The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 306 - Grant Denyer & Harley Breen

Episode Date: August 16, 2016

Penthouse Suites, Port Headland and World Records.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne, this weekend you have a chance to do one of your very favourite things. That's right, going to watch me and Carl do our solo stand-up shows. Yeah, you know how you keep going, don't do those podcasts, those live podcasts. We want to see the stuff you've worked really hard on and written down and then said out loud again. Well, this is your lucky day. We are doing a return of our comedy festival shows. Little Golden Daslow and Carl Chandler defends his title as the world's greatest and best comedians. This Saturday, what is that, August the 20th, at the European Beer Cafe.

Tickets are $22. You get both shows for the price of one. It's going to be a fun afternoon. Awesome. Yeah, so come along to that. Next up, if you're into live comedy, Sydney. Boy, you've got a massive treat coming up because the lovely people at Just for Laughs, the most acclaimed comedy festival in the world,

doing a big festival every year in Sydney. They're coming here. They've brought some of the best comedians in the world down. What date's that, Tommy? September the 6th till September the 11th at the Sydney Opera House. Who have you got, Carl? Among the names that are coming down,

people that you guys get into. Try and make it not sound obvious that you're reading. I'm not reading. Trevor Noah. Trevor Noah's coming down, the host of The Daily Show. Ronnie Chang's boss. That's what you may know him better as. A guy that was nearly on the podcast a couple of years ago.

And you know what? We're going to have a hell of an effort and really put in and try and get him on when he's down here. So that's something to look forward to. But if you know The Daily Show, you want to go and see him while he's down here. So he's here. Bill Bailey's out. Alan Carr, host of his own show, obviously, as well. Margaret Cho.

If you're into the hardcore American podcast and radio scene, Jim Norton, one of Nick Cody's, what of it? Nick Cody's very favourite comedian is Jim Norton. Rhys Darby. Rhys Darby, yeah. Flight of the Conchords star. And who was in Hunt for the Wilderpeople. Yeah. Which is my favourite movie of this year so far.

Along with friends of the show, Pete Hellyer and Charlie Pickering are doing shows and Tommy Little is doing the same show that I was part of last year when he hosts like a showcase a bunch of times. Yeah, the Stand Up series. So all that stuff, Just for Life Sydney 6th to the 11th at the Sydney Opera House.

Check out those shows but also heaps of those acts are touring all around the country. Exactly, so they're in Melbourne. A lot of fans in Melbourne obviously so all those guys that I said out loud are basically all doing shows in Melbourne as well. So check them out when they come down in early September, basically. Yeah. We're also being sponsored this week by the Monash University Law Review.

Wow. Who would have picked that? Who would have picked a bunch of people that wouldn't let us into their university and now giving us money? Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back. The Monash Uni Law Review, it's a comedy show funded by the Steve Vizard Foundation. It's on at the Butterfly Club from August the 24th until the 28th at 7pm. And yeah, it's a bunch of new people that you probably won't have seen before in stuff,

but previous alumni include Sammy J and Celia Piccola. A bunch of the Working Dog guys got their start in there. That's the traditional route into comedy, isn't it? People do law, they put on the law review, and then for some reason they go, we would get paid so much money for doing this. How about we go and skulk around some dirty old open mics instead? Pretty much, yeah. So that's the future of Australian comedy, I guess, coming through there.

So check out the Law Review, guys. They've included on the note here, you don't need to be a lawyer or a student to enjoy the show. I think that goes without saying. Well, I want to see some of this comedy that you can only understand if you're a student. It's like, here's the tuck shop prices, Skip. Oh, nah, over my head, mate. This is before my time.

Yeah, go check that out. I've been to a law review a couple of years ago, and it was great fun. Tickets are available at the door or online at the Butterfly Club. And $12 off if you enter the code DUMDUM. Oh, wow. We got one of those little deals now. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Save yourself $12. Oh. And use it to go towards a ticket to our solo shows this weekend. Yeah. Ordered by a couple of tubs of delicious chocolate mousse. Wow, we are really corporate shilling out this week. This is good stuff. Also, we've just put this on sale. Adelaide, get ready to sit on your fat asses and not buy any tickets.

What the fuck are we doing? What have we done? We've done it again for the third time. What the fuck are we doing? What have we done? We've done it again for the third time. October the 4th, Tuesday, October the 4th, we are coming over and doing a big live dum-dum show.

Adelaide. Yes. Can you believe we're actually coming back? Are we coming back because we want to do a show there or are we coming back to have something to complain about for the next month or two? I think it's that. I don't know what it is. I think it's mental illness at this point in some capacity. I think it's that. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I think it's mental illness at this point in some capacity.

I think it's Stockholm Syndrome or something. Yeah. And just to hype it up, we sent out a bit of a message the other day to potential guests, a big sort of group message thing saying, gauging interest, a lot of interest. A lot of interest. From some very good names. Yeah, it's going to be a good line-up.

We're actually going to have to say no to some reasonably famous people. Yes. Yeah. It's going to be a good lineup. We're actually going to have to say no to some reasonably famous people. Yes. Yeah. It's going to be good. And the reputation of, you know what, not so much the show, but just the road trip. Just us going over there. It's not really a road trip if you fly. Well, we will be on roads at some point.

True. Well, I can't fault you there. There's a road to the airport. A footpath trip. Yeah. Our drive from your house to the airport is a pretty good trip. Yeah, that's true. That bit's fun.

It's a lot of fun. 24-hour bakeries, us starting drinking at 10 a.m. Us knocking on the doors of any pubs in Adelaide about 10.30 a.m., going home for a little bit of a nap, and then coming on to do a big-ass show at night. Someone in a wheelchair calling you during the show and asking you to come carry them up the stairs. Memories. It's going to have everything.

It's at the Rhino Room, where we've been the last couple of times. So come in. Adelaide, come on. You know what? Change the habits of a lifetime. It would be really cool if just this once. Just do us a favour. Do something.

Do it differently. Buy your tickets in advance. Yeah. You're going to come. Why leave it to the last? You know what? This is what happens. do something do it differently buy your tickets in advance yeah you're going to come why leave it to the last you know what this is what happens

we're now selling enough tickets in all cities in all the capitals yeah that we're getting to points where we're selling out

pretty consistently and then we always have people hitting us up going oh yeah you sold out now I can't get a ticket like it's our fault

we're never selling it on the day there's plenty of time to get it so just go and get it now oh, yeah, you sold out. Now I can't get a ticket. Like it's our fault. We're never selling it on the day. There's plenty of time to get it. Yes, yes. You should just go and get it now because someone's going to be sooking in Adelaide. The worst sort of sook in Adelaide sook. I haven't heard the term sook for a while. It's very good.

Yeah, I'm bringing it back. It's just got to Adelaide. So, yeah, that's why I'm using it. Also, we should say T-shirts, hoodies, and all that stuff on our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. That's also where you can get the tickets to the live shows that we've been talking about. Patreon, thank you to everyone who's chipping in. That's a way

that you can subscribe and support the show. You get rewards at various levels. Patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Type that in because it doesn't have a great search engine, the old patreon.com for some reason. So that's the exact address.

Get on there. You know, long-time listeners will know. You get a magazine at $5. You get bonus material, bonus audio material at $10, which, you know what, if you sign up now, it's officially August now. So if you sign up by the end of the month, next month, September,

the bonus episode next month is a bit of an edited highlights of my 40th birthday show, Spectacular. So if you weren't in town for that, it's the best bit of it, basically, isn't it? The roast. It's going to be a tightened together roast. Yeah.

Highlights from the roast. Yeah. Which I've been trying to persuade you to do for ages. Yeah. And you finally come around. Yeah. So give the people what they want, the people being Tommy. So I've done it for my little friend Tommy.

Hey, I already had it. For you, you know, it's like, you know, we both need to sign off on it. We've both got these signet rings that, like, connect together, and that's what releases content. Well, I think we should check with our guests if they're okay with it being put out as well. Well, Tom Ballard, Tom Ballard's been requesting it. He's been messaging me going, put it out.

It's like, oh, Tom thinks he's had a good one. Yeah. I've walked past his room on multiple occasions and heard him listening to it. Oh, really? So Tom Ballard is very happy with his performance that night. As he should be. He's great in it. Everyone's great in it.

Yeah. Yeah, he was very happy with it. To which Nick Cody, what of it? Nick Cody was like saying, oh, let's do another one. Let's do another one next time. And next time, we'll all have time to prepare because Balor thinks he's so good because he put in all this effort. It's like, yeah, like anything.

That's what happens. You put in preparation, you're going to be good at something. Cody's using it as an excuse like, well, I didn't know we were going to. No, you've known for six months, Cody. Cody was great. Who was it? Cody, Ronnie, Tom. You did write a reply.

