The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 302 - Live! Wil Anderson, Adam Richard & Becky Lucas

Episode Date: July 20, 2016

Burger Delivery, Flights to Sydney and Becky's Big Night.Recorded LIVE at The Chippendale Hotel in Sydney on July 10, 2016. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse. Tommy Daslo, your thoughts about that mousse? Oh, Tommy Daslo you're talking to. Delicious, we went on a tour of the factory. Do we talk about that in this episode? No, we don't talk, we haven't talked about it yet. Why would you mention it now? We completely forgot.

Well, that's sizzle for a future episode. Yalla, the fine people at Yalla. It's good to put a face to the names down there. Excellent product, Check it out. Yella, what is it? Yella.com.au for all your chocolate mousse needs. We've also got, what, our T-shirts and stuff on sale now. Yeah, go to our website, littledumbdumbclub.com,

and we have our new 0438 T-shirt. You can check out that. You can get the classic, the classic aware design that we all know and love. It's like the dynamic ribbon with the Coca-Cola logo. It's the classic design, and that's in T-shirt and hoodie form. I could do with a hoodie now. And that's all we really have to say. We've sold out Canberra.

Too late if you've missed out on that. We're at Splinter in the Grass this weekend on the Friday at 5pm if you want to come check that out. Yeah, just enjoy this. This is the second live episode we recorded in Sydney. I wouldn't mind listening to it because there's a lot of it I don't remember. Well, if only there was a way that you could do that. Enjoy this.

Becky, Lucas, Adam Richard and Will Anderson. Hey, mate! Welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week, live from Sydney. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler! Get in here, kids! Fuck yeah, these chords are in a fucking mess.

I'm sure this will be fun. I'm sure the guy standing next to me will have nothing to say about that as this continues to be a fucking disaster up here. Great. What have you got there, mate? Number 86. Yeah, I've got a burger coming. Right, mate, we've all got stuff going on.

I'm sure that'll work out very well. I seem to have treated everyone in the staff upstairs very well. So I'm sure it will not be tampered with or ejaculated in. You did a little bit of a chat in your stand-up show before about how you had a bit of a run-in with a bartender upstairs. Because you were up there trying to get a drink. I was trying to cut in line, but I am a fucking star, so... So you come downstairs, you're like, this fucking guy at the bar, you tell me that,

then I go upstairs, that same barman comes up to me and goes, hey, man, that show that you just did down there, I only caught bits of it, but what I saw was fucking magnificent. Well done, man, you're really funny. So I've got to say, I'm on his side. Fuck you, you piece of shit. Who do you think you are? Wait in the line like everyone else. That guy's alright.

Have some respect for the goddamn rules. You're right. I will be nicer to him now that I know he is deaf. That was good. I liked that a lot. I wish you could have seen that. I know. Maybe I would have got a fucking beer Hey so I got an Uber here Oh so by the way Just before you said that

Yep cool Just to finish it Yeah cool Just to finish it So I ordered a burger Because I have a really bad habit Of coming to these live shows And drinking too much without eating

And there being dire consequences So I ordered a burger and I said, can you deliver it downstairs? And they said no. Hey, this venue does like Deliveroo though. Like, you know, the delivery, the menu log thing. What? They can go to another suburb but they

can't go fucking downstairs. Get on the fucking app and get the fucking driver to just bring it down into the basement. I brought it up because they said they will not bring it downstairs. So now I need, if I can get anyone at some stage to go and get a burger for me, that would really fucking help me out. That would... Cool, I see your hands have gone up.

Now I've got to pick which one. All right, let's have a job interview. No. All right, no one wants to do that for me. Fuck. I need to get a burger at some stage. How can I do this? This is such good content.

Yeah. All right. This is so good. Fuck it. I'll go and get it in a minute. Fuck it. No, I don't want your help now. I asked before.

You heard it first because you're in the front row. You didn't want it a minute ago. Now you want to be a fucking Mother Teresa. Well, no. We need just like a line of people up the stairs so we can just like crowd surf the You didn't want it a minute ago Now you want to be a fucking Mother Teresa Well no We need just like a line of people up the stairs So we can just like crowd surf the burger down So no one's having to put in that much effort No I will go

I will go later on We'll have a fucking lull in the show Because I'll be gone Jesus Christ Alright well this is going to be Hey now we've got a thread for the episode You know when it's always good when we've got something we can call back to in the episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as usual

I'm providing the content. Yeah, I get it. I love you, man. I feel like the kitchen is providing the content in this particular case. I got an Uber here earlier today and I'm staying in Summer Hills. Shout out. Anyone know? Do you guys know where that is?

Summer Hills? Oh, there's not Malt. There's just one hill. Oh, what a cunt. Sorry. Fuck. Why don't I just kill myself? That was unrelated to what I just said.

That was just general musing. Yeah, and there wasn't a lot of objections. So I booked the Uber and I'm just looking at my phone and it pulls up in front of me. It stops right in front of me. So I go, here we go. It's a nice car. I hop in. I go, hey mate

for Tom. And the guy looks at me and goes nah, I'm just parking. Oh no. I've just hopped in a stranger's car but at the same time it's like a quiet street there were literally no other cars parked in the street he's chosen to come in and park

directly in front of me and the other thing was the driver was here we go, let's have a bit of a bingo what's he going to go with? what horrible slur has little Tommy Daslo got in his head at the moment? He looked like Carl Chandler. Let's just say that.

No, he was the opposite of, not this. Cut, like, toned. He was good looking. Skint. Only the hottest guys drive Uber. That's what I found. So then it just looks like, you know, I just, yeah, I was no good. Left a, yeah.

Yeah. You're worse than me, which is quite a feat. Yeah. So, no, I appreciate you guys. We're doing a Dumb Dumber Palooza in Sydney. We're down here in a fucking very bad place, whatever this is. Just emotionally and mentally, nothing about the venue, just career-wise. Yeah, it's lucky we're downstairs because we can't throw ourselves off anything.

But I do like it because we're in this little bunker and it's fucking packed with you guys, which is awesome. But it just means that we've got no space to hang out apart from... It has a bar in here. Now, the bar over there, it's the only room that we can sort of fit in and stand near. Now, the bar's not functional. Not apparent to a lot of people in here.

Because we've been standing there all night and people have been coming up going, I love the show, can we just have a long neck of cooties I know we do a podcast but we're not dabbling in being bar hands guys it's so bleak that that's what

you guys think of us we're just fucking moonlighting in our own venue fucking pulling beers during the gig and also like we've got merch there

so we're standing there trying to sell merch and people are like fuck your t-shirts, can I have a fucking pint? Just a skewy, thanks. Fucking hell. And not only that,

but one guy, I don't know where he is, fuck, I should have committed his face to memory because I'm very fucking angry. We've got our merch over there and we've got the t-shirts.

T-shirts held great. We made this great poster. The Sgt Pepper's thing, if you've seen it online, it's got all the guests of the show on there and Reid Parker, big photoshopper of the stars, made it for us. And we're like Ben, this is going to be fucking awesome.

This is going to be fucking awesome. And no one's fucking bought it. No one bought it. We print all these posters up. No one's fucking bought it. One guy comes up and we're standing there. This guy comes up and just puts his empty on the fucking middle of the poster. What a sweet giant coaster these guys have made. They're giving it out for free.

