The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 324 - Josh Earl & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: December 21, 2016

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Brisbane, you've been hooting and hollering about it for far too long and we've done it, the absolute madmen. We've put a show on sale for you next year, March, during the Brisbane Comedy Festival, but not a part of it. Carl, what's the date? Because I genuinely don't remember. Oh, great question. I thought you were going to say,

how come we're not part of the Brisbane Comedy Festival? And the answer is, because we don't want to pay the rego. That's a very easy one. Yeah. What did we settle on? Let me guess. March the 20th? Jesus Christ.

I don't think it was March the 20th at all. We were at the Hayar Bar in Brisbane, the same place that we went to last year. March 18th. If you went to the last one, it is March 18th. March 18th. Yeah. I knew it last one, it is March 18th. March 18th. Yeah. I knew it was two days before the one that I said. I knew it was a day.

Yeah. You nailed it. So that's finally on sale. Yeah, you guys have been clamouring for this for ages. We do. We take far too long to come back to Brisbane. It's very tricky to organise outside of the Brisbane Comedy Festival, but we are back.

Tickets are on sale now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Take a look at the guide for the Brisbane Comedy Festival, but we are back. Tickets are on sale now, littledumbdumbclub.com. Take a look at the guide for the Brisbane Comedy Festival if you want to see who we might be pinching off that line-up. And plus, we put one show on sale at the moment. We are probably going to put a second show on sale. So, yeah, look out for that if you want to get a kick. I mean, last time we did two, so we'd be hoping to not go backwards.

Exactly, and our numbers just keep going up and up and up, so we'd like to think that even more people in Brisbane are now aware of us. Yes. And you know what? This is the thing. Like I don't know the side of it. I don't know the download side of it like you do, Tommy. But I always look at the Facebook page and Brisbane is the second most amount of listeners

or the most likes on our Facebook page. Oh, interesting. More than Sydney. Ah, right. Heaps more than Sydney. So it feels like we've got heaps more listeners in Brisbane. Yep. So we should be coming back there more often.

So, yeah, look, get onto it. Get that first show sold out like you did last time and we'll get that second show on sale if there's the demand for it. Yes, absolutely. We've also got, if you are listening to this, hot off the presses. In a couple of days' time, we're doing a Christmas Eve live podcast at the European Beer Cafe in Melbourne, 7.30pm. Come hang out with us if you've got nothing else on,

if you've got no family stuff, if you're in town or whatever, if you're a Melbourne orphan. It's going to be great. We've got some great guests. And, yeah, we're just going to fuck around and do what we do. Come along and we'll sit up till midnight and we'll bash Santa when he turns up. That's the goal.

So that's going to be really good. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for that one. We've also put Melbourne Comedy Festivals on sale. Heaps of people buying the season passes. Thank you to everyone that's copped one of them already. And like I said, you know, our numbers go up every year. We get more and more downloads. Our numbers to live shows go up every time.

Man, I was looking at those figures and like this is a thing, like we are three months out of something at the moment. You know, when we're recording, we are months out from the show. Man, we're going to sell out. Yeah, all those shows are going to be full. Like they were all, this last festival they were all full with not much room left for people as it was. Yeah.

And we've taken a big jump in numbers in the last year. So yeah, this is going to – if you do want to come, don't be leaving it up to the day. Lock your ticket in now because they're not going to be – I dare say there'll be none on the door on the dates. Yeah, and I dare say that, like, we're not going to move venues. That's the thing. We've moved venues once to –

We can't do that this time. So we're very happy to just have full houses for all four shows. I dare say they're going to be very fun shows. Yeah, they always are. They're the best ones. The Melbourne Comedy Festival ones are the best ones. I dare say. We're friends.

Wouldn't go that far. But they are cracking ones. We've always got the biggest names in town. It's heaps of fun. It's a great vibe during the festival. That last run was awesome. The runs that we've done have gotten better and better each year. It's almost like we're getting better and better each year.

I mean, again, it hopes so. What else is on sale? We've got T-shirts. We've just reprinted the burger shirts. They are back after a long absence. People are loving them. Yes, flying off the shelves. We just reprinted.

Again, littledumbdumbclub.com for all of those. And also... You know, if you get on there, there are wear shirts left. We are running out of them. I don't think we're going to reprint them for a while. So if you want one, there's a few sizes that are out of print. Get on for the remainders. The same with the 0438 shirts.

They're about to become a collector's item, aren't they? Yeah, both of them. Don't take them out of the package and play with them. Yeah, yes, exactly. So grab on to them. We've got a few ideas for a new T-shirt again, so look out for that. But Patreon, hey, we really...

You know what? It's the end of the year. It's towards the end of the year at the very least. We really appreciate all of your support throughout 2016 once again. It's been a banner year for the Little Dum Dum Club podcast. Fuck it has. We're fucking so good at this now. The content's

been great. The support has been great. The live shows we've done, even that 300th that we did, seeing all those people in that one room to celebrate this fucking shambles of a thing. It's warmed the cockles of my heart, Carl. It really has been just an unexpected gift in what I thought was an absolute waste of a life so far.

Yes, exactly. No, no, but man, I think 2016 has been full of some of the best episodes by far that we've ever done and the most consistent. I think it's been a shit year for Planet Earth, but it's been a great year for this little podcast. Yes, totally, totally. So, you know, go back. You know what?

Here's my request. It's the end of the year. It's me saying thank you to everyone for supporting us, for going to the live shows, for grabbing a T-shirt, for getting on Patreon. Patreon's a great way of supporting us, especially if you live far away and you just like to chip in. It all adds up and helps us out.

It makes it feel like it's worthwhile us all it all adds up and it helps us out it makes it makes it feel like it's worthwhile us doing this thing yes we appreciate it very much um here's one thing you know what if if you want to show your support that way that's great here's here's we don't do this but i'm doing it now go out there if you really love the show do one favor for me go out there and recommend it strongly to a friend of yours yes that you think would be into it

someone the same sense of humour as you someone you work with an old mate someone especially someone that you know already listens to podcasts already gets the medium

that's the best way because that's that's how it's happening so far like all we've done we don't spend money on advertising or anything we just do this show make it as good as we can

and more and more people come to it but it'd be good it'd be great to just take a huge surge from you guys getting off your fat asses. Get off your fannies. Yeah, get off your fannies. Do up some, go real grassroots with us. Do some fucking sit-ups.

Oh, this is a different rant, sorry. Do you remember like before the internet where like bands would get like people to be on their street team? Yeah, yeah. You could like apply to be on a band's street team and they'd send you like stickers and posters for you to like go around the neighborhood and get people into the cat empire like a fucking weirdo do that for us yeah doing a zine well i guess we do a zine anyway yeah we sort of do do a zine we do a little fan club that you can write into yeah exactly so if you yeah look that's that's

the easiest way to if you don't want to stick in cash if you don't you're short of a dollar view whatever it is you know even if you do support us monetarily do that thing you know sometimes people hit us up when they go into a live show going oh i really want to bring someone but but you know no one i know listens to the show so i've had to quickly uh tell them about what just do the grassroots right now but here's the thing you're gonna have to babysit them okay you're going to have to get someone onto the show, you're going to have to sit down with them and cherry pick your favourite moment.

Because if you just say, listen to this show, you know what, they'll do a brand new listener will come in, they'll just pick the most recent episode and they'll be listening to this shit for 15 minutes, just us talking about shows. And they'll be going, I don't get it. That's not going to work. You've got to sit with them and coach them through it.

Yeah. Give them two, three episodes. Because, you know, they might pick a Fiona Mooney one and go, oh, is it all about killing yourself? Is it all about this? We've been talking about this ourselves, Rachel. We've got to put together a best of. We've got to put together a compilation that's all the big running jokes of the show that

you can give to someone and go, here's a primer. Here's a dossier of the little dum-dum. Fuck, that'd be a hard job. It's so much work. There's no way that we're going to do it. It's so much work. Absolutely. If anyone wants to volunteer to do it, hit us up.

Yeah. If someone out there wants to make a bootleg. Yeah. Totally. But yeah, hey, that's a real request. Get out there. Just do it to one person if you can. I love doing it to one person. Yes.

So patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub is a way that you can support the show. You can subscribe each month and yeah, help us keep this going. It's a way of showing your support for the show that you get for free. And if you chip in different amounts each month, you get little bonuses, you get for free. And if you chip in different amounts each month, you get little bonuses.

You get little rewards. You get, for $10, you get a bonus episode of the show. For $5, you get a magazine. And, of course, for $10, you get the episode and the magazine. Oh, yes, and the magazine, yeah. $5, you get a magazine. We've just sent out December's one. It looks great.

And for $2 or above, you get your name read out at the top of the show. Yeah, we've got to change that. I said that last. We've got to change that officially. We've got to make it more? We've got to make it more, don't we? Yeah, we've got to make it more. Do we?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I'll take your money. I'll do whatever. All right, so should we do that right now? Yeah, let's do it. Let's go through a few of those.

Should we do – I'm pretty sure we haven't done these names, so it's a good vibe. I'm getting a good vibe off these names. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Because whenever I see these names, I double check. I try and double check through my file and then I look at the names and go, what joke would I make about this name? Can't come up with anything?

We probably haven't done it. Okay. Can't come up with anything? We probably did do it. And let's do it again. Here he goes. He's coming in hot. Let's do it.

They've done it again. Thank you. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Caleb Reichenvater. Caleb? Caleb. Caleb. Caleb. I don't.