I didn't do anything. Yeah. I forgot Bart. Bart Freedman was involved as well. Bart did a very good one. Is that everyone? I feel like there's one other person, but I'm not sure. Basically now, if you get that episode and you hear any of those names that aren't in it,

you'll know that they did not give their permission for us to put it out. And that we don't like them that much because we don't remember their name. Cool, guys. I think that's everything for now. Yeah. There's been a lot there. Yeah. Yeah.

A lot to chew through. Yeah. So enjoy this episode that we just recorded with Harley Breen and first time guest on the show. Very exciting. Long time coming, the great man, Grant Denyer. Yeah. Thanks to everyone that got on social media and hassled him into saying yes to this. Yeah, I think you really scared the shit out of him.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and sitting opposite me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. We're broadcasting from what, the 100th floor? Yeah, from a real shithole, I reckon. From the new apartment that we've bought together that's the new Little Dumb Dumb Club headquarters. Yeah. It's the top floor of Crown Towers, is it?

Yeah. Oh. Is it the top floor? I don't think we're. The top floor of Crown Towers, is it? Yeah. Oh. Is it the top floor? I don't think we're on the top floor. Are we on the top floor? We're pretty, well, let's say it's the top floor. It's close enough. Plus, I don't know, for what we talk about generally,

gee, it's a good chance to jump out of a window up here. It is one of the most salubrious venues to end yourself, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they, anyway, look, that's way too grim. Let's introduce our guests. First of all, you know him from losing his car to his ex-wife. You may have seen him on a little show called Family Feud. Oh.

Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Harley Breen. Yay! I love you. Are we on the 100th floor? You're great at maths. We're not even close to that. And are we on the top? This isn't the penthouse.

That just shows you how successful I am. I'm like, oh, this is, I'm in space. We went up high. I'm an astronaut now. I didn't have to walk upstairs to get in there. Also joining us for the first time, you'll know him from Sunrise, from Family Feud, from so many things. Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for the first time, you'll know him from Sunrise, from Family Feud, from so many things. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club for the first time,

Grant Dania. Yes. This is very exciting. By the way, if you can see Tasmania from this hotel room, it's the goddamn top floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the survey says. Let me say that Grant's got the hundreds floor.

God, we're not second floor. Jesus Christ. It's funny, when you walked in, you've opened the door and you went, Jesus, how long has this been going on? I'm going to get myself in television. Like you'd never seen a hotel room before. Yeah, oh man. Like he's going to get into television.

Oh, hotels are just the best. Look, there's a helicopter. Let's see if we can do the podcast in the helicopter. It's not time to go to work yet. I'll just let him sit down there and he can just spin the blades. I mean, you've got this room. How much power have you got? Can you get him to come back somehow?

Do you just want to get the helicopter pilots to go past and just wave at us through the window? Yes. I can do that. He's not a magical superhero. Can you just get the helicopter to move this way? You've confused me with James Packer. I'm just a game show host. But no, welcome to my room, gents.

It's nice, don't steal anything. This is great. You were telling us before that one time when you were here, you got put up in a room that sounds extraordinarily lavish. I thought I'd got the upgrade. I've been staying here for about two and a half years now. You should really just buy a place, but yeah. I'm pretty much sure.

And it's a really good place to stay. You know, it's right on the hour. You can go for a walk in the morning. I saw a seal in the river the other day. It's quite spectacular. Look at the view out there right now. Why wouldn't you want to stay here? By the way, I am paying to stay here.

This is not a freebie. Really? I've been upgraded. Yeah, yeah. No, my work pays. I was going to say. Jesus. Yeah, Crown's not just, yeah. No, my work pays. I was going to say, Jesus. Yeah, Crown's not just throwing it on because he likes blackjack.

Yeah, well, I thought it's not Channel 31's famous feud. It's Channel 10. Crown's going, what, the little dum-dum club's coming here? Jesus, have the room for fun. Yeah, yeah. God, Zach, I love those guys. So I thought I'd been upgraded, and until just a couple of weeks ago, they said, Mr. Tenier, we'd like you, this is your 700th visit or whatever.

We'll give you the special room. I said, what's a special room? They said, it's got its own secret lift. That is a special room. You put secret in anything, you goddamn know it's special. Yeah. Have you got a bookcase that twirls around or something in here? Is there a bat cave attached to the back of it?

I've got secret mold at my house. It is not secret. I've got secret mould at my house. It is not secret. I've got secret stuff at the back of my fridge. I haven't seen since 1998. Yeah, that'll kick. I open the door and it is literally, I look left, it's about 30 metres to the end of the room. I look right, it's about 40 metres to the end of that room.

This thing is just the most lavish room I've ever seen. It doesn't have a mini bar. It has a fully stocked pub bar inside it. It had a horse. Post-mix Coke? Wait. Yes. We were talking about this last week on the show.

I want to set up a bar at my house and just have a post-mix thing in it. Or just go to McDonald's where they have post-mix all the time. Have we given any signs that we aim low on this show? Because you guys just got obsessed about post-mix Coke and he just said there was a horse. There was a horse. You're like, did it have Coke? Yeah, if it was a diluted horse,

if it was like a pony, we'd be into it. We would actually be more excited if we were doing this podcast from a McDonald's party room. What kind of Coke was it? Was it AC Cola from Kmart or actual coke? I'm guessing it was actual coke. It was actual coke. And not the black liquid.

But it did have like a full-size wooden horse just in the doorway to the bedroom like it was a piece of art that you could sit on, which I did, naturally. And you take a photo of it and send it to everybody to say how awesome you are. Now, when you say you could sit on it, you just mean like physically you were able to sit on it. There wasn't a sign saying, please sit on this horse. No, there wasn't an actual saddle so you could ride it around the room. But yeah, I climbed on that bad boy and it was like my most triumphant moment in television ever. Sitting on top of this gorgeous wooden steed in the middle of the biggest hotel room in Crown.

Is that the next level up from that room, the horse is on like a little track and there's a little remote and you can just kind of like he actually moves so you can ride him around the room. But what I want to know is because we're not there

now we're in here who's in that room now? Is it Larry Emder up there now? Brutal. Let's go up there right now. Andrew O'Keefe

could be in there. Do you know how to get into the secret lift? Oh yeah. Game show wars. There's no signs on it like you wouldn't know it's there kind of looks like just a conventional doorway with a lift behind Oh, yeah. Game show wars. There's no signs on it. Like, you wouldn't know it's there.

It kind of looks like just a conventional doorway with a lift behind it. It's like Harry Potter. With a security guard sort of who hides in the corner and just sits in this marble room outside the lift just to make sure that nobody else is in there. And that's his job, just to sit there, just to make sure that the only people who go out there. Yeah.

You had your own man there. It's crazy. It's crazy. I felt like the goddamn president. Yeah. You had your own man there. It's crazy. It's crazy. I felt like the goddamn president. Yeah. Oh, that's, yeah. It was lunacy. It had a toilet that if you walked past it,

Was that his helicopter? the lid opened on its own. The automatic toilet lid. Oh, I want that. It opened on its own. And when you sat down, it was nice and warm. It was like, it was all heated. Wow.

Any for day action or not? Yeah, I'm not that venturous. Oh, really? I can't do that. The only thing I want to go up my bum is my own finger. I went to Japan last year and nearly every toilet has the old, there's like a little hose in there. It took me, I was there two weeks, it took me a week to finally go,

all right, I'm trying it on. Did you give it a go? You don't look back once you've done it once. Really? I was afraid I'd feel violated. Oh, it's amazing. So what do you do now that you're at home? You just got a hose in the bathroom that you just...

Yeah, I bought a super soaker. Well, I'm putting a hose in. I just got back from Indonesia and I've been to Asia several times. Every time I'm there, I'm like, these people do it better. Yeah. They do it better. Everything's cleaner. I'm putting a hose in.

It's not hard. You're going to do it? Yeah, absolutely. Good man. Clean it up. I still haven't done it. Just a colonic a day from now on in the brain household. Wow.

You know what I can't handle? The countries where their plumbing's kind of fucked up and you can't flush your toilet paper down there. So you have to put it in a bin. Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. Yeah, in a way, third world countries aren't as good as us. You're right.

Punch down, Tommy. But it just feels like, even though that's what you're meant to do, you're just going everything about this is wrong. Yeah. Like this just feels... It does feel like you're putting it everything about this is wrong. Yeah. Like, this just feels. It does feel like you're putting it in a basket and it's like, oh, well, I've collected that. That'll come in useful.

That's a little souvenir. Make sure you put it in the recycle bin. Yeah. I'd be afraid that if you sit in a bidet and the pressure's wrong that it's just going to come out your nose. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, you've got to be careful of the hoses.

Yeah, they're wound up a bit. Yeah. Yeah, they're at gurney strength. Yeah. Yeah, they're at gurney strength. Yeah. It's not. Wow. You do have to be a bit careful. I've been anal bleached.