That's sick. Fuck. Oh man, it killed me. Anyway. I wonder if that person remembers who they are. Who wants to own up to it? That's the person who should go and get your fucking burger, I reckon. Well man, I really hope he didn't do it on purpose because what sort of arsehole is that? Like, he just came out and went, that looks

like a piece of shit. I'd like to think he didn't do it on purpose. I exclusively choose to put my drinks on things that look like pieces of shit. What's the biggest piece of shit in this room that I can rest this coffee on? FML. FML FML For the listeners at home

I put my beer on Tommy Daslow's head Yeah And then I immediately got erect It was quite a scene down here Haggard's comedy Yeah Fuck I love comedy

Who here loves comedy? Who here loves our podcast? Who wants to plead the fifth should i do uh before we get a guest on should we should i say this you love doing this should i do this i have no context for what it is well yes or no well i'm gonna plead the fifth i uh we we came up here and we did a show. We're in Sydney. We did a show on Thursday.

Who was at the show on Thursday? Yeah. Is that all? It was like four people. Okay. That was a fucking good show, yeah? Yeah. That was less people than said they were here.

Tomorrow's going to be a big day for me with editing that one. But anyway, it was good times. Yeah, there was some very naughty things. It was pretty spicy. Yeah. Anyway, all very legal, I'm sure. Barely legal. It was not great.

Anyway, it was a very funny show. A lot on the cutting room floor. So we came up and we did a show on Thursday. It's Sunday now. We did some gigs at the Comedy Store, which is, oh, man. First walk out. Such a fucking hell. A lady has just stood up to walk out.

Fuck. If they're just going to give us a blow-by-blow of their whole weekend, fuck this. Yeah, I'll fucking look it up on IMDB, mate. We know what you've done. So we did the Comedy Store. Last night I did a gig at the Comedy Store. We both did a gig.

You left. I did a comedy store We both did a gig You left I did a gig And when I walked out Like I got introduced And I came out And you know People applauded And were very happy As they do with everyone

But then this big group of people Just kept going Just kept going Going We love you Oh fuck Yeah We fucking love you

And I'm like Well you're acting insane I reckon you listen to our podcast So we love you. Oh, fuck. Yeah. We fucking love you. And I'm like, well, you're acting insane. I reckon you listen to our podcast. So they just kept going. And it was like that thing where it puts you off. And so they just kept yelling out. I'm like going, yeah, fucking, I know you like me, but if you can shut the fuck up or kill yourself or both,

that'd really helped me out. So it just kept happening through the set and they were just yelling and I'm going, fuck, this is classic Dumb Dumb fans. Fucking hell. They're just ruining me

all the way through my set. They're just, just, and I'm asking them questions. It's classic you too. The applause was ruining it. Yeah. Fuck this.

Yeah. I want one of my mates to come out and start ripping shit on me. That's when the real art happens. Someone liked me and it fucking put me off. So, they were doing the whole set. Your girlfriend,

I love you, Cal. Oh, fuck this. This is fucked. This is no good. You're just trying to fuck my life up. So, I went through the whole set and it was really upsetting me. It was distracting. It was fucking weird. And I'm trying to talk to them. They couldn't answer properly or whatever. Fuck.

So it gets to the end of the set and I'm like, oh, fuck. All right. So I walk out and all, you know, people come past at the end of the show saying thanks, whatever. And these people come up and they're really drunk and they're like, oh, that was us. And I'm like, yeah, cool. I sort of expect it from listeners of the show. They're like, what show? They were just cunts.

They just picked me to randomly go, we love you, fuck off. Oh, man. They're like, we're mongoloids. This guy looks like our mayor. Yay! We're one of you, mate! We're aware of you! And I'm standing out there because I'm flyering.

I've got like a generic Dum Dum Club podcast sort of flyer thing. And I'm like, okay, well, take a flyer. They're like, no thanks. Fuck. Now that is a fucking masterclass in heckling. That's so fucking great. Should we get a guest on here? Should we get a burger in here?

Yeah, do we need an update? How do you want to play this? Let's get a guest in. Okay. Folks, you know him from Gruen from Tofop. Please welcome back in a little Dunlop Club, Will Anderson. I'm glad you pointed out that we were behind the bar and it wasn't a real bar because your mum had texted through

and she was so rapt that you had a job. because your mum had texted through and she was so wrapped that you had a job. So it's going to be sad news for her after the show. I always feel like when we bring you out first on the podcast, there's a cheer because people are excited to see just you. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You literally made them sit through two and a half hours to get to this.

Of course they're fucking excited. This is like a porno where the pizza delivery took two hours. Now finally we're at the fucking... And they're like, oh, the guy from the grueling transfer as opposed to the guy that got his mum's bank transfer. It's the porno where you see the guy that got his mum's bank transfer. It's the porno where you see the delivery guy and his GPS is broken down. He's like stuck in the

back streets in the suburbs. Where's his fucking house with all the horny girls at it? This is fucked. I love that, by the way, that Carl was like, oh, you know, maybe they'll ejaculate in my burger. And then he said, hey, why don't one of you guys go and get it? I was like, who do you trust more not to ejaculate in your burger,

staff at a professional establishment or listeners to your fucking show? Come on. We all would have had a go. I get what you're... It would have been a special dum-dum sauce. I get what you're saying, Will. We would have spelt out got him. It is nice to be here, though.

I drove from, and I've never thought about where I live until as much as I was coming here tonight because I live in the eastern suburbs. What's the exact address? Well, I live right next to a very famous Sydney icon, which is a place called The Gap, which, as I drove here tonight, I realised is Sydney's fucking Westgate. I basically live on the Westgate of Sydney.

That's fucking great. So what's The Gap? It's like a giant cliff that people jump off when they want to do the Westgate thing. Oh, right, right, right. But also in my suburb, they've now just built this giant retirement home. It's the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's like this, because it's a really posh suburb, right?

And so they have this like giant exclusive retirement home that I just want to move into because it looks so fucking good. But it's on the cliff, so it has a view of the ocean. Imagine just like living your life, seeing the ocean for your remaining days. The only thing in between the ocean and the retirement home, a graveyard. Oh, wow.

Imagine the old people like, ahhh! If you're feeling sick, just wander across the road. Lie down. Fuck, that'd be great if they were on the gap and they jumped into their own grave. That would be fucking efficient. Does that inspire you in the retirement home to just be able to go full one floor over the cuckoo's nest

and just fucking break out the window and go for it? I mean, it's kind of crazy, though. Like, I mean, this thing, it's bigger. It's like a Westfield. It looks like a Westfield. And it's crazy. It's like it's... Westfield Gate. Yeah. What is it? Are there's crazy. It's like it's... Westfield Gate.

Yeah. What is it? Are there no portos in there? That'd be sick. Yeah. I'll check in right now. I've got the fucking head for it. Let me in.

Man, we were backstage... Wow, Tommy Dassler, you want to check into a place where everyone feeds you and looks after you without... And you don't have to have a job. That's weird. Fuck, I'm going to do the biggest cum in your burger, you fuck piece of shit. It's like I've got 400 mum and dads.

As you said, we've been doing gigs all weekend at the Comedy Store. We were backstage one night and there's like a... Harley Breen has been there doing the gigs with us. He was on the show the other night. There's like a little door into outside from backstage. I'd gone outside. I came back in and Harley was standing in the room and he turns around and sees me and goes,

oh fuck, sorry. Actually when you walked in I literally thought you were just some old ass man who'd walked in on the street because of your fucked head and how you dressed. It's good to have mates in comedy. You did have an interesting choice that night because you had a big white woolen jumper

on. A cable-knit sweater from Uniqlo. Yeah. It's not befitting your age. Yeah. I like it, man. It's good. Okay. Hey, you know when you went into Uniqlo and you looked around at the other people in Uniqlo and none of them looked like you? Was that why you were trying to smuggle yourself into that fucking retirement? Yeah.

