The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 319 - Live! Greg Fleet, Becky Lucas & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: November 15, 2016

Backstage At Spleen, Fleety Goes Long and Live Patreon. Recorded LIVE in Perth on October 30th at Rosie O'Grady's.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by a Yalla chocolate mousse. The mousse of the ages. They've done it again, you could say. Yeah. By it, I mean sponsoring this show. Yeah, and by it, I also mean slash producing the best chocolate mousse that this continent has to offer. When was the last time you had a Yalla? Well, I've just moved house, so I'm not in close proximity to an outlet at the moment.

Oh, really? Yeah. Because we went to a supermarket near your house the other day. I thought that was the one. Is that not the one? No, not the one. Oh, it's the one, the further away one. It's a weird one because it's actually the same chain, but it doesn't stock it.

That's really weird. And they're around the corner. You've got to get them to start faring that up the street. I think they should. Yeah. Either that or I can just do a little bit more exercise because I'm not that far away from the other one. Because I started to think, oh, he's closer now to the stockers. This is going to be it. He's going to

there wasn't much stopping him before, but now he's going to fucking just balloon out. Actually, yeah, maybe that's a good idea. Maybe that's sort of a subconscious intervention I've had with myself about yellow chocolate mousse. So we did a live show over the weekend in Melbourne. This is one of the first live shows we've done where people didn't bring us mousse.

People brought us stuff. Oh, you're going to be confusing here. You're going to talk about one live show as we're introducing another live show. Well, actually, no. To be fair, the same thing in Perth. No one brought us mousse in Perth. I think people just think that now that we're talking about the sponsorship so much, we're just drowning in sweet kickbacks from Yalla.

The truth is, we get nothing from them. Not getting much from them. We got a mistaken box of hummus. Yep. And we got a couple of tubs that they gave us when we went to the factory. Yep. Which I just left with the people I was staying with because I didn't want to bring them back on the plane. Yeah. And that's it. We got a bit for the 300th

episode. That's true. They did send a bunch down that we then gave away and didn't keep ourselves. Didn't they send some to Nova once when you had talked about them on Nova? Yeah, I was on Nova and I complained about them that I wasn't getting much love from them. And so they

made a big deal and sent it to Nova. Yeah, after you'd left. They heard you on the radio and think, oh, he lives here. Yeah. So they got a bunch and then I think people from Nova just ate some of it, which is good of them.

And then there really wasn't that much. Right. There really wasn't that much. By the time it got... By the time it found its way to your little... Well, even before that, I don't think there was that much. Oh, okay.

Right. Right. So, but you know what? Thanks for your support. Yeah. Thanks, Yala. Is it... It just technically Counts as a good ad

If we just bitch about The company Hey there's no such thing As bad publicity Yeah Yella you fucking cunts You make a fine moose though The rest of it

You can pick up your game a bit But your moose You're on point Let me ask you this Christmas day You gonna be You gonna be doing anything? You're going to break out the yalla?

Make a yalla-themed pudding? That's a good point. Mmm. No. Oh, look. No. Mix some yalla with a bit of brandy, put some coins in it, set it on fire. Oh, yeah.

Put it under the tree overnight and let it go off. No, my mum is too good at desserts and stuff like that. I don't think we would have a store bought. Well, the reason I bring it up is because the next live show that we're doing in Melbourne, is it a Saturday? It is a Saturday night. I never know what day of the week it is around that time. Because you know what?

You're just running on the dates. Yeah. Christmas Eve, December the 24th, the European Beer Cafe. What are we saying? 7pm? I don't think we've made up a date. Oh, have we? Well, we have to have because we've got to have something on the tickets.

I think it's 7.30, I think. Anyway, Christmas Eve, we're doing a big live Christmas Eve show. Yeah, it's going to be – there's actually some good guests around. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's Orphan's Christmas. Orphan's Christmas party. If you're in Melbourne, look, it's going to be an interesting mix of people, I think. I think we're going to get a few people that are coming home for Christmas, hopefully.

Yeah, yeah. People that have, you know, not got anything better to do, which is cool. Come and hang out with us. That's going to be fun. We're trying to think of some fun different things to do. Yeah, yeah. Should we reveal any of them? I don't think we should because I don't think we've got any yet.

No, well, I have one idea. Why don't we put on Carols by Candlelight and do a live roast commentary of Carols by Candlelight? If we can get a TV screen down there, sure. But I'm not sure if we can. Yeah, I'm happy for any and all ideas. I think we've got some presents to give out. I think we've got a few little gifts to give out.

You think so? Yeah. Okay. What are you getting me this year? a few little gifts to give out. You think so? Yeah. Okay.

What are you getting me this year? I've got a heap of posters that we didn't sell. Okay. Just what I always wanted. Yeah. Hey, but you know what? With Christmas coming up, we've got some ideal Christmas gifts

on the website. We now have, I think we revealed this last week, but we've got the burger shirt. Yes. The burger logo shirt reprinted. We've had a ton of orders already. So look down at your phone, that little logo that's sitting in your podcast app right now,

you could wear that all over your little bosom. Yeah, you could look just like your little iPod. Wouldn't that be good? Twinsies! Twinsies! That's an in-joke between the two of us. I think that works well as is. So, yeah, get on to that. You can go to littledunlunclub.com and you can get your Aware shirt

or you can get your burger shirt. I think officially the hoodies are sold out now. They're gone. They're dead. So if I don't tell you this off air, Tommy, can you take that down off the website? Sure. Okay, yeah.

Burger shirts, aware shirts. Is that it? Like, is there any? The other ones? There's none of the other ones left, are there? I don't think so. All the other ones are gone. Yeah, that's it.

Because we are jumping ahead, but we did just do a big two live episodes back to back in Melbourne. And as always, it was a real treat to see a lot of people turning up in all the it used to just be people would there was only one kind of shirt that people could turn up in and now people turn up there's there's just a you look out there's just a sea of dum-dum merch out in the crowd it's a nice feeling our rainbow people yeah what do we got now we got like five different designs out there in the world

oh yeah maybe there was the haymates one yeah the burger Maybe we do. There was the Haymates one. Yeah. The burger one. Yeah. I'm aware. Yeah. The 0438. Yeah. And the Got Him. That's five. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Shit. Yeah. We've got quite the little line out there. Yeah. And we're still thinking of more. Is that greedy? You know what I'd love to do one day?

We should set up just a pop-up shop. You know how Kanye will just take over a space for a weekend? I did think about that the other day. Yeah. A little boutique merch store. Oh, imagine how unsuccessful that would be. shop. You know how Kanye will just take over a space for a weekend? I did think about that the other day. A little boutique merch store. Imagine how unsuccessful that would be. That would be so embarrassing. I love it. I think we should do it.

I think we should definitely not do it. That's cool. We do the live show and you see all those shirts and it's like, cool. And then you sit by the merch desk on the way out and everyone just goes, yeah, we've got all that. Yeah, totally. Okay, so littledumbdumbclub.com for all that stuff. Is there anything else we need to plug?

Well, usually we do the Patreon read here, but we do a bit of it during the episode. So, yeah, I'm really sorry to everyone who... We get a lot of messages from people going, oh, I drove to the moon today and by the time I got back, I still didn't get through your fucking intro. Well, congratulations, guys. You're going to run out halfway to the moon today and by the time I got back, I still didn't get through your fucking intro. Well, congratulations, guys. You're going to run out halfway to the moon today.

That's your fault for driving to the moon, you dumb cunt. Yeah. The slowest way you can get to the fucking moon. I hope you didn't bring any oxygen. So we should say, yeah, this episode we recorded in Perth, what, a couple of weeks ago now, with Diluc Jaisingha, Becky Lucas and Greg Fleet. Greg Fleet in pretty exceptional form.

Yeah. I think he had a very good time at this show because he then texted us a voice clip, a voice memo the next day, which we'll play it at the end of the air. Yes. So stick around after the episode ends and you'll hear uh an an extra bonus voicemail message that we both we won't say what it is because it'll kind of ruin when it comes up in the episode but uh yeah a bit of extra fleety magic waiting for you at the end of this recording yeah totally what a sweet treat yeah so this was this is very funny it's definitely worth hanging around for it's a nice little call back to the episode we've just both gotten back into Melbourne. We're a bit, you know, I got

the red-eye flight. I'm a bit weary. A text comes in like, oh, what's this? And yeah, a bit of extra fleety gold. 24 hours after the gig. And also, do we do this little, do we talk about this at the end as well or is this it? Are we just going to whack that on the end? I'll just whack it in. Okay. So for more context,

he then refers to a lot of things that we don't know what he's talking about as well. Yes. I believe he references – yeah, so in the clip there's reference that you'll hear at the end of the episode. There's references to things from the episode. And then I think there's references to things that he's had in private conversations with other people. Yeah, not us. Not us, yeah. So he refers to a heap of things that we've talked about

and we're like, oh, that's classic Fledy. And then he refers to something completely different and we're like, we don't know what the fuck this was. Is this a private conversation you had with your mum once? Yes, yes. But anyway, you'll hear all that. That's coming up. Just so you know, when you hear the references

and you go, I don't know what that means, you're not alone. Yes, totally. We don't know what the fuck. We were with you when we first received this text from him. Yeah. So, yeah, this is a great episode. Thanks to everyone who came out in Perth to see this.

And we're not doing a Patreon read here. We do it within the episode. But, hey, just remember, guys, Patreon. Get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. We chuck out the bonus episodes. We chuck out the magazines. We read your name out all that stuff um it's very much appreciated guys and the people who do do it excellent work from you always good to get one of those little email notifications saying someone has just decided to

um subscribe to us on patreon so um keep that going guys because um you know it makes it worthwhile for us to do this show it It's a legitimate thing to do now. Yeah, we really appreciate it. It's coming up on a year since we've been on Patreon. It's been wonderful to watch that grow and people support it and people enjoy the bonus stuff that we put out. We put bonus stuff out. This is an idea I probably haven't run properly past you,

but you know what I'm thinking? Maybe I should make this a surprise, but I'm thinking we should give out the Patreon subscribers a bit of a Christmas present. Oh, okay. A little bit extra. We'll think of something a little bit extra to give out. Okay.