It used to be brown. Wow. But welcome in, Grant, to the first time for our podcast. I've never dropped anal bleach on that. I do. I now understand why this podcast world is so goddamn exciting. What would anal bleach be the answer to a survey on? A survey?

The answer! What is the number one plastic surgery operation? Yeah. Anal bleaching. What are the ten reasons that if you talk about them, keep you on a podcast instead of hosting your own show? Oh, anal bleach is up there. Yeah, very good.

But you have, it is your first time on Little Dumb, but you have got a nice little taste test of the world that we live in down here because we chased you a little bit on Twitter. Look, personally, I'm a big fan. I love the game show host. I do love. I'm not saying that's what you are permanently, but it just seems like you and Larry Emder and Andrew O'Keefe,

oh, I'm just massive fans for whatever reason. Yeah. See, that's weird because I consider like – this is my first ever podcast, I'd like to point this out. So this is kind of a real breakthrough moment for me. So you're Papa Machere. But it was kind of weird because you guys reached out once to say, hey, would you like to come on a little podcast?

And then all of a sudden this scary avalanche of people were reaching out to me in all sorts of mediums. It was crazy stalking sort of stuff. Yes, yes. And it was like I've been lobbied before. Like where do we say if we ever have a question on Family Fit that's about cyclists, you are yow.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Like, we had a question was, name something annoying you see on the road. Someone goes, oh, a cyclist. I go, look, I didn't say it. They said it. That's just a public survey. Maybe that's what some members of the community think.

Bang. Like, you get 10,000 people. I get cyclists who are threatening to kill me if I say anything like that again. I go, man, I just host a game show. So I've been lobbied. And then you guys came along and went, what is this underground secret society of weirdos coming out and seeing podcasts surely as some form of like just another world medium. I come from the mainstream medium, right?

We like to pretend that podcasts don't exist. They are the realm of clearly of either really intellectual or radical people. You don't have to pretend too hard. We barely exist. You need a secret elevator to get into our shots. So when you guys came out, clearly you got really, really, really strong and passionate fans when it comes to this podcast. That came out in the number in which I was terrified. I was afraid if I didn't say yes to this podcast that I was going to open my door one morning

and I live in country New South Wales and there'd be someone hiding in my hedges with a pair of binoculars saying, when are you coming on the door? Yeah. Oh, look. Definitely. Wake up with a wooden horse's head in your bed. Yeah. Left it at the doorway.

I did love your reply on Twitter with something like, okay, you've broken me down. All your henchmen have broken me down. I come on your little boutique podcast. I'm like, okay, you've broken me down. All your henchmen have broken me down. I come on your little boutique podcast. I'm like, oh, you've got our number already. You've got fringe dwellers. I believe it was something to the effect of, I'll do it if it'll make all these people leave me alone. Which has

sort of been, I believe when we had Larry Emger on, it was basically the exact same thing. The exact same tactic. So thanks all the listeners out there. Thanks for harassing and scaring people for us. Not with anger, but with a little bit of love, which I really appreciated. So it kind of broke down my walls and it said,

you know what, you need to open your eyes to another medium out there that's not your own, the one that just, you know, fills your own pockets. Let's be clear. Let's be very clear. You're not being paid for this. But, no, there's a lot of love from all the listeners, what we call, they don't say

they're fans of the show, they say they're aware of the show because they love all the guests. They don't seem to love us as much but they definitely

love everyone that goes on the show. Do you cop it from your own subscribers? Oh, don't worry about that. It's relentless. I sell more tickets every time I come on

Dum Dum. These guys can't move more units and they're the hosts of the show. And they just cop constant abuse. I love it. Keep it up, people.

I'll give a little insight into Mary, the game show world and the podcast world. My number is out there. My phone number is out there. My good friend over there, Tommy Little, has – Tommy Little. Wow. Yes. Jesus.

Tommy Little. Tommy Daslow has – What a smooth operation. Yeah. Easy mistake to make, admittedly. 300 eps in. Same sorts of arms. Yeah.

So he has put my phone number out there. Everyone that listens to the show has got my phone number, and they prove that every day. They ring me, they text me, they sign me up for things. It's not a fun life I'm having. They sign you up for things. Yeah, it's not great. Organ donation.

Yeah. I know who will do this while still alive. So I tend to get a lot of calls. I now have a rule where I sort of don't answer. I was getting a lot of calls that would block numbers, and that's definitely when you're going to get a crank call. That's a sign of trouble. Yeah, I do not answer them.

However, sometimes I'll see the number come up and go, sure, let's roll the dice. Let's answer this one. Let's see. I said a while ago, if you're going to ring me, have something to say. Don't just ring up and heavy breathe down the phone and hang up. Yeah, and say, have you checked the children? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Our car doesn't have children. So I get a call. I get a call a couple of months ago, I see the number come up and it comes up on the iPhone as like a big long number. And then if you've had international calls on your iPhone, it'll come up as the country. So it comes up as Denmark. And I'm like, you know what? Let's reward this guy.

He's made the effort. Let's go. All right. So I pick up the phone and go, all right, mate, what's happening in fucking Copenhagen? What sort of shit have you got to say to me? And the guy on the other end just goes, uh, what? And I'm like, well, you're calling about the podcast. Here we go.

Denmark calling. All right. What do you got for me? What abuse? How do you call me a cunt in Danish? And the guy's like, um, um, and I start to go, oh, no. I'm calling up about the organ donation. This is actual gaslighting of what I've done to you.

This is amazing. Yeah, so then he goes, oh, well, I'm just answering the phone call. You're obviously ringing about the podcast. He goes, oh, I don't know what a podcast is. Yeah, I don't know. So up your own ass. You're obviously calling about the podcast. Well, I'm like, who else would call me?

No one else rings me up. He's calling from Ikea just to let you know that your new table is here. From head office. Yeah, so anyway, I keep talking and he goes, look, I don't know what's going on. I'm like, okay, well who are you? And he goes, oh, my name's Darren McMullen.

I'm not, I'm, you know, I hosted The Voice and I've hosted shows like that. I'm like, oh no. And he's like, yeah, and I've hosted shows like that. I'm like, oh, no. And he's like, yeah, and I'm not in Denmark at all. I'm from America. I'm just ringing up to see if you want a job on this show called The Big Music Quiz. Can we forget about that Danish cunt reference?

So he's just going, oh, this is fascinating. Why are you answering every call presuming people are yelling at you and stuff? I'm like, oh. Do you know how many gigs you may have missed through not answering the phone? And through calling people names when they ring up. Yeah. Oh, no, definitely. So then it goes on.

And so that show then, I get a call a couple of weeks. So wait, was he actually, why did it come up as Denmark? I don't know. He's just a fucking idiot who can't read. Isn't he Scottish? Yes. So it was all very confusing. From America.

Yeah. It was very, very confusing. Why was the host calling you about a gig? Oh, it just happened. I think my name was passed on to him by someone else. So he thought he'd have to work very closely with me. So I think he was just getting engaged as to what sort of person this guy would be. He's very good at four-letter words.

Can you write my scripts? No, I'm thinking about the intro. Can we put the show on at 12.30 at night? Is that possible? Let's just drop the C-bomb to really get their attention in the first three seconds. Hello, Australia, you bunch of cunts. We surveyed 100 cunts and we've got all the answers.

Welcome to the big fucking music quiz. It's a big music quiz. Can we only do Kevin Bloody Wilson songs? So do your fucking first date so then I then get a call a couple of weeks later

from a producer going oh hey it's the producer from the big music quiz and I just wanted to scope you out to see if you wanted to and I go

oh yeah don't worry Darren's already oh yeah why don't you producer finger up your ass and fuck off so then I say no no

I know all about the show. Darren's already rang me. And he goes, what do you mean, Darren who? I'm like, the host of your show. And he goes, he rang you? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, he already rang me to scope it out. He goes, he did not mention that to me. I'm like, oh, he doesn't want me on the show.

Like, that clearly, he hasn't mentioned that to the producer or anything like that. It might have been the warm reception you gave him. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So then the producer hires me, and then it's been the warm reception you gave him. Yeah, exactly. So then the producer hires me and then it's all good and then I sort of rock in. And because Darren's a lovely guy, I come in and I start the show and working on the show and he doesn't bring it up or anything like that. But I'm like, I wonder if he's actually at some stage sort of gone,

no, let's not get this guy in. Where does your relationship go with him after that? It was actually very good. That makes it very hard. Because he's a lovely guy and he was funny and everything. But I think he was fine with it because then he just wanted to know about this world of podcasts where I've been brought to that breaking point where I'm just yelling at whoever rings me up. So we were fine after that.

