets.

This guy's going to be none the wiser. No one will ever find you. Yeah, why didn't you call anyone about this dead corpse? I don't want any of our listeners knowing where I live. You understand that. What if the cops listen? What if the cops listen to the show? What if this guy, the post office guy, is deep undercover?

And he thinks I'm the number one suspect for killing him. So he's just asking me, thinking I'm going to crack. Yeah, now you're sounding more paranoid in this story. This is what I like. This is less PO than PI. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway. So this guy PO than PI. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyway. So this guy, he's definitely dead. The post office guy. I think so. What sort of confirmation does he want? Yeah, I don't know whether he thinks I'm going to see a body. He's waiting for the death certificate. Yeah.

Yeah. He's waiting for the death certificate to come through the mail or something. Yeah, yeah. And he thinks I'm going to have the confirmation. Like he's much more connected to it than I am. Yeah. Yeah. He's waiting for the death certificate to come through the mail or something. Yeah, yeah. And he thinks I'm going to have the confirmation. Like, he's much more connected to it than I am. Yeah. Yeah. There's, like, all these nosy people around the apartment. He's much more connected to it in that he cares.

Yeah, yeah. You don't give a fuck. Yeah. I also hope Chandler is the number one suspect. Like, where were you on the morning of May 15th? Thailand? All right. Where were you on the night of April 22nd?

Probably in Thailand. Where were you? Yeah,th of April 22nd? Probably in Thailand. Where were you? Yeah, you look like you're leaving the country a lot. Just slowly dropping every, like, you've dismembered him and it's every toe you're flying slowly over to Thailand. It's like the longest game of The Great Escape where they're trying to get the dirt out of their pants. It's like the opposite of those airport shows.

I'm going through security to go to an Asian country. What's this, Mr Chandler? Medicine! It's medicine! It's Dexter on tour. Well, we've got to get to the bottom of this. Let me ask you this. When you've been sitting out on your balcony in the nude

doing whatever you do out there, have you seen any hearses pull up to your apartment? No, but that doesn't face inside the car park. It faces the other way. It faces Dr. Ramsey's house. Right. So it faces the opposite way. Your honour.

Yeah. Well, maybe Dr. Dr. Ramsey, he should be the number one suspect instead of me. He's the one walking around the middle of the night saying Dr. Dr. Ramsey for an hour. Yeah. If anyone's going to be accused of murder, I reckon it's the mind that does that. Maybe that was the guy who's now dead. He could feel himself dying. He knows

he's just wanting the doctor to come in and reading him as his last rites. It's like Citizen Kane. It's like Rosebud. Dr. Ransom. That was his one love from his early years. A great Citizen Kane reference there. Just drop in on a podcast. Yeah, Chandler went and saw it at the Multiplex last weekend.

It's still playing in Maribor. Hot new release. Yeah, the Maribor drive-in. It's still playing. Well, you know, I just found this out because I just moved into a new place probably six weeks ago or something. This is just in Brunswick and we had like a – the neighbours were all really cool. And they actually said on Saturday, do you want to come around for drinks?

And we had – I've never had that before. Never. So we're all sitting around there. But we found out that the people who invited us around are kind of like the busy bodies of the street. So they're giving us all the 411 and what's happening. Have you killed anyone, et cetera? Yeah.

Yeah, this is where you put it. Okay, mate. And so I find out our next door neighbours, well, we kind of dodged this bullet because one dude straight away goes, mate, where you put it. Okay, mate. And so I find out our next door neighbours, we kind of dodged this bullet because one dude straight away goes, mate, you are so lucky. Like that's his opening gambit to me as I sit next to him. I go, g'day, mate, I'm Dave. You are so lucky.

And I was like, what? And it was really pain for him to say it. He should have just walked off then and left you forever wondering. That would have been a great move. Yeah, what the hell is going on? So he said, the next door neighbours are these old Greek people who they've still got their sons living with them, but one of their sons has got extreme schizophrenia

and he like and then was part of like an organised crime syndicate and it makes sense. We're a couple of weeks ago I came home. Let's not go heavy on it. He probably listens to this show. To be honest, mate, if you want to know where Chandler lives, I'll squeal like a pig. This guy knows a lot about your neighbours.

What, is he like a cool post office guy? How else could you know such things? Yeah, he was in a big fluoro outfit on a push bike. He rides past every day. You're giving him a DHL parcel? Yeah, I don't know what the giveaway would be. He keeps handing over parcels. This is ticking, mate.

Why am I going to sign for this? You want some Red Rooster coupons? Fuckin' oath. G'day, neighbour. That's awesome. This is ticking, mate. Why am I going to sign for this? You want some red rooster coupons? Fuck it off. G'day, neighbour. G'day, neighbour. What of it? When he turned up, one of the neighbourhood dogs was chasing after him. All the signs were there. So that was, but then this guy has literally been taken to a padded cell.

Like he's been taken away. Old school. That was my next door neighbour. And then I'm like, okay, that's a pretty full-on thing to drop but then they said we're so lucky that you've come in here because the people who used to own it and when i gather like there was the old lady who did own it but she uh she had her daughter and her son-in-law living in there but i found out they were dealers oh they were living in there and people they said because like because they're busy bodies and they're a bit older they're a bit like and people

just dropping around on a weekend and giving me the old who knows what could happen i'm like no give me the fucking story like i want to actually know what they were a bit older, they were a bit like people just dropping around on a weekend and giving me the old, who knows what could happen. I'm like, no, give me the fucking story. Like I want to actually know what they were shifting and what floorboards I have to pick up to find any of the leftover gas. How killing are you? You move in and the dealer's out? No! What are the odds? Don't come on this podcast and just like

rat out all these underworld figures. We're going to get whacked now because of this. Like, I bet you didn't talk about this on your little radio show this morning. You want to protect yourself. You just want us to get taken out. Poor old Ivan at Spleen is going to turn up to work tomorrow. There's going to be people that come in and just neck him. Are you Carl?

No. How old are you? You look like Carl. Boom, taken out. So, man, there's some full-on stuff hanging around. How were, generally speaking, apart from all these, you know, revelations, how were the neighbours? Was it good to get to meet them?

