The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 320 - Live! Tom Ballard, Dilruk Jayasinha & Adam Knox

Episode Date: November 23, 2016

Thailand Itineraries, The Same Story and Family Dinners.Recorded LIVE at the European Bier Cafe on November 12, 2016.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Yalla Chocolate Mousse. Carl, what are you thinking you'll have for lunch today? That's a great question. I haven't thought at all. But I think it will be a chocolate mousse sandwich. There you go. Hold the bread. So just chocolate mousse by itself. Yeah, just me chowing down at the construction site,

both hands on a big bit of mousse out of the bucket already. Is that a cliche of construction site workers? Yeah. Just eating, so they've got just mousse in their palms and just licking it off their... Well, instead of a sandwich, I'm like high up on the 34th floor. Oh, yeah. I've brought out the lunch pail. I've got my hard hat on.

Yeah, sitting on that girder, just legs dangling over the side of it. Chet, my co-worker, is next to me. He's like pulled out a peanut butter sandwich. He's going, again? I like it. What have you got? And he looks in my pail and I've just pulled out a big lump of mousse in my hands.

The pail. Munching away. I might start bringing a pail to gigs, a little dinner pail. Oh. With a little meal in it. What if I started bringing a packed dinner to every stand-up gig I did? This is weird. I did a gig last night with a friend of the show, Nick Capper,

and I said, what's the time or something? And he had his phone not on him. He goes, oh, hang on a second. Pulled out a big fucking plastic box full of pencils and shit that he had his phone. He had a pencil case. Yeah, I have that because he draws and stuff.

He's into art. You don't like it along with you as a gig, so do you? Yeah, I have it in my bag all the time. You're both weirdos then. Yeah.

Well, I think we're so far, we make up the majority of this dialogue so far. Yeah, well, that's like me going into a primary school of fucking idiots. Oh, this'll be good. Yeah, and then going,

oh, well, fucking, I'm the odd one out because I'm not shitting my pants. Yeah, you got us there. Yeah. And then going, oh, well, fucking I'm the odd one out because I'm not shitting my pants. Yeah, you got us there. Yeah. Stop shitting your pants, you baby. Yellow chocolate mousse. Okay, we've got a Christmas gig on sale that Christmas Eve, December the 24th, in case

you're a fucking idiot and you don't know. But hey, we should say it's a Christmas, I mean, we're billing it as a Christmas Eve show. All denominations welcome. Are you prepared to back up that statement with me right now? No. So no Jews. Yeah.

No. No Christians even. No Christians. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. I just want Buddhists and Muslims along.

Okay. So strictly. Wait. But then we've got to make it. What do they celebrate? I don't know. Which one's Ramadan? Well, they're not busy. So they can come to the gig. It's not like we've got to make it – what do they celebrate? I don't know. Which one's Ramadan? Well, they're not busy, so they can come to the gig.

It's not like they've got something on the next day. Yeah, that's a good point actually. This could be the most diverse audience we've ever had, which is not going to gel well with the kind of content in this show. Yeah, hey, if you're in Melbourne, if you're coming home to Melbourne for the holidays, if you've got no family, if you hate your family, if you just want something to do when there's not much going on at that time of year, come along. We're going to have a nice little party.

There's going to be gifts. There's going to be little Christmassy things happening. There's going to be a lovely spirit in the room. I reckon it'll be the best spirit in a live podcast of ours for a while because why not? What a wonderful time of the year. You there, boy, what day is it today? Why, it's time for a Little Dumb Dumb Club live episode, sir. Yeah.

Ebenezer Dumbcunt will be there. Okay, so that's on sale now, littledumbdumbclub.com. Speaking of shows being on sale, we have – You know what? What I would love is – Stop pointing those scissors at me. Hey, it's the right end though. I've been raised right.

It's the plastic end. So we do have – this blows my mind every time but the bigger we get, the more people we get flying in from interstate to come and see our live shows which I always find, fuck, Jess, wild, like crazy. So the recent – this episode that you're here now, a bunch of people from interstate flew in to see it. Yes. It reminds me of, I don't think we brought this up, when we went to Adelaide, someone from Brisbane

flew in. Yes, I remember that. Crazy. Like, people from... To be fair, we're taking our sweet time getting our fannies back over to Brisbane. So she had no other option. Yeah, fair enough. But I just found that funny that we were getting people from Brisbane coming to the Adelaide one. Yeah. More so than people getting people from Brisbane coming to the Adelaide one.

Yeah. More so than people from Adelaide coming to the Adelaide one. So if we do this Christmas Eve one, that would be great if people flew in for it. Just fucking up their whole family's Christmas. Oh, yeah, we're late to dinner because we had to come and see the little dum-dum club take a piss on the stage on Christmas Eve. The real diehards.

It'll really separate them. Okay, so we've also got on sale, we've just put this on sale, season passes for the 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Big news. Yeah. Breaking. Breaking. Stop the presses.

We literally worked this out five seconds before we turned the mics on. Carl, get your dick out of the presses. That's important news right now. Hang on. I don't think there's any need for that. I think I can still have the news without taking my dick out of the press. God, the presses make me horny. Yeah.

So, yeah. My dick is hot off the press now. Season Pass gets you entrance to all four of the live episodes that we do Sunday afternoons at the European Beer Cafe during the Comedy Festival as well as the Drunk Cast on the final night of the festival. These shows, if you're a regular listener of the show you know these these shows are always fucking awesome uh so yeah this is the best way for you to go to all of them for the best possible price and and just to stress at the moment we only see selling season passes until they sell out um so they're a bit cheaper than going to all

four of them individually and plus like we said you get the free drunk cast included. Yeah. So get on that. That is now, as of right now, as of today, that is on our website. So we've got a limited amount of cheaper season passes. So get onto that right now. Makes the perfect Christmas gift for the complete cunt in your life. Yeah. If you have too much money, if you have someone you don't like that much, sweet combo.

The sweetest combo of all. But, hey, yeah, legitimately a decent little Christmas gift if you want to get onto that. Yeah, totally. And speaking of gifts, we've just restocked our long out of print burger shirt, the logo of this podcast that is a little hamburger with the little dum-dum club written in the middle of it. I'm looking at a big old box of them right now.

Man, I spent yesterday sorting them out and starting to mail stuff out. Fuck, it takes a long time. It actually is a real pain in the ass. So if you guys could stop buying them, that would really help me out. No, do the opposite of that. But they're back up. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can find that T-shirt. A lot of call out for this over the years.

Yeah, and get onto it because I've've ordered a bunch but already there are certain sizes that you guys have jumped on massively and i've underestimated how many of you guys are large out there so get onto that and i've also the mega sizes have sold quite quickly as well this is what tends to happen a bunch of people that are 5xl 4xl 3, 3XL go, fuck yes, there's a new shirt. I'll get onto that before they sell out. So that's what you guys have done, you DFFs out there. So get onto those sizes. If you're small, I'm going to say this right now. If you're small, plenty of room for you guys to go and get a shirt.

Not a lot of small people. Not a lot of small listeners of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. If you guys want to somehow, if you start up your own soccer team, easy. We can be the kit. Yeah, you can order your own full kit for

the squad, more than just the 11 on the field. You can have your reserves at this point. But also that's motivation if you're getting on there and

you're always wanting to buy one of the biggest sizes of t-shirt of the Little Dumb Dumb Club and they're always sold out, drop a bit of weight,

you'll just be able to mosey on into that online store whenever you want and get your size. Look, I'll be honest. If you're small and you need some inspiration to become fat, there's still plenty of 2XL. So if you want to eat your way there, you can use that. It goes both ways.

Yeah, exactly. So get on them, littledumbdumbclub.com. They're on the store. Also the Patreon. Thank you to everyone who continues to support us on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.com. They're on the store. Also, the Patreon. Thank you to everyone who continues to support us on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Every month you get bonus content like a sweet newsletter that we send out. You get a bonus episode that I think we've sent that out already.

For this month we've sent a bonus one out with David Quirk as our little special guest. Yes. Who nearly got his – well, he's no chance of getting his head around the concept of Patreon. No. He sort of didn't know it was a podcast. No. I think he thought it was the real podcast and we sort of sprung it on him

halfway through. I think he didn't even know it was a podcast. I think he thought it was just a conversation and we were just – he just had the microphone out of habit. Yeah, just following us. Yeah. Just following our lead. But part of it is too, if you put in $2 or more per month, we read out your

name, we say a little thank you to you at the top of the show. So what are we sitting on this week, Carl? Who have we got? We've got a bunch of names. Let's hope I haven't done them before. I'm pretty sure I haven't because they're recent. Some people we've done like four times, they've told us.

