The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 315 - Tom Tilley & Dave Thornton

Episode Date: October 18, 2016

Curtains vs. Doors, Greyhounds and The New King of Thailand. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse. The mousse of champions, Tommy. You like it. Yeah. And it's the mousse of champions. That's what I just said. So what you're saying is that you think that you are a champion. Yes.

Good boy. Tommy gets it. It is delicious. I just had some, but two days ago. Two whole days ago. Yeah, I went into my local Renaissance supermarket in Hawthorne. I got myself a big old tub of chocolate mousse. But two days ago from when we've recorded this, this will come out in the future.

How long would you estimate it's been when people are hearing this since you've eaten one? Maybe you're eating one right now while they're listening. Yeah, yeah. I don't think that matters. I think I'm always eating one. I had a bit of lunch dessert. Yeah. Oh, yep.

Yep. You know what I like doing now? This is the thing. When I'm not working, I've got the house to myself. I've got my little to-do list. I go through the to-do list. I might go to the gym. On the way back, I go to my Renaissance supermarket.

They've got one of those Baymarie things. You know the supermarkets that have got the – that make a bit of hot lunch for you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very much into that because they are very cheap as well. Oh, yeah. So I get myself a bit of that. You love a bargain. You fucking love a bargain. It's just a good meal as well. So it's a bit of

chicken pesto pasta. Oh, I love a bit of that. Fuck, I've lit up. That's good stuff. Then they've got their roast potatoes, their roast veggies. So a selection of that. And then a bit of lunch dessert, a bit of yellow? Fuck, I've lit up. That's good stuff. Then they've got their roast potatoes, their roast veggies. So a selection of that. And then a bit of lunch dessert, a bit of yellow chocolate mousse. A bit of the mousse, yeah. It's that thing where I probably haven't eaten breakfast, gone to the gym, done all this work,

and then you know that thing where your eyes are bigger than your stomach and you go bang, oh. So I just get all that stuff and then I eat it all. Even when I'm eating The chocolate mousse I'm going I shouldn't be eating this I'm actually full You still do

It still all goes in You've got to finish it Because I don't want to Put it back in the fridge And leave evidence That I bought chocolate mousse Now the truth comes out Yeah

I've been not having breakfast It's not good No Because you know what happened When I was in Japan You know you're in hotels and stuff So it's kind of hard To have cereal and stuff

So I just wasn't really Having it over there And then I've come back And I've kept. So it's kind of hard to have cereal and stuff. So I just wasn't really having it over there. And then I've come back and I've kept it up. I've forgotten how to have breakfast. I literally get up and it does not cross my mind until like midday. I go, I'm fucking starving. You need order. I know.

You need order in your life, Tommy. I know. I need to get back. I was having porridge for a while, which I talked about on the show. That's very orderly. Riveting conversation. That's very orderly. I thought you said very ordinary.

No, well, it is. It is very ordinary. I liked it, but, you know, porridge, we're coming into summer. It's not a good summer breakfast, I don't reckon. Yeah, it's not a breakfast off summer. What can I get into? What can I get into for summer? You know, fruit.

Fruit? Fruit? Do you eat fruit for breakfast? I've never done it. I've never been into it, but maybe, yeah. Fruit in general or fruit for breakfast? For breakfast. Yeah.

Yeah. I've always found that a bit weird. It's a bit light. Yeah. I like a good cereal. Maybe I'll just go right back and just go into the Coco Pops. I'll just start living like a 12-year-old again. You know, I've gone back to, I just have cornflakes and milk now.

And, you know, it takes a little while to start to go, oh, this is weird. This is so plain, but now I've just convinced myself that it's the way to go yeah yeah it's just very simple i feel like i'm doing the right thing by myself when i'm eating it it fills me up it's fine yeah it's fine maybe i'll um maybe i'll just permanently switch to all brand just see what that does to me i don't think i've ever done that i don't think if you've never had all brand it's pretty gross is it pretty does it go through you is Is that the point of it? I think that's the idea of it. Right.

See, they're never saying that in the ads. Yeah. But they're just saying it's really high in fibre. Well, hey, we're not dumb. We all know what fibre's for. Yeah. Right. Just for backing out a huge loaf.

Yeah, yeah. Makes back. Yeah. Which, I don't know. Is that a thing that people want for breakfast? A thing that's going to make you shit like a champion? Yeah. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh, gee, I just got out of bed. You know what I should be doing? Forcing a shit out of myself. What's for lunch? A big vindaloo. Yeah. Okay.

Anyway. Well, that's the ad for Yaladon. An old brand. Perth. October the 30th. We are coming over and doing a big live show in your city. We've got... Phew.

What? You said Perth. We're coming over to do a big... I thought you were talking about the All Brand again. Well, I mean, we're getting there on Thursday. We'll be there Thursday to Sunday. I don't mind betting, Carl. I'm going to do a few big ones while I'm there.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Leave a bit of souvenir of yourself. Yeah. Okay. I get it. All right. Then they can...

If I die... Tommy will be signing them after the show, guys, if you want to come along. Then if I die on the plane on the way home, they can reconstruct me using my DNA,

Jurassic Park style. Yeah. Out of your Boris. Out of me. Yeah. Okay. All right. Bori Tommy.

Yeah. Yeah. That is going to be awesome. It's a big three-hour stand-up show plus a live podcast. Yes.

I didn't know we were doing this, but I saw on social media the other day we've announced the guests. Oh, yeah, sorry. Literally the tweet came up in my field. I didn't know that was happening. Cool.

Yeah, sorry. I didn't tell you that. I didn't tell you who the guests were. Sorry about that. So should we reiterate that now on the air? Sure. Or should we use this to drive people to our socials? Sure.

I actually just got a bit sick of putting the same thing over and over, of, Perth, come along. And I was like, oh, you know what? I'll just tell them who's coming. Dilruk Jaisingha. Yes. Becky Lucas. Yes.

Greg, the Fleetman Fleet. Yeah. Just one question. Who are any of those people? I don't listen to the show. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're going to have to.

Are you famous or something? Yeah. Yeah. I'm the king of Thailand. That're going to have to. Are you famous or something? Yeah. Yeah. I'm the king of Thailand. That's going to be a great show. Yeah. Definitely. You know, everyone loves Dil.

Becky. Everyone is loving Becky. And Fleety. You know what? I don't think we've had Fleety on a live show since the very, very, very early days of Little Dum Dum Club. The second ever live show we did, I believe. Christmas show. When I believe Christmas show

when I think he didn't really know what he was on he was doing gear I think he thought it was a stand up gig he was just doing bits oh was he

yeah right he literally in a conversation would just go into a stand up bit which hey people liked it it's fine you never know what you're going to get

with the fleet man do you could be anything well he's when you actually said he was just going into gear I was like fuck i don't remember him shooting up on stage but he's um he's buff now is he i've seen quite a bit he's a big boy like he's uh buff he's going to the gym now oh is he really yeah he actually lives and work lives and goes to the gym near where i do some work okay i run into him quite regularly right He actually, I see him quite often when I'm in my new favourite Thai restaurant

where they call me the King of Thailand. Possum Thai. Yeah, Possum Thai. So that's going to be an awesome show. Guys, Perth, if you haven't bought tickets to that yet, hop on it. It's only, what is it, like a week and a half away at this point? If you listen to this hot off the press, it's a matter of time. this point, if you listen to this hot off the press, it's a matter of time.

We've also got Melbourne, November the 12th, I believe. Saturday night. You know what? Here's a little bit of hot news about that night. We kick off at 6.30. We'll get there. Our usual standard is we might- We'll get there. We might get there a bit.

We might start a tiny bit late. We usually start a little bit late, don't we? But I'm not encouraging people... The people expected at this point. Yeah. Well, I don't know. But anyway, so we do two live eps. We do two live episodes and we have a little break in between.

So you've got enough time to go and get a drink, that sort of stuff. And then after that... You've got to make sure you eat dinner You naughty boy Yes See that is the danger Because we kick off at 6.30 So I just want everyone to know

I know it's too early to have dinner before the show You'll be having dinner at 5 o'clock No but everyone needs to do my new regime Where you eat your dinner before 6.30 Yeah So that's the message I want to get out Yeah To our listeners

Have your dinner before the show Yeah sure Follow your own advice Because I bet you don't end up doing that. I will. Okay. I'm going to make you. I have to.

Do you want to go out for dinner with me before the show? Oh, no. I don't think it'll happen. Let's go to the waiter's restaurant. Oh, yeah. The waiter's club. Yeah, the waiter's club. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah. Yeah, but you know what? We're always running around. We're always worried about how the show's going to go. And that's with one podcast. This is two. Yeah. Plus stand-up.

Yeah. No, there's no way it's happening. You're already trying to get out of having dinner before the show. No, but I'm going to have to just eat something on the run. I can't sit down. Over a bin. Yeah, because I have to sit over a bin. Because here's the thing.

We do the two episodes. We've got to get all our content together. Then we've got to do the sound check We do all that sort of stuff But then on top of that After that we've got to do our live stand up Now live stand up of course We've talked about is like Gary Chook and Baby Bogan

This is almost going to be more work Than the actual podcast Yeah It's not like us just doing a gig Where we can just do stuff Yes That we do all the time Yes

We're sort of doing all this stuff That we either haven't done for a long time or are doing for the first time. Yes. It's going to be new material and stuff. It's going to take a lot of work, more work than the podcast for sure. And it certainly makes me stress more than the podcast.

So anyway, what I was going to say is the news was we were told by the venue that there was a certain cut off time that we'd have to be really hurried with that bit. And I was going to say is the news was we were told by the venue that there was a certain cut-off time that we'd have to be really hurried with that bit. And I was sort of thinking maybe we should move the stand-up show to another place. We do the podcast. We go somewhere else. The Waiters Club.

Yeah. I just got confirmation that they are going to – because there was a live band that they were going to put on afterwards. Yep. And we were going to get kicked out for fucking some pseudo-echo cover band or something. Yep. Anyway, they're going to fuck them off and we've got free reign. Oh, really?

Yeah. That is – it's funny. I had so much news today about our podcast. Yes. So, yeah, this is not – this is more news to you than the listeners. Yeah. This is more helpful to you. This is us having a shareholders meeting.

Yeah, yeah. Welcome to our AGM, everyone. So, yeah, so it's goingGM, everyone. So, yeah. So, it's going to be awesome. Two episodes plus a stand-up show. And the great news is you can stay in the venue. That's good. That's good news, yeah.

Please, have your dinner first or get some dinner delivered in the venue. They do food. We should do – what if we did a night where we did a live podcast? It's like a theatre restaurant where we have food coming out during the podcast no and we're doing like let's try and do a podcast at like Witches in Bridges

no I want I want to get I think I've mentioned this before wasn't there a plan of mine at some stage to get my dinner delivered during the show

oh yeah maybe I should you sort of did that you sort of did that in Sydney where you just left the show for about 15-20 minutes I know that was stupid

but I to be in my defence I didn't know they were going to take that long. I really thought I was going to whip up for five minutes and come back and then I was gone for half the show. Which, I don't know if you want me saying this on the air, but when we were talking about booking Becky for the Perth live show, you were like, I don't know, was she good last time? I'm like, what would you know?

You left the room for pretty much the entire time she was on. And then when I came back, I was drunk and I don't remember anything she said. Yeah, literally. Where do you get off passing judgment about people's abilities? Have you met me before? All right. Okay. That's all the news.