Instead of getting, like, the old mail from the, you know, will you be, you know, a bit of cash in the letterbox? You come out one day and there's, like, just a five spot there? A little bit of folding. Yeah. And then me having a hand over my grass clippings just to hope that everything smooths it over. Here you go, a bit of Omo. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Yeah, thanks for coming. But, I mean, the bar was set extremely low when we moved in. Like, I can just walk around just smearing my cock on the front window and they'll be like, no, it's still a step up. It's still fine. Yeah, this is the start of a bad Adam Sandler movie. You move into a dead drug dealer's house.

This is the start of an Adam Sandler movie. Still better than a little Nicky. So yeah. So I'm just saying guys, house parties around at my joint. I had that at my old place. The neighbours I always used to see, an older couple, I always used to see them in the street and they

eventually they were like, why don't you and your housemates come around one night for a drink? And I'd never had a neighbour do that. And they were like, they were like, would have been my parents' age. And so me and my housemates go around there and we think, well, this will just be just a quiet little, you know, just a hangout for about an hour. And these guys, they drank us under the table.

Like we were still there at midnight, them just pissing on. Like they just would not, this limitless supply of alcohol. Yeah, well, mate, if they were like your parents' age, they probably still thought Pro prohibition was a ring. So they're just like, guys, let's get this before they turn up. What about this? My housemate got up to go to the bathroom a couple of times and then like after an hour or so I needed to use the bathroom

and the couple were like, I don't know, off getting more drinks or something. And so I turned to my housemate and I go, oh, where's the bathroom here? And he goes, I don't know. I'm like, you've gotten up to go to the toilet like twice. And he goes, yeah, I've just been going next door to our house. I'm like, what? That makes the most sense. I'm like, that's insane.

He goes, well, it's less weird than just doing it here when we've got a perfectly good toilet next door. I'm like, I disagree. I think if you had some sickness going on, you know, if you had a bit of, felt some dinner coming back up, then sure, go next door to our place, have your privacy. But that's fucking weird to just be going out into the street, into our house to take a piss and then coming back in.

I quite like it. It's less weird to walk out the front, take a piss. In the street? Yeah. In the street. In the street, just on a tree there and walk back in. That's less weird. It's like, sorry guys, I didn't know where your bathroom was. I took a piss on the tree. Yeah. In the street. In the street. Just on a tree there and walk back in. That's where it's like, sorry, guys, I didn't know where your bathroom was. I went to the piss on the tree.

I like it. If I was the owner of the house, I'd be like, yeah, cool. Nice. Yeah. How far down would you want to do it, though? Does it have to be next door? Can you go two, three? Where do you cut this off?

Yeah, yeah. Is it though? Like, you know, like, oh, yeah, that's wonderful. You don't even think my toilet is piss worth. Yeah, sure. Like it's built for one purpose. You know what I mean? If he said, look, I'm not eating your dinner on your toilet. Yeah. You'd't even think my toilet is piss worth. Yeah, sure. Like it's built for one purpose. You know what I mean? If he said, look, I'm not eating your dinner on your toilet,

you'd go, yeah, okay. I'm going to drink all your piss and then take my piss fucking back home where it belongs. Hey, once it's been filtered through the big dog, I'm not going to waste it on his place. That's an interesting point though. If you're the host, it's like, oh, everything else is good enough to fucking help yourself to.

He didn't bring in any beers with you, did you? I would worry that I'd go back to my house and then just not go back. I'd just be in and go, oh, yeah, all my stuff's here. I could just go to bed now if I wanted. That's so true. Just wring them from your toilet. Yeah, not coming back. Thanks for little piggies in a blanket.

They were great. Currently getting rid of them now Yeah It's exciting though Going into your neighbour's house Because you sort of You know You see the house so much

From the outside You see the people in the street It's interesting going in And going Ah so this is what's going on in here Especially if you're in an apartment block Because they're all basically Designed the same way

But with little kinks With little slight things Like a mirror image Yeah yeah yeah exactly Because I still regularly Drive past my old house. Right. And I –

She'll be back. She will be back. That's why I drive past, to see if she's turned up back there yet. Right, right. I'll drive past at night and the light will be on and I want to know what they've done with the place. It's killing me. I like that thing. I've thought of that, you know, your childhood home.

You want to go back and see it and just rock up and go, I used to live here when I was five Can I come in here And some people are like Yeah sure And some people are like You're a fucking weirdo Yeah

My dad did that with me once When we were like When I was like 19 Right And we were just like Driving past the house That I grew up in Yeah

And he's like Oh let's just Let's just pop in And just knocks on the door And they're like Hello And he's like Hello this is my son

And you know He grew up here and just wondering if we can come in and just have a look. And they're like, nah, I don't think that's happening at all. They were so not into it. We've been talking about doing this. You've just turned up to your ex-girlfriend. Can I just fuck her? I was here before you. So is that cool?

Is that fine if I could just give it a crack? Yeah, yeah. And he's turned up with his dad. We're still good. We're still good. Actually, my ex sort of like she'd moved out of a house like six months previous. Sorry, your ex and she? Will be back.

Yes. What of it? She'd moved out of a house and she, it was like six months on, she still had a key for some reason. She'd never given the keys back over. But, like, other people had moved in. And she was in the area, got drunk, and just sort of forgot that she'd moved.

So, it just turns up to the old house. Like, so, lets herself in, goes into this bedroom. The person who was now living in her room happened to not be there. What? So, she just goes and, and like passes out in the bed. What? And then kind of like, you know, when you're really drunk, often you'll wake up kind of three hours after you've kind of hit the pillow.

Sure. Wakes up and goes, Jesus Christ, this isn't my house anymore. And just has to like leg it out of there. Is that why she left you? Because she just moved in there. No, that's what Tommy's banking on. That's why she'll be back. Stop the podcast, boys.

We've got to go to Richmond. I'm coming, baby. It's not too late. You know in the movie Misery where she's breaking his ankles? He's just not letting her sober up. He's just playing her full of security. She's got an IV drip in her arm. Do I really need to have scotch 24 hours a day?

What a reveal for the 300th episode. Wheel her out on the gurney. I told you, everyone. Guys, guys. She'll be back. She just doesn't know she's back. Hey, everyone here in the room, just say it's 2012. Just for me.

