The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 300 - Tom Ballard, Dilruk Jayasinha, Demi Lardner, Dave Thornton, Dave O'Neil, Adam Richard, Danny McGinlay, Lehmo, Adam Rozenbachs, Nick Cody

Episode Date: July 5, 2016

A Brief History of Dum Dum, Webcam Updates and Rad Dad at The Croxton. Recorded LIVE at The Croxton, Thornbury on June 25th, 2016.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alright folks, this is it. You've heard us banging on about it for weeks and weeks and weeks. This is the 300th episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club that was recorded a week and a half ago. Yeah, it was recorded in the past. This isn't the start of the live show because it is bombing spectacularly, if that was the case. I wish people could see where we're recording this. It's such a momentous occasion. We look like we're Lady and the Tramp because we're right in between the microphone thing and we're like about six inches from each other's mouths in a dirty alleyway. Can I speak freely? Sure.

Get a fucking mint. Oh, really? So this episode was huge. What a night. I mean, what a spectacular evening we had. We had tons of guests. We had a little bit of theatre in there. We had a packed room.

We had about 500 people in the end. It was insane. It was so good. Is it a long show? I think it's like an hour and a half. Oh, right. Have you edited it yet? Not yet.

Oh, okay. It's a big night for me when I get home. Yep. So that is coming up in a second. We also need to mention that we're in Sydney right now, pretty much. Yeah. Few tickets left for this Thursday's show, July the 7th. If you're hearing this straight away, get on the website.

If you can find a ticket, well done. If you can't, that's sort of expected. Sunday's all gone. So, yeah, looking forward to those Sydney shows. They're going to be really fun. Two big shows while we're up there for the weekend. Then coming up, we've got... Oh, we're going to be at Splendour in the Grass,

which we haven't mentioned. The Friday evening, I think at like 5 or something. We don't have the exact time yet, but that'll be coming out soon. So just for everyone, that is a big music festival, in case you don't know. It's in Queensland. Yeah. So we're going to be...

We're playing on the same day. We're doing a live podcast here just before the avalanches are on. So sweet Marabara combo up at Splendour in the Grass. So if you are there, please come down and check it out because it's going to be us up against a crowd of people who don't know who we are. So it really could go either way. So this isn't an ad

to go and buy tickets because I think they're sold out long ago. Yeah, and even if it wasn't, you're not going to pay $350 just to come up to that to see us. Is that how much it is?

It's something like that, yeah. It's pretty expensive. But yeah, if you look at the line-up of who's on at the comedy, heaps of our mates are there. So the show's going to be awesome. We've got a lot of great people there who are going to be on as guests.

And we do stand up there as well on a different night. So come by and say hi anyway. And then after that, July the 30th, we are up in Canberra. Again, not many tickets left for that at all. That's so close to being done. So if you've been sleeping on that, then jump on it right away. I would expect if you don't, yeah, you could easily go to the website now to be sold out. So take a chance maybe.

Also, Patreon, thank you to everyone who continues to support that. We just sent out the most recent newsletter. A lot of great feedback on that coming through. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, the newsletter. I mean, it's a pain in the ass to do, but it was a great idea at the time. But we're getting a lot of good feedback, and it looks like a really good product. Yeah, looking back at it when it's done, it's great. But while that's happening, it's a fucking nightmare.

But yeah, people are really enjoying that. And yeah, thanks to everyone who writes in to let us know that they enjoy it. And the bonus episodes are always fun. You get a little bit of extra content where we talk with guests and stuff. But it tends to be sometimes a bit of a different flavor to the usual show. So that's all just extra stuff that you get for chipping in. And thank you to everyone who continues to do that. We've also got the merch on sale now. Oh, we debuted these at the 300th show. So that's all just extra stuff that you get for chipping in and thank you to everyone who continues to do that. We've also got the merch on sale now.

Oh, we debuted these at the 300th show, the new t-shirts that are your phone number kind of blacked out by the title of this show. Kind of hard to describe. Yeah, it's not quite on our website yet. I've put in the request with our webmaster,

old Joel up at Auxiliary Designs in Queensland, but it's not quite on the website. It might be by the time... Good shout out for a guy that you've just added as not having done... No, no, no. He's great because it's not like we're paying him to do it. He's awesome. He's awesome. This is his charity for the year, running our website. He's been our webmaster

for a long time now. Hey, if you like our site, hit him up because he did a great job of it. Yeah. But yeah, those are up there. We'll be on sale soon. We've also got the – Yeah, yeah. If you're at the gigs as well, if you're at the live gigs, we've always got plenty of merch.

So come along and grab one of them live at the show. Yeah. Yeah, check all that out. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is the website. Enjoy this, the 300th episode. This was so much fun. Thanks to everyone who came down and packed out the room. It was – I mean, it was insane to have that many people in such a big room.

It was nuts. I'm not sure if we properly thanked them at the time at the actual gig because I was a bit drunk by the end of it and I can't remember. But big thanks to everyone who came out. You're listening to 500 people watching this. 500. I think previous gigs we haven't played half. We've barely played half that.

Yeah. I was saying to someone before, they said, did you enjoy it? And I said there was so much to do and I was very stressed about it, but I found it very hard to let go and actually enjoy it myself. And then the person who I was talking to has been married recently and they said, oh, it's like your wedding.

So strap in everyone and listen to the wedding of me and Carl Chandler in front of 500 of our nearest and dearest. They said I'd never do it, but here it is. Hey, thanks for coming into the 300th episode. 300th episode, long time. Let's go all the way back to the very first episode and remember what it was like back then.

Let's welcome to the stage, first episode, Carl Chandler and Tommy Dasolo! Hey, mates. Welcome in to the first ever episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. I'm Tommy Dasolo, and sitting next to me is my best friend in the whole world, Carl Chandler. G'day, doodleheads.

How you going? How you going, Carl? Well, me parents just let me have a new mobile phone. Wow, what's your number? Don't worry, you can trust me. 0438? Nah, better not. Don't know, you can trust me. 0438? Nah, better not. Don't know who's listening. I bet you don't even know how to use that phone.

Go get some batteries for it. How old exactly are you? 13. Shouldn't you be having cancer right about now? Yeah, yeah. right about now? Yeah, yeah. Didn't know you could catch cancer off your mum's purse.

Christ, hope we're a bit more mature by the time we grow up and have awesome, successful jobs. Shut up, dickhead. All right, give it up for the younger versions. And let's fast forward a long way and give it up again for Tommy Duzlo and Carl Chandler. Oh, fuck, I think we fast forwarded too far. Oh fuck, I think we fast-forwarded too far. Hey, old friends.

Welcome to episode 4061 of the Little Dumb Dumb Show. With me is my old friend, my best friend, as always, of the past 52 years, Carl Chandler. What? I said, Carl Chandler. Oh, I hate that guy. He's always acting like a fucking arsehole. I thought we were going to get an older guy to play Chandler. Hang on. How did you grow hair over the last 40 years?

Ah, never mind. Just forget about that. So, um, how's the girlfriend? Proposed yet? Well, let's not rush things. Just hold up here. By the way, who's our next guest? It's our old friend, Delroch Jai Sinha. Thank you, gentlemen. Thanks for having me again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you gentlemen.

Thanks for having me again. Jeez, you've aged really, really well. Fat don't crack, baby. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Kyle Chandler, Tommy Deslo. Guys, are you ready for your current host of the Little Dum Dum Club? 300 episodes, please. Go absolutely crazy. This is it. Are you ready for your current host of the Little Dum Dum Club?

300 episodes. Please, go absolutely crazy. This is it. Get the clapping going. Get the cheering going. On the stage, Coach Helen, Tommy Dasolo! Hey, mate! Welcome to episode 300, live at the Croxton of the Little Dum Dum Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us.

Standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Can we get a huge round of applause for Lockie Clark, Walter Smithers, Bruce and Jeff Cody playing the young and old versions of us.

Apparently I'm going to end up like Cody's dad. And when I was younger, I was a lot taller. And all the versions of us. Apparently I'm going to end up like Cody's dad. Yeah. And when I was younger, I was a lot taller, so... You start to shrink in old age and I just really rock it up. Yeah. And grow hair. We assigned those roles to those two men this afternoon

without having seen them next to each other. Yeah. And, yeah yeah that was really good fuck this is crazy there's so many fucking people here um awesome hey thanks guys thanks so much um i did notice on the way in we the secrets are finally making it is to not act really put out and like freaked out by the fact that this is happening just yeah of course this fucking happened yeah look at this people are fucking sitting on steps over there. Get your fucking head out.

Why are you sitting on a step? Get your head out of the way of the projector, you fucking idiot. What? She's sitting, so to say, just to charge her phone. Oh, what? What is this? Did you even mean to be at the podcast? Or are you just...

Fucking hell. Hey, yeah, awesome. But we are this venue we haven't been here to the Croxton Hotel I did notice

that it is on the way in you go through a pokies venue and it was very sad to walk in and see a lot of weird people

just paying money for things that aren't really even entertainment um just wasting their money as opposed to this

excellent show so who's ever been here who's been to the over 28's night at the Croxton Park Hotel before oh right

yeah few rad dads out there good no but it is awesome like it is actually awesome to see so many people come out

because it's like I don't know, there's like nearly 500 people here, which is fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. So let's quickly put this out there.