Hang on, did you buy it or is it one of Ronnie's old clothes? Or Ronnie's fucking granddad's old clothes. It's very nice that you think I could fit into Ronnie's clothes. Old Ronnie. Back when he looked like you. Yeah. Not anorexic Ronnie. Oh, right.

Yeah. He's lost a lot of weight. He's sick. I bullied it out of him. Yeah, it's the best thing I've ever done for his career. He won't get me a job on fucking Daily Show, but anyway. Alright, cool. Let's talk about something else.

That would have been more brutal if people had laughed at that because that would have been like them going, it's funny that you think you're entitled to a job on the Daily Show. Everyone stayed silent because they agree. Fuck off out of this country, mate. Is that burger here yet? How are we going to get to, what are we going to do about this burger? Oh no, the burger's fine because I just said to the guy your phone number's on the internet so

I'll call you. Fuck. So we're in Sydney, aren't we Tommy? Yes Carl. Are we doing Rat Dad early this episode or what? No, we're in Sydney. We flew into Sydney on Thursday.

You were here. You flew into Sydney a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I actually came here two weeks ago to do gigs. And I flew from Melbourne. My flight was at about 11am on a Thursday morning. And we landed at about... I've just seen someone yawning in the crowd. So this yarns off to a great start.

Our flight... It feels weird that you've noticed that, like there's something different. Mate, when they got here, we didn't have a Prime Minister. Oh, do we have one now? Yeah. Really? Breaking.

Welcome to Sky News, everyone. Actually, there's more people here than watch Sky News. Who is it? Spoilers. Hope I don't have to edit this out on Tuesday. Malcolm Turnbull. Malcolm Turnbull. Let's do a dumb, dumb fucking census.

Wow. Who voted for Liberal? Is that a yes? One ghost. I think that was Tony Abbott's political career. That entire fucking retirement home in your street, I reckon. Well, who voted Labor? Who voted Greens?

Who voted for something else? I sort of meant what did you vote for then, but yeah. What did you vote for? Science and cyclists. A bolder way, never has a voice represented. Science and cyclists. You can almost hear the lycra. And the Bunsen burner.

Science and cyclists. Sweet combo brought together at last. You didn't think to vote for P.E. and... I love a good riff. P.E. and Uber. Wow. Welcome back

to Whose Line Is It Anyway? Carl, the only person in improv who struggles with one word at a time story by himself. Yeah, space jump off the Westgate. Speaking of lines, so we were at the Comedy Store this week. Someone. Wow.

Wow. No, I've got it. I've got this. Everyone just got whiplash. No, I've got it. I've got this one. All right. All right. No, I've got it. I've got this one. All right. All right.

Fuck us up. Yeah, the next sentence will explain everything. Speaking of lines, I heard a story about Greg Fleet last night. All right. Sure. Someone in the comedy store said this last night. They said, oh, you want to hear a good story about Greg Fleet? I'm like, fucking yes.

Apparently, one time he was there not that long ago he was backstage and the police raided the comedy store for some reason they just rocked up and then Greg Fleet came out of backstage from the bathroom there

and he was bleeding profusely from the nose just dripping pissing blood out of his face and the police are there and he just walked straight up to them and went, are you here for me? And they go, no.

And he's like, cool, see ya. Which the police got off easy. They did not get asked for 20 bucks. That's Fleety's version of your Uber story. The amount of times he's got in the back of the wrong divvy van I'm sorry Let's get another guest on Alright folks you know him

From Celebrity Splash From Spics and Specs You know him so well from there From the Poof cast, please welcome Adam Richard! Celebrity fucking Splash. Were you in the original Celebrity Splash or the second series with that extra cast I didn't like? Yeah, both of them. Was there a second series of Celebrity Splash?

No, he's joking about the Spics and Specs. Oh! Welcome to Adam Explains Will Jokes the Car. Was there a second series of Celebrity Splash? No, he's joking about the Spicks and Specks. Oh. Welcome to Adam Explains Will Jokes the Car. No, I sat through both of their shows. They need to know jokes. Sorry, I didn't get the Spicks and Specks reference because I only wrote for it. Mate, I love how you do this, though.

Everyone wants to come and see your podcast, so you're like, we'll put our stand-up shows on and you have to come. It's like a free holiday and then you have to listen to the real estate agent. Do you know what?

I love how this time And the other thing is we mix up like we have my stand up Tommy's stand up the podcast but we keep mixing it up

just to trick people into thinking if you know it's at the end you come at the end. We mix it all up so you don't try and come and not fucking see us oh no this is this is what they did in brisbane they did the two podcasts first and then did their solo shows which there are about eight people there but my favorite moment is i was standing outside with carl and when carl was on the lights went out no when tommy was on i thought it and when Carl was on, the lights went out? No, when Tommy was on.

I thought it was when you were on, the lights went out. They went out during me. I just dealt with it. I was just like, okay, this is happening. And then he was not listening to my show. Yeah, because we were outside and we heard this huge round of applause and Carl's like, oh, he's finished early and he's run to go in. And then Tommy's still talking and people are sort of tittering

and we've gone, what's happened? Oh, the lights have come back on. We're like, yeah, we knew we didn't say anything that funny. Siri, just an Uber to the gap, please. Mate, I brought the car. I'll give you a lift. It's true. You are so supportive of young comedians.

Mate, I've got the baby car in the back seat. Can't believe I referred to myself as young and you didn't take me down for it. That's what I thought was coming next. It's all right, compared to us, you are. And I mean all three of us. Carl's only 52. Here we go.

I mean, what is the thing about Carl? Carl is the youngest of the three of us old people on stage. I know. But his references are the oldest. Oh, my God. He's like an episode of Happy Days. Fuck, if only there was a jukebox here I could kick. Fuck.

Which is an old reference. I am... So, I... Fuck, what was that? Which is an old reference. I haven't even gotten to my plane story yet. Oh, yeah, you do your plane story. Okay, so I'm flying from Melbourne. Flight's at 11am. Halfway through the flight, the flight turns back around and goes back to Melbourne, right? Yeah, fair enough.

I... Was it because you booked a child seat and you're like 400 kilos? Melbourne, right? Yeah, fair enough. Was it because you booked a child seat and you're like 400 kilos? Yeah, they found out someone from Melbourne was on his way to do gigs at the comedy store and they're like this is going to start a fucking civil war. We need to prevent the people of Sydney from seeing this. What airline were you flying?

