The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 305 - Danny McGinlay & Peter Jones

Episode Date: August 10, 2016

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This episode of the Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Yellow Chocolate Mousse and a brand new sponsor. Oh, Tommy, really? Yeah, hot off the presses. The Just for Laughs Festival in Sydney, which is happening at the Sydney Opera House from the 6th of September till the 11th of September. Interesting date they've chosen for the end of that festival. Well, we know what the closing ceremony is going to be like. Oh, no. It is a festival that has been on in Sydney for a couple of years now.

A whole bunch of people doing their shows at the Sydney Opera House. You've got Trevor Noah. You've got Margaret Cho. You've got friends of the show, Charlie Pickering, Peter Hellyer. You've got Tommy Little hosting the stand-up series. Which is a bunch of friends of the show in itself as well. Yes, yes. The All-Star Gala. Which is a bunch of friends of the show in itself as well. Yes, yes. The All-Star Gala. There's a heap of stuff

on there. Yeah, it's all the best comedians in the world. I mean not all of them. I mean we're not there. 95% of the best comedians in the world. Hey, not yet. Maybe there's a month to go. We might get the late call up. Maybe the phone might ring. Yeah. So all that information, justforlifesydney.com

If you're in Sydney, definitely go and check that out. A lot of world-class comedy coming into Sydney, including Trevor Noah. Trevor Noah, a man that's – Enemy of the show. No. Well, maybe. If you're a long-time listener, you'll know that he didn't turn up to a – cancelled last minute to a live podcast that he did many years ago.

Well, before he was as big as he is now. But hot tip, hot tip. I think he might be, he's a massive chance maybe of doing our show. A massive chance maybe. Yeah. Well, I don't want to lock it in. I don't want people to take down my words and bring it to a court of law. Yes, yes.

That's why I whacked in the legal term maybe. But a lot of these people are also doing other shows around the country as well. So, yeah, if you get onto the Just For Love's website, justforlovesydney.com, all the dates and information is on there. A little friend of the show called Rotten Ronald Chang has said he's going to do everything he can to make

sure Trevor comes on our show. Well, I bet it doesn't end up happening. Okay, also we are doing our solo shows again that we did at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. We are redoing them Saturday, August the 20th at the European Beer Cafe. Tickets are on sale now. In Melbourne?

Yes, in Melbourne. $22 for both of those shows. Us back to back. Exactly. Backing it up. Doing these shows again. You see both of the shows for $22. Yes, yes.

So, yeah, if you missed out during the festival or if you liked them and you wanted to come again, bring some people. It's going to be a fun old afternoon. So come down and you missed out during the festival or if you liked them and you wanted to come again, bring some people. It's going to be a fun old afternoon. So come down and check that out. Tickets for that are at littledumbdumbclub.com where you can also find, we've got t-shirts and hoodies and stuff for sale. The timeless wear t-shirt that is always, it's always in fashion. It's a black t-shirt.

You can wear that anywhere, anytime. You can wear it under stuff. At the moment, yay, it's winter. You know what? Come and get it's winter. You know what? Come and get those hoodies because you know what? T-shirts in my tiny little apartment, you know, they're cool because you can fold them up tight. Those hoodies, they're fucking big things.

They're bulky, yeah. They're very bulky. They're taking up two bedrooms in my apartment. I only have one. That's how much room they're taking up. How's the girlfriend taking to this at the moment, the big corner of the apartment being taken up? Not a fan at all. Not a fan at all.

Not a fan at all. Okay. Well, she should buy some fucking – oh, no, that's not going to solve it. That's just going to end up with us with more money. But, yeah, no, she's like, yeah, when are you going to sell all those fucking things? Do you guys have a joint account? No. Okay.

No, no. She wants to – she's like, when are you going to get those things out of here? I'm like, just so you you know If I get them out That just means I'll be ordering more in Because that means they're selling hot We've got to sell more of these things Also The Patreon continues to tick along

Thank you to everyone who is subscribing We just sent out last month's bonus episode Yeah And the new newsletter And part of the deal is It's a way of contributing to the show, chipping in, helping us keep the lights on here at Dumb Dumb HQ. Plus games.

You'll notice that we're in a room right now that has lights on and it's all because of the Patreon subscribers. Can you hear any cars beeping as they drive past? No. Well, that's because we're in a house which you paid for. That's because I took down the honk if you're horny sign out the front of my house. So part of the deal is, yeah, certain levels of

money each month. Nearly every level you get a shout out on the show. Well, at certain levels you get different things, I was about to say. You get an episode, you get a newsletter. If you're, you know, the, yeah, every level starting from the $2 level, you get a little

shout out at the start of our show. I like the people that just – because there is a $1 level. Very clearly says – And we say, you get nothing. You get nothing. Yeah. And they go, yeah, we'll do that. And I think they're deliberately – some people would rather not get a shout-out.

They're like, we would have chucked in two bucks, but then you said we read out your name, so we don't want that. Yeah, maybe. We'll do $1 now. Yeah. A lot of people are starting to get irate at us not reading their names out yet. There are a few, aren't there?

Now that you say that, I might just go back and double check the people who are angry at us. But I do have a bunch of... Are we reverting back to you reading them and me commenting? I feel like you were better. I feel like it worked a lot better last time.

Well, okay. All right. You don't want to do it at all. No, I do. No wonder people aren't chipping in. No, no, no. I do. There's just one thing.

I'm not going to look through your computer. No, I'm literally still compiling the list of people. Oh, right. In a Word document. So, that's all. Okay. Well, let's do that okay cool here hand it over all right and

what's your email password so are these okay yeah the underneath the the ones that aren't italicized in my little patreon name file sure okay yeah mark Kentwell I bet you do Kentwell

Mark thanks for chipping in. That's what I would have said. Jay Stevens. Jay. Yeah. As in J-A-Y. Jay Stevens. Thanks, Jay.

But, you know, that's an example of a name where it's like your name should be just the letter J. Yeah, that's what I would do. Why is there an A and a Y? That's just making it hard for yourself. I always wanted to have the name Jay. And you know why? The lead singer of my favorite band, Jamiroquai.

Oh, really? Yeah. I had a – my friend once had a – there was a guy that sort of knew a bunch of people in my circle growing up and his name was Mickey Jay. And then there was a guy – one of my friends had a dream one day, just came to all of us and went, I had a dream last night about Mickey J, about this guy. And we're like, oh yeah, cool. And he goes, yeah.

What happened? He just goes, the dream was he came up to us and went, the J is for juice. The juice. You've been watching the OJ docker, haven't you? I have. Juice. Yeah. I'm going to skip this one because it, haven't you? I have. Juice. Yeah. I'm going to skip this one because it appears in the italics as well. Okay, Melissa Heard.

Melissa Heard? Yeah. Heard it on the grapevine. I heard that Melissa is a good sort because she chipped into her Patreon. Duncan Barr. Duncan Barr. I've barred up. I feel like I've made that one before.

Really? I don't know if these names are you doubling up or I'm just making the same jokes about similar sounding names. Yeah, I reckon that I've done my best with that. People haven't been doubled up. They're all recent people. Dieter Juergenit. Well, where do I – What?

I swear to God. I swear to God. J-U-R-G-E-N-E-I-T. Jurgenit. Wow. What sort of joke could we make about a name like that? I'm stumped. Dean is a weird name.

I think you're having a lend to yourself describing it like that. Okay. Tony Masturbate. Oh, they've done it again. No, Alan, fuck. Alan, fuck. I regret being the one to read out these names because there's some tough pronunciation here.

Alan Vlahov. Alan Vlahov. Vlahov. Vlahov, what is that? Is that Russian? Russian, I guess. Is it Russian? Yeah.

I think anything that sounds slightly like that, people just go, is that Russian? V's V guess. Is that Russian? Yeah. I think anything that sounds slightly like that, people just go, is that Russian? V's V, I think, is very Russian. Yeah, V's like five letters in their alphabet, I think. Yeah, exactly. I think it's a very good run in Russia. Dale Ibsen. Dale Ibsen.

Ibsen Fakton, you donate to this podcast. You know what? Dale Ibsen. I've got to, look, I might be wrong, and I'm happy to be proved wrong by Dale himself. I've got a feeling he's the brother of a guy I used to play soccer with. Oh, okay. Yeah, so he's from Miraburra is what I'm saying. I think we've just stumbled across our first Miraburra-based Patreon subscriber.

Oh, Dale, let us know. I mean, I tell you what, if that's true, I'm going to be doing a bit of Dita Jerginen. Where was I up to? Jeremy Wiltshire. Wiltshire. Jeremy. That's a nice name. It's a very kind of-

English. Yeah, very English. Very English. Very proud name. Yeah, Wiltshire. There's a famous soccer player called that. Yeah, Wiltshire. Oh, no, it's Wiltshire.

Idiot. Scott Ray. Scott Ray. The Ray Beam. Brother of Sugar.. Scott Ray. Scott Ray. The Ray-B. Brother of sugar. The laser ray. Thanks for subscribing. Martina Scherf.

Scherf? Martina. How would you pronounce this? S-C-H-A-E-R-F. Scherf. I'd pronounce it Jurgonet. Martina. Martina.

The first name of my favourite tennis player of all time, Martina Hingis. And then finally, Elise Hart. Heart of gold. Donating to two fucking idiots on the internet. Yeah. Thanks, Elise. I like Elise as a name. Yeah, it's a nice name.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's all that you've got here. Yeah. So thanks, guys. Thanks for chipping in. Yeah. So thanks, guys. Thanks for chipping in. Yeah. Feel free.

Feel free to yell out if you haven't had your name yelled out. Yet, if you want that to happen, of course, if you don't want that to happen. Especially if it's as good as jerking it. Yeah. If you've got a... Looking forward to Dieter cancelling his subscription next month. Well, it's not like we're going to read his name every week,

although that gives me an idea. All right. We got a – that's all we have for now. Tickets and all that stuff linked to the Patreon. All of that is at littledumbdumbclub.com. And believe me, the bonus episodes get better than just us reading out your name. Yes, believe it or not. Bonus episodes are a lot of fun and the magazine is a lot of fun

and we do a lot of work for that. Speaking of which, we better get to work on the next months already. Yes. It's always a thing that takes us way too long because we put too much effort into it. All right, guys, enjoy this episode. We're going to wrap this out up here

because it's late on a Sunday night and I'm going to go do a bit of the Deeders, if you know what I mean. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me on the couch, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. We're back. We are back from tour, back in the studio. Yeah, back in this whiz-bang studio that we're just surrounded by egg cartons all over the walls. These expensive mics that we're talking into. We're talking to the big gold Elvis microphones. Yep. Feels weird, doesn't it?