Isn't this podcast really just a front for your T-shirt sales anyway? Yeah. Isn't it really just, it's the fascia of your merchandising arm, which is the big end of the business. We're like the Rolling Stones. We just put out an album so we can go on tour. That's what it is. You guys are just like the Rolling Stones.

He's been in his hotel room for eight minutes and now he's a member of the Rolling Stones. As in we should have stopped doing it years ago. That was a cool story before, but can I say, extremely uncouth to talk about an upcoming Channel 7 show while we're interviewing someone from the Network 10 family. So did you get the gig? Are you on the gig for the big music quiz?

Behind the scenes, I was writing. I was hand-in-hand with Darren doing a bit of work backstage. So you've written it? Well, it helped out. Well, who wouldn't sign you after the wonderful introduction? Yeah, exactly. It wasn't the best ad I've ever put out there. But, you know, hey you after the wonderful introduction? Yeah, yeah, exactly. It wasn't the best ad I've ever put out there. But, you know, hey, guys, if you want to ring me for other shows.

It's a good show. I've seen the ads for it. It's got, like, Rebel Wilson and stuff in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty top end. Yeah, exactly. There's good guests coming up. So it should be fine.

I haven't seen it. But they also saw Larry Emder on there. Oh, no good. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Everyone thinks that the game show hosts have this kind of weird undercurrent of anger Towards one another Like if it went down

We'd fight to the death Which is a really fun prospect to think about Kind of like Ron Burgundy It's like we'd all meet in some sort of quadrangle You bring some chains Who's winning that fight? Larry Emder's looking pretty buff to be honest at the moment He's a big boy Yeah but you're a sportsman And he's true Oh yeah and I'm a dirty fighter You bring some chains. Who's winning that fight? Larry Emder's looking pretty buff, to be honest, at the moment. Yeah.

He's a big boy. Yeah, but you're a sportsman. That is true. Oh, yeah. And I'm a dirty fighter. Oh, really? So I reckon I'd take him out. They're too nice, those two. Yeah, yeah.

Andrew O'Keefe would just laugh the house down. Andrew O'Keefe, he'd just fall over. He'd just send you a wall of sound. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's good. Oh, wow. Good improv.

That's excellent. Okay. Fuck, marry's good. Oh, wow, good improv. That's excellent. Okay, fuck, marry, kill. O'Keefe and Stefanovic. Stefanovic's not technically a game show. We can't do it right now. That's a good one. I think you'd learn something from sleeping with O'Keefe.

I think he'd be kind of like the Madonna of the TV world. Oh, really? Yeah, he'd had a couple of secret moves that not even the Kama Sutra would have caught on to. He'd take you on a big night on the town beforehand as well, I think. Yeah, you'd be well lubricated before he entered you. Wow. You are really loosing it out there, Daniel. I reckon Larry would tell you jokes while he was stroking your hair as you're waking up in the morning, which is a beautiful sight.

I'm so impressed by Larry M. Dern. He's got such a big body now. I'm not one usually for big bodies. He's quite fit, isn't he? Because he was trying to get on the front of GQ or something. Wasn't that the competition? Yeah, and he got there. Men's health.

Yeah, men's health. That's what it was. Yeah, but you already know each other. You and Harley already know each other because Harley's been on Celebrity Family Feud, which is really- Oh, let's not call it. It wasn't called Celebrity Family Feud. Thank you very much.

All Star. It was called Comedy All Stars. Oh, right. So they changed the name once they booked you. Here we go. Oh, I'll cut that celebrity. All right. That's smooth.

What's another word for celebrity where they're not so famous? All Star. Excellent. Well done. Can we call it Open Mic Family Feud? No. All famous? All-star. Excellent. Well done. Can we call it open mic family feud? No. All right. Themed family feud.

Ambulance officers versus lifeguards. In my defense, you had some heavy hitters of the comedy world. I mean, with Arndo and Dave O'Neill, everyone's heads were just reeling. It was good fun. And that was one of the first we'd done so we we'd never really trialed the the the all-star uh slash celebrity um uh feud in the country and i think it was our first to be honest right so it was really quite an intimidating process because you guys are you're fast on your feet and like i host that show every single night and wait what six nights a week sorry and it's and i the only bit of script is the first couple of minutes,

sorry, the first sort of 10, 15 seconds, the last 10, 15 seconds. Everything else is pretty much ad-libbed. You don't know any of the questions, any of the answers. And I might have one dot point maybe on each contestant. There might be a back story about that time that, you know, you got eaten by a shark or whatever. The rest of it's really, it's just on the fly and I love that. I used to make television where I used to be really quite anal

across all the details, to write all the scripts, always be a part of building the big picture. And this one I just went, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to try something completely different that I've never done. I'm just going to wing it and see. You used to personally call up your writers from Denmark and just call them names. And I thought I'll try something completely different

and it's been the greatest amount of fun. And, like, we did 15 episodes in 48 hours the other day and you were laughing as much on the last one as you are on the first one. And that's when you go, I've got a really, really cool gig. But when you guys rocked up, you're the kings of just rolling with it and being fast on your feet. So this was mega intimidating for me. It was eight clowns just got released into that studio.

And your producer, Pam Barnes, kept saying, now, guys, the game is important. We want you to try. You've got to want to win this. And we were all like, yeah. And just added. And Emre Shiano, who I love and think is great, but she got so annoyed at me because I went up for my time at the podium.

And the question was, name something that people do slowly. And I just hit the buzzer as quick as I could. It just went sex. And it wasn't on the board. And it got a big laugh. And I came back. And Em went, did you answer that just to get a laugh? I'm like, yeah.

Why do you think I'm here? I don't care about winning. Don't tell the charity that. She got all antsy at you. She goes, did you just do that for a laugh? We had a win. Oh, man, how many children died because of your laugh? Yeah, well, you know.

But I thoroughly enjoyed it. I sort of didn't know what to expect. Who was your team? Dave O'Neill's family. So it was Emre, Shiano, me and Edo and Edmonds. And then on the other side was Arndo, Fiona O'Loughlin, June Northern, Emily Tahini, her actual real sister, and Stephen Gates. Gates here from Tripod.

It was really good value. In fact, we've had a – they've been far more successful than I think we anticipated because regular feud, often when you start to mess with a format, everything starts to disintegrate a little bit. Everyone starts to lose faith because it's like you're trying to pump up your own tires when you know everything's starting to deflate. So normally it's a trick that television stations tend to use when you're trying to give something a second win when it needs it.

Jump the shark. Do the Fonziezie family feud down under exactly right so we were really hesitant we held off for a good they wanted to do it really early on with the bringing back of family feud and i thought man you're going to kill us before we've even really you know kicked off so we held off but it's been a been a real great success so one surprising thing for me is i i made the mistake a couple years ago saying i never wanted to be a game show host which which which was made a headline in in in the newspaper and it comes up every time i goddamn get interviewed yep um and i and i really wasn't quite sure about bringing something back like family feud the problem is with something that's nostalgic and is a part of people's upbringing is they can remember it so fucking fondly like

when it's a part of you as a kid and you and being in a lounge room and happy times with families and stuff you you you almost can never live up to that memory yeah so often you fail before you even begin so the biggest curse of bringing something back like an old game show that's now nearly 45 years old is going fuck people remember this better than the show was actually any good. You know, like Hey Hey was a perfect example of that. Yes. Everyone goes, oh, bring back Hey Hey. Oh, they were the best times of my life on a Saturday night.

They brought the show back. Fuck, that hasn't changed. TV's come alive. I was going to say, with Family Feud, like 45 years ago, what were some of the questions? What are all the races of people that you don't want in this country? Survey says, oh no, let's not replay that one.

A slightly different tone. We're this great family the other day which is a perfect example of where we are now as a country and also, you know, kind of how we can sort of be a bit cooler, you know, at Channel 10 and be a bit more, have a bit more of an open door policy but we had this great family who was, we had this chick,

her ex-husband and her new lesbian partner all on the one team. Wow. That was superb. Hello, modern Australia. How good is that? Wow. How good is that? Like that is, that's, you would never have seen that.

It feels like a Big Brother episode where you're just putting them in the room and go, play this one out, guys. Let's see what happens. Yeah, it was superb. Well, my son's sixth birthday was the other day, and that was at my ex-in-law's house, and my current girlfriend was doing face painting. So, you know, similar.