Tickets and all that stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. Make it your homepage. Why not? You've been saying that every week. You're really gunning for people to have it as their default homepage. Do that. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't do that. Yeah.

Get on there. Get your merch. There's really only t-shirts left. I think at this stage, when this comes out, you know what? We put it on social media about the hoodies. The hoodies are running out. Oh, so many people bought hoodies in the last week. Yeah, great.

You know, have a look if there's anything left at this stage, but there might be one or two, maybe. I don't know. All of a sudden, they're a collector's item. Yeah, great. You know, have a look if there's anything left at this stage, but there might be one or two, maybe. I don't know. All of a sudden they're a collector's item. Yeah, they're gone. You know, if you wanted to be warm and aware, hey, they're gone, guys. Speaking of our website, I would like to retool it into being like a 90s-style website where people can get screensavers, wallpaper, desktop icons.

Do you think that would be cool? Well, you know, the young man who, Joel, at Auxiliary Designs in Townsville, Queensland, who designs and upkeeps

the website, who was very generous to do that, a listener of the show. Yeah. He does a great job.

He's done a great job helping us with the website. He's a good boy. He is. I met him in

Brisbane. He came to our Brisbane live show. Yeah, he's a good young man. But we do have the old logo on the website. Oh, yeah. I feel a bit bad about hitting him up and going,

would you be able to just work the new one on? Because it would sort of mean a bit of a redesign. But it's an old, we've got a new logo. So rather than do that, what you've done instead. Let's just put it on a place where he'll never hear this conversation. Let's just talk about it on the podcast. Just keep it down. If you see Joel on the street, don't mention I've said this,

but I was sort of thinking, well. This is so pass out. I love it. This is like the share house equivalent of like leaving a note on someone's door. Yeah. I love it. No, I don't. I take it all back, Joel.

It's just, you know, I'm just talking before thinking. Yeah. You know? Yep. Anyway. He's crazy over there. He doesn't know what he's saying. Yeah, yeah.

We don't even have a website. Yeah. So, I think there's probably only one thing left to do. And what could that be? Well, Tommy. Yes? Let's retire to your bedroom. No, it is the great thing where if you are a Patreon subscriber of this podcast,

and if you don't know what that is, you go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You find out if you want to chuck money our way, if you want to say thanks for giving you a sweet hour, hour and a half content. These days it's an hour and a half. Yeah, it's really bulking up. Three quarters of that is the ad at the start, but yes, technically the episode is an hour and a half. We are giving you more than we used to.

If you've got a 90 minute, you know what, if you've got a 90 minute ride home from work, you used to be like, gee, this podcast really only got me two thirds of the way. Well, you'd have to listen to it and then just listen to the first half again to fill in the time. But now, we take you to your doorstep. You're welcome. So, if you want to say thanks for

supplying you with 50% more content. Yes. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Don't go to Patreon.com and trycom slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Yep. Don't go to Patreon.com and try and search LittleDumbDumbClub. No. Because what comes up? A porno or something, isn't it? Yeah.

It's pretty fruitless. It's pretty stupid. It's a bit of try booking. You know when you use try booking and you look stuff up and it's like. You can't. Yeah. Yeah. You look up LittleDumbDumbClub on try booking and it's like comes up on the seventh page

of results. I hate when people will plug their shows and they'll go tickets through try booking. It's like that doesn't work. It's the worst. You've got to put it on another website. What is wrong with the search function on trybooking.com? It's the worst. Anyway.

I'm fuming right now. Yeah. Fuck you, Try Booking, unless you want to be our sponsor. And then in which, hooray for you. So you can be A sponsor of our show A Patreon Of our show

And if you put More than two dollars In you get your name Read out at some point Yes Two dollars Five dollars Is obviously

If you've heard before You get the magazine Ten dollars Is the magazine Bonus episode Bonus episode And so on and so on All the details are on

That website So go and do that So here's the time In the show Where we Read out a few names and we add on a little bit of sizzle. Yeah, thanks to some sponsors.

Yeah. Yeah, we really go out of our way to let you guys know how much we appreciate it. Yeah. And look, I don't want to call them sponsors because I want to save that name for, you know, yellow chocolate mooch people like that. Okay, yeah, supporters.

Supporters. Backers. Yeah. Fuckheads. I mean, no. Cool people. Nice cunts. Yeah. Fuckheads. I mean, no. Cool people. Nice cunts. Yeah.

Fuck yous. All right. So are we ready? Should I start this? Let's get in. Let's get in. How many we got? Let's do seven.

Okay. What do you think? Seven? Seven's fine, yeah. Seven. Okay. You got seven? People looking at the time code on their fucking podcast player of choice going, Jesus Christ,

seven. Yeah. The best. This is going to be another 45 minutes. They're all thinking the best. Good. Good. I wish they would do more.

How long do you reckon this has gone for so far? 10 minutes. 15. Oh, okay. All right. Right. It won't take any more than two hours. So, thank you to, wow, this is an interesting name.

Thank you to Red Rayers. Red Rayers. Red Rayers. Red Rayers. Red Rayers. Red Rayers. Yeah. I'm getting a bit of Red Rocket just hearing that they're giving us money. We've made that joke before. Have we?

You made a Red Rocket reference to something. It wasn't that name. I haven't heard that name before. Okay. It was just another occasion where we had reason to joke about having a dog's dick. Yeah, yeah. I think it was when a dog's dick sponsored us, to be fair. Thanks, dog.

Red Reyes. That sounds like fucking sunglasses. Yeah. Red can't be a birth name. That's a nickname. Yeah. And I think that's weird. Signing up, putting your financial details in and signing it off with a nickname.

Yeah. What do you reckon? Do you reckon he's got red hair? Do you reckon that's what it is? I hope not. But people with red hair never have the nickname. It's always Bluey. Yeah.

Or something. Fuck it. Yeah. Something. Red. Red's a good name if you don't have red hair, I think. Yeah. It's just a good name.

I met a girl in a shop the other day and she was telling me about her dad and her dad's name was Cliff. Oh, yeah. I like it. Cliff. Cliff needs to make a comeback. What about this?

I once, and this is years and years and years ago, I once went to a share house interview in Richmond and there was a girl, it was a girl

that lived there, it was just a girl and her name was Silver and she was very attractive. And so I was – In your head, you're like, you're at gold. Yeah, yes. Have I stepped on the end of the story?

No, no, no, no. No. But it did strike me. Silver as a name. And then she was very attractive as well. And I was like, you know what? I want to get this house. I want to live here.

Is that bad? That's bad, isn't it? So you wanted to – because this is a very thorny kind of situation that people find themselves in, hooking up with a housemate. You're wanting to go in just to try and fuck one of your future housemates. Yeah, I guess so. Like I didn't think it out like that. But that's better.

At least there's a step two in that rather than the idea of going, okay, well, I didn't get the house, meaning this girl clearly doesn't like me. But then you go back and go, you know how I wasn't good enough to live with you? Do you want to go on a date? But maybe she didn't give you the house because she had feelings for you. And she's like, well, I can't live with this guy if I feel this way about him. I don't think she had strong feelings for me after a five-minute interview. Well, something for you was very strong after that interview By the sounds of it

Totally Yeah but guys are fucking idiots And girls are much smarter than guys In that respect I would be very surprised if any girl acted like that Well you've got to look her up No I've got a girlfriend now

I don't know if you've heard this podcast before But yeah Anyway thanks Red Thanks Silver Thanks Silver wherever you are For giving me a big old red rocket cast before, but yeah. Anyway, thanks Red. Thanks Silver. Thanks Silver, wherever you are. For giving me a big old Red Rocket. Should I look up Facebook and find if there's anyone called Silver

that comes up? Not now. Really? I think I should. I'm going to type in Silver right here. Okay, alright. See if I've got any mutual friends with anyone called Silver. It's just going to come up like companies with silver in the title uh let's see there's someone called silver no that's no no that's not gonna happen silver silver k gallery yeah that was her yeah there we go that was her she was very attractive she looked like daffy duck and she had a sweet signature on her.

It was excellent. That is a very, that's one of the most niche references we've ever done on the show. All right. Thanks. Thanks, Red. Thank you, too. Nick Fitzjames. Ah, Fitzy.

Yeah. He must get Fitzy. He'd be Fitzy. Well, he's got a few, you know, choices. Nick Fitzjames. Nicky. Fitzy. Jimmy.

Jimmy. Fitzy Jimmy. Nick Fitzjames. Nicky. Fitzy. Jimmy. Jimmy. Fitzy Jimmy. Fitzjimmy. I can't think of anything funny to say about that name. Fitzjames. Fitzjames. It's the first time I've heard that name. Fitzjames.

Yeah. Fitzjames. Yeah. I wonder how many of them there are. Fitzgerald is quite a common name. Yeah. Not sure I like it, Nick. Fitzjames.

Sorry. It sounds like it should be hyphenated. Yeah. Like it sounds, the Z is very, the transition from the Z to the J is very abrupt. You know what I mean? It's hard to run in. Clunky. Yeah.

You know what? A couple of generations ago when people thought of that name, at some stage everyone makes up a name. Yes. Hey, I've done it myself. Yes. They got it wrong this time. Sorry, Hey, I've done it myself. Yes. They got it wrong this time. Sorry, Nick, but they got it wrong.

If I was you, I'd be one of those people that, you know, marries someone and then takes the girl's surname. If you were him, you'd be one of those people that marries someone. No, I'm not putting myself in those shoes exactly, but that's my advice to you. As a guy that doesn't do that in any way, shape or form, that's what you should do. Thanks, Nick. Thanks, Nick.

Thanks, Fitzy. Thanks, Jimmy. Thanks, Silver. Thank you too. John Plug. No way. John Plug. No way. Yes. Fuck off. John Plug. No way.

Yes. Fuck off. John Plug. Makes you wish for a name like Fitz James. Well, thanks for plugging up that hole in our bank account with some of those sweet lobsters. Yeah, you're welcome for giving John Plug a big old plug. Plug. Plug. What does he cop at school? Lobsters Yeah You're welcome For giving John Plug A big old plug Plug Plug

What does he cop at school? P-L-U-G Yes Yeah I can't What other way Would you get plug? I thought there might be

Two G's on the end No Simple John Plug The old four letter Each nomer The old sinkhole The old four four

John The four four time John Plug John Plug. John Plug. Plug. He plugged me. Well, you know, it goes back to that old thing.

You know, when hundreds of years ago when someone's called John Ironmonger because that's what they did for a living. This guy lived in the bottom of a bathtub. Yeah, right. I like it. Great, great, great grandfather's job. Well, yeah, not this guy. Yeah. He's descendant. Well, yeah, he's descendant. He was born in the tub. Yeah, right. I like it. Great, great, great grandfather's job. Not this guy. He's descendant.

Yeah, he's descendant. He was born in the tub. Yeah. He was born in the tub and then stopped the water from coming out. It was like, you know what? Our last name was Fitz, James, so we got a new one. We're going with Plug from now on. Johnny. Thanks, John. Thanks, John. Thanks, Plugger. Thanks, Plugger.