We haven't done one of these properly in ages. You know what? I love it. I love getting back into this. I love the live apps, but you know what? Heaps of pressure. You're in front of all those people and it's got to be laughs. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Every five seconds there's got to be a laugh. I'm just glad. You know what? I'm going to make this as unfunny as possible. Yeah, were you sitting around today like me going, time to tip into the sea content? Yeah, into the old not good enough for a live show file. Awesome. Good to be off tour.

What was your favourite bit of the little tour that we did? Sleeping in the back of the van every night, going out there and seeing the thousands and thousands of adoring faces in the crowd every night. And the women, Carl. Yeah, it'll always be the loose groupies we attract. Just the ones sleeping around all the big podcasters, just sharing.

It was like, what's that movie, the Rolling Stone movie? I don't know. Almost Famous, yes. Almost Famous for, well, literally, that's a good title for us. Not even close to being famous. It would be ours. Almost Successful. Almost Radio.

All right, well, today on the show, first of all, his first time on the program, a rising star of the Melbourne stand-up circuit, Pete Jones is joining us. Yay! And as I tell all the first-time guests, you better be good. No, that's the first time I've said it, so. Hey, guys. Thanks so much for having me on the podcast. Is this good yet?

What's been your favourite bit so far? I like the bit when you guys talk together and then you said the almost successful line. That was pretty funny. That's good. That was a funny riff. I might use that for my stand-up. Also joining us, you know him from The Circle. You know him from

Muppet Babies. Game Day, Channel 7. Game Day, Channel 7. You know him from that. Welcome Babies. You know him from... Game Day, Channel 7. Game Day, Channel 7. You know him from that. Welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Danny McGinley. Thanks, boys. Thanks for looking at each other. You're open with, let's make it as unfunny as possible.

And here are your guests, Peter Jones doing his first dum-dum, and Danny McGinley. I just feel confident. It's great. You haven't done a studio up in a long time. We've just gone through the records.

You've done a couple of live ones but you haven't done a studio. Oh, right. When was the last time I was in a studio? I believe it was May of last year. Fuck off. Really?

I think so. With Michelle Laurie? Yeah. Have I not done one since then? I think it's been since then. Oh, right. Well. See, this is the kind of stuff

that you can't do in studio. This is what makes the sit-down episodes so good. Fuck, I wish we were been since then. All right, well. See, this is the kind of stuff that you can't do in a show. This is what makes the sit-down episodes so good. Fuck, I wish we were on tour again. That's what we need to bring into the live shows, more bookkeeping. A bit of bureaucracy up the top of every key. Just swinging a rock up to a gig and there's just going to be a hundred people going, admin, admin, admin. Do a bit of crowd work.

Give us the exact date that you bought your ticket on, madam. Oh, and by the way, bring in a guest we've never heard of And then hear him sort of mumble up the top of the show Alright, cool Very happy to be here Doing great things for his confidence up the top of the show So Pete, not to put you on the spot But you were telling me a little while ago

You've listened to this show I believe, if I'm remembering this correctly Before you got into comedy. This show is the reason I got into stand-up comedy in Melbourne. So good. Is it really? It is really the reason. Why?

Because I knew about stand-up comedy, obviously, but I didn't realise there was this... I wish you didn't. I'd never heard of it. I wish you'd just listened to our show and been like, I wish I could do this, but just me on stage somewhere. Oh, fuck, there is a forum. What are these gigs they keep talking about?

Is that like computer gigabytes? To be fair, a lot of the people who listen to this show say the same question. A lot of people, their first comedian they ever saw was Jerry Seinfeld. Mine was Tommy Dastler. That's my first photo. And that's why he got his hair cut like that. That's why I look exactly

like Tommy Dazzler. I was about to say, the four of us in this room, we look like one of those charts that kind of is the progression of male pattern baldness and the different ways in which it can come in. We're an Ashley and Martin ad. Pretty much. Yeah, so I started listening to Little Dumb Dumb Club before I ever did comedy and I didn't realise there was comedy in Melbourne.

So like you guys talking about spleen. Especially not since listening to the podcast. Club before I ever did comedy and I didn't realise there was like comedy in Melbourne. So like you guys talking about Spleen. Especially not since listening to the podcast. And now I know there's not. But like you guys would talk about Spleen. I'm like, oh, there's like these gigs in Melbourne that they're doing. I'm like, this is cool. So I went down to Spleen and that was the first gig I ever went to was Spleen because you guys would talk about it and then I got into Dump Comedy.

But how did you stumble across our show? It was on a blog called Australian Tumbleweeds, who are a recommended podcast. Yeah. Oh, that's the, I mean, not to get too into comedy, but that's a, I don't look at that place, but apparently they're very negative. They're very negative about everything.

Are they negative about us? No, they weren't negative about you guys. Oh, okay. And they had recommended episodes for you to start listening to. Fuck, I might listen to some of them. Do you still lurk that forum, Pete? Just to see what other podcasts I could listen to instead of this. So please say recommend anything else.

Do you live your life according to what podcast you've listened to? Like if they recommended a pottery podcast? Oh, yeah. I just go by whatever Tumbleweed says is good. So just working dog shows basically. Yeah. They hate a lot of stuff. They hate most things.

They hate pretty much everything. Except for you guys for some reason. Yeah. Well, you guys are the new working dog. To be honest, that surprises me because I can't – okay, so it's this blog that's for people not in the industry. It's a blog. A bunch of comedy fans kind of contribute to it.

And they write reviews of pretty much everything that comes out in Australian comedy. Yeah. And they are very tough critics. They are very tough critics. And I would not imagine us being their bag in the slightest. That is surprising to me that they like this show. Yeah. But hey, thanks for listening, guys.

I would actually like to read a bad review of this show. Because it would literally have to say, yeah, I'm not really into people talking about killing themselves. It'd be an interesting read. I haven't gone looking for a while, but I used to do... Yeah, I don't either. I get enough texts and... I've heard plenty of fucking reviews.

Even the positive stuff that you get is negative enough. But I remember reading a... I remember finding a thing about us a couple of years ago on someone's Tumblr and it was sort of like, oh, I just hate their awkward style of interviewing where it's like people like your Josh Thomas's, you know, they're doing it as a bit, they're doing it as a character. These guys are just genuinely shit.

Genuinely shit is a good pull quote for a poster. When is Josh Thomas interviewing people? No, but if he was. These guys aren't as good as I imagine someone else doing. The fictional podcast I've created in my mind with Josh Thomas is better

than this. So that means that this is finally your dream come true then, surely. Yeah. Being razzed by you finally your dream come true then, surely. Yeah. This is the equivalent. Being razzed by you guys' dream come true. This is a way sadder version of those people that grow up and go, you know what, I always watch the gala every year on TV and now I'm here.

This is what I think comedy is. So I've peaked. I quit after this. Yeah, wow. You used to listen and imagine yourself going, I wonder what they'd say about my hairline. I can't wait to talk about the blog that I read. Pete was outside the door before.

I could just hear M&M's Lose Yourself. Sees everything you ever wanted in one moment. I just looked up Marabara on Wikipedia. I'm like, oh, I've got to find something else that I haven't mentioned yet. Oh, man. And did you? I haven't, no. Fuck. But my friends all knew, my friends, because I lived in, oh, I've got to find something else that I haven't mentioned yet. Oh, man. And did you? I haven't, no.

Fuck. But my friends all knew, my friends, because I lived in Ballarat, when I started listening to this, my friends came from Maribor. They grew up in Maribor. And I would always fact check all your stories about Sunshine Johnson and they knew Sunshine Johnson's stories. Really? Yeah. Great.

So they're all true. Yeah. This is real deep cut dum-dum club. I stopped listening once I met you guys in person. I'm just looking at you now and going you've got with the hairline and the Ballarat residence

you're like both of the hosts of Dum Dum Club just compacted into one person. That is ragging I guess. And he loves fast food. Yeah, that is true. But that would be true. this is your son.

But that's true. This is a single white female. You know, I true. this is your son. But that's true. This is a single white female. You know, I've just modelled my life on yours. That single white dumb cunt. But that is,

I think that's a common thing of I've talked to people that have gotten into comedy that weren't into comedy and started listening to our podcast and then they get into comedy and have to actually work with us

and then go, yeah, no, I'm not listening to that anymore. Yeah. Yeah, once I knew, once I became friends with Tommy, I was just like, I don't want to our podcast. And then they get into comedy and have to actually work with us and then go, yeah, no, I'm not listening to that anymore. Yeah. Once I became friends with Tommy, I was just like, I don't want to hear him all the time. Yeah, yeah.

I had to stop. But it's no longer like a thing, like an unattainable thing. It's sort of like, oh, I just know these people and I don't really want to listen to you people. I already hear enough of you. What do you mean, you people? Honkies. White bulb men.

White fella. I actually listen if I haven't seen you guys for a while because we do see each other at gigs a fair bit but I haven't seen you for a while and there's some mates on episode. I'll listen. How about you pick up the fucking phone? Organise a dinner or something. I don't actually fucking talk to you.

No, but there is a bunch of friends of the show that are on the show that genuinely listen. There are people like, who is it? There's Dil Rook. Dil Rook still listens like three times. Yeah, yeah. He's probably on a blog.

Dal Rek, just to see if he gets a mention. Exactly. So this one's paid off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to scale back the Dil mentions when he's not on the show. I was really hoping we could get a whole week without. Let's ban him.

Let's ban him for a couple of months because he's on so many times. Let's just give him a, you know, treat him mean, keep him keen. God, I just, look, people can actually hear the. Josh Earle listens. Nick Cody listens. Yep. Will Anderson listens. Shout out to our four listeners. This would be more good stuff happening out

on the live show this is more admin I like that does your senator mate listen oh yeah yeah he listens yeah

hey I was on September last year Tom Ballard I just remembered oh you were too alright well get the fuck out we'll get someone else that's still a long time ago but that

I do remember that was my favourite episode I've done. That was where we announced the Yellow Moose sponsorship. Oh, right. That's pretty exciting. But we also, it's where we came up with Carl's... Mad Magazine. Carl's Mad Magazine character of dumb cunt Robert.