Yeah. So, look, just a heads up, it's November now, so if you want to get in time for the December deluge of content. Oh, yeah. Let me guess. The Christmas present is fucking us going to Thailand. Oh. Good one.

Hey, if you want to push that idea, I'm happy to. You know what? All right, I'll do this for you for one time only. If you really want to do that, that's fine. It would be nice to get fucking any kind of gift from you. All right, guys, enjoy this episode. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Hey lady Don't you remember The Little Dum Dum Club For another week My name is Tommy Dasolo Standing next to me is the other half of the program Carl Chandler G'day dickheads

We did it We are live from Perth, my favourite city in the whole country. Wow. This is fired up. It's almost like we had a very... Okay, it's all... It's almost like we had a very full-on stand-up show for a half an hour before this.

It's almost like we've done three hours of stand-up plus Fleety's contribution. And everyone's a bit pissed and tired. But, uh... For the listener at home, Fleety volunteered to get up in our stand-up show before the podcast and do five minutes. And he did a set as long as his heroin habit, so...

And then you had to follow him and you were saying you'd been spending his whole set writing jokes about Fleety to roast Fleety with after his set. Was that one of them? Was that a holdover? No, that was complete, 100% ripping! No, hey, thanks for coming. Man, you guys are fucking awesome. Perth?

You're like the opposite of a little town in South Australia. Called Halls Gap. No. That name that shall not be named. Adelaide. All right. How's everyone going?

It's been a long afternoon of drinking so far. How's everyone in the crowd? Are you all... Because I feel like... Is there anyone that hasn't gotten a drink from Milan yet? Oh, yeah, should we say that? There's only been three people who put their hand up, so... The unofficial sponsor of the little dum-dum club, Milan...

I forgot the name of our podcast. Yeah. Mid-sentence. I would dare say that's Milan's influence. Yeah. I've been Milan'd a little bit in the break. I was about to call it the little cum club. How were you Milan'd in the break?

Milan Krencevic is here. He flew over to Perth to hang out with us doing the podcast. How cool is that? Yeah. Milan Krencevic, the eccentric billionaire alcoholic. Perth to hang out with us doing the podcast. How cool is that? Milan Krejcivic, the eccentric billionaire alcoholic who just flies everywhere to fuck people

up. We did a gig last night in Fremantle, us and several of the guests that are on this afternoon, and we got an Uber back into the city, and the Uber driver, he had like, you could jack into the Bluetooth on his stereo. So I got access to the Bluetooth

and then first order of business is I get on YouTube, I type in Carl Chandler stand up and I just get that. As you all have done. And I just get that pumping through the whip and then halfway through Chandler said on YouTube, I get disconnected from the Bluetooth.

The driver was not into it. Nah, he's here. He's not here. There's a few people who've got my phone number out there. So there's been a few people texting me today From Perth

People looking to see if they could get tickets still You fucking idiots So very quickly The lights on the stage are very bright on us I can see one thing up the back of the room The glow of a phone on Dilruch's face Be honest, are you on the beat? No, no, no, that's a radioactive chicken

Are you on menu log right now? no, no. That's a radioactive chicken. Are you on Menulog right now? Is that why the phone is lit up? On YouTube, we're going to talk again. He was in a cab drive. Come on. As if he could fit in a cab. So, I did get a text message today out of the blue,

which I found entertaining, which was, someone asked me if there was a dress code for this gig. Which my answer would be, well, obviously it's fancy dress. And the theme is, one of the Mario brothers has gone to schoolies. I thought it would have been, my girlfriend is in denial about who I am and took me shopping at Dangerfield once. I buy my own clothes. Someone loves Dangerfield.

Let's get him on board as a sponsor. More like Rodney Dangerfield. Am I right? So... Oh, what about this? So I got a message. I'm not sure if you read it, Tommy. I got a message on the Facebook, on the official, the official Little Dumb Dumb Club Facebook page.

A lot of fan pages out there. Don't follow them. They're not associated with us. Don't accept any substitutes. Yeah. Don't go liking Dilawook Jasinger. That's an unauthorised Dumb Dumb Club fan page. We have nothing to do with.

Yeah. That's more of a Dumb Dumb fat page. So... Who would have thought I could have changed the letter that quick? So, this is a message I fucking love. We got this message from someone called Vicky. Yeah, good gear already, I know. Imagine someone called Vicky. I love how old school you are.

Every time we do a podcast, you talk about messages that you've gotten on your phone, but you get up here and you're reading them off a pad. You just scribble them onto a piece of paper. Thank you. I love it them onto a piece of paper. Thank you. I love it. I love you, Carl. Will you? No. Thanks, pad. Thanks, Vicky.

It's from Vicky. I didn't want to post on the page itself, but I listened to the podcast whilst in an induced coma for 10 days. Hubby ensured that I listened to an ep or two every day. And my message was, are you serious? So your husband played our show to you every day. Do you remember any of that at all?

And she said, yeah, he played it every day. I don't recall anything while out to it. But apparently they attempted to bring me out of the coma after five days. And I was listening to the show while they did it. I laughed and then immediately crashed. And had to be placed back into an induced coma. Wow. So she got played the podcast while she was in a five-day coma.

Yeah. So she would have cleared one of the ads and then... ..woken up in time to hear the actual show. The opposite of what people usually do is listen to the show then go into the car. Well, I got here to Perth on Thursday night. I was doing a gig and the guy that ran the gig... You know, we've got to get a lot of respect in the industry. People know that the podcast is a big thing,

that it's a successful thing. The person who booked the gig came up to me and went, so what are you here in Perth for? Is it... Are you still doing your big blog? Is that what we're doing? Yeah, that's what he thinks we're doing. So I'm like, or she. He thought we were just up here just like on our laptops,

just like bashing out a few think pieces in front of 100 people. Sounds pretty good to me. Taking a few photos of their breakfast and pumping it out there. Oh, sorry, Dill's arced up. So should I... I've got a bit of... Should I save... No, I've got a bit of stuff I'll save for the guests

because I want a bit of reaction. I've got some hot action. Okay. Yeah. There's so much content coming up. I know. I wish I was one of you. You're going to love this shit so much.

Look, I've got a full pad full of content. How good's that? All of which was readily available on your phone. Fuck. Readily. Readily. Reroto. available on your phone. Fuck. Ridley. Ridley. Riroto. Okay, so we've

been here in Perth. I got here Thursday, you got here Friday. We've been here, we've been hanging out in Perth. We've been seeing the sights. We've been doing, you know, we've been doing gigs around town. We went down to Fremantle last night. Some people have said that to me tonight already. A couple of people have said... You're in Perth? Cool. Yeah. Ripping your gear. No, people have said that to me tonight already. A couple of people have said... You're in Perth? Cool.

Ripping your gear. People have said, we've already done gigs. We never sort of promote the gigs we're doing because we want people to come to these ones. And it's like, why don't you tell us about the other gigs? It's like, because they suck. And we want you to come to these ones because we get more money that way. So that's the answer

there. So yeah's the answer there. So, yeah, we've been here a couple of days. We've been seeing the sights of Perth. I wanted to... Because we don't really... Like, in the past, we've kind of... You know, we went to a McDonald's. We did a tour of McDonald's two years ago when we were here. That was good stuff.

Yeah. You know, we've had some exploits here, and I thought, you know, it's a bit of a tradition, like, talk about what we've done kind of, like, since we've been in Perth. And I kind of had this idea of, like, keeping a bit of a tradition, like, talk about what we've done kind of, like, since we've been in Perth. And I kind of had this idea of, like, keeping a bit of a travel diary and getting up and talking about what we've been doing in Perth while we've been here.

I've just been really, like, busy since I got here. I've had other stuff to do, so I haven't had time. So what I did was I got on Fiverr. Do you guys know the website? Fiverr.com. It's a website that you can use to, like, find people to do little tasks for you. So I got on there and I just kind of sent someone a few... I just sent someone a few details about what we've been doing in Perth

and I thought, so here's a travel diary of me and Carl's time in Perth so far. OK, here we go. This is not authorised by me. So this is from Fiverr.com. Someone sent this to me this morning. Are you sure we're allowed to be here? Tommy asks as Carl opened the door. Carl had eaten at McDonald's a few times,

but he had never been in one after hours. Of course we are. I agreed to mention their Christmas banquet in our podcast if they would let me in after hours, Carl said. I think the person that wrote this has no idea what McDonald's is. They might be the one person in the world who's never heard of it. Fuck, I hate this city, Tommy exclaimed. Let's go out back to the food prep area.

We can turn the lights on there and record our podcast. I got the keys from Joel Creasy's dad, Carl said. Tommy put a hand out to take a hold of Carl's shoulder. He didn't mind if Carl led the way, but he wasn't about to get lost in the darkness. Tommy heard the sound of the light being hit a moment before the room flooded with light. To his surprise, Dilruch was standing there in the corner

with a massive salad in front of him. Ah, Mr. Calories, what the hell are you doing here? Carl asked. I heard you were going to be here. I thought you might want some help, Dilruch said. He was a large man. It's like he's known us his whole life.

If Tommy had to guess, he would say that Dillruch was well on his way to 300 pounds, though it didn't look terrible on his frame since he was also a bit over six foot tall. Why the fuck are you eating a salad, Carl asked. I'm trying to lose weight for a bet on your podcast, Dillruch said.

