The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 314 - Live! Tom Ballard, Nick Cody & Adam Richard

Episode Date: October 10, 2016

Fan Fiction, Family Members and Dining Alone.Recorded LIVE in Adelaide at the Rhino Room on October 4th, 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse. You know, Carl, I don't normally say this. I could go at Yalla right now. Oh, wow. Usually you're very anti our sponsor, but this is a good shift in your advertising dynamic. You're actually promoting. I'm on board. It's taken over a year, but I'm finally on board with our sponsor.

Hey, well, if Tommy's on board, guys and girls are out there listening. You should be on board. Good little boys and girls. You should all get on board as well. Yep. They are such a long-running supporter of this show. It literally has been over a year at this point. Yeah. But they've been funding our lavish lifestyle that we gallivant around off the back of this podcast.

This house made of moose that we're living in right now. Yes. That we live together in. of this podcast. This house made of moose that we're living in right now. Yes. That we live together in. Now, hey, here's a way to fund our moose-filled house. Come to a live show.

Yes. Guys, you're about to listen to an Adelaide live show, which, you know what? You Adelaide guys, you turned up for. Awesome. You got there in the end. Yeah, you did it. You dragged your little hiney along the ground,

but we got there. So, hey, Perth, Melbourne. Let's do that, but even more. Let's go. Perth, Sunday, October. October 30th. Yeah. It's at like 4 o'clock.

It is at a – if you bought tickets early on, we have moved venues for a very boring excuse. So we are now – Can't see that coming to bite us in the ass on the day. Oh, well, it's at 4 o'clock. It is in – Northbury. excuse. So we are now... Can't see that coming to bite us in the ass on the day. It's at 4 o'clock. It is in... Northbridge. Rosio Grady's. Where we did our live show, what was it? Two years ago? Two years ago. Yeah. Great venue.

Happy to be back there. Yeah, it is. It is a great venue. So we're doing a big stand-up show, big podcast. 4 o'clock in the afternoon, Sunday October the 30th. It is going to be a great one. We've got guests booked in. They've bought tickets.

Yeah, it's excellent. So then Melbourne, we do a big double episode in Melbourne on Saturday night, November the 12th. Yep. Starting at 6.30 at night? Yeah, sure. We do back-to-back episodes, then we do a bit of stand-up as well, but it is weird stand-up, as we've said.

A bit of character stuff, there's a bit of Gary Chook, a bit of Baby Bogan, a bit of... PJ. PJ Action. PJ Chandler. Yeah, a lot of stuff like that. So heaps and heaps of fun. That is unrecorded, so you only get to see that stuff if you come along.

So that's a massive incentive. Yeah. It's going to make me go. Yeah, it's going to be great. We're really looking forward to those ones. So yeah. Melbourne, Perth,

come check those out. We've also got t-shirts and hoodies and all that merch on sale right now. Make our website your homepage. That way you don't miss out on anything. Yeah. Tickets to all those gigs, all the episodes, all the back episodes and everything can be found.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Carl, I think that brings us to the end of the ad and it's only taken about three minutes. Wow. Because we've left out a certain regular segment of it. Why could that possibly be? Well, Tommy, I'll tell you what you did last night.

We did a Patreon reading during the live episode. So let's just – look, We're going to get complaints. This ad's way too short. We're really sorry, everyone. We'll make it up to you next week. Yeah. But here it is. Here is the live episode from Adelaide with guests Tom Ballard,

Nick Cody and Adam Richard. Yeah. Enjoy it. Super fun. Hey, mate! Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club, live from the Rhino Room in Adelaide. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and sitting next to me is the other half of the program. It's Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads.

Yeah. We should say... We just got a gift on the way up. Oh, really? Yeah. We just got a gift. We got some Villy's stubby holders. Villy's one of the three or four 24-hour bakeries in Adelaide, yeah? Yeah.

How many? Three? Three? People are just now shouting out their favourite ones. Billy's one of the three or four 24-hour bakeries in Adelaide, yeah? Yeah, yeah. How many? Three? Three? People are just now shouting out their favourite ones. Yeah, we know Iconal's the best, but for fuck's sake, someone gave us a gift from Billy's. Sorry, I expected an Adelaide crowd to count for a second. Sorry about that.

Sorry. My apologies. One of the first times I came to Adelaide, I went to the Billy's 24-hour bakery and I bought a hat from there and I went home and then the next night I was out in the city, I was a bit pissed, I tried to get into a club and the bouncer wouldn't let me in

and I arc up and I go, fucking, why not? And he looks at me and he goes, mate, you're wearing a hat from a fucking bakery. It's hard to come back from that. Hard to argue. And I imagine you won't be getting into many clubs tonight I'll be getting into the fucking

Put my dick in a pasty club Comedy! I reckon you'll still get knocked back We should say for the audience at home There was a bit of a snafu as we were walking up to the stage. There's a big projector screen behind us that slowly started descending from the ceiling and the anticipation in the room

of there being some kind of audiovisual spectacular during the podcast. A lot of people excited about a sex tape going up there. The screen got halfway down and you could feel people going, fuck this, what's something great's going to be? And then it stopped and then slowly went back up. And you felt people go, oh, yeah, alright, the same old shit as always. Yeah, classic these fuckheads. They're going to spend ten minutes talking about stubby holders.

Sounds fucking great. Yeah. Actually, I've got some pictures of stubby holders. Let's have a look. No. It's not. Hey, but we are in Adelaide. We do a lot of complaining about Adelaide,

but Adelaide has pulled through. You've done it again, Adelaide. At the very last minute, you came to life. You came out of the fucking woodwork. You got on the internet. You bought your little fucking tickets. Yeah. I do want to... My initial idea was to publicly shame the people who bought tickets in the last 48 hours.

But then I realised that's probably silly. Yes. Yes. Because I want to shame the people who didn't buy tickets. But fuck, it's just a fucking rollercoaster of emotion with you cunts. You want to shame the people who didn't buy tickets. So you want us to go through the phone book of Adelaide. Yes.

Cross-reference it with people who are here. Yes. Hey, Aronson, all right, you're a cunt. Strap in, guys. buy tickets so you want us to go through the phone book of Adelaide yes cross reference it with people who are here yes hey Aronson alright you're a cunt strap in guys this is going to be a long night sorry hey Aronson

if you are here tonight thanks hey but no because we do complain a lot and we a few weeks ago maybe a month ago

or so we did a podcast with the boys from the Dollop Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds sorry we did the episode if you guys heard that one with the Dollop but Dollop, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. Sorry, we did the episode, if you guys heard that one, with The Dollop. But when

we were talking... Costly episode for me, but go on. Yeah. Feeling a little triggered by this bit of content being brought up, but go on. Ronnie still hasn't paid us for that, by the way. Anthony! No. The checks from The Daily Show haven't cleared yet, so... It's true what they say about them. Yeah, he's...

