The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 307 - Denise Scott & Gen Fricker

Episode Date: August 22, 2016

Going To Switzerland, Hen's Nights and African Fundraisers.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by the Just For Laughs Festival. Carl, can you remember off the top of your head what dates that's on? No. Good thing I've got it up in front of me then. September 6th till the 11th at the Sydney Opera House. Awesome. Carl, can you tell me where that is? I believe it's in Australia's capital city, Sydney.

It's not the capital city of Australia. This is a comedy podcast. Big idiot. That was a joke. Oh, I get it. It's funny when you just say Australia. This is a comedy podcast. Big idiot. That was a joke. Oh, I get it. It's funny when you just say a thing that's wrong for no reason. Being shit at things is funny. Have a guess who you think is appearing at the Just for Laughs festival.

This is the worst way of doing an ad. Just you've got the information, you do it. This delights me for some reason. The worst. Trevor Noah is going to be there. Trevor Noah. What's he been on? He's the host of The Daily Show.

He's Ronnie Chang's boss. And we are doing our very, very best to have him on. Do you think they're friends? Do you reckon they hang out outside of work? As much as Ronnie Chang can be friends with anyone. As much as... So, no. Yeah, as much as a robot can feel things, he would feel friendship.

You've got Julian Clary. You've got Jim Norton. You've got Margaret Cho. You've got the All-Star Gala hosted by Judith Lucy. You've got friends of the show, Charlie Pickering, Peter Hellyer, and Tommy Little. And you've got heaps, heaps more. And Tommy Little is hosting a showcase, a bunch of showcase shows.

The one that I did last year, heaps of friends of the show, heaps of big names, heaps of people on the telly, so you can see a bunch of people shows. The one that I did last year, heaps of friends of the show, heaps of big names, heaps of people on the telly, so you can see a bunch of people on the one night, or you can see a bunch of those other guys just do their one-hour shows. And, of course, all of those guys are touring around the country off the back of that as well. So if you're in a capital city, check out Trevor Noah, check out all those sort of guys, whether they're coming to your city.

A bunch of them are certainly coming to Melbourne, so check that out yeah all that stuff and details at just for laughs sydney.com we're also being sponsored this week by the monash university law review oh we're wearing that logo on our shirts right now as we speak that is happening in australia's capital city of melbourne august the 24th till the 28th, 7pm every night at the Butterfly Club. Tickets available at the door or online. The Monash Review, it's a comedy sketch show funded by the Steve Vizard Foundation. People such as Sammy

J, Celia Piccola, the Working Dog People, Steve Vizard, all these sorts of people got their starts at the Law Review. They're all definitely in this show? Yes. Oh, cool. I promise. What happens if they're not? You can stab me. Oh, wow. I'm going in this show? Yes. Oh, cool. I promise. What happens if they're not? You can stab me. Oh, wow.

I'm going to this show. Yeah, tickets you can get online at thebutterflyclub.com and it's $12 off if you use the code DUMDUM. It's very cool of them to offer our listeners a bit of a discount. Yeah, totally. Get onto that. That's actually happening right now as you are hearing this if you listen to this hot off the presses. So get down and check that out.

And as we mentioned last week, you don't need to be a lawyer or a student to enjoy the show. And like you said, all those people have gone through the law review sort of thing. So this is a genuine chance to perhaps see the absolute superstars of tomorrow. You could be seeing the next Tommy Dasolo and Carl Chetler. Yeah.

We both went to law school. Were you in the TAFE review? I wish. That would have been awesome. Is there such a thing? I'd go to that. Of course there's not. That would be amazing.

I went to Ballarat TAFE for a year, so I wonder if I could go back and if they started up now, I could be like an all-star. Rodney Dangerfield style back to school. Yes. Well, that's what you're doing at the moment. Yeah, pretty much. You're back at uni.

And I tell you what, while I'm out there, I get no respect. We're also doing, speaking of no respect, October the 4th in Adelaide. Speaking of danger. Yes, the big dum-dum palooza, dum-dum live palooza show that we do. The annual us complaining about something heavily. Yes, we are coming back to Adelaide. Yes, we do want you to buy your tickets straight away instead of on the last night. Yes.

That would be awesome. It would make us feel a lot better and it would make us continue to think that going to Adelaide is a good idea. Yes, it's going to be awesome. Some great guests confirmed already. October the 4th, a Tuesday evening. The tickets are on sale now. littledumbdumbclub.com I'm going to say this.

Our guests are so good for the Adelaide show. Yes. We should really be doing it somewhere else. Yes. For someone that's buying more tickets. That's very true actually, yeah. We are treating Adelaide with too much respect for the amount of respect they are treating us with. Is this fair to say we've had more interest in these very good-name Melbourne comics travelling over to Adelaide with us to do a gig

than we do in them just walking down the street to do one of these gigs in Melbourne? No, I think, I literally think we've had more big-name Melbourne comedians put their hand up to come to the Adelaide gig than we have from punters from Adelaide. Yes. Now, that's true. That's actually true. That's definitely fair. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Also, we've got the Patreon. We just sent out over the last few days the recent episode and magazine. Bonus episode. Bonus episode and newsletter. And of course, if you're subscribed, you'll know this. If you're not, here's the deal. There are different amounts of money that you can donate every month. If you donate above $5, you get the magazine,

our little magazine that we put way too much work in called Hey Mates. We're up to issue eight. That just went out last week. And if you are $10 or above, you get a bonus episode that we do a lot of screwing around in and it's very loose. And they're bloody good episodes. Yeah. They're a lot of fun.

Yeah. They're sort of, they're not core episodes. Like we don't. They're not canon. They're not canon. So like I'm married, like, you know, you're a Wookiee. Yeah. I'm gay.

I live in Canada. It's weird. It's really different. Wild stuff happens there. Why is Canada so funny? Anyway, so $10 or above is the bonus episode. Plus, you get the magazines and whatever at $10 as well. Anyway, check out patreon.com

slash little dum-dum club and you know what if you chip in above $2 as you know from hearing these introductions over a bunch of weeks you get your little

your little cutie name right there name it out romper room style yeah here's a shout out to these people and you get some

some of the sweet trademarked little dum-dum club improv to go with your name as well. People have now tweeted us and gone is this sort of just like being bullied

in high school again? Which is very fair. We never heard anything from D to Jurgonit, which is a name that we read out a few weeks ago that I haven't stopped thinking about. No, that you haven't stopped Jurgonit. And we haven't heard from the guy that drives the Uber. We still haven't heard from Jethro.

Jethro. Jethro. Come on, you drive an Uber, you don't have heaps of stuff going on. We've got to find out if we can track this guy

down through other means. Fuck Jethro. If we can go through Uber. Anyway. Yeah, cool. Hit up Uber.com right now. Yeah. Search for Jethro.

Anyway, thanks to these guys. Thank you very much for Patreon Patronising Now we're going to patronise your name Mark Kentwell No, we've done this one

Have we? Yes Fuck, I'm bad at this That's fine, we didn't mention his name again I feel like this is why we're not getting through these because we're reading out the same eight goddamn names every week. Edit that out. No, I want to leave this here. Fuck.

I want the process to be held up under the spotlight. This is going to happen every week. Why are you doing this? Why are you like this? Ken World by name, Ken World by nature. That's what I know I've said in the past jethro oh no that's that's not him carl oh that's me little dumb no fuck adelaide no ben allman that's a new one oh man i like the sound of that see i can't tell whether these have been used before or whether

people's names just sound familiar or my improv is just so shit that I'm doing basically the same thing for every person. Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you didn't go, oh, man, to other people whose names weren't Ben Orman. Yeah, but I would have found a way. Yeah, well, try it with this one. Okay.

Tony Hastings. Tony Hastings. Jesus Christ Hey that stings what you said about my name on your podcast Oh man that was a shit one Amelia Cormack Thank you very much for all your cash I appreciate it really

The Mac Attack Oh yeah Mac Attack Amelia I like Amelia as a name It's a very nice name Very pleasant name Yeah, well done Kieran's Kieran's stand ring

Well We would love to do some Stand ring up comedy for you Stand ring up comedy I'm trying to think of like Using ring in the context of it Meaning your anus And I just I just can't get it in there I'm sorry K think of like using ring in the context of it, meaning your anus. And I just can't get it in there.

I'm sorry, Kieran, that Tommy can't get it in your ring. So, David Bruce, thanks very much for your ongoing support. We really do appreciate it. Speaking of the ring, dropping a big Bruce. Is that a thing? That was a thing at my school. Really? Calling it a Bruce.

I've never heard of that. Don't you think that's funny? No. Bruce? No. I've never heard of that. I think you think that's funny? No. Bruce? No. I've never heard of that. I think you made that up because you didn't have anything else to say about him. Yeah, so every name that I can't think

of, I just pretend that their name is slang for shit at my high school. Yeah, this next one will be slang for shit at your tape. Here we go. What have you got? Well, I wish you could do something with this name, but unfortunately it's just nothing going on. Here we go. Thank you you got? We've got, well, I wish you could do something with this name, but unfortunately it's just nothing going on. Here we go.

Thank you to Matt Sprott. Fuck, I think I'm actually having a stroke. Thanks, Sprotzy. Thanks, Scrogsy. Yeah, that's not his name. Sprotto. Jono Savory. Comedy at Sprotto.

We found your money to be quite savoury. Do you have any cousins called Jono Sweet? Why would they keep the same first name but have a different surname? You don't know how fucking... Why would the surnames kind of relate to each other in some way? All right. Daniel Coleman. Thanks, Colzo.

Let's write through a few. Mick McConnell. Oh, he's a repeat offender. He's very active on the socials. He is. He, Colzo. Let's write through a few. Mick McConnell. Oh, he's a repeat offender. He's very active on the socials. He is. He's from Brisbane, isn't he? We've met Mick before. Yeah.

Yeah. Here we go. Wow. Here we go. Thank you to Danish Ali Moola. Ali Moola. Okay. Danish.

