The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 318 - Shaun Micallef & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: November 8, 2016

Broken Chords, Flatscreen TVs and Thailand Updates.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by disgraced former Q&A presenter Tom Ballard. You're welcome everyone. Why are you disgraced? I don't know, why am I disgraced? I don't know, I saw you up there on the TV, it was an absolute bloody disgrace. I saw I was disgraced while I was doing it. Yeah, the state of the house that you live in while you're hosting that show is a disgrace. Oh, say that bit.

Say that bit. What do you mean? Well, wasn a disgrace. Oh, say that bit. Say that bit. What do you mean? Well, wasn't – oh, no, that was the project. Wasn't the story was – Yeah, the other day in our house group chat, our housemate had to message you about having left dirty dishes in the sink. Yes. And this was while you were on air hosting the project,

which I found hilarious. Something about someone hosting a national TV show in a suit. I'm sure Waleed gets that all the time. Something about that delighted me. It was very good. I do inhabit two very different worlds. The other day, we've talked at length on this show about the strange bathroom situation that we have at the back of the house.

I went into the toilet, which is at the very back of the house. While I was in there, you didn't know I was in there. You got in the shower, meaning that I was now locked in the toilet, which is at the very back of the house. Yes. While I was in there. You didn't know I was in there. You got in the shower, meaning that I was now locked in the toilet. And so I had to then knock on the bathroom door, get you to get out of the shower, and then you kind of awkwardly stood there covering yourself. With a towel.

While I shuffled past you. And as I walked out the door, you looked at me and said, it's moments like this I think, am I famous? Do you think you're the most famous person with the shittest bathroom? Like, is there anyone at your level, any fame level that's got a bathroom as shit as yours? Mother Teresa

probably had a pretty... So Tom, what are you here to promote this time? I'm here to promote the recording of my one hour comedy special, which is The World Keeps Happening. Nominated for the Barry Award for Best Show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Yes. Nominated for the, what's it called now? Is it the Fosters? No, what's it called? The Lastminute.com Comedy Award in Edinburgh. Really? Honestly, that is what it is. Wow.

Yep. That's not as prestigious a sounding award anymore. Wow. As Fosters. Yeah. It is a shame that Perrier, because Perrier just sounds, it sounded like its own thing. Even though it was a brand, it sounded like a prestigious, cool thing.

Now you're one step from the Jim's Mowing Comedy Award. What if Barry Humphries turned around one day and went, you know what, get my name off of that award. I'm not cool with this anymore. Good, he's a bit of a cunt. Jesus Christ. I'm putting you on the record. Fuck Barry Humphries.

Wow. What spurred that on? Have you read all the shit he goes on with? He's no good. It's 2016, Carl. Men can dress up as women. It's fine. It doesn't threaten your lifestyle in any way.

Oh, hang on. Is that him is that oh are you saying Dave Medina's not a real woman I take it back

Barry Humphries makes me extremely horny just not in costume just as a normal guy okay so yes you are taping

your comedy special from this year for Stan the streaming service Stan the streaming service not just a man service, not just a man. So they're getting a little part of this out as well, if you think of it. Kind of.

I don't think they'll get any money from the tickets that you buy to come to the record. Anyway. That's going all into your pocket, isn't it? Jing, jing. Oh, so how does it work? So it's been recorded for Stan, but you're charging him for tickets, so you're getting that coin. You getting any coin from Stan?

You getting much coin from old Stanley? What did you earn in the last financial year? Yeah. You know, is it more, are you getting some Stan cash? Do you need some money, Carl? What the hell's wrong with you? Obviously we do, because we're taking your money for this. Oh, yeah.

This is what I was thinking about. So, yeah, give us the date quickly. Okay, quickly. Quickly, get on with it. So we can get back on to how much you're getting for this. Saturday, December the 3rd at the Comedy Theatre in Melbourne. The world keeps happening, but also more, like some of my favourite stuff from the past couple of years

I haven't been able to record yet, including material from last year's show. So I'll be doing about like 80 minutes, plus the Little Dun Dun Club's own Tommy Desolo will be opening at the particular gig. Can I close it? I'll be warming up the crowd with 45 minutes

of your jokes just to get them ready just to get the audience used to the idea of hearing these concepts. If there's one thing I know Dumb Dumb Club listeners, it's the love, it's the stand up of Tommy Dassolo Tommy, Tommy, you get much coin for this gig? We haven't talked numbers yet. How much coin are you getting for this gig?

Well, this is what I was thinking about today. So I pay to live in this house with you. And then you pay us money to come on this podcast and advertise things. And you now pay me money to support you at gigs. So it just works out as this kind of like cost-neutral arrangement for me. It's really great. You don't pay the money to live here to me. Wait, I don't? I mean,

yes, let's carry on as normal. Why don't you take some of this money and get a fucking new bathroom? One bathroom, please. Come on right up. We should get Armitage Shanks on board as a sponsor. What is that? Reem. All the toilet brands. Oh, okay.

Is Armitage It's a toilet brand Yeah Okay Alright shout out They're sponsoring us now Okay great So that is what Saturday December the 3rd

Saturday December the 3rd Tickets are on sale now So it's a huge night of comedy It starts at 7.15 If you want to come a bit late And miss Tommy That's fine Not fine with me

Understandable You have to deal with All the people walking in But yeah it's going to be You know comedy theatre Is like beautiful And I feel very very Very lucky to be doing the show there. Big, big theatre.

I saw the film The Neon Demon there as part of the film festival. It was one of the most objectionable films I've ever seen. So I'm looking forward to being up there in that same hallowed space that I saw a woman eat an eyeball on a big cinema screen there. Please don't open with this. While you guys are on, can I get backstage? Can I get access to the writer? Can I get something out of this?

Oh yeah, can I get backstage? Can I get access to the writer? Can I get something out of this? Oh, yeah. Can I get my friend on the door? Half price. On stage door. Like I can come on and do a spot after him? No. You can do the announcements. Oh, please.

You can announce Tommy coming on. Oh, yes. So you've seen what he does. For people who have never been to a gig that Carl Chandler runs He announces the MC by getting on stage And doing about 7 minutes of material Before the MC comes on About how the audience is a cunt One big collective cunt

Hey does it work? Yes We've got to get a sweet green room set up Backstage at the comedy theatre What do you think? Fine yes Buy tickets everyone Please come We've got to get a sweet green room set up backstage at the comedy theatre. What do you think? A hip-hop show. Fine, yes. Buy tickets, everyone. Please come.

It'll be the last time I ever do the show and hopefully it will bring me to a new level of fame in which case I'll be able to leave this fucking house and never have to do these shitty fucking ads on this dick-cunt podcast ever again. So, yeah, Saturday, December 3rd, tickets. Where can people get tickets from? What's the easiest link?