They're recent additions to the Patreon family, to our Patreon family. Let's say that. All right, do you want me to just kick off? Is this it? I would love family. Let's say that. All right. Do you want me to just kick off? Is this it? I would love that. That's why I said before, what do you got?

Okay. Well, just for you, I'll do that. Thank you. This is interesting. This can't be the real name. There must be something going on here. Anyway. Thank you to Donald Dover.

Now, is this a Spoonerism? Yeah. Donald Jover. Yeah, is it Donald Jover? Yeah. Because there's Donald Glover, the actor. Yeah. Yeah. Donald Dover.

Donald. Donald. Donald sounds, I guess, kind of like Swedish or something. Look, I'm going to give this the benefit of the doubt. We've got to buy into the reality of these and just assume that they're real if you are real jonald please please message us jonald i've never heard of that name before i like it i hate it it's shit you don't like it no i like it i've always liked the name donald no i mean trump's kind of ruined that i guess yeah it's a shame i was a big fan of donald duck i had a dream once when i was a kid That I was Donald Duck Right I was so happy

I woke up and I was I was like devastated That it wasn't real I was like really upset That I wasn't actually Why did you want to be him though? It just felt nice In the dream

The one thing The overwhelming thing I remember of it Was it was really nice Walking around with our pants on Yeah It felt great I knew it was coming down to that

Just that breeze Kind of Oh it felt so good Just having little But also just not having Visible genitals either I was going to say I thought your dream

Was to have feathers On your dick So Thanks John No thanks John I don't believe you're real It's a weird fucking name And I want you to hit me up

And confirm that your name Is John And then I want a letter From your parents Explaining why Oh really Yeah Wow this is like

You're like This is like the whole The whole fucking birth certificate of Obama. Exactly. You're not buying it. Exactly. You cannot hold this position on Patreon, on our Patreon family, until you show a long form birth certificate, John. Okay.

Not a short one. John. John. John. Let's move along. Thanks. Thanks, quotation marks, John. This has made a short one. Johnald. Johnald. Johnald. Let's move along. Thanks quotation marks, Johnald. This has made you too angry. Move on.

All right. Well, this one I believe. Thank you to real name and you know what? Internet serial pest. Okay. Social media pest, Sienna Austin. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I've seen her pop up On the socials a few times You know what She's a big fan of On the socials Asking us to come somewhere We've just been Oh there's a few of those

A few of those Yeah but come back Because I wasn't I didn't I couldn't be fucked Oh okay good reason We'll be straight back Sienna Austin's a big fan of

If I'm not mistaken The Yellow chocolate mousse Is she really Yeah Okay Always sending us pics Of getting a tub of it I think she's just always Trying to be very annoying If I'm not mistaken The Yellow chocolate mousse Is she really? Yeah Okay Always sending his pics Of getting a tub of it

I think she's just always Trying to be very annoying About it On it Okay Yeah she's treating These people are supporting The show

You're very You're more negative Than normal about this Have you listened To this show before? Sienna Austin Powers Yeah baby Oh

There we go Now it's kicked in Tipping into that bank account. Very shagadelic. Yeah. Well, I'm glad she's into the chocolate mousse, Sienna Austin. Otherwise, if she chose something else, she might be a bit more Vianetta Austin. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Nice. All right. We've given you two there, Sienna. Yeah, that's good. Two shit ones. So thanks. Thanks, Sienna.

Thanks, Sienna. Thanks, Vianetta. Thank you to another guy. This is another guy I recognise off the social media. Not a fan of this guy. This guy's been a bit negative. I don't know. You know that thing where we breed this culture of negativity

or being a dickhead or whatever it is and then everyone gets – Yeah, we're doing a very good job of it right now. Everyone gets on board and goes, yeah, yeah, I want to join the club. You guys are fucking shit. But again, these are the ones that are giving us money. Yeah. Okay. All right.

I'll let it slide. Thanks to Jackson Rogers. Oh, yeah. Fuck this guy. Yeah. Well, there you go. I recognise the name, but I don't recognise him because I don't know. I don't have that kind of photographic memory of being cunted online in the same way that

you do. I'm not saying I don't believe you. I don't remember any particular trespasses that this guy has committed against us. But you do remember the name. The name sounds familiar, yeah. I could just be thinking of Michael Jackson though. And I could also be thinking of one of my favourite hobbies, giving people a good old Roger ring.

Oh, or jacking their son. Jacking their son, Roger. Thanks, Roger. Thanks, weird old man in the park. Hey, Roger, thanks for jacking your own son. Is that what he says to us online that you find particularly objectionable? I've had it with this guy. Yeah.

Fuck you, Jackson. Thanks, Jackson. Thanks, Jackson. Thanks for Jackson. Thanks, Jackson. Thanks for jacking. All right. Thanks to him. Thank you to Luke Windsor. Oh, yeah.

W-I-N-Z-A-R. Oh, not how I was going to. No, not like Windsor. Not the House of Windsors. No. The suburb. No. More like the Windsor.

Windsor. Windsor. So wait, W-I-N-Z. A-R. A-R. Windsor. Windsor. Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds like a, that doesn't, I'm going to say that doesn't sound like a real surname. Just the presence of the Z makes me suspicious. Oh, look. That's nickname territory. I don't think he's made it up, but I think someone has. Well, look, all names are made up at some point. So, yeah, that's not a big stab in the dark to say that's made up.

Originally, they're all made up. But that's a – I don't know what that is. What's his first name? Luke. Luke Windsor. Windsor. I mean, it's been made up at some point, but I reckon it's a recent made up thing. I feel like now that I've got a bit of his money,

I feel like a bit of a Windsor. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A Windsor and Luzars. Yes. Yeah, it's better than having the name Luke Luzar. L-O-Z-E-R. Plus it's alliteration, which I'm not a fan of in names.

Oh, you're not? No. No, that's good. It's weird. Donald Java. That'd be better. Thanks, you're not? No. No, that's good. It's weird. John Old Java. That'd be better. Thanks, Luke. Thanks, Luke.

Oh, he's a... Is this one of the first double-barreled surnames we've had? It's my favourite bit of this read is your little... Run-up.

Your little run-up. Sort of your self-contained little... I haven't seen it yet. I've got to brace myself for it. I'm bracing myself for this one.

Thank you to Dirk Hills Hughes. I like it. But this is alliteration. You don't like that. His last name. Yeah, but is that hyphenated? Yes. Hills Hughes. I mean, if it was Harry Hills Hughes, I'd want to

kill myself and kill him. Do you want to kill yourself just hearing his name? But this is the son of two of the most famous comedians in the country. I've got to show him some respect. Gary Hills and Benny Hughes. Yeah. He's angry but he's really charming about it.

He's angry about not having all his feet. I've only got one leg. I'm angry. I wanted to be on the second last leg. I don't even fucking know what Spicks and Specks is. What? I'm angry.

What are Spicks and Specks? It makes no sense. It's a fucking music trivia show. Just call it the big trivia music show. What are Spicks and Specks? It makes no sense It's a fucking music trivia show Just call it the Big Trivia Music Show What are you doing? Isn't that the name of the actual show that you worked on? Oh yeah it is The Big Trivia Music Show

Something like that Wow they really They really burned the midnight oil coming up with that one Hey it does what it says on the tin That's true Just like What's his first name Jack

Wait Donald Dover No this guy Hills Hughes Dirk Hills Hughes Dirk I like Dirk Dirk

Yeah Dirk Is Is it cool Or is it not cool Because it's very old Dirk's forever It's forever linked With um

Thinking that he's a porn star For me Because of Boogie Nights I always think of Dirk Hartog The Explorer I always think of Dirk Hartog, the explorer. I always think of Dirk Hardon. Oh, yeah.

Thanks, Dirk Hardon. Thanks, Dirk. Dirk Hardon, Hills Hughes. Thanks, Hillsie. The triple H. Thanks, Hughesie. Do you even know Hughes? Dirk Hills Hughes.

See, that's a tough one, though. To combine those last two names, Hills Hughes. Hills Hughes. Hills Hughes. Hills Hughes. Dirk Hills Hughes. See, that's a tough one though. Like to combine those last two names. Hills Hughes. Hills Hughes. Hills Hughes. Hills Hughes. Dirk Hills Hughes. Yeah.

