The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 303 - Live! Wil Anderson, Aunty Donna, Tom Ballard & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: July 27, 2016

Festival Punters, Dil's Mum and "The Cure".Recorded LIVE at Splendour In The Grass, July 22, 2016. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Moose. Carl, when was the last time you had a delicious Yalla? Oh man, I think it was a week ago. I am still... I literally think every cent that we have got of sponsorship from Yalla Moose has gone back into Yalla Moose from my end. It's the best deal ever for them. They are getting so much out of it.

How much longer do you think this relationship is going to continue for? We're getting close to a year at this point, I think. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, I mean, we still haven't talked about it, and it will be in upcoming episodes, but we did go to the Yellow Chocolate Mousse Factory. The Graceland of Mousse.

Yeah, we did our little Willy Wonka tribute and went in there. More like Willy Wanker in my case, if you know what I'm saying. I left a few little surprises in those tubs. So rush out now. It's available at all finer retailers. That works so well too. Willy Wanker. That's good. This episode was recorded last weekend at Splendour in the

Grass Music Festival. We come out. The mics do not work, which will be shocking to anyone who's listened to this show before. Man, our reputation has preceded us. They just did a big old shit on us. It was fun though. It's a good episode, I think. We were shitting I've listened back. It sounds really good.

We were shitting ourselves. We thought no one's going to be here. The people who are here aren't going to know what the fuck this is. We are going to just swim in a river of shit for an hour up there on stage. But it was good. Okay, I'm glad you've listened back because I haven't listened back. My thoughts, I was about to come here and say um guys switch off now if you want no it's really good i think it sounds really good okay uh it's you know it's us in front of people who don't

necessarily know us so it's an interesting challenge i think by the end people are well and truly on board with whatever the fuck it is that we do yeah it is it is literally so different to anything we've ever done because you know what you guys at home you come in to watch the show, so everyone that comes along is right on board with what we do normally. You might bring a friend or two, that's it, but these guys had no idea. Yeah, and we started out with the 10 about half full, and by the end, it was packed to the bloody rafters in there. Oh, was it?

Did it change? It was. It was full. Okay. People were filtering in as they, stop trying to shit on this. No, no, no. I'm not. I actually thought we had quite a few people to start with.

I didn't think it was half full. I thought it was more than that. Whatever number we had, it was more by the end. Anyway, we have also, this is a breaking announcement. August the 20th, in Melbourne, we are doing a return season

of our off-Broadway performances from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So what it is is we're going to do both of our solo shows from the Melbourne Comedy Festival. You are going to do your hour, which is called... Little Golden Dasolo. And I'm going to do my hour, which is called...

Carl Chandler, world's greatest and... No, defends his title as the world's greatest and best comedian. I thought you were right to start with, so that's how much I know. Talent. Yeah. So we're going to do it back to back at the European Beer Cafe on a Saturday afternoon at 4.30 on August the

20th. I just said it. Oh, okay. So that's going to be really fun. If you missed out during the comedy festival, guys, if you want to come see them again, yeah, it's going to be fun. Bring some people along. It should be cool. And like my show, it's always unique. It's always got different hecklers and whatever in it, so it going to be fun. Bring some people along. It should be cool. And like my show, it's always unique. It's always got different hecklers and whatever in it,

so it'll be different again. And it'll be different because I won't know it as well. So that's a sweet little treat for you. Well, mine's going to be exactly the same, but I know it very well. So that's the trade-off that you get there. Yeah, what else is there to plug? T-shirts and stuff, hoodies available, all that stuff.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com, all the merch. We got plenty of... We just reprinted again The t-shirts We sold out again Of our t-shirts So we got another stock A big order of The Aware t-shirts

Just come in We've got heaps of hoodies Still left We've got the 0438 shirts We've got a few of them left I think that's all Of our merch at the moment Isn't it?

That's it That's all there is to plug guys Get in the hoodies While it's winter Get into the hoodies We're looking into Some new tour dates soon Perth

Hopefully we'll have Something for you soon All those people messaging us But for now Enjoy this Have you got anything else to say? No You always cut me

I try and go in hard On the setting up the app I know but then There's something I ate a biscuit the other day Yeah no It's always vital information Okay

Sure Enjoy this episode Oh hey there's one thing There's one more thing That I have to tell you. Yes? Oh, no, I'll tell you next episode. We're about to run out of data on the SD card. Enjoy this episode live from Splendour in the Grass.

Hey, mate. Welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, live from Splendour in the Grass 2016. Hey ladies Okay, what a perfect introduction to our podcast. It's fucked all the time, nothing ever works. I know you hadn't heard of us before, but now you've been won over. Yeah. Get his mic on for God's sakes. What's going on over here? I bet the Strokes won't have to put up with this later. Oh man. If I was Julian Casablancas, I would have fucking knifed someone by now. I'll be fucking knifing the Stroke with a knife in a minute.

Hey, just talk into this one. What was that called? I said, I talked about the Stro strokes wouldn't put up with this, and you said... That was actually funnier than what I was going to say. How are we going on this? Here we go. Welcome to sound check. Yes, I like when the tech just...

I go, how's this? And he just nods. It still doesn't fucking work, but he's nodding, so... It's a bad sign when your tech has his hat on the wrong way, and you go, can't focus on the hat and then get the knobs going, I reckon. Fuck, Fred Durst, can you fix this? Are we good? Can we get more volume on this one here? Can we get any volume?