Well, you may as well join us for this podcast we're about to record. I actually had plans to fuck first. I brought a bit of fun along to help, Carl said. He took the backpack he was wearing off and opened the front pocket. He pulled out a bottle and poured the contents into his palm. Tommy knew immediately that they were Dexys. Hey, I don't mind joining in. Seems like a good way to burn some calories, Dillruch said.

Tommy felt the effects of the Dexys almost immediately. His heart began to pound and he felt more aware of the room around him. His blood raced. Much of it went straight to his cock, making it hard. Carl and Dillruch were already taking off their clothes, so he tossed his to the floor. Both of them were already rock hard as well. Want to suck my cock? Carl asked.

Tommy did want to. He bent down on the hard linoleum in the kitchen and took Carl's cock in his mouth. It was velvety soft but also hard with desire. You can probably just go if you want. This is going to take another 20 minutes. The taste was pure male and Tommy closed his eyes and his heightened senses enjoyed the smell and the feel of Carl's cock running over his tongue. I ain't getting on my knees.

It's too hard to get back up, Dillruch said. Don't worry about it, Carl said, grabbing Dillruch's cock and beginning to jerk him off with his hand. Have you guys ever tried a sandwich? Dillruch asked. A duck sandwich, Tommy responded. Not quite, Dill smirked back at him. Tommy knew the trick would be to keep their movements in unison. He felt the pressure of Carl's cock withdrawing and then penetrate him again.

It was rough from the force that Dilruch was exerting on Carl's ass. Absolutely demolishing it like it was an open buffet. I'm gonna come, Dilruch warned. Neither Tommy nor Carl could tell whether it was all the fucking or the fact that he was surrounded by food that had led to this moment. But

nonetheless, cum burst forth from the head of his cock and spilled all over the floor before him. Dil wiped the sweat from his brow and exclaimed, I think I lost the final amount to reach my target weight. Get the scales, but make sure they're not on carpet. So, to anyone listening at home, the city of Perth, it's a beautiful place. Come check it out.

To anyone listening at home, the city of Perth, it's a beautiful place. Come check it out. Yeah. The guy in the front row just said fucking hell. Dude, I'm with you. No, that's a request. He wants us to fuck in hell at the next fan fiction that we get. All right. Let's forget all of that ever happened.

No? All right, well, jerk your tiny dick, whatever. Thanks, Jack, you're right. So, have we done enough of this stuff? Should we get a guest on? Yeah. Have we got a sturdy enough chair? So, Tommy, you usually do the intros for the guests. Yeah.

And I've got to say, based on what I was just reading out, I love when this next guest joins us. We always have a really good time together. You do the introductions. Like last year when we were in Perth, I did the introduction for this next guest. And, you know, I got a bit of a taste for it. So I've got...

I wrote an intro, but then I got carried away. I wrote three intros. So I might just do them all back to back. Is that cool? Back to back, like in that story we just heard. All right, this next guest... He actually got a fat lip, and it spread to the rest of his body. Second intro.

This guy's had more nothing than hot breakfasts. All right, well, I'll go to the third one. Wait, he said what? We go to the third one. Wait, what? He said what? We're on the third one. Do you want to fuck? Our next... If you can give me a fiver. This next guy, man, he is doing great. He is so busy, he's got a lot on his plate.

He's doing great. He's so busy, he's got a lot on his plate. Welcome to the stage, Dilrub Jai Singha! Yeah! Hello, podcast fans. How are we? I don't know. Can you lift the chair, please, Tommy? Carl, what are we fucking?

Hey, so, yeah, it's entangled. I've had some issues with wires and mic stands today. Hey, you know the gig that we... That's a joke for people who are at the stand-up show. Hey, you know the gig we did last night? So when Carl was hosting and me and Tommy were at the back of the room, we had a bet going to see how quickly Carl would say the word cunt. Yeah, specifically how quickly he would call the audience cunts.

All right, yeah, yeah. And we all lost the bet. He didn't, which is weird because he was bombing. And during... Don't say bombing around me, please. And during... Don't say bombing around me, please. And what is your pizza delivery guy joke? I don't want to waste my gear on that podcast.

Anyway, so you do that joke, and the bar girl goes, ooh, not good. But wait, but wait, but wait. There was a table of a bunch of old people and one of them goes, this is much later, he goes after a while,

he goes, that was actually his best joke. And guess what joke it was? Duck sandwich. I promise. The people have spoken. Sounds like there's an educated crowd in Freeman. But you were talking about the guy, the promoter,

who asked you how your blog is going. Yes. Yeah, this was... We went on the website of the gig that we're doing. These are the... What do you call these? The promos? The tagline?

He puts a thing out. The buyer. The buyer for the gig, right? So, for example, Carl Chandler, sharp joker and TV writer. Tommy Dasolo, TV comedian and comic artist. If you love Garfield, you're going to fucking love this cunt. Can you read out what he's given for me? Okay.

Food-loving, storytelling beast. Fuck, I love Perth. I do love Perth. I was actually in Northbridge during the Fringe Festival. I was on Northbridge just on James Street, down the road from here. Some fans. Shout out to you. Some fans of people that are where they are at the moment. Yeah, yeah.

I was at Chumet getting some fried chicken. Hang on. You? And, man, Northbridge, what a bunch of fucking weirdos. Like, seriously, this was okay. I wasn't actually, I was just at a cafe getting some breakfast and, well, second breakfast.

Just put me to it. I know, I know. I had to get in there. Just like we fucked last night First time you've ever won a race Because your race is no good It's 7pm on a Sunday This is what the Lord wanted on the Sabbath It was in the morning

I was with Adam the Fabulous Adam Richard getting breakfast And we saw this guy I want to say junkie No offence Floody And he had These massive earphones on He was on the middle of the street,

stopping traffic, singing Lion King Circle of Life, just yelling at the... ..at the circle of life, it would move us all. Then he saw a bunch of Asian... And then you and Richard got into a fight over which one's Pumba? Ah, fucker. He was singing this, belting it out, and middle of the song,

suddenly he sees a bunch of Asians walking past and he goes, fucking Asians. It would move us all. And then, I'm not kidding, he then got on the street and started throwing anyone who was of Asian, he was throwing them into traffic. That is your city. I hope you're proud.

That's the city you cheered for just before. Shout out. Anyone here know that guy? Anyone ever? He does sound like he listens, but yeah. You know what? So I talked to him a number of weeks ago. I started going to the gym.

I've got a PT. What's that? A personal, yeah. Fair question. I've got a personal trainer now. I go to once or twice a week. And I told the story about how I had a horrendous first week, a first session, where I ended up naked in a toilet cubicle,

on the floor, my face on the toilet seat. I've heard about you naked in a toilet cubicle before. Yeah, you've paid fucking someone to write about it. That's coming down the pipe for the next Melbourne Live show we do. You said Tommy paid for it, but Mrs. also paid for it. Yeah, so... Very fair. So, this is literally what happened the second time.

When I went back, like, it took me a week. I thought, I've recovered, I'm going to go back. I'm going to do it properly. I go back, and this is literally, like, I start doing the first exercise, and the guy goes, what did you do last night? And I'm like, oh, not much. He goes, did you watch any TV?

And I go, no. He goes, did you watch any TV? And I go, no. He goes, have you been paying attention? And I'm like, what? And I was like, oh, not heaps. And he goes, man, there was this funny guy on there last night. Oh. Oh, someone gets it. And I go, oh, yeah, what was his name?

And he goes, oh, is this Sri Lankan guy or something like that? Yay! Hold on, hold on. it might not still be him. Yeah, it could be Kamal. And I'm like, and I actually start getting angry because I'm like, fuck, I don't want to fucking, like, I don't want to pay to fucking hear about this guy. Wait, can I just interject quickly?

Sorry, all these people pay money to hear you make fun of me. Fucking, this is karma paying back now. Wait, just because he said Kamal before, can I interject with a dill as Kamal? Why are scales so unkind? Worth it. He starts saying, oh, yeah, this guy was really funny. And I just sort of like flip and go, yeah, cool.

We'll make the most of it because you'll fucking never see him in here. Oh. Oh, got him. Yeah. No, that's you. Yeah. So anyway, you've got one fan. Oh, that's good.

All right. It's a nice story, Carl. Yeah, yeah, for you. That's weird of you to be nice to me. What's going on? Are you dying? Because, I mean, let's be honest, we saw your comedy as well, speaking of dying.

But how's this? I will outlive you by about 40 years, I mean, let's be honest, we saw your comedy as well, speaking of dying. But, but, but... I will outlive you by about 40 years, I reckon. You look like you've outlived a lot of people by 40 years. During the last bit, the stand-up show, Carl's... I don't even know how this idea came. The crowd collectively decided to do this, to sort of slow clap you in. Every one of your jokes, yeah.

Every one of your punchlines. It was great. It was probably the best moment I've ever seen in Carl's heckle show, right? And so the last five punchlines, the crowd would just start clapping. For the last joke, the clap came, and each time Carl was sort of escalating how he would enter the stage.

Yeah. The last one... Escalator's the thing that you have to use instead of stairs, yeah. Very good. Very good. But, yeah, but the last one, you tried to do a little army roll onto stage, stood up, realised, uh-oh, I'm 40,

and you fell back down. You sad old man. I would love to see you attend one of them. Oh, wow. No. I would. I would, I would, I would. I don't think there's any backing out now.

I think you have to do it. There's no space. Hey, look. To be fair, if he ever tries that, we have to alert the Richter scale people first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You guys seem to love Northbridge.

There'll be nothing left of it if he tries that battle roll. I just saw the venue owners going, oh, fuck. We're not insured for this. Hey, so quickly while you're on. So, a friend of the show that we like very dearly, Senator or ex-Senator Sam Dastyari? Is he a... No, no, no, this one, whatever.

Is he a Senator anymore? Oh, he still is a Senator. Thanks, fat chicka. What is the Senate? Because I don't understand. So, anyway. All I had in Senate is just eight. We get it, mate.