Fuck, just go with one of them. Pick a lane, Dirk. The best thing about these is the people get actual life advice from us as well. Most of which is change your fucking name, you shit cunt. Coming from the two masters of life like ourselves. Dirk Hillshues. What have we got? All right.

We've put Dirk through the ringer. Thanks, Dirk. Thanks, Dirk. One left. Okay, one last one. Oh, fuck it. Another hyphenated name to finish things off with. There's a few hyphens between these names as well. This person's going to wonderfully end up telling this person

that they should change their name. Well, let's see. I hope there's no alliteration in it That's all I can say Yeah well there's not I'll tell you this much So you'll be a fan Great Is it weirder than Johnald? Well I've

Look I've heard some of these words In this name before But I haven't I've never heard Johnald So I'm going to put it out there Johnald's weirder than this name As long as it's not about Jerking off someone's son,

I've got to say. Oh, yeah, that was weird. That was weird when that guy literally had that name, jacking my son off Rogers. Yeah, look. I'd be heading down to the post office and getting one of those deed polls and changing that. Yeah, I mean, some people think my name's weird,

like Carl Chandler, and they go, Chandler from Friends or whatever, but jacking your son off in your name, that's weird. Look, I mean, some people think my name's weird, like Carl Chandler, and they go, Chandler from Friends or whatever, but jacking your son off in your name, that's weird. Look, I use a different surname. Oh, yeah? My original one doesn't even have a reference to masturbating a child in it. Yeah.

Does your new one? Tommy, all suck off my son. God. Anyway, what's his name? All right. So the last Patreon for this week. The last member of the Patreon family. Thank you to first name Sperm.

Well, I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard that word before. Right. Okay. Oh, so it's not weird. It's less weird than John. All right. Yeah.

Well, garden variety now. Thank you to Sperm in my little tummy. Thank you. Thanks for… So hyphenated. That's hyphenated. In my hyphen little tummy? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, thanks for sponsoring us again, Sperm. Yeah, weird. I mean, what do you reckon he copped at high school? In my, something with like in, any. Sperm. In.

Sounds like spoof. Ha ha, spoof. Oh, yeah, that probably would have been it. Good one, spoof in my little tummy. Little, something like little. It's got the word little in there, like little dick. Oh, yeah. You've got a little dick. Yeah. Yeah. Little, in there, like little dick. Oh, yeah. You've got a little dick.

Yeah. Yeah. Little old spoof little dick. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sorry. You're probably bringing up a few bad memories for your spoof. I mean sperm.

Fuck, I've done it again. You're just looking at your phone now. We've got to wrap this up. I've got five missed calls and they're all numbers that- From the sperm signal? Literally, my mate is ringing me to go, I'm trying to help you move your washing machine. And I'm on this making spoof jokes. Okay, so littledumbdumbclub.com.

Thanks to everyone who supports us on Patreon. Head over to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub if you want to support us. littledumbdumbclub.com for your Christmas Eve tickets, your season passes for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival shows, burger t-shirts. That's all we've got to say, isn't it? Enjoy this live episode that we recorded in Melbourne a couple of weeks ago.

It's the first episode we did. We did a double ep. This is the first one to be continued the next week. There's not really any to be continued, but there's a few little hints in there. There is. There's a cliffhanger. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a few little hints as to what happens the next week as well.

So just so you know, they're recorded back to back at the European Beer Cafe. Bye. Bye. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your next President of the United States and the First Lady, Tommy Dasolo and Carl Chandler! Jesus, we should have... We should build a wall around the buffet to stop that fat cunt getting in. Hey, mates, welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club

live in Melbourne at the European Beer Cafe. My name is Tommy Daslow, and standing next to me, the other half of the show, you know him, it's Cole Chamois! Yeah! G'day, dickheads. Kyle, we are packed out down here. So many people have come out to see our live podcast.

How does that make you feel, Kai? You've just slipped up three times there. There's just three things I have to pull you up on there. It's Carl. Great. Anyway, Commodore, so we're here doing this live podcast. We're doing two live podcasts back to back. We have a raft of awesome guests joining us this afternoon.

We put out... You know what I love? You know what I love? Everyone's come in. Like, we sold out. Everyone's come in. You know what I always love? The amount of people who paid for their ticket didn't fucking show up.

Oh. Free money. Awesome. The greatest sales of all. Yeah. Like, I almost hate you guys for turning up. I just love that free money so much. Look at that. Look at that.

Look at that shit right there. That is fucking... That's giving me a fucking red rocket just looking at that empty seat. Thanks, empty! You know what? I'll take that. Oh, wow. Bit of leg room down there.

This is great. Whoever should have bought that ticket could have been here right now. Fuck them, wow. And what if they're currently going through some kind of personal tragedy, sir? You don't give a fuck? Because still fuck them. Oh, I thought he said Dil fucks them.

Which is a personal tragedy. Now what's your endgame here? For the people at home, I am lifting up a seat and putting it somewhere else So we've got a lot of excellent guests here this evening, we spent the week trying to find, you know, hitting up people trying to get people along, seeing who was available

to do the show I sent a message to, and you know I think this person will do the show sometime in the near future but I hit this person up I hit up Josh Thomas and said, hey we're doing a big live episode on Saturday It's been ages since you've will do the show sometime in the near future, but I hit this person up. I hit up Josh Thomas and said, hey, we're doing a big live episode on Saturday. It's been ages since you've been on the show. Would you like to come down and be one of our guests?

And he wrote back and said, oh, I would have loved to. I can't do Saturday, though, because I'm flying out to Thailand. Now, Cheezle, any thoughts? Well, if he does, why can't you? That's good enough for one of the biggest comedians in the country. Why can't it be good enough for one of the smallest ones? Total little shit cunt. Fuck, so good.

Where's he going? Did he give you any more details? Can we find him on a webcam somewhere? Maybe. I get it. Not the kind that your small country town brain would be able to handle, but... You'd be surprised. So, before we get too much further into it...

Yes, what have you got for us, Crimson? If anyone has a dictionary on them and they can just rip out the page with C on it and K on it and hand it up, that'd be great. So people have been handing in their tickets on the way in, which is great.

And we've got a bit of a Patreon thing where we read out everyone's names and... That was the sound of several people coming at the thought of getting to hear some sweet Patreon content. Is that your, like, tap-out word? Is that your... Patreon.

Patreon. You're going too hard. Patreon. No. Thanks, cum. Patreon. Patreon. You're going too hard. Patreon. No. Okay. Thanks, cum. But I think it's encouraged this culture. So, you know, when you buy tickets with us, we use Try Booking and we get all your details, basically.

All your details. Whether you come to Patreon or whatever. Dick size. Yep. Or clit size. Wow. It's 2016. So we've got all your names

is my point. And so someone has come in today and I've got their ticket right here and apparently their name is Mr. First Name Putt. What nationality do you think that might be? Funnily enough, it does sound a bit Sri Lankan.

Mr. Put. Yeah, maybe Put. You're right. Sorry, I'm culturally insensitive. Sorry. Insensitive. Mr. Put. Last name. Would you pronounce pronounce like this? My dick in your ass. See, that's a great game, you know, just to change your name for the ticket.

That's great. However, I also have your address and phone number. And so if anyone wants to get in touch with Poot, they can call 0411 429 89 Ooh! And it sounds

to me to be a lady's voice. I mean, I don't like me saying that, but yeah. Well, now we know know put is a female name please Mr. You Dick In My Arse was my father is that look it may not be her fault is that your married name or is that

if your name's put don't marry someone with the last name. Oh, God. That is the first rule. The first rule in the book of having silly names. Hey, I didn't read your whole phone number. There's like one digit left. So you've got a one in nine chance of getting on to Put.

So ten. One in ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right, advantage put. We got to... If this is what it's going to be like,

we're going to have to start doing fucking ID checks on the way into these gigs. We already started 15 minutes late. The gig's going to start two hours late. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you like that when we start so late? Fuck, it gets us so hard.

It's a thing that you guys are out there waiting and texting us. You're not Madonna. You're not.. You're not. No shit. It's like the 15-minute wait for the live show to start after the advertised time. It's kind of like the wait that it takes for the episode to start for listening to the ads. Oh, yeah. That reminds me.

Let's do some of those. I reckon we save them for later. Okay. All right. Sure. All right. All right. Well, one more little thing that everyone here knows, not people at home know, but people

here know, that we had a little box, a little ballot box out the front that said, we made our own little election today, which was, should Tommy and Carl, the Little Dum Dum Club, go to Thailand for a live episode? So everyone has... Oh, you didn't put it in the ballot box. You're just handing it up to us now. It's not really... Okay, alright.