Can we get him... OK, this is... OK, we've got a second mic on the go now. OK, we've just got two mics that don't work. OK, cool. Maybe if I plug them in together, I'll look like a fuckhead. Okay, we've just got two mics that don't work. Maybe if I plug them in together I'll look like a fuckhead. Good. Okay, can people hear us?

Can people hear us? Yeah? Can people in the amphitheatre hear us? Yeah? I actually feel a bit bad for that band over there. I think we're drowning them out now. Who passed up seeing The Kills to come and watch this? Yeah? Hands up. Who's immediately regretting that decision?

Who wants to be kills themselves instead? Alright, let's do a round of applause in all honesty if you listen to our hand. Hang on, I just want to say, first walkout. Yep, excellent. I can't say I blame her at this point. Round of applause if you

listen to our podcast. Who's heard the show? Oh, thanks so much for coming out and round of applause who has no idea what the at this point. Round of applause if you listen to our podcast. Who's heard the show? Oh, thanks so much for coming out. And round of applause who has no idea what the fuck this is. That's like... It's great. So our list of... So people very proud of that. And for people at home, our listeners are about five rows back.

People who have no idea what the fuck this is, right down the front. Yeah. I really want to see whatever the fuck this is up close. Big fans of whoever the fuck you are. Is everyone having a good Splendour so far? People having a good time? Great. What's been your highlight so far? And second question, can anyone tech?

No? Okay. Have I got volume? You hear bands talk about this all the time in interviews. They're like, doing these festival gigs is real crazy because you don't get time to soundcheck. You just go out there and you do it on the fly and it's really real and it's really raw. And I fucking get it, man.

This is fucking raw shit. This is what podcasting should be. Oh, man. And, you know, like we got an introduction. We have a lot of... You can't pay out on the tech when you can't pronounce the word introduction. I'm sorry. Actually, can you turn my mic down again?

Oh, man. How many... Four more walkouts, awesome. Where are you off to, guys? Okay, cool. Yeah. I think that guy said the walrus uh yeah yeah just just fans of volume and they hate us so just quickly who was here last year at uh at splendor yeah yeah and who went

who before did anyone see dmas earlier in the day yeah people saw them so i was here last year i was hanging out in the artist bar and uh some guy came up to me just a guy i'd never met i was really drunk i was talking to him we're having a good chat and he goes so how'd your band go earlier today and I go what band and he goes you're in a band aren't you I go no I'm not in a band at all and he goes oh I thought you were in that band DMAs and I go why would you think that and he goes because they all dress like sporty children and and fucking look at you. Those guys look very scary. Please don't tell them I said that

because I reckon they'll kick the shit out of me. I would have thought there'd be more people going up going, oh cool, there's a Super Mario display on this shit.

Un-Super Mario before he's gotten the mushroom and he's a little tiny fella. Don't play yourself down. What have you got? We were standing backstage and you said, you saw something on your phone and you said, I've got the fucking opener to the show.

Little did we know that we would get 20 sweet minutes out of the microphone not fucking working. What have you got as a backup? For people that don't listen to this show, oh, cool, I just got a text from mum and dad. Are you okay? No. There's a bit of a running joke with this podcast if you've listened to it it turns out the rest of the world has my phone

number um so every listener of our podcast has my phone number i just got a text just before i walked on uh which is a good little introduction to our show if you haven't listened to it someone just texted me saying, just overheard someone in the crowd explaining the little dum-dum club to their mate. Main points, he told them, Carl is old and Tommy has cancer. So you've all caught up. All the old episodes are on iTunes, guys.

If you've never listened before, that's basically what we do. Yeah, you don't have to listen. You've summed up 300 episodes right there. Tommy doesn't currently have cancer. I don't currently. I feel like the way I look, I should point that out. I feel like after this gig, there may be a recurrence. This appearance makes it look like I'm currently

ticking a lot of things off the bucket list. I'm to go just fucking take me i'll do whatever yeah who cares there's no consequences uh so at least this isn't being recorded properly so who cares so so uh i uh i'm a big fan of music festival i've been going to music festivals for like 10 years uh one of my favorite things i've ever seen I was at the Falls Festival a few years ago and I saw a girl coming, like waiting for her friend out the front of the toilets and this girl comes out of the toilets, she's bawling, right?

She's tears streaming down her face, inconsolable and her friend goes, oh babe, what's wrong? And the first girl walks up to her and goes, I got poo on my wristband! Which is a timely reminder for us all. Be safe out there, guys. People seem really shocked by that story.

People are just trying not to think about poo because they're all holding it in for the three days that they're here. Is that it? This guy's like, nah, I've been shitting up a storm. You've done three today. All right, let's get down here. Let's talk to the crowd. Let's go Sam Newman on this bitch. This is how desperate we are for content.

Has someone done three shits? We've got to hear about this. Word on the street is you've done three borries today, friend. How was it? Yeah, not too bad. And back to me. Can anyone beat three shits today? Anyone? Does this podcast count as one? This guy's on four now. Can anyone beat that?

Is anyone shitting themselves right now? I don't know how to get back up on the stage. I'm not capable of climbing back up there. I thought you were fucking Super Mario. Just jump up like it's a shell here. Fuck, how good was that? Yeah. That was good for an audio podcast.

I think I broke my knee. Alright, I think this guy's going to go for another shit now. Alright, should we get a guest on? Now, on our show we have guests, so we've got three guests coming up tonight, this afternoon. They are all excellent. Yes. What do you think? Three amazing guests.