All right, now we're just relaying things that we've already done on the show. Let's get fresh content. Fresh content. Well, should we talk about this? So that episode was where we first brought up the Yalla Moose sponsorship And we haven't talked about this on the show yet When we were in Sydney a couple of weeks ago We went on a guided tour of the Yalla factory

Look at this It was literally like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Chando and the Moose Factory Did they see Tommy and go fucking Oompa Loompa today Oompa Loompa today? Oompa Loompa hasn't put on his fake tan today. Well, we – so, yeah, because I got really worried when we went in because the whole thing was like, you know, meet the people behind the brand. It's one of those classic good idea at the time things where you go,

hey, what if we went to the factory? How good would that be? Okay, and then we're standing outside the front door. What are we actually planning on getting out of this? Yeah, and to set it – so I – oh, well, this ties into it because the night before I had to make my way there without a mobile phone because the night before we'd been doing a gig at the Comedy Store in Sydney.

I had dropped my phone in the toilet at the Comedy Store. Has this story been told on the podcast? I don't believe it has. How did you drop your phone in the toilet? I was walking up to the toilet and I received a message. Do you always take a run up? Going underarm

with the phone. I received a message on Facebook from Peter Jones, the man sitting opposite me. Big fan of the show. Of a man who was on stage before him at a gig in Perth. The man was wearing an apron. He was wearing an apron. He was wearing a dress.

And he was also wearing a crocodile mask. And he came on stage. Because I'd heard about him before. Because this is an act that he's done multiple times at this room. And the first time he did the act with the crocodile mask on, he comes on stage with the crocodile mask and you can't hear him through the mask so he's kind of just mumbling into

the microphone and eventually takes the mask off but yeah, he comes on with the crocodile mask on and does some one-liners. And this was the first time you'd seen stand-up comedy, wasn't it? Yeah, just for the first time. I was like, this is better than Dazzler, so this is allazzler. This is all I know. This is all I know.

Yeah, so I'm walking into the bathroom and I'm like, I'll look at this message from Pete and then I'll put the phone away and I'll do my business. I see that. I laugh so hard. I drop my phone straight into the toilet. Which Crocodile Mask, if you're listening to this, that is a fucking good get.

To make someone laugh so much Also the biggest laugh he's got Well this So I mean We're planning We're putting together Like a live show For Perth

For later in the year In the next couple of months That's my mission When we're there I gotta find this guy I gotta get on And do a gig with this guy I gotta let him know

I gotta let him know The anguish he caused me He did The Comedy Factory In Fremantle Oh okay Comedy Factory Was Fremantle. Comedy Factory was sort of like the Moose Factory. You guys had gone to your dream place.

Pete had gone to his dream place. He just went to see where it got made. Do they make the crocodile mask there? I believe he appeared at Snappy Laughs. So, yeah, so you've learned, have any of you ever dropped your phone in a toilet? No. No.

I've dropped a Walkman. A Walkman? Yeah, that's how long ago it was. What funny crocodile clip did you hear on that? To make a drop in the shitter. Have you got a funny crocodile telegram and dropped his Walkman in the toilet? You learn a lot about yourself. Like I went into full, like I went straight in after it. Like both hands right in there.

Had you – you hadn't pissed in the toilet yet? No. And it was clear of effluence? Yes. Cool. I mean, you know, yeah, it's not like – the person before me hadn't left stuff in there. Right, okay.

Not even like a stray bit of toilet paper or anything? No. So I went in. I thought it was going to be fine. It was fine for like So I went in. I thought it was going to be fine. It was fine for like the next two minutes. I thought it was going to be okay. And then it was fucked. So I'm trying to get to the Yellow Moose factory the next day.

I can't get public transport. It's raining. I try to get a cab from just where I'm staying. I'm staying in like a kind of a quiet area. There's no cabs coming through. I have to message my friend. You're playing in a quiet area in Sydney. Was it night time?

Yeah. Like outlaws of shit. Yeah. Get out of here. We don't do political gear on this show. I had to message my friend and go, hey, can you please book me an Uber on your account? And then I'll just pay you back for it and put in this address.

So he did that and then the Uber turns up and I realise I'm in international waters here. Do you know what I mean? Because I'm not getting rated. I can do whatever I want. I can just fuck this guy up. You can literally fuck him. Yeah. There are still laws. No, no.

His mate will get... No, look, if you fuck someone against their will you get a bad rating from the police. Oh, one star. Yeah, what if every... Because people have no respect for the cops. If every interaction with them came with a star rating, people might start to, you know, be a bit nicer to them in public.

Jail's enough of an incentive. Clearly it's not for some people. 20 years hard labour and TripAdvisor reviews. I got very excited. I was just overwhelmed by choice. I was like, what should I do? Should I just start denying the Holocaust ever happened or what should my angle be here to get to drive

down my friend Angus' rating? So we turn up. I'm like half an hour late. And then yeah, I also got nervous on the way because I thought, what if we get there and we observe something really fucked going on in this factory? How fucked could it be?

What if we just observe that the working conditions are really bad? You know what I mean? We're in bed with this company. What if they're doing some really dodgy work out the back there? The secret ingredient is ground-up amputee orphan. Yeah, pretty much. The secret ingredient is Nando's moose, you know.

Lesser moose, like they're just repackaging it. We're going to have to go out there and keep selling this stuff. I want to stress that none of that is true. No, none of that's true. But it was a fear that I had going in. Maybe we're about to find out too much. Yeah, yeah. It was a bit weird because we just, like I said, we rock up and then we go, okay, so what do we do

now? What do we... because this isn't one of these things where you go to a place and they go, well, we've had so much demand that we have to open a tour here. Here's your tour guide. It's like two people work there. But this was... So you guys requested the tour? Yes. You guys asked to tour this factory? For the sake of

content, and I think you'll agree, it's paid off. But what you're saying that goes both ways because i feel like they were also going what the fuck do we do with these two guys there was about 10 minutes of us just standing in the office and everyone's just kind of like looking around and going like it's kind of what i imagine like if you're like if you're swingers and you organize that for the first time you're not going to turn up at their house and then just all start going for it yeah there's a bit of a period of like, so who wants to... Look, I don't want to...

I'm just guesstimating this. I might be wrong. I'd love to be proved wrong. But we went into the office and the guys that work there, lovely people, but I have a strong suspicion that they don't know what this is. So we walk in and they're like, well, here's the guys that make us

get all these weird phone calls from you. Yeah. I reckon that someone went into the accounting department and went, oh, that's not a write-off. This is... Yeah, yeah. There really is a show called The Little Dumb Dumbs Club. Yeah, they're not bots.

They really exist. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. So we then... Oh, I feel awful. I've forgotten the guy's name. Anyway. Yep. He... Willy Won oh, I feel awful. I've forgotten the guy's name. Anyway.

Yep. He – Willy Wonka. Yeah, Willy. So we had to kit up. We had to put the hairnets and all that shit on. We go out into the factory and we got to see it all get made. We got to package some of the tubs ourselves.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, some lucky listener out there. This is what we've got out of Dum Dum, out of doing this podcast. We got to get – we've got a tour of Yellow Moose, we've got a tour of McDonald's in Perth once and they did the thing where they made us make food. Yeah. What we've gotten out of this podcast is basically two brief minimum wage shifts. The food equivalent of a podcast

Doing a lot of work for no pay So they're a very I mean they've just moved into a new bigger place But they're still a very small operation And so this guy has taken like an hour Out of his day to show us around Then we get to the end and he's like where are you going now And we're like oh back into the city and he goes I'll give you a lift

So all of a sudden we're making this guy Drive us back into the city. And he goes, I'll give you a lift. So all of a sudden we're making this guy drive us back into the city. He told us something very funny where he said they have a stall set up at a regular market and people come past the yellow moose stand and go, oh, the little dum-dum club. I think the moose

gets recognised more than we do by the sounds of it. I'm aware of yellow moose. This is how effective this is as a sponsorship. A guy I met at that gig, the one with the crocodile mask, the tech at that gig goes, oh, I like that little dum-dum club. Is that moose a joke they made up? It's a pretty sweet joke. It's weird how listeners respond to this because I think like, yeah,

there's an assumption that a lot of the stuff that we talk about is not true and a joke. But then like when we say that we're shit at comedy, people clearly think that's true because they just don't want to come see us do our stand-up shows. People are very selective. I do get a lot of, I just got a text literally this morning, someone saying, hey, I'm an American.

I'm here. I'm in Melbourne though. Where's the moose? Where's the yellow moose? So like I get a lot of that where it's like, I'm an American. I'm here. I'm in Melbourne though. Where's the moose? Where's the yellow moose? So I get a lot of that where it's like, where I'm supposed to figure out where the moose is. But no, it didn't say I was in Melbourne. It goes, oh, I'm an American.

I'm here in Australia. Where is it? Where's the moose? It's next to the kangaroo. I'm like, you've got to be more specific. It's a big place. Just walk towards the tree. It's next to the bush.

But even when he gave me the suburb I'm like Well I still don't know Like I'm not the company I don't know where it all I know where I know where I get it from What okay

Well an easy solution Like this person is texting you Because you've Tommy's given out your number On the podcast Yes Alright let's give out Willy Wonka's number

Oh the yellow moose hotline Yeah Well that was the funny thing Because at the end of this meeting When we're back up in the office You I think You kind of mentioned this to them that people are always like hitting you up. And I kind of read it as you because I don't really have a very clear

stockists listing on their website. Like you were trying to – I feel like you were kind of trying to go, hey, guys, people want this stuff. How about you make a complete list of where they can get it? Right. Thinking that maybe they'd jump on that. I didn't think that far, but sure. Right.

But then we went to get a photo with the two guys. Yep. And it took about ten minutes for the lady in there to get a photo. So I thought, look, I think just them having a Twitter account is pretty great, all things considered. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. But yeah, still email. You know what?

Still email them. If you go to their website, if you email them, you'll get all the answers. So please don't message me asking where it is because I find it really hard to answer that in between all the other texts telling me to kill myself. Yeah, yeah. And all the moose that you're eating at the same time. Yeah, yeah. What about you guys?

Have you guys ever gotten to, you know, glimpse behind the curtain on anything? Any cool tours of things when you're a kid? I did a tour in high school when I was in year 11 of the Coca-Cola factory. Oh, fuck yeah. And you get to drink as much Coca-Cola as you want. Wow. I bet that's not true anymore. Yeah.