Hey! That was not specific. You made that up they say about them. Yeah. Hey! That was not specific. You made that up in your own hands. He was talking about New Yorkers. They're a little sensitive with their money. Hey, I'm not paying you for flights over here. The big apple

that he didn't pay for. The big autistic apple. Yeah. Just to be clear, he's mental. No, we did do the episode with the dollop and off mic after the show, I think we started talking about Adelaide vaguely going, oh yeah, we're going there.

And they were like, oh fuck, fuck Adelaide. We've got problems. Do you have problems with tickets as well? Ticket sales as well? I'm like, fuck yeah. And they're like, oh God, it's a fucking nightmare, isn't it? Isn't it? And I was like, how'm like, fuck yeah. And they're like, oh, God, it's a fucking nightmare, isn't it? Isn't it? And I was like, how many tickets do you sell?

And they're like, oh, not that many. I'm like, how many tickets have you sold? And they're like, oh, fuck, like 170? And I'm like, we've sold 12. 12. So, yeah, guys, chip into their Patreon. They're struggling. Round of applause, who here went to the dollop?

Fuck off! Fuck you! Was that any good? That's a reluctant yeah. So, should we do this? Should we do, you know, a new recent part of the podcast has been... Oh, let's save it for a bit, because I've got a couple of things to get to before we do that, I reckon.

So, we flew up here today. We flew Tiger Air. The official airline of podcasters. No expense paid. podcasters. No expense paid. I just checked my Snapchat before and someone has sent me on there a video

of me exiting the plane when we landed in Adelaide this morning. Now, so that's someone who's flown from Melbourne to Adelaide. You would like to presume... Was it you? Okay, good.

It was when you were entering. Entering what? A pasty. There's a lot of time to kill on that flight. So describe the Snapchat that went out. I'm working my dick because I'm sitting next to you. No, it's me, like, in the aisle and it's from a couple of rows back and it's like fucking seeing you on the flight.

And our great dream for the sake of content was that the person who sent that would not be here because... So fuck off. Why didn't you say hello on the plane to us? We were too far ahead. we were too far ahead. We were too far ahead. No, we've got evidence we were fucking close. And also, it's a tiger flight.

We were all pretty close. We hung around out the fucking front of the plane for a bit. There's heaps of time for you to... I don't yell at numbskulls in front of people. We do it all the time. What's wrong with that? We pay people to listen to it. Do you live in Melbourne?

No. Oh. Why is that ridiculous? We're in Adelaide. Imagine. What were you doing in Melbourne? I was just with family. Just with family.

No, you weren't. You were doing something else that you don't want to talk about in a public forum. What were you doing? Tell him. Yeah, tell him. Oh, fuck yeah. Whose man's is this? He gets it.

Yeah. What? My granddad. Your granddad. All right. Nah, don't tell him, I reckon. Don't tell him. Your granddad, where were you before with my stand-up set?

You could have... We could have riffed on that for a while. Did his stand-up set remind you of your gran? There was a few moments of silence. Yeah, yeah. Why are you laughing about saying that about your poor old gran? No, I'm with you. It's pretty funny.

It comes for us all. Yeah. All right, well, we better wrap this up. No, on behalf of everyone involved at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, our deepest condolences. Yeah. To whoever that old bitch you related to us. All right.

I hope you'll stay in Melbourne eating a corpse. He'd eat a person, don't you reckon? He'd do it. He'd do it. I'm surprised he doesn't suck out his own teeth. So we've been in Adelaide for the whole day. We've been hanging out. Oh, oh.

Well, here we go. Here we go. Now, for the listeners at home, there's been a bit of a rabble from the press gallery during your stand-up show. Yeah, there's been a member of the peanut gallery that's wanting to yell out, and she's back. What are you saying, miss? Oh, thank God, she's gone the way of her grandma.

Dil's eaten her. Yeah. Fucking hell. so we've been we've been spending the morning in Adelaide I thought it'd be fun because you know some people are interested

in this like kind of like a bit of a behind the scenes of what it's like you know as a touring podcaster you know you blow into a city

a lot of people ask you spend the day people want to know like what do you do to kill time and so what I what today like I kind of like I kept rough notes of what we did and my plan was to know, like, what do you do to kill time? And so what today, like, I kind of, like, I kept rough notes of what we did

and my plan was to kind of, like, go back to the hotel, write it up a bit and then kind of be here to present it. I got back to the room, I was very tired, so I had a nap instead. I didn't get time to do it, so what I did was I got on Fiverr, which I don't know if you guys know is a website where you can, like, pay people to do little tasks for you. So I found a writer and I just sent them, like, a rough description of things that we're doing

and planning to do in Adelaide. Wow, Tommy Datslow paying for something. Awesome. And so here we go. This is what this person on Fiverr, this is their description of my notes of what we did this afternoon in Adelaide. I hate to say it, but it looks like no one has turned up, Tommy whispered. Carl nodded in agreement.

He and Tommy had rented a bakery to record a podcast. The owner had given them a spare key and a local promoter had been charged with selling tickets for their podcast. Apparently, he hadn't been able to sell any tickets. Tommy had been suspicious when the promoter had identified himself only as Tim. Tommy had been suspicious when the promoter had identified himself only as Tim. Well, we still have this place for three hours, Carl said. I wonder what we could do.

Fuck, classic me. I wonder what we could do. Record a bonus Patreon episode, work on the magazine, book guests for next week's episode. Have you ever had a fantasy about fucking in a bakery? Tommy asked. The fuck? Should have checked this before I read it out. He reached out a hand and laid it suggestively on Carl's shoulder.

This has happened a bit too often for my liking. I can't say that I have had that fantasy myself, but I would be more than happy to make a memory. After all, when in Adelaide, Carl said, winking, unaware that he'd just said something that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. He hopped up on one of the prep tables,

barely avoiding hitting his head on the pots and pans hanging from the hooks above him. What a stupid old cunt, Tommy thought to himself. I'm starting to think someone else didn't write this at all. Tommy stepped between his legs and brought his lips up for a kiss while reaching forward with one hand to see just how eager Carl was to help him in his fantasy. Apparently Carl was very

eager as his cock was as hard as a rock. Tommy undid the button of Carl's pants and he pulled down the zipper of his companion's fly. Carl's cock sprung free. Wow! Tommy exclaimed. The last time I saw a dick that hard was when I went to a buffet with Dilrook. We're going to get this writer back.