TomBallard.com? Best details are comedy.com.au but it's all up on Ticketmaster. Tickets are like 30 bucks which is pretty good for a comedy theatre show

and for me. By the way, your management buying up comedy.com.au 20 something years ago is one of the most genius pieces of forward thinking

that I think exists in any industry. Wouldn't you agree? I want to say this. Early on when your management owned comedy.com.au they used to do a bit of pretense of like being a, oh we're just sort of advertising everyone's comedy and that lasted about two weeks and they were like, come and see Tom Ballard. That is the only

comedy show happening in the country this year. Well they are the ones fulfilling the invoice for this ad, so let's not go too hard on burning them. That was a positive thing. I do think if you're an alien, you landed in Australia and you wanted to find out about Australian comedians, you would assume that token comedians

are the only comedians in this entire country. Well, if you watch TV, you would assume the same thing. I don't think you even have to be an alien. Just coming from interstate probably does enough of a job of that Shout out to all the aliens that are landing here And finding out about comedy Thanks alien

Thanks Mork Okay so Seriously how old are you? Like what year were you born in? You're allowed to know about stuff from the past. Do you only know about fucking Lady Gaga? Is that what you're saying? Is that the only cultural touchstone?

That's the first alien you think of? Yeah. Nanu, now neck yourself. Oh, sorry. Who's the coolest alien in town these days, Tom? Widget, clearly. Widget the World Watcher. What's that?

You're too old for that. Too old, matey. That was big when we were kids. What was that? He was a little cartoon alien and he'd been sent down to Earth and it was all about saving the environment. It was one of those 90s kids cartoons where there'd be a bit of a lesson and a message in there.

I hated it. Probably write up your alley, Tom. Probably the first inspiration for your comedy, I reckon. When I wrote my first joke about recycling. Oh, what's this? Something boring with a bit of comedy dabbed on top? Anyway, come see me. All the cartoons were killed.

Captain Planet and The Planeteers, they did the same stage All the cartoons Captain Planet And the Planeteers They did the same thing I love Captain Planet Is that why you're doing The comedy you're doing Trying to finally take down That hoggish greedly

Pretty much Yeah So Saturday December the 3rd Comedy.com.au Come down It's going to be You know what

I didn't get to see Your show this year And I'm really looking Forward to seeing it Mate I haven't done I haven't recorded Anything since

2009 So And yeah Beautiful theatre Full stand They're going to make It all look nice And pretty And I'd love to see it. Mate, I haven't done a, I haven't recorded anything since like 2009. So, and yeah, beautiful theatre, full stand, they're going to make it all look nice and pretty

and I'd love Dum Dum Crew to be there. Yeah, get down folks. I might come if I'm invited. Am I invited?

You're absolutely invited Carl, I would love you to come. Alright, I might come. What's the date again? One more time?

Saturday, December the 3rd. Busy. Alright. Okay, we should get into, do you want to stick around and do some

Patreon names with us? Nah. Fair. Go on then. People don you want to stick around and do some Patreon names with us? No. All right, fair. Go on then. People don't want to stick around and listen to it. I can't imagine why anyone would want to stick around and participate. Sorry for making this longer again, dear listeners. I hear your frustration.

Okay, now that we've done the 10-minute ad, the real ad can be here. We must insist on doing it full-time. Okay, start the clock. You're right. Okay, so as you know,. Okay. Start the clock. You're right. Okay. So as you know, we are… Start the calendar. We are on Patreon. You can subscribe to support the show at various reward levels.

$5 a month, you get a newsletter that we make. $10 a month, you get an extra bonus episode that we send out to you. And if you put in $2 or more, we read your name out at the start of the show and we cyber bully you. Yeah. Find out full details if you go to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club um and so here is the here is the here is the bonus bullying uh segment of the show so um shout out thank you very much to nathan iskra iskra yeah nathan iskra nathan is crappy name nathan is crafty with how he spends his money?

What's he chipped in? Don't know. I didn't write that down. Just write down names. Iskra. Iskra. Wow. Can I just say it is such a privilege to be here to see this happen in person.

I mean, the crafting of it. I mean, normally they're easier when we have a third person in the room. No, usually the third person's helping us. Not shitting on us from a great height Iskra sounds like one of those famous aliens That you were banging on about before Yeah I can even I think he's looking up comedy.com.au right now

Just discovering all the comedy That Earth and Australia has to offer Nathan is crazy for comedy There we go There's the third guest kicking in Don't sit on that for that long If you've got a good one just go for it Thanks guys

Come on Edison Thank you Nathan Eastgrath Thanks Thanks Nathan I bet he copped all that bullying at school He's crazy for comedy He would have got that

Obviously Alright No but only if he hated comedy Oh yeah You love it. You love comedy. You're crazy for it. Thank you. Here we go. Thank you to...

This is a guy that we've met before, I believe. Thank you to Gervanch... Oh, yes. Oh, you remember Gervanch? Yes, I do. Thank you to Gervanch Barsha. Definitely sounds like you've met him before. Well, I've talked to him.

I didn't keep announcing him by name in every sentence I used. That's weird, Carl Chandler. What a weird thing for you to do, Carl Chandler. I remember meeting Gervanch at our Sydney show, him and a couple of mates, and I did see him pipe up on the Facebook the other day and say, hey, you know, you haven't read my name out and I thought, man, I'm glad I am not the one that reads those names out.

Yeah, yeah. And that's exactly why I wrote his name down and I'm saying it right now. I would like to know from Gervanch how good of a job you did just then of pronouncing his name. Barsha. B-H-A-T-I-A. Barsha. Yeah, there's not too many other ways I could go.

Yeah. And I think we're all just sitting here going, how much shit can we hang on in before we start to sound like... Very, very racist. Oh, yeah. This podcast is very concerned with never coming across as racist. Why? We're not racist. I think full-on racism is the final frontier of this podcast.

Exactly. I don't think we've been racist at all. We've been very fattest. Yeah, I don't know. How much can we hang on before we get to... Is he from Sydney, did you say? Yeah, Sydney boy. Or maybe he goes to King's Cross and he gets bashed. Oh, there we go.

That's pretty good. Maybe he does. Although, hasn't King's Cross been all cleaned up now? Yes, it has. Fucking hell. Dissect the frog, why don't you? Sounds fun. I like to learn a lot about this frog.

I don't really care if it lives or dies. Gervanch. Gervanch. Thanks. Gervanch. Thanks, Gerv. Yeah, thanks, Gervo. Thanks, Bastia.

Thank you, too too Savannah Jarman Jarman And I hope he likes Savannah Jarman too Oh that's good Yep That's very good You know what

I am I don't know if I've ever said this I am now A genuine fan of Bob Marley Yeah Because you Why is it Is it because you saw the doco. Yeah. Because you, why is it? Is it because you saw the doco a couple of years ago?

No. Or is it because of your intense marijuana habit? No. That you won't let us bring up on the show? Neither. That's not true. Although, you know, I lived in Mirabai long enough, I should have. No, it's because every time we go to Thailand, they play a lot of reggae music.

And now I just go, whenever I hear it, it's like a Pavlov's dog sort of thing. It just brings me back. It brings me back. Heaven forbid you listen to Thai music. They don't play it, though. They don't play any Thai music in Thailand? Well, if you go into a resort, you know, whatever, they're not. They want to keep out all that Thai nonsense.

It's not my fault. They're playing what I think they want, they think that you want to hear. Pavlov's mangy 40-year-old dog. It's a sexy dog. Bob Marley. Yeah, I'm a fan. It's only because it takes you back to,

you have no memories, you have no memories in this country of ever having heard any Bob Marley. No. So you went over there, it was a clean slate and you could create those memories in your brain. Yep.