What are you doing? On election day, are you fucking writing your thing down and then handing it to the cunt doing the sausage sizzle out the front? There you go, mate. Put that away. Fucking I'm done. Fucking democracy. Woo!

So we put that out there. So everyone's got their little ballot thing. Most people with any fucking brains Is put in the box provided But This guy thought he'd Fucking break the fourth wall Is there a fourth wall in podcasting?

I don't know How many numbers are there in ten? So what I like is Most people put their I love the theatre Yeah This is the arts Believe it or not So what I like is most people put their... I love the theatre. Yeah. This is the arts, believe it or not.

If this was on at the MTC, we could charge like $180 for it. Yeah. Imagine that. Yeah. It's pretty unbelievable us charging $40 as is, to be honest with you. Yeah. So everyone's put their ballots in. What I do like is the best vote of all, and please, you know, put your hand up

if you were the person who put this ballot ticket in. If you can just be an alcoholic outside our podcast, that'd be great. So someone handed in... Do we need to book you in at Stockholm? Are you guys okay? Did you pay for your ticket? Someone's... Someone put this in the bell box.

A sweet 20-batt note from Tyler. Oh, wow. A whole 47 Australian cents. Fuck yeah. Hey, that is half a chang. Thank you very much. Who did that? Well, thank you. Put 20 baht in my ballot box.

Do we want to go to an update on what the polls are? Do we have a count? We can delay. Yeah? Okay. Hang on. Have we got a final result? We've got a bit of a final result.

We've got an update. So, okay. Here we are. So far, so four we are so far. So four people have donkey voted. Oh. What do people do for a donkey vote? Okay, so the option was should we go to Thailand,

should we not go to Thailand? Four people want us to go to Trump. Oh. Go to Trump. No. Ten people have voted. No. Yes. I've got a feeling... 83.

Oh. 83 votes. Some of the reasons why we should go... Many people going, so Tommy can see a ladyboy. That guy just handed that one up as well. Oh, did he really? What was the other one? So Carl can propose.

I don't know why it's happening over there, but my favourite response is a lot of people writing in, yes, and stay there. That's pretty good. Do you really want us to do that? Okay. Yes? Okay, fair.

Did your widdle fear wings get hurt just then? A little bit. Well, look, so that was the whole plan. I mean, the original idea was that we were going to go to Thailand tomorrow. We were going to go tomorrow at like 9am. This was the plan. We were literally going to use the money from this to go tomorrow. So this is actually, we booked guests to be on tonight and we were going to have a lot

of fun tonight and then jet off tomorrow. Until this bloke decided not. So... Hey, look, deep down I wanted... Guys, please. Please, guys. Ooh, a few little naughty boys and girls in the audience are there. Cool, welcome to the fucking Christmas pageant

at Westfield Shopping Centre, you dumb cunts. Fuck up. Fuck up, Tommy Grinchalo. He's behind you. Put your dick in my house, he's behind you. I wanted to go, right? I went so far as to... I was looking up stuff that we could do.

I know you won't believe this. I was trying to look up an itinerary of things that we could do in Thailand. I haven't been to Thailand as many times as you, obviously. I don't have an exact knowledge of Thailand. So what I did was... I don't know if you guys know this website called fiverr.com where you can get on there and get people to do tasks for you. I got on and I asked someone...

I said, you need to have a bit of experience with going to Thailand. You need to know what it's like. I got someone to do an itinerary for us of what we could do in Thailand. So do you want to hear it? This is what we could have been Thailand. Do you want to hear it? This is what we could have been doing as of tomorrow. This would be a 20 barter that we can...

Keep in mind there were a lot of people that we wanted to come along that were going to come on the trip. A lot of people, a lot of comedian guests that we were going to bring along had to kind of drop out because I had stuff come up. I kind of included in this itinerary, I asked them to include the only two people I could think that were left that would come along. So here we go. Thailand is everything I thought stuff come up. So I kind of included in this itinerary, I asked them to include the only two people I could think that were left that would come along.

So here we go, okay. Thailand is everything I thought it would be, Carl said with a sigh. His eyes fell onto two Thai ladyboys seated nearby. They may have looked like women to anyone else, but Carl noticed the tiny bumps of their Adam's apples. He noticed Tommy's eyes following his. Yes, it is, Carl's father said,

and lifting up his drink and following his son's gaze. Now, dear, I don't think we came to Thailand for that, his mother said. We didn't. We came along because these two couldn't find any other guests for their podcast. But when in Thailand, his father said. I'm going over to talk to them then. If we are going to do this, we might as well do it all the way, Carl's mum said. She was tipsy but still managed to make it to the boys

table faster than Carl could. You got peckers under all that girl get up, she asked. My mum has never said pecker. The lady boys nodded unsurely. Do you like to do it with guys or gals, she asked. Carl wished he could sink into the ground. We aren't

choosy, one of the boys said. Well, why don't you come over to our table for a drink then, his mum said. Mum, you've got to make sure to ask if they're old enough to be legal, Carl said. Classic. Always the voice of reason. Of course we are. I turn

20 next month, the first one said. 18 last month, the second assured them to their table. They drank and flirted for a bit, then Carl's mum invited them up to the hotel room. I like girls a bit more, so if you don't mind, the Thai lady boy they had learned was named Dusit, said. He sat down on the bed on the left and Carl's mum sat down next to him. I've always preferred a good cock, Chati said. He was the one who had recently

turned 18. He stripped off his clothes and climbed onto the bed on all fours. Carl's dad moved to stand at the front of the bed. He pulled out his cock and Chati took it eagerly. Looks a bit much like a girl from here, Tommy said even though Chati's balls were visible under his arsehole.

Carl reached around Chati's front and grabbed hold of his cock and began to pump it eagerly. It was smaller than Tommy's cock, but then again, what isn't? But it wasn't bad. Tommy moved in behind Carl, spread his arse cheeks and pushed into his arse. He made sure to...

What? Carl loved the way Tommy's cock filled up his arse. I'm just racing through this because it seems like people are not really into this. Fuck, I wish I was now one of these people who hadn't fucking turned up. Oh, you're turning up. Don't you worry about that. Carl's dad

let out a groan. He gently pulled his cock from Chuddy's mouth and sprayed his made-up face with cum. Watching him pump cum all over Chuddy's face was enough to take Carl to the edge. He felt his cock pulse as he spilled cum into Chuddy's ass and he felt the heat in his ass as Tommy filled his ass

with cum. Chuddy's cum was hot and wet as it covered Carl's hands. Carl looked up in appreciation. Thanks Chuddy! So two more Patreon subscribers out of that one I reckon we've got. So two more Patreon subscribers out of that one I reckon we've got. Alright, well, just for everyone at home, just so you know, it's 6.30.

Oh, don't worry, I've got one for the later show as well. It's been a big day at Dassilo HQ. All right. Anyway, look, I know I wasn't keen to go, but reading that itinerary, Carl, let's go to Thailand! Well, the people... Look, the people have spoken at the moment, haven't they? Until we get an update. I don't think the people can speak.

It sounds like their mouths are a bit preoccupied judging on that story. I don't think I'm... Sorry for moving behind you like that. I know you're probably a bit preoccupied judging on that story. I don't think I'm... Sorry for moving behind you like that. I know you're probably a bit spooked right now. I'm going to have to tell my dad to not listen to the episode this way. There's other things you should be telling your dad not to do in place of that. Let's get a guest on.

All right, do you have any intros lined up for this guy? I know you normally love doing this. I do normally love giving intro to this guy. Alright, I've got one. Let's go. Okay. Go for it. You know people have often been described as someone may have bitten off more than they can chew?

Not this guy. Dilruba Jaya Singharajan. Yay! I thought you were about to fuck me. Hello, everybody, ladies and gentlemen. Nice to see you. What a crowd. Look how big this crowd is. It, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen. Nice to see you. What a crowd. Look how big

this crowd is. It's amazing. It's actually full. I've actually, it's amazing how much your podcast has started reaching in interesting places. I was, I had an interview on the phone over to this Sydney newspaper blog thing. We get it. Yes, yes, yes. Promoting my show at the Sydney Comedy Store, December 2nd. Tickets still available. Wait, newspaper or blog? I don't know.

I think you rang them. I called up Triple Zero. I said, emergency, tickets aren't selling. The guy, we had a very good chat for about 20, 25 minutes, and then at the end he was like, OK, thanks for the chat, thanks for taking the time, and good luck with the show on December 2nd, and also, you know what, good luck for the future in your comedy!

