The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 313 - Tiffiny Hall & Dilruk Jayasinha (with Ed Kavalee)

Episode Date: October 3, 2016

Biggest Loser Secrets, Dick Glasses and Buffet Tips.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Perth, not long now until the dum-dum-a-palooza hits your fair little town. Carl, what have we got planned for them? We have got, as usual, we've got a big three-hour show. We've got a bit of Tommy Dasolo stand-up. We've got a little bit of Carl Chandler stand-up. And then we've got a little bit of this thing that you're stepping in right now, a podcast, but a live one with three awesome guests who we are flying over for at three of our favourite, favourite guests.

Yeah, it's going to be so good. So that's happening on October 30th, Sunday afternoon at Rosie O'Grady's Pub in Northbridge. Yes, and once again, we have changed the venue, so please, this is a good reason to listen to the ad at the start of the show, so you know where your show is going to happen. Shout out to everyone quickly fast-forwarding through this bit at the moment and just hearing little snatches of it if you're doing the little 15-second skip thing. But shout out to the good people that are listening to it because this ad's been getting better and better.

This is the best bit. This is sort of like you've got your headliner on first these days. This is the meat of the show. This is the meat of the show. And then the second little bit, if you want to hang around for the guests, sure. But, I mean, you're coming for the ad these days, I think. Yeah, totally, totally. If you've got nothing to do, sure.

Why not listen to Tiff and whatever in the second half of the episode? This is where the real content happens. This is the meat on the bone. Yeah. So October 30th, Perth, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets. It's going to be an awesome day. Our Perth shows are always great. We always have the best time in Perth.

It is, yeah. I don't think we've had a – you know what? I could make a spreadsheet of dud live shows we've had and good ones. Why has it got to be a spreadsheet? Well – Just write them down. Okay. Well, I could write them down in a spreadsheet.

So I reckon we've had a few dud ones. There's certain towns that I think me and you privately will say, oh, we struggle in that town. Yeah, Cape Town we've never done well there. Yeah, yeah. Well, some of our racial opinions have gone down alright there, but content-wise, not that great, not for the full show. But

Perth, always have a good live one. Yes, yes. So get on that. We've also, we've just recently announced a big double episode, to back with a fucked up stand-up show happening in Melbourne on November the 12th. Now Melbourne, that is a town we always have a good time in. That's the town, I don't know about you, Carl, that I personally happen to live in. Oh, right.

Well, that's your opinion. And you're entitled to it. Yeah, yeah, okay. Let's not bring facts into it. But yeah, November 12th, double episode at the European Beer Cafe. It's a Saturday night gig. So you know what that means. It means party time.

It means dum-dum party time. And then a little bit of stand-up. As we've been plugging, we've got a bit of unrecorded live stand-up, but fucked up stand-up. Yes. Not your daddy's stand-up. Yes. Not your granddaddy's stand-up.

But who have we got starring in the stand-up show? Gary Chook. Yes. PJ O'Brien. Oh, yeah. Chando and the PJs. Bogan Baby. Yes.

What else? I think we got the debut, well, maybe the first official ever, no, rare appearance by you and my double act. Yeah, right. Improv double act. Do we want to say the name of that? No, let's save it up a little bit. We do have and my double act. Yeah, right. Improv double act. Do we want to say the name of that? No, let's save it up a little bit. We do have an improv double act.

You know what? This improv double act of ours predates Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yes. It's kind of the episode zero of Little Dumb Dumb Club in many ways. Yeah. So that'll be very interesting. Plus, we've got a few guests that are coming along and doing something stupid. Yeah.

Including, I believe Dilruch Disinger is going to do his little, is it called Bollywood Bill? Yeah, it's Bollywood Bill. Bollywood Bill. Yeah. So yeah, very, very, very worthwhile coming to. We've also got t-shirts and stuff and hoodies on sale, littledumbdumbclub.com. They're slowly moving out the door, literally the door of your house. Yes, I need to get them out.

But no, they're selling well. Great. They're selling consistently well. So keep that up. Like I said, I think last week, a couple of weeks ago, I said there's only about a dozen hoodies to go. So there's a few of those sold this week. So not too much.

If you want a hoodie, we've sold out a few sizes now actually. uh jump on it if you you're a heftier listener you're in luck but if you're a little a little twiggy listener you're out of luck at the moment if you're a little a little listener a little boy a little girl there's no smalls there's no mediums little boys and girls that listen to this podcast well they're all warm because they got their hoodies already so that's the uh it's the Dilraba Jai singers of this world that have still got an opportunity to buy a hoodie. We've also got the Patreon

which is a way that you can subscribe to the show and kind of give us a little money to keep the lights on down here at headquarters. And you get sweet rewards if you put in certain amounts each month. You get a bonus episode. You get a magazine that we put a lot of time into. And you also get your name read out at the start of the podcast.

That's it. So for all those things, for details of different pricing, what you get for those different pricing, you go to Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Yeah. That's the best way because for some reason, Patreon is not very good. It doesn't have a good search engine within that website.

Oh, yeah. If you search us, something fucked comes up, doesn't it? Yeah, something pornographic comes up. Very good. So, yeah, follow that exact URL. I think we've got the link on the website. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if there's any confusion,

go to littledumbdumbclub.com for anything. Just use us as Google in a way. Yeah, let's just get a search engine in there. Oh, that'd be good. Let's start our own new search engine. Yeah. So we need to now read out some names. And, you know, we had such a good response to him joining us for the Patreon readout last week.

So we got him back. He's a guest on the episode you're about to hear. He's also joining us for the ads. It's Dilruk Jaisingha. Hello, friends. I'm genuinely surprised you're about to hear. He's also joining us for the ads. It's Dilruk Jai Singer. Hello, friends. I'm genuinely surprised you're not a Patreon subscriber. Why? I'm also a very... He's a pastry subscriber.

Save it for when Tim's here. I think it's about the only thing you haven't done in terms of being a Dum Dum Club fan. Well, I get the content for free anyway. Yeah, I know. There is a scabby little knock on an internet door at some stage early in the month. Can I please have everything?

Can I have the episode? Well, before I became a guest on the show, I used to go to your live shows and I think I might have sometimes paid tickets and stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah. It was very nice when we had you on for the first time because you'd listened to all of them. Yes.

So you got it. This guy gets it. I was a genuine fan. Look at me now. And what are you now? A fan but you're not genuine about it. No, I still love you guys.

Yeah, I should, maybe I should. No, I don't want your money. It's fine. Okay, cool. What do you want me, just my, you just want me

as content for fat jokes yeah yes if you can just get a put a bit more weight on just you are a feeder yes you really are yeah we're planning let's look through this we're gonna go get lunch after this and i'm hungry oh okay all right i can't believe that's impressive how you threw your voice like that, Dil. All right, all right. So let's do our little painted shout-outs to the Patreon subscribers. All the good little boys and girls out there right now, they're twiddling their little fingers together. I hope they make my name pornographic in some way.

Stop saying good little boys and girls. They are. They're all good little boys and girls that listen to this show out there. Maybe it's because of your moustache. It's a bit like Tats Lotto, isn't it? A bit like a lottery. People sit there, they've got their numbers, they've got their little forms going, oh, I hope it's us this week. It's like when Agro would shout you out on Cartoon

Connection on your birthday. It's like lottery because if we read your name out, this will change your life. How many names do you have in total to read? How many actual subscribers are we talking? Actually heaps Right Yeah

And I really wish I had kept better track Track of But I think I'm on it I'm on it now So I'm pretty sure we're all good Well I hope Reasonably good I hope our good friend Jack My Tiny Dick has

Has given you twice I believe it was Jack my tiny dick off Thanks Get his name correct No Please It's a Russian subscriber we have A little cultural sensitivity

Wouldn't go astray Yeah Thanks Jack What country is The Bum No Babies An origin from The Bum No Babies Yeah

Yeah I think that is That sounds Scandinavian. The Mum No Baby. No, to me it feels a bit Eastern European. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eastern. That's what I meant by Scandinavian.

Yeah, well, you meant different thing to what I said. Yeah, cool. All right, I understand. Roofing! Post-grad final day roofing! All right, big number one thanks thanks Thank you to Emma Pigeon Now that's throwing a cat amongst the pigeons, hasn't it? Or throwing a fat amongst the pigeons

That is a pigeon I don't mind shitting on, my head I got shit on at the park on Friday I was going for a run, I was stretching under a tree and I got shit on It's meant to be good luck. That's what it feels like to me every time I appear in this podcast. Because there's that couple of seconds of denial where you're like, no, that didn't. Oh, that's just one stray raindrop has landed on me.

Oh, but it's brown. Oh, for fuck's sake. At least it's not jizz. Imagine if it was just jizz while you're walking in the park. Jacking its dick on a tall branch. Jack my tiny dick up. And then it comes on you. Have you ever seen any...

And then someone goes, did anyone say duck sperm? Have you ever seen any sperm that doesn't belong to a human? Have you ever seen that? You sound like you have a story behind it. No, no. It does make of that. Because here it is. I just...

No, because I mean that's a part you know oh yeah I did I saw when Joe Creasy did that show on this will be interesting

this is a bit oh yeah shit I didn't even think of it like that no but he did a show for I think ABC

or whatever where he was in Colac milking a a cow or rather you know and then there was

he got cow jizz oh sorry bull jizz in his mouth. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, sorry. But you just saw that on TV, not in real life. Also, I'm sort of struggling to understand how that correlates.

He was milking a cow. No, he's not milking a cow. What's he called? Husbandry or whatever where you whack the bull? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was whacking a bull. Right.

Okay, all that makes sense. If you're literally trying to get that out, then you're a cinder. The bull saw him and went, hama, hama. Oh, city folk. Emma Pigeon. Thanks, Emma.

Thanks for inspiring that talk, Emma. That's one pigeon hole I don't mind getting into. Oh, fuck. All right. Thanks, Victorian police. one pigeon hole I don't mind getting into oh fuck alright thanks Victorian police sorry am I not picking up on the vibe correctly

of this alright thank you to oh you know what I complained a few weeks ago about not enough girls being subscribers

I've picked yeah I'm doing eight names and there are six female subscribers out of the eight. Great.

There's one down. Let's hope we treat them all with the same sensitivity that we did number one. Thank you to Bridget Jolly. Oh, wow. Is that how you get your jollies these days, is it? You know what? Thanks for the money. She's literally a bit of a Bridget Jolly swag man.

She's literally a bit of a Bridget Jolly Swagman She would be a fan of the Westgate Bridget Very good I like it That's very good Thank you Westgate Bridget Yeah

Thanks Bridget Thanks Bridget That'll be a great Keep that in mind Bridget If you do think that life is too much for you And at some stage You're in that mindset You know There's a sweet little gig Someone can use for you If you're a bit down is too much for you and at some stage you're in that mindset, you know, there's a sweet little gig someone can use for you.

If you're a bit down, someone can come up to you feeling a bit Westgate Bridget. Yeah. Very good. And then bang, you're straight back into it. All of a sudden, you're like, what's going on? And the irony being the last name is Jolly. Yeah. So you can use your name for both occasions.

If you're feeling depressed, you're a bit Westgate Bridget. Yeah. But if you're happy, you're a bit of the jolly. I like it. Half glass empty, half glass full in your own name. Yeah. Very good. Good name.

Thanks, Bridget. Good on you, Bridget. Thanks, Bridge. Thank you, too. Katrina Ryan. This is a hurricane of riffs. This is what happened to New Orleans. I'm crying over how hard that name is to riff on.

