The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 310 - Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds

Episode Date: September 13, 2016

Sponsorship, Axl Rose, Pyjamas  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good day. Welcome to the Ronnie Chang podcast brought to you by Ronnie Chang. Today's very special guests from the dollop are the very funny Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. And I'm Tommy Dasolo. And we're two idiots who couldn't afford tickets to Sydney to record this podcast because we are bad at planning our lives and careers and had to beg for money on Twitter instead of effectively monetising our large and growing podcast listenership. Tommy, you're a fuck.

Yes, I am. So are you. Yeah, I'm a fuckface too. Dave Anthony is what Carl looked like before the One Ring corrupted him. Yes. Please look up our talented and generous friend, Ronnie Chang, at RonnieChang.com and on Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat at Ronnie Chang.

I'm a stupid fuck. Don't get all sensitive. All right, welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Hey, mate. Welcome to another edition of Ronnie Chang Presents the Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name's Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me is the other stupid fuck face half of the show,

Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Now, just so everyone knows what's going on here, if you haven't seen the social media during the week, we had the opportunity to fly to Sydney to come and do an episode. It was the only chance we could do to come and talk to Dave and Gareth. And so we put out there, if anyone wanted to sponsor us to get in, we sort of imagined it would be a business.

But instead, rotten Ronald Chang has decided to stump up the funds and he has demanded that that little read, that little script that he's written. Yes. That he's run past his reputable... That wasn't us talking off the cuff. No. By the way, that wasn't organic.

No. Our acting would have made it sound very real, but we were actually reading off a script. Yeah, yeah. He's gone all mad, man, and done a bit of ad copy there. So we've read all that out. He said he demanded that be the first thing that is read in this episode, that we read exactly the script.

And then after that, we've got another three reads after that that we have to spread out through the episode. Let's get our guests in. Please welcome, from the dollop, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. I didn't know Ronnie said fuck. Well, he doesn't say it, but he types it. He makes us say it. He sure types it.

He sure types it a lot. Is that his reputation? Has he got a rep as a clean comic? Add one. Maybe he says it for us, because that's all he calls me, a fuck. That's all he does. It's more powerful, though.

Yeah. You know it affects you. Yeah. So this is what we've done. We've flown up to Sydney. We had a limited window of time to grab you boys for a podcast. Yes. We made the – is this the craziest thing we've ever done in the name of podcasting?

It's very sweet. Yeah. It feels like one of those junkets, you know, when there's a big, big celebrity in town and they fly in someone and they sit in their hotel or sit in the hotel and they let various journalists come in and talk to them. And ask the same shit questions about the film. Right.

Where did you get the idea for the dollop, guys? Do you guys get nervous before you get up there? Where do you get your ideas for your stories? Where's the name come from? Tell us a joke. Tell us a joke. How did you meet? On the dollop.

So the dollop was just this random occurrence. Yeah, I just saw a sign that said dollop and I walked in and Dave was there. I was just posting around town. It was just in the Dollop offices. There was a big Apply Within sign on the door. Yeah, and I just got turned away from Hungry Jack's Burger King. See, I'm already localizing the jobs. There was a guy at the gig that I run the other night.

A guy came in, and he paid. We get it. Things are good, Tom. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's how good my career's going. I have to run a show to make money. Awesome.

And another comedian pays for you to fly to do a podcast. This guy came in and he paid and he goes, so is there like a starting time? It's like, no, the gig just happens at random. Just any time between 3 a.m. and midnight it could start. Once the wizard shows up, we know we're close. You've got to be sitting there ready at a moment's notice for comedy to begin in front of you.

Hopefully it won't be long it's like waiting on Kanye could be two hours could be a day we don't know Madonna did that here recently she did a gig that started

what was it like three hours late or something yeah what? I never understood does she not do that to you? no no mostly because

I don't go to her shows not since she's become British either no yeah she stopped Guns N' Roses was big on that back in the day yeah yeah yeah yeah but now No, mostly because I don't go to her shows. Not since she's become British either. No. Yeah, she stopped. Guns N' Roses was big on that back in the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but now,

now like Axl's just like turning up on time. He's like, you know, doing this. Now Axl, Axl now has the attitude we wanted for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now he's like nice. He's doing extra gigs. He's in ACDC now.

He's a moonlighter. He looks like, he looks like, he looks good. He looks like a leg that has gout with hair. It looks like a ghost Ada Axel Rose.

I liked how when Dave Grohl did his leg and they had those big anniversary shows coming up and he was like, I can't not do the gig. So he got that throne, that special throne made. It moves around the stage so he can sit down and play. And everyone's like, wow, that's so cool that he did that. It looks really awesome.

And then Axl Rose does his knee, does the same thing and goes, oh, yeah, I'll just use a fucking chair on stage as well. And everyone goes, no, that's kind of a cool Dave Grohl thing. That's not like a – Doesn't look as good. But it's also because Dave Grohl had to play song. He had to play guitar and play instruments. When Axl's just sitting there with a microphone,

you're like, this is like being in a subway. I could be wrong, but I think Axl, like, literally just borrowed Dave's chair from him. I think that's what he did. He just used the exact same chair. Because if you're sitting there, if you're sitting there and playing guitar, that's on purpose.

If you're just sitting, singing. Sitting, singing? Yeah, that's lazy. That's like sit dancing. He should add a wheelchair so he could at least do's like sit dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He should add a wheelchair so he could at least do the thing where he kind of like

hits different areas of the stage. Yeah. Y'all having a good time? Hold on, let me wheel over and then say yeah. Yeah, has a runway, has a long runway so he gets to the end

and then like pops a wheelie. Yeah. Can I just like, Gareth dropped his microphone to mime wheelie a wheelchair. I wanted you guys to feel it. He doesn't know that this is a... Where is the camera now that we're actually getting into it?

You should have explained the rules of podcasts when you first walked into the doll hypothesis. He's really stupid. Just not sure where the camera is. That's the problem I'm finding. With Axel, I've seen a couple of photos of him recently. All right, mate. Yeah.

All right. I've got vision. All right. We get it. You can afford Who magazine. Somebody right, mate. Yeah. Yeah. I got vision. I got eye work. We get it. You can afford Who magazine. Yeah. Somebody's got Wi-Fi. So I saw him on stage.

He already looked bad. Like he comes on, he's fat, he's bloated. Is he still got cornrows? I'm not sure. But he's got like... He ate them. Yeah, yeah. That corn was the giveaway. I thought it was real corn.

Axel. I thought it was rows of corn. So he's got like a flannelette shirt tied around his waist when he's on stage. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. He does that, right? So I saw one picture of him. Then I saw two pictures of him.

That's his stage costume from now on. He's got a flannelette shirt tied around his waist like an absolute hillbilly like who's not even dressing up. That's the worst look you get told off at school for doing. My principal wouldn't let me walk around at lunchtime with flannelette tied around my waist.

That's also crazy. There should be a middle ground. Axel Rose, get in here Yeah Has he got it on there? Oh what is that? That's the picture

You're now showing us a picture of him next to Angus Young Who's dressed as a school boy Right? Yeah that is why you go on tour with ACDC You're like won't look too weird if I'm hanging around with a 70 year old school child I mean that's the thing at some point You're a little too old and then it's Yeah

Angus Young almost died last year. That looks like someone marked up Halloween. I don't think, yeah, I don't see anything around his waist, but it's probably before. Yeah, it might be old. But that's... I mean, he's essentially podcasting on the stage. He's got the podcaster position.

But it's that funny thing of a deliberate attempt to look like the common man, your audience. I'm just like you. I spent a lot of money to get this stuff and I spent a lot of time crafting this look to look like you slobs who just rolled out of bed. I'm just like you. I'm the lead singer of ACDC.

Just like you. Also, not to state the obvious, this story is coming from you, a complaint about someone's stagecraft from a man who used to get up on there in pyjamas and do his act like that. What? Carl. Look. Carl. I saw your shirt

last year and... Won't even look at you. No, don't Google my shirt now. I think Dave might be the principal. It was around your waist and I was not happy. No, look. What was his shirt last year? You were there, weren't you?

It was blue with little white dots. Oh, you did wear it. It was very pajama. You know what? I was thinking this the other day. Since you guys roasted that shirt, I haven't really seen it in the Cal Chandler rotation. I think someone took it to heart. No, it's a stage shirt.

Oh, really? Oh, it's a stage shirt. Alright, Axel. You haven't seen it because it. No, no, no. It's a stage shirt. Oh, really? Oh, it's a stage shirt. Yeah. All right, Axel. You haven't seen it because it's been tied around my waist. You can't see the design on it. But I love that apparently the podcast isn't a stage thing. Yeah.

He hasn't worn that to a live podcast. But this is what Tommy's referring to. I used to, for a very short, small window of time, I did wear pyjamas on stage when I did stand-up. You have to explain that. Was it that you were going through a terrible phase? Or were you like, I've got an angle. On the Sleepy Time comic.

Or were you just a fucking idiot? Yeah, can I choose one from every board? What was the reaction? The reaction was great. People are already falling asleep at his jokes, so it's actually very out. All right, everyone get your oval teeth.

