The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 316 - Tom Gleeson & Nick Capper

Episode Date: October 25, 2016

One Potato, Easter Island and Thailand Tour Guides Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse. Carl, Chocolate Mousse, what are your thoughts? I got one just this week. Yeah, I'd had a little spell off it and then I went, you know what, I've earned it. I'm back. Yeah. You've done it again. I've done it again.

I've been pretty fit lately and then I went, you know what, I could do with it. Yeah, you've earned it. Treat yourself. How was it going back in? Did you get, because in your peak, you're eating a lot of it all the time. Did you get that thing where you sort of off it offer you've gone cold turkey and now it's kind of did it did it do anything new for you you know kind of going off it and then trying it again no it's it's pretty man yeah i just it strikes me how dark it is you know i know i like it you know it's that thing where people you know dark dark chocolate is for the for the more mature

palate it is isn't it yeah yeah which i'm starting to appreciate i remember my grandpa People, you know, dark chocolate is for the more mature palate. It is, isn't it? Yeah. Which I'm starting to appreciate. I remember my grandpa used to eat Club, you know, that chocolate bar. And I was like, I'd never, he was the first person I'd ever seen eating it. And I went, this is what you do when you're a big boy. You eat your dense black chocolate.

And you've got to remember this. When you become older, you've got to remember this for you. If you have a grandkid, if you're blessed enough to have that happen to you at one stage. Give them their first word as original. No, no. With the club, when you get into the club, you've just got to remember as a kid, it's not for you. Dark chocolate's not for kids.

I have not had dark chocolate for a while. I don't know. I feel like you should try it every couple of years just to see if you're ready for it yet. Yeah, I'm ready. I don't think I'm ready yet. Okay. So 40, you reckon, is the turning point?

I reckon I'm... Between us, we could work out the exact age that you turn. I was digging it a little bit before that. Yeah. Because I'm quite a consumer of chocolate. You've got a very refined palate when it comes to chocolate. I don't know. I like my very plain you know, plain chocolate.

Just once it would be nice if you could agree with something I said. I'm really getting into laxity. Why do you got to fight me on everything I say? You like chocolate. I don't know. Do I like it? Whatever you say. Fuck you.

Whatever you say. Whatever you say. Hey, here's something that you cannot disagree with. We are going to be in Perth this Sunday afternoon you cannot disagree with. Well, let's see. We're going to be in Perth this Sunday afternoon. Oh, no. I'm not coming now. I'm going to be home either not liking chocolate or liking it.

Stuff a fucking polywaffle up your ass and stay back in Melbourne. Yeah. No, I'm coming. All right. You want me back. I'm coming. The show's back on? Yeah.

It's back on. Everyone, don't take those tickets out of the bin. Sunday, November the 30th in Perth. October the 30th, I think you'll find. Fuck, I'm an idiot. October, November, I can't deal with them. I'm like that with June, July. I hate that time of year because they sound so similar.

It's a fucking nightmare. I can't do it. I hate months. I hate that fucking calendar. It's bullshit. I hate fucking. Why divide it up into 12? Just one big thing.

One big month? Yeah. Why don't we just go, I'm coming to Perth on the 287th of 2016. That makes way more sense. That'd be so much better. That's awesome. We're coming on the 287th, guys. Come along. That's not awesome. That's awesome. We're coming on the 287th, guys. Come along.

That's not awesome. That's so bad. But, yes, it's this Sunday. We are over there with guests Dilruk Jaisingha, Becky Lucas, Greg Fleet. It's going to be awesome. This is it. We've been pumping this for – it feels like this has been on sale for a little while now and now it's finally here.

Yeah. Guys, you know what I did the other day? This is my new marketing plan. You know, as listeners of the show know, my phone number's out there. So over the years, I've got a lot of people hit me up, a lot of text messages, a lot of whatever. So you know what I did the other day? I thought, you know what?

Changed your phone number. No. I wouldn't have done that. That's silly. I stuck a club chocolate up my ass. No. A whole block. Wow. Yeah. Well, I'm at that age now. I'm at that. That's silly. I stuck a club chocolate at my ass. No. A whole block. Wow.

Yeah, well, I'm at that age now. I'm at that age where you need to... What the asshole can fit? No. Rectangular objects. I'm at that stage where I need to check my prostate. So I thought I'd check it with a club chocolate. And it came back positive.

I love dark chocolate. Have you had the test, by the way? I haven't. Yeah, I want to go and do it. You're meant to, aren't you? I know. Well, you're meant to, but then – I'll do it right now.

With what? You're pointing your finger at me as well. Very apt for this conversation we're having. I've heard a lot lately about people doing it at 50 now. Now people are just saying – instead of saying 40, they go, just remember, get it done by 50. It's like, I thought that was 40. You're just scared.

You just look for an excuse to not have your arsehole fingered. And I get it. No. No, I'm fine with it. But I've just heard it a lot. I'm like, hang on. I thought that was the real 40. But now a lot of people say it's 50.

People are living longer. So it's just averaging out at the point in your life that that is. Yeah. No, I'll put it on my list. Let's do it at a live event. No. Demi Lardner got tattooed at one of our live shows. Let's have you have a live prostate. No. Demi Lardner got tattooed at one of our live shows. Let's have you have a live prostate exam.

That's not a thing. People don't want to see that. I disagree. I can think of one person that wants to see that. Yeah. Well, maybe the drunkard. The mere thought of this has made you so uncomfortable. No, no, no.

The thought of actually doing it would make me very uncomfortable. Look, I would do it if – I would literally do it if that was a thing, like if people actually wanted to do it. But people don't want to do that. Plus, you can't – you need a doctor. You can't have an amateur. We can get a doctor to come in and we can set up a little modesty screen for you to be behind and we'll have you mic'd up

and you can commentate the whole thing. Has anyone done that before? I wonder if anyone's done that before. Prostate exam live on stage. I love how you're much keener for me to get a finger up my ass

on stage than to go to Thailand for an episode. I was just thinking that. Hey, speaking of very quickly in between the ads, I talked the other week

about on the live episode from Adelaide, I talked about my favourite place to go and have lunch, my favourite Thai restaurant Possum Thai aka Blossom Thai I still go there, it's very good Still after all these years

Despite the fact I don't know the name of it I still go there Someone just put on our Facebook, well right then as we were speaking a picture of them at Blossom Thai Just a a picture of them at Boston. Ah. Yeah, just a little picture of them there with the, getting the fruit in the water, which I don't approve of,

which I no longer get anymore. Yep. So that's good. And last night I went and got Thai food at a restaurant. I went and got Thai restaurant. I went and got Thai restaurant last night in Hawthorne. And you know what? This is, you know when you have a celeb sighting,

it's like, oh, this is pretty cool. You know, this is, you get excited. You get excited, yeah? Yeah, sure. You see someone in a restaurantorne. And you know what? This is, you know when you have a celeb sighting? It's like, oh, this is pretty cool. You know, this is, you get excited. You get excited, yeah? Yeah, sure. You see someone in a restaurant or wherever?

Yeah. This was my... I saw Nick Gianopoulos sitting out the front of a cafe on Chapel Street once. Did you? Yeah. Oh, once?

Not even recently and that's still sticking with you? But it stuck with me because he was sitting kind of in the front window very much wanting people to go, hey, that's Nick Gianopoulos.

Oh, right. No, you know, no hat on, you know, no sunnies, no kind of back to the window, just sitting there basking in it, waiting for people to go, hey, that's the guy from the Wogboy. I had also a Wogboy too. I saw him in a very similar, well, in a completely different thing in a way. I saw him once in Richmond Coles, fully disguised.

Oh, really? And I was like, oh, you don't need that. What's he getting at? Yeah. I think he was, yeah, he had the sunglasses on inside. Wait, so you're such a wogs-out-of-work head that even with the disguise, you see right through it immediately. Like, I'd know that big ethnic schnoz anywhere.

I'm from the country. Just anyone that's from another country, I'm like, wow, check it out. So you were saying you got a text. No, no, yeah. No, no, no. Oh, you had a celeb sighting. This is a celeb sighting. Okay, yeah.

So I went to a Thai restaurant last night and I had a sighting. This is what made me excited last night. Yes. I had a sighting. The girl that served me in the thai restaurant was the same girl that serves me at possum thai oh so it's like an unofficial chain no no she just had two jobs two jobs and i was like oh wow and i was like i was there with my girlfriend i said oh that's that's the girl that the waitress from Blossom Tire that I go to in South Yarra.

Oh, that's dodgy. She's like, oh, so what? Yeah, that's dodgy. That's a bad call by you. No, but then she's like, oh, okay. And I said, well, she's like the only waitress there. So that's why I know her. And I go there all the time.

A lot of backpedaling you've got to do here to get yourself out of this. You shouldn't have brought it up. Yeah, but then I felt like I was justified because then she comes up to service, you know, towards the end to pick our stuff up. And I go, and she sort of comes up and doesn't say anything. And I go, hey. And she goes, hey. And then looks at me for about two seconds and then goes, ah, ah, blossom tie.

And I go, yeah. Yeah, there you go. You got off the hook. So then we had to have the conversation where it's like. Mr. King. Yeah. The king has returned. Yeah.

So, yeah, then it's that thing where you have to have a conversation, but neither of us have got anything to say apart from, oh, so you're from the other one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you're this one now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.

Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about your girlfriend. No, no, no, no, no. Neither of us has anything to say. No, no, no. You know, me from home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From in bed next to you every girlfriend. No, no, no, no, no. None of us has anything to say. No, no, no. You know, me from home. Yeah, yeah. From in bed next to you every morning.

Yeah, yeah. So we didn't have much to say to each other, but it was sort of like, yeah, okay, so I guess I'll see you in a couple of days at a different place. Yeah. Yeah. All right, cool. That's cool. We've got to get Possum Tile on board.

Yeah. No, well, I don't know. I don't know. I'm happy to give him a... You don't want the place to get sort of overrun. You don't want to be turning up there and all of a sudden not get a seat. Well, yeah, I don't think they understand what a podcast is. I don't think we'd have much chance.

I'm happy to give him a free shout-out. Yeah. That's very generous of you. Okay, so this text message. Text message. Oh, yeah. What was I saying? About Perth. Oh, yeah. What was I saying? About Perth.

Oh, yeah, Perth. Sorry. This is my new – Sorry. I think we're in the middle of doing – What do you think we're doing here? I don't know. I got so lost.

I got so excited about Blossom Thai, about Possum Thai. What's the other one? What's the Hawthorne one called? Wallaby Thai. No. It's called Fat Buddha. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

That's all right. You just need to say Buddha. Yeah. That's fat. Yeah, that's true. It's a Fat Buddha Oh yeah Yeah That's alright It's just You know You just need to say Buddha Yeah That's fat Yeah that's true It's a tautology Also

Putting the word fat In a restaurant name Is that a good idea Not good Yeah It's like Let's put negative connotations In my head

Yeah Well Yeah It's good It's like there's no There's no bars called like The fucking Drunk

Yeah The Alco Club. Yeah. So yeah, Perth, text. So all the people who have texted me over the years and whatever, I had a great idea the other day. I went back. I just searched through my text messages, just the word Perth.

Wow. And found all the people that have texted me over the years going, hey, I'm from Perth, go fuck yourself or whatever. And found all of them and then just texted them and went, hey, you better be fucking coming to our show. That's great. That's grassroots marketing is what they call that.

There was about a dozen of them. I texted them all and there were some people that didn't answer. Some people said, yeah, I'm coming and just some people going. Someone just texted me back saying, red. So I'm tipping. The big tip is I don't reckon they're coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good, though. See, I knew giving out your number would pay off. Yeah, finally. It's helping us sell tickets now. You're welcome. Literally, I reckon we've sold one off it today. Because I sent them out today. I reckon we've sold one off it.

That's good. That's still something. It's something. I drew a poster for the gig that is a spoof of the... Oh, it made me spoof. Thanks, spoof. That's a parody of the cover of Nevermind.

Yes. And it's quite explicit. Yes. And I sent it to you and we were both thinking this will not last half an hour on Facebook. We're going to get kicked off our own page and it's been, what now, like 24 hours?

24 hours plus? Plus. Yeah, 36 hours at this point. Going on two days now and it's still there. It's still making me rock hard. Yeah. It's a good, I'm proud of the work that we did together.