The first night I ever went to Thailand, I went out by myself. My girlfriend went to bed very early and I just walked down to the beach. There was a restaurant on the beach. I got a great curry and I got a big bunch of beers and I was sitting with my feet in the water and I was playing Bob Marley over and over. I was like, this is the greatest moment of my life. Your girlfriend's not there.

No woman, no cry so good and now Bob Marley is just the soundtrack to my girlfriend not being there I love it have you seen the doco about him it's really good I went and when I went in the cinema there was a guy sitting behind me who clearly knew everything there was to know about Bob Marley so he would do you smell like he would he would predict

everything that came up. Oh, what? So someone would be going, oh, yes, and of course at this time it was when he met and he'd go, yeah, yeah, and would say the name. It's like you know all there is to know. Why come to the movie? It's not a fucking sport. You're not like, yeah, yeah, come on, get it, do this one, yes. And then he died.

Get in. Got it. Fuck yes, had money on that, yes. Thanks, Bob. Thanks. Yeah, who was that again Savannah Wow Savannah You got away with murder there

With that name Yeah Derailed into Carl's Just got a lot of Bob Marley there I toured with Lloyd Langford Who's a Welsh comedian Who's fantastic Who's a huge Bob Marley fan as well

And I made myself And no one else laugh a lot By imagining a Welsh Bob Marley fan And well and I made myself and no one else laugh a lot by imagining a Welsh Bob Marley fan and I hope you like German too I watched that doco and I got really into it you know like if you just sit and watch

something on a big screen for two hours you become fanatic where you're like yeah this guy's amazing because you're just hearing all about their impact and I was like that's it I'm going home I'm going to get deep into Bob impact. And I was like, that's it. I'm going home. I'm going to get deep into Bob Marley. I'm going to get all his stuff and I'm going to go deep in. And then went and listened to it.

I'm like, this is silly. I've got the greatest hits on my iPhone and I listen to it all the time. Do you really? It's good. You close your eyes, put your feet in the bath. Yes. Yeah. What's that YouTube footage of the street of Thailand?

Yes. Well, I've got a new thing. So I've upped it. I now, when I go to the gym and I do treadmill work, I get on YouTube and I just look for random Thailand amateur shot videos. And so if anyone walks past me at the gym, if you go to Hawthorne gym and you see me on the treadmill, walk past and you will just see me every day watching amateur cam video

of someone walking through a food market. Most people do that with porn. You're going the amateur Thailand star. Who's doing that with porn? No one watches porn at the gym. No, amateur videos. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I bet people watch porn at the gym. I did wonder that. I bet there are people that watch porn at the gym. Would it be blocked? You can't do that though. You can't be on the… What do you mean blocked? I bet there are people that watch porn at the gym.

Would it be blocked? You can't do that though. You can't be on the – What do you mean blocked? Well, surely you can put like safety blocks on the internet in the treadmill. Yeah, well just use your 4G. I want this for you, Carl. Who wants to run with a hard-on? Maybe it's better for you.

Imagine if that's how you found out That there's some real Like workout secret If you're wrecked when you run Something about the blood Being in a different area Like it just I can't imagine that being good at all If all your blood's there And the rest of you

Doesn't have blood And you're trying to run There's only one way to find out Lads Get your laptops out Alright That was still Savannah wasn't it Yeah

Thanks Savannah Jarman For all All the images That your name conveyed. Thank you to, here we go. Thank you to Sarah, and this is a Polish name, so it's going to be tricky. Sarah Wlodoczyk. Wlodoczyk?

Yeah. Wlodoczyk? Yeah. She tips into the Patreon. What a chick. Yeah, yes lot of chick. She tips into the Patreon. What a chick. Yeah, yes. Because you know what? This is a long-held theory of mine. Polish 9-11 was an inside job.

The Polish are the most attractive race in the world. That's a long-held theory of mine. He said it. And the inevitable question, who is the least attractive race in the world? No comment. You joke, but he's actually attractive race in the world? No comment. You joke, but he's actually told me in conversation. Oh, God.

The Polish, the most attractive race in the world. The answer will shock you. I've never met a Polish person. Post Hitler's invasion. I've never met a Polish person that I didn't have a hard on on the treadmill. Fuck it, Al. Good-looking people. And I'm sure Sarah Wlodarczyk is no exception.

How confident are you that that's a Polish name, though? Very confident. Okay. Because you read it and got erect immediately. Yeah. And you're like, I know what race this is. Exactly. And there's not too many races that that happens for.

Exactly. There's not too many races that that happens for. And it's spelled W-L-O-D-A-R-C-Z-Y-K. Whoa. As if I needed to spell it out. You guys got it. Anything with a wolod, that's Polish, definitely. You know, that's the old saying.

If it's a wolod, it's Polish. What's number two with the races? Oh, number two. I don't know. I haven't thought about it. I don't think Polish is a race. Daylight. That's number two.

That's how far in front the Polish are. I see. What do you mean? You don't think Polish is a race? I don't think so, no. What do you call people? It's a nationality. It's rare to see him with nothing And that was a great moment just then But Australian isn't a race

Isn't it? No No it's not What am I then? You know that there are people of other races Who are Australian What am I then? Carl

What? You're Caucasian Or Anglo-Saxon Okay Alright Well I'm in nationality then Okay The most attractive nationality.

Okay, great. Fuck me. I do know what he thinks is the least attractive race though. That still stands. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks, Sarah. Don't get shagged, Sarah. Pella was complaining about racism before

Let's not prove him right I'm going to take that as a question Okay what have you got next Thank you two more to go Thank you two Lara Broomfield Our old friend Lara Broomfield Tom Lara Broomfield came along to our first ever

Well she's been at all our Perth live shows. The first one that we did, she made a big point of... Should we say this? I think you should allude to things. Okay. She was very... Was this drugsy? She want what?

No. Hey, don't be racist against Perth people, all right? That was some amazing illusion that just happened. It was someone... Lara wanted us to have a lot of fun at the Perth people, all right? That was an amazing illusion that just happened. It was someone... Lara wanted us to have a lot of fun at the Perth show. That's right. You could say she's a bit of a midnight runner. Yeah, she came prepared.

She came... She likes Bob Marley. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a bit harder than Bob Marley. Okay, okay. And she... So we talked about it

At the show at the time That she was at And she hated it So I imagine she's Loving this We saw her on the weekend Put it this way She met Fleety

And got along with him Very well So Yeah We love Lara Thanks Lara Yeah, she also likes Heckling during the show

So Yes, yes She's a big fan of that Yeah And Yeah, she did She did She heckled during the show With her. She's a big fan of that. Yeah. And yeah, she did. She heckled during the show with her own name this last week. Yeah.

I like that a lot. She yelled out her own name. Yeah. It was good. It was good stuff. That's a good heckle. Yeah. Just yell out your own name.

Yeah. Wow. All right. Lastly, one last. Okay. Interesting. Is this it? I got to go soon.