We put out a thing during the week. Our friends at Mr. Burger put a deal on for everyone coming to this show. There's a Mr. Burger truck at Welcome to Thornbury, a food truck park down the street. They offered a deal for anyone coming to this show if they wanted to get Mr. Burger's a Mr. Burger truck at Welcome to Thornbury, a food truck park down the street. They offered a deal for anyone coming to the show if they wanted to get Mr. Burger before the gig. I got notification

about an hour and a half to two hours before the show. You fucking maniacs went down there. The truck ran out of gas. Really? You disgusting fat fucks put that burger truck up on bricks.

I hope you're fucking proud of yourselves. Hang on, hang on. So are you saying they bought all the burgers or they stole the wheels? Yeah, well, I don't know. I think both are probably true, knowing the kind of people that listen to this show. Oh, man. Because, you know, it does get to that point where, because there's so many people that listen now and you guys,

so many people are here, I think I've mentioned it before, I do get a little bit tricked and I start to... We've been recognised in the street a bunch of times and it's like, oh, this is awesome. Shut the fuck up. You, I have your fucking money, so stop fucking laughing. You probably have their phone number too.

Just for all the people ringing me, I'm aware that this is fucking ringing non-stop and I will not be answering it, okay? But I am aware that what I just said was stop laughing at me. I should be saying the opposite, anyway. But this thing happened. Just before, a couple of weeks ago, I haven't mentioned this yet, but I was walking in Hawthorne.

I walked down... Because we get recognised a little bit, I walked past this Italian restaurant that's near my house. And I walked past the windows, past the glass door, and there was these girls that were so happy to see me. And they're knocking on the window going, hey, hey! And I'm like, hey guys. And I walked past and they just kept banging and screaming. And I'm like, cool. And I looked around again and they're going banging and like screaming and I'm like cool and I looked around again and they're like going so crazy and I went back to say

hi and I went back to say hi and they go we've locked ourselves in and then they and I'm like oh cool and I open the door for them and they go why did you wave and walk past? And I go, I do a podcast. A couple of people have left things on the stage. Someone has left us a Matthew Delvedova rookie card

in a nice case, like the kind of hard plastic case you use to keep a thing like this secure. And they've written a little note on the back from Maryborough, NBA champion, going to sign a four-year, 50 million contract, and will probably propose before he is 40.

Reminds me of me. I'm from Maryborough. Congrats on 300 podcasts Oh alright Who put Is this Do you reckon Is this like worth Like real money No

No Basketball cards Stopped being worth money 20 years ago I remember it well What Is that Matthew Delavitova

What What happened then Someone said you are so wrong Oh okay Yeah is that what you said Did you tell a Vitova? What happened then? Someone said you are so wrong. Oh, okay. Yeah, is that what you said? Based on what? 50 bucks right now? Fuck, awesome.

Let's buy two tickets to this. Get fucked, mum. I got this. Yeah, that actually means it's not worth that much. If you can buy two tickets to this, that's not that great. Will you give me 50 bucks for it right now? Well, then it's not worth 50 bucks, is it? What would you give me for it, like, right now? I had enough to give you one for free.

Oh. Oh. What did he say? I had enough to what? He had enough to give you one for free. Oh. Oh. What did he say? I had enough to what? He had enough to give me one for free. Are you fucking actually losing your hearing? You've needed me to repeat everything that's happened this evening. It's called the Little Dum Dum Club.

It's like a radio show, but it's on the internet, and you can download it whenever you want, listen to it. Rings a bell. No, that's the sound of your fucking hearing aid malfunctioning. Let's get those other guys out here again. Man, we had to get those guys, we like have hired those guys to come down

and do like one minute of that. That's, I don't know whether that's good or bad. Is that good? That was great. And I think like pretty much all of them don't really know what the show is so we've just written references for them and they've gotten up here and they're killing.

What the fuck's going on? And I'm saying to them, pause for laughter and they're like yeah okay. So this is it. This is 300 episodes. what is this like six years or something we've been doing this show i thought it would be fun at this point of the podcast to do a bit of a look back kind of do a bit of a history of the little dumb dumb club podcast i was gonna sort of write out a thing of all the uh kind of like you know memorable things that have happened over the course of the show um i didn't get a chance to do that i I've had a very busy week trying to finish the lightning cup on Mario Kart

for any real heads in the audience. So, but what I did was, I don't know how many people know the website Fiverr, where you can just go on and commission, you can get people to, like, write stuff for you. So I just, like, I found a writer, I found a creative writer and just gave her, like, a few, you know,

like, the key points of the podcast, you know, a few mentions, like, how long we've been doing the podcast for you know, a few mentions like how long we've been doing the podcast for, like how we met, the sort of thing we do on the show. And so she said, so you guys want to hear this? I mean, you're all fans, but it'd be nice to take a bit of a trip down memory lane, right? This is the history of a little dum-dum club. Okay, so here we go.

Tommy took a deep breath and ran his hands through his luscious brown hair as he entered the studio. He was about to meet his co-host for a new cooking show on community television that he pitched to John, the station manager. She's kind of freestyled a bit with some of these details, I should point out. John had told Tommy he had the perfect person to work with. His name was Carl.

Tommy knew that he was an older man in his 40s. In his 40s. Tommy also knew that Carl could have a bit of a temper, but he was sure that wouldn't be a problem. As Tommy opened the door, the whoosh of the air conditioning hit his face and made his soft brown eyes water. He saw John standing with an older man that had silver fox hair and wore glasses.

Tommy saw right away what John was talking about in regards to Carl looking a bit rough. Can I do one of these as well? Can I? Tommy, this is Carl, John stated as he pointed to Carl. Carl, Tommy, I believe you two will work well together. G'day, dickhead. Carl's voice boomed through the hallway they were standing in.

Tommy felt a connection right away as they began to talk about the show they were going to do. He wanted to create a cooking show for the common man. As Tommy explained the concept, Carl nodded and agreed. John watched as the first show went off without any issues and smiled. Tommy's calmness balanced out Carl's demanding, gruff attitude.

As time passed, Tommy and Carl's show became a hit. One day, John called Tommy and Carl into his office to discuss a new opportunity. Some people are laughing at the wrong point there. There's only nine more pages to go, guys, so just settle down. Welcome, gentlemen. As you know, these six years have passed quickly.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Primetime cooking is a hit, and so we want to turn it into a podcast. A podcast? Tommy questioned. Yes, I'm sure you two could make a great podcast. I'm sure we can. Carl nodded and winked at Tommy. So what's on the menu today, gentlemen? John asked. Chocolate mousse, Tommy stated as he smiled. Well, have fun, John said.

Once John had left, Carl looked at Tommy. He'd begun to enjoy Tommy's company. He also knew that Tommy's girlfriend had left recently. Tommy was constantly telling Carl that she'd be back but Carl really doubted it. Chocolate mousse, Carl started. Interesting choice since you know that my birthday is coming up. I thought I'd surprise you, Tommy blushed. And I thought we could share it after the show as well, with some red wine to celebrate. Sounds good, Carl smirked. He had other things on his mind for his birthday.

What the fuck? As the show ended, the crew left the kitchen and Tommy and Carl were alone. Tommy turned around. Carl was right behind him and placed his hands in Tommy's hair, kissing him deeply. Tommy sighed as he felt Carl fill down the front of his pants. I've wanted you from the first show, you little cocktease.

Carl stated gruffly as his breath quickened. Suddenly, Tommy felt Carl's hands on his erect hardness and he was close to exploding. Carl's other hand went for the remote of the stereo to turn it down because it was so loud that it was echoing throughout the room. He pressed the button to turn down the volume. Carl, the normally quiet Tommy, cried out, I'm gonna come fuck I should have read this before the show I'm gonna be asking

for my money back, Carl started working Tommy's cock faster and faster, finally Tommy exploded as he yelled GOT HIM as Tommy stood up he looked at Carl deep in his blue eyes and smiled. The batteries are dead. He held the remote in his hand. I figured, Carl stated as he found his pants. Pulling out his wallet, he gave Tommy some money.

Stop borrowing from your mum, kid. Tommy lowered his eyes and blushed as he poured a glass of wine after setting down the money on the table. Handing a glass of wine and a bowl of chocolate mousse to Carl, he looked at him again. All the memories of his ex-girlfriend faded away. He felt a real connection with Carl and he was excited for the future. So do you want to hang out tomorrow? Tommy said as he sat gently beside Carl.

Carl grinned as he took a sip of wine. No can do, kid. Tomorrow I'm going to Thailand. And what a fantastic six years it's been, am I right? And that was the best five dollars I ever earned. I think it

raises one big question, one big question, which is, is that phone charged yet? No. This raises one big question, one big question, which is, is that phone charged yet? Who's horny right now? Some people are slipping off their seats. Dill from all the chicken grease. He's slipping off his seats. Okay, before we, do we do it do you want to do a bit

of should we do this oh should we let's do this let's continue well look I'll say this much I'll do a little bit before that I came back from I literally went to Thailand on a very quick Felicia's at home Tommy is nodding in the green That was fucking great acting wasn't it? I really put myself on the line in service of this podcast I had a very quick decision I went to Thailand and

heard a lot about it. So I went there. I got back yesterday in time for here. I was literally going to come back today and then someone, maybe a hundred people said that was a bad idea. So I didn't do that. So I went, I took my parents, I went with my parents and I... Street cam? Sorry... Street cam? Sorry? Street cam? Did I street cam?

