The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 308 - Scott Aukerman & Celia Pacquola

Episode Date: August 30, 2016

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This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by the Just For Laughs Festival Sydney happening from September the 6th until the 11th. Carl, I didn't expect you to remember the dates, but can you tell me what venue that's happening in? It's at the Sydney Opera House. I've heard of that. In Sydney. Except, don't let the opera part sway you. There won't be opera on the night.

It's all comedy. I know it's called that. And a lot of people probably get annoyed. How many people do you think see ads for like Peter Hellier and go, oh, he's just going to be up there doing opera. I'd rather him be funny like he is on the project. Yeah, why don't we all go to the Sydney Comedy House instead?

That'd be great if there was a Sydney Comedy House. There's a comedy store. There's a shop for it. There's not a house of it. Yeah, it's too commercial that place. I want a a shop for it. It's not a house of it. Yeah. It's too commercial, that place. I want a place where I can feel at home in a house. Yeah. So it is the world famous Just for Life Festival. They've been doing a version of that festival in Sydney for a number of years.

Now this year they're bringing out Trevor Noah. They've been doing it again. Margaret Cho. Jim Norton. Alan Carr. Yep. Rhys Darby from The Flight of the Conchords. Friends of the show, Charlie Pickering and Peter Hellyer.

Tommy Little hosting the stand-up series, which is a showcase of a whole bunch of different acts filming spots for TV. And that's especially a lot of friends of the show will be appearing on that. So if you like, if you're not so much for the big, big, big international names, and you should be, but if you're not, you can see the local. If you're a fucking idiot, go for that.

If you don't want to see world-class comedians that are only here once in a lifetime, sure. Don't do that. But you can see a lot of bunch of awesome, awesome, awesome local people on the stand-up series. There's heaps of people on each episode. Yeah, there's heaps of awesome shows happening around the country as part of the Just For Laughs festival as well. All those people are doing tours.

And, yeah, they've been sponsoring the show for the last month, helping keep the lights on here. So, yeah, show them your appreciation. Go buy a ticket to one of these gigs. Yeah, heaps of people, they're all doing big solo shows in different cities. Trevor Noah is, Alan Carr is, Julian Clare is, Margaret Cho, Jim Norton. All those big names are coming down to, you know, I would say I don't want to give too much away, Tommy, but I think our biggest market is right here in sunny Melbourne, Victoria.

So there's heaps of big shows there. So go along and see. All those guys. I've got to say, one thing I take umbrage with the Just for Laughs Festival is the title. Carl, I don't believe comedy should be just for laughs. I like comedy that makes you think. Oh, I don't like that. That inspires you.

I don't like that. I don't like these guys standing up there going on about bloody wind chimes and duck sandwiches. I mean, sure, it's funny, but I like stuff that challenges the status quo. I like my comedians to speak truth to power. Are you saying that my comedy doesn't make you think? Is that what you're saying? It makes me think about ending

my own life. Well, you want to come to my newly established festival just for suicide. That's all that will be happening. At the Melbourne Suicide House. So, yeah, go check that out. Here's a question about the Just for Laughs festival as well. Their little logo, man. If you go to their website, check that out. Here's a question about the Just for Laughs Festival as well. The little logo man, if you go to their website, check it out,

it's the little blue meanie from the Yellow Submarine movie, for the Beatles' Yellow Submarine cartoon animated movie. Now, is that deliberate? Is he meant to be or is that just a bit of like... I don't know. Is he heavily inspired? Yeah, I don't want to cause any lawsuits happening here, but... What if this was like when...

Who was it who was on Spicks and Specks and... Colin Hay. Yeah. There was a... The question that got him taken to court. Yeah. What if this was like that? Yeah.

Can we... No, I mean... What if we sink... The Just for Life folks will give us money for a month and then we end up bankrupting them by accusing them of intellectual property theft? That would be horrible. And I'm sure that's not true.

But that would be amazing if I was the first person to notice that. Yes. This festival has been going for a long time. Well, it happened with Colin Hay. So, you know. Yeah. Who knows? That wasn't as obvious though.

I like when you've got the little Just for Laughs logo. And then you've got the little green man, the little sponsor character mascot. Yeah. And he's kind, and he's doubled over. And in that image, all he's done is just see the title of the festival. The name of the festival that he represents is enough to set him off. This is a guy whose standards are just, you know, he's laughing at just words. They're not going to have a guy there going,

to be fair, looking at the words just for laughs isn't that funny and so just grimacing. You've got to, you know, look, I used to do graphic design. I learned a thing or two, right? And that is not to have people... You learned what the blue meanie looks like by the sound of it. One of the rules was don't put don't have your character logo

looking like he's not enjoying the product. That was one of the lessons. That was maybe in first year, maybe second year, I'm not sure. How do you explain that mural in the McDonald's in Camberwell where Ronald is just spewing everywhere? Well, look, I didn't do honours. I'll tell you how you explain it. I just made it up.

That explains it all. That's how you come up with your ideas. Yeah. Look, should we go into it? Yeah. The ad's going to be 45 minutes if I have to explain my entire creative process. Let's do an ad for your ideas. Well, speaking of ideas.

Yes. That I've had. Yes. And that you have had. Yes. Going and doing a live episode in Adelaide. Oh, well, speaking of good ideas, not, well, not speaking of good ideas. Yeah.

Just ideas. Yeah. Let's call it an idea. We are going to be there October the 4th. It's a Tuesday evening. We have locked in some excellent guests who are coming along with us. We've locked in air flights. We've locked in hotels.

Beds to rest our weary heads on. We've picked people that we like a lot that are going to have a lot of fun. We're going to be there for 24 hours. We always have an awesome all-day little party in Adelaide and then do a big show at night. Yeah. This is the best. Would you say this is the best line-up we've had in Adelaide?

No. Yeah, I would. No, some people very generous with their time. We basically fly over our friends, put them up, whatever, and that means generally you've got to pick some people that you're good mates with but don't always have a lot going on. We're paying people to hang out with us.

Yeah. So you've got to pick someone that's not that busy. This time we've picked some people who really should have better things to do than come with us. Yes. Yes, it's excellent. Yeah, very good. You're going to get a hell of a show there.

So Adelaide, you know, ignore everything we're saying. Just do whatever the fuck you usually do. Tickets are selling. Yeah. Officially. Yeah. Wow. I won't say at what rate, at what speed, but they technically are selling.

Is it even worthwhile us doing this ad when we've obviously sold out? Yeah. By the time this goes out, we will have definitely sold it out. We wouldn't have. Guys, Adelaide please Get some tickets You're doing it again It's after a long weekend

Oh No I mean Adelaide are doing it again Yeah Yeah What? Like being slack with buying tickets Oh We got told it's after a long weekend

Yeah Some people seem to think that's a bad idea I think it's fine I don't think we should be mentioning it at all Well it's not like we're alerting people to the fact. They own calendars. They probably already know. Yeah, but they don't need to be told that because we're

saying this. You cannot factor that in at all. You just hear the number that we say and then you go and you buy the ticket. Sure. LittleDumbDumbClub.com, October 4th. Come hang out with us. No one is coming in. Perth. Perth has just gone on sale. Do you want to say that? Yeah. Hot off the presses. Yes.

Perth. You've been demanding it for ages. You've seen, you've had your little envy session that Adelaide went on sale. Bunch of bloody little green monsters over there in the west. Yeah, just like the Just for Laughs festival. Little logo man. Do you think that's what it is? He's jealous of Melbourne's suicide house.

Yeah. No, he's laughing at us doing a show in Adelaide. That's what he's doing. So Perth, yeah, we've got a lot of messages from Perth going, why did you put a show in Adelaide on sale? You know, we're Perth. We come. We come along. We buy tickets early.

We're good people. You're right. Yeah. We did mean to put it on the same time, but we haven't. So anyway, it's now on sale. Yeah. So please, Perth, you come out. You grow over a year. It's a great trip over there. We always have a great lineup. We've got another great lineup. the same time but we haven't so anyway it's now on sale yeah um so please perth you come out you

grow over a year it's a great uh trip over there we always have a great lineup we've got another great lineup this year you guys are an awesome crowd always the highlight one of the highlights of the year for me with this podcast the perth episodes oh look at you very well attended look who's come crawling back to perth oh everything else around the hour that we do the show. No good. Oh, you used to hate Perth. Do you still hate Perth or do you just like the Perth side? I like Perth a lot better now because I know a couple more people there.

So it's more fun. Right. And also when we go, we go with mates. So there's people to hang out with at the gigs. Okay. I was basing my previous hate on it of being there by myself for a week. Right. Which is no good.

Right. Not something I would recommend. You don't like hanging out with yourself? No. Right. There's a lot going on up there that I'm not ready to deal with. Let's all get tickets to that show in Perth on Sunday, October 30. Yes.

Do it. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. It's going to be great. Also, we need to do a bit of Patreoning, Carl. What have you got there? You've got the… It's the new favourite segment of the show. Last week's won. to do a bit of Patreoning, Carl. What have you got there? You got the… It's the new favourite segment of the show. Last week's won.

Won over a lot of people, I think. A lot of feedback. Apparently, if you act like a complete fuckhead… Yes. …even more than usual… Yes. …people get into that. And welcome to all our listeners listening through to the ad for the second time after

doing it for the first time last week. Yeah. A lot of people don't usually listen and now I've found out that we are actually fitting content into the little first section. This is like the sealed section of this podcast. Yeah. Most people don't even know it exists. Not that sealed.

We put it right up front. It couldn't be any less sealed. So you guys probably know how this works by now. Patreon, you can chip in to support the show every month. We really appreciate it. It's you saying thank you for getting this show every week for free and at each different level you get rewards like a little newsletter that we do up, a bonus episode.

And in certain cases, you get your name read out on this podcast. Yeah, you nearly get your name read out whatever you do on – as long as you're not putting $1 in. Yeah. Out of interest, how many people do on just $1? Oh, there's a few name read out whatever you do. As long as you're not putting $1 in. Yeah. Out of interest, how many people do on just $1? Oh, there's a few. There's quite a few.

Which is sort of weird because like A, you're putting in $1. Like fucking good one. $1 a month. Yes. It's like we're dirty beggars on the street. I mean I know we are anyway but $1. You're on purpose putting just $1 less than the amount where you get your name read out. Like as much as I agree with you and I go,

why wouldn't you just put in two? At the same time, you are going, why don't you just double your investment? Yeah. So when you put it in those terms, it is a big ask. No, it's not. It's two dollars. Anyway, should I do some names now? Yeah.

Should we say some individual thank yous? Should I look through the looking glass and give a big shout out, thanks for all of your money, to Lucas Dan. Dan. I love. Dan Straight. Thanks for the cash. Thank you very much to Terry Grinter.