Because it's that thing with like the Cadbury factory. I always heard about stories about people touring. Yeah, about touring that and it's like, oh, you can just get whatever you want. It's like awesome and then they just went no we're not doing that anymore so I reckon

they cut down on all that stuff I'm sure you can't it only takes a handful of kids to really take the piss for them to go you know what

let's not do this anymore but it's not like you get a bottle you get it from like a tap is it literally like Homer going to the Duff factory

what's this on the Simpsons the Simpsons popular TV show the Simpsons. The Simpsons. Popular TV show, The Simpsons. The only comedy I know is Dum Dum Dum. And the crocodile mask. Crocodile rock.

What do you mean? So you just bring your own receptacle and fill it up? It's like at Hungry Jack's where you get the cup and you get to fill it up with Post Mix. Yeah, right. And that's the best shit I reckon. Yeah. Post Mix is better than actual. I wish you could just buy Post Mix with the post mix. Yeah, right. And that's the best shit I reckon. Yeah. Post mix is better than actual. I wish you could just buy post mix just from the shops. Yeah.

No, I wish you could buy one of those post mix setups. I mean, you can. Can you? Well, how do you think they got them in the bar? But no, I've never been in someone's house where they've had it in their house. That's, I reckon, yeah. But, you know, like, have you ever known someone who built had it in their house. That's, I reckon, yeah, but, you know, like, have you ever known someone who built a bar in their house?

That's surely one of the first things. I would like to set up a bar in a house. That's not why they're building bars. Yeah, but what I would like to do is... So we can put in a post mix. Have a lift. Yeah. I would love to set that up and just not have booze.

Just, like, four post mix jets of different flavours. But you say that. I don't think anyone that ever sets up their own bar has that. I've never heard of that. No. Yeah. So it's just basically a table that you're putting beers behind. The only people that would ever do that would be people that are stuck mentally as six years

old because that's what you would have. You know when you design your own, oh, when I grow up, I'm going to- Pool full of jelly. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to have a room full of chocolate and then another room full of paper that I can just punch. What? So that was your childhood. That was just me.

I remember designing a thing when I was a kid, designing like this is my mansion and just all the different things in every room. And there was one room that was full of paper that I could just go in and go, yeah, rip it down. Wow, you really foresaw the digital age coming in. Fuck this antique bullshit. Yeah, I just wanted a piñata room, I think. Fuck. So the guided tour of Coca-Cola.

Yeah. So this was in year 11? This was in year 11. How much is there to see? There's not that much to see. And what subject was this for? What purpose? Did you meet the dynamic ribbon device?

No. I don't know what subject this would have been for business studies. Yeah, it would have been business studies. That makes sense. Because that's a wild move on the part of the school. We went to, for an excursion, we went to Australia's Wonderland in year 12 for a school excursion.

That was a failed theme park. Yeah, a failed theme park in the western suburbs of Sydney. So it was like Dreamworld in the western suburbs of Sydney. I went there as a little kid. Yeah, it's amazing. So for an excursion you just went to a theme park. We just went to a theme park in year 12. Right. And again, what subject? This would have

been, I think this was legal studies. Legal studies? Legal studies. All right, kids, break your arm on the roller coaster. Take these cunts to the cleaners. Because it's you guys. It's just a heap of kids wandering around during school time in a theme park and it's like, guess which law you're breaking?

We could just bait for pedophiles or something. Yeah. No, I hope not. We were 18, so no. Your school sounds sick. That's so good. Oh, yeah, it's great. Such a good education.

I was talking to someone the other day about Science Works. Going to Science Works. Oh, Science Works, yeah. As an excursion. And like it's cool to just be out of school and you're like, man, this is so good. And then you get there and you're like, oh, we're just fucking learning in a different way.

It's almost like you're at school. Yeah, because you would get those rare ones where, yeah, like you go to somewhere that's just actually fun. Go to the zoo for biology. We do that. You know what? This is what I was thinking about the other day. Actually, I was thinking about school excursion.

I was thinking about the first school camp I ever went to. I went to Halls Gap. Do you know what Halls Gap is? Yeah. I don't. I know the name. It's in the Grampians. Okay, right.

So it's like, is it technically South Australia? I think it's just between maybe- No, no, no. No, we're near South Australia. It's only like an hour and a half from Ballarat. What? No, it's like nearly South Australia, isn't it? No, not at all.

I used to go camping there. I agree with Carl. I think it's closer to South Australia. It's closer than fucking Maui. What's your problem? Yeah. Where did you grow up? I grew up in the western suburbs of Sydney.

Right. But I used to live in Ballarat. Yeah. Modelling my life after Carl. Like me. Once I found out he lived there, I moved straight there. Do they still run the Carl Chandler Experience? He went there on a school excursion.

What subject for? I'm going to side with the listeners on this one and say I couldn't give a fuck what this place actually is. Yeah, fair enough. So I went to a school camp. First time I'd been away from mum. And you get served up your food. I've always been a fussy eater growing up. So I was like away from mummy making me sausages or whatever I'd eat.

I reckon sausages every night of the week. Poor mum. I reckon she must have cooked three meals most nights. She would have like made a meal for her and dad and then a meal for me and a meal for my brother, I reckon. Yeah, I was a fussy eater as a kid and still kind of am. What happens when you don't get belted by your parents? I got both. I get belted by your parents? I got both.

I get belted for being a fussy eater. Guess what? Didn't change my taste buds. I still hate what I hate. You guys have just got more conviction than I did. I was forced to eat belts. So we went on this camp and I was introduced. That was the first time I'd ever eaten moose.

Oh. And I had, it was the first, and you know that thing, and I don't know whether this is a real thing. This is Bruce Wayne's parents being shot. Seriously. I'm just picturing you, that spoon goes into your mouth and suddenly, I can show you the world. Seriously, I had it.

And you know, and I might, I think I'm right with this theory in that, remember when you were a kid And everything was A lot more intense In terms of taste And smell and everything And the older you get The senses get dulled So back then

I had this moose And it blew my mind I was like Why the fuck Has my mum been Hiding this from me Until now And it was strawberry moose

Why has mum been Hiding this from me It's a deliberate thing. Yeah, yeah. This is a conspiracy. Fuck that rat of a son of mine. Yeah, yeah. I blew that moose story wide open.

So I had this strawberry moose and it was, and I honestly think looking back at it, I think I've been chasing that moose ever since. Oh, wow. It's a hero. Yeah, I was going to say. Does that give you an insight into the mind of an addict? Yeah, it's this moose unicorn that I've been chasing the rest of my life.

And it was, you know what, it was strawberry. And I don't think I've ever had strawberry moose since. Well, that's why you keep chasing it. For fuck's sake, this chocolate's a bit bitter. No, no, but I love it. You're not even chasing it. It's there. I've been looking.

If it was there, I would have bought it. I've never seen it again. We went in a cool room where they had about fucking ten tubs of it. You were at the moose factory. They do not make strawberry. They don't. They make raspberry moose. They don't because I suggested it when we were there.

Right, okay. They don't. Yeah, they make raspberry. You know what? Different things are different. That's not strawberry. Different enough to be different. There I said it.

That's a different thing. That's great. I do remember that now. Because, yeah, how's you going in? Here's how you should run your fucking moose factory. Hey, they had all different flavours. I was just suggesting something for, you know, the six-year-old in all of us. Yeah.

We're trying to perfect a salsa or something at the moment. Yeah, yeah. Do more moose flavours. Yeah, yeah. Do what I want. Yeah, did you guys bring up the hummus when they gave you... Yeah. Didn't they famously give you guys hummus?

Yeah, they accidentally gave us a box of hummus. Yeah. Was the hummus made at the same place as the moose? I think they heard all about that mistake that was made, so we didn't need to talk about it. But what we did, we put it on social media. We did a heap of videos. We did a heap of pictures.

We made a heap of videos of us making the moose and stuff. So we'll put that on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and stuff. So if you guys want to come and see us, be genuinely excited to make food. All the people listening to this and going, the audio descriptions aren't enough. I need to see the hairnet. But you know what?

So I went home from that camp and I was like, I've got to get more of this strawberry mousse. And I said it to mum and I don't know how I was describing it. Maybe I didn't even know the word mousse. So I was going back and whatever mum, I just remember whatever mum would make, I'd be like, this was describing it. Maybe I didn't even know the word moose. I was going back and whatever mum, I just remember whatever mum would make, I'd be like, this is not it. What are you doing? And I just kept getting,

she just kept making this thing called, do you even know this reference? Have you ever heard of a dessert called junket? No. Yeah, it's old school. This is like, she was going back into the 70s, you know those super old school... Before desserts like She was going back Into the 70s Like you know Those super old school

Before desserts were in Yeah It was like the dessert I thought this story Was set in the 70s Because you said You were a kid No

It was like It's like It's like when people This is too old For fondue fans I think Oh wow It's like before that maybe

Like it doesn't get made anymore Because it was shit ass I was having this junket made And it was like It's like before that maybe. Like it doesn't get made anymore because it was shit house. I was having this junket made and it was like sort of custard if you tipped a glass of water in it and just put a fork in it for a while. So really, really runny custard. No, no, no. Not runny. It was like set custard.

It was like a set. Okay. But then someone had busted it and put water in there. So you're just going, all right, this looks like a mistake. You've got a computer on your lap. Why don't you just look it up? Because Google doesn't work with vague descriptions. Custard with water on it that my mum used to make.

I reckon that is a very good description, what I just said. It sounds like a really poor Eat'n Smash. Do you guys know an Eat'n Smash? No. It's like a meringue. Hang on. Opening another window.

Eat'n Smash is generally what it's called. It's like a meringue pavlova. It's what rich people eat in. I feel so young in this chat. This is so good. Yeah, yeah. I mean, so look. I'm just showing.

Here's the Google images at home. Have a look at Junket if you want to. It's just, it's clearly no one's. It's a brand? Clearly no one's ever made it again. Look at that. It's like Google images. At home, have a look at Junket if you want to. It's clearly no one's... It's a brand? Clearly no one's ever made it again. It's like homemade pudding. Yeah. Instapod.

Oh, look, you can buy Junket tablets. Because that's how you make food. Put it up your ass, gets into your bloodstream quicker. So look, every packet there... Shelfing some Junket. Get some Junket in your trunket. Comedy's easy. Put some junket near your junk.