Is this the last one? Yeah. This is the last one Okay Well I'll stay for one more Yeah Good Cool

Oh thanks man The last ones are usually Pretty boring We'll just knock this off quickly And then we'll Be able to Go to bed We'll knock what off

Sorry What Just this last night Right Sorry Right Okay Thank you to

Jonathan Shit It's weird because we know a guy called Jonathan Schuster So it's sort of I thought it was going to be him But it took a bit of a different turn there Yeah More like Jerkathon Shit

Yeah that's pretty funny Got him More like John On the John On the Jonathan On Tommy Like the toilet John

Yeah It's a bad toilet Yeah Tom what have you got Well I've been I don't know Is there something in the last name Or

What was it again Shit Was it Is that with a C Like SC H-O-T Is that Polish Yeah was it the Polish one

Willodachik No Shit Is it Polish? Yeah, was it the Polish one? Woloda Chick? No How's shit spelt? S-H-I-T These are getting harder Jonathan Should I get another last name? Yeah, that's good

Fucking done him Thanks John Cheers John Okay, we quickly got to mention we have a Christmas Eve gig That's good. Fucking done him. That's good. Got him. John O. Thanks, John. Thanks, John. Cheers, John. Okay, we quickly got to mention we have a Christmas Eve gig in Melbourne on sale. We're doing a live episode of this podcast, Christmas Eve, which I believe you may be able to make an appearance at. Maybe. Yeah.

Don't you have a family in Warrnambool to go to? Well, there are multiple Swedish people in my family now, like partners of people. There are two Swedish people in my family now, like partners of people. There are two Swedish girlfriends. So Swedish Christmas is on Christmas Eve. So in Melbourne on that day we're having a thing so then I could come to the thing after that. Oh, well, you know, the Swedes have had too good for too long.

They think they're the most attractive race of them all. And then they just found out when they were all listening to this podcast. They were supplanted by the polls. So go to littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to that. Cheap in, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Oh, how about we announce this? I think, I believe by the time this goes out that this will be on sale, but we have it restocked.

We got a new T-shirt. Oh, yes. We have restocked. If you go to our website, we've always got the I'm aware of Little Dumb Dumb Club T-shirt. Oh, yes. We have restocked. If you go to our website, we've always got the I'm aware of Little Dumbo Club T-shirt. We now, we are restocking the white logo, burger logo T-shirt. So if you missed out last time, there's been plenty of people that have watched Tom Ballard's Gala Spot and looked at the little logo that he was wearing on his shirt and wanted one of them.

We are going to, we have reprinted the white burger logo t-shirt. So if you want to show your true colours and not just have the black on the wear shirt, we've got the actual logo for sale. So littledumbdumbclub.com for all that stuff. Comedy.com.au. Tom Ballard, The World Keeps Happening, Saturday, December the 3rd in Melbourne at the Comedy Theatre. Yeah.

Enjoy this episode with Sean McAuliffe and Ben Lomas and we'll see you next time. Oh, hang on. What? I want to say this. Okay. Sorry, this needs to go a bit longer. I want to say this.

Sorry, two things. A, sorry that Lomas didn't say comedy or riffing enough in this episode because we got scared. We got scared of McAuliffe. Okay, I know what you're about to say. And secondly, have a listen and see what you think Sean McAuliffe thinks my name is. Because all the way through it, he kept saying something else that's not my name.

He said it once or twice kind of early on through the episode and then there was a point where he was really talking to you directly and he kept saying it and I was like, this motherfucker doesn't know what Carl's name is. And this is now a running thing. I think he either called me Cole or Kyle, I think. Have a listen. I haven't listened back to it.

So he calls me something that's not Carl. And I kept thinking, I've got to bring this up. But also I didn't want to rip on Sean McAuliffe. If it had been anyone else I would have just gone, that's not my name, by the way. You know that, don't you? Yes.

But having said that, when we had the TIFF episode with Dill, Tiffany Hall and Dill episode, Ed Cavill sat in on it. Yes. He came in babysitting TIFF for some reason and he comes in and he goes, yeah, Kyle. And I was like, just so you know, that's not my name. Oh, okay. So what is it again, sorry? It's Kyle. Oh, sorry. You got to know that for when you put him on the door for your

stand-up show. What? Yeah, fuck. I'll put Tommy Plus One. Wait, I have to be on the door? I'm on the gig. Hey, I don't want you putting my name on there. A lot of people will freak out. Just put my non-diplom Jonathan shit.

Okay, so for the listening close folks and see what you, yeah, let's get people to write in what they think it is. Cole or Kyle? I think it was Kyle. Is it? Anyway, yeah. I don't know. We'll see. I think it went up and down a bit. Anyway, enjoy the episode. Now, how rough do you want me to be, you know?

Because you probably like swearing and everything. I go extremely rough. I go rough-ass. Just drop the C-bomb. No, no. Look, this show goes up and down. Like, sometimes it gets really rough. But then, like, last week we did a thing with Fiona Lachlan having come back from rehab. It was all sort of semi-serious, but it was still us making fun of her.

Good. No, it's all right. I just meant swearing. Oh, no, no. I said I work blue. Yeah, yeah. I've got a dignity in my career. Can we include that bit?

I've been recording this whole time. The show has officially begun if we want it to. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting next to me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Well, people have potentially heard our two guests up the top of the show already,

so should we just go straight into it? Is that like a – have we got up top of the show? Is that like one of those R ratings or M ratings, just Sean McCall's voice saying, how blue do I go on this show? Is that like a warning? Is that a language warning? Yeah, it's a language warning, but the language warning itself doesn't know what it is.

So it's questioning you at the beginning of the show. He was warning himself. Very general language warning. We could speak French, Ben. Yeah, bonjour. Oh, yes. Glad we had a warning. Très bon, Ben, très bon. Fromage. That's all I got. Oh, that's funny that the only word you know of French is

cheese. Very weird for Ben Lomas. Well, joining us today on the program, Ben Lomas and Sean McAuliffe, everyone. Thank you, thank you. Ben, you got top billing. Oh, yeah, thank you. Wow, yeah. Two big heavy hitters of comedy. I'm happy, I'm happy. One big in career, yeah, thank you. Wow, yeah. Two big heavy hitters of comedy. I'm happy. I'm happy.

One big in career, one in stature. Yeah. All right. Oh, wait, Ben. Hang on. Let me switch that cord over.

Oh, dodgy cord. Your jokes are important to us. Just hang on the line. Great riffing there, Sean. No, it's good. Have you,

now you lost weight. Last time I saw you, you'd lost weight. Save it. Save it. Hold on to it. He on to it, hold on to it. He's so excited. All right, can we definitely not hear Lomas?

Good, let's go. Yeah, cool. Straight ahead. I'm sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. Ben, we couldn't hear Ben, and he was coming up with some killer material. So just take it as read. Yeah, some comedy gold there.

Now you were telling me the last time we met, Ben, which you were very kindly doing a bit of warm-up for us on Madder's Health. Yes, yes. And you were just about to have your second child. Correct. And you said you'd lost some weight. I remember you telling me you'd lost a lot of weight. You were in shape.

Yes. I was lying. No, I think that was me probably just riffing with the audience. Because you had no material. You were just making stuff up. You're making stuff up. I mean, it's all true. But you had done Open Slather.