She's K. Ryan. Crying. Oh, crying. Crying. Crying, yeah. She's K. Ryan. She'd be crying at how bad the riff went. That is interesting, the Hurricane Katrina.

What is the thinking behind only having girls' names on natural disasters? I'm sure there's a joke from the 80s that has that punchline. They come through your house and take all your money. Fucking Hurricane mother-in-law, am I right? She's fucked. Yeah, this one took my house as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah. That's good. No, but like girls are named... But seriously. But seriously. But it is interesting. Well, yeah, you know that great female name El Nino? Oh, yeah.

Well, El's a girl's name. Very good point. Yeah, there's that thing. Natural disasters are named after girls. Very good point Yeah There's that thing Natural disasters Named after girls And also Whenever there's a car

It's always like Oh she's a beaut You know Yeah It's never like On a ship Yeah yeah Yeah

Modes of transport Natural disasters Yep Women Women Yeah Are also named after girls Yes

You're right Yeah Yeah As Harley talks about his car, she'll be back. What do guys get named after? Like, you know, what are the things that they're given guys' names? Is there anything? Is there any?

Like a... Like, it's not a house where it's like, oh, living in Jimmy. Well, you have tools like Jack Thanks Jack Thanks Jack Oh yeah well I guess I guess I guess there's Jack in your dick

You're not Jill in your dick are you That's something No you jack your dick and you Jill your bean Finally one back for the patriarchy No, you jack your dick and you Jill your bean. Finally, one back for the patriarchy. The patriarchy. That's what you should call them. Very good.

Yeah. Thanks, Kat. Thanks, Katrina. Thank you to Sherry Ann. Sherry Ann? Sherry with a C-H or? C-H-E-R-Y. Is that Sherry? Sherry. Or Sherry? Sherry. Sherry? My Sherry Ann? Sherry with a C-H or? C-H-E-R-Y. Is that Sherry? Sherry.

Or Sherry? Sherry. Sherry? My Sherry. My Sherona. My Sherry-o-na. My Sherry-o-na. My brain just broke mid-sentence there.

You're a little bit cooked now, aren't we? Not as easy as it looks, guys. It takes three professional riffies. Shriffies. Good riff. Good riff, I reckon. Let's close that one off. Thanks, Sheree.

It's the destination with riffing. It's not the journey. As long as you end up somewhere good. It doesn't matter how long you dig for. You'll get gold eventually. Put that as a sticker. It's not about the destination with riffing. It's not the journey. As long as you end up somewhere good. It doesn't matter how long you dig for. You'll get gold eventually. Put that as a sticker. It's not about the destination with riffing. It's a motivational poster

with Carl on stage talking to the crowd. It takes as long as it takes. Alright, here's a mail. Thank you to Andy Muser. Muser? You sound like you're musing on a riff. I was musing on making that exact same joke.

It's Museric to my ears. That is very Andy amusing. I don't think we should allow muslims in this country. Thanks, Andy. Thanks, Mohammed. Thanks, Mo. Thanks Mohamed Thanks Mo This is so dumb Why would you skip this? Imagine skipping this

This is the dumbest Why would you listen to the boring old guests after this? Oh god Deal's up Thank you Thank you too Thank you Alright Here comes

Here comes something Don't give it a run up No I'm just A little bit of sensitivity Maybe a little bit of Yeah Yeah a little bit of This could make the news

This one Where we go with this one You know You'd never know Wouldn't have thought so Ed Here never know Wouldn't have thought so Ed Wouldn't have thought so Andy Muser Thank you to Nathan Church It's not as bad as I thought

I thought it was going to be way worse I thought it was going to be like Emilio Faggot or something Related to El Nino No no no Emilio only pitched you one dollar So don't quite get the names right out. But still, thanks, faggot.

You're right. This will make the news. Jesus Christ. So we go with Muslims. And I can't believe church is just up there for grabs and we're just leaving it. Hey, I don't know. Whatever, guys.

I believe in free speech so I think we should just be allowed to sit here and say whatever we want on this podcast. Maybe you guys feel differently. It is the Sunday after grand final so church appearing here is quite appropriate. Yeah, yeah. You're right. Nathan Church. Church.

It would be nice if Nathan State got involved as well. So we have Church and State. I prefer them to be separated, but anyway. Oh, right. There you go. That's in the news. Yeah. Political.

Prominent podcaster Tommy Daslow believes Church and State. Makes a horrid joke on Patreon. Makes a big Church call just after making up a hate crime of a surname for someone else. Thanks, Churchy. Thanks, Churcho. God bless you, Church. Thanks for finally a church putting something back in our coffers.

You know what your namesake is bad for? The city of churches, Adelaide. That's what you're named after. Hope you're proud. This episode will literally come out a day after we've done the Adelaide. To five people. Great. It would be

nice. How nice would it be? I mean, I know I've made this threat before about Adelaide, but I made that threat in all seriousness about not going back to Adelaide because it was shitting me. Just the ticket sales, fuck that. But then they came through in the end.

But I'm serious about this one as well. I mean, you've said, and this will show the listeners that you're not whistling Dixie here. You've said this to me IRL in private conversation. So he means it. And you know what else? And we never talk. So that was a big deal for you to bring that up. I feel like I don't want to be one of the –

I hate being a guy that says stuff and doesn't do it. So, you know, I'm for real. Yeah, I'll propose to you. There was a bit of a gentleman's agreement there wasn't there, a silent one of who should take this. I mean, I get to do it every week. True, the joy. I'm being a good host is what I'm doing right now.

Thanks, Nathan. Who knows? There's still time for them to turn it around. By the time people are hearing this, we'll know. You know what happens in churches? Weddings. Go on. The false intro that you hear then.

He's so uncomfortable with it. Is that where you got hitched up with a cheesecake? I don't know Alright That doesn't matter You marry You could have gone with the wafer Is that the joke?

You're so fat that you're marrying food? Yeah Is that it is? Yeah I like it You like it? Yeah Okay

I like the absurdity of it Paints a funny visual in my head It's like a far side cartoon Do you still take this Philadelphia? Well, that movie Philadelphia, maybe that will give you a few tips on how to lose weight. Thanks, Phil. Maybe instead of listening to Tiff later on in this episode,

maybe get a few tips from Tom Hanks in that movie. My new friend, Phil Adelphia. Thanks, Philip. What else we got? We've also got... Oh, this is a recent subscriber. Oh, no. Hang on.

We've got two more. Tracy Eliff. Eliff. Earwolf. Spell it out Elif E-double-L I-double-F So close to being

Elephant Yeah It's a shame Like you I ate the last part Of her name So to avoid that She really is the

Patreon subscriber In the room at the moment Tracy Elif Yeah Elif Double L means L rather than E Elif I just think it's weird When people have names Patreon subscriber in the room at the moment. Tracy Eliff. Yeah, Eliff. Eliff. Double L means L rather than E.

I just think it's weird when people have names with two double letters in them. Don't you think? It looks weird. Like William or Bill, which is probably the same name. No, I mean two sets of double letters. Oh, okay. So, like, what's she? She's E-double-L-I-double-F.

R-two-double. Right, right. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Don't you think it looks weird? Yeah, like bookkeeper. Yeah. You. I double F. Right, right. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Don't you think it looks weird? Yeah, like bookkeeper. Yeah. You know that great name? Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, book. No, you're right with double K. Double K, double O, double E. Yeah. But is that one word or is that two words? One word. Double K is weird. I mean, I reckon they should just chuck in another K.

Just to be on brand with the Carl Chandler model. Just to make sure. Just to make sure everyone's aware of what's going on. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Tracy. Thank you to, I believe this next subscriber is a big money subscriber as well. She's either a 30 or a 50. Well, we better show her the absolute respect. Sorry, Tracy, that we already talked about. She was a 50. 30 or a 50. Well, we better show her absolute respect.

Sorry, Tracy that we already talked about. She was a 50. Oh, 50. Thanks, Tracy. Oh, that's huge. Yeah, that's really great. I mean, yeah, have all the double letters you want with 50 bucks. Have a few. Just quickly, what do you think about this when you're asked to go in for a present for something, like a group present for someone

and the person organising it goes, we'll get this. Everyone can just put in what they want. Don't you think that's a little weird? No, you've got to be equal. That you can put in $10 and just be coasting off the effort of someone who's chucked in a sweet $100. You've got to be, yeah. I reckon it's got to be.

I mean, it's rich coming from you, but then... What do you think about this? It sounds like you were just salivating at the thought of being able to do that. Sounds like you were just salivating at the thought of being able to do that. It sounds like you were just salivating full stop. What about the gift and then the no thank you? That's the thing that gets my goat. Oh, yeah.

Where you give them a gift and they don't say thank you. Yeah, that's real bad. Who did that to you, Carl? I've just had a few of those ones over the years where you do a wedding or whatever it is and you don't get a gift. Oh, you mean the effort of saying a thank you? Yeah. I did the opposite.

I think I actually mentioned this on a podcast, like one of my second or third appearances, I think, where I didn't give a gift but I got a wedding and I got a thank you note anyway. Oh, yeah. I've never heard of that happening. Yeah, no, I'm breaking boundaries here. Did you feel bad?

Did you feel extremely guilty? No, it's the best friend of mine so I managed to tee it up in the end anyway. But it just felt weird that I got... They assumed

he must have given us a gift. We just don't have... Oh, wouldn't he? Yeah. Good stuff. Thank you to... Thanks to Tracy. Thanks, Tracy.

And thank you to Zoe Clippingdale. Oh, wow. I mean, I presume it's Zoe. It's Z-O-E. Is it... Thanks to Tracy Thanks Tracy And thank you to Zoe Clippingdale Oh wow I mean I presume it's Zoe It's Z-O-E You never say Zoe It's Zoe Why is that the thing that baffled you?

Really? Have you ever heard of Zoe? Have you never seen the name Zoe before? Yes But I always look at it For a long time I've always looked at it and thought Well can you be Zoe as well or not? If you're Z-O I think you're allowed to be Zoe

Chop off the E and be Zoe if you wanted. Yeah, pass it on to LF. Why bother that as a nickname? That is trimming off the most minimal amount of that name. You might as well go Zoe at that point. You may as well just not have a name. We'll put it this way. Because if you put a C instead of a Z, it would be Coe.

Sebastian Coe. It's not Coe. Well done. You're the first man to realise that English is complicated. Yeah, it's P-U-T put, but B-U-T but. Oh, what is going on? This is wild. Oh, fuck.

Dilruch teaching me English. Yeah, continue, Maribor. But there's Zoe with a Y in the end as well. Isn't it? That's Zoe, isn't it? Yeah, that's Zoe. Oh, is it? Zoe Deschanel.

Yeah. Is that Zoe? Yeah. That's insane. That's so dumb. I don't like that at all. Yeah, that's Zooey. Oh, is it? Zooey Deschanel. Yeah. Is that Zooey? Yeah. That's insane. That's so dumb. I don't like that at all. Yeah, no, you're right. But also, like, I mean, sure.

What do you want us to do about it right now? Yeah, well, like the town. Okay, I have an issue with the town Mowi. Yeah. It should be Moe. M-O-E. Yeah. That's Moe.

Yeah, that's Moe. Speaking of Mo Let's get more food soon Wait Are we just going to Sidestep Clippingdale? Clippingdale Yeah

We're just going to clip it? I like that It's very Very kind of Kind of posh sounding Yeah Clippingdale Tell us Zoe

Were you upset When Chippendale came along And then ruined The Clippendale legacy? Yeah I don't think it did Really wreck it But it's Yeah I mean Could you have the What would the If the Clippendale legacy. Oh, yeah. I don't think it did really wreck it, but it's... Yeah, I mean, could you have the...