Yeah, so clearly no one's made junket since the 70s. Who's the next generation Pete Jones listening to junket in your trunket and going, man, comedy sounds so good. How do I get a piece of this? So your mum's making junket You're throwing a tanty

You're fucking throwing it back in her face Fuck you mum It just stuck in my head I was like alright I'm just going to have to wait Until I grow up I can't rely on my parents for moose So I'm just going to have to wait out

These next 12 years Until I get out of this house Earn enough money to buy my own moose And know what it is Or get given money for buy my own moose and know what it is. Or get given money for talking about the moose. Yeah. It really panned out. Use that money by the people that give me the moose that give me the money to buy their moose back off

them. What about you McGinley? Ever had any glimpses behind the curtain? Any guided tours? I do work in television so I see all the bullshit that happens there. Alright mate, we've all got stuff going on. And can we have part of the stuff that you've got going on? What's it like? Oh, it's brilliant.

Well, you know what? Let's do this. While we're talking about weird stuff with food, how's this? Have you ever had this? Last time I went to Thailand, which must have been at least a day ago. Just getting in. Just getting in before anyone else. Anytime I bring up My parents on this podcast

I have to build it In my head Get a reference to money In there In the set up So that you can tell Your story without interruption Yeah

So When I went there They I had never had this before Getting a beer Ordering beers Yeah I've had beer Yeah great

Okay alright Well fuck Let's go back to Dassler. Getting the beers, then them going, oh, do you want it cold? I'm like, well, of course I want it cold. I'm like, what, do they have to go into the freezer instead of the fridge? No. Coming up with a beer, pour it in, ice cubes in the beer.

Oh. Yeah, I don't know. Ever seen that before? No. I've seen it with white wine. But yeah, beer's wrong. Yeah, ice cubes in the beer. Is that just because the bottle hasn't been refrigerated and that's a last-ditch effort?

Because it's not like putting ice cubes in something just immediately makes the whole drink really cold. Like you're still going to get a sip that's going to be mostly warm. Yeah. But it's pretty quick. It's not bad, but that's tough. Thailand would be pretty quick. Sure.

And what beer was it? What brand? Is it going to make a difference is what I'm saying. We're not sponsored by Chang Beer, so I don't know. It's not something you enjoy responsibly. Yeah, Chang is my beer of choice in Thailand, to be honest. So, yeah, if the good people at Chang are listening, look, I'll take a hundred baht sponsorship

which is approximately four dollars. There you go. You and Everton for four club. Send me a packet of ice. Whatever. But bizarre, because every time I got... I copped it a few times and then it just became a process of trying to not rudely

take all the ice out of the beer. That's not even rude. That just then makes you look like a psycho. Yeah. Like they're not going to go how rude. Like even though they gave it to you, they're still going to look at you and go, that cunt is out of his mind. Well, especially because –

He's fishing it out. Especially because they've said, do you want it really cold? And I'm like, yes. They take it over. I immediately take all the bits out And make it cold I want it cold but not that cold You've ruined it

Yeah it's like me saying I'll order the chocolate mousse No worries It comes over I take all the mousse out And chuck it away Yeah I just wanted the bowl

Yeah yeah So this is a recent thing in the last This has happened in between your last two trips Is that what you're saying? The single last trip No no So that's what I mean You never had it before

No no Never had that before Something Words gotten around Thailand Like hey If you want beer To get actually really cold Here's what you gotta do

Didn't they have a revolution? Wasn't there a red coats Or something Maybe that's what this was about Yeah there was a The army There was a military coup I don't reckon that was on their agenda

But anyway Well you explain it then Yeah Well you know what They didn't have any junket over there So they clearly They got rid of that I don't reckon that was on their agenda, but anyway. Well, you explain it then. Well, you know what? They didn't have any junket over there, so they clearly got rid of that. Was this every bar or just one bar that did it? No, I think it was three. Three bars.

Can we go to the webcam? Maybe there's someone doing it now. Yeah. Oh, man. You look back over Chandler's itinerary and he's just been in one of those actual ice bars, just going around the chain of them like, why is it so fucking obsessed with ice in here?

There's all the Corbys outside just going, this is such a false advertisement. No, you see these travel pictures and you go, do you know, have you ever had a beer before? That's Coke. Oh, fuck. All right, sorry. One of those ice bars has opened up just down the road from my house.

That is, I can't believe those are still around. Really? I don't get it. Where? On Brunswick Street. Okay. is, I can't believe those are still around. Really? I don't get it. Where? On Brunswick Street. Okay. Yeah, I've seen that and it's like. You just literally, you just go into a cold, a very, very cold room and hang out in there.

And it's open in winter. It's like those ones, those seasonal ice cream shops. You don't open in winter. Yeah. For some reason you just take six months off, keep the shop there. Yeah. And then open in... Sell some hot dogs.

Yeah. Just have a hot dog stand and a cool room out the back. Have a fire bar. One night only. That would be awesome. Go in, everything's on fire, have a few beers. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds great.

Yeah, it does sound great. If you go in, all four walls have a massive fireplace. That'd be good. Yeah, that would be good. You'd sell more beer. Although you can never be – like I just was at a friends going away dinner and we were in this nice cosy pub and we had the back room to ourselves because I booked a table and there was a fireplace going,

which you walk in, it's freezing. Everyone's like, oh, a fireplace in here, this is great. And we had to keep like – we had to kind of like constantly be rotating around the table. Yeah. Because whoever was right in front of the fireplace within five minutes was like, this is fucked. Yeah. Like you can never be satisfied.

Yeah. Down to the ice bar with you. Yeah. It's like going to a bar and, you know, you're sitting, you know, everything's cold and then you get near one of those big heater bar things and then you go, oh, fuck, glad I found this. Well, this is shit ass. Who's going to the ice bar though? I don't get it.

I just don't understand the appeal. So you guys have done it? I've never been. No, I've never done it either. Maybe it's awesome. My wife's done it and she said it was really awesome for 10 minutes and then you're just in a cold room. Yeah, yeah.

But how is it? Wait, what's happening to make it not awesome? It's like the fireplace thing. You're in there and go, it's really cold. This is great. Hang on. I'm really cold. Well, yeah, exactly.

It's like drowning. It's like for a while, you're just having fun in the water. A drowning room. That's something I'd be into. Yeah, it's like a puzzle. Is that your joke? No, it's Dimitri Martin's joke of the best time to drown is when you're really thirsty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is great. Oh, no, too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'd do a drowning room. Wouldn't matter how much it costs. You'd do a drowning room. I'd do it.

It's like an escape room. Yeah. Yeah. Escape from life room. Well, at least if they fill it with beer, you go in, you drink as much beer until you drown. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Until my fucking stomach explodes.

Maybe they can make that part of the Coca-Cola tour. Oh, yeah, I want to go back to this. So how fucking crazy were kids going with the unlimited? Well, as much as you could. So obviously you're going crazy because you can keep refilling it, but then you have to get on a bus together. Exactly. Right? Yeah. And that's disaster. it. So you obviously are going crazy because you can keep refilling it. But then you have to get on a bus to get there. Exactly. Right.

And that's disaster. And are people bouncing off the walls? Kids sort of just absorb coke. And we're still 17 at this point. Yeah, that's true. We're drinking as much coke as we can. So how much did you put away? I only put away a cup. One cup? A big large cup. You went all the way to the coke factory and had one cup.

Wow. Didn't take to it. That's right. One cup A big large cup You went all the way To the coke factory And had one cup Wow Didn't take to it You had to pick a picture You're like I got the rest of my life To drink this stuff I hadn't heard of it before I hadn't heard of this

Coca-Cola before You come from Ballarat You're used to cordial You know He got a Pepsi He went This is more for me This is more for me

I like a lift Imagine doing that Sneaking a Pepsi Into the Coke factory You maverick It's like going Drive through a McDonald's Asking for a Whopper

Woo Yeah yeah Real funny things When you're 13 Yeah I remember literally Thinking that Like taking McDonald's in

And sitting in a KFC And going Check this out They can't do anything Yeah And the idea that anyone in there is going to be, like the people working there are fucking 15.

They hate the company too. They don't care. When I drove the Fox FM Black Thunders, people would pull up next to the headlights and then like turn up their radio. It was on Nova. And you're like, yeah! We don't care. And it's like playing the exact same song that's apparently on Fox anyway.

Well, what is this episode? 305, I think. Yeah, 305. We have just finished a bunch of live episodes, which are heaps of fun. And thanks everyone who came out to the Canberra episode that was last week and the Sydney episodes that were before that. And the big 300th episode in Melbourne. Yes.

Heaps and heaps of people. You were part of that. You were there. You were on stage for a little while. We should say, I want to say thank you to a listener who works at a winery who gave me on the night after the 300th, he gave me three bottles of wine that he's had made up and he's made special dum-dum branded bottles of wine. He's made a dumb cunt Shiraz.

A see you mate something. But he's made like labels and everything and I got given them because he told me, he went up to you, Carl, very drunk. He comes up and goes hey, I love the podcast. I've come all the way down for it. I made these

wines for you and Tommy and I just wanted to give them to you as a symbol of how much I love the podcast. I've come all the way down for it. I made these wines for you and Tommy and I just wanted to give them to you as a symbol of how much I appreciate the podcast. You look back at him and go, I don't drink wine. And so he goes, oh, well, I'll give them to Nassilo then. And I don't really drink wine either, but I also understand social conventions. Well, I understand them too,

but I wasn't understanding English by then. Yeah, that guy should be grateful he didn't get out. I won't fucking propose. I'm sorry to that guy, but yeah, I'll put context as to what stage I was at by that stage. Yes. A couple of weeks later, someone came up to me at a gig and went,

hey, and I was like, hey. And she was like, you don't remember me, do you? I'm like, oh, yeah, maybe. So I drove you home from the 300th. And I was like, I don't recall that at all. I remember talking to you like two days after the 300th and you had no memory of how you got home. Yeah.

You just said, I'm just going to make a really educated guess that it involved drive-through McDonald's. Oh, really? Yeah. No, I don't recall that at all, but someone did apparently get an Uber, order an Uber, and then I was part of that trip home, but I don't remember that at all.

So thank you to everyone who talked or gave me anything after the podcast because I clearly don't remember what happened. I just ducked out of the room to get the wine. So I'm trying to find the – is it Pfeiffer? Pfeiffer Winery. Yeah, Pfeiffer Wines. So look them up. He's made us a – yeah, a dumb cunt's cabernet.

He's made us a – what's this one? A see your mate's Shiraz. Oh, that's good. And a – what's this last one? G'day dickheads, Juraf. Oh. Juraf. I don't even know what Juraf is.

I reckon what we should do, we've been doing these. Pfeiffer is spelt P-F-E-I-F-F-R as in Michelle Pfeiffer. Just for people to help them Google. We've been doing these live streams on Facebook. We've been going live every now and then. And people can watch live video of us and chat with us. Oh, Ronnie Chang taught you how to do that.