Oh, the Grinter. Yeah, the Grint Man. That's a good name. Is it? I like it. Grinter. It's a real, it's a very old school name, I think. Well, you know, I really like animation and cartoonists and stuff.

And a lot of cartoonists have kind of like, that's kind of, that makes me think that's like a cartoonist, like a weird Terry Grinter. Yeah, right. It does sound a bit like a fake name. It sounds a lot like Rod Grinter, the old AFL player who I think just broke

someone's jaw open and made sure they couldn't eat ever again. So I'll associate him with you. I like, that says a lot about you and me.

It reminds me of a cartoonist and it reminds you of some cunt who broke someone's jaw. Grinto. Thank you to Tom Knowles. But it's not Tom as in your Tom, T-O-M. It's Thom as in

Thom York. I'll tell you I went through a phase in late high school where I contemplated doing that. At that age where you're like looking to you're already looking beyond school and thinking, alright, how can I carve out a unique identity for myself?

Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, no good. Sorry, Tom York. I mean Tom Knoll. Tom York isn't sponsoring us. Hey, thanks, Tom York, for all the great music you've put out over the years.

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean to thank Tom York because he's only shipping $1 a month. Yeah, thanks, Tom York, for those 70 tickets to the last Radiohead concert that you gave me. We talked about that ages ago on the show. We talked about it ages ago. Ages and ages ago.

The last time Radiohead toured, tickets went on sale. There was a big snafu with people. Couldn't get into – couldn't log into Ticketmaster. Tickets sold out very quickly. There were a lot of people on Facebook going, oh, who got tickets? Did anyone get tickets? Could anyone get the website to work? You get on there and go, I got 70 tickets to Radiohead.

Who wants one? For free. Who wants them for free? And it really brings out all the people that you never hear from on Facebook that you added that you went to school with and then you've never had any communication with them ever again. All of a sudden, very up for a chat, aren't they? It got passed on to friends of friends.

It was people I've never met that went, I heard you're giving away 70 tickets to Radiohead. Can I have 15? Someone I've never met. You and I were driving somewhere and you'd just done it and we were both crying in the car. The fact, yeah, no worries, just a lazy 15. But it's come back to bite me because like literally last week I was trying to sell a

ticket to – I bought tickets to Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. And I just put up like I've got one for sale. Everyone's like, no, you don't. Like listeners literally messaged me going, is this for real? Like who else gets that? So people believed 70 but then one, well, that's too good to be true. But I like how they think I've downgraded my creativity with my lies.

Like I was saying, I got 70 tickets for free to Radiohead. Now I've got one that I'm selling to Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. Oh, good joke, Chandler. He's got us. What a cracker. Anyway, thanks, Tom. Thanks, Tony Oak.

Tony Johansson. Thanks, Tony Johansson, for all the funds. You know what I did with your money? I just ate a pizza. Oh, yeah. So I put that towards a pizza. So the pizza was, well, it was $20, right? Yeah.

So one-tenth of the pizza. Oh, no, no. Maybe most of a slice. Not quite a full slice. Well, I'm not sure how much money he has put in. He mightn't be a $2 person. I'm not sure. Well, maybe he paid for the whole pizza. Yeah. Well, I don't think – I'm not sure how much money he has put in. He mightn't be a $2 person. I'm not sure. Well, maybe he paid for the whole pizza.

Yeah. No, he didn't. He paid for a slice. Thanks for the slice. I don't want to ruin the image of us just pouring money into the podcast. Like, you know, we use this money to live with. Yes. Yeah.

This is a job for us now. It doesn't so much finance anything to do with the podcast. It finances us not dying of starvation. Yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes when we do stuff and people go, oh, just use the Patreon. It's like, no, we use that. That's basically the money we get from the Patreon is sort of like a part-time job for

us. It's like a day a week's work, really. Totally. Yeah. Read out the next name. So, because I want to find out who paid for my dinner. All right. Here's who paid your dinner.

Oh, this is a very interesting choice. Okay. Read out the name and then I'll tell them what I had. All right. He's who paid your dinner. Oh, this is a very interesting choice. Okay. Read out the name and then I'll tell them what I had. All right. Well, okay. Ollie Harris. Ollie Harris. Yeah.

I know that. I know that name. I know you do. Do we? Yeah. Does he mind if we say who it is? No, I don't think he does. But what if this makes it easier for his enemies to come at him?

Enemies of his double identity. Yeah. Should we? We better not say. Should we say? Yeah, say. Oh, it's Terry Pedestrian. Yeah. If you enjoyed Terry Pedestrian's work over the last year or two.

Okay, Terry Pedestrian. Here's what I did with your money. Did you drive your car every day to pick some food up? Well, I didn't. I walked to the supermarket, which his name's Pedestrian. So I'm still kind of still on brand. Sure. Look, he probably would have preferred it for me to use my car.

I didn't know at the time that he was who the money was coming from. If I had have, I would have polluted the environment by unnecessarily driving my car two blocks to the supermarket. A great tribute. I got – I just wanted to do something quick tonight. So I got some tortellini and then a little fresh creamy bacon and mushroom sauce. I cooked that up. You feel good? I finished that mere seconds before you turned up.

Okay, Ollie. Do you feel good? You fed your sponsor's child? You literally put a meal in your little mate's belly tonight? Yeah. Thanks for that, Ollie. Yeah, I've been hungover today. It was a nice little comfort food, nice little pasta treat.

Yeah. All right. Well, let's say this. This is what you paid for, the next guest. You paid for a drink for Daslo to get pissed and wreck his voice last night. Yes. He can do a worse job on the podcast. Okay, one of those pints of stone and wood that I had last night.

Who helped me out? Brett Jappeljari. Is that hyphenated? No. Jappeljari. Jappeljari? I don't know. There's a J there. Jappel Jari Is that hyphenated? No Jappal Jappal Jari Jappal Jari Jappal Yari I don't know There's a J there

Jappal Jari Spell it out J-A-P-A-L-J-A-R-R-I Jappal Jappal Jari Jappal Jappal Jari Oh yeah maybe

Jappal Jari Is this racist? Yeah I don't know I don't know It might be Jappal Jari Is it racist? Yeah I don't know I don't know It might be Jaipal Yow Is it racist If you're just looking at the name

And you're too dumb To know how to say it out loud That can't technically be racism That is a big merge Of two very distinct cultures there Where you've gone Jaipal Jerry And Brett

Yeah Well now that's Now it's definitely racist That's racist I'm happy to be racist Against Brett That's fine Thank you to Kate Thanks be racist against Bretts. That's fine. Thank you to Kate.

Thanks for the pint, Bret. Yeah. Thanks to Kate Martin. A very straight name that we don't have much to talk about. Yeah. Kato. It's nice to get these little palate cleansers in the middle of. Well, you know what?

I enjoy it because out of the ones, the people that are, the sponsors that I'm naming today, this is the only girl. Oh, right. Yeah. Thanks, girls, for finally chipping in. Very sexist of you. Guys doing all the work, giving us all the money, and girls are giving us fuck all. Holy shit.

Thanks, Marto, though. You're one of the good ones. One of the good ones. Come on, girls. Break that glass ceiling and give us some money. good ones one of the good ones come on girls break that glass ceiling and give us some money break open break open that glass ceiling like a certain piggy bank get your coins out and throw them at us yeah come on ladies uh who else we got uh we've got a very familiar face uh name here uh one of our

long long long time listeners from Adelaide and also someone who has complained, one of my favourite people, to complain about having not had their name read out yet. Yes. But that's effective because we haven't got to everyone yet. If you're the squeaky wheel, sure, you're going to get some grease. Here comes a big bucket of grease, Rodney Hervarton. Ah, Rodney.

Drink that grease down. Rodney, one of the most long time listeners, I Rodney Rodney One of the One of the most Long time I was going to say One of the oldest Listeners we have That makes it sound like

I'm talking about his age He might be a day one I think He's Well you know why You remember him so much Is because he's from Adelaide And we tend to know

Everyone that Buys tickets To our show in Adelaide It's like The gig And the meet and greet Afterwards Are like one and the same thing. Yeah. They're both very intimate affairs.

Yeah. Oh, man. You see, like, Comedy Bang Bang and the Dollop, these podcasts, they do their little meet and greet session afterwards and get people to pay for them. Imagine us doing that. Yeah. It'd be worth trying, wouldn't it? No.

I think it would be highly embarrassing. Highly fucking embarrassing. I reckon we're – would this be true? We're too accessible. And I know it's ludicrous of me to be saying that when I'm the one that gave out your phone number. But we are too accessible. Do you reckon – I reckon we're the podcast.

We perform in venues that don't have backstages. We're just sitting in the crowd before the show begins. But we'll stand at the end of the show. We'll stand by the door and go, thanks, everyone. And people pretty much walk out looking at us like they don't know who we are. I reckon we'd have to pay them to do a meet and greet. Yeah, sure, sure. All right.

So let's do that next time. Okay, cool. Let's pay people to talk to us. How much would you pay for a meet and greet? That's what we want to know, guys. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. How much is too pay for a meet and greet? That's what we want to know, guys. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right.

How much is too much? No one wants to do it. I don't reckon one person would do it. No, well, because like we do shows all the time where we go to bakeries with people afterwards

and get pissed. You can't do that for like five years and then just all of a sudden withdraw it and go now it costs money. You're right. You know what we are?

New slogan for the show. We are the people's podcasters. That's it. We're the champions. We are, yeah. Yeah. Thanks to Daniel Hogan. Ah, Hoags.

Yeah. And you give us money. You love our show, which makes us Daniel Hogan's heroes. I was going to go with a more Crocodile Dundee thing. Oh, yeah. Well, we're going to go with it. You call that a pledge? This is a pledge.

Very good. Thanks, Ho thing. Oh, yeah. What are we going to go with? You call that a pledge? This is a pledge. Very good. Thanks, Hoags. Three to go. Paul Coffee. Thanks to Paul Coffee. Flat white, please. That's very good. He would never have heard anything like that before.

What's something that Paul Coffee would never have heard? What if you went, you know, you go to a cafe. Well, you don't drink coffee, but I assume you're familiar with with this premise you go and order a coffee and they ask for your name to call out what if when you order they go what's the name for the order if you just went coffee yeah yeah and what happens then when people yell out coffee that's good i'm gonna try that that tomorrow Yeah I'm going to try that What about you do this You go there

And they say What's your name And you go Cup of tea And then they yell out Cup of tea And then give you a coffee What's your name

Hot sperm Yeah Alright Hey Second last one Big shout out To this person This person

Who is a regular Patron of our show That we haven't read out yet. Senator Sam Dastyari. Thanks, Dasher. Yeah. Thanks, one of the leaders of this country. What I like about his little subscription is, though, is that he subscribes and pays a decent little amount of money. But he's kicked a box that sort of goes,

I don't want any of the bonus stuff. Right. So he gives the money but makes it clear that he doesn't want our magazine. So by reading this out, are we now committing a federal offence? Yeah. Yeah, we're guilty of treason. Yeah, great. Yeah.