Yep. Danish Ali Moola. Is Danish part of. Okay. Danish. Yep. Danish Ali Moolah. Is Danish part of the name? Yes. Okay, right. Why do you think I'm saying Danish? I just thought the person is Danish. No.

And you just felt like you needed to keep pointing that out. Yeah, yeah. Thanks to Aussie Mick McConnell, by the way. I should have said that before. Thanks, Dano. His name is Danish. That's pretty cool. That's cool.

Four to go. Chris Byer. Thanks, Chris. Chris Byer. Buying up Danish. That's pretty cool. That's cool. Four to go. Chris Buyer. Thanks, Chris. Chris Buyer. Buying up all those slots on the Patreon. Yeah. Thanks, Matthew Jackman.

Hugh's brother. Hey, man. Jacking it, man. That's bad. That's great. Don't tell people jerking is bad. Please keep giving us money despite what we're doing to your names, by the way.

Everyone's either anus related or jerking off related. Please, if you've got sexually suggestive names, please stop sending your money into us and making us do this. I blame you guys. I reckon we're being pranked. I reckon these aren't any of these people's real names. No, honestly, they wouldn't do it. Anyway, next one.

Jack My Tiny Dick Off. Thanks, Jack. Thanks for sending in your money. Thanks, Jackie Boy. What is that, Danish? Danish? Oh, I wish we didn't have to do a boring episode after this. We've been in each other's company all day, we should say. And we haven't even had a beer or anything.

This is madness. Okay. Two to go. Okay. Two to go. I need a tits. The worst podcast Oh wow This is the worst business plan of all time

You give us money and we bully you like you're in year seven. Oh, no. And for everyone who's not on it, guess what? You get to just listen to us laugh ourselves to it. Oh, come on. Give us the last two. Oh, come on. Give us the last two.

I'm so sorry. Oh, all right. Thank you to Brett Lee. Brett Lee, great. Another familiar face. The Australian fast bowler. He has found time in his Bollywood career to send over some money to us. So thanks very much, Brett Lee.

And last but not least, Andrew Young. Thank you, Andrew Young. Youngie. Good on you, Youngie. Thanks, Young Andrew. Okay. Thanks, everyone who continues to kick in. Again, we say this pretty frequently, but we really do appreciate it.

It means a lot. It means so much. I'm really, really sorry. It doesn't sound sincere given that we're laughing through it. It means a lot. It means so much. I'm really, really sorry. This doesn't sound sincere given that we're laughing through it. I really don't know. Laughing all the way to the bank, aren't we? Give us some feedback. Is this a good thing

we're doing? Should we be doing this all the time? I like it. It's my highlight of the week. Should we do a sub podcast which is just us going through the phone book and reading out names? Did we talk about this on the app? We talked about this as a – no, before we recorded the last Patreon bonus app. I want to do one that's just us doing prank calls for an hour.

That would be so much fun. Yeah. Just calling out weird names out of the phone book. Oh. All right, guys. If this sounds like something that you want to contribute to, just calling out weird names out of the phone book alright guys if this sounds like something that you want to contribute to, if you have a sexually suggestive last name

hop onto patreon.com slash little dumdum club, also if you head over to littledumdumclub.com we've got the t-shirts we've got the hoodies we've got the 0438 special t-shirt so there's a lot of them went straight away and we've still got some left. So we've got a lot of – hey, you know what?

Shout out to all the oversized big boys out there, to the DFFs. There's plenty in both designs I think at the moment. So if you want one of those shirts, get onto it. Yeah, but go to the website and you'll find everything that's for sale. Awesome. onto it. Yeah, but go to the website and you'll find everything that's for sale. Awesome. So enjoy this episode with long overdue return guest Denise Scott and first timer Jen Fricker. It's a good one. Yeah.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you so much for joining us. My name's Tommy Daslow, sitting opposite me on the couch, just pumping himself right up like nothing I've ever seen before. Eye of the tiger. Who could it be? It's the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead.

Oh, how excited were you to get into this episode? I feel like I need to do some sort of warm-up exercise before the podcast. I need to sort of, you know, it's like sport. This podcast is a bit like sport to me. I need to wake myself up. I need to get myself in the game. Yeah. You don't drink coffee.

What do you do to perk yourself up in the morning? Cordial. I drink cordial. Do you actually? I drink lemon cordial. Is this serious? This is serious. Wow, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard about you.

I buy a litre of cordial a week. Lemon cordial. Is this serious? This is serious. Wow, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard about you. I buy a litre of cordial a week. Lemon cordial. All right. Well, we've got something to tee off on here. Let's bring our guest in. First of all, for the first time on the show, you will have heard her on Triple J weekend afternoons. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Genevieve Fricker.

Oh, my God. Yay. Is it Genevieve or Jen? Because I feel like you're in trouble at the moment. What do you mean? Well, do people call you Genevieve or not? It sounds like the thing that your mum calls you. Yeah, that is the thing that my mum calls me. Also, like, I used to

be, like, to tell everyone I was Genevieve and then I worked on a really shitty TV show and my writer credit was Genevieve Fricker and so then I was like, please just start calling me Jen so no one links me back to that horrible show. Oh, really? Oh, so that's your personal Alan Smithy that you've got out there. So now you've got two IMDb profiles.

I think so. One just stuck with that shitty show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you start anew, just wipe off that name. Yeah, exactly. People are looking up Genevieve Fricker and going, wow, that show killed her career. She killed herself.

Jen, you did my video games podcast during the week. You were a guest on that. You came to that an hour late. You were right on time for this. So it's good to know which part of the Dassault dynasty you respect a little bit more. It sounds like Chandler's got a bit to do with it. To me.

Also making a long overdue return to the show, you know her from Winners and Losers. Barry Award winning, Denise Scott. Well, I wish I had something I could say, oh, please, about. Like a national TV show. Wow. Yeah. But, yeah.

Were you saying that because you're sick of people mentioning that show? No. Or saying I'm just like you or me? I haven't been on it for so long. Oh, right. And nobody knows. We haven't been on it for longer. See, that's the thing. When you leave a show and you don't get written out,

which other people might. I wanted to get written out. I wanted a death scene. I wanted to die, yeah. I wanted to know. Yeah. What did you do? You went on holiday, right?

You had to keep Skyping in? Good on you for knowing that, Tommy. Not many people who watch the show religiously picked up what had happened to me or where I'd gone. And I had to watch it myself to find out what had happened to me. Right. Because I didn't know how they were going to write me out. So what did happen to you?

I went to Switzerland. Oh. So they never explained that to you while you were what did happen to you? I went to Switzerland. Oh. So they never explained that to you while you were shooting? They were just like, don't come in tomorrow. Just eat this cheese with holes in it. We'll explain later. It's interesting because I said I wanted to go because I'd done three series and I really enjoyed that

but I was getting bored. Yep. I know it sounds arrogant. Want to go overseas? But I didn't do much in the show except look concerned and peel carrots. I was very good at peeling carrots. Concerned about peeling the carrots properly. And I was very grateful to have the three series of it and I learned a lot

and they were great people who worked with Bala. But because – and this is one of the good things about having comedy because you do have something, even if you don't make a lot of money, you've got something you can go to. So I decided that was going to seem, that's where my work was going to go. I wasn't going to be offered a lot more acting work, so I had to get back to comedy. And you see, no actors leave a show of their own accord

because there's nothing else to go to. So they did not believe I was leaving. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. So they did not write me out and at the end of – So like the parents not fully packing up the kid's bedroom when they move out.

Yes, they're going to come back. This job won't work out. So wait, so if they called you after this and were like, hey, can you come in tomorrow, would you have to go in? No, no, no, I've left. She's not still getting paid. You're sounding like them, right? But it was really interesting.

And at your final scene, like in TV, whenever it's an actor's final scene with a show, all the crew applaud and the director, whoever, will say that was Denise's last scene. Great. And it came to my last scene, nothing. No applause, no directors. I thought, right, so this is it. They really think I'm coming back.

Or they really hate you. Yeah. Hey, that never occurred to me. Call me egotistical. You're right. Behind your back, they're like, talking of winners and losers, there's the latter over there. She thinks she went to Switzerland by choice.

Anyway. So then for next season you didn't – yeah, you had to keep doing these? No, no. I did agree to come back for a day and do some Skype work, some Skype scenes. Literally why couldn't you have just Skyped that in? You've no idea how complicated shooting a Skype scene is. That's what I was going to ask. Do they film it on Skype or do they?

They film you and then my TV family watch. Well, I'm going to say in the next room, but you're in the same studio with a little wall. So I was in Switzerland. So they fly you over to Switzerland. Of course. First class. Get it authentic.

I was sitting in a room with snowflakes falling behind a window and a pair of skis sitting next to me. Great. Perfect. To indicate Switzerland. Yeah. And it Skyped to the computer next to me. So they're sitting next to me looking at it.

If they watch that show in Switzerland now, to them that looks like, oh, I'm in Australia, look at me, fucking a kangaroo. It's the same horrible – well, slightly different. Winners and losers goes down under. Yeah, literally. So they actually filmed that Skype footage on Skype. Yeah. Because you know what I hate when they have like in movies and stuff

when they have someone on a webcam but it's clearly just been filmed on like a very high quality digital camera. So it's like someone's webcam but it looks better than – it looks like a Hollywood – like the lighting's amazing. It's like that's not a webcam. Yeah, no, this was on Skype, which meant it took forever. Of course. Because it froze.

Yeah, all the stuff that happens on Skype. She had her Skype there. Anyway, fascinating. I thought their Wi-Fi was... You're talking to people that would die to get written out of a show. Yeah, it's true. You're talking to a guy who doesn't even know how to download Skype. Denise, I've got to bring this up

because you just... I don't know why I'm gasping every time you say it. How many sex scandals have you got this week? You and Jen were trying to work out before the show when you first met. You'd met briefly. Now, I

met you a long time ago. I got your son to do some – he did the music in my year 12 media film. Isn't that cute? Yeah. I really hope things have picked up for him. He's getting better gigs than that. I came round to your house and he did some music for the show. Oh, I know where you're heading with this.