They saw the book and they said, there's a 29-year-old that's sitting in this seat. That is not fucking checkout. This must be a terrorist. It's a terrorist! He's blowing up his career. We turn around, we come back to Melbourne. I had my headphones on for the entire flight,

so I don't hear any of the announcements about this happening. So I literally get off the plane and think, how fucking good is it to be in Sydney? Like, you know normally when a flight lands, everyone kind of bolts out of their seats. Everyone stands up. This is the first warning sign. No one

did that on this flight. I'm just going, look at these fucking nerds that want to sit on the plane a bit longer. Don't you want to get out and enjoy everything Sydney has to offer? I'm walking down the tarmac. I'm going what a beautiful sunny Sydney day. How fucking good is this? So good to get out of this gloomy

ass Melbourne weather and just treat myself to a bit of sunshine. Fuck this Sydney airport's got a lot of Melbourne jumpers. No, this is it. I walk through the, I go up through the terminal, I'm walking through the food court and I go, wow, this is new. They're starting to make the Sydney airport food court

look like the Melbourne one. Maybe this is something where they want the airports in every state to look kind of uniform or whatever. I still haven't clicked. I get to the front door, I see the sign that says, welcome to Melbourne. And I fucking flip my lid Like I actually

I thought I was having A fucking panic attack Like Like my whole world's Turned upside down I go This is it You're having a full nervous breakdown

Like By the way We're in Richmond right now We're in We're in Melbourne right now I'm just sitting there going She left you You didn't deal with it properly

This is it It's all come back You've turned up to the airport you've blacked out and imagined yourself on a plane you've actually gone fucking nowhere so then i have to like run back and like because i've just i've just gotten off the plane as quickly as i can i have to like double back through the airport and just grab people that were on the flight and go what happened where the fuck are we what's going on and they're like yeah engineering fault mate so yeah and at the same time i'm like my friend uh karen was going to pick me up from the airport and so i've landed we actually landed like a bit behind schedule

and he's texting me he's like mate oh you're a bit late getting into melbourne he's like are you far off and i'm like yeah mate just getting off the plane now i've only got carry-on so i'll see you in a few minutes. So then when I work this out, I call him. I'm like, he's like, are you nearby? Are you at the waiting place? I'm like, oh, mate, I'm going to be a little while. Which terminal are you at?

Huh? Which terminal are you at? Fucking the one in a different state. Was it that new terminal? Yeah, it was the new terminal. The bus station. Yeah, pretty much. It's good. It's good terminal? Yeah, it was the new terminal. The bus station. Yeah, pretty much. It's good.

It's good. Well, because this is the other thing. We're upset. You got me onto this. There's a place in the Melbourne airport food court in the new terminal called Sixpence Pies. Oh, my God. And it's $9.50 for a pie.

Yeah. And they're, like, smaller than a 4 and 20. They look fucked. And it's, like, it makes me furious. This place just looks so fucked. I like it when we run anti-ads. You really want sponsorship for this show. Every time I turn up at the airport, I'm like, they're still going.

Sixpence Pies is still going. So that was my first thought when I get off what I think is Sydney and I'm walking through this food court. I'm like, fucking hell, they're expanding. They've opened a fucking Sydney shop. This is bullshit. What's it going to take for this company to go I'm like, fucking hell, they're expanding. They've opened a fucking Sydney shop. This is bullshit. What's it going to take for this company to go under? This podcast.

Yeah. That'll do it. Yeah. I love that that's someone who's seen the Pie Face story and just gone, fuck, no, no, no. I've got an opportunity. I still can make this work. Those guys went under.

Same thing won't happen to me. Lightning can't strike twice. I'll be fine. Let's make smaller pies and Those guys went under. Same thing won't happen to me. Lightning can't strike twice. I'll be fine. Let's make smaller pies and charge more. Yeah. I was just loving hearing your story about what life is like at the airport when you're not in the lounge. It's really fun.

It's fun to hear what you're doing. They make you give them money for food? Oh, my God. How do you people live? In a way, Will's doing better than us. Oh, my God, Carl got a joke. Got joke. Please welcome the heavyweight champion of punching down,

Will Anderson. Hey, just by being here, I'm lifting you up. Fuck. Should you introduce a guest and then I get a burger? Your burger's never coming. Well, someone's coming in the burger. Yeah, yeah. First time you've ever said that sentence.

Jesus. I thought we all knew that slang. All right, well, do you want to... Well, if you introduce, I'll just pass through. What? Well, I'll high-five the guest and I'll keep going and get a burger. You can't get a burger in the middle of the podcast. Of course you can.

Of course I can. Of course I can. Go. I'm more worried about the high five. Don't do that. So you've made these people sit through your stand-up show and then you're not even going to be here for half of the fucking podcast. That's his reward. That's his idea of payment.

If I don't get a burger, I may die and there'll be no more shows. Yeah, yeah. Go. Oh, and he's got to eat it over a bin. Carl only eats over bins. Oh, yeah, is there a bin we can bring down here at the front of the stage? So that's the problem. It's not the problem the burger can't get down here.

They just don't have an appropriate bin. Yeah, yeah. All right, I'm going to get a burger and a bin. All right, are we doing it? Okay, we'll bring the guests out. You go check on it. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I love how they have to

discuss everything before they do it. I know. Their sex life would be terrible. You could have said that before we said any of that. Alright, folks. Please welcome back into Little Dunham Club, Becky Lucas! Becky, sit here sit here

you're now the co-host for the show if the person with your burger has a beer I would love one can you get me a beer too please Carl anyone else keen for a beer anyone need anything while Carl's at the burger shop two beers no it's funny because it's true.

Someone lock the door behind him and let's get the real shit going on. I feel like finally the podcast is good. Becky, new co-host of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. What's your first order of business now that you're in here? Taking control. I'd just like to congratulate you on that little hat you've got. Thanks, man. So the good news is you're still the most

feminine on the podcast. Thank fuck. I always thought men are rarely good looking enough to pull off a hat and you've really proved it to me. I love you Becky. Fuck, bring back Carl. This is too savage. I can't.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're, you're, you're. I can't. She can't lie. She's terrible at it. You have a working face. Fuck. I mean...

At least part of him's working. His mum will be thrilled. That's brutal of this afternoon. That's great. Oh, man. I want you to hand out the flyers like you did at the 300 where everyone gets to hold up the got him. Yeah.

Great, thanks for letting these people know that they're missing out on one element in spite of having paid more for the tickets. Thanks, Adam. Yeah, no, you go. No, no. Host your show. Host your show. Becky, last night...

With your working face. We both saw you last night at the Sydney Comedy Store. Yeah. You were quite intoxicated. Yeah, I ruined saw you last night at the Sydney Comedy Store. Yeah. You were quite intoxicated. Yeah, I ruined my life last night. Oh, hang on. I got so drunk. And I...

Did you have sex with Tommy? That would be the end of my life. I tried to bring two hunks to a show. Me and Carl were busy, so you had to do a ring around. And I ate it so bad. I tanked so bad. Ate what? Oh.

A dick. So there were guys that you were keen on. Yeah, I'll have either one of them. Either one? Hang on, do they know each other? Yeah, they're friends. Por que los dos? So when you say either, because they're friends,

like it's weird spit roasting with someone you know. You don't want to make eye contact over someone like, oh, hi. Is that why things are so weird with you, Justin, well now? over someone like oh hi I feel like that's what that's what country songs would sound like if you wrote them It's alright if you're in the middle, you don't see anyone. What? Great advice for the kids. What do you mean you don't see? The eye's here.

It's a fair point. Yeah. All you can see is pubes. Oh. Yeah, plus you don't have to talk. No. It's the best of both worlds. I guess.

You don't have to do much at all. Sorry, did you consider that at all? And what's it like being a woman in comedy? Fuck, I was going to ask you that. Got him. I'm a real ally. I'm a podcast. I'm a podcast. So you've been drinking before the gig.

They come along. I see you just after the gig. You're devastated. I was crying. Why? I'm about to turn 27 and I'm like, it's fucked. Everything's fucked. Could be worse.

Imagine being 40. I've got a year to kill myself. I have a year. I was shit. I'm like, I'm about to have a breakdown. I could feel it coming. So not only did I bomb in front of them, I start crying. Oh.

In front of them? In front of them. And I'm like, I've got nothing. What? Hang on. That's how you get guys hard. and I start crying. In front of them? In front of them. And I'm like, I've got nothing. That's how you get guys hard. You just say, I've got nothing. Please fill me up. Put one up me.