Carl's about to do stand-up in his PJs. It's Carl's slumber party time. Here we are. Lay down. Carl's about to talk. I've got a lot of lying down ovations. Because you'd wear them under your normal clothes, right?

What? Like a superhero? I'm pajama man! Like the greatest American hero. I would literally wear this was a set up. I got one year in a stand up. This is exactly what happened. I got one year in a stand up and I was still learning the ropes. I would say you still are.

Yeah, sure. I've still got them underneath here right now. So what I would do, I did a year of stand-up and then I went, okay, I don't like any of those jokes. I'm going to do something else. And then what I did like was all the short one-liner jokes. So I backwards manufactured what I was going to do. I then went, how am I going to read out all these one-liners

because I've got a bad memory. I can't remember 20 jokes to go out there and do five minutes. So what I did was I would have all this. By the way, let's not just graze over that detail. Right? Five minutes. I couldn't remember my five minutes. And he's saying, this was back when I just started.

You still like that now. Anyway. Let's get back to the original problems And we can deal with my present problems later This was worth getting up at 5am And flying to another city for I have to say We could have been talking about the harbour bridge Or the opera house but anyway

Let's talk about my Melbourne based problems So I then went Right how am I going to remember how to do all those jokes I know I'll write them all down as a set list But how am I going to be able to check my set list all the time? I know. I'll put them in a book. How am I going to be allowed to check a book all the time? I know. I'll dress

in pajamas and pretend it's like a sleepy bedtime story. There it is. There's our leap, right? That's our leap. This is like a heist movie where they finally crack it. It's like, we can sneak in through the air vent. The great thing about it is it doesn't work at all. That's a fair point.

That's a fair point. Yeah, that is a fair point. So this is what would happen. I would walk out on stage and I would say, hey, I have a lot of crazy thoughts and I'm going to bed at night. Or something like that. I don't say that. Oh, my God.

This is so delicious. Keep feeding me, Carl. Daddy's hungry. I would have a lot of thoughts. But you know what? They probably sound weird out of context. So what I want to do is I want to bring you back into the context. I will dress like I am at night when I'm in bed, if that's cool with you,

and I'll read from my little bedtime diary that I keep on the side of my bed. That's an alien describing pyjamas. Dress how I am at night, in bed. I would dress how I am at night. Welcome to the stage, John Lithgow in Third Rock from the Sun. What was the book called?

It was just like my... It's called Wrong Career Choice. Good thing YouTube doesn't exist yet. A prop I'll be marked for in years. It was called a lot of ideas to distract from ropeable materials. That's long. That's long.

That's good for kids. Kids would like that. I would then come on. I would do my little intro like that, and then I would take my clothes off to have very flamboyant ladies' pyjamas that I bought at Peter Alexander, which is a pyjama chain here. Were they actually ladies' pyjamas? Did they look, was that meant to be a joke?

Well, it was just so that people wouldn't, I actually bought an original pair of pyjamas, but people would go, what, is that like a, is that Axl Rose's flannelette that he's tied around his waist? Right, right. It sort of looked a bit like just bad clothes. The ones you used had little sausage dogs on them or whatever. They had love hearts on them. They were silky love heart pajamas.

Okay, so anyway, let's not interrupt. You were doing stand-up reading from a nighttime storybook in lady pajamas. Yeah, yeah. Let's keep walking the dog. This all made perfect sense to you For those of you just jumping in Carl used to read from a book on stage And lady PJs

Because he couldn't remember his jokes Alrighty Okay and off we go And this is easier than just learning the jokes you say Seems more expensive I'll say that Hey look when I would do that Imagine someone doing that.

So you're already laughing at the audio of doing that. Now imagine seeing the visual of that happening. But let's say this, Peter Alexander, for our listeners that may not know, it's a pretty expensive store. It's not cheap nightwear. You're a year into comedy. That shopping experience. Looking to get something for the wife?

No, actually, I'm a comedian. I'm going to be wearing these. And while I've got you, is this funny? I am looking to get... Sorry, I forgot it. I am looking to get something for the wife, and she is exactly my size. We have the same body shape.

She's as funny. She has a lot of my jokes written on her sleeves as well, if you can embroider them in in case I forget my book. Looking for something for the wife? funny. She has a lot of my jokes written on her sleeves as well. Embroidered them in in case I forget my book. Looking for something for the wife? Well, I've been seeing this girl for a year at that point and I think pretty soon I am going to pop the question. You know what? I started going out with my girlfriend right when

that happened. Well, Carl, how could she resist? I mean, she sees you up there, king of the stand-up stage. Honestly. She's already got the pajamas for when I stay over. Yeah, she's already got my pajamas. I have the exact same pajamas. Hey, I wouldn't mind sleeping with you. Really?

We have sex? No, no, no. I just want to wear what you're wearing. No, I'm trying to buy your outfits. Oh. I started going out. I just realized my first date with her was her coming to see me do stand-up. And I did the pajamas. Oh, no. You made her come to a gig on my first date with her was her coming to see me do stand-up. And I did the pajamas.

You made her come to a gig on your first date? You're that guy. Sort of. You've been sitting on that this whole time we've been doing this show that you're that guy. First date. No, well, you know what? Well, look.

You were in the blood and you wanted to kind of over the top it. So you're like, come watch Daddy at Dojo. Come watch the sensei I'll come and show you my closer this will close the deal someone was telling me a while ago a friend of mine was on a date with someone and they were at a bar

and there was like an open mic night or something happening in the corner and they weren't paying much attention they're having a drink and this guy just in the middle just goes oh just like on the stage they read out a name. People start clapping, and he goes, I'll be one sec. And he gets up, and he registered himself for the open mic night, not told her, and then just pisses off midway through the day.

Like smoke bombs her to just go, hey, turn around, and I think you'll see, gets up and does a set, and apparently was no good. She contemplated just leaving while he was on stage. She's like, this is a weird thing to do. The gig's no good. I've got an easy out here. I can just leave. What was he wearing?

I got a beard fault. Did he have pajamas on? No, that's his problem. Yeah, exactly. It's scuba suit. It's all subliminal. I want to sleep with this guy. He looks like he's sleeping. Did you never think to put your jokes in chunks? So you break them down into groups and then they naturally flow into each other.

So you do five jokes and five jokes and you memorize them five at a time. So you get the five chunks and then you put them on the pajamas. Yeah, okay. This is a good idea. Is that what you mean? That's good advice.

Chunks of five on each sleeve. Right, okay. You're going to be spending more on embroidery, but at the end of the day, I think you'll have a tighter set. Is that what you mean? That's good advice. Shucks of five on each sleeve. Right. Okay. You're going to be spending more on embroidery, but at the end of the day, I think you'll have a tighter set. See you later, Dave. See you later, buddy. Okay.

We just flew to Sydney to do a podcast with Dave Anthony. He's had enough. I mean, it takes a lot to walk out of your own room. That's how little fun he's had. So she comes to see you do a gig. This is your first date. Yeah. How does this come up?

Well, look, I sort of didn't ask her to do that. All good answers start with look. Look. Fuck you. So she, on our actual first date, this was sort of a really good, it was a second date maybe. Because on the first date, she turned up an hour late. You've told me about this.

Yeah, yeah. Right. She turned up an hour late and I'm sitting there for an hour and it's just continual waiters coming up to me going, are you okay? Are you – and then I'm going, I'm waiting for someone. I'm waiting for a date. And they're like, cool, yeah, cool.

I've asked you four times. You know what's weird? We're called waiters and we're worried about you. And you're in the pajamas so that you've got an excuse to have the book and have all your cool date topics of conversation. How did you meet her in the first place? In the crib. He met in the crib.

They met in the nursery. She was selling me pajamas at Peter Alexander and she went, this guy sounds like he's got a lot of good ideas. At work. We work together. Oh, okay. So then we went to, yeah, like I said, I waited for an hour.

People were like, the waiter literally came up at the end and was like going, okay, what do you want to do here? How do you want to handle this? You need a lot of bread? We actually have a suicide room for just this kind of occurrence. We can get you a loaded gun. Yeah, yeah. Bullets for one. Because there's a lot of people waiting for tables. We actually have a suicide room for just this kind of occurrence. We can get you a loaded gun. Bullets for one.

Because there's a lot of people waiting for tables. And I've just been sitting there drinking water for an hour. And it's like, okay, look, we're going to have to be real here. You're going to have to leave. If someone doesn't turn up in the next five minutes, you're going to have to leave. I'm like, oh, man. Do you know who I am? I'm the nighttime PJ comic. Do you have any idea

what you're throwing out of your establishment? This is Carl Zzzz Chandler. I'm like Louis C.K., but Louis ZZ. Delete your account. She turns up. Dave, you want to get up again?

That's the end of the podcast. We had a good time, guys. Thanks for coming. Thanks, Ronnie Chang. Should we do another? We should do another Ronnie Chang. But then she shows up. She shows up.

To be continued. We've got to go to a break. We've got to throw to an ad break here. We've got our sponsors. We'll do this quickly. Quickly. Live read. Hey, Tommy.