We're going to jail. Yeah, cool. Next episode, live from Pintridge. There's no such thing as Pintridge. Yeah, what a shame, right? Yeah, what a shame. We could have to jail. Yeah, cool. Next episode, live from Pentridge. There's no such thing as Pentridge anymore. Yeah, what a shame, right? Yeah, what a shame. We could have been there. It kind of is a shame that there's now no prisons in Melbourne.

There's no prisons in Melbourne. There's no prisons. They got rid of Pentridge. There's no prisons in Melbourne. Yeah, all the criminals just roam free. Really? You can commit any crime you want and they charge you, but then they're like, oh, wait, we've got nowhere to send you.

Oh, wow. Because Pentridge closed down. Fuck. So I guess just go back out in the streets and if you could not do this again, that would be great. But also even if you do, you now know that nothing is going to happen to you. So if I stab you right now. Yes.

Nothing happens. Yes. Well, something happens. Yeah. I have a stab wound. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah. But what happens to me?

Nothing. You just have to live with the guilt of what you've done. But you're already living with a lot of guilt about things that you've done over the years, I reckon. Where's the kitchen again? And last of all, a big shout out to one of our sponsors, Drink a Liter of My Sperm. So, thanks, Drink. Thanks for chipping in. We don't have a lot of time so we can't make

fun of of your name um i can't really think of anything at the moment uh so but thanks oh wait one's just come through on my phone what fat cock is that where do you think that's from that's cock is that a uh co C-O-Q. Right. P-H-A-T. Is that Croatian? Look at us trying to recapture the magic of last week. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm trying to give thanks to people who give us money. What are you doing?

I'm playing funny buggers. I'll be honest. I don't really get it. doing? I'm playing funny buggers. I'll be honest. I don't really get it. Thanks everyone for chipping in for supporting us through the Patreon. We really appreciate it. Anything more we need to say?

No, that's been much too long already. All the Patreon, all the ticket details, littledumbdumbclub.com Enjoy this episode with Scott Ockerman and Celia Pakwala Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week Thank you so much for joining us My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting next to me is the other half of the show, Carl Chan G'day dickhead

Would you say it's fair to say that this show is pretty popular? And it's getting more popular? Is that fair? It's like in comparison to many very popular things, I would say no. But in comparison to many worse things than us, I would say yes. Yes, because I've crossed a line where I feel like it's just popular enough now that you know what I'm going to start doing, and you've been a fan of this for a long time.

I'm starting to work the old block button on Twitter. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, we both get a lot of abuse online. I, for a long time i'm starting to work the old block button on twitter oh yeah because i you know we both get a lot of abuse online yeah i for a long time i've had a thing where it's like you can't block these people because you need them yeah your fans you can't afford to be but i just i looked at our stats again today and i thought we've gone up we've had another leap i'm gonna start but i was on the way here i saw on twitter someone called me ugly yeah i went fuck this hey i'm not putting up with this anymore I'm on Team Daslow I was on the Dum Dum account

on the Dum Dum Twitter account and I blocked them for you oh great so now they have maybe they're still listening they can't get us on Twitter this is the only access they have to us

they can't hurt you anymore it feels so good it feels so good to go I can lose these people it doesn't matter there's enough other good ones out there everyone out there

we see you as dollar bills and now we can afford to get rid of some of you. Yeah, because three years ago those people were like, that was 50% of our market. You can't fuck around with that. That's how well we're doing. We can burn people who call us ugly. That's how good we are. Well, time to bring in two people who are doing

way better than us. I can't imagine how many people these two block between them. First of all, you know her from Utopia and from Have You Been Paying Attention. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Celia Pukwala. Hello. It's been forever. Yeah, it has been a while. And I get, yes, I was, oh no,

that's too dark to start with. Let's talk about something else first. Oh, we can pull up to it. Let's bookmark that one. I was on Have You Been Paying Attention the other night and, oh no, it's all come back to it. It's dark. Okay. Okay. We'll work up to it. Also joining us, you know him from Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast and TV show.

Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Scott Orkerman. Yay! G'day, dickheads, you ugly fucks. Yeah, this guy gets it. That's good stuff. What do you get, Scott? Do you get much, do you go the block button? Do you get bother button stuff?

Yeah, anytime, I don't know. I just don't want to hear it from people. Anytime anyone writes to me, I'll just block them. Positive or negative. Oh, really? I just don't bother me. No, I tend to, I don't understand why anyone ever criticizes anyone online. Like, can you imagine

going online and writing a comment about something? I just don't, I don't understand the psychosis behind that. And particularly when they, like, atting the person who it's about. So it's on purpose making sure that they've seen it. Yeah, but I can't even understand, like, going online and writing something.

It's like, what kind of lunatic does that? So anyway, I just don't want to hear it from people. Because I tried to do that trick. I know you're a fan of this, Carl. This guy called me ugly and I go, righto, I'm fucking finding photos of this guy. Let's see what this guy's got going on. But he, you notice, very classic move. No

photos of him online, are there? No photos on his account. Was he an egg? No, he was some little cartoon thing. Oh, mate. The cartoon. Yeah. Classic ugly. Yeah. I actually did have a quick look at that guy's account and I did find a photo and went,

Oh, really? He's pretty decent looking. Oh, thanks for bringing that up. That's great. Yeah. So I didn't have a lot. Because I was thinking, you know what? I'm going to do a comeback for my friend Tommy. And then I was like, nah, I got nothing. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Sorry. All right. This guy's out there just laughing

in his ivory tower right now. But we do, so your fans, like the Comedy Bang Bang fans, are they sort of decent people in general? Yeah, no, they're great people. I mean, you could tell us. Nah, they suck. They're terrible. No, no, there's so many, I mean, that's

the good thing about Twitter or like when we do meet and greets after the shows you you meet so many people that your work means so much to them and they talk about like literally so many people have told me that they were going to commit suicide and then they listen to the show it's like very overwhelming stuff and then you get like one jerk going like you know completely the opposite yeah you know. Completely the opposite. Yeah. And that's the person you focus on the entire time. That's what we get a lot of.

We listen to your show and now kill ourselves. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. You have the 99 people saying that their show, your show makes them want to kill you. Yeah. And then the one person who goes, you guys are all right. Yeah.

It actually does freak us out when people say positive things. Like we've got these, we've bred this horrible culture on this show where people want to be negative to us thinking that that's what we like. Something's happened to this show since the last time you were on it. It's become a hotbed of negativity. I haven't been on it for ages and it's got, last time I did it was, the last ones I've done have done the live ones which seem particularly boisterous by which I mean everyone's being

counts to each other. I don't think we can do that anymore. It's too much. What? The live shows. Oh, we're not going to do that. It's too much. Let's not do any episodes anymore. Let's take that advice and kill ourselves. No, no, but I know you. No.

No, you. You're hitting every vowel. No, I owe you. It takes me a very long time to say anything. Guys. Guys. But I know, you know, but we know that they're not, that you're nice and that you actually have feelings,

just that opening thing that people, you know. Is it because you're like open with like calling him a dickhead? Yeah. It's a lot of that sort of stuff. Yeah. That's what I think people don't understand is like comedians can do that to each other. Yeah. And then people listen to that and go, yeah, I'm going to do that to them.

And then we go, hey, why are you making fun of me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you do get that when people hit us up online and they'll say stuff like that. And then you just go, go fucking kill yourself. Fuck off. Don't talk to me anymore.

And then I block them and then they'll find another way of contacting me and going, I thought you wanted me to call you a cunt. I'm like, there's been a misunderstanding. We've had people start multiple accounts just to get over,

just to get through, subvert us blocking them so they can get the abuse in and out. Yeah. I've blocked people on Twitter, Facebook,

and then they ring me up. They get my phone number and they ring me about it. What is your phone number? Oh, don't. It's out there already. It's a thing.

Yeah. But it's already warped. You've got to understand, from their mind, it is confusing because you guys are best friends, obviously, and really, really mean to each other. That's not what I'm seeing from my vantage point. But do you know what I mean? So from people on the outside, they go, well, you're friends for so long and you've got to be mean to each other.

So for me to be your friend, that's what you want. You're giving the people mixed messages and then they mean to you and then you block them. They're like, they must really like what I'm doing. This visually looks very correct because you're doing all that. Scott's lying down on the couch like he's a patient and a psychiatrist. It sounds like you're a psycho.

I don't have an answer for it. Generally, people are messed up and there's no rules. I think if people take the time to listen to you, that's awesome. That doesn't mean they're necessarily good people. No. Or we're good people. Yeah, no one's good. I wonder about that. Who's the worst person that

listens to the show? Do you ever think that's going to happen? There must be some very, very dodgy people. What's your criteria? Because anyone can get it. Do people in prison have podcasts? Can you do that? Yeah, sure. I wonder if there's anyone who listens to this show that's like murdered someone? I mean, you have podcasts and this is like a prison island, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, totally Honestly, if someone knows that

Like if there are people out there that work in a prison Because to listen to a podcast in prison You have to have access to a computer or an iPod And you don't have that do you yeah but you are you allowed those things can people come visit you and bring you like an ipod loaded with some podcasts i don't know that you can sneak a key through people's ears through sound yeah could it be like a conjugal visit a fake one where they go we're just gonna have sex and then secretly here's a here's an iphone with a new episode of Dum Dum Club. Yeah, that's not bad.

When's the last time someone snuck a key into a prison, by the way? It's fun to think about, isn't it? Like, where would they get the key? Yeah. How would they know it would open that particular cell door? They'd have to be baking, like, a swipe card now into a bank. Surely, it's not like an actual key. Yeah, but people do still break out of prison.

Like, there are still... You hear about it every once in a actual key. Yeah. But people do still break out of prison. Like there are still like... You hear about it every once in a rare while. Yeah. Someone breaking out. And usually they're gone for like a day. Yeah. But it's the really rare ones that are gone for like a week and there's a manhunt and all that kind of stuff.

I got obsessed with a show on Netflix, an American show called I Almost Got Away With It. And it's about people who committed a crime. They went on the run. And in a lot of cases, they went on the run and in a lot of cases they were on the run for like 10 years. Like they go to Mexico and they're just living it up. They're just there.