He's nailing it. Carl moaned, or her. It sounds like a her. Carl moaned with pleasure and Tommy reached down and pulled his own cock out of his pants. He was as hard and ready as Carl, brackets, his best friend was. I just want to say, we've got two gay guests coming on. This is already way gayer than what's going to happen later. Please don't step on the story.

Haven't you guys ever heard of locking the door? A voice said. Tommy and Carl turned to see their friend the fabulous Adam Richards standing at the front door. He quickly closed it behind him and this time he locked it and double checked that it was locked. We have this place for a few more hours want to join it? Tommy asked. Hell yeah, Adam said reaching for the button

of his jeans. It took him just a moment to shed his clothes and by then Tommy and Carl were fully naked too. I like how many mentions of jeans there's been in this story. Yeah, Mr. Levi wrote this for me. Where do you want me? Adam asked. Fuck, this feels a lot quicker when you just read it on the

page. On the table Carl said, by this stage Adam had already eaten five sausage rolls, the fat boomba. Adam hopped up on the table and dangled his legs over the side. Carl braced his arms on the table and dipped his head to take Adam into his mouth. Of the three of them, Adam had the longest cock, though it was a bit on the thin side. He took Adam's cock as deeply into his throat as he could manage and then pulled his lips back until just the head of Adam's cock remained in his mouth

before plunging his lips down until his throat was full of cock. There's nothing on his phone. Oh, and by the way, as a visual, everyone in the room can see my phone cover at the moment is of a cartoon egg that I got in Japan. Behind Carl Tommy was standing. He looked around and found a bottle of olive oil on the shelf. He took a drop and covered his cock with it. He had the fattest cock of the three and the lubricant from the oil would help it glide into Carl's arse better. He reached around Carl and took his cock in his hand. Carl was the best proportioned of the three cocks.

It's like Goldilocks. We're going to start having meetings before the podcast. Oh, we've had them. He was not as long as Adam, nor was he as wide as Tommy, but he was more than adequate. To use an extremely fucked up metaphor, if this was Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Carl's cock would have been just right.

Tommy filled Carl's... Like the breakfast cereal. Cool. Tommy filled Carl's mouth with cum, or as he kept referring to it, content. From the corner of the room, Adam Richard chimed in, now that is a celebrity dog school. I'm kind of glad we didn't end up having an audience tonight,

Tommy said, giving Carl's shoulder a playful nip. Bit racist. Oh yeah, that was what I came to tell you, Adam piped up. There's a town bake sale going on, so the promoter moved your show across the street. And the venue's full. Carl put his hand on Tommy's shoulder. He smiled at his friend and said,

come on on Tommy, let's go do some comedy! So, so who wrote that again? Look, it was a collaborative effort. No, I literally did chase someone down online to do it. Right. Yeah. And this is what...

I've been trying to do this for other live episodes. I keep getting on Fiverr and, like, you basically... There's a lot of people on there that will write erotic stories for you. So just to give you a little glimpse behind the curtain. You, like, you send them details of what you want in the story and I keep getting... Like, people will accept the job and then I send them the details and then they knock it back all of a sudden

I think as they know that I'm taking the mickey. Because it's always like me and my 40 year old best friend Carla doing a podcast together and they're like, this isn't for a fucking wife's birthday, this is fucking bullshit. This guy clearly hasn't proposed, right? They get it. They probably

listen to the show and they get it they probably they probably listen to the show and they get it okay notice you've gone pretty quiet is the blood all gone from your head or just i'm just wondering what parts were written by someone else and what parts were written by you well come back to my hotel room and i'll show you which ones just it just seems like we've done a few of these where all of a sudden from you, me and you are having sex.

It's just becoming a regular occurrence. Yeah. What? Do it. I was like, he's going to need an out here eventually. I don't know what we're going to end up doing up here. Yeah.

We may need actual penetration. The phrase actual penetration seems all of a sudden very safe. After that, everyone was like, boring. Yeah, yeah. He didn't even swear. That's how grandma talks. Sorry. Triggered. May she rest in bite-sized pieces.

And she's laughing at this, by the way, we should point out. How are you more drunk than me? Should we do this? I mean, I know the guests want to get on and we've got a limited time, but who gives a fuck? Should we do this? Should we do a live Patreon reading or not?

I need to lie down after that last bit, but yeah. Yeah. Should we? All right. Yeah. So this won't have an official, you know, sort of intro to it. We could just go straight into this for people listening at home. They haven't had an ad at the start. We'll just do the Patreon right now. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. So this won't have an official, you know, sort of intro to it. We could just go straight into this for people listening at home. They haven't had an ad at the start.

We'll just do the Patreon right now. Oh, sure. Yeah. So people chip in. If you don't know, people chip in money. Some people chip in money on Patreon to support the show. And part of the deal is if you chip in two bucks or over, we read your name out and we fucking viciously bully you on the show.

Are you a Patreon subscriber? Because you've kind of already got your fill. Is your grandma? What do you even spend that inheritance on? That's a good question. Because we make a magazine. By the way, who was here last year? This is the young woman who has the T-shirt of Carl,

the photo of Carl taking a shit. Does anyone know? Oh, yeah. Was that how your nan died? Oh, what's on the back? It's a photo of Tom Ballard. Oh. That is literally a picture of me naked on the toilet You know what?

Your dad was real confused Why did you show your dad? I don't blame him I'm real confused You probably shouldn't have worn that in Melbourne To the funeral Alright, let's do it Let's do a live Patreon read And then let's get a guest out here Alright, let's do it Let's do a few have worn that in Melbourne to the funeral. Alright, let's do it. Let's do a live Patreon read and then let's get a guest out here.

Let's do a few. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Scott Eadie. Eadie? Ooh, I bet he's... Is he here? Yes! Sounds like a Scott Reminds me of Dillrock

Scott Eattie I bet he's got beady little eyes That he uses to look at his computer screen And click the butt Wow It's one thing in my lounge room In front of an audience is another thing entirely I thought Eattie was good

We could have cut it off there It's one thing in my lounge room, in front of an audience is another thing entirely. Oh, E.T. was good. Yeah, he was great. Sorry, I should have... We could have cut it off there. We could have stopped it right there like a certain grandma's life. Just nice and clean, just bury it. So... Thank you to Steven Reeves.

Reevesy! Steven! Big fan of Reevesy up the back. Related to Christopher, you reckon? Superman himself. The great Christopher Reeves. Yeah, it could be. Up, up, and can you get the fuck out?

No, not at all. Super cunt. Is that a bird? Is that a plane? No, it's a fucking... Fuck, we're not the best. No, no, no. She's great.