Do you like cutting edge and hilarious American political satire? I sure do. Well, why not tune in to The Daily Show in Australia? It's Tuesday to Friday, 11.25pm on Fetch TV or at comedycentral.com.au or in the US, Monday to Thursday, 11pm on Comedy Central Hulu or comedycentral.com or on the app. Isn't our hilarious and generous friend from Melbourne Ronnie Chang on that

show? He sure is. He's the best. You can find him at RonnieChang.com and on Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat at at Ronnie Chang. I love him. And guess what I am? Let me guess, a stupid fuck face? I sure am. And what better way to enjoy comedy on TV and

live than with a nice cold cold, refreshing Singtow beer. Always drink Singtow responsibly. Singtow beer, lead the pack. I'm going to Japan tomorrow, even though I couldn't afford the flight to Sydney to do this podcast. My decision-making and priorities are not great. Fucking hell. How's it possible for Ronnie to be the funniest person on the podcast?

I kicked over a glass of water while I was leaning over to read that. That's fine. It's just like 30 bucks. What Ronnie doesn't know is that your mommy and daddy are paying for the trip. Hopefully. Yeah. Defend yourself with that. Ronnie, it's not what you think.

Yeah. Yeah, well, we haven't got onto that. Dave's left again. Dave leaves. Dave will come and go as he pleases. Right. Sort of like a house cat. Oh, he's getting... He's getting a towel for me to mop up.

He's getting a beach towel for Tommy to clean up his mess. He was going to come to Australia and go to the beach but now he's using all these towels to mop up Tommy's mess. Well, he doesn't need the water. So, you're an hour into the day. No, let's go back to this very quickly. Let's finish the thread. As an offshoot, you are going to Japan tomorrow with your mum

and dad. Yes. So, that's going to be a lot of fun. Carl, you're going all in on Tommy's story, huh? No, no, no, no, no. This is just an offshoot. I bought some delicious silky pyjamas for me to wear while I'm over there. They do like that. That's great. They do like that.

Yeah, I'm going with my folks. You're Chandler-ing it? You're taking your parents over? Chandler-ing it. Two weeks with your parents in Japan. I'm going solo for a couple of days in the middle. What does that mean?

He's going to a whorehouse, Dave. Don't make him spell it out. Oh, Tommy does a hello six o'clock. Wow. He went in on the accent. Yes. Welcome to the show Mickey Rooney from Breakfast at Tiffany's. That wasn't Mickey Rooney. We do accents on the dollop.

Oh, you're allowed to be racist. Sorry, we didn't know. Are the Irish ones racist? It's the same. Yeah. Yeah, it's just covering your face in boot polish. It's a tribute. Why are you so angry?

See? Yeah. I mean, I kind of don't understand a little bit. Like, I think in any country, you should be able to try the accent, right? Sure. I mean, even if it's a bad accent. When people do bad English accents, you're like, hey, fuck you from England.

Totally. It is weird. Like Irish and Scottish, you're still allowed. It's like carte blanche to just go on as much as you want. Yeah. Everything else is kind of off limits. French? French, yeah.

Italian? You can do Italian? Yeah. And also, there's off limits. French? French, yeah. Italian? You can do Italian? And also there's that thing of like, you know, I don't want to get too white Australia, but where you go, if you're imitating someone from Asia, it's like, oh, you can't do that. It's like, they're the boss. They're sort of running the world. There's more Asian people than there is anything else. So it's not like you're offending the minority there.

You're offending the majority. Right. So these silk pyjamas you had there print the Australian flag. He's got his whites-only pyjamas on. All I'm saying is they're doing fine. They're doing real good. They're doing better than us. Hey, look.

The Asians are doing fine. Hey, they're sponsoring this. North Korea becomes a teardrop. They're sponsoring this show. They're doing good. They are. Actually, that was the wrong show for me to take a swing at that, honestly. They are.

The Asians are on The Daily Show now. Like, they've won. Yeah. Yeah, actually, Ronnie Chang's the only person you're allowed to really imitate. The Daily Show was the final frontier for Asians. For years, they've been wanting to get in there. And we tried to keep them out as long as we could. We tried to build a wall.

I don't know what happened. That's the Asian glass window. The glass ceiling, sorry. No, the glass window. Yeah, the glass window. We broke through it! You shouldn't have! Ah!

We're all bleeding! That was the ceiling we're aiming for. You've just gone sideways. So wait, what are you going to do on your two days where you're swinging a bachelor? I'm staying in Osaka for a couple of days and then going to Kyoto. So after two weeks with your parents,

you're going to be obviously visiting that famous suicide forest in Japan? Yes. That is on the cards for the end of the trip. Carl's in there waiting for a date she should be turning up

any minute now we're gonna have to ask you to leave the suicide forest if you're not gonna order anything

well I have to say this is a new low I really this is unbelievable I don't know if you guys have this saying

shit or get off the pot over there oh yeah neck yourself or get out of the forest fuck in six

months time let's see if we can get Ronnie to pay for us to fly to the suicide forest. I think he'll have no problem paying for that.

Absolutely. At least he'll know that's it. There's no more handouts after that. And also, it's one way. It is. Yeah, that's true.

That's not round true. No luggage, no baggage fees. I mean, there's a lot of baggage. Imagine if we could somehow trick him into making it return and then we get to go, you stupid fuck.

God damn it! Imagine you're the sort of people that get there and you're complaining about the trip on the way over. Oh, we couldn't get a good sleep. Let's look up the suicide forest on TripAdvisor. What kind of reviews do you think it's got? How was the flight? It was terrible, honestly.

I really, I just, I don't want to kill myself anymore. Honestly, the food was bad. I'm not in the mood to kill myself anymore. I went into this forest. I knew what to expect. I thought I knew what to expect. I came out with a newfound lust for life. This is fucking bullshit.

This is better than American Air that we caught on the way over here. I'd planned my whole life around ending it on this trip. I told my boss to go fuck himself. I'd rooted my girlfriend's sister. Now I'm happy and I've got to come back and deal with all this. Speaking of Suicide Forest, anyway, my first date. Yes, okay, cool. So my future girlfriend, let's just call her a girl at the time.

Let's spoil the end of the story. Sorry. We're deep in it. We don't know if this is going to work out. So Bruce Willis turns up and no one can hear him and so this lady appears in the alleyway

and shoots both your parents and you're like hey want to go out sometime it would be amazing if like the Bruce Wayne story just to he starts podcasting well

that's the new thing like I've heard this talked about a lot but every new Batman movie they do they have to show the origin it's like we get it we know how Batman started

I seriously thought on the flight over I watched ten minutes of Batman vs. Superman for some reason and I was the same. I'm like, dude, for the love of God. Yeah. I mean, put it in the credits or just make it an option. You know what? Let's just teach it in school from now on.

Yeah, I mean, you should know this shit. It's almost as unnecessary as showing you how to buckle a seatbelt on a plane to be like, so his parents were both killed in front of him. There's a rose and it really damaged him. Now he loves bats. But what if they... That would be a ballsy interpretation.

Some new director takes it on and they just fuck up the origin and do all this wild new shit with it. That would be great. Or they live and then it's just him in the house. Are you in the cave still? Shut up! Are you masturbating in there? No, I'm not.

I'm working on a gadget for the last fucking thing. This bitch. Yeah, yeah. God, I wish that guy just shot him in the alley and I just put a rose there once a year. Okay, Bruce, you're always working on your gadget. Oh, shut up. Oh, my God.

And then he can't tell him he's Batman. No, he's Batman. See, now, Bruce, if you could clean up your act, it'd be a little more like this Batman. Oh, God. Or a Batman movie Where in that world Some of the Batman movies From our world exist

Yeah So like the Tim Burton ones exist Not the Nolan ones So he's like Jerking it over Sexy Catwoman In Batman Returns I'm gonna copy

What this guy does Hey look I don't wanna be controversial Just keep your powder clean boys You've just told us before That you're gonna do A couple of podcasts With Will Anderson later on.

So I've got a feeling you'll be talking about this later. That's right. We should steer clear of all bad men. That's fair. That's a fair point. I feel like we've committed some sort of crime. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like we killed Will's parents in front of him, and now he's going to be pod man. We get a text. Will's like, yeah, don't come over. Don't come over. What would we talk about? Back to our wheelhouse. Rocky relationship with girlfriends

and mooching off your parents. And suicide forest. And not being able to get a fucking sentence out. Yes. So, anyway, we were there. My future girlfriend and I were there. So she turns up. So she shows up. Yeah, she finally turns up an hour late. I get to go. Does she have a good excuse?

Right before you leave the table, like minutes before? Yeah, it was right on there. He's got the shotgun loaded, cocked against your head. All these happy couples are waiting, winding up to sit at my seat. When she walked in, did the waiter walk over and go, he's pathetic? No, no, no.

He had 15 waters. I gave it a bit of, well, here we go. No, no, no. He had 15 waters. I gave it a bit of, well, here we go. See, I told you. I told you she was real. You just waited an hour. I would have left after a half hour. Absolutely.

But you worked with her, which is a little weirder. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Can I say? Exactly. Is there any contact in this hour? Are you getting any, oh, I'm sorry, I'm just the trains. Sorry, I don't really care about you.