If the Chippendale dancers are these buff guys with no shirts on... Like three of us. What are the Clippendales? Like three of us. If you can't afford the Chippendales, you get the three of us without our shirts. What strippers do you go to? The Fish and Chippendale?

Chicken strips. That was terrific. Thanks, Zoe. And finally, a big shout out. Thank you to Dripping With Cum Donkey Dix. Wait, so Dripping With Cum's the first name? Yeah. What country do you think that's from?

What's Dripping With Cum the first name? Yeah. What country do you think that's from? What's dripping with cum the first name? Where's that from? I feel like the parents was married. Like it's a hyphen name. No, but donkey dick. Maybe donkey is donkey dick hyphenated. I think that might. That sounds English to me.

Mr. Donkey and Mrs. Dick. No, it's Mr. With Cum and Mrs. Donkey Dick. And they had a kid and they named it Dripping. Thanks, Dripping. Thanks, Dripping. How much did they subscribe? $69. It's weird that the amount that people chip in kind of correlates

to their name in some way. That's rare. Yeah. No, but that's the sort of thing where, you know, you look like a Tommy. That just sort of, it's one of those things that works out. You look like a donkey dick. What do I look like, Carl?

Do I look like a dill rook? You look more like a dill fat fuck. Oh, God. All right, well. Look, we don't say this enough, I think, but big shout out. You look more like a dill fat fuck Yeah Oh god Yeah Alright well Look we don't say this enough I think but Big shout out

Thank you Not only to people who subscribe But especially you guys With weird names like that That keep subscribing everywhere We really appreciate it It's really It's really that we just

Read the same number out every week And just It's blind luck That we always end up Finishing on a real doozy Yeah Yeah thanks guys Because I mean if you guys Don't keep sending in you guys with funny names,

we'll probably have to start making names up. Yeah. You should do like, you know how the Dollboys had like a meet and greet with like some of the guests who paid extra after the show's live shows? You should have a live show where you just get to meet like the celebrities of the Patreon, like Jack My Tiny Dick Off, Up The Bum No Babies. Hang on. So now we're paying the listeners. No, like a special treat Dick Off, Up The Bum No Babies. Hang on, so now we're paying the listeners.

No, like a special treat. Hey, thanks for being a Patreon subscriber and being a quality name. You just give them a little extra reward. Oh, okay. Well, I'm putting it out there. Yeah, Jack and Dripping With. And Up from last week. And Up from last week.

Thanks, Up. Man, you guys have got free tickets. Next time we come to your town, wherever you live, totally come in VIP. You can hang out with us backstage. Next time we do a live show in Seamanville, where I assume you all live. Totally. Come and show your name. Bring ID.

Bring ID. Bring ID because we don't want people coming. We don't want fake dripping with cum. Don't think you can just go to the post office and change your name by deep hole don't get your little for free little teenage fake ID that you use there the ball shop to get stones ginger wine it's

not gonna work with us we want the real name bring your passport passport safe you we all can learn from up and jack and dripping with bring your passports in. I think that's very safe. Imagine going to the airport with the name like Dripping With Cum, Donkey Dick. Hello, mister.

We're gradually building up this real fucked up version of Richard Scarry's Busy Town. You guys know that? You know what would be super embarrassing? Imagine him going to primary school, you know, having roll call, where they do the other way around. Donkey Dick dripping with cum.

That's embarrassing. That's so embarrassing. All right, guys, thanks heaps for chipping in. We really appreciate it. Dripping in? Drippindales. Dripping. We've got live shows.

Yeah, Adelaide, Perth Do all that stuff LittleDumbDumbClub.com Chip into the Patreon Stop saying Drip in Drip into the Patreon guys Drip some Drip some

Dopey Dick Come into the Patreon Enjoy this episode with Dilruk Jai Drippa and Drippany Hall oh fuck Oh, fuck. It's happened again. Oh, fuck. This episode has been a real dripper so far.

This is a real drip snotter. We've been a few, so let's just drip it at the post. Oh, God. All right, are we all good? Enjoy this episode. Oh, God. All right, are we all good? Enjoy this episode. Oh, Jesus. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting next to me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. What have you got going on over there? Hey, this is something that we'll talk about very, very briefly. I doubt it'll come up again, but yesterday was the AFL Grand Final. We're doing this the morning after the AFL Grand Final, which would suggest that someone who's on the show today, almost like they value their own health and didn't just write themselves off all of yesterday.

And thought that they're really healthy and assumed that the rest of us live like that. But that's not the case. But so I've never been – It's proof of how much we enjoyed ourselves, how long it took both of us to get those sentences out just then. So I went – I've never been to a grand final before ever. I went – I got free tickets. I went with my girlfriend who also made a point of saying,

I've never been to a grand final either, which is true because she'd never been to a game. So, yeah, story checks out. Anyway. Any Bulldog supporters who couldn't get tickets, just know that there was someone in the stands there who couldn't give less of a fuck. And if it helps even further,

the people who got us the tickets were with us and halfway through the game went, yeah, might go home and watch it on TV. Oh, wow. Yeah. Beat the line for the parking. So there's a lot of, not heckling, I guess just a lot of support, a lot of people yelling at stuff for their team, against the other team, whatever it was.

It's like a Carl Chandler comedy show. Yeah, yeah, exactly. People just screaming out whatever abuse comes into their head. Slightly better attended, but so. But also people walking out halfway through. Yeah, right. Okay. No, there are a lot of similarities.

Okay. And the quality of person there, you're about the same too. So there was one point, just one thing stuck with me, where people yelling at stuff for the team, against the other team, whatever it was. There was just one little second where it went silent and one person yelled out, I'm sorry.

It just stuck with me. I just wanted to know what the context of that was for. How do you yell that at the… Was that like a private conversation that just got amplified a little too much? Oh, I don't know. Or was this directed at the field? It felt like they were directing it at the field. Wow.

Because everyone else was directing their yelling at the field. And did anyone else react or just you took it on? No, no, no, no, no. No, not at all. I just went, oh, I'm going to think about that for the rest of the game. I wonder what the start of that was. Well, speaking of apologies, our first guest on the show today, you know him from Have You Been Paying Attention.

Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Dilruk Jai Singer. Yay! Thank you, thank you. What do you mean speaking of apologies? What does that even mean? I'm sorry to the listeners that they have to put up with this. Back after my very successful debut on the Patreon intro.

Yes, you came and did a guest spot on our ads last week, which if people skipped that go back and listen to that. It's sorry to the listeners when halfway through Dil starts chewing on the microphone. I haven't had breakfast. Also joining us for the first time, you know her from The Biggest Loser, from Gladiators, from heaps of stuff that we'll get into.

Please welcome Tiffany Hall. Hello. Hi. Happy to be here. This is the first time we've ever had a guest on the podcast bring a chaperone with them. Yeah. No, no, he's not a chaperone.

He just follows me around everywhere. He has for ten years. Doesn't leave me alone. My husband, Ed Cavalier. Yeah, for some of the people at home that can't see. Yeah. Ed Cavalier is sitting on the couch right next door just making sure no funny business happens.

He dropped you off, asked what my intentions are on this podcast. Anything you interview her about, I'll interview you about. He's quietly obsessed with me. It's kind of nice. Yeah. Oh, sweet. He's off mic too. It looks like this is killing him.

Yeah, yeah. No, and he's a little bit nervous. I can feel it because I do have the microphone and I can say whatever I want. You can feel it. I can see it. He's here. There's no need for him to be here.

I get to chat for like an hour and he's like, hmm. Right. I've never known Ed to be a chatty guy. It seems like you're quite comfortable sitting in the corner. I didn't know it was bring your partner to podcast day. But anyway. Always. I've been to work with him.

Sometimes I go to the studio I've been on Have you been paying attention? Yeah We sort of follow each other around That's kind of what a marriage is Essentially Yeah

You can't shake him off It would be weird if you were like I haven't seen him for eight months I don't know what he's doing Yeah That's why we got married I was like Oh he's just always there

Yeah It makes it less weird Yeah It's literally a marriage of convenience. Now, so we've got Tiffany Hall on the show. We've got Dilrub Jaisingha on the show as well. Carl, you booked this one in. I can't imagine what you were possibly thinking

when you put these two together on the same episode. On a podcast that I'm affectionately referred to as Disgusting Fat Fart, you happen to book someone from Biggest Loser. Hey, it is not affectionate. I've become so conditioned to the bullying that you said that and the look of disgust and shock on Tiff's face reminded me of how full on that actually is. Yeah, well, to be fair, I came up with it myself.

But they were very happy to adopt it. Hey, we just want to help your career. Whatever you think's right. Right. My branding. We're like the Ed to your Tiff. I go to everything with Tommy and Carl. No, you go to everything with McDonald's.

Hey, KFC, stay on brand. Sorry, sorry. No, thanks so much for coming in. Pleasure. Because I'm a genuine fan of The Biggest Loser. You're welcome. I do really like it. Okay.

I'm sorry that it feels like you've got your day off from The Biggest Loser and now we've just recreated it. No, not at all. Oh, my God. Did the joke come first or did the guest sing first? I reckon you came up with the joke first and then go, alright, how do I make this work?

Anyway, one down, 19 to go. I'm tempted to have a look at the Word document that these are all on, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. This is the most amount of writing you would have done, I reckon. No, no, not at all. There's just, you know, there's just these big ones that have got to come out of the gate early. That's all.

I've got to – yeah. Good Lord. Sorry. No, no, I am a massive fan. Sorry. You're allowed to – it will get slightly better, this episode. I'm doing it. It won't be all insulting.

But – But you're into it because some people are into The Biggest Loser because they like the inspiration and the journey. I feel like you're into it with some pretty different motivations. Yeah, why are you into it? I'm into it because – He likes yelling at fat people. Yes. Oh no. Yeah, there's a lot of that involved but

I do like anything with a challenge, anything where you can literally see results. Yes, I like results. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you can, at the start you can see something this big and then at the end it's this big. Yeah. So big. Watch a porno then. Okay.

Yeah. Yes, it's true. And I do think, you know, I get frustrated. We get results. Yeah, yeah. I get frustrated when someone doesn't do the right thing and I love the concept that you guys are there going, now you've got to do it.

You actually have to do the right thing now. So I like people being told what to do properly. Yeah, I like telling people what to do. That should be the synopsis of the show, really. Yeah, do. Well, Carl always reckons that he'd be a good person to coach people. I don't think I would be a good person, but I think I would enjoy it. Look, it is fun, but it's hard because you're just like,

just do what I say. You know, they're quite resistant. Right. And you have to still be nice. Yes. But there's always – Especially on TV. Yeah.

So are you nicer on TV? Is it the same like when you do it in real life? Mm-hmm. Are you – what we're seeing of you on TV, is it the same as off-screen? I think they show me more intense. They take the intense parts of me. I am not as intense as that. Right.

I like to be nice. Yep. But then, you know. But they edit it in a way that you look like you're badass. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you sound like a big brother contestant. But I just honestly think, I mean, people are people and you've got to have a good relationship with them

and for them to trust you. But then at the end of the day, what you're asking them to do is quite belong, have their whole person in six months. So they're a bit resistant to that. So you have got to have a bit of tough love. Yeah, yeah, totally. And I love that. I would just love to see the behind the scenes.