She's helping. Yeah, she's... Yeah, this is... Hey, we'd have nothing without these interjections. Yeah, I'd love... We feed on whatever you are. She knows. You're the person.

You schizo fuckwit. A great out-of-context quote. You're the person. All right. Thank you. Hey, thank you to Alex. Humana. Give me a look at that.

No, that dick. Save it for your little fan fiction. Your little fan diction. Alex, Humana. Humana, Humana. Humana, Humana. Oh, those 20 bucks. Humana, Humana. Yeah.

Baruga. Humana, Hamuna. Hamuna, Hamuna. Oh, those 20 bucks. Hamuna, Hamuna. Yeah. Baruga. Hamuna, Hamuna, your five bucks is giving us a red rocket. Oh, this is funny out of your bedroom. All right, cool. I don't give a fuck. All right, we'll do one more. One more and then we'll get guests. We don't record in my bedroom by the way

Just so these people know It's for after the show We fuck This guy gets it Oh, he gets it Imagine this going out into the internet Where anyone can get it.

The cops could be listening to this. Someone's grandma could be listening from up there. She could put in a very bad word with St. Peter. Alright, thank you to Michael... Michael Corhonen. Michael Cornholo. No. Michael Corhonen.

Michael Corhonen. Yeah. E.T. Corhonen. Yeah. tea if only your grandma could be here to see that no I think that was her

unfinished business on earth she needed to hear a rippery tea gag and now she's free to go is that her heckling at the back is that your grandma's ghost heckling at the back

because she's a bit of a cunt. I'm so sorry. World's... The world's most fucked medium. You as John Edwards. You find these people, oh yes, grandma's talking to me from beyond the afterlife.

Wow, she's a real cunt fuck her and fuck you get out she really should have picked a ouija board so yeah all right let's get a guest on oh there's no is there no final is there no final oh sorry no there's one last one there's one last there's one last one this week just for a change there's a last one it's um hang on i'm just gonna write just gotta i mean read this Just for a change, there's a last one It's um Hang on, I've just got to write I mean, read this It's uh First name, Gran

Wow, this is timely Is it? Yeah, kind of Oh, right First name,, second name Ma says get on with the fucking show. Thanks, Gran. Thanks, Gran.

Thanks, Gran, for chipping in. Have you ever heard a more begrudging round of applause in your whole life? Wow. That was like a real... that seems like a full stop. So we should do something. All right, let's get our first guest for tonight up here. You know him from Reality Check, from ABC, from Q&A, from Triple J Breakfast.

Please welcome back in a little donut club, Tom Bowen! Hello, Puffs! Hello, Puffs1andAll. Hey, thanks for that five bucks for that writing gig before. I really appreciate it. Times are tough. I appreciate it. It's been a long while since Reality Check, so yeah. You know her from Reality Check? No, you don't.

What was that? I thought you haven't worked in a while. I blame you. When you live with Tommy Daslow, time to get another job. It's contagious, man. Should we talk about this? So we all flew here today on Tiger Airways, which you were not a fan of.

No. Well, I was all hungover. I had a big night last night. I fucked a grandma to death. What are the chances? It was like an early flight. It was very annoying. Well, it was just there's no fucking legroom in those tiny little planes.

You have all the sky. Build the planes bigger. No? Am I right? And that food. Anyway. Any thoughts on the black box? Yeah, they should make the whole plane out of the fucking thing.

It just makes sense. It's 2016. Make the legroom out of the same material as the black box. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. The thing I love about your company, Carl, great set-up. It's hard to choose a favourite. So we all checked into the hotel this afternoon

and then Carl sent a message to say, guys, how's your room going? What time should we meet up tonight? So a Facebook message meaning, you know, instead of just one-on-one, it was a group message. I sent it to Tommy and Tom Ballard and then we realised that the last time we'd all communicated together was... Because you guys know this, if you start a group chat,

now it just, like, links in every other message that you've ever sent to that group over time on Facebook. You guys on Facebook? You know when your mum hits you up and you're like, fuck off, bitch. Watch with that poke option. You guys on Napster or what? Add me. So the last message that we talked to each other on was the 21st of December 2011. Never forget.

Yeah. And this is literally the last piece of correspondence that we had shared. Where the three of us were all together for the last time. Yeah. It was like the Beatles on that rooftop at Get Back. This is a message from Tom Beller. I was hoping we'd never see each other again. Yeah. I'm as the Beatles on that rooftop at Get Back. This was a message from Tom Ballard.

I was hoping we'd never see each other again. I'm surprised that I was available for this as you are. I don't know what happened. I don't know either. I'm surprised your management

didn't kibosh it fucking very hard. You should look at new management. This was Tom Ballard's message. Just remembered a really good story I should have told

on the podcast. It is about how a guy vomited on my dick. Space, space. Merry Christmas. Love you guys. So I was in a bakery and and then the worst thing about

it is you've sent that you've got no reply from either of us. We did not respond. Not interested. We had enough content that week. Yeah. Fuck. So?

The wait is over. Adelaide, are you ready? I would love your answer to be, oh, now, which time was this? So many to choose from. Well, I've done this, I have done this in stand-up before, so sorry to any massive ballad heads out there who have been there from the start. Respect you, love you.

And there's a massive ballad head down in the front, on the back of her shirt. Oh, yes, there is. Thank you. Big fan of that T-shirt. I would like a man to wear that as I have sex with him. Anyway. Yeah, you get it. I share a wall with you.

I get it. Well. I think you and I know that is a depressingly two-way street, my friend. Oh, mama mia. Does Tom have a few gentleman callers? Give me half an hour to write a fan fiction and I'll get back to you. I've got a feeling there's not a lot of fiction involved.

I like fucking fans. Anyway. Hey, bro, how you doing? Good to see you. Well, yes, it was in... It was... Yes, it must have? Good to see you. Anyway. Well, yes, it was in, it was, yes, must have been, yes, from that year and it was at a Triple J event and I got drunk out of my fucking mind, as did this young gentleman who looked a lot like Tom Cruise. Thank you.

Fuck. I got excited and I thought the end of that was going to be me-dass-a-lo. Tom Cruise meedassalo. Very strange name. Thanks, Tom. So, we were both... I know her, by the way.

She's a friend of my friend, Jason, who I brought here, who I got on the door for free, by the way. We were having drinks before. This drunk... Lady. Banshee. Is heckling us without giving us any coin. Is that what's happening?

No, no, she paid. Oh. Jason didn't. Jason is mortified. I'm one of your biggest fans. Yeah. Yeah, well, you're showing much respect. You still want a cab, what have you got?