Now, I was talking to Tom Ballard a little while ago who'd been hanging out with you. He said you were telling him about this day. And you thought... Tommy Desolete. Here, this is a journey towards a bitter end. He locked the door behind you. I'm so excited.

He said that apparently you thought when I was there that I didn't know who you were. Well, you acted as though you didn't know who I was. Tommy and Deslo's got a bit of standoffishness, a bit of coldness to it. What did he do, Denise? Well, his year 12 film. This is backfired.

Oh, yeah. Let's forget about Carl and Tommy and just Chad. So your film was about comedy, wasn't it? It kind of was about comedy. It was about two men who'd carved a giant penis out of a tree stump in their front yard. And I was trying to tell you, Mr Year 12, that I had done a stand-up routine about the guys who'd carved the tree into a penis.

Boring. Show me that son of yours. Yeah, exactly. Which I thought would have been quite riveting in the year 12 piece. You know, a bit of. Sure. But no. Tommy just seemed to keep walking.

Oh, no. Yeah. What did you get? This has backfired spectacularly. What did you get? This has backfired spectacularly. What did you get for year 12? Why would you ignore a famous stand-up comedian going, I've got a bit of material? Because I didn't know who she was.

Because I hadn't been on Winners and Losers and Grated Carrots by then. Yeah, I didn't want to have to fly over to Switzerland to film a bit of my film. That was a great film, though. I can't remember what exact mark it got, but it got into the top arts. It must have done well. The top arts thing for films. It was a great film though. I can't remember what exact mark it got but it got into the top arts. It must have done well. The top arts thing for films. It was good. Even without me in it.

It was good. They could have got you a fucking scholarship if you had to put Denise in there. But anyway. And also the first time I met your husband he had just washed out your dog's butthole and told me about that as he walked into the room. Two very similar experiences really. Yeah, he does. Oh yeah, that was a problem our dog room. Two very similar experiences. Yeah, he does. Oh, yeah, that was a problem our dog had.

But let's not. Dirty butt? Yeah. Okay. That's probably a common thing. He died, so not recently. So good on you, Tommy. Jesus Christ, what a story.

Is that fatal, dirty butt? Is that a thing? No, no, no. If you clean it up. He didn't that fatal, dirty butt? Is that a thing? No, no, no. If you clean it up. He didn't die of a dirty butt. Which I'm laughing. Didn't know we were going to get this into veterinary science. Let's, yeah.

Well, what about this? I'll say something that happened to me the other day. Now, Tommy, you do talk a lot on this podcast about my experiences that I do bring into this show that I tend to be a bit of a nutter magnet, maybe? I'll walk around the streets, nothing will happen to me.

Nothing of consequence will happen to me. I hang out with you for three minutes and we will have been yelled at out of about four different car windows. Yeah. Now, I'm fascinated about this. I reckon you must be walking around with your eyes shut and your ears closed. There's probably – you're walking in and out of circuses and you're like,

oh, well, la-di-da, whatever. I think we probably have similar experiences. I just – every time something stupid happens, I write it down because I'm like, well, we've got to feed this furnace every week. We've got to stop the chuck in there. So here's my big bit of wood. You just walk down the street hoping for that to happen though, don't you? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, great. My eyes are keenly peeled for anything weird. Great. So anyway, I got off the train the other night. I have got headphones now. It's a recent addition to my wardrobe. I've become one of those wanker looking dudes that's always got the headphones around his neck. Now, I don't mean that as an accessory.

I don't want to look like that. But man, it's great to have good headphones and to be on the public transport and have them on. And they're noise cancelling headphones. So I just love having the noise cancelled. I bet the Bomb Funk MCs sound sweet coming out of that, don't they? Yeah. No, I'm still getting used to that, Al.

That's still quite new for me. So I walk into now one of the most famous corners in Melbourne, I reckon, where the corner of Flinders and Swanston. Yes. So, yeah, the Young and Jackson Hotel. Sure. Just a weird way of describing one of the most famous corners. It's like our Hollywood sign.

Yeah. It's on a lot of postcards. But I'm saying that because it's very busy on that corner. You know when you're crossing the road from the train station? Chaos. It's so busy. It's the busiest. Let's say that.

It's the busiest corner in Melbourne rather than the most famous. Yes. Right. I've got that back. Even that isn't very exciting though. Yeah. Really. The most busy corner in Melbourne.

But how many elements are there in this story already going on? I love it. We've got a busy corner. We've got big chunky headphones. I don't even need anything more really. I could end this story now. Yeah. You may have peaked.

I'll put on the base to the canvas at the moment I think. That's what I've done. So anyway, I walk across and I'm starting to learn that this is a bad thing to have the headphones on because you know what? I've been guilty now of dropping a lot of stuff already and you just don't even notice because you've got the headphones on. You're not really sure of what's going on around you. Anyway, I walk across. I'm in the middle of just hundreds of people, very tightly packed, and I'm walking along and, you know, you're not aware of what's going on.

But after a couple of seconds, I can feel that someone is walking at the same speed alongside me, at exactly the same speed, right alongside me. And I do that thing where you just, you know, you can't hear them, so I'm just ignoring it and just sort of going, you know, this will finish in a minute. It doesn't finish. I'm very aware it and just sort of going, you know, this will finish in a minute. It doesn't finish. I'm very aware that someone is on purpose shadowing me from an inch

away and I'm like, oh no. So I look up and I'm like people are not generally following me to say good on you. It's generally negative things. So I look up, it's this crazed looking person. Like very it's not a good corner for it as well.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he's very crazed looking. A lot of witnesses, so it's kind of a good corner in that respect. Well, so I look up, I've got the headphones on, and I do the thing of pointing the headphones, obviously I can't, and he's like gesturing at me wildly and I'm like, can't hear you. I wish I could help. Yeah, yeah.

Wish these things weren't bolted on. That's out of my hands. So he looks at me and he's still doing it. I'm like, oh, man, I've got to do this thing. So I take off the headphones and he goes, hey. I'm like, yes. And he goes, I killed someone yesterday. Wow. It's been 24 hours.

Reckon I'll get away with it. What? And I go, and, you know, I'm not thinking at this point. I just go, I've just been listening to bombfuck MCs for the last hour. Did you just call them bombfuck? No, funk. Go back and listen. So he says that to me.

I killed someone 24 hours ago. Reckon I'll get away with it. And he looks crazy. And I go, ah, 24 hours, reckon you're safe. I reckon you're out of the woods. And then he just looks even more crazed for a second and then just runs away. But he's been trailing me for like 100 metres now, right?

And I sort of go, oh, that happened. And then after that, I sort of go into a mild state of shock because I realise what he said to me. And I realise, I go back in my memory, I realise when he's been saying this stuff to me, he's got his hand in his jacket gesturing he's got a weapon at me, going, I killed someone yesterday. You reckon I'll get away with it?

And I'm like, yeah, mate, I reckon you're all right. And so I've bluffed him without really knowing about it. The reason he's run is because he's like, this guy's even more psycho than me. This guy's looked death in the face and been all right with it. Back to bomb funk MC. Yeah, to the only worst thing, to put them back on. But I'm like, I sort of go into shock then and just go,

oh, man, he was trying to threaten me on like, he could have done whatever to me. But I'm also, how has he picked me for a mark? Like I'm in the middle of hundreds of people. There are so many witnesses. I'd suggest easily he's picked you easily. Really? Like there's a guy.

See, this is what I'm talking about. Yeah. There's something about you. Yeah. You just stick – see, you're saying I think these things are happening to you and you have no idea they're happening. I guarantee you, believe it or not, there's no chance anyone's ever been walking alongside me

telling me that they've killed someone and I've gone, can't see why I'd hold on to this information. Why would he pick me? Because apart from everything else, I'm in the middle of all these hundreds of people and I've got the heavy-duty headphones on as well. So it's actually been a real effort for him to threaten me. You look like you could have murdered someone.

I reckon he's pegged you as like a potential co-conspirator and gone, this guy will get it. Because I figured he was trying to threaten me and by saying that I'd go, oh, I take all my money. But you're saying, oh, he's seen me and gone. He's looking for a friend. This guy's been through it. He's found a kindred spirit.

Look at him with his headphones on running away from his problems, drowning out the voices. He'll tell me I'm safe. He'll tell me I'm okay. He'll tell me what I want to hear. That is, there is a, I have had that a couple of times. There's a certain breed of kind of crazy person where they'll just feed you a line where there's no, there's no answer to that.

Like, you know, I've killed someone. You have to say something, but there's no, what do you do? Like, all you can do is go, you know, they come and sit next to you on a tram and all you can do is go, and you can just feel everyone else on the tram looking at you going, oh God, he's in. He's locked in now and he's, what can you do? My fucking problem is that I pride myself on being like the friendly one on the train.

I'm like, yeah, I know. You're still young. You're still young. But I was sitting on the train and this like kind of like weird looking dude sat down next to me and everyone kind of shuffled away from him and I was like, no, this is what's wrong with the world. And then I sat down and he's like, are you having a nice day? And I'm like, yeah, I am.

How's your day going? He's like, good. My mum just died. And I'm like, oh. And then he's like, yeah, she's been really sick for decades and then just started telling me this horrible horrible story and just bummed the entire – She moved to Switzerland. Yeah, yeah.

She used to peel carrots and looked really concerned. But he just told this story for like ten minutes and just bummed the entire carriage out. And they all looked at me like you've invited this upon all of us. Like we were just all sitting here quietly. You had to be that person. You turned it into an AMA. Yeah, totally.

And then I was like, oh, well, I've got to go. So I stop. And he's like, oh, same. And then walked out with me. Of course, same. Yeah. And then Town Hall Station in Sydney, it's just all stairs that just never – it takes like 15 minutes to get to the air, to get to the light.

And he's just following me and he's telling – and, you know, he feels like he's pouring his heart out to me so we're bonded in a way. And then he's like, where are you going next? And I'm like, oh, to the toilet. And then I just walked into it. Good move. Yeah, I guess it's the one place he couldn't come with me.