I've never met a Caleb. Caleb. I've never had to say it out loud. Caleb. Yeah. You've never met a Caleb? No. Okay.

Never. Caleb. I come from Maryborough. Carl is a weird name in Maryborough. Yeah, true. Yeah, true. Okay. Caleb Reichenvater.

Caleb always looks, I look at that word and go, that's something backwards. That's a trick name. That's just a backwards thing. It looks like it's a name backwards, but it's not. It's Balek. It looks like it's backwards. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Caleb. Reichenvater. He must have gotten Reichenvater the father for sure. Or just Reichenvater. Yeah. Yeah. Caleb Reichenvater. And he Yeah. Caleb Reichenvater.

And he's got Reich in there as well. Yeah. That's not cool. It's – That's a tough last name to work with as a human. What do you reckon that's German for? Reichenvater. Well, what does Reich mean?

When they say the Third Reich, I don't know what that means. Bad thing? Bad thing, yeah. Because that was the third bad thing to ever happen in history. Yeah, yeah. There'd been two other big ones. Without looking, if only we had the internet, but we don't. So the third Reich, so that's the third bad thing.

So his name is Caleb Bad Thing and Farter. Yeah. Is that it? I guess that's it. Okay. Thanks, Caleb. Thanks, Reichsy. Thanks, Thirdsy.

Anyone who has even a passing knowledge of history, we just sound like the biggest dumb cunts of all time. And it doesn't matter what happens in the rest of this episode, all I'll get on Twitter this week is, Reich means this, you fuckhead. Well, I don't care. I'm happy to be ignorant as to what a horrible point in history technically means. Yeah, me no Reichie.

Oh, fuck. You're right. It's not racist. I'm saying like the Third Reich. Like, you know. All right. I think that's fucked our possible sponsorship with UNICEF now. Anyway.

Fuck that. Thanks, Roxy. Thank you, too. I think we're going to have the same material here. Here we go. Thank you, too. Laura McPartland. Laura McPartland. Laura McPartland.

Yeah. There's another word in there that rhymes with fart. Yeah, I feel there's some sexual things I could do with the word parting. Please. But it feels bad when it's a lady. If it was a guy, I'd go part those ass cheeks and let me in. Well, I can't say that about a woman. You can't have anal with a woman.

It's just not on. It's incorrect. It's impolite in mixed company. That's what it is. You can't do that. With a man, you can do... Totally. You can do whatever you want.

Yeah. That's the rule. You can do whatever you want with a man. When you're famous, they let you grab your dick and put it in their butt. I don't like getting political, all right? You're not my president. Thanks, Laura. Thank you, too.

Cameron McCoyst. McCoyst? Yeah. Oh, that's making me McCoyst. You'd like to put it in his Cameron McCoyt, I think. McDonald's have gone too far. They've finally. Especially on the breakfast menu.

God. Leave that till, you know, like, put that at the 11pm menu. Actually, McDonald's should have a late night only menu. Oh, yes. Like it's just all this super fucked up shit. Burgers that look like a dick. Yeah. That's the up late.

McDonald's up late. X-rated McDonald's. Yeah. That's great. Just a big sausage. Thanks, Ronald. Thanks, Randy Ronald. Oh. Oh. Thanks Ronald Thanks Randy Ronald Oh

Oh very Grab me on the nuggets Up late McDonald's Oh man That would be so good And you have to Imagine going into a McDonald's And having to show ID

To get a fucking Oh so you've got to be over 18 To get the food Oh I like it Because it's way too sexy and adult. The food is so pornographic. It's like you get all of your McDonald's oh, it's exactly the same as normal. You get it in a brown paper

bag anyway. Well, you know, I live near the McDonald's that's next door to a brothel, which is bizarre, which is a sweet combo as the great man would say. That'd be great if you ordered your McDonald's and then they put it on the top shelf You know

Like pornos Ah yeah okay So you had to be old enough to like Yeah yeah yeah Reach up there to get it So the burger's behind a plastic Like a black plastic bag Yeah yeah

And there's no markings on the bag either Like you know Like in a porn shop or whatever Where it's like You know Like I've never Look I've never ordered away for porn stuff But apparently they send it to you.

If you order online, it doesn't even bill into like dildos are us. Oh, it says it's from somewhere else or whatever. Yeah, Smiley Time Real Estate or whatever. I'd like to get something off the late night McDonald's menu, finish half of it and then leave it down the bush for some kids to find. Yes. Yeah, exactly. I make that reference so much.

And I did a festival show Where I had a reference To leaving something In the bush Yeah For some other kids to find And it always worked Really well

That's just That's For whatever reason That as a concept Is just firmly implanted In everyone's mind In this country Great

Yeah It's good isn't it My question I love that as a reference Because it was like A mysterious thing When I was a kid Yes

Like I would Kids would say to me Oh yeah yeah We found this It wasn't even pornos it was like a mysterious thing when I was a kid. Yes. Like kids would say to me, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we found this. It wasn't even pornos. It was like comic books. But this is it. Imagine going up the bush and just finding free content. But this is the last generation. Is it?

Kids now, kids aren't going into the bush. They're not even going to get their content from the bush. They're getting it all online. Yeah, no one's leaving a download up the bush. Is it? Well, people, you're getting it all online. Yeah, no one's leaving a download up the bush. Is it? Well, people, you know. It's good. I like that there's two terms that are geographically set in stone.

You go up the bush and you go down the shops. Yeah. They're consistent. Yeah. People out there, if you are still leaving things up the bush for kids, let us know. Maybe that's a way you can get someone into this podcast. Oh, yes.

Just get a boom box and have this playing and just leave it up the bush. Bury it. Yeah. Bury it in a little fucking trap up the bush. Yeah. Fuck. Great. Get some flies off us and leave them up the bush.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. Do some, yeah. We had the toilet graffiti thing going for a bit. That was doing some good work for us. I know. That was the most marketing we've ever done. We should bring that back.

That's an actual thing I want to get bigger than what it was. A listener saw an ad for this podcast scribbled on a dunny wall, a public toilet wall. Yes. And we were encouraging people to do this. Yes. And then we've had a few – a small trickling of people saying they've seen – Recently we've had a few people that have found those old ones.

So they're still there a year later. Right, right. But we want more people to do... Like next time you're in a toilet, make sure you've got a fucking Posca on you. Yeah. Swallow a lot of texters. So next time you're taking a shit,

you can pull it out and write on the toilet wall. So this toilet is like... It's in a prison or something where you're not allowed to bring any outside items in which is why you have to smuggle them in. Not in your own toilet because you don't need to smuggle it in that way and advertise it to yourself. Put a texture in a condom and then

eat it. And fuck with it. Thanks Cameron. Oh that's where we were. Who else we got? A lot of content coming out of these names. Thank you. I hope I haven't read this one out before. It seems a little bit familiar

but maybe not. Carl Chandler. Thank you to Beth Lockhart. Beth Lockhart. I don't think you have read that one out. I have.

No, I don't think you have. Yeah, good. Well, by putting money in you've got the key to the lock on my heart. Beth, what do you think about Beth as a name? I like it. It's a nice name.

It's one of those ones for me, I knew a Beth in high school and I was like, nah. No good? Yeah, I've got a bit of that with certain names. It's pretty old school. Yeah. Yeah. All you need to do… It's nice.

It's nice sounding. It's a pleasant sounding name. Yeah. It's one of those ones where you've got extra responsibility naming a kid and then thinking, fuck, I hope that doesn't grow up to be a shit kid and then wreck that name for everyone. Yeah. Yeah?

There's probably names that have died out because there's been too many shit kids called that name. There's too many shit girls called Agnes, so no one uses that name anymore. Yeah. That's a good point, actually. Those names where you go, that's an old person's name. But why is that? Why does it die out? Agnes could still be cool.

If it becomes like a trope or a cliche on cartoons where it's like, oh, check out old Mavis. Oh, well, that's done. But they'll come back. I reckon give it ten years, they're all going to start coming back. You only need one hottie called Mavis and it's all back on. Boom, we're back on. Get one supermodel called Mavis.

So if you give birth, if there's any girls out there listening, if you give birth to a particularly sexy kid. Call it Grandma. Call it Carl. Thanks Beth. Thanks Beth-o. Thank you too. Thank you, too.

Richard Carpenter. Ooh. Yeah. Pretty straight name there. Yeah. Pretty dicky old dicky seed, dicky carpenter. He must be... He must...

What do you think his ancestors did for a living? What do you reckon? Well, he must get that all. He must be annoyed by us. So what do you do for a... Let me guess, bloody... Your sister should eat something. Oh, no, it's probably not the same.

What? The Carpenters. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, the band. You know that funny thing where a woman died? I know of the Carpenters. I don't know the lore surrounding them. I'm sorry.

Well, she died of anorexia. That's great. Yeah, isn't it? That's cool. Now do you get my joke? Yeah, that's great. Thanks, Anne. Thanks, Karen. Dickie Carp cool. Now do you get my joke? Yeah, that's great. Thanks, Anne. Thanks, Karen.

Dickie Carpenter. Dickie Carpenter. What sort of a life would Dickie Carpenter lead? Oh, man. Well, how much is he chipping into the Patreon? Oh, I think it's a fiver. A fiver. So he's doing all right.

He's living a good life. Well, we know he's earning from carpentry, he's earning at least $5 a month. We know that. Well, hopefully he's not spending his whole life savings on our magazine. Okay, he earns $10 a month. Half of it goes to us and then he leaves off the other half. That's good budgeting.