I still want a cab? What? I still call Australia home. Let's all have a cab. Everyone, let's go around the room. Let's have a crack. Thanks, Peter Allen. Thanks, Pete. Australia home? What? Let's all have a... Everyone, let's go around the room, let's have a crack. Yeah. Thanks, Peter Allen.

Thanks, Pete. Thanks for subscribing to Patreon, Pete. From your home at Copacabana. Anyway, we were very drunk, we went home together and he started touching me on my lady parts. And then he sort of emerged and stopped that. And he was like, oh, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was like, hey, it's fine.

We're so drunk. It doesn't matter. We're all trying to do our best here. It's fine. It just doesn't work that way. So you lied to him. That's cool. And then he said, no, no, I'm sorry.

And that's when I realised that there was a lot of wetness in my groin area. I mean, the set-up really tips the story, I've got to be honest, because there were some serious spoilers going on. Yeah, so you'd come, we get it, and then when's the vomit come out? A guy sucked me off and I came. The end. Wow, tell us your secret. Well, when you have a career, people want to have sex with you.

Anyway, and he had vomited on my genitals and then I had to wash it off. That's the end of the story. Do you ever see him again? Yeah, it's really funny. Gemma, please. I like your contribution to Gemma. And I like that I know your name. Did you see this man again?

No, no, I didn't. Great stuff. He had a weird name, which I can't remember now. Does he subscribe to our Patreon? Lawrence, Lawrence... Mooney? Mooney? What, like the moon has come to life?

I don't think so. That's nuts. Well, he spewed on them. Oh, the testes, I get it. Yeah. I love comedy. Anyway, we just did some great riffing up here. That was fantastic.

Who liked it? That was like the Great Barrier riff. Fuck you for reusing gear that you did in the drive to the airport. It didn't work then. It didn't really work then. Tell them the funny thing I said when I got in the car, please. Oh, yeah. We get in the car and...

Get this. And we get in the car. the three-wheeled car... There's vomit on my dick, right? We get in the car, the three-wheeled car from Mr Bean that I drive around. We run over someone's grandma then. The Triple J breakfast show was on, because it was that early, and Tom points at the radio and goes I used to be on this. Me.

I used to be on this. Now I'm here. With you. With you cunts. Flying. Flying Tucker. To Adelaide. Oh, you made us sad.

You made us sad. I love Adelaide too but part of loving Adelaide is talking shit about Adelaide. Oh, you made it sad. You made it sad. I love Adelaide too, but part of loving Adelaide is talking shit about Adelaide, surely. It is. Who genuinely gets offended about Adelaide jokes here? Are you joking me? We're having a crack. Are you joking me the Tommy Dastolo story?

Yes, we are joking you, Gemma. Let's get our next guest up here. A round of applause for Tom Ballard, everyone. Please. Our next guest, you may know him from a certain piece of fan fiction. Please welcome back into the little demo club, the fabulous

Adam Richard! Hey lady. Don't you remember when you were my friend? Oh dear. Hi Gemma. I'm your tedious mole. Don't play the game lady.

You gotta run. They'll destroy you. We were talking before. She's like, I've been listening to the podcast for two years i was like i was on the third episode bitch back up jemma's jemma's had a lot to drink and she's she's very attractive and she's never been she's clearly never been told no and she's being told no for the first time tonight. No, she's cool. Everyone's cool, guys. Fuck.

What a podcast. Four gay men on stage. Who could have... Pardon? You paid for your ticket. I paid my ticket. I'm about to make it. I paid my ticket.

Fuck. I hope there's no... I'll pay my ticket! Oh, I'll pay my ticket. I'll pay my ticket! I hope there's no writers from Mamma Mia in the audience because this is not going to pan out well for us. This show is problematic as fuck.

I'm such a misogynist, I wouldn't even have sex with you. With that, what is it long but thin comedy about? It's the other way round. I love that in the story. Having been involved in some gang counters, the idea that a penis comes out and another man going,

oh, wow. Like they've never seen one before. Wow. We get it. You've had more experience than Tommy. Like it's Christmas morning and they're unwrapping a Nintendo 64. Whoa! No way!

Oh, my God! It's funny! Are you shitting me? Gemma, what do you think? Gemma, describe your last sexual encounter. I paid my ticket! I paid $50 for it. Fuck. ticket I paid $50 for it I was horrified when you said the story about someone throwing up on your dick I was like oh my god I've thrown up on someone's dick

but when I did it you would have been in primary school so is it the same story? Murphy! Come back, stereotypes! It was in the toilets at the Peel and someone went in a bit far and my vindaloo came back. Hello! Wait, so hang on. The Peel's a gay club in Melbourne, so you went out for a vindaloo before you went clubbing?

No one goes to the Peel. You end up at the Peel. It's like the Mars Bar. What's the Mars Bar? It's the gay club in Adelaide. Oh, is it? Good fake curry. Do they have cheese Kranskis there?

Because I might be interested later on. Do you work, rest and play there? You don't do anything. There's nothing good there. Surprised we haven't heard from Gemma at this point. Who's not been offended yet by what's happened here? We'll get to you. The third guest we haven't had on yet.

Let's get him on. Yeah, okay, let's get him up here. Folks, you would have just seen him on Conan, What Of It. Please's get him on. Yeah, okay, let's get him up here. Folks, you would have just seen him on Conan, What of It. Please welcome Nick Coney! What of it? You know, the classic you. I think I always say, I know.

Can you say something else? God. Who goes, what's happening? She's back. She's back. Gemma gets it. What a great lady. Nick, you just went to the States and you did a spot on Conan.

And congratulations on behalf of all of the Dermot. Thank you. What shirt did you wear? No one of yours. The obvious question that everyone wants to know is, of course, sorry to get a bit inside baseball here, but where do you get your ideas from? I mean, you're up there on the telly talking about fucking fiancés

and houses and all that. This guy's out of his mind. Did you write that? I could never do that.'s out of his mind. Did you write that? I could never do that. I'd be too nervous. Did you write that first? Or was that just whatever you thought of on stage at that point? Yeah, it was just one of them riffs.

I was like, Conan said to me, do you have a little bloody comedy sketch? And I said, I do. And I got a couple of comedy skits. He said, do all of them. Hang on, what you said, I do? Yeah. Yes, and I will say that again in February

and I dare you to beat me to it. Hey, so we'll hear you in 2026. It's around the world in 80 days. That would be amazing if you proposed and go, I've got to do this to beat Cody. I've got to like... That would be more of a motivation than what I've got at the moment.