Excellent. What a get. Excellent. Well, I should tell this because there's a guy who, so this happened the other week. So Tom Ballard, who I live with, was telling me he was out in our backyard and our backyard is not very visible from the street.

He said he was just out there doing some work and he heard the voice very clearly of Ben Lomas riding past our street and going Givity! And like I said, you can't see into our back. So then the very next day, I'm in our dining room, which again, you cannot see from the street.

I'm just there working. And then from out in the street, I hear Givity! I think I'm just there working and then from out in the street I hear GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII at our house, on the off chance someone is sitting near the window. So we saw him last night, Dil, and I said to him, I said, look, this is what's happened. Is this what you're doing? And he goes, I'm not always riding. Sometimes I'm driving. And the other day I was with my oldest

daughter, and she recognises your house now, and we started to drive past, and I wasn't going to do it, but she turns to me and she goes, put the window down, Daddy. Now, that kid, I don't know if you agree with me, that kid seems like she's got a bit of an aptitude for rapping. What about this deal? So one of the last...

Oh, no, this is a little bit back, but you're at Spleen, you're doing a gig at Spleen, comedy at Spleen. Yes, current Spleen comedian of the year, just quietly. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Was that a quiet year or what? Fine, I'll take it.

So we did a gig a little while back, and after the show was finished Someone came backstage Someone made their way backstage And Which was a bit unusual there People don't generally do that But they wanted a photo with you

Right Go on And It's like Oh yeah cool And then the guy The guy's like Oh man that was great tonight

What you did Oh man I'm a big fan I love seeing you on The Project Okay Now you He must have thought Man Waleed has let himself go I'm a big fan. I love seeing you on The Project. Okay. He must have thought, man, Waleed has let himself go. Yeah, what's that? The saying's not fucking the camera reduces fucking 70 kilos.

Wait, I'm a little bit in shock because, can you correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't he already tell this story in Perth? I feel like you did. Well, look, we both drink... We droth... No, let me get the sentence out, then it'll make a lot of sense. We droth bink a lot of beers

before each podcast. And you're not drinking at the moment, so if you say that he said it I think he said it never gonna give you up I think you did I think fuck you didn't turn 40

you turned 70 you have dumb cunt Alzheimer's okay fair enough we do have a weird we do have a weird name of a listener that's come in tonight

first name Put thanks Put We do have a weird name of a listener that's come in tonight. First name Put. Thanks, Put. Have I told that already? Man, I hope I'm wrong. But this is amazing. So that episode hasn't gone up yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So these people in the room can't verify this,

but the listener at home will be being driven insane right now. Right, right, right. Well, that's why I just let him go with the story because I'm like, a live crowd, let it stay. But, fuck, man, I'm so sure you said it, unless I am now literally dreaming of doing podcasts with you. And in my dreams

you're roasting me. To be fair, I think the same guys... Wouldn't be the first time you've dreamt about roast, but anyway. Should I tell this dream that I told you? Remember the dream? Oh, yeah, yeah. This is one of the few things in my life I do remember. I had this actual dream I had about two weeks ago.

I was in the dream. Oh, shit. Sorry. I'm having a phone call. Fiona Lachlan. What do you want? We're on stage at the minute, idiot. Oh, sorry, darling, I don't know where to go. Just in your Rupert Punch in Westgate.

We're at Doug's place in Adelaide Come down, it's sick Where is she going, Carl? European Beer Cafe? Corner? Well, that's where we are, yes Well, I don't know if you told her something else 0438 I know you said it was in South Bank No

120 Exhibition Street 120 Exhibition Street. 120 Exhibition Street. Okay, so I'm on Collins. If I catch a tram from Collins... Yeah, yep. Catch a tram to Collins and get to Exhibition and Little Collins Street. Get in a taxi. Get in a taxi.

Why are you saying that to me? Because I'm brown? She's like... Thanks, Cam. Sorry, get in a taxi and say 121 Exhibition Street. 120. She's going to be over the road. Are you there, Phil?

Is Exhibition Street where Parliament House is? No, that's Spring Street. One block down from there. Welcome to another episode of Google Earth. This is great. This is eating up so much time. Yeah, you good? Fiona?

I'll get on a tram and head there, and I'll call you in a minute. No, don't call me! Don't call me! The European Beer Cafe, Fiona. The European Beer Cafe. European Beer Cafe. Okay, spelled B-I-E-R.

Dude, don't encourage. Okay. I love you. I don't love you. Bye. What was I going to... Oh, the dream I had. I feel like that was a dream.

Yeah, go on, Martin, with the chicken wing. You had a dream. I had a dream in a taxi, and I was driving a famous comedian around. No, the actual dream is I was doing a gig in... Fuck off! Oh, shit. Fiona.

I'm not on the podcast you're on now, am I? Well, it's good to see you got your life back together. I think you're okay. I think you're on... I don't know. I think you're okay. Oh, she did. Oh, wait. Okay, hang on.

Now I've got a missed call. Yeah. So I've got a missed call from Ben Lomas. He was going to come down and potentially be on one of these. Oh, really? Let's play this. That's it. Everyone on your phone. Sorry I can't make it to today's pod.

I've got to go to Phillip Island and do some comedy. I don't know what the run-up was because idiots were talking. Love your patronage, though. Well done. Anyway... This woman in particular seems to hate us. Did you get dragged out, madam, to see this? Or are you aware of the podcast? Right. Can you tell? She's aware of us by the short and curlies.

And that's what we always say in here at the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Short and curly sounds like euphemism for pubes. It feels like she's so torn because she hates us so much but she's showing us so much of her boobs. Can you move to the left?

Wow. What were you saying before? You ate some cream. Sorry, you had a dream. I was talking to my dad, Kareem. Man, it's almost pointless now. You ordered a pizza. The size was super supreme. Oh, man. I want one.

I want one. Yeah. Fame. Fame. Fame. Fuck. This is like an all-man Alzheimer's again. So you were eating the opposite of a lean cuisine. Oh, that should be a meme.

Kennedy! He made me a Thai butt. Yeah, cool. I mean, I work for tips. Fuck this dream. How about, look, should we get our next guest on and then you continue this story? I think you'll have some interesting things to say

because I know this story. He'll enjoy hearing about this dream of yours. Okay. Folks, let's welcome back into the little dum-dum club. You know him from Triple J. you know him from Q&A, you know him from the Patreon ad at the start of last week's episode. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tom Bowen! Hello! Wow. Wow.

My old friend Tommy and Clu Clucks Chandler. Hello! Okay, I've got to be honest, I stole that from Adam Knox. I'm coming up first, bitch. I'm using it. What have you got there? An espresso martini by the looks of it. Yes, an espresso martini. It's delightful. An ex-spresso martini. I think is how it's pronounced. The world's on fucking fire. What are we... The world's on fucking fire.

What are we doing? Ah, here we go. Fuck. All right. Someone's going to trial their next comedy festival show on us now. You're the one refugee I don't care about. You look at me and go, stop the gravy boots. I feel like you've said that at least 17 times on this podcast.

Yeah. Go back to Christmas Ham Island. Don't make me laugh and make me spill my fancy gay drink. Wow. That last one was not original. Was what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're pretty good. What? You started the absolute madman. Naruto. Naruto. Naruto. Alright.

It's pretty good, right? It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. That broke me. I gotta put it down. I gotta put it down I gotta put it down that broke me

round of applause ladies and gentlemen now really oh fuck because I was I was trying to play with Manu's

Manu's Island I'm like he's a bit of a Manu-sita no give it up oh that's good oh god wow I think the show just peaked there yeah let's just call off the next show and I'm like, he's a bit of a manusita. No, give it up. Oh, that's good. Oh, God.

Wow, I think the show just peaked there. Yeah. Let's just call off the next show. Tommy just clocked comedy. Let's just make sure Fiona's just driving around Melbourne aimlessly. We don't need her. They took away her licence ages ago. Oh, man.

Before the show, Carl whirled me up. He said, oh, you know, it'd be funny to have a running joke about, you know, like, my name getting wrong, Sean. But he said, yeah, so, you know, like, just because of the news for the past couple of weeks, we thought it would be good to have that running joke. And I said, sorry, did you refer to the news of the last week as Sean McAuliffe getting your name slightly wrong?