Yeah. Half for expenses, like for luxuries. Very good budgeting. He should have been Richard Accountant. He's excellent. Thanks, Dick. Thanks, Dicky C. Thanks, Dicky Kick. Thanks, Dicky Kick.

Last of all, let's do one last one. We've got time for one last one. One last one. I've just got to figure out. I do a little thing where I go through and double check to make sure. I do a search. I put the name in and I search to see if we've read it before. I've just officially got to do that. We'd sound silly if we read out one last one. Yeah, yeah exactly you don't want to say some name where you guys are

like we've heard that three times yeah we hear that every week so that's a apple f i've just i'm giving away i've got my laptop here yeah happy people know the shortcut that you use that's big yeah yeah it's a bit too personal sorry guys um all right no it's coming up as no results okay so this this is the first okay cool this is the first time I've read this one out. So that's good. Doing my job. Pretty proud of myself. Okay.

I'll split this up into the first name and the last name, I think. Okay. That's traditional. You generally read the first name first and then the last name. Yeah. Well, I'll continue the tradition. Yeah. Okay.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber, first name Tommy. Let's see if I'm pronouncing this. This sounds a little bit Bulgarian maybe or something. Yep. Definitely they're back in the – we've got a lot of Eastern European sponsors. They're back in again. Tommy, I love you. I love you.

I love you. Tommy, you. I love you. Tommy, I'm struggling with this. Tommy, I love you. I love you. Carl. Yeah, what? You've read that one out before, you fucking idiot. You fucking idiot.

But it wasn't on the show. Thanks, Tommy. Thanks, Tommy. So, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club is how you can contribute to all this fun. Chip in. And seriously, I don't think we make a big enough deal of this. The magazine that you get is so good. Yeah. Like the episodes are really good too.

It shits on this podcast. You should just close the podcast down and do the magazine. Yeah. Yeah. The episodes are really good too. It shits on this podcast. You should just close the podcast down and do the magazine. It's all really great stuff. Guests contribute. I do drawings for it. You're a designer by trade so it looks great. We could sell. I mean we technically do. We could print this out and sell this motherfucker. Nah. But what we're doing now

is alright. Don't nah me. I said we could. I'm right. We could. Can't nah that. In my opinion that's impossible um no it is good it is very good um and it's it's cheap and you know you're not just paying for the magazine you're paying to do the right thing by us and if you're enjoying you'll be patting us on the back in a monetary form you get what four episodes in a month for free five bucks five bucks for four episodes yeah you know what you're right don't even that's that $1.25 an episode. Good boy with the maths.

Thank you. If you put in 10, that's $2.50. $2.50 in it. Richard Carpenter would have come up with that. Half a coffee and you get an hour and a half of content. $1.25 an episode plus a magazine. Yeah. That's pretty sweet.

That's good stuff. Yeah, get on to that. All right, guys. So, yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find all that stuff. Brisbane tickets, Christmas Eve tickets in Melbourne, Melbourne International Comedy Festival tickets, our solo shows are on sale now. We're at 8.30 and 9.30 back to back

in the European Beer Cafe or if you want to come see us after one of the podcasts, it's, what is it, podcast at 3, your show at 4.30, my show at 6? Yeah, check it out. Check it out on littledumbdumbclub.com On a Sunday afternoon you can run all three into each other. You can see everything. You can see the whole hog. Yeah, t-shirts, all that stuff. It's all there, littledumbdumbclub.com. Enjoy this episode

with Josh Earle and Danny McGinley. Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting opposite me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. How are you feeling about Christmas, Carl? This is technically our Christmas episode, isn't it? We're going to have a Christmas Eve episode coming up.

But that'll come out on the feed after Christmas. So as far as the listeners are concerned, technically this is the Christmas ep. Are you looking forward to being haunted by some ghosts from Christmas past, present and future? No, because I've never done anything bad. It's just ghosts coming to me going, fuck,

you killed it. We wish we were still alive so we could hang out a bit more. You there, boy, what day is it? I know you. You're great. Yeah. Well, let's get our guests. Ebenezer Kulkunk.

I love it when things rhyme. We're doing an episode. It's a Sunday night. We've got some beers going. We've got two horny dads here who are just happy to be out of the house. We decided to go down to the bottle shop and get some beers for our guests.

We just got a regular six pack, like a couple of amateurs. These guys turn up on my front doorstep with a couple of fucking long necks. Oh, with a little bit of, like, I know we still haven't introduced the guest, but we'll let you talk about it. Get him in. First of all, you know him from Don't You Know Who I Am and Spicks and Specks. It's Josh Earle.

Thank you. And I'll let you introduce the other guest before I do a bit of a plug. Oh, okay. And also joining us, you will have seen him, technically speaking, you will have seen his work as part of the 2016 AFL Grand Final.

And I was in the post-match show Shut up until I introduce you. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Who's it going to be? Gillian McLaughlin? Robert Murphy! It's Danny McGinley! Also from the circle. Well done.

I knew I knew you from somewhere. From when you were doing the circle and he was in the audience Yes, yes, exactly That's how you know me as well That's my big TV credit That was a bit of a dum-dum day that day When I was on screen at The Circle And then you and Cody were in the audience And then me and Lane

I was laying into all of you I mentioned you guys more than the book I was plugging I wonder why you haven't been invited on TV that many times since. Hey, that went well. It was great on that when Carl, the Circle was this morning TV show five years ago and Carl was on it promoting Funny Buggers, his joke book, and you came on and you started saying the jokes

and then Yumi, the host, said, so can you tell us some of the jokes that are coming up through your book? You mean like I'm doing now? Yeah. Oh, right. Also, like Georgie said that you seem like a really nice guy. Yes. That was the best thing.

We were all rejoicing over that, I remember. Oh, no, there was a glitch in the Matrix where I'll go, should I say something here? Shut up, cunt. All right. We've got to go to an ad break now. Is there a dump button on TV? Josh, you had a riff lined up about the long neck.

No, I didn't have a riff. I'm drinking Sing Tao because of our good friend Rotten Ronald Cheng. Is that the only reason you're drinking it? Yeah, I actually went in there and I was going to get some Coopers and I thought, no, no, I'm going to see my two super pals, Tommy and Carl. I'll get some Sing Tao. And you said to the guy,

give me the official beer of choice of autism, thank you. The guy actually did the play. Always count matchsticks responsibly. It does say it's got 7% Asperger's in it, so yeah. The guy actually looked like Ronnie about five years ago before Carl got it to him. He was a plump Ronnie. I was a large man.

Plump Ronnie. Oh, I know that guy, yeah. Yeah, I was just saying, we weren't down to the same place. I was saying to Carl, I'm in there a lot, and I saw that guy like down at the shops, the bottle shop attendant, and I was like, hey, man, and he just looked at me like really freaked out. You can't be familiar with the bottle shop guy.

He doesn't know you. You don't want him to recognise you. It's not a fucking good look. I want to say, so you got those. We had bought a six-pack thinking this would be cool just to share amongst us. I want to now officially say the reason why. It was because

just before that, I get a text message from a listener saying, hey Carl, thought I'd let you know I love the show. I listen to every single episode at least twice. I've bought an aware shirt. I'd love to give you some Patreon cash. Unfortunately, having a one-year-old is quite expensive and chews up pretty much all my spare dollars. I've got a spare

20 bucks this week, so I'm going to try the whole phone number money banking send thing so you guys can get a six-pack or something for your next recording. Very interesting. So that's on him. That's Riley Stevenson. Thanks for the sweet beers, Riley. Thanks, Riley.

Cheers, Riles. And there's no way you've listened to the Paul Foote episode twice. I stand by that ep. Well, speaking of getting generous donations in the form of things other than money from guests, I went to the Meredith Music Festival last weekend. Yes. And a big shout out. I actually got

on the Friday night, I reckon I got stopped maybe about nine times from various Dum Dum listeners. Very nice to see people down there who came up and said hello. Including at one point I was in the pit watching King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizards about 10.30 at night. Very drunk. This guy kind of

taps me on the shoulder and he goes, hey man, huge fan of the podcast. Big fan of the little dum-dum club. Look, I don't chip into the Patreon or anything like that. I don't subscribe. I've always felt guilty about it. I haven't been to a live show. Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little bag and goes, but it would be my honour if you would do some cocaine with me now

as payback for all the sweet content I've gotten over the years. He used the term sweet content. He did use the term sweet content. And you obviously say 50% of it. Well, I did. So I've talked on the show. Give me that fucking beer back. You can lick the inside of my nostril if you want.

Well, I've talked about this on the show before. I have a bit of like a kind of an irrational fear of people I don't know. So he does that and I'm kind of out of my mind in the middle of a festival and I go, man, I don't know you. There could be fucking anything in that bag. That could be fucking anthrax for all I know. That could be illegal drugs. Yeah, yeah.

That's a bad thing, yeah? Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, that could be fucking anything for all I know. Did you think it was a sting from the Life Ed van or something? How would that have been if Tommy went inside? The next podcaster's from the phone. With his nipple up against the glass. Yeah, on the way to Meredith, there was one of those road signs that says police are now cracking down on podcasts.

So, yeah, I just, so, yeah, I went, well, this could be fucking anything. And he goes, okay, I'll do some in front of you to prove that it's not. And I go, yeah, fucking knock yourself out, mate. And he goes, okay. And he dips a key in and, you know, does it. And he's like, see? And I go... That's like the battle of wits from the Princess Bride.

And I go, okay, cool. Well, now that I know that it's not poison, please give me heaps. So, yeah, it was good stuff. Such a downer for his high that you've kind of made him take it and he's like, oh, fuck, this is meant to be a really good thing and now, okay, I'll grudgingly do this speed or whatever it was. Yeah. Yay.