That's very progressive. There's no lesbians in that story, so it's not as good. Oh, yeah, yeah. There were lesbians there. I just didn't mention them. Why would you bury the lead like that? This is what I've noticed With Family Feud And this is

You see the times have changed And whatever I always get blown away When I see people With like full Arm tattoos and stuff On air Yeah

Because you never used to see that And now you just see And like you would never have seen that Four years ago Yeah Yeah But now people are forced to put that on

because everyone there's so many people have tattoos everybody under the age of yeah 28 now is fully asleep it's like a census

every day on Family Feud you're seeing middle Australia every day and what people are like yeah like we had a Muslim family on the other day and the guy's hugging me and cuddling me

and everyone was sort of jumping on Twitter going how progressive is this and you go it's just normal it's just a family it's just bloody normal this is the family who wants to do something cool with one another on television you've just some questions for some cash you've just got to get through you've got so many people to put on that show you can't

discriminate can you you've just got to put everyone on anyway yeah even if you want to wait out the idiots though because oh really if you're if you're going to be shit at playing family if you'd be be the worst we've ever seen Right Yeah So what happens? That now Alright you've rung my bell now

The idiots The people that John West reject Here we are On Family Feud The worst players Always Are the ones who Who are the game show whores

So they've done the rounds Prize weeks For sure So they've done They've done Deal or No Deal they've been on for sure so they've done they've done Deal or No Deal they've been on Wheel of Fortune

they've been on Larry's show they've been on everyone's show so they come in there thinking that this is going to make them famous this is

so they come on they're too afraid to say anything because they're too afraid to embarrass themselves because it might reduce their chances of them getting a

full time career in media so they give you nothing they say nothing. They're just trying to win without being entertaining. Yeah. Right. Which just makes my job completely hard and that makes them exceptionally boring. So they're the worst players.

Right. But it's the ones who just drop the dungas are the best. Yeah. It's the one who says, you know, name something you find on the beach, you know, dead body, you know. Yeah. Boom. Boom.

Name something you leave in the boot of your car, dead body. Like this came up, up for one family. Said this three times in a show once. I went, jeez, is he related to Carl Williams? Yeah, yeah. Is this the underbelly version of the underbelly? What the bloody hell is going on here? I was too afraid not to give him the cash.

Have you done the show and an episode and you've had to just get rid of it because the content has either been too much for television or too boring. I would have thought that would happen a lot. Occasionally, there's an accidental little bit of racism, which tends to come from sometimes your older contestants, which is just a generational thing. It might be something like, he might go, the Asians. It might be like that.

And we'll go, I'm going to give you another chance to say another one. For your own sake. All right, the Orientals. The Itais. The Celestials. The Pad Thai Eaters. And here we are at the end of Greg Denya's career. So you understand, look, I understand you're from Ballarat

and, you know, you're 70 understand you're from Ballarat and you're 70 and your time's a little bit different now so we'll give you the chance to say another answer and they're pretty cool with that but that's really rare. So we shoot an episode, you could do it live. We do a 26 minute episode in about 32 minutes and it's great.

I enjoyed that part of it. It was very quick TV. It is. I've got a pitch for you. What about all stars of podcasting, you have us on one family, and then you fly out a bunch of producers from This American Life and we go head to head with them? Will Anderson and Charlie Clawson make a good idea? Yeah.

I consider this little dum-dum club as kind of like it's the gateway drug of podcasts for me. Yeah, right. This is my introduction. Oh, this is opening you up. This is like just having the gateway drug of podcasts for me. Yeah, right. This is my introduction. Oh, this is opening it up. This is like just having a little bit of weed right now. I can help you out with that. I'm craving a little bit of Will Anderson.

Yeah. Scratching my skin. I'm going, oh, is there anything that Working Dog does? Are they online? Can I have a podcast? You'll be on the next season of Serial. Yeah. Yeah.

Sounds like some of those guys have already been on your show anyway. So you used to be a weatherman, obviously, on Sunrise. A weather girl, I used to call myself. Oh, a weather girl. Again, I could never take my own job seriously, so I had to give it a crazy title. Yeah, yeah, right. Weather girl was it. And that's one of my favourite things in showbiz.

We've talked to Sam Mack. We know Sam Mack, who sort of is doing your old job now. I just love the concept. Which is like watching someone else have a turn of your girlfriend. Really? Yeah, it's weird. Do you have a little bit of a look? No. No, I can't. Yeah, right. I just love the concept. Which is like watching someone else have a turn of your girlfriend. Really? Yeah, it's weird. Do you have a little bit of a look? No.

No, I can't. Yeah, right. He's a nice guy. He's a great ripper dude. Yeah. When you've done a job for 10 years and you've been on the road, and there was no weatherman before that, so I was the first for Sunrise.

And at that point, the Today Show had been number one for 30 years and it had never been beaten. It was the only morning breakfast TV show. So when the idea came along to have a weatherman, I went, you know what a good way to beat the Today Show would be? Let's treat it almost like a politician's campaign bus. Right. Let's just go to every single town and market in the entire country. Let's see how long it takes us to do it and go to every single town and market in the entire country. Let's see how long it takes us to do it

and go to every single region you can because coming from the country like I did, I knew that if you ever take a camera to a country town, they remember that shit forever. If you put them on the map or showcase them to the rest of the country, they are your fans for life. I remember I come

from Maribor, a country in Victoria, 8,000 people. I remember when Glen Ridge landed in a helicopter on the Princess Park Oval. Oh, yeah. And we all, it was like Beatlemania. We just raced over.

Do you reckon that was Glen Ridge who flew past before? Yeah, it might have been. It might have been. He heard we were Little Dunlop Club doing a game show host. He's like,

oh, where's my love? I didn't say I was a century. So you're from Bundaberg? Bundaberg, Queensland. And I had, we had Prince Charles drive through town. And there was all the cameras with him. It was the biggest moment of my life. And then as I got older, I was...

Did he at least slow down to 60 or did he just keep going? From top to bottom. Yeah, and I agree with you. When you're in a country town and that kind of thing happens, anything that's out of the boring and mundane, you're like, oh my God, there was a limousine and cops on motorbikes. There were flags on the front of the car. And of course, there was cameras lining the streets.

The same reason that you remember that right now, because we made the effort over, and it took us about a year and a half to do a complete lap of the map, because we went to all those markets. We started in a clockwise direction we started in we started south australia first and then we went wa northern terry coins land um and new south wales down to victoria and because we went in that direction you could see in all the rating spikes where we'd become sunrise would become number one in south australia then it was wa southern wa then northern wa then northern territory you could completely track it

because we've made that effort so after 10 years of staying on the road full time the problem was you have to keep that travel up because anytime

anyone in the capital city doesn't give a shit if you're broadcasting in their capital city Melbourne particularly doesn't give a shit if you're broadcasting live from Sydney

so what we found was that if you go remote for some reason the numbers would go up quite dramatically. The more remote you would go, the bigger the spike. That's funny. A lot of people are requesting us to go remote from Melbourne. But theirs is to never come back. But you'd make that effort and then, so we had to live in Central Australia for virtually 10 years. Oh, wow. So you put your blood, sweat and tears to live in Central Australia for virtually, you know, 10 years.

Oh, wow. So you put your blood, sweat and tears into doing that kind of role. When you hand it over to someone like, you know, it was Edwin and Bartholomew before that. And then, of course, you know, over to Sam. It's really difficult to watch someone else do that role because you've kind of created it. Yeah. At that point, we're the men. We're pretty straight in this country.

Right. And we were pretty loose. Yeah. So how many, we were pretty straight in this country. Right. And we were pretty loose. Yeah. So how many do you think, going to all those small country towns, they would have such a strong affiliation with you now probably. How many little plaques do you think there are around the place?

Or how many restaurants where it's like, here's the plates. Signed plates. Yeah. Here's the grand degas sandwich. How many famous vanilla slices have you had? Well, we used to judge a country town based on its parma, for sure. Very good, yeah. Yeah.

So, we, Shepparton won the competition. Oh, yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, best parma in Australia for us. So, that's kind of how we evaluated our tour. It's like, because when you go to Port Douglas, like every restaurant in Port Douglas has a picture that's like, hey, Bill Clinton dined here.

Yeah, but they've all... He dined everywhere there. Yeah. How many pictures around Australia have got you biting into a ham and cheese sandwich? We should try and do the same tour and just chase Daniel across the country. How many pictures do you reckon you guys could get? How many what?

Pictures. Wanted posters included? Yeah. I mean, it would depend on how remote the town was. If no one else has been through, we'd be a chance. Yeah. You'd have to think. Maybe.

No, I don't think we'd get any. Surely. Let's try it. Yeah, let's try it. Let's try it. Yeah. Oh, I'd love to do that. We should go remote.

We should do this Chase Denya tour. Let's do it. And follow up on all the places you went to. Like those people that follow the Grateful Dead around. Have you ever been to Port Hedland? Yes, a lot. Heaps. That's the only place in the country I reckon

if a cyclone came along and wiped out that area from the map, I reckon that's probably not a bad thing. Bad Palmer? It's a scary joint. It's the grimmest place I've ever been. There's nothing grimmer than Port Hedland. You drive in there and it just feels like hell. It's a hard, hard thing.

I've heard this before. Everything about it. So the geography is hard to look at. It's flat, red, hot. So that's difficult. Then on the roads, it's just truck after truck after. It's just big thing everywhere. So that's very intimidating when you come in.