Oh, what? Oh, God. No, but like in a good way. No, he's going to get down on one knee and say, will you have me on your show, Conan? I mean, how could she say no to that phrase it like that that's beautiful and eloquent

how fucked is that she could marry him and you two can't get married I'll pay my ticket I'll pay I'll pay my ticket. I'll pay. I'll pay my taxes. I'll pay my ticket. I'll pay my taxes. Government won't let me get married.

Is Gemma short for Jemima? No. Good improv. No. Good improv. I want to know about... Shit question end. I want to know about grandma. Was grandma cremated? No, Jessica still loves charcoal.

I love how you're implying he has a preference for food. They put her in the casket and then it turned around over hot coals. And then a Turkish bloke's shaving bits of her off. Yeah. Dastyari's eating her over chips. With some sauce He did You could actually You could actually now in Melbourne Donate your organs to Dil

That's actually Something you could do Sorry none left Oh you said lamb Oh sorry I thought you meant gran Well we've all had fun. I had a grandma die recently. I did, and I'm like...

We've all got stuff going on. We're all just making jokes. How about this? I love the emotions of Gemma. Gemma's been on a fucking emotional rollercoaster here. I don't know what the fuck is going on. We've got a lot of stuff going on. Because Gemma was heckling me in the stand-up before the podcast.

And then... She had some valid points. Oh, I saw them. Oh, God. No, Carl. No., Carl. No. Bad Carl. You just vomited on the dick of comedy right there.

She started it. She came up to me and started saying, oh, yeah, I've been listening to your podcast for two years. And I was like, you're the one that was heckling me, weren't you? And she's like no. That is a big old yes. This is a cover up. She wouldn't have

gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids. It's actually Ronnie Chen. Detective Hanna-Barbera got to the bottom

of the game. Hey so this is the thing that I think you guys will particularly enjoy. A couple of weeks ago, this is what happened. So I work at the TV show that Channel 10's The Project. I work there a little bit. Do you guys get that here? Is that on one of your regional shows?

What's that on... What's that on Wien or Prime? What are you fucking getting up here? What do you get? Do you get on the radio? VHS. We send them a VHS from Melbourne every week. There you go, Adelaide.

Chew on that. You small town fucks. Sorry, I've got low sales for my show tomorrow night. I'm angry. I'm punching back. Gemma, buy a ticket to go see Nick Cody tomorrow night. Drink until then. Drink until then.

I will. We'll meet back here. Nick Cody has a show on tomorrow night and he's just figuring out the whole culture of Adelaide ticket sales. It's been a bit of a shock to him in the last couple of weeks. Yeah, they didn't get Conan here apparently. What of it? Exactly. That's been a bit of a shock to him in the last couple of weeks. Yeah, they didn't get Conan here, apparently. What of it? Exactly. That's a good question.

What of it? Ten tickets booked under Gemma. I paid my ticket! Looks like Gemma bought four more than I was expecting. So, anyway, I work in there, I work in the project, right? And so there's a place... I was trying to get my beer. It's for the next fan fitness.

Yeah. So anyway, there's a Thai restaurant over the road from Channel 10 in Melbourne. You wouldn't like it. Yeah, I don't know. How many of them are you married to? It was a Thai restaurant over the road from Channel 10 in Melbourne. You wouldn't like it. I don't know. How many of them are you married to? Sorry, we all clashed heads running in for the bowl. We all knocked each other out.

There was only room for four people to get through that doorway and Adam Richard was part of it. Not going to work. So I go there all the time because I fucking, I don't know if you've heard, but I've got a bit of a thing for Southeast Asia. So I go to this. Of it? So I go there all the time.

And I now, I'm actually happy about this. I go there and they know me. They know my order. They even know this, that I go there all the time and I now, I'm actually happy about this. I go there and they know me. They know my order. They even know this, that I go in there and they give me a glass of water and they put like fruit in it and I take the fruit out immediately and so they've gone, Chandler, no fruit. They give me water with no fruit now. That's how well they know me.

I walk in and they go, the usual? Like, fuck, this is so good. Clap, fucking clap. You're getting shit straight out of the tap good on you yeah so when they say the usual is it is that a happy ending i want to put on the record i've never had sex in thailand but wait what with other people oh my, is that why you're not married? You're saving yourself for marriage. He's a 40-year-old virgin.

By the way, we're in Adelaide. As if these people can relate to a story about wanting to drink tap water without any kind of accretion. Like, what are you, fucking insane? You'd spew on someone's dick, you fucking weirdo. So, I go in there right and i'm i'm sitting there and what i do is i take my lunch break and i i do my own thing i bring my laptop i do some other work and i've got my headphones on by the way i've got to ask i obviously listen to your fine show the dum-dum club you talk about a fine show, the Dum Dum Club.

You talk about heading in to work, you get like a pie or KFC sometimes. What sort of fucking disastrous after lunch shits are you taking? I'm going to buy for Ricky then some Thai food. Well, I don't know what to compare it to. Does it have a funny Thai name? Like has it got a Thai pun name? No, it don't know what to compare it to. Does it have a funny Thai name? Like, has it got a Thai pun name? No, it doesn't. Yeah, which is a real shame.

Because you know the one in Elstonwick? Have you been to that one? No. It's K-H-U-N, Thai. Say it out loud. Come Thai. Yeah. Give it a shout out.

What's it called? Fuck. Man, yeah, fuck. I fucked up. Dumb come time. Oh, no. Dumb come time. He hasn't remembered to propose yet.

He's not going to remember that fucking piece of info. Yeah, what's your girlfriend's name? I don't know. She's there all the time. I've never needed to say it. Hey, knackers. I love you, Carl. I love you, champ. Not that much.

Put the jewellery away. Hey, mate. Fuck, what is the name of it? I keep thinking it's called possum tie. Why wouldn't you eat there? We'll look it up. Possum tie. Because I call it possum tie, but it's not called possum tie.

That's weirder. Why do you call it possum tie? So just to be clear, you don't write Waleed Ali's bits, do you? No. That's scathing socio-political commentary. That's not your bit? Possum Ty. What is it?

It's Turack Road, right? Turack Road. Turack Road. Thai restaurant. Thai restaurant, Turack Road. It is fucking excellent, Ty. I heartily recommend it welcome if you have a relation that dies again soon go there oh what about this blossom time that's it there it is

almost almost as if you're doing a racist accent blossom time yeah i just remember it by saying that sitcom that was on TV and popular when I was 35. Normally I call it Harrow Food, but... Oh, my God. I love that kid's book, Blossom Magic. That was great. Hello, welcome to Blossom Tie.

4.6 on Google Reviews. Out of five? Yeah. Yeah, great. It's excellent. How much does Blum tie get? Price is... Possum tie, excellent.