It was a collab effort. Yeah, it's very good. It's worth – yeah, get onto the socials if you like all of our – It's pretty fucked but it's good. The visual side of what we do. Don't report us. Don't get this idea in your head now and report us. Well, you're doing this – what I like is you're doing this little run

of album cover parodies for our posters which I think is – I'm looking forward to the next one already. Yeah, I'm trying to think because I also did one for Melbourne that's the Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, which as you pointed out, given the title of that album that it's a parody of, would have been a better – as a poster for the Adelaide. Yes, yes. Yeah. What else should I do?

What is it? I mean, we've got the Sgtgt Pepper poster that people didn't really buy. I need to include that detail. Fuck, it's such a good poster. Yeah, it's good. Anyway, yeah, if you can think of any that we should do, let us know. Yeah, actually, that's a good idea. Let us know.

So we just mentioned it then. Melbourne, November the 12th, two big episodes back to back plus a big old stupid stand-up show with us doing every kind of dumb thing that we've referenced doing at a gig. Yep. We're going to be doing that. Carl in his pyjamas, Gary Chalk, Baby Bogan. A few other little friends of the show have got ideas.

Have put their hands up to do silly stuff. Yes. Yes. And we will – it's an afternoon late afternoon no early evening show and we're in the venue all night

so hang around have a drink it's going to be a big old Saturday night party have your dinner first please please people

and that's very close to sold out you were telling me yes by the time everyone hears this if you hear it straight away

it is very very very close so get on if you are actually keen you think you're going to leave it to the last minute, you're not because this is going to sell out this week. If you're hearing this in 2018 when you're just getting on board with the podcast, don't bother. It's already sold out.

If people want to try and give us money for something that we did two years ago, I'm not going to say no to it. Not only is it sold out, the gig has finished, guys. Because we're still getting a lot of people that are just getting on to it now. We're still getting people trying to buy tickets to things that we did in 2014. Guess what, guys? It's too late. Oh, we've sold thousands of tickets to the 2015's Adelaide live show.

It's so good. Finally, finally we've sold it out. Yeah. In retrospect. Yeah. So, yeah, they're the two live shows. And you know what, Melbourne? You know, we might have something something we might have something else we we might uh once we sell this

out we might have a little little surprise what the fuck are you talking about you know i know what you're talking about you know exactly you know exactly what i'm talking about um so we might have we never call us again never in your life. So we might have something a little bit different for you later in the year. But, oh, man, it's coming around. It won't be long until we start thinking about Comedy Festival. Yeah, well, we're already thinking about it. I'm thinking about it right now. Okay, what are you thinking?

Don't you tell me when I can and cannot think about it. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking we do some live podcasts during the Comedy Festival. Eureka! Fuck. All right. So, hey, Patreon. Patroners.

If you want to support the show, if you love this show and you want it to keep going, please, a lot of people that are like-minded, like you, like to get on patreon.com slash little dum-dum club and like to show their appreciation by slinging us a little bit of coin. And we like to show our appreciation for getting said coin by giving back. Yeah. Giving back to the community. If you want to chip in, don't be supporting this show by going down to Possum Ty and getting a meal there.

Keep that money. Yes. Chip it into the Patreon. You get your name read out at the start of the show. Exactly. That's a fucking good point. Yeah. Thank you. Those people going down to Possum Ty, you know your name read out at the start of the show. Exactly. That's a fucking good point. Yeah. Thank you.

Those people going down the possum tie, you know what I do. I go there for lunch. I get the $10, $12 deal. This person that sent us that picture, they're paying full price. Yeah. They're burning money. They could be giving us a bit of that. You don't know what they do.

That could be nothing to them. Well, if it's nothing to them, they should be. Hang on. If it's nothing to them, I'm reading their name right now. No, I've definitely not Ever read that name out The person that said Oh so they don't chip in No they don't chip in

Okay I've not seen that name So no I'm not I'm not gonna read the name Yeah Because they haven't given us any Scum Pure scum

They're drinking their little Fruit water down at Possum Thai Paying extra Paying probably double What I pay in my lunch special Yep yep They could be

They could be giving us A bit of something It's no good It's no good at all Fuck them Yeah That double what I pay on my lunch special. Yep, yep. They could be giving us a bit of something. It's no good. It's no good at all. Fuck them. Yeah. That's what I mean to say. Yeah.

I wish I could see that name. Yeah. No. Well, you'll never hear it. I'm going to ban him from the page right now. We're going to kick more people off our Facebook page. Yeah. So, yeah, if you like the idea of that, of giving back, you go to that site and it tells

you all the prices that you can chuck in. You can chuck in a tiny little bit and there's a magazine that we put out at the $5 mark. There is an extra podcast that we put out

at the $10 mark which if you don't mind me saying Tommy is a very good podcast. Yes. The bonus ones or this? The bonus ones.

This is no good. Not this shit. The last two that we've done have been great. We did one with Ben Lomas where we did something a little bit special and secret. Yes.

Which was a lot of fun. The one before that was a recording of the roast of you that we did during the comedy festival. So I feel like we get to the end of the bonus podcast and go, fuck, this is – it's a shame we're not putting this out because it's actually excellent content. I mean, we are putting it out. Well, to everyone. I feel like we're not putting this out because it's actually excellent content. I mean, we are putting it out. Well, to everyone. I feel like we're depriving everyone in a way. So what you're saying is you wish that the people that are paying us money were getting

more of a low quality product than what they're getting at the moment. I'm fine with it. They should be getting a really good episode. Okay. All right. Well, you've won me back. All right. Fuck you, everyone else.

Disregard. I've done a lot of convincing of you this evening, haven't I? I'm easily convinced. I've got the power of persuasion I'm so easily convinced I'm scared of what You're going to get me to do After the podcast

Well maybe there'll be Some clues in some of these Patreon names That we're about to read out Alright well let's roll the dice So of course If you've listened Thanks dice

If you've listened to the show Before you know that If you chip in Even You know A little bit You'll get your name read out. Well, thank you.

$2 and above. $2, yeah. Fuck, we should change it to $5. $2 is, you know, you get your name read out for two bucks. Yeah. I don't know. It's so good. Yeah, but you're saying that from the kitchen. And there's too many of them because we've taken, it's taking us so long to get through

this. Yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of people that now complain, which I'm fine with. If you want to complain on social media, we haven't read your name out, that's fine because it just reminds me. Hey, complaining is why social media through this. Yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of people that now complain, which I'm fine with. If you want to complain on social media, we haven't read your name out, that's fine because it just reminds me. Hey, complaining is why social media was invented. Yeah.

That's what it's there for. Do it. Complain and then, you know what you do, what happens when you complain is I write your name down and then cross-check and go, oh yeah, this guy hasn't

had his name read out. So complain away. Okay. I would do it. Yeah. That's for sure. I don't doubt that for a second.

All right, here we go. So thank do it. Yeah. That's for sure. I don't doubt that for a second. All right. Here we go. So thank you to Patrick Lin. Patrick Lin. Yeah. Hmm. A man with a guy's name and a girl's name. Patrick? Yeah.

Patrick Lin. Lin's a girl's name. L-Y-N-N. Oh, yeah. Lin, L-Y-N. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's an interesting observation. There was a... there was a,

a man and a woman coming together. Never had that experience. You'll have to walk me through that one. There used to be,

there used to be a crazy woman in Maribor called Lynn Govert. That's what I think of when I hear Lynn. Govert. Govert.

It's weird, isn't it, how just like knowing people from when you grew up with a certain name, it can kind of tar that name a little bit, can't it? Yeah.

Like anyone that was a bit of a fuckhead at school, anytime you meet someone new with that name, it's very hard to overcome. Yeah. That's the thing when you have a kid and you don't want to call your kid Lynn Govett anymore because they're all mental. Lynn Govett. Yeah, but with a name like Govett, God. That's the sort of name that should get bred out. Yeah. Govett. Govett Yeah but with a name like Govett God That's the sort of name that should get bred out

Yeah Govett Govett What a murky sounding terrible name Thanks Govett Thanks Govo Thanks Govner So what was it?

Patrick Patrick Lynn Thanks Patrick Yeah Patty Patty Lynn Thanks Patty Lynn Thanks Patty Elle Linny

Do you reckon it's Linny? I think you get Patty more than Linny Yeah I like Patrick as a name. Yeah, it's nice. I'm going to put that on my list of if I ever have a kid. That's going to be on the list. For a girl?

Lin is. Lin Govert. Patrick's a good name. It's a good name. I like it. You can shorten it to Pat. You can be a bit casual. Did you ever do that?

If you use the full version Patrick, it doesn sound like It doesn't sound too kind of like You know arrogant To do that you know Do you ever Would you ever Shorten it to Rick? Can you do that? Can you not do that?

Is that a rule? I think that's meant to be Richard isn't it? But you could Yeah totally Sure you could I think you'd have to be one of those guys That says this is my name now Rick

Yeah And people go nah it's not It's Paddy Yeah I don't like Paddy actually I like Patrick I don't like Paddy Well you know What can you do? I'm taking it off the list No longer No, it's not. It's Paddy. Yeah. I don't like Paddy, actually. I like Patrick. I don't like Paddy.

Well, you know. What can you do? I'm taking it off the list. No longer. Fuck, this podcast is getting spicy already. I don't want someone bastardising my son's name. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Well, that's it. Thanks, Patrick. Thanks, Pat. Thanks, Lynn Govett. Thank you, too, Josh Shelders. Thank you to Josh Shelders. Shelders. Shelders. Well, by chipping in, you are officially Head and Shelders above the rest of the pack.

Pretty good. You have dirty dandruff, though. Josh Shelders. Shelders. Shall give us some money. Thanks for shelling out. Yeah. Oh, and that's good, too.

Yeah. Thanks, Joshua. Yeah. Thanks, Head and Shelders. That's good. Yeah, that was good. I'm good's good too. Thanks, Joshua. Thanks, Hedon Shelders. That's good. Yeah, that was good. I'm good. Thanks for being good, Tommy. Thanks, Tom. You're very welcome, Carl.

Thank you to Ryan Webb. Webby. Yeah, the Webster. The Webster. I feel like I've seen that name before. Is he a bit of a social media repeat offender? Oh, I don't recognise that. The Web Slinger. Yeah. Peter Parker himself. With great responsibility, name before. Is he a bit of a social media repeat offender? The web slinger. Peter Parker himself. With great responsibility, with great power

comes great telling us we're cunts on Facebook. Is that what it is? Something like that, yeah. No, I don't recognise the name. I don't know. There's a few names I do recognise coming up. But Webbo,

the old webby, the web slinger. One time Webby. Yeah. Oh, Spoofito. Is that a – oh, sorry, that's not a thing. All right. Sorry. Sorry, Ryan.

Thanks, Ryan. Thanks, Ryan. Thank you to – here's a name I recognise. I don't know why though. Thank you to Paul McWhirter. Paul McWhirter? Yeah. McWhirter the squirter Paul McWhirter. Paul McWhirter? Yeah. McWhirter the squirter.

McWhirter. Yeah. Oh. What do you cop at school for that? I just said it, I reckon. Yeah, that's the one. It must be squirter. Yeah, but.

Surely. You don't know what, I mean, I still don't know what squirting is, but if you're in primary school, you're not doing that, are you? Yeah, that's true. But that, you know, I think those are the worst kinds of names. Like you can have like – It just sounds. If it's obvious enough, then you'll get it in primary school.

But if it's something that like sounds like something that you don't learn until high school, do you know what I mean? Right. Then you're getting the nickname a bit later in life and it's got more venom behind it because there's actual – Yeah. You thought you were safe. Yeah.

You know, your name didn't rhyme with dick or anything like that. So you're like in the clear. And it'd be that horrible moment where you get to year seven and you come in know your name didn't rhyme with dick or anything like that so you're like in the clear and it'd be that horrible moment where you get to year 7 and you come in your name's that and then all of a sudden

one of the older boys or whatever comes in Jason Fisting ah yeah yeah yeah and you go oh now I've got now I've got to learn

what that is I know it's bad and now I've got to go home and go mum what's squirting Paul McWhirter please let us know I'm genuinely interested Mum, what's squirting? Paul McWhirter, please let us know. I'm genuinely interested.

Let us know if you got that at school and then follow-up question. Have you in your own experience ever caused a woman to squirt? Yeah. That's a good question. That's a great question. That's a question for everyone. Okay, everyone listening at home, have you ever caused someone to squirt? And if so, how many times?