I wish. I wish because they are very naughty. Oh, really? One of my guys said they put on weight and you say, why have you put on weight this week? Oh, I didn't do anything, Tiff. I didn't do anything. I just ate some more cherry tomatoes.

You know, it's a fruit. It's a sugar. It's a fruit. It's a sugar. And they freak out. And you're like, cherry tomatoes? Are they that bad? Right.

And then I find they're having pancakes behind my back. What? Right. Hang on. Aren't they all camped away? Aren't they in like a place where- They smothered it in the suitcase when they move in. So I'll give you some secrets, right?

So the trainer stocks the fridge and they've all got their own fridge but each fridge is different because each trainer has different foods on their diet. Are they like MacGyver where they're just building pancakes out of cherry tomatoes? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. But for example, the commando is paleo, isn't he? So there's bacon, there's, you know, but he hasn't got grains. But some other people like Shannon has more grains and things like that.

So they steal from each other's fridge and then they make it. They make naughty stuff. Oh, what? They steal from food? Yeah, yeah. And they make like ice cream out of lemon and ice and sorbet and sugar. Oh, wow. They're in the house with nothing to do but think about food

and think about craving and how to make unhealthy food out of healthy food. How to make Frankenstein desserts. Yeah. I mean, you're saying this is bad. They're learning to be pretty resourceful, which is a good skill to have out in the world. They're still having a fat brain, if you know what I mean.

Like they're not. Oh, I totally know what you mean. I'm very aware of what you mean. How do you change that? If a plane crashes on a desert island, they can whip up an ice cream cake with a bit of sand and coconut. If they're 127 hours style trapped under a rock. They'll make a bounty bar.

Yeah, that's it. A bounty bar. And they try and sabotage each other by, oh, it's your birthday. Yeah, it's my birthday. We've made you a cake. Oh. And then weigh in the next day and I'm like, don't make him a birthday cake.

Yeah, but we're just being nice. And then I'm like, but he ate it. He ate the goddamn birthday cake. And then it's like, you have been eliminated. I'm like, it's not my fault. You look like a bad trainer. That's great. And they push that before.

It's like a lot of birthdays in their house this year. I know. And they lace the food with sugar and it all almost gets to a point where the contestant's like – So they're spiking the – Yeah, they're like, I'm not eating anything. I'm not eating anything anybody gives me. And then they're lacing it.

They're putting rice malt syrup in things and healthy stuff. But if you overdo anything – This celery is dipped in whipped cream. Yes. How did you make a birthday cake out of ice and handkerchiefs? Yes. And nuts because they're quite calorific. Like they sort of ground up nuts and put like LSA nut mix in stuff

and it's full on. That's very resourceful. Yeah, it is. But the behind the scenes is the fun stuff. I always think that the show should be… The show is made in despite of itself. I think the competition is the fun stuff. I always think that the show should be – the show is made in despite of itself. I think the competition, the trainers, what everyone gets up to behind the scenes is far more interesting than a challenge.

You know how Big Brother sometimes they'll do like at 10pm, they just have like the unedited surveillance. Behind the losers. Yeah, they need a bit – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just them in the – it's just all those dudes with a fridge open fucking a banana or something. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. Not to get too crass, but talk us through that. Yeah, yeah. And you said do it as well. They do love their food. Hey, I'm sure they get a bit stir-crazy in there. They do. They do, and they just play food games.

They sit there going, what's your favourite food? If you were to die tomorrow, what would be your last meal? If you were in jail, what's your last meal? We had this discussion. That's all they talk about. And also it's like, if you were to die, it's like, you're on the way. We're all on the way. It's quite, you walk in and it's like, guys, what's been happening?

No, we're just talking about our favourite meal. What's your favourite meal? And it's like. But that's junkies. Yeah. That's bad psychology. You don't do it because you're just thinking about it more.. What's your favourite meal? And it's like – But that's junkies. Yeah. That's bad psychology. You don't do it because you're just thinking about it more. That's the last thing I'd want to do.

Yeah, and you try and move them away from thinking about food but then they're in a house locked up, no phones, no anything. And it's like we're not helping here. We need to – See, because in the last three, four weeks I think I've been on a mission to find the best curry, Japanese curry katsu in Melbourne. Dill's on a diet, by the way. And I just thought to myself, wouldn't it be great if I was

on a mission to find the best salad in Melbourne? That never occurred to me. But I'm like, no, no, katsu curry. That's what I need to contribute to the world. The best exercise bike in Melbourne. You know? But yeah, it is interesting how it would be that case of them just going,

well, what do we all have in common? Well, we all love eating, so let's bond over that. Yeah, it is. And, you know, I'm just all about balance. And, I mean, I'm not working on The Biggest Loser next year because I'm doing other things. I'm launching my own health and fitness program, like an online health and fitness program.

And I just think that's an extreme. So you just have to have balance and you've also got to be able to live your life and not be on a strict diet and freak out, go out to dinner, enjoy have dessert, I mean and not. Because most diets don't seem sustainable. Yeah, exactly.

Most diets seem to like, oh this works with quick results. It really is more of a long term. Sometimes you're on a diet but then if you've got a husband or a family, they're always saying, oh, eat this, eat this, and it's very hard. Or a stalker, whatever. You've got to be a normal human. And, you know, like The Simpsons.

On The Simpsons, I love it when they say you don't make friends if you love salad or something. You don't make friends with salad. Yeah, you don't win friends with salad. I always think of that. Well, that's interesting you said dessert because that's what I was thinking of you. Now, do you have dessert? Yeah, I do. I had dessert last night. Oh.

My sister and my mum. Still had it this morning. But yeah. Not for breakfast. That's true. Not for breakfast. But my sister and my mum who are sort of a bit out of it, scheduled my sister's birthday slash hens during the grand final yesterday. Oh, you're kidding me. What's wrong with them?

Last year my friend works at a bar and he had a guy come in and have his Bucks day on the grand final day and the wedding was New Year's Eve. No. How about that? What are they thinking? For just taking up two big days. I honestly said to mum and they expected 13 people to come.

So it started at six. So we had to be ready and in the city at Chin Chin by like 5.30 for this dinner. I'm listening to the radio trying to hear the end of the game. And mum's like, now, how are we going to get the cupcakes in? Should I take this platter? And she's carrying on. And it's a hen. So mum's like, I've been to sexy land.

I've got glasses with these dicks on them. They're fantastic. And I'm like, mum, shut your mouth. I'm trying to listen to the radio and the game and mum's like, let's get a selfie. Ironically, if she put them on, she would look like the biggest loser. Someone who doesn't know much about...

I've got to tell you quickly, I'm trying to... My sister, I want a hen, so I'm like, fuck, okay, fine. I'm the bridesmaid, have to organise it. Wanted a classy event, like no dicks, right? Just a classy dinner. And my mum, I'm the bridesmaid. I have to organise it. Wanted a classy event. Like, no dicks, right? Just a classy dinner. And my mum, I'm filming something this week and she's ringing me non-stop. I thought, my dad's in

Bali. He's been eaten by a shark because he loves surfing. Heaps of dicks around there. And so I thought, I'm going to answer this. I said, guys, wait, my mic's on. Mum, what is it? Someone dead? She's like, no, I'm just in sexy land. I'm like, mum, she goes, it's really classy in here. It's got classy music. It's all laid out really well. Yeah, mum, what is it? Someone dead? She's like, no, I'm just in sexy land. I'm like, mum. She goes, it's really classy in here. It's got classy music.

It's all laid out really well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bought these. Beach ovens, Fifth Symphony playing around. That's it. That's it. They're getting the grade plug on your show. That's awesome.

She loves it. And she's like, look, I found these lipsticks. And they've got, they're really detailed, yeah? Yeah. Veiny, fantastic. I'm going to buy everyone one. I've got glasses with dicks. I've got dick coasters, cock and ball coasters.

She's saying dicks or penis. She's saying cock and balls. Cock and balls. Yep. And I said, mum, I have to go. I'm at work and you're on the, I've got a mic on. I've got to go. She's like, there's just one section you can't go in.

And I'm like, what? She's like, and it was the dildo section. She said that she didn't like the vibe of that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's too far. The vibe. Dildos.

No, no, no. So I had this classy event. She didn't like the vibe of dildos. I like it. She didn't like the vibe right off the bat. You can't go in as in she didn't want to or not allowed to? I think she wanted to. Right.

I think she wanted to, but she just felt like she couldn't on her first trip to sexy land. I think she'll be but she just felt like she couldn't on her first trip to sexyland I think she'll be back but honestly I had this classy event beautiful no dicks just a lovely hens for my sister and my mum turns up sorry Tom Bell I just walked in when you went it was really nice no dick

and my mum yeah and my mum turns up Jay Kramer. Sorry, Tom Ballard lives in this house and he literally walked past it. Sorry, Tom. We've got a lot of spectators on this episode.

Honestly. It's almost as many people as we can have an ad-lib. An audience and mum turns up with a bag of dicks, honestly. And so my sister, mum's like, now put the dick glasses on to all my aunties. And my aunties's like now put the dick glasses on to all my aunties and my aunties are like no and my sister's fiance

we've only met his mother twice so the second time mum's like put the dick glasses on it's super fun it's good we'll get a photo

and we'll put it on Facebook I said you're not putting a photo of me on Facebook wearing that anyway I love

I know and I just wanted to watch the grand final like a normal person I wish someone had insulted your mum Just so she could go Hey why don't you eat a bag of dicks Here you go I love the idea of someone seeing your mum walking through the city With the dick glasses on

Somebody who doesn't quite know much about sport But knows that the grand final is happening What team is that? I know This is so weird because you said you were at Chin Chin at a hen's night. Yeah. My girlfriend was at a hen's night directly opposite that last night. Really?

Yeah. Was it her hen's call? No. Okay, cool. Did she have cock and ball coasters? I haven't heard the full story yet, so maybe not. Maybe not. Because there's always one, isn't there?

It's the same with a box. It's like, look, guys, I don't want any of that smutty stuff. You know, just a nice get together. There's always one guy in the group that's like, look, guys, I don't want any of that smutty stuff. You know, just a nice get-together. There's always one guy in the group that's like, I'll fucking say about that. You know, there's always that one randy guy who turns up with a porno. Like, let's just watch it. Come on, let's just watch a porno for half an hour.

Then we can go have the nice dinner. It's not usually your mother, though. Honestly, what's wrong with Jeanette Hall? I shouldn't have said her name. I shouldn't have said her name. I shouldn't have said her name. It's freaking out. Your lawyer over here is freaking out about this.

I just did a podcast about dicks and my mum. That's bad. I love that the penny only drops now. I know. Shit. Yeah, when you were saying it. This is why he's here. Yeah. Sure, just to observe it, not to stop it.

He's not going to get any lasagna now because mum's not going to cook it for you. She's going to be angry with us. Mum make a good lasagna? Yeah. Is it in the shape of a cock? Mum makes a great lasagna. But my sister... My sister is lactose intolerant, fructose intolerant.

She's gluten free. So the lasagna is fructose, lactose, boring. What fruits go into a lasagna? Cherry tomatoes? She can't have, no, she can't even have like any vegetables or potato or anything. How's that when you have someone who is on the show, if they're like vegetarian or vegan, is it harder to deal with? Oh, we can work with that. Yeah.

Yeah, we can work with that. Are they a pain though? Like don't you think? No, no. It's like just come on, it's for the show. And also how do you get that big of vegetarian as well? Yeah, often. Yeah.