Everything's fine. And then one day they go, I reckon I might check in back home and see what's going on. And then within 10 seconds the cops go, see ya. I was very proud. I come from a tiny country town called Maribor and it's like 8,000 people. But we do get a very good amount of press because a lot of people in that town commit crimes.

And there was a guy... There was a guy... Crimes against content happening right now. There was a guy that was like this. I've never seen this, but it was like in a cartoon or a TV show where a guy, like there was a prison van gets stopped at the lights and then a guy, like a prisoner just jumps out of the back and like runs away and gets a cab and like disappears.

A cab? Yeah. Wow. It was a guy from my hometown and I knew the guy. Wow. But I didn't, he didn't hide out at my place. In terms of the getting caught like for something years later, see this is the dangerous thing with like secret, I could never,

I'm not good in the long game, like I'll end up telling secrets if enough times pass yeah it feels like it's not a secret but it's always gonna see it like like if you framed someone I would eventually have to get the credit for that and go something yeah yeah nothing happened yeah if you do the crime you want to tell people about it right yeah yeah Yeah. Wouldn't you? Yeah. I mean, otherwise, why bother? Because if you murder someone, that's a pretty big deal. Like, that would... For them.

Yeah, definitely. It's something I won't forget. It's like, how does that not come up in conversations? Like, that'd be hard. Do you have dreams about murdering people, by the way? I have them every once in a while where you go, oh, I just murdered someone. Well, I guess I'm a murderer now and I'll just

think about that every day. And I've woken up and gone, well, I'll call my mom first and tell her that I'm never going to see her again because I'm going to jail forever and then slowly I'll go, hang on, you're on your couch, Celia. Yeah, that's a good bit after you wake up where you're still in the dream. Why are you sleeping on your couch, by the way?

I do what I want. You're on yours. I'm worried about you Why are you sleeping on your couch, by the way? I do what I want. I'm worried about you. That's a sign of depression, by the way. I just bought a TV so I can play Xbox in my room. Is that a sign of depression? As a matter of fact, every part of that sentence. I impulse bought it and it's

a terrible TV. Is that a sign of depression? I'll top you. Last night... Please don't top me. I'll dream about topping you. Last night. Please don't top me. I'll dream about topping you. Last night I finally found the computer game that I was addicted to in 1993. Road, road, 93. You won't pick it. How does your suit Larry?

No, you won't pick it. Duck Hunt? No, it's called Championship Manager where you pretend to manage. Those sports games where you don't pick it. Duck Hunt? No, it's called Championship Manager, where you pretend to manage... Those sports games where you don't actually play the sport? Where you pretend to manage, what, a store? No, a soccer team. But there's absolutely no vision of the game being played. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You have to be the person who's telling the soccer team what to do? You don't get to actually play? No, no, no. You pick the team. If you are into admin, it is a very good choice. Oh, Carl. I'm so sorry. I couldn't find a computerized to-do list.

So, yeah, this is the next best thing. So, it's just an Excel spreadsheet really, isn't it? It's very text-oriented. Read a book. So, I found it and I was addicted to it like 20 years ago. And for 20 years, I've been thinking about going. I wonder if I – it's like I feel like an ex-alcoholic. I've been thinking about going, I wonder if I, it's like, I feel like an ex-alcoholic.

I feel like, you know, I've always been like, maybe if I just have one drink I can just, you know, just have a sip and I can go on

with my life or whatever. I downloaded it last time. My girlfriend is away for like a couple of days. I downloaded it last night at six o'clock. I went to bed at four in the morning.

I just played it all night and I picked a lot of teams. What's the A? How do you win? Well, it's like soccer. You've got to pick the team. As soon as you turn it on, you've lost forever. Yeah, I didn't do a lot of winning last night in life,

but in the game I did some winning. Weird way for you to brag about having a girlfriend. Yeah. All right. I get it. I don't have a shot. I would love to know just going, because I've never had a dream that I've murdered someone.

Really? And I'd love to know what that means that you have and that I haven't. I think you dream about the things that you're never going to do. I have a lot of sex dreams, yeah. It's usually, for me, it's very rare, but it's never particularly passionate or anything. It's usually someone I don't know.

It's more an accident. An accident. You realize after the fact, it's like, oh, no, it's never a. It's usually after the fact for me. I never dream about the actual murder. I just like I'm suddenly in a situation where I realize I have murdered someone. Right. And you're like, oh, no, and I can't tell anyone.

And now I'm a murderer. And so do you have that bit when you wake up and you're like in bed and i can't tell anyone and now i'm a murderer and so do you have that bit when you wake up and you you like in bed and you still get your eyes closed so you're awake and you and you're fully believing it's still going this is the thing i'm gonna have to ring mom and tell her yeah for eight days right and i go on the lamb has anyone ever actually woken up on a garbage boat? Oh, yeah. Did you say garbage butt? Yeah. What did you call me? Boat. Boat.

Has anyone woken up on a garbage boat? There's always someone who goes on a bender and they wake up on a barge. On their way to Hanoi. On a garbage butt. Is this technically racism? Is that what this is? Are you guys a race now? I remember the last time you were on our show

We were talking about if you would ever come to Australia And I believe your direct quote was Why would I ever go there? I know and look at me Well well well look who's come crawling back Look who's come crawling back Well you're not going to come back to USA We might

Oh really? Well the dollar's really bad now It's not as good as it once was Look who's come crawling back. Well, you're not going to come back to USA. We might. Yeah. Oh, really? Well, the dollar's really bad now, so it's not as good as it once was. Yeah, yeah. That was sweet days. When we were seeing you in LA, that was like a dollar for dollar. But now it's like 70 cents or something like that.

You know what? I don't care what your dollar is worth. Well, you should because you're here now and you're buying a lot more stuff than you used to be able to. That's a good thing. Is that how rich you are? You don't even care how much a dollar is worth now. You just buy whatever you want. Impulse buying all day. Yes.

What do you want me to say? I don't know prices of things anymore. You'll get there, guys. Let the record show he shrugged and made a weird prices of things anymore, you'll get there, guys. Yeah. Let the record show he shrugged and made a weird eye thing. In the time since you were on the show last, you've had a TV show and

wrapped it up and we've just done more of these. Yeah, well, you know. And everyone's winning. Yeah, well, apart from us, which is 50%, which is not everyone. Careers go the other way around down here. Yeah, yeah. It's different. It's just a house. They start good and then go down the toilet. The other way.

Yeah. We now share a gym, Celia Piccolo. Yes, we do. Yeah. We go to the same gymnasium. We go to the same gym. It's Hawthorne. Shout out to the Hawthorne gym. I am surprised about you going to the gym. You'll be surprised about me as well. I don't go to the gym. I will go to the Hawthorne gym. I am surprised about you going to the gym.

You're going to be surprised about me as well. I don't go to the gym. I will go to the gym until I look like when other people wouldn't know what I'm doing there. Do you know what I mean? Like if I saw me in the gym, I'd go, yeah, I see what you're doing there. You're trying to work out. And then you want to go until someone's like, why is she going to the gym? There's people that I see in the gym.

She's a smoke show. Is that a good thing? Yeah. Smoke show is good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's people in the gym. She's a smoke show. Is that a good thing? Yeah. Smoke show is good, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's people in the gym. I'm like, what are you doing here? She's a dime piece.

Is that a good one? That's also a good one. She's a garbage butt. She's a garbage butt. I hope you're getting to know the regulars at the gym that I notice all the time there. There's just people there that like you just go, how are you? There's people

I've been recognizing for a year that are just huge and they work out really hard and they never get any smaller. It's really weird. What's the point? Yeah. What is the point? Of anything. I know. Is that a sign of depression? The secret is you got to change what you eat.

That's like 90% of it. The working out is only like. So you're from LA. Like it's all image and appearance. You must be at the gym every day. Oh, bro. Look at me.

Yeah. I'm on my way there after this. Yeah. That's you. You in LA. It's like you get up, you go to the gym, you get your morning coffee,

you see someone get, you get car jacked. Is this racist? Yeah. You work at a screen playing Starbucks. Yeah. You go stand in front of the Hollywood sign. What else?

You go look at some stars' homes. That's all we do in Hollywood. Go get star maps and look at their homes. You plant palm trees. For the future generations. Is that actually how you get home from work? You just jump on the bus, which is the map of the stars' homes? Yeah, exactly.

The TMZ bus. And say, take me to my place. And then point at it. Well, we go to the same gym now and whenever I see you there, there's a bit of an unspoken rule. Don't mess with each other. You guys are in gym time.

You don't talk to each other. I don't want to be there. Get out. I want to do my stuff and get out. I'm feeling gross. I'm looking gross. What do you do at the gym? Well, I don't want to be there. Get out. I want to do my stuff and get out. Feeling gross and looking gross. What do you do at the gym normally? Well, I've started seeing a lady there, a personal trainer lady every now and then. Weird way to tell me that you have a personal trainer. A lady.

She's so cool. Because she's cool because she doesn't mind me telling the exercises to fuck off. I swear a lot and I give a lot of... And I tell her I hate it a lot. So this is a personal trainer? Yeah. Right. So I see her for half an hour, like maybe two or three times a week

and then if I go by myself, I do the stuff that she told me to do and I run on the treadmill a bit. But what's the point? But I'm doing it so that I can continue the lifestyle of which I am accustomed. And that is? Eating and drinking everything.

Okay. No, but it doesn't work like that apparently. So you're doing like maintenance essentially to keep where you're at. You're doing damage control. I'm doing damage control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm turning water. Right.

You've got a sledgehammer inside the house smashing holes in walls while you're painting the front door. Just think of how terrible you would look if you weren't at the gym. Exactly. I do. On my couch playing Xbox. And Carl, what are you doing there? So I'm trying my best, but I know you're looking at me

and you've said something demeaning already. But isn't that what you guys like? Don't block me. Kill yourself. So I've been going and it's that thing. When I go to a gym, I don't know how anything works. So I've been going and i and it's that thing you know when i go to a gym i don't know how anything works so i've been going there for like a year and sort of just like tugging and pulling at things and if they move i go okay i think this is this is my girlfriend again yeah

so a tiny bit of weight in there a few milliliters so i i've been doing what i think is what you should be doing. And you know, there's been a little bit of difference but I sort of think my sort of semi-dream is always to be a personal trainer. But I thought, I think I should study under one first. And by I want to be a personal trainer in that

I want to yell at people. Like I don't really care what they do. I just want to have permission to tell people what to do. You want to order people around. Yeah. I had no idea. Is this for real? No. Now you've said this before. I've want to have permission to tell people what to do. You want to order people around. Yeah. I had no idea. Is this for real? No. You said this before. I've known you for 10 years. I just like the idea that I watch

The Biggest Loser, the TV show The Biggest Loser and I just love that they're telling people You relate to the trainers on that. Most people relate

to the fat people. No, no, no, no, no. You're the person that relates to people yelling. I want to bully people. Yeah, that's what I want to do. You do bully people.