You're fat. Stop fucking going on about it. It's all of a sudden become too many fat jokes for Carl. Alright, we're done with the fat jokes. I'm just not into it. Bitch, you sound desperate. Stop going on about it. Bitch, you sound desperate. Stop going on about it. So, um...

Senator Sam Dastyari, right? So he's a great man. We love him very dearly. And when all the shit went down with everything that happened... You just noticed, on your wrist you've written a little note there, and all it says is Dastyari.

Why isn't that in your little notepad? Mixing it up. It's like you with beef and chicken. Guys, it's really hot up here on stage. What about we all take our shirts off? What do you guys think? Yeah, sure. Fuck yeah.

I've been waiting for this shit for so long. Carl's actually going, yes. I've never seen something like this in the wild. I feel like we're on a safari all of a sudden. What? Milk dill. Milk dill? Milk dill?

Milk dill. Milk dill? What does that even mean, champ? Oh, titties. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right on, right on. Fuck you. Hey, hey.

We'll milk dill if you drink it. And by milk he means cum. Would you, if we... If I came to a cup, would you drink it? Yeah. Would you drink dill's cum? It's high protein. How much money would you want to drink dill's cum? Yeah.

This is what I've always wanted the podcast to be. Imagine drinking the cum of someone have you been paying attention? So, so good. So good. Anyway, what did you whisper to him just then? More than triple zero. Wow. Bang.

High five. It looked like you leaned into him and had to go, don't do it. That's what I thought you were saying to him. It's like as if he has a history of doing it. Now come on, sweetie, we've been through this before. Stop drinking Sri Lankan cum.

We nearly split up the last time. Let's not go through this again. Alright. So, Senator Sam, We nearly split up the last time. Let's not go through this again. All right. So Senator Sam. Yes. Fuck, you are sweating. He's horny.

Yeah. He's about to get milked. He literally is being milked at the moment. Yeah, I am actually. The lights. I like how you lose weight via perspiration no matter what happens. It's just dripping off you. Dripping! Dripping!

So, Senator Sam, if you've read the news, if you keep up with the current affairs... Oh, fuck, Jay Leno's in the house. He lost his job in a way, in politics. Yeah, I know, disappointing. He's a friend of ours. Well, it's just disappointing for us because now he doesn't have a job and can't afford to kick into the Patreon each month, so... Oh, no, he's still going. I've checked.

Oh, are you trying to say that one day his name will get read out? I think we have read his name out. But anyway. Yeah, we have read his name out. So, I sent... What? What? It sounds like someone's... Someone potentially is a Patreon subscriber

that hasn't had their name read out. Is that what's going on at the back? Hasn't had their name read out. Is that what's going on at the back? There's a callback to something that happened before the podcast started. Yeah, very unprofessional to call back to something that's on the record. Come on.

So. Very unprofessional. Yeah. If you could... Very unprofessional. If you could... Chris Franklin, ladies and gentlemen. Good callback, you fucking idiot. So, anyway... He's angry.

Have you met me? What happened to Sam? He lost his job, his position, whatever it was. And I sent him a text message saying, hey, mate, you know, hope you've been good. Hope you're staying strong. See you, mate. Wait, wait.

This guy, this motherfucker loses his job. You text him going, hope you've been good. Yeah, I'm a good guy. Good on you, Carl. I thought that's very sweet and thoughtful. Think of others. Anyway. Sorry.

Yeah. So his response was, he sent me two text messages after that. First one, thank you for your incredible support. Pulling the pin was the right thing to do. It means a lot. Having good friends. Second message. I blame Dil.

Very good. Yeah, that giant bill that he racked up, was that taking you out to dinner one night? For Chinese Guys I need a loan I went out for dinner last night and I don't know what's happening Dil's taking this government down one dim sim at a time

Not one at a time In an IV drip Imagine dim sims In an IV drip, yeah. Imagine Dim Sim's in an IV drip. Heaven. All right, should we get a second out? Yeah, let's get our next guest out here. Guys, you know this guy.

You've watched him for three hours already this evening. Folks, put your hands together and welcome back into the Little Dumb Numb Club, Greg Flayt! Hello, Gregory. Dilruk, lovely to see you. It's pronounced Dilruk. Well, I wasn't going to say lovely to see you, as if I don't always,

even if I'm in another state. Because you're massive, but I just said lovely to see you, as if I don't always, even if I'm in another state. Because you're massive, but I just said lovely to see you, and you fucking corrected my pronunciation. Fucking hell. Nice to see you, pal. Good to see you, man. Do you want to fuck? Yeah,

but I already have today, so whatever. Oh. With a lady. That's totally not true. I didn't do that at all. Isn't your missus interstate? Yeah, see, she's in your country, India. India. Oh, yeah, same, same, whatever.

I was in India a couple of weeks ago. Were you really? Oh, yeah, I saw you. It was a great little, I don't know if it was on, it was one of the social media things that I follow. But it was in India a couple of weeks ago. Were you really? Oh, yeah. I saw you. It was a great little, I don't know if it was on, it was one of the social media things that I follow. But it was a photo of you leaving a hotel and you're saying, it's a shame to be leaving Sri Lanka.

No, it was a hospital. It was a hospital. Yeah. You tell the story. It was actually in Sri Lanka. There was a hospital in Sri Lanka. Surprise, surprise. I went to a hospital to get myself checked out.

I actually did. I actually did. I actually did go to a cardiologist. Is that how you pronounce it? Yeah. And right below the cardiologist in the food court is a massive Burger King. This is 100% true.

Like you didn't take advantage of that. I had some wings, but I compromised. Because you know what? Actually, I got it all clear. Apparently, my heart is ticky-boo. So I went and got some wings. Fuck compromised. Because you know what? Actually, I got it all clear. Apparently my heart is ticky-boo. So I went and got some wings. Fuck, low standards there. Third world problems, mate.

Third world problems. Well, actually, I've got a little thing to show. Yeah, you do. We've seen your dick. Have you? Have you? Have you? Yeah, remember I dacked you at the drunk cast? Oh, that's right. Fair enough.

What happened at the drunk cast? At the drunk cast in Melbourne at the end of the comedy festival, Carl's mum called him in the middle of the gig. So he took the call on stage and he was at the mic and then Dil ran up and dacked him. Something about a man's penis being exposed while he's talking to his mum. Absolutely fucking brutal.

So I've got a... So is that my bit over? No. So I noticed you did like 45 minutes with Dill telling fascinating stories. Let's bring up our next guest. I go, hi Dill. And it's like, oh, I've got a thing to do. You would have had more time if you didn't eat into it already.

Stop fucking talking about food, dude. It's like, it's ridiculous. Oh, you want the Dill treatment, do you? Okay, fuck you, you fat junkie. Hey, I'm a little bit offended by that. I've been going to the gym. I've lost fucking heaps of weight. I'm a junkie, yeah, but I'm fucking...

I'm looking good. Yeah, wait, this is great. We've got a junkie and a junk foodie. Great. That is the weirdest thing, because when you're on heroin, everyone was like, no, he's off it. I'm like, no, he's just the fattest junkie alive. No, that was the thing. If I was doing commercial television, I was still on heroin, but I had a fucking income, so I was like,

heroin and food? Ooh, why not? But honestly, Fleedy, so, so like people would always say there was a lot of chatter in you know comedy industry of going he's I know he said he's off it he's off it I'm like believe me I'm the first one to know if you're on or off it yes if you're on it I fuck I'm getting a call yeah you know I, absolutely. You know, I need an advance. On what gig? On the gig that doesn't exist. Cool, all right. You're going to book me.

You're going to fucking book me. Yeah, exactly. And so people go, is he really clean? I'm like, fuck yeah. I haven't had a call for 18 months. You know why? I hocked my phone. So I'm going to...

There's a bit of a running thread through the show. I've got a little visual thing that I've got to go and get. So if you can somehow cover for me. Oh, my God. Can I just thank you guys also? Because I said, oh, it was at the end of my bit, and then you went, oh, no, no, no. So you just put in a whole lot of gratuitous junky stuff,

and now we've moved on. I had stuff about fucking, oh, here. I'll tell you something. You've got stuff about here. I've got stuff about here. You've spent a lot of time right here before this gig happened, yeah. I lived here for a while. And I lived here for a couple of years ago.

My partner and I lived here doing a play. And we're living in a place called Cannington, which is fucking horrendous. It's really shitful, right? You used to live in Perth. Is that why there's so many heroin mines here? The heroin boom is over. I thought you said

heroin mimes. Just people that are going yeah, mate, I'm fucking walking through a glass window give me some money. No, you're actually walking through a glass window. Stop it. Oh, No, you're actually walking through a glass window. Stop it.

Oh, shit. All right, I'll give you some money. But I was living in Cannington because the person I was seeing was renting a house in Cannington and I believe empowering, I believe totally in empowering women in that I'm willing to live in a house they're paying rent for. So as much as I didn't like Cannington, I was there. But what I worked out is when I was doing gigs around Northbridge and stuff,

if I went, oh, I've been living in Cannington, what a shithole, people were like, yeah, fucking it's a shithole. So I was like, yeah. And then one day I was doing a gig for a football club down near the casino. It was like a private gig, like a footy club gig. I died like a pig. But I was doing that gig and I went, oh shit, what am I going to do? How am I going to start?

Wait, for Dool's sake, what happened to the pig? Is it gone? It died, but I roasted it and it's ready to go. I'm not into it. I'm going to do this footy club gig. I'm like, how's this going to work? What should I start with? I went, oh fuck, of course. I got my fucking...