Unless you went to the male toilet in which very bad move. The worst move. I went to the public toilet which was not a great move but not the worst move. Hey, better than, yeah. Yeah. Better than the alternative. I feel like just from going through my memory of having known you a little while, I feel like you might be a little bit of the female

Kyle Chandler in the way that you attract these kind of crazy people. People come up to you after shows and they're crying. Good credit, by the way. You can use that. That's going on the festival poster, female Kyle Chandler. People will be so mad when they come see the show. Or happy, I don't know. Yeah, no, I get it a lot.

Oh, fucking, I think this is like the first year that I knew you. It was the first time at the festival I knew you. I was the first crazy person to approach you after the show. Let's be friends. Come on my podcast. Will you be my mum? No, but it was something that we bonded over because I was like, this dude came to my show.

No, he didn't come to my show. I bumped into him at a show I wanted to go to and he was like, oh, are you waiting around to get anyone on your pass? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, here, have my spare ticket. And I'm like, oh, sick, thanks. I don't have to wait. Walked in and then he kept leaning over to me during and's like, here, have my spare ticket. And I'm like, oh, sick, thanks. I don't have to wait. Walked in and then like he kept like leaning over to me during

and being like, this guy's fantastic. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, it's good. Even worse than a weirdo, a comedy weirdo. Yeah. And he's like, it's genius, isn't it? Oh, we're so lucky. And this was in my show and that's how we got on. No, but then I remember.

This guy sounds cool. I remember I bumped into you the next day and I'm like, this dude, like I just sat through a show with him. Oh, walking back from the art centre on the bridge, there's that guy with the telescope. He's like, do you want to look through the telescope? And I was like, no, I just want to go home. And he's like, well, I've already given the man $20. Please look through the telescope and I was like, no, I just want to go home. And he's like, well, I've already given the man $20.

Please look through the telescope. And I was like, okay. And then like, I was like, oh, that's nice. Because this is my first time ever doing the comedy festival. You're looking at my house. Want to come there? It's expensive, right? I'm keeping you in this bottle.

It was the first time I'd ever done Melbourne Comedy Festival. I didn't have any friends in Melbourne. So I was like, oh, this is a nice way to make friends. And it turned so hard. Yeah, just the telescope thing because he'd bought like half an hour of telescope time. Wow. That is a classic move. That's a classic Melbourne move.

Is it? Yeah, we all do it. That's how we've all met up. If nothing else out of this podcast, our listeners have learnt the economy of the time of a telescope. 20 bucks per half hour. I like to think you read about that in the game. Just buy a lot of telescope hours.

Yeah. Get the girls in, bang. This is my problem because I'm always like, I should be friendly to people. And everyone's like, no, don't. I'm like, nah, that's what's wrong. And then I get trapped into telescope time. Yeah, that fires.

What about you, Denise? What's your weirdo tractor beam like? You're a big tram taker. I am a big tram taker. I've had a lot of weirdo. Oh, in fact, what day is it today? It doesn't matter. It was a few days ago on the 86 tram.

It's packed. It's crowded. Do you get the tram? Do you get the tram? Do you get the 86? I used to live on the 86 You may have This is a common occurrence apparently But I'd never witnessed this particular thing before

86 is a lot crazier I'm 70 and 75 Right 86 is the famous crazy tram line in Melbourne And so we've come to where in Gertrude Corner of Gertrude, corner of Gertrude, Brunswick Street, the tram stopped at the lights and nothing's happened. You know, everyone's just sitting there.

It's pretty packed. And the next thing the tram driver really calmly says, look, would the guy who's chroming please get off the tram or I'm going to have to call the police. I'm like, did he just? And then because you can't hear it properly, a whole lot of people got off the tram, like thinking could everyone get off the tram? And then not to be racist, but this Indian woman next to me went,

you know, what is going on? And I said, well, there's a guy chroming. What? What is chroming? And then I'm going, you know, oh, you know, you sniff. Oh, look. Anyway. It's a hard thing to translate to people that speak English.

Anyway, and then next thing I become aware of the smell. Like it's sickening. The tram, it's like paint fumes and stuff. And the guy said it again. With the guy chroming, you're going to have to get off the tram. And we all just sit there and he said, if you don't get off the tram, the tram has to wait. Please, buddy, get off the tram.

Like really nicely. Yeah, yeah. Then next thing we hear a thud and the guy's collapsed, the chroming guy. So then we're all stuck there, you know, and this guy next to me said, oh, this happens all the time. He's on the tram all the time but he's never collapsed before and he always usually gets off, you know, when asked, when the driver says, can you get off?

But today, no more. Yeah. So then we had to wait on the tram. And the amazing thing was that everyone was so nice. And I wish there was punch to this story. But there isn't. Because everyone was really nice. The tram driver was unreal. Yeah.

He was so lovely. Very accommodating of someone who is like breaking the law. Yeah. And tragic. Yeah. Tragic, tragic, tragic. I find it unusual, like, you know, the threat of calling the police. You know, the police are going to come.

It must be hard to track a tram, though. You know what I mean? Like, that's weird. There's literally an app that's called that. It turns into a sort of a chase, though. All of a sudden the police are got to chase a moving target. There's a timetable at every stop. It's the easiest vehicle of any of them to track down.

So you think that the police are going to just be standing at the stop waiting for the train to come along and go, oh, this one's running a couple of minutes late. This is annoying. It's not like it can turn down a side street and get away from them. I find it hard to believe. Just admit that you didn't think that one through. I think we both have points.

Why is chroming such a public drug use? You know, you always see people doing it on public transport. See, I haven't seen it. It's a lot more obvious than someone doing other... Oh, it's horrible. You know, using syringes or whatever. People tend to hide that away. But with paint, it's like, why are you making this even more public?

Because it's sort of more visible because you're using the paint. Yeah. Oh, it looks insane. I mean, I don't want to go all sounding like a dad, but you know what? I don't reckon you should do it. Do you reckon drugs aren't cool? like a dad but you know what? I don't reckon you should do it.

Do you reckon drugs aren't cool? I must admit because I was thinking this guy has got parents somewhere and it's like if – They're not going to be able to finish painting the bedroom. No matter what my kids are doing. I didn't even hear what you said but I think it was a joke. Yeah. What did you say? Was it good or –

I just said I don't think his parents would be able to finish painting the bedroom. Oh, that's good. Real good stuff, I reckon. That is good. Made up for that tram tracker debacle. But I was happy that my kids aren't chroming. You can put that out there for nothing. What drugs do you think they're doing?

Yeah, yeah. What drugs are you happy with them doing? What's your go? Years ago we had two dogs and one they started fighting anyway. We had to find another home for one of them. And if you want to find the underbelly, if you want to locate the underbelly of a city, put a free ad in the Herald Sun, Staffy Cross,

free to good home. A beautiful dog Beautiful dog But he did not like our other dog So we You know We thought Beautiful Was he originally

Did you get him as a rescue? No From a pet shop Oh okay Well hello They're not fashionable Anyway So this beautiful dog rocks

We had to find another home for her But one of the places we went to This was before I picked up Who wanted free Staffy Crosses. Wow. Yeah, because I didn't know they were fighting dogs. Anyway, it was all. We went to this place and there's a guy there like crazy

and I'm so naive. I thought he was an artist because he had paint all around his mouth. He had it all around his mouth and his hands are covered in. And I'm thinking, wow. He's getting right in there. He's run out of brushes. No wonder he wants a free dog. That's Ken Doan.

It's more of a Jackson Pollock thing, but anyway. He was crazy. And then I thought, oh, I'm not giving my dog to you, buddy. And then, yeah, John explained to me that the guy was chroming. I didn't – yeah. Who did you end up giving the dog to? Oh, it was a sad story. But he – no, the dog – but no, it was good.

He went off to a farm with a family. I love how we just keep setting you up for really grim stories. No, no. We found him a beautiful home and I was a bit neurotic because I kept writing to the family and the kids and I wrote a story about the dog. I sent presents. I thought you were going to say you wrote a story

about the guy with the paint around his mouth. That's better. The dog story's better. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, that's a long time ago. That's my chroming story, kids. Well, what about we bring this up? You guys may have even seen this on TV and Tommy is obviously not going to bring it up,

so I'd better bring it up. Tommy Daslow is appearing on an advertisement on the television at the moment and we've been bombarded. Extremely gauche of me to bring it up about myself. No, no, it's good. Excuse me, everyone. Ning, ning, ning, ning, ning, ning. You know, they should have bought an ad on this show so we could talk about it.

Totally, yeah. Can we talk about the ad? Yeah, I don't think I've seen it. It's on the TV at the moment. I mean, an ad for Jeep. Now, have you... Bought a Jeep? Has the money... Yeah. Has the money cleared?'m in an ad for Jeep. Now have you bought a Jeep? Has the money cleared? No, not yet.

Oh, so we have to be kind. But what do you do in the ad? I'm an office worker and there's a lady near me and she's talking about her Jeep but she's being very kind of expressive with her arm movements and so me and my little mate are kind of commentating

what she's saying. We can't hear her. But based on her, what she's saying, we think she's like seen a bear and all this stuff. Yeah. And I hadn't seen it yet. I saw it the other night. It was on – I was watching Speed on Channel 10.

It was on in the middle of Speed. Appropriate advertising. Exactly. For one night only, technically I was in Speed. What do you think of that? I'm pretty blown away. We've gone from paint half into Speed now.

What if I put that on my poster as seen during Speed? Put that on my comedy festival poster. Technically true. So what was your character's name? Office worker number two. How long did you spend filming? A day. true. Yeah. So what was your character's name? Office worker number two. Oh. Yeah. And how long did you spend filming? A day. Oh that's

alright. And were they nice? No nice everyone was cool. Everyone was fun. Yeah. Did you have to bring your own wardrobe? You know what? I did. Oh. Yeah. Isn't that weird? That's pretty. So like I go in for the wardrobe call and they're like by the way just bring in everything you wore to the audition.