I ordered a spicy chicken pad thai for my dish. And then a writer from the project came in and I popped his jeans open. Wow. If you wanted spicy pad thai, this was the place to come. If you wanted spicy cacti, this was the place to come. I bent him over and I said... I'm not going to put a ring on it, but I'll put it in your ring, he said. So, I went there for lunch, right, and I go there a lot. By the way, all that's happened in the story so far is...

He's eaten Thai food. No, he hasn't even eaten yet. He's gone over the road. He's walked into a building. This has been 15 minutes. He's got water with no fruit. Fruitless water. They clearly know Karl Rockefeller over here.

Glass of wine, sir. I'm about to catch me a tiger flight, madame. Hold the fruit. Imagine you walking and going, hello, Mr and Mrs Possum and they go,

oh, fuck, he's back again. This is the fucking boring plain water fucking that's too much for me I could stop the story here it'd be one of my better ones so

riffing terrific riffing I um so I sat down and I'm in the habit I sit sit down, I get the usual. Yes, thank you.

Manuel, whatever your name is. Manuel! What's your usual? My usual is Penang chicken curry. Penang chicken curry? Yeah, Penang. It's awesome. Spicy curry?

No, it's medium. It's medium. There's not a lot of vegetables in it. It's just pure chicken and a bit of spice. Relax, we're going to fucking smash him. I don't give a fuck what he orders. We're just lobbing it up. It's like volleyball.

We're just hitting it up. One of these guys is going to fucking destroy it. You're just going to make him feel comfortable with how boring the story is. It's medium. It's like the wire. You've got to pay attention, but this is going to pay off later on. Don't worry. Don't worry.

In three years' time, this guy's going to be fucked. You'll see. You'll see. I'm going to murder him in a building. So. Penang chicken curry. I was having my Penang chicken curry, and I had my headphones on. I'm working my laptop.

With your water, like a la-di-da man. Yeah. What were you listening to? No fruit. I don't listen to anything. I just put headphones on. So Mr and Mrs Possum won't talk to you. Wow.

In their Ooga Booga language. You've just got headphones in. Did he say Ooga Booga language? Nothing playing. Nothing playing. Yes, he did, Adam. I thought I was racist No I was like

Being him in the bit Oh yeah that's my bad Sorry for me writing that for Tommy I blame Waleed So I'm there I've got the headphones on With the noise cancelling headphones I'm there I've got the headphones on with the noise cancelling headphones

I'm working away and I'm literally on the laptop and then I just feel this someone's tapping me on the shoulder tap tap tap sorry we can't see your stagecraft

yeah that's why I said tapping on the shoulder yeah so someone's tapping me on the shoulder I look. So someone's tapping on the shoulder. I look up and someone's pointing at me and I take the headphones off and they say, can we get a photo?

And I went, oh, a podcast? And the guy was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, big fans of podcasts. I'm like, oh, yeah, cool. No worries. So we have a picture. That's the end of the story. No, no. So we do the picture

And then they go away And then the staff Come up and go Are you famous? And I go No No It's sort of

It's weird Like I have a I have a podcast If you know what that is And I didn't know what that was And why would they? And why the fuck would they? Why the fuck would they?

Leaving a straw hut out the back of the restaurant? No, but my mum and dad don't know what a podcast is. Like a lot of people don't know what a podcast is. So I was like, oh, it's a podcast, you know. And they're like, oh, I'm like, it's I said to them, it's a very low level of fame.

It's enough to afford to go to your country and ruin your women. Not true. So? They weren't all women. Yes. See what I mean by volleyball? All right, they weren't born as kids. So, I explained, you famous, I said,

look, it's a very, very, very low level of fame. I said, look, the very small amount of people that know me really know me, but... And your phone number. I said, the people that know me really know me, but everyone else couldn't give a shit. And he goes, ah, you're like the king of

Thailand. I was like, you have fucking nailed it. He gets it. Yeah. For those of you that haven't been to Thailand, though, when you're on a train in Thailand, they'll play the national anthem and everybody has to stand up.

So that's you. That's what happens. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And everybody stands up and goes, yes, there's a dickhead that's about to talk. The national anthem of Thailand. Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. So she was what you listened to as you were doing your work at that restaurant. Yeah, and when my food was ready, they hit a gong.

It's Red Simon's there. I'm actually surprised we haven't heard from Gemma for a little while. Would you take on that story Gemma? she's in the toilet let's all go in like literally in it spewing on us oh no don't worry oh yeah

yeah what a waste of good spew I don't even know what you're offended at by that oh rad dad I don't even know what you're offended at by that. Oh, Rad Dan. Well, guys, I think that's just about all the time we have for the look. Really? All right. No way.

And I know this because I went to talk into the beer. There's at least another four and a half hours. Sure. Sure. What other minorities' restaurants have you been into lately? Oh, Cody, you went to America. You were telling me before you had a thing about a little incident. Yes, I did.

A little incident. I went over July 4th this year. I flew over with Bart Freeband. On Tiger? No, no, no. This is the opposite of how these fucking sandwiches fly. I flew Virgin, but I had a bunch of points. I upgraded to business because I'm a fancy western suburbs man.

I don't deserve to be there. My friend was a flight attendant on the flight, and I told her Bart was on the plane. She gave me pyjamas and some skin care things that I don't know how to use. And I took them down to Bart, but I took them down there in a very nice way, which was by opening the curtain into economy and saying,

Bart! Where's Bart? And I had a champagne. And I'm like, Bart, there's so many people back here. Where are Bart? And I had a champagne and I'm like, Bart, there's so many people back here. Where are you? It smells. And I scull my champagne, I gave the stuff to Bart. Are we sure he's not gay?

And then I fucked a guy, but it was in the sky. Pirate rules, pirate Yeah international skies It doesn't count Yeah once you're in the air There's one I'm getting on Richard Branson's thing to Mars I'm going to fuck some blokes up there

It's all good I'll come back and get married It's all going to be fine Now When we got to LA Bart had slept a bunch But I hadn't It was my first time

Ever in business So I wanted to stay awake But I just drank the whole time It was July 4th in the US. We got there at 7. I started drinking at 9 I drank all day then I had to check in to an Airbnb I got the key off the guy I've got to the apartment in LA and when I got to the apartment It was in an apartment building I've called the elevator up and there were too many keys and too many locks

They were like three locks and six keys. And I really needed to piss. It was too many combos. And I thought, you know what? I'll get back in the lift, go down, piss outside the building, come back and I'll figure it out. As soon as the lift doors closed, I pissed everywhere. I pissed...