I was doing this gig for a place called the Maddington Football Club, right? I went, yeah, you know. I didn't know. So I'm like, oh, I know what to do. I'll fucking open up with my fucking Cannington gear. Everyone loves the Cannington gear. What a shit. So I'm like, huh, I've been living in Cannington. What a fucking toilet. And the whole audience

as one kind of went like, it's like this vibe coming from the audience like, ooh, la-di-da. Living it up in Cannington. Ooh, Mr. Fancy Pants. You know? And I'm like, what kind of a fuckhole is Maddington?

Like, I actually, after the gig, I died like a pig in the, after the gig, the only joy I got was I got my partner to drive me to Maddington and I went, this place is worse than Cannington. And then we ate a pig. Fuck yeah. Yeah, entire pig.

All right. So, anyway, this is... Oh, you've got the not-bat out. This is something that's happened in the last couple of days. It's a running thing. A comma fruiterer. Hey, too soon, too soon. Running thing.

I was... I wish that was your new catchphrase. I've been hashtagging everything too soon. So I'll just tell you this quickly before you go on TV. If only you'd hashtag your gig earlier tonight. I got... I got... The reason I'm obsessed with this is I put up something about the Gold Coast

being a shithouse the other day. And I actually liked the Gold Coast, but I just went, oh, Gold Coast, what a shithouse. And it was... I didn't even realise, but it was just after the tragedy at Dreamworld, right? Why did you get the crowd into it? Somebody put up a thing going, oh, too soon.

And I replied with, what are you talking about? It's been a shithole for like 30 years. I didn't know. So I'm all about the hashtag too soon, but carry on. Oh, no, you set me up with that beautiful fucking... Well, I mean, it's good. We had the tragedy with the Thunder River Rapids ride and now up here with Dilrub,

we've got the tragedy of the Thundering Thigh Rapids. So that's... Good payoff, terrible run-up. And edit point. So I had a birthday earlier this year And I was given a gift It's late October This is not a great thing

Wow, you got a birthday before October What a legend You're right Because that was my only bit Sorry man, I fucked that up Sorry dude It's almost like that was my only bit. Oh, sorry, man. I fucked that up. Sorry, dude. It's almost like that was a set-up or something.

Not that you know. You're not in comedy. Oh, shit. Was it really? It wasn't, was it? I'm sorry, because I am kind of a bit... No, I wasn't saying I have a birthday every year. Because I was thinking, if you are, you've got to get a fucking grip.

Mate, you should get back on the gear. What do you mean, back on the gear. What do you mean back on? Oh, sorry, nothing. No, I'm fucking not, right? Get that scarf around from your neck and put it on your fucking wrist. So, anyway. No, I only got this around my neck because all the veins in my arms have collapsed and I need to go into the juggler.

The juggler. Like, that's the thing. A juggler. The juggler. Like, that's the thing. A juggler. It's a comedy vein. Junkie Archie's friend juggler. Junkie Archie is the greatest concept I've heard of in ages.

All his friends are junkies. So he's got Junkie Archie. Reggie's on the tilt. Fucking Veronica's out whoring again. You know where they live. You know where they live. Riversdale, very high. Anyway, so I got a birthday present.

I got a birthday present on my birthday, weirdly enough, coincidence. So I got a gift voucher to the, what's it called? Vic Rhodes? Whatever. So I've got my, I finally. What do you call it here? Do you have Vic Rhodes here? Anyway, anyway.

Do you people have sandwiches in this country? Duck sandwiches. Do you guys have birthdays here? So anyway. Do you guys have 40-year-old men here? Anyway. So I finally got around. I finally got my little gift voucher from Tommy Daslow. It took I got a present. I finally got around. I finally got my

little gift voucher from Tommy Daslow. It took me way too long. Anyway, so I got a present. Shut the fuck up. Wait. Yes! Wait. He's upside down and backwards.

For some of you at home, Wait, wait. He's upside down and backwards. That's great. For some of you at home that can't see this, I have got the number plays, got Tim. Yay! Can I just say, so you're holding them, so you've got the front and back ones, and so you're showing the audience all we can see is the back, and the other one facing us is upside down,

and I'm sitting here thinking that that was a reflection of the front going, this stupid old cunt, he's done this big reveal and he's holding it upside down in the audience. Where in hindsight, I've got it right and you're a dumb cunt. So, God, Tim, I'm literally going to start driving around. This is so good. Yes. Word everywhere.

Yes. Now she's not going to marry you even if you want her to. Fuck yes. Nah, mate. I'm in control. I actually have to draw a dot or I have to paint a dot in between just so

everyone's very clear that it is got Tim rather than got him you know I want there to be a distinction because that would be weird

yeah if it says if it says got him they'll just think you're like a kind of weird bogan batman fan going

oh fuck you're living got the mic oh the classic the classic bogan voice. Okay, Wog's out of work. Whatever. Oh, should we get...

We've got another guest. Let's get our next guest on here. Folks, you know her from Triple J. Please give a big round of applause. Welcome back in the Little Dunlop Club, Becky Lucas! Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke! Thanks.

Tommy, always good to meet a fan. Becky, thanks for being so patient. What have you been doing out there while we've been gasbagging up here? I've been drinking. I'm very drunk, actually. That's a good idea around Dura. I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe. Hey, I just want to say, Dura cops a lot of shit.

You're right. What else are we going to talk about? Tommy, you keep sort of putting your hair behind your ears. You look like a mum that's about to suggest dessert. If that mum... Carl and I came up with a new name for you when you were on stage because your hair was

you know it's parted over to the side and I said Carl just came over of course that's Carl Wood he looks like a fucking I can't even remember

it was hilarious Classic Chandler Hang on I don't even know if I'm involved in this story No you are because I went I said weirdly if he had a moustache

like a little moustache, he'd look like Hitler because he's got the weird hair. And then Carl went, let's start calling him Open Mike Hitler. Oh, yeah, I did say that. Good thing the number plate's here ready to go. Oh, yeah, no, I'll hold that up any time anyone gets got. Yeah. That's there.

Right. Are we ready? Yeah, maybe talk to Becky. That's there. Right. Are we ready? Yeah, maybe talk to Becky. She's just come on stage. Fuck, man. I don't have anything to say. How bad are we going when we're getting direction from Fleeting? I'm a director now.

And action. I can't believe I flew here for this. Yeah, what do you think of Perth? You've been here doing the gigs with us this week. Yeah, it's been pretty good. Yeah? It's alright. Do you like Perth?

Yeah, I love Perth. It's alright. Ever been to Cannington? I mean, Swanbourne now, things are working out. Last night, we had a good night last night. We did have a good time last night. A few laughs. Remember, we laughed at something pretty hard.

Yeah. Is it too racially... I wonder who it involves. The live audience love it when stuff gets cut out, so let's see how we go. Okay, cool. Well, like, Dil sounded more like Apu than he ever has. I just remember, I don't remember much.

I was really drunk. But I fell to the ground laughing because Dil started a sentence with, in my country. I've had exactly that experience because one night we were really pissed and he started a sentence with, the quickie mud I work in is like. Yeah, it was weird. I felt like I'd transported into a Dilmar ad. It was fucking weird. I think we should adopt that. We're allowed to say

that too. So every time you ever tell a story you go, in my country. I went down the shops the other day. Yeah. We live in a country. That's fine. What about this? A couple of weeks ago or a little bit more than that. We were at Spleen. I co-run a gig at Spleen on a Monday night in Melbourne. That's fine. What about this? A couple of weeks ago or a little bit more than that. We were at Spleen. I co-run a gig at Spleen on a

Monday night in Melbourne. Of which I'm the current comedian of the year. Yeah, it's fucking October, mate. It's October. It's about to end. We had a bad year. And there was a little while back there was someone that came backstage. They came backstage to get a photo or something like that.

They came backstage and they were like, oh, we want to meet Dil. I'm like, oh, fuck, okay, all right. I guess that's a thing. So they came backstage and the guy goes... So you walk down to Pizza Hut down the street, you find him, you bring him back to the gate. Yeah, they were looking for him to pay. Is this me or Dil?

A guy and a girl came back and they they were like oh like super fans were like oh that's pretty cool and then the guy the guy comes back and he goes fuck i agree i love you on the project on the project i was like wow this guy must have thought waleed has let himself go no but it's it's the opposite of that. It's like real life adds fucking ten kilos. I get that quite a lot from people because I've been doing comedy since 1856.

You mean not just tonight? No, no, no. Hey, I think we can all acknowledge yeah, I went pretty long but I went pretty fucking good Which is, when someone gives me that excuse, I'm like fuck you cunt, you're never working at my gig again

It's pretty gauche of us to get up here and not acknowledge the traditional owners of this land that we're standing on. Greg Flick. But I get people coming up to me often, you know, going, oh, I fucking love you, you know, I love you. My grandfather loved you when you started the gig.

No, I've heard people go, I fucking love you, mate. You're the fucking best. I fucking love you. But the guy's giving me that look and I've gone, go, I fucking love you, mate. You're the fucking best. I fucking love you. But the guy's giving me that look and I've gone, who am I? And he's gone, I don't know, but I fucking love you. And I went, no, no, you're getting

love confused with vaguely recognised. But I've had people come to me going, I fucking loved you on Hey Hey, mate. You fucking smashed it on Hey Hey. You're fucking one of the funniest. Every time you're on Hey Hey, I fucking love you. Yeah, man, I fucking loved you on Hey Hey, mate, you fucking smashed it on Hey Hey. Oh, you're fucking one of the funniest. Every time you're on Hey Hey, I fucking love you. Yeah, man, I love you, Ozzy. Yeah, but I'm like, I was

never on Hey Hey. It was the only quality control thing I've ever done in my life where I went, they asked me and I went, no, you're a fucking shithole, I'm not doing it. But normally I'd just be like, can I buy heroin with the money? Yeah, okay, I'll do it. But I was like, so I've got to the point now when people say that,

I just go, oh, yeah, great days. Hey, hey, oh, fucking, yeah, Aussie. I can't remember the other people. Does this idea have an end? No. I get said, I love you on Hey Hey as well. I'm like, I'm not fucking Kamal. No, no, no.

