The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 321 - Live! Joel Creasey, Fiona O'Loughlin, Nick Cody & Dilruk Jayashina

Episode Date: November 30, 2016

Treading Water, Live Patreons and Dil's Massage. Recorded LIVE at the European Bier Cafe on November 12, 2016. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of the Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by me, Tom Ballard, the guy who can't sell tickets. Oh, that's my favourite little golden book. The little boy who had to advertise on a podcast. Mr. Papering the House. Please sir, is there any more? Yes, plenty. So you were on here two weeks ago advertising your show December 3rd at the Comedy Theatre, filming your special for Stan.

Then you were on the show last week. Now you're back here mere days before the gig, trying to shift those last few units. What are the numbers on this thing? Read out the sales report right now. How much are we getting paid for this? Let's get everything full disclosure. Can we dob ourselves in for cash for comment?

Yeah. Well, that's what an ad is. Yeah. But we're being transparent about that. Okay. And also, there's no podcast watchdog that's going to come after us. That'd be awesome if there was another listener. Someone telling us to dunk our head into a bucket of ice water next time we're thinking

about doing something so silly on the air. Yeah. So Tom Ballard, good. So we're all going. Me and Tommy are coming. We're not paying for tickets. So it's worked on both of us in some degree. Not only am I not paying for tickets, I'm being paid to be there.

Oh, how much? I don't know yet, actually. It's been brought down a few zeros over the course of this advertising campaign. You're basically a Patreon subscriber at this point. We're just dedicating

a lot more time to you than normal. Well, gentlemen, my name is Tom Ballard. Oh, okay. Let's see what you got. Timmy Billiards. Tom Ballard. Bollard, like a Bollard. Let's see what you got. Timmy Billiards. Tom Ballard. Bollard, like a bollard. That's good. Tam Bollard.

What a funny name. Yeah. What do you think about that? Can we start this over again? Ballard. I'm trying to think what I would do objectively if I didn't know you and I just saw that name come through. I used to be terrified as a kid.

I was a chubby kid and I used to be terrified. Oh, yeah. That's changed. I just don't remember someone going on like the morning show with Moira or whatever and during the course of the ad, Moira said geez you're a fat piece of shit

you slutty cunt. Now what are you selling? A vacuum cleaner? To be fair. What's the inside take on this? I don't remember saying anything about slut. To be fair. What's the inside take on this? I don't remember saying anything about slutty, to be fair. We should start outing all the sluts that come on the show. It's really the only thing left that we haven't made fun of a person for on this show. You can never agree they're fucking too much, not enough. You're too thin, too fat, too drunk, too boring.

Too much of a dumb cunt. Well, I don't think we've picked anyone up on that. There's no such thing as far as we're concerned. Yeah, exactly. I used to be terrified as a kid that people would find out that Lard is in my surname. Oh, I didn't even think of that. And did they ever? I think I had a moment once when I, like, took a friend aside.

I was like, I've got something to tell you. I trust you so much that I'm giving you this information. And he was like, I don't know what that means. And then I think word got out, but they just stuck with, you know, fetish. Word got out. Someone discovered a dictionary. Someone read a Warrnambool advertiser confidential. Overheard.

Spotted. This word in local boy's name. I think it was Warrnambool, mate. Not a lot going on. Oh, yeah, that's the thing, because I would say, because when you're a kid, it actually takes you a fair while to figure out what Lard is. Lard's not like an obvious... Exactly.

No, no, no. They just stuck with Fatty Tom Ballard. Oh, right. Did they actually say that? No. No. I think I would go with, if I saw that name, I'd probably go with the fact that Ball is in there

and then Ard kind of almost like arse, so I'd go like Balls and Arse. That's probably what I would do. If Ballard came through and I didn't know him. If I didn't know you guys, I would never contribute money to fund this enterprise. I believe the last time I referred to it was a fucking dick shit cunt podcast. That sounds about right.

I stand by that. Anyway, tickets are on sale for The World Keeps Happening live at the Comedy Theatre. Tommy Daslow is opening for me. I'm telling you, 80 minutes of classic comedy material. It's the best. I'm just doing your job for you. It's your ad.

You do the ad. You can trust us to say it if you want. Come and see Tom Ballard's show, Who Gives a Fuck? It goes for five minutes and it costs $3,000. It's on Tuesday night, February the 80th. Come along, everyone. Use your password at the door. I'm going to kill everyone in here.

I have a bomb. Okay, a few things to pick you up on there. So you did a good job after all. Tom balls in his ass. Seriously, what are the numbers on this thing? How desperate are you? Don't say that.

He's a good, very good act. Yeah. How long are you going to do up front? That's my question. I've been told to do 10, very good act. Yeah. How long are you going to do up front? That's my question. I've been told to do 10, so probably 15. Can you give him the light at the back? Yeah. Can you light him? That'd be great.

And then you walk through. You actually walk through, get the big old-fashioned crook thing and pull him off and then walk straight on and go, sorry about that, everyone. Welcome in. You've really got a feel for the local crook manufacturers, haven't you? They've been doing it tough the last couple of decades.

It's crook what he done, Inc. The only advertising they really do is in old Warner Brothers cartoons. Yeah. They were riding high back in those days and then now you don't see any. The crook should make a comeback. They were doing great because not only were they getting people off stage, they were like, they were

using on sheep or whatever it was originally for. It was like two uses. Now there's no use at all. What was the, how do you think it made the transition from sheep herding to getting some shit cunt off stage? Like someone's come straight down from his sheep herding job

and he's like, boy, this guy's no good. Sheep herding job. Yeah, sheep herding job. Jesus. Last time I had to tell you that Australia was in a race. Now I have to let you know about shepherds? Oh, boy. Tom Ballard's show, Up the Bum, No Babies,

happening on March the 17th under the ocean. Head to the docklands, drive into the sea. The Atlantis Comedy Store. Tickets a million dollars each. We'll pay you to come. Saturday, December the 3rd. So you're way off there. At the Comedy Theatre, The World Keeps Happening,

tickets on sale now. Comedy Theatre, home to previous gut-busting performances like Menopause the musical Oh yeah Fawlty Towers You're more likely You're Fawlty Towers too Let's advertise your show as that

Just you Slapping around A small Spanish man For an hour Yeah That's about right But a little less Don't mention the war

A little more Talk about the refugees For 80 minutes straight Right Terrible mistake Thanks Terrible refugees for 80 minutes straight. Right. Terrible mistake. Thanks, Terrible. Thanks, Terry.

Terry Bullard. Oh, got me. Comedy. Got Tim Ballard live at the Comedy Theatre. Yes, now that's something I can get my teeth into. We were talking the other day about the ultimate gut, which is dying, death, of course, the ultimate get. Oh, yeah.

The Tim Reaper. Yes. Yes. Who comes to us all. That was great. It was very good. The Tim Reaper. The Tim Reaper. Oh, we should also quickly say,

on behalf of everyone here at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, an official happy birthday to you, Tom Ballard. Well, you know, it doesn't feel behalf of everyone here at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, an official happy birthday to you, Tom Ballard. Well, you know, it doesn't feel like it. Happy birthday. Thanks very much. Thanks, man. 27? Yep. Nice. Wow. Wow, 40. Not even close, really. Yeah. Anyone who's 40 is a lot older than me.

Hey, that's me. What? Yeah, I'm 40. Oh, dear. But that's good. Oh, I see. That's fine. You will get there, hopefully, one day. Hopefully. Well, after this ad, I don't reckon. good. Oh, I see. That's fine. You will get there hopefully one day. Hopefully. Well, after this ad, I don't reckon. Yeah. I think I'm waiting for my show on Saturday, December the 3rd

and then heading to the Westgate. Oh, that's... Hey, that's dirty. That felt like an ad by wedging that in there. No, it's a Saturday night show, so that'll be great. That's, you know, a lot of comedy shows are midweek, and a lot of people aren't like us because, you know, we live this comedy life.