And it's not trucks with one trailer. It's trucks with five trailers. Right. And massive excavators intimidating when you come in. And it's not trucks with one trailer, it's trucks with five trailers. And massive excavators being moved from mine site. And everything's stained red like this, this kind of red from the minerals that are in there. The buildings are dirty, every car is dirty, every person that gets out of the car

is dirty. Boy, I hope we don't have any listeners there. Oh, you'll have listeners in Port Hedland for sure, and I don't think anyone would disagree with me. It's one of the most remarkable places, like the surface of the moon

but not only that, it just feels like a really angry place. I think I'm remembering this right. Port Hedland has the Guinness World

Record for the most amount of unrelated murders in one night. What? Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me at all. How did that get into the Guinness

Book? Why are they setting that as a record? They're just setting people to try and beat the record. Eleven? Wow.

We could do fifteen. Eleven is the number, right? Because you've got fishermen on trawlers who are out for three months catching fish. They come back. They hit the pingers. They hit the clubs. And they've got all this cash. And they go nuts. You've got miners who are doing the same thing. There was this one pub on the water that had 11 unrelated murders in one night.

Not a dude coming through with a machine gun carving everybody down. Oh, there's a murder over there by the pool table. Another 15 minutes later, there's a murder over there by the jukebox. I wonder what the Palmer's like. 11 in one night. The Palmer's not bad, importantly. That's got to be one of them. Someone got hit in the throat with a Palmer.

Someone killed the chef because the Palmer was no good not bad, importantly. That's got to be one of them. Someone got hit in the throat with a parma. Someone killed the chef because the parma was no good. Yeah, yeah. So this is the kind of wild west parts of Australia that you kind of have to survive. We were setting up a satellite dish in the morning. At that point, it was like daylight savings. So it would have been, we're on air at, what's that, 3 a.m. over there? Yeah. So we're setting up at 1 a.m.

At 3am over there. Yep. So we're setting up at 1am and I watch this woman just punch this other woman like nothing I've ever seen before in my life. I was horrified. I hid under the satellite dish. I still feel ashamed to this day that I watched a woman punch out another woman who was just walking home from a night out and I hid under a trailer. This, I've got to say, everything we've heard about this town, this sounds like the perfect place for the little dumb-ass to go and do a trailer. I've got to say, everything we've heard about this town,

this sounds like the perfect place for the little dumb-up club to go and do a show. You should absolutely go. You've got to experience, man. It's not in this world. It's pretty amazing. Yeah, I bought a cube of Emu Export beer

when I was there in town once. So 30 cans of Emu Export for $29. And in the Pilbara, that's cheap for anything. But it's less than a dollar a can. And I put it up on the counter and the lady behind the counter went, oh, EMU export, you've been in Hedland too long?

And I went, yep, a day. And everyone in the line, everyone in the shop all went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. They all got it. Ha, ha, ha, we live in a shithole. We get it. No one wants to be there. They're all there for a specific reason.

You're just trying to make a living for your family. You're trying to get a head start in life. There's big money to be to be there. They're all there for a specific reason. You're just trying to make a living for your family. You're trying to get a head start in life. There's big money to be made over there. I'm trying to get in that Guinness World Record book. I reckon we could do 12 murders. I've got it in me. I'm not that ambitious. I could be one of the victims, I guess.

Try to organise yourself to somehow topple the record of unrelated murders. Yeah. Oh, that one was related. Shit. That doesn't count. Yes, you've got to look

in the unrelated section of the Guinness Book of Regulars. It should be said too, by the way, that there are some amazingly beautiful landscapes around Port Hedland. It's just the town itself

that's grim. Around it is, the Pilbara is a beautiful place. It is constantly rated as the worst town in Australia, right? I'm sure. Yeah, it is. It's just the town itself It's grim Around it is The Pilbara is a beautiful place It is Constantly rated as the worst town In Australia right I'm sure Yeah

It's grim Even southern hemisphere It's the only place I've genuinely felt like Quite scared The whole time I was there Yeah we gotta do a show there But I'm also a tiny little guy

Right But speaking of Guinness World Records You hold a bunch of them I think that's why I might have brought it up Is not to do a really, really tacky segment. I've read it.

I've read it. I'm on the same wavelength. You do get addicted to Guinness World Records. How many do you have? I've got five. Do you? On your Wikipedia page, which is the absolute depth of research that we do on this show, it says that you have five,

but it doesn't list what they are. It's probably because most of them are embarrassing and pretty lame. Do you know my Wikipedia page, I can't even change the details on it and most of them are wrong. I've gone on there to correct it. It says I'm from Coffs Harbour and I'm not. So I went on there to change it and Wikipedia said, you can't change this page.

It's my page. Oh, yeah, we have a lot of the muckrakers that listen to this show who've kind of stitched us up on our Wikipedia. I get people going there all the time and change details on my own page and who've kind of stitched us up on our Wikipedia list. Yeah, I get people who go on there all the time and change details on my own page and I can't even correct it. But there is five.

So the coolest, the coolest, most full-on legit one, they're all legit. They're all actual certificate ones. So you've got the certificates? Yeah, yeah.

They're fully recognised. They're in the book. You get the book now. You'll see it in there. You don't travel with them? Just wear the medals around like you've just finished the Olympics.

That's how you got this room. Let's log up with a certificate. Give me the biggest room possible. Take me to the top of the building. Now you've got a new record. Biggest room. Awesome. The coolest one I got was the world's largest tandem bungee jump, which was

big. We did it out of a helicopter over Bondi Beach. i did it with the guy who invented bungee jumping aj hackett right we thought this would make a great bit of television the record at that time like the inventor of the bungee jump what i thought of the idea to jump out of a plane and not die yeah cool you are the inventor so he we thought the record was like 150 meters um and instead of making it say 157, we thought let's do 300. Oh, wow. Because if you're going to beat it, you want to really clear it.

Just beat it so then you can kind of continue to do it in the years to come. Oh, right. But we thought we'd smash it. We thought we'd do it for live television. We had a camera in the helicopter. We had another helicopter shooting the helicopter. We had a camera from the ground. We had it all shooting the helicopter. We had a camera from the ground. We had it all covered.

It was fully mint. It was going to be big. Nothing like this had ever been done. So they supposedly did a trial of it. Yeah, it's going to be fine. So we got to do this thing live. I quickly get in a car from the live cross half an hour before at Bondi, go out to Bankstown Airport in Sydney, get in the helicopter, meet AJ there.

We're running late. Helicopter takes off. We're standing on the skids outside of the helicopter flat out on the way to Bondi. Excellent. Like, see, the wind at that kind of speed is pretty full on. We're standing on the skids, right, trying to hang on to 150 metres of rope because it ends up becoming 300 metres when it's fully stretched.

Trying to hang on to this thing. and 50 metres of rope because it ends up becoming 300 metres when it's fully stretched. Trying to hang on to this thing. We nearly fell out of the helicopter a number of times over the Sydney high-rises on the way to Bondi, which was terrifying. The pilot had his Bose noise-cancelling headphones on, so he couldn't hear us trying to tell him to slow down because the wind was about to blow us out of the helicopter. I like the idea that you guys are like,

oh, I nearly fell out of the helicopter. Anyway, time to us out of the helicopter. I like the idea that you guys are like, oh, I nearly fell out of the helicopter. Anyway, time to jump out of the helicopter. I wanted to do it over water, not the CBD. Smacking into buildings. I didn't want to get decapitated on the Sydney Harbour Bridge on the way out of the Destiny. But you make it into the book. Surely that'll get us a world record.

You don't want to enter the Crown Towers via the roof. Did you say your helicopter pilot had noise-cancelling headphones on? So he couldn't hear us yell out, slow down! It's not cool. Is that okay in any way? No, that's not cool. I'd hit him in the back of the head so he could turn around and slow down so we didn't fall out.

Not something you really want to do to a helicopter pilot is hit them in the back of the head. So he slows down and we get there. The worst problem is when I jumped in the helicopter, I looked at AJ Hackett and he had the biggest night I've ever seen anybody. His eyes were so red and bloodshot. And I thought, my life is in the hands of someone who's clearly still. Yeah, he's happy.

He's happy to not bounce back at this point. I love the act. Like he clearly just thinks because he invented it, he's impervious to all danger that might happen from it. I was afraid that he wanted to go out live on television. Like he'd lived his life. He'd climbed Mount Everest. He invented bungee jumping.

It was massively successful. He's done everything but kill a weather presenter. But he mustn't be young. He must be an old man. Yeah, he would have been at that point. He invented it a long time ago. He would have been 50, I suppose. Oh, okay.