Yeah, and if you are a female listener, have you... Have you ever squirted while listening to this show? Yes, yes. And if not, what do you think we can do... And if not, why not? Yeah, if not, what can we do on this end to help you do that? Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Let's try and get a live display of it going at this Perth gig. Like the fountains in Vegas. Maybe when I'm getting the finger up my butt at the live show, maybe I can. That's a lot of women. That's what they needed. That's what pushes them over the edge. Yeah.

Is this okay, what we're saying right now? At least we're starting strong. Yeah. Fuck, it's such a bizarre thing to... If we were on TV right now doing this, we'd be walking off set to a social media uproar, I reckon. Yeah. We'd be losing our jobs over this.

What's the worst thing you can say on this thing and get away with it? It's interesting, isn't it? I was thinking about this the other day about how fucked our show has gotten because it's like we keep doing new fucked things and we never get in trouble for it. It's interesting, isn't it? I was thinking about this the other day, about how fucked our show has gotten. Because it's like we keep doing new fucked things and we never get in trouble for it. So the goalposts just keep shifting. I was actually thinking, what would it take at this point? What would have to

happen on this show for us to get in genuine trouble over it? Also... Are we invincible at this point? Also, I'm interested in knowing what we would have to say for people to stop listening yes because i feel like i don't know whether we're whether we've already got the audience of people that are just up for anything yes totally is there anyone listening to that exchange just then gone all right you know what that's it i've had it with this show this squirting talk is too much i'm out yeah if this is your last episode let us know yeah if This squirting talk is too much. I'm out. Yeah. If this is your last episode, let us know. Yeah. If that squirting

has gone, you know what? This is it for us. Well, it's too late. They won't hear this. They're gone already, but maybe you have a friend who tells you about it. You could go follow up with them. Or if you're one of those rare people that go, you know what? This is so offensive. You know what? I'm just going to listen to the rest of it, but then I'm out. That's it. Yeah. I'll give these guys a last

hurrah. In case there was some sort of thing that they made up for it later on. In case they apologise. Yeah, yeah. Or they donate a large amount of money to charity at the end. To the Squirting Foundation to help fix it. Because if you do that, you're... To help fix it? Yeah. Because if you do that, you're a freak of nature.

I think that might be it. I feel like turning off right now, I'll tell you that. I feel like all the people who were going to say, oh yeah, I squirt, are no longer going to admit to it. So I'm sorry, I take it back. I want to know. Thanks, McWherter.

Yep, thanks, Wurdo. Let us know. Here is a repeat offender on social media who just last week complained that he hadn't had a mention. Here we go. Photoshopper to the stars. Yes. Reid Parker. Randy Reid Parker. Yeah we go. Photoshopper to the stars. Yes. Reid Parker.

Randy Reid Parker. Yeah. Now there's a squirter. That's for sure. I dare say those little fingers will be working overtime in Photoshop at the moment, giving us a bit of the old squirter treatment. Yeah, a bit of Apple S for the old squirt filter. I know that means you save your file.

That's great. You turn on and it just immediately makes you look like you're covered in female ejaculate. Wow. No, it's... Is that what it would do? I thought it would make it look like you are squirting. You're squirting. Yeah.

Well, maybe that's if you go into preferences, you can sort of toggle that. Yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't be... You know what? That's not a common enough filter to use that would have its own, you know, Apple shortcut.

No. Its own keyboard shortcut. But you can customise that, can't you? You can just make it so literally any key that you push on the keyboard applies the squirt filter. Yeah. Adobe, if you're listening, look into that. Aren't you glad that you had a bit of a go and got us to read out your name? Yeah.

You're getting this. You're getting tied into this horrific conversation. Because he's the guy that did the Sgt Pepper's poster. Sgt Pepper's poster, yeah. He did that very well. It was so impressive. He's a good boy. He did it to start with and then I went back

and went, oh man, if you could do this, do a bit more of this, that would be awesome and chuck in a few more names and then he took a bit of art direction

and did an excellent job. And if you haven't... Squirted out a beautiful piece. Yeah, yeah, as he's want. If you haven't seen the poster, hit us up.

If you ever want us to bring it to a live show, we sort of tend not to bring them along to the live shows anymore but if you want, I've still got a bunch of them at home. Yeah. So if you want us to bring it to a live show, we sort of tend not to bring them along to the live shows anymore. But if you want, I've still got a bunch of them at home. So if you want one, we've got them in A2 and A3. So if you want one, there's a few hanging around.

They look great. And if not, just go on. It's somewhere on our Facebook page still. If you go back into the photos, if you scroll all the way back, it is a piece of work. And it's a little bit outdated now in the way that we've had a lot of new guests on

but I think we had the rule of like if you've been on two times maybe you could be on the poster. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of people in there.

There's a fun little Where's Wally game you can play. Yeah. Find the guests and the little references that are in there. Yeah, yeah.

It's great. Thanks, Reid. Reid Parker, Photoshopper to the stars. Also, he was an Adobe acrobat to the stars. Also, he was an Adobe acrobat to the stars because he sent me that on PDF. Did he really?

I don't know. Get you a man who can do both. Might be taking liberties with that. I'm sorry. Sorry to the people at Acrobat if that wasn't true. Thanks, Reed. Thank you to Andrew Warhurst. Warhurst? I like the last name Warhurst. Warhurst? Yeah. I like the last name, Warhurst.

It's very dignified. It's just got a nice, I don't know, it sounds very important. Warhurst. Warhurst. What is he good for? Absolutely nothing except squirting. Yeah, okay. Yeah?

Yeah. Look, it was something. Yeah. The words. Look, he gave it something. Yeah? Yeah. Look, it was something. Yeah. The words. Look, you gave it something. Yeah. It was Andrew Warhurst. There was an English Premier League player called Paul Warhurst

who was a bit of a box-to-box goal-scoring midfielder who I enjoyed the work of for Sheffield Wednesday. Yep. Have you got an interesting story about a Warhurst that you know? Miff Warhurst was on this show once. Oh, yeah. She was on once, wasn't she? Yeah.

Never came back. Yeah. Well, we haven't asked her back. Oh, yeah. We don't really know her. Yeah, we don't. We don't see her around. Yeah.

That was the first time we ever met her when she was on. Yeah, pretty much. And that was the last time we ever saw her. Yeah. Thanks, Andrew. Andrew. Thanks, Warhurst. Andy Warho.

Andy Warhurst. Now, that sounds like someone. That is someone. Andy Warho. Andy Warho. Now, that sounds like someone. That is someone. Andy Warho. Oh, yeah. You're right. That sounds like someone. Yeah.

Thanks to Stephen Marshall. Fuck, we're not getting very interesting names this week. Yeah, it's a tough week this week. The Air Marshal fucking guiding the plane in. Oh, yeah. And it's got money in it for us. Fuck. Oh, yeah. That it's got money in it for us. Fuck.

Oh, yeah. That's good. You know what? Marshal law. I say give these cunts money. You know what? Because these names haven't given us a lot of sting this week, I'm changing his name.

Okay. What have you got? I'm changing it to Stephen Dasolo. What have you got for that? Sounds like a little fucking idiot. What a stupid piece of shit. I knew we'd get something out of that. Imagine, but how's that?

I just changed his name to Dasolo. Imagine changing your name to Dasolo. I know. It's pretty weird, isn't it? Should we go back into that? Why? The fact that you changed your name to Dasolo. I haven't changed my name. I use a different name when I do gigs.

Yeah, right. It's not legal. Right. Why don't you make it legal? I don't want to. Why? Because, I don't know, I just don't want to. You know that Adam Richard, friend of the show, that's not his real name.

But he has changed it to that. Like, that's a stage name and now he has – that's actually his name now. Yeah. I just think – I just don't want to do – it just seems like a weird thing to do. It seems less weird to just use a different name on stage because who cares than to go – I have no reason – there's no reason for me to legally change it. Like why? What benefit is there to me to have it legally a different name?

But surely you get into trouble with stuff. I've had a couple of things over the years but not enough to be like – Nothing recently? Nothing recently, no. Not for a very long time. You know what the worst thing that's ever happened was I couldn't check into a hotel in Las Vegas because you booked it under my fake name. Yes.

That was the worst thing that's happened. Yeah. And it was because of someone else. It was because of the person who gives me the most shit of anyone about having a fake name. Like you more than anyone know that that's not my real name. Yeah, but that wouldn't have been a mistake if you hadn't changed your name. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

I feel like you've got to take some of the heat on that one. I don't feel like I do at all. Okay. All right. Well, I'll take it all. That's fine. Yeah. I feel like you've got to take some of the heat on that one. I don't feel like I do at all. Okay. All right. Well, I'll take it all. That's fine. Yeah. And last of all, of course, interesting name.

Yeah. Who have we got? This is the last one for this week. The last one. Okay. Yeah. What have you got? What have you got?

All right. You know what? We've had a few bland ones. This is interesting. Does this make up for all of them? Well, maybe. I don't know. What have you got?

Okay. I'm going to have to – I hope I can pronounce this one right. Interesting. Yeah, weird name. Okay. I'll leave you to guess the nationality of this one. Thank you to Spoof. First name. Already interesting.

It wouldn't matter what the last name was. It's not Tom, Dick or Harry. No. It's not a conventional first name. Well, it's closer to Dick. what the last name was. It's not, I mean, it's not Tom,

Dick or Harry. No. It's not a conventional first name. Well, it's closer to Dick. Very, very good. Thank you, Spoof.

On my dog and call him Whitey. Thank you to, So that's, again, I ask this every week. That's, that's,

there's no hyphenated. No. That's all just one long last name. Look, it may be pronounced something differently, but that's how I've. On my dog and call him Whitey. On my dog and call him Whitey is the last name here. So it sounds a little bit like, it sort of sounds a little bit like you're giving someone a direction to do a come on to your dog and then call the dog Whitey.

Oh, fuck yeah. Right. Don't you think? All right. Say it out loud again. I knew there was a reason why I have you on this podcast. You're always thinking about different angles. Say it out loud again.

All right. Spoof on my dog and call him Whitey. Do you see it? Do you get it? You know what? Because I'm going on my dog. I'm doing that a bit. If I spoof on my dog.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I see it now. Yeah, you see it. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Right. Yeah, I guess. Imagine someone doing that. I guess.

Spoofing on your dog. I guess. And then backing it up by going, hey, you see. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Right. Yeah, I guess. Imagine someone doing that. I guess. Spoofing on your dog. I guess. And then backing it up by going, hey, Whitey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see it. It's like an updated version of don't piss in my pocket and tell me it's raining. Yeah, look, to be honest. Don't spoof on my dog.

To be honest, I still think Patrick Lynn is funny. I think we got more out of that one. I think that was a bit, that was pretty wild. Thanks, spoof. Just in general. Thanks, spoof. in general Thanks spoof Yeah That's what I say to myself

Every night So Thanks to Yes You say thanks spoof To yourself every night Yeah What do you mean

I just I look in the mirror And I say thanks spoof Oh yeah Because you were one At some stage Yeah I still think of myself

I still think of myself As having that kind of That's my original form That's your That's your youthful self. Yes. Yeah. Thanks, everyone, who continues to chip in on the Patreon.

We really appreciate it. It helps to keep this little machine going. If you want to have your name ridiculed in this manner and also get all the sweet rewards that we send out for various donation levels, you can go to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. You can also find a link at our website littledumbdumbclub.com. Oh, go there and find all the merch that we have. You know what?

We've got a lot of people who are complaining that we don't have our logo, the burger shirt on sale. So we're looking into reprinting that. Yes. And actually making some money off it this time instead of the horrific deal we got last time where we made no money um so we're looking into that if you go to the website you will find out what we do have we have very very very very very limited sizes in the hoodie um there's literally i think we literally have two hoodies left cool um so if you want the last of that get on that we had a lot, I mentioned it on social media last week, and we had a lot, a lot of sales this week for hoodies.

So if you want, and that's the thing, we're not going to get reprinted. I can't be fucked. Yeah. They take up too much space in my house. Yeah. So do that. We've got the aware shirts. They just continue to go out the door.

There's a bunch every week. Yep. Great. People are buying them. Great. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can find all that stuff. Yeah. Anything else, Carl?

I think that's it. All right. You know, I love you all that listen. I appreciate all the help you've given me over the years. Yep. And this is my final episode. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Well, enjoy this episode with Tom Gleeson and Nick Capper. And, Carl, I'll see you in Perth. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting opposite me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, Carl.