Yeah, let's get our first guest up here. You'll know him from the Gruen Transfer. You can see him performing here tomorrow night in the Splendid Comedy Club. Please welcome into the Little Dumbdum club, Will Anderson! Yay! Fucking Uh-oh G'day

dickheads Yeah Yay! Oh, his mic works, sure. Yeah man, like they record the shit they need to. Are we just going to get this track back and you won't be able to hear us? It'll just be you. Fuck, just a brutal reaction to the front row who were watching us for ten minutes going,

what the fuck's this? As soon as Will walks on, oh, okay, right. Oh, this is a show. I mean, to be honest, that's why I agreed to do it. Because I knew you would have a lot of disappointed people. We are kind of like, for the people that don't know the show, we're kind of like Will's sponsor child podcast. Is that fair?

Yeah, I mean, it is. We're building a podcast well. I mean, I really did just come backstage to drink free beer and they were like, do you want to go on the podcast? And I was like, well, I probably can't say no now, right? So now I'm on the podcast. But if anyone has mushrooms, edit that out. That's really why I came on.

That's a public plea for mushrooms. And if it happens, the rest of the podcast will be ace. Wait until the 45-minute mark. Yeah, let's just put this out there. This doesn't finish until we get mushrooms up on this stage. I mean, I would be happy to take mushrooms right now and then end this podcast off my fucking head on mushrooms. Like, how good is that festival?

You saw the guy off the telly take mushrooms. This guy's got on his phone like he can make that happen. He's into it. He literally was like, oh, fuck, I know a guy. What's the emoji for mushrooms? He grew an emoji, ABC, mushroom, mushroom, mushroom. This guy's coming back with the most lit Splendour story of all time. Fuck, what do you reckon? Can you do it? No, he's

backing out all of a sudden. Oh, alright. You don't have to, mate. Like any sort of mushroom. I like a Swiss brown, a breakfast mushroom. I'm vegetarian. It's like vegetarian's meat. It's fine, mate. It's good. What about Three Shits Guy? Did any of those shits have a little package in them

that you put up your ass before you came up here? Is Three Shits Guy the mustache guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's fucking got ecstasy up his butt right now, no fucking doubt. He's like, I've got nine pills up my butt. I've dressed as a barista out of the comics. Like, you are like the Hamburglar

if he started fucking making coffee. That's what you've come dressed as. The McHamburglar. Fuck. If everyone else will get to you one by one. Thanks for coming. I love this red guy down the front. How red is he?

Look at you. Oh, wow. You fucked it, mate. For a white guy, you're red. Like, you're fucking hardcore red. Have you never heard of sunscreen? What the fuck is going on? You fucking almost

adult oompa loompa. What the fuck? Please, someone get mushrooms or Will's gonna get even angrier. I'm Adam Hills. I'll limp off stage, no one will know. It's fine. Fuck yeah, this podcast is turning around.

We just got walk-ins. A fucking Gilligan's here. Hello. Young Gilligan got here on his fucking coconut boat. I love that that reference is so old. Most of the young people are like, who the fuck is a Gilligan? Seriously though, we've got to get some drugs up here.

Who can help us out? We can't actually officially ask. Oh, we've got to get some drugs up here. Who can help us out? We can't actually officially ask. Oh, we can't? Oh, that was a funny comedy bit I was doing where I was pretending to ask for drugs in character as someone who's looking for drugs. But it's based on a real experience that I had. How old are you, young person with your rosy cheeks down the front?

You. 22. 22 years old. I've been coming to this festival for 15 fucking years, you fucking fetus. You sperm that was barely a fucking thought

in your father's mind when I first liked rock music. Fuck you. You young person with your, oh, I've heard of Nirvana. Fuck you. I used to come to festivals when they fucking meant something. You young, rosy

cheek, short, short. Sorry, this is not my podcast. I'm so sorry. Thanks for coming, by the way. Anyone walking past this tent right now is looking in and going, oh, cool, it's a comedy show where it's bring your children to work day. Oh, man, we've got police in here.

Oh. What he said about mushrooms was... The first bit was totally joking. Totally. Word's gotten out. Totally joking. The fucking cops are here. We just wanted a vegetarian pizza.

These guys are in. Hold the pizza. I put the WA In NWA Will Anderson That's it Not Will Anderson Adam Hill's

Rap name Wow They have They've got guns too Cool It's alright It's Australia mate They'll fucking hug

It's Byron mate They'll fucking hug us Yeah Fuck Surely we're not The most of concern In this whole festival Surely Mate In Byron mate they'll hug us yeah surely we're not the the most of concern in this whole festival surely in byron when they say the police they mean it in the right way yeah can we get your dogs on stage

can we not Oh, this is freaking me out. This is the first time we've had cops turn up to one of our gigs. Yeah. The first time you've had anyone turn up to one of your gigs. Oh, man. Fuck. Man, we're a big chance of being in the papers tomorrow.

Cool. Mate, I'm happy to do this podcast because, like, I'd never get fucking in trouble because no one would believe I would actually do it. Should we get our next guest out here? Yeah, sure. He is a very great friend of ours. Again, if you were here last night, you may have seen him performing at the Splendid Comedy Club. He's one of the best comedians in the country.