Stuff that. And so I just wore that in again and they're like, yeah, this is good. Go with this. And I'm like, shouldn't I get a little bit of a wardrobe? We're kind of doing something. And then they were like, hey, we want the desk that you're sitting at to kind of look like your personal space. So bring in some of your own stuff to dress it up how you were.

I'm like, no, I'm set designing this thing as well. No worries. What did you bring in? I brought in... You should have brought in some sex toys. You know what? I was trying really hard to work out how can I get the podcast in there. I really wanted to get something dumb dummy. I was like,

it's too weird to bring in the dolls of us. This is what I would have at my desk at work. I don't know. You can get away with that. A toy that a fan made of us. Oh, yeah. This is what I would have at my desk at work. I don't know. You could get away with that. A toy that a fan made of me. Well, they're only going to say no. You could have done that.

Or I was like, you know, if I had a coffee mug and I could put like a sticker of a little dum-dum club on it. But then I got really worried. What if someone on the crew listens to this and I get busted? Like, hang on a minute. We keep demanding guests come on and we keep saying, hey, wear our shirt on a TV show. I know you're going to be on the news tonight, but put our shirt on. You can't even do that on your own ad.

I know. But we don't have anything that was small enough to sneak in there. And as it turned out, you can't see any of the stuff anyway. Right. That's a shame. I would have tried, hey, you know what? I've got the moustache in the ad and we've talked about the moustache on the podcast.

Well, yeah. So, hey. I didn't go looking for the ad, but I did see it on TV in the middle of a show and you're rocking – What show? What show can I put on my poster that I've been on here? Oh, yeah. I think it was on – it was like on a, you know, Seven Mate channel sort of thing.

It wasn't on the main channel. An Olympics? No, definitely not. I would have remembered that. I would have remembered that jarring contrast. I would have remembered that. I would have remembered that jarring contrast. But you've got the Mo on and you do, you know,

I can see why you would have been cast. You do look like the quintessential office worker there with the Mo. Yeah. I reckon that Mo got you the job. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon too because I'd just done it and then I went in for the audition and then I got a call back. I reckon next up you're up for pedophile number two.

Definitely. Definitely. You can audition a little. went in for the audition and then I got a call back. I reckon next up you're up for pedophile number two, definitely. Definitely. You can audition a little. Well, that was in the subtext of what I was doing in my performance, Carl, if you'd pay attention. So you brought in some of that stuff to put on your desk, girls. Yeah, it was, yeah, so I had like, I think like a week where I kind of thought, I wonder if I'm going to get this and I think maybe the Mo did all the work here.

Yeah. What's the financial cost of a moustache? What do you mean? Are you asking me what I got paid for the ad? No, no, no. Because that was my next question. Yeah. And how did you get that?

And why do you still have the moustache long after the ad is on TV? No, like, you know, is this the thing that pushes you into the stratosphere? Yeah. You know what I mean? Is this your Steve Buscemi moment? You know what I mean? Where you'll be the character actor with a mo. Oh, what would it take for me to shave this off?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, a lot of ads, if you watch, I think it's still the same. For the last couple of years, every man on an ad has a beard. Yeah. Every man. So if you're serious about getting ads, you have to have a beard. So I reckon this mo is like a – It's the new thing.

Yeah, man. It's the start of a new thing. Is that what you reckon? Well, I reckon it looks very defined. Like you're a certain character when you're wearing that sash. You're not entirely positive but you're a character. Yeah. You know what I'm hoping for?

And I don't know. Denise, you would have done some ads in your time. You know what I'm hoping for? And I don't know, Denise, you would have done some ads in your time. I'm just trying to think. I did a work cover ad. Moe? I've always got a Moe.

Always got a Moe. Work cover, you wife of a guy who nearly died on the building site? No, no. I was going to say, every time you set her up for some grim story. Got in a horrible carrot peeling accident. Crushed by an excavator. No, it was, I can't remember what I did on them. Fell down a Swiss Alp. No, I was, they were funny ads.

I know I got paid fuck all for it. Oh, really? Because it was a government agency sort of ad. But go figure. I'm sure someone got paid a lot of money, but it wasn't me. That's the cliche. I mean, you're doing an ad. someone got paid a lot of money but it wasn't me. That's the cliche. I mean you're doing an ad. You get paid a lot of money.

Like that's where the money is. My dream is, you know, the thing with ads is you get paid for it to be on the air for a year and if after a year if they want to use it again, you just get that fee all over again. That is my dream. Is that what happens in Australia? Yeah. You just get the money again. How good does that sound? That is so dream. Is that what happens in Australia? Yeah. You just get the money again. How good does that sound?

That is so good. Yeah. That is so damn good. You don't know what's happening. Just one day someone calls you up, guess what? Imagine this time next year we just put this episode out again. Yeah. We'll get paid again, Jen.

We'll get paid all that money again. I had a thing kind of like that happen where I got offered an ad and I had to leave the ABC because I couldn't

do ads and be on the ABC and it was this cool it was me and Ronnie Chang we got asked to do an ad for Microsoft and they were like we'll fly you to New York

finally Ronnie's got a break yeah at last and you know we spent this week shooting this ad for Microsoft. We wrote the ad. We got paid a lot of money.

Like, that sounds gross. I shouldn't have said that out loud. That's fine. The way you're staring at me, Carl, you get paid a lot of money. It's Microsoft. We assume that they're not paying. I would get more pissed off if you did it for 50 bucks. Yeah, that's true.

And Bill Gates is like, cool, I'll keep the rest. Dave Quirk style, doing a car ad for about 300 bucks. But then Microsoft were like, actually, we hate this ad, but you'll still get the money. Oh, now that is the drag. Yeah, and then I just went back to the ABC and I haven't lost any cred. It's good. So hang on, you left the ABC, did the ad, it didn't get picked up,

so you went back to the ABC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweet. Yeah. The ABC were very happy to be walked all over again. I'm just going to do something that's against all your core beliefs. Fuck all of you. I'm chasing a paycheck.

Anyway, I'm back now. It was literally two weeks as well. I was like, the final, I'm like, guys, I'm out. I'm sorry. It just would change my life too much not to do it. And then I did the ad. It must have been a lot of money. It was a lot of money.

It was like a year's salary. Oh, wow. $20,000. Yeah. And then two weeks later I was like, hey, can I have my job back? I don't reckon you were that pleading with all that money in your pocket. No, but I did go. Can I buy my job back?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need it, but I want to play a game. I've got nothing to do. Also, I want to hunt you for sports. I want to use your free Wi-Fi, really. Yeah, yeah. But is that a gross story? No, that's cool.

That is about the coolest, I reckon, web app. Yeah, that's right. Exactly. I wish I had a story like that. All my stories are people saying they've murdered someone. A dude in New York did ask me if I wanted to be in a porn. Oh. Yeah.

It's pornos here is how we pronounce it. I know. I'm so sorry. Porno. Thank you for translating it for our local audience. You're not in New York anymore what is the

context how did literally standing on a subway station waiting to get on the train and a dude

came up and was like hey do you want to be in a porn and then I was like no thank you

and then just walked on and that was it that was the whole same it's happening it happened to me

last week on the 86 that was the producer that was the producer. That was the guy from the artwork department. Yeah, I don't think the sets are getting painted. You weren't even, you weren't curious enough to know, not saying you should have done it,

but find out a bit more about, you know, what he was pitching storyline, you know, that kind of stuff. He probably would have just left me with a telescope for half an hour. How often do you think that line works, by the way? What? Do you want to be in a porn? You know there's a lot of porn out there, right?

So it works a lot. I reckon too. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you're short of money. But it's that sort of thing where it's like if you try something a hundred times, it only needs to work once, you know? Well, if you're making porn, it needs to work more than once. It needs to work an ongoing number of times.

Yeah, but if he asks that a hundred times a day and it works once a day, that's pretty successful. Yeah, I mean, you probably only have the time to film one a day. I mean, you can ask a lot of people and if you're just doing... I love you taking it back to a technical place. Yeah. I mean, scheduling-wise. It's not like the pitch goes on for hours.

Like, he's literally going, want to be in a porno? No. Next target. Yeah. Well, we'll never know. Yeah. Do you ever have regrets? I could have made a new life for myself in America.

Yeah, what if the ad had never come out but you've done the porno and then you go back to the ABC and you're like, okay, the ad's not on but the porno may surface someday. Is that going to be a problem? Sorry, ABC. This is a life-changing experience coming up. I can't say no to Anal Addicts 39. Because I'm addicted.

Denise, let me ask you this. Have you had much experience with doing like private gigs? Do you get people hit you up wanting you to just like come to their house and do a show? Not that often. I've done – oh, I did one private birthday party at the Flower Drum restaurant. Oh, nice. Very fancy.

I didn't get to eat there or anything. The number one ranked restaurant in Melbourne for 20 years or so. Yeah, and it was bizarre because, you know, of course, there's all these like proper waiters, like Chinese waiters, had to stand around the room and weren't allowed to smile. Well, maybe it's not that they weren't allowed to, they just didn't find me amusing. But it was really incredibly awkward.

So they had a private dining room? It screened off. And you just stand in front of the table. But then people on the other side of the screen would have had to listen to me go, dry vagina. Enjoy your dumplings.

What was the occasion again? It was a 50th. Right. And the people who will book me are usually husbands. My wife loves you. Would you please come to her 50th or now it's 60th. I know. That's what you've got to look forward to, kids.

But I don't do them. They're too hard. I asked because over the weekend I did one for the first time. A private at a house? Yeah. I drove out to Geelong and I did comedy at a hen's night. Oh, excuse me. When you think of hen's nights, you think of Tommy Dastling.

Was it back? The Chippendales of comedy. Yeah, did you take your clothes off? I mean, when I say comedy, I mean I stripped and that was hilarious. No, so it was this girl got in touch and she was like, hey, my friend, I'm organising this for my friend, it's her Hens Night, she's a really big fan, would you come and just do comedy? And I was like, okay.