I'm out with real friends running late. Yeah. Are you being strung along like, oh, I'm only 10 minutes away or are you literally sitting there for an hour

with no contact? I, a half hour in. I go a half hour. Is that fair? What's the rule with waiting for someone? I would get, I'd get to 15 minutes

and I'd give it a bit of time. But 15 minutes on the first date, you sort of like, you don't want to be too pushy. It depends on if there's, if there's nothing within a half hour, I'm get to 15 minutes and I'd give it a bit of... But 15 minutes on the first date, you sort of like, you don't want to be too pushy. It depends on if there's nothing within a half hour, I'm starting to get my things together. What I start to do if it's 10, 15 in, which is like,

okay, this is now getting into late territory. I do a bit of a, oh, hey, I'm here. I've got a table. I'm just up the back. Because that's just a, you're subtly saying, I'm here. Where the fuck are you? You're not here, you're late.

Yeah. And also giving them the opportunity to go, because I've done that to someone before and they've been like, oh fuck, I actually forgot,

I'm down the street now, I'll be, you know what I mean? Like it's a little passive aggressive little, so that's what I do 15 in. What I would do is I would order food,

like a steak, and then just start eating and when she finally came, instead of saying anything, just keep putting food in my mouth and going, mmm, and never say a word to her. I thought you were going to go with just get up and leave her the bill.

I am married. I get to put my stuff in a lady all the time. Oh, boy. He doesn't just mean penis. He means any. All kinds of stuff. Any stuff I want that's around the house. Yeah, just any stuff.

You just don't have a garage. Everybody's downsizing, Carl. Come on. You have to make compromises. I've been stored in before. Are you a doomsday prepper? Is that your secret? Honey, get the soups!

This is the last place the zombies will look. Oh, no, I hit it in her brain! Foolish man! So, I hit it in her brain. Foolish man. So half an hour in, what I've gone with, half an hour in, I've gone with a bit of, hey, I got the right time. Did I say 2.30 or whatever it was? Very good. And she says, yeah, yeah, cool.

I'm just getting ready. Oh, what? Yeah, and I know that she does not live near this place. So I'm like, oh. Sounds creepy. Well, I spend a lot of time in the bushes. I know exactly where she lives. And the camera says, yes, she is getting ready.

No, well, it's not like I've gone up to someone. I know. You've tried on six outfits already. I mean, take your time, dear. Take your time. It's not like I've gone up to someone on the street and gone, I don't know who you are or where you live. You come and eat with me now.

I know some detail about it. That's a good tactic, though. That is a great tactic. Well, we'll try that next time. Let's try that here in Sydney. Yeah, yeah. So she's just getting ready. She's just getting ready.

So that's why I know for the next half an hour, I've got some time to wait. So I'm waiting for her. It comes to an hour. I've now had a half an hour to think about why the fuck did she not leave why was she getting ready when it was a half an hour in so I'm furious

I couldn't be any madder agree and she turns up and it becomes the worst first date because she's going oh yeah what have you been up to

and I'm like nothing waiting yeah oh yeah so what did you do before that not much do you want to get a coffee?

No. See, I would say if you knew you were going to have that attitude when she got there that late, you should have just left long ago. Yeah. If you're not going to be able to pull it together when they get there and override that. Yeah. Like why stay to just be here?

I mean, I'm saying this. Hey, it worked out. Yeah. What do I know? She'll be back. I don't have a lot of dates. I didn't know how I'm supposed to act., it worked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do I know? She'll be back. I don't have a lot of dates. I didn't know how I'm supposed to act.

I thought that was good. Oh, no, I'm just happy to see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm happy for someone to sit at the same table as me. Yeah, girl. Hey, this is coming from a guy who at the time thinks it's a good idea to dress in pyjamas and get on stage. Fair point, fair point. You are no catch.

Yeah, yeah. So I... Why wasn't she three hours late? I'd made a big effort. I'm there in my street clothes. I'm there in my plain clothes civvies. So she doesn't recognize you because she used to see you in pajamas.

She doesn't know PJ Chandler's in the house. See, I look different from on my posters, so she barely... Maybe she'd be walking around the restaurant for half an hour recognizing me. She probably had been. I didn't see any pajamas. I went home. Stop. Are there posters? No, no. my posters. Maybe she'd be walking around the restaurant for half an hour recognizing me. I didn't see any pajamas. I went home.

Are there posters? No, no. There is literally no... There's no record of this? I don't think there is. I'm going to do a call out. Someone we know will post some photos. Because I know someone who does. Send it. Post it.

Please. If I post on Facebook now, do you reckon I'll get something from someone by the time we're finished recording? It's a great thing to find out. I think it's a great thing we should find out. Look, don't do it now. I'll provide someone with it.

It's important that we do it now. It's more of an experiment. It's an experiment. Let's see what kind of power Tommy has. Yeah, okay. Keep going while I post this. Considering how long ago this is, maybe if you get on your MySpace page and put a shout out. Friends start up. Yeah. Okay. Keep going while I post this. Considering how long ago this is, maybe if you get on your MySpace page

and put a shout out. Friends start up. Yeah. So I go on the date. Yeah. I'm just very crabby the whole time. I'm very mad. Ugh.

Duh. I'm so mad. So we walk out of the date. She goes in to kiss me on the cheek and I just keep walking. See ya. Handshake. Wow.

See ya later. How long was the date? Wow. Oh, maybe. Nine, ten minutes. Yeah. No, I think it was. An hourake. See ya later. How long was the date? Maybe. Nine, ten minutes. Yeah. No, I think it was. An hour?

I don't know. I think it was coffee. So it was probably, you know, half an hour or something like that. So I just take off out of there. I am furious. As it turns out, it's actually worked in a way because she's gone,

oh, this guy. It's like I've read the game. You're Batman. It's like you invented the game. Yeah. I just played it super cool. She actually, in hindsight. Well, I don't know if you played it super cool.

It sounded like you were a little bit of a bitch. It feels like nothing you did at this time was super cool. But that is a good move. Instead of being like, oh, no, it was great. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she probably got home and looked it up in the game and went, there's nothing about pajamas in here.

There's nothing about any of this behavior. Yeah, they updated it. This is dual gaming, though, because she's gamed you by making you wait an hour. You've stuck around. Then you've reversed gamed her on the way out. You took her hand back. But in hindsight, what I found out is that she is just super late

and takes ages to do anything. So in her defense, she wasn't gaming me. And then she didn't know, she sort of didn't realize what I'd done. I think she'd behave like this to everyone, and they'd put up with it. She's copped me, and I've gone, fuck this. I'm not doing this. I'm not even talking to you during this date. I'm doing shows in pajamasjamas In front of ten people

And Nate Baby So then What happened was basically I just went Well I'm writing this one off This is no good She hasn't cared enough

To bother turning up Within an hour Of the organised time Don't worry about this Can I ask you if you remember Before this When had your last date With a lady been

That's a bad story Were you informed at the time? Like, are you a little bit like, I can let this one go. I'm doing all right for myself at the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I was doing all right. Yeah?

Really? Yeah. I think I was doing... What's the weirdest place you've made whoopee? Up the bum. So at this point, no woman you dated has seen you do stand-up? No, I don't think so. Okay, so you probably are doing okay.

No, no, just before this. This is the actual thing. I was sort of seeing two girls at the same time. This is good stuff. But just very casually seeing two girls, right? And at once, in the same room together. It was cool. Wow. That's not once, uh, in the same room together, it was cool. No,

uh, it was, that's not real. I feel like the room believed that. It's an alien describing a threesome. Two girls in one room with a man. Yeah. So,

I put it in one and then I put it in the other and then they did stuff to each other. They fed each other for hours. Just, just before this happened, just before this happened, I was, I was seeing, I was sort of seeing this girl,

and she brought along her sister, and they both came to see my stand-up show, right? You dirty dog. So the next night, right? And I was watching this. I could see them because it was quite a small room. I could see them, and the sister was loving it, and the girl I was seeing was not loving it.

And the next night, the sister who was loving it came back and brought friends, did not bring back that other girl. The girl I was seeing did not come back. Wow! Yeah. Did you, anything with the sister? No, no. But her sister was a twin.

Dude, you're living a Seinfeld plot. I mean, honest to God. Yeah, it was – yeah, anyway. So anyway, that's a subplot. Anyway, so then – so not long after that, I started seeing – I went on this date. So then this girl has sort of gone, oh, wow, he's playing it way too cool or whatever it is. But then was more interested. Yes.

And so then came up to me at work and went, oh, I'd like to come and see your stand-up show one time. I'm like, okay. It starts on time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I brought her along. Is the apocalypse coming? What just happened in here? Yeah, everything went really dark.

It's like apocalypto. This story actually gets better, not worse. For some reason, the lighting has gone the opposite way. That's a sign that I'm about to get sent the photo. Yeah. It's a sign from God that the PJ photo is incoming. I've posted the status, by the way, so now we're just... It feels like someone's given us the opposite of the light

to wrap things up. Keep going. What is this? They just gave us the dark. It's God cutting off the oxygen. All right. Wrap it up, everyone. Wrap it up, guys.