It's sort of like the Matrix. She's just jacked into an alternate reality. Oh, God. Oh, wow. All right. Well, if worse comes to worse, this episode's never coming out. What a problematic chat. Jesus.

You two. There's no alibis now that are going to get you out of the mess. You're going to be in. Back to Thailand for chat. Jesus. You two, there's no alibis now that are going to get you out of the mess. You're going to be in. Back to Thailand for Chandler. It's either that or Alice Springs. A lot of people on the run in both places. Well, I'll say this. I've been talking about this lately on the show.

Quick catch up for you guys. I got a ticket. I got pulled over by the cops a few weeks ago. I was talking on the phone. I got a massive fine. I got a $480 fine, four demerit points. And in my head, I was like, right, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

I'm going to cut back on all unnecessary luxury items, things that I don't really notice missing, and I'm going to make sure I don't really, really pay for this fine. I'm just going to cut things out I don't need at all, extravagant items, and just pay for that $480. So I've got a little diary. I've been marking it off. I'm into the $100.

I'm above $100 now, so that's good. So I've been talking about it on the show, and someone donated $20 to me. I didn't even know you could do that. Someone texted me $20. Well, no, to be clear, because I know the actual story, you can do it through the CommBank app. Yeah.

That just makes it sound like you think someone's just sent you a text message that just says $20 and you're like, cha-ching, baby! Took a photo of a 20-buck note. He sent me 15 million. Yeah. Great bloke, big listener, big fan. And he's screaming at Jeffrey Dahmer down the post office, it's real!

It's real! Where are my 400 pairs of Oakley Sunnies that Facebook said I now have? So anyway, there's been another update. Now, I tried to stress, I'm not a charity. I don't need your charity, but people are sending it to it, so I can't immediately say don't do it anymore because it's something to talk about.

So someone was in charge, because I was doing it on the way from playing futsal, from playing for Greg Larson's Rat World. Indoor soccer. Futsal. Futsal is indoor soccer. Yeah, indoor soccer. No, it's slightly different.

Mate, don't use your crazy ethnic talk here. And charity in French is Patreon. Yes. Yes. We'll appreciate that. Thanks to all of our Thanks to all of our Little listeners

Charity case Anyway If you send us Two dollars a month We'll give you a shout out Yeah Hey Give me this money

For doing a job That's work That's work That's a lot of work So Mate they're like Internet buskers That's how I would

Describe them Yes Yes We're like that guy In the fuckingkers. That's how I would describe them. Yes. We like that guy in the fucking cat outfit that's playing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's playing down at Elizabeth Street. You work on radio.

That's like a Patreon. You go in there. Yeah. You do your radio. Coca-Cola pay you your. The CEO of the company just happens to donate the same amount of money to you every week. It's the same thing. No, I think you'll find that's a hostage situation. I'm sitting there just getting a barrage of pink and Taylor Swift

and the CEO sees me suffer and goes, all right. So anyway, so we've been... Welcome back to Water Torture FM anyway. Listen every morning. Good day. What's the sound effect of a guy crying? Oh, no, that's me. Thanks, mate.

Drip, drip, drip. So here we go. Here's the new effect of a guy crying? Oh, no, that's me. Yeah, that's me. Drip, drip, drip. So, I play for... Here we go. Here's the new one from Taylor Swift. Blast it out of a tank as you try and get these people to vacate their premises. I play for Greg Larson's Rat World. We play just around the corner from here. So, after hearing all that stuff, a rival bidder has come in.

PlayFootSaw.com.au that we do not play for has come in and gone, you know what? If you switch leagues, we won't charge you. You can save money. You can save your 12 bucks every week. I thought you were going to say this is like they listen to the podcast and they're like, hey, you want some easy money? But no, this is just a coincidence. No, no,

no, no. They listen. One of the guys, one of the heads or whatever, one of the guys that works for playfootsall.com.au follows us on Twitter, hit us up with the offer. So you've got to change leagues. If we change leagues, the whole team plays for free.com.au has it follows us on Twitter hit us up with the with the offer so you gotta change leagues we change leagues we're the whole team

plays for free wow this is your transfer fee is it yeah like you've just gone from Leicester yeah

moving up to Man U plus maybe you'll start winning some games now yeah yeah yeah hopefully they're we enter in the fourth division

you know how Ronaldo pays 10 bucks every week to play for Real Madrid? Yeah. Hey, you're right. I'm not Ronaldo in a way. Yeah.

You've pointed over a hole in the logic that I've been saying every week that I am Cristiano Ronaldo. All right, boys. Great game. Now, when you're out of the stadium, we're going to have the bucket just as much as you can. If it folds, even better. Sorry, guys.

Neymar was bloody talking on the phone last week. It's great you've all turned up to see Real Madrid play. There's a sick kid in the hospital that really wants us to win. And also he needs 50 bucks. Luis Suarez has been up at the post office. He's being harassed about someone dying in his flat. So if you can chip in. So are you going to do it?

Are you going to shift? How are you going to convince your whole team to shift over? And can you do it mid-season? Yeah, well, you know what indoor sports seasons are like. They're pretty short. Yeah, yeah. You get a bunch of seasons in a year. Yeah, and there's no off-season.

Like you play a grand final, it's like, what are we going to do for off-season? You mean Wednesday because we play next Sunday again. So I've put the offer out. We're going to play for free. Considering we're all comics in the team, I was pretty confident that they're going to take the offer because it means they all play for free.

Because what are you paying now if you don't mind me asking? $10 a game. Each player pays $10. Okay, right. Yeah, about $10. I think it was about $70 a team. Okay, right. Per game.

Yeah, per game. So I've put the offer out. At the moment, they look like saying no a team. Okay, right. Per game. Yeah, per game. So I've put the offer out. At the moment, they look like saying no. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Is there something wrong with this new league? Is that why? It'll be somewhere else.

Yeah, it's somewhere. Because we play in Carlton, but their locations are like Bandura. Oh, what the fuck? Footscray. Yeah. Maribyrnong. Hey, let's, you know,

I don't mind giving a little bit of a shout out to playfootscray.com for the offer. Sure, sounds great if you live in any of those places. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I'm sure they have a great organisation. They just happen to be located in shitholes, that's all. Yes, yes. Yeah, so that's the big reason.