Thank you to Glenn Diamond. Thank you for giving Diamond. Yeah. Thank you for giving us enough money to buy a few diamonds of our own. I got a feeling that this guy is going to be supporting the Patreon for a long time because you know what they say, diamonds are forever. I thought he was actually quite good mates with your voice

because, you know, diamonds are a girl's best friend. Speaking of the man's best friend, I got a red rocket again. Well, with that red rocket, I reckon I could pick something you could plug with it. It's all feeding into itself. It's great. All the threads are being tied up. You can plug Nick Fitzjames with it.

Anyway. Oh, God. Thank you. Thanks, Glenn. Thanks, Glenn. Thank you to Pete Fulcher. Pete Fulcher. Has he ever copped anything in the schoolyard, do you reckon?

Sounds like he's copped something, that's for sure. Pete. And P P-E-E-T P-E-E-T Yeah E Double

No P-E-E-T Right Pete Right As in Yeah yeah I don't know what

I was going to say As in like that That stuff Like moss and whatever But that's not that easy Yeah yeah That's P-E-E-T Yeah

Pete Fulcher FulcherAT. Yeah. Pete Fulcher. Fulcher. Fulcher. Yeah, Pete Fulcher. Okay. What do you think? Look, I think it sounds similar to something else. You don't hear people talk about felching that much anymore, do you?

Oh, he's gone out and said it. You don't hear people using that term. What about... What is... Felching's eating the arse, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. But what's falching?

Eating the dick hole? Trying to get Randy in the bedroom. Now, eat my dick hole. Stuff some peat in my dick hole. Stuff some moss off the underside of that brick into my dickhole. Plug your mouth with my dickhole. John, plug my dickhole. Thanks, Pete.

Thanks, dickhole. Oh, fucking hell. Now, coincidentally, this is the next name. Given what we've done with the last five names, here's the name of the next person. Not just the last five today. Yeah. All of them we've ever read out.

Yes. Here's the next one that they've put their name in as. Don't read my name out. Don't sounds a bit like Donut Like a ring Like a bum hole Yeah Good name

What's their email address? Let's read that out Yeah Well I do have it They haven't changed that one Thanks Don't Thanks Don't And last

Last but not least For This episode The last ones are always good. Last ones are always... Yeah, last ones are always... No, this one's actually pretty normal. Usually the last ones are a bit weird, but this one's...

Okay, sure. This one should be fine. Tommy, can you unzip your pants and bend over? That's... Thanks. So the first name Tommy. Yeah. Second name. Yes. Can you unzip your pants and bend over. That's – thanks. So the first name Tommy. Yeah. Second name.

Yes. Can you unzip your pants and bend over? Yeah. What country do you think that's from? I reckon that is – again, we get a lot of Eastern Europeans. Yeah. Subscribe to us. They've got the same first name as me.

Oh, yeah. That's funny. Imagine being called Tommy. Yeah, like Tommy Gunn, you know? That's pretty funny. Like in the old days of gangsters, Tommy Gunn, rat-a-tat-tat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for shooting some money into our bank

account, Tommy. Thanks for being a bit of a gangster by holding up yourself. Wow. And then giving us the money. Wow. Yeah.

Eat my dick hole. Thanks, Tommy. Thanks, Tommy. All right. Thanks to all the Patreons out there that supply us with a bit of cash. Thanks to everyone. And content. Yeah.

Thanks to everyone that... The currency of the internet. It's a lovely thing that people chuck a little bit of coin. It all adds up and it, you know, it pays for us to, to bother doing this thing, which is a good thing.

What's going on with your hood? Is that a hood? A hoodie. Yeah. Yeah. I, what's with the hood? It's real thin.

Uh, yeah, it's a weird thing. I bought it. Oh, you know where I bought this on the Island of Koh Samui. And immediately when I put it in the wash I did the worst thing

That happens Which is You came in the washing machine Yeah That's the worst thing No that's the best thing At the time But afterwards it's bad

It's long term It's not much long term Planning going on there It's just lucky That it immediately Gets washed out But the cord comes out I've never figured out

How to successfully Get that back in Yeah That's no good On a pair of board shorts as well Yeah And you lose the cord And people go

You know what you do You just tie it to a pin And then you Nah you've lost me I'm never doing it I just tie the cord So it's like So it's thick enough

And it can't go through The little hole anymore Well that's what I should do Speaking of not being thick enough To go into the little hole anymore. Well, that's what I should do. Speaking of not being thick enough to go into the hole. Yes. John Plug. Tommy, bend over and take your pants off and expose your arsehole to me.

That is racist. That is, man. That's appropriation. Yeah. That was a nice Croatian surname there. And you've just given them a slice there. All right. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Or you can find the link at our website, Little there. All right, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub

or you can find the link at our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. Perth, get your tickets. Melbourne, get your tickets. These live shows are going to be so much fun. Get a T-shirt. Get a hoodie because you don't have many chances left to get them. Good luck getting a hoodie. That's what I reckon.

Get onto eBay or something at this point. You can roll the dice and go to our website and have a look. I reckon what you need to do now is basically buy three t-shirts and stitch them together. Oh, I like that. That's all you can do. Thanks, Stitch. Thanks.

That's all you can do now. Yeah, do it. All right, guys. Enjoy this episode. We'll see you next time. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little D-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. We've talked about this briefly on the show, but you, as of this recording tomorrow, you are running a marathon? No. What? I'm not running a marathon.

What is it then? I'm running 10 kilometres. You're running 10 marathon? No. What? I'm not running a marathon. What is it then? I'm running 10 kilometres. You're running 10K? Yeah. I thought you were doing one that was like, isn't there one that's like 42 kilometres that's on tomorrow? Yeah, that's a marathon. Yeah.

Yeah. But you're doing a thing that's on the same day at the same time. They do different distances. Ah, okay. They do a weird thing where when they run a marathon, whether it's just here or I guess it's like this wherever, so there's a marathon and then they go down in scale. It's like a half marathon, then there's a 10K, then there's a 5K.

And then there's a thing where it's like a 3K walk. But they charge you 50 bucks to do a 3K walk. Right. Where do they get off doing that? And more importantly, what sort of stupid idiots are paying 50 bucks to walk three kilometres? I gather the money is like going to some kind of charity or foundation. I don't think it is. Really?

Yeah. So someone's just sitting there with sweet pineapples in their pocket. Yeah. Charging people to walk down a block of street that they don't even own or anything like that. Yeah, yeah. They're walking down the street. They're going down the shops.

Because I met someone yesterday who's doing the full Monty, the full 42. Yeah. The full 3K. Fuck, if 3K is 50 bucks, how much is the 42? I might do the half 3K. I got really excited because I sort of thought, my dream

was that you were doing the full thing and that you were kind of going to end up as one of those guys right at the finish line. You know when people's bodies just shut down and they just soil themselves as they're stepping over the finish line yeah i got very excited that we were going to get a photo of you with your body just in ruin but what do you reckon i would say like given how bad i am now fully fit if i if i melted down at the end of a marathon what if i got on the podcast right then oh you want me to be waiting there with the gear ready to go just

crossing the line yeah well because was this the one you did one of these a couple of years ago with your girlfriend and she was about to beat you to the finish line, which you were unhappy about. Yes. And so there's a great official photograph. Yeah, for an old school, there was literally a thing where I did the 10 kilometres years ago now and they do a thing where my girlfriend Donna's finished me,

so I was doing a thing where I was babysitting her along the race and sort of going, yeah, you know, I don't want you to run by yourself. So we got to the final 100 metres and then we went into the straight and then we came up against a bit where there was literally three women in front of me but no one in front of her. So she took off towards the finish line where there's a camera where you get registered to, you know, what time you get, whatever. I got a blockade so I was getting closer and closer to the finish line.

She was in front of me. So I kind of just burst through the three women. I ran into the three women and I ran through them to get to the line and then we became equal. Great. That was all perfect. The perfect crime until I remembered they take a photo of you over the line. So the point where I took the photo is the point where I bashed into three women.

So if you ever run for Prime Minister or whatever, that's the first thing that's coming out? That's the first thing that your opponents are finding? Probably the 41st thing. That's not going to be the one thing stopping me. Yeah, true. But that'll be late in the campaign. You know what? Given Donald Trump, I haven't done anything as bad as him.

So all of that, that's going to be fine, I think. I'm inspired now. You could be Australia's Donald Trump. Yeah. The Donald Trump of politics. Yeah. Let's get our guests in here. First of all, you know him from Fox FM Breakfast.

Please welcome back in a little dum-dum club, Dave Thornton. Yeah, g'day champions. Just really happy to be here guys Yeah In the salubrious surroundings Of Dasolo's abode Mm-hmm Casa del Alsop

Have you talked about this On the podcast before Because I just went to the bathroom then Yeah The first time I've ever used your bathroom And it's like the most fucked up version of You know the opening scene In Maxwell's Smart

Where you go through each door Yes You leave the kitchen And there's a door with a doorknob Yes So low Yeah I had to bend

down. It's probably at Deslo's eye level. But then you go through another door that looks like you're going

to some illegal like cock fight because it's so thin. And then there's a curtain after that room that gets you.

Inside the scene from Saw. Yes. It's a weird situation. Well let's bring our other guest in.

You'll know him from hosting Hack on Triple J first time on the podcast. Please welcome Tom Tilley. Hey, guys. I really want to check out this bathroom. Can we turn these microphones in there? I don't think the cord will reach,

but you're welcome to go have a look. It is horrendous. So it's got a VIP section. It's got a back room. It's basically this house. It's the opposite of a VIP section. Very pissy people. The least important people should go in that room.

I think what's happened is the house was designed and then they went, oh, we forgot to put a fucking bathroom on this place because it's kind of just stuck on the back. You get in there through the kitchen. Now, that's not good. No. First and foremost, yes.

Having the shitter coming off the kitchen, it's not good stuff. What I do like is that on your way out, there are two different opportunities to wash your hands, which to me says maybe get a cleaner bathroom. You shouldn't have to wash your hands twice on the way out of the toilet. What I'm implying is that by going to that bathroom, that toilet, you've just gotten Zika.

So you have to wash yourself a number of times until you get back out to the lounge room. So there's no door to the actual toilet. So by the time you get to the toilet, there's just a curtain. Yeah. So if you want privacy, you have to close the door to the other room. You have to go back and close the door to the other room. Yeah.

And guys, when they come around, guys don't care. No. You know, guys just put up with it. But girls will come around and you just hear them calling out going, is there something other than the curtain that I can do? Do you have girls in this house? Yeah. That's right.

Yeah, man. That's a shock. The curtain was one thing. So, Tom, just so that you know, if there's any sliver of thought that you might leave Triple J, Ballard did and this is where he landed. Let it be a warning. Keep your job, mate.

Yeah, here's a big clue. If you leave Triple J, all of a sudden you're going to be replacing doors with curtains. So that's how things go. Reaching down for doorknobs and... We've talked about the bathroom too much. Before too long, the listeners are going to be demanding reality tours of this house

where they get to see the curtain off. You don't want that. But even those guys leaving the Sudanese Civil War would still go in that bathroom and go, no, no, no. I'm looking for an upgrade. Any return boats? Any ones I can hit back?

Nah, Roo had better toilets than this. Oh, wow. Your bathroom's actually Tony Abbott's answer to boat people. Turn them back. Yeah, yeah. We're going back already, Tony. Don't worry about us. Stop the bogs.

Well, this is because maybe this house has been designed with a family in mind because you're – like, Dave, you've just had a child since you were last on the show. I'm guilty. This is all I hear about fatherhood. And we've spent the last 15 minutes talking about bathrooms. There's a new child in the world. It's my priority list.