Say goodbye to your people. Drink your beers. Got to get moving. Not just the podcast. Just everything. You got to leave Earth. people, drink your beers, gotta get moving. Not just the podcast, just everything.

You gotta leave Earth. So she came along to a show that I did, right? And it was one of the first times I'd done the PJs. Because when I talked before about the two girls that came along that wasn't PJ days. In between then Pre-PJs. Pre-PJs.

PJBC. This is PJAD now. I wish people could see the look on Dave's face. It's half jet lag and half, what the fuck have I done? I don't think we've mentioned this. You guys are basically an hour off the plane from the States doing this. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're coked up. Yeah. And I'm not helping with this story, so. I want your PJs. Yeah. You're actually in bed now. Keep going, Carl.

I haven't slept much on the flight. Just so you know, this isn't the jet lag. This story has taken half an hour so far. Okay, it has, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I am now at the point, I'm wondering how Carl has ever had sex. It's hard in a onesie.

Don't worry, I had a hole for my dick. So. It's hard in a onesie. Don't worry, I had a hole for my dick. But meanwhile, I'm taking girls home going, you can't wear these, by the way. You have to wear nothing. That's how it works. These are way too expensive. Let me just steam these and I'll be in bed. I have a show tomorrow.

So, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny that I'm taking girls home and then not wearing that. Because it's like, this, yeah, yeah. That's funny that I'm taking girls home and then not wearing that because it's like, this is my work gear. Don't you want to see the man behind the clock? Yeah, yeah. So, she comes along to the show.

It just happens that it is set up for me. Someone pulls out. I get to headline the gig. So, I already look good by going on last. Not look good. It's a better situation. Seem good. Right, yeah. The PJs are on. Yeah, yeah. So, by going on last uh it looked good well it's a better situation good right yeah yeah the pjs are on yeah yeah so i go on the room's good the room's really good already i come on and i go amazingly it's the best gig i've ever done at this point i look like the best you know she's never been to stand up before i destroyed right are you in the pajamas i am in

the pajamas okay of course yeah destroyed You heard that he destroyed, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I used to have a rule. I can't imagine what rule you have when you're wearing pajamas. I had one rule. Be insane. This is at a time, because you're one year and there's a lot of comedy competitions. You know, when you start out

you do a lot of amateur comedy competitions where there's prize money coming in. I used to do the competitions because people would have to remember who the comedians were when it comes to the end of the night, who to vote for. People always remember.

That's so true. That, I used to say, hey, can't beat the PJs. This is the greatest thing I've ever heard. No, but that's why I did my first two years and just cut offs. So to literally get to the end of any competition and they'd go, oh, the PJ guy.

That looked funny. That's amazing. Let's vote for him. Can't forget the PJs. I'm Carl Chandler. Take care, everybody. But literally, I would get to competitions and I would win and they'd go, oh.

And I'd go, sorry, can't beat the PJs. Can't beat the PJs. Sorry, guys. Yeah, that's the rule. That's my rule. Carl's the PJs. Can't beat the PJs. Sorry, guys. Yeah, that's the rule. That's my rule. Carl's here. Is he wearing PJs? Yeah, go home, guys.

Go home. They've already got it. Well, I guess, what's, yeah. I'd be there. Carl's here. Oh, I wonder what second place pays. So you walk off stage. He's like,

that was the best thing I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah. That was the best thing she'd ever seen in stand-up slash the only thing she'd ever seen. Right. Is that? We call that because of the story. Yeah, yeah, that was the best thing she'd ever seen in stand-up slash the only thing she'd ever seen. Right. We call that because of the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good story alert.

We were begging for anything exciting. So, yeah, that night I drive her home. Yeah, you do. And then you drive her home. Yeah, well, not quite. You were the man of her dreams. Yeah, you do. And then you drive her home. Yeah, well, not quite. You were the man of her dreams. Yeah, literally. Is this the first time she got finger banged by a guy in pajamas?

This is the thing. I'm so deep in this story that I want to be asking questions, but I know your girlfriend and I feel I can't. We can be vicious, but you have to be sweet. What I would ask is, yeah, how far did you get? You guys, on my behalf. Did you have a wet dream in the car? Did you have a nocturnal admission, Carl?

Bit of nature's Milo. Mr. Sandman. Yes. Finger me, please. Boom, boom, boom, boom. That's not sleep in your eye. Oh, Jesus. How long have you been together now?

Over nine years. Yeah, take your time. Have we talked about that before on the show? I have two questions. Did you drive home in the PJs? No. Great answer. Did you guys hook up at all at the end of this?

Did you give her a goodnight kiss? I mean, it's date number two, so there's a little hooking up. Literally kiss. I didn't go for the let's go in because I knew I was wearing pajamas underneath my clothes. Sorry. I want to go back to my first question real quick because I think my first question got lost a little bit.

My question wasn't did you have a main outfit on and then pajamas on? Did you have the pajamas on at this point? And the answer is yes. Okay, that's the wrong answer. Why wouldn't you change? Why wouldn't you take those off?

When you get off stage, do you go into the bathroom and put your clothes back on or do you just put them on off on the side of the stage? It's a puzzling move. It starts, I walk on stage with the pajamas underneath. Every gig at this time that I would go to, I would wear pyjamas underneath. It's just an insane thing to hear. I love

his logic too. I'm in the pyjamas, so it was weird to ask to go into a house into bed. This has just so altered your perception of what pyjamas mean and what they represent. I was in my workout fit. I couldn't go in the house. I get pyjamas everywhere. It's like sleeping in a pair of overalls. It's bizarre. Well, goodnight. I was in my work outfit. I couldn't go in the house. I'd get pajamas everywhere.

It's like sleeping in a pair of overalls. It's bizarre. Well, good night. I'm going to put on my farmer outfit and go to bed. I was going to get in bed with high-vis clothes on, you know? So, yeah, I would go to gigs. I would wear them underneath so no one would suspect a thing. I'd walk outside.

I'd do that. Insane. Would you ever run into anyone on the street like before a gig and they'd be like hey Carl how you

are you wearing pajamas underneath that shirt yeah because you would see a little lick of pink love heart coming out a lick of pink yeah yeah

that's what the first date should be called and it's like that wow and you've got that so it's like you're pretty bulky looking yes

because people are like it's because his head doesn't look like it. Then all of a sudden he's like, got real mass. Trying out for a football franchise. Yeah, yeah. I'm actually wearing a lot of clothes on just to cover up for the fact that there are pyjamas on the net. You are sweating. Yeah, I have a gig. I had to put on nine shirts because I'm wearing pyjamas.

I'm late. I'll see you guys later. Good to catch up. Literally, one of the major reasons I stopped doing it, because the pyjamas would kill. It would,'ll see you guys later. Good to catch up. Literally, one of the major reasons I stopped doing it, because the pyjamas would kill. Like I said, can't beat the PJs. So, I would get... Don't you go back into your taglines.

Like I said, like my thesis pointed out, can't beat the PJs. I stopped, a lot of people would say, what did you stop? You said after you smooched your girlfriend for the first time, did you pull back and go, can't beat the PJs? After the first time you had sex, you light up a cigarette, can't beat the PJs. I love that this is probably your greatest night to date

and you're walking home with pajamas underneath your clothes. And the fact that I'm going to maybe one day tell this story at a wedding. I was going to say, when you do propose, you've got to get a ring made up out of the fabric of the pajamas. And at your wedding, you have to wear PJs underneath the tux. Yes!

It'll be like... Everyone there wears pajamas. It'll be like a party at the Playboy Mansion. F's here. Hey, bunnies. Who wants to make BJs into PJs? Come on. Line forms to the left. Why is there no line?

Puzzling. PJs with a bow tie down the aisle. Oh, wow. Well, congratulations. So one of the reasons why I stopped doing it, I did this for three months and it would kill. It would honestly cream Every time I did it

So then Don't say cream In this context Don't say it ever I tried to really run The next words Into that quickly But you found a spot there

My gigs would come so hard My act was a squirter Yeah My comedy was spooktacular So yeah Anyway My jokes are up the bar. No babies.

My routine did not wear a condom. So, anyway, I got to the end of like three months and it would go really well. I stopped doing it. You know why? I know why. You saw into the future. You saw this happening. You just went by a mirror and you're like, I'm not a comic.

I'm fucking punching You saw this happening. You just went by a mirror and you were like, I'm not a comic. I'm fucking punching Judy at this point. Yeah, I'm glad my stand-up shows are so much more normal these days. Yeah, that's true. Last time you guys saw me do stand-up, I hired you to come in

and yell at me. Why wear a weird uniform where you can just get people to come in and do half the show for you? Way cheaper. Not a lot of people outsource their acts.

You do 50 minutes, I'll do 50 minutes. So, I stopped doing the pajamas because it started to run into summer and it was just

getting too fucking hot to be going to gigs. None of us saw that coming as the reason, did we? Nope. Nope. Didn't think it would be

a heat issue. I figured that the reason you stopped doing it was because of shame. Yeah. I thought the reason, did we? Nope. Nope. Didn't think it would be a heat issue. I figured that the reason you stopped doing it was because of shame. Yeah. I thought the reason could have been literally any other reason except body temperature. Someone told you what was going on. You saw a comedian.