I pissed the piss of a million beers. A furious piss. I hit the emergency stop on the elevator. I was in thongs. I had a bottle of water with me because I looked after myself. Did you have any jellyfish bites on your feet? Because that could have been good.

No, I'm not Steve Irwin, mate. I'm fucking going out like a man. Could have cleared up your tinea. That's good. Yeah, that's what I was hoping for. Medicinal stuff. I had a bottle of water. I just hit the emergency stop,

poured it all over myself. That just made more liquid in the lift. And the only thing I could do, I was trapped in a lift full of my own piss and water. There was a gap. And in thongs, I was trapped in a lift full of my own piss and water. There was a gap and in thongs I kicked my own piss into the gap of the lift.

And then Conan said, do you want to come on? I was like, fuck yeah, man. I know how America works, yes. There's a guy at the front sitting here kind of like this. Like he's listening to Noam Chomsky give some kind of like... It's like, I've pissed in a lift before. How did you...

What's off it? I'm obsessed with how, Carl, you attract weirdos. We talk about this a lot. You're constantly, you know, any tram you're on, any time you walk down the street... It's him. It's him. It's like Fight Club.

It's him. He's the weirdo. He doesn't know. Anytime I do a podcast, yes. How is that related to Cody's wet pants? Here it comes. I was walking around the city the other day and I bump into you just

in the street. Yep. At the street. The street. S-C-H-T-R E-E-E-E-T. Street. Street. Street. Like how a gentleman would pronounce it.

Street. Do you want to get a koala tie? Yes. Well, they laid the red carpet out for the King of Thailand, obviously. We're sitting there talking in the street and then all of a sudden you just like motion behind you and go, how about this? There's a man, fully

clothed, squatting in the middle of the street. A stream of piss just leaking out. Why would you squat to piss? Running down the hill. And you're just going, it's the most normal thing in the world for you. You're like, how about this? I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm going, it's the most normal thing in the world for you. You're like, how about this?

I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm like, what's fucking happening here? You're like, how about that? Look at that. That's just how they do it in Thailand. Why did he squat to piss? Mine's going to ask me when I tell a group of friends that I piss myself. Yeah, by the way, squatting was a weird bit.

No, it is. Not the fact that he had his pants on. Cody had his pants on. What a fucking loser. Cody's taking on the big guns. Do it in an elevator like a champion. I pissed my pants at the Belgian Beer Cafe in

Adelaide here once. Are you cheering for Belgian beer cafe or his bitch I didn't piss myself in a fancy enough establishment I was I was doing a show yes like before the show was like like Dan Townsend's do the show before me and he was finishing I was like like, should I go to the – it doesn't feel like I need to. And like there's a weird thing where you can't tell the difference between needing to piss and the weird adrenaline before you do a gig. I had a friend ask me, why didn't you hold on?

And I'm like, that's not how pissing yourself works, you fucking idiot. I would have loved to – that's how all of my pisses have happened. I've held on and then went to a bar I didn't get in an elevator and go well what a good place to piss myself I'm going to hit the emergency

this is ideal if you can make it here you can piss yourself anywhere why did you hit the emergency piss button on your dick that's weird but yeah

I was doing the show and I could feel it like about 20 minutes in. I was like, oh no, that was a piss. That wasn't just nervous wee. And so as the show went on, just like a little bit came out. It's like, oh hello, piece of wee. Hello. A piece of wee?

You know when you just do a piece of wee? No. A bit escapes, a bit goes, oh it's out. And are you commentating this for the audience? Are you letting them in on the secret? I was very energetic. You know, like... Was this sort of like the Adelaide floods?

A little bit. You know how I just... When I do stand-up, I just kind of stand there and talk shit for like an hour. Oh, no, I've never watched it. I know what you're like on all fours in a bakery, but... Tap dancing. Instead of standing there and talking shit, you're running around doing piss. I was running around.

I was sweating. I kept talking about looking like Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas and that I was very sweaty down there just in case it was getting darker. But about every five minutes, it's like, oh, another piece. Hello. And by the end of the show, it was just, I was drenched. It was like. That's amazing.

Dripping out. Thanks for getting me Out of my piss myself story But what What happened I need to hear it What happened with everyone else Like people could

Clearly see the piss On your pants There were black pants I'm not sure That was that visible I was referencing the fact That I was very sweaty About it

So good And was anyone here That fateful night Gemma We're looking to you. We know Gemma pissed herself already earlier on. Is she still gone? You wish.

Oh. You're actually right. What a terrible comeback. Did you piss yourself? You wish. No, no, no. Nobody should. What a terrible comeback. Did you piss yourself? You wish. No. No, I don't. Nobody should.

Well, you did wish, but did you? Remember when Daslo wanted to end it and we said no? Oh, man, I really want to end it now. I've had a few beers up here. I'm so close to pulling a Richo. Seriously. I'm about to jack him off so hard. I love that story so much.

I'm about to sweat out my dick. I'm about to make him off so hard I love that story so much I'm about to sweat out my dick I'm about to make some fan fiction come true You guys are minutes away From seeing me piss my pants on stage Fucking hell Keep talking until Tommy wits himself Out of that big old dick There's a bucket right there It's going to come out of the door Tommy wets himself. Out of that big old dick.

There's a bucket right there. It's going to come out of the door. I love that you won't go to the toilet. Like last time I did a live podcast with you, Carl went and bought a fucking burger for 20 minutes. But you won't go to the toilet. So what are you doing after the show, Gemma? She's dead.

Where's Gemma? Is Gemma all right? Gem, come on. Gemma. Are you genuinely looking at me? It doesn't matter if we're looking at you. We said your name. The techies put the lights on. No, Gemma moved to the back now.

Gemma, it seems like you've got some sort of emergency blanket on you. There's no emergency. I paid $50 to watch the show. No, no. I paid $50 to watch a man piss himself. I paid my ticket. I paid. I paid $50 to watch a man piss himself. I paid my ticket. I paid. I paid my ticket.

I paid my ticket. Flop it out, Tommy. Come on, Tommy. Pour your beer into it so we can hear the sound. I mean, I love improv as much as the next guy, but I've been fucking

backed into a corner here. It's almost like I'm back at that bakery. Come on, Tommy. This is how Mark Maron really kicked his podcast off. I actually have to go to the bathroom,

so goodbye. Yeah, we've got to wrap this up. We've got bakeries to hit up. Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of the little double-cross. Anyway, a round of applause for Tom Ballard, Adam Richard, Nick Cody, special guest chairman, Jemima, the dewy departed grandmothers of the front row.

My condolences. Thanks, everyone. Thanks, Adelaide. Thanks for coming. See you next time. See you next time.