But I want to get paid for it. When you watch like army movies like Stripes, you relate to the drill instructors. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, why don't you listen to the sergeant? He's making sense. Bill Murray, you idiot. Just do what they're telling you.

He wants us to protect you if you ever have to go off to war. Yeah, without structure, there's chaos. Just, God. Anyway, so I have... Forget it. You're, God, anyway So, I have Forget it, you're a real piece of shit I have a solution, why don't you yell at her That's too scary, no, I need No, no, no

I need them to Not yell at me I do the yelling at the exercise itself Not at her I don't guarantee results at all It's all for me I'd lose weight But like

How much did tears weigh? That's pretty much it I'd go And then I'd eat Then I'd comfort eat It'd be a real disaster Yeah Yeah

I'm the only winner out of this Yeah So I've started getting a personal trainer Oh yeah So this is like a week ago I went for the first time Instead of just doing my own thing I got a personal trainer

I went along And they go So I pay for it and the guy goes do you want you know half an hour an hour and i'm like an hour i mean i don't want to get ripped off like if that's a if that's the same price for both i get i get the hour give me everything and it's that classic thing of walking into something you don't know what you're walking into and so this guy just and he goes what have you done before i'm like i do're walking into. And so this guy just – and he goes, what have you done before? I'm like, I do everything. I do a podcast. So this guy just like caned me without me knowing and I got to like 40 minutes in. And I was like, oh, I've got to – I have to go to the toilet for just like a minute.

I'll be back in a minute. And I went into the cubicle and I lay on the ground for 20 minutes only alternating in resting my face on the toilet seat oh what's from him he's still out there yeah yeah yeah he was like outside the toilet door like i mean not that took like the big toilet or now it's like the cubicle door but like i was well aware he was like i was thinking he's gonna come in and barge in on me. But at this stage. Like that scene in Dumb and Dumber at the truck stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but like weirdly, like this is the sort of place that my brain went.

Inexplicably, I'd taken all my clothes off in the cubicle at that point. Wait, wait, okay. Okay, now we get to the real story. Yeah. Okay. You took your clothes off. Yeah. And I feel like

You glossed over this detail You're resting your head On the toilet Yeah yeah yeah So you've got the full The lids up No no no It was on the lid

On the closed lid No no no Oh sorry No not the top top hat lid On the butt On the place where the butt The place where the butt is The garbage butt

That's where your head is Yeah my head is On the bit where the Spillage of the Where he goes on Yeah That's where my face is. The most precious part of my body.

It's because you couldn't show it. Did it have a lid? You didn't. Oh, yeah, I didn't think of that. I actually didn't think of that until then. Gateway to the anus. That's where I want to rest my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The worst place in the universe is where I put my face. Yeah. It's the worst place in the universe. Why did you take off your clothes? I don't know. I was so out of my mind. Scott, I was just debating whether to ask why, but it seems like a fool's errand.

We're never going to get anything out of this. No, but it's like, how does it work when you do too much exercise or something? Like there's all this lactic acid, is it? Is that the buildup or something? It just made me sort of go crazy. Can I ask another question? Yes.

In the stall, is it one of the half doors that goes up a little bit or is it a full door that goes all the way to the no no it's like a half door okay so you're lying there your head is on the toilet so you so essentially your junk is just in full view yeah yeah yeah oh no but it was that was like that was like a good position for me at that point at one point i was literally lying on the ground right like just that's better. Your head's not in a toilet. Lying on the ground is better. But what I mean is that you could see more.

If you were looking, if you were trying to see from outside, you would have seen more because I was lying on the ground with everything on the ground. I've never heard of this reaction. I was just going. Oh, hey, I remember at one stage I was thinking, there's not enough room in here. Maybe I should lie outside, like in the full view bit.

Fucking hell. Because you couldn't, like was your heart, did you feel like you were going to be sick? No, it was my brain. It was my brain was super clouded. I was like, I didn't know what was going on. I was just like, I don't know how to get out of this. I don't know how to stop being crazy. And did, once the clothes come off, did that do anything for the brain activity?

Did that actually help? Was that a placebo effect? No, no, it didn't help surprisingly so then the clothes weren't the things holding me back you're just pulling your skin off yeah and then i was like hang on ice hang on yeah i was like hang on i wasn't doing barbells at all i was like smoking a pipe for an hour um yeah so i was yeah i was just doing that and i was just going crazy just going this this instructor is going to come in or people are going to come in and want to – like I was so prepared for the bang on the door

and I didn't have an answer as to what I was doing. But it sort of made me feel a little bit better that I was on cool tiles maybe. I think that was it. That my body was like a bit cooler even though I wasn't red hot. But anyway. And then I – This is like a child's logic. This is like a dream we were talking about.

I know, I know. I'm not saying... It's not a four-year-old thing. Just so you know, I didn't preface the story by going, check out the cool thing I did the other day. You're going to be impressed once I tell you my weekend's behaviour. Oh, my God. You have been subconsciously flexing your muscles.

Yeah. I am looking... If anyone had came in and seen my crazy body on the floor of the toilet, they would have been impressed. You ripped a junk that's just hanging out of that door frame. And, yeah, it was like that thing. It was this crazy thing where I was sitting there for ages just going, okay, this is 20 minutes of me being crazy and naked in this cubicle on the ground.

And then I went, I really feel like I need to be sick. I need to vomit somehow. And so I've never done the fingers down the throat. You've never vomited? No, I've done, well, I've been around the block a few times. You sound like an alien, like, I need to vomit somehow. Now, I've never done this before. Yeah, lying there

with all his clothes off, trying to get cool on the tiles. What is this thing you humans call vomit? I want to experience everything your culture has to offer. On my planet, this is how we mate. But okay, you call it vomit. So I did the fingers down the throat thing, which I'd never done before.

There's a lot of this for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a big day. What have you had down that throat before? Well, bad things. That's why I was at the gym. That's why I had to work out. So I did the thing, and I was surprised how effective it was.

So I fully endorsed it. 100% accuracy. Yeah, I endorsed it. When it comes to that. Yeah. You endorsed it. And as soon as I did it, it must have got rid of the acids or whatever that was making my brain go so crazy.

And it full on was the antidote. Did you spew out your brain? Maybe, yeah. Maybe. Honestly, it worked so good. It was like that thing of like the Incredible Hulk all of a sudden just turned back into Bruce Banner and then I was naked on the floor going, why am I doing this?

Why am I? Did you sort of look at yourself and go, I'm fucking naked right now. What is happening? Yeah, it was like that. I was like, oh man, whatever is in the toilet now from my mouth is the thing that, you know, there's not a lot of sense in the toilet right now.

Right. Yeah. It's not worth it, man. Don't work out. Yeah. That's what I learned from that. I want to know the awkward when you came out of the bathroom.

Yeah. Was he standing there going, hey? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you tell him what happened? Well, I don't think it's that awkward because he's a personal trainer, so he's seen people be sick. He's never seen what you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You sick fuck. Well, he didn't get to see it, though. That was a good thing. He walked out and just went, what happened in there? And I was like, I'm not going to tell him the whole story. You didn't contemplate coming clean and just going like, look, if you're going to be training me, you need to know the full extent of my limits. And here's what happened.

I went in there and I did 50 push-ups and now he's 50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were being a little too easy on me. I didn't want to embarrass you. I just went in there and did a few quick squats on the toilet and now I'm back out. They're obsessed with squats. Have you ever had a personal attraction?

That's what made me do it. It was all core. I don't know what core is. I don't know what a core is, but he was working on my core and that's what made me go crazy. It's all variations of squats. Do you think that they're into squats now

because the whole Kardashian sort of is now the standard of beauty? Maybe. You know, like having a big fucking butt. I feel like here everyone is obsessed with this crossfit stuff. So it's all about strong and jumping up really high. I don't know why it's all about, I don't know, maybe it doesn't feel like that's a huge thing here,

but they're all like, there's all these groups of people who got together, bootcamp kind of. Right, yeah. But like, because it's all these groups of people who got together, boot camp kind of. It's all this core stuff that I don't understand because I don't know anything about this. I literally go into a gym and think, you pick up barbells. I base all my gym activity on Popeye cartoons.

That's what I think. I go in there and you lift stuff. He picks up spinach. Yeah, right. Okay. I've got that wrong as well. He has an anchor drawn on his arm if that's what you mean. Oh my right. Okay. Right. Well, I've got that wrong as well. He has an anchor drawn on his arm, if that's what you mean. Yeah. Okay. Oh, my gosh.

I saw a man driving his car who looks like a sailor, not Popeye sailor, but like a lighthouse keeper type, old straggly hair, in a car at a red light, smoking a pipe. Yeah. An actual full pipe in the car. Yeah. That blows my mind when people smoke in cars because you see them.

That's not the part of the story that is interesting. I know. It was. If that was, she would just say, I saw a guy smoking in his car. She described like a lighthouse captain. He was like from a different time. He was in the wrong vehicle.

Have you been working out right before this? That'd be like in that last story, us going like, wow, you went to the gym? That's crazy. Well, to be fair, Scott did say that at the start so he found that crazy already. Did you follow this dude? I've never done this before, but I did try to take a photo

of him at the lights and then I felt bad because I was like oh if he saw me it would feel really awful because maybe he's just trying to he's just trying to find his way in the world as well he's just a lonely sea captain trying to

he's just time shooting backfired have you done the like the trying to you know trying to get a photo of someone that you see and you're like wow this person looks fucked I need an image

but like the when you see someone that looks like someone that you know and you like chase them down and you're like someone that you know and you like chase them down and you're like, hey man, you look like my friend who you don't know, but can I just get a photo with you to send to him? Yeah.

And they always hate it. Yeah. I'm too sociological to do that, but no. I always consider the photo, but then I'm too chicken. I go, no, for that reason. I'm like, that was the closest. I went to a baseball game with I think it was with Tim Heidecker and Mark Proksch. Do you know Mark anyway? And I I said, hey, I want to take a picture of the whole group and I and I like went down down the stairs and I like aimed

the camera at them and then I took the picture and when I came back, all I had done was take a picture of the person next to us was like this really ugly woman and showed it to the group and they mark like said it was the funniest thing you've ever seen. Anyway, but that's the closest I've come.