Please welcome him into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dylan Rook-Jai Singer! Here we go. I mean I did see Tom Ballard trying to walk out right there. One of the best comedians in the country, Tom Ballard goes, oh not me, fucker. Hey ladies and gentlemen. Mate, that's because we're prejudiced against white people in this country. Well I'm just glad to add some diversity to this line up, being that there no women, but I got some tits to back it up. So, how's this? Two things. Number one, fuck, I love that you guys at the start, you know you had Will Anderson in the barrel,

yet you went, hey, let's just talk to the guy who's done a Bori. Oh, yeah, yeah, let's do him. No, he's done three Boris, thanks. And this is how shit your opening... your wind-up was, that Will had to come out and do crowd work. You literally go, oh, done three Boris things. And this is how shit your opening, your wind-up was, that Will had to come out and do crowd work. He literally went, oh, look at this guy, this T-shirt that he's wearing. He had to do your warm-up for you.

And this is how good we are compared to you. You're in the audience like a fan, you fucking nerd. I'm sorry. I mean, all that is true. It's been a while since I've had to see Will Anderson do crowd work. It's nice. It's very refreshing. I won't do it for myself, but for friends.

Is that why the cops are here to arrest us for crimes against podcasting? Just crimes against comedy. Is that the podcast police? Is there such a thing as a podcast police? They're like, you did not do your Squarespace advertising correctly. No, they just saw a podcast and went, fuck, probably Greg Fleet will be on. We better turn up. Is there any yellow moose at all in this venue?

Great reference that no one fucking gets. Yes. Oh, well, some people are aware of the Dum Dum Club. That's good. Dil Rook, a Jai singer. I was just talking to you backstage and I learned something very interesting about your comedy career

and about your mother, who's a big fan, obviously, of you, but she goes to watch your stand-up comedy. No, she lives in Sri Lanka. She's never seen me perform live. No, but you're obviously online, so she gets to watch your career from Sri Lanka. Yes, I've sent her video clips of my stand-up. Now, she does it in a very unique way.

She's a fan of yours in a very unique way. Yes, Carl, thank you for bringing this up, you cunt. No, my mum... Wait, is it legal to say the C word in public? Can we check with the cops up the back?

Oh, yeah. This might be like a Rodney rule. Oh, yes! The cops signing off on saying cunt in public.

Fuck, yeah. Oh, they're walking away. The cops are going away. Oh, they signed off and then fucked off, so... He's like, we probably shouldn Oh, they signed off and then fucked off. He's like, we probably shouldn't have said that. Let's fuck off.

Our work here is done. This is the perfect time to bring the mushrooms. Yeah, right. Mushrooms, mushrooms, mushrooms. They're coming back. No, they're not. Nature's protein. I don't do a lot of drugs, Will.

Do you think mushrooms would be something that I'd enjoy? I mean, do you know what? I am not the person to ask. Yeah. Because that's like asking Tim Shaw from Demtel if you like bargains. That's a reference too old for this crowd. What the fuck do you guys like? Even Carl was confused. He's like, what?

Even Carl was like, Leonard de Copeland? What the fuck? No, I've said this to you. Like the Matrix, if you had a blue pill and a red pill, then the red pill gives you the answers, blue pill gives you,

like you go back to sleep. I've said to you, I'll take the blue pill. Yeah, and I say, there's a very fucking simple solution, Dil. You double drop and see what fucking happens.

That's how you live your fucking life, Dil. I love you down the front with your curly hair. I know you're not being subtle about the mushrooms, but I feel like we can connect later with something. We'll form a fucking Pearl Jam cover band at the very least.

Oh, my God. You're so young. You don't remember who Pearl Jam is? No, no, no. Fuck you, you young fucking. Pearl Jam is a fucking awesome band who are actually named after semen. Did you know that? There are two bands in the world

named after semen. Pearl Jam are named after semen and 10cc. I'm not in love. Yeah. 10cc is the amount of semen you ejaculate when you that's what they named it. How could the youth not connect with sperm anymore?

I mean, I ripped out 20cc last night, but no big deal. I don't want to fucking boast. You guys are fucking made of 10cc. You're half 10cc. Don't disrespect your fucking roots That's it That's the growing anger So Dil Oh yeah sorry

Going back to your mum I want to talk about drugs Oh okay I feel like this is I've not done proper drugs I've done weed People do weed still? I've done weed

It should be legal Get this fucking nerd out of here Yeah yeah yeah But I feel like mushrooms You mean you've done medicine Yes For my hips Will Yeah But also mushrooms I'm a fucking nerd out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like mushrooms... You mean you've done medicine? Yes, for my hips, Will. Yeah.

But also, mushrooms are shit that grows out of the ground. Yeah, like shiitake. You know, I can have a shiitake. I mean, I'm sure you've had a shiitake. This guy's had three shiitakes. In Maryborough, they call it poriakioryaki Hey that's a good joke You know what Will Anderson is right

Stop We're already having enough Problems with the mics Without you guys Throwing them onto the ground Thanks It's fine when I do it But when a brown person

Coming to our country kicking over our chairs at our fucking music festivals, mate. All of a sudden it's like, oh, this is 9-11 again. It's alright. The chairs are just crashing. We're not quite in Queensland yet.

You're as close as you can get to prejudice. But you're not quite across the border yet. It's fine. I had a lady the other day in regional Victoria come up to me going, that was really funny. I'm from Sri Lanka, by the way. That was really funny. And guess what?