Yeah. Well, that's coming up. But thanks for trying to fuck it up. Maybe don't ever say anything again. Let's just all, anytime anyone's sitting up a bit, let's all do a bit of fucking soothsaying and you know what the fucking thing might happen. I was walking down the street, what else happened? question if you waited you'd hear you assholes so so i went

if you wait you will find because none of us are coming up just hoping that you guys answer some punch signs all right we've done this before. We've got tags on the end of it. Sit down. Take a load off. This guy gets it. He gets it. So, I went with my parents and I sort of thought, well this will be interesting. I'll get to know my parents

even better. You know, I haven't, you know, you don't see them. You don't see them all the time. They live in Marabara still. So what I got out of them... You hoping you get to know know them better enough to just go official with them? Yeah. Have the chat? Yeah, go steady. So I had a few beers with my dad one night,

and he started telling me stories about Maribor, because that's the thing. Everyone wants to know about Maribor, the hometown of me, but I think I'm sort of done with all the stories that I've got from growing up. So he started going, oh, I'll tell you some stories about Maribor my fucking this will be good so this sounds more erotic than the thing I just read out this story tell me a story dad yeah so he have another beer just loosen up we're in Thailand anything goes are you proud of me?

Show me how proud you are. You're looking very proud. The fuck's this? I'm a one as well. Yeah. So he started going, oh yeah, Mirabarra, it's always been known as a pretty rough town. Pretty rough town. Like, a lot of full-on things happen. He goes, oh man, I remember when I was working there at a car company, at a car dealership. And He goes, oh, man, I remember when I was working there at a car company,

at a car dealership. And he goes, oh, the weirdest thing happened. Right, so this guy walked in, and no one in town had ever seen anything like it. He walked in near the car yard, and he was wearing a cowboy hat, right? So everyone's going, whoa, check this and my people were like running in to check this guy out then he walked over into the car yard and he laid on the bonnet of the car and everyone lost their fucking mind everyone's like whoa what's going anyway he was there for like a minute or something and then the police came there was like 10 police rushed in and they arrested him and everyone was like

in shock, it was crazy it was a really crazy day and I'm like I don't know what's going on in Maribor, how can you how can you wear a cowboy hat and lay on a car and get arrested for that? and he goes, oh yeah, sorry

did I say he had two shotguns as well? I don't have all my storytelling ability from my dad, but... So then mum starts saying, oh yeah, that reminds me of... He's just like you, his set-ups are real shit. So then my mum goes, oh, that reminds me of the time I worked in the chemist. Remember that time when this crazy guy came in, was stalking this woman, stalking this girl that worked at the chemist, and he came in with a shotgun, was like threatening her. And I was like, fuck, is that for real?

And she's like, yeah, that was completely happening. And dad was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that happened. And then mum goes, whatever happened to that guy? And and and and it was like oh yeah those two got married so there is mirabar in two stories wow that's the real shotgun wedding yeah that's great maybe someone else should try that on me. Also, you're back now. You know, I feel weird about, like, doing this show with you on your first day back from Thailand. Because this must be the most miserable you've been in two weeks.

Because you're out of Thailand, like... It's 35 degrees every day. You come here, it's eight. It's fucked here. Yeah, exactly. But so I thought we could just bring in a bit of, like, to make you feel like you're at your real home you know let's bring this up if we can just the next slide thanks we got a certain webcam here this is live coming in from thailand wait what the what the what the fuck's this? That's a fucking weird running style.

Straight into the Maccas, yeah. That'd be very on brand. Alright, well that's how I spend my holiday. For people at home I literally did film get Tommy to tape me running near a Thailand webcam

and you like you kept fucking you did one not wearing the dum dum shirt and then I messaged you on Facebook going put the shirt on you fucking idiot and then I can just see you in the cam looking at your phone and just doing this. But man, literally, so I went there. I felt like I was that guy controlling the Truman Show. You know, the guy that you see up in the fucking HQ.

But literally, so I'm, for people at home, if you've seen the webcam, I'm jogging past the webcam, I turn around and give it the bird, and I run off again. I went there, I had to use the Wi-Fi to talk to Tommy, so I went in there and I bought a beer at like 10 o'clock, I had to use the Wi-Fi to talk to Tommy so I went in there and I bought a beer at like 10 o'clock in the morning to use the Wi-Fi. And then, so I buy it,

I order it, I put it there and then I go to start running and the guy runs out going you're going to pay, you're running off! Oh, he did the voice, that was brave. Man, he was way more over the top than that. He was crazy. So then I had to double back and I had to do it again. It's not over the top, that's just his actual voice.

It's just how he speaks. What a full on impression you're doing right now. I think I know a little bit more than you about it. But then I went to do it again and you turn around and give the bird to the camera. And the guy, the owner, is just standing there under the camera going... What the fuck are you doing that's great hey should we bring our first guest yes you've seen him already this evening he is one of our very dear friends please welcome into the little dumb dumb club do Yeah. Hello, everyone again.

Nice to see you all. For people at home, we did do a stand-up show before this podcast. Congratulations to you two. It's actually quite, if I'm being sincere, well done Fucking awesome People might be aware that I'm a fan of the show Before I was a guest And I was at your first live show Which was a free show

Back then And you had 20 people and you were excited Look how you've come You've come a long way baby Said Fatboy Slim Was anyone here at that first live show we did? Who are the true fans? You've come a long way, baby. Said Fatboy Slim. Was anyone here at that first live show we did? Who are the true fans?

They've all dropped off. They've all realised how shit it is. We have one true fan. Her and me. And it's Lisa Storridge. You came to the first show and she had a sign saying Team Chandler. Yeah. Get the fuck out. Speaking of signs, I don't know.

You boys have missed it twice. It's been lifted. A friend of the show, a wary of the show, has got a hand signal that says, Got him. Holy shit. All right, let's do this. Let's announce this.

We actually printed this out today. Oh, he's going off stage. Oh, someone's trying to fist us. All right. Adam Richard, get off stage. Hey, Chandler, just quickly bend over. It's probably about time you had this exam at your age. Do you want to do the honours?

I would love to. Hang on. This might feel like your career. That's weird because I think your hands are actually bigger than that somehow. We've actually done this. If the people at the back can get this shit together right now I think they're about to Good thing you asked nicely

We printed out a bunch of these things That just signs that say Got Tim So we're going to hand them out now So whenever someone gets got in the podcast Tonight You can do that It's like the cricket

Instead of six or four you get to go got him all right so that's gonna go well get in there little buddy this so little gone all through with it so maybe you think someone's gotten gotten you can show us all right is that cool it's a fucking underwhelming response so excited just to travel out to Thornbury, pay 22 bucks and watch people be given pieces of paper. Here we go. Bend over again. So this is what you're meant to do with a ring.

Watch it. Look at it. It's paying off. Adam, next time you're on, please be on a different side of the stage to do a request. Just so we can even add you down. Adam basically flew down from Sydney just to do that. This guy's just keeping it held up permanently.

He's got no standards. Oh, everything is got him. You guys forgot to do your standard live show question. Who here has never listened to the podcast before? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. What? Wow.

How is it going so far? Who has questions? The bar staff suddenly do. They're going, what the fuck? Because there was that line where he goes, how's your girlfriend? And everyone lost their shit. And it was literally the bar staff and the actor going,

why is that funny? So, Dil, you actually flew back. You flew back at the same time as me. Yeah, we get it, Meg. You grew here. I flew here. We get it, Mary Barra. So Dil, you actually flew back You flew back at the same time as me I got in yesterday morning Yeah, we get it, Meg, you grew here, I flew here We get it, Maryborough You did fly in yesterday morning I did fly in last morning

Yeah, I was all excited about this live show, it was planned well in advance you guys told me, and I had my calendar scheduled and then my father, who's back in Sri Lanka, selfishly decided to have a heart attack what a cunt um well who who would have picked it with your jeans get him up come on get him up

so good why did we do this earlier how long did you spend in office works getting those printed up I know I I suggested that earlier on. I'm like, start bringing to the live shows, Gautam. That's what you stole as merch. You should have it. And then on the other side, it says, brutal. Yeah, yeah. That's good.

Sorry about that. Yeah, got bypassed is what my dad is holding up right now. It's all fun and games, but it's actually true. So I got the call from my mom saying, oh, dad has to have bypass surgery. My mom had bypass surgery three years ago. So I called my brother and I go, all right, so who's next, you or me?

And he goes, definitely you. But then, so while we were, I went over to Sri Lanka to be with mom and dad and my brother and stuff. And I said, oh yeah, it's, you know, I'm happy to be there for them. I was like, oh, it's a bit of a shame that I'm missing the 300th episode.

And then this is a double whammy for my brother. First he goes, this is Dilshan who has been featured on the podcast. I think, oh no, it was an unrecorded podcast. Yeah, a couple of fans of Dilshan. My brother goes... The funny Jai singer, yeah. True.