Yeah, I did it. I was last time I did it was like maybe a year ago as anything and I was like very drunk and I saw a guy who looked like my friend and I thought he'll love this because my friend is like a very fun loving guy and so I just transplanted his personality onto the stranger. I'm like he'll love it and I went up and he was,

fuck, he was not happy. He was like really. He's like what? I look like your friend? What are you trying to say? You got an ugly friend? Yeah. Oh, your friend's a big fat guy Wait this was a fat person Tommy

I can't believe you have fat friends That's disgusting That's not the interesting part But I just think there's not a bigger Conversation Killer than You look like someone I know Because there's no a bigger conversation killer than you look like someone I know. Because there's no answer.

If someone says to you, hey, you look like someone I know. Yeah, but the thing is there's never someone better looking. It's always someone. It's never someone you know. I once went to a strip club when I was like 20. Okay, mate, we get it. And I saw a stripper I was like you look like my friend from high school that I always wanted to see naked it was like she was

really delighted by that like oh well take a look I was so expecting that story to go you look like this go to high school within her go Scott I would be nice I was expecting you to get a bit hot and have to go cool down on the tiles you've been working things out a little bit too much. But yeah, it's never like, even on Twitter, like people will send you stuff. Do you ever have that? People send you stuff on Twitter and go, this guy looks like you. My friend looks like you.

And it's always some just fucking idiot. It's never like that. That's what you think of me. I'm friends with Robert Redford and he looks like you. Check this out. It's never that. Wait, so Robert Redford is your standard male beauty? Yeah. Yeah. Which Robert Redford, and he looks like you. Check this out. It's never that. Wait, so Robert Redford is your standard male beauty? Yeah, yeah.

Which Robert Redford are we talking? Are we talking Captain America? Sundance. Yeah, Sundance Kid. Wait, not the Sundance Festival. Sundance, when he played Sundance Kid. The thing that they got the name from. That is what you aspire to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the peak of human excellence to me. Oh, okay. The most handsome man of all time. I see. Is the Sundance Kid. And who. The most handsome man of all time. I see. He's the Sundance kid. And who is the most attractive woman of all time? I would say, oh, gee, good question.

I'll field this one. The person in Butch and Sundance who has her top off? Is that? Oh, I haven't seen it, but now I'll go back and watch it. Wait, you haven't seen this movie? Yeah. I've just seen the poster. You're basing your

whole standard of beauty on one poster that you've seen? It was a good poster. But now that I know there's a topless woman, I'll go back and watch it. Wait, now that's the only reason you want to see this movie? Well, I hadn't watched it before and now I will.

And that's the only new information I have. You have so many problems. You have gotten so weird in the five years. Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle Pfeiffer. What about that? Is she the most attractive

lady of all time? Maybe? Was she? What era? Was she Michelle? Was she? Scarface? Am I losing my mind?

Fabulous Baker Boys. Fabulous Baker Boys. You know, Batman Returns. Yeah. She's Catwoman. A lot of people, like there's two songs that mention her recently.

Like doesn't Bruno Mars or someone, there's like two songs that go, Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh. Like two songs that were released in the last year talk about Michelle Pfeiffer. It's not really a reference that you hear all that much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gotten hipster and cool now. It's a retro.

Yeah, is that what it is? Is it a retro thing? I think so. Well, she often gets referenced because of Dangerous Minds. Am I losing my mind? now. It's retro and cool. Yeah, is that what it is? Is it a retro thing? I think so. Well, she often gets referenced because of Dangerous Minds. Am I losing my mind? Yeah, she's in Dangerous Minds. I feel like that movie gets referenced a lot in the teacher going into rough area. But I feel like that gets referenced a lot.

I think Sidney Poitier was sexier in that. What is happening with you? Where are all these names from? But when you say about people... Who's the youngest actor you've heard of? Let's see. Who was anyone in the book? Do you know Sid Charisse?

Sid Caesar. Have you heard the story of the Adingo Stole My Baby? Yeah. They made a movie of that with Meryl Streep in it. And a friend of ours plays her baby. Oh, there's the baby. Really? You know the baby? You do. Nicolette Minster. Oh, really?

Is the baby that got eaten. That got eaten by the dingo? Wow. That's amazing. She was a baby actress? Yeah. I think her parents work in TV. I think they just grab babies whenever they need. Yeah, just like the dingo. Sounds like a Rumpelstiltskin lot of acting. I think they just grab babies whenever they need. Yeah. Just like the dingo. Sounds like a Rumpelstiltskin kind of legend.

I know, I know. But that's also weird. I did a series and it had a newborn baby in it, so it was twins for a start, and I had to get a needle so they didn't get hoop and cough. I was like, pfft. Yeah. So I'm like, anyway.

Yeah, boring. I'm sorry if I'm getting a needle. But it was just weird to me that the baby, this person didn't exist When we started filming This show Yeah right Because it had to be Newborn

Yeah Right I feel like that's the best line That you can use At like a nightclub Or whatever I was the baby I was the baby in this movie

Okay Top Top You can never How do you prove I'd like to make a baby in you That a dingo would be Top movie babies

Number one Labyrinth Toby the Labyrinth baby Right Oh yeah Number two Nirvana I'd like to make a baby in you that a dingo would be. Top movie babies. Number one, Labyrinth. Toby the Labyrinth baby. Number two, Nirvana baby. Interesting story. By the way, that baby is still coasting on this thing. Constantly taking the picture again. Like, hey, do you want to feel old?

The baby from Nevermind is now like 80 years old. Alright, baby from Nevermind. Go back to your IT job or whatever. Because he legally changed his name to just baby from Nevermind. Baby F Nevermind. Yeah. But like, you know, you could use that. You know, I'm the Nevermind baby.

You probably couldn't. That's a bit of overkill. But just pick a movie. Get a baby in it. So you're saying you just fake it. Yeah. You say you baby from Look Who's Talking? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Great choice. No, I would go Look Who's Talking 2 because you wouldn't want to try and impress too much. The original's over the top. Number two's not as impressive. I'm actually the ghost from Three Men and a Baby. It's my claim to fame.

Is there a ghost in that movie? Do you not know that? Yeah, I can't remember. Do look it up online. Is there a ghost in that movie? Do you not know that? Yeah I can't remember Just look it up online Is there a real ghost? No There's like a cardboard cutout Behind a curtain or something

But it looks like a ghost Yeah And so the legend is There's a ghost Oh But they caught a ghost on celluloid Yeah Oh

Because if you were The Undead The one movie you'd want to pop up in That's where I'd be Is that one Yeah Oh man But with the lookalikes thing I've thought about this for years Maybe I should do it the one movie you want to pop up in is that one. With the lookalikes thing, I've thought about this for years. Maybe I should do it because we're talking about it.

But I really want to make a website like a Tumblr. Squarespace.com. I want to do... What is that? That's one of my sponsors. Is that Squarespace? Squarespace. What do they do? Well, I mean, they have wonderful templates.

They have drag and drop templates. You're sponsored by audiobooks and websites and clothing companies. This podcast is sponsored by Chocolate Mousse. Yeah. That's a true thing. Chocolate Mousse? Yeah. That sounds delicious.

Yellow Chocolate Mousse. Really? Yellow Chocolate Mousse. Yellow. I'm out if it's yellow, the color. No, it's not. It's not. It's brown, the color of shit. Much better.

That is interesting. One of the most delicious things in the world, chocolate, is the color of shit. How did they trick us into thinking that it's delicious? It's spelled Y-A-L-L-A. They must love this part of the podcast where we

are comparing their product to shit. They actually do. Yeah, it's like that old saying. If you see something that looks like shit, try to eat it. Maybe it'll turn out to be great. That must be some deep psychological fucked up thing that we all have in us. That's why we

want to eat shit. Yeah. Secretly. It's the last taboo. That's behind when I to eat shit. Yeah. Yeah. Secretly. It's the last taboo. No, that's behind when I'm eating shit. I'm like, I would love to eat mousse one day. Yeah. So it's Yellow Chocolate Mousse and it sponsors us,

which is a weird thing. Okay, but you're going to make this website. Yeah, but quickly just to tie that up. It's funny that you said yellow because people in America listen to us do think we're saying yellow as in the color. And so I get emails saying, if you can send me any of that yellow chocolate mousse,

that would be awesome. Wait, why are people emailing you asking you to send them chocolate mousse? Great question. I fear that you're taking too much responsibility for your listeners. Totally. My phone number is out there. I get rung. I get emailed. I fear that you're taking too much responsibility for your listeners. Totally. My phone number is out there.

I get rung. I get emailed. I get everything. Any question anyone has about this. Can you send me chocolate mousse? They do. They do. Your listeners are insane.

Yeah. Yeah. When you get home, Scott, can you send us some Carl's Jr., please? Hi, Carl. I'm in Iceland. There's a mouse in my fridge. Can you help? Yes.

It's all that stuff People ring me Anyway But I like the idea That someone from America Is asking for yellow chocolate mousse It's like It's going to be

Even worse colour By the time you guys get it Because if you send mousse To America That's not cool But The The website

The website I want to make up A site That is just People that look vaguely like People that have been on our show. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good.

It's just because any time I walk past someone that's like got a beard, I go, okay, I could take a picture of that and it's Harley Breen or take a picture of a bald guy with a goatee and that's Xavier Michaelis and people like that. Just the worst lookalikes of all time. That's good. Yeah. I've been getting a lot recently. There's a Japanese cartoon character that's getting a lot more, that's getting quite popular. I think he's getting more well-known.

The way you're dressed, you sort of look like Luigi or Mario right now. Yeah. But he's a superhero and his only characteristic is he's got a big fat nose and a big fat round bald head. And I keep, I'm getting more and more every day

of people on Twitter going, ah, this is you. Yeah. They made you into a Japanese cartoon. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about it. Yeah. It's got big rosy cheeks.

I just think it's too confronting. My feelings hurt already. Don't link me to that website. Yeah, never tell anyone they look like anyone. Yeah. It's one of the rudest things you can say. You know what actually one of the rudest things you can say to a person? You look tired.

Oh. That's bad. You have an ugly smile. What? That's because then the person will never want to smile again. Yeah. Has that ever been said?

And that drains all joy from someone's... Oh, my God. From someone's whole life. Okay, let's just cut the shit. Who said this to you, Scott? No, no one said it to me, but I remember reading that

and going, oh, what a terrible thing. Like, to then always... Actually, you know, I think when I was a kid like someone someone's like oh you like I don't like your teeth when you smile or something like that and so then that led me into a period where every picture I was trying to like close lip it yeah yeah yeah you know I don't know how to look normal in photos and every time when we have like I hate to break it to you you don't know how to look

normal like every time we do like like big family. I hate to break it to you. You don't know how to look normal in life. Every time we do like family photos at family Christmases and whatever, my dad is always the one taking the photo and he's always like, stop fucking around, trying to look silly. Stop trying to make this a little joke photo. And I'm there actually just trying my hardest to smile and look normal. Again, looking at you. It's, yeah.