I don't know what it could have been. Many things. Many things could have changed you. So let me ask you this. So she comes and sees you do the gig. I saw a comedian. Oh, that's what they are. That's how we met.

You saw me doing a gig in street clothes. You're like, this guy's got it worked out. Street clothes Daslo, right? No, just Tommy. I just noticed your outfit. Obviously you got a bit. Weird angle you got going on there. Weird angle.

What is that, regular stuff? Where do you buy that? Which ladies shop do you get those shoes from? No, I saw Dazzle Do stand up and go, oh, that's comedy. I quit. I'm going back to graphic design. If that's what comedy is, I want no parts of it. Shut the fuck up, Captain Snooze.

So let me ask you this. The day after you do this gig, you kill, this girl has seen you, you're like, so then presumably because I presume this gig was middle of the week. No, it was a Friday night. Right, because I was going to say, well then Monday at work because you worked with her. Is she going around the office like, hey man,

I saw this guy. I saw him do stuff and he's fucking great. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know exactly because I wasn't on the end of that. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Did you ever consider one of those like old time sleepy hats? Yes. Yes, I did go and ask if they had one. You know what? You should have totally one of those old time sleepy hats? Yes. Yes, I did go and ask if they had one.

You know what? You should have totally in between jokes gone. Yeah. Oh, no, I had music as well. Yes. I've got to say. You had jazz music. You have a bunch of little figurines floating above the crowd so they could look up and be like, oh, look at the shiny shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at the end of my set, I would then just wobble like it had been a dream. Yeah. That was how we met. You asked me to come and do a gig with you and I had to sit sort of like above the stage in the lighting rig with a big log

just kind of sawing it in half just to get the effect over the line. You were Log Boy. I remember now. Log Boy and PJ's Chandler, one night only. Not in a good way. Live from the suicide forest. Oh, God.

Should we do a quick break? We've actually got two more ads. Oh, right. Okay, let's do a... Hey, Carl, you know what would be great? You getting your life together? Yes, but also a nice, cold, refreshing Qingdao beer. It's a very...

Singtao? Is it Singtao? It's Qingdao. It's a very underrated light beer that goes well with food or on its own. Remember, though... Always drink Singtao responsibly. Also, I love writing jokes on paper. What better way to do it than with an original Fisher Space pen?

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You know it. Well, why don't you get a short charging cable from Nomad? They have the best company charging cables on the market. Oh, I've heard of them. They also sell really great looking leather phone cases. You can visit them at hellonomad.com. Once again, this podcast was brought to you by ronnychang.com and on Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat at atronnychang.

Now, hang on, The ad hasn't finished. Oh. How long have you guys been in advertising? I'm 40 years old and probably would lose to him in any athletic competition. You sure would and you're sensitive. End of ad. Now, I've got a slight issue with this in that I don't think those products that we just advertised have got anything to do with Ronnie Chang.

I think he's just making us do ads for other people now. Right. I think he's gotten something from them for free once and now this is him trying to give back. He's having a little fun. Yeah. Yeah, he's just fucking with you. Yeah, I'm going to have to read ahead and see what we read in the next ad. Wait, you haven't read any of these? No. I haven't read the last couple.

That's the magic of podcasting, Dave. You keep it fresh. You keep it exciting. Again, you're questioning the logic of someone who's told this story so far this episode. Well, yeah, so I think that was pretty much sort of it. That was the end of my pyjama wearing. And see, this is the thing. So then when it got hot and, you know, three months of people doing a little bit of this, a little bit of like going, fucking hell, pajama boy,

what the fuck are you doing up there? Sure. But like I said, it was killing. But I was just going, how can I do the rest of my life wearing pajamas under my street clothes and going to gigs? You don't want to be that person. No. My buddy used to tell me about a guy who years ago

he would go on the road with who would always wear the same shirt on stage so that he could go, I know what you're thinking. Did Don Ho fuck a luau? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his shirt would stink and he wouldn't be able to wash it all the time. Yeah. Is that possible?

What? For Don Ho to fuck a luau? It was something like that. I can't remember what it was. Is that why you stopped wearing it because of questions like that yeah he was like i don't have an air but so the guy would be like why why don't you just get a different shirt he'd be like oh i mean the opener is a killer i had a shirt is falling apart and smells i mean you can't you can't lose the opener yeah there's a guy that I started out doing comedy with who had similar, but he had a bit for, he had all these novelty shirts.

He, he wrote an opener for every shirt that he had in his wardrobe. So it didn't matter what he was wearing, but he'd get excited. He'd be like, tell me who he is. I'm going to kill him. He's quit.

Tell me who he is. He's since quit. Yeah. Well, that's not enough for me. He, um, he wants him out of earth.

And he, and he would have, you know, obviously they're not all going to be of the exact same quality, all the openers. So wants him out of Earth. And he would have, you know, obviously they're not all going to be of the exact same quality, all the openness, so you'd be at a gig and you'd have a certain one of the shirts on and he'd be like, it's going to be a good one tonight because this is the shirt with the best gag attached to it. He should have had good clothes about his pants.

That's good. Better. I think the best comics always start with, I know what you're thinking. Yes with I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. Why is this guy wearing pajamas? This guy must be real smart. Not only funny, but he's worked us out.

He knows everything about us. He gets it. Have you guys got anything in the tank from when you started doing stand-up? Because everyone's got, even not to that extent, but will some version where they look back and go, oh boy. Very quickly, the way this all ended

was when I quit doing the PJs, when I retired the PJs and literally put them... They're in the hard rock now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Led Zeppelin. Carl's PJs. But they're all pajamas. Led Zeppelin's pajamas.

Led Zeppelin's PJs. It's draped over Ringo's PJs. The Jagger's pyjamas. It's draped over Ringo's drum kit. So I stopped doing it. I'm like, easy. Oh, man, I've been killing for three months. I'm a great comic. So I started going out there with the same jokes without the PJs.

Is this mic working properly tonight, guys? Seriously? Yeah. It didn't work? Because I leaned on those PJs so hard. Because when you're sitting there, you know what? When you're sitting there in pajamas with music going over the top. Were you sitting down?

Yeah, I was sitting down as well. Jesus Christ. Axl Rose himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Sitting. Do you realize you're not describing a comedian? You're describing a clown.

Yes, yeah, yeah. So I've got the music blaring. I've got the PJs, the love heart pink PJs. I've got the book that I'm reading out of. Big Ted's sitting next to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've just looked through the square window. Time for some comedy.

Exactly. So then I – you sort of don't really need to deliver when you're doing that because you've got so many idiotic bells and whistles going on around you. You just need to sort of go, here's this and here's this, and everything else is doing the work. Can't beat the PJs. Yeah, exactly. Like you said.

Yeah, like the great man once said. So I started doing comedy, same jokes, without any of the bells and whistles, just bare bones, just bare backing it, just as me. Sorry, are you saying you were naked? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. Lost the PJs. That was my new gimmick

Were you trying to find clothes to wear in that first gig back That were PJ-ish Just as kind of What was your clothes sir? No it was Delete your account Street clothes Just normal clothes

So I was going out there and just eating shit Because I'm coming out delivering with no delivery. I'm just used to. And when most people say they eat shit, I would think that they were using a metaphor.

But after hearing about your earlier gimmick, I could see you going out there and being like, huh? New bit! At least I'm not sweating. Hey, you've got to be

keeping ordering stuff if you're going to be waiting in that cafe for an hour. Yeah. Bring me some of your shit, I'll just eat that. Please. So what we're learning is that your act sucked.

Yeah. That's fair to say. So then did you have to write all this? We could have saved all this time by just you opening the podcast going, I'm bad at comedy, everyone. There we go. So then you had to write new stuff. Well, like, everyone's always writing new stuff.

Yeah. So I just, well, I had to learn how to tell jokes properly. I had to learn how to do it because I was just going, just punching it, just going, here's this

and then here's this. And I'm like, why isn't anyone laughing? Oh, that's right because I don't look like the fucking stupidest cunt of all time. Yeah, that was it.

And when do you think you will officially learn how to tell jokes properly? Law of averages means it's got to happen soon. I think we've talked about this on the show before, but you've got to do one show like a dumb-dumb thing where you do PJs. You know what? Next live podcast, next big one we do in Melbourne,

I'll bring out the PJs. You still have them. I couldn't bring myself to throw them out because they were so expensive so expensive and all the memories created those are going to be in the dollop hall of fame building because we're going to tell a story about that one

now we have just dollop stand up next big live Melbourne one When there's like a heap of people Because I don't want to do it to Adelaide When there's 12 people there Wait people aren't going to a show in Adelaide? Yeah I know it's a weird thing

It's a really unique thing that we have We're inviting our audience in Adelaide to bring picnics And just sort of have a spread Bring blankets, bring the family. There's room. Yeah. We're inviting our audience to do the same. He said yes.

Yeah. Let's podcast more county fair. Yeah, exactly. You guys want more turkey? All right, we'll keep podcasting. Should we quickly do this last read? Live read? Yes, yes.