I reckon we polish off these three bottles of wine on a live stream one night. What do you reckon? I'm going to do an impersonation of me at the 300th episode. I don't drink wine. Wow, that was really good. Alright, I'll drink the three bottles of wine. You drink a six pack of beer with ice cubes in it.

Let's do a live stream where we just get blind on it What do you reckon? Yeah, good idea guys Let's do a drunk cast Drunk stream And we'll go out to the whole world Yeah, look, I'm happy If we set up one night where we just sit here and drink

We'll just put a live stream And you know what? Friends of the show can drop in and drop out And if they want a bit of free wine They can come and do that. Yeah, cool. Let's do it. All right, let's do it soon.

Let's figure that out. Oh, you know what? While we're doing shout-outs like that, very, very, very quickly, I mentioned it on the bonus Patreon episode the other day, but the guy who – that I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that is playing episodes of our show in an Uber. Yeah, so a listener of this show for Pete and Danny got into an Uber. This podcast was playing and he goes, what the fuck is this on?

And the driver turns to him and goes, oh, I'm aware. Yeah. So he's a fan of this podcast. So what we want to do, we want to track this man down. We want to do an episode in the back of his Uber. Yeah. And he can still pick up passengers or probably passenger. And they rock up a weed just in the back having a bit of a gab.

That's how you're going to get a negative review of this show. Oh, yeah. Tumbleweeds, one star. And what's his name? He's got to call it... Jethro. Jethro. Really?

Jethro at Uber.com. Yeah. Well, I don't know if that's... So any updates? Why have you brought this up? Do we have a Jethro update? No, no, no. I just want to, while we're putting out ideas and stuff for the future,

I just want to make sure that goes out there because I want to check, I want to track Jethro down. I want this to actually happen because since I mentioned it, there's been no feedback. Nothing's happened. Jethro's not responding. Because you know what I thought about the other day? We mentioned it on a live episode.

Yeah. Some people don't like the live episodes. Maybe he purposefully avoided that one. Okay. Jethro, we need to hear from you. Welcome back, Jethro. Because, yeah, it'd probably be a tough one to play in an Uber, you know, the live ones.

They're a bit more chaotic. So these soothing tones of us at the moment would be perfect. Us talking about wine and ice cubes and drinks. Well, you know how sometimes Uber bumps up the prices? Oh, the surge. Will that create a Jethro Tull? Yes! It's a band, you fuckheads.

This fucking guy. Is it possible that because he's been playing the Dum Dum Club for every ride that his rating has gotten so low that he no longer works for Uber? That's very possible. We hadn't thought of that. Can that happen? Yeah, that can happen. They's very possible. We hadn't thought of that. Can that happen? Yeah. Yeah, that can happen.

They kick you off. They can kick you off. If you get below, I think you've got to be like a four star average. It's something like that. 4.5. If you've got sack from Uber, you can come and drive our car.

Yeah. Thumbed on the bill. We have one car. I imagine if we get that, if we do that, if we ride around in his Uber doing the podcast, it's going to be Uber's first reverse surge.

Prices actually go down. It's a new company called Goober. We've got to get this done. This is going to be like the factory experience. You're going to spend the first 10 minutes of that car ride going, why do we want to do this? Just making chit chat with Jess.

It's sort of true of the podcast itself too. Doing one seemed like a good idea and then every week when we're sitting here it's like, oh, fuck, do we really want to do this? But it is. It is. Uber's like, you know, say taxi's like real radio and Uber's sort of like, well, if they want to employ me

to drive a cab, maybe I'll fucking make my own version where I can be as shit as I want. So anyway, to get back to this lovely gentleman who gave us these three bottles of wine, he then came to the Canberra show that we did. And he was

wearing a t-shirt that he'd purchased at the 300th episode. And I brought you over to talk about this. He had quite an interesting yarn about how he got the T-shirt. He did have a very interesting story about that. Now, do you want to take the reins on this one? Okay. All right.

We can do that. So apparently the story was because we did the show. We got to the end of the show. At the 300th, we did our plugs. Obviously, we've got merch and stuff like that. Young Danny McGinley over here jumps on stage and has been on stage for not very long, jumps on at the last second and goes,

and everyone go and buy my DVD. So it's like... I would have had a funnier accent, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure. Buy my DVD, you will. Which, to be fair, at that stage, you said that. I'd already seen you at the booth that we'd made up with your DVD there without asking, just selling your stuff.

And I walk up and see that and go, what? And you go, I assume that was cool. And I'm like, all right, okay. All right, well, people have probably… Hey, drunky, you didn't remember, but I asked your permission backstage before the show. Now, you're just taking advantage of the fact that I said I was drunk. You could be saying anything at this point.

And what were you drunk off? Was it wine? I'll refer to myself. So, anyway, the story from this guy was he – no, you better take the reins because you know it better than me. Okay, so fly for wines. He's wearing a dum-dum T-shirt. He says, hey, I got this T-shirt at the 300th

and I only paid $10 for it because Danny McGinley was at the booth and he said if I bought one of his DVDs for full price, he'd give me the T-shirt for half price. Fuck, what a cunt. What a fucking piece of shit. Jones has lost it. I can't believe this piece of shit would lie to you. What a fucked wine fiver.

Man, fuck, I'm glad I was drunk so I don't remember that happening. Fuck. What is this? I just had a taste of this. It tastes like fucking malt vinegar shit. Because he's told me this. This is in camera. This guy's told me this story and I go, I'm very sorry, mate.

I'm going to have to stop you there. Chandler, get over here. You're going to want to hear this. Oh, man. How's this going? How's this work? I love this. This is the most sprung I've ever seen.

I genuinely don't remember this at all because I got drunk as well. Sounds like something I'd do. Yeah, well, you have a lot of money in your wallet, so you could have gotten a lot of drinks. How much were t-shirts anyway? Well, 25. And I sold it for... 10. So not even half. What a bargain. Cost price.

The dimmies and forges of podcasting. If you don't want to pay full price, there's a dum-dum outlet centre at McGinley's house. Sweet. The old McGinley outlet mall. Well, we did have a lot of fun at the 300. We had a lot of big names.

Some of us did. Yeah. You got a couple of free beers off it. Did I? Did I? Well, you got some money to pay for beers. Exactly. Which is interesting because I don't think any other guests

that worked that night got any payments. They did. Did they? Yes. What did payments. They did. Did they? Yes. What did they get? Money. Did we? Yeah.

Did I get money? I don't think so yet because it hasn't been done yet. Well, there we go. Just take it out of my pay. It's getting very slowly done, but yes. To be honest, you may be the only person that hasn't been paid yet. Save this admin for the next live episode. Save the spreadsheeting.

We can get a projector up. We can do it live on the fly. What do you want to say to us, Danny? To be honest, that's literally the reason we invited you here tonight. So really, I've not been on since September last year. Well, this is what I've got. I've got to steal from you to get a spot here. Well, if anyone else, I'd love to hear, because you

would have been pretty drunk by the time this was going on. I wonder how many other people you threw these bargains out to. I only sold about one DVD, so I think I'm pretty sure that this is the only thing I've screwed you over on. So no one write in, please, no one write in.

Ah, fuck it. What else did Danny do at gmail I know I was drunk that night but I remember you saying that

you sold more than one DVD I sold a few for about two bucks so that was good no I wish I wish

yeah alright well fuck how funny am I yeah it's good that was a good yarn I enjoyed hearing it sounds like it paid for itself I enjoyed reliving it I wouldn't go that far How funny am I? It's good. That was a good yarn. I enjoyed hearing it.

Sounds like it paid for itself. I enjoyed reliving it. I wouldn't go that far. I don't think that was 15 bucks for the content, to be honest. Patreons will disagree. Hey, friend of the show who works at Channel 10, camera operator Bree Minto, she got a shout out in last week's show.

She was listening as she fell asleep. I was working with her today on Have You Been Paying Attention? She just bought a house so she'll be removing her Patreon. She wants to say it's not because she finally got the shout out and now she's

cutting you off. Did she get the house for half price because she bought one of your DVDs? Danny in real estate. Someone else owned the house. Hooker Cockram don't know anything about it yet, but anyway. Who? They're famous. Wolf and Cockram.

Hooker Cockram. Hooker Cockram. I thought you just confused it with the bad lawyers from Angel. Is this another dessert that your mum used to give you? When you say a song that says Hooker Cockram. Hooker Cockram? I thought you just confused it with the bad lawyers from Angel. Is this another dessert that your mum used to give you? When you see a sign that says Hooker Cockram, you don't forget it. Are they still around? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I've never heard of them before.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, you Google. Well, don't Google image it, but Google it. You know what? And that reminds me of another Sort of Sort of a listener story There's a young Comic out there

Called Blake Freeman Who did a gig with me The other night I was just about to bring This same story Oh really Because he told me to Right right

Well he just told me The other night That he said that What did I give him For exchange He said that his girlfriend Is a big fan So shout out to

To her Shout out to Ria Okay Yeah He didn't supply the name That was That was excellent Watching you go in For the name He said that his girlfriend is a big fan, so shout out to her. Shout out to Ria. Okay. Yeah, he didn't supply the name. That was excellent watching you go in for the name and then remember, oh, I haven't been told the name at any point. Oh, no, I was never going in for the name.

I'm shocking with names. So he said that his girlfriend Ria, apparently, is a big fan and was playing Dumb D Dum every night before bed. Out loud before they went to sleep. And he said, and I was just having the most shocking nightmares. And then she stopped playing it and the nightmares disappeared. That's really interesting. We should be involved in some

kind of study. That's... I think all of society will agree that you two need to be the subjects of some fucking study. Well, you know what, like,

I don't know what this is, and this is officially the most boring thing to talk about. I don't want to talk about this for too long. The whole, you know,

I had a dream last night. You know the avalanches we get. You know the whole, I had a dream last night I was in a hot air balloon and then it turned into my dad.