Yeah. Why is your dad cursing so much? That's a little salt up in the story. He's really not into swearing. Oh, really? That was you trying to jazz up the story? Yeah, trying to get it over the line. Trying to work blue into this podcast. Tommy Deslo's punching

up. We were talking about babies and stuff before. Let me bring this up. This podcast that we're recording, this is the final piece of content that I will ever do in my 20s. How do you guys feel about that? I'm 30 tomorrow. You're 30 tomorrow? All right.

It's 9 p.m. right now. How about we do a three-hour session and just really celebrate? Go right. Fuck you. How do you feel? I feel fine about it. But is there anything I should be doing

in these last hours of my 20s? What do you reckon? Oh, gee. I mean, we are way too tall in a building for you at this point

because you've got a lot of options that involve going through the window. Oh, kill myself. Yeah. Okay, cool. That's the very last thing

you'll do in your 20s. Yeah, that's something I haven'll do in your 20s. Yeah, that's something I haven't done in my 20s yet. Does 30 seem old to you? Like when you were, that was always a benchmark for me, partly because I turned 30 in the year 2000. So I was always like the year 2000, that's so far away when I was young.

I'll be 30 then and that seems so old. But after 30, it just seems like. Well, I remember talking to a friend recently about it and when you know they were saying when they had their 21st they were like when I have my 30th I'm going to hire out a hotel and you know you just think like in nine years I'll be a fucking CEO I'll have worked it out and

then two years ago like every friend that said that sort of started going yeah I might put like a hundred bucks on a bar tab. Yeah, and then it turns into, you know what I'm going to do for my 30th? Take my birthday off Facebook. Yeah, I'll do that.

I remember being like, I've never really seen the future. Is that a sign of depression? Wait, that you've never seen the future? That's a sign that you're not clairvoyant. I mean, like I don't imagine, like growing up was I never saw myself older or with fat like I never yeah live in the moment guys yeah yeah did you think that you were never gonna like I never saw this a like I never I I kind of after I was I don't know 21 or something I was like oh I never thought I'd live that long yeah which is kind of

weird because you sort of also never think you're going to die in another way, right? It's weird, but like some people have that picture of when I'm this age, I'm going to be doing this and I'm going to have a house of kids and all that kind of stuff, and I never did. But a couple of weeks before I was going to turn 30, I was at breakfast with my boyfriend at the time, and he's like, hey, how are you feeling about turning 30?

I'm like, it's fine. It seems like a big deal. And he goes, really? Because you're crying. I'm like, what? He's sort of like, oh, maybe I'm a bit? I'm like, it's fine. It seems like a big deal. And he goes, really? Because you're crying. So I'm like, oh, maybe I'm a bit weird about it. But it's fine. I got so drunk and I broke things.

I had a lovely time. You're a hymen? No, no. I wish. Then you ended up on a garbage bus. I was on a garbage bus. I broke my garbage bus. But I got some free moose. So I've noticed that a lot in the last month

You get that very loaded So how do you feel about it? The implication feel Is that worse than you look tired? I'm with you with that one That's the worst thing you can say to someone Because if you are tired It just says you look bad

Tommy how do you feel? I mean, honestly, though, how do you feel about 30? Do you think, are you, I mean, you're in a profession where you're perpetually young at heart. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, you get to hang out with your friends. You get to, like, just, you know, do stuff that seems cool to people who are your age, who are sort of, like, in normal professions and who, I'm sure a lot of people your age, who are sort of like in normal professions

and who, I'm sure a lot of people your age look at you and go, oh my God, that would be so amazing to have the life that you have. How do you feel on the other side of it? No one's ever looked at Tommy and said that, to be fair. Fuck you.

Yeah, because I started doing stand-up when I was like 17. Why are you crying right now? I'm really tired. Like I've kind of – like, yeah, I kind of like grew up around people who were like, you know, in their late 20s, early 30s. And so I've never looked at – I have a lot of friends who, you know, that I went to school with who were getting close to 30

and freaking the fuck out about it. I can't wait. I'm fucking psyched. Yeah. I'm into it. Why are you psyched? Like what's going to be so much better about being 30 than not? It's more – it's just more like I don't wait. I'm fucking psyched. Yeah. I'm into it. Why are you psyched? Like what's going to be so much better about being 30 than not? It's more, it's just more like I don't care.

Like in this last year, not to get too serious, but I feel more happy and comfortable in myself than I ever have at any other age. Shut up. That's really great. Don't shut up. That's good. In what way? Shut up in the like this.

That's great. I mean, sure. No, no, no. Shut up is in. I'm not getting nude and putting my head in the toilet. I haven't worked it out to that extent. Hey, that's good. In what way? Shut up. I'm not getting nude and putting my head in the toilet. I haven't worked it out to that extent. Hey, that's 40. Yeah, you wait. That wasn't in that Judd Apatow film.

I don't remember him stripping off and laying on the tiles. That's what you've got to look forward to. I don't know what you're going to do at 30. Maybe like, I don't know, go to a public toilet and just wash your hands. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's time to change the aesthetic.

I mean, I've kind of been basing my whole thing on mid-20s rat bag for a long time now. And I think I might have to let that go. I don't know. It's a little Tommy growing up. Yeah. No, but you're brave in terms of you'll try different things. Oh, that's up there with you look tired. God, you're brave in terms of you'll try different things. Oh, that's up there with you look tired.

God, you're brave. No, you've come into this wedding by yourself. It's so brave. Wearing that top tonight, that is so brave. That's a bad word. But I mean like I don't think of you as someone who's trapped in an aesthetic. I feel like you've changed it up a lot over the years. Jesus, it must be hard doing comedy.

How do you get up there? How do you get up there? How do you get up there and tell those jokes? I'm excited to see what Tommy 30 years aesthetic will be. I'm still working it out. I've got some things

lined up. Have you got some plans? Have you got some plans? I've got some plans. What are some plans? Give us a sneak preview of your plans of 30. I don't know.

I'm going to have to start going the full shaved head at some point, aren't I? Oh, really? It's going to have to start happening. You shaved head at some point, aren't I? Oh, really? It's going to have to start happening. What's going on? You've been wearing a hat ever since. Yeah, I got a bit of, you know, it's going.

It's slowly going. But maybe I'll just, oh, I don't know. I'm on the cusp where I'm thinking like maybe I just fucking go for it and be one of those guys that's like the dome on top and then the like shoulder length, you know, at the back. What do you think of that, Seals? I can't wait. I cannot wait to see the wig.

Is that the worst thing you can do? Take too long to say whatever you're going to say next? Being a person who is not losing his hair, how does that affect your image of yourself? Have you always seen yourself as a guy with a full head of hair and when it started receding? Yeah. There was a point where I was very much like I would think about like

everyone I saw on TV or in the street, I would like compare in my head. By the way, every single person on TV, I've talked about this before. Every single person on TV has gray hair that they are dying or has a toupee on. Like everyone on TV. And I'm not talking about like, oh, guys in their 50s, obviously.

Like everyone 30 and above has totally dyed hair and has pieces. Including you on your show? Yeah, you're on TV. I started kind of going gray in the third season. Of MASH? Of MASH, yeah. You son of a bitch. No, so yeah, we color the sides and stuff.

Right. See, that's the thing. Like male friends who get paranoid about going gray, as someone who's been losing their hair since their 20s, I've never gotten the fear of going gray. Right. Because it's like, it must be fucking nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You still have it all. But I'm saying you should not compare yourself to people on TV because that, like, all of them are doing stuff to hide it. Right. You know what I mean? Well, that was when I was, like, mid-20s, and now I'm just, it's not awesome. Wow, fucking depressing is this.

But I've made peace with it. Whatever. It's fine. You know, and there is stuff you can do. You know, there's plugs and shit. Like I have friends who, you know. Who's the most famous person you know that has plugs? I don't want to – well, I mean, can I say?

Who's the least famous person you know who has plugs? I don't want to say, well, I mean, can I say? Who's the least famous person you know who has plugs? You. That was like double. That's a double flip. That was like, if that was a dive, that was like,

no splash. That was a, no, that was a basketball through the hoop and it bounced down and it came back up and went in again. I don't know.

I kind of feel like we're all just trapped in these bodies that our parents gave us. We all have issues with, you know, like there's stuff you can do about it, but like you say, at a certain point, you're like comfortable in yourself and just going, this is what I am, you know? Yes, totally. And so good on you. So don't dodge my question.

Who do you know who's famous? I feel like the person that I would say has talked about having them in an interview, but in case that he is not, I don't want to blow up the spot. Jeremy Piven. I do not know Jeremy Piven, but that's a pretty obvious one. He's got good looking ones but he's would you say he's the most famous in terms of

there's a lot of public stuff out there of him when he was like actually bold him and Jason Alexander like look at him and say anything yeah and he looks like you and then hey that's a horrible thing to say about someone

no but um you know and then just like cut to three years later he's got this full you know ravishing head of hair you know yeah but i you know like or nicholas cage you know what i mean like you know they're actually you know i've seen these pieces up close these like they're sort of like woven like rugs and stuff and and they look like they look amazing you know like a website rugs and stuff and they look like, they look amazing. I found a website once that's like, and it must be run

by a bald man and it's sort of like trying to out celebrities that are going bald and it's like zoomed in photos of their hairline.

Like, it's like, look at this Chris Martin guy. Fucking get a look at this and then here's a photo of him six months later where you notice he hasn't put the drops in

and it's thinning in here. If we get right in here and it's like, it's clearly just some. I don't even care. Here's the issue. I don't even care. If someone has something, it's like, great. Who cares?

You're trying to make yourself look better. What's weird is when someone gets famous for being bald, like you mentioned Jason Alexander, who's a great guy, but his most famous role is him being bald. George on Seinfeld, I believe he played. So when he then goes and puts... We can take that out of the podcast later.

We can go and check. When he then goes and puts on a thing, then it's like, oh no, you're not the person that I fell in love with. You know what I mean like i i have such affection for you as this character and famous person as this thing but i mean he's like he's so like would have made so much money off seinfeld and everything and so successful off the back of it why does he need to turn around now and get hair like to what end like what roles

is that like it must have driven him crazy to not have hair like he what end like what roles is that get like it must have driven him crazy to not have hair like he knows everyone just sees them so they want to see their ideal Robert Redford self you know exactly I want to say their ideal ghost from look who's talking three I mean your whole point is like if someone makes enough money why does anyone ever want to take care of themselves or feel good about yourself like what are that's the right answer. When people make money, they can not care about themselves.