You just go out every night, it doesn't matter, but a lot of people aren't like us because you know we live this comedy life yeah you just go out every night doesn't matter but people a lot of people go oh the women the women Carl at every night different beautiful woman on the arm every night all

right okay right okay that was something I did not expect all right yeah sure I think I'm gonna say and the women they're no funny yeah that's I did not understand what was And the women, they're no funny. They're the worst on the line-ups. I did not understand what was happening there.

And the women in comedy. I was like, hang on, are we on an AM radio station? That's what you're saying. It's a weekend. You're normally used to hearing that during the week, a bit of what I was just doing. Riffing. Oh, right, right, right.

I thought you were saying women don't go out during the week. I was like, that is a new form of sexism I haven't heard before. That's a leap that you were taking that I am not a part of in any way. So Tom Ballard. I'm covered a lot of the time too. Saturday, December the 3rd at the Comedy Theatre. Yes. Tickets from Comedy.

The Comedy! Comedy Theatre. Tickets from comedy.com.au. Yes. When's the riffing theatre? Yeah, that's in Melbourne. Comedy. Comedy. Tickets from comedy.com.au. Yes. When's the riffing theatre? They're still building. It's never finished. Yeah.

They put the roof on the floor and it was like, that didn't work. They're like, fuck, well, you can't blame us. This wasn't written. Tom's management owns the domain comedy.com.au We should buy up Riffing.com.au Before they jump on that as well Fuck

Yeah that's not Yeah let's do that I'm going to look up Riffing.com.au As soon as we say this Someone will buy it Like they did with my website Oh yeah yeah yeah

Hang on okay Riffing.com.au Fill the silence while I do this Can we Yeah let's just buy it And then if you go onto it It redirects immediately To littledungeonclub.com Or benlomas. yeah, let's just buy it and then if you go onto it, it redirects immediately to littledunlunclub.com.

Or benlomas.com. No, let's not do that. He wouldn't have one. He wouldn't have a website. It looks like it's up for grabs. Why wouldn't it be? It's not going to- I'd love to see this website is under construction.

Yeah, yeah. Let's do that. Let's do that. Let's get that. Buy up riffing.com. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Or riffing.com.au.

Yeah. Riffing.com seems to... It's good to know my money that I'm paying for this ad is going to a good use. Riffing.com is available if we want it. All right. And so is.com.au. All right. So do we want to localize it or do we want to keep an eye on the future and maybe expand

this operation? I think riffing.org would be... No,.com is generally cheaper than.au for some reason. Really? Yeah, let's get on.com. That American dollar. Yeah, GST, generally cheaper than.au for some reason. Really? Yeah, let's get on.com. That American dollar. Yeah, GST, mate. That's what's happening there.

Good folks at godaddy.com, more than happy to sell it to us. Great. What else have we got to riff on? Yeah, speaking of comedy shows in December in Melbourne, we do have a Christmas Eve show, a live podcast, on Saturday, December the 24th. We're doing it downstairs at European Beer Cafe, which is but a block from the comedy theatre and the written theatre.

So if you've hung around after Ballard's show for nearly two weeks. Yeah. If you've had a big one afterwards, if you haven't slept, bring Milan along to the Christmas Eve show. Now, I got a suggestion for something we could do on the Christmas Eve show. Sent to me by a friend of the show, Ben Vanell. He recommended Dilruk Jaisingar playing the role of Ebenezer Huge. Very good.

Please, sir, can I have heaps more? That's Oliver. Yeah, I know. But it's Dickens. You there. Boy, what day is it today? Today? Why, it's cheat day, sir.

You there, boy. Are you going to finish that? Why, it's the ghost of Christmas vast. of Christmas Vast. Christmas comedy! It's written by Charles Dickhead. Fantastic. That is but a glimpse of what's to come on Christmas Eve.

Get on down and hear those jokes retold again. Speaking of Dilwick, any stories about him from backstage at Spleen that you'd care to share with us? Oh, yes. Someone, get this, someone thought he looked like someone else. And I was like, he's fatter. Fantastic stuff. We've also got season passes on sale for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. If you want to come to all four of our live shows on Sunday afternoons at the European Beer Cafe plus the drunk cast on the final night, yeah, you can buy that now.

The most cost-effective way of seeing every little show that we do. Oh, man. It's going to be interesting this year because, you know, we keep getting bigger and bigger, believe it or not. And us fitting in – It's like a door, Jason. Us fitting in everyone for the drunk cast issue is going to be interesting.

But then again, it is like an 11 o'clock show on a Sunday, so we always think, oh, it's going to be a billion people. But again, like you say, women don't go out after 8 o'clock. As you say, Tommy Datsy. This is bad that my quote that I stand behind is being now somehow used against me.

I found out today that the last night of the Melbourne Comedy Festival is the same night as the Logies. So I think that's a beautiful metaphor for your work. That as the night of nights of Australian television are all coalescing in Melbourne, you guys will be doing whatever the fuck you do. Well, it's television's night of nights happening on the same time as podcasting's night of nights. I feel bad for the Logies that not many people are going to be there. Yeah. That is a shame. What if you get nominated for a gold Logie?

I mean, who are you going to choose? It will be tough. Yeah. Can you be nominated? Have you been? I am on the list of eligibility to be voted for for Best Presenter for the Mardi Gras broadcast, which was about two hours of television. Oh, great.

Thumbs up. Dave Hughes was not eligible and he was furious and made that point was about two hours of television. Oh, great. Thumbs up. Dave Hughes was not eligible and he was furious and made that point to be on radio this week. Oh, really? Does it sound like him? I know.

He was angry. It's a shame. One day you'll get there. Yeah, one day. One day you'll get a big career. So what happens? You have to,

if enough people write in. It's like a long list. These are all the people you can vote for and, you know, like Iggy Azalea was on there for X Factor It is a bizarre list And Dave Hughes is on every television show of all time

So it is bizarre And he will be hosting the Logies as well He was furious I'm sure he'll bring that up Totally Burger t-shirts As seen on the chest of the man sitting in front of me At the 2016 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala.

They're back. We've got them reprinted. Our hamburger logo that's probably staring back at you right now from your iPhone. No. What? What do you mean? The logo.

Our t-shirts with the logo on them. On my iPhone? Yeah. Oh, because you're looking at me. I thought you were talking to me rather than the listener. I've got to look somewhere. Right. Fair enough. Okay. Oh, you're the listener. Because you're looking at me. I thought you were talking to me rather than the listener. I've got to look somewhere. Right, fair enough. Okay. Alright. Could I get one of those

t-shirts? Because, again, as was made clear, I did not get to keep the one that I wore on national television. You had to borrow one of those from a fucking listener. Yeah, but where did it go? The guy didn't want it back. I've still got it. Oh, really? You definitely didn't return it. Yeah, I've still got it. Okay, great. Well, I'll take it again. The guy paid for it and then didn't get it back.

Yeah. I need to make contact because he said, don't worry about getting it back to me. I should hit him up and go, really? I think it was more like he didn't expect it back. I don't think he didn't want it back. I think he had some idea that we would raffle it off and use the money to donate to charity of Tom's choosing.

But the thing was, it's a black t-shirt so that was never going to happen. Well, it's still sitting in my wardrobe so it's only appreciating in value. Yeah, so if you're the guy that wants your shirt back, just send in 30 bucks and we'll send it off. We have sold a heap of

those new burger shirts actually. The new white ones. We haven't got the black ones reprinted again. The white ones. Have sold a heap. black ones reprinted again, the white ones. I have sort of hate we're running out of big fat fuck sizes, disgusting fat fuck sizes. So if you've made some horrible life decisions, get in quick, make another one and get a shirt before they're all run out. If you want to wear the shirt that made Tom's management insist that he get a stylist for all future media appearances,

hit up littletomtumclub.com. Was there any official quotes from your management about the decision of you wearing our T-shirt? No, they thought the T-shirt looked cool. I guess it was for all my other fashion decisions, which they thought were a piece of shit. So we got a stylist. Did they sort of think maybe you should only wear our T-shirts?

Yes, that is what they said and meant. Right, great. You can wear the one with my phone number on it. That would be good. We do have some 0438 shirts left. We do have the Aware shirt. We are all done with the hoodies. So, yeah, it's Christmas.