Who gives a fuck? Because your brain made it up. I can make up a sentence right now too. Hey, one day I had fucking 50 foot legs. Cool. That's the same as a dream. What an insight into how Carl creates

his stand-up shows. That's the same thing. It's like you made up a story you were just asleep for it. Who cares? I'll say this though quickly because we're doing our solo shows again in a couple of weeks and I'm doing my show where everyone in the audience gets a little book and they read along with the show. I had a dream the other night that we were,

it was the day of the shows and I went, I better get those books out of the storage in my garage. Got them out. I had three left. They were all full of holes from like moths and stuff and they, all of them had different racist drawings in them. And I was looking through them going,

I'm fucked here. I can't do this. This is all. But that's just a story you made up. So who cares? Don't review his show like that. Wow. And shout out to our listener, Tim. So I remember, you know,

and I think probably the creatives among all of us probably have different sort of dreams where it's like they are more full on than other people and I I figured this out early on

because I remember I used to get up and when I thought that was an interesting thing when I was a kid when I had nothing to talk about but junket

so I would I would tell my our times have changed some people now are literally paying to hear you talk about junket. I want to go to the junket factory. So I used to tell my mum, get up and say,

oh, this is what I dreamt to my mum. And I go, what did you dream? And it would be all that fantastic, ridiculous stuff, all this stuff that happened. And then I would say to my mum, what did you dream about last night? And she'd go, I dreamt I was at work. And I'd be like, yeah, but what happened at work? And she's like, I just did work.

So you would go to, my mum would go to bed and just dream about what had happened. Running the $2 shop. Yeah, no, she didn't, no. Like being at a cafe and like making sandwiches and stuff like that. I'm getting outraged. No, my mum did not work in a fucking $2 shop.

She was a waitress. No, she owned shops. So she would just dream about her cutting up sandwiches and stuff. That would be a dream of hers. But you get it, right? Like she's come home, she's spent the evening with this fuckhead of a son who's sending his dessert back and making her cook all these extra meals and she's like,

her dream is, oh, I'm away from him. This is bliss. That's her escapism. That may be right. That's the best thing she can imagine. Danny McGinley, you've been on a few TV shows and stuff lately. It's that thing where you get into stand-up and generally a lot of people want to get famous through stand-up, but you get to do a lot of other jobs around stand-up.

And we've talked about this very briefly on the show. You write the banners for the Western Bulldogs in the AFL. Yeah. Because I think we talked about it really early on because you had a Westgate reference in your banner. I did, yeah. And you got in trouble for it, right? You got written up?

The Daily Telegraph did an article about how it was. The banner said it was dogs playing the Sydney Swans. The Sydney Harbour Bridge, not as long or as tall as the Westgate. Fact. And the Daily Telegraph wrote about how it was a terrible banner because it was so incorrect. Because apparently the way you actually measure bridges, the Sydney Harbour Bridge is taller and longer, blah, blah, blah.

Then they realised it was a joke and printed an apology the next day. Great. Which is pretty sweet. You've got to measure it right from the base. Sorry, I'm thinking about something else. The weather's colder in Melbourne, so it's usually smaller. Yeah, I mean, the Harbour Bridge is so close to the water, it's sort of, there's a degree of shrinkage.

But you, since then, you keep uh uh you've kept the job up yeah and it's like doing a podcast you're not getting paid for it so you're making a lot of people laugh but no one's no one's giving you money yeah it sort of relegated me to f-grade celebrity in a very small market of you know people who are into footy yeah you know australian rules football yeah and stuff so yeah i'm doing tv spots on game day and being on the radio and things like that yeah it's great because they're genuinely good like the thing that i always it always puzzles me a little bit is that i always thought it's the banner supposed to be a bit either tiger because you're running through the banner it's the last thing you see before you go onto the field and start playing it's

supposed to pump you up you're just putting gags in there like who's who's running through going oh yeah it's a clever little piss take of malcolm turnbull anyway i have to punch some cunt in the head don't you worry that the players are going to be having a good old chuckle to themselves on the field remembering the banner and they're going to miss a mark or something well what about people poor people running through and going i don't get it fucking time to get it time to play no that's pretty much what happens yeah Yeah, yeah. They go, what the fuck? I don't care. I'm here to do my job.

Yeah. Yeah, these are the fights I have with a few colourful football personalities on Twitter. Just go, wait, that's a rubbish banner. How's that supposed to inspire them? Our banners, they inspire the players. Yeah, well, your team's fucking shit. Yeah. And players don't read them anyway.

Yeah. So, yeah, I do them for the fans, not for the players. Yeah, yeah, right. No, I do them for the fans, not for the players. Yeah, right. No, you do them to get retweeted. Pete, if you could have a job that was similar in the way to McGinley, because you know, big Bulldogs fan, big footy fan. Unpaid signage work. In the way that it's a dream gig for you, right, McGinley?

I actually get paid in free t-shirts that I give away. What would be your equivalent of that? This is it. This is it. Oh, yeah, of course. I'll tell you what mine would be. Having a sandwich or like a hamburger or something named after me. Having a sandwich named after you?

The Dassault. Yeah, I want some kind of food named after me. You've got wine named after you. Yeah, I do have wine. Yeah, but they're not selling that to anyone else but us. So, no one's going in. Your favourite cafe that you visit all the time, finally goes, all right, we'll name one after you.

That's your dream. The gig that I run at Catfish, they have a kitchen there that does Philly cheesesteaks. And my dream is to one day go in and go, what about you put a Dassault on the menu? And I get to create a cheesesteak in there. Your dream is to go in there and ask for a sandwich. Not even to get it. Just to have the courage to ask a cheesesteak in there. Your dream is to go in there and ask for a sandwich to be made out of. Not even to get it.

Just to have the courage to ask a chef for something. To change the menu slightly. And also check how you word that. Because you go in and go, hey, how about we put a Dassault in there? It sounds like you're asking to fuck the sandwich. No, I am. That's my dream. To be able to fuck a warm loaf of bread that has some chopped meat in it.

Stare at Sammy, the chef, as you do it. I like that a lot more. His name actually is Sammy. I know. Yeah. Okay. I like that a lot more, that idea a lot more, if you're going to places that don't know you.

You're just going in going, can you name that sandwich after me? Yeah. I've got the coffee shop on the corner. I went in there today to get a coffee and a friend, a mutual friend of ours was sitting in the window and I just started today to get a coffee and a friend a mutual friend of ours was sitting in the window and i just started talking to him so i hadn't even gotten near the counter they just made me my coffee anyway and just brought it over here you go the usual oh so good yeah yeah getting the usual in a place i can't i can't tell you tommy uh i went to

a cafe in collingwood once and i saw a friend of mine from school's little brother and I was just oh yeah how are you what are you doing now how's your sister everything and then he goes hey look at that

do you want to buy a t-shirt but he goes hey look at that that you point out there was the mat on there and he goes it's named after me

I reckon there's probably a hundred people saying that it's a pretty common name like for a second like I was really, I went, oh, that's impressive and then did not give a fuck.

You've got to go for the last name. Yeah. And that's how you put your stamp on it. Yeah. And plus, but the thing that would trouble me is what's in the sandwich? They can't just,

like, because that's the thing. If you go into some shop and it's like, have the Brad Pitt and it's just like, whatever's in there. Brad Pitt hasn't signed off

on what's in there. Yeah. They're just deciding the pickles and mushrooms are Brad Pitt and it's just like whatever's in there. The Brad Pitt hasn't signed off on what's in there. Yeah. They're just deciding the pickles and mushrooms are Brad Pitt. But so I wouldn't want that to happen where it's like, oh, here's the Carl Chandler. No, I would want to have some say. My dream with catfish is I go in, I go, what about you make this? Yep.

And you call it – and it's just using ingredients they already use in other things. Right. In a different zany combination. Surely you've thought, what is the Dassault? The Dassault, I think, would be basically their hoagie that they do. So it'd be lettuce. For those of us who are Australian, what the fuck is that?

It'd be lettuce with the meat and cheese and onion. And then they've got this mayo that they only have in one of them. So mayo on that. All right. Hot meat or cold cut? Hot meat. Hot cut? Hot meat. Hot meat. Hot meat.

Your cock, of course. Sorry. Yeah. I was overwhelmed by choices there. But Pete, do you have an equivalent kind of thing? Where I want my own sandwich? Or your equivalent of Danny's sign writing. Like, you know, someone comes to you and they go, hey.

To combine comedy and something else. And your passion. Yeah, your other passion. What's your other passion? What do you like to do? This is it. This is it. That's good because it's combining comedy and the little dum-dum club.

Finally, together at last. After 305 episodes, they finally put them together. It's just nice to meet a third comedian. But Danny, so I brought that up trying to, you know, hoping that you had the brains to fucking go off the back of that and intro this yourself, but Intro you asking me to do something.

Yes. I thought it would have been smooth but I forgot I'm dealing with fucking Danny McGinley. This is why I steal t-shirts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because you don't have any fucking social conventions. So. Wow.

So I did. I don't drink wine. The irony of saying that to someone. But I said, because I read your latest banner today and it was great. It was a really funny one. And I went on the way in, I thought I'll hit you up and I'll say can you can you write a couple of banners if you

if the Little Dun Dun Club was a team running out and you were writing the banner for us what would it be like? Okay well yeah it's I've been asked to do this for a few different things and because banners are already there for AFL football it's sort of people give it a bit more of leeway of

of why the fuck would you write a stupid message as people begin their jobs or whatever so for this it's sort of people give it a bit more of leeway of why the fuck would you write a stupid message as people begin their jobs or whatever so for this I'm just putting that out in advance before you tell me

that these are all fucked alright anyway so yeah I've written what have I got got five yeah sure

so I mean and you guys can choose which banner we run out to today oh but what if we make a banner for the next live show? We definitely should. I think we've talked about that before.

Oh, yeah. We did briefly talk about that until we found out how much it costs. So maybe not. All right. So, okay. Number one. If we didn't give to Patreon, this show would sound worse. Carl would be busy with day jobs and Tom with his mummy's purse.

Good. Real good. Happy with his mummy's purse. Good. Real good. Happy with that? Alright, sweet. Very formal of you just calling me Tom in there. I actually fucked up. It was supposed to be Tommy's mum's purse but then I changed it to mummy. This is the maverick I have behind the curtain. This is like being at the coke factory.

Except I've got much less energy after hearing that. I feel worse after this. It feels like I've got much less energy after hearing that. I feel worse after this. It feels like I've drunk way too much coke. I feel a bit sick. Dumb Dumb Club rule podcasting like two Egyptian pharaohs. We love you, magic dumb cunts. Hey, Carl, just propose.

That is a long bottle. No, no banner's a bad banner. We're just throwing them out there. Okay, yeah. So did you rhyme pharaohs with propose? Yeah, that's right, I did. Okay, do you know what rhyme means? Yeah, O's.