Put one up me. I just have nothing inside. To be honest, if he's into it, any of those would work. You don't even need to speak English. I've heard worse, yeah. No, but hang on. Okay, I've got heaps of questions. Of the two guys,

was there one that you thought was hotter than the other? So you said that you'd be happy with either, but was there one who was the obvious favourite out of the two? I think I was just going to go with whatever one liked me. Okay. She's such a comedian, bless her. Ah, the Dasolo, nice. I don't know, I just saw your show, Tommy.

I don't think she liked you. You're always on your fucking phone! Tommy's on OK Cupid going, looking for someone to fill next year's shop. Must love content. If you could break up with me around November when I'm looking to write. That'd be awesome.

OK, of the two guys, did they look similar or were they two different types that you just happened to...? Two like eights. Oh, right. But similar looking eights or two...? No, different. Yeah, okay, different eights. All right, okay.

I was more into one, I think. Compare them both to celebrities or people. Oh, yeah, that's good. Just set the same. If we were going to make a movie of this and who was going to play each of the different people? And then we'll say who we'd cast as you. Winnie Cooper from Wonder Years.

Oh, my God. Becky comes up to me before with her phone. She goes, do you think she looks like me? It's a picture of Princess Leia in the metal bikini. And I've gone, actually, you do. I do? Well, thank you. Thank you.

So now I'm imagining one of them is Jabba the Hutt. Yeah, he's on stage right now. Imagine Dil with just underpants on. I vomited bile this morning. And I reckon I could do it again. So, yeah, give us a celeb comparison for two of them. I don't know. Like, one was big and hot.

So, like, Channing Tatum? One was The Rock? Yeah, one was The Rock. Rock, okay. And the other one was, like, Ryan Gosling. Okay. Oh, Ryan Gosling. I love how she's turned her nose up at Ryan Gosling.

She's like, you know, he's all right. But I'd rather smell what the rock was cooking. So how did they see you cry? One guy said he bashed a guy on a bridge. Oh. And I was like, ugh. Was it the West Gate? So hang on.

So how did they see you cry, though? Because I was just doing it. When I got off stage I sat down and I was like, I've got nothing. So you didn't feel the need to go hide yourself, you were just having a big old public cry, just going for it. Gonzo crying, so good. And then a bartender wouldn't serve me and I think I called her a slut. Buck me up.

That was such a bit... Fucking sisterhood. Anyway. So then you're in that state and you thought, what I'll do is I'll go to the comedy store, a venue where a lot of my peers and colleagues are going to be, and just hang out there, just set myself loose and see what happens. Yeah.

Yeah. I said a lot of bad things. Anyway. I just woke up. You know when you wake up and you just feel like, oh, what have I done? You know. Do you guys know that or not?

I feel like tomorrow. There's 50 bucks to sleep on my wall. That stings. Anyone who's ever slept with Deslo's felt that. I've heard you've got a big dick. Yeah, because he tells everyone that. I don't tell everyone that. Tommy Little tells everyone that. I'm tells everyone that. I don't tell everyone that. Tommy Little tells everyone that.

I'm on the offensive. I don't want hype like that that I can't compete with. Yeah, the reason he's got so much confidence. You're the only person whose dick's got a hype man. All right, all right, all right. You know this guy. You've heard about his work on the podcast. Let's bring it up for the boo-goog of Tommy Dussall.

That's the sound I make when I cum. It's like extra little drips. You're coming as soon as the hype is finished? The burger bitch himself is back in the house. Now should I go over there? Here he is, Ronald McDumbcunt Chando's got his burger, everyone at home It's very exciting

Man, they really fucking hate me now Is there extra mayonnaise? Let's see They fucking, every staff member in this place fucking hates me So good Well, they have met you, it's understandable staff member in this place fucking hates me. So good. Well, they have met you. It's understandable. So what have you guys been

talking about? So Becky embarrassed herself in front of two hunks. Yeah, Carl can add to this. I was being a fuckhead. You're being a fucking idiot. No. Telling me I look like Ryan Gosling, that's fucked. This is what you did last night.

Oh. I'll edit it. I'll edit it slightly. Will you? Yeah. If this sentence ends in fuck two guys. It doesn't. At the gap.

What? Sorry, what were you saying about your Gap? Alright, well, I don't know what's been happening. I thought maybe that was... Whatever the fuck your name is, can you show a bit of respect to the new co-host of All Duck Club, please? Do Duck Sandwich. No, this is what you were doing.

You came in, you were very, very drunk because you said you'd had a horrible gig, no one had laughed at anything, your little fucking boyfriends didn't like you. Oh, Jesus. And then you'd gone really bad. You just went over and over, over the top about how badly you'd gone.

Then you went, now, I'm going to list all the comedians in Australia who are fucking no good. Should I continue? That is some fucking fire content coming from someone who is just eating shit. I mean, fucking takes one to know one. Yeah, I'm like, welcome down to my level.

Were you at the big bag of dicks shop and you saw everyone else eating them pretty indefensible position isn't it I've done it how bad was it like was it oh was it really that bad or was it just... It can't have been that bad. Like, I mean, because every... Like, I mean, everyone fucking eats it. Like, it's just the nature of it. Like, no matter how long you do it,

there's always going to be some terrible, terrible gig. Yeah, one day it'll happen for me. You've got to have a good gig before you have a bad one. Oh, that took longer than I thought. No, Carl Sanders is so low that he's aspiring to terrible. Never had one but hoping. I'm just happy to get a gig. Carl would just love to get through a whole gig when no one interrupted.

Hang on. Oh, no, no, no. I count on that. You forgot the bin. How's the burger? Is it salty? How much pineapple juice do you reckon the staff are drinking up there?

Actually, I didn't order anything with pineapple in it. Is it nutty? I don't think so. Okay. I think I've... Well, I don't really... To be honest, I don't really know what that tastes like.

You know what it smells like, though. Yeah, I'm here. like that. Yeah, I'm here. Yeah, this is not a room that would benefit from one of those CSI black lights. Feel like there'd be some fucking weird shit written on the wall in jizz.

If we brought in one right now, like Gordon Ramsay Hotel Hellsign, it's just up in the wall on blood and jizz. I'm aware of the little dum-dum. Some fucking ghost. That actually looks like our writing on our T-shirt. Yeah. Well, I just put my solo show in here,

so she'll be back or be plastered across the back wall. She'll be back. The ghost that haunts this venue actually voted. Have we ever talked about that? Have we had people that have had sex to our podcast? Because we talked... Is that a yes? Yeah.

Has there been anyone here that's... Yeah, people are putting it on because they're finishing too early. I'm going to come, put Tommy's voice on. All right, I'll be ready for another hour. And that's just a girl who's sleeping with Tommy. Oh, as if. So, Becky, let's go back to your night. Is there any more to say?

You caused a ruckus down at the comedy store. So what happened at the end? Anything of note at the end of the evening? Did I cause a ruckus? Were any of the people on this stage on your list of people who were in? Oh, definitely. Definitely. Woof.

You don't have to say who. I actually can't remember who I said. Yeah, but you know Who you think No Buzzfeed hates her Give us the list I know I do remember one quote

She goes I'm fucking saying it No I don't know I'm fucking saying it No This is fine This is fine I go

You go Oh yeah I'm fucking doing Your podcast tomorrow. Who's on? I said, Will. She goes, oh, Daddy. That's what he makes me call him. I don't have any children of my own.