Go out to Footscray, play the Franco Cozzo's fucking football league. Oh, yeah. Grand final winner, everyone gets a concrete yeah. Grand final winner. Everyone gets a concrete bed. Grand final, grand final, grand final. All the games are played at the back of someone's house on concrete. So you guys won the porcelain stallion, did you, for the league? That's amazing.

Is that a streaker? No, it's just an old bloke hosing down the court. Yeah, yeah. No, the pitch is not going to get any softer, mate. It's just going to be as hard as that. Don't water it down. So, no good. It's not going to happen.

Well, look, let's take that under advisement. I think at the moment it's not looking good. I'd love to be playing for free because then I could just have my – Racking up $10 every week. Yeah, exactly. Easy $10 every week. But I'm going to have to convince my teammates. But at the moment we're going to stay. I'll give a shout out to the location.

I don't know the name of the league, but it's at Princess Hill Primary School. Sounds a lot dodgier than what it is. It's on a Sunday, so none of the kids are there. It's just us. So that's where we play every Sunday. If you want to come down and spectate, There's a few friends at the show that play Nick Cody's played occasionally What of it?

What of it? To be honest Cody You and I went down for Remember the big grand final? Yeah It was at the start of the year Oh yeah A couple of months ago

What a fizzer It was like Because you guys Because one guy didn't turn up On the other team Yeah it was our big grand final We were really pumped To win our first ever grand final

That's how much That's how big a stakes it was for the other team. One of the guys just didn't turn up. They were a man down. Just nah. So you just, yeah, you mopped the floor with him. Yeah. Yeah, but not only that,

but we'd heard that Carl Chan was a very tetchy player. We've heard that there was a verbal assault. Oh, I've seen it in person. I might have played eight or ten games with him. Yeah. I've seen it in person. I hear it from here and I live a fucking suburb away. That's why I'm worried that if you go out to Bandura,

the suburbs have never seen the likes of Carl Chandler. Just destroying suburban guys. I don't know. Living their comfortable little world. While Chandler just lacerates some poor bloke who's been caught in, doesn't know how to play football properly. I have been a lot better lately until the last two weeks. I've had a bad two weeks.

I've had big busts up the last two weeks. It's funny because we often have been generally doing stuff for this, like recording these episodes after your game. So you come in and you tell me – it's sort of like Homer remembering his big night out where you sort of cast it in this very fun, frivolous way like this person did this and then I'm yelling at him and everyone's laughing and it's real good and then i'll see someone who plays on monday and they're like man chandler went

like fucking insane like it was real like people were crying like someone he killed someone in his apartment block it's my new favorite thing is that what a difference 24 hours of storytelling makes, the way that the story is framed. Yeah, well, hey, you know what? Enough about that. Congratulations to Nick Cody. Oh, thank you.

I was going to say, you have saved a lot of money without purchasing one thing in particular. You've saved... Now... Hang on, hang on, hang on. I was so excited that Chandler brought this up because I'm like, we might get through this whole thing without it happening. I was on the fence about whether we're going to want to bring it up or not.

So what are we bringing? Congratulations, Nick Cody. On the date of recording this, you got engaged yesterday or the night before? Oh, Sunday, yeah. Sunday night. Yeah, two days ago. Yep, yep. And I got a lot of congratulation texts which is very nice and

messages and let's see i won't say who they're from but just see if you can pick channels one uh hey congrats brother uh your sister mate seriously rad awesome news much love to you and luch that one uh congrats to you and luch Bunny so awesome. Can't. Congratulations, son of a bitch. You got the perfect choice for a wife. Which one of those messages? Last one? Hang on.

I've got to go through my phone. None of them are asking if they can borrow 50 bucks, so I'm not in the mix there. Does one of them have the photo of a $20 bill attached to it? Has he forwarded it on from a friend, to be honest? You have it. You need it more than I do. I texted him his engagement gift.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Look, to be fair, I was just doing that because every time someone gets engaged, I then cop it pretty hard at home. From who? Yeah, I do. From the guy who I killed in the apartment block. Yeah. Sounds like you don't cop it very hard at all,

if you know what I'm saying. So what happened this time, Chando? What happened? Yeah, how did you cop it this time? Oh, no. Well, this is actually exactly what happened. Let's set the story because there might be... Hey, this could be someone's first episode.

They might not know why this... Why are they making such a big deal out of one of their friends getting engaged? Mate, did you just tell your missus, hey, Cody's no longer going out with his miss engaged? Mate, did you just tell your missus, hey, Cody's no longer going out with his missus? Oh, yeah. She's making it feel like it's a broken wish.

Yeah, a lot of lawyers speak. Yeah, yeah. I did a lie, officially. Cody doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. Yeah. Got out of this one. Yeah, yeah. He sounds like a bad bloke. You're doing pretty well here.

She's the coyote to your roadrunner. You just have to outfox her at every turn. Yeah, yeah. He sounds like a bad bloke. You're doing pretty well here. She's the coyote to your roadrunner. You just have to outfox her at every turn. Yeah, exactly. So what? Let's go to Thailand again. Come on.

Let's get to the real news. So you're now, how long into this relationship are you? I'm trying to set context for people who haven't heard this before. No, sure, sure.

I've been in a relationship for nine years. Nine years? Nine years, yep. So is been in a relationship for nine years. Nine years? Nine years, yep. So is it fair to say like they always – this is a term that gets used in sitcoms and stuff, long-suffering girlfriend. Is that fair? Sure.

You know, you guys can be the judge. I like to – I'll put it in my own words, which is strong commitment. Nine years. That's not a great guy I am. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think there's someone in this who's committing more than you,

to be honest. I mean, strong, you know, that's a lot of years in middle management. No one's got a promotion yet. You know, like, it depends how you look at it, really. You're just hoping to move up to the top brass, but it hasn't happened. Yeah, yeah. So. Is it going to be like she comes to you and asks for a raise

and you're like, look, if I marry you, then all of a sudden I've got to marry everyone here. How does that look? I can't be seen to be playing favourites. You know we're going through tough economic times. I just got four demerit points and 480 bucks on that iPhone. Let's just wait until the

election, see which government gets in. It could change things when it comes to payroll tax. Don't put the pressure on because apparently there's been an empty apartment and there's a vacator just down in the block. Maybe I'll move out and move into there. So just put the pressure on because apparently there's been an empty apartment and there's a vacator just down in the block. Maybe I'll move out and move into there. Take the pressure off. I can't afford the ring at the moment. I'm trying to write off this $480 fine.