You don't think anything else in the world fucking happened? You fucking self-centred,-a-maniac cunt. Hey, the mainstream media won't cover this. Your name on that podcast was fucking rigged, man. Yeah, exactly. Do you think that could ever happen in this country? Do you ever think there could be some mass movement of white... To be fair, me getting on the stage is a mass movement.

If you're not going to take it, I'm going to go for it. I saw you eat chicken wings before. You're going to have a mass movement later on. Drain the swamp. Drain the swamp You lefties and your environmental issues I mean like a movement of like white Fucked hard Uneducated people who love

Making fun of minorities and women And homosexuals Could they ever unite together and follow two stupid, bigoted, fuckface, egotistical, maniacal cunts? Could that ever happen in this

country, ladies and gentlemen? Hey, you know what? Thanks, put. When you're famous, they just let you grab them by the cunt. Hey! That Trump guy, he was riffing! He'll go down in history as one of the great riffers. We're going to build a riff around this.

Naruto, ladies and gentlemen. So, Dil, this dream. Oh, fuck, yeah. It's almost even... Actually, it's pointless. Let's just leave it hanging. Oh, is it going to be bad? Then let's tell it. Oh, thanks, Carl.

Oh, no, okay. So, what happened was, in my dream, I say yes to a lot of gigs that I shouldn't. No, I was doing a gig in my dream, I say yes to a lot of gigs that I shouldn't. No, I was doing a gig in my dream. For some reason, I'm in a supermarket doing stand-up. Wait, I'll stop you there. For some reason, I think I know the fucking reason. We're work for lettuce.

You basically are a supermarket. Oh, that's too far? Yeah. Oh, my God. No, as if he would have a nine items or less line. I like that. He goes, oh, I get that fat joke. Fuck, stop talking.

You're going to hear people chatting in the crowd. Start your own podcast. And find your own brown friend. Friends are strong words. You're very easy to find. I reckon even Fiona could. Do we have an update? Check your phone.

Keep it on. We need her for later. He said she did. Yeah, no, it's fine. It's fine? Tell the story. I know. Fuck.

I'm in the supermarket. Hey, don't tell us how to run this, okay? We clearly have this under control. That is the first time anyone's ever gone, please tell me your dream. No, there's a guy in the crowd who just went, oh, God! So angry.

By the way, one of the staff here at the European Beer Cafe... Shut up! I'm trying to avoid telling this story now because it's not good. But at the European Beer Cafe, I'm trying to avoid telling this story now because it's not good. But you're a bit of a cafe. One of the waitstaff walks past the guys at the door and goes, excuse me, is this comedy? To be fair, we don't have an answer for you. The jury's out.

Back to the dream. I was in a dream doing stand-up comedy in a supermarket and out of nowhere, Dave Anthony shows up and starts heckling me and he gets more laughs than me. So where in the supermarket, like, where were you? Just in the middle of an aisle? It was like, you know where they have the ice creams? Like, the flat fridge?

Yeah, yeah. So it's a bit more open space. And can I ask, how did you get that? It was like, you know where they have the ice creams? Like the flat fridge? Yeah, yeah. So it's a bit more open space. And can I ask, how did you get that? Yeah, who books that? Who books your dreams? Thanks, Wool. Oh, thanks, Woolworths. No, no, no.

Thanks, Cole. Yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do? What a very reluctant round of applause. I know. That was the big news of the last two weeks. It should have gone off.

What are you going to do the next time you meet Sean? Sean McArloth. Yes. No, no. That is his name, right? Yeah, next time I meet Shane, I don't know what I'll do. It's that thing as well where he's got a TV show. I've never written for his TV show, but I'd like to.

But after that I was like, yeah, he doesn't know my name. Not a good start. Yeah, you'd be great working on his political TV show. Day one in the office. What's the set? I can learn. What have you got over there? No, no, no I thought you'd had another dream

I dreamt that I had something good to contribute So did we This is another time a dark-skinned man's gone I had a dream And they killed that guy This is another time where Dark Skin Man's gone, I had a dream. And that content... And they killed that guy. Where's my... Where's my boulevard?

You are your boulevard. I mean, if you get a seven up, baby. Boulevard, yeah. Tom Bulla. Comedy is so easy. Dilruch Full of Lard, yeah. All right, let's... I hate it in the live podcast where everyone finds the line of enough fat jokes.

I fucking hate it. I hate that bit. It's where everyone finds the line of enough fat jokes. I fucking hate it. I hate that bit. It's political correctness gone mad. All right, should we get our third guest out here? Yes, please. Folks, you've heard this guy on a bunch of our episodes before. You may have seen him. He's got no other credits apart from being on here.

Okay. Please welcome back into the little Donald Club, Adam Knox! Hello. Knox, what are you dreaming of? What am I dreaming of? Yeah, what was it last... Same thing as still often. It's just a bit of food. I'm going to get in there early.

Hello, cunt. How are you? Nice to meet you. So amazed no one had done that one yet. To be fair, people called me that before last week. Are we doing some sort of in-joke? No. Hello, cunt.

You've met him. It's not an in-joke. Oh, hey, cunt. No, it's too late now. It's the biggest news from the week. Yeah, well, actually, so the start of your show got me thinking about the American National Anthem because thinking about the American National Anthem because it was the American National Anthem. That's weird.

Wow, these links that he makes are just fucking crazy. It's a crazy link. It's almost like he's dreaming. Where do you get your ideas? Well... From things that happen? I have to wait until I have a really interesting dream and then I'm able to talk about it.

Take notes. So I wrote a little Dumb Dumb Club national anthem to the tune of the American one. So if we could all rise. Oh, God. Oh, wait. Don't bother, don't bother. It'll have to be really good if you're all standing up.

Look at the lack of patriotism in this. Only the woman who hates us stood up. I think she's trying to leave, to be really good if you're all standing up. Look at the lack of patriotism in this. Only the woman who hates us stood up. I think she's trying to leave, to be fair. Make the Little Dum Dum Club great again. Stand up. Order Get Dylan Board. Make a macaroni cheese again. Wait, make it great again?

Yeah, that's true. Hang on, have we got the music for it or not? Do you want to put music behind it? Yeah, that'd be the point. Is there someone there with the American... You're going to have to start it again so that I can do it from the... Yes! Finally a tech problem.

Make the American National Anthem start again, please. And, uh... Hey, mates, can you see by the Westgate bright lights that Tommy's mum paid For his dumb shirts and shit hats

Whose Patreon names Make the first half real lame In Thailand Carl chose To still not propose And in Maryborough They've got it wrong, not me We all ate some yellow And we all were aware

Cut that! That Dilr rock was still fat Oh, say does Carl Chandler's phone number still go Oh, four, three, eight, six, six No more! Oh, I don't know the rest Oh, wow. Boy. Songs, it turns out songs

go for a really long time. Yeah, it's almost like things that you write that you think will be great content take a little bit too long to read out. As I have learnt many times and never changed my behaviour on the back of it.

Tommy, we had an interesting weekend, not last weekend, the weekend before. Wait, should we get to this in a bit? Because Nox, you had something that you were telling me about before. So you are people that don't know Adam Nox, you've been on our show a couple of times. Everyone. Fantastic

stand-up comedian Everyone except for people who sell food, yes If you don't work at a KFC Back in the day, you were a Sorry, it doesn't work, isn't it? When you make fat jokes at him, it's like Well, no I was going to say it's because I'm white

But it's not because I'm white I'm taller than you are as well. Like, if you stand up, look at that. It just doesn't show up as much as me, but I know for a fact that I weigh more than Dil's foot. So it's... Did he say you weigh more than my moot? Moot, you dick in my ass.

Thanks, moot! His sister. There is a... Wait, Put and Mut So Mut Mut, you dick in my arse It's just a name, it doesn't have to make sense It's just a very There's a mixed message going on in that name

Well, it's another Your dick in my arse family Christmas Mut and Putter here. Shove, cram. The whole gang's here. Oh, cram, I didn't know that you were in that family. There is a reason why Ballard is in between you two. It's an OH&S issue.

Oh, my. Does OH&S issue. Oh, my. Does OH&S stand for, oh, holy shit, the stage is going to collapse? Imagine a world where Ballard's the skinny one. Whoa. Jeez. She's got fat jokes

about everyone. Do you know how fat jokes work? Back up. Do you know how fat jokes work? Oh, I'm aware. Back up. Do you know how jokes work? Why are you picking on him for being fat? You know he's gay.

There's a wealth of comedy there. How do you get that fat off of cum? There you go. Put your fat in my ass. Are you a top or a bottom? Oh, you're a bottom, aren't you? Because you wouldn't bother being a top. Oh, shit!