And he goes, oh, well, if you can't make it, you can do a live call-in from Dad's funeral. And then he adds, as they're lowering his body, he can be wearing a dum-dum T-shirt. A got to Dad. So my family my family ultimate got him yeah my summer holding up I've got him is that just a white flag fucking give up so it's a good the family

jai singh has a good sense of humor like you think that's not finding it funny that nigga dead. Sorry. Sorry. Alright, even I hate myself now. Fuck. That's so funny. It's rad to see Chandler do a takeaway when it's done too much for you. Yeah. Let's get back to putting a finger up my bum.

Do we want to bring on a certain family member? Oh, okay. Yeah, we do. Well, because it's such a special show. Big night. We thought let's bring in some special guests and people you haven't literally seen live. Because you've just spent two weeks with your parents.

Yeah. They've gone back to New York. Two weeks with my parents every day, every night gone back to show you weeks with my parents every day every night So we thought well, you know what? Let's let's reunite tonight Tommy with one of his parents. So please very exciting Well, I got to the intro, please. Welcome to the stage ladies and gentlemen, so excited that she could be here This is not a bit. Please go crazy. Welcome to the stage my mom oh do the dad bit again fuck hi mommy mrs Mummy. Mrs. Daslow, thanks for making it. I came as soon as I heard there was an emergency. Tommy, here's $20.

Thank you. Thanks, Mum. Share that. I gave you that money. I better fucking get it back. It's great to be here. It really is. Tommy, I'm so proud of you and everything you've done.

And if you can not laugh at the end of that sentence, it sounds a lot more genuine. I'm very proud of you. Did you just escape prison? Yes, I did actually. I was in the prison. I broke a law for being the best mum. We are very strict on that in this country. Yeah. We are very strict on that in this country, yeah. But I do remember when Tommy... That's a beautiful purse.

It's still got the tag on it. Yeah. It's almost like we bought that at Target a couple of hours ago. Well, I did just get out of prison. And I was nude when I walked out. Yeah, like the Terminator. Yeah, right. And I killed someone and stole what? I didn't know this

sorry Tommy the Terminator goes she'll be back but I remember Tommy I remember you when you were younger you were such a lovely boy I remember when you had cancer that was yeah it cost us a lot of money really my fault but yeah it cost us a lot of money. Really my fault, but yeah.

It cost us more money afterwards, later on in life. You know? Yeah. Mum, look, they love it. Got it. Look, Mum, they love it. In many ways, you are sort of a cancer to me and your father. No? Actually... Where's our Make-A-Wish?

I'd wish you'd get a fucking job. This actually is affecting me. I actually can feel tears welling up in the back of my eyes. What else, Mum? No, I don't want to be mean. What else have you got to say, Mum? Look, I just, I suppose, I just sort of wonder, you know, if we let nature take its course.

Yeah. Maybe your father and I maybe could have lived a different life. What would you be doing if you were living that different life? I don't know. Anything. Anything. We could have been living in Thailand. Your father pimping out women to any weird

creep who lives in Thailand. Yeah, well, that's... And I could have pursued my dream of being a doctor and performed open-heart surgery every day to this man. I don't know. Is it like AFL? There's a father-son rule? Yes. So, Mrs Daslow, thanks for coming.

Have you got anything else to say, or...? Well, yeah. Feel free to thanks for coming. Have you got anything else to say? Yeah. Feel free to check your purse. That's fine. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. You've even forgotten. It's not got him.

It's got lines. Got lines. You've even forgotten what you've written on the purse. Tommy, why don't you say something first? Oh, let me give you some money. Oh, yeah, yeah, wait. Sorry, it's just a habit of mine now. Every time you say something, I feel like giving you money.

It's what the purse says, fuckers. I haven't seen this purse before. Can I get a good look at it? We've got one more joke left. Yeah, okay. Wait, anyway, I've got to go, Tommy. Time is money. As in the more time you're alive, the more money it costs me.

Bye, Mum. Love you, Mum. Goodbye, everyone. Mrs. Dassilo, everyone. Goodbye, everyone. Mrs. Dassolo everyone. Guys the way you fucking treated my mum like a piece of meat just then is utterly disgusting. That was a good looking woman, I gotta be honest. I wish she wasn't my mum, so I could fuck her.

so I could fuck her. Whee! Comedy! Comedy! Comedy spin. Comedy! We just laughed comedy. I was thinking the other day that because this is the biggest show we've done

it should really be the slickest and most professional. We've gone backwards. If we would have done that sort of sketch back in that first show, Lisa Storer, you wouldn't have come back. Should we get our next guest out here? He came on just before. How about we bring him back out

for a proper appearance. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club Adam Richards! Oh fuck mum's back. Hey! Does this stage have enough structural integrity for me and Dil? Yeah. Definitely has the comedic integrity that's for sure. I was feeling sorry for me and Tommy before, copping all that shit, now I feel more sorry for those two stools. You want to push it in?

Adam has copped a few stools in his lifetime. What a bummer. I am quite a bummer. Thanks for your 22 bucks. I think the 300th episode, we need to see Tommy's big old dick. I mean... Finally, we get to see the big old dick. Is it as ugly as the rest of you? Jesus.

I've got hair. It should be. It's probably got more hair. That's true at the moment. We should have a rule where if everyone who has one of those signs, if someone says something to you on this stage and everyone who has one of those signs, if someone says something to you on this stage and everyone who has one of those signs holds them up in response to you getting got,

you have to kill yourself live on stage. Let's get it going. I just had a terrible visual image. Like, you know how everyone's nutsack, one is bigger than the other? Fucking what? What if they were wearing suits? wearing suits. I think... Oh, alright.

Yeah. I think we... I think... Tommy, I think me and you cop a lot of shit for not being the best looking podcasters in the world.

Yeah. I think it's a bit unfair. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, you too. You know what? I think you're a pretty good looking guy. I agree. I think you are too. Thanks, Carl. That story's coming unfair. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, you too. You know what? I think you're a pretty good looking guy. I agree.

I think you are too. Thanks, Carl. That story's coming true. This is awful. Where are you going with this? Do you want me to read out the story again? Read out the CV of all the people we've banged. Read out the CV of all the...

So each person that we've banged, I have to read out their CV, itemised. OK. So it'll only take a minute. And if you leave off all the ones that gave you an invoice, it would be... I'm not even sure. Hey, they don't have invoices in Thailand. It's a cash economy.

It's a sweet part, baby. Man, this audience are getting real exercised tonight with all the times they're doing this. It's fucking science. I know the irony that Dil and I are causing people to exercise. Should we get another guest on? Yeah. Okay, you roll the dice. Who do you want to get out here?

Let's get another Boomba. Oh really? A trio of Boombas. Oh yeah, okay, here we go. Welcome to the stage, another dear friend of the show, Dazzlin' Dave O'Neill! Hey, poofs. Dave O'Neill! Yeah! Hey poofs! And a real poof, I like it! He did it, he did the catchphrase! Couple of days!

I don't know how many times I go out on the shop and people go do your catchphrase! I go, well from the nugget? Nah, the dum-dum claw! Hey poofs! Is it the police and it's just entrapment? go do your catchphrase I go well from the nugget now the dum-dum claw is it the police and it's just entrapment hey what's the nugget it's a movie that's weird deal asking about nuggets no I was more confused by the singular he's never seen one alone no the girl at the swimming pool the big fan of you guys so yeah the swimming pool well where I take my kids to swim I just sit

in the car the girl in the car park Who tells me go and watch your fucking kids will you? The girl at the swimming pool comes up and says we listen to Little Dungeon Club and we like you on it. Yes. Wow.

That's actually the best credit we've got. We should get us played during the aqua aerobics class. Exactly.

Very calming. She loves you guys. Yeah. Are you doing breathing exercise for the crew? I'm just here to charge my phone Oh yeah, well she's gone We must have hit 100% I'll do mine at the back

You should charge extra for using electricity Yeah Where is the girl gone that was charging her phone? She's gone She's gone She's tweeting now You know gone. She's just here. She's tweeting now. You know what's a bit of interesting trivia?

The guy who played you, the young man who played you, the kid who played you, he told me he also played you, Tommy Desolo. So he's played both of you. Yeah. Wow. He's collected the set. Yeah, he's got the worst IMDB of all time. No, we'll be in a trivia night in five years' time.

He's going, got him. It's like, I got myself. Which young actor played both Carl Chandler and Tommy Dazzle on? I know this, I know this. We used to hang out with them. I tell you, I had this meeting the other day with this guy about a gig. And he goes, he was American. He goes, before I start, I want to ask you about the most bizarre show I saw in the comedy festival.

Oh, yeah, this will work well. Okay, there was this guy on stage doing these awful jokes. Could be either one of us. Let's figure it out. Was he lonely? Who will she be back? And then he appeared to have paid one of his friends to yell shit at him. Well, he's wrong there.

He wasn't paying people. And none of his friends. Hey, hey, hey. He's my friend. Yeah, he's my friend too. Yeah, but you said that to a chicken wing last night. Before you ate it. They were more than just friends, Adam.

They went all the way. He shelved it. Is that what a wing attack is? That's the closest you'll get to being with a chick. Come on. Come on! Got him! How easy is comedy? And then the guy goes,

and then this guy went out and bought everyone's shot and came back in and gave my daughter a shot who's 16. She's never had alcohol before and she started choking. Do you know who this man is? I'm like, Kel Chandler? Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!