You've raised a very bad one. I'm very proud of her, to be honest. He told me what a callback was. He told me everything on you. At the end, if you just wrap it all up, they'll be impressed. Just say all the things from the start of the show at the end. Everyone loves that. Occasionally do a podcast so people think you're still relatable.

Everyone loves that. Occasionally do a podcast so people think you're still relatable. Then get the fuck back to Vaucluse. Pushing some open micers over the gap on the way. Where our local member is the Prime Minister of Australia. Fuck. He is. He is, it's true. My local member is the it's true. What happened at the end of your night?

Did you encounter a few local members? How was polling? Calm. Alright mate, let's not get too political. I didn't get the game. I had a sausage in my bread I'm so sick of all the sausage jokes on election day What about

Yes or women I'm sick of jokes on podcasts too That's why you do one with Tommy fuck I want to know so do you think there's any chance with either of these guys or do you think they really care

that you ate a big bag of dicks in front of them on stage they probably didn't but me crying and saying I have nothing probably affected them so I missed out obviously that my shit tears yeah I mean it tips are great but they're covered in joking that's alright that's what daddy likes oh my god this got so inappropriate so quickly you guys seen Finding Dory? no

I went to go see Finding Dory the other day and I was buying my ticket from the lady and we were talking about Finding Nemo and I said yeah so obviously Nemo will be see Finding Dory the other day and I was buying my ticket from the lady and we were talking about Finding Nemo and I said, yeah, so obviously Nemo will be in Finding Dory. She goes, thanks for ruining the ending. I go, what, of the kids' movie called Finding Nemo? I think they find him.

Okay, and I reckon they're going to find Dory too. Okay. I reckon they're going to find Dory too. Bruce Willis is a ghost. I actually imagined that finding Dory was like waiting for Godot or something. Sorry, if you had read that, you'd understand that joke's great. Godot never turns up. Spoilers. Bit too highbrow for these people Two minutes ago were applauding me

Just saying the word come No one applauded that Sorry waiting for Godot to come He doesn't actually come Because I missed out Did you Did you Consumate Anything last night or not?

I don't want to say So yes So you definitely yes Because if you didn't want to say What are you going to not want to say? Nothing happened Someone fell for the tears She's so vulnerable

Did you Did you happen to Order a cum burger last night? Jesus Christ. Carl's been out of the room and misjudged the tone on the line. Go back upstairs and get dessert, you horrid man. Man, that stuff was killing up there. Becky's not going to do anything over a bin. How is it?

Good? Yeah, it was good. Worth the wait? It was worth the wait, yeah. Would it have been better with some rotting garbage beneath it? Would have been, well, I've just chucked my wrapper on the floor. See, this is proof that he eats only over bins. Adam and I had the mac cheese.

We both got the single size mac cheese. But then you had mis... I think they got your order wrong. So we've both eaten our mac cheese. But then they've gone, oh, you're meant to have the big one. And they've just brought over like a family plate of mac cheese. And then so the two of us sat there and started eating it. We didn't even discuss

that we were going to share it or anything we both just grab a fork and each hand start eating it and then we're in the middle and i'm like are we in lady in the fucking trap well i'd argue with you being a lady but not about the other bit i was over the other side of the table it was fucking beautiful i. I loved it. Thanks, man. But why weren't they... Because I went up there and I said, oh, can I have my burger? And they're like, oh, well, we don't deliver downstairs. So they didn't even make it?

No. Oh, hang on. When you said they don't... When they said we don't deliver downstairs, they just decided we didn't make it. But they gave you a number. Yeah, I know. Well, that's a tease. They gave me the hidden number of fuck off

maybe that's oh 86 did they give you 86 yeah yeah oh you know what you say well 86 that

that means fuck off yeah yeah like it does like you get rid of well 86 they gave you the fuck off number

yeah honestly honestly I went up there and went here's my number 86 can I get can I they gave you the fuck off number? Honestly, I went up there and went, here's my number, 86. Can I get... Is that true? Can I...

They gave you the secret fuck off. Yeah. Oh, that's the best. Yeah. What if you go back up there now and you order more food and they're like, yeah, here's your number, mate. And it's just, instead of a number, it's just an illustration of you with your pants down, just getting fucked by the chef.

No worries, mate. Just put this on the table and we'll clean that out for you as soon as it's ready. You know what it is? 86, because that's from Get Smart. That's his agent number from Get Smart. So that's the hidden message. Get smart, you dumb cunt. No, I went up there and I said, here's my number.

And they're like, no, we don't deliver downstairs. I'm like, okay, that's cool that you took my money, though. So what can I do now? And then the waitress went to the kitchen and came back and went, it's coming. I'm like, okay, and I sat there. Oh, it's coming. And I was there for a while, yeah.

You were. And then I actually went up to the chef. I waited 10 minutes, went up to the chef and went, here's my number. He goes, that number doesn't exist. Oh. What? They just went, she went.

So they did. They gave you the. Yeah, they gave me the fuck off. Ghost protocol, I love it. Yeah. Ghost protocol. Fuck him up. Chefs hate him. Yeah, they gave me the fuck off. Ghost protocol, I love it. Fuck him up. Chefs hate him. I had to force a burger out of them. They had to force something into that burger too by the sounds of it.

Yeah, they gave me a hate fuck burger. I love how you take this podcast on tour just so you can make new enemies. You're like the opposite of the fucking littlest hobo. I can get on board with that reference. You've heard the littlest hobo, now here's the oldest cunt. Okay, does anyone have any leads to a good 100-seat venue in Sydney that we can do next time we come up? Because we've fucking done our dash in this one.

Well, Will lives in Velcruz, so he's got plenty of room. Just do it at his house. Get us in. Live from Anderson HQ. Oh, wow. I'm allowed to come to Will's house? He's so freaked out by the prospect. Put some floorboards over the pool,

you could do it in the yard. He's so freaked out by the very idea of some floorboards over the pool. You could do it in the yard. He's so freaked out by the very idea of it, he can't even spin a joke about it. He's just shutting it. Just can't even. Just the mere thought of it is shutting down. Fuck, we clocked Will Anderson. We clocked Daddy.

No, do it, Will. And then afterwards, they can all go and walk off the gap like lemmings. Uh-oh, another walkout. Yeah, good, get out. Off to the gap. Off to Will's house. Yeah, go and get me a fucking burger. You've had a burger.

No more. Yeah, I want a double burger. All right. You guys know there's other podcasts, right? So Becky, so what happened at the end of the night? Why do you want to know? I want to know. Let's not, she doesn't want to say, let's not know.

But anyway, speaking... Let's just assume. Will you be seeing either of these gentlemen again? Hang on, is there two gentlemen? Because I just assumed... I didn't have sex with both of them. Oh. There you go.

That's all you need to know. But I like whatever that means, and I don't know. Yeah. He pretends. So she had sex with one of them, but she gave the other one a gobby. Here's the thing where women go I didn't have sex with him.

I mean, I've got his jizz in my hair but I did not have sex with him. Just to double back, what is it like being a woman in comedy? I mean, we would make these same jokes about you. No, we wouldn't. Tommy's going to have sex. I said we would.

If you had sex, we could. In the parallel universe dum-dum club. You couldn't make a joke of someone coming in Tommy's hair. It was worth doubling back for. You know what? I was like, fuck it, we've left it, we've got to go. But then mid-flight, we circled around.

In many ways, it was the comb-over of comedy. It was like we were heading for Sydney and then we came back to Melbourne. Yeah, that's the joke I was making. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck it. Get me a burger, stat. I love your covers of my jokes.