I mean, you'd done Open Slather and you were a lean machine for that show. Yeah, well, I was a lean machine at the start. So this is when I did a show where I had catering and at the start of the – It was Ben Lomas' Raging Bull. Yes. You lose weight to get yourself on the TV and then you get the gig and you go, great, now I can balloon out Well it's true

It's the Jake LaMotta of comedy Was it the cream biscuits? No it was worse You know catering When catering knows your name And they put aside bacon for you You know you're in trouble But no

When they're putting it As a bookmark in your scripts Oh another joke Another piece of bacon No but I had it When I first started doing Oven Slather I'd lost 18 kilos Oh, another joke, another piece of bacon. No, but I had it when I first started doing Omen Slather. I'd lost 18 kilos and then throughout eight months of shooting, I'd put on 20.

Wow. Now, and the thing is I didn't really notice it until – So really you only put on two through doing the show? Yeah, if you think about it. Which is not bad. Yeah, I'm doing really well. That's all right. No, but the worst is we did pre-shoots where I was like in this nice suit and they showed the sketch and then it was like the last final episode

and then they showed another scene where I was playing a farmer and I put it all on and I was there with my partner and when they showed the sketch, she goes, God, you look good in a suit. And when the next sketch came, she went, Oh, for the love of God. Well, you've got to be what you are. You can't fake it on TV.

No, you can't. This piece of unsolicited advice for you. The audience can tell when you're being dishonest with them. Yeah. So you in a suit is a lie. You in some dungarees. Maybe even just one shoulder button. Yeah.

That's probably all I can, well, I'll probably eat it. What's your regime, Sean? Because you're on TV, you know, very regularly. Do you stress about the old appearance on the box? Yeah. I mean, I've been... I don't know what you went up to, Ben. I got up to 134.

134. Well, I got up to 100. Okay. That's as much as I can get. And you're a bit taller than me, so, so you know we can carry a bit of extra weight without it killing us but on television they say it adds 20 pounds

I don't know what that is in metric but you do look heavier on television anyway what was the genesis of that theory? do you know what I mean? no it's true

how long after the invention of television were people going you know what everyone looks really fat on this thing I think it was okay when it used to be just the normal square,

I think everyone was okay. When it became widescreen, we just fitted, it was the same image, just stretched slightly. When people first saw Laurel and Hardy on screen, they saw Hardy in real life and went, fuck, he's a beanpole. What happened up there?

They couldn't even see, you know, the other one. The first time I looked at it, remember the first time like you saw an HD TV and just going like, oh, this is going to change everything. People look, seeing every detail. That's not good. It looked like the original video of soap opera, you know, when everything looked too clear.

Too smooth. Yeah, shiny. Bad skin and everything. And then as soon as they brought HD in, it's like they reverted to that. And, of course, they needed special makeup. It wasn't very helpful for sketch comedy because you could see the join on the bald cap

between your head and the bald cap. And, honestly, it didn't help sketch comedy at all. I think Open Slather might be the very first comedy that died because of HD. Well, yeah, let's blame it on that. It was HD's fault and nothing else. Does HD stand for horrible direction?

Now, now, now, now. I should ask, Ben. I don't know. Is it okay to go there? Of course we can talk about Open Slather. You were an ensemble cast member of Open Slather. You were actually part of what I consider to be

a very, very entertaining group of young performers who I would have much rather watched than those older ones, to be perfectly honest with you. We've seen the others and they're very good and okay, that's great. But I felt that the writing and the writer-performers, and I assume you were all writing your own material. Yes, yes. If you were allowed to have it on air,

that's a show I wanted to see. And I think that was some of the issues. It was two shows in one. So there was a lot of the performers. And they were both shit. They weren't both shit. Yeah, Sean, when you were talking about the show before, feel free to use some of that language

you were asking for permission for. Okay. Shithouse. No, but like anything, it was were talking about the show before, feel free to use some of that language you were asking for permission for. Okay. Shithouse. But no, but like anything, it was an hour-long sketch show, and they were trying to appease everyone. So, of course, there were going to be sketches that people liked, and there was going to be sketches that people hate, and there were going to be sketches that people wanted to kill people about.

But it was just, yeah, some parts were good and some parts were bad. It's a smorgasbord. It is, yeah. And it was amazing because we went from parodies to sketches to weird characters. There was no real... Well, I missed you didn't have any live night stuff and I would have thought that's the time when you get to show your personality. Just so we know at home, we are officially doing an OB today, an outside broadcast.

We're sitting outside in a park, alfresco podcasting. And some children are coming over to us. Yeah. As is the want with this podcast, we are now currently surrounded by about three dozen teenage girls. So there is a bit of Beatlemania happening at the moment. Well, it's taking the heat off me. Which one are we?

If this is the Beatles, which ones are we? And now there's two policemen approaching us. Oh, hi. Now they're waving at us. Okay, yeah, autographs later. Thank you. Yeah, totally. You'll probably see me on Open Slather. We are four guys holding microphones to our mouths. We must look insane.

I'm George. Sitting next to a bin. Alright, yeah, we'll do She Loves You soon, okay? Thanks, guys. All right, back to the show. Sorry. It's just like Shea Stadium. Yeah, this is where it ends.

We never do anything ever again after this. We can't even hear us play our own instruments. Yep, now the... Someone's coming over. We're actually getting in trouble with the teacher right now. Yeah, the teacher's going to come over. Pardon? No, no, no. We're fine. No, that's fine. It's fine. We're actually getting in trouble with the teacher right now. Yeah, the teacher's going to come over. Pardon? No, no, no.

We're fine. No, that's fine. It's fine. They're creating ambience. Can we interview each and every one of them one by one? Is that cool? Sorry, the teacher is coming over to talk to us. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Sorry to harm you. No, that's fine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's only one of Australia's top 20 comedy podcasts being recorded over here. She really wants to shut those kids up.

She came over and asked if she should get the children to shut up because they're interfering with the podcast. If they can all sit over there silently in the park, that would be great. Just everyone shut up and sit on the grass. I kind of hope this is coming through. I hope you can kind of hear the children in the back. It'd be kind of nice, you know. It's kind of a nice thing.

If they can't, if your audience can't hear them, it's just been a really boring three minutes of conversation by us. That's pretty short for us by our standards. So we should, I don't know, we haven't mentioned this. Oh, you did mention this before, but Sean, you and Ben know each other from Ben doing Warm Up on your show Mad as Hell. Yeah, Ben does a great job. For anyone who doesn't know the context there, it just sounded like you went right

on him about his weight, having just met him near moments ago on the show. No, no, no. I must admit, Ben, I can't tell. Like I said, Ben's a tall guy. It doesn't register with me at all. But I was conscious of the fact that Ben had mentioned that he lost a lot of weight. If you take two buckets out of the ocean,

you're not going to notice, are you? Zero, dear. I'm sorry, Ben. Sorry to have brought it up. No, I'm used to being bullied. No, when you're a tall guy, you can hide it a lot more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I lost about 10 kilos, I suppose.

I went down from about 97 to about 87. And then I went to India and I went down to 85, which is too much. Because when you get to my age, and this is all way ahead of you, and I imagine way ahead of all of your listeners who wouldn't be my age, you can't lose too much weight. Kyle, you shouldn't ever lose anything. So it just hangs off you and you've got no actual suppleness of your body. But also losing those two kilos in India,

I'm kind of going to hazard a guess at the way that you lost that weight and say that's not healthy. That was only while I was at the airport waiting for the plane out. But then when you're at your age and you start losing that weight, then people think you're sick. Yes, they do. Assume you're dying. Yeah.