A lot of pumpkin and potatoes. They're never vegetarian. Right, right. They're never vegetarian. Yeah. No, that's what I was going to say about dessert. So you had dessert last night. Yeah, yeah.

What do you have for dessert? Coconut ice cream, chia pudding thing. It was all shared dessert. Right. So I just try a honeycomb ice cream thing. Oh, okay. So normal dessert. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. I'm pretty normal because I don't want to be that person, like my sister's there with the waitress. I'm fructose, I'm lactose, I don't like this. And the waitress wants to punch her in the face. Yeah. And I don't want to be that person. She's traumatised. So I'm just like, I'm anything. I'm coolose, I don't like this. And the waitress wants to punch her in the face. And I don't want to be that person. So I'm just like, I'm anything. I'm cool.

You know what I like now? Restaurants where they've just got the thing where they're like, your allergies are your problem. Isn't that great? I agree with that. I love it. What if you did have allergies? You'd be pretty sad. Yeah, but you know, people going in and doing that and making them, ah, can you take this out? Exactly, Tommy. Last night, this girl said

to me, one of the people, she comes up to me and she said, look, can you take this out? Exactly, Tommy. Last night this girl said to me, one of the people, she goes, she comes up to me, she said, look, we're shared dinner, lovely. I'm allergic to seafood. Okay, oh, shit, that's a big one. I'll go organise it. She goes, and the waitress came out, how allergic? Fish sauces, like, freaking out. It's Asian food.

Like, this is a big part. She goes, oh, no, no, it's just a thing I have where I don't like it. Like, it's a thought of fish, but I'm not allergic. It's just the thought of it. I don't like the thought of it. And I'm like, oh, it's just a thing I have where I don't like it. Like it's a thought of fish but I'm not allergic. It's just the thought of it. I don't like the thought of it. And I'm like, oh, my God. It's crazy that you're allowed – Punch in the face.

That's the one thing where you're allowed to go out and just like totally push your own agenda. Right. Can't turn up to the movies and go, this film – I get a little bit triggered by jokes about bald people. Can you just guarantee me that – Can you take that scene off the movie? Interesting you went to bald people.

But also you can't go, fuck your allergies, I just put some peanuts in your custard. Yeah, there's got to be a line. Well, you've got bigger problems there. There's got to be a line. But, you know, gluten-free fashion, people aren't gluten-free. I know Ed and I, we're not gluten-free, but we sometimes say we're gluten-free just because we don't want the calories.

But we're being annoying. I know. Can I backtrack a little bit? So it's an Asian restaurant and it's called Chink Chink. No. You are an idiot. No, it's called Chin Chin. I mean, they missed an opportunity, really.

Yeah, they're missing an opportunity to get closed down. So, Chink, we doubled it. That's the slogan. Sorry. So you've been sitting on that for like ten minutes now just thinking. No, no, I just didn't think of when I heard. I was like, oh, Asian food. Jesus.

Because I used to live with a guy. The lawyer loves it. All right, settleettle down Perry Mason So I Because I thought Maybe you had this Strict strict thing Where you know You wouldn't even go

Near a dessert Anything like that No no no Because you can't You don't have friends Yeah right Yeah honestly Like I've tried

I've had parts I've had times in my life When I was a gladiator I was really strict Right And like no one wanted to know me Right They're just like

I didn't get invited to parties Right I didn't get invited to parties. I didn't get invited to catch ups because I don't drink so I'm already boring. So you're getting ostracised by the other gladiators

like Zeus didn't want to hang out here or whatever their names are. Coo-coo-da. Didn't want to give you a sublucky. Chink-chink didn't

want to hang out. Destiny, Hunter, fucking who else? What was your name? Did you have a... Okay, we get it. You worked at Bar 20. No, no.

These were gladiators. At night, they would sneak out to Hooters, which was the only place near us. We were staying in Olympic Park, where we were gladiating, I guess, for the TV show. They would go to Hooters, have ribs, like binge at night. And I was strict, so I wasn't doing it. I missed out.

I regret it. I should have done it. What was your gladiator name? My gladiator name was really hardcore. Angel. Cock glasses. That's mums. My gladiator name sounds more porno than hardcore. Angel.

Angel. I wanted to be Battle Axe but they said no. Come back in 50 years you could be called that. And I had these silver hot pants and this silver bra and wings and my husband met me. He met Angel.

He didn't meet me. Oh, really? Did you meet Angel the salary? Yeah, he interviewed Angel and he was like, fuck yeah. And then I was like, no, this is just me. What is that? The lawyer's just shown us the photo of Angel. The lawyer had that photo up very quickly.

It's his wallpaper on his phone. That's really creepy, Ed. No offence, but at night does it ever come out like, can you just be Angel for a minute? No. What speed climb and put him in a headlock. That's what I did in the Gladiator. Looking at Angel, Angel did not eat dessert.

No, Angel didn't eat dessert. Tiff does, though. It's such a romantic story. I was only Angel for a minute. Tiff seems happier, though. Oh, yeah, right, right. It's such a romantic story. I was only Angel for a minute. Tiff seems happier though. Oh, yeah. Like you lose your personality if you're too strict and you lose your vibe. Oh, Dill's got plenty of personality.

Don't worry about that. Imagine if you changed all your behaviours and you still didn't get invited to things. You're like, oh, fuck, that wasn't a problem at all. I know, I know. Well, I'm going through an interesting thing because I've about eight weeks now I've quit drinking, but I seem to have substituted it with pints of ice cream.

Just going, because with comedy, you're always around booze a lot. If you leave that out in the sun and you scull it, that's still technically a drinking problem. That's true. But he's sort of like surrounded by booze all the time.

So I'm out like two or three. Oh, yeah, I'm actually okay with it. But just on the walk home and I'm like, I live near a 7-Eleven. Well, who am I kidding? I'm in the 7-Eleven. Also, everyone lives near a 7-Eleven. True, technically. That's just your hours of eating roast chicken, 7-Eleven.

It took me a couple of beats to get there. Oh, right, I get it. I get it a lot. No, but yeah, I walk and it's just always that thing of going, oh, fuck, you didn't even have a drink tonight. Why don't you just go get a Magnum? Yeah, because you didn't drink. You might as well have some tree.

But also I'm aware that it is a short, obviously it's like a compulsion, like some sort of, it's just short-term fix. But it is quite amazing to be aware of damaging behaviour and still choose the wrong option. Now, my big question, here's a big question I've been trying to force on Dil. I know this. Yes. 7 p.m.?

Yes. Right. Now, here's, I've got my little rules, which I don't know, I've just made them up myself. I don't know if they make sense, but I would love to run them by you. Yeah. So, I always think when I've been trying to lose weight, like the last year, year and a half, I've gone off bread. Fantastic.

That's basically my... Thumbs up from everyone. It's an energy zapper. Fantastic. Right. Yeah, it is. It just flows your metabolism down. Here's my question to you.

He goes off bread, but then he'll still eat a pie. Now, is that not essentially the same thing? No, no, no. Yes! There's a bit more protein in that. Yes, thank you. I'm not a fan of bread. Exactly.

Ever. Yeah, now I argue with this all the time. People say pie is the same as bread. It's fucking not. No, there's meat in it. Meat's time. People say pie is the same as bread. It's fucking not. No, there's meat in it. Meat's good. Yeah, and it's not a loaf. It's not like bread.

No, it's fine pastry. I will say. And it's every now and then. Yeah, yeah. I'm not having it every. Yeah. Well, I am. Some people have breads every day.

I will say I had a glimpse into the Carl Chandler life because I was just in Japan for two weeks. So I basically didn't eat any bread while I was there, right? Oh, okay. Just rice and noodles and stuff. Yeah, rice is fine. And then I had a sandwich when I got back. I ate bread for the first time in two weeks and fucking hell.

You feel lethargic after. Jesus Christ, yeah. I need to fucking lie down. Here's my two loose rules, I reckon. No bread. But also you were, sorry, just quickly with the bread thing, you were at one point a guy who would go through a loaf in one sitting. Oh, shit.

So he has a problem. Yeah, so you're a bread guy. You were at one point a guy who would go through a loaf in one sitting. Oh, right. So he has a problem. Yeah, so you're a bread guy. Yeah, totally. He's in bread, but he's a bread guy. It's a regular duck sandwich. I would definitely go to Baker's Delight and go, oh, that soft spongy. Oh, yeah.

All right, let's make four sandwiches. Then let's butter a couple of bits of bread. Then let's have some toast. Toast. Maybe finish off with another sandwich. Fantastic. Just mix it right up. I'm feeling it.

Yeah, when I used to work at a bakery when I was like 16 and you get all the leftover stuff at the end of the day to bring home, it's not a good way to live, to just have unfiltered access to as much bread and baked goods as you like. Yeah, unless you're a duck. All right, so bread is your no-brain. So bread is one. Yeah, bread is one.

Now, I try and make sure I don't eat after 6.30. Wow. That's early. Around about that time. Yeah, yeah. Now, Dil has a thing now where he'll finish a gig. It's not a thing. Well, go on, go on.

I'll let you finish. I'll let you make your case. Thank you for not arguing with that now. This is like couples counselling. Are you serious? Yeah, and you're the couple. Okay. Fuck, that was too easy.

So, he will finish a gig and then go, all right, let's go out and get dinner. I'm like, it's madness to eat a main meal at 11 o'clock at night. Right. I mean, I'm sure that, I mean, I know that's true, but it also, with the schedule of comedy and stuff. No, disagree, because I do it as well. No it also, with the schedule of like comedy and stuff. No. Disagree.

Because I do it as well. No, you don't gig as often as I do. I don't do something else as often as you do as well. Which is make people laugh. With your dietary habits. There's two ways of looking at this. Like one school of thought is, and this is a bodybuilder school of thought, it doesn't matter when you eat, it's about what you eat. So if you just had lean protein at 12, if you had a chicken breast and broccoli.

Right. Fantastic. Not as bad as. Because it stimulates the metabolism, which is like a muscle, and it flexes every time you eat, so then it speeds up. Right. But if you do fast and extend that fast, that is also good because you're not storing calories whilst you sleep. So I think a cut-off point is good.

Yep. And I myself try not to eat after 8 o'clock. Right. I do agree with that. Right, right, right. But it's hard if you've got a late night. But don't you feel like if you eat like a big meal like late, like at 11 or something, don't you feel like shit when you wake up?

That's what always forces me to not do it. But that's like – Knowing how bad I'll feel in the morning. That's how I've walkedoken up for 31 years. I don't want to change things up now. You've got the results. But that's what I think.

I always think food is fuel. So you're putting fuel in there. Yeah, it's sitting there. If you eat it at 12 and then you go to bed, you've just got all that fuel sitting there. The digestion keeps you up. You don't get a good sleep and then your sleep hygiene's off and all that. Sleep hygiene? That's a new phrase.

Yeah, you want good sleep hygiene. So looking after the darkness. Don't shoot yourself in your sleep. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a great one. You know, not having your mobile phone on, blue light in the room, a comfortable sleeping position, a cool temperature. I really look after our sleep hygiene because my ed's up early.

What do you think about this sleep hygiene of Dilruk Jayasinghe? He's currently shopping or you've got a new mattress? Have you got a new mattress? I've bought a new mattress. How is it? He bought a new mattress because the old one was too stained with beer that he brought to bed and he fell asleep whilst drinking them. Yeah.