Before the gig, I had Indian for dinner. And then I just stared back and she goes, is that wrong? I didn't mean any offence. I just meant you were the perfect follow-up flavour. I mean, that makes sense because Tom Ballard's on next and I sucked a dick just before this show. Is that how you got on? Not one of

these guys. I think we were sucking one before the guest came on. Sorry, Carl, you had a question about me mum? Yeah, about your mum. Yeah, so she watches lots of my stand-up and she's a big fan. The thing that you need to know is that my dad, he's a Buddhist but my mum's a Muslim. They

had a big ill-opening to get married and for some reason they sent me to a Catholic school because, you know, fucking why not? They love me but they love the practical joke way more obviously. But my Muslim mother cannot stand the idea of her younger son saying any swear words. So she watches my stand-up on mute. She just literally hits play. Which is highly recommended, the way to watch Dilrub's stand-up.

But the thing is, the last clip I sent her, I forgot that at some point in the set, I just do this, that action. How would you describe that? Is it jacking off? Yeah, that's exactly how I'd describe it. That's what I was, yeah, I didn't forget. Given it the old 10cc, yeah. I would call it flamboyant card dealer.

Yeah. I'd say 10cc or in your case 10DD. But it is... Very good. If you don't like these fat jokes, there's the exit. I mean, really, 10cc, and what we mean is it tastes like CC. Or by CC, I mean chicken curry. Carl, your parents have never seen you.

Tommy, your parents come a lot. Have never seen you? Perform comedy, yeah. Is that true? Have your parents never seen you perform comedy? To be honest, none of this crowd has seen him perform comedy either. I mean, that's a fair point. But they love him regardless.

Because he's trying, you know what? I mean, much like his parents. They've never seen him perform comedy, but they still fucking love him. Look, was there anyone here at the stand-up gig last night? All right. You see who brings it up. Good on you, Carl, for owning it. You've got to love a lot of people who go,

I'm going to a fucking cool music festival, but here's my highlight. Yeah. So I did do a gig last night that I probably didn't think out too well. I did walk out and my opening line was, this is a good gig because we get to go backstage. I don't have to fucking talk to any of you afterwards. That really didn't win the crowd

over for me. It got a better reaction just then than it did last night. And then I did happen to refer to this festival as the Falls Festival. You're worse than the fucking cops, you dog. Get out. What about the thing you said to me backstage?

You go, I'm jealous of you. Carl goes to me, man, I'm jealous of you right now. I'm like, why? Because you do so many gigs, you're fine. So you're attacking me because I actually do the gig. I didn't say that. I said I'm jealous. I'd be a lot more match fit if I did all the shit gigs you do.

Okay, well, this is a good edit point. But how was your gig, Carl, after that? Well, since those two things were the highlights, not that great. I don't think you know what I... While he was on, I was backstage having free beers, not having to hang out with any of you fucking people. And someone came...

Oh, now that's funny. Someone raced backstage... Mate. You guys are like the fucking oasis of podcasts. You just walk out on stage and go, you're all cunts. I hate that you like my thing. Fuck off. Halfway through Carl said, I'm backstage.

Someone runs up to me, another fellow performer runs up and goes, you're going to want to get out and watch this. He's fucking unravelling on stage. And I wish that many people had laughed at what I did last night. Me too. I was in the crowd. I love that you are the Brian Jonestown massacre of stand-up comedy.

All right, we get it, mate. You listen to music. I'm cooler than these guys. Anyway, our next guest on the podcast. Let's get our next guest out here. You'll know him from Triple J Breakfast. Please welcome me to the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tom Ballard!

Yay! I was so desperate for him to come out here with beers. No worries. I love music festivals. Sitting around singing piss, talking about crushing pussy. Am I right in that?

I can't believe you didn't start with hey poofs. A traditional entrance. I can't believe I got bumped for dill before. That was fucking bullshit. Mate, fuck, it's diversity. And colour trumps sexual preference. and it was fucking bullshit. Mate, fuck, it's diversity. Yeah. And colour trumps sexual preference. It's like a...

Oh, fuck. Now you know what it's like to be... I'm satirising the... Now you know what it's like to perform as Carl Chandler. A silent crowd. Alright, that was too much laughter. Thank you. Oh, some fans in the crowd.

Thank you very much. There you go, little fellas. Thank you, Oh, some fans in the crowd. Thank you very much. There you go, little fellas. Thank you, Timmy Ballard. You're welcome. No worries. Alright, I don't have enough hands to do all this. I think it's this. People are missing a band for this.

You've... Not many good bands, to be honest. Fuck, we saw a bloke off the telly opening beers for some cunts we'd never heard of. Yeah, cunts we'd never heard of. This fucking loser. I'm part of the young people here tonight. Will, can I say, stop yelling at us for you being old and listening to music, please.

It's not our fault you're going to die soon, motherfucker. The weird thing is, I'm not. Really? I've gone through that and fucking through the other side, Keith Richards' side. I've done everything that would make me die and it didn't fucking kill me. So fuck you guys, I'm here forever. Have you done Carl Chandler's material?

That'll make you die. I am a king! Now we're cooking! Now we're cooking! Who knew? Who knew? For the people who haven't listened to our show before, you seem to have fucking picked up pretty quick.

Oh, my God. That is the best sort of turnaround of a crowd we've ever had. We need an enemy. That cunt. I can't wait to check the download stats of our podcast tomorrow morning. A lot in the Byron Bay area. Oh, my God. Is everyone good?