That's what the script of Scarface was originally before they punched it up. Well, but so then at Catfish Comedy, the gig that I co-run on Tuesday nights, last Tuesday I was there. It's two days after Meredith. I'm sitting there. I'm on the door taking people's money, feeling a little kind of seedy after the weekend. And this guy turns up on the door and goes, oh, hey, man, good to see you at Meredith.

Did you have a good time? And I sort of go, like I wouldn't have recognised this guy if I just saw him in the street. And I also bumped into a lot of people who knew the show at Meredith. So I go, oh, yeah, it was good, man. Yeah, it was a fun time. Did you have fun? In my head thinking

maybe could this be the guy could this be the guy from the crowd with the bag but I'm not gonna you can't ask that and then

and there's all these people around him waiting to get into the gig and he goes yeah did you have a good time and did you enjoy all the fucking cocaine I gave you

wow just goes for it. Wow. Yeah. And boy, was your face red from the massive sunburn you had. And boy, was your septum dissolved. Thanks, Pablo. I remember you telling a story about a year ago.

You hear certain things on this podcast podcast because I listen to every episode. Huge fan, I'm a deal. But one that's always stuck with me is you were at, I think, Meredith and you saw a guy wearing a Dum Dum Club t-shirt and you walked up to him and went, this guy gets it, high five, and he snubbed you? Yeah.

Is that right? Yeah, there's been a bit of that. That has stuck with me. Did he get given that t-shirt? It was carved. Do I know you? I did have a girl come up to me and I was like walking along and she's kind of like, you know, walking towards me

and she goes, are you the little dum-dum club? Yeah, it's that character show that I do. It's me doing all my funny voices. It's just me in a room alone. You're like the streets. You know how there's one guy that's called something multiple? How did that happen to Rove early on? People go are you Rove Live?

He should have just legally changed his name. That would have been great. That would have been awesome. I want to say I have moved a house reasonably recently, which has come up on the show. We are living very different lives. I've had the new official sort of almost welcome party in a way because I used to talk a lot about Riversdale Road that I lived on

and I was... What street do you live on now, Carl? I was frequently abused out of cars. People would drive past me and yell at me and stuff like that. So this is what we know for a fact. The two big dum-dum listener hotspots, Riversdale Road Hawthorne and the Meredith Music Festival once a year, for some reason it's like those are the two sides of the coin.

They're the two big items on the Hollywood Map of the Stars map of us. What a Venn diagram. For the last two months, people on Riversdale Road have just been holding it in, very constipated with abuse. But anyway, I finally got abused outside of a moving car yesterday near my new place. And to be fair, you haven't moved that far away. Yeah. You've moved kind of like a ten minute walk, would you say?

And also everyone knows your licence plate number. So if they see your car, they're like, oh, that's his house. I haven't attached it yet. I haven't quite attached it yet because I don't have a screwdriver. So I've got the, you know. You don't have a screwdriver? Yeah, why would I have a screwdriver? Because you live on planet Earth.

I don't have one. Really? Yeah. Oh, look, I know. You should have one as a grown up. She'll have one. Who? Your partners. I don't want to say her name? I don't have one. Really? Yeah. Oh, look, I know. You should have one as a grown-up. She'll have one. Who? Your partners.

I don't want to say her name. She doesn't like it. Wait, what are your partners? Who? I thought you meant him. Yeah, your business partner. Yeah, as if he has a screwdriver. He doesn't even have an engagement ring.

Do you have a screwdriver, Tommy? Yeah, we've got one here. It's not mine. It's one in the house that I live in. See? See, that's the thing. I don't assume that anyone that does comedy has normal real-life stuff going on.

You guys are raring your parents. That's a massive amount of responsibility where most people are fucking idiots. A lot of people don't have driver's licenses. Yeah, I was late to that. I was 28 when I got mine Oh wow I only got it because Beck was going to get pregnant so I had to drive to the hospital

That was the only reason I thought I better get it I thought you were going to say I only got it because Beck was going to get pregnant I had to go and stop her I remember once I was I'd just moved house and I was building some cupboards Like just building I was putting together The fantastic furniture cupboards

that I'd bought. And a friend of mine who is a comedian, a bedroom philosopher, came over and just watched me put them together and going, how do you know how to do that? I wouldn't even know how you could actually do that. I'm like, there's instructions. You just do the instructions.

Because I worked in a hardware store for like a year. So I had to learn how to do all that kind of stuff and know metric and empirical. Oh, man, I feel very guilty that there's – I'm one of those people nearly, I think. Like I'm not the full-blown, don't know how to do anything, but I'm too close for comfort. So you moved house recently and you, what you do is,

you just enlist all these comics to come help you move. Yeah. What was your contra on that one? Some gigs at Spleen? Sweet spot at Spleen. No. Friendship? No.

I took them all out for a reasonably pricey dinner. Oh, yeah. Don't worry. Which one gives back? Which La Poole kid? Which La Poole kid did you go to? I won't yell at you on the soccer pitch. No, they all got a good feed and a few drinks out of it.

Okay. Where did you go? Talk us through it. Can you tell us? I don't want to give free publicity to a place. Oh, sorry. Because I didn't rate the meal. It was Hardy Brain.

Who helped you move? Oh, who helped me? He didn't rate the meal. I took him out to a great place. It was shit house. Yeah. But I still paid. No, for how much it all costs, I was like, oh.

What did you drop on the bill? What did it cost? Oh, I think it was like between $250 and $300, I think. And how many people? Including me, four. The other three were? Friends of the show. Harley Brain.

Oh, yeah. Nick Cody. What have it. And Brett Blake. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so they were all very nice people to help me. And you know what?

Three people, four people including me, man, we did it very quickly. You should have got Olly Clark because he is a professional removalist. I know. Too much like work though. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So anyway, I was abused out yesterday near my house.

Someone, I just, you know, because it's quite shocking. I was coming from the gym and someone just drove by and just really went out of their way to yell out of the window. Really just went, hey, fuck you, fuckhead. And then I looked over and it's like this guy, but also his girlfriend in the passenger seat just pointing at me. Great. Great.

Don't they yell out catchphrases from the show? No, no, no, just general abuse. Fuck you cunt is a catchphrase from the show to be fair They just know that they can say something negative And I'll go Oh, fair enough Yeah, okay Call back

Write it down Talk about it on the show So this also happened This happened the day before But No, no, sorry Last Last

Anyway, a couple of days ago I fucking love your life Like I wouldn't want it to be mine But fuck, I love it This is weird Sorry, last... Anyway, a couple of days ago. I fucking love your life. Like, I wouldn't want it to be mine, but fuck, I love it. This is weird. This is only like a block away. This is near my house. I walked into my house.

There was an auction going on on the block that I'm on. I'm like, oh, this is interesting, you know, just to look at what things are worth and whatever. It's like the same sort of unit that I'm living in. So I'm like, oh, I'll stick around and see what happens here. So the auction goes on. I'm like, oh, look at me. I'm just here watching an auction.

This is all right. I might go buy a screwdriver after this. Look at me. I'm watching an auction. Yeah, like a guy off TV. Big day in the Chandler house. Yeah. So this all happens and it gets right to the end of it. It gets the, you know, it's starting to get tight and whatever.

Anyway, and you know, like an auction, you know, it'll spread out a bit. It's not usually one confined area. It's not inside or anything. It's outside of a house, right? Yeah. So people are spilling onto the road. People are like up the nature strip, whatever. Anyway, this car just drives down, right?

Drives down in the middle of all the people. And then the guy basically pulls a handbrake and just pulls up right in the front of the auction in the middle of people. People are getting out of the way. And he just jumps out of the car. And this is like in a cul-de-sac. This is a dead-end street. So he just rips in there and pulls up and then gets out of the car.

Like absolutely no courtesy to anyone there. Just gets out of the car and goes, what's going on? And this girl that he's like standing next to all of a sudden is like, oh yeah, it's getting to the end of the auction. And he's like, oh right. Well, how many bedrooms has it got? This is like when they're getting to the bed, you know, you know, first call.

He's like, yeah, right. How many two bedrooms? Oh, what do you reckon it would go for? Fuck, just hang around. Zolt, to the guy with the picture of Yosemite Sam pissing on the back of his car. Yeah, so he's just literally like he's doing things where I'm like. That's annoying when someone does it in a movie.

I've never heard of someone doing it in an auction. And not only that, he's done that. He's parked the car. Like he's parked the car on the white line in the middle of the road. He's stopped the car someone doing it in an auction. And not only that, he's done that. He's parked the car on the white line in the middle of the road. He's stopped the car in the middle of the road. I thought you were going to say he was going to honk and get the auction to disperse like it's a fucking game of cricket

on a summer's evening. I thought he was going to pull up next to Carl and go, G'day Dickhead! Like a country footy match. Someone does a bit. That'd be great if auctions had to like if they're like going once, going twice, car. And everyone has to, like, spread. Auction on.

Yeah, no, so sold just as a big burnout. So he's doing that right. And then he, like, he's parked his car in the middle of the road, like on the white line, in the middle of the road and just left it there. And so he's doing all that. He's doing, what do you reckon, guys? What's going on up here? What do you reckon?

All this stuff. And I'm going, fuck, this is insane. This is ridiculous. And then it sort of all finishes and he goes, oh, yeah. And he goes back to his car. And I realised he's got the whole family in there. They've just been sitting. He's got kids in the back seat.