If you want your little Christmas shopping done, you can go to our website, buy three t-shirts, three different t-shirts and done. Yeah, easy. Yeah. There's some great Secret Santa prizes. And then your family will fucking hate you and you'll never have to get presents for and done. Yeah. Done. Yeah. There's some great Secret Santa prizes. And then your family will fucking hate you and you'll never have to get presents for them again.

Yeah. Problem solved. You know what I want to know? Hey, these are dumb no-listers. Their family's already had them. This is sure to have happened, I reckon. I'd like to know if anyone sees our shirt in an op shop. One of them's got it popped up in an op shop by now.

Yeah, good point. Good point. Or on eBay, something. Because we did that original Haymate shirt that was a limited run in terms of it was quite a big run, but it just took us years to get rid of it. Yes, yes. So people would have got sick of them by now. Yeah.

Surely. Yeah, I imagine there's... Or just at a market stall. Yeah. You know, someone's just chucking out all their stuff. A dirty rag used to wipe up refuse in a hospital perhaps Yeah, if you've walked past If you've been in a hospital and you've noticed a dirty rag

And you've looked at the design on it and gone Little Dumb Mum Club, give us an email Hey mate If that's what you're doing, checking out the rags Give us a hoi Yeah If you're on the rags Yeah

Okay Well, you wouldn't be going out at night. Saturday, December the 3rd. Comedy theatre. It's that time of the month. Time for the comedy of Tom Mallard. Oh, wow. Don't again.

You're always trying to make the podcast more inclusive. Yeah. Don't talk about women's trying to make the podcast more inclusive Yeah Talking about women's Yeah Cycles It's not like you're having It's not like you're literally having sex at the time So come along and see

The world keeps happening Much like a monthly menstrual cycle Yeah This has been a terrible idea Yeah Patreon Patreon Yeah

Thanks to everyone who continues to support us on Patreon Patreon.com slash Little dum-dum club. If you chip in certain amounts, you get a newsletter that we put out every month, you get a bonus episode, you get your name read out on the show, which we are not going to do now because we actually do it in this episode that you're about to hear. Some sweet riffing going on in there. Some amazing riffing.

Yeah, some all-time. This is, yeah, we should re-Christianise. It should be it. European Beer Cafe is the riffing theatre. The riff palace. Yeah, some all time. We should re-christianise. It should be it. European Beer Cafe is the riffing theatre. The riff palace. Yeah. We blew the riff off the joint. The riff, the riff,

the riff is on fire. We don't need no comedy, let the motherfucker burn. Very good stuff from us. Thank you. Yeah, so, yeah, thanks to everyone, yeah, for chipping in on that. It's still, yeah, if you'd like to give a little,

if you're feeling giving this festive season, get on there. Give it to charity. Help out. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Help us out. We're a charity. Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah, we're like the guy, you know,

the guy on the street That's like drawing a big picture With crayons Or whatever they fucking do That's us Yeah Chip in Don't buy one of those

Don't buy a fucking You know Goat for your auntie this Christmas Yes Buy her a little card With our faces on it And say In your name

I'm supporting these two Especially if your auntie's name Is like Anita Tits or something Instead Don't buy a goat for your grandma. Give money to the goats. The greatest of all time.

Podcasts. Very, very good riff card. Thank you. Thank you. I have a different opinion. All right. Are we done? Okay, I think we're pretty much done.

So, yeah, one more time. Tom Ballard, this Saturday. This Saturday, guys. December the 3rd. The Comedy Theatre. Comedy.com.au for your tickets. I always feel a bit weird because clearly people get into the podcast and don't always listen on the day that it comes out.

People are going through the archives. People are getting into it right now and listening to episodes two years ago where it's like, yeah, you come down to the Shitface Club and see Barry Monopoly. It's like, fuck, it must be annoying to listen to ads from... What happened to the Shitface Club? It was such a great room. Low ceiling.

Yeah, yeah. Long room. We've got to get Barry Monopoly back on. He was good at the podcast. You remember his catchphrase? Do not pass go. He was the best. All right, guys.

Enjoy this episode live from the European Beer Cafe. Featuring a cameo from Tom Ballard, I believe. The guy came back onto the stage. Yes. Fiona O'Loughlin in fine form. And if you were there this night, I haven't got my hands on the recording of this yet when we're doing this ad,

but if you were there that night, you'll know that I have got a lot of editing ahead of me in the next couple of days. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

I don't. You don't? I'll tell you later. I never remember. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. I don't. You don't? I'll tell you later. I never remember. Oh, okay. Okay. Sorry, everyone. Tom, happy birthday.

Thanks, guys. I love you. Hey, mates. Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club live for another week from the European Beer Cafe. My name is Sammy Dasolo. Standing next to me is the other half of the show, Crayfish Chandler.

G'day, dickheads. I think we might, six years in, be changing your catchphrase to, it's Carl. Let's lay G'day Dickheads to rest. What do you reckon? No. People who couldn't sound less enthusiastic. You haven't heard it.

You need it for seven years. You don't want it for six years. You're right. Okay, so for the listener at home, you listened to last week's episode and now you've tuned in this week. We recorded both these episodes on the same night. We had a six-year break in the middle and now we are back. All the same audience have come back.

How are you guys going? How was the break? Everyone good? Yeah? We're pretty optimistic. Nicely refreshed. We're pretty optimistic. During the break, every guest that we had planned for this episode

has pulled out. There's going to be an extra long Patreon read this week. Yeah, that's why I'm treading water by asking the audience how they're going. Hey, some gifts have been left on the stage. Let's talk about these. What have we got in here? Is there a card on it?

It's a little Santa Claus bag. Tommy and Carl, we can't be here for the Christmas show, so here are a few early presents. Louisa and Jeff, Sydney. Some pods. These are my fucking absolute favourite. How fucking good are pods? Pods are fucking sick.

They're my absolute favourite. Thank you. Thanks, Put. Some M&Ms. Oh, M&Ms are my absolute favourite. Seriously. Fuck. Who knew this?

If there's moose in the bottom, I will marry you. Not quite, but... Oh, fuck, I love that. That's my absolute favourite. Who did... You know me so well. Who did this? Who did it? Who did it?

Carl, it was me. I'm Jeff and Louise from Sydney all along. Hey, thanks, Jeff and Louise. We had a debate about this brand of hollandaise. We were talking about a brand of hollandaise on the podcast. Well, it was in one of the Patreon ads, so probably fucking three of you heard it. But it's the brand I don't really like, I've got to say.

You are a fucking idiot. I love it. You are a fucking idiot. I'm not that into it. You don't deserve Jeff and Louise or whoever their name was. I don't know. I mean, it kind of just tastes like Sailor's Cum, but whatever. Yeah, that's my point.

Thanks, point. Yeah. Wow, thanks for the gifts. More of you fucking should do that. This has been here all evening. Thanks, Point. Yeah. Wow, thanks for the gifts. More of you fucking should do that. What's it... This has been here all evening. Is this... Is this someone...

No, I think this is just the venue. Orange lights for stage. Happy birthday! DJ Red Spot. Oh, guys, you shouldn't have. Should we do... What else we got? Any of those people you texted in the break come through yet?

Fuck, good call. I should check that. There are literally people trying to pull out of this podcast and me saying, I will fucking end your career if you don't turn up. Wow. Let's see. Let's see.

Hang on. Someone has just literally messaged me. If you haven't found someone in the next five minutes, let me know and I'll get there. And now one of you fuckers is trying to ring me. Don't. Hey, but they might be able to get up here. We can't be saying no at this point.

Yeah. Let me see who it is. Oh, boy. All right. Alright Yeah I guess Then someone else's Yeah anyway Alright Stop fucking ringing me

0434725 Oh you stopped That's weird What about a good old fashioned Patreon read Hey Well do we Do we want to do that like Right now Okay let's get a guest on What about a good old-fashioned Patreon read, hey? Well, do we want to do that, like, right now?

Oh, OK, let's get a guest on. We've got to guess who's got time constraints, so we've got to get him on here. Folks, you know him from recently appearing on the television show Conan, What Of It? Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Mum Club, Nick Coney! What of it? Oh, that thing I say all the time.