Have you got one? Oh, you're all great. No, this is fantastic. Someone said nah. Sunburned boy wants one. It's hot sunscreen, you stupid cunt. You have to drink it, you can't pour it over your head. Look at you, fucking Red Russell Howcroft.

It's been a hard day. He turned. You know what? He's short initiative. That's the lead singer Of 10cc I mean I fucking love it mate But good on ya

But just slip slop Slap tiger Visual case You shouldn't need A free beer You know what No one's listening To this podcast

Who doesn't already Listen to mine So I'm losing No fans Mushy Has anyone got them? What's the update? What have we got?

Seriously, that was not a joke. This could get really good in the next 30 minutes depending on the quality of... I'll tell you a story. This is actually a true story. When I was at Triple J, we got a complaint because Adam and I were doing a tour and we got a complaint because a woman said...

Was it Spencer or the leg one? No, Adam Spencer. Spencer, yeah, right. And uh a woman spencer the the leg one no adam spencer and i um the eye not the leg and uh so adam spencer and i were doing this tour and this girl had given us ecstasy on stage and i had pretended to take it on stage and then like the like the gig had got a bit loose and we got an official complaint to the ABC that they had to take to the Senate to go, he was high at this fucking show and I had to lie and pretend that I was not. And I had not

taken those two pills from a random stranger in an audience at the Gold Coast Arts Club. And anyway, why am I here? It's great. You know what is great? You had a show on Triple J. Tom, you were hosting the same show, follow up. What's happening with you two here?

What show have you fucking hosted? Hey, hey, I'm Brown. I'm Wally Dully. No, you hate Wally Dully. I am Whale Ali. No, you hate Wally Dully. I am Wail Ali. Seriously, all jokes aside, I mean, statistically, the number of people in here... The motto of the little dum-dum-dum.

All jokes aside. It's how we open every episode. That should be your next T-shirt. All jokes aside, I listen to the little dum-dum-dum. Now that the humour's out of the way, let's start the podcast. But seriously, folks. Oh, fuck.

Please, no one bring mushrooms. Is this thing on? Oh, no, it's a fucking beer. Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull, skull. Oh! I tell you what, these 18-year-olds who come to their first music festival and just go too hard on the first night.

Fuck. Beat that, Avalanches, you cunts. This boy needs therapy. Thanks, everyone, for coming to my 21st. I am technically not meant to be on this show. You technically commit the fuck to a bit. I just, I'm sad I wasted that drink. Is there more?

Did you drink it? No. Well, you can have this if you really want. Sunburn, sunburn boys. You guys talk and I'll go. Test the, test the. Can you bring some more, please? Sorry, I just caught myself asking Will Anderson, can you get me a beer?

What a life. It's nice to reverse the race rolls every now and again. Just to mix it up, I think. Hey, Dil, there's a few portaloos that need some cleaning. When do you get a chance? Holy

shit. And men, fuck. Look at your skin and your haircut. You should really be saying that too. Fuck. Holy shit. And men, fuck. What about us? Look at your skin and your haircut. You should really be saying that too. Fuck. Oh, man. Can we, let's...

Oh, too soon. Too soon. Can we say this? Last year, Dilrub, you came to this festival and did comedy last year. It was your first time ever at a music festival. First time ever camping. And a friend of ours was waiting for the portal to lose. A friend of ours was waiting for the portalers. A friend of ours was waiting for

the portalers for a very long time. You open the door to the portalers. You come out holding a tray of food. And you look at our friend and go, it's fucked in there. Hey, hey, that would be offensive but it's true. I just vomited in my mouth.

Always eating. That's how mum fed me. Dil eats like he's making up for Ethiopia. He's just making his own rider. I call it Ethiopia.

That wasn't funny. We just laughed. No, no, no. It was good rhythm. Fuck, imagine if we were all watching a band now. Guys, you may have had to miss the start of the 1975, but you've gotten to see the 1975 kilos, so... He fucking loves it. Fucking Bo Jam.

He's losing his shit. Dave Gleeson. Fucking hell. Dave Gleeson from the Screaming Jets is right into it. Why would you think people would know who that is? I love that we're finally cooking. Why? Because I'm fucking getting roasted.

You're finally sweating. You're not. You've been sweating the whole time. Get out. My favourite act so far at the festival was Dilruch singing Aerosmith's I Don't Want To Miss One Thing last night while in the I was in my tent trying to get to sleep and I heard

No, you mean Dilruch singing I Don't Want To Miss A Wing That was great That was great Dilruch singing last night That was great. Fucking love. That was great. Great gag. Dilruk singing last night, or as I referred to him this morning, Midnight Pavarotti himself. Did you say Roddy?

Midnight Pavlova, yeah. How good is this podcast? Last year at Splendour, I had some, you know, I'm a single man. Well, sort of. You look like a double man, but anyway. No! I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep because I miss you, baby.

And I don't want to miss a wing. Oh, it's good when we knew it was coming. Anyway, you're single, yes? Last year when I went to my tent. Oh, like last year, everyone had gone back to bed and you came into the campsite like really, really late, really drunk at about 3 a.m. You stumble in and you start screaming, going, hey, anyone who's still awake, I'm in 1067 and I'm extremely lonely.

If you want to come and have a root, I'm down with it. And you're in the same tent number this year, is that correct? Not G26. This No, G26. G26. I just want to, just to root, nothing sus, just a casual penis in vagina, that's all. Nothing untoward. This year it'll be Will screaming.