It's me, Tommy. Oh, yeah. Your friend from the podcast. Heard good things. Oh, man. I have to say this early up because a couple of weeks ago, we had Tiffany Hall on the show from The Biggest Loser, and we got a lot of tips, a lot of health tips,

a lot of weight loss tips, a lot of exercise tips. So today, coincidentally on the day that we're doing this podcast, I decided to sort of really go hardcore with it. So this has been my day. I got up a bit after six. I went for a six or seven K run, came home, had some cornflakes, then went to a personal trainer session. How were the cornflakes?

Just milk. Just milk on it. That was it. No, we're not doing the food review. So I did the personal training, nearly killed myself there. I came back, had an apple. How was the apple? I give it a star more than the cornflakes. Yeah, it didn't need milk.

Yeah, that's good. That's the sign of a good food. Pretty all-round, all-round food. And then since then, because I came over here and I figured by the time I get out of here, it'll be like 7 o'clock or something by the time I get home. I had a potato. Just one? Yeah, just one. And the hat?

I boiled it. It was the third most favourite food of the day. Right. The cornflakes and the apples. The image of you going in on just a raw potato. Just straight out of the... Spoiler alert, it wasn't raw. Yeah, okay.

I did cook it. Any accoutrement on it? Any sauce? No. Right. No. Right. I did cook it. Any accoutrement on it? Any sauce? No. Right. No. Right. I just thought I'd go really hardcore with it today.

And you know what I felt like on the way over here? Is that hardcore? Eating a single potato by itself at five in the afternoon? Well, given the rest of it. I mean, I know I explained to you two bits of exercise. I know you're not aware of that phenomenon. So maybe it's not all clicking into place with you. Yeah, I'm having trouble with just eating a potato.

What sort of trouble are you having with it? You don't understand why that's a weird thing? Why that instead of anything else, yeah. Because it was the only thing I had in my house. Okay, there you go. That's what I wanted. Well, let's get our two guests in and see what they think of this as a hand fruit. Be careful.

I'm very fragile today. Yeah, you seem it. You seem beaten by life. First of all, making his debut on the show, you'll know him from comedy rooms around Melbourne. You may have seen him in the ads of our Channel 31 show a little while ago. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Nick Capper. Yay! Yes!

Come on, fire up. I'm excited to be here. Oh, you sound like you've done what I've done today. You sound worse than me. Oh, no, I haven't done that. Have you had half a potato? Oh, yeah. Look, I'm going to be honest here.

I try to give up sugar because I'm going to a wedding in a month, but I... Oh, yeah, story check that. Are you giving the bride all the sugar that you were going to have? No, I just want to look good. I, yeah, story check. Are you giving the bride all the sugar that you were going to have? I'm a groomsman. We've got too many threads. This is going to turn into another ten minutes now. Let's get our second guest in here.

You'd know him from his show, which has just started on the ABC Hard Quiz. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Tom Gleeson. Thank you very much. Lovely to be here. I am not on any regime. Well, you're done. You're done filming the show.

So now you don't have to worry about the cameras. I can just splurge. Well, to be honest, even when I was making the TV show, I didn't worry about any regime during it either. So I think I drank heavily during the making of the show, before it and now and back then and ate whatever I wanted. And I think my body kind of reflects that. It's not technically a regime if you just do the same thing all the time, is it?

No, it's just life. I've just been doing a bit of life between the show. The regime of life. Yeah, so I'm not sugar-free. I've got a bit of sugar in there. I've got a bit of booze, a bit of food, a bit of fats. Exercise every now and then. Often I walk to the car.

Sometimes I ride a bike. Only because I enjoy riding the bike. I'm actually not trying to get anything out of it other than the scenery. Yeah, so they're my health tips. Don't have any. Right, great. Because you'd be exposed to a lot of catering, Tom. Yes.

Do you get seconds? Well, here's my beauty secret. I don't really get hungry. Don't go for that second potato No, I don't really get hungry I actually don't eat much I just eat I'm like, oh yeah, that'll do Really?

Yeah, I don't know why Sometimes my wife This sounds bad My wife does all the cooking at home Because she's really good at it And I'm not good at it And so, you know If you're batting with Don Bradman,

you let him face it. Thanks, Victor Trumpeter. Yeah, go on. So sometimes she just sees – someday she goes, I'll just not do anything at all and see how long it takes for me to notice I haven't eaten anything. And it's 3pm is usually when I first notice. So you don't eat from when you get up to 3pm?

Yeah, I may not notice. It'll get to, I'll be like, something's not right. And then I'll remember I didn't have breakfast. But there's a thing, isn't there? I think 3pm is pretty universal, even if you have had, you know, your two square meals up to that point. But you get to 3.34 and you go, fuck this. When is the next one?

Well, maybe I'm just wanting a snack at three in the afternoon, but then I've forgotten to have two meals as well. Yeah. It's a coincidence. That's when I had my potato today at three. Three? The golden hour. Sorry, the potato hour. Yeah. So what do you got, Cappy? You're going off sugar because you're going to a wedding. Yeah, but then on the way here I thought

I'd had like three coffees on my breast thing, so I got those mints, but I got the strawberry flavour, so I ate like half a packet of those. And then I thought, well, I'm here buying the mints, I might as well get a Kit Kat. And I got the Kit Kat. And I got here early, so I just ate a quarter chicken and salad.

And then I thought, I'm not going to eat the skin because I want to look good for the wedding. I ate all of the skin. Is there any sugar in the chicken skin, though? No, no. And I ate the salad. mean that's gonna knock the kit kat out right so when's when's this wedding how long are you got to get 28th of october sorry sorry you're not invited who's is it is someone i know no no no uh yeah no it's just uh i don't know i'm a groomsman and and my nana's gonna buy me a suit because I can't afford one. Is there a weight requirement at the wedding?

Is that why you're doing this? Did they say on the invite, please, 80 kilos or less? Look, to be honest, guys, I'm just a single guy looking for a root. You know what I mean? That was going to be my next question, yeah. I don't want to look fat at the wedding, you know, being in a penguin suit. Heats of babes on the prow, you know? Yeah, you want to be at your best.

Well, I mean, one thing you've got going for you Is a suit is probably the most slimming thing to wear Which is why men wear them all the time It's all the vertical lines And black, obviously And black, obviously, hides a lot So if you were going to just blow out before the wedding I think you'd be fine as well

Go get another half chicken I'll see you guys around Do you think it matters that much how you look at a wedding if you're on the prowl? Because I think the whole romance of the day and everyone kind of buying into that and anyone there who's single is kind of looking at it and going, I want this. Don't you think that is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for you

that perhaps your weight could kind of, you know. There's that in people's heads but there's also competition. There's other options. There is other guys there. You guys know me. I don't settle for second best. You know what I mean? Oh no, so many women have just switched

off right now. They don't listen in the first place. Locker room talk. When you've got a nice enough suit, you just can grab women by the pussy and it's absolutely fine. Wow, we are no longer going to win the president of comedy. Oh, no. This is good press for the show.

I don't know if it's the kind of press you want, though. Oh, I can't believe you're accidentally recording this. Yeah, what kind of behind-the-scenes tapes are there from Hard Quiz that are going to come out in ten years' time? Oh, just deep-seated racism that I meant. Yeah, what kind of behind-the-scenes tapes are there from Hard Quiz that are going to come out in ten years' time? Oh, just deep-seated racism that I meant. Matilda, please do not tweet my personal account. It's just straight to dum-dum.

Have you picked up at a wedding before, Kappa? No, no. And that's kind of – well, whenever I've gone with my girlfriend, you know Murphy's Law, like there see all these beautiful women, whatever. The grass is always greener. Whenever I go single, there's no single women there. Well, weddings, a problem with weddings is it's kind of like birds of a feather flock together. Most of the guests are married.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all the married couples just get absolutely blotto because they know they're not going to get a root. Right. So all there is is booze and it's like, oh, wow, you mean I can drink booze for as long as I want and I can file it under wedding? Yeah.

That's up there with grand final and Christmas. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to go for it. Oh, totally. So they're all out of the mix. Then you've got a few single people, but it can just be probably five aside, can't it? You'd be lucky for there to be five women and five men that are single

at a wedding, wouldn't you say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because also when girls go, I would presume that they would go with someone else as well. You don't go by five men that are single at a wedding, wouldn't you say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because also when girls go, I would presume that they would go with someone else as well. You don't go by yourself, do you, to a wedding? Well, here's how good my friends know me. They're like, hey, yeah, you're invited to the wedding, you're the groomsman, no plus ones.

Oh, wow. Because they know usually that whoever I take will be temporary. You know what I mean? Wow. Great. I got a no plus one You know what I mean? Wow. Great. I got a no plus one to Danny McGinley's wedding. And you've got a girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's awkward because I went to that wedding with my wife. Yeah. Well, you're one of the few comedians that don't run a room that got invited. Oh, right, right. We talked about that a long time ago, but Danny McGinley's wedding comprised every comedy room booker in the land. Some people he hadn't met yet.

He was greasing the wheels at the reception. As is my understanding, I wasn't invited. I didn't run a room at the time. I actually think at Danny's wedding I saw the booker for the comedy cellar in New York. Yeah. And the improv in LA was there too. I think Groucho Marx was there

just in case Half-Life wasn't around anymore. So Tom, you're married. Did you, any of your friends kind of report, did you hear about any horny stuff going on at your wedding? There was a very, there was a big shortage of single people but I did get a lot of guests who

wanted to bring a partner who I'd never met. Yes. One was Gatesy from Tripod. His partner came and they had only just got together and I was like, oh, this is kind of taking the piss really, isn't it? But at the same time, and also my brother. My brother invited his new girlfriend who he's now married to and I remembered that dilemma and I thought I can't say no

because I thought if it does go on to be a relationship I won't hear about it for the rest of my life it'll be like oh I remember that time you didn't invite my wife to your wedding so she wasn't your wife at the time she was just your new girlfriend and so anyway it paid off in both cases because Gatesy ended up

with that woman for a very long time that woman until recently but anyway I just remember they're not together anymore with that woman for a very long time. That woman. Until recently. But anyway, I just remember they're not together anymore. But anyway, they were both long-term relationships that were fully legitimate. I was happy with that.

Did they break up because you kept referring to her as that woman? No, she's really well known. I was going to say a name and then I suddenly didn't and I replaced her with that woman, which is worse than probably saying who she is. I'd love if he asked you relationship advice, like we're on the rocks and you go, mate, just keep with it a bit more.

I mean, you've taken my wedding, you've got to get the money's worth out of it. Yeah, you've got to get the money's. Well, maybe that's it. Maybe it puts the pressure on when they saw how good the wedding was. They're like, wow, this is a very nice wedding. We better stay together for a while. I haven't been one for quite a while now.

It's just starting for me. It's all my school friends. It's just kind of starting to happen. Well, I had heaps of them and then there was a break and now I'm getting a second wave. All the second marriages? I'm going to a wedding. No.

I don't know. Just my friends of a variety of ages because of my broad appeal. But I'm going to a wedding soon, which I'm excited about. But I went to a wedding last year that I went to a lot of trouble to get to. And when I got there, my wife and I, I said to her, I reckon if we weren't here, no one would have noticed. Right. You know what I mean?

That big? Well, it was a big wedding. It was like 100 people. And it was in the Hunter Valley. It was beautiful. It was a great day. But it was a friend of my wife's from a couple of years ago who lived in melbourne for a little while but we had no friends in common it was just us two all on our own so i mean which is so you

kind of feel like at the end of the day you're just having dinner at a winery yeah yeah with with speeches that are unnecessary yeah because you don't even know who's speaking but the bride and groom they're so busy anyway. That's true of any wedding that it wouldn't matter if you weren't there. They're busy going around trying to talk to everyone. They don't care. Yeah, I know. I guess that's part of it, yeah.

But you've got to turn up to celebrate. Yeah, if they did come and talk to you, you'd sort of be a bit like, have you got something better to do? You know, have you got more important? Well, they did talk to us for a bit, but, yeah, I moved them on. I was like, I'm going to talk to someone else. I don't even know more important... Well, they did talk to us for a bit, but, yeah, I moved them on. I said, no, it's something else. I don't even know who you are. Get out of my face.

You already had a cue up there. They're like, oh, you're from the project, mate. Let's have a chat. Nice to meet you, Tom. Nice to meet you, that woman. So you two, this is not planned, but you two both grew up basically the veritable stone's throw from each other. You guys were both country New South Welshmen?