Give it a rest. What of it? We get it, Fonzie. I remember my dad being upset when I was a baby, thinking he'd probably say dad first, but nah. What of it? Right out of the gate. Thanks, what?

When the doctor spanked you on the butt, you didn't cry. You said, what of it? What of it? Oh, and so not only... Oh, yeah. It's not only you say it, you say it in the Ronnie Chang voice every time. What of it? What of it?

So he spanked you on the butt, you said, what of it? And he went, a little bit sensitive. Sensitive baby. Cody, you want to do some Patreon reads with us? Fuck yeah. Let's tread some water, everyone. Here we go. Put your floaties on and dip into the pool. There is no treading water on this show.

Well. Thank you to... And, you know, if any of these people are here tonight, please put your hand up. So thank you to Helena Powderly. Helena Powderly. Powderly, Lady Powderly's lover. That's me.

I love her because she's donated to the Patreon. Yeah. Oh, God. Call, quick, call those other guests. That guy who could be here in five minutes, get him down here. Remember how I said yes excitedly? Yeah, what have you got?

What have you got for Helena Powderly? Oh, mate, what a just classic name. Why don't you go into Powderly your nose and pull some fucking cash out and give it to us. Great. Don't shake your head at this. It's fucking gold. There's an American girl in the audience and she hated the last audience, but fuck, she

loves the Patreon. Hey, do you ever watch Conan? The Barbarian. Have you ever seen that movie? Yeah. Nick Cody was on him. Yeah. I beat him in a sword fight and I got to do five.

Alright, sorry Helena. Thanks Helena. Thank you to Peter Ellis. Peter Ellis. Fuck, this is so much easier in the lounge room. We edit about 20 minutes of silence out of the ones that you easier in the lounge room. We edit about 20 minutes of silence out of the ones that you hear on the normal pod, so Peter Ellis sounds a bit like...

Peter Sellers? Yes. The party. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck this is. Wow. Wow. This is... I'm going to call it.

This is the low point. Alright, you know what? I will literally... You're picking these. By the way, you've picked these out of a list of hundreds. And you've got nothing. You've got nothing. Why are you picking such shit names?

No offence if any of these people are here. No offence, Peter Ellis. But your name's fucking dog shit. Peter Ellis. What kind of fucking name is that? Yeah, sorry. Sorry. These people are here. But your name's fucking dog shit. Peter Ellis. What kind of fucking name is that? Yeah, sorry. Sorry, that's my fault for these listeners not having a name like,

come fuck me. Sorry. Sorry, Tommy. All right, I will let you do one more. And if you can't work with this, you're off the podcast. Oh, wow. Yeah. Finally, a way out. Maybe I'll start getting work.

Wow. Yes. Look, here is literally... Here's the Patreon sponsor's name. And I think they've clued onto... The last name that we read out on the Patreon read is usually a bit of a weird name. And I

think they've clued onto this. So this is literally someone who has subscribed to us on Patreon. This is literally the name they've given to us. First name, come on my. Anyone want to guess at the last name? Anyone want to... What?

Chest. That's disgusting. It's face. Survey says... Survey says... There's someone who's changed their name on Patreon to make sure it's K-U-M-O-N-M-A-I space F-A-I-S. Like they were going to trick us. But what I do like is the actual attention to detail.

So you can put your name in like that. The email address that it's going to is actually k.face Oh wow. 90 at outlook.com Like they couldn't get k.face1 Thanks, cum. Something I yell

every night. Thanks, cum. You thank your own cum. Yeah, but before I go nine eyes. Please, be a bit formal.

A little bit of nature's Milo. A bit of respect. Be formal. Please, be a bit formal. A little bit of nature's Milo. A bit of respect. Be formal, thanks. Come on, my. They're full names. I'm very sorry. We're not on nickname terms yet.

Nature's Milo. Nature's Milo. Why nature's Milo? You never heard that before? No. You have a little, you know, you do a little before bed and then it helps you go nine eyes.

I thought you meant you eat it out of the tin with a spoon. Thanks, tin. Got tin. Got tin.com. Got tin. You've got to be made of cum. The American loves it.

You love a bit of Milo. So, we... Milo on my face we just did an episode we just recorded an episode here for the listeners at home we just recorded an episode here with the same crowd in the same venue I thought maybe there's people that are tuning in this is their first time

to kind of catch them up on what just happened in the previous episode now we have nothing else. The guys are still here. They can just do it all again. Well, I mean, they don't need to because I've put a bit of a recap together, but I had

to do it. I knew I wouldn't have time in the break, so I don't know if you guys have heard of this website called Fiverr.com. Fuck. So I kind of... So I didn't know... Again, we didn't have guests sort of booked.

We didn't know who was... So I just sort of left it up to this author's imagination. Fiverr's a website where you can pay people to do little tasks for you. So I got them to write a summary of the previous episode.

I've just got a message to this guest. Please fucking come. Well, don't you worry about that. So if you don't know how Fiverr works Tommy messages his mum Hey, can you internet bank me five? Five her Okay, here we go

So this is previously on the Little Dumb Dumb Club I just don't know how you managed to fit into those jeans Tommy said to Andy, who was one of the guests of their comedy podcast. Brad was the other guest, and Carl was his co-host. They'd spent the last 20 minutes filling the air with sexual innuendo, and Tommy's cock was painfully hard

as it pressed against his jeans. There was an audience of 30 or 40 people. That's probably about the number that's enjoying it, to be fair. Tommy wished they were alone with their... Someone's actually trying to pack us up as we speak. That's how we're going. We've got a DJ. Tommy wished they were alone with their guests because he felt like his cock was about to burst.

Tommy made a decision. Okay, everyone, we're going to do something different today. If Andy, Brad and Carl are willing, we're going to have a quick group fuck. You all can't join, but you can watch if you want. Feel free to leave if the idea bothers you, though, Tommy said. Bothers you? Hell yeah, said Brad.

Classic. I thought you'd never ask, Andy said. Might as well, Carl said. I mean, this isn't getting lost because these guys are all here. They all watched it happen live. It took less than a minute for everyone on stage to get naked and Tommy wasn't surprised that his cock wasn't the only

hungry one. A hungry cock? Well, I mean, a hungry dill rook, but anyway. Andy, Brad and Carl's cocks were all erect and hard. Carl's was even already bucking in desire. Brad, we want to see you fuck Kai in the ass, one of the viewers

called out. It's Carl, Carl called, but he was more than happy to bend over on his hands and knees before Brad. Andy, let Kyle suck your cock, someone else called. It's Carl, he said. Andy stepped up to Carl and offered him his cock. Tommy stood behind

Andy and spread his arse cheeks, pushing him slightly forward so he could have the best access. Brad let out a moan and pulled his cock from Carl's arse so the audience could see him cum all over Carl's arse cheeks. Thanks, Brad. Give Carl a facial, someone in the audience called. It's Carl, he shouted a moment before hot, wet cum shot onto his cheek. Seeing everything happening around him was too much for Tommy

and he felt his cock pulse as he filled Brad's ass with hot cum. Thanks, Brad. The four of them lay on the stage, sweaty and covered in each other's semen. The audience were all still in their seats, applauding what they had just seen. OK, now it's time for Rad Dad, Carl said. All of a sudden, the entire audience rose to their feet and stampeded out of the venue.

Remember the days when we did Rad Dad? Wow. No one wanted it. I paid 25 bucks for those two stories combined. I'll be fucked if I'm not reading them out. I mean, I'll be fucked when I am reading them out as well, apparently. By the way, I love this bloke down here.

He's got four shots. Oh, wow. No, three left. You had one. You just drank one. Just enjoying four shots. So you've got four shots lined up. Are you doing the dum-dum drinking game?

Yeah. Have a shot every time something funny happens? No. Because I'll be having those three you don't need. You know, it's like Scooby-Doo. He's going to pull his face off and it's Milan. Like, we knew the whole time.