Late 40s, 50. Oh, righto. And we got over to the point where we're over Bondo. We're ready to go. I'm doing a live cross to Koshi and Mel at that particular point. And he's trying to hang on 150 metres of bungee cord on his own. And I've put the microphone down. Koshi, no worries.

I've turned around. I said, thanks, here we go. I've turned around to AJ Hackett. He's gone three, two, and jumped. No instructions. No double checking of being tied on. At that point, it was such a rush to get on the helicopter and take off. I couldn't remember whether I was tied on.

And no one was double checking. No one's gone down and gone for a little bit of an extra tighten up at the buckle. He's jumped on two. This is making me so uncomfortable. I hate this. And there's no checks. No checks at all. Can we tell the rest of the story on the ground floor?

You don't even know if the helicopter's at the right height. You've got 300 metres of rope to get through. Yeah. And we had a two-minute window where we had to jump because they shifted all the flight paths of all the planes so we could do this stunt so just to be clear he's jumped you're tied to him yeah i think i'm tied to him he doesn't know if he's yeah right right so he's started to go so i've gone and i've grabbed him around the shoulders and the neck and pulled him in and gone with him. So this entire time that we're descending and free-falling, which is like 10, 15 seconds, that's a long time,

it's coming down, down, down, down. I'm going, I still don't know if I'm tied on. Fucking hell. So I thought, I'm going to have to hold on to this guy. Did you think to bring it up in the 10, 15 seconds with you? I don't know if I'm going to make it. Helicopter pilots just listening to Jailhouse Rock uninterrupt rock uninterrupted he's having a great time he's cancelling headphones

so we're going down i'm gonna have to squeeze him so tight that when this rope starts to pull pull pull tight that i'm gonna have to hang on to him because if i don't and i slip through his arms if i hit that water from that height i I'm dead. It's like cement. And they said that was part of their briefing prior to it the day before. If you hit the water, you're dead. Sam Mack, we're going to have to get you in a bit earlier. So he starts pulling tight, pulling tight. I thought, cool, I think I'm tied on.

I think I'm tied on. I'm slowing down. I'm slowing down. This is awesome. This is awesome. And then it turns around and starts going back up. And then I'm thinking, we're coming up pretty fast here. Jesus, the recoil speed here is really high.

I can see these whopping great big road blades. And I thought, fuck, we've doubled the record. Has anybody thought about the mathematics of how far we're going to recoil back up? What if we go further than the point at which we jumped? This is turning into a roadrunner cartoon. It's insane. What's Dr. Carl's number? So it was the day I nearly died on television.

Oh, man. It was so fucking weird. Anyway, so did you survive or not? You didn't tell the end of the story. How'd you go? Now, about the ending. No, it all worked out okay. It was pretty cool. But the other ones were pretty lame.

The most kisses on the face in 60 seconds. Hey, that's pretty cool for us. You got the most kisses or you gave the most kisses? Received. You received the most kisses throughout? And how many? Pulling on the most amount of pairs of underwear in 60 seconds. I like that one. The fastest to burst a thousand balloons. Yeah. The world's largest

underwater dance class. Great. Was this just a weird orgy you went to where you kind of knocked all these off in the one day? Pretty much. Man, I got a lot of syphilis out of that. Let's just say the most kisses on the face in 60 seconds was absolutely gross. And we had the line of about 100 people or so. In Port Hedland?

People were licking up the side of my ass. That's spoiling. What are you going to do that for? Imagine the amount of cold sores I was going to come out of that stunt with. Yeah, you could have died more easily from that than from the bungee. From the hemp. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God. Pink eye. But see, they're your official records. The last four were coppers, actually, in the line. So they were good sports. Right. But do you still hold the broadcasting live from the roller coaster? Was that a world record?

Yeah, I did that. Yeah, I did do that. Is that a world record? Is that still king? No, that wasn't a world record. No, it was just freaking awesome. Oh, okay. Yeah, because how does someone beat that?

Broadcasting live from the Gravitron. Yeah. That's more impressive. We had a hot dog taped to my hand and a can of Coke taped to the other hand so I could eat and drink while we were going around. What? Because we were on there for like three hours straight while we were broadcasting live. Oh, man.

And they taped a hot dog to your hand? Yeah. I wanted to see if it would stay down. But how do you eat that if it's taped to your hand? It's very difficult. Well, not the whole thing's taped. Oh, right, right. Enough so you wouldn't lose it.

Right. Oh, that's a. And they become addictive. You get one, and all of a sudden you go, maybe I can get two, and then you get two, and then you go, maybe I can get four. And all of a sudden you're trying to murder 12 people. Did you fail at any? Are there any massive fails where you've gone for something ridiculous and you didn't get it?

No. No, I only find the ones that you can get, that you can win. Right, right. I don't lose very well. You didn't go in for any of those. The ones I used to love at school, you go through the Guinness Book of Records and there was always like the guy who ate an entire Learjet. You know, he just...

Oh, yeah. He'd just taken 10 years to eat like a little inch of tyre one day and then the next day he drinks a little bit of oil and the next day, you know, a little bit of the and the next day you know a little bit of the rotor blade or whatever I only remember the guy with the longest fingernails I reckon it's the same guy

he's in there every year just sitting pretty with his gross talons he can't be happy with that hand 8 metres of fingernail or something like that or the guy

who had the most amount of Guinness World Records was Asherita Furman so he got the Guinness World Record for the most amount of Guinness World Records right oh right

it's in the hundreds yeah so you were obviously eyeing him off at one point to remember that name. And then I realised how many you had and I went, I'm not doing that. Because I thought there is a point where you will die trying to get a Guinness World Record. Yeah. Can you invent records? You can.

So you can just come up with something that's not in there. You'd be the first to do it. And you're in it. You can even find a variation. As long as it's not too much of a lame variation on an existing one. Like, you know, I will juggle, you know, 11 running chainsaws. If that's the record, you go, well, I'll juggle 12 with yellow shoelaces. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Like, it has to be, you can do a variation, but it's got to be legit. Yeah. Right. Yeah, totally. I actually, I've got a tiny, I realised on the way in today, my tiny little link to you in show business is, I did one day of warm-up on Iron Chef when you were the host. Did you really?

We can see the studio from here, I think, down in Docklands. Yeah, you can. I was the warm-up. Was there an Iron Chef here? Yeah, there was. The world's most ridiculous idea to try and make a cult classic. Was that in the Guinness Book of Records? Well, yeah, it's a long-standing, yeah.

I was really worried about that. I don't know about you, but you don't, this is kind of a similar theory to bringing back Family Feud, but more so, you don't try and remake a cult classic because you will fail. Yeah. You will fail. It's definite.

And Seven was determined to try and make a commercial version of a cult classic. Yeah. It seems madness. If you take Iron Chef out of that market with the crazy voiceovers, because obviously it's another language with English translation and battle. That's what's good about it.

That's what's funny about it. You take that out of it, all of a sudden that's not Iron Chef anymore and everyone's going to hate you for trying. A bit like somebody redoing Monkey Magic. That was exactly my example. You don't do that. Leave it as it is. Maybe they thought we could make it better

if we put on a really bad warm-up guy. Did you have a good time? No, this was early on. I don't remember there being an audience. No, there was an audience. It was bizarre though because it was like I'd done a very, very limited amount of warm-up at that point.

I'd literally worked on a show called Letters and Numbers that had maybe 12, 15 people in the audience. Is that the ABC show? SPS. SPS. But it was filmed at the ABC, funnily enough. It's a BBC show, originally. All right, well, let's name all the stations.

No, no. CNN. Hello, TV historian. Yeah, there was like 10, 15 people in the audience seven mate so it was just tell me yeah so there's 10 15 people in the audience so it wasn't really even warm up it was like babysitting so i was just sort of sitting there going just passing out chips and yeah bottles of water honestly just going are you guys still okay can you please not leave we need we need all of you to be here. So it really wasn't warm up.

So then someone rang me to go and do Iron Chef and I'm like, okay, I'll take the money or whatever and went out there and it was the Thunderdome. It was this massive sound stage and all of a sudden there's banks of hundreds of people and I'm like, I've only ever spoken to 12 people, guys. I don't know what I'm doing. That was probably fairly intimidating.

Oh, I shit my pants. It was terrible and it was probably fairly intimidating oh it was oh I shit my pants it was terrible and it was this stage where it was that bad that years later I only did the one day and years later a couple of years later

I talked to Tommy Little and he was saying oh yeah I remember that from doing warm up on Iron Chef and I'm like oh did you do warm up on Iron Chef

as well because I did one day and he goes oh I'm aware I was called in once you'd finished for the day. Well, that happened to me.

I got fired halfway through a warm-up job recently. Oh, wow. You've one-upped me. Yeah, I've not done a lot of warm-up but I did The Circle

with Pam Barnes. That's how I know Pam. And then did Adam Hills and they were both, The Circle's 40 people and Adam Hills is, it was a, you know circle's 40 people and Adam Hills was a Tonight Show and I was doing stand-up and I was on camera on that as well. So it was a different experience.