Fix their lives. I think just for fun or to try something different so you're not sort of locked into a look. Like I would at one time in my life like to shave my head. I know for a fact it would look hideous. Right. But just so you, because you can, you know what I mean? If you haven't had hair for a long time, you might go,

I just want to try it like a hat or a different outfit or something. You've got to try it. You just want to try it for a bit. Oh man,

I'd look so bad. Yeah, I mean, you know, you try, that's why we go to the gym to try something different to make ourselves look different.

Let's all shave our heads tonight. I was, I was close. See you later, 20s. I was close to it when I was on that toilet floor. I was thinking

it was going to be a good idea. That's all you had left. Yeah. Only layer left you could get rid of. Yeah. I feel like you would have to shave your I was on that toilet floor. I was thinking it was going to be a good idea. That's all you had left. There's only layer left you can get rid of. Yeah. I feel like you would have to shave your mustache if you shaved your head. I did that. Yeah, I shaved my head a little while ago and I had a mustache.

And yeah, I shaved the head and then went and saw myself in the mirror. And oh boy, no good. Yeah, you got to do them both. Just trying to picture you with a shaved head and a mustache. Yeah, why is that weird? I think I've got a photo somewhere maybe. But I also think you look good in hats too. Yeah, thank you.

I'm lucky that I liked hats before I started to go bald. Right, right, right. Yeah. But anyway, you look great. You're a great catch. Hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it. This is the nice.

This turns really. I'm trying to change the perception about this show and have people say positive things to you guys on Twitter. Just don't fucking tweet anything nice to us. It is weird. It is when people do that because I'm like and they'll go, yeah,

I really like the show and no, that's it. You're just even recounting it in a sarcastic voice. I really like the show. It's great. But yeah, you're going to be 30 tomorrow. You're going to

be, you're going to Japan. I'm going to Japan. Great. Yeah. Is that a thing you do in Australia

when you turn 30 you go to Japan? Yeah. It's sort of like a bar mitzvah sort of thing. Happy 30th, get in the rocket and you

go, wouldn't you get sent there for what is it, two weeks? Yeah. They've changed it. You go and get some used underwear out of a vending machine, you watch the rocket and you go, wouldn't you get sent there for, what is it, two weeks? Yeah. They've changed it. You go and get some used underwear out of a vending machine. You watch the baseball and that's it.

Yeah. Why are you going to Japan, young man? I just like it there. Going for a holiday. You've been before? Yeah, I went like a year ago. Oh, great. Yeah, a bit over a year ago.

Oh, that's fantastic. Have you ever been? I've never been. My head writer on the Bang Bang TV show, Neil Campbell, grew up there a little bit. Oh, wow. You could have a lot of fun with their accents. Very uncomfortable. Oh, boy.

I didn't like that we were talking about murder a lot, but I did like how many times you were saying murder because I was thinking, I was like, I think that's my favorite accent. Murder. Murder. But then I thought maybe it saying murder because I was thinking, I was like, I think that's my favorite accent. Murder. Murder. But then I thought maybe it's Scottish because I say murder. Or there's been a curse. There's a curse.

You're welcome. I think we should wrap that up here. That's just about all the time we've got for the Little Dum Dum Club. Scott, you've got to be up very early tomorrow to fly to Brisbane. Yeah, man. So yeah, that brings us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Celia to be up very early tomorrow to fly to Brisbane. Yeah, man. So yeah, that brings us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Celia and Scott, thank you so much for joining us. Hey, thanks for having me on, guys. You know I'm a big fan of yours. Yeah, thanks for all you support because if people go back in history,

they can find episodes. We were originally on the Earwolf Challenge. I was thinking about and you guys didn't win. We did in the second. It was a podcast. You came in second. Yeah, for people that didn't listen. We did in a second. It was a podcast.

Yeah, for people that didn't listen at the time, you can go back and find it, I believe. And Scott was a host of the podcast challenge on Earwolf. I was not. Matt Besser was. Oh, sorry. Yes, you were a judge. I cast the deciding vote to make you guys not win.

Oh, yes. That's right. But the podcast that won doesn't exist anymore. So you guys really won. Well, they've probably now got proper good careers and jobs, so we've probably lost the game. I was thinking about it. I'm sorry to cut you off,

but I don't know if you know what they're talking about. Yeah, no, no. I was just thinking about how crazy it was that so many people got mad about it. Oh, was it? It was in the early kind of nascent days of the network. And you remember all the big hubbub on all the message boards and how upset people were that you guys didn't win? We didn't have the internet back then.

Oh, yeah. We had to ban people and block people. Because we were like, look, if any of you guys say anything, we're going to just delete comments. And then people were just like, fuck you. Fuck this show. Little Dumb Dumb Club didn't win. Fuck you.

Oh, wow. Well, it sounds like our fans. Yeah. But it's so crazy that people gave a shit. I was just thinking about that. Yeah, totally. Because you can go back and listen to it. It was like a sort of FA Cup style knockout thing where you had a challenge every week and uh someone got knocked out like

a reality show sort of thing and uh we got to the final and i think at some stage at some stage it was it was said that the top two were flown to la or whatever to do a live show and then we're like cool well let's just get runners up it's cool we're just gonna go to the – and then all of a sudden it got about a couple of rounds to go and the guy at EWF went, just to be clear, that wasn't said at any stage. And we're like, it certainly was. It was definitely said. And that's what all of our hopes were pinned on.

And he's like, no, it's not happening. That's not happening at all. If you go back, you can – because we got interviewed every week by Matt Besser, who was hosting it, very influential figure in the world of comedy. But we would have to do these Skype interviews with interviewed every week by Matt Besser, who was hosting it. Very influential figure in the world of comedy. But we would have to do these Skype interviews with him every week at like 4 a.m. our time.

So if you go back through, everyone else who he interviews is kind of in awe of this guy that they're talking to. And we're just real cunts. Because you're grouchy. We don't want to be that. And to be honest, I didn't know what it was until about half way through the competition.

I had no idea what it was. I'm like, Tommy wants to do this thing. Fucking okay. All right. And then Matt Bess is on there going, Lil Dum Dum Club. Hey, Lil Dum Dum Club. Lil Dum Dum Club. I thought you guys were really funny.

I was thinking. We're not funny enough, but anyway. Yeah. No, no, no. But I was thinking i'm not funny enough but anyway yeah no no no but here's here was i was thinking about it today my point back then was you guys would have won if you were judging it as a whole but why have a final competition if you're judging something as a whole yeah yeah like you you guys got to do the final competition and the podcast that one did that final competition better i think you even admit that won did that final competition better. And I think you even admit

that they did it better, right? I don't even remember. I never listened to the competition. But... I never listened to what I say. But it was like heartbreaking to me because you guys should have won and you didn't pull it out

at the last minute. Right. And everyone's saying, but just give it to them because they deserve it. It's like you can't do that and have a final competition. Right.

You know, you can't say, well, half of it is it is your you know your past and half of it is this competition you gotta base it all on the final yeah yeah run your competition oscar style just give us the legacy award because we've hung around long enough yeah lifetime achievement that was such a pain in the ass show to make i'm i'm so glad you guys did it because you know I got to meet you guys but it was so crazy that's great to know that there was anyone on our side then because we didn't

oh no people loved you yeah and I feel like you got a lot of good we still have people listening now from that because of that show

it's worthwhile to go back yeah if you're really into it a lot of people just still get on board to our show now and you know we've got so many more numbers listening now than we had back then so if you're really into it a lot of people just still get on board to our show now and you know we've got so many more numbers

listening now than we had back then so if you're really into it go back and have a listen to it it's just I think we pulled it

actually I don't know I don't know if it's up anymore oh really well try torrent it or something yeah yeah

fair enough have you got copies you would have kept copies surely nah nah nah

so Celia and Scott anything you would like to plug Scott comedy bang bang of course yeah I think if you're in Australia I think it airs on ABC

maybe and it's on Netflix SP oh SP SPF SPF 40 yeah Banana Bow

Banana Bow TV yeah so watch that and if you well when's this come out I don't even know next week never mind you're in London I've already passed through you're in London Bonadabo TV. Yeah, so watch that. And if you, well, when's this come out? I don't even know. Next week. Never mind.

You're in London? I've already passed through. You're in London? I'm going to London. Yeah. Come see us in London. London, Manchester, Leeds and Nottingham. Yeah. I'm going to plug something on your behalf.

You're talking U2 to me, which is my personal favorite podcast. Thank you, mate. I hope people check that out. Very fun. Thank you. Yeah, we, you know, who knows if we'll ever do another episode again. But yeah, thank you People check that out. Very fun. Thank you. Yeah, we, you know, who knows if we'll ever do another episode again, but yeah, thank you. Oh, Trouble in Paradise.

Well, the last one we did was a year and a half ago. And you interviewed U2 on it. It had the greatest end to any podcast, I think, you know, like we started as fans and we ended up interviewing them. Exactly like Seinfeld. Yeah, exactly.

And we all got toupees. Celia, you've got a show on at some point. Yes, Luke McGregor and I are currently in editing of our... We made a TV show! Yeah. Rosehaven? It's called Rosehaven and it'll hopefully be on before the end of the year on ABC. We recorded our first DVD commentary today.

We were so excited. He wanted to make that more than he wanted to make a TV show. I am sure that's why we made a show, so he could do the DVD commentary. I've never seen anyone so thrilled. Can we do one? Do you want to come and do an episode of DVD commentary? We did. No, we are sure.

We did two director's commentaries on two stand-up DVDs where all we did was hang as much shit as we could on the stand-up special. Oh, yeah. I mean, not that. I mean, can we still do yours? No, it's fine. Like, I'm convinced, as Luke is, that not a single person will listen to it at all. But he loves them.

So we've done it. We did two episodes today. But, yeah. Oh, man. That's my dream to do that for a job. Just to go and do other people's ones. Yeah. That's so fun.

But I don't know what people want. Like, do you do it like a podcast and just chat about stuff? Or are you pointing out weird stuff? I don't know. So it's all, it's a focus. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, but before the end of the year, I think. But so hopefully people like that.

That's very, very cocky. The show hasn't even been on air yet and you're doing DVD commentaries. I know, I know. But we've got to do them now because it's the only time we can. Anyway. Yeah. Great. So look out for that.

We've got Adelaide is on sale, t-shirts and all that stuff. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Live show in Adelaide. What is the date? October 3rd? October 4th. 4th?

Yeah. Get there, come 3rd. Just warm up. Cool. Get there nice and early. Yeah. Thanks very much for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.