Yeah. Correct? Yeah. Yeah, so I grew up just outside of Tambor Springs, which is near Gunnedah. Gunnedah, yeah. Yeah, so up northwest of New South Wales. Grew up in Moree.

Moree? Yeah. See, Moree to me was a shit hole. Oh, right. Just because it was a bit – To me as well. I've never been there. Just because it was a bit further To me as well. I've never been there. Just because it was a bit further west.

Well, it gets better. I grew up an hour out of Moree in a town called Boomai, but no one knows Moree. Oh, right. So Boomai knew Moree. So that makes it even worse, but yeah. Maybe we have the same accent, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I went to school at Farrer in Tamworth, which is a boarding school about an hour from Gunnedah. That's right. A boarding school out there? Yeah, yeah. Really? It which is a boarding school about an hour from Gunnedah. That's right. A boarding school out there? Yeah, yeah. Really? It was an agricultural boarding school. Oh.

I went to boarding school in Sydney and I always thought there was something just a little bit sad about regional boarding school. Yeah. Because you go to boarding school. It's been confirmed. I knew. I told you. When's it going to start?

I thought, when's a band going to start? This is all too nice. When you go to boarding school, the idea is that there are no good schools in your local area, so you're fortunate enough to go to a boarding school in a major city to get a good education, whereas you went, nah, fuck, a ten worth. Which basically means your parents live down the road from you.

Yeah. Well, no, my parents... Yeah, in a boarding school. If boarding school's like 15 minutes drive from your house, it's kind of not worth it. If your mum and dad are sleeping in your room, it's not really a boarding school, is it? Well, my parents were four hours away.

Four hours away. Yeah, okay. Just down the road. Well, you're the country. That is just down the road. Whatever. It's 15 minutes for you, mate. Whatever.

And on top of it, we're guessing that maybe it's not a good boarding school. Yeah. Well, let's look where you are now. Whatever. It's 15 minutes for you, mate. Whatever. And on top of it, we're guessing that maybe it's not a good boarding school. Yeah. Well, let's look where you are now. Yeah. Well,

it was not a good boarding school. There was no way I'd send my kids to this boarding school. It was an agricultural boarding school and it was a government boarding school. It means it had a farm. Right. So,

yeah, you'd wake up at four in the morning in year nine and you'd have to do dairy duty. Wow. And it was the worst thing ever. Dairy duty is milking a cow, yeah? Yeah, milking a cow.

Don't gussy it up. Just say. No, dairy duty is just milking the cow, pulling on its tits. Yes. We're pulling on a cow's tits. Chandler's been for a run. He needs some cornflakes. He's got to put the milk on him.

He is sharp. It's about the same time as well. He's a lot sharper. Yeah, so yeah, there was no academic value on this school. No one in the – we had the Olympics at my HSC, so you could walk out of the exam first. If you got gold. The school captain had a roulette table,

and that was the biggest focus during HSC was – The school captain had a roulette Turbine in his room. In his room, yeah. Right, so you would go there to gamble. Yes. With what? Well, it was... Milk.

I think it was a 50 cent minimum. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. And then you had to... You know, you could go all the way up to $10 if you wanted. Oh, wow. It was crazy. And so...

Sorry to sound like Al Pacino here, but I was. The Vegas of the Outback. So you said there was no academic. Was there an academic side to it? No, there must have been. There was. It is quite a fancy school, Farrah. It was fancy.

Oh, busted. It was fancy in Tamworth. Barnaby Joyce went there. Who went there? Barnaby Joyce went there or something. Who's the famous ex-student of Farrow, do you remember? I don't know. My family, they could have sent me to Sydney,

but then you had to do an entrance exam and it was also based on how isolated you were. So there was 60 people in my town and then I lived outside of that town, about 20km out there. So they would... So if you're isolated enough, you're allowed to be a bit thick. Yeah, yeah. That's it.

They had a graph, like a Venn diagram of thickness to isolation. Cool. I like how the people in the town of 60 would refer to you as a bit of a hillbilly. Yeah, yeah. In a town of 60, we'd refer to you as a bit of a hillbilly. Yeah. But basically they sent me there because they could afford to send me to Sydney,

but they were like, no, it's only going to cost us, I think it was $3,000 a year to send my brother and I to this school. So it was so much cheaper than to have us at home. And there was sort of no interest in you. You probably didn't even have, you know, interest in becoming a farmer or anything. It was just like, that was just babysitting. To be honest, I did. I thought, oh yeah, I'm going to become a farmer. I said, I'll just work on it.

Because my dad never owned a farm. He just managed like this massive cotton farm. And I said, dad, I'll just... So you didn't have a farm. You were just going to look up the job ads for farmer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And apply. I did it for a while, yeah.

Look up the job ads for farmer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And apply. I did it for a while, yeah. And then dad goes, no, there's no way you're going to be like a farm worker. You know what I mean? Well, I originally wanted to own a video shop. There's no way you're going to do that. In a town of 60 people, owning a video shop.

Well, there's nothing else to do. Yeah, but yeah, that's when I... Then you thought, maybe I'll be able to rent some videos to cows. I'll butter them up by just milking them. What would have been a better outcome at this point in 2016? Running a blockbuster video or doing open mic comedy in Melbourne? No, or working in dairy. Because they're having a bit of trouble at the moment.

Somehow they're getting paid less than stand-up comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I think three loss-making industries. Well, for most, not for me. Yeah, your blockbuster video is thriving at the moment. We get it. You're a successful farmer, Tom.

I've even got one of them on the side that are doing well. I can make anything work, mate. I think all three careers, bar blockbuster video, are rich in personal experience. Yeah. Character building. That used to be a dream job, you know, obviously video shop working, because people would just have the idea of, oh,

you just sit in there and play whatever you want. Oh, it just made sense to me. You buy the videos, then you rent them out. Yeah. That's amazing. Oh, you didn't want to even work in a blockbuster. You just own the business. You get to control everything.

Just like the economic model. You buy a VHS for, yeah, whatever, 25 bucks. You rent it out more than five times. That's a profit. It's easy to understand. It was crazy. I couldn't understand. There's nothing new that's going to. It's easy to understand. It was crazy. I couldn't understand. There's nothing new that's going to come in and take it over.

You don't need to pay three grand a milk a cow to learn that. That's just common sense. That's just there ready to go. We had like a boarding school attached to my school and a friend of mine, like he lived in the city, like his parents lived like, you know, not far from the school. And then for one semester they went, we're going to go overseas and we're just going to stick you into the boarding house while we're gone.

So he had to board even though he, like, his actual house was like a 15-minute drive from the school. That would be tough, especially if they took the dog with them. Because, you know, you spend all your school time going, look at the weirdo hillbillies from the country. No offence, Tom and Nick. Get a look at it. Because they all kind of just stick together.

Like, you don't really... Yeah, they're a gang. Yeah, and then all of a sudden, you know, he's been not great to these kids. Yeah, yeah, right. And all of a sudden he's fucking living with them. And he's like, hey, can I get help with my maths homework? How about you get fucked, city boy?

He fucking hated it. Like, he'd just go Hang out with the Same people that we Always hung out with On weekends But he had to like Sign out And like

Be back at a Like I had to sign him out once Like I was like His carer for the day It was not cool Well our boarding school Was unique in that At the time

It was the only Boarding school in Australia That was all boarding It was all boarding With no day kids Or day students or whatever. Day walkers. So there were 1,000 virgins living in a square mile or whatever it was. And so therefore there were students who were permanently there

who lived just down the road. Oh, right. Yeah, so Julian Traill was in my form and, yeah, he just… Clang. He just… Everyone remembers him. Just down the road, yeah, his house was there and we were only allowed out for 12 hours on a Sunday,

every alternate Sunday and then the other Sunday we were allowed out for an afternoon. So there were some weeks where he could go to his house for an afternoon. Oh, wow. From midday till 6pm and then he had to come back. The opposite of getting grounded. It's a bit of a cheat if you're a parent, isn't it?

It's like, you know, getting to 16 and going, I'm fucking done with this. Just go into another building for a few months. It's like, no, you had the commitment. You made the kid. You cop it. Well, there are upsides to it because, I mean, you know one thing that going to a boarding school I never,

ever encountered, and you might be the same, Nick, is when I'd go on holidays and i'd be hanging out with friends who went to other schools they'd be always complaining about their parents oh i'm a parent won't let me do this won't let me do that me and my parents got on really well because we only spent about five weeks together a year yeah right and would have famous have great times and then i'd go back to acting up to teachers so there was none of that guilt of like playing up or lying to your parents or whatever yep uh the downside is I'm very distant emotionally from a lot of people and I have no love inside my heart.

Well, my dad. So you'd send your kids to boarding school then? Oh, absolutely. Toughen them up. It's perfect preparation for stand-up comedy because, I mean, boarding school you'd wake up and just slag each other off all day, every day. So you want both your kids to be stand-up comedians?

I want them both to be shit-hot stand-ups. I don't want any of this amateur hour stuff. I want them to be headliners by the time they're 18. Yeah, you can tour around. Still, they can support you. Like Kevin Bloody Wilson and Jenny Talia. Oh, I'm going to think they're going to leave school. I'll get them an ABN straight away.

Teach them how to do an invoice and off they go. Earn your keep, kids. Start being sarcastic. Did you get confused by that, invoice, Nick? Use our inside voices. We're being too loud. I thought you meant like I've never had to send anybody an invoice for my comedy services.

That's exactly what I did. Oh, okay. I read too much into that. And that's why. Yeah, but you are exactly right, man. I remember I – everywhere was like a gig. So if you were on a bus, you were either ripping into some guy and you were killing it.

You were Lord of the Bus or it was you. Yeah. Because it was being destroyed. And if you cop it well enough, you could still be Lord of the Bus for how you took it. Oh, no. Really? No. People just wouldn't.

It's like someone bombing at a gig. You know, you just don't want to be around them. Yeah. Just get away from me. Yeah. And like revenge on someone was always such a treat. Like I remember going to, we're on an excursion, we're in the bus on the way back from there. And at this particular, it was just like a science fair and so all these

helium balloons and so these um the jocks are at the back of the bus all the guys were in the football team and they're all breathing in the helium balloons and speaking in a high voice which as we know is very hilarious and uh they're like talking and laughing but the thing that really annoyed me was that they weren't being generous with their humor only they were the ones who got to breathe in the helium balloons. So they're like, come on, pass them back, pass them back to the back of the bus, someone else pass it. I'll have a go.

And then they'll do it. And they'll laugh. Oh, that's so hilarious how Bozza, who's in the football team, has a high-pitched voice and they kept passing him back. So anyway. It's like the footy show. Yeah. So I let one down and I blew it up.

And I also got my mate to blow one up and just we handed those back. And I was so excited, like especially my mate, his one, they breathed it in and like they've got that look on their face like they're going to do the funny high voice and they're like, hello, how are you? What's that about? And I pointed at this guy and I said, you know what you did? You just breathed in my mate's breath.

And that guy's nickname was Hygiene. Perfect. You breathed in Hygiene's fucking breath. Suck shit. And also I reckon when you do that voice as well, you're already making your voice as well. Yes, yes. So it's not like you would have been going, here you go,

and he's like, here you go, doing his own voice. Because you want to sort of get it over the line to start with just in case because you don't know how pronounced it's going to be. Or how long it'll take. No, they really lent into it and then it's had a normal voice. The funniest thing about you saying, man, you being emotionally distant was my dad

was born in Zambia and he went to boarding school in England since he was eight years old. Oh, that is not cool. You say that like he's still there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, in his heart he is. Well, yeah, and he is made of stone.

Like he's emotionless, right? Yeah, right. He's so funny that he moved from England to Australia and just didn't call his parents for four years, right? And not because – Winston loves it. Australia and just didn't call his parents for four years. Not because... Wilson loves it. I've got to meet this guy. We've got to hang out and not talk.

Maybe you guys can hang out in Easter Island. Yeah, we'll have half the island. You stay over there. We don't talk to each other. We'll just drink a beer in silence. It wasn't because he didn't like them or anything. It just left his head. He's just like, oh, I'll get around to it someday.

And he met my mum and my mum's like, you've got to call your parents. We're going to get married. And he's like, oh, all right, I better do it. She had to push him into it. She rang him because he didn't want to talk first. And she just started bawling her eyes out. He's his sister and everything. They couldn't believe it.