Great. Is anyone else picking up, though, when you do the impression Of this guy It sounds a lot like Dave O'Neill Oh how many bedrooms Yeah yeah And it's literally

The kid's just in the car At the front That's literally one of his jokes And it's like Because they haven't pulled up On their way to anything It's a dead end So he's just like

He's clearly just been Driving along Seeing a few Seeing a gavel And gone Hang on kids Fucking That would be the most Baller move if you knew the property,

you were interested in it, you had a friend there telling you what it's going for and you're like, all right, I'm in. You pull up in your car, you hop out, you like put the fucking closing bid in with like 10 seconds to go. What a fucking move. They made dummy bidding illegal, which is where like the real estate agency would have these people fake bidding to put the price up.

And that's illegal. No one would suspect the guy who left his car running in the middle of the road. Just a drive-by bid. Just, hey! Yeah, yeah, that's not dummy bidding. The owner's chasing him. Go, it's yours.

You're doing blocking. So you're putting your first bid in, letting them sort it out amongst themselves, got around the block and coming back, yeah? I'm in for another 10,000, boys. That's not dummy bidding, that's dumb cunt bidding. Here's an update on... Someone suggested this, a long-time listener of the show.

What's his name? Peter Blander, he goes by on the social media. He was saying that he's a photographer of the stars. Yes. Peter Blander, responsible for ruining the fucking self-esteem of many comedians out there. He's the reason I started going to the gym a lot. A lot of photos from...

He's the reason I've been meaning to start going to the gym for about a year and a half now. He's pretty much just the world's shittest upskirter. Let's set the scene. And, yeah, we know him both. We've, you know, had many conversations with him. Very good guy. He's a very, very nice man.

He comes to your gig every Thursday, Carl. This motherfucker, this grey-haired son of a bitch sits in the front row and he's very good at taking photos. Like, he's skilled as a photographer. Yes. Is he professional? Is that his job? I think so.

No, it's not. Isn't it? No, it's not. But he's a very good hobbyist. He's got a camera. He's got a camera. Yeah. That's the word I was looking for.

Yeah, yeah. I forgot what the instrument was called. Yeah. Anyway, where was I? Yeah, that's right. This motherfucker. He sits right up the front and he fucking takes a photo of you. I wish I had a visual aid here to explain to the listener.

But from a lower... So your stage at your gig is very high. Imagine you took a selfie but put your iPhone on your belly every time. No. That's what the picture is. Just under your belly is why I started going to the gym. Just under your belly. Yeah.

So he's there and he'll then tweet at your account for your weekly gig. He'll go, here's everyone who was on. You'll retweet them. Because they are, I mean, they'd be good photos if he was standing up. There was a few more centimetres height on the camera position. But he gets you every... If he was in the second row. Yeah.

The third row. The fucking chins you never knew you had. A gut that you'd swear to God wasn't there. Every time I see a photo, I'm like, oh, that's just me breathing out. I'm just breathing out in that exact spot. I'm always like, there must be like, there's a backdrop behind me that's got a big white kind of circle on it that's making that look like that. But yeah, so this motherfucker, yeah, and you've started going it, right?

Yeah. Because many people have come to your gig and just gone. This is a guy who pays to go to your gig every week. You're just going in. No. He's a big fan of the podcast. He listens. He goes and supports all the live shows.

He goes and he gives you money, money that could be spent on a screwdriver. No, he's good. Money that he could spend on a tripod to get that camera a few fucking centimetres higher. No, he takes great photos, but it is, it's just, look, he's sitting down, he's in a seat, he's in the front row. Not his fault. Yeah.

I'm sure he saved a few lives. Some people have seen those pictures and gone, I should get that mole checked out on my neck. On my ball sack. Look, it's not his fault that we're all so fucking self-conscious and needy and fragile. It's not his fault. Anyway, he suggested.

Fuck you. Anyway, now that we all know who he is, now I'll tell the bit. Which is he suggested last week he was, you know, because this is an instalment, I just want to do an update about this Thailand trip The proposed Thailand trip That we would possibly be doing next Maybe June, something like that And I feel like we should do this

We're going to be talking about this for the next six months We should put this to all the guests we have on Between now and then You guys, would you be in? What do you reckon? June next year? Quite possibly. Have you been to Thailand? Yes. Have you? Yeah, briefly Have you, Carl? Thailand Right, okay Next year? Quite possibly. Have you been to Thailand? Yes. Have you? Yeah, briefly. Have you, Carl? What?

Thailand. Right, okay. I never have, so I would be very keen to go. Oh, okay. Great. You're in the same boat as me. We've both got kids, two kids under the age. You're taking the same boat then.

Which is why I want to go. Oh, yeah. I reckon it's going to be you and me, Carl, and then every fucking horny dad in comedy. It's going to be us, it's going to be you and me, Carl, and then every fucking horny dad in comedy. It's going to be us, it's going to be Josh Earle, Danny McGinley, Ben Lomas, Dave O'Neill. Can I talk about Lomas? Please.

Because Lomas was going to go. We're talking about fucking photographers that sit up for front row kids. No topic is too niche on this episode. You're in the middle of Thailand Corner at the moment. Because Lomas was going to go to your... He was desperate to go. He'd already told his partner. He told his partner he went.

He had a week off from being at home. He's like, I'm on time. Well, we talked about this. He got a week off. His bargaining chip with his partner was he would get one week off to go to Thailand with us. In exchange, he wanted three weeks. Now, I think that is horrible negotiating. Yeah.

Because that three weeks is going to come back To bite him in the ass real bad So are you in? Oh no I've got a worse story I know a couple who he wanted to go to New York And she was like no And she was like you can go if we have another kid

He was like alright Two weeks in New York as opposed to The rest of his life looking after this kid. And he went. And that is a fucking yarn for the 21st. Was that child number three? Yes, it was. Okay, sweet.

Since we're talking about parenting, can I say the reason I have a second child? Can we get a... We need to get a... We're still in Thailand. All right, all right, all right. I've got a moment story and a Josh Hill story. We're going to hear about Carl's kids. We've got a Thailand corner and then we'll go back to horny dad corner.

This is not very Thailand corner, what you're talking about. Sorry, sorry. Does it have a sting at the start? Yeah, yeah, we need a sting. Children being exploited sounds very Thailand Corner to me. We need a sting at the start. We need a little seg every week. Thailand Corner.

I'll do one. I'll do another one. I'll do a Rad Dad and ask Mr. Carl to do a Thailand Corner. Great. But wait, just very quickly, in all seriousness, six months lead time, do you guys think you could get it over the line with your respective partners and come with us? Yes.

Great. Josh is in. Confirmed. McGinley out. Danny McGinley. No, my children are a lot younger than... Oh, he's bloody under the thumb, mate. Do you know what?

Fuck your listeners, though, because you asked this on the Facebook and no one said me. So fuck your listeners. That's a good point. They don't want me there. Will's shown by making this the best episode ever, Josh. But to be fair, I don't think a lot of people kind of quite got what that, like people going, get Will Anderson and Hamish Blake.

Oh, yeah, cool, no worries. We'll pay for Will to have a free holiday. Yeah, yeah. Great, he needs it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there was a few weird ones on there where they were putting people that we've never had. It's like, yeah, cool. This is us introducing ourselves. I don't know if you

know us, but will you go to Thailand with us? Get Marie Antoinette on. That'll be cool. Hello, Stephen Fry. What do you reckon about all this? Pretty nice, right? Yeah, so what does this fucking upskirting motherfucker reckon about our trip? He said, this is a great idea.

He said, well, we workshop it between us. This is what we should brand it as, the cunt tiki tour. Or the dumb cunt tiki tour. Yeah, dumb cunt tiki tour is better. It's a little bit clunky. I don't know. Does that make it easier or harder to pitch it to your wife, McKinlay? Just say the ones, they won't have them them The ones I'll be hanging out with

June next year Yeah June July next year End of financial new years We've actually We've already booked to go to Bali In July With the two children So can you do it in Bali?

The poor man's time Yeah pretty much Absolutely We got it on There's some deal website She found it But it's all the same It's just You know what with the two children. So can you do it in Bali? The poor man's Thailand. Yeah, pretty much. Absolutely. We got it on some deal website. She found it. But it's all the same. It's just, you know what?

This is what I think of Bali. I've never been to Bali, but I'm a snob in the way that I think, you know what? Bali is just a couple of hours closer to Australia. So Thailand weeds out those fuckheads that won't spend another couple of hours on the plane. The fuckhead filter. Exactly.

The gutless people that can't be fucked to watch one more goddamn movie. Exactly. Just relax. Watch one more movie. Weeds out the riffraff as opposed to old hey dad over here.

Yeah, those scum who've never thought of taking a podcast overseas in their lives The fucking losers Yeah We've got to bring We've got to bring Peter Bland along

As our official Photographer of the trip Oh fuck I reckon you'll be A good chance Are you going to open it To listeners Like say this is where

We're going to be And when And if you guys Want to join us Yes Really And I literally The last time I went

Which was How long ago now A couple of hours 20 minutes Yeah I was Each time I was going To a hotel I was saying to them,

do you do group discounts? I was doing some research for the show going, possibly can I book this whole hotel out? And they were like, yeah, just get on to us. So I'm working on it. So the more, we'll have an update every week, or I will. I'll be trying. I'll be trying.