And she goes, okay, so it'll be about 30 to 50 of us and we're going to get like a PA and a mic and everything. And I was like, oh, well, this will just be like a little show. Like this will be cool, you know. So I turn up. It's not that at all. It's eight people sitting in a living room. No, no, no.

So literally just like this sized living room. Oh, no. And then me in front of it. So I turn up, I knock on the door. And those moments are the worst where you're walking in and you don't know any of the people, you don't know the scenario that you're walking into. Man, very quickly, I told this story a couple of years ago on the show.

Not this one because it happened to me last week. No, well, I thought it was coming up. So I took a stab and I was right. No, I did that private gig that we heard on an episode a couple of years ago where I did a wedding out that way, past Geelong. And that dread of going there, of travelling to a gig that you know is going to be bad, I was having fantasies about running the car off the road.

Seriously. Like if I hit a tree, I won't have to do the gig. I used to pray that my appendix would burst. That was my thing because I thought, well, almost burst. You know, like I live but I have to go to emergency. But so what happened at this – Well, see, I've just now started to get better from it. I've had a really bad flu for about a week now

and that Saturday was like kind of the worst of it where I was just on the couch with the chills all, like shivering, like rugged up and then, but just felt like, you know, I would really be letting them down and they'd pay me and stuff. I was like, oh, so I drive up. See, I don't think the drive is so bad because the drive you're like, well, I'm not there yet.

This is great. And when you're doing it, I feel like even if it's weird, you're in free fall while it's happening. So whatever. And then afterwards, even if it's fucked, you've got the funny story. For me, the very worst absolute bit is standing at the front door, not knowing what's about to happen right before you find out what's going to happen.

That's the worst bit. So I knock on the door. The friend answers and she goes, oh, cool. not knowing what's about to happen right before you find out what's going to happen. That's the worst bit. So I knock on the door. The friend answers and she goes, oh, cool. Well, yeah, yeah, we'll just hold on one second. We're just around the corner so we'll bring you around for the surprise. So she – Surprise stand-up? Yes.

No. Surprise entertainment. Oh, my God. There is nothing worse. Than the surprise of Tommy Dastley doing comedy. What are you guys talking about? Why do you keep interrupting? I think this story is really cool.

So they lead me around and this is exactly what I thought would happen. The friend is like oh cool. Everyone else is like who the fuck's this? Assuming I think now in retrospect what was happening at the time, them all only being told entertainment is turning up.

Yeah. And then seeing this walk in and going, that's the fucking stripper. Yeah. We chipped in for this. We're chipping good money for this. Is this the open mic of strippers? Are we paying? So I walk around the corner and I'm out of my mind sick at the time as well.

Like I'm fucked. So I go and I'm just standing in the living room and I'm just in front of them all and I'm like, hey, and I'm kind of just chatting to them and then I'm like, so do I just go? Do you want me to just start hoping that they'll go, oh, no, there's more of us out the back and we've got like a mic there. And they're like, yeah. And what's their vibe at this point?

Their vibe is like they're fine. Are they drunk? They said they'd been drinking since like it's six. They said they'd been drinking since about two, but they seemed fine. But then how rowdy can you be if there's just eight of you sitting in a room i guess pretty rowdy well yeah i because i was doing a pub call later in the night i think they'd had family and stuff around there right earlier and so that like they had all just left and so now it was like getting into the getting into the real business of it so then i just start doing my stand-up, which at this current point in time

is largely about how single I am and why would anyone ever be in a relationship like a fucking idiot. And I go, so who's single here? No one puts their hand up. And I go, must be nice. So at one point I get interrupted by the father of the bride comes into the room, as I'm talking about fingering, he walks in and he's just going to get a beer out of the fridge

and he's a real big boy, like very, you know, really built, big bald guy, getting a beer out of the fridge and the mum turns around to him, I'm middle of talking during this, turns around and goes, Ian, P-O-Q. I've never heard that before. I was like, what the fuck just happened? She goes, piss off quietly. I was like, oh, that's good.

I've never heard that before. I would have gone with piss off quick. Right, right. Well, they do things a bit differently down there in John McHale. Down on the coast, a whole different language. So then I'm like, I'm learning stuff here. And then I get to the end and I'm like –

You've got your clothes off, yes. I'm trying to, you know, really look at the clock to see how much longer of this odyssey has to go on without wanting to be too obvious about it. Yep. So then finally I kind of finish. But again, there's no finish. Yeah. There's no like, thanks guys, see you later, walk off.

Lights off or whatever, yeah. I just go – It's a peaceful show. There's no moral to the story at the end of it. Well, I mean, there's no finish. There's no like, thanks guys, see you later, walk off. Lights off or whatever, yeah. It's a festival show. There's no moral to the story at the end of it. Well, I mean there's a moral. So the whole thing just ends with me going, and that's it I guess. Bring your Las Vegas to Geelong. Wow. So then I'm just like, I can hang out more and just talk.

Any questions? And the mum goes, yeah, that was good, but why you? And I go, I don't know. Why don't you ask your fucking daughter's mate why me? Yeah. But it was, you know, they were fine. Like they were, during the jokes they were laughing. It was a good night.

An amount for what you would expect for, you know, eight people in a living room to give it up. They gave it up as much as you would expect. Thanks to us doing these shows, you know, over the years in the Melbourne Comedy Festival, we are quite well trained at playing to eight people. Pretty much, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is nothing.

You guys should see any other night. You should see a cold Wednesday night in April. I think there's something about a lounge room though. Playing to eight people with even a semblance of a stage and a light and a microphone. Yes, any kind of. Oh, man. Oh, and here's the other thing.

They had like some kind of bridal show was on on the TV. I was like, do we want to turn that off? They're like, no. And one girl just kind of constantly kind of trying to look past me. Wait, they just left it on? And then halfway through someone was like, actually, let's get this off. Oh, really? Could have been talking about me.

Yeah. But I was like, okay, I'm turning the TV off. Or your pants. How was that drive home? and turn the table. Or your pants. How was that drive home? Again, I was so sick that I just was fine because I'm like, it's done. It was actually not that, like, I'm just telling you the worst bits of it.

The 40, I did 40 minutes. 40 minutes? And plus two encores. You did 40 minutes? Hey, that was what they booked me for. Yeah, but 40 minutes is the sort of thing where you go to one of those gigs where you go, you think you want 40 minutes Hey that was what they booked me for Yeah but 40 minutes is the sort of thing Where you go to one of those gigs Where you go You think you want 40 minutes

You don't Yeah You want 40 But also once you're there You go on I don't want any excuse To not now get paid for it Right

You don't want to get to the end And have them go I think you'll see If you look at the old Second hand there Yeah How were they Faring at the 30 minute mark or so

Was there any sign of I don't You, it doesn't matter how good it is. There's a limit to how much people can take, I reckon, in that situation. When it's a surprise as well. I think they were just kind of – I think they were like me in that they were kind of just enjoying the weirdness of it at a certain point. They were like, wow, this is really happening in front of us right now. Speaking of times very quickly, I did remember this from doing the G-pad. They had a prop clock on the wall and it took me nearly the whole day

to realise that it wasn't turned on. Right. At one point I went, wow, 10 to 11, we are racing through this. Because I had tickets to something at MIFF that I kind of still was hoping I'd get to. And then forgot and then an hour later again looked at it and went, fuck, 10 to 11. Like, we are going to be out of here before lunch.

This is great. And then actually looked at my watch and went, oh, it's four. Oh, yeah, that second hand isn't moving at all. Yeah. And it's dark. So it's not the morning anymore. So drive back was, yeah, drive back was fine. I was just happy to be out of there without having.

I was a little bit disappointed because whenever I have a gig like that, that's like a weirdo, weirdo gig, and harking back to what I said before about that wedding gig I did, that was my lifeline on the way home. After a bad gig, I love to ring another commie. Right. And tell them all about it on the way home because then, if you've had a bad gig and you love to ring another comic and tell them all about it on the way home because then if you've had a bad gig and you haven't got laughs,

if you then ring a comedian and tell them how bad you've done, they then laugh all the way home. And they take a lot of comfort and joy from your pain. I love hearing about people's bad gigs. Yeah, exactly. I did that on that way back and

I think I rang Xavier Michaelides after that wedding gig and he just lost it all the way home. He was so excited about it. See, that's it. Mine wasn't even bad enough to be like truly horrendously bad. It was just weird in a way that no lessons were learned about the art of stand-up by me, you know. Yeah.

It was just a thoroughly odd experience. But fun, you know what? Fun to meet all those people. The bridesmaid invited me to go to the wedding as her date. Oh, really? Yeah. You're going? Has it happened?

You should go. It's next weekend. Should I go? Is this a serious thing or not? I don't know. I could follow up. Yes, go. What do you think?

She was just joking. Oh, well. I don't know. I could follow up. Yes, go. What do you think she was just joking? Oh, well, I don't know. Maybe. I don't like to presume, Denise. I'd be going. Yeah, man. Going to a wedding and have no responsibility at any of the parties. I thought you were going to say have no respect for anyone there.

You know who they've got as the celebrant? Mike Larkin. The weatherman. Yeah. That sounds fun, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've who they've got as the celebrant? Mike Larkin. The weatherman. Yeah. Channel 10 weatherman. That sounds fun, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I've thought about trying to become a celebrant. Is it celebrant or celebrant? Celebrant. There's an R in there. Yeah, celebrant. Because I went to a wedding at the start of the year and the celebrant was no good. They were mispronouncing nearly every word they said.

They really butchered it. And I thought that's... All you have to do is just stand up here And say words correctly I went to a corporate thing At the football the other day And A man called John Blackman From Hey Hey It's Saturday

Was the MC of the corporate function Tell you what Whatever year he's from They were a lot looser With their racial stereotypes Yeah yeah Let me say that It was a great time Back in those days when you didn't –

Did you partake? And they never change, those people. Oh, I thought you meant the times. I'm like, Denise. Did you partake back in the day? Not in racism. Of racial – No, no, no.