They thought he was dead or something. Wow. That is incredible. That's gnarly. And then moved to outside of Moree, outside of what's the town again? Boomai. Boomai. And then, yeah, wow.

So even then he's like, oh, how can I not be around people? Yeah. Was that it? Because I'm always fascinated by people who move like from overseas. You know when you go to like a small town and you meet like a British person or something and you're like, why here? Like why end up, you know. Bit of northern exposure.

Yeah. I feel like that in Romsey. I mean I live in Romsey. I'm from New South Wales and I'm living an hour out of Melbourne which I have no attachment to other than I like it. I've got no relatives here. You know, a treat is it means it's Sunday lunch. I have it wherever I want. I've still got friends in Melbourne. Oh, Sunday lunch, I'm going to go and have lunch with my parents. Not me. What is it like? Because you moved to, how many people is it in your town?

In Romsey? It's pretty big. It's like we actually got a set of traffic lights put in that was new. It's like 5,000 people. Right. So it's pretty big but it's just got one pub and a stripper shop. Did you attend the opening of the new traffic lights? As a town celeb? They put

them in without talking to me. Couldn't believe it. The first time I stopped I'm like, what the fuck? This is not why I moved here stopped I'm like, what the fuck? This is not why I moved here. I'm going to go to the bakery one day and there'll be a parking meter and I'll be like, what the fuck is this shit? May as well move onto fucking Punt Road. This is what it's going to be like.

There'll be a couple of puffs of smog there at the moment I bet as well. That's coming into it. Was your first solo festival show called Non-Stop Tom? Yeah. Or was it your third one? Well, it seemed like my first one, but I had been going for a while even then. Now with the traffic lights. It was one, yeah.

It was one. It was one, yeah. Well, you are, like Tommy said, you are the town celebrity then. So 5,000 people, that's a decent number because my hometown is like 7,000, 8,000. So you would, what's the behaviour in your town? Romsey is new to being 5,000. It's doubled in size in the last 10 years because it's only an hour out of town. Whereas Scary Borough –

Yes. In your face. You're supposed to call it Bombsie, by the way, for future reference. Right, right. Or Scumsy, weirdly enough. It doesn't rhyme, but it sounds good. How did you know about Scary Borough? Oh, I just – He took one fucking look at you.

I just did one phoner on commercial radio once and it came in through the lines. Oh, really? Yeah, we did a phoner on Triple M years ago. What's the shit name for your town? Right. So I still know Scunbury and Scunshine. Scumshine.

Scumshine. That's great. But the thing with Scary Borough is I never heard that while I lived in Mirabar. It wasn't until I moved out Until my mum rang me one day and went You know what everyone calls us? Scary Burrow

And then she loved it She's like, I can't believe we've got a nickname It's funny, like I kind of turned it into a routine years ago But it's also true where I grew up red hair was common I only learned that I was a fuckwit when I went to boarding school Because where I was it was quite common and not really talked about. It's just like there's lots of people with red hair and that's just a thing. And then I got reminded at length at boarding school

that I was a fucking idiot for having red hair. So it just never washed with me. I'm like, I don't know. I don't feel like a loser. I feel like a winner. I remember the redhead kids that were at Borders. You'd just be like, oh, fuck. That guy's going to have the worst life. He is

such a singularity. I know. It's so weird, isn't it? It's almost like privileged private school boarding schools. Even when they're all white, they're trying to find some racism. Yeah. Because you've had... Within all these Anglo-Celtic people who's the minority. There's not many of those. Fuck you, you redheads.

Yeah, yeah. No one's got glasses, so fucking this guy will do. You've had the red hair and the losing the hair, which are the two physical things that you're not in control of that it's still okay to make fun of. Yeah, I know. You're still allowed to do both. And it's actually quite good that it happened because I've got quite resilient self-esteem.

So it always amuses me when you see an ad on TV to get you, it says grow your hair back and get your confidence back. And I'm like, I'm pretty fucking confident and I've lost all my hair. If I got my confidence back, I'd be like doubling up. Yeah, yeah, you'd be a fucking monster. The alternate universe Tom Gleeson where he's just got this big, thick mane. How confident would he be? I saw, did you, I'm not sure if you saw it,

I ended up posting a picture on social media, but the Bross reunited and they're identical twins and one of them has hair and the other one has male patent baldness. Yes. I love that. So, like, you've got to have a meeting, don't you? Like, I'm going to get my, I'm going to regrow my hair. You've got to do it too.

Like, we've both got to do it or neither of us. How can they turn up and he's got male patterned bald and the other guy's like full head of hair? That's great. But he's got like a constant that he can look at and go, thank fuck I fixed it. Thank fuck I'm not, you know, I got something done. Or the other way around Thank fuck I didn't

Yeah Because then it looks weird Yeah totally Well that's You know Dave O'Neill has an identical twin Who's like Thin

What really? And Swiss Yeah And he's Swiss He moved to Switzerland Yeah And now He's sort of like

Your dad Doesn't sort of have anything To do with anyone else And then he gets on the This is what O'Neill says He gets on the phone to his brother in Switzerland in Zurich or something and then starts talking to him and then he

says to Dave oh you have to give me a second I don't speak much English I have to remember how to talk like he's out of practice yeah he just speaks in Swiss over there Dave O'Neill's on the line calling him a poof like it takes him a while to catch up oh man that is just amazing thinking of a Swiss Dave O'Neill's on the line calling him a poof. It takes him a while to catch up. Oh man. That is just

amazing thinking of a Swiss Dave O'Neill. There's a photo of them together in one of his books where it's like it literally is Dave O'Neill if he was thin. There's all the chocolate over there. There's so much. The fondue. All this stuff you could rip into. Dave must be like, oh he's just

wasting his time over there. But it's funny. I think it would be hard For him because When Dave O'Neill Rings you It's straight into conversation Yeah They ring me

And he's like Man I've got a skateboarder Living in my neighbourhood One of the puppers The puppers I've got a puppers And his kid goes To my kid's school

I haven't even Said hello yet Right And also He's talking That's about a documentary About skateboarding. Have you discussed that film at all?

Or is he just going into this assuming that you know who the Pappas are? I was trying to tell him that I'd seen the documentary. I just couldn't get a word in. He's like, my kid's going to his school. And he said, there's this kid with his rat. All the mums are scared of him. And he rides around on this electric skateboard. Anyway, you want to do my gig next Wednesday?

No problem. I was like, cool. Well, you want to do my gig next Wednesday? No problem. I was like, cool. Well, Dave O'Neill's done a lot of radio, so maybe it's his radio training. It's like we're out from the song, we just go straight in. He's like, song's out, just straight in, just do your story. No, but the thing is, he doesn't go for three minutes. He goes for a long time.

No, he thinks it's a phone-up. All right, mate, get to the good shit. When have you seen a skateboarder out on the street? He loves to chat on the phone. Kappa, was it the end of last year when you were back or was it the year before? It was semi-recently. You were back home and you were doing gigs in your family's wool shed? Yeah, I did one there, yeah.

Yeah. My parents moved to Tennerfield. Which is nearby, yeah. My parents were living in Boom Eye, right, a town of 60 people. Now they've moved to this place an hour out of Tenderfield called Bonshaw and it doesn't even have a pub. Like they've gone to a smaller town. Wow.

Yeah, yeah. You know what? Your dad probably was finding it too hectic. We've got to wind this shit down. His parents finally tracked him down. Fuck this. Listen to me. I might have to ring my mum again.

A real witness relocation system. He did do that once. He worked on the farm. One time he got a job managing this mechanics place and he quit. And I was like, oh, Dad, why did you quit? And he goes, oh, you just can't get away from anybody. And he's like, on the farm you can just drive, just get away from anybody. He's like, on the farm you can just drive, just get away from people.

You're in a one metre square radius to some bastard. What happened to him? Is that just all boarding school? Is that what it does? I reckon that's a bit of like my mum and dad live on a farm. It's very much a hobby farm. But they could never live in a town again like next to someone because they live 60 acres from the closest person and they'll be like,

oh, the fucking neighbour's acting up again. They're 10 minutes drive. How can you possibly hear them from here? Also, I don't mean to nitpick, Carl, but you can't live acres away from someone. That's a measurement of area, not distance. I've been in the city too long. Because how can you be 60 acres away from someone?

That could be like a square, it could be a rectangle, it's very confusing. As if you don't mean to nitpick, you love it. Sorry. I'm the happiest I've seen you in ages. Sorry, I meant we lived 100 litres from someone. Just sitting there waiting for a... Because there's a creek in between.

Just like sitting there going, oh, Carl hasn't said anything fucked yet. I'll get him on the acres. Yeah, but I was going back and my mum goes, oh, I told the lady next door that you're doing comedy. How many kilograms away did she live? I was going to stay out there for – yeah. But she said, I told the lady you were doing comedy and you're not going to be doing a gig for about a month and a half because I was going to go straight from there to Perth Fringe.

And she goes, look, they're going to book this. By Perth? Bullshit. That's a million hectares. Oh, no. And it was Perth and I was nervous about it. You know what I mean? That's the Perth Fringe.

It's just down the road though. You're pretty close from there. Everyone's there to select you for those big career opportunities. Yes. And anyway, she said yeah, this lady's booked this wool shed and I said, oh yeah, cool. That sounds alright. I said, just make sure it's an enclosed space

and no kids. No kids, right? So the lady... What a babysitter's in a town of four. Yeah, yeah. So the lady takes me for a walk around the farm and she goes look i think it's going to be too hot in the shearing shed so why don't we do it out here on this veranda right and with chairs on the lawn and i was like absolutely no way so can i ask why did your mom and this woman get so invested in you doing a gig. I have no idea. Yeah. I have no idea. I told them, I said, they said, do you have any good reviews?

I was like, two from the rest are bad. Right. I don't know what, anyway, I sent them. They need to put some good press links out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get people in because of all the other competing comedy shows. I think they were just excited. They were just excited that there was something.

Yeah, because people like that, like my mum would be the same in Mirabar where it's sort of like they don't think, oh, what if they go bad? They just think, yeah, you are a comedian. It's like you're being a mechanic. You know how to do your job. So you will come back and it will be great. There's nothing in their head that would make them think you would go badly. The enthusiasm is just there.

Like when I was at my school reunion, the first one I went to was like a five-year reunion or something. They knew I was a comedian. They're just so excited. You should do a gig right here now. It's like, they knew I was a, they're just so excited. Yeah. You should do a gig right here now. Yeah. And it's like, no, I shouldn't.

Yeah. You have to explain to everyone that you can't. But it's just no malice. Oh, that's funny, man. They want to see you do well. Yeah, they did that to me at my reunion. And I had to stand on top of a bar and then I just couldn't do any material. So I just ripped into everybody.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It was great. That's all right. Perfect. And then the wave started coming back to me and that's when it was time to get off the bar. Yeah, that's great. It shows over. It's like you? It was great. That's all right. Then the wave started coming back to me and that's when it was time to get off the bar. Yeah, that's great.

It shows over. It's like you think that was great. You're driving off going, I killed that. Everyone else from your year level is turning around going, what a cunt he's turned into. He just pussied out, you know, just because he's the only one without a beer gut. Yeah, anyway.

But I went to the wool shed and it rained, so I was like, sweet. Now, also, I've got to throw in another bit. This is on about four podcasts and on a Channel 31 show, this story. But Goxie saw, I said, I put it on Facebook. Aaron Gox. Aaron Gox. I don't mean to offend those various podcasts and Channel 31. I have not come across this story yet.

Yeah. Yeah. Unless it's on Netflix or ABC, I have not heard of it. Apologies to the eight people out there that have heard this story yet. Yeah. Yeah. Blessers on Netflix or ABC, I have not heard of it, buddy. Apologies to the eight people out there that have heard this story. I was too busy filming a TV show. Those eight people could form a town

and your dad could go live with them. I just don't want to bore the same eight people. Yeah, I know. I often feel the same way about a million people. But yeah. All of a sudden, I feel like our podcast is so successful next to this. Yeah, it feels good. This feels nice.

Get ready for the boom. But Goxie, I put it up on my Facebook page saying, I'm playing this gig near Tennerfield. Anyone's welcome. Like, my country friends that live, you know, an hour and a half away said, yeah, they all want to come. Yeah, turn it into a party. Yeah, turn it into a party.