That is true. No. I bought a new mattress, an expensive one, because then I knew that will stop me from getting drunk and drinking beers in bed when I get home. Oh, Jimmy. Oh, wow. But he's given up.

He's on the road. Yeah, well, there you go. So I'm on the road. That was probably one of the wake-up calls going, maybe I should probably have a bit of a... That literally should be a wake-up call if you're spilling beer on yourself in bed.

That's not a question for a fitness expert. That's a question for alcoholics anonymous. I'm drinking in bed. I do love being drunk in bed and watching Sia, Chandelier and all these other power ballads and just belting them out. And my poor housemate goes,

I've got work tomorrow. Do you mind? But it is true because I am sort of going into a bit of a transition. I actually did go to a doctor to get a proper blood test done with all like seeing

how much damage have I done over the last 31 years. And this guy is amazingly blunt. He's so brutal. I think he's Indonesian. And he just, so I go to go, I do the blood test and I come back in a week or whatever for the results. And I go into the office. He hasn't got given

any. He goes, look, I don't have the results yet, but what do you want me to say? Both your parents have had heart attacks. You're obese. And then he just stares at me for five seconds and goes, it's I don't have the results yet, but what do you want me to say? Both your parents have had heart attacks. You're obese. And then he just stares at me for five seconds and goes, it's not going to be good. Oh, shit. He's brutal. I love a brutal doctor.

I stepped on the Wayne scales and I clocked 114 and he stared at my stomach and went, huh, I would have thought it'd be more. Is he an old guy? Like, you know, as old as Chandler. I reckon most doctors, like, after two years, they're all blunt. I know. It's all got worn out. I had a great experience with a blunt doctor this week. I went in and I said I need...

He sounds like a doctor from California, by the way. A blunt doctor. I know. All right, Rad Dad. I went in and I said, I need a referral. I'm going to see a plastic surgeon. I'm going to have a cyst removed. And he's like, oh, yeah, cyst, whatever.

I said, it's on my head. He's like, yeah, whatever. He didn't think, you know, whatever. And I said, now feel it. He felt it and he just went, cool. Because it's so big, isn't it? I call it my horn. I've had it for years.

And I don't want to get rid of it because I'm so used to it. But now you can grab it, move it around, and it's growing out of my hair. It sounds like angels turning into a demon. I've had it for years and I don't want to get rid of it because I'm so used to it. But now you can grab it, move it around and it's growing out of my hair. It sounds like angels turning into a demon. I know. It's a trick. So Monday I'm going to a plastic surgeon and I'm going to get it removed. It's a big moment. I'm getting rid of it and

we're going to miss it, aren't we? You're going to keep it in a jar and have it on the mantel. A little horny. But he thought it was cool. He was impressed. I should be on Embarrassing Bodies, you know, like go and say hey. Oh, wow. I love that show so much.

I love it. Going back to dessert because I used to live with a triathlon. A triathlete. Triathlon. With a whole race. In Noosa. I used to live with a triathlete And he was so strict So strict with his meals

Did he have friends? I don't think he did Yeah Yeah, okay He made friends with his bike Yeah, yeah Totally, it was like that And I remember him being like

He'd always look at what everyone else was eating in the flat And be like, oh, I can't believe you do that Whatever Oh no, he'd be judgy I remember him having a big treat Making this big deal of having a treat this night and he had a strawberry Big M. And that was his massive treat.

That's breakfast. Yeah. At the time, I was like, that would be my healthy option. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not Coke. I'm not getting a down iced coffee. I'll get a Big M. Oh, that is not a way to live a life.

No, it's not. You've got to have balance. Because I always felt bad After that Because I looked And this is like When I was 18 I lived with him

And for years and years I would look up Triathlete results In the paper to make I really hoped That he made something of it Because I was like You have fucking

Wasted your life Yeah That's it isn't it Yeah that's it You've just got to have balance And you know What's the point of Training hard

Or exercising If you can't have You know Chocolate or Right But if you can't have, you know, chocolate or add strawberry again? But if you're, like, why do you want to look good if you're not, if you have no friends and you're not social? Like, what's the end? Yeah, exactly. What's the result for? That's it.

And a big part of me creating my own health and fitness program is that it should feel awesome to look good. You're deprived or punished or guilty. Well, that's my problem. I'm just gorgeous anyway. You are gorgeous. No, you are gorgeous. There's no motivation. No, you gorge. You're deprived or punished or guilty. Well, that's my problem. I'm just gorgeous anyway. You are gorgeous. No, you are gorgeous. There's no motivation.

No, you gorge. But, you know, like, this is, I mean, again, every time I say it, you guys look at me like, this is such bullshit. I actually did a triathlon, like a full Olympic distance one, which was a 1.5K swim, 40K bike ride and 10K run. Wow. In the news set.

That was actually in the news. That's amazing. 24 nuggets. And that was like over five months training. And that's like the weird thing is like I get motivated by people. Because if someone told me I can't do it. And I was like, oh, fucking great. And here we go.

And I did it. But the problem is then afterwards I went on a trip to Wilson's Prom. And on the way there I had 18 cans of VB. And then fell down after the car and cracked my ribs so I never ran again. 18? Oh, my God. That's great.

Just looking for a way out. The running did this to me. 18 cans. Yeah, it was a good effort, hey. Yeah, yeah. But then... How many cans do you prescribe, Tiff? A V?

A VB. Oh, VB. Oh, no. Oh, did you think he had 18 cans of V? Yes. No, no, I was talking about VB, sorry. Oh, you said VB. Yeah, that makes moreB. Oh, VB. Oh, no. Oh, did you think he had 18 cans of V? Yes. Wow. No, no. I was talking about VB.

Sorry. Oh, you said VB. Yeah, that makes more sense. Oh, right. That makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're normal now. I was freaked out over the cans of V.

No, no, no. Now VB. I'm impressed. Yeah, right. Yeah, no. V would have probably, oh, that would have been scary. But yeah, well, that's the thing is just that how do you make like – I'm sorry, like with the show and stuff as well is how do you maintain that motivation once you go back into real life?

Because during the triathlon, you're like, all right, I have to get up at 5.30, go for a bike ride. I know I'm doing it for a specific goal. Yeah, then it's done. The problem is like do you still have to keep stacking goals, I guess? I reckon just ditch the goals. I think people make a weight a goal. So I'm going to hit, you know, X, I don't know, for a girl,

I'm going to be 59 kilos and that's my goal weight. I'm going to be happy at that. And then they get there and they're not happy and then they, you know, blow out again or whatever. I just think ditch fitness goals, ditch weight goals and just integrate it as a lifestyle so that you have weekends where you have fun during the week. You know, you're on a health plan.

I just think just don't have goals. This stumbles upon a very controversial topic whenever I'm with your podcast listeners as well. The concept of a cheat day. Right. Right. I mean, we've argued a lot. We actually spoke to Dr. Carl.

Yeah, what did he say? He said bullshit, I think is his exact phrasing. But he misunderstood the question. The thing I was saying is you have a good healthy meal, like eating for like six days, and on the seventh day you treat yourself. Define treat yourself. Here we go. Bill sets the alarm for 5am so he can get as much in.

5.30, don't be silly. So he can get as much in the day as he can. Yes, that's no. Right. A cheat meal should be a plate the day as he can. Yeah, see, that's no. Right. Okay. A cheat meal should be a plate of food, one meal. Yeah. Oh, okay, cheat meal. Deal just like everything he's walked past and seen during the week,

he then goes and makes up for it on the Sunday. No, no, no. Well, what I do, this is what my argument is that psychologically, well, this worked last year when I did the challenge on the show saying I'm going to lose 10 kilos in 10 weeks. And it worked because what happened is psychologically when I get that urge to have some shitty food during the week or whatever, I go, okay, I'll put this, note this down in my phone. And then it automatically stops becoming taboo.

Because you're like, oh, I'll get to have it in six days. On day one, I'm like, oh, fuck. I need some chips. But then the problem is I think what I've come to understand is it doesn't change the mindset of healthy eating. It becomes still that reward rather than just a way of life. Yeah, exactly. And have you tried like healthy swaps?

Like for example, say you're craving fish and chips, oily fish and chips. Couldn't you have like fish coated in psyllium husk with sweet potato chips instead of, do you know what I mean? Like swapping in and out and then you, it tastes a little different but you feel satisfied

and it's like half the calories and less cholesterol. But don't you feel after you've done it for six days, don't you genuinely feel better? Do you feel better? And doesn't that then

make you not want to do the cheat day? No, my good man, look at me. Oh, see maybe, maybe you act do you feel better and doesn't that then make you not want to do the cheat day no my good man look at me oh see maybe maybe you should do an experiment maybe you should go like two weeks without a cheat day and then you might have the shit food and go oh it tastes disgusting totally one of um lauren burns who won the gold medal for australia for taekwondo in 2000 she was on a diet and she had to get down to 49 kilos to fight you know for for taekwondo in 2000. She was on a diet and she had to get down to 49 kilos to fight, you know, for the taekwondo competition in the Olympics. And she dieted so hard.

And I remember she was telling me that all she wanted was an apple pie from McDonald's after the competition. She won her gold medal. She got down to 49 kilos, which was so light. She walked up to McDonald's, smelt it and was like, I can't physically eat it. It's so disgusting. But you know what I mean?

Like maybe you need more of a butter. She might have smelled some of the other customers. That's probably it. I don't know. I wonder who that could have been. I don't know. Like maybe you need to just go, they say 30 days to build a new habit. Right.

30 days. And do you know your taste buds rejuvenate yeah every 10 days they change so if you go off sugar and you're very strict right and you are on a strict plan for 10 days but you've got to be strict your taste buds will change so that when you go to eat something you'll taste different yeah but you've got to be strict for 10 days you've got to give yourself that yeah yeah yeah because i used to drink a lot of coke and you you'd remember this from when we worked together on a show. I didn't drink coffee.

I would get up in the morning and start the day off with a big old bottle of Coke. Absolutely no good. And then I just made myself stop drinking it. What do you say a bottle like a litre? Not a litre. Like 600ml? Well, no wonder you're so fat. You think a litre is the first size bottle I make?

I'm asking questions. No, just like a 330ml. Yeah, alright, alright. Just a standard little one. milliliter. Yeah, all right, all right. Just a standard little one. Okay, okay. Yeah, no, I would have multiple ones during the day. But like now I can't drink it. It's disgusting.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. It's my best hangover cure. I hate it. Yeah. Yeah. And all the sugar just makes you feel fucked afterwards. It does.

I can't do it. Yeah, you get the coke sweat. Yeah, totally. I think this would be interesting for our listeners and for us. Have you got like a go-to quick fix? Like if someone came to you and said, right, I need to lose three kilos in two weeks or whatever it is, something like that.

Is that – What's your quick fix? What's your easy out? The easiest thing is not food or diet, food or exercise because it's too hard for people. My go-to is try my water week, which is simply swapping out your liquid calories, what you drink, alcohol, coffee, smoothies, Cokes, soft drinks,

and just replacing it with water. Now, the hydration will fill you up. It'll regulate your appetite because when your body is thirsty, it sends you out to get food, moisture from food. It's, you know, paleolithic. That's how we survived. So water is an appetite suppressant. Is that right?

Yes, yes. Because when you're having a craving for something, you're not actually hungry, you're thirsty, you're dehydrated. Right. Because the body is seeking moisture from food because you're not drinking water. We're like koala bears. Exactly.

If you drink lots of water and you get your hydration levels up, you won't crave calories. You will not drink calories because most of the calories we have are in our drinks not the food. I did this experiment on The Living Room, a show I've been working on, Channel 10.