Too much effort. Too much effort. Nicely done. You hear what they're clapping for? They're clapping for a homophobic fat joke. This is Trump's America. I love it. Oh, great. Oh, there she goes. Point of draw for that man. What else? This is Trump's America I love it Oh great

Oh there she goes Point of draft Point of draft for that man What else? And five for the stage Cool thanks Oh yes So what were you up to?

Adam Knox had a Oh yeah Adam Knox So you I think when I first got to know you It was like you started doing Stand up around the scene As a And you were known very early on

As you won class clowns Yeah Which is a stand up comedy competition Very early, and you were known very early on as you won Class Clowns, which is a stand-up comedy competition. Very early on and currently. Adam actually beat me. How did that work out? I'm the headline guest on this podcast. What was the prize, a couple of hampers?

No, I got a big bundle of flowers. A flower? Yeah, yeah. That's what a kid in school wants. That's what started it all. I baked it. They knew I wanted it. But I... Well, no, the only reason I beat you, in quotation marks,

is because you dropped out. You pulled out of... Once. You pulled out. You... But you... Wow. Welcome to Trump's America, ladies and gentlemen.

Fuck. Sorry. I'm with cunts. That's what I'm with. Fuck me. We're struggling together. But anyway, the point is that you moved on and you did... Struggling together with your dick up my ass.

I'm sorry to break the flow. The lady in the denim jacket with the short black hair, hi, is this your first time to this podcast? Yes, right. She is fucking hating this. People broke into applause for the first time you pull out and she's just standing there going, I need new friends.

It's a pretty indefensible position I have to say. It's all about context. Can I ask you a follow up question? Is this your last time to the podcast? You nodded. This is not an answer. Yeah.

Anyway, this isn't making you want to come anymore. It is a bit more of a rally at this point. Fuck, what did they tell you this was going to be? I'm from America. You're from America? Fuck off, we're full. Do you want me to do the song again? You didn't stand up for the song.

Oh my God, where are you from? I'm from Korea. Are you going to secede? You're the good one. Yeah. You're the good kind. Oh, he voted for Trump. Awesome.

Thank you for your service. You're a winner. Good. If you'd like me to grab you by the pussy at any point, please let me know. Are you... Male privilege! Is it male? Male, yes. It's like Australian

privilege too. It's very easy to go like Trump when I know that A, I can blend in and B it's weird. We're safe. I like her being fussy like this is no good I can't wait to get home

to America where Trump is my president talk about a little dum-dum club a bunch of bunch of dum-dums over there

that's my hot take fuck that's I just gulped it off the back of that save it save it for Mad Magazine.

I think there's an hour and a half long show in that. I think there's a new correspondent for The Daily Show. And he'll never be on this podcast again. Hey, I don't want to be rude, but Knox, you have spinach in your teeth. Still? Is it spinach or what is it? I'm surprised you can recognise spinach Guys, the world needs love right now

We've never been more divided We just need to come together and love each other This is from a burrito Which I deliberately ate Because I was like, the Mexicans need some help right now And if there's any way I'm willing to show my support It's by eating a burrito deliberately ate because I was like the Mexicans need some help right now. And if there's any way I'm willing to show my support it's by eating a burrito.

By the way, you're not helping the Scottish by eating McDonald's, just so you know. Every little helps. And I don't eat a little. Give me a look. Where is it? I don't want to touch it, but it's right there. Don't touch it.

It's like that one there. Make out. Use your tongue. Get Fiona to help you. She knows where everything is. The other side, yeah. Have you all got floss? Actually, can I have it?

I think we've won this girl over. There isn't a put your dick in my mouth here, is there? Because I might get it on the way back out. That's you. I got it. Can I have that? I skipped lunch. Maybe we're going to be okay, guys. I ate that burrito like three hours ago,

and you're the first. Thank you for telling me. Yeah, yeah. I just haven't smiled since then. What's spinach in your burrito? No, it's like coriander or something. I don't know how you make a burrito. I just know I like them then. Spinach in your burrito? No, it's like coriander or something. I don't know how you make a burrito. I just...

No, I like them. You just help make eagle. So, where were we on Class Clowns? Oh, yeah. Do we even get up to your dream yet? We certainly got to my nightmare, that's for sure. You did tell that story in Perth, by the way. Someone, when you said, I think we told this in Perth,

someone said yes. Yeah, me. Regular Perth, by the way. Someone, when you said, I think we told this in Perth, someone said yes. Yeah, me. Regular fucking jet setter in the crowd. Who was it? Was anyone at the Perth show? For people at home... For people at home, someone burped in response. That was loud enough.

I reckon the audience might pick that up. Madam, was that you? Was that? Oh, okay. Right, right. I can't wait till the late stand-up show when anything goes. Have they, America, have they told you about the late stand-up show when anything goes. America, have they told you about the late stand-up show?

I know nothing. You know nothing? So you did vote for Trump. Political. Oh, it's getting hot here again. Man, I don't keep up with the news. I can't follow this. Guantanamo Bay, brutal.

Anyway. Very good. That's very good. So anyway Can't we just call her America? What else am I going to call her? I can't look at Alright, fuck up India. Let's get back to this

Fuck up India Trump's foreign policy No offence China Fuck up China I wonder how right he feels Every time he says China He probably likes it

He loves it I would imagine he would like that You think he's a Trump supporter? Yeah I'm quite right wing I don't know if you know that But I'm quite right wing deal You know when you you know that but I'm quite right wing deal you know when you're famous you're on the daily show

they just let you grab them by the pussy give me that fucking t-tack what up bro so you had dinner You had dinner You had I know this is a bad segue I know this is a bad segue

But apparently you had dinner The other night, Dil Wait, we need to close off This class clowns thing Yeah, I've got a feeling It's going to be no good Yeah, no, there's nowhere To go from there

Go back to old dreamy Dream dreamer Yeah, yeah Let's sum it up quickly The good old days When Dil had a dream People at home will be driven crazy by this Knox you won only because Ballard pulled out

Is that correct? Not his first time either I want to say dropped out because I was in the Raw National Final You were in Raw, yeah, he went into the Raw National Final Oh what? Hang on, hang on, hang on I'm very talented You did both competitions at the same time.

Yeah, baby. Fuck, you're good. Well done. Thank you. Well done. Good job. Yeah. Okay.

Are you glad we wrapped it up? Wrap it as well. I wish your dad had wrapped it up. Update on the American Girl. She hated that one too. I'm sort of with you. So, can we go to Dil yet? Yeah, Dil, you attended a...

People who listened to the Canberra episode would have remembered that Tommy told us that his dad was sadly turning 70, which means he will no longer be 69. Yum, yum, yum, yum. You have dinner for two, yeah? You have two. And that I was invited for that party.

And last Friday... Yeah, so it was a weird... It was like, it was, you know, dad's brothers, like his three brothers and close family, and then all of a sudden he just went, hey, you know what, let's get some young ones in. Invite your little friend Dilrook. Little friend?

How fat's your dad? He's turning 70. He can't see. Mum and dad have met you a couple of times. They're big fans of your comedy. They're big fans of you as a person. Big fans of my what? Reality! And, yeah,

and I kind of started feeling a bit worried because it felt like it was just, you know, close family. Literally the brothers, the brother's wives and me. Yeah. It felt like dinner... More people to get in way of the buffet. I get the distress. It was like dinner for schmucks or something. Let's just invite this weird kid. No, it's like, it's like guess who's

coming to dinner if Sidney Poitier had to let himself go. Yeah. I thought you were going to go for dinner for fat fucks. He didn't because that's the joke I made on the Canberra podcast. It went better than that. But anyway. So we just run out of material and now we're just recycling.

That's two stories that we've already... Guess Who's coming to ten dinners. Very good. Hey, I've just remembered something. So, American lady, are you the one, because we got a private message on Facebook saying, I know you've sold out, but can you make an exception? We've already sold 200 tickets. Can you make an exception to fit our friend in?

Because we're going to make her not go to a wedding so we can get her in. And that was you. And you've come along and fucking hated it. And Carl heard, oh boycotting a wedding, I'm all for that. I reckon maybe it was a mixed race wedding and she voted for Trump so I'm not fucking supporting that

shit. Imagine how fun the wedding would be right now. Free booze, yeah? Free booze, yeah. What you gotta do to keep people who shouldn't be here out is you build a huge wall. Right? Your mate.