That's what everyone says about once you become a dad. All my friends who have young children say, the days of shitting with the door closed, they come to an end. The door is open at all times. Oh, yeah. I've got brothers. I actually had my brother around the house the other day and I was about to take a shower and he's like,

do you mind if I take a shit at the same time? Oh. Like he's dirty. Right. And I'm like, no, it smells bad. Yeah. Smelling another person's poo is the thing you only do once you have a child, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until then you have the freedom you only do Once you have a child right Yeah yeah yeah Until then you have the freedom Not to do that Yeah And I exercise that freedom Every day That's why I still shut the door Is this a topic

You've been trying to get up on hack And they just The producers want you to do it You come in here You're like Finally I can be free Is this what you got out of The stack of newspapers

You brought in today I just read The Weekend Australian You've got The Weekend Australian in here Like you've been researching for this podcast. Like, this is the most right-wing podcast going around. That's what I do on weekends. So, during the week, it's all serious, politically balanced stuff. And on the weekend, just right-wing rants.

Yeah, yeah. Non-stop. I can understand, though, how when you knew you were going on a podcast called The Little Dumb Dumb Club, you thought, I'd better read up on this. I'd better sign up and come in with some knowledge. I bet there's a quiz at the end. I bet.

No, I saw the front page and there's a beautiful horse that'll be competing in the Melbourne Cup or something, and I thought, just a bit of conversational fodder with the guys. The spring carnival season's coming along. We've just had Ramwick next week down at Flemington. Yep. Let's talk. Yeah, we're all about horse racing here on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

That's for sure. We're less horse racing, more greyhounds on this podcast. Well, actually, given where the greyhounds are headed in Australia at the moment, the greyhound racing, that reminds me of what you were telling me yesterday about in a different world. This is the podcast world, so it's slightly different. It's a little bit more curtain than door compared to radio.

But radio, you had an experience a couple of days ago on Talkback. Now, Tom, I work in commercial radio, okay? It's a dream. So I have – you say it's the dream. You say that. You can only take so much of VT until it snaps your soul, okay? But now there's a running joke on this podcast here where possibly you talk about the Westgate Bridge.

I'm a little bit fascinated. Westgate Wednesday? A bit of that. More seven days a week. Yeah, okay. We do love the Westgate. We do love the idea of, for some reason, the idea of throwing yourself off the Westgate tickles me.

It's funny. For some reason on this podcast, and the listeners agree with us, suicide is funny. Yeah. So you're in a different world now, Tom. Are we in a men's shed? Is this like an intervention?

We're going to just talk each other through some problems. Yeah. That's why we've got you here because I'm sure you know the number for Beyond Blue off the top of your head. You would have had to give that. I've got Lifeline, 131114.

There you go. Great. Very good. Beyond Blue would be better though, wouldn't it? That should be watermarked all through our show, that. I've got Lifeline 131114. There you go. Great. Very good. That should be watermarked all through our show constantly. Basically tattooed

on my forehead. I have to be ready to read it out at any point. Yes please. Please jump in with that whenever you like.

These guys tour all around the country doing live shows and then people will present to them the local bridge that people have

to jump off. Sometimes it's not even a bridge in Adelaide. Every town's got one. Yeah well that's exactly right.

They're in Brisbane they're like story bridge get local and they're really going to top this thing. Yeah people actually do say that just so you know a bit of local reference Sometimes it's not even a bridge In Adelaide Every town's got one Yeah well that's exactly They're in Brisbane They're like story bridge Get local People are really going to top this Yeah people actually do say that Just so you know A bit of local reference

If you do want to top yourself That's the bridge Oh thanks guys for helping us out Yeah think global act local Well in Adelaide It's not even a bridge People jump off the Maya building In the middle of the city

That's the suicide destination In Adelaide Oh great That's right So you know Oh Maya yeah And there's a roller coaster Up the top as well.

Oh, you're a fan. Yeah, I like it. Oh, you've tried it. So I've witnessed this. I've been at live shows when it's been brought up. I've been on this podcast. I listen to the podcast.

I hear it all the time. So it's a punchline. And this is when I was on commercial radio when, guys, we have a segment where Spin Doctor, where we try to spin,

you know, if something's going bad in your life, call up. We'll try and spin positive into it oh nice and this guy

yeah it's called counselling yeah counselling between commercials do you have a sting is there a Spin Doctor's song that comes into like

little miss can't be wrong yeah little Dave little Dave little Dave can't be wrong sweet Jesus get him on the air Carl Channel

is this a try out for commercial radios? Yeah. Do you know what this is? That's what a podcast is. The commercial radio think tank would take months for that Chandler. Yeah, right. And so this guy's like, you know, we've got Jake here. And Jake's like, hey, guys, I'm bloody broken down on the Bolte.

And my bloody car's broken down. Like, it's stuffed. And then we started going, oh, mate. That shit. Yeah. Come on, mate. It's a nice morning. And then he goes going, oh, mate, like. That shit. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, mate. It's a nice morning.

And then he goes, oh, mate, I just bloody want to drive off this thing. And then, like, instead of what you guys do, which is spend 50 episodes pushing the joke along, my anchors then like, ah, we don't condone that whatsoever, dragged his voice down. And you know this on Triple D. You have to do all these things. And we had to even check back in with him to see that he was okay

to prove that those options aren't good for him. And I'm like, wow, these guys sell merch about it. We had a crazy thing happen recently where we were talking about the Greyhound band the day it happened and a Greyhound trainer came in and I was asking him questions

and he was basically saying these bad things weren't happening but he was also very emotional about his livelihood getting destroyed by banning the Greyhound industry. But I had to kind of push him on kind of what I thought was the bullshit really and it got really intense and I did actually have to read out the lifeline number on air and then the audience started going, Tilly, you're an arsehole. You're a jerk.

What? You just drove that man to like... Don't read out the fucking number, you soft cock. You know the audience. Hang on. So you went really hard on him. Then you had to read that out. What was he doing to himself before you read that out?

You were sort of degrading him. Was he putting his head out the window at some point and then you were like, oh, hang on, hang on, here's the number? No, he was just sort of saying like, I'm hitting a really, really dark place with this and started wavering in his voice but also basically defending the indefensible which is the stuff that goes on in there.

So I was in this tricky position and then just after I read out the line, he hung up and went beep beep beep and that's when the audience and rightly so were kind of like oh my god this is a we maybe we just heard something really really bad happening and so then the producers called him and we checked that he had family coming around and that the things are okay and then i had to go back on the radio after the and i've never done this in all my time of hosting the show to come back on into the next program and go, right, so what you just heard earlier requires a

bit of explanation. So I came on and said, well, Bob came on, challenged him a bit. It got pretty hectic. He talked about, you know, being really, really unstable, read out the line. He hung up. But we've managed to speak to him. We found out what his local bridge was. We've checked under it.

He's fine. Yeah, we've got a blockade on the local bridge. Everything's fine. And fine and then yeah we just resolved it and it was kind of okay yeah kind of hectic i'm glad we don't have to deal with anyone like that on this show yeah i was just thinking like we we would love to get a a go at like a proper radio job but like realistically what would we do none of this translates yeah like we can't we like imagine us in that situation like i'm i'm sweating just imagining myself in that, in that moment. I'm just in the background going,

jump, jump, jump, jump. That's full on. Cause you like your job on, on Hackley. And also maybe let's give a bit of context here for maybe we've got some

overseas listeners who may not be familiar with the market. So yeah, it's a current affairs program on Triple J every afternoon. Each afternoon, 5.30 till 6, turbo half hour. Great.

A turbo half hour? The stories that matter to you. A turbo half hour? What is that? I came up with that by the way. Oh, it's just, well,

you want to fit so much into half an hour that you kind of want to jam full of information and action and great moments. Yeah, I just thought we should

give a bit of context. Yeah, all for us in commercial radio, that's a lot of prize giveaways and Taylor moments. Yeah, I just thought we should give a bit of context. Yeah, or for us in commercial radio, that's a lot of prize giveaways and Taylor Swift. In that half an hour, you really get to... And nine ads. Can we have a turbo ten minutes coming up? Can we do that on our show? What, pack a lot in?

Like fast money? Yeah. Beat the bomb. All right, let's go. I just thought it was worth giving a context because one of the hosts of this program is a 40-year-old man who is extremely out of the demographic of the station that you work for.

I don't have a radio in my car, so... I don't think you've listened to Triple J since Pretty Fly for a White Guy won the hottest 100. That was a good switch-off point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, that's fair, actually. Time to go.

I'm out. We've gone out on a high. Yeah. These idiots are taking the piss. Yeah. But your role in that show is like you're the host

and so especially when you have kind of like a hot button issue and you have guests in or you have callers you you generally have to remain relatively impartial

is that fair try to yeah do you are you often tempted like because I hear you talking to people sometimes

and I like I don't know you that well but if it's a certain issue I can tell make an educated guess at how you feel about it are you ever tempted you talking to people sometimes and I like I don't know you that well but if it's a certain issue I can tell make an educated guess at how you feel about it are you ever tempted to just is it hard sometimes to not just tee off when you get someone in front of you who's just um yes and no like most of the time it's I I kind of enjoy the role of staying impartial because it's kind of it's kind

of fun and it's more challenging like it's it's easier just to shoot off with what you think. Yeah. But it's so subjective and like the longer you do a job like that, you realise how subjective everyone's opinion is and that you're just another douchebag with an opinion. Yeah. Which is absolutely true in my case. So that's actually more fun and more intellectually challenging

is to find the middle ground. So let's say there's a topic where you really do have strong feelings about it. Doors on toilets, for example. Yeah, exactly. And you really want to lash out about that and really tell the world how to view that issue. It's more of a challenge to find arguments against the way you think. So you actually have to work harder when it's a topic

that you don't necessarily agree with. So once you recognise that and you're like, oh, okay, I have my own biases that would make me see a topic in this particular way, that's a challenge. I have to rise to that and learn more about that and create strong arguments. Yeah, so now you have to learn a lot more about the West Coast. Yeah, exactly.

I'll be driving over several times this afternoon. Just parking the car. If you see the hazard lights on, just slow down. It's not what you think it is. It's research. You've come in here with your bias that suicide isn't funny and you're being forced to sit here and kind of consider a different angle on it.

Yeah, exactly. I'm just trying to come up with all these suicide jokes. If I've got a strange look on my face, that's why. If I look constipated, that's not it. Yeah, it's you trying. No, it's just you listening to us, to be fair. You look constipated. The other thing is that around being impartial is that you have to learn

so many things about different sides of the argument that you realise there's no simple answer to anything. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like, oh, now I can't have a strong opinion. Now I can't be interesting. But I will say I've listened to the show for long enough i've worked out what your tell is like then listeners can listen after this if they listen to hack yeah you'll get a go on the phone he'll you know he'll just he'll he'll rant on whatever his thought on the topic is yeah and then there'll be a one second pause and you'll go yeah interesting stuff thanks for the call

you know what people that listen a lot that's their favorite thing about the show is the sign off to the callers yeah the pause says a lot yeah and then the tone of interesting that's so far i give the same like reaction to my partner when i'm not listening to her she goes it'll just be a pause and i go yeah. I haven't listened to it. She's like, I asked you a question. Well, that's the half an hour and it's up. So let's deal with that tomorrow. It's interesting you point that out. The sign off to the callers is a kind of an interesting part of the show.