Sure, I got it for talking on my phone to someone about how I'm never going to marry you. Sure, that's true. That may be true. Don't say that. I was going to say that. I proposed without a ring. The ring wouldn't get ready in time for the place that I wanted to do it at. Her sister, Lucia's sister

is about to move over. You know Hungry Jacks is open like 24-7 right? Got your box of rings. Your breath stinks. I don't want to marry you anymore. I'm waiting for the new oil in the onion rings. They're not ready in time. Oh there'll be a three minute wait. I can't wait that long.

Someone else could come into this Hungry Jackson, fuck her right in front of me. I better get this committed. She's going to sober up any minute. She's finally come back. Get me the fucking ring. Hang on, I can twist this fry into a circle. Let's do it with that. Curly fries.

Just eating curly fries. Looked like a stack of ring. So quickly, what happened was so you put that on social media yesterday I saw that gave you that congratulatory message

text message because long running thing on this show your girlfriend very much wants to get married she's taken you ring shopping

yep oh really yeah oh that was years ago now. Oh, no. Oh, fair enough. Oh, well, not worth talking about then. I've forgotten about it.

What did I take my heartbreak to? Was it shopping for necklaces? No, no. Look, Mr Chandler, we can only keep things on lay-by for so long. Do you want it or not, honestly? Hey, she's a lovely, beautiful girl. And let's just make sure that all the fun we're making is of me

because once it's... Oh, most definitely. Absolutely, 100% mate. I don't think anybody would think otherwise. well and truly. Yes, right, right. So every time someone

that we know gets engaged, I see it. I'll see it first on social media and go, all right, batten down the hatches. I am going to cop it when we get home.

We get home and it's sort of like, this person got engaged now. Like, I copped it when it happened with you. When you're the one coming out on social media, I copped it and I'm like, okay, yeah, fair enough. She turns into Oprah. She's got to read that. She's got to read that.

Like, Cody, in all honesty, I think now we just copy and paste that text to all these mates because I copped exactly the same thing. Just the stock-standard response. Yes. I think it puts it in like voice to text. It just holds the thing down and goes.

Because you're right. It's not as satisfying to just type it out. You have to hit the caps thing and hit all those views. That text that I sent you is pretty hacked by now. Like all the feelings gone out of it. Like I didn't even really mean it now. Like the actual relationship. No, don't start.

All right, we're going to start that. Don't start this, Tommy Daslow. I'm kidding. Tommy Daslow. Come on. Should we move on to Tommy Daslow's relationship? Don't get sensitive. No, but every time I talk about Tommy Daslow,

it gets edited out. So I've got to cop this, but we don't get to talk about Tommy Daslow. I never thought I'd say this. Can we go to Taylor Swift? Can we throw... So I check social media. I see that and go, right.

I realise... Oh, that's great for my mate. Right. I wept openly at the computer, Cody, just so you know. I was that touched. It's like that scene on Commando when you find that he escapes and gets all the weapons ready. Smearing camouflage onto his face.

Let off some steam. If I bleed, I can kill myself. I get the eerie feeling you kill that guy on your block. Just distract from the situation. A murder happened down there. I need a smoke screen. I'm knocking off the guy. Who wants to get married in this uncertain world?

There's a man murdered down there with my fingerprints on him. So I see all the social media. I think my girlfriend's at work. I think, you know what? I've got a few hours here. She works really hard. She's busy. she doesn't check the social media new passport yeah new place to live yeah carlos el chando yeah yeah hang on i can go to thailand fuck everyone knows me all right gas leak at spleen no fingerprints so i i i think you know what i'm

waiting i'm waiting for the phone call to happen. It gets to like 7 o'clock. I'm like, you know what, I'm going to strike early. I'm going to get in. I'm going to talk to her first. Because you messaged me to tell me this had happened. And I was like, come on, really? So I ring her at like 7 o'clock. I go, hey, how's your day been?

She's like, great. It's been awesome. I'm like, awesome, great. You've had a great day. I thought, she hasn't checked anything. This is awesome. I'm going to get away. Because then I'm going to Spleen.

I turn my phone off. I use my phone to do the music at Spleenleen that means she goes home uh she can't ring me the phone's on airplane mode she won't see me until the next day i'm nearly home free she'll be over it by tuesday so then i talked to her and i'm like what's been happening i've been doing this what have you what about you you've been busy yeah yeah you've been really busy had a great day you know great well i've been doing this i've been doing this i've been doing this uh you haven't said anything for a while hang on what are you tuned out are you watching tv or Yeah, you've been really busy. You had a great day. Great. Well, I've been doing this. I've been doing this. I've been doing this. You haven't said anything for a while. Hang on.

Are you tuned out? Are you watching TV or something? She goes, no, no, no. Just checking Facebook. Oh, shit. What? What? And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Cody. She discovers it mid-conversation with me. Wow. I must say it was the most nerve-wracking moment of my life. Like it's fucking, you're very excited about all the words that you're thinking. I'm glad we're going on to you because we've done 15 minutes of my reaction to your engagement. I've got a few more. Hang on. I was going to say, after what you said, that is so much more stressful.

Like it's easier to just get down on one knee in front of a friend and family. But you realise now, in many ways it's your own fault that she – Yeah, because ultimately you're selling joy. Carl's just distributing misery. Carl's covering it up. Will you take this disappointment off me? It's your own fault that she found out because you've called her up. You're going on and on and on about your day.

She's like, Jesus Christ, this is fucking boring. I better get a Facebook up to distract myself. She may still not have seen it at this point if you hadn't given her the big dump about it. If I saw a dog in the street. If I heard something more interesting happen in my day than just someone dying. Do you guys just have like a guess who game with all comedians' faces on it and you just flick another one down? Anyway, less about me, more about your special day.

So anyway, how did you do it? Talk me through it. Her sister, like it was at her family home where she grew up and like she doesn't live there anymore. We just went knocked. G'day, guys. We're not going to use your shitter. We're not weird.