The girl... Lawyers happy? Thumbs up from the lawyers. Your PR guy is rough. We did my water week for two weeks. The boy, the man lost eight kilos and the lady lost three kilos. Wow. They still ate what they ate, whatever that was.

They didn't exercise. Right. And they lost a lot of weight. So no coffee. They could have black coffee because there's no calories. They could have herbal tea. They can put fruit in water to make it taste nice and things like that. Oh, okay, like a lemon squeeze or something like that.

But generally just water. Because I'd struggle to take a coffee out of my diet at this point. Yeah, no, no, no. You can have more blacks. Yeah, absolutely. What about gravy? Does that come in as a drink? Oh my god. That's it.

He's killing me. He's killing himself. He's killing me. Fuck! Fuck! Everyone's just grappling for that punchline. Three men crushing the doorway in that one. Fuck, I was pretty thirsty there. And that was just you. Gravy.

My quick fix would be get food poisoning for a week. I had that last year. I've done the BD diet. VB? I did that in Wrong. The BD diet we were in Bali and it was really

good because we'd have a buffet and then we had bad diarrhea. We just kept going to buffets, diarrhea, buffets, diarrhea. To be honest, I think Gil's into it. There's a buffet involved. He would just block out the second half. Ed and I, because Ed's a huge eater. He eats spectacular amounts of food.

I've heard the legends of this. He has these rules. I've worked in an amounts of food. I've heard the legends of this. He has these rules. I've worked in an office with Ed. I've seen it firsthand. He doesn't have bread because it's, what do you call it? An empty filler. A non-delicious filler. Non-delicious filler.

So, no bread. And he has this process, no potato. Oh, no potato. Yeah, no fizzy drinks because it fills you up at a buffet. I'm taking notes for the first time. Oh, no pasta. No pasta, just the sauce. He really tries

and gets them. It's like, I've shown up, I'm going to get you. You just have the sauce in the pasta. Get on, Mike. If you're at a buffet, what they want you to do, because it's the cheap stuff, everything white and everything that's at the front, that's what they want you

to eat because it doesn't cost them anything. Right. So bread, pasta. Yeah. Fizzy drinks. Often they'll come around and they'll offer you fizzy drinks because they want you to fill up on that. They keep refilling your water jug.

You know restaurants aren't the government. They're not out to get you. They are. Come on down to Illuminati's. I've been kicked out of three buffets in my life for overeating. Really? Yeah. One was at a casino.

Sizzler too. Yeah, and Sizzler. Oh, yeah, four. I've been kicked out of three buffets in my life for overeating. Really? Yeah. One was at a casino. Sizzler too. Yeah. And Sizzler. Oh, yeah. Four. I've been kicked out of Sizzler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So rice.

No rice. That's all I say. How do they quantify? How do they know that you've overeaten? Because they go. So they are watching. And so the first time I ever got kicked out of was a Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet. A mate of mine who was an expert, he said to me, mate, there's a buffet, the Chinese place that we go to. They're idiots. Monday night's all-you-can-eat buffet. A mate of mine who was an expert, he said to me, mate, there's a buffet, a Chinese place that we go to.

They're idiots. Monday night's all-you-can-eat. And we said, yes. So we went in there and we just, we nailed them for three hours. And then a waitress came over and said, excuse me, you guys have had enough, right? Like in the Simpsons episode. That you thought was a documentary apparently.

He blew up. He blew up. He was furious. Sounds like you both blew up. He blew up. He was furious. Sounds like you both blew up. And so then we got kicked out of that. Then we got kicked out at a casino in Queensland because we were eating and we just had piled up with all the meats and the good stuff and stuff like that.

And then a waiter came over and said, hey, guys, we're starting the next session. And I said, what do you mean? Is that lunch? Like, is that dinner? Because we'll stay and he goes no we have to clear the restaurant you have to leave and then that's happened to me two other times because they know that i don't eat anything that's not that's the cheap stuff

that they want well and the other thing is they do is just the main buffet distraction method that they'll use um is that they'll put all the prawns, the giant stack of prawns, they'll put that at the front because people think it's a high value meal. Item, yeah. Item, thank you. And so people will rush to the prawns and go on YouTube and type in prawns at a buffet. Bill's got a bookmark to read.

It's hilarious watching buffets from around the world. People fight over the prawns. Right. And I always laugh at those idiots because while they're doing that, I'm eating osso bucco until I can barely stand up. Right. And so then people get stuck with it. And the other thing about seafood is they'll say often when you look

at a buffet next time, they'll promote their seafood. Seafood buffet, seafood buffet, seafood buffet because they think, oh, people think it's of good value. Yeah, good value. It's not. Seafood is what seafood buffet, seafood buffet because they think, oh, people think it's good value. Yeah, good value. It's not. Seafood is what I call low-yield food. So it's a lot of work.

Crabs, prawns, lobsters. A lot of wastage on the animal. Thank you. So much work for so little meat. Right.

I never get sucked into that. Anyway, I've got to go. We're meant to be giving health tips and you just gave buffet tips. What is this? But as you know, I've got to go. We're meant to be giving health tips and you just gave buffet tips. What is this? But as you know, I'm very balanced because my husband loves buffets. So, you know, the BD diet. The BD diet.

Don't take that one away. What day? What happened? We had a buffet in Bali and I'd done all the right things. He's back. Yeah, I'm just asking. And I'd done all the right things. He's like Farnham.

And I decided to give the, teach the croissant guy a lesson because... Why have you got it in for so many pervasives? No, because he feels like they're trying to fuck over most humans

and he's trying to win one back for the people. Like the little guys. Well, not so little guys, but anyway. He gypped me the first time. I said, I'll have a croissant. He stiffed me, walked past me, right?

So I said, fine. So I ate nine in a row. Right. Every time he came past, yep, yep. Croissant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You taught him. Just one last.

Have you tried the Fofbra House challenge with the pork, 1.5 kilos of pork and a serving of chips and a stein of beer? But the problem is it has to be done in 45 minutes. Oh, my gosh. I couldn't. Right, right, right. You're not a sprinter. It makes a day of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's reminded me of one of the greatest moments of my life. We were in Vegas at a buffet and we just had breakfast and we were just like, let's just sit here for a bit and get out. I think we were driving back to LA. We were just like taking our time. All of a sudden, the lunch items start coming. We've had a bit of an hour break.

We didn't get moved along. So all of a sudden, you're able to get eggs and bacon with a bit of lasagna on the side. One of the greatest events of my life. Oh, magic. I feel like we were really good at the start of this episode. We gave health tips and value to the listeners and now they're running away with the BG diet

And buffet tips Because a buffet generally A buffet is like 30 bucks or something So you go in thinking If I was to pay 30 dollars for an amount of food Yeah And then you have one bowl of pasta And go, ah well I've cooked this

We did that thing because When we were in Vegas we did that thing Where they sell you a pass Where you get a full day. A wristband. A wristband, a full day in any of eight buffets in casinos. So then you go, amazing, and then you fill up on one buffet and go, oh, I see what you've done here.

We don't need the other two meals. Right, right, right. So you just got to hop. Yeah, there's one in Sri Lanka as well. Well, that's actually, yeah, another one because I'm originally from Sri Lanka and I go visiting them like two or three times a year and it's a three week holiday and usually my

schedule is I get to Sri Lanka, I get into a sarong and then just drink scotch for three weeks and then just get fed food, right? And so I'm actually now. Are you sure your holiday isn't in ancient Rome? Yes, we have vomitoriums and orgies at my house. Thanks, Mum.

But, yeah, I'm going back now. Next week, next Thursday, I go to Malaysia, India and Sri Lanka and it's all about, like, even the Malaysian booker of this gig, he keeps sending me photos of all the restaurants he's going to take me to. Oh, wow. It's all about the food. Yeah, so I guess what is, like, in terms of damage control, like, let's just take it as a given that restaurants he's going to take me to. Oh, wow. It's all about the food. Yeah, so I guess what is like in terms of damage control? Like let's just take it as a given that I'm probably going to binge, right?

Is it – this is my plan. This is what I'll tell you. Tell me what you think. My plan is to at least get a decent breakfast, as in like a non-fucked up breakfast. Love it. Yep, sets you up for the day. Is that a technical term?

Non-fucked up breakfast? Yeah, non-fucked up breakfast. But also let's hear your version of non-fucked up breakfast. Right. 12 eggs. No, no, my go-to is... On the dill fucked up food pyramid. Right.

This is what I consider a healthy meal, which is sort of a serving of lentils or beans, like butter beans. Protein, yeah. Yep. 250 grams of spinach, frozen Frozen Because I can't keep The fresh ones It's just as good And I cook the spinach

In like sardines Yeah And cook an egg Yeah great That's healthy That's very healthy Right That's my go to

High in protein And it's going to keep you full So you're not Physiologically starving Right Yeah But they're doing gigs Are you going to have access

To a kitchen where you can do this Yeah exactly That's the problem You're going to have to eat out Right right But I'll find a way You're going to have to eat out. Right, right, right. But I'll find a way. You can go to the supermarket and get all those items quite easily. When I was on Interstate and stuff, that's what I do.

I'll just buy the ingredients and just keep them and then just sort of mix them up. It's not like a pretty looking dish. It actually looks quite disgusting in the end. Yeah, but it sounds like it tastes good. It tastes delicious. Well, the sardines… What did she say? Nothing.

That's good. They enjoyed that. Well, the sardine. What did you say? Nothing. They enjoyed that. That's all that matters. I have to listen back to that. As if I wasn't going to anyway. But yeah, so that's it. So you've got healthy breakfast. So get the breakfast out and make sure I stick to that. And the other thing is, well, I've never done.

Stop it. You guys are like children. It was a good little job. Oh, fuck. All right, we'll come back. But yeah, and the other thing is something I've never done, which is actual physical exercise while I'm on holiday. A bit of exercise.

So what's the most like minimum effort, maximum result exercise that I could do? Interval training. It's the best. So don't go long distance because you won't burn fat as fast. 30 seconds is about intensity. Go as hard as you can, either running, cycling, whatever access you have. Have you got an exercise bike, a hill, a stair, whatever. Find some space.

Right. 30 seconds up or 30 seconds hard and then rest for 30 seconds. Right. Repeat that 10 to 20 times. It should take you 20 minutes. Right. And it's the best results to improve fitness fast and burn fat calories. Okay.

I like that. I like that. Not endurance, okay? That's what I was going to ask because I go through a burger in about 30 seconds. Does that count? That's intense. And then have a break and then get ready. You don't eat a burger and then another burger for 30 seconds. We're not trying to make you live or work

for 30 seconds at a time. That's what I wanted to ask you about because I've now got a personal trainer. I'm just into the world of that. This is awesome. I've never done that before. Yeah, good on you. And my girlfriend as well. Yeah, good.

So we're learning about all this stuff. We've always, before that, done a lot of running. Like we set ourselves a challenge where we'd go, okay, we're going to do one of those city 10K or 15K runs. Yeah, yeah. And so then because we've got that there in two months or whatever and i've got one in a couple of weeks then it means oh you know you get the fear of god in you and you have to train for it you don't want to be an idiot on the day so um we kind of thought and this is us

guessing every time we do that running training it feels like that's better for losing weight than maybe the gym is uh is look there's there's running has its pros, of course, and all fitness does, moving does, but it depends what you want out of it. I do believe in a little bit of weight training because that's going to build lean muscle, not like bodybuilder muscle, but your muscle is your fat factory.