Yeah, I love it. Yeah. I can tell. I can always tell. I'm like, Tom doesn't agree with this guy at all. Tom, this is not a pissing match because this is me just proving that what you do has actually got some substance to it because I was amazed to hear that story

when you said you were talking to the guy involved with the greyhound racing but that was live yeah because we have interviews with like pop stars from X Factor

and they're like guys we're going to pre-record it because we need it tight we need it punchy like they can't trust us talking to some shit fish that got voted out on the 12th week of Australian Idol.

You're going to tackle a big issue live. Well, those ones that got voted out of Australian Idol, they're going to attempt to neck themselves in a couple of weeks. Yeah, that's true. And it's my faux pas for asking about the greyhound issues. What about the pranks? Do you get to do the good pranks where you ring up hospitals? Oh, no, that's done, mate, because of Sid's incident.

Yeah. That really killed it. What a shame. Yeah, the pranks are really, well, they're quite funny now in that if there is anything close to a prank, they don't call it that in the hallways. Oh, what are they called? It's a funny phone call. Oh.

An FF. Wow. Yeah. FFC. And you know what's hilarious is now our lawyers are so on edge because they're like, Oh. An FF. Wow. Yeah. FFC. And you know what's hilarious is now our lawyers are so on edge because they're like, if anything, even like it's close to being a problem and it can really work in your favour because we had one time where they were trying to get me to do a stunt where they do this thing

called blackout challenges. So they blindfold you, put – Is that a drinking game? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. They blindfold you on rodeo. Yes, sounds good. Oh, man, that's exactly right.

We do a thing on this called the Black Up Challenge. But anyway, go on. Oh, okay. It's a race between me and Carl. Who can get there first? I know you want to get on hack, but that's not the right way to do it. That's a quick way.

We're trying to reboot Hey Hey It's Saturday again. Just one very specific part of Hey Hey It's Saturday. We had a moment where I was wearing, and then they put headphones on you so you can't see anything, you can't hear anything, put you in a van, take you to wherever this challenge is. As soon as you take the blindfold off, you have to do it. And so it's something that's going to be uncomfortable

that you're not going to appreciate. This is happening to you, not a listener? No, to me. Right, okay. So they do it now to the talent because they're like, we're paying you, please don't sue. Yeah, get in the van. Hopefully, yeah, exactly. And there was a moment where

I'm very bad with heights and so of course they wanted me to skydive. But then they said they talked to the lawyers and the lawyers were like, well, that is a legal issue. You can't force a person to skydive because you have to sign all those insurance. And then they said, so... Can you read out the lifeline number again? That ain't 1114. Don't force anyone to skydive because you have to sign all those insurance and then they said so can you read out the lifeline number again 13 11 14 don't force anyone to skydive for the kids listening but then um but then the lawyer said well then um you know we'll have to get him to sign insurance

but then we won't uh he has to be accountable for that if he decides to jump it's on him and then my producer comes to me and i go well well, I actually don't want to do it. Like, I flat out do not want to do this. Not even as a joke. I'm very bad with heights. I actually won't find it funny. I'll just shit myself. I don't want to do it. Now, that would be funny. Well, yeah. Video of you

head-mounted GoPro falling out of a plane, shit just pouring down your leg. No, no, coming out like a parachute. Falling out of a plane, shit just pouring down your leg. No, no, coming out like a parachute. Did you pull a cord? That wasn't a cord. I think it's commercial radio.

That shit is brought to you by Mitre 10. So basically what you're saying is you need a law degree to work in commercial radio now. Well, it feels like that, Tom. Because the funny thing was I had a conversation with my like uh with my content director about like he's going we really would like you to do this and i said cool well then you guys will insure me in case something goes wrong and they're like yeah our lawyer said that's not a good idea i'm like well your lawyers say you're not going to insure me i'm not going to

jump and he's like yeah but the odds of you hurting yourself is really minuscule i'm like we'll tell your lawyers that so they can insure me in case I'm in a wheelchair. Yeah, I'm not an actuary, but I reckon the risk is pretty small here. Yeah, and then it got to that where we're going back and forth and then finally he had to concede and was in the meeting the next morning going, we have to think of a new idea because he won't do it. Princess over here doesn't want to be pushed out of a fucking plane.

Yeah, without any visual element to it you just hear someone going oh yeah just fake it just get in studio and fake it oh I'm terrified up here

look look just check your program director and just go look I can just do this oh it's that easy followed with

yes sound effect Wait so I like The way you impersonated that Carl Was So his voice starts from a distance Yes And then gets on mic And then goes back

Yes because So this is a microphone That's hovering in mid air No He jumps out of a higher plane He goes past The plane that's recording it And then goes down

Simple You obviously don't understand radio Tommy You don't understand gravity obviously don't understand radio, Tommy. You don't understand gravity. You don't understand physics. And also knowing radio too. They're like, I know you can't feel your legs, but the worst part is that video only had about 500 hits. We were expecting it to get more, but here we are.

So what did you do instead? Did you have to do something else? I can't remember the idea that we finally got that filled in for it. I just remembered Was it Mace jumping off the Bolt Bridge? Yeah, yes. Next best thing. We found a guy in the greyhound industry and he's willing to joke. I shouldn't be joking about this.

Yeah, we should. I'm going to get in trouble. Mate, you think that. I'm in trouble. That's it. I've got to go. Shut it down. I thought I'd been fired a dozen times if I listened to this podcast, but no one seems to. Do radio pranks need to come back? Bring in some pranks on Hack. That's what I'd like to hear.

I would love to. We sort of did one yesterday. This guy, it actually ended up a bit creepier than I expected. Yeah, I heard this. Yeah. You had a guy who found a library book that had like the previous books. Yeah, he had a library receipt and it had eight books

and it was like, the books were like, a man is not a financial plan or get that guy or the bitch is guide to success. And so the guy sent it to us and it was kind of a nice thought. He said, this is obviously like a single, motivated, strong woman. Yeah. And so... But this is the bit I can't get over.

Why is he sending that in to hack? Yeah. I don't know. The whole thing got a bit bizarre once it actually played out on radio. And so it got shared around a bit on Thursday. And then by Friday, the girl had gotten in touch saying, that's mine. And so we're like, let's get these two on air together and see what magic happens.

And then it kind of got to this point and she's like, so what was going on in your life? Had you been through a breakup? She goes, yeah, I was kind of going through something difficult. And I was like, oh, no. Oh, God. Maybe I shouldn't be probing too deep here. What's that number again, quickly?

Set her up with the Greyhound guy. Because I was driving around listening to that going, they're just doing perfect match up here. This is great. Get me on your show. I want a route. Get me in there. It got to the point that was like the obvious thing is to give each other their numbers.

But is this ethical? Like am I kind of forcing her into a situation where she feels compelled to get this guy's number? Like I don't know anything about this guy. He could have all kinds of gross fetishes. I don't know. Bare bones is you're saying, well, you borrowed some library books and you found a receipt. You belong together.

Exactly. It's messed up. Like speaking of lawsuits, that could have been really bad. If they get together, hey, maybe they will get together and they'll live happily ever after. Or make library porn. Yeah. That would be good.

A year's time. Well, yeah, considering they're both not on Tinder because they don't know how to Google information, they've had to go to an actual library like someone in 1972. Let's say a year's time, they're getting married, they come to you, Tilly, Tom Tilly, and they say, hey, we want you to host the wedding. Are you doing it?

Done. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Will it be in a library? If not. Can it be on air? Can it be a stunt? I think so.

I've just realised this because you're a Tilly. Now, it was Matt Tilly who was famous for the gotcha calls. Yeah. Was it? Yeah, that was his. It started from him. Well, that takes care of the subject. No, you're related.

He clearly doesn't know who that is. Are you implicating me in the crime? But he didn't do it, did he? He just started that type of call? No, he didn't do the incident, but he was the one that started it. I mean, I'm not laying this at his feet. I'm just saying he was the man who got the gotcha calls on the kind of Fox network, the hit network,

started from Matt Tilley. So you're blaming my brother for this? Your brother who you didn't know one minute ago. Yes, that's him. Your brother trying to take a shit while you're in the shower. That's one of his best contributions. Come on, Matt. Go of his best Come on Matt Go to work

Come on Matt Close the curtain I can shit in eight different voices No You're still not shitting here It was a prank Because I was pissing Don't do the Indian one

It's racist It's no good Him and I have kind of got the industry cornered Don't we? From like Serious Ernest Curran affairs To like What comes out of being in between Tilly? Yeah I don't know Do you want toest Curran affairs to like what can't

there be an in-between Tilly I don't know do you want to be it Carl Tilly join the family

I'll be a moderate well you're not exactly in-between you encourage people to jump off the tree there is nothing moderate about you

you make Matt look like he's in the middle yeah alright well that's it bang we figured it out alright Carl Tilly.

Wow. That's how Carl gets recruited at family events to make everyone look much more normal. Matt's got the gotcha calls and Carl's got the gotcha to kill yourself calls. Here's something back in Little Dungeon Club's wheelhouse. Now, the other week we did a live show in Adelaide. We talked about – I had a quick story about how I was recognised

in a Thai restaurant. I've got a very – for Tom, you don't know this, but I've got a big fascination with the Southeast Asian country of Thailand. I go there a lot, on holidays a lot. No, your first couple of questions, the answer are no. And he's impartial and he came to those questions straight away. Can you do one of your ABC TV specials just on this guy? Ping-pong balls?

No, I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Do you want to see it? No, I don't. Okay, cool. I've been to heaps of dogs. I've never seen that.

Put that party trick away, Tom. I can fire breathe as well. The first ten questions everyone has for me, the answer is no. Sorry. Always. It's once we get deeper. Then it's yes. Oh, yeah.

The real creepy stuff. Not ping pong balls. Less obvious objects. The first question was, have you seen the beach? And then it was just going to get worse from there. Do you like the food over there? Jesus Christ. Someone's cranky.

I said the answer's no. Back up. All right? Jesus. I said the answer's no. Back up. All right? Jesus. Sorry, dude. So now very quickly, I love Thai foods. I was in a restaurant and because everyone knows that I've been over there. I go over there twice a year.

Everyone knows. Everyone. Everyone that listens to this show knows. All three of them. Yeah. Hey. So anyway, I went into a Thai restaurant, got recognised by a listener, got a selfie. Anyway, the staff come over and said, are you someone?

Are you famous? I said, no. I said, basically, I'm on a podcast. They didn't really know what a podcast was. I said, look, it means that the people that know me, a very small amount of people know me, know me very well. But everyone else in the world wouldn't have a fucking idea who I am and the guy goes

ah you're like the king of Thailand which I thought was an amazing you know considering all the context of all this

anyway I talked about it in the show the other week the next day after it came out the king of Thailand dies the actual king

of Thailand dies what bridge was it boy he really misses those greyhounds bridge over the river The actual king of Thailand dies. What bridge was it? Boy, he really misses those greyhounds. Bridge over the river death by the sounds of things. Wow. I don't think I've ever even seen a Thai bridge. That'll be something to look at next time.

So anyway, everyone on social media has hit me up to go, oh, well, this is the new job for you, obviously. You've been anointed. This is it. So I started reading up about it because everyone's sending me the links about it and whatever. So this is a bit of an education for me about the country of Thailand. I just go there for enjoyment. I'm learning.