We're not going to use your shitter. We're not weird. I want to use your shitter and propose to me, missus. Which order? Got any old family jewellery lying around that we could borrow? Yeah, so her sisters were there and their partners and her mum and dad. And her sister moves away for a year today. She's going to work in the Solomon Islands or something. Solomon Islands, salt mines, something. Solomon Islands or something.

Sorry, that's South Thailand they often call it. Oh, right, right. It's just off in the Pacific. The channel's like, better update your map. I know Maryborough, Melbourne, Thailand. There's a fourth place? Get locked. It's like Grand Theft Auto.

You do some missions, then more of the map opens up. Chandler's Google Maps is like those explorers in the 16th century. It just goes to grey and they go, fuck, I have no idea, mate. You're falling off the side of the world. That'd be fucking mental. Yeah, so I just, I worded up her parents that day. Oh.

Just told them that day. Old school. Yeah, didn't ask. Yeah, I like that. That's good. Just worded them up. Hey, see this cunt's face? You'll be seeing it for a lot longer. Yeah, yeah.

You'll be seeing him. No cold. Shh. You want this to stop? You better say yes to me marrying your daughter. Yeah. No, I just told them both

and there was going to be this big dinner there before her sister took off and everyone was excited. Yeah, I had all these words planned. Oh, so you did it in front of the whole fam? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Before dinner. Really? Yeah, before dinner went south. Is that good? Yeah. That's a reaction to the just you did it bit, not the end of the sentence fam. Yeah. Oh, wow. Before dinner. Really? Yeah, before dinner went south. Yeah. Is that good? Yeah. That's a reaction to the just you did it bit, not the end of the sentence that I said.

But, like, you see the cliche of the proposal. It's like, you know, romantic, two people alone by themselves, but you're just. No, but we do that all the time. Like, we're out together all the time. Right. And her family. Because, you know know surely Someone's going

I just want a fucking garlic bread Why do we have to do this thing for? Mate it's an engagement Not a corporate It's all set at the end of the table Going how was your quarterly results guys? Mate Yeah we don't propose

While the meals are being served Yeah Right right This knee doesn't go down Until those plates fuck off Yeah yeah So was it before Or during

Or after? Before. So it hung out all day, the family home. So you were all... It stopped down on one knee and she freaked out. Everyone was like... And which sizzler was this happening at? Huh?

Nothing. Doubling down on the joke of you being a bogan and proposing somewhere far. I want to eat the cheesy bread. I can just say no. Will you be the cheese to my bread? Jesus, are they all backed you in? Like, were they backing you in from the get-go?

Will you be with me forever or a smorgasbord of marriage? I, I mean, I honestly, I can't, oh man, that sounds like, I can't think of anything worse than doing it in front of the whole fam. Yeah. That sounds excruciating. No, well, I just know they're her favourite people and whatever. And she was super, like, so rapt. She was like, of course I will.

And I'm like, that's not yes. And she goes, yes! You're just waiting for that one. Because it's like all these words planned in your head and then you get down and it just goes... Is that what happened with you? What about you? Oh, yeah, yeah. Is that what happened? Yeah. What about you? Oh, no.

Confirmed bachelor. I'm just the world's first confirmed bachelor who's straight. I'm sorry. I've got to watermark every conversation.

I'm sorry, Carl's girlfriend.mark every conversation I'm sorry Carl's girlfriend I love you very dearly I don't want you to hate me this is all being directed at him okay well my story was my girlfriend proposed to me at the start of the year

and she did that whole like you hear all those stories about you know like what you said like you would have been heaps nervous leading into that

and it would have in hindsight she would have been going like you know Cody's acting a bit weird and you're sweating bullets andaps nervous leading into that. Yeah. And it would have, in hindsight, she would have been going like, you know, Cody's acting a bit weird. Yeah. And you're sweating bullets and whatever. And she was doing all of that.

Like we were down the coast, like in Lawn. And she's, and it was, I remember it was just before Comedy Festival. So it would have been like March, April. And it was a miserable day, like it is outside. And she's like, we should really go for a swim. And I was like, what? Like it's a tracksuit pants. I'm wearing a beanie kind of day.

And she goes, no, we'll go for a swim. And I just kept going, you're mental. And she's like, no, she goes No I'll go for a swim And I just kept going You're mental And she's like No I definitely do Want to go for a swim I was like Oh this is retarded And then I walked

And then we went out Into the water And then she starts Doing that whole We've been together for a while And I'm like You're having a stroke If this was before

Comedy Festival How was she able to get A word in edgeways With you just testing gear On her first show Is this good Could this We're having a swim

Could this be something This is all fine and dandy But how much does your iPhone annoy you? But then I kind of flipped out because we'd talked about marriage before but then I said, yeah, but I want to do it because I was like, this is my thing. This is all I've got. Yeah. And she was like, so where does this leave us?

And I was a bit like, oh, yeah. See you. Here's Chandler's number No but But yeah And then we went back Because we were just staying In a holiday house

And then I said No okay No let's do it Let's get married And she's like Well this is weird now Oh that is fucking weird It's weird

Yeah that's a big hand break Yeah So she was in a weird purgatory For a couple of months And then mid year We went away. We were actually in Thailand, the land of romance. He was there.

Don't worry. I had the ring for you. And then I proposed to her, but then she weirded out. She's like, oh, so it's going to happen now, is it? And then it went to a fucking tiebreaker, game three. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, the wedding finals on ESPN.

Game three. Can a proposal go to penalties? The penalty is, yes, you're with me. I think lack of proposals go into penalties for you at the moment. Oh, here we go. Yeah. Yeah, so that's what happened. It was a bit Muhammad Ali.

He wanted a rebound. So, yeah, and then it was, I don't know, back in the game. So how did you get back into that? Yeah, she was a bit like, by the way, I love Chandler. You said, isn't that weird, proposing in front of her family? Not at any point during Thornton's back and forth engagements over different countries has Chandler gone, this is a bit odd. Yeah, well, that's progressive.

You just seem like a fucking showboat. Daniel Sloss. A comic needs a crowd. I was like, yeah, six of them, all comps. By the way, you're saying... It's just a free meal, is it? This is bullshit. I'm calling Craig.

You're saying, I think I should be saying this is weird. He said, so I was in Thailand. I'm like, yeah, great. What's weird about this story? I'm on board. Yeah. Yeah. So and then she kind of, same thing.