I would have gone cornrows somehow with propose. Goxy has cornrows. Yeah. Tens of thousands of listeners download onto their mac and yet tommy is still lonely don't worry mate she'll be back i like it good product placement in there too we could probably get apple on board with that one you'll really love this one oh well i know you know i'm and i'm sure everyone's doing the same thing you hear the the last word in the first line then you go oh where's this going Well, one I wasn't even going to say

because it's just so fucking obvious and dumb, but this show has a raw sound. The boys never overcook. Hey, speaking of food, how fucking fat is Dilrook? Oh, that's good. Didn't pick that. All right. Well, you'll definitely guess this one.

This is the final one. Hang on. What rhymes with suicide? Well, according to McGinley, probably fucking orange. To McGinley, the rhyming dictionary is just the dictionary. Carl's age and Tommy's voice make the show sound like child abuse, but we all know the best bullying is brought to you by Yalla Moose. Oh, okay.

Quite ticked. Noose. But anyway. I don't know that Yalla are going to be super on board with that as a sponsor of bullying. Oh, fuck. You sound exactly like middle management of the Footscray football team. Yeah. Well, lucky that Yalla Moose still don't know what we are.

I think they think we're a fanzine. So, yeah. Yeah. So, we'll get them made up for the 350th? Let's make up one of them for one of them. Do you know what they cost to get made up? Yeah, it's about a thousand, I think. Let's not do

that. Let's do something else. You can make it yourself. Let's get our number one fan, Pete Jones, to start making a paper mache one for us. How about we just make t-shirts out of them? You can sell them for two bucks. Sounds good. Tommy, I've just realised you actually have a copy of Danny McGinley's DVD.

I know, I do. Where's the t-shirt you got with it? The bundle, the combo. The sweet pre-order combo on the website. Because we're in Tommy Dossler's house at the moment and I always mean to bring it up because it's the first thing that strikes me. I know what this is going to fucking be.

It's a big bookshelf. I fucking know what this is. Is it the reverse? It's right there, the game. Oh, no. Yeah, look, look. She'll be back, but just in case she's not. And may I point out a well-thumbed copy of the game.

This is a fucking... That's broken a few times. This is fucked. All the pages are stuck together. Yeah. Hang on. Every single page is bookmarked. I was trying to see where it naturally falls open.

I've never seen... Start a podcast. I've never seen a book completely highlighted before. This is weird. This looks like you've rushed home from a night out to check it. All right, guys, you got me. I love to fuck. Guilty as charged. No, okay.

So two things about this. First of all, bit of a glimpse behind the curtain. We won't go into it, but me and Pete Jones had to leave my house after you guys had turned up to get a piece of equipment for the podcast. Leaving other people alone in my house when I'm not here is one of my fucking nightmares. I don't think I could ever do Airbnb

like as soon as we left I was just like are they going to be fucking going through my stuff, they'll find something embarrassing and I'm going to get fucking roasted when we get back here I didn't even think that for a second this actually came up in a conversation on Facebook with some people

during the week that I got outed as owning a copy of the game. So this is your copy of the game? Oh god! I forgot I had housemates! We know you have housemates. You could have easily fucked it up. It's Ballard!

Fuck! Legendary. That's the... I... There's no... You can't defend No. No. There's no – you can't defend owning the game without just sounding like a full meninist bro. Do you know what I mean? Give it a try. Okay.

So, Pete, one of the common misconceptions about the book The Game, it's actually a journalistic account by the author Neil Strauss about how he got into the world of being a pick-up artist and it's him reporting back gonzo style from being in this lifestyle. That's, fuck, very well rehearsed. Yeah. He said this to a few people. Now, let me show you a magic trick, you ugly slut.

All right, just take that feather out of your hat the actual series I bought it years ago because me and Bart Freeband did a play at the Fringe Festival about pick up artists

if you hadn't said it was Bart's copy I would have just followed that and you did a play as in a piece of theatre not just you guys trying to fuck girls

yeah we did the play to try and do that yeah we did the piece of theatre to try just you guys trying to fuck girls. Yeah, we did the play to try and do that. We did the piece of theatre to try and do that. But yeah, anyway, I've got to get rid of this fucking book. We should give it away. Let's give it. Sell it with one of my DVDs. Oh, God.

Yeah, so have you read it all? Yeah, I've read it. Not for many years, but I read it when I got it. Yeah. It's a good read. It's interesting. Yeah. What's a good read. It's interesting. Yeah. What's the – have you ever used anything in it?

No. Any? No. Not even – just a hint. Just a – Did you pick up more after reading the book or before? I picked up less. Too much magic.

No, I never – because the way that it's presented in there because he gets really into it but he also like – he really got – like the guys that he's meeting with are at the very extremes of it where it's like it's very much presented as like how fucked is it to be this way? Like how fucked is it to do this? Like the negging thing I just never – for people that aren't familiar with it, the concept of negging is like you – Haven't read it in years, you say.

When you're hanging out with a girl, you… Yeah, it's treating a girl like you would anyone on this podcast. I was about to say it's being Carl Chan. It's constant sort of like, you know, if they start to show a bit of interest, you give them like a real backhand. You know, you sort of say, oh, that's… You know, you don't normally see people wearing that kind of sweat. It's not like outright abuse. It's like it's treat them mean, keep them keen.

A girl says, oh, yeah, I was just at my job before and you go, yeah, all right, mate, we've all got stuff going. Like literally, yes. Now that I think about it, I think reading this book may have been the inspiration for starting the little dove I'm like. We negged ourselves. Now we want to fuck each other. Anything else in there you want to have a fucking go at?

You've got a thing called a reverse dictionary. What's that? I actually don't know. Is that one of Ballard's intellectual books? That got given to me as a gift and I've never looked at it. I don't, yeah. I think it's, I don't know. You could have said that about the game.

It's when you know the meaning but you don't know what the word is. Like Carl with fucking junket. Yeah. Bad custard thing mum made. Somehow I don't think that's going to be in there. You got the Great Gatsby, not red. From Russia with Love, not red.

How do you know it's not red? Spine's not cracked, mate. Can see it from here. I mean, you're right, but that's why I was angry. It was that you were right. Yeah, and this is called How to Root Women. Daslo hasn't read it, so. Legendary pants man.

How to Root Women. That's what the game is. Rooting women for dummies. You know what? This is what I was going to say because I was talking about it with someone last night and they told me that a friend of theirs bought a PDF off the internet of how to be better with men. Like paid. They thought it was a –

A woman did that? Yes. Bought a PDF document and $20 thinking it was Australian. It turned out it was American. So she's on the – $50 to get emailed a PDF about it. $50? Here's how you do it. How does, I mean, I'm not trying to be offensive or anything like that.

Here we go. But how do girls have trouble with guys? Like, guys are fucking idiots. Well, we've got a caller, Diane from Hawthorne. I don't like when the name gets involved I think you like when any of it gets involved Yeah my phone number's fine I don't recall saying that either And on top of that

I'd like all of our merch To be sold at full price Wow all these rules That are suddenly coming in Episode 305. Yeah, because beyond any of that, I mean, thinking that you need the advice is a different issue.

Who's paying to download a PDF on the internet? Surely just put in a bit of Googling and you'll find a bit of that stuff just on a website. It's not laziness that's costing her with men. But my point being, who's ever gone, oh, if only I could get inside the mystery of men. It's not that deep. Apparently there were multiple magazines about this very topic

we could purchase every week. That sealed section. If only it was in PDF form. How do you make them come? It's a nightmare. They're always going on play with the balls. Good luck finding them, women. Am I right?

It's like I'm always going to nightclubs at like 1 in the morning and guys are just playing pool and not interested in women at all. They're almost impossible to crack. Well, you've solved the great mystery. All the single women out there listening to this podcast going, he's right. I'm going to go out there right now. Yeah.

All right, Carl. Prove the point. Let's go. Look, it's late on a Sunday night now. Let's go to a nightclub and you have to root three men. Yeah, let's all go lose our virginity tonight. Let's all four of us go out and hit the town. My dream is coming true.

All right. Yeah, it's like This is like Doing the podcast Is like Fight Club It's like First rule First rule of podcast Club is

You have to root So that's That's you tonight Wow That was almost As long a bow As some of Danny's Banners

We gotta wrap this up For another week guys Pete Jones Danny Crazy John McGinley, thank you so much for joining us. Pete Jones, you're at Peter the Jones. At Peter the Jones, yes. On Twitter.

On Twitter. Anything you'd like to plug? Anything coming up? Nothing coming up, but I do run a couple of comedy nights. I run Dirty Secrets Comedy in Collingwood on Wednesday nights and Club Voltaire Comedy in North Melbourne on Sunday nights. Neither of them are as good as our gigs. You're a regular at the rooms that we run.

At both your rooms, yes. Keep an eye out for old Peter Jonesy Jones on the lineups. Yeah, he's very good. Very good at stand-up. Thanks, guys. It means a lot coming from the only two comedians I know. Anything you dreamed of saying all those years ago on the podcast, this is your last chance to get it out.

I'm saving it for the CEO, mate. Oh, here we go. This guy gets it. Wow. What about you, McGinley? I've got some T-shirts to sell. I've got my copy of Danny McGinley's DVD that's going for three bucks. Yeah, buy that, you get a copy of the game.

Hey, if any male listeners out... No, I'm not... Actually, I shouldn't endorse reading the game. If any male listeners actually I shouldn't endorse reading the game. It's not a good book. I was going to offer to give it out. But you're specifically male. Why not female? Yeah, Tommy. You know at least one person who needs some help?

Me? The woman who got the PDF. The story you literally just told. I'll send it to her. I'll scan it, put it in a PDF You'll make your money back that you lost on the t-shirt Yeah, McKinley, what have you got? I'm doing Your Room this week, Catfish That's probably already happened

Alright, fuck, I did well, didn't I? Just have general plugs Don't say, I'm going to be on this date I'm going to be on this day. I'm going to watch that door so that you don't sit on there and let people in for fucking $2. Yeah. You assume people will show up. Banners, Game Day, Channel 7, my DVD,

which you can get, get a free T-shirt, dannymcginlay.com. Most of our listeners know about that already thanks to the 300th episode, but yeah. Everyone got informed of that. But you're on Facebook you're on Twitter yeah absolutely

at Danny McGinnis get onto that we've got our solo show Redux is that the right word on Saturday August the 20th

at the European Beer Cafe tickets for that little dum dum club dot com we got the t-shirts we got the hoodies we got the Patreon

get on there and support all that stuff we're about to announce some new live dates in the coming weeks, so keep an eye on that on all the socials. Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

Jonesy nailed it. Yeah.