Ladies and gentlemen, Milan Trinchevich! I think it was you who bought the shots. This smells like rehypno. I told Milan we can't do shots till 11pm. What time is it? I feel a bit woozy. That's not a shot, that's a whole drink. Alright, that's a shot, isn't it?

No, that's not a shot. That might be in the third world country where you come from. But in the first world, we call that a drink. We're not in Bali now. It's not watered down. My mum had to walk five kilometres to get this shot. That's drinking water over there. We're all going to jail. Didn't I pay for a well in your fucking village?

Third world's out of bounds, obviously. The only well Dill knows is well done. He doesn't care if it's not cooked. All right, to you boys. One, three hundred. Three hundred years. To our imminent death. 300.

I know it's weird to sip a Jagerbomb, but... Alright, I'll finish. Oh. Oh. My orange juice... Shut up! It's got lipstick on it. Do you want to lick that?

Actually, that would be That's too close to fruit for Dil It's pretty close to fruit right now if you ask me I'm at least two seats away That's still too close Based on where I come from Where I come from you you'll be banned.

I've been banned from a lot of places. I have trouble voting on election day because I'm not allowed to go to primary school. So you just hold your own sausage to yourself. Just through a hole in the toilet wall in the train station.

People don't even want to hold up their sign anymore. They don't want to be associated with this. Do you just tick the box below the lane? I don't think he's ticked any boxes. He's not into boxes, don't you get it? He hasn't ticked any box, it? He wants one where you... He hasn't dicked any box, so... He wants one where you pull the lever.

Oh yeah, if it was like pokies, I'd totally go to pokies. I think people should stop giving it to Eddie Maguire and probably aim at another target, to be honest. So... Oh, alright. Alright. Mention Brexit, you'll be more topical. Oh yeah, alright. Mention Brexit, you'll be more topical.

Actually, speaking of Milan Trinchevich, I was drinking with him last night and we were talking about the Brexit that the UK, or whatever, that England has left the EU, and I said, man, have you heard that the pound has dropped? And Milan goes, that's the first time you use the phrase pounds have dropped, isn't it?

I got it! I got it! Got it! He got ya! Very gotten. Did you get excited by all that stuff popping up on Twitter yesterday, Dil, because you just thought it said breakfast instead of Brexit? We workshopped that one about four hours ago.

It's done wonders for your career, your workshopping. I love being paid to make fat yeah. That's done wonders for your career, your workshopping. I love being paid to make fat jokes. It's so good. You get paid? You get paid? Well, we didn't let these cunts in for free.

This is what you call your fan base. These cunts. These nearly 500 cunts who are so stupid for paying me money. And thanks for the first time listeners as well.

Yeah, how are we holding up first time listeners? Any walkouts? Can you let us know if you see any walkouts? I really... No, don't condone this. I don't want to know if there's walkouts. I do. From a bloke that's never fucking walked out of anything.

Yes. One day they ran out of nuggets. Less walkouts and more drive-thrus. out of anything. Yes. One day they ran out of nuggets at KFC. Let's walk out to more drive-thrus. Do you do a lot of secret eating? Do you eat in your car? Oh, do you have a car? What?

Secret eating. That's what fat people do. Do you eat in your tuk-tuk? Yeah, do you? I eat on my elephant that I'm riding. Do you not know the story about him eating in a fucking port-a-loo? Oh, really? But we went to Tasmania together on the road show.

Yeah, we had sex. Yeah, we had sex. Well, I don't remember that. You gave me one of these. What happened? You went on comedy road shows. Yeah, have you heard of that? Oh, we've heard of it. You guys would be good on it actually

yeah it'd be lovely to be given a chance if only we had some fan base to draw upon hey no you're not bored you have the fan base they came and saw me it was great hey by the shout out to everyone who came on the roadshow to say hi. And wearing dum-dum t-shirts. I went to Darwin and there was a girl in a dum-dum t-shirt. Yeah, we get it. Hey, aren't we celebrating the good things from your 300 episodes? Not the exclusion. All the gigs that other guests of ours get that we don't.

We're like a recruitment agency of comedy. People come in and we just send you out to bigger and better things, but we're still working as an agency. People actually see these guys on a CV and go, oh, you've done Little Dunham Club. Fuck, let's give you a gig. What about the Little Dunham Club? No, thank you. Yeah, you're like the guy that hosts the X Factor

and no one knows their fucking name. One of those guys. Oh, man, this is a real thing. So this is a testimony to you guys, right? I got a phone call a couple months ago. What are you holding a glove for? Is this the OJ trail? Carl, Carl, Carl.

What's going on? The OJ trail. Back at the airport. Carl, Carl, before you do that, do you want to introduce the next guest? Okay. Yep. What? Who is it?

I don't know, I'm fucking tagging out. Hey, try it on. If the glove you can't feel yourself, you must kill. What is it? I don't know I'm fucking I'm tagging out I tried on If the glove you can't fill Yourself you must kill What is it? Alright let's have a Are you gonna do a Alright ladies and gentlemen

Give it up For the man of accents Mr Danny McGinley Ladies and gentlemen Hat of asshole singular Do Sri Lankan So we think it's Dilsil. Come on, let's do...

I'm fat! That work? Happy with that? Yeah. Alright, so, this is... Aunty Carl's telling us a story. This is back to you guys. So, because, you know, my phone is still,

hasn't stopped vibrating. I'm aware, guys. I know that you still... Use your fucking silent button. Turn it off. Fuck. What is your number?

There's so many fucking calls. Anyway, so... Who's popular? Yeah, yeah, I'm bragging about answering a phone. Hello? Get fucked.

Awesome. thanks. Is it only people just asking for gigs at Spleen? It's no-one actually calling? No. There's a lot of people just wanting to hear me go, hello, and they just sit there and tug their tiny dick. He said he had a big old dick. So, anyway, I get a lot of those calls anyway.

And I even get those people overseas ringing up and doing the same thing. We all get call centres ringing, mate. Do I have to do Dil's voice again? Is this what happens? You have to do a voice again. I'm even copying one now. You know what, I'll answer it. Here we go. Here we go. Is the lost dogs home? Hello? Fuck, I'm even copying one now. You know what, I'll answer it. Here we go. There's a lost dog's home. Hello?

Hey. Hi, who's this? It's Demi. It's who? It's Demi Lama. All right, mate, we've all got shit going on. So, I get a call from overseas, and, like, I cop this shit all the time. So, I get a call from overseas, and like, I cop this shit all the time. So, I answer the call, it comes from, it actually comes up from Sweden.

I'm like, fucking here we go. So, I answer, and this is my habit now. I get a number come up, and I just go, fucking alright, what do you got, mate? And the voice goes, oh, oh, oh, have I got the right number? Is this Carl? I'm like yeah, I get it mate you fucking want to ring up, you want to fucking go hear the voice or whatever alright, I'm a bit over it, what do you got? oh fuck, this is a bit weird, I'm like well you fucking rang it

what do you got? and he's like oh, oh, well I didn't really sort of expect fucking that, I'm like well what do you want me to go oh cool thanks for reading it's like well I'm just sort of my name's Darren McMullen I used to host the voice I was just offering a job that's the guy was talking about I. No one knows who it is. And then I have to explain to him and I just shit my pants and go,

I've got a podcast and he's like, that explains it. Anyway, I got the job. Oh good. Somehow. So watch out for... Fuck, what's it called? Oh wow.

It's called The Voice. What was The Voice? Carlos at the new charge on Swedish voice, apparently. And we can do a bit of it, yeah? Oh, yeah. Danny did The Voice. Yeah. No, what was...

That's the Big Fat Music Quiz. Big Fat Music Quiz. Yeah, not that you'd know anything about it. No, I have no idea. What's a music quiz? It's like Spicks and Specks. Do you remember that? Yeah.

I was on that 53 times. You were on more than I was. Yeah, exactly. I went on your version. You were on my version. I was on your 48. I wrote for it and people say, what have you written for? I went on your version. You were on my version. I was on your 48. I wrote for it and people say,

what have you written for? And I go, Spix and Spex. And they go, oh, not that shit last one. And I'm like, nah. Yeah. Yeah. And remember that was the only one he wrote for. That shit last one is the one that I did warm-up for for half of it and then got sacked.

Yeah. The EP came up to me and went, they're not laughing. And I went, because fucking Richo's on. Oh. They seem to laugh when they've replaced you with Ben Lomus. On the main, that was him laughing.

The problem was, when you were doing warm-up, you weren't doing enough comedy. You guys haven't done enough spinning on the stools as much as I thought. Because when Dil set it up at the start and he was doing that. And were you guys watching Eagle Eye? Because Dil went, yeah, this is fun. And then he tried to pass it around and he couldn't fit it round the back. He couldn't reach.

Sad. I'm back. Yeah. In a way, Dill's fat. Why are you wearing the black glove? I just found it there. I think Xavier wore it before. I set it up like that was part of the story.

No, that wasn't involved in the story is that just your load rag hmm my what load rag yeah what does that mean okay remember the story that Tommy told you no oh okay good at the end of the story so you don't get mess everywhere, you cleaned up with that. And that's actually it? Yeah. I don't know. That's the glove you used to wank off Tommy so you didn't have to touch it.