None of this stuff. None of that thing that the Bible is against Shut that shit down Because next thing it's going to be dogs Can the police come back? If they bring police dogs he'd be happy I know his type

What? What does that mean? I like to fuck sniffer dogs Because I'm a pervert. If we can bring some police hot dogs for this guy. Here we go. Good save, thank you. Oh, ladies and gentlemen.

The patron saint of content. Oh, Will's back. Don't sound so relieved. Hey, Will, you need to save this. I just made a really bad joke about Tom fucking dogs, so can you help us out? Just to give some context with Dilbrook's behaviour tonight, I did get a text message from him at 10am this morning going,

can you please come to my tent? I'm drinking already. So that's where Dil's coming from. Yeah, I wanted to fuck Carl. Oh, great. Killing. Thank you. It's a very up and down crowd, isn't it? Hey, Will. It's honest. Blame the crowd, great. Killing. Thank you. It's a very up and down crowd, isn't it?

I will. It's honest. Blame the crowd, Carl. For me, to be honest, they've been consistently excellent. But I feel like the rest of it is a reflection of the show. So, did I give everyone a drink? I just bit mine off. You mean a microphone?

Hey! Souvenir. No, they're still here amazingly so we we interviewed mostly this show is like we chat to comedians and stuff sometimes actors sometimes musicians now we're all here at this festival we all know who the headliners are this this next act that we're about to uh interview and bring onto the stage this is a coup for this podcast okay no other media outlet in the country could get them they are not doing any other interviews we managed to get them here they are here for you we're. We managed to get them here. They are here

for you. We're going to ask them all the hard-hitting questions. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up and welcome into the little dum-dum club, The Cure! Yay! Wow. Oh my God. Hello, hello. The Cure is here. It's The Cure, hello. The Cure is here.

It's The Cure, everyone. The Cure. It's The Cure. I can't believe The Cure is here. The Cure's here. The Cure's here. I'm sorry we don't have enough seats for you guys. That's all right.

Let's try and get your mics sorted out first. Fucking rock and roll royalty. Thanks for clearing those, member of The Cure. I appreciate that. Thanks, The Cure. Have we got the Cure mics on? You sure you're okay? Are the Cure mic'd up?

Did you turn it on? You've got to turn it on. Hello? Okay, you're mic'd up. This member of the Cure is mic'd up. I'm the Cure from the Cure. This member of the Cure is mic'd up. You don't need to do this.

You've got people who do this for you, Sean. Hello, I'm from the Cure. Okay, are you on? Cure. Oh, what a weird thing. Your mic isn't working. Share microphones. I'm from The Cure.

Pash, pash, pash, pash, pash, pash, pash, pash, pash. Ballad's up. Oh, man, I don't do that sort of thing. Whatever, we're all a little... A bit of respect, it's The Cure. Hello, man, I don't do that sort of thing. Whatever, we're all... Bit of respect, it's The Cure. Hello, The Cure. Hi. Which one's which?

Clearly we've got Robert Smith here. I'm Robert Smith from The Cure. Mine works. Oh, this fucker. Mine as well works. Yeah, so yeah. It's so great to see professionals at work. He gave it to everyone whose mics worked.

Give it to the one whose mic doesn't work. Yeah, give it to me, Robert Smith from Nakua. Okay, so Robert Smith, you're the front man of Nakua. I'm sorry, you're a little before my time. No disrespect, I haven't had time. I've been here kind of hanging out. I haven't had time to do the research. You two guys, what are you doing?

Who are you from the band? I'm John and this is Paul. Hey, John and Paul from The Cure, great. I'm The Cure. Yep, yep. And what instrument do you play? Pardon? John, what instrument do you play?

All the drums. You play drums? Oh, all of the drums. All of the drums, great. Great? Good and Paul what about yourself? I keep I keep the rhythm as I said, but I keep the bass too come over there the bass and can't tell jokes You guys know this is a comedian will Anderson he does a couple of comedy stuff on Stevie he's a big fan of the cure Great any questions Robert yeah a couple of comedy stuff on Stevie. He's a big fan of The Cure. He really wants to meet you guys. That's true. Great.

Do you have any questions? Robert. Yeah, I'm Robert. Yeah. What's your favourite Cure song, Robert? Oh, I wrote them all. Yeah. So, like, of all the songs you've written and that you know the names of,

what is your favourite of those? Okay, yeah, absolutely. I know all the songs because I wrote them. And I've got to be honest, please don't pick an obvious one. Pick like an indie track. Okay.

So not the one from the Whiskers ad there. Don't pick that one. That's cool that you know which of your songs have been licensed. Oh, absolutely. You saw on top of it.

I'm very strict. I like the one from the THC ad. Yeah, but if you were going to pick one that wasn't from ads, what would that be? Oh, great. I mean, don't just say it. Sing it, I reckon. Yes.

I mean, and to be honest, play the drums. Oh, wow. Paul, do you want to get in on the bass? Yeah. Paul? Love cats. Hey, Robert, what do you really think about Fridays? Oh, I love them, really.

That's usually when I'm at the music festivals. What do you feel like on Mondays? We don't like them. Tuesdays? Tuesdays are all't like them. Tuesdays? Tuesdays are alright, yeah. Wednesdays? I'm not just a brilliant musician, also a great improviser. Thursdays?