It's true. It is. Who did that recently? They lost a lot of weight and it was no one wanted to say anything because it was sort of like well you've got cancer

don't you? Oh yeah it was someone in comedy. Yeah it was that guy on Open Slather. Peter Sellers said that you should never lose weight as a comedian.

Really? Yeah. And he did but he lost a lot of weight. Right so he says that and then he goes and just doesn't eat. No one else. He wanted everyone else to remain fat so that he looked even better by comparison. Maybe I'm misremembering.

Maybe he didn't say it. But he certainly did lose some weight. But I've heard it said. What's your regime then to get 10 kilos down? What did you do to get? I just didn't eat crap. Right, okay. No, I didn't.

Talk me through it. I don't have many vices at all. So it wasn't a lot I had to give up. But yes, it was rice paper rolls for dinner and a bit of fish for lunch. Instead of going down to that Williamstown ice creamery for dinner. And just water, though. Isn't that your trick as well? Water?

I do drink water. I don't have any soft drinks. Certainly, I have soft drink. And I don't have any soft drinks. Certainly I have soft drink and I don't, yes, I don't have any orange juice.

We've talked about this. This is how we warm up the audience. Believe it or not. Just a riff on dresses. We just have a bit of a chat about our various regimens.

The girls in the park are in trance by just one of them so it's working yet again. They're doing a project. Oh, I just remembered who it was. Mike Wilmot. Oh, right.

Mike Wilmot, last time he came out to the country, had lost a ton of weight. And I remember us all being backstage at Spleen and no one really wanted to go, you look great, in case it was like, no, this is my last tour of this country. Alan Brough lost a lot of weight too a few years ago. I remember thinking, Jesus Christ, are you okay?

Yeah. Went out to hold him, you know, thought he was in his last legs. I want to bring this up, Ben Lomas, because I'm not sure what your writing regime is, Sean. I mean, do you just, you do it at home, I guess? Can you work at home? Yes. Yeah, we do have like a computer room.

We call it the computer room. So it is dedicated to... Is that the West Wing? Homework. A bit like a computer room. We call it the computer room. So it is dedicated to… Is that the West Wing? Homework. A bit like the West Wing. We have a lovely garden, some peacocks in the rose garden there. And we can hear the throb of the traffic. Where do you get your ideas from?

Small man in a cupboard. ideas from small man in a cupboard uh yeah well look in terms of writing uh mad as hell that's done primarily you know at work in it in at work if that be the abc with its lovely stained ceilings and filthy carpet and i think well i think that's it for us uh that that's the last time we'll be writing and all of us will be writing yeah in the decommissioned portables in there. Yeah. But when I'm doing – but I work at home too and I keep bankers hours. I write from about 10 to 5. Right. And you can do that? You're not distracted? You don't have any distractions in the room? I'm reasonably disciplined now. I used to you know any excuse you'd go off to watch

something on television and or the fridge or you ben you know this you know it's like on the fridge wow yeah but you don't hit the youtube and then what no no no no no no what am i gonna watch on youtube myself well this is this is i guess this is why i bring it up i'd like to hear the contrast between you and Ben Lomas because Ben Lomas, from what I've been hearing lately, is there's a little writing workshop. Ben, do you write anything? Look, I just riff, Sean.

Well, that's true. When you're a stand-up, no, I'm not a stand-up and I've not experienced what it's like to be a stand-up developing material, but I'm assuming that you would go in with a few bullet points and then you would gradually improvise and build your act around those. Oh, yeah, the three of us, we're all doing a gig tonight. We're all going to be riffing about schoolgirls later tonight based on today's experience.

I go up there with a blank page and comedy just takes over my body. Come back with even less. Well, the audience is, I imagine, a good editor of material. You sort of know what works and what doesn't. Yeah, usually boos mean not very good. But any response is good, isn't it? Would you rather that than nothing from an audience? No, no.

The silence is... I don't know if Ben is like this with warm-up, but there's always at least one laugh off Ben Lomas' material, and it is him. He's a big laugher in his own gear. I do like it, because I love doing warm-up for your shows. It's a great audience, and it is him. He's a big laugher in his own gear. I do like it because I love doing a warm-up for your shows. It's a great audience and they like comedy.

But occasionally I have to do a warm-up for other shows. Like what? Like what shows? Look, I don't want to mention their names. Alright, just take the mic away.

Give us a hint. It's on Channel 9. Oh, alright. Maybe a quizzy sort of show. Yeah, maybe one of those. Oh, okay. Or, yeah, reality kind of shows.

But there was one oh the news I had to fill in yeah I'm doing the news oh man that show's death you can hear nothing from the audience

we've got to get Peter Hitchener next time to be in the podcast with you four people die in Bangladesh hey what's the deal with cupcakes no I had to fill in

for an hour and 40 minutes right so I had to so the first I was trying to keep them entertained. They're waiting for the host to come back. Something has happened to the host. What had happened to the host? I don't know. Hang on, take the mics down.

I don't know. They probably needed a rest. Something like that. Okay. Completely unconvincing. But there's a moment where... Those schoolgirls have got some hot showbiz gossip. Are we talking about Eddie Maguire?

No, no, no We're not talking about Eddie Maguire On the record We're not talking about Eddie Maguire Okay, alright Looks like the bleep function Might be a bit of a go there But no

It's I had to fill in And I went for an hour and 40 minutes And there were moments Where I'd done after an hour and 20 minutes All my stories And I actually There's a moment

Where you just run out of every idea and you just start looking at things and just naming them. Wow. Okay. So that's it. That's the lowest, that's as far as you can go? Yeah. Just to point at something and say table?

Yeah, pretty much. Or as I went, that's a bright light. Which no one would have noticed in three hours into a TV record. Because after you've spoken to everyone about eight times. And is this like a big family show? So you can't be blue. You can't roast people in the audience. I did one reality show where I gave away the winner before it was even announced.

What was the name of the show? Open Slather. And the winner was everyone who didn't tune in. Open Slather. It was a great show. I'm happy to do it again. I enjoyed it. No.

So, yeah. No, but warm up with yours. It's easy because you come out and chat to the audience. That's right. Well, I think that's important. I'm surprised that it's not done by everybody. Yeah, no. It's definitely not done by many people.

Really? That's interesting. Yeah. No, I quite like talking to the audience because there's the me that's on camera that talks to the audience. Yeah. But I'm not really talking to them. I'm talking to the home audience

and they're sort of listening in. But then I figure you should talk to them otherwise they'd think you're a bit of a, you know, a bit of a snot if you didn't talk to them directly. And also they just continually want to ask questions. Yeah. They're die, die hard fans they just continually want to ask questions. Yeah. Die hard fans.

They do. They ask all the same questions. What are they? Do Milo Kerrigan. Do Milo Kerrigan. It's not really even a question. It's just an order. That was my first question to you the first time you did this podcast.

Do Milo Kerrigan. That's fine. That was a good question. A very easy one to answer, that one. So I do a bit of Milo and other impressions. We do some impressions together, don't we? Yes, we do. Oh, together.