And then I forgot. So Goxie rings me and he goes, mate, are you playing at Tennerfield? And I said, oh, just outside of Tennerfield. And he said, I'll bring the kids. Like four-hour drive. Probably a five-hour drive from Brisbane. Yeah, but you've got to remember it's Nick Capper

Yeah I mean You don't get to see this guy in his element much It's like the Justin Bieber of New South Wales The kids are all into it I remember seeing your post at the time the thing I loved about it was you saying if you're in the area please come down because

if this goes badly I will be permanently damaging my family's reputation in the area, please come down because if this goes badly, I will be permanently damaging my family's reputation in the area. Oh, yeah, right. Like I just remember thinking like, wow, yeah, when it's a small town, the stakes are so high. Oh, yes, of course, yeah. It's literally you're playing for sheep stations. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That one person that your dad interacts with every six months, they're going to be bringing it up. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He won't be paying as much for his Lucerne. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He won't be paying as much for his Lucerne. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. just saw tenor field right right so you still got to drive an hour which to be fair isn't a picture that's just a name yeah yeah yeah yeah but hey we're talking acres uh kilograms whatever you know we're not specific on this podcast it's a bit but yeah anyway he just saw aenterfield, didn't see.

So I was like, look, mate, you can come down. It's a bit of a drive. I said, you can even support me if you want. I mean, I've hit it big now. I've got 600 likes. He's got 60,000. I was like, yeah, that's fine. And he said, yeah, I'll come down.

But what shocked me was four or five hours before the gig was about to start, he rings me and he goes, mate, I'm leaving now. Where in Tennerfield is it? And I was like, it's not in Tennerfield. It's about an hour out. There's no phone reception here. I will send you the exact address. And then I started making signs.

So I made these big signs. On the side of the road? Yeah, just on the side of the road, just saying comedy here in case anybody missed. I never thought I'd hear a story more desperate than lived outside of a festival. I was really worried because I thought people are going to get lost. It's almost worse than being in Trades Hall. Yeah, yeah.

Actually, I think you went to that shearing shed on the way too. Perth Fringe was a relief after this. Interestingly, I also found a large sign of a gorilla that my dad had. It was like an eight-foot cut out of a gorilla. I don't know why he had that. I don't know why I put that in the story. Perfect comedy sign. Why wouldn't you put comedy this way? It sounds like a mascot for the gig. Yeah, exactly. I put that in the story. Perfect comedy song. Why wouldn't you put comedy in this one?

Sounds like a mascot for the gig. Yeah, exactly. I put that on the sign and I thought, I told him everything and then it was pouring down rain and I was like, Goxie still hasn't rocked up.

Ten minutes before the gig, no Goxie. And then I just thought, I'm just going to get on and do it, right? Yeah. And then – And were you – because this is all sort of people from the area. Yeah. I imagine some people that you know from growing up and stuff. Yeah.

So you – because that's – I don't think that's fun. Are you freaking out? I was freaking out because it was in a shearing shed and everyone started bringing along kids. Right. Right. And also what kind of – what number of people were you looking at? So, I think about 60 or 80 rocked up.

Yeah, right. And they were from all different walks of life. I need to know a bit more. Did you have lights and a microphone? Yeah. Is this on the porch still? My mum booked a PA on a what? On the porch?

No. Because it rained, I was so happy And then I realised Because you had to have it in the shed I found out a couple of hours before That kids were going to be there So I just wrote out a heap of other material It's a busy day for you

In the communications you're receiving about this thing Isn't it? It was the worst day of my life And so Can we give people To give a bit of context about The style of comedy that you perform?

Yeah. You're a weird guy up there. It's not, I wouldn't say it's 100% rural. No. Your material. Not at all. Like, you could even alienate an inner city audience. I've seen it many times.

You ever get at the moment about fucking a transformer? I can't imagine that going down well in the woolshed. Sometimes the arts crowd don't even get it. Like, I feel like no one would have walked out of the woolshed going, wow, that reminds me of living in Tenefield. None of what you say would have made them think that. I would have been like, oh, man, Peter Allen is reincarnated. Just like Monty Python, but not good.

I would have said in Tenefield they'd say, that's like Monty Python. All good. I would have said in Tenterfield they'd say that's like Monty Python. All right. So we've got the game. You've got lights. I wish that guy was renting me videos instead of doing these jokes at me right now. If he had rented me a comedy video, that would have been better than this. This guy was great on the dairy. Such a waste of talent.

So you've got lights, PA. You've got a PA and there's about 60 people. Half of them are kids or one third of them. You've got a bit of a surreal sort of style. So how's the actual gig go? Well, what I did was I wrote out a heap of material from the farm and stuff like that. Did you post this at the side of the road as well?

Just to get them in the mood on the way there? I had the gorilla sign to fall back on. I thought, gosh, he's not going to turn up. I'll use it as a stage prop. Yeah, so I thought I'll warm him up a bit. So I got the kids to do a joke competition. Yeah. Oh, nice.

That's good. Which was good. And then proceeded to just sweat and be the most nervous person on stage for the first half an hour. I got some laughs, but it wasn't that good. And then it had some good bits. Time to pull out the Transformer material. And then luckily I do this weird story, I don't know if you guys,

where it's about a guy farting and it reminds me of World War II when my granddad saw a bloke's head explode. Right. Okay. It's arthouse, all right, guys? Yeah, it's not bad, though. I know you guys are all club comics, all right? All right.

So it's still not like Anzac Day is a way off, so they wouldn't have been too offended. Yeah, yeah. All right. We're talking January, aren't we? All right, Mavis, we better bring the cows in. Let's cut this short. But anyway, that killed.

They love that. I thought, I pulled it out as a last-minute thing. I thought, oh, no, this is not going good. Uh-oh, time to denigrate the answers. Pull the record. Yeah, it always wins our regional audience. I was like, this is why my dad doesn't talk to me. I didn't even send him to boarding school.

But, of course, before you started the bit, you did the trumpet. Yeah, I did that story. And, yeah, it went okay. But I made so much money. I didn't realise how much money people had. We jumped ahead a fair bit. But everyone seemed to – they wanted me to do it again this year. And I was like, absolutely no way.

I'm going to do it with another guy, Glyn, in his theatre. Don't cancel it. Goxie might be still on his way. So Goxie never shows up. Goxie offered again to support me this year. So what happened? Goxie just never shows up. Did Goxie make it to Tenefield or –

So what happened was, right, I get back and we drank within phone reception because I was like, guys, come back to my place because this guy still hasn't turned up. You've got to get reception and see what the social media buzz is doing about the wolf. Yeah. And then I rang up and I said, Goxie, where are you? And he goes, oh, mate, I can't find it. I'm around here somewhere, right?

And I was like – This is after the gig? Yeah. And it turns out that he was on the wrong highway. He'd driven and I said, have you gone through Tenerfield? And he goes, no, you don't go through Tenerfield. Oh, he's telling you. Yeah.

And I was like, no. And we argued about this for a long time afterwards. And then he finally realised you had to go through a tenor field. Anyway, still didn't rock up. And I had a huge night. My dad and my brother and my grandma even had a big night as well. Your nan. My nan.

And so I woke up. Your story before probably reminded her of someone that she knew whose head got blown up. That was the other grandma. Made her feel nostalgic for her friend's neck stump. Is your granddad in the picture? No, that was another granddad. We've got to your granddad by the time we got to the end.

Probably. Yeah, but the funniest thing was I just woke up the next morning, hung over, my mum ran in, grabbed me the phone, she said, Aaron's on the phone. Tell him where he is. So Goxie said, hey, mate, I'm in Tennerfield. So what happened last night was I got out near your place, which is an hour out of Tennerfield.

The car broke down and then I had to flag down somebody and I've caught a ride back into Tenerfield with my two kids. With his two daughters. With his two kids. And he said that he waited on the side, because there's no one out there, so he waited on the side of the road for ages, like three or four hours. He had the gorilla. Came past.

So I said to him, oh, crap, all right. And we had this big motorbike ride planned. So my dad was way too hungover to go on the motorbike ride. So he said, I'll go find Aaron. More alone time. Yeah. He's used up his four-word quota for the year. Hey, Dad, you took off before you know what he looks like.

Yeah. He had the car started before I even told him where he was. Yeah, so what happened was I said, look, Oxy, can you somehow get a ride back this way? Because otherwise it's a two-and-a-half-hour round trip. My dad's got to drive and pick you up and then take you back to your car. Yeah. He said, yeah, no worries.

So, yeah, magically he got a ride and he got back out to his car, right, and I went on this motorbike ride, came back, and my parents were both just stunned. Like they thought, they said, that Aaron mate of yours, he's really from the city, right? Anyway, what had happened, right, Gossie got back to his car. He used to ride with his bike. Got back to his car.

It turned out it was just overheated. So it started straight away. But then rather than driving back into town like back into tennerfield he drove the opposite way like he was thinking right he just he knew my dad was out looking for me so he drove the opposite way and whenever a car would come towards him he'd flag them down and go, are you Simon Caffer? So he did this to about ten people. Somehow my dad found him. And then they took him to the house and, you know, they said,

oh, yeah, he was a real. They were probably like, oh, you must be suffering from dehydration with behaviour like that. No, no, no. No, no, no. That's how I act all the time. I just came out here for a gig. Am I too late? Yeah.

So, yeah, they said, yeah, it turns out he seemed a bit strange at first, but then he had a... And at second. But then he had a big DNM of how he's come closer to his daughters and... Oh, through the road trip. Yeah, through the road trip. Through your comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, he the road trip. Through your comedy? Yeah.

Anyway, he turned out to be a really nice bloke. Catching the cradle and Nick Capra's on stage. And we've adopted him and we've gotten rid of you. Yeah. Did your dad have feedback about the gig? That's what I want to know. Yeah, he was like, that was shit.

Because I'm not blowingowing my own horn here But I did I did Glenn Innes Theatre About a year before About 150 people Right And absolutely smashed it And my dad was so happy

Yeah And he's like Oh boy You did better than the other bloke You know what I mean Like you really did well Oh that's nice And then And then My sister came up to me at the Walshed gig and said,

Nick, that was great. And I could just tell there was some – I was like, this is really inspiring. However, I don't want to hear this. She was being supportive. Anyway, I was like, I just want someone to tell me the truth. My dad walked up and he's like, that was shit. And I was like, I just want someone to tell me the truth. My dad walked over and he's like, that was shit. And I was like, I didn't want to hear this.

But at least he's seen you do it. If that was the only gig he'd ever seen, that would be bad. He was fine. I think because he knew the – I was very nervous. But the thing is, the funniest thing is I did this in my show this year. This is an actual phone call. My parents got inundated with phone calls Saying how much they loved the show And I was like, well you could have showed me

During the show How much you loved it But the best review I've ever got Was this respected lady of the town Said, I took my husband along Keith Now, he's a bit hard on hearing He had a great time

because he could hear the whole thing. Right? And I was like, yeah. Because there was no laughter. Yeah, yeah. No one enjoyed it too much. I was like, did he think it's funny? Hot. And she just avoided the subject. She was like, he could hear the whole thing. Loved it.

Wow, you're like a test pattern for a hearing aid. Yeah. Great review. Volume was terrific. Wow, you're like a test pattern for a hearing aid. Yeah. So I used to say... Great review. Volume was terrific. Yeah, good volume, yeah. Yeah, but also to some degree too though, that far out, people are just happy to be in a group.

Yeah. Yeah, like they're in a group in a shed with a few beers. It's like, oh, thank God somebody organised something. I can think of one person who wasn't happy with that. A little bloke by the name of Simon Capper. No, he loved it. He drank a bottle of shivers regal afterwards, but you can tell he loved it. Oh, there you go.

Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah. It was a great night. It was a great night, but I did... Halfway through the bottle of shivers, he would have started to feel alone again. And good. I felt very bad about it. My friends that lived in Gundawindi about two hours away,

they enjoyed it and they said, oh, Nick, do you want to do another one at this place called the Snake Pit where I used to go watch bands. No warning signals there. You're carving out a circuit that Cole Elliott hasn't even tapped. Well, I'm going to do it again this year, except not in the wolf shed. I'm going to do the snake pit. Yeah.

But it was really funny. Oh, too good for the fucking wolf shed. Yeah, you know, I'm going to do it again this year, except not in the wolf shed. I'm going to do the snake fit. Yeah. But it was really funny. Oh, too good for the fucking wolf shed. Yeah, you know, I'm a big deal now. I'm on the Dum Dum podcast. Is Goxie invited back? Of course. Yeah, great. So, yeah.