Thursdays, yeah, good, they're alright. Saturdays? Oh, Saturdays, yeah, good. And Sunday? Yeah, Sundays, they're alright. But what about Fridays? Oh, Friday, that's an alright one, yeah, good. And Sunday? Yeah, Sundays, yeah, all right. What about Friday? Oh, Friday, that's an all right one, yeah.

No! No! I mean, no! I don't like Fridays. Yeah, tell me where. Do you think you're... We're Boomtown Rats. Is that what you think you are? I think that maybe someone in trying to snap me up

has mistooken me for the Boomtown Rats. We should have really made the Cure research The Cure. Guys, I mean, I've heard you tell this story so many times in interviews, but it's such a great story. If you could regale this crowd with the story of how you all met and formed The Cure. When we formed The Cure in the late 70s. Go on.

Mark, I mean, John. Oh, well, oh, we met when we... Oh, it's such a story. It's one of my favourite stories. All of you listening on the Dum Dum podcast, available on multiple platforms, Mark's scrotum is prominent to everyone in the audience at the moment. It's a visual joke.

Tongue's up. You've got to give them something as well as these people something. Well, that's the thing. It's a visual medium, Peter, isn't it? We're telling a story here, and the story is you've got a big set of scrotum. I've got a big scrotum. Does the scrotum play into how you guys met? Oh, absolutely.

Oh, it was England. We were sad. We weren't allowed to cry. We all started out as 10 Cs each. We're recording this on a Friday. I'm starting to not like Fridays. Mate, I'm in love. I'm in love with this content.

This is some great content. Anyway. Do we have three hours? Because we're playing for three hours tomorrow. Yeah, you do. You're playing for three hours. Do we have three hours of music? Yeah.

What's the set list? The first 20 minutes is killing an Arab. Literally killing an Arab. It's controversial. The first 20 minutes of killing an Arab. That's a Cure song. Fucking look it up. It's based on Abir Kamoo's The Outsider.

Read a fucking book. Listen to music that's fucking 30 years older than you. If we could get the Cure to look it up as well. Fuck you all. Are you not confusing killing in the name of Allah? I'm literally making fun of the only person older than me at this festival. Carl. Robert Smith.

And Carl. Talk us through the set list. What have you got? Just race to them. All the titles. We do the racist half hour. We do the one where you... Oh, my hair is all frizzy.

And then you do the... Yeah, we come on. We want to come on. We go, wow. We go, wow, how do you do? Yeah, we go, bam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Get him out the door. Put him on the floor.

And we walk off. We're like, we're done. No, we want to get... He's coming back. He's coming back for it. Now we're going to play a couple of hits and we're off again. And we go, oh, we're done. No, we're bloody back.

No, we're done. It's only been half an hour. And then we come. Hey, Fernando, do you want to plug your show? That's coming up in two hours? Yeah, go catch The Cure. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for The Cure.

Go catch them tomorrow night at the Amphitheatre. I mean, wow, what a treat to get that kind of preview. Tell them we're the real show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry. Very incidentally, you can go and see The Cure and you can stick around later and see the real show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry. We'll know who the fuck you are. Very incidentally, you can go and see the Q

and you can stick around later and see the real show of Aunty Donna. Guys, I reckon we've got to wrap this up. That brings us to the end of the... No, no. I had a few more questions for... Sure. That man there. I noticed that when Tommy said we've got to wrap this up,

there was no protest. Yeah, a lot of people were like, what is this? Let me be the roving reporter. I'll jump in the crowd. If anyone has any questions, I'll do this, guys. Do not jump in the crowd. Fucking stop the boats. You mean gravy boats?

No. Stop the gravy boats. Stop the bloats. All right, question. Here we go. Here we go. Stop the crowd work. How much money did Tommy's mum give him in allowance for the week?

Oh. Very good reference, but no one gives a fuck. How much for a whole weekend? A hundred bucks just to float me. For a weekend? Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?

He's trying to get me into normal society, you know, trying to maybe start fighting for myself. Tommy's mum actually gave us some mushrooms, so. Do we, yeah, does anyone have mushrooms? Next question. Here we go. Oh, fuck. Yeah. When's Carl going to propose? Tommy's mum actually gave us some mushrooms. Does anyone have mushrooms? Oh, fuck. When's Carl going to propose? Whoever the fuck you are, will you marry me?

That was the guy from Quantum Leap. We should say people don't know, Carl is good friends with the people in the Avalanches. Of course, they're performing tonight here at Spender. Any insights into what we can expect on stage? Will you be making an appearance? Are you excited about seeing your old mates on stage, mate? Much like this performance will be more disappointing than people...

No, it'll be great, and I'm not saying anything, because the last time I said anything about them, I got in trouble. What trouble? This is content. Tell us. No, no. Fucking talk. Are they trying to deny that you were friends with them? I think a little bit, maybe. Look at you with your fucking feet on the speaker.

I've got to be honest with you. Most of that last sip did not go in my mouth. And I feel bad about that and it went down my top. But fuck you. Whatever. I'm here. Have you ever wondered what Q&A would be like if it was all dumb cunts?

He's going, oh! Yeah! Fuck, living it up. Fucking rock and roll, motherfuckers. All right, we've got to wrap this up. Let's get the cure back on. Give a big round of applause for our guests, Tom Ballard, Dil Rookjai Singer

Will Anderson Thank you guys so much for coming out to check us out at Splinter in the Grass We'll see you next time, thanks for listening at home See ya mate