Okay, quickly. It can't be better than the last one. Yeah, well, all right. The last one was. Let's try. Okay, here we go. You start. Here we go.

Okay. Hey, Carl, what kind of fan do you use? I don't know. What? No, that's an actual question. I don't have one. Well, why don't you try the Dyson range of bladeless fans and fan slash heaters? I have one and it's pretty damn good.

Sure. Where can I get one? Dyson.com or dyson.com.au. Oh, wow. Really? Really? It's a variety there. What kind of clothes do you wear, Tommy?

Shitty. Well, this is timely. Well, why don't you upgrade your wardrobe with bonobos.com? Bonobos has an awesome

range of classy, stylish, and affordable everyday clothing. Any pyjamas in there? To keep you looking sharp. They have everything you could need,

from shirts and t-shirts to their signature pants and even suits. The Daily Show in Australia, Tuesday to Friday, 11.25pm on Fetch TV or at ComedyCentral.com.au

or in the US, Monday to Thursday, 11pm on Comedy Central, Hulu or ComedyCentral.com or on the app. Right, you can catch our good friend Ronnie Chang on it. Please check out RonnieChang.com and on Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat at Ronnie Chang. What the fuck is Fetch?

I've never heard of that. I don't know what Fetch is. Fetch TV. Why is he advertising Dyson Airblades? There's a lot of questions. Can you even read all these? Dyson Airblades are the things in airport bathrooms and stuff. Well, most bathrooms now.

Ronnie has a big deal with them. Yeah. He has a big deal with them. Can you buy them for the house? No, but he's advertising for huge businesses. Right, right. Yeah, in case Kmart are listening to this. Yeah, that's where you want to get.

I was in an airport bathroom recently. I was pretty fucked from the flight. I think I'd drunk a lot the night before. And I went in. I was kind of like not paying attention. I walked up to a Dyson Airblade, but it was sort of like not far from where the urinals were.

And it's kind of at the same height. And I very nearly just started pissing. I came very close. Which then I wanted to know is a stream of piss going to set off the sensor that starts the Airblade going? And then my piss is just going to spray back in my face.

Why would you not try that? I'm pretty tempted. You have a question. You're sort of a scientist. Sort of. We're going to be back at an airport in an hour's time. Let's try it. That's content. What time is your flight?

Two o'clock. We need to leave now. It's like eleven now. It's crazy. You literally are just here and then you're rolling. And also we came all this way to just tell a story about you. Nothing out of these guys.

These guys flew 13 hours to do this. Well hey, we have a tail end thing, don't we? Do we? For the ads? No, that's the last one. That was the last one. I thought that was the thing you wanted read at the very end of the episode. No, that was it. Oh, okay, right.

Well, we're done. We're free. We're free. This is like Aladdin's final wish being to free the genie at the end. That's great. I did suggest to Ronnie that we then plug his website that's got the – what's the name of the restaurant site that we came up with on this podcast? Oh yeah,

I'm Okay With Anything. I'm Okay With Anything. Dot com. If you go there, it's all like Melbourne eateries. It's his choice of all the best places to eat in Melbourne. I'm going to say a lot of his choices on there, not that good. Yeah, right. I'm not surprised. He did fly you out here. I feel like you have to, at least for this podcast,

keep it positive. I love it and I'm stupid and wear shit clothes and have no money. Also, Tommy, we don't have his money yet. Well, I'll cut this bit out, won't I? If you could just keep it positive, that would really help us. Just to be careful. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming by and talking about yourselves. No, that was amazing.

That's podcasting, baby. Dave and Gareth, thank you so much for joining us. This was great that we could get to do this. I don't want it to end either. Why is it ending? I'm trying to think of anything else dumb I've done in my life. Oh, my God. Come on.

All of that stuff. Hour two. Here we go. Oh, you already talked about it. No, I was trying to think. Is there anything pajama related? I don't think there is. Is there anything pajama related? I don't think there is. Is there anything pyjama related?

I'd love to see what the mental index looks like right now that you're filtering through. To be in that head of a guy going through a file camera. I mean, PJ's is really dumb. I don't know what I'm looking for here. He opens the draw mark pyjamas and a bat just flies out. He's like, nah, fuck, well, nothing here. Well, speaking of all the Ronny Chieng sponsors,

I just remembered, I actually did TV wearing the pyjamas. What? But it's like comedy channel, so no one ever saw it, and it wasn't, you know, no one recorded it. They don't still play it. And I hit up Peter Alexander for sponsorship. I was like, hey, if I wear your pyjamas on TV, you know. You guys have an untapped demographic of male morons.

Sleepy people. So I can help you get a share of that market. Yeah, they didn't respond. That's so weird. Yeah. It seems like something they'd be really into. After they hear this, I think they'll get it. No, totally. Now they're going to be like, please put the pajamas back on. Disappointingly,

nothing through on the text line. We gave it half an hour, no results. It was like nine years ago So it's like You know Oh before cameras were invented Yes exactly Yeah there was like Literally Fred Flintstone's Little bird

Just chipping Chipping images in stone And that's it So No but look I will Like I said The next Melbourne live thing

And there are I know one person Who filmed me doing one Can you remember the jokes? Filmed. Can you do it completely? No, I don't remember the jokes. I didn't remember them then.

How am I going to remember them now? He doesn't have his no-no book. Jesus Christ. Well, we'd better let you guys go. You've got a big day before your dollop shows kick off. Go to dolloppodcast.com if you want to buy any tickets for the tour. This will probably come out after that happens.

But check out the show anyway. Figure out a way to still come and see it. Yeah. Oh, I know what you can do. You can buy the live stream for lapodfest.com. You go there and you put in the code dollop you get five bucks off. You can watch all the live shows.

And apart from that, just go and download all the DOLOP episodes because I've got a bunch of friends that were very excited about us coming up to do this because they listen to our podcast, but they're like, eh. They were very excited about you guys. Well, they'll be excited when they hear this episode and see more about you. Is that a good or a bad habit? I feel like we've really grown a habit

where we get guests in and then we just talk about ourselves because we assume most guests come in and don't have anything to talk about. So we go,

all right, well, we'll have something to talk about. We have nothing. I have nothing to compete with. I want to know more about you guys. Can I come to one

of these live shows and just see you talk about yourselves up there? Absolutely. That's the only way I'm going to find out anything about what you're like. Yeah, that's what we do. All right, guys. We've got to wrap it up there. Thanks to Dave and Gareth. Thank you guys for listening.

We've got a bunch of live shows on sale now. Perth and Adelaide at littledumbdumbclub.com. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Night-night. Hey, mates. Welcome to a special epilogue at the end of this episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. You'll notice we didn't do, you know, our introduction was heavily sponsored,

so it wasn't very on-brand for us. Who sponsored us again? Rotten Ronald Chang and all of his associates. Just every brand name he saw out his window. Yeah. Well, technically, because he gave us money, this podcast has now been financed by Viacom. Oh, really?

Should we do one of those, you know, you have to check how ethical a company is? We don't know what these guys are up to. Now we're in bed with them. Can I just do the soundbite that they always do? Yeah. Viacom. Is that what they do?

Yeah. I've never heard that before in my life. They used to do that. At the end of cartoons. If you know it, I dare say they haven't done it for a very long time. So where are we, Carl? We're in the departure lounge at the Sydney International Airport. Well, when we last left us, about a minute ago, we were in a hotel room. We were the Dollop Boys. We'd gotten in here.

We were on a tight schedule. We had plenty of time, didn't we? We had the episode done We had three or four hours till our flight Yes, Tommy, where's this going? We went and got a pie We bumped into Rhys Nicholson We had lunch with him

We got to the airport Again, an hour till our flight Those were the days Plenty of time I'm going to Japan in a couple of hours I'm on a very tight schedule We're sitting there We're at the departure lounge ready to go.

We're taking selfies. We're fielding phone calls. We're Snapchatting. We're doing the filters, the dog filter. We go to scan our passes at the gate that the flight is on. Yeah. And when you normally scan your boarding pass on a flight, you hear a bit of a bing or a buh-buh.

Yeah, and that's what happened. And now we're on the plane and now we're going home. Isn't that what's happening? Are you fucked in the head? I scan my pass, what I hear is, errrr. He goes, this is the wrong boarding pass. And I go, I think you'll find it says Thursday

September the 1st, Sydney to Melbourne. And he goes, no, that's it. That's a flight that's at the same time. Three gates that way. So we run down that other flight. That's a flight that's at the same time. Three gates that way. Yep. So we run down. That other flight, that's gone. Yeah. That's done.

That's locked up. That's taxiing. We go back to the other flight, the one that we thought was our flight, and go, look, this has happened. Can you get us in? And he's like, nah, check-in's closed. There's nothing we can do. As they're checking people in.

It was a real case of I could, i'm not going to yeah look you don't know how this you don't know how these things run yeah what do you know you don't know how this operates i can just lie to you right now yeah if i just say no i don't have to do anything else yes today yes absolutely so if he'd have agreed with us he would have had to have done a bit of paperwork very quickly, done a cool thing. But he didn't feel like doing a cool thing today. No, no. So now you were able to get a sweet deal through Jetstar. So then I saw the great sight that I've never seen you so angry. We ran to the other gate.