Milan is genuinely pissed off that he's not here for this. He's genuinely offended that we booked this for tonight where he's like, you know I was going to be in Sydney. I'm like, I don't fucking know what you're up to. He's so offended that he booked this for tonight, where he's like, you know I was going to be in Sydney. I'm like, I don't fucking know what you're up to. He's so offended that he can't come here and spend thousands of dollars on dumb cunts drinking.

He's genuinely pissed off. Should we get him on the phone? For how desperate's this? Put him on a plane. Yeah, that'll work out. We'll just... For our American friend, we have a friend called Milan who likes to drink a lot and pay for us to drink a lot.

Thanks, Tom. Sorry, Tom just came and showed me a note on his phone and said, I am gay. It's just cool. What? Cool. Wow, that was a real forced entry there Lube up that doorway That was a real forced entry

He actually just drew a picture of the story Tommy read out Oh, anyway. Star of Q and anal. Um, so... Okay. Go fuck yourself. You can say whatever you like about me, my family, that brown boulder over there, but you do not insult Q&A. Never.

Never. I'll take that as a fucking dumb cunt comment. I'm offended too. Don't make fun of anal. I think you should have a shot. I did. I did have one. You did.

The absolute madman. It finally happened. Something funny happened. What were you up to? Chapter three. Harry's just about to put the sorting hat on. How's this? So to hark back,

so we haven't done the final results of the voting for last week. There was a cliffhanger, I think, that we didn't talk about. No, we got the results. What? We got the results. Did we get the final results though? The final tally? The absolute final tally?

Of like whether we should go to Thailand or not? I think yes was in front, yeah. Yeah, but we didn't get the final tally the absolute final tally of like whether we should go to Thailand or not I think yes was in front yeah yeah but we didn't get the final numbers well Trump didn't get in when you counted halfway

you gotta get the final numbers I read out I read out what I was given by the official schoolkeepers oh following orders yeah alright go

so this is what I did midweek I tried to hit up I tried to hit up I tried to hit up You're like Flower Child I'm trying to do whatever I can to get us to Thailand And I hit up The Thailand Tourism Board

Because I was trying to put a proposal Yes, I get it Yeah That's why he's still stumped By the way, Nick Cody was going to put a proposal to... Yes, I get it. Yeah. That's why he's still stumped. By the way, Nick Cody was going to be one of the people that was going to come along, but you had to be successful and film a stand-up special at a sold-out theatre in Sydney.

Hey, it is not sold out. Oh, welcome back. We're actually going to just get all the crowd to sit up on the stage. Curtain off the seats. Do some Patreon reads, they love it. So I

hit them up, I put a, I hit them up to sort of go, hey, we're a podcast, we'd like to go to Thailand, I want to convince my friend Tommy to come over. Yeah, we want to have a sleepover to come over. I haven't got a... Yeah. We want to have a sleepover in Thailand. Yes. Friend is a bit much.

Like we're colleagues. How's this though? So I hit up the Thailand the official Thailand tourism board website to email them right? They've got a Hotmail account. Yeah. Cut.

For the cunt who's got a Yahoo account. I'm not a fucking national tourism board. I went to Thailand.geocities.net The page was under construction. It was a sweet animated... If you ever want to know anything about the wonderful

things that Thailand has to offer, remember to hit up suanat2 at hotmail.com That's their email account. Disrespectfully. Yeah, they didn't get one. A bit rude to read out someone else's email address on this podcast in a public forum. I don't know about that.

Thanks, suanat 2 And if you're thinking of going to Thailand, give them a call on 0438. So when do you want to do it? When do you want to go to Thailand? Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

In like eight hours' time. No, it's not going to happen now. So now I think, you know, the idea is we're going to try... I want to push this so we go maybe mid-year next year. Okay. Because so many people have said they're interested in coming along. You're interested in coming along? You're going to go?

21st of June. 21st of June. Alright, let's go 28th. No, you know what? June is a fucking good month for it. You think every month's a good month for it? You've been every one of the 12 months on the calendar. Put your hand up if you'd come to Thailand with us in the middle of next year.

Holy shit. Alright, well, if you'd come to Thailand with us in the middle of next year. Holy shit. Alright, well, I don't want to come now. You'll bring the kids? Sounds sick. Yeah. Well, we're in Thailand. So. The guy that's got four shots and a pint to himself, he's in. There's got one shots and a pint to himself, he's in. Yeah.

That's got one shot left now. Yeah. Now he's just drinking for travel plans. I'm getting on a plane. Yeah. I'm drinking till I think I'm in Thailand. Itinerary's out for the boys. Itinerary's out for the boys.

Are you... So, you guys... Are you guys already booked in to go there? Oh, so, where are you going? What... What part? Fuck, he goes the next 45 minutes. Where? Where are you going? What part?

Phuket. Phuket. I don't want to go to Phuket though. It's not your holiday camp. It's work. Yeah. For those that didn't hear that. It's work. Yeah. It'll be funnier without you. It'll be fine. For those that didn't hear that... I fucking love this guy.

For those that... The guy said, it'll be funnier without you. It'll be fine. I'll see you after the show and I'll fucking ladyboy fuck you. Yeah. He's going to shoot a ping pong ball

out of his cock right in your face. Show you a lesson. That last joke was a tribute to the king. Wait, just so we don't get in trouble, you do want to go back. You can't say that on a public forum. You mean Elvis, right?

Oh, we're off the hook. R.I. Yeah. RIP. Should we get another guest on? Let's get another... Do you want to introduce them? Because I don't know what's going on in your hotline at the moment. Oh, fuck. Why do...

Okay. We've definitely got a guest. Yeah. Fuck. Did someone hit up Milan? I just got a text from him right then saying If I give you my credit card number Oh hell yeah

Can you get a round of shots for all your guests tonight As well as you and Tommy Jagerbomb this bitch without me This will be interesting This will be interesting given who our next guest is. Wait, so let's key the credit card number in. It's 0438. All right, yeah.

Oh, fuck! He just... Man, fuck, is he listening to this? Is this... He just texted me this second going, two drinks for Fiona. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back

onto the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Fiona O'Loughlin! Yeah! Hello, hello! Hey! It's so good! Sorry. She's back. Fiona! Fiona! Sorry She's back Fiona Yes

I love you Fiona you've had Eight spells in rehab Since your last episode Talk us through them You had a horrific experience in Adelaide. Is this any better?

It's much better. This is so good to be here. There's so much love for you after the last episode that we had. Yeah, thank you everybody. Thank you so much. We just need to clear up a bit of a cliffhanger

From the very last episode that we just recorded here Did you find your way to the venue? Yes I did Where did you think this was? Where were you? You've done many gigs here before You've done the podcast here before Were you halfway to Adelaide?

What was happening? No, I've got a little bit of residual damage from things. You were just going to be down. Don't list them. Don't list them. Let us guess. Literally, one of the people here, one of the punters here came up to us in the break and went, look, I don't want to make a big call about Fiona or whatever, but she just

tried to go in the men's toilet. I did too. Where is that guy? It was so lovely. I like it. She's back and she's Randy. Awesome. You don't ask, you don't get, do you?

That is old school Tinder. But it was so cool. Things like that are just so normal to me. Going into the wrong bathroom. Yeah. Normally you go into the men's toilet instead of the girls' toilet. Or normally, normal people don't. But if you do, it's just like, oh.

And I said to you, what's your name? Richard. I just said, oh, Richard. Richard's there. He was... Was he taking a big borry? What's going on? You're what?

You're blowing. Oh, it sounds like someone's getting ready for time out. You were drying the cum off your hands. Okay, cool. The Milo. That's not even a... He was having some Milo. But Richard was really cool about it.

I was cool about it because it ain't nothing to me. You know, in the scheme... What he's got is nothing to you. In the scheme of my fuck-ups, you know, just walking into the men's toilet, that's like stubbing your toe. Yeah, that's like the highlight of your day. Yeah. And I just looked at Richard and I went,

oh, wrong toilet, and he went, yeah. And I just looked at Richard and I went, oh, wrong toilet. And he went, yeah. He had sex. This guy. He just went for it. We did have sex.