What, in case he got cancer? Got it. Brilliant. Yay! So funny! Fuck! Who? Who you? Who? Got it. Brilliant. Yeah, so funny. Fuck. Who knew cancer was an STD? Tommy's parents.

No, we've all heard the story. None of the pedos liked him on the website. Jesus. Should we get another guest on? Should we get another guest? I've got a on the website should we get another guest though? I've got a heartburn should we get another guest? I'll go, I'll go I've got a kids party tomorrow

I've got to be a clown so have I are you performing? yeah but you just sit in the car at the front that was my daughter's party fuck she's 26 anyway whatever bang still got it That was my daughter's party. Fuck. She's 26. Anyway, whatever.

Bang. Still got it. All right, who am I leaving for? Let's go. Let's do this. I reckon let's do this. Folks, you heard her on a very recent episode. She had a great story about getting an Uber to the podcast

and her driver making her do a weird thing. Folks, please give it up and welcome to the stage, Demi Lardner. And let's give it up for Diamond Dave Thornton. Hey, Thornton. Oh. No, no, take it. My name's Raph and Demi and I'm here to stay When I go to lunch with Tommy, I always have to pay

His bank account's as low as the count of his platelets I've organised a cab to take him to the West Gatelets Carl's 50 now and he can't turn off the telly Cody's getting married and Diane's getting jelly He's not gonna propose so we can't owe two his bucks You're a joyous singer J is seeing his disgusting fat butt Yes! Wow

Normally when Thornton hears music that bad he immediately throws to weather and traffic Where's your fucking signs? Where's your fucking signs? Now, you've nailed me, guys, because, you know, they do this shit for free for 300 episodes. I get paid heaps for it. Yeah, you fucking smashed me. That's terrible.

When I walked in here, I was like, I've never been to this pub before. And I walked in, I'm like, it's obviously a band venue. All right, see you, Demi. What the fuck happened there? She's gone to get a long neck. Oh, that's a normal size. You know, it's audio.

Got Tamina. It's a perspective thing. Sorry, guys. Look at you, you're a fucking little... That That was awesome by the way. Oh, thank you friend Look at this makes Tommy look like a towering figure That's why we're friends it's good. That's what we deliberately dressed them differently so we knew who was who. It's a difference Yeah, you put one twin in blue one in pink you figure out what the difference is You put one twin in blue, one in pink, you figure out what the difference is.

But I walked in here and I thought, I've never been here before. It's obviously a band venue. And then you see the line-up. They've literally got all the bands for the last four weeks. No mention of you fuckers. Like, not one. There was just a black and white printout. Just going, Dumb Dumb Club, 8.30.

Just some A4 shitty fax paper, blue tag to the wall. And I had to ask them three times for that. He printed it out on his own fucking fax machine. That's how he books all his gigs. You've never been here before Dave. For anyone is anyone local to here? Alright. Did anyone

come here in the 80s? Wow. This is the exact pub. Carl came here in the 80s wow this is the exact pub I came here in the 70s this is the exact pub that my parents used to take me to when I was in primary school and they were alcoholics

really what used to happen on a Saturday night here is they had children's entertainment which was a clown and it's happened again tonight What used to happen on a Saturday night here is they had children's entertainment, which was a clown... And it's happened again tonight. Which was a clown called Sparkles... Oh, what the fuck?

..who had a drug addiction that would put Fleety to shame. Like, she used to paint your face... It was a she, but it was all like, all right, doll, what would you like? All right, have you guys watched the Aunty Donna sketches and you see Zach? It's alright. Don't go more crazy

for a reference to Aunty Donna than you have to anything in the actual podcast. Thanks. Yeah, because they're also not going to turn up. Everyone's like, oh, fuck. I was hoping for some real entertainment. But have you seen Zach? Zach being the lunch lady. And she everyone's like, oh, fuck. I was hoping for some real entertainment. But have you seen Zach? Zach being the lunch lady? And she's all like, oh, you boys, what are you like?

That was Sparkles the Clown here. And I walked into... To be fair, give it up for Mickey and Leia. It's the most recent reference he's ever fucking made. I walked in and they still had the children's... They said children's entertainment on Saturday nights. And I walked into the dining area. And I walked in and they still had the children's... They said children's entertainment on Saturday nights. And I walked into the dining area

and I walked into the children's playground, which is why my parents took me here. You go and play in the playground. The syringes are a slide. But there was a guy there and I literally walked in and went, you're not on heroin, and walked out. Which looked even more dodgy considering that's all I did. I just walked into the restaurant,

walked into where the children were, lamented a lack of drugs, and left. Got yourself on a registry, so good work. Demi's just sitting there going, there's a ball pit in this venue? Look at those little legs kicking.

I can't reach anything. Demi, that was really good. Did you all get the lyrics?

Because I read them backstage and they're brilliant. Oh, read them out. Have you

got them there? Oh, yeah, I've got them. Hang on. Should I read them or

do you want to do it? No, you read it. Hang on. I actually missed out the last bit because

the deal record was so great. Before you say that, if anyone's watching this, it actually looks like the defendants are getting their result. It's like two guys

in a suit. We're like, nah, just let the eight-year-old read it out. Yeah, we fingered comedy and now we're guilty. Jesus. Stop fucking ringing me, by the way. I'm actually trying to Facebook someone right now and someone keeps fucking ringing me.

Oh yeah, how rude of them to interrupt you Facebooking during a show that they paid money for. Yeah, and you was just sitting there, you Facebooking someone with your balls? Why? Why is that happening? Alright, read the lyrics out, Demi. Let's go through it.

All right, yeah. It's titled Little Boys Rap. My name's Rappin' Demi and I'm here to say when I go to lunch with Tommy, I always have to pay. His bank account's as low as the count of his platelets. I've organised a cab to take him to the West Gatelets That's inspired Carl's 50 now and he can't turn off the telly Cody's getting married and Diane's getting jelly

He's not going to propose so we can't go to his bucks Dilrub Jai Singh is a disgusting fat fuck. Oh! Ewwwww! That is comedy. That's actually very good. That is comedy. The end of it was going to be, I've got to go and find a vacuum to use as a noose. Um... This rap was brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse.

That is funny. Oh! Oh! Hang on, hang on, this is actually a thing I got a message from Yellow this morning that said we are delivering like a heap of moose to the venue and I haven't brought this up until now Can someone that works here find out if we actually

got moose delivered here? Is that okay? If you can I know it's an ideal time to bring it up at 11 o'clock at night but if you can actually check the mailbox Anyone got, if you can I know it's an ideal time to bring it up at 11 o'clock at night but if you can actually check the mailbox if you've got mousse or any other dessert just throw it at the stage at this point please

get us out of this camp what's interesting guys we've been standing off stage just watching this from afar and the interesting thing is when it's at a band venue most bouncers will be sitting there just trying to look for people who are possibly pissed and need to be kicked out. But you can see they're standing there going, is there any way we can get out just bad

cancer jokes and nonsensical callbacks? Yeah, the bouncers are only looking at people on stage, not off stage. Why is this occurring? I got carded. You did? Why is this occurring? I got carded.

You did? Wait, actually, no one will believe this, but I swear to God this is true. About a month ago, I got carded. I got carded at a fucking bottle shop. Wow. What'd you do? Just draw a little

illustration of yourself? I'm 30, guys. Can't you tell from the cartoon? If you look past the Adventure Time stickers on my ID, you'll see the date of birth. When you say you got carded, does that mean you used your credit card and they said, sorry, you've done maximum already? You've done maximum.

Wow. I really shouldn't have done that, Jagerbomb. I really shouldn't have. Wreckager bomb. I really shouldn't have. Wrecked up the asshole by one of the best. I'll take it from here, Carl. You've worked out your Dolomites account. There he is. That's where the big bucks come from.

Breakfast radio. And now here's Katy Perry's account. Here's Taylor Swift heartbroken again, guys. Alright, boys, I'm getting off This show was supposed to finish 35 minutes ago So someone else have a turn Tommy Ballard ladies and gentlemen Get Ballard up here

Hello poofs Hello poofs one and all Congratulations on 300 episodes You guys and thank you so much for agreeing To donate all the profits to the refugees. I think it's fantastic. You've done that. Hey, Dill's doing all right.

Shit. What about... I thought I felt a tremor. Dillrick Jai, singer, bringing back suit jackets and jean combo. That has not been seen since 96, so good on him. Imagine Jerry Seinfeld blowing the fuck out. Fuck you! That was alright.

What's the deal with gout? Now we're back. Remember the episode with man hands? He's got ham hands. What's the deal with airplane food? They won't give you an eighth serving. What the fuck? All the same for you.

Hello, Paul Newman's dressing. Hello, Tim Watley Let's have the contest where we try as hard as we can not to eat a whole ham I'm out Signed fat folds These pretzels are making me more hungry

Not that there's anything wrong with being a disgusting fat fuck making me more hungry. Not that there's anything wrong with being a disgusting fat fuck. Fuck, I've got to have one of me. Oh, wow. Well, we had fun. It's just now there's going to be a minute silence where everyone just tries to remember more signs or put pictures in their head. Yeah, now Dil tries to make a Kramer entrance through a doorway

and gets stuck. It's a show about nothing left on his dinner plate. Ah, well, who else do you have to hear? Yeah, Jim. Xavier Michelades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, you mean, you mean we've got another special guest. Oh, God.