I'd ask her parents because I really did want to do that. I get along well with my father-in-law and I asked him, but he's a very pragmatic nonchalant guy. And I was like... ...I kind of shat myself on that little speech. I mean, oh, how does it feel if I was around for a lot longer? That's how I put it. And he went, yeah, I guess.

And then just carried on. And then he was like, I wanted to ask you if you'd marry her. So then next time you saw him, he got in first. But he got what you were saying? Yeah, because then I pushed it a little further because I was literally stammering my way through it. Right. And then he kind of went, oh.

Well, you did really give him the fucking cryptic crossword version of it. Yeah. I just said, hey, I'm going to ask Looch to marry me today. And he was like, great. That's awesome. That's way easier than like, hey, let's say I want to hang around a bit more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough, mate, if you can. This cunt's awesome. That's way easier than like, hey, let's say I want to hang around a bit more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough, mate, if you can.

This cunt's a mortal. 24 across, what would happen if your daughter had a different name? I don't want to say I'm a Highlander, but I could be around for a lot longer. I think he's trying to move in. I think he's trying to buy your house. This is weird. I love the stories of like, because someone was telling me recently the way they got engaged was they were doing a hike

and the whole thing was they get to the very top, the very, very long hike and they get to the very top of the mountain and that's when he proposed. And she's like, I knew the second we set off for the hike because he was acting like such a fucking idiot. Like, clearly so stressed about it. So stressed

about everything being perfect and how we get up there. And it was this three hour hike of me not being able to talk to him. Him not being able to string a sentence together. And me just being like, I don't want to ruin this for him but for fuck's sake, just get this done. And that's also why Looch had no idea it was coming because it was just at her family house with her family.

You know what I mean? If I was like, hey Looch, you want to go on a hot air balloon? She'd be like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hate heights. I'd be like, oh. Do you want another beer and to commit to spending the rest of your life with me?

That's what it was. I had a beer and then I put the beer down and went, boom, there we go. Nick never puts a beer down. This is weird. He put the beer down. The feminists have won. This is fucked. Did you do this inside or outside the caravan?

Just put the cigarette out on my shoulder. So what do you got with the actual wedding? Not to jump too far ahead because we're only, it's like two days in. No, it's going to be like December. What are your plans? What do you think? What are you going to do? Oh, straight away.

Yeah. Well, I have a long engagement. I don't understand that. Just fucking do it. Yeah, sure. Why have any engagement at all? That's Chandler's big surprise. Just straight to wedding.

Yeah, before the engagement. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe like a big property down the coast somewhere and just have a big party. Fuck yeah. So you mean the Falls Festival, is that what you say? Yeah, you see. Just so you don't have to cater it.

Guys, I'm performing at Falls, you've all got to buy tickets. Yeah, one VIP pass, the missus gets it obviously. I'll fucking ball and chain over here, take a B plus one. You're allowed three beers. Three, just measure them out. No gifts, no gifts. Meal coupon, meal coupon. No gifts, your ticket that costs you 400 bucks is presents enough.

Seriously, that's fine. Yeah, your parents aren't here, but I think we might be able to get to talk to the Rubens. The best was like her friends calling her and her calling her friends and it's just – so yesterday at her family's place, it was just Looch crying with her friends over the phone and I'm just getting heinous messages. Like congrats followed by she's a fucking idiot, who picks you?

You know what I mean? Like just everything is a joke. Can't. Can't. Everything's a joke. It's like Can't. Everything's a joke. It's like... Want to do a podcast tomorrow? I did.

I asked you before you'd put it up, or before I'd seen it at least. Then I was like, boy, I feel silly. You both texted me at the same time saying, you came for a dum-dum tomorrow? And I'd asked Looch the night before, and I was like, yeah. It's all like we were just saying,

who should we get on this? And then my senses just went off and went, Cody. We must go to Cody. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Mate, you know, you guys were like you were talking about the proposals. The one thing a mate of mine, this is his story where his girlfriend was expecting this whole thing to occur.

Like, all right, when is this going to happen? They went away for the weekend, three-day weekend. On the second night they're having dinner, she just breaks down and cries and is like, when are we getting married? It's never going to happen. This is bullshit. But he'd planned the next day to propose at a waterfall

and just stuck with the plan. Like, let her sit there while she's losing her mind at a restaurant going, she doesn't know what's coming around the corner. It's like, come on, mate. The tears are enough of a waterfall. Get in there. Right then is the time to do it, to turn that around.

But he was like, got a plan, guys. Absolutely got a plan. And so then he goes through the next day. It just looks like he's immediately reacting to what's happened the night before. Well, yeah, that's what we said to him. We were worried that that was how it was going to look. And also, you're in a public area of a restaurant. A waterfall, I get you want a private moment, but then now also, like, you're in a public area of a restaurant. Like, a waterfall.

I get you want a private moment, but then now you've just also put up with a room full of strangers going, that guy's an A-grade arsehole. No, but I think he's done the right thing there. You know what I mean? Like, if her crying made a ring appear, she'd be like, I should use this power more often. Yeah.

It's like teaching a child You know It's like If you do it immediately No wedding No Sit You'll get your ring Once you sit down Here comes the commitment

If you do it immediately If she starts crying This is never going to happen Then you do it immediately after I would think That the person isn't always Slightly going to have In the back of their mind Oh this just happened Because I guilted him This is never going to happen, then you do it immediately after. I would think that the person is then always slightly going to have in the back of their mind, oh, this just happened because

I guilted him. This wasn't going to happen anyway. Yeah. Any thoughts? Taking it all on board. What are you doing for a wedding? Mate, I've already got my fiance pregnant, so that puts that back a fair amount. Shotgun style.

Yeah, a little bit of that. Legitimately, we're thinking of doing a shotgun as in just turning up to the registry, just signing our names. I love it. Making it legal. While she's pregnant. Yeah, while she's pregnant. And you call me Bogan for putting a beard down.

Look at the Beverly Hillbillies over here. There can be more than one bogan. To be honest, I don't know about that. It's like Highlander. I forgot that is the Geelong boy and the Werribee boy. This guy, you white trash piece of shit. Your missus is up the duff. You fucking put a beard down to us.