Oh. I'm very sorry, Richard. Please call me dick. And call my dick. I'll give you an example of this. When I was... I was staying with my sister and... Please, tell us another time you had sex. She was... She lives in Port Pirie, my sister,

and I was staying with her and I went into the chemist shop. She was waiting for me and I was in the chemist getting things. And... But I had no idea that... Dr BWS. I need 550ml of vodka

stacked. I needed to get Google. That's a callback. She's back. This was in amongst my terrible time and I... The last 60 years. Yeah.

But I walked into the chemist and I didn't know... Nor did I care much when I found out, but I didn't know I'd been... I was wearing one of my niece's summer frocks because my clothes had gone missing. And what I didn't know was that the top had sort of shifted, this frock, and I just had one breast exposed. Richard gets it.

For the audience at home Fiona is acting this out very well And for the audience at home Richard has a massive bone Anyway so I walked in there And the girl She was serving me And then she just went

And I had no idea Just had one full boob out And she just said Your top is And she just pointed And I looked down and there's just a boob. And I just went like this. I went, oh, sorry. Then I told my sister about it when I got in the car

and she said, what? You just walked in to the chemist and you had a tit hanging out. And I said, yeah. And she said, but it was really good, though. The chemist shop girl, she recognised me. I've seen that tit somewhere. No, they're supposed to ask you to sign their boob, not...

But the point I'm making is, my sister said, oh, my God. She said, if I'd walked into a chemist shop and had one boob hanging out, like, I would just die. And I'm like, OK, if I died every time, you know, like... I would be so dead, you know. You can't even die when you're tried and dead. You wouldn't even have a two-week coma if you didn't die. Thanks, Mary. Thanks, Di.

So, basically, walking into the toilet with Richard was just... Full play. We get it. Just from the text hotline that I call my phone, someone just texted me, Fiona is a total fucking babe. Who sent that T-desk?

Oh fuck. No, you're looking good Fiona. Can you forward me that? It came from 0438 0423 120 Oh, you have had a few shots

I remember once I was doing the Adelaide Fringe and Alright mate I you know I had my it was about 15 years ago

but my agent had he used to do it without me asking just photoshop my posters It was about 15 years ago. But my agent had... He used to do it without me asking. Just Photoshop my posters. Like I needed help. Open her eyes in this show. Turn her from horizontal to vertical. Fuck, is this okay?

I don't know anymore. Am I too deep in it? But my son was in a car with a heap of teenagers and there's all these posters of me in Adelaide and they didn't know that I was his mother. And also I didn't look like a mother because I'd been photoshopped, you know, to death. And anyway, one of the kids in the car

goes, oh, she's a milf. And my son goes, stop the car! And he was never the same. I messed with him so bad once because one of the others has got a syndrome. No, he has. It's not a syndrome,

it's a disease. What is it? Celiac disease. It's not a syndrome. It's not a syndrome. You know when you have to go to a different school because you can't eat bread? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, that guy's not eating a sandwich.

Don't touch him. It's catching. But one of the other kids, real dickhead but cute as, you know, and he got really jealous when Henry got diagnosed with something because I was being really nice to Henry because he had a disease. You'd know about that. Your parents were probably nicer to you than the others. Oh, they only had you.

How's their love? Oh, treat me mean. His friends are right. You are a MILF. One kid and it got cancer. Yeah. Yeah. They fuck next to the microwave.

Anyway. I'm just amazed that you remember that far back about me. Anyway. My other boy, he got really jealous because Henry had a disease and he didn't. And I just went, oh, you've got a syndrome. And I just made it up. I said, you've got a syndrome. And he goes, have I?

He's really excited. He had a syndrome. And he said, what is it? And I said, Oedipus. and but he was and then a little bit of I know you're 15 but you want a breastfeed?

he was only 8 and he didn't know what it was so I spelled it and I said go look it up on the internet and then I was busy having a champagne with my girlfriend.

Next thing I hear, I'm just going, Don't come crying to me when you want to fuck. Don't come crying to me when you want to fuck. You've got to put that on a t-shirt. You've nearly won back the American.

You've nearly got her back. Where is the lovely American? Oh, God. She's disappearing. I feel like we need to get the guests. We've just woken up someone out of their sickbed. Oh, yes. Yeah, she's disappearing. No. I feel like we need to get the guests... We've just woken up someone out of their sickbed. Oh, yes. Yeah, she's here.

Hey, by the way... You said sick, not death. Since I've been, you know, to death's door, I'm about the rise and rise of Nick Cody. Congratulations. Oh, no. It's awesome. I said to my kids...

Did you come to and you were like, this cunt's making a go of it, put me back under. I don't want to live in this world. No, I've been dialing out. I've said to my kids, I know him. And then I Googled you and realised who you were. I knew. There were too who you were. And you. There were too many nice sentences in a row.

And my brain was going, quick, quick, fuck him up, fuck him up, fuck him up. Let's get our third guest on. Alright, let's get our third guest on. Let's see how long they live. Folks, you know him from I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Please welcome back in a little Dunlop Club, Joel Creasy! Hey, mate. How are you?

Good. Hello. Hi. Hello, hello. You might catch something. Yeah, I know. Gay. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm alright. I feel great. I was literally in bed 20 minutes ago, so I'm kind of here at this fucking shithole. Podcasts I don't even listen to. I love podcasts. What a waste of fucking time. Listen to some music.

Anyway, how are you? You look good. You sound sick. What have you got, Joel? What's going on? Are you okay? Yeah, no, I'm fine. What's wrong with you? What's wrong?

Oh I've just been throwing up What a bummer A lot of the audience have done that already in the breaks Yeah great So no I feel good Oh AIDS is a bummer isn't it? Literally Yeah

Oh very well You're a fucking cunt when you're sober. Hey, nice and up. Yeah, who knew it was other people giving her drinks the whole time? Yeah, no, I'm good. It's been a shit week all round. What do you mean? Well, I mean, I It's been a shit week all round. What do you mean? Well, I mean, I will say as a gay man,

Donald Trump being elected does mean that we get four years of Melania's shoes and that to me is going to get me through. I fucking love her. But a lot of people don't know this about you. You're a massive glory fan. Yeah. You're a massive what fan? Heroin.

Oh, heroin. Heroin addict. I'm a heroin addict now, by the way. I haven't seen you in a while. You're a massive what fan? Heroin. Oh, heroin. Heroin addict. I'm a heroin addict now, by the way. I haven't seen you in a while. You'll love that. You'll lose weight. Yeah, absolutely. Get a few comedy festival shows about how I'm off it,

but I'm not actually. I know. I don't want to be good. Welcome aboard, Joel Fleet. When I was 17, instead of going on schoolies, the first time Hillary Clinton was running for the Democratic nomination against Barack, I flew myself to LA to campaign for a week for Hillary.

I was just at Venice Beach handing out Hillary stickers. Did someone boo just then? What happened then? Fuck off, I'm sick. I'll cough in you and you'll catch AIDS. What a school he is. That's nice of you to be here. I thought you'd be watching Gridiron or something. Hey!

It's UFC and it starts at 9am tomorrow morning. Your Facebook is out of control at the moment, by the way. You're all these lovey posts about being engaged. Yeah, well, somebody up here's got to do it. Carl, I had to. It was too easy. It's fine. I was almost going to make it myself.

Which should be the motto of this show. I'm sorry, it was too easy. It's certainly not the motto of our stand-up career. So, yeah, sure. So, you were doing a lot of Hillary campaigning in the lead-up to this? Yeah, a lot. I changed my Facebook profile picture. Oh, huge.

That worked? But when you went over there, what did you do when you went over there to the US? I sold stickers. Oh, really? First time I'd ever heard you say, I'm with her, to be fair. I'm with her, but don't touch me. I sold stickers and I got Venice Beach. So guy, I'm there in speedos.

I'm like, buy Hillary's sticker, 50 cents. Yeah, it was fun. At least you went to California where getting that vote across would be a very hard thing to do. Yeah, no. What? Where am I? It's like going to the MCJ on grand final day and going,

come on guys, who likes footy? Come on. You know, I don't like Hillary Clinton. Oh, fuck off, Fiona. That's not a debate. To be fair, you probably don't remember much of her. By the way, we just learned how to tame the beast. Chrissy just showed us.