I guess semen really does make you stupider. Oh. Oh, fuck. I had some on the way in. Now I feel really dumb. The way in what? On the way into here. Oh, okay.

Hmm, okay. Why don't you wear a fun little hat? Because I've accepted that I'm 45 years old. And I don't want to walk around looking like a pedophile all the time. Fuck. All you need is like a little jet set bag and some tickets to Thailand. I wonder where I could get some of those from. Is this podcast a weird front?

I've just realised. I used to interview these old people for a radio program and one guy was really old and gross and used to go to Thailand like you. And I think he was a sex pest. But he said to me, oh, Suki, my girlfriend Suki got me this hat and I don't know what it means. And he showed me and it just said, fuck you, with a hand going like this. I was like, I think I can figure it out.

And what, he's just wearing it around. He's wearing it around as if it's a gift from her. That's so ball like, I think I can figure it out. And what, he's just wearing it around. He's wearing it around as if it's a gift from her. That's so baller. I love it. That's our next merch, I reckon. Let's just rip off his hat. That's so good. Fuck yeah.

Fuck you. Sad what happens over there. Yeah, no shit. On webcams it's a good it's a good place I stand behind it it's

I tell me like cause I I heard the other day where you had your little secret trip there just like you had

fucking four days spare so you're like fuck all Thailand fuck all is actually where he stayed racist racist daddy doesn't like racists Oh, it's actually where he stayed. Racist, racist.

Daddy doesn't like racists. This has gotten really creepy. That even felt gross for me. I can't believe my life. I can't believe... If I tried to tell my dad that Will Anderson... Is your real dad. I can't believe two guys went home with you last night. Sorry.

Oh. Oh. Thank you. There was no skiing. Right. Yeah. Oh. I love all your terms.

Is that really a term? It's skiing. Skiing? Yeah. Is there other terms like milking the cows? No, you don't. Well, there should be. That's an actual job that you were meant to do

and you shirked your responsibilities. My brother's doing it so I can fucking waste my life doing this. They built a three-generation farming community just so I could waste my fucking life doing this. When Wally Darley defended the farmers, that's what he's talking about. When Waleed Ali defended the farmers, that's what he's talking about. Don't hit us up on Twitter, everyone, please. You know, you would hear a lot of stories like being a farm kid because the milking machines that you obviously put on my cow's teats

have like a suction motion. That's how they get the milk out of the cows. All right, well, that's all the time we've got tonight, guys. Thanks so much for coming down. Because Tommy has to make some internet decisions. Tommy doesn't want to talk about... Where's the nearest dairy farm? Get me down there.

I just need one. You have one cow? She's only got one teat. She had an accident on her bicycle. He'll be milk. Can I have a job for purer? But no, so is it, did it happen? I'm like Kieran Perkins.

I always write my name on my cums. Oh, my God. Broken? So, no, it's quite a small hole, but you would legendarily hear of these people doing it. It was quite a common thing that you would go down to the dairy and hook yourself up to the chain and give yourself up. I've drunk that milk.

Yeah. Well, I mean... At least I like to know who's on the end of it. Well, maybe not always, but sometimes. Glory Hole's an exception, obviously. What's the expiration date on your... I don't know, it's still working. I got my comic books the other night.

They're on the other side of the roof. What? That's why you always keep them in the plastic covers. They're all in plastic. So is that milking story, is that sort of like, because, you know, anyone that works in a hospital has always got those stories of, like, people that turn up late at night with something.

Shoved up their arse. Yeah. Oh, that's weird that you reacted to that. No, I've seen, like, have you ever looked at the x-rays? They're fucking hilarious. No. Online, you just see these outlines of hips and then a thing sideways. A pair of scissors.

It's like, how did they get in there? No, the excuses are always the best. That's my favourite thing about it. You've got to read the excuse of people going, I was just cleaning naked in my living room and then I tripped and fell onto He-Man.

I was just walking in the street and then I fell up Adam Richard. All the way up there. Fuck you. That's fine. That's a hell of an x-ray to have to go in and get. Oh, my God. Aren't you like from Spicks and Spicks? Why are you wearing no pants in the street?

And lubed up ready to go? Makes no sense. There's no logic to that joke, Carl. All right. Well, I won't. No wonder it didn't get on Spicks joke, Carl. All right. Well, I won't. No wonder it didn't get on Spix and Spig. So, fair enough. Oh, yeah, you did an audition, didn't you?

I did too. Oh, did you really? Yeah. Luckily, the only people that watched that show were just people who died and left their television on. If that was true, Becky, we'd still be on. If that was true, Becky, we'd still be on. That might explain ABC too, but not the other way.

Mate, I work for the ABC, and sometimes I do think about 40% of the audience hears that. They just haven't checked and someone's going, leave it on, we want the funding. Move the body, leave the telly on Q&A. This person's just died. Quick, get one of those Austan boxes into the house. Get the Austan box and put it on Annabelle Crabbe.

Just put it in the... We need funding. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. This guy gets it. Yeah, exactly. Uber. It's a modern version of that joke. Yeah.

Thank you, guys. Yeah, not just Carl doesn't get them sometimes. Thanks for coming, everyone, though. It is a long... For people at home, these guys have been sitting in this fucking bunker for four hours. And they've had to sit through at least three hours

of not very funny shit. Yeah, but that's not bad. We've been good. Yeah, I mean... I think it's been okay. All up, I thought. Is anyone not happy with...

Oh, wow. Let's do a survey. The staff at you, you cunt. I'm fine. I'm always happy to... Other than employees of this venue. Yeah. I'm always fine to learn if we can do anything better.

Is anyone unhappy with what's happened today? No, this is the best way to get paid back. Imagine if every show finished like this. Oh my god. You finish your fucking stand up show and you're like, I've just got the light, so is anyone unhappy?

Imagine if you ended gigs like that. Imagine. But I just got recently, I got all the emails from all the different hotels and flights that I took to go to Thailand. They all sent you an email going, can you rate all the different bits out of five? So that's what I'm doing now. I'm giving you the email going,

what did you think of the cleanliness of this show? The cleanliness. What did you think of the timing? What did you think of the quality? Cool. All right. Good. What did you think about the child sex labour?

It's cheap. Yep. It's nearby. Yep. It's probably pirated. Yeah. And Carl will be there. Yeah.

And it's human. Yeah. All right. I feel like Daddy's giving us the cue to wind this up. No, but I honestly want to see if anyone didn't like it. Fuck. Oh, here we go. Jesus.

No, let us know. We loved it, Carl. We loved it. Yeah, see, someone's holding their hand up. Yeah, there's a guy in the middle with glasses. What are you saying? You could have been heckled. I could have been heckled.

You could have been heckled. All right, everyone say something mean about it. Well, that could have been you, so you fucked it. And you know what? I give you zero stars. And by the way, that's the funniest thing you've said all night. So he was right. You should have been heckled more.

You come alive. Yes. It's magical to see. Heckle him again. This is great. I'm fed by hatred, yes. Gives him power. Maybe the staff were just trying to rev you up.

My favourite thing is when Carl's told a joke. When he's done his warm-up, he's like, here we go, here we go. Here's the set- up and the punchline. And then someone says something fucked and he goes, no. It's awesome. I love comedy. Alright, there was one

more person that had a... Had some honest feedback. What a great Q&A episode. People, why do you hate us? Yes? Is there one more? There was one more. There was one more.

Come on. Some fucking coward dog up the back. Some One Nation voter. Who gives a fuck what you think? Yeah, we need this. Please tell us why you hate us. Here we go. Here's a hand. Yes?