But, fuck, I want to lock down a date in June or something like that an update every week or I will I'll be trying I'll be trying but fuck I want to lock down a date in June or something like that and just see how many people because I've got a suspicion

I've got this feeling that we're going to get a lot of listeners that want to not only getting guests but we're going to get a lot of listeners that want to come

yeah I think you should do it if you do it closer to the end of the year out of footy season for me that's better we're not doing anything for you okay cool no but if you do if it goes really well in June you do another closer to the end of the year out of footy season for me that's better we're not doing anything for you

okay cool no but if you do if it goes really well in June you do another one around Josh said no people on the Facebook asked for him even less asked for you yeah

we haven't even asked for you do it late June and it's my birthday so I can make it easy for my wife to go hey I'm going away

you guys just decide between yourselves you, Danny and Josh if you can that's great do you guys want to go anyway Danny I think we should how about for my birthday. You guys just decide between yourselves, Danny and Josh, if you can. That's great. Do you guys want to go anyway, Danny? I think we should. How about we do it, don't you know who I am?

Yeah, okay. I'll pretend to be the co-host. That's great. We put on the first Australian podcast festival and it happens in pilot. Well, because I've only just got back from there, obviously. I talked about last week, but I've only just got back. Obviously. I went, yeah, I could say that most weeks.

Yeah. I did go there a week ago now, a week ago. Are you looking at me? I don't run your life. Yes. Okay. You got back a week ago. It was about a week ago.

A week ago, yeah, yeah, cool. I'll fill this one. Yeah, I only did a couple. It was the shortest trip, and I hadn't been to that island by myself for like, you know, by myself. But I went there, and I went to Singapore with my girlfriend. I don't know if I've brought this up. I'll have to check next last week's episode.

I don't know if I brought this up. But we were in Singapore. You've brought up that you have a girlfriend before. Right, okay. Well, update on that. We have an update on girlfriend. Here we go. Yeah.

Yes. Promoted? I've got her name. She's been relegated. You've got her name now. She said yes She'd be my girlfriend So that's good

We're officially going steady And also listeners of last week's I know where What country she went to So if you want to hit me up On Twitter No don't I can

On Twitter I'll let you know No no but it was great You'll tell them if they vote for you In the poll of who should go to Thailand With us It was great though Because when I said to you I was going to Singapore

And you said You nailed it perfectly You said Oh Singapore Where the beers are way too expensive And the taxis are way under expensive It was great, though, because when I said to you I was going to Singapore and you said, you nailed it perfectly, you said, oh, Singapore, where the beers are way too expensive and the taxis are way under-expensive. Yeah, they're so cheap. That's what's so interesting about going to a different country, just what things cost differently to back home.

Like the beers were, honestly, every beer I bought there was $18. Yep. And then I was in the taxi going down the road and I was watching the fare go up four cents at a time. It's crazy. Although if you just get drinks from 7-Eleven, it's really cheap. Right. Like the beers are really cheap there

but you can just take them home and drink them in your hotel. Yeah. But if you go out, because we went to the place where they invented the Singapore Sling, where they cracked the nuts out of the table. The Up High Hotel. No, it's... I forget what it's. Oh, the Up High Hotel. No, it's... I forget what it's called.

The old Up High Hotel in Singapore. Raffles, I think it's called. Anyway, they were like... We didn't know how much things were and we said, I was there

with a bunch of comics and I was like, I'll have a beer, he'll have a... And then three people had Singapore Slings and the bill was like something like $200

for one round of drinks. It was stupid. There was seven of us there, but it was just stupid. It was so dumb. Yeah. I went to the big one. It's near the Up High Hotel. Thank you.

The one... Tall building. The hotel that inspired Peter Bland's photo-taking technique. The Marina Bay Sand Sotir Hotel. Which is the one, if anyone's ever seen the photos, or maybe even if you've ever gone, it's like three big buildings, three skyscrapers, with an inexplicable boat stuck on the top.

Oh, yeah, no, that's the one I'm talking about. Oh, the Up High Hotel. And the pool that goes all the way to the edge of the roof. When I was there, a few locals explained to me, it's supposed to be Noah's Ark stranded on the top of Mount Ararat. Oh. Yeah, at the end of Noah's Ark, the floods were... You look like...

That facial expression you have right now is seriously like I pulled out some faeces and said... Yeah. That's so dumb, though. Like, what's that got to do with Singapore? That's not a Singapore culture. That's a... It's a Christian thing.

I think they've got Christians there. I thought you thought it was Ararat in Victoria. That's what I thought. I'll be honest. I did. So that's weird. But also it's like a casino or something. So yeah, yeah, nice.

Nice homage to God. Yeah. Yeah, weird. Anyway. So I went to the top of that hotel, the up high hotel. And then I proposed marriage. Did you really? Yeah.

Oh, he's done it. Yes. What? Actually happened. For realsies. For real. And he's kept this under wraps for the sake of content. Chandler.

That's awesome. Congratulations. Such big news and you've wasted it on two shit guests like me. Just one question. Was it too soon? I feel like I've jumped in. I am so impressed. First of all, that you did it.

But second of all, we hung out for like half an hour before we turned the mics on. You were ice cold. And also, before the podcast, he's like, oh, what do I talk about? What do I talk about? Oh, you know, I fell for that. I played you suckers. I better fucking lift my game here. Man, you're talking about, oh, I was mucking around out there.

It happened two weeks ago. It wasn't like it happened an hour ago and I'm holding on to it. It's like I've held on to it for two weeks. And you've not told anyone. No. Well done. And to think we nearly went into fucking parents' corner before. Holy shit.

I thought you were pretty protective of Thailand. Well, tell us the story, pal. Well, in six months' time we'll have another ad to the parents' corner because that's why he's proposed, surely. That's why? Is that why? No, it's not. It's not why.

So what, did you have a ring? Did you, how did you have a speech beforehand to troll some gear? Were you being Gary Chook? What have you got? Did you talk to her parents beforehand? I didn't. Oh, how'd that go down? Look, at this stage in the relationship, they're fine with whatever.

More than happy. Yeah, they don't care. Did you talk to your... I think at this stage, not only can I change her last name to mine, I can change her first name to mine. Mrs Cole Chandler. To answer your question, Josh, my wife was very, she doesn't like the idea of you asking the parents,

but they're Ukrainian and scary. So I went over and I didn't ask permission per se, but I did go over and give a statement of intent. And I swear my father-in-law went 28 degrees more Ukrainian. Oh, right. And his phrase was, and I've talked about this on stage, but it's, at this point, my daughter, she like you. She's very happy with you.

Ecstatic is a word that come out of her mouth. I know because I ask her. You keep this up. Because if you don't, I'm coming for you. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was proper. Great. I've got to say, I'm still, I'm just shell-shocked by this news.

So you didn't know either? I think it's, I'm still. Should I have asked your permission first? Diane needs, she needs to ask Tommy's position. I still, part of me goes, this is a bit, I'm not getting sucked. I don't want to get to the end of this podcast and be like, fucking got you, we've got you. Let's check this. Did she say yes?

I brought up on the show for sweet content because I got dumped at the top of up high towers. And that's why she went to another country. I would love her forever if she was making you wait on the answer for a percentage of the amount of time that you made her wait on the question. I'm not surprised at your reaction right now because it was sort of very similar to her reaction

which was her just going uh yeah good one and then she was like no she literally I said it and then she goes oh let me think um yeah and I was like so is there an answer and she's's like, oh, yeah.

Yeah. Hang on. What's going on? So you asked her up on the roof of so up by hotel. It's the Singapore Westgate. I was going to say, big move to say to someone, your two options are, do you want to spend

the rest of your life with me? Or do you want to watch... There's a fucking ledge there that you can jump off if that doesn't sound... And on the other side, you know, if you say no, then I can use the ledge. Watch me just jump off this. Yeah. You really snuck up on that one, because I was on my phone as you were telling me

I'm like, oh, and then we went out for dinner at a hotel and went up to the roof. I'm like, this is a boring story I don't care about. Other people's holiday stories. Who fucking gives a shit? And is that why you're upset about the architect you're all the the you know that it's noah's ark and stuff you no no i just think that's dumb so you must be excited like you finally when you get married gonna get to consummate the relationship and have sex for the first time how How does it feel? Are you excited? Man, I mean, that's why I got these

two on the show to ask what it's like. We know for a fact that they've both done it twice. Yeah, well. Yeah, we have. Milkman may have been. Anyway. So did you have a ring? I didn't But yeah

No But just to continue that For a tiny bit The shock You didn't have a ring? No So you didn't have enough time In that ten years

You've been together to go Was it a spur of the moment? Mate we're fucking lucky We got to this point Yeah exactly Give him a break Was it a spur of the moment Thing going

I'm here It's really nice Let's do it? No I sort of thought Well if I've got to do it, it should be in a, after all this time, it should be in a nice surrounding. So, you know, Singapore was, we were going there anyway for her work

and we'd always meant to go to Up High Tower, Up High Building, whatever you call it, and get up there amongst all the two zebras and the two fucking leopards up there with all the rest of Noah and his gear. The one cunt. Which is the guy doing the magicards up there with all the rest of Noah's gear. The one cunt? Which is the guy doing the

magic tricks up there. Was there a guy doing magic tricks up there? No. When I went up there, there was a guy doing magic. Well, I did something pretty magical. You made ten years of her life disappear. I pulled something out of my arse. So, no, but for the next five to ten minutes, it was like she'd been in a car accident and then every couple of minutes she had to go,

hang on, hang on, where are we? What happened? Was that real? And I'm like, as if I'm going to go, just joking. Because I feel like for her there would have been a point maybe two, three years ago where she was on you about it a lot where you would have been halfway through. Like I think there would have been a point where every time you went

and did something together she would have been thinking this is going to be it. Yeah. So like you would have gotten halfway through the sentence. Yeah. And she would have just gone, before you'd even finished. But I think now it's like that's worn off and she's just like, oh, well, this will just never happen.