Does Ben Lomas do impressions? Why did you bring that up? There you go. No, do the one you do, Ben. Do your impression. Oh, wow. No, you make me do impressions. You do good impressions.

And then I can't do them and then everyone laughs at me. Oh, please. Please. Do Jimmy Stewart. All right, Miss, get those children to shut up. This is why it's a good act. It's a good act. I throw names to him and he doesn't know who I'm talking about.

It's like you find a very terrible ventriloquist dummy. No. It's like I'm Tom Cruise and he's Rain Man. So I do Jimmy Stewart and he says, gee, that's a bright light. An hour and 20 minutes later. No, I remember the first time I did your show and then people, like I asked the audience, I said, do you have any questions about the show? And people, like I hadn't worked on the show, so I didn't know anything about the show.

And then someone asked the question and you went, oh, this will be good. I didn't know anything. People always ask, are the fish real? Yes, the fish real. They were very concerned about the fish. Yeah, everyone's concerned about the fish. Which worries me a bit. You're watching a show, presumably in trance, but I'm captivated with my performance and

all I can do is look past me to some videoed fish that are in the wall. You've done your banker's hours with all your writing and all they want to know about is the fish. That's it. That's all the fish. Do you ever get people, when they ask questions in the audience like trying to get a gig on the show in some capacity? Does that happen a bit?

I haven't noticed that. Have you noticed that? I have noticed that. Some people showing off a little bit? Yeah. I think there was a couple of times where we had a couple of weeks in a row where a young guy would ask a question and try and be funny. Ah, yes.

And then you'd do this. You go, yep, next question. Not at all. I'm sure I was much nicer than that. Because I went to a taping of The Daily Show a few years ago in New York, and the warm-up guy specifically says, when Jon Stewart comes out, don't be trying to, don't ask him, you can ask him questions, don't ask how to get a job on the show. There's ways of doing that.

He comes out, first question is some kid going, so if I wanted to work on this show, and I got the sense that happened in every recording, I reckon there'd be someone in there. Was Jon Stewart, I imagine, a pretty likeable sort of fellow off camera? Yeah, he was cool about it, but you could tell he was just going, fuck it. Like you could see him looking over at the warm-up guy going,

didn't you give him the spiel about not doing this? But you imagine that, the warm-up guy saying that puts the idea into it. To be fair, was the guy Trevor Noah in the audience? Because that might be a good idea. It was a young Ronnie Chang. I haven't watched it recently, but when I did watch maybe the first four or five episodes,

I didn't think he was really nailing it, Trevor Noah. No, he wasn't at the start. No, he wasn't at the start. Now he's doing quite well. Is he? Yeah. We'll be the first ones to defend that man since he was booked to do our podcast and pulled out with about five minutes to go.

So we're massive fans here. Yeah, he pulled out of a live show. As the audience were filtering in, we got a message saying, doesn't want to do it anymore. So good guy. Yeah. So what did you do instead? Yeah, who filled in? We just got Ben to do an impression of Trevor Noah.

And do that for us again, would you? Do the accent. I'm South African. Oh, God. Hey, look, there's a light up there. I will say that's the one good thing about the new Daily Show is that at the start of every episode, he does remind you where he's from and what race he is.

I think that's cool because he starts every show by reminding you that he's South African. That's how people talk. I'm so good at accents. So you, we talked very briefly off air about this. You attract,

I think, very... We didn't finish Ben's working habits. Wasn't that what you were setting up? Okay, well, we can do that.

We can do that. Sorry, I just thought we'd got onto here. People need to know, Sean. What time do you get up in the morning? Assuming it is the morning. I get up go over here. People need to know, Sean. What time do you get up in the morning? Assuming it is the morning. I get up at quarter to six.

Quarter to six. And then what time do you go back to bed? Presumably pretty soon after that? No, I stay up. Because you've got the children. I've got the children. I've got to go to kickboxing first before the kids wake up. Well, hang on a minute.

You've got to go to where? Kickboxing. Okay. Have you not met Stan the Man Longanades? So breakfast is at what time? Breakfast is at 7 o'clock. 7 o'clock. So you've already been to kickboxing?

Yes, I have. So you would tend to the children at that point? Yes, children wake up. And then they, are they school age yet? No, two and a half and four weeks. Okay. I wish they were at school. Do you look after them at home?

I do, a couple of days a week. That's nice. Do you know their names? Minka. I don't want to tell anyone. I assume that's why you made that name up, Minka. Check out Michael Parkinson over here. They just got that out of you.

What a need to do it. Scoop. So they're both called Minka. All right. And they'll cut around that. They'll beat that. No, they won't. I love these two.

They'll emphasise it. All right. Just take the mics down. Tell me they're not the other one. Yeah, I'll beat that. No, they won't. I love these two. They'll emphasise it. All right, just take the mics down. Tell me they're not the other one. Eddie McGuire. And so when do you put fingers to keyboard? Now, this is where I come in. Now, this is what I've been told recently. Now, Ben Lomas hires a table, a chair at a warehouse,

at a bit of a writer's seminar sort of set up at a warehouse At a bit of a writer's Seminar Sort of set up at a warehouse Where a lot of other comedians go to It's called a desk you bum Okay Never encountered one of them I'd be no good doing warm up I couldn't name a desk

So What I've heard is That you go in there Everyone else is in there To get their work done Doing banking hours It's hard working Sean McAuliffe here

And then Ben Lomas' regime When when he goes into this little writing thing, is to... This little writing thing. It's an office. Office. Office. Is that he goes in there, immediately goes out to the kitchen, comes back, goes to the kitchen again.

He's just in and out of the kitchen all day. Everyone's trying to work. Here we are. You then get your... You brought your own big screen TV in to your room. It's in the writer's room. Yes. A big screen TV and you've just got faulty towers on loop blaring as loud as you can

and then occasionally interspersed with you opening up the bottom drawer where you've got a bottle of vodka. Is that right? Now, look, before the second child came, yes. Really? No. Look, I wouldn't say that that is all true. It's 90% inspiration, 10% perspiration.

Look, at the start, I treated my studio when I first got it as the living room I don't have at home. That's what it really was. So it's sort of a commune, is it? Yeah. Of like-minded artists who are working on their own projects? Yeah, yeah. It's called Stupid Old Studios,

and it's a great place where a whole bunch of comedians are able to hire a desk. It's a studio. They've got a podcast studio. It's a great place. There's a lot of Spanish waiters creeping into people's material, I believe, after your influence. So do you run this?

Is this yours? No, no, no. It's run by the guys who run Stupid Ol' Studios. Okay, all right. Good question because he's behaving like he runs the joint. Trucking in tellies and vodka. Originally because we've just moved offices and the big television has gone because it was a bit distracting.

You make it sound like it had nothing to do with you. It was distracting. I know you like to watch Falsy. Do you remember? Did you go and see the live version? No, I didn't get a chance with Stephen. Yeah. Do you remember what happened to the big TV?

Or was that due to the bottle of vodka in the drawer? You didn't drink during the day, did you? No, I didn't drink. I'd have maybe one or two. Hang on a minute. You did have a bottle of vodka in your drawer? I did have a bottle of vodka there. Wow, really?