Oh, it's another family reunion appearance. Is it? Oh, it's, welcome to the stage, it's Tommy Daslow's dad. Oh, wow. David. Oh, hi. Oh, g'day, everyone. Oh, hello, Tommy.

I'm so proud of you. Hey, Dad, love you, Dad. You've got, uh, you've, okay. Oh, such a loving've got... Okay. Such a loving family. Very nice. What's happening with your family? What?

What do you mean? And people say only children are weird. I don't know. You just went on a fucking Thai sex tour with yours. You're going to give me shit about that? Okay, well, I'll stop judging you. Yeah. Let's see what happens now. I like you.

You seem to be wearing Mum's purse, which is interesting. It's the family purse, Tommy. Where's yours? Yeah, he got me. You can borrow mine. Here you go. No, you should probably keep yours. You're going to want to have a look at the back of yours.

Oh, I see. I've already forgot. You should keep yours and really keep it on the back. No, I don't have time, so we're winging it. Okay, all right. If we had time, I couldn. I've already forgotten. You should keep yours and really keep... No, I didn't have time so we're winging it. Okay, alright. If we had time, I couldn't be bothered.

I'll tell you what. We talked a few weeks ago about how you've been wanting to design shirts. I've been doing t-shirts, let me tell you. They've been going maximum. I'm telling you.

Really? Going maximum. Flat out? Flat out. You know when your credit card goes maximum? Well, make sure it's going maximum. Flat out? Flat out. You know when your credit card goes maximum? Well, make sure it's gone maximum,

let me just say. Sounds like you've been cracking a boner, you lot. I've cracked a fair few. I just wish I didn't crack one boner. Which one? Sorry. Oh. No, I love my son.

But I've been doing more shirts. Oh, you've got new shirts? Because we did. Everyone knew the previous ones which was

I'm a boat person. Very funny. I love gluten. The other one. People lost their minds. What else? Can you hold these ones up for us?

Thank you. No worries, Mr. Dassler. I am disabled talk us through that one what talk us through

why would you make a shoe saying I am disabled you know someone's disabled check the back of your purse

for your business plan maybe I must say at the back of this venue there's a toilet that has like the handicap sign

and then underneath that it just says parents room. So apparently having children makes you disabled. Cool, if you buy that shirt maybe you get to use a lot more toilets than you used to. Yeah, that's cool. We got another one.

What's this one say? I'm allergic to Asians. Okay, look, these are just I don't know, Danny. No, these are going great. This is the wrong crowd. I'm so glad we're doing this one. This is the wrong crowd. Do something more affiliated with our

little dum-dum club. There's a lot of people wearing their I'm aware of the little dum-dum club shirts. I'm aware of cop death is another one. A little bit spicy for me. Not officially affiliated with our show, that one. Alright, so... Okay, well...

I don't know, those three... I mean, those were a little bit offensive, in my opinion. Did Ruddy Chang used to own this? I would say, to be honest, Mr Daslow, I would say I don't see anyone buying this. I find it hard to believe that you want people to wear this if you don't wear them yourself. Somehow I think the cot death one is more relevant to you, Debbie.

A cot death survivor, everyone. Every day, Debbie lives in fear of cot death. What the fuck? Oh! Okay. I cannot be associated with this. How did someone heckle us with a wheelchair? In your pup, little fella.

Come on. Is this for me? Come on. There we go. I'll wheel you around. But I think if Milan... Hang on. Wait, wait, wait.

Did Milan just... Did Milan just shout us a shot of wheelchair? I think if Milan stays here, like, my shirt's going to become true. How did it come to this? Please look what you've created. I've got one more. Oh, I'm sorry. And I'm

the one wearing it. So you must really believe in this one, right? Oh, I believe in them. These are real good shirts. Let me show you what it is. Okay, Mr. Daslow, you're going to wear your own stuff, are you? It says,

you can't put the poo up your own bum. Okay. Wait. Is there more? You can't put a poo back in your bum Just ask your mum If only we could get Tommy's mum back on She's dead

What? Cancer, I assume? Yeah, it was cancer Yeah, that'll be it then I gave it to her with my penis Anyway, see you everyone Bye daddy See you at home Love you dad I gave it to her with my penis. Anyway, see you, everyone. Bye, Daddy.

See you at home. Love you, Dad. Okay, now, I do want to make it interesting. I assume someone needs this back. That's a pretty bold assumption, don't you think? You know what? I'm going to do a crowd dive in that. Okay. A crowd dive, all right.

How will that work? Oh, man, do a maximum crowd dive. I blame Milan. And then we'll all tweet it on our Instagram. It'll be great. Oh man. Is there any guest writing that hasn't been on this? What about, let's get him up here.

Where is he? Is he here? Who? Alright, he's here somewhere. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back into Little Dungeon Club, Limo! He gone. It would be amazing if he had just gone flat this. He's actually gone.

Does he need to be wheeled on? What? What? His wife's gone into labour. Is that real? No, it's not. Here we go. Limo, everyone. If you're there, and for people at home, Limo's here. Oh, look, it's Limo.

Hello, Limo. What's been going on at the project? Limo. Just goes to prove Limo's here. How's your footy team doing this year so far, Limo? Hopper. Oh, fuck, look, everyone. Dave Hughes has just walked in. Dave Hughes, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, no, look, everyone. Dave Hughes has just walked in.

Dave Hughes, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit, Hughesy. I can't believe it. And at the same time, he's going to have a conversation with Joel Creasy. Wow. Wow, too great to just drop in. This is awesome. What a big 300th episode.

G'day, Joel. And Hughesy. And Lima, if you want. Anyway, we'll just let you guys just take the floor for a bit if you'd like. Yeah, all three of you. Oh jeez, how bad's my career if I'm here on the 300th episode? Surrendered. Alright.

It's not great. Alright, you've done your Lemo, now do Husey. Um, uh, This is so great. So good to be here on the 300 episode. Alright, you've done your Husey, now do Joel. Oh my god, ladies and gentlemen, shit, shit, it's David Quirk. Hey guys, it's really good to be here. At your, is it a podcast? Is that what you call it?

I'm not sure. I'm not a fay with internet lingo. But it appears to be a said podcast, which I am somewhat of a Luddite. Holy fuck, I cannot believe Daniel Kitson just walked into our podcast. Wow, oh my god, he's my favourite comedian ever. He never does podcasts. This is you. This is a real get.

What a scoop. Of course I wouldn't be on your fucking podcast. This is a real get. What a scoop. Of course I wouldn't be on your fucking podcast. This is a very obscure fucking reference. Hang on, hang on, hang on. That couldn't be Ronnie Chang, ladies and gentlemen. Could it be? Okay, okay, yeah. I fly all the way over here

from New York because I'm on The Daily Show because I'm a very talented comedian. This is the 300th episode of Dum Dum Club. It could not work if we didn't have the first guest of The Little Dum Dum Club. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Nick Cody. Hey, hey, I'm here in Thornbury.

How the fuck are hipsters? Fucking, hey, put down the yoga mat and drink a fucking beer can. I find it really weird that we're really whipping through our guests like this. They're not really contributing much at all, really, are they? Do Jackie Chan. Ah, ah, ah. Read the shirt. Sorry, I don't want your rash to flare up again.

Do Frank Spencer. Oh, for fuck's sake. In closing, Donald Trump says, you guys are absolute losers. Okay? He's Donald Trump? Friend of the show, Donald Trump. Dirty Donald Trump.

Totally. I wish I had cancer and you died. You're a loser. Okay? That's pretty spot on. Go fuck yourself. Okay? You losers.

Classic Trump. How long has this fuck parade been going for? What are we at? It's quarter past eleven. Do we have any guests that actually want to get on? You literally had Lo and he left because you never got him on. Oh, hang on. Uh oh. Oh, here we go.

Is this for real? Oh! Hello, who's this? Who's this? Cody. Yeah, I know. It's Cody. Get... Hey, she's disabled. There he is.

Cody. Show us your cock. Cody, I think I'm wearing your T-shirt right now. Oh, he's actually about to show the cock. What? The best part is Cody's mom and dad are right there I pride and joy I I can't see anyone but I assume it's a heart attack victim on stage on stage. Killing in bed.

I've been bed cunt. So Cody, you're in New Zealand at the moment. Yes, I am. Cool. What an interview. That's why they get the big guns. Cody, jerk off on camera for us. Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Adam Richard.

Bill, Smallboy and Demi Larder. Fuck. Demi just dropped her beer because someone card her. Yeah, apparently the little boy in the wheelchair can't handle his beer. But enough about me when I was 12. Oh, fuck.

Oh, Limo's here. Limo! Ladies and gentlemen, Limo! Ew. Cody, but Cody, you're still here. Limo, you can finally achieve your dream of talking to Nick Cody on Skype. Who said dreams don't come true?

It's a thing my mum said I'd never make it. Fucking look at me now, Jenny. Cody, you war dog Are you ready for battle Get the fuck out of the way of the projector Yeah we're trying to look at Cody Is he alive It's very hard to understand how this is entertainment. But somehow it is.

Did Cody's dad catch Stroke off Dilruch's dad? You know what's going on? He's getting a blowjob. Hold the camera. Pan the camera down. Jack your little dick live right now at the little dum-dum club for all these people. We need a finale. We need something to go out on.