We'd missed the thing. I watched you, as torn from a Viacom cartoon, kick a bin. I kicked a bin. I just want to get very angry in that sort of situation i want to kick something don't you agree that kicking something feels really good yeah do you not have that no oh look i don't know probably i i do but it did look very funny you look like a little cartoon character kicking a bit but what it was was i wanted to unleash some anger but also i thought you were gonna say unleash some to unleash some anger, but also... I thought you were going to say unleash some anal. Unleash some cum into the bin. I was very aware that you still are in an airport

and in very high security. If you just go apeshit, well, then I'm going to get kicked out of the airport, and then I'm really fucked. Little bin kicker. I just wish there had been... Every airport should have this, because people are constantly stressed in airports.

Just a room with a big pile of cardboard boxes in it. You can just go in and cut sick on. Oh, you're talking my language now. A big room full of paper that you can just bash through. Yes, so then we go to the Jetstar counter. We are able to get on a replacement flight in three hours' time for the cheap old price of $50. Yeah.

Now, that doesn't suit me, Carl. That doesn't fit in with my plans for the rest of the day. It suited me. I've got nothing to do. Yeah, so, well, you have a gig to run, but anyway. Yeah, I do, actually. I had to go and, yeah, book in a flight on Virgin Airlines, which... How much?

For those of you that don't know, it's not a budget airline. How much? I'd rather not say. I'd rather not say. Can we play higher and lower wait okay how about this let's put let's i mean we're about to lead into patreon yeah we're about to advertise stuff yeah maybe if i put it out there people will feel sorry on me oh sorry on me sorry on you i love when people are sorry on me can you can you please put money in the

patreon so that tommy can go back to school and learn how to talk. Maybe people will feel sorry for me and they'll let me do anal with them. That'll make it all worthwhile. And do a big cum in their bin. I'll give you one guess. What does that mean? I was always going to have one guess. Right. Well you guess

and I'm going to tell you higher or lower or it but then I'm not going to say what it actually was. Okay. Alright. Fair enough. 400. Lower. Okay. Well you higher or lower or it but then i'm not gonna say what it actually was okay all right all right fair enough 400 lower okay well that's you've gotten away with it $399 plus sales tax of $200 yeah look you know it's not ideal but at the same time our flights up here were paid for i was actually happy to pay for the flights myself so you know i'm i'm i'm i'm going it's like i just paid for myself to go to sydney and back this without having the sponsor this will drive speaking of wheels i'm gonna kill myself this will drive ronald chang insane i've already messaged him to say i missed my flight

will you pay for my replacement yeah he will go i've, I've messaged him as well. He will go crazy. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Okay, so Adelaide, October the 4th, Tuesday, October the 4th, we are there doing a live show with some sweet special guests. We're going to fly over on the 2nd just to make sure we get there. Yes. Please let's race for this because I can see a lot of people moving around the departure lounge and I can't have this happen to me again. I just can't.

I, fuck. There's no bins around here for one and I can't have this happen to me again. I just can't. Fuck. There's no bins around here for one. Oh, no, there's one over there. Hey, I've got three hours to kill. Fuck. Let's go. So, yeah, that is going to be a great show. Stand Up Plus A Life podcast.

Awesome guests locked in. Tickets are slowly trickling out the door. Yeah, they're ebbing away. Yeah, they're ebbing away. And then Perth. Perth we just announced as well. We're on Sunday, October the 30th. Yes.

So get in Perth. You guys have already bought a bunch of tickets, so get in that. Let's fill them all up. Yeah, that's going to be awesome. We've also got great guests confirmed for that as well. Both in-state shows that we've got coming up are awesomely guested. Yes. And now the Patreon.

Will you be in such a good humour as usual As we've been the last couple of weeks Are we going to muck around with these names? What do you reckon, cunt? What if I got kicked out of the airport for saying the same word? Kicking had been fine, but profanity, no thanks Alright, well let's only do a few Because you're in such a mood

Do you think it's weird how we're sitting here Doing something very weird We're sitting here recording ourselves No one in this departure lounge seems to care. No one's looking at us weird. Don't you think that's weird? No one's really batting an eyelid. I don't think anyone really... It just looks like we're talking to each other in hushed tones,

to be honest. If I saw this happening, I'd be staring going, what the fuck are those two doing over there? Cool, if you want to encourage that to happen and have your flight delayed even more, sure. I'd be sitting there going, why are they jerking each other's necks right now? I'd have some questions about that. Okay, let's go. Let's race through some Patreon supporters.

All right, let's do it. Let's just do a few. Let's do a handful. Okay, okay. Big thanks to Emma Colville. Colville? Yeah. I like that.

I like those names that sound like they could be a town. Colville. Oh, yeah, yeah. You should be liking your money a bit more because it's paying for you to get out of this fucking dumb fix you've put yourself into. I only paid 50 bucks. Oh yeah, yeah, alright.

We've all got stuff going on. Yeah, so just five, you know what, I'll dedicate these next five people to paying my late fee. Oh, okay, well I'm not written off yet, but anyway, thanks Emma. Thank you to Arna Casey. Arna. Arna Casey. Is that short for something? Arna?

Arna. Arna, I would imagine, or it's of some kind of extraction. Some sort of extraction. Well, Casey. Casey's not of an extraction. Casey's not, but Anna. I don't know. It's not a name I'm totally familiar with.

This is a pretty sweet Anna that we're doing right now. We're losing a lot of money. Yes. Instead of earner. There we go. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah, you lost me for a second.

Yeah, I lost myself. Now I'm back. Chris Allenris allen thanks chris thanks chris for for your cash no questions about that name very easy that's an extraction that's from uh that's from a country yeah yeah good on you thanks chris thank good on you chris um uh m curry m curry it's as as in like emily or like short for emily or emma i thought it was just the letter m uh no it's it's yeah sure for emily or emma i i would guess that would be cool just m the letter curry i am i am facebook friends with m curry there are certain you know certain people listen to the show want to be facebook friends as well yeah you know sometimes i do sometimes i don't that's that's someone's name that comes up i know that i'm facebook friends with them okay

i don't do it at all you don't do that at all i don't. That's someone's name that comes up. I know that I'm Facebook friends with them. I don't at all. You don't do that at all? I don't let anyone in anymore. Yeah. You know what? I do. Here's my rule with Facebook now. I let someone in if they really look like they're a fan of the podcast.

But if they look like they're an open mic-er at all, I do not let them in. Yes, fair enough. Fair enough. What else have you got? Thanks, Em, for not doing comedy. We've got two more. Let's do this. Here's someone that is also Facebook friends with me,

but they're not quite them. Cam Silk, Cameron Silk's girlfriend, has become a patron. Oh, I saw this. And she's got this shit that she hasn't been shouted at yet. Is that it? Catherine Allen. Catherine Allen.

Catherine Allen. That's Cam's girlfriend. And with a little shout-out to their mutual friend, Laura Allen. Ah, right. So apparently we're doing that now. Apparently we're doing shout-outs. Laura can pay her own money. I'm taking all that back.

Fuck all three of you. Yeah. I've got flights to cover here, okay? Yeah, okay. I need all the hands on deck. And last of all, we'll just do one more. Thank you to Jetstar. Yeah, okay. I need all the hands on deck. And last of all, we'll just do one more. Thank you to Jetstar.

Is that cool? I feel very triggered right now. Thanks, Jet. Good on you, Jet. Thanks for all your help. Thanks, Jet. All right. The flight was $300.

Oh, $300. Yeah. Yeah, that's not great. Also, as soon as I went looking, I'm like that's what i'm gonna be before i even saw the results come up i'm like i'm not getting anything for 70 bucks here yeah yeah no you you're i was thinking 200 minimum you know what you don't go to the airport to get the cheapest flight yes you don't go shopping there all right guys thanks for your support uh thanks for chipping in on the Patreon hope you enjoyed

the episode one tiny little mention to Yalla Moose of course it shouldn't be a proper episode without a tiny little mention of

Yalla Chocolate Moose that is always greeting me at my local Renaissance supermarket in Hawthorne and in your fridge yeah well I'm trying to

keep it quiet I'm trying to go off it a little bit at the moment why would you say that well you know what because I've had so much of it it's so good i'm actually just because i'm going to a personal trainer that i've talked about recently yeah i'm just trying to be good because

you know and like scott orkin said the other week you know it's more about what you put into your body yes then you know all the work you're doing at the gym all the running whatever it is you got you gotta do it all i did a bit of running just before you did too and you know what i noticed i was in pretty good shape doing it and you were struggling a little bit. Is that unfair? I also got there before you. No, I didn't struggle. I struggled mainly with the weaving in and out of people.

That was starting to annoy me too. Or maybe it was actually, maybe it wasn't you puffing, that was you crying. Yeah, that's what it was. Anyway, thanks guys and we'll see you next time. Maybe. Here on the Little Dum Dum Club. You're about to fly to Japan. Do you think you're going to have any better luck tonight?

Shut up.