She has a shot. Fuck up, Fiona. When I was rollerblading on Venice Beach, with my hate Hillary stickers. It was actually on a gurney. It was Ambo's pushing it. So Hillary, fuck Hillary. You know, she grandstands

on easy things. Hillary is not a woman. Human rights. Well, where were her human rights when she buried Monica Lewinsky? Like, that poor girl was a victim of that fucking... But if someone cheated on me, if my partner cheated on me, I would absolutely destroy them.

I mean, I cheated on all my partners. She was a child. No, Hillary's evil with knowledge, whereas Donald Trump is evil with whatever it is between his ears. And a fabulous first lady. I don't think Hillary's... He's a celiac, I think. Yeah.

Is she on tonight? Hillary, yes. She's straight up after me. This is what audiences want on a Saturday night, I reckon. Get in on the fucking TV. By the way, I can tell you the most fucked schoolie story. One of the smartest slash wrong things I ever heard. I did a gig on the Gold Coast a couple of years ago.

All right, we get it. Thank you. Where you live, you fucking big bogan. Yeah, I put on my white Oakleys and my white shoes and I went home. My cow would punch the home. Yeah, right. I coward punched the mayor. As is tradition.

It was schoolies week and I met all these people on schoolies and everybody was wearing shirts that had their university on it and I asked this group of guys, had University of Darwin on their t-shirts? And I'm like, guys, I've got to be honest, there's not a University of Darwin on their t-shirts and I'm like guys I've got to be honest I don't, there's not a University of Darwin is there? And one of these guys goes no we go to Bond here

but there's 200 girls at schoolies playing a game where they're racing to fuck guys from every state so we just printed University of Darwin t-shirts and we are killing it See my son didn't have to go So we just printed University of Darwin T-shirts and we are killing it. See, my son didn't have to go there because it was on tap at home. He's a good-looking boy too

and when you're in my house living under my my roof I love that this is your new thing You come out of this pussy You can come back in it And to think That you asked us to edit things out From the last episode Jesus Christ Wow

Very good Jesus Christ Should we Should we get into a little sermon? Should we call a priest? It sounds like you're some of these ones. I'm just going to take a Snapchat to prove that I actually came here. Oh, yeah, because no one would believe you have it this good. This is the highlight.

I won't tell you the caption. It's not a very good fight no you can keep talking oh okay sorry we forgot how a podcast works I don't want to tell you how to run a podcast should we do

a thing that we haven't done for a long time be funny no we have an episode of Australia's longest running

and most consistently funny, and I'm looking at all the people who aren't clapping at this. I'm taking all your names down. Radio Serial. We are going to do another long-awaited episode of Rad Dad. I love Rad Dad. Rad Dad. I love Rad Dad. Can we have the music, Mr. Music Maestro?

Here we go. Classes. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just riding around in a Rad Dad way. Gotta watch the kids, the cat and the dog.

Now see me be right in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother. Catalog. Yeah. Word to your mother. I'm Brad Dad. I'm the baddest dad in town. Hey, come back. Brad Dad.

Don't walk out. Lucita's walking down the aisle to that. What? That's not in the script. Yeah. We start now we start now? Okay Well

Here we are at the airport Jenny Oh are we Rad Dad? Thanks I thought we were in a bakery And all those planes Were fucking sausage rolls You dickhead

I think you're getting Early onset dementia Except by the look Of that mambo farting Dog t-shirt you're wearing It's probably just in time Now where are we actually going? Jenny it is a big surprise.

Ah shit we're going to Thailand again. Right dad I refuse to go back there. It was so embarrassing last time when that woman and child on the street started accusing me of being your secret family. What does secret family even mean anyway? Oh nothing

Jenny. I'm sure it was lost in translation. They're probably just trying to sell you a pirate DVD copy of Modern Family. But apart from that, well, congratulations. Yet again, you've prevented us from going to Thailand, Tommy. What? I mean, Jenny. Where we're actually going is Adelaide in 40 minutes. Wait, but if it's in 40 minutes, why are you only lining up to buy tickets now?

No one buys advance tickets to anything to do with Adelaide, Jenny. So why are we going to Adelaide? Man, that's probably one of the most asked questions of all time. We're going over there to visit your mother. She lives in Adelaide now? I guess that's cool. I mean, since it's a smaller city, she can probably afford a big fancy house. Maybe a mansion.

Maybe a palace. Two hours later. Wow, Mum. What a fucking shithole. Welcome, Jenny. Hi to your new home. Hello, Rad Dad. Hello, Fiona.

Really like what you've done with the place. I would describe it as really cool. Thanks, Rad Dad. Hello, Fiona. Really like what you've done with the place. I would describe it as really cool. Thanks, Rad Dad. Really cool as in it looks like it's filled with ice. We wrote this like three months ago and we've had it in the bank, so... Fuck you, Rad Dad. I'm living a whole new life over here. I've gotten rid of my married last name, Dad, and...

..and gone back to my maiden name, Northern. Oh, so you own this place? Well, no, I'm a tenant. So you rent? Well, it's more like I'm a clubhouse. A clubhouse filled with drugs. But it's okay. I have a fun roommate and we only have one rule.

No bitching, no backstabbing and no being negative to anyone. Anyway, meet my new roommate, Joel. Yeah, please, guys, no gossip, negative talk. Um, okay? I hate that stuff. Um, almost as much as I hate that flurry bum bag you're wearing, you weird looking old virgin. How old are you? Forty.

I didn't ask you age and dog years. What a cool uplifting place. Who's that person coming over here? Oh, that's our landlord. He's great. He even makes us breakfast every morning. Oh yeah? What did you have for breakfast this morning? Drugs. Never saw that on the food pyramid

at school. Probably because you went to school before the pyramids. Well, hello everyone. I'm the landlord who doesn't have a name or description in case we all get sued or shot. Fiona, you look like you're getting a cold. I'd better go get something for you. Cough medicine? No, ice.

Isn't he great? He's so helpful. I just want to say on record that the only ice I approve of is Ice Ice Baby. I just want to say on record that you should get your Granny May's Daffy Duck silk tie and hang yourself with it. Mum, I don't want to sound like I think I'm smarter than both my parents, but fuck me dead it's hard not to. I think your landlord isn't that good for you. What do you mean? I mean I haven't tried to neck myself once since I've been here.

And when I was with your dad there wasn't a second when I wasn't thinking about it. If you look at our wedding photos I've even got a vacuum cleaner cord around my neck then. Look everyone let's just get out of here right now. Let's go. Oh, wait, wait.

What's that in the front yard? It's an envelope containing $8,000. Whoa, it must be the takings from the drug dealer landlord. Great! Let's get out of here. With all that money, we can all escape this hellhole and flee the country to, say... Oh, I don't know. A place

where he'll never find us. A different continent. They'll never think to look in Asia. How about Thailand? A place absolutely free from drugs and drug dealers. Plus, it'd be an amazing thing to do. What do you think, Jenny? Nah.

That might be good, Rad Dad. My landlord has been wanting me to go there for a while and bring some parcels for him. Going to Thailand with these losers? I think I'm going to contact a notorious underworld figure and put a hit out on myself. Well, this sure has been an eventful afternoon. After all this, I need a drink.

Fiona, you with me? Oh, Rad Dad We did it, everyone Yeah, we fucking did it I love comedy I've got to hit the bricks Yeah, Cody's got to fuck off Nick Cody, ladies and gentlemen

See you, Nick Cody Should we do Nick Cody ladies and gentlemen there's a substitution I know a guy half as good as me but twice as big yeah let's get him out here ladies and gentlemen welcome back in Dilip Rookjai singer has Nick got a gig? Hello, hello. It's been so fun sitting back there listening to what's been happening. Firstly, someone's just gone, fuck. But firstly, during your Fiverr read,

that was a moment this bunch of people from a box night decided to see what's happening. They poked their head in, one guy, and you're literally at that moment saying, and Tommy's throbbing dick started rubbing against his jeans. By the way, no-one was laughing at that point either. And you say that, and he just goes, hmm, and just walks out. One question.