But it's like, after a while you just go, I was never on that. You've seen me, probably seen me begging and you've got confused. So I'm like, yeah, I was on hey, hey. You saw me at the start of this gig a couple of years ago. And that actually hurt when you said that, but you're quite right, it has no end. Yeah, yeah, you just wanted everyone to know. You actually saved me.

No, I didn't want everyone to know. I mean, you do comedy for long enough, eventually people are going to go, you've been on something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get to that point. But... Don't touch me. Oh, that was weird.

That was a weird, creepy... Usually your uncle molests you, but... Not in our family. Good to mix it up. It's good to uncle molests you Not in our family Good to mix it up So what about this We've got a recent little trick Of doing our Patreon sponsor names On this show If you subscribe to us

On patreon.com Slash little If you want to give us a bit of cash to continue this little podcast Too soon, mate. People have just died in the Gold Coast. Jesus, that's too soon. One of the sponsors is Dreamworld.

So, yeah. Thanks, Dream. Pretty loose with the term dream. Yeah. There's all sorts of dreams. Yeah, they're pretty loose with the term dream. Yeah. Not like nightmare. There's all sorts of dreams. Yeah.

I just said that joke. Oh, did you? That was a bad joke. Like, I did it to Tommy the other day. It was like an example of the worst joke you could tell. Like, yeah, yeah, nightmare world. Yeah. Someone I know from the Gold Coast, and they're just going, it's like just a whole lot of terrible jokes and his first one was, Dreamworld?

More like Nightmare World. Yeah, then you thought you'd retell that on our podcast. No, I would never tell it in a proper comedy environment. So, what we do, what we promise people is,

if you subscribe to us on patreon.com, is that we read out people's names and then we do a little bit of... Can I just do a live poll? Who here actually likes the ads? Who here doesn't like it? Well, you might as well walk out now. Holy shit, what's going on

there? Oh, no. Milan. What's happening right now is that Mad Dog Milan is walking onto the stage with an absolute... What the fuck? What is this spread?

What is this? What the Spanish would call a fuckload of alcohol. As spoken of earlier, Milan, our friend Milan, the eccentric billionaire, is... Can you pass my soda down? Can you pass down Dil's other drink? Because I need to have it. No, you've got to do it on... All right, okay.

Give it to this guy. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I actually like this guy. This guy came through and I'm checking... I was the guy on the door tonight and I was checking everyone's name. This guy's first name is Tap. I love it. Tap.

Give Tap a drink We've got one more spare one Hey can I just say As someone who was recently abused By this podcast That we've had about 15 seconds of Becky Lucas gear Maybe a little bit more of a chat

Your point is a bit too long There's too many women in comedy. This dude in the T-shirt here. Come get... Too many women in comedy, you think? Yeah, for sure. Just too much drama. There it is.

So what we do is we read out the names of the people that subscribe. Fucking arcs or something, mate. Arcs or something. Maybe we can field a question from the audience. Yeah. Maybe we can field a question from the audience. Yeah.

Maybe we can run our own podcast. We definitely can't do that. Let's talk about my pussy like last time. Hang on. Now Carl wants to fucking slow things down. Carl is hard. What's it like being a woman in comedy? Oh, yeah. What's it like being a woman in comedy?

I was asking I was just saying if I was a woman in comedy that would be the question where I would punch the interviewer in the face It's like someone going like, so how did you get into it? Who are your favourite comics? What's it like being a woman in comedy? What did you say?

Where did you get your ideas? Yeah, yeah, exactly. But that's the sort of shit. This guy gets it. My favourite is, oh, you're on radio? Do you want to do one of your skits for us? What am I fucking what? What do you think I am, an icy cold can and a fucking can of Coke

and a Sunweiser, you motherfucker? I would have thought one of the questions you get regularly is, why do you need 20 bucks? I go, because me fridge is broken. Fleety, Becky was this close to telling us about her pussy. Why did you interrupt that? Sorry. Because every great act needs a support act.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the pussy. Becky, what's it like being a woman in comedy and still sending butcher than this guy? Oh. I like it. Anyway, so, Patreon. I don't know. I don't know.

You nearly said something, so we've got to cut you off. So we read out names of the subscribers, so let's do a bit of hashtag riffing. Just very quickly, what we do, we read these out at the start of the show. You guys all know, and we kind of, we just talk about the names themselves and we were talking to Becky about this last night. Prostitution.

Oh, sorry. I believe it's called sex work. Okay, okay. They're doing comedy sex work. Yeah. But we were talking to Becky about this last night and she was saying what you should do, you know, hear the name and then speculate on what kind of person they are.

Based on the name. Yeah. So don't ask her any questions but repeat good things she said the night before. That's good. Yeah, I kill it off stage. It's great. I hope so.

Okay. Fuck off now. My question to you, is it true that you said this last night? Oh, yeah, sorry. Move on, move on. I thought you were about to give my own example. Good teamwork. If I can go easy, Becky, you've had your say.

Move on, go. All right, we've got six. We'll do six tonight. Here we go. We've got six subscribers. Here we go. So what have you got for this guy? So, hey, thank you to subscriber Robbie Latour.

Latour, Pepe Latour. That skunk that was always trying to rape that cat. Yeah. That's a good thing to do. The person who gives us money, relate them to a rapist. Yeah, good call. Robbie Latour sounds like a guy who'd call himself a party boy. Party boy, prison rapist. You, good call. Robbie Latour sounds like a guy who'd call himself a party boy. Party boy, prison

rapist, you say potato, I say potato. Yeah. It's actually French for Robbie Latour. He's a big fan of Lance Armstrong. And like other junkies as well. Does he like me?

I love Robbie. Okay, alright. Well, he's done. Thanks, Robbie. Thanks, Robbie. It's great to have five people here working on the one name and that's all we got. I was trying to just talk to him like that until I realised

it wasn't working. I'll think of something. So, yeah. I'll be on to this next one. What the fuck just happened there? What does that have to do with anything? I'm a man and I thought, I'll think of something. So, yeah. I'll be on to this next one. What the fuck just happened there? What is that? What does that have to do with anything? I'm a man in it. I don't know. I'm so terrible.

Fuck. This is fleety sober. Never meet your idols. Oh, dear. This is so true. You say truthy. This will be a tough one to deal with. So thank you to subscriber Chris Cash.

Thank you for the sweet, sweet Chris that you're giving this podcast. Do it, get it. Chris Cash. Christine could be a girl's name. Chris Cash. More like Chris, let me see that gash. He's done it again! The funniest podcaster in the world.

He's done it. That is why we make that sweet bang. Chris Cash will make you jump, jump, jump. Chris Cash will make you jump, jump, jump. Chris Cash will make you jump, jump, jump. Wait a minute, you better talk to my mother. I swear, that reference is too new for Kyle. Yeah, you're probably right, it's late 80s. Becky, Chris Cash, what kind of person are they?

Someone who saw their mum naked and didn't hate it. Oh, yeah! Thanks, Chris. Thanks, Chris, and and thanks Christina Cash. I'm so jealous of Chris Cash right now. Did you ever see your mum naked, Fleet? And I fucking hated it. Chris Cash, big ups.

Whoa! Kisses fingers to Skye, cries, dies. You know what you're really good at doing? We've done this, Carl set you up for this at a stand-up gig that we did recently. He made you get up and just do a rap off the top of your head, and you're actually really fucking good at it. Could you do a rap about one of these Patreon names we've got coming up? Chris Cash.

Yeah, but I'll only do it about one I haven't heard yet. Yeah. Okay. This next one? You pick what you think is the best one for Fleet to rap about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do this one. Okay.

I'll do this one, and then you take it from here, Fleety. All right. You cue me because I don't want to cut you off if you've got some humorous things. So when you're ready, let me know. Humorous things like I had a birthday earlier this year. Here's the cue for you to start talking. I will say a name and then intimate. He just talked into his shot.

That's not a good sign. I'll fucking fight you. What the fuck am I drinking? It's a fucking Jagerbomb. Oh, can I have another one? Wow, we've met the point where Fleety gets picky. At least he's not picking on his wrists. You're going to be so in this rap.

But, um... There's so many things that rhyme with Jaya Singer. For the people at home, when you hear a dull thought, it's me doing a mic drop at the end of something sensational. It's not me finally having my heart give out. It's not me pounding on Dil's chest going, Come back! It was too soon!

It was too soon! Oh, why did they leave that Burger King under the hard place? Why now? Why not five years ago? So anyway, here we go. Here we go. So big thank you. Tap loves it.

Big thank you to, yeah, yeah, Tap's right into it. He's fucking a hot Tap. He's off the Tap. Becky, what kind of person do you think Tap is? A great guy. I knew there was a reason we flew you in. He's sitting right there. I never attack people I can see.

It's always behind their back. Tap, can you turn around? Becky will have a great career in comedy. Tap's done it again. Wow, I would not have turned around with that bald patch I can't beat that That's so fucking rich coming from you with your face Well that's rich coming from you with your chins

That's fun You have a nice face Carl I think like nose down I think you have a very handsome face Above the nose it's fucking That's some real Chern have a nice face, Carl. I think, like, nose down, I think you have a very handsome face. Above the nose, it's fucking... That's some real Chernobyl shit going on there. Last night I said I wasn't going to make any fat jokes to Dil. I was like, I'm done with it. Yeah, thanks, Becky.

But then you went to order a second dinner and I just... And I didn't even make a joke. I just said, you shouldn't be hungry. Not to court fleet, but these things happen. I really, I had no idea when, I mean, I've done the podcast before, but I was out of my mind, so I can't remember it. But I had no idea how, when you said, do you want to do the podcast? Yeah, sure.