Yes, I think there's a bit of that even though it still got brought up every day. But, because she was in such shock, I'm like, you beg for this every day. Why are you in? You begged. What a romantic. Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? What a catch. Sorry, at the moment, I have to admit to the listeners,

I am just reading directly out of a Mills and Boone book at the moment. None of this happened. But this has been a funny riff, but seriously, what did you say to her up there on the roof? No, well, I won't go into the exact... Oh, so you had a little speech? Oh, it was pretty concise. It was pretty...

It was like a tweet. Yeah, yeah. Did you do it as you or as Gary Chook? No, it was all right. You got down on the knee? I didn't. You didn't? No.

Wow, you are just blazing a new frontier here. No ring, no knee, no asking the parents. I can see why she didn't believe you. Yeah. Oh, no, but I made it quite clear. You know, I was very nice about it. I was very gentlemanly about it. Can we get her in?

Wow, he's gone so far out of tradition. Did you even say the words, will you marry me? Or did you tell her a fucking riddle and hope that she put the pieces together herself? Yeah, no, it was like what I said was, you know, do you want to hang out with some friends and I'll bring some jewellery into it. And she said yes, I assume she knew what I was talking about. Can I go to

Thailand in six months? Yeah. Yes, a thousand times yes. Next time I book into Thailand, can I just book us under the same surname? You know, Husey proposed to his wife while they were driving to the airport. Oh, really? And she said, can you at least wait till we stop at a red light?

Oh, wow. Great. So let's get the timeline straight. So you do this on the Sunday night in Singapore. Yes. Monday morning, you fuck off. Yes. Or she fucks off.

We both fuck off. Yeah. Right. So we, yeah, we just, we go up there. Fuck it. Imagine if that plane went down, your plane went down. Yes Monday morning You fuck off Yes Or she fucks off We both fuck off Yeah Right So we Yeah we just We got there Imagine if that plane went down Your plane went down

And she's like No I swear he proposed I swear he did I can't I can't say I didn't think about it Exactly that It's like that story of like That urban legend

That Bill Murray will go up Behind people in New York And cover their eyes And go no one will ever believe you That's Carl Tuiz. And I can't believe I'm about to say this word. Fiancee. Fiantim.

Yeah, so it was... No good. I can't wait until 12 months when the got him car has some cans on it as well. Got him, got her. Well, I guess you can find people's address from their licence plates. I dare say that would have been happening anyway without the engagement. Oh, fuck, don't put that into people's heads.

Jesus Christ. So, have you thought anything? Have you booked in the Maryborough Baptist Uniting Church for the service? Oh, he wouldn't do it at a Protestant place. Oh, shut up. Fuck you. You're always on this religion card. I'm not a fan of it.

I don't know anything about Protestants and Catholics. I've got no interest or no knowledge of any of it. I've already said no marriage in church. Yeah, I was the same. Oh, were you? Yeah. Fuck, for all the shit you talk about. You were at my wedding.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, so all the shit You were at my wedding. Oh, that's right. Yeah, so now I have to decide when I have a wedding, what room book is I have to invite in.

Well, now here's the next question. Yeah. Is Tommy making a speech at your wedding? Oh,

I wouldn't have thought so. Roast, roast, roast, roast. No, here's my question.

How long's the fucking engagement going to be? Oh, yeah, wow. No, how long can question. How long's the fucking engagement going to be? Oh, yeah, wow. No, why? How long can we string this one in? No. Is this why June next year, this is going to be your honeymoon with us?

No. You know what happened? Because that happened on the Sunday night in Singapore and then we both went our own ways. I went to Thailand. It was like a one-man Bucks party straight away. You eating at Cafe 69. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I did that to a girlfriend. We were at a music festival. We were camping and we were really drunk and she was feeling a bit sick. Took her back to the tent and I said, I love you for the first time. And she's like, oh, I love you too. And I was like, cool. Anyway, I was really keen to watch Interpol, so I might just go back out and watch them.

She was like, he'll be back. But it's good, the big moment, and then they just disappear. Yeah. But it's kind of good because it gives you, you just kind of both sit together and you both kind of process it. Yeah, yeah. Sit in it. That was fine.

So we're talking about your girlfriend now? No. No. Who did you tell you loved? I did that one time with a girl. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Sit in it. That was fine. So we're talking about your girlfriend now? No. No. Who'd you tell you loved? I did that one time. Oh, right, right, right. Not that Tommy has a girlfriend. We're not talking about that.

I've done the similar, you know, big proclamation and just fuck right off. Cool. I thought you said you listened to this show. You're not even listening to it now. In my defence, this is fucked. So seeing that... When we eventually get to parents' corner, it's going to be fucking sweet, all right? That's an awesome goal.

Seeing that she'd been wanting this for a while, had she planned what she wants for her wedding or did she just want to be married? No. No, she hadn't planned that. So are you booking that? Am I booking it? Are you booking it? No, I don't know what's happening.

Something's happening. But that's the thing. You said about that joke, you said, oh, how long is it going to be now? Are you booking it? No, I don't know what's happening. Something's happening. But that's the thing you said about that joke. You said, oh, how long is it going to be now? I'm like, hey, do it whenever you want. We've got that bit out of the way. Take it away. Whatever.

If you want it next week, do it. Yeah. Well, you're playing the engagement party and that's sort of like a mini wedding because it's a little party that you can invite a lot of people to. I haven't even thought of that. We didn't even have one. Yeah. I don't think I'm having one. Oh, big call. Well, it's been two weeks already. I mean, I thought of that. We didn't even have one. Yeah. I don't think I'm having one. Oh.

Big call. Well, it's been two weeks already. I mean, I'm over it. Yeah. He announced it on a podcast, so he's not really going, this is going to be a... Yeah. I haven't been shouting from the rooftops.

That's why, you know, none of you people know. Have you told your parents? Yes. Okay. I texted my mum. You texted your mum? Yeah. Not even a phone call? International calls. It's cost a fortune? Yes. Okay. I texted my mum. You texted your mum? Yeah. Not even a phone call?

International calls. Cost a fortune, mate. Exactly. Yeah, but that's the thing. My mum wouldn't even ring me back. Like, she is this... Like, for my birthday, she'll give me a text. I'm like, fuck, that should be me texting you.

Like, she should be the old school of ringing me up. But she's more like, you know, she's doing that. You've got to lead by example. You've got to call her and say I got a catch I did call her when I got back okay and talked about it

but yeah and she was like oh that's for real oh but my mum and dad are always have been like this is what

my girlfriend would say all the time don't your mum I'm sorry I feel like I feel bad for bringing this up can we all go out

after this like I know you all drove but fuck it just leave your cars let's go out I feel bad for doing this up. Can we all go out after this? I know you all drove, but fuck it. Just leave your cars. Let's go out. I feel bad for doing this because I can't help but think of the old days where John Lennon was banned by his management of saying he had a wife because it felt like all the fans didn't have a chance with him anymore. I'm just already thinking your phone when this comes out

is just going to be fucking idiot. I better be getting more free beers out of this see if you can get people to donate and fund the entire wedding nah I'm alright crowdfund your wedding

what a piece of shit yeah exactly I wouldn't do that I'm not asking for it you can send it but I didn't ask for it I'm asking on your behalf

I want to see how much you can get up to nah no that would be better going to the Thailand trip okay I didn't ask for it. I'm asking on your behalf. I want to see how much you can get up to. No, no. No, that would be better going to the Thailand trip. Okay. That can be the official honeymoon of the couple except half of them aren't there.

Yeah. But, yeah, see, that's going to be a new thing. Like, if that's the timing of the Thailand podcast, it's in June. If this event that I've signed myself up to recently. You can't even say the word wedding, can you? This event. The happening.

Yeah, it's weird. So, yeah, I'm just going to have to make sure. I'm thinking the Thailand podcast first. That's my first priority. We've got to fit the other event in around that. I can't wait until he invites other comics to do his vows for him halfway through. Just chip in with his vows.

See, I've already thought about that. Not that, but I've thought about inviting all my mates to comics and you invite all these idiots in there that think, oh, no, it's free reign to be a fuckhead. And it's like my girlfriend, my partner, my fiance. Yeah. She'll have normal people. All her family and friends and whatever. And then one half

is just a fucking zoo of ears. She's got any hot single friends? She's got a younger sister? No. An older sister? Tommy's not picky. Is her mum single? We already know genetically their standards are low. Poor Carl.

So how long, because you planned this trip to Thailand or to Singapore, it was pretty last minute. Yeah. So did you book it in and think, I'm going to do this over there? Yeah. At what stage of the booking did you go, well, this is going to be it? Yeah, I was like, oh, this will be good. This will be good timing.

Because after all that time, it'll be nice to have it in some sort of different surroundings. Because I've heard of people doing it and it's just on their couch at home. It's like, oh, that's a bit weird. So it's nice to have a destination. But you also don't want to go, I think I've told this before, but someone I know, they proposed and they were going on a big hike and the girl was saying she knew from the minute they set off because the guy was acting so fucking weird.