What's a Bucks night? And when you say poke their head in, do you mean... And the other one was just then, during Rad Dad, where Rad Dad says he wants to go to Thailand. I was standing next to your girlfriend, Carl, and she just goes, oh, God. Carl's got a girlfriend? Yuck, imagine having a girlfriend.

I'm with you. I like your tarakash blazer, by the way, Dior. It's very nice. No, fuck you. This is Target. Oh no, it's Big W actually. This is the true story. Big, big, big W.

By the way, big respect for you to somehow find a T-shirt that's too big for you. Fucking hell. Big respect for you to find a forehead that's too big for anyone. You mongoloid. I'm offended, you fat fuck. Do you know what? I'm actually starting to feel better. Hate fuels me.

We had a loveful day, didn't we today, Fiona? We did. Today, Fiona and I hung out. Where did we go, Fiona? We went to an AA meeting. Yeah. Fiona, I was going to catch up with the coffee. She's going, I've got to go for AA.

And she's like, I said, oh, can I come? And she goes, yeah, sure. To be fair, though, I thought it was the nicest meeting. I thought AA stood for Allahu Akbar. I thought AA stands for American Apparel. That's bullshit. You knew what it was. You just see the free cookies there on the table.

Didn't see the cookies, no. But, yeah, it was full on, but good. I enjoyed it. I like laughing at other people's pain. Why are you allowed in? Why am I allowed in? Yeah. Why? Because I'm brown?

No, because you're fat. No, why are you doing Alcoholics Anonymous? Why are you allowed in? They don't check my blood content level. They don't say, so how fucked are you? Yes? Did Fiona do a bit? This is what I was gonna get to.

Oh, here we go. So one by one, people get, they're like, hey, so Jeff, do you wanna get up and do it? Fiona likes a good open mic? Man. So they're eventually different people, and they're telling these horrific stories. It's called sharing.

Sharing? Yeah. Something Tommy never did as a child. Something you never do when you're at dinner. That was teamwork, baby. That was nirrital! And yeah, literally, everyone's coming up

and telling horrific stories and then Fiona gets up and she's killing. Oh, what bit did she do? Which gala set did you do? So what about lying, you know, waking up and my husband is like, are you getting up? I had a really bad hangover.

And he goes, are you getting up? And I'm so embarrassed from the night before, you know, because God knows what I did. And I feel like shit and I'm just like, I'm never, ever getting up. This is my deathbed, you know. And he said, well, it may well be your deathbed but at the moment it's our kitchen table. Please, just keep it.

Welcome to AA, everyone. And then I said, I think when I lost them as well, I said, I'm going to close on this. Did you give it up for the MC? I asked her if I could open for her next day. Hang on. Did you lose it when you went anyway, that's my time. Hang around. Have a drink.

Hey Joel. You're gay, yeah? Yes, but no. No. Whoa, bombshell. It's like the reverse Josh Thomas. Surprise, I'm not gay. Hey, I think I'm homophobic.

Okay, great. Yeah, I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now. Why? No, no, no. This is what happens. So I was in India and I... How long is this story going to go for? You tell me if I'm a good person.

I was in India and I went to get a massage. And it was a legitimate one. And I had a male masseur or whatever you call it, which I've had before. That's fine. He then was very handsy. He's a little Asian boy. I'm going to be giving you a massage today,

you fat fucking idiot. You're so tense up in your shoulders. Why are you so tense, you fucking idiot? Why aren't you more sensitive in your shoulders? What of it? He was massaging and he got to my pelvic area. Yeah? Yeah.

What a journey. He got to the top of the... Not the tip of the dick, but the top of the dick and he started really get he got to the the top of the not the tip of the dick but the top of the dick and he started really massaging it and I got a little hard does that make

what does that make me how does that make you homophobic it makes you a fucking faggot that's what it makes you how is that a question I had a man

massage my dick until it was hard. Yeah. Do I hate him? I hate him. Well, that's the thing, because I was not, like, I was very, I was not happy about getting, like, enjoying it. So I went the next day again.

Yeah, you hate him. Unless the story is that I bashed him. You have no... And I go to the, I said, hey, I'd like another one. By the way, I was staying in a hotel, so it was, like, the same place I I bashed him. You have no... And I go to the... I said, hey, I'd like another appointment. By the way, I was staying in a hotel, so it was like the same place I had to go to. And you walked in without your pants on.

Yeah, I walked in with the Pride t-shirt. No, I said, hey, I'd like another massage. Could I get a female therapist? Right? And they're like, no, no, no, for men, only men. For women, only women. And I was just... That's how the world should be.

But this is what I'm worried about because I then, because I was so scared about getting that same guy and then getting more turned on, that I went to the toilet and had a wank just to make sure that I was not going to get erect. How did this get more gay?

How did this get more gay than you getting rubbed by a man and getting a heart on? Jerking off over the mere thought of being touched by a man. No, I was trying... You're gay. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Is the third part of this trilogy you fucking a man? I hate this! I'm furious!

Because I'm going to make a ruling, like I don't know heaps, but I'm going to make a ruling I don't know he's but I'm going to say not homophobic because I was like if I was I just was so sad that I was that

uncomfortable with being touched by a man I thought I was more progressive and open minded well if it helps I'm never going to

fucking touch you so let's be honest to be honest with his size it's hard not to that's not a gay thing that's an everyone thing I, it's hard not to. That's not a gay thing, that's an everyone thing. I think it's good, though, to be open about things that you're not...

Shut up! I'm not talking about... Have you... Your people. She's talking to Joel, not my people. No, like, for instance... And I've just come to claim this. When I...

The gays are taking over. Careful, you're surrounded. No, this is... When I was in the coma, I had a thing in my throat to... Cock. Jesus. Your son's cock. We get it. But I was like,

no, I was intubated. Thanks, son. Intubated. Tracheotomy, right? And thank fuck it didn't have to stay, because that would ruin my career, you know. Buddy, they happen to be on the way to the gig. By the way, Fiona, while you've been away,

I've gotten very famous in my own TV show, so you cannot ruin that for me. Oh, wow. Fuck, quickly, someone say anything else. No, I want to say you're so scared. But how do we go from Dill cho-dick to you talking about... I was talking about being wrong. Open and honest.

I wasn't being wrong. I was just, you know, I was trying to figure... Yeah, I wasn't trying to be wrong. I think it was wrong the minute you walked into that massage parlour. Why? Because why are you going to a massage parlour that touches your dick? Why? Because why are you going to a massage parlor that touches your dick?

That was ones that have on the side, P.S. We touch your dick when you come in. It was written in Hindi so I couldn't understand. They might have said something about it. I'll take you out to a few gay clubs. I've been to a gay club with Adam Richard. Met up with apparently... Wait, is he gay? Yeah.

Apparently I met up with a 45-year-old man wearing a cowboy hat. Come with me and you won't have to pay to get in. Do you remember? You took me to a gay nightclub. Yeah. You and Reece Nicholson. Yeah, in Sydney. In Sydney.

And I was... We were standing out in the smokers area with... I was with Reece. And this guy came up and he's a bit out of it and drugs aren't they mental? Sorry you had to put up with that. How annoying is it when someone abuses substance?

Like cheesecake. This drag queen came up to Reece and I and said, how did you two meet? And Rhys quick as this, he goes, we dated for a while. Gays love you, though.

That night we went out and people were like, a lot of gay guys. It's her. Really? Yeah. Because they think you're damn Edna. Damn Edna. Hello, puppies. hello puppies actually I prefer that

I prefer that to what I got in a taxi I was in a taxi and got out and the taxi driver was kind of looking in the rear vision mirror on the way and then he said you know you make a lot of people happy and I said thank you and then I just

paid him and I was just getting out of the cab and he goes, have a good one, ding dong. Alright, hey, I think we've got to wrap this episode up. So then I did a chook dance. I was hilarious. We've got to wrap up this episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Big round of applause for Fiona O'Loughlin! Joe Greasy Dame India

Thanks so much for listening And we'll see you next time See you mate