I didn't realise how much of a roast it was going to be. And also I didn't realise that Dilruch was then going to eat it at the end. Comedy master. Alright, alright. So we're in. Oh, here's the rap. Yeah, I'm ready to bust a rhyme about this motherfucker. I hate this.

So do I. I'm scared. Everyone put your Native American headdresses on and let's all enjoy some sweet appropri motherfucker. I hate this. I'm scared. Everyone put your Native American headdresses on and let's all enjoy some sweet appropriation. Here we go. Here we go. So big thank you to Patreon subscriber Sean McCool. Sean McCool.

He ain't no tool. I once went to his house and swam in his pool. He's happy. He wears a nappy. He's a very tiny chappy. He's only one month old but he's really fucking happy. I went to his house. It was fucking gross. His mother once caught me in a trap like a mouse. She hit me with a stick. She hit me with a

broom. She hit me so hard I disappeared into a womb. I'm like, what the fuck? I ain't your son. She said, fuck off and she shot me with a gun. I got one in the face, two in the chest. I really fucking love him. He's the fucking best. Respect to Big Sean. Oh!

Yay! That was a little bit shit, but you responded incredibly well. That was like hearing your mum say twerk. There's a black guy here. You need to just get the fuck... You need to walk out in protest. Also, I was going to say, what's your name, man?

Joel. Yeah, yeah. Do you have a problem with this? Excuse me, he's brown. Like, whoa, racist. He's brown.'s brown He's brown You fucked that up There was a thing I did about Remember earlier

For those of you that are actually here Rather than just the fucking lightweights Who listen on the podcast I said that thing about There's a black guy in South Eora Fuck he's doing his thing again I looked I'd seen you and I almost Looked to you for approval Oh, there's a black guy in South Yara. Fuck, he's doing his spin again. I looked.

I'd seen you and I almost looked to you for approval. You laughed and I was like, yeah, it's alright. It's alright. It's a black guy. He might be mentally damaged but he's laughing. So it's alright. I'm not racist. I'm just funny. Joe, what's your heritage?

Malaysian Sri Lankan your heritage is Malaysian Sri Lanka black well what are you fucking talking to us you're hanging with a bro he's Malaysians right he's a cross between you and Ronnie Chang hey wait a minute you mean cross between deal and Ronnie Chang you mean across between Dill and Ronnie Chang, you mean this guy is an actual comic? Across between Dill and Ronnie Chang, Ronnie chins. You mean he's autistic with a need to please. Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are fucked.

I lost respect for Ronnie Chang when he started working on that show in America that's hosted by a South African, because as far as I'm concerned, South Africans are racist. So I'm never going to buy that. Big call. That was good for while it lasted. I tell you what, in 1994, that joke would have killed. And I was there. I know.

All right. All right. So we've got a couple more names that we can read out for the Patreon subscribers. Wickedy, wickedy, wickedy. Oh, no. I don't. Oh, look. If you want to jump in, if you can hear a name that rhymes with something, you can get

into it. Every name rhymes, unless your name's Steve Orange. Thanks, Steve. All right. Well, no, it's not, but it's Barry Helicopter. Raises fist to sky. Thanks, Steve.

I'd like to describe the dramatic action. We'll skip Steve. Straight through the next one. Fuck. This guy has given himself a nickname. Oh, you can't do that. You can.

No, what do you all think about at school, anyone at my school, if you went, oh, yeah, my nickname's, you know, Swifty McCoy, they'd go, your nickname is Shitface. You can't pick your own nickname. I believe Seinfeld did an episode about it. The last guy's name was McCool. Is that a real name, McCool?

Yeah. I know a guy called McCool. Yeah, you would know a guy called McCool. Because you're cool. Am I? Sort of. For me, I am McCool and I think it's a new item at McDonald's. When I saw you tonight, I was... Pardon me. a new item at McDonald's.

When I saw you tonight, I was part of me... Taken aback by my beauty. Well, that's actually what I was going to talk about. We've met before. But I was going to say, I went, fuck, you look amazing. I was going to say something about that and I went, you're 54, shut

up. It's not going to work. And then the first time I touched you you went don't touch me and I was like I'm so glad I didn't say that thing which I'm now saying because life is it's all a cycle that's so nice I've got a crazy fuck off pimple in the middle of my head

yeah look at that that's why I fucking love pimples I would squeeze you like a fucking zit you would squeeze her like a fucking zit. You would squeeze her like Dil squeezes a pig. Prison rape. Coming at you like a nut.

Anyway, so... Hey, but thank you for saying that. Thank you very much. I'm, like, so insecure. The other day I was watching Titanic and I was more, like, scared of... I was like, if I was on the Titanic, I'd be more scared of being painted naked than the actual... Than the crash.

Oh, I bet he's doing gear. Fleet Industries, for what it's worth, for what it's worth, Fleet Industries gives you a WB. Oh, thank you. And apparently a young person that I know said that means wood bang. So if I could activate my penis I would totally and if you acknowledge Activate your penis?

It's like almonds. If you could activate it, you'd be using the veins in it. Don't lie to me. My penis! Big call from Fleety. I would bang you and I'm a guy that has shoved everything I found in the ground up my arm for the last 20 years.

I'm the luckiest girl. That is quality control. No. I may have been a loose unit at times, but... All right, mate, we get it. You've got a scarf now. I wish my life was different. Did I just think that or did you say it?

Let's fuck. I'm out. Mic drop. Thanks, let's. Thanks, fuck. Sorry, Carl, keep going with your little... Thanks, Tim. With your little Fucking story

Alright Here's a guy The guy that gave me Fuck you for making Business a part of the podcast Cool Hey We make bank

My partner and I Are really against this shit I didn't realise We were lesbians Well I like the Sonny If Sonny and Cher Were lesbians

And lived now I forget I haven't thought this through at all Do another rap About Sonny and... If Sonny and Cher were lesbians and lived now... Look, forget it. I haven't thought this through at all. Do another rap about Sonny and Cher. Like the rest of your life. We get it. So, anyway.

Big thanks to Patreon subscriber... I was a lesbian. The guy who's given himself his own nickname. Here we go. Thank you to Rocco. Imagine giving yourself a nickname after having the name Rocco. What? I thought that was his nickname.

No. Oh, what? That's a proper name. Rocco is an Italian name. Yeah. Well, it's not proper if it's Italian. It's not a proper name. Rocco.

Sorry. Rocco. The wingman. Luciano. He's clearly unlucky, Luciano He's clearly unlucky Luciano if he's defining himself as the wingman that means lonely Thanks Rocco for wingmanning us into some sweet cash

Yeah The wingman, not even the, like if you get to nickname yourself, he's nicknaming himself as the guy who helps someone else have sex Try this beautiful Pinot Noir. It's fizzing. I'm Rocco.

Why don't you nickname yourself the guy who actually gets it done rather than the fucking... Rocco, the guy who actually gets it done. Luciano. Luciano. Yeah, he's one of the least effective gangsters in Boardwalk Empire Rocco Yeah he gets sent out on a hit and he's just trying to help other people fuck all night

Never gets around to it There's also something Shocko I could turn Bocco into a word Just a reminder everyone we charge 50 bucks for this. We've got one more. We've got one more.

We've got one more. One more Patreon subscriber. Do we want a fleet wrap? Is this going to say... Sure. Sure. We should... I mean, I feel like Brocco and Luciano had a lot of places to rhyme.

Yeah, it did. But, you know, it's almost like it had so many... No. Oh. The fleet man doesn't go with what's clearly difficult. I felt like for someone called the Wingman, we didn't have any Dilrock references at all. Yeah, I was really impressed.

I thought, too easy. Wingman, what the fuck? If you had wings, you'd be eaten by Dilrock. You're a motherfucker nowhere. I don't give a shit because I don't fucking care. You think about chicken, you finger lickin'. Oh, Jesus. Dills. Etc.

Finish that one off yourselves, kids. As all the great rappers say. By the way, can someone take a photo of us somewhere more on stage So we can like Do a Do a

Social media stuff Oh my god We need all of this on stage Now all your audience members Are taking their fucking Phones out You idiot Yeah good

Can everyone The next time I do a rap Can you put the The torches on And just do this Oh yeah Yes You don't want to

Slow that shit down You can do that You can actually do that So I've got one more And you can do a rap after the end of it And then make out with Becky Whatever the fuck you do Jesus

She's like 14 This is bullshit Now that's so nice that you say that Actually it was funny My uncle the other day Oh hang on He's like this And you're going to hate this

We've heard about him But he's fucking crazy. Like he's a schizophrenic, lives in a caravan. Oh. And I went to visit him with my dad. He tried to touch my bum. Right? Tried to molest me.

But I kind of loved it because I was like only young people get molested. Oh. So you're like. So I was like, yeah. Still got it. Totes still got was like, yeah. Still got it. Totes still got it. Hashtag still got it. Hashtag I'm so sorry.

Well, we'll cut that out of the podcast. No, I'd like to leave it in. That's the only bit we'll leave in. Hashtag too late. I think your uncle might be listening. Hashtag too late. Alright, alright, alright. I've got a headache.

When Dilrock's not eating, he is hilarious. Let's all stop laughing and do some comedy. Okay. Our last Patreon subscriber for tonight is... Interesting, mate. Thank you to Suck on a Dog's Red Rocket. And Coat Your Stomach Lining with Canine Semen. Thanks, Suck on a dog's red rocket and coat your stomach lining with canine semen. Wow.

Thanks, Suck. So is the last name and quote, no. The last name is on a dog's red rocket and coat your stomach lining with canine semen. So Suck's the first name. Suck's the first name, yeah. Why would you name your kids Suck if the rest of the name is that? These stupid parents. Hey, hey, don't scare off our subscribers.

Yeah, come on. Fleet, take it away. Wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked. You going to suck it? You want to suck? You want to fuck with me? Fuck with Dool Rock. He'll fucking eat you.