I can barely hear you. It's almost like you're in New Zealand. It's almost as if you guys can't get technical things correct. But I'm killing you in the future. Fuck him, cunt. I love him breaking up too. Fuck you, cunt.

God, Tim. Wait, Cody, Cody, wait. Cody, wait one second. Skype's not really working so it might be better instead if you just give us a call on that phone number.

No! Take that phone number in. That's probably better. That's going to be a better connection if you just call that number. No, don't do that. Face Tim. Fucked up Face Tim. You know what I want to know?

Why don't we ring Kimmy Rosas to see what she's up to? I don't know what that is. That's a request that I've gotten that I haven't... I don't know who that is. It's probably... Fuck it now. Alright, let's try it. Let's give her a call. Kimmy! Oh, get Kimmy in. Oh, what are you

doing? Oh, okay. Numo's pulled the pin on this one. Alright. Numo's done it again. Fuck. This has gone so long. Should we do the... Should we... Oh, should. Numo's pulled the pin on this one. All right. Numo's done it again. Fuck. This has gone so long. Should we do the... Should we... Oh, should we do this? What should we do?

We actually have an episode of a long-running serial that we've had. Shit. That's the best reaction Rad Dad has ever got. Ever. Hey, it could be anything. Okay. Ever. Hey it could be anything. Okay. You shaved cancer. Fuck. Someone just said I wish I had cancer. And it's a guy with a shaved head who fucking looks like he does. That's your dad. White kid, you're Captain of the Dog, now Cindy's right in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother.

I'm Rad Dad. I'm at uni. It's the raddest dad in town. Rad Dad. Can I be Jenny? If you laugh at this stuff, we'll finish. Okay. Let's make a deal.

Okay. Shut up. Okay. I have to say, Rad Dad, it's really cool of you to chaperone me to a concert of whatever band someone my age and sex would be into in 2016. I don't know who Bardo is, but it's the thought that counts. Hey, it's my pleasure, Jenny.

Just another example of how I have to finger on the pulse of the youth of today, of which I am one. Hmm, this is weird. We seem to be outside of the city a fair bit. High Street, Thornbury. I mean, it's not super far out. Only a complete whinging bunch of fuckheads

would complain about having to come out here, but... Hey, surprise! Jenny, we're not going to Bardot at all. We're here at the Croxton Park Hotel for their over 28's night. I literally am going to kill myself when I get home. Fuck it, why wait? Might be the only interesting thing to happen at this show. Jenny, you're underage so we're going to have to sneak you past this bouncer. Hang on. This guy can't be a bouncer. He is way too unfit to be doing anything physical. Hello.

Next person in line, please. Ah, Rat Dad. I was worried that we might not see you here for the first time in ten years. How many people are you going to try and finger while listening to Rat Cat tonight? Ha ha ha ha. Seven. That's bingo. That's the same number of lunches I had today. Hey, wait a minute.

This is a licensed venue. You can't bring a little 12-year-old girl in here. Uh, uh, uh, that's not a child. That's my friend. Uh, Tommy. He's nearly 29.

Fuck you're a shit actor. What? Oh wait, sorry, story checks out. No way a 12 year old girl would have hairline like that. Fucking brutal. Speaking of great acting. acting okay we're in few the fuck is going on am I playing a character or am I just me at this point am I the fuck are we at studio 59 for old fuck cunts how amazing is this Jenny listen to these great classic hits who the fuck are the avvalanches? Oh, them? Well, I guess you could say this song is a little crazy in the coconut.

It's called Since I Left You. And guess what? I know these guys. I probably never told you about it. Well, take a seat. I'll tell you all about it starting now. Hey, I think I recognise this DJ. Some say he used to be a big breakfast radio host until he lost all credibility by doing too many lame-ass podcasts. Begrudgingly, DJ Diamond Dave Thornton here with you, spinning all the hits all night.

Requests coming through on 131060, guys. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, just remember, we're taking requests all night long. I have a request. Can you and everyone else here kill yourselves? Au contraire. No, sorry, little girl. But that was the secret sound that got me fired from radio. There sure are a lot of old farts in this pub. Who's this guy over here trying to sell T-shirts or something?

Hi, little girl. My name is Tommy Dasolo's dad. Would you like to buy this shirt that says kill all Muslims? I can see why Xavier didn't want to say that. As I was reading through it I was like, I'm fucking getting stitched up here. Whoa, who's that cute guy? So butch and masculine. Hi little girl. That cute guy is so butch and masculine. Hi, little girl.

What are you doing here in a place full of massively old deluded fuckheads that still think they're young and haven't listened to a song that came out after 1997? Well, Jenny, I would not take that if I was you. Let's blow this joint. Come on, baby. See you, Rad Dad. Good luck. Wow. Well, I guess I'm here by myself now again. Really makes you think, maybe I'll never meet anyone again. I mean what are the chances of me meeting my dream partner? Older, rich, willing to help out a young man?

A you-hoo! Hi handsome, my name's Mrs. Dasolo. Want to come home with me and check out my p-pussy purse? Classic little spin around there, that's good. And I'll give you a make-a-wish if your wish is to be rooted. Alright Dad! Wow.

And that dad is filling your personal lives to the always. We did it everyone. I like the way Dil... I like the way Dill tossed that out into the crowd like people fucking wanted. It's true of everything that Dill puts out there. Alright guys, we are into hour three of the podcast. Who's got requests at this point?

Listen, this is the 300th episode. I think, as a fan of the podcast, I'm speaking for the people. I want to know, so so between the two of you, what's your highlight of doing 300 episodes together? The video crossed to Nick Cody in New Zealand.

Lima! I thought this was Dil's 300th kilo. Because you're fucking fat, man. Yeah, Rosie gets it, yeah. Fuck, I can't believe I missed. Hang on, we've got another call. Let's patch him in.

Hello, Carl speaking. Can you let me talk to you? Look, let's wrap this up. What do you reckon? Ladies and gentlemen, that... Oh, wait. This guy gets it. I really feel like we should give the wheelchair back.

Yeah. I think... If you need this wheelchair back right now, walk up to the stage... Hey, hey, hey, Demi, Demi, Demi. Crowd surf the wheelchair. Crowd surf the wheelchair. Crowd surf.

Crowd surf in the wheelchair. Fuck, no. No! Crowd surf in the wheelchair. Fuck no. No! Crowdsurf in the wheelchair. That's no good. Thelma is right in front. She has to carry the wheelchair. Which side wants to crowdsurf?

This side. Let's go this side. It's tradition. We always crowdsurf you out. It's not like I'm known for just doing something two cunts on a podcast told me to do. Is that what you got? My name's Rappin Demian, I'm here to say. I want to get out of here in the least practical way. Tommy, this is actually going to happen?

I just feel like nobody wants it to happen. It can't happen. Hey, let's do a vote. That's about to break a glass. Who wants this to happen? Everyone on that side. Yeah. Hey, Numo, get We Are The Champions up on Spotify

if this is going to happen. Jack, come here. Get him out. Put the projector. Get We Are The Champions. Tommy, get Foo Fighters wheels. When the wheels go down. This is not going to happen.

No one wants this to happen. Three, two, one, here we go. Hey, hey. This is, I think everyone's forgotten. This is still lighter than I am. No, just listen. This is a podcast. Here I am in the wheelchair.

Here I am in the wheelchair. Crowd, up. Yeah, she's doing it. She's doing it right now. Got it. Holy shit. All right. All right. Alright, who wants to go to hospital?

Let's get Jill out there. Come on. Guys, we're going to need another wheelchair. No, you can't handle it. Alright, let's try. Can you try? Well done, Danny. Here we it. Alright, let's try. Can you try? Well done, Danny. Here we go. Someone call triple O.

Oh no, Dill's cratsurfing. Here we go. Dill's cratsurfing. Watch out for his shoulders, people. Can someone call an ambulance? He's got three rows back and it's all over. He's three rows. Someone call 300 ambulance. He's got three rows back and it's all over. He's three rows. Someone call 300 ambulance.

I finally get why the chair was there. Dil has stopped at row eight. We're going to need four more wheelchairs, guys. Can I just say, the left side, a fucking bunch of dogs who gave up fourth row in, just dropped me on the ground and went, nah, this is done. This is fucking done.

Dill made it to row five, by the way. Cody's still watching, by the way. Crowd surf Carl out of the venue and lock the fucking doors behind him. Good riddance, cunt. I'll see you in hell. And Nick Cody thinks we're still talking to him Where's Chandler? He's actually gone Probably not to propose to his missus

But he's gone Oh here it is The freshly engaged culture A lot of people Touch touched me in the dick, James. All right, guys. That brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. 300 episodes. Spectacular.

Thank you guys so much for coming out, for all your support over the years, for listening every week, everyone tuning in at home give a big round of applause to our guests tonight Demi Lardner, Danny McGinlay DVDs on sale, back in the room best episode you've never heard

20 bucks, Adam Richard Limo, Dave Thorne Adam Rosenbach, Dilruk Jai Singer, Dave O'Neill Ronnie Chang Nick Cody for Skyping in. Oh, he's still there. He's still there.

Let's leave him up all night. Guys, thank you so much for listening and everyone do it with us as one for the 300th time. See you, mate.