That's what I'm asking. Are funny jokes about – No, no. no. That's what I'm asking. Are we joking? Are funny jokes about, you know. No, no. Is this true? I don't know if we've talked about this when you've been on the podcast before, but you started by doing stand-up in strip clubs, is that right? What?

I feel like I read that about you somewhere. What? No. That was an easy place to get stage time. But now I'm – was it Rachel Berger? Has she been on the podcast? No. I know I'm with you where there was someone who used to do it in strip clubs.

Surely you would remember doing stand-up in a strip club. No, I didn't do – I just feel like I read that as a thing like it was hard to get gigs at comedy clubs so you would go up in between dances at like strip clubs. No, God, no. It could have been Rachel Berger. Shane Bourne used to do that. Okay.

Yeah. Oh, well, gee. Well, easy mistake to make. Yeah, yeah. Howne used to do that. Okay. Yeah. Oh, well, gee. Easy mistake to make. Yeah, yeah. How? It's me, Denise Scott. Yeah.

Howdy. Howdy, guys. I'm not taking my clothes off. I'm just going to tell you a few racial stereotype jokes. I've got two questions for you, Tommy Daslow. Yes. First question. The bridal gig, how much did you get paid?

Second question, Jeep, how much did you get paid? Don't answer that. Yeah, no, I'm trying to think of a – this is the thing he does. He asks you a question. I'm not going to answer it genuinely. You've got to have a comedy way out. Do you? It's a funny way to answer this question.

It's so overrated comedy. It's so overrated. I love comedy. Oh, it's so overrated comedy. It's so overrated. I love comedy. Oh, you're crazy. I did both of them for the exposure. Denise worked in a strip club for the same thing. Yeah, yeah. It is nice though like kind of walking away from that hands,

the one thing about it was like it was weird and I didn't do great but who cares? Yeah, right. It's not like, oh, they'll never book me for that hen's night. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm watching a TED talk. I walked away and that's been the greatest that I thought. And in that moment I realised.

To recount this in a very small way The gig that I'm talking about I've talked about a couple of years on the podcast Where I was booked for a wedding I basically went on at 11 o'clock or something You can't ever let me just have the limelight, can you? No, no, but I'm picking up this dynamic too

But it went It didn't go horribly But it was just insane The most insane gig I've ever done Where everyone was like People had been drinking A large group of people It was fancy dress wasn't it?

It was fancy dress as well All these people were dressed up as insane things A fancy dress wedding? Yeah Have you ever heard of such a crazy thing? And they were just sideways drunk Like insanely drunk So I hopped up

There was no stage or anything And they screamed at me honestly for 20 minutes I was counting down the time. They screamed at me, including a guy walking out, yelling at a wall, coming back. He had a bloody T-shirt. He threw it in my face. All this sort of stuff.

By the way, the people at the wedding will be loving this because the thing is they listen to the show. I didn't know this. They booked me for it. They turned my life into a hell for 20 minutes. And then afterwards, like, you know, this is when I drove back and sort of went, oh, my God. And again, I handled it fine. Like, it was actually a thing where, you know, this literally guy got up, threw a bloody shirt in my face,

walked over to a wall, and I was like, what are you doing? He's like, this is more entertaining than watching you. And just started screaming at a wall for like a full couple of minutes. He was just at like an inch from the wall just yelling at it. He's like, this is more entertaining than watching you and just started screaming at a wall for like a full couple of minutes. He was just at an inch from the wall just yelling at it and everyone else was going, yeah, that seems fine, whatever. And then at the end, everyone came up to me and I'd handled myself fine. I didn't do any material.

I was just throwing haymakers at people, which is weird in hindsight because then I realised that not everyone was insanely drunk. There were legitimately normal people in there and I was just screaming at them. But I'm like, sorry, but you're the needles in the haystack. I've got to deal with all these other spot fires. So at the end of the gig, I'd aged 20 years in that 20 minutes.

It was so rough. By the way, all of this is going through my head as I'm driving to the hen's night. Oh, yeah, right. Because that's the other thing about opening that door. Like, you don't know what state of drunkenness they're going to be in. Yeah. That was my main concern opening the door.

Like, that they'll be just off their heads and screaming at me. These guys at the end of my gig, they, then a lot of people came up and did that classic thing of coming up and going, oh, that was great. You know, that was great. And I'm like, which bit was great? The bit where you screamed at me

or what? And literally this guy was like, put his arm around me and went, oh, mate, don't worry about these guys. I thought you were awesome.

And then the second guy goes, you were the guy that was screaming at the wall. He's like, yeah. That was pretty funny though. So anyway, I did that whole drive-thru at home or whatever. Anyway, those people from that wedding have been to my festival show every year since.

Not once but multiple times a season because they just come in a big group and try and reenact the wedding. In fancy dress? No, not in fancy dress. They should though. Yeah. Because that would give the audience a clue as to what's going on they just come in numbers and try and wreck my show every year it's bizarre i hope the hens not start doing that yeah i look at sales a night

don't have to cancel suicide wednesday exactly that's fine that's fine but uh hack into the projector behind me and put on that bridal show and the good thing the good thing about these guys is they come every year multiple times and if the show goes well, it's like I'm happy. If the show goes badly, they're happier. Right. They try and wreck the show

and make it bad. I'm like, so it walks out and I'm like, oh, well, thanks for your money again, I guess, guys. Sorry it wasn't a better show.

They're like, we're pretty stoked. Yeah, that was what we could have hoped for. Yeah, that's what we paid for. What do you make of all this, Denise? Well,

I'm just fascinated. Like, they're still married and happy. Oh, that's what we paid for. What do you make of all this, Denise? Well, I'm just fascinated. Like they're still married and happy. Oh, actually. What if you're the only thing keeping them together? Yeah. But it's not necessarily them. Like it's, you know what? I might be wrong.

I'm sure they'll hit me up. But they definitely come again this year multiple times. But I'm not sure if the bride and groom came this time. So I think the other guys were just coming along, maintaining the wedding reunion. Maybe the groom's banned the bride from, you know what, I don't want you fucking going and seeing this shit anymore. Well, honestly, if I'd had a wedding like that,

with all that sort of stuff to happen, it's not off to a bright start. It could be the thing where it's like, if in the middle of a fight between a married couple, it's got to come up with the wife going, well, you fucking fucked that idiot that made everyone go and yell at the wall.

Jen, what about you? Have you ever had any kind of weird private gigs aside from when you hopped into bed with Microsoft to the Tudor 500 mil? And then you did that porno? Oh, wait, you said no. The only time I've ever been to Geelong actually. Oh, yes.

I got booked for a gig and it was literally like a month after I did Raw. I was like, oh, comedy, the stars in my eyes. So a new comedy competition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were in the national finals. You only have to have five minutes to sort of do it. Exactly. And then this guy off Twitter was like, hey, come do my thing in Geelong.

Oh, Jen. And it's like 20 minutes. And I was like – Come do my thing in Geelong. Remember me from the subway? And I – yeah, again, I know, warning bells. But I always was like, oh, well, you know, I've got to travel. I've got to be a touring comedian.

I'll get 20 minutes up out of nothing and so i uh i think i'd plan to do covers or some shit as well because i play music but like that's not a set but i was like that's fine you know what as i was driving into this driveway i was like man i wish i played music yeah i wish i could whip out the guitar yeah yeah and just take requests. Because it doesn't need a reaction. You don't need a reaction. A bit of juggling. A bit of a hands fan. Yeah, yeah.

But this dude picks me up from Melbourne Airport and he drives me down Geelong and he's really nice. So you've flown from Sydney? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Nice. And he picks me up and he's really nice.

He's like this young guy and he's fundraising. Did he fly you down? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He liked you. Why didn't he fly you to Avalon? That makes more sense.

Anyway. Well, I don't know. Yeah. This is a horror story so far. Anyway, he drives me down. He let me pick up some Maccas on the way. I thought that was a good sign. And then we get to Geelong.

How old are you in this story? 22. Okay, right. And so I'm like, ah. Good lord. I'd never been to Geelong. I was like, oh, wow, cool. And then we get to this.

Yeah, we get it. You were excited by McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get to this beautiful function centre and there's like all these like silent auction things with like an ACDC guitar that's signed by them and like there's a band that he's also booked and like beautiful catering and no one shows up. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

And me and the band. This is just before Tinder probably started. Oh, no. And me and the band. This is just before Tinder probably started. Yeah. Oh, no. And we're just sitting in this beautiful function and they're just like putting the caps on over all the food. Oh, no. Can you remember what it was a fundraiser for?

It was for him to go to Africa to give vaccinations to kids. Oh, no. Oh, no. Fucking hell, no. So there is people worse off in this story than you. Yeah, yeah. Jen's taking the crown off Denise. This is grim. It's excruciating.

So not only did you miss out on a gig, but a lot of kids died of AIDS. Oh, wow. And we're all sitting there and then the band's like, oh, well, we can play for you, mate, if you want. And he's like, oh, if you want to. And so they start playing songs while he's sadly – Which they don't, but they can't not now. Yeah.

So they start playing their songs while he's sadly, like, stacking the chairs back up. Oh, sit down and soak it in, buddy. Leave the chairs till later. But then they finish playing and they're like, Jen, you're a comedian. And I'm like, oh. I used to be.

Sneaking some little dim sims. Like, well, yeah. And then they're like, why don't you try and like, I think they're like, why don't you get up? He's going to kill himself if you don't. And there's like four of us in this gigantic function room, right? Why don't you get up and play to your best ever audience? One guy's jacking chairs.

You don't even have his attention. And so it's the band who are all sitting there like giving me like smiley faces and this one dude that's just like thinking about his like the next six months of his life and how utterly underfunded they are. And I'm just like. Less money than before. Yeah. He just paid for you. Do you mind saying what was he paying you?