I'm going to get my pregnant missus to just be slamming Woodstock hands. I need to send a photo to Cody. Have a joint wedding, guys. No one does that. Get in. Do it at the same time. Do it at the same location. Oh, man.

With Ronnie, because last episode we talked about Ronnie's Bucks night. This year at some stage we're going to have wall-to-wall Bucks night. It's going to be the greatest. So good. It's going to be so good. God, I wish there was just like a few months of the year where everybody, like a bunch of comedians, drank every night. Thank fuck.

Thank fuck we all got married and made that happen. We finally got a party on board, guys. What if we all go away and make it like a music festival? We're going to do Splendour in the Grass soon, right? And that's a four-day music festival. Cody, Ronnie, Thornton, we're going to do a three-day Bucks Night Festival. Just one day. One day for each of you.

Bucks Nights. Long weekend. Milan? That's so weird because no one wants the third day because everyone's broken by them. But in our minds, we're like, no, but I'm headlining. I'll go. You can take the first one, mate.

You're opening spot. You know what's funny? So you're trying to keep it small. Like we want a small thing but with good mates there. So like relatives of mine are getting the chop. Great. I love it. I haven't seen this cunt in fucking 12 years.

What's your rule? How many years? It's more just I just want your best mates and whatever around. You know what would be cool? Send out non-invites because otherwise people who think they might be invited, they then hear through someone else. Send a thing to someone in the mail going, sorry sorry cunt i haven't seen you in 12 years yeah please rsvp to make sure you are not coming near me this is the guy that's not in a relationship now i just want to remind you but tommy is about to fucking love this

news right so i'm writing down names but then the plus ones are what starts fucking blowing shit out. Then you go, who doesn't need a plus one? Dassolo, full faith in him, plus one. Yes! Oh! Dill, no plus one. Grail. He's got to bring his gut. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, he's used up the plus one.

Yeah, yeah. He's like two seats on a plane, so that's basically a plus one. He's a long-suffering girdle. He's girdle friend. Trades are in for a younger model, a lap band. Thank you, good night I've got more faith in the guy

That's about to leave us at 30 years of age To go draw cartoons at university Hey, I'm not 30 And I've already started drawing them, okay Get your fucking facts straight And it's not a university It's a 3D CAD program And when I bring my avatar to your wedding Fucking fact straight. And it's not a university. It's a 3D CAD program.

And when I bring my avatar to your wedding, who will be laughing? Oh, yeah. When I bring Ren and Stimpy along, who will be laughing? Then I need a plus two. No, I'm going to bring my laptop along weird science style with this girlfriend that I've modelled in Maya in a 3D program. It's going to be your ex but like as Tupac. Just a hologram. See, I can cop it. I welcome it.

The loneliest Coachella ever. Well, I think we've got to wrap this up and all kill ourselves for different reasons. I wish we had wrapped it up 40 minutes ago, to be fair. You'll get there someday, slugger. Slugger. I'd be copying it all happily with a big old laugh on my face

if I didn't have to answer to someone else when this comes out. Anyway. Mate, just present girdle, friend. Whatever you think of the journey, the result was worth it. out. Anyway. Mate, just present girdle friend. Whatever you think of the journey, the result was worth it. I'll edit down a micro version of this and send that to you and then you can go, hey sweetie, listen to the podcast.

G'day dickhead. See you mate. Come to our live shows. Why do you keep doing that every episode? It's the same gig. People like this. It only goes for two minutes.

All right, guys. Thank you very much for joining us. Nick Cody, Dave Thornton. Things coming up that you would care to plug, gentlemen? Nick Cody will be in Edinburgh. Edinburgh and Montreal. Oh, nice. NickCody.com.au.

I had a big show in Sydney at the Enmore Theatre that's been moved to November so it's like November 17th or 27th it's fucking ages away cool with Luke Heggy

and Bart oh nice filming the film nice I'm performing at the Errol Street Fringe Festival sorry the comics lounge

same same that is first week of July you actually had me. I was like, what? More importantly, you're at my room as well. You're at the European Beer Cafe. Oh, yes.

Mid-July. That's right. Can I say, I'm in Canberra the day after. This comes out on the 16th. What is that? No, this will be like the 28th or something. Ah, fuck. I've enjoy it

at Canberra yeah write in let us know how you enjoyed Nick Cody in Canberra yeah yeah

Comics Lounge you're at my gig as well Catfish in July keep an eye on the socials and then I got the Comics Lounge and then I got Fatherhood

so just you know when's that when's that out when's that dropping yeah let's see that's kicking off end of September

and going for the rest of my life any preview so tickets still available Vegas show cheap cheap exactly

I'll be just like Celine Dion just hollow eyed still performing every night cheap previews or what what have we got yeah yeah swing down

Royal Melbourne it's going to be a bit rough at the start, so that's why it's a bit cheaper at the start. You know it's going to be patchy. You know that. That's what you've come for, yeah? The first time it comes out, then you clean it up, and all of a sudden it's looking good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, then what do you know? Yeah, I hope it's not a shit one, then I've just got to put up with it the whole run. Guys, we've got, what have we got? We've got Sydney, July 7th We've got Canberra, July 30th Yep

Sydney and Canberra Get onto it That's pretty much it I think we are now no longer friends after this episode So enjoy next week's 300th It was recorded in advance Because that's the last you're ever going to hear of this show Probably

Refunds available for Sydney and Canberra No I reckon we'll be sold out by now anyway So Maybe Yeah, well I mean we're recording this a lot in advance I reckon we'll be sold out by now anyway so maybe yeah well I mean we're recording this a lot in advance

oh we'll be at Splendour in the Grass if you go into that we're doing this on the Friday night at Splendour in the Grass a bunch of

great guests are going to be there so hey if you listen to the show and you're going to be there please come down because I think it's otherwise

just going to be drunken fucking yeah who knows it's going to be interesting we'll be on just before the certain little band may be friends of mine as well that same night is going to be drunken fucking yeah who knows it's going to be interesting we'll be on just before the

certain little band may be friends of mine as well that same night the Avalanches oh really oh wicked I heard their first

I saw the video it's fucking awesome yeah I like it I wrote it alright guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time

see ya mates oh what a hearty see ya, mate. What of it?