Okay. I'm reading these. What kind of enjoyment? Well, I'm reading these. I go there for enjoyment. I'll roll all. No, so the king of Thailand. Hey, look, I don't enjoy their food, all right?

So the king of Thailand dies. Here's who's taking over, right? The crown prince is going to take over, right? So this is a bit of reading about him. Thailand's crown prince, Maha... Oh, man, I really should have not read this. Tom, your job is fine. Crown prince Mahaaha Co-host

Vajira Longkorn A three times divorced playboy Who made his pet poodle An air chief marshal in the Thai military Oh my god So he's now running the show He's going to be the king of Thailand Wow

Pet poodle An air chief marshal in the Thai military Did you know this? So Thailand famous for full moon parties Yes King of Thailand. Wow. He's Pet Poodle, an air chief marshal in the Thai military. Did you know this? So Thailand famous for full moon parties. Yes. They, after the king dying for the morning, they're all cancelled for a year. Yeah, you do a year of mourning.

I didn't read that. Yeah. Well, yeah, I did know that, the year of mourning. I didn't know exactly what that meant. But I know that I've got a friend over there at the moment that they've closed, they've got to close all the pubs and stuff like that for a month. Wow. That's their thing. They've got to close it.

So he went out last night, nothing open. Wow. Where are you going to get food? So yeah, so I was literally looking. Because in my mindset, I'm just like, oh, what would I be doing if I was over there? So no ping pongs for a year? Is that what happens?

I don't know. I mean, if it's not... Will you keep going? Well, yeah, of course. But, yeah, anyway, so more about... But the ping pong girls have black vials on. It's very respectful. Yes, black balls.

Black ping pong balls. Yeah, that makes sense. So the Crown Prince has asked for some time to mourn with the Thai people before his appointment. Do you think they'd perform at his funeral? 21 ping pongs a week. Prince has asked for some time to mourn with the Thai people before his appointment. Do you think they'd perform at his funeral? 21. That's such a beautiful tribute. So the Crown Prince, right?

So this is the thing because everyone's saying, oh, I should be the King of Thailand, which I agree with. There is a parallel. So the Crown Prince who was about to become king, he went to school in Australia. Wow. Yeah. He trained at Duntroon Military Academy.

So where's Duntroon? Canberra. Canberra, is it? Yeah. Right, okay. So he has a string of military titles, a pilot's license. Probably should be stripped after giving his fucking dog such a high title in the military. But anyway.

So he's going to be king. And so everyone in Thailand is now concerned because it says he's got a reputation for womanizing, extravagance, bizarre, self-indulgence and occasional cruelty, including to his own children. Several of whom have been stripped of their names and titles and live in exile. Wow. How do you get stripped of their names and titles and live in exile. Wow. How do you get stripped of your name? It must be some, I don't know.

So he's kicked them out of the family, basically. Yeah. Is that it? Because he's got lofty standards that he lives up to and no one's meeting them. He didn't look after the poodles well enough. Yeah, exactly. He's kicked the kids out of the family and replaced them with poodles.

Yeah, he's kicked them out of the country.'s like if you live in exile exile means you're not allowed to live in that country anymore sure but that doesn't you know they might be in miami or something in mansions yeah who knows what it means yeah yeah you're right they might actually be doing better they've probably got a show coming up on e or something they'd have like a one of those reality shows coming up just following him around leaving in exile life in exile i guess that's a good thing yeah because they can keep partying at the moment. If they're in Thailand, they wouldn't be able to party for this month at least. They're probably stoked.

They're probably asked to be exiled. They're like, can we get exiled, please? I'm over this. They're already living over there. Yeah. It should just help things out. Yeah, because the actual king I heard was like handpicked. It wasn't like one of these.

He was a really distant relation initially when he got the job. Oh, way back in 80 years ago or something. Yeah, it was like 1946. I just heard this story about him where they were like, I don't know, it's really weird. It wasn't a succession of like, yeah, you're the son of the king, so let's go for it. It was a bit like, oh, that guy who's somewhere distant in the family.

Right, right. So it says here they want to get his sister maybe be queen instead, but I don't think the regulations are in place So that that can happen It needs to be the guy It needs to be the brother So it says Because this is more stuff that he's got up his sleeve

So there's a leaked video of him With his then consort His then wife or whatever Performing naked at a birthday party And the names With his pet poodle His wife the names, with his pet poodle. His wife is performing naked with his pet poodle. Air Marshall, Foo Foo.

That was the name of his dog. I mean, say what you will about Trump. He's not fucking making dogs air marshals. You know what I mean? This guy makes him look pretty normal by comparison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so more recently, so this is the picture I saw yesterday. So they're getting him back to normal by comparison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so more recently, this is the picture I saw yesterday.

So they're getting him back to Thailand, obviously. They're all in mourning. His dad's died, whatever. So he's getting a trip back to Thailand. They've taken a picture of him just getting on the plane, covered in temporary tattoos and just wearing a crop top, like a

woman's sports bra. Boob tube kind crop top like a woman's sports bra. Boob tube kind of thing. A woman's sports bra. He gets on Thailand's Air Force One with a woman's sports bra on. What? Thailand just got a lot more fun. Yeah. I think we should go on a boys' trip to Thailand.

Yeah. Let's book. Let's go. Now, this goes into – let's talk about this. So, all of this is So my idea is This is what Tommy Daslow And I have been debating

For the last couple of weeks So this is what we want I'll be the arbiter Please Please So this is Shake up Yeah pretend I'm

Bringing up hack Welcome to the show Yep That's interesting Straight off the bat Thanks for the call I imagine it would take you A few goes to get through

the switchboard hello what are you calling up about okay well hang up on this guy fuck right I'll try again it's Carl Tilly here it's a private call

me and my brother we've heard that before so this is the concept this is the concept coming off the back of this so because I am fascinated with this place we have talked about this for the last couple place, we have talked about this.

For the last couple of months, we have talked about doing this. We wanted to do – the idea was to do a live episode of this show in Thailand. Genius. Yes. Bang. All right. Debate closed. Okay, great.

No. Thanks for your call. We do this all around the country. We've done Brisbane Done Sydney Adelaide Perth Melbourne obviously Canberra Ballarat

So because we're so fascinated I'm so fascinated with Thailand I was like right Let's put this plan together We're going to do a live Melbourne show Right A double episode So plenty of people come

We actually make money off it I proposed to The first proposal I've done To Tommy That we do a show In Thailand We fly The two of us out

We fly three guests out. We get a good deal with airline, whatever. We go over there. We stay there for a week. We do a couple of episodes. We do a bunch of online content. We jump out of a few planes, things like that. The insurance in Thailand will be a lot cheaper. Just talking about this, you've lit up.

You're all slumped down in your cat. Your posture's improved. There's a big beaming smile on your face. So we go and do that. This is the true king of Thailand. You were all slumped down and your posture's improved. There's a big beaming smile on your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we go and do that. This is the true king of Thailand. Yes. The king of Thailand tourism at the very least.

Yeah. We go over there. We get sponsorship. We chase up some sponsorship. We've already got a Patreon thing for the show where people chuck in for bonus episodes and stuff like that. We put together a package of a week of video and audio and all this different stuff. Hang on a minute.

Are you going to ask me for money at the end of this? No, no. No. Tom, you'll notice a bucket next to you now if you could just dig deep. You'd be a fool not to get involved in this. Elevator pitch. It's good. I like it.

Keep talking. Yes. In Thailand they call it the ping pong ball pitch. I just want my stock broken. Yeah. I like it. Keep talking. In Thailand they call it the ping pong ball pitch. I just want my stock broken. Sort this out. No, but I'm putting on such an earnest pitch because I'm doing this. This guy's not into it. This guy's not into it.

I'm not not into it. What is wrong with you? I'm not not into it. I'm just aware that you make some very good points. We were talking about it, but I could just tell what's underpinning this is you just really wanting to go to Thailand And that's the thing Whenever you have a suspicion that there's an ulterior motive

And there is Now what is it? I feel like you're gaslighting me is what I felt like After I left that debate with you the other day Sure but also If I wanted to go I would go and I do go already I reckon what it is is

I reckon your big issue is The girlfriend's not going to let you just up and go by yourself. You need the cover of the podcast. Tom's an alibi. Okay. I've got him. His posture's slumped again. No, no, I hadn't even thought that far to ask her permission yet.

But now I'm going, oh, yeah, that would be a thing, wouldn't it? That's a killer. That's a 50th priority. And ask my partner if I can go. But he remembers that when he's over there. Like, fuck, I should call her. How good's partner politics where you as a friend are reading way more into it than he is? Yes, yes, totally.

This is an elaborate plot for him. So he's like, nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's something for me to think about on the way home. Sure, okay, that's a thing now. Well about on the way home sure okay that's a thing now well so what so the king all this stuff

with the king now what are you saying is this is this more reason to go or is this a fly in the ointment because nothing's open no no because

the loose plan we had would be would be we would get there just after most of the morning was done okay right

but the crop tops were still in vogue yes yeah oh I'm insisting on that I'm insisting we dress like that that was the cherry on the top yeah Most of the morning was done. Okay, right. But the crop tops were still in vogue. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I'm insisting on that. I'm insisting we dress like that when we get on the plane. That was the cherry on the top. Yeah.

I think what's going on here is that you love Thailand. You don't give a shit about Thailand. You don't even know why you love Thailand. There's something about it. And so like you're still exploring this like unknown intrigue. Fuck, this guy's good. How are you supposed to get up? The hair on my neck is standing up.

You like Thailand for weird reasons that you don't understand. Yes. Tom, you're doing the greyhounds guy thing again. Back off on your right. I'm sweating. All right, Kyle. 13, 11, 14. Deal with it.

Don't drag him into this. I'm happy. I feel like jumping onto the West Gate. Don't read him the number for Lifeline. Read him the number for Flight Centre. Yes. Yes.

Yes. It's tatted on the back of my hand already. Don't worry about that. That's great. You ring Lifeline and they're like, so what's your problem?

It's like, I've got a thing for Ty. It's like, all right, we'll just direct your call to Flight Centre. Lock yourself out. Hello,

Voyager Airlines. Yeah, I wonder if they're in cahoots. They must get a lot of people calling. What you need is a good holiday with a nice twin share accommodation. You want transfers. That's excellent. That would be amazing if that came out, that they were in cahoots. It's like Lifeline Plus.

Good service. Let's do it. That's great, isn't it? We need to start this up. Yeah, Lifeline need one of those. I might do that on Hack. They call and say, I'll just transfer you to the producers.

He'll take your number and sell you a great package. Lifeline need one of those wooden captains at the front of their office. It's just like flight center. So what do you reckon, Tom? You reckon we should do it? Definitely not. Definitely not.

No, no, no. I think it's a good idea. You need a holiday. You're stressed out. You can get into his deep, weird fascination with Thailand. Wait, why do you think I'm stressed out? It just seems stressful in this house. Just the energy.

Hey, look, he's dressed like he's on holidays already. I'm ready to go. This is the first time I've seen you since we had that debate. I was fully prepared for you to just basically kidnap me from my house and drive me to the airport. You're ready to roll. No, no, no. I've got a suitcase packed out the front.

I'll pitch this to you, okay? And to me this feels like a great plot of an 80s movie. You know, where like so the king of Thailand's not there. You turn up. He's got on his heart of hearts that maybe he could take the throne. But by some sheer chance you get it. It's called Out of Abbotsford.