Good weekend away from him. He gets to go away and not have to deal with any comedy for the weekend. Just drives in circles for a couple of hours. It's no good for my dad because there's more people in the house, but it doesn't matter. Well, where is the snake pit? We've got to get the exact details because it would be great to see how many dum-dum people get to go there.

I would love to know if we have any listeners in that part of the world. Imagine if dum-dum listeners drove 15 hours to get there and stuff. That would be great. That would be the best. Oh, that would be the best. So where's the snake? How are we going to find out about it? The snake pit? What's it called find out about it? The snake pit?

What's it called? The snake pit. The snake what? The snakes are high there. The snake pit. Yeah, pit. You said steak pit before. Oh, right.

So a snake pit. Same thing. But yeah, it's in the Imperial Hotel in Gunwindy. I used to see my mate's band there. A little bit of shout out to Weaponhead. Great, great, great band. Gunwindy's biggest band. Do you have a date yet?

No, but it'll be in the Christmas around Boxing Day. Around that time. That's great. The Boxing Day test of your commitment to comedy. How good would that be if some people this year, they're in the middle of wrapping up their Christmas presents, they're decorating

the tree just out of nowhere. I've got to go. Fuck it, you guys. Enjoy your own Christmas. I've got to drive to Gundawindi. I've got to see Nick Capper. Yeah, they're at the Christmas tree. They open up the present.

Oh, two tickets to Gundawindi. Nick Capper and Weaponhead at the Snake Pit. A double bill. We really want to go there. We've heard the gig might be average, but he's going to get a lot of money from it. You can hear it clearly. You get to pick up Aaron Gox along the way.

I hear those little kids doing a joke competition up the front are fucking fantastic. Are they coming back? Are the little kids coming back? No, the snake pit one went great, but this was a funny quote as well. My friends said, like a lot of people rocked up and the gig went great, but my friends go...

How much money did you make for that one? A lot. I made like $1,200. There he is. I made like $2,000 from these regional gigs, you know. Tom, that is a lot of money for a gig, isn't it? Yeah, it sounds like a lot of money. Yeah, I can remember when that was a lot of money.

Depends on your situation. Put it this way way if it dropped out of your pocket now you'd notice it missing yeah it does remind me of the 90s but yeah they said this how much faith in me they said uh because there was i had people i grew up with but they i hadn't seen them for, what, ten years, and they go, oh, mate, if we knew it was going to be this good, we would have bought more people. I was like, what other choices do you have? So you've got to come back next year now to capitalise on that. Yeah, well, it went good.

Oh, there's the show title. Nick capitalises on comedy. I'm going to pay two months' rent tour. This is great. But we had a – I thought, oh, we'll have a joke competition after the show. And my ex-girlfriend's mum – Did you enter? Yeah, yeah.

I lost, surprisingly. And she got up and she said – she just went on this big story how I used to go out with her daughter. And that was it. You know what I mean? It wasn't even – That was the joke. She was just – yeah, yeah. The greatest joke of all.

Donating Nick Kappa. That is still better than a lot of the open micers that are going around at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's still better than fucking a transformer to be honest. Oh, no, she got through the finals at Raw. I like it. Regional final. I like it. That's amazing. So, yeah, the snake through the finals at Raw. I like it. Regional final.

I like it. That's amazing. So, yeah, the Snake Pit, keep an eye out. The Christmas break this year. Keep an eye out, guys. When you're inevitably driving through that area around Christmas, there'll be sure to be plenty of signs around the venue. Tell them Simon Capper sent you.

Yeah. Have we got time? Because this is one thing I want to bring up with you, and this is a different story. I don't know if you've got a story about this, but this is one little fact Iapa sent you. Yeah. Have we got time? Because this is one thing I want to bring up with you and this is a different story. I don't know if you've got a story about this, but this is one little fact I know about you, given what I'm very into. I remember you told me that you once worked as a job

on a booze cruise in Thailand. I worked on a reggae boat tour. A reggae boat tour, right. I wish it was a booze cruise. That's the first time that's ever been said. Yeah, we did it for four years. Didn't ring your parents. That's a good place to hide out.

Yeah, yeah. I rang them once when I needed money, but I was getting paid $8 a day. On the reggae boat? On the reggae boat, yeah. There was nothing reggae about it besides it was painted yellow, red and green. Right. And yeah, I got paid $8 a day.

So no reggae music being played on the boat? There was no music being played on the boat, no. What? No, the only reggae thing about it was that it was painted those colours, the boat, and what you do is you would hand out about six joints before everyone went snorkelling, right? That's really reggae. Yeah, that's pretty reggae. That's one way to go missing as well, get away from everyone forever.

Yeah, so that was my job. I would take people out, I'd give them a heap of joints, they'd go snorkelling, then I'd take them for lunch and then we'd smoke weed under a waterfall. Was that on the pamphlet? Yes. Really? And the thing is the guy didn't have a good pamphlet, right?

He just had it typed up. So I drew him one and it was like this octopus with a reggae beanie on smoking all these joints. Wait, you think that's better than the one that was typed up? Yeah. Well, you know, mine had designed flair. You know what I mean? I had that cool 60s hand-drawn flair.

How long did you do that for? Two months. Right. And then I just had to get out because I felt drifting into and out of reality. Yes. Was it when you were designing the flyer that that really sunk in? What is happening here?

Two months of smoking joints all day and drawing octopuses. What a reggae vibe. I think this might be having a negative effect on the rest of my life. I remember I worked at a bar afterwards in the UK. I went to UK and pouring a beer took me about, I don't know, a minute longer than a normal, you know, you just pour the beer. But I remember grabbing the tap, putting the glass in front of it and that being such an effort.

And I wasn't even stoned. Like this was two weeks after I left. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I was just like, I don't know if I can work again. Wow. Wow. Reggae boat.

Wow. Two months on the reggae. So just working on that for six bucks a day. Yeah, I get free food. And then what I do is you get back to the beach And then I would I would say Okay I'll meet you guys At 10pm For a bit of a bar hop

And I'll give you Free buckets Of booze Right So I just used to mix up These buckets of booze On the tour as well Yeah

And then Just drink So it was a booze cruise I was right to start with Well yeah Booze and wheat Oh sorry Acres

You know I see why you took Umbridge with me there. But, yeah, it was an amazing time in my life. I think my brain did get fried. I think that too. It did actually teach me a little bit about – because that was before I started comedy. But it used to teach me about kind of openers and closers and whatever, because you'd always have the same jokes you'd

say on the tour. But the guy- Give us one of them. My so-called boss, his name was Ratty, and he used to always say, when I was given the speech on the boat, he'd always interrupt me and say, and if you – the women on the period, they have to watch out because the sharks can smell the blood. Oh, my God. Right?

That's what he would say. And I'd say to him, man, you can't say that, right? You never got a good reaction. You never got a good reaction. We're not in a locker room, man. Chill out. I reckon try that out at the snake pit. And he'd say this was everybody was half-stoned. So people are paranoid enough already. Yeah, man, chill out. I don't know, I reckon try that out at the snake pit. And he'd say

this was everybody was half stone, so people had paranoid enough already about entering the water. And yeah, anyway, by the time then it had caught on. But yeah, it was... So what was your gear? You had openers and closers, you said. What's your openers and closers? I forget. I forget.

Not surprising. Story checks out. Well, the funniest thing is I didn't smoke weed. I never smoked Not surprising. Story checks out. Well, the funniest thing is I didn't smoke weed. I never smoked weed. You probably thought you had a closer, but you probably said something different every day. Yeah. Well, it got very bad towards the end because I never smoked weed and I didn't smoke weed for the first month of it, right?

And then I thought, I'll try it. And then I went just on a one-month bender. Yeah. And so half the time I couldn't even conduct the tour. One time I just stood on the edge of the boat and just looked over everybody and I was just like, okay, everybody, I'm too high to say anything else. And then I just gave them their snorkelling gig. Watch out for the sharks, everyone.

I remember this Irish girl said to me, I can't swim. Like, I can't swim. Like, I can't swim. And it just seemed so – I'd never met anybody, an adult, that couldn't swim. And I was just like, what? Of course you can swim. Just have two life jackets, right? And then I put two life jackets on her and then I said, you should be okay.

And it worked. You know what? One life jacket might have also worked. Also, I think you've had that many joints. I think she's dead and you can imagine that it worked. Look at her. She's floating around. Yeah, look at her floating around face down.

She's doing a great job. No, the octopus has got her. It's fine. This will sort itself out. I'd better draw this for the next flyer. We'd better wrap this up. This episode of A Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Tom, before we head off, your show, I believe by the time this comes out it will have just started on the ABC. So hard quiz, 8 o'clock Wednesday nights

on the ABC if you want to watch something mainstream. I've heard very good things. I heard someone else tell me that it was because it's a quiz but then there's plenty of you just getting stuck into people very hard.

Yeah, well, it's a genuine quiz. I do want people to know that because some people might think I'm just, like it's a parody of a quiz show. No, it's not. It's an actual quiz show, and I just make it very difficult for the people to win. Great. People already shit their pants on a normal quiz show,

but then they've got one of the best, not anti-hecklers, but one of the best, you are one of the best hecklers in the country because you go the audience, but harder than they can go you. Well, yeah, I go the contestants, yeah. I mean, put it this way, within a couple of episodes, I do tell one of the contestants to go fuck themselves. And I remember when I said it, I thought, maybe that's going too far, and then afterwards I discussed it with the executive producer, and we both agreed that it should be in.

So it's in. It's not been cut out. How many times did you say like acres, mate? Wrong measurement. What's the, for the contestants, is there a prize that they can win at the end? Yeah, they win a big brass mug with hard quiz written on the side. Oh, great.

They get a trophy. So they're so excited about it. For a second I forgot it was on the ABC. Yeah, I remember. Our tax dollars at work. But it's weird second I forgot it was on the ABC yeah I remember our tax dollars at work but it's weird I think winning money is overrated just winning and it being on TV

is a joy enough for people everyone was so excited to win wow you have lost touch with the common man who wants to just get money for nothing why would you ever want that I think Kappa would have taken it when he got the rigging mug oh wow a new mug

Kappa what have you got coming up got the reggae mug. Oh, wow, a new mug. Kappa, what have you got coming up that you would care to plug on this? You've just started your own podcast. Bring back the reggae cruise, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. If you want to come on any tours, I'll meet you on the Yarra. Oh, no, do it in Thailand. I'll be back.

Do it in Gundawindi. There's got to be a river there. It's probably dry, actually. The river will be dry. Do it in the dam. The reggae, just have a pump there or dry. Do it in the dam. The reggae just have a pump there or something. Do it in the reggae pontoon. Do the reggae

boat in the dam and be like, ladies that are on their period, watch out for the yabbies. They can smell it. Oh, Ronnie Chang's conducting the tour. Yeah, so you've got your podcast. Yeah, Highway to Nothing. It's good. We've got some of your favourite guys on there,

like Dave O'Neill and Geraldine Hickey and Aaron Gox himself. Oh, great. We relive that story again for those eight people listening. You've also, yeah, The Snake Pit. I genuinely want to hear if we have listeners in that part of the world, in that region. That would be good. If we've only got one.

Yeah, even one. There's two shows I'm going to do out there. There's one at Glen Innes Theatre and there's one at Gundawindi. If there's enough interest, there could definitely be. I would aim for one listener. At the very least, I think

you'll have to report back to us. I started to get excited then. Yeah, you've got to be paranoid. But we'll see. Hey, we'll hear about it on the social medias. Guys, we always like you guys to get at us on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and stuff like that. So if anyone lives anywhere near any of these weird towns that you've described, let us

know. And we've got an email address too, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com if you're not on any of those things and you want to get in touch. Sure thing. We've also got Perth, October 30th. We've got two big shows in Melbourne, November 12th.

All that stuff is at littledumbdumbclub.com. But yeah, Perth and Melbourne definitely get onto it. It's not long to go. So Perth, double episode.

It's massive. It's going to be awesome. Melbourne, double episode. A bit of, oh sorry, Melbourne. Yeah, you said Perth. Oh, I said Perth. Okay.

Well Perth, Perth is a tiny show. Don't go. Aaron Gockx supporting us. He's set off now in his car. Oh, man. Perth will be half the fun. No, Perth is a bit.

It's actually a bigger show. It's actually a bigger show. So go along with that. Perth, you've got stand-up plus podcast. Melbourne, you've just got double podcast and a bit of weird stand-up at the end. Yep. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.