He'll defeat you. He'll Greg Fleet you. Yeah. If you were heroin, he'll fucking eat you he'll defeat you he'll great fleet Yeah, yeah, if you were heroin he'd fucking treat you he's like a meal. You're like a fool He's like steel you're uncool not like McCool from the earlier person This is another version. I'll tell you what your name is really shit house. You're nothing runs a shit house Yeah, you're a dog you're a cheese you like he's got lights shit house. Nothing around this shit house. Yeah. You're a dog. You're a cheese. He's got lights flashing like these.

How works with the rest of his name? Get your phones out. He needs some help here. Oh shit. Canine semen. Canine semen. Canine semen. Yeah. I'll tell you what. You're motherfucking dreaming with a name like that,

canine semen. You ain't nothing. You're never gonna rate. Fuck this motherfucker. I shut the fucking gate. Clang, mic drop. Oh! Oh! Oh! Fuck it out.

We got more drinks, and these are fucking free. I see five, but I now got three. I just want one to get a flight in three hours. I see five, but I've now got three. I just want one, want to put it in my face. Dilra, I can't drink it. It's a fucking disgrace. There's a guy in the front row. He's having one. This podcast has been a lot of fun.

Mic drop, but I couldn't be bothered dropping it because I've got to pick it up again. MC Free Man, everyone. Who knew the M's knew M&M The M's in M&M stood for meth Yeah And weirdly He and I were born in the same town

I like with rappers You're born in Detroit? In Michigan Wow Because I ain't no fucking I say No I was born in Born in Michigan

And my father worked for Ford Thus I was moving to Australia. I can tell you my story, children. All right, all right. Fucking hell. I've never been punched by Carl before. That really fucking hurt.

I did a little face touch like I'd been punched. I hadn't. You know that. The people at home probably didn't, but I've explained it now, so it's a waste. Gregory Freed, in your days of comedy and drug use, did you ever get... Can you stop talking about comedy like it's over?

I like how comedy's the bit he wanted to insist was over, rather than the drug use. Well, the drug use is over. During the sweet combo of the two, did you ever get punched during comedy stuff? No, I was threatened. During the sweet combo of the two, did you ever get punched during comedy stuff? No, I was threatened. I had a guy, a massive fucking guy,

we were hanging shit on his parents. We didn't know they were his parents. It was a different time. Were you making fun of the fact that you saw his mum naked? It turns out he was a Serbian guy. He stood up and just walked towards the stage. Milan. Just walked towards the stage. And this was during their time, if you know what up. He just walked towards the stage. Milan. He just walked towards the stage. And this was during their time, if you know what I mean.

Walked towards the stage going, I will break you, funny man. Are you sure he didn't get up on stage because you had done 40 minutes? I think that's why he wanted it. He was like, I hate my parents, but you've done too long. And I've been threatened I'll fucking stab you can't. The best one for me was a gig in America where a guy

just opened his jacket and had a gun. We don't have that here. If somebody opens their jacket you're like nice t-shirt. He was packing heat if you know what I mean. I don't know what I mean. But that didn't happen to me.

I've never done a gig in America. I just I just appropriated someone else's story, went with it until the heat in my face got too much and I went, I'll get a fucking own up to that. Never. That wasn't me. What a sweet heroin dream. I'm starting

to believe that you never even did drugs. I'm starting to believe that you never even did drugs. I'm starting to believe you never even did comedy. What were you doing with all my 20 bucks? I was trying to get to America so I could see a guy up in his jacket and see a fucking gun, mate. But I just kept using the skag and it fucked up my plans. I don't know why I'm talking like this now, but oh, fucking hell, cunt. I wish you were back being a rapper again. We've got to start to think about wrapping this up.

Becky, what do you think? How has this gone? Any final thoughts for us? What do you think? How's this gone? It's gone okay. Like, I feel like I had, you know, I've honestly got a crazy headache.

Becky's ready to go 9-0. Yeah, I'm ready to go. I'm really tired. It's like 11pm in Sydney. Yeah, but you've been here for four days now. Yeah. You don't want to say that anymore. If you moved to fucking Brisbane and you lived in New York,

you can't still call and get up fucking four years later. Yeah, I know, but I... Hugh Jackman's not on the set of Wolverine going, no, 9-0 time, it's fucking 10pm back in Sydney. Yeah, I know, but I... Hugh Jackman's not on the set of Wolverine going, no, no, no time. It's fucking 10pm back in Sydney.

Yeah, you're right. We have the exact same career. And seriously, if you want some of that sweet fleety cock, you've got to fucking wake up, baby, because I'm on

W-8 time. I've never wanted anything less. Shut up. Shut up. That can't be true. I don't mind if you say I've wanted a anything less Shut up Shut up, that can't be true I don't mind if you say I've wanted a lot of other things But don't say I've never wanted anything less Don't tell me what to think

This is why we should never have given this a fucking vote Stop fleeting Don't mansplain not fucking you to it. I'm starting to think that you two should never root. I'm starting to think, and I think we both are, that we never will. And, you know, I'm quite good at it, but whatever. I'm a bad person, but I'm a good fuck. You gotta sell that as merch.

You gotta put that on a t-shirt. That's a really good idea. I'm a bad person, but I'm a good fuck. It's funny because it's true. Yeah. Although, where are you going to get the capital to print t-shirts up? Should we close out with a fleet rap? It feels like...

No. Yeah, with you. Who used to count and said no? You know what? The only person I agreed with was the person who said no. Do a rap summarising everything that's happened up here over the course of the podcast. Wrap it up for us.

Things rhyme with Tommy and Carl. Okay. Oh, is that what's going on? You guys felt left out that you weren't referenced in the rhymes? Shut up, fatso. All right.

Was that Milan? Yeah. Let's do a fat check. Shut up, Milan. Go to the bar. Eccentric billionaire fucking Milan. Okay, when you're doing a rap about a little podcast you gotta start with a cliche you know like

when you when you're working on your own thumb yeah you're working on a show like little dum dum yeah you get up you get there it's two in the arvo you watched fucking Carl and Tommy do for fucking ever. They go forever, it's pretty clever. But then they start fucking giving you shit

for being on for fucking two hours. And then eventually, there's a lot of jokes about Dilruch. We know what they are, because he's a fat fuck. They are eaten, it's kind of sweetened. Then there's a break and I go outside and vape. There's no thing rhymes with vape. Hey guys, end rape culture.

End rape culture because I ain't a rape vulture. Motherfucker too because you know it's a debauchure. Anyway, the second half starts. Carl gets up. He begins to fart. He talks about a whole lot of shit.

He's telling lots of jokes. He's provoked a lot, so we fucking provoke. We all yell at him. He says something like Nero. I say, what the fuck, cunt? What about the zeros? Three zeros. It's inevitable.

Oh, Jesus. Why did I say inevitable? And then Dilruch gets up again. He gets to talk for about fucking ten. And then it's my turn. I get 30 seconds. That's pretty good. And then I get leckens.

Leckens is a French word. Leckens is a French word. It means respect. I think people liked me more when I was wrecked. And then it's time for Becky fucking Lucas. She gets up and... Does okay. She's young.

She's wild. She's edgy and she's free. She gets motherfucking less time than me. And then Carl does a visual joke. It's pretty good, but I'm broke. I get paid with three zeros. Motherfucking podcast heroes. And then Tommy Chips in. He's pretty fucking funny, but Jesus Christ, where's my motherfucking money?

I'm gone. Yeah! Mic drop. The Fleet Man. Mic drop. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Tula Ruchai. See ya! Thank you!

Greg Fleet. Becky Lucas. That's all the time we have for this week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next time. Comedie! Comedie! Comedie! Ruffing! Ruffing! Comedie! Ruffing!

Terrific! Yo yo, Dumb Dumb Club, Fleetman here. Yesterday stuff got pretty whack, so activate your lug holes, cause I'm gonna break that shit down for ya. Count it in. Ah, got, ah, call from little dum-dum club you wanna do a gig? Sure, but not with fucking Dilrach. I once watched him eat a pig. So in classic Fleety style, I brought my gold joke menu. We can't start yet. Dil just ate the fucking venue. Carl said just do five and bring the fleety power. So I did a little longer. Fuck it. Tommy did an hour. When I say a little longer, I did motherfucking plenty.

Carl was just relieved I didn't hit him up for 20. 20 bucks, 20 bucks. Some comedians are sucks. You're working on a cruise ship. Well, I couldn't give two fucks Becky said that I was creepy when I grabbed her by the arm how the fuck did she resist the fleet man charm I was like a boozy uncle but it wasn't all that bad here should have heard the stories Lucas told her about her dad 20 bucks 20 bucks some comedian suck gigging on a ship is just like gigging on a truck. Tommy fucking killed it, just like riding on a bike. The 12-year-old Hitler of the open mic.

Chandler made us heckle him, and who made him the boss? At least he did duck sandwich, it was not a total loss. Doing stand-up comedy, it must be pretty tough, eh? From the corner of my eye, I see Dill Destroy the Buffet. Twenty bucks, twenty bucks. Dumb, dumb fucking rules. Comics on boats, I feel sorry for those tools. You're gigging on a ship, on a tugboat or a punt.

You should join the village people, cause you're in the Navy, cunt. When you're working on the cruise ships, you're always in demand. Well, I'd burn you down like a coastal town if you gigged upon the land. I was going to tell a story about the life of Daniel Boone when Tommy leaned in way too close and said, it's way too soon. Becky, Dilrach, Tommy, Carl and Fleety, it's like Vegas. And what's the plan? Here comes Milan with another round of Jaegers. Shakespeare said it best when he said, here's the rub. I'm more than fair,

but I don't compare to the dumb, dumb club. Peace out, bitches. Vape Nation. Mic drop. I'm gone.