So a kilo of muscle burns 400 calories approximately. So it's like a free muffin a day. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. So if you've got a muscle. You speak a deal language. That's why, you know, fit people sometimes eat dessert and whatever. You're like, why don't they put on weights?

Because they've got lean muscle, you know, that burns. It's a fat factory. So you have to do a little bit of cross-training. You know, you're running, a bit of gym work, some strength and conditioning. I really love intervals because it doesn't put cortisol the stress hormone in your body and when you have stress hormone in your body then you don't burn fat because if you go for like 20ks your body starts to break down and it gets stressed out right and then you don't burn fat so that's why

you sometimes see um some joggers going long distance and they still got a gut and you're like how is that possible right they're not like I've ever seen that, but sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, like they don't look as lean. Right. So, yeah, I think mix it up. I have heard something like that where like the longer you go, it's sort of there's a certain distance where you're sort of not really doing

much for yourself after that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And I think everyone's different, but for me, I know that point. I know it's like 7 or 8Ks. I won't have passed. Yeah, so you can work it out in yourself. But, yeah, definitely mix it up.

Cross-train. It's so important. Okay, great. But I do have something that you could do on your holiday that could help. Could not. Yeah, because, like, you're going to cook this healthy breakfast, right? Why don't you just do the breakfast for dinner as well? And then it's like you're going to cook this healthy breakfast, right? Why don't you just do the breakfast for dinner as well? And then it's like you're full and then if you have a little something out,

you just have an appetiser or something for the sake of it, you know, like a social little supper meal. So you're saying second dinner? Is that what you mean? No. Not a second dinner. No. So you have your healthy –

Again, get a psychologist in here. This is a waste of time. So you have your healthy breakfast as dinner, right? So you have your healthy Again Get a psychologist in here This is a waste of time So you have your healthy breakfast As dinner right So you're full Right right right And then you have a little supper Just something small and nice

But that's after Social Social But it's not a big binge It's not a big dinner But it's just a little top up But at least you're not having A massive meal at night

Right You've already had your decent Healthy Two to three 300 calorie breakfast. Wow, so early on before the – because the problem is in Sri Lanka there's a lot of catch-ups with relatives and there's a lot of like, oh, he likes to eat and they just cook me all the food that I like to eat, like the Roman times.

Yeah. But, yeah, you've just got to go with that, yeah. Or maybe you should give yourself a free pass and just have an awesome holiday and come back and get back on track. Well, I'll be back again in December. That's the problem. It doesn't quite work because of my officially an accomplice in a murder. He's going to be going back and back and back.

That's kind of why I started by saying, well, given that it's going to happen, like how do I really minimize damage? That's why. So maybe the dinner thing. I don't know. Relatives. I just love you just going, I don't know. I've given up. Relatives. I just love you just going, I don't know. I've given up.

I've met my match. I said that because I do empathize. It's relatives, isn't it? They're feeders. They're like, I've pushed this for you and I've made this for you. 19 years of my life. They bring over everything and no matter what you're doing, they're just feeding you.

And it's like an insult if you don't. Look how much I slave to get this shit for you. How dare you say you're not eating that? You can't say no. I mean, they don't say those words. It is hard. It is hard. With a gun to my head.

Eat it! This is something I picked up from one of the great weight loss experts of our time, Dave Hughes. I remember him tweeting this and it stuck with me. He said, well, he lost quite a bit of weight a couple of years ago. And he said, I remember him tweeting this and it stuck with me. He said – well, he lost quite a bit of weight a couple of years ago. And he said – I remember him tweeting this. I'm angry. I'm hungry. He said, you have to make friends with feeling hungry.

Yeah. Is that true? To a healthy degree. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like a thing where I will quite often in my head, like I've had my early dinner or whatever and then it'll get to 9 o'clock and I'm like, oh, gee, I'm a little bit hungry.

That's okay. Just live with it. Yeah, that's fine. You're not going to die. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That little impulse of hunger, it's not like, oh, that's a – A little discomfort.

I don't think – not saying hunger because people are like, oh, that's a bit, you know, but I think – That's a bit world vision. Yeah, like when I say – with my contestants – World vision. Oh, my God. With my contestants, I would do a lot teaching them about appetite cues because some of them had never felt hunger.

They didn't know what that felt like. They didn't know. So to feel a bit of discomfort and that actually I'm ready to eat, I'm ready for a meal. I feel like Ed should bring them on one of his little tours of buffets. Yeah, no, they're not meeting Ed. He will destroy my hard work. That's like a challenge.

Yeah, I know. There's a challenge. But, you know, if you just get used to I'm ready for a meal now and then not overeating and just stopping and going, oh, that's enough and not overdoing it so you're stuffed. Yeah, that feels like a crucial thing, I think. Listen to your body. Yeah, I feel like I will stop halfway through a meal sometimes

and my girlfriend will get mad with me and I'll go, no, that's enough. And she'll be like, just finish it. I'm like, no, if I'm full now, I've gotten rid of that hunger pain. That's enough. That's enough. And she's like, but that's a waste. That'll go in the bin. And I'm like, what am I supposed to put in my stomach? Yeah, yeah. That's enough. That's enough. And she's like, but that's a waste. That'll go in the bin. And I'm like, what am I supposed to put in my stomach?

Yeah, yeah. That's not a bin either. Put it in a little tough working time, put it in the fridge, and then have a snack in three hours. Like eat small meals every three to four hours. That's perfect. You know what I would say, Dil? Split your dinner.

The best way to lose weight and keep it off, go to Japan. Thank you. Isn't that great? It's impossible to be fat there. Well, that's why I'm doing my Japanese katsu curry mission. It's Japanese. It's crazy. Like, I eat, like, I eat, like, shit.

And just being there, like, you can't. And I just got used to it. Like, since I came back, I'm not finishing meat. Like, I'm not eating the same quantity I can. It looks like it's done wonders for you. But what do you mean? But what exactly do you mean? You can't get fat over there

Because of the type of They just They're portion sizes Like they don't Like so for example Like I ate a lot of Katsu curry and rice And stuff over there

I went out for one with you When I came back Yes And we went to this place And it was like I ordered I was like oh yeah I love this

Huge bowl Yeah it was like Three times the size Of a quantity That's my number one thing By the way If anyone wants to go. Yeah, it's great.

I'm on Russell and Little Lonsdale. But it just made me realise like you… It is all about portions. You don't really see… You don't see fat people over there. It's all right, Tommy. And a lot of people say… Yeah, sumo wrestlers aren't a thing over there.

No. And a lot of people say everything in moderation. But I'm like, hey, moderation has gone out the window. What is moderation these days? People say, oh, big plates. And, you know, when you show someone a correct portion of, like say a correct portion of a brownie, they'd freak out. It is honestly this big.

Right, right. And where people are eating slabs of brownies at like, you know, it's amazing what a portion is. And every pub is trying to get known as having the biggest parma and the most like insane burger. And those freak shakes. Have you seen those milkshakes with donuts in them? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? Yeah, they're amazing. I'm getting grossed out by that, to be honest. Yeah, food and milkshakes. Right, right, right. Yeah, it's a thing now. But yeah, portion, pulling it back. And sometimes I get, I weigh food and I go, oh, that's a correct portion.

Even it's so easy to slip out of it. Yeah. Yeah. What about this? So I heard Lawrence Mooney told me a couple of weeks ago. Another great health fanatic. Yeah, well. He's being healthy at the moment.

Yeah, he's trying. Yeah, yeah. Hasn't killed him yet. That's one thing. Yeah, look at all the stuff he's done. He should be dead many times over. Yeah, he's trying. But he said no to a beer because he said he was getting up in the morning

to be trained by you. Yes, I've been training Lawrence Mooney. Yeah, I have. With this new program, I've been testing it out on him. Oh, really? He's a guinea pig. Yeah, so the program's called Tiff XO. Tiff, kiss, hug.

It's about giving yourself a cuddle. And he, yeah, I thought I'll test it on him. Did he think it was, when you said, I want to test something out on you, did you think it was something else? No. Did he think it was – when you said, I want to test something out on you, did you think it was something else? No. Did he think it was a new drug? No. It was hard work.

You know what? He sweats and he yells out things in class, but he is a good student. Yeah, he's a bit naughty. Right. Yeah, he tries to distract the class, but he's trying hard. I think he's lost some weight. He's not drinking at the moment. He's looking fit, fantastic, um he's trying hard i think he's lost some weight he's not drinking at the moment he's looking fit fantastic and he's trying hard because again it's about making the

healthy lifestyle work for you in your life around work around family and you know it's hard comedians especially night time gigs it's yeah also the lack of routine i think is a problem because every day so seven days a week, has a different schedule. Dill does have a lack of a routine. No lack of a roti. No lack of poutine. Much better.

Good. Good word. So, is he part of a class, like just a normal everyday class that you can be part of? Yeah. So, I was running a focus group like a testing ground right for this program to see if i could get some results i did get some amazing results and i just pulled in as many people as i could and and i knew i know lawrence

through ed and a few other people pulled them into the class girls all ages all fitness levels and i just wanted to see and we ran it for a month every day. I trained him every single day he turned up. Oh, wow. That is awesome. I think he just missed two days because he was in Sydney for gigs. Right. Sure. But he was committed.

All right. Request. Next time you do one of them, my girlfriend on the way in said, oh, because she loves the big slurs. She was like, ask her if – Would she be up to training with me? Yeah. Ask her if there's any training, anything.

Yeah, yeah. If she does that sort of thing because she knew about the Lawrence community. Yeah, I do. And I will be doing a lot more. Oh, really? Oh, it says it's hard, but he's a wuss. Yeah. He knows all about the empty trainings and where the real trainings are.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think we'd better wrap it up there, guys, for this episode. Tiff, Dil, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Can you take out all the dick stuff? Please. We'll talk. So

what would you like to plug at the end of this? So that course, that's an online thing that's starting soon? Yeah, so my online program, you can train with me through video every single day. It's live. Food, motivation, lots of really cool tricks to deal with cravings, all of that's called Tiff Exo.

Launches November the 7th. Great. And it's helped Lawrence Mooney, so it can help anybody. That's actually a very good brand ambassador for this particular podcast. Yeah, yeah. One of the absolute favourite guests of the podcast. Yeah, he's awesome. Totally.

Can I plug December 2nd, I've got my show at the Comedy Store in Sydney. It's the show that I did at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, Sri Wanker. So, thank you. So, it's the first time I'm performing a solo show in Sydney, a whole one-hour show. So, it'd be really great if dum-dum listeners can come out to see that. The store is one of our favourite venues to perform at.

So, where are tickets? Through the Comedy Store? I think so. Or comedy.com.au. Go there. Or on Twitter at Dilrug J or on Instagram at Dilrug J and Facebook.com slash Dilrug J Comedian.

Awesome. We've got Adelaide. No, we've done Adelaide. We've got Perth coming up October the 30th. We've got big Melbourne. Two live podcasts back-to-back November the 12th. Yes, massive back-to-back plus stand-up shows, a little weird stand-up show after that as well.

But, yeah, definitely Perth and Melbourne, get onto it. Plus we've got the Patreon. Obviously get onto that to get your free bonus episode, free bonus magazine. Free bonus online bullying at the start of this show. Free bonus. And get on there. Just a little Dum Dum Club has everything with the merch involved.

It's quite the online hub, isn't it? Yeah. It's almost all dumb dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, thanks so much for joining us and for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

Yeah, she said it. Oh, she said it.