Tommy, you're in charge. But Carl's like, I've always wanted this I've always tried to usurp you But you'll be sitting there You're already dressed like An American tourist Going to Thailand

Thailand Hawaii You do look like You're a frat boy Already you know About to go on Some crazy adventure Overseas You've got your

Budgie smugglers On underneath You could do a tribute To the budgie smugglers The budgie nine And as Trump said to Clinton this week

Carl if I become king of Thailand my first order of business will be putting you in jail I did think there was a slight thing this was in my head

at one stage if we went over there while this was all going down this might be a Thailand version of King Ralph all ready to happen

and something might happen I might be a millionth down the line and it's like yep this guy just you know one of those things where you might be a millionth down the line. And it's like, yep, this guy just happened. You know, one of those things where you walk into a shopping centre at the right time, the balloons come down, you were the one millionth visitor of this supermarket.

Hey, I'm the one millionth visitor of Koh Samui. Bang, you are now the king of Thailand. Yeah. Can you imagine how shit it is over there now with like, because, you know, so everything shuts down, right? The country's in mourning because the king has died. I would say a big percentage of you Australian tourists going over to visit Thailand aren't really tuned

into the cultural sensitivities of what's going on and are just walking around the streets cracking the shits that they can't get a bintang at one in the afternoon. Yep. I reckon there's a lot of bad vibes out there in the streets at the moment. Yes. And they're not even in Bali where you get bintang. Oh, right.

Okay. That's how insensitive they are. They're like, isn't this Kuta? Where's Kuda Beach this guy's going to jail can't even name the local beer I'm sorry

Chang I'm sorry I'm so sorry where's my nasty garang this is shit where's this one chicken what's going on here where's my sweet and sour

I just want a fucking pizza alright that's it come on Mario I can't bring this guy anywhere. We can't go now. Oh, God. Just BYO Bintang.

He'll be fine. Yeah. No, look. I did go, because I did go a couple of years ago when there was a military coup. Oh, right. When there was a junta. Is that what they're called? Juntas?

Junta. Mate, I don't even know what the beer is. Don't ask me. I have no idea. I did go over there and there was a thing where it was a curfew. There was a military curfew. So you weren't allowed on the streets after a certain time, after about nine or ten o'clock.

You love a curfew, don't you? Well, no, but here's the thing. This is the thing that I'm interested in because it was a curfew, but it's on a holiday island where, you know, it's full of idiots just getting drunk. Yeah, I know one of them pretty well. Yeah, yes. So it was a bit like they went, yeah, yeah, we've got this curfew.

And you could literally see people go, yeah, but I don't really want there to be a curfew. And they're like, yeah, you make a good point. We're not making any money. Curfew's off, everyone. And that was it. Wow. It honestly lasted a couple of days and they were like, no,

we're not doing that anymore. Because I think they allowed a law where the family mart, which are the 7-Elevens over there, they went, so all the pubs and everything are closed. And they went, cool, well, are the family marts which are the 7-Elevens over there, they went, so all the pubs and everything are closed, and they went, cool, well, are the family marts allowed to be open? Because, you know, they've got milk and everything, and they're like, yeah, they're allowed open. And they went, cool, because we've got all the beer too.

And people were just going to the family marts and getting pissed in there. Oh, wow. All right then, guys, everything's open then. Fair enough. I feel like you know a lot of the rich history of Thailand. Yeah, the family story. Such a niche podcast, this one, Thai history. I can see why you're doing live shows around Maya centres all around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what, if we can fundraise enough money to buy a dog that can fly a plane and get us over there, I'm in. I'll do it. Where does that come from? The air marshal thing. Oh, I forgot about that. The thing that you read out. You said dog. I kept thinking

it's a poodle. You're mentally already on holiday. You checked out. How close are you to saying yes to this idea? We literally had a discussion. What would it take? What sweetness would you need to get you over the line?

We had a big talk about it. I then, the next day, I sent you a message saying, look, here's another view on the matter. I'm not saying this is like, let's not do it. I think this is just worth considering. You just never wrote back to that. I realised I've done one of the worst things you can do to another human being, which is to float the idea

of Carl Chandler not going to Thailand. I was like, I've really done it here. This could be the end of the friendship. No, no, no, no. To be fair, I was at work when I got that message and I was like, oh, this needs for me to sit down and really... This is not me saying yes or no. I don't have time to

shake in your very core. I send that message and I see that it's come up and says seen and then I'm sweating the rest of the day going, I'm going to fucking cop it now. So just all day I was like just looking at my phone again going when is he going to put me out of my misery and just write back and go no cunt we're going.

No but it was more than that. I didn't think you'd make the like you'd live through the night. Well you're just waiting for a car to turn up and pick you up at any moment. Pretty much. That would be awesome. You should pull a strong move like that. Yeah. No, what it was, he was expecting like a rang dang curry to turn up with a bullet in it

and go, and the next one's coming a lot faster. That would be good. If he got like a red curry turns up, he eats it and then goes, oh. Bang, wakes up on the beach of Koh Samui. Yeah, being pushed out of a plane. Yeah. That's literally what this is. You're the lawyers in this situation.

Yeah. If you insure me, I'll go. This should be, instead of a radio prank, this should be the podcast prank. Me just drugging you and bringing you to Thailand. What a prank. I'm into the idea. I'm just having a hard time committing.

Stockbroker likes it. I'm sure you can relate. Let's do it. Stockbroker likes it. Yeah. We're can relate. Let's do it. Stockbroker likes it. Yeah. We're funding. We're in. What do you need?

Well, literally, this is another thing that I've been, because I talk about it so much, this is literally more than usual that we've talked about on this episode, to be honest. Not that much more, but still a little bit more. Yeah, there must be a diagnosis for this problem you have. Yeah, yeah. Oh, please, please. Ring that number. Middle age.

Holy fuck. That was heavy. So, I have and this is another part of the show. A lot of people have got my number. I'm not going to read it out because people already fucking know it. Oh yeah, Tom, I read Carl's phone number out on the show once and now listeners text him and call him in the middle of the night.

You don't like that at all, do you? No. You hate that. How did you figure that one out? People can just call him whenever they want. It's like your show. They can just send you pictures whenever they want. Yes, all of that. Actually, fuck, I got a good one the other day. There's a lot of you picking up the phone and going, interesting, thanks for your call.

Yeah, yeah, except the calls are literally, kill yourself, cunt! Literally. Literally. Wow. So it's kind of like hate porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very quickly, I'll just do this as an example.

I literally got this text last night, which is pretty cool. By the way, someone pointed out the other day, on Monday, it was the four-year anniversary of me reading out your phone number. Oh, really? What did you do to celebrate? Got a new number. Yeah, yeah. That's on the 50s.

For the love of God. Yeah. I got this message last night. Is that why you're so keen to go to Thailand again, just so you're out of phone reception and they can't get at you? Yeah, yeah. If you're going to say, top yourself, cunt, then you're going to have to pay international rates.

Exactly. Yeah, which makes them want to kill themselves. They've just spent $6 telling me to kill myself. Right. So, I got this text last night. I have nothing to say, so I'm just sending you a weird, sexy bunny butt pic. And it's a picture of a rabbit's ass for some reason.

Love the podcast. Love the podcast. Greetings from Iceland. Oh, wow. I got a text from Iceland last night. That's good. P.S. Shame about the king.

He was just like you. Yeah. So, that was my condol Shame about the king He was just like you Yeah So that was my Condolences about The king of Thailand news That is so nuanced Rich layered And international

Yeah It's beautiful And also I'm just impressed That someone from Iceland Has sent a picture to me Because that's got to cost You know A text costs something

But then Send someone a picture I think If you're listening in Iceland To this right now Get a life Yeah Seriously

What are you doing? For the love of God. And what's the bridge of Iceland? Throw yourself off the wreckage. Here's the thing about Iceland. Do you know this about Iceland? We're just traversing around the globe with our little facts.

We're in the world of Karl Chandler. Let's go there instead. Yeah, sure. Is this true? I've heard this story. Iceland and Greenland, right? So Iceland is apparently really good and really lush and really green. And so way back in the day, they didn't want people going to it.

So they called it, they basically swapped the names of Iceland and Greenland. So people would hear Iceland and go, oh, that sounds shit house. We're not going there. We'll go to Greenland instead. Greenland would hear Iceland and go, oh, that sounds shit-ass. We're not going there. We'll go to Greenland instead. Greenland, completely filled with ice. Yeah, it's shit-ass. I heard Vikings did make, colonised it, and literally they died off of Greenland.

Yeah, the Vikings are like, this needs a rebrand. Sort this out. This is terrible. Yeah, Greenland 2.0. Yeah, so I think that's true. So Iceland, I keep thinking Iceland, that's all terrible and cold, but I think it's true. So Iceland, I keep thinking Iceland, that's all terrible and cold, but I think it's quite good.

Really? So they were doing a like mid-14th century version of a podcast with Vikings. Yeah. He said, I want to go to Greenland. The other one's like, it's not happening. We're not going to head over there. So this is a few travel tips for people that don't like tropical sex tourism. Yes.

We're just giving you a few pointers. No. There are other places out there, yeah. No. Yeah. No. Well, Tom, I don't know how many people would know this about you, but in addition to hosting Hack on Triple J,

you play bass in the band Client Liaison, a band that I'm sure a lot of our listeners are familiar with. Did I see this on your social medias the other day? Did you and the band go to Bali recently? We did. Did you go to get clothes made? Yes. Right.

Purely. Purely to get suits made for your live show? Non-stop tailoring. And quick question, how did you get that trip over the line? To your other bandmates. What was the line you used that just got them over the line? Hypothetically. It was actually just about a really dominant, forceful vision for fashion.

It really pushed it. So I think the crop top can work. I've got the dominant and forceful bit. I just don't have the fashion bit. The crop top. You've just got to sell it. You've got to start wearing it non-stop. You've got to make it look fashionable.

You need to get it on stage somewhere. See, that is a good idea. If we go to Thailand, we could get cheap shirts made. This is one of our ideas We do a bit of a sweatshop tour That's another sell for time You could get more like American tourist outfits made over there

Yes Yeah you idiot You come back Wine shirt for every day of the week You come back with a bevy of crop tops my friend And this podcast is going to get some traction Yeah Oh yeah

Oh man Imagine using that as Oh no We can't make crop tops I've already got A one bedroom apartment Filled with fucking hoodies and T-shirts. I don't want to have crop tops in the middle of it.

You've got to branch out. No, I don't think we do. A funny thing happened over there. So, yeah, the trip was all about getting costumes made for the next tours. Like, Monty, the lead singer of the band, has just this wild imagination for fashion and he's designing our outfits like three tours into the future. And so they're

like all right we need to pay for this tailoring trip so they they phoned around and got a got a gig um and it looked like a really cool festival forgotten island on ghillie tea this island near lombok is like this is great but then in the weeks leading up we couldn't get in touch with the promoters so we went to bali anyway and we're sitting in bali getting talent i was like oh it's about time we got onto these promoters about this festival. Oh, wow. And then we start hearing these rumours that they're just getting

bribed to the eyeballs by local authorities. And a few friends of ours from Peking Duck were already there. They're like, it's a fucking sick party, 80% checks, you're going to love it. But the party last night got cancelled. Tomorrow's not looking good. And now we're wearing all the girls' crop tops. Yeah, exactly.