Why didn't you want her to go to the wedding? She didn't want to go. What's wrong with you? This is my family. Hey! Mr and Mrs Dick on my ass. I like that rather than going and watching some love, you've come to watch some absolute hate. Really nice.

This is about the opposite of a wedding. Yeah. Because this is like a... Opposite of a wedding, why? Because Tom can't get married. Is that what he's saying? Hey, I'm with you. Are you considering becoming gay just so you don't have to propose?

Where do I sign and with what? Yes, that's how gay people sign contracts. Without penises. For we love penises. What do you... For we are gay. What do you use for ink? Why, our sperm, of course.

Kill me. See, educational. All right, you're at the fucking 70th. Come on. Oh, no, we're building to this and we're really worried. And I get a message from Tom, that's Dassolo. Yeah, because there's a ballot here as well. So I get a message from Dassolo with a photo of the entrance to the house.

And what was the photo, Tom? The photo, so my dad owns a flagpole and he... For some reason... Another Trump voter? For some reason he decided that, like he, yeah, so he had the Australian flag flying at full marks. Yeah, just marking the territory. As a welcoming to his party.

Yeah, but you're also telling me that apparently when it's July the 4th he puts an American flag up. Yeah, he owns American, Australian and British. The only good ones. The big five. So he yeah, he He's not here tonight because he's gone to his clan meeting.

Yes. Yeah, so that just made me think you know. Yeah, and it was and all of the messages that Tom said, he sent the photo and at the bottom he goes,, fuck, I hate this. I want this to end so badly.

I'm very stressed out because this world's colliding. I can't let my family there. So I get in there in the party, and now the people have started drinking a bit early by the sounds of it, and they're hammering you. Like, Dassler is just getting... Because, A, surprise, surprise, Dassler was meant to help out getting people drinks,

but who knew that Tommy was selfish and would sit in one place, not getting anyone drinks. So you were first getting pulled up about that. Your uncle's going, oh, thanks, Tom. Thanks for the offer of the drink. And you go, what do you want? I'll get it for you. And you're losing your mind, and I'm loving it.

The best part is one of his uncles, when you were not even there, comes up to me and goes, so you're a comedian? I was like, yeah. He's like, is that all you do? I'm like, yeah. He's like, is that all you do? I'm like, yeah. And he goes, what about Tommy? How does he get his money? Brutal.

Not even there to defend myself. Yeah, so that's what I called you. I'm like, oh, Tom. Tom, please. Please answer this man's question. And you're like, earnestly going, yes, sir. Like, I've got the podcast. And what did he call it?

He called it, I think he didn't know what did he call it I think he didn't know what the podcast was I think Centrelink but then you're trying to actually justify how you survive and I'm loving it here

I'm flailing I'm going oh and you know geeks sometimes are good and sometimes I fought 20 bucks on the ground someone gave us

20 baht the other day what do you want but it's like that. It's like you explain all this stuff, but he just doesn't understand. Imagine trying to tell him, yeah, people give me money to make fun of their names. Yeah. But it's like he just looks at you like he's waiting for you to just like cave under the pressure and go, oh, I work at McDonald's seven days a week.

So that's brutal. I'm hating all that. Then there's the other uncle who basically pulled you up because apparently you owe your cousin money. What? Yeah, something you guys used to live together. Oh, the fucking bill thing. That's bullshit. Yeah.

This shit's going on in front of me and I could not be happier. Fuck, I'm so glad that you and your family is the same as you with everyone else. It's so good. No, that's just how I'm there. I'm like, it's like a fucking podcast. There's no escape. And he's like, you're yelling at your uncle. No, this is blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then he just calmly goes, that's not the true story. And you're like, yes, it is. Of course it is. And I'm like, no, no, no, mister. But man, there's one point where I'm sitting there. And so that conversation is happening with you and him Meanwhile, across the table from me Is my housemate Pat

And my dad And so I'm kind of stuck in between two roastings And I'm having to decide which one That's like me on Sunday You're not going to take it And Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday And Thursday and Friday and Saturday So I'm there just like Yeah, just fucking having to deal with that.

And I hear, like, so my dad is talking to my housemate, Patton, going, yeah, you know, like, so, you know, he used to, like, when he was really young, he had, like, a really thick, nice head of hair. And then, you know, and then he had cancer and then he had the chemo and then just look at him. It's never been the same. So I'm just fucking, I'm just in between this, just fucking, just from all angles.

And meanwhile, then later, at one point, your other uncle goes to me, have you seen Tommy's ear? Bit like Adolf, isn't it? It was fucking, it was unbelievable. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Adolf who? Thanks, Adolf.

Adolf's kicking my ass. For context, I think you should take your hat off. Well. Someone went, no. Okay, if you take your shirt off. What, for context that I'm fat? Yeah, because we've made a lot of fat jokes. People probably don't get it.

Wearing black, just very slimming. So you're having a good time. You're enjoying all this. I'm loving it so much because Tom's hating it. Like, that's what he's going, oh. And plus, it's catered. Oh, yeah. Sounds like great fun, by the way. It sounds like it's awesome.

Yeah, but then we go for, and then we have dinner and people start drinking a little bit more and that's when... Well, then the tide kind of turns. You're sort of loving it. You're having a great time. Sorry, I thought this was going to go into one of your Fiverr fan fictions at this point.

I was like, I do not want to hear about you sucking off your uncle while Jill wanks into your butt. This counts as your repayment. Someone's into it. All of a sudden, I won't... So I... The mood... Let's just say this.

Let's be diplomatic and say... I call you over. This is what happens. The tone shifts a little bit. Yes. The turning point was my dad starts to go... My dad starts telling a story about how he was at a function and there was a buffet.

Now it's getting good. And they had... And they had... I'm physically seeing your ears prick up. And they had curry as part of the buffet. And then he looks at me and goes, and, you know, it was spicy because this guy's mob. They fucking... Not fucking.

They love their spice. Yeah, and then so Dad... Because Dad hates spicy food. So he doesn't know, he thinks it's pretty harmless. He's spooning curry into this bowl and then in telling this story he goes, and then a bloke who looked like him

comes up behind me and goes, oh my goodness I think that would be a little bit too spicy for you. And then he follows up by going, and then he goes, so I tried it anyway and the next morning my lips were swollen like an

African woman. He could have dodged that one at least. It's fine. Tommy goes, what? Did she have a plate in her lip? I don't want to sit up here and just make it sound like my dad is just like this

super fucked guy. My mum said stuff as well. You and I constantly were looking at each other through the night going, content. I think no one knew what that was. We actually met. And above it all, the Australian flag was flapping in the breeze. Yeah, beautiful.

Makes me proud to be a fucking Aussie, mate. When dessert came out, we were sitting there eating dessert and everyone sort of finished and my mum was kind of sitting like diagonally opposite me on the table and she leans in and she wasn't trying to be funny. She just quite genuinely leans in and goes, darling, did you get to have any dessert or did Dilruba eat yours? A proper quote, a genuine quote.

100%. What made it worse is she was not trying to be funny. She just saw at one point due to the dinner, I was picking stuff off Tommy's plate. They keep trying to get me to teach them how to listen to the podcast. I don't think I'll do that now. Look. Is America back?

Did you make the toilet great again? So we're about to end this episode but the thing is with this for everyone at home the context of this is we're about to have a break and then do another episode and then have a break and then do some stand up. What's the chances of you hanging around for the second part or the

third part? You'll be here. Yes we can. Because you're from California, you're not going to secede from the podcast? You're not going to... No? That's Texas, isn't it? What was that noise?

If this podcast keeps going, I'm moving to Canada so I don't have to fucking listen to it. I really feel like we've worn everyone out. But yeah, for the listeners at home, it's like they get to the end of this and then they have to fucking listen to it. I really feel like we've worn everyone out. But yeah, for the listeners at home, it's like they get to the end of this and then they have to wait a whole week to hear us just come straight back up here. They get to wait a whole week.

A half hour where we're going to have a couple of beers. So tune in next week. Should we end on a cliffhanger? Yeah, okay. Try and kill yourself. Alright, I'll bring the knife. Oh, it seems like no one here has listened to this

podcast before. It looks like everyone's from America. Speaking of, Fyodor O'Loughlin's on the next episode. Oh, is she? That's the cliffhanger. That's the cliffhanger. Are you going to do it previously on Dumb Dumb Club? All right, we've got to wrap this up for now.

Folks, big round of applause. Dilruchai, see ya. Tom Ballard. Adam Knox. Thank you guys for listening at home, and we'll see you next time. See ya later.