Oh. But it was ages ago. You won't answer. He's been in the same scenes for a year. But then and like again, like I only had five minutes because I'd only ever done raw. Yeah. So I did my raw set and then he was like –

And he was like, heard it. And he was like, cool. And then he still expected me to do the full 20. But it was like, you shouldn't expect me to do anything. There's no one here. Did you sleep with him? Yeah. But it was like, you shouldn't expect me to do anything. There's no one here. Did you sleep with him? Yes. No.

So I would have been very – well, when I was 22, I think attracted to a man who was going to Africa to vaccinate sickly children. A little part of me did think my vagina would fix this all. Yes. No, but he dropped me off at my motel in Geelong and then he drove off and he was like, don't worry, there'll be a cab to take you back to the airport in the morning. And I was like, yeah, no worries.

I wake up and say I've got to check out and they're like, oh, have you paid for the room? And I'm like, no, no, it's paid for already. And they're like, no, no, it's not. And I'm like, okay, I'll just pay for it, I guess. And then this guy can just reimburse me because I'm in Geelong and I need to get to my flight in Melbourne. And so I pay.

And then I'm like, is there – Not a cab to the airport in Geelong. Yeah. This is why you always do the full amount that you were booked for. So they can't renege on these things. And then the cab comes and picks me up and we're driving. Which is why you always do the full amount that you were booked for. So they can't renege on these things. And then the cab comes and picks me up and we're driving and I'm like, so he's prepaid this cab.

And then the cab driver's like, no, no, you can't prepay a cab. Like how could you possibly prepay a cab? Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, I'm looking at this like. The meter whizzing around. And it's like $ I'm looking at this like. The meter whizzing around. And it's like $240. And I'd already paid like $160 for the hotel room. And I'm like trying to like going through like net banking, being like trying to grab $20 from this account.

And like calling up my parents and being like, hey, can you lend me some money? Because I'm 22. I don't have a credit card or anything like that. Can you come meet me at the airport to pay the cabbie when he drops me off? I felt so sorry for this guy five minutes ago. Yeah, me too. I've turned

completely. Yeah, no wonder he's got no mates coming to his things. He's pulled this shit on her. And then I get to the airport like $400 later or whatever the fuck. And he put me on fucking Tiger back to Sydney. Well, at least

he paid for that one. Yeah, yeah. But then they cancelled their fucking flight like they always do and then I'm just stuck in this fucking barn for another five hours. Oh, man. And I'm just sitting there and I call my dad and that was like a genuine moment where I was like, I should go back to uni. I should get an

office job it's true this whole thing it's true what they say about your first gig after raw being a brutal come down yeah and then but yeah and so i go to sydney and i email this dude and i've got all the receipts or anything i'm like hey man just letting you know like this stuff wasn't paid for so if you can just hit me back and then no answer answer. And then – and I know he's like leaving for Africa in a week and I'm trying – and I'm hitting him up and I'm calling him. He's not answering. I'm messaging him. He's not answering.

Is he the Nigerian treasurer? Yeah. His name is Joseph Kony. Knowing also that this money now that you're getting him to pay back is less immunisations for when he's over there. Yeah. And so – You know this is going on blood diamonds anyway.

There's no immunisations. And so he leaves for Africa without paying for any of this. So I basically – I've made maybe $100 minus $10 for my quarter pounder meal on the way down. And then I'm like Facebook stalking this dude and I figure out that one of the pictures he's in is with his mum. Oh, yes. So I message his mum.

Wow. Awesome. I fully endorse this move. I'm feeling really quite sick now. I'm loving it but like you messaged his mother. Are you remembering getting a message from a young comedian a few years ago? And I was like, hey, I did the fundraiser for your son. He never paid me.

I'm out about $400. Is there any way you could contact him and let him know because I – Is there any way you can contact him? Because I'm still speaking to someone's mother. Sure, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, I got paid the next day. She paid it. Yeah.

Oh, really? Wow. Yeah, if I got a message from – in fact, anyone out there who's short of money, just message me on Facebook. Blame your kids who've ripped you off. And the money will come flowing. Yeah. Great move.

Yeah, that's a baller move. That's impressive. See, I would never have done that. Well, I didn't have any other work, so all I could do was sit on Facebook. It's crazy. But I just would never have even thought of that, especially at 22. Like, man, I just would not have considered that an option. I would only have done that with ex-girlfriends.

Yeah. No, not business. That's the creepiness level you reserve that for. And was the mum, like, was she… Really apologetic. Yeah, obviously, like, very embarrassed. Because I don't think anyone wants to… Also, why didn't she turn up to the event?

Yeah. Where the fuck was she? Well, she was probably getting messages from caterers. Yeah. From the ball keepers. Yeah, yeah. She could have been in the band. And then I wonder like what did he do with like the ACDC guitar

and stuff like that? Like is he just sitting on that somewhere? Yeah. You're right. Hey, there's some little African children playing a bit of Back in Black. Dressed up like a little school boy. They've got scurvy but they're having a good time.

Just a Geelong gig. I feel there's a theme and so it reminded me of a, it's not, I got the train to Geelong to do my gig and I sat opposite these women who, you know, chatted the whole way and one had had a break-up, you know, break-up from a boyfriend

and I'd listen and she also had a sick cat and, you know, there was all this stuff. Anyway, and then I get to the gig and I see these women are at the gig. Nice. And, you know, so it's some ladies' luncheon or something. And so I'm just doing my set and just in the middle of it I went – because these women had taken no notice of me at all. And I went, this is weird.

It's never happened before. I said, but I'm getting this really like weird thing. You're saying this into the mind. Yeah. I'm saying it to this woman. I said, have you just had a breakup? And she went, yes. Yes, I have.

And I said, with an Alan? What? Yes. And then said, with an Alan? What? Yes. And then I just kept going. And the whole audience then think I'm some kind of meat, like I've got this mental, whatever you call it. I don't even know the word. Gosh.

And then I went on and on and on and about the sick cat and she's like, and everybody in the room is just freaking out. And then I went, yeah, I sat opposite you on the train from Melbourne to Geelong. And now I've told the whole room. I got tricked in that story and I knew what was going on. Yeah. So there you go. That's my Geelong story.

What a power move to Jen. I did a function in Geelong and people actually fucking turned up. Boom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it went well and I got paid. Yeah, I got paid. We had a train fare back as well. No Africans suffered.

Flew Qantas. No Africans suffered. I think that might have still been going on during the story. But, yeah. Not long. Yeah. All right. Yeah, we need to wrap this up.

It's getting late. Sure. Yeah. Denise Scott, Jen Fricker, thank you so much for joining us. All right. Yeah, we need to wrap this up. It's getting late. Sure. Yeah. Denise Scott, Jen Fricker, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Have the two of you got things that you would care to plug? Denise, you're doing both me and Carl's gig coming up soon. Oh, yes, I am.

I'm on a tour. You're on a tour. I'm on an inner suburban. The Dum Dum Tour. Yeah. So I don't know when, though. September 12th, I believe, you're at Catfish. And, oh, look, do we know?

It might be September 1, I think, at the Thursday Comedy Club at the European Beer Cafe. It is. Yes, that's right. So look out for that, people. Me and Tommy have got rooms. Mine's every Thursday night and Tommy's every Tuesday night in Melbourne. There's always Dum Dum listeners in at my room on Thursday.

Yeah. They always like to say hello. And it's nice that they get to come in and not necessarily see me do stand-up, but just on the till at the door. Can we just tell this quickly? You the other day, you normally have a stamp so people can come and go from the gig as they please. Yeah. You forgot the stamp.

Yeah. So I walked up to say hi. You were folding up sheets of paper and writing the word paid on them and then giving that to people and getting them to show you that as they came in and out of the gig which when I was there no one was doing

infuriating. You were going can I see the piece of paper and they're like oh I thought that was a joke I threw that out. It was the most insane you've ever looked the most hair brained thing I've ever seen you attempt to do

it was infuriating I give you the thing and I was saying to people just hold on to this so you can go to the toilet yeah no worries they walk out five minutes later

oh I don't know what I did with that you just sat five metres away what can you do with a piece of paper in that time Jen Fricker

things that you would like to plug I'm doing the Sydney Fringe Festival. I'm doing a split show with Becky Lucas and Cameron James. I've also got a show coming up at the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney as well called Undercover, which is like musicians and comedians talking about music. Reenacting the Geelong gig. Yeah.

Great. And a lot of Africans will suffer. So come along. Great. That's the Jen Fricker promise. And you're both on Twitter and all that sort of stuff, on the social medias. Of course.

Yeah, get onto that. Yeah. Oh, you sound excited. No, what? Oh, get onto that. But really. You're great on Twitter, Denise. I love it, Denise.

I love when I see a Denise tweet sneaking through the timeline. I think I'm pathetic on Twitter. I think I genuinely, I'm being completely genuine. Take this as penance for me knocking you back to being my film all those years ago. I think you, I like a Denise tweet. I think you're really good at it. Yeah, and I get people, like, I reckon I've had, oh, I don't know, ten people come on board in the last year.

There you go. So, you know, that's how good I am. No, I agree. You're very, I enjoy it. Oh, get out of here. Stop patronising an old lady. You are a shit house, sorry. We've got all our stuff on sale now.

We've got an Adelaide gig. We've got t-shirts and all that stuff. All of that is at littledumbdumbclub.com. Always get on our social medias. Get on Facebook. Get onias. Get on Facebook. Get on Instagram. Get on Twitter. And you'll see all... You know, we're constantly touring around the country.

So always keep an eye on that because that'll come out first, whether we're going to Adelaide, Perth, Melbourne shows, stuff like that. Yep. Geelong Hens Night. Yeah. What's up if you're in Geelong? We've talked about your city for pretty much the entirety of this episode.

I did think that as I was driving through. I'm like, I wonder how many people listen out here. Yeah, I mean, we've done a Ballarat show. And I've certainly got a lot of texts from people from Geelong. But I don't know if it's enough people to make sure that we can fill up a ballroom. If it's eight, then it's enough. Right. That's not enough.

Yeah. Yeah. And if you've got a living room where you think we can come do it, then let us know. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.