Okay, so look at me. I've got no judgment. Oh, there's judgment. Hang on a minute. You did have a bottle of vodka in your drink? I did have a bottle of vodka there. Wow, really? It was just, okay, so look at me. I've got no judgment. I'm just. Oh, there's judgment. There's no judgment. I'm just, for me, I'm just surprised. No, so, because I would sometimes go there in the evening if I didn't have a gig, and I would have, you know, a vodka soda with a fresh lime. Define evening.

So when you're saying you turn up to gigs with a blank page, why do you think that might be? I'm so looking forward to my partner hearing this. And what is the name of your partner? That's a bright line. All right. No, I would – like, that's when I'd have a drink. I make no judgment at all.

I'm just curious. Look, I wouldn't be able to – I can't drink sugar. Sugary drinks and write. Yeah, I can't, yeah. You know what I mean? No, I can have a drink and write. Yeah, no, that's what I would do sort of in the evening because, you know, I've got two bedroom terraces

and I've got two kids. There's no room. It just felt like you were being a bit distracting to the other writers. That's what it felt like. It could have been. Look, I'll have a word with Xavier McLean. They need an office that's an escape from the office

that they're like, you're to them like your kids are to you. They can't get anything done. I agree because when I first moved in, I thought, thought great i've got a space away from home i can get stuck but then i really i really turned into my living room right and uh and then i had to scale it sounds it sounds very much like there was a there was a firm of like-minded writers in england in the 60s and 70s and i think they ran a company they had a company called associated scripts i believe and it was run by so you had

Spike Milligan was there and Eric Sykes was there very comparable to a Ben Lomax yes yes

Jim who else was there Johnny Spate does that name ring any bells to you I'll do an impression Johnny Spate wrote Till Death Do Us Part

he was a John Antrobus and he did just a whole bunch of guys, all the guys who were writing 60s comedy and 70s comedy. And so it was a very good opportunity for them to cross-pollinate. So what did they have on loop on the TV?

They were making the television. They had Georgia Mildred and Robin's Nest on, what they were currently making. They probably had Fawlty Towers as well. Did you cross-pollinate? Did you come up with anything, you know, any gold with anybody? Yes. Oh, look, no, but that's the great thing.

You get to bounce off other comedians. And that's like, you know, quite often when you, I write a lot on stage. So there's no need for you to be in that office at all, is what you're saying. I think there's a lot of other writers in there writing sitcoms about dead big dads who do anything to get out of the house. Okay. There are kids around here. Some of them are yours.

Name them. Hi, Steph. No, but it's a great space. When I first got there, I did treat it as the living room that I lost at home. But now I go there and it's a good group of comedians. And so you've got a plate coming up, Sean. No, well, I mean, Sean. When I started out Full Frontal was writer's room

which is just, it wasn't actually a room but it was a sprawling area of maybe five or six desks and there were some people upstairs and there were some people in another room that was perfect you know, you were just by the propinquity of everybody you would end up working with each other.

Yes. Did you work with Dave O'Neill? Was that the same days? I did. In fact, I remember going over to Dave O'Neill's house, and he used to write on not a computer in those days, but some sort of, looked like a calculator. Looked like a combination of a calculator and one of those Casio keyboards.

And you'd sort of have to... All his sketches were about boobs. You have to read them upside down. Well, if only the material was that good. No, I'm talking about the thing we wrote together. We wrote a parody of Cliffhanger, which at that point had just come out.

The Sylvester Stallone movie. So we wrote it for Eric Banner and so I think Dave was typing so he'd sit there on the couch covered in his cap and he'd be typing away. It was a terrible script. He would admit this was awful. Eric Banner, future star of stage and screen around the world.

Support act of Dave O'Neill, you know. Yes, that's right. Yes, he and Dave still are friends, I believe. Do you know this? Dave's got a new book out. Eric gets a thank you in the liner notes, just credited as Eric. Dave keeping it close to the vest about not wanting to out his Hollywood connection. What was Eric's contribution to the book?

I think he reminded Dave what model of car he had for one story that's in the book. Wow, it's easy to get a mention in that. I think he told him who the lead singer of My Sex is in his 80s book. I think David probably had some deal with the publisher that it'd be of a minimum length, and he needed to put the word Eric in there. He was four letters short. But sorry, I thought you were writing a sketch for Eric.

Yes, no. So I did, yes, did work with Dave. Dave was one of my first new friends on Full Frontal, and so we wrote a bit together. He used to write a character for Eric called, I don't remember his name, but it was this old man character. So Dave and I would alternate.

He would write it for one week, and I would write it for the next week. Because I would imagine that Dave O'Neill in a writer's room would probably act something similar to the man beside you. I don't think Dave ever drank. Apart from the drinking. I don't think Dave drank. On record,

I just have one drink. It's okay. And it was of an evening. Yeah, it was an evening. It was when the sun had set, I'm assuming. When it was rising. The bed looking out the window.

Stroking his stubbled cheek. I've got some comedy gold. And how would, can you do a Dave O'Neill? I don't want

to press the impressions button but. I'll let you take this one. No I don't think I can do Because Tommy

Daslow does a very good Dave O'Neill. I'm not on the spot though. Oh really? You've got to warm up.

How long does it take to warm up to do Dave? Do you want to drive out to Ringwood yeah um oh let me

let me hang on Sean we've got to get you back down to the funhouse they'd love you down there down to Grandview go off you did it once

you came down to the funhouse I did I did you did I did a gig with you there yeah that's right I enjoyed myself enormously Dave started introing you

and you walked from the back of the room straight out the door onto the street. Did I? A knock on the window. I did come back in though. I remember doing that. See, I have no act.

Tommy, you've seen me in one of my rare stand-up modes, you know, where I announce to the audience, this is my act essentially. I come out and I say that I'm not a stand-up comedian and that I can't tell jokes. And then I proceed to tell a long, tortuous version of a joke that any professional comedian would take only 30 or 40 seconds to, and you'd probably take 20 seconds to do it.

It's not far off a live podcast, to be fair. No? Well, so I don't benefit from editing at all, so I just, but I do enjoy, I did enjoy it, but I couldn't do it for real, I don't think. I don't know whether I could generate the material. Like when you're out there doing warm-up with Lomas, you don't think, you don't get some laughs off the crowd.

You get a lot of laughs. You don't look at Lomas and go, one day that could be me. Well, in a way, I mean, it's what you guys do. The stand-up is actually the purest form of the comedy, isn't it? Because everything else... Because anyone can do it. No, no, but it's unmediated. It's completely unmediated.

It is you, to a certain extent, the sound man, I suppose, because of the mic, but you don't even really need the mic. You and the audience, and that's it. There's no other, there's nobody else running interference. That's right. So when you do the frustrated versions of that performance, i.e., you know, radio or television or film. This isn't radio.

We're outside. Just so you know. Well, there is value in the give and take of a real conversation that you don't get when you write it down and then get two actors to perform it. There's so many things that get lost on the way. We would have edited many of those girls out of this. That's right.

Yeah, sorry. Just before we went back to Lomas' working conditions, you were talking about something that we were talking about off air, about Sean and his... Oh, this is radio. Sean and fans? Oh, no, no, no, no. No, Lomas was just saying, he was talking to us and going,

he had...