And then this gig came up for the X Factor and a lot of money. And I'm like, well, I'm not doing anything. I'll go and do that. It'll be fine. And when I got there, I just could not hide my disdain for that entire franchise. I just couldn't. I got out there in front of it.

It was in a stadium. And I just looked at everyone and went, oh, all right. What a team. Sounds like the warm-up man needed a warm-up man. Oh, man. At one point, I said to the audience, it was thousands of people. I went, anyway, you guys are shit, let's blame me. The cool-down man.

And one of the producers, he wouldn't even talk to me. He was running around but looking at me and clapping like that's what I was meant to be doing. I'm like, not going to be doing that. You look like a fucking idiot. And then at one point halfway through through there was two shows being recorded and halfway through one of the producers the other one came over to me and he's like hey man um dave eastgate just called and uh the shoot that he's on is finished early because he's the regular

warm-up for x factor and he can come and i looked at the guy and we both knew what he meant was we called dave eastgate and, please come and save this. And I just went, no worries, mate. It's the hardest gig in the world, man, because you're holding an audience there and a big audience. You're holding them there for 14, 16 hours a day and they shoot drag out and they are slow and they are big. And the way that you make these big scale TV concepts

is you build them piece by piece. And it's so painfully slow. And trying to hold an audience and forcibly make them clap until their hands bleed is a really, really hard thing to do. I don't have the soul to be able to do it. Like, I'm very fragile. Never again. Like, I called my manager and I said, listen, I know they're a lot of money, but that's

not me. I can't. Like, it was unfair to them. But I just couldn't fake it you're abusing the audience absolutely you're using them as a prop and you're abusing them

and they're there for free we were making the Great Australian Spelling Bee a couple of weeks ago and we similar deal trying to get an audience was really hard

the process of filming is really slow it's laborious the audience doesn't want to be there as soon as they cotton on to how shit it is to be a part of the process of filming one of these things. And then the Walmart guy was just going around and going,

right, anybody got a joke? You, you tell me a joke. Little Timmy stands up, little Timmy is about nine, goes, yeah, I got a joke. Okay, Timmy, what's your joke? This is by about the eighth hour. Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Why did she cross the road, little Timmy, what's your joke? This is by about the eighth hour. Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Why did she cross the road, little Timmy?

She wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Oh, no. Little Timmy sounds like a bit of a cunt. Little Timmy's a fuckwit. Too soon, little Timmy. Too soon. And I went, that is the darkest, funniest thing I've ever heard come out of the mouth of a nine-year-old. Wise beyond his years, little Timmy. Yeah. Who the darkest Funniest thing I've ever heard Come out of the mouth

Of a nine year old Why is beyond his years Little Timmy Yeah Who was your warm up I can't remember You've got a good one On Family Feud

Russell Fletcher Russell's really good Russell's the kind of guy Who's also a part Of the finding of the family So he has a lot of Investment in the show So he

When we go And we go do auditions In all the markets Around the country So he'll go through. He'll play the role of me and put the families through the ringer and make them feel comfortable. Yeah, he did that with us.

Yeah, he's really, really good. He's a great guy. Yeah, nice. It's good vibe. Because Family Feud is over really quickly, it's not painful to come and watch, please. I can agree. It was a lot of fun.

Yeah. Well, I think we've got to Wrap it up here for this week Yeah yeah sure There was only one thing I was going to say Because we We do a little bit of No we're not

Sure It's not yes and it's Sure but Because we You know Whenever we have someone That's legitimate That has an actual job

We get a bit intimidated And go We better do some research It's not just Harley Who you know Who cares what we say to him He legitimate that has an actual job, we get a bit intimidated and go, we'd better do some research. It's not just Harley. Who cares what we say to him? He's someone with an actual career. It's really great to be loved by your mates. Shut up, idiot.

I'm trying to talk to the grown-ups. Shut the fuck up. So we went through and Wikipedia'd you and went through all the research and whatever. And what I did like was I went to your website and read your whole bio and the whole thing and I love the quote that is Grant is your typical down-under bloke that all women love and all men would love to have

a beer with. But then I read the rest of it and I was like, you've clearly written this yourself. You're slipping it down. If I were to myself, it was where all women would want a root and all men would like to buy a beer. I just love it down I find it to myself It was where all women Would want a root And all men would like To buy a beer I just love it I love that you

You know you'd put something Fuck it why not You know you're there You're in this room At the top of Crown Why not put that in I'd agree with that sentiment Yeah

If I was a woman I'd have a crack In fact I'm a man And I'd have a crack You're an attractive man Well done You are a delicious human being And if I was a woman

I'd have a beer with you To be fair Is that allowed or Yeah But being And if I was a woman I'd have a beer with you To be fair So I think it works everywhere Is that allowed or Yeah But you'll have to Being a woman Let's go and make that

Addition to the Wikipedia page Can I declare Who actually wrote that It was actually my dad Oh really Ah that is excellent My dad wrote that Oh wow

You got your dad Working on your website Yeah he did yeah Oh nice one Because I didn't have One at the time He thought You know what you need son

You need a website You know Wow That shows how Andy Technology You must be He did, yeah. Oh, nice one. Because I didn't have one at the time. He thought, you know what you need, son? You need a website. You know. Wow. That shows how anti-technology you must be. You're only about 15 years too late, Dad. Let's get one up and running. Oh, wow. He wrote that.

Yeah. Oh, good on him. Would you like to make a request for your Wikipedia page? Because the freaks that listen to this will definitely get on it. Is there anything you'd like? Is it okay that you call your subscribers and the people who support you and buy your merchandise and come to your shows, Freak? Have you met them? Yeah.

You should hear the stuff they call us. I'll show you my phone and show you the messages I've got this morning from them, if you like. Freaks is... Freedom! Freaks is generous. I'm going to come to one of these live shows. Please.

Have you ever crowd surfed before? No, I've always wanted to. Who doesn't want to be a goddamn rock star? Yeah, exactly. It's pretty fun. At the end of the day, I only weigh like 64 kilos. There's a young man by the name of Dilrub Jaisingh who weighs exactly three times you that he's crowd surfing.

Without his clothes on. So you'll be a welcome surprise. I'll be on top of him while he's crowd surfing. Oh, yes. Great. Instead of riding the horse, you'll be a welcome surprise. I crowd surf on top of him while he's crowd surfing. Oh, yes. Great. Instead of riding the horse, you can ride Dura. Yeah. Awesome.

It's on. Yeah, anything you want on the Wikipedia, this is your chance. This is pretty good. Things changed. Well, maybe just, yeah, instead of every woman would like to be with and every man would like to buy beer, maybe just someone needs to get on there and declare she has been with me and every man would like to buy beer. Maybe just someone who needs to get on there and declare she has been with me

and it was amazing. Oh, right. Personal life. It would be wonderful. Yeah, great. In the personal life section. Yeah, there's nothing here. You did a really great route in 2015.

No, maybe don't daint it too recently because we're married. Dania did a good route in me. Yeah. Remember Port Hedland, Denya? I punched that woman and then I came straight to your room. Holds a record for 15 unrelated routes

in Port Hedland. I came underneath that trailer and turned you into a man. Love, Bruce. Well, that is all the time we've got. By the way, get off my bloodstone boots, mate. That's all the time we've got on the Little Dumb D my bloodstone boots back that's all the time we've got on the little dum-dum club

for this week Harley Breen Grant Denyer thank you so much for joining us Harley you've got stuff coming up that you care to plug

oh sure just go to Harley Breen on Facebook or Harley Breen on Twitter you'll find it there great

and Grant's got his two very highly rated shows Family Feud and the Great Australian Spelling Bee could be a bit higher oh really

to be honest but anyway we'll be now tune in yeah two great shows so get onto that get onto Grant on Twitter as well

that'll be awesome and we've mentioned the Australian the great music quiz the big music quiz I should say that I did a bit of work on I think that's about to start

and yeah Darren after the Olympics as they're plugging in at the moment Darren McMullen lovely guy I'd love to get him on this show because he was actually

a really legitimately really funny guy my doorman at this hotel told me some great stories about Darren oh really none of which I can repeat that's what I missed out on

I did want to have I wanted to have a night out with him I thought this guy according to the doorman You'd have a great time Yeah

Oh man Because he Is just a He was a guy That I'd be sitting there And just being intimidated by I'm like You are a great looking man

He's a pretty cool dude Yeah Yeah Oh please When he comes back Hopefully Hopefully he goes to season 2 And it should

Because it's a good show So we'll get him on there next time But Bang Cool Alright Thanks very much for listening guys And we'll see you on there next time. But bang. Cool. All right. Thanks very much for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate. Yeah.