Everyone ran out of clothes so they're just wearing the crop tops upside down on their pants. Anyway, the festival got called off because the local authority was like, right, we need $10,000. Do you want to drink that beer? That's another $10,000. And they just totally gutted them.

So the night before we get the call, they're like, are those 16 Pelican cases you're about to load onto a leaky boat and you don't make the six-hour trip? Don't worry about it. We've had to call it off. And the band for a moment was like, oh. And then Monty was like, more tailoring.

This is great. So just back to the tailors the next day. So that's all you did was just go to tailors nonstop? Yeah, there was a bit of like luxury beach club um lounging is thrown into the mix a lot of scooter riding did you ever think good tommy doesn't it sounds amazing did you ever think the diplomat you were in contact with sounded exactly like your lead singer like no no no the island festival is off carl show me show me your designs for our costumes for our third next live podcast. And if I'm into it, then we can go.

It is good, though. Because, you know, I mean, it is one of the more annoying things about going to those places where you've got those very insistent tailors at the front of shops that just walk by. And the thing is that they imitate you. This is the other thing. They think they can get you into the shops by imitating you. They look at you and they're very good at guessing what country you're from yeah very good excellent and then they

start doing that thing where they go uh you know what are you aussie melbourne good day mate hey good day mate i'm from melbourne and it's like man you sound like you're taking the piss out of me why am i going to come back and get a bow tie from you you want the reluctant reluctant tailors they're the ones you go for the The ones that play hard to get. They're too disorganised. They look hopeless but once they're behind closed doors they're just weaving the magic. So did you go in with a lead or did you just hit

the ground and just go door to door? One of the things about client liaison is they have a very interesting set of financial priorities. So I've been... Let's not talk about my invoices, but no, they will, like we had this problem where we weren't getting great on stage down.

So we sat down with some friends who were in big touring acts and they're like, they sat down with the boys and they broached this topic very, very gently and very respectfully. And they said, said well have you ever thought about um saving some money on on your full-time stylist and spending it on on a technical stage producer and the guys are like nah that's crazy too but i bet they looked great when they said nah right oh they look fantastic yeah you can say anything when you look like so what i was saying

i started off about The phone number Is out everywhere I literally get Because we talk a lot about this I literally get a lot of calls A lot of texts from listeners That go You know what

You know You make a good point I'm going to go to Thailand For a holiday Where do you recommend I'm going to go to this place That place What hotels

What restaurants Whatever What's your favourite ping pong show Yeah exactly All that stuff I admitted it We got him We got him He probably does like the food restaurants, whatever. What's your favourite ping pong show? Yeah, exactly. All that stuff. I admitted it. Oh, fuck. We got him.

We got him. He probably does like the food. No, I'll draw a line there. The prank is back. So I've started, you know, the last couple of weeks and months when people have hit me up, I've gone, hey, if you're going, there's a chance we might be going, so just hold off. Oh, yeah.

If we go, there's a chance we might have listeners come with us to come and see a live show. We will literally go and do a live show. Just trying to get as many people as possible to come to Thailand. What, do you get lonely over there or something? I love Thailand, but I feel so alone. I have been. I think I've been seven.

You're like, what's the international number for Lifeline? It's plus six one. Yeah. You haven't worked that out yet so you want friends to come instead now you've got that number you can just go on your own that was one of your big selling points to me like listeners might come

I'm like have you met the people that listen to this I want to go on a holiday with some of those people that would be fun people literally have listeners come along we do a show somewhere in some pub and we have two Australian listeners the people that listen to this. I want to go on a holiday with some of those people. That would be fun. People literally have listeners come along. We do a show somewhere in some pub and we have two Australian

listeners turn up just to be in front of us. Yeah. We're still charging money to see that. You've probably got their numbers. You could just start directly.

I do. Literally. Get your ass over from Iceland, champ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough of this fluffy bunny shit and get over here.

You pricing flights the other day like when I was at your house, I've never seen anything like it. Like you bringing up the websites, it was like fucking Minority Report. Just the speed and the vision with which you keyed in and you just knew everything. I can show you around hotels.com like that.

Hotels combined, bang. What's your flight website? Is it like Skyscanner? Are we talking like? No. I mean, I do use a bit of that. It's just instinct, is it? Yes.

I just fill it in my waters. International waters. Because you're not allowed to drink from the tap over there. So there's a chance of that. Plus, you know what? If we say no to this, if Tommy Dastlo is ruling this out, if the Grinch over here... I'm not ruling it out.

The South East Asian Grinch over here, if he rules that out, the plan was to bring over three guests, three of our comedian friends. We loosely hit up a bunch of them to go, would you be into it? And they're like, absolutely, because we're paying for them to fly over there. So we've put that out there. Wow.

It's just going to break their little hearts. It's the comedian make a wish. I think you missed a critical moment. You know, he'd sent you that text message. He was sitting on the toilet waiting for the response. He said just before that he was worried about losing you. You need to play hardball. He's on the edge.

No, no, no. We're all good. We're all good. You don't need to tell this. You can pretend that it's not good. You know what? That's what I'm saying. You're right. You're right.

You're right. It is on the... Tread to walk away. Walk. It's a very fractious relationship. Maybe we both need to relax. Maybe we need to take some time out and maybe go somewhere. Warm weather.

Guys, I think... That's the problem. But you've invited too many other people. Like, if you kept it special, you're like, Tommy, it's just you and me on the beach. Right. It's true. A bit of tropical weather, bottled water, just relaxing. Do you think that's what's...

Yeah, you've made it too big. Right. Make it intimate. He's worried there's going to be three people in between us. I get it. Yeah. Tommy, if you invited me, I'd go. I just don't understand.

You mean a bunch of Triple J listeners. Great. There's an elephant in the corner here that we're not addressing. Now, you want to go over there, you've got to pay for all the comedians. Guys, drug milling. Like,'re not addressing. Now, you want to go over there, you've got to pay for all the comedians. Guys, drug-muling. Like, there he is. How are you not... That's how you pay for it.

That's exactly how you pay for it. Like, how are you... Oh, a couple of condoms full of heroin and then they're off. They're on your way back. Do not put that on... You know what? I've already worried about, like, people have said on social media, like, I put some Photoshop stuff up of me as the king.

You know, I've put stuff about, you know, Thailand king's stuff about you know thailand king's dying so now you can't go well that they were saying literally i was looking it up there is a law uh what's it called the least majestic law of common sense yeah the less less majestic law or something where if you make any fun of royalty you basically go to jail. So if we can... I mean, I'll take that down if we go. Can we just quickly... We glossed over this way too quickly, the sentence, I was sitting around photoshopping pictures of myself

as the king of Thailand. Hey. Yes? Life is beautiful. It's got nothing. It's lots of words. No, I'm just putting it together He needs a holiday

He's very stressed This is the marathon Of the podcast You're at the finish line You've just started Shitting yourself Your body's shut down That's true

This is the 42 Kilometre run To Thailand This is not This is Bringing the conversation Full circle I'm sorry for creating content

Okay If you can finish That 10k tomorrow Without shoving any women out of the way Then we can go Alright well is there another reason If you're a good boy at the finish line tomorrow Well I'm sure

Hey you know what by the time this goes up We probably we will have settled on it At some point We may have already put it out there Speaking of radio stunts this is classic technique There's forward promotes there's pay payoffs, there's danger. Shh! This is genius. We scripted this before you came in.

This is amazing, right? Yeah, this is incredible. I think we've talked about flights and they're a sponsor. Yeah, they're involved. I was going to say, it just needs a few ads and it'd be pretty much spot on. Oh no, they were in there. You didn't even know! Oh shit! Skyscanner.com. We got the triple J guy to read out all the brands.

Oh, shit. I am getting fired for this. Well, I think that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. We got to wrap it up there. Dave Thornton, Tom Tilly, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Tom Hack every evening at 5.30, Triple J.

Spot on. Yep. And you can podcast that as well. You can podcast it. If you guys at home are into that sort of shit. Yeah, and if you're not, that's fine. I will quickly say, after I first met you, there was a point where your producer would call me once a week

to get me on on the Friday afternoon, where you have to be abreast of all the topics of the week. And I'm not like you. I'm not reading The Australian. I don't know what's going on. Those newspapers are just props, by the way. I just pretend to be a newsman. I actually started using these in my DJ sets.

I'd pull up to a club and just pull out the newspaper as just a bit of a prop. Oh, great. I was like, this is good. We can build a show around this. But yeah, your producer would get me on the phone and go, okay, so we're talking about this. What do you think about that? And I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know what that is. And she would have to describe the story to me. This happened for three weeks in a row. And then the calls, surprisingly enough, stopped coming in. And then I was at a bar during the comedy festival and I met this person and she was telling, I didn't put two and two together yet. She was telling me what she does. She's like, oh, I work at

Hack. And she's like, what did you say your name was? I go, Tommy. And she goes, Dasolo? And I go, yeah. And she goes, you're the guy that I was reading the newspaper to every Friday. But hey, leave that week in Australian here. Get me in next week. I'll be good to go. Dave, what have you got? Especially leave the travel section, if you can.

Well, I'm at the moment working, obviously, on Fox FM as I was the comedian that got the job after Matt Tilley. So what I'm saying, Tom, is that when you finish up with Hack. Step up. The big dog stepping in. Oh, yeah.

Then finally I can take this podcast from old Carl Tilley sitting across from me. And that's the big trifecta. No, we've got that. And then, guys, and then next year, if you want to come see my live show, Onwards and Upwards, guys. Yay. At the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Is that what it's called? Onwards and Upwards, guys. Yay! At the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Is that what it's called? Onwards and Upwards?

Yeah, I thought of it yesterday afternoon because that was the deadline. Wow. I think the last time I talked to you, you weren't going to do a show. Here we are, mate. That's used to me. Yeah, I'm doing it in Thailand. How do you feel about that? 20 tickets, please.

That's the way to do it. 20 tickets, please. We might take Hack to Thailand for a few Hack festivals. Really? So you better hurry up, Tommy the way to do it. Sweaty tickets, please. We might take Hack to Thailand for a few Hack specials. Right. So you better hurry up, Tommy. Don't do it. It means everyone else will go except for us. Yeah.

Fuck. We're all going to Thailand. It's like when they simulcast across all the TV channels of the same thing at once. Literally every media outlet in the country goes to Thailand for a week. We're like live from the Greyhound track in Thailand. Here we go. The dogs are starting to run. It's fantastic.

There's a bit of live baiting going on. This is fantastic. You know, like in Mars Attack, it's like the aliens land and take over every channel. Thailand's going to take over every radio, every audio show except for ours. Fuck! Yeah, and Dave and I are like,

oh, I wish Carl was here. Anyway, pass me that bin tank. And you know the ultimate twist? He'll actually have to listen to radio now. He'll get the radio in his car. I have to car You and me are the only two people left in the country I'm like see it's just nice to connect This is what you wanted Some time alone

Here's an idea Why don't you It's radio It's all about theatre You can just Just fake it Yeah mate Just get a bit of music in the background

A few ping pong balls bouncing off the walls And you're done Yeah I feel like the response that you're getting is like what I got when I sent that message the other day. Scene. Alright guys, we've got That's the audio scene.

We've got Perth and Melbourne live shows on sale at the moment. We've got the hoodies and t-shirts and everything. littledumbdumbclub.com. Thailand live show about to go on sale very soon. Fingers crossed. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next.