Oh, Becky! There's poo on two of the four women's toilets. Becky rubbed her tits on two of the four. Her shit tits. Alright, ladies, I'll tell you how this happens.

If you're hovering above the seat... Oh, that's what it is, right? It's never going to go in the hole. It's going to go elsewhere. Just commit and sit down and then a little bit of antiseptic wipe afterwards. Yeah, but it's gross. You're at a pub, maybe you just want to squat and hover. Well, then lift the seat up and squat and hover.

There's less to land on. Please, please don't put that on our iTunes review. No, girls, if you're not going to sit on the seat, why is it down? Yeah. Let's get into it. You're going to miss like we do standing up all over the fucking place. Lift the seat and squat and hover. Yeah, okay.

Well, this has turned out quite profitable. I think we should ask for more advice about the podcast. Has anyone else got any suggestions about things that are not toilet related? This is more a feedback box. Yeah, yeah. This is a suggestion box. Carl's very uncomfortable with squatting because he goes to Thailand so often.

It's not true. It's uncomfortable with squatting because it's so close to getting down on one knee. Got him! Got him! Should we... Should we broach this subject? Tommy, are you seeing anyone at the moment?

I'm seeing someone. Oh, you're seeing someone? Yeah. Oh, is it going... All right, guys, that's all the time we've got for the little time on the Gloss Week. Give it up for Becky Lucas. No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No. No. No. No. No. No. Special guest, Cal Chandler. No. Thanks so much for coming and we'll see you next time. No. See you, mate. No.

No. No. It's a cliffhanger. We'll get into it next week. It's a cliffhanger. No. It's a gap hanger. No.

Should we get into it next week? Save it. Save it. Should we do it now? Just message to me at home, edit the episode here. Here's a tip for everyone at home. If ever Tommy gets slighted on the podcast, get fucking edited out.

So let's do it now. It's happened once, but okay. Because you know what's going to happen? It's happened multiple times. It's happened once. It's happened once. I would know why I do it. It's happened once, but okay. Okay. Because you know what's going to happen? It's happened multiple times. It's happened once. It's happened once. I would know. I do it. It's happened once.

No, it's going to turn out too much because, you know, you can tell another time. But how long? Is my dick nine and a half inches? No, I'm terrified this is going to be like a shit sitcom and it's going to just be Tommy in a dress with a bad wig on. And he's ugly enough with the hat. It's like Psycho.

His girlfriend lives up on the hill in a hotel. And it's my mum. The best thing about you pretending to be your own girlfriend is you won't have to change your voice.

Yeah, let's talk to her right now. He's great. He fucks me so good. I do the biggest cums when he comes around to my house. I think he's got just the perfect amount of hair. So good.

On his ass. Treats me so well. I met at the Ronald McDonald house. Just over a nose. I met at the Ronald McDonald house. Just so everyone knows, I need to go to the toilet so bad, but this is more important. Anyway, so how did you meet? We met during the comedy festival. Oh, nice.

Sweet, nice. So same. How old are you, 29? same. How old are you? 29? Yeah. How old? I haven't asked how old she is, actually. It's impolite to ask a woman her age.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. So I have. It's 18. So how long has she been 18 and how long have you been singing? Let's do some maths in the podcast I love to do some maths I mean I didn't realise this was a spin off of Law and Order I told you they're both pederasts

It's disgusting Man I can't wait till she's old enough to listen to this podcast She's fucking younger than your reference Man, I can't wait until she's old enough to listen to this podcast. She's fucking younger than your reference. She's older than your Thai girlfriend. She's about the same age as you've been seeing your girlfriend. Oh, my God. I'm still doing jokes that are older than her. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You should say being ancient. Yeah. That's actually true. That would play more badly on you, though. Hey, but let me guess. She's really mature for her age. He doesn't even ask.

He didn't know. He thought she was 90. Yeah. This is all news't know. He thought she was 90. This is all news to me. He thought she was 15. That's why he doesn't ask. He doesn't want to know. Tommy thought she was just dressing in the school uniform for kinky stuff. It's not good, is it?

It's not good. No, no. But at least we're not Talking about you anymore Becky That's true So get on board Has anyone else got any questions About Tommy's girlfriend No no I think that's enough

That's good You can Yeah That's all that's enough We'd like you to keep We'd like you to keep You like her though right It's nice

It's going well Yeah it's cool Yeah she listens Hey baby Alright big shout out Miss you You like her though, right? It's nice? It's going well? Yeah, she's cool. She listens. Hey, baby. All right, big shout out. Miss you. So we've worked out you don't ask her questions. That's good.

You still on your phone all the time, like the last one? Yeah. And the younger generation is okay with that. Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm with her because I just fit right in. The first time we hung out out she was on her phone the whole time and I was like daddy likes this

you know what, every one of you go fuck yourself you can't encourage this and then when I get on board on it, fucking turn on me every one of you go kill yourselves right now fuck up the lot of you too kill yourselves right now. Oh, yeah. Fuck off, a lot of you. Daddy. Oh, too far.

Fuck right off. To be fair, suck my dick, all of you. I'm in another state. It doesn't count. Hang on. Tommy said to everyone, suck your dick.

This is a licensed venue. There's no one as old as your girlfriend here, mate. Hey! By the way, I so wish that had been Malcolm Turnbull's speech. It nearly was.

I was going to win and I fucking won! So suck your dick! You thought I didn't, but I did! Fuck you, Tony Abbott! And fuck you, Bill Short! And fuck you all!

Yeah. Having sex with Tommy is like voting liberal. Jesus. A mistake. Got him. Got him. Got him. Sounds like someone ticked the wrong box.

I have one mission tonight after this gig now. What's that? Intercourse with whoever yelled that out. Oh, your teenage girlfriend's going to be devastated when she hears that. This is a podcast, not a blue light disco. No, his teenage girlfriend's fine with it. She said, if it's a decade older, I'm fine.

Well, you're here getting drunk, so it must be a blue light disco. You fucking... I'm going to get messy at the end. Like a wedding. Like a what? A wedding. A what? A wedding.

I don't know. I guess I just hang out with people who never talk about that stuff. I've never heard that word before. It's a good point. I feel like that was aimed at me. Let's end this before we end up all just choking each other out live on stage. Let's end this before we end ourselves. Yeah.

Just for the record, I always feel bad about this when I come and fucking make fun of you about not getting married to... No, you don't. No. Well, I know it entertains people, but I've been on and off with my girlfriend for 15 years and we're not married like

that's more than you oh right fuck great so I'm like now this bit I'm editing out

can you all shut up about marriage it's illegal for me very upsetting I've I've I've literally spent

Fuck Oh man Are you gonna put your ring on my finger again? Can I get another burger I can stick it on that or Fuck

I mean this is so I can stick it on that or... Fucking hell. I mean, this is so... I mean, so you need Dal's work. Carl's been saying to his partner, now I'm back to this riff. The whole time he's been like, when gay people get married and then donating money to Corey Bernard. Yeah, then I proposed to my dog.

She's like, where's all this money gone out of our account? No, I got a ticket, love. I keep running that red light camera in South Australia. Yeah. Comedy. Alright, we've got to wrap this up. Becky Lucas, any final thoughts for us? What do you reckon? Nah, this has been crazy.

She gets it. Alright guys, that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for the second time for this week. Please give it up for Becky Lucas, Will Anderson, Adam Richard. Thanks so much for listening everyone at home and we'll see you next time See you next time

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