And it was like this hour-long hike where she's just like going, Jesus Christ, just fucking do it. Like, I know it's coming. This is so awkward. Just do it. Well, the other thing is I've heard of people doing that thing where they get the ring and then they're going to that destination and whatever and then they're having to deal with the metal detectors

at the airport and all that sort of stuff. And you're like, oh, man, you know, travelling. I lost a couple of items of clothing already going over there. I'm like, fuck, imagine doing that. So I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. Plus I also think with that sort of ring, that would be my worst nightmare would be putting a heap of money into this thing and then going, here it is, and her going,

yeah, I can see myself wearing that, I guess. To be fair, she has taken you ring shopping, though. That was very early on, though. That was a long time ago. I don't forgive you for – yeah, I forgive you for getting What a first impression you made. Even then though, like even then you know, that was ages ago, it wasn't like

it was like, that's the one, you know how there's everyone knows it's five rings, well it was ring number three, so it's not like I could remember that, it's like, you know so I figured. I dare say she's been ringing the shop up and just reminding them, just in case he comes in today, it's this one. Just remember it's this one.

Yeah, yeah. It's like the old... And this is the thing I always think of in that way of... Apparently Bon Jovi, I don't know if I've ever said this, Bon Jovi always leaves a ticket for Elvis at the front of his concert just in case Elvis turns up one day. Really? So it's like she would have done that.

Here's the ring at every jewellery store around Melbourne in case the great man ever turns up in terms of what you could do for the wedding what about this people have surprise weddings where it'll just be

like at a party or it'll be like the engagement and then they turn that into the wedding what about doing has anyone ever done this a surprise wedding

at someone else's wedding Feb 4th Nick Cody's wedding you get in there you just fucking Railroad that motherfucker And turn it into your wedding No there's people

At their wedding I don't want to invite To my wedding I might have to hit up Nick Cody and say Can you just Disinvite a few of these Including the bride

Yeah well it's mainly Cody But no I've heard I've heard of people Getting engaged at other people's weddings and that's a fucking dog act. Yeah, that's not cool. That's really not cool. I don't even like at the Olympics when people propose to the people who have just finished their event.

Do you see the swimmer who got proposed to? I'm like, just let her have her fucking time in the sun. Don't you come out there on the side of the pool deck and propose? And she has to say yes because everyone's watching her. Don't you see these photos from Edinburgh and even Comedy Festival and stuff of audience members getting engaged in a comic show? How the fuck does that happen? Now there's like ten minutes of good stuff that I can't do

so that everyone can have a nice little moment watching you. Get them out. Security, get them out. I've seen that happen to Will Anderson and Lemo. People proposing in the middle of their show? In the middle of their show. Will knew about it and Lemimo knew about it as well I think it's great as long as someone does it in my show now I think that'd be awesome

I would like to have it in my show Ten minutes of jokes you don't have to write Yeah No so I didn't get a ring or anything Actually just today we went shopping We just started to go shopping for it Because my reasoning is My thinking is

This will be a great thing You know you do all that stuff And then you've got another thing To look forward to Because she gets to go around And look for all the You know try on everything And have a look

And have her choice And whatever So it was It was a real eye opener today Because you know What I read long ago Was traditionally Traditionally the

The cost Very long ago And look I'll get your advice on this Traditionally I read long ago was traditionally the cost. Very long ago. And look, I'll get your advice on this. Traditionally I read that the engagement ring is supposed to cost roughly four weeks salary. That's two months. Two months. Four weeks, two months, yeah. Eight weeks.

Right. That's two months. Well, anyway. Four weeks. Oh, right. Two, two months. Very interesting to see what she. You're trying to do fast.

Very interesting to see what she thinks I am. Very interesting. He would have been better off getting a fucking knock-off over in Thailand. Yes. My wife has her grandmother's wedding ring as her engagement ring. So I didn't have to buy one. Fuck! Just had to knock off her grandmother.

Well, her grandmother left it to... Hang on, I've got to put in a few calls. Beck's brother, but he's a gay man, so he's not going to need a woman's wedding ring. And her sister, her older sister's also gay, and she doesn't want to get married anyway. So I was like, alright, third in line, here we go, yeah, fucking Princess Margaret

over here. Who also... No, alright. But I also had to call up the dad that way so I could get it though. So that's why I didn't ask for permission. I just said, this is what I tend to do. Can I get that ring? It's just a weird, like, yeah. So we had to send it over in the post.

From Perth. Yeah. That's where they're from. Yeah. Right. Did he react well? Yeah, he was happy. Did he tell her?

I was his only chance for a wedding in this country, so yes. Yeah. Right. Did he react well? Yeah, he was happy. Did he tell her? I was his only chance for a wedding in this country, so yes. Yeah, right. Are you going to, do you think she's interested in getting a ring from the jeweller that is Ben Lomas' jeweller of choice? Riffities! Engagement riffing! Wedding! I'm going to a wedding in like a week's time.

I'm going to a wedding on the 30th of December. What a wild date for a wedding, hey? Yeah, Lima was doing that two years ago. It's all starting. It's like it's just starting for me. Now, is it just a wedding or is it a whole fucking weekend where you have to travel three hours and stay overnight? No, so it's the wedding on the 30th,

but him and his fiancée live in Perth, so there's the wedding on the 30th, but him and his fiancé live in Perth, so there's only a narrow window that they're back here. So it's Bucks on the 27th, wedding on the 30th of December. Well, here's the thing. So, like, long ago when my girlfriend was, like, trying to negotiate me into a wedding. Your what? My fiancé.

Can you play play that? I will. I'm pretty sure there's more syllables in that word, Carl. This is the thing. Girlfriend's a cool term. Wife's a cool term. I hate the word fiancé. Really?

It sounds shit. I like it. I'm not into it at all. I want to go back to it. So I understand your trepidation. It's a shit word. Betrothed? It's a bit showy, I think.

Fiancé. A bit showy. I already said to her, what about if I just call you my girlfriend for life instead of wife? And she's like, nah. Not a fan of rhyming slang. No, I like it though. I think that's better.

Girlfriend for life. It just sounds nice. GFL. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Are you going to be okay with being referred to as the hubby? Man, it's all come so quickly. I'd kill myself if I ever heard a wife refer to me as the hubby.

No, you wouldn't because you'd be married. You'd be so happy, mate. Yeah. She'd be back. All your problems just go away immediately. Yeah. Yeah, so it's all happening. You're not going to do a weekend wedding.

It's not going to be like a whole three-day event. That was a negotiation at some point. At some point where my girlfriend has gone every angle a while back going, what if you, you know, if we got married, what would you want to do? Would you want to do this or this or this? And she's like, oh, you can do, you know, we could do it like this. If you want to do it, you know do this or this or this and she's like oh you can do you know we could do it like this if you if you want to do it you know she's trying to bargain me into it happening and at some stage she came with the idea of going what if we get married in Thailand you can invite all your friends and you whatever you know we could we

could do that and I'm like nah that's that destination wedding thing uh like you know I only do that for podcasts I don't do that for work. Can I also ask, can you put on the invites no kids so I can have a night off for my kids? Oh, sure. It'd be my pleasure. I like that. My cousin... Someone thinks he's getting invited anyway. You better start up a room.

By the time it actually happens, your kids will be able to give you a lift home. My cousin got married at the start of this year, in March, and did a blanket no kids, even though she's very close with all our other cousins who all have young kids. Just blanket, nah, leave them at home. You'll have a better time.

I love it. That should just be the golden rule with weddings. No fucking children. But who, I mean, I'm not in the world of you two so I don't know what it's like but why would you be, you can't be angry with that. You can't be like, but I wanted my three year old to be coming and pissing on the

fucking wedding table. Kids are so bored at weddings. My kids have been to like three weddings and Oliver hates it. Oliver even hates the word wedding himself. He's a bit like you. He's like, don't even say that word. I hate that word. And so he just, we went to a wedding the other week

and it was a great wedding. We had lots of fun there. But it was like three days. We were staying in a B&B and I was like, fuck, this is so much just for someone's happy day. I remember even being. This is so much. Even being like 10 or whatever and having to go to family once.

Yeah. You can't drink yet. It's boring. Yeah. Yeah, I can't drink yet. It's boring. Yeah. Yeah, I can't. My memories of that would be, you know, my parents dragging me along to stuff like that and then just going, anyway, see you in four hours. And me just going with my brother or whatever and running under tables or finding something,

finding some hopper out the back and going through the bins or doing whatever. And it's obviously like parents going, oh, fuck, let's just have a few drinks and you can find your own fun yeah well I was the parent who was like I had for some reason I looked around

and there was like eight kids just around me I'm like I'm the guy who's fucking looking after all these kids at the minute that happens to me

all the time yeah so much so my two year old gets shitty at me for playing with other kids now oh really yeah

so we've okay we've officially done it we've moved into parents corner here we go finally well this goes into my story about another friend of the show yeah shut up Carl Okay, we've officially done it. We've moved into parents' corner. Here we go. Finally.

Well, this goes into my story about another friend of the show. Yeah, shut up, Carl. Let McGinley speak. Sorry, I'll chime in if I've got anything important to say. I was at a play centre last week with Claire Hoopers and her kids and I was there with my kids. And then this other kid walks up and I go I know this kid, it's Lomas' kid She's there and I've just gone

Hey Minka, how are you? And she's staring at me because she's two And she was just going, I'm playing But then, and I go But you're dad's, because Benny's up in Sydney Working on a TV show And so I've just gone How do you know about that?

Ben told me. I talk to people outside of this podcast. Anyway, and Ben's partner was there. I don't think... Are they married? No. Ben's partner, the mother of his children. Living in sin, in my opinion.

So traditional, you. Ben, if you're listening listening put a ring on it come on guys it's 2016 this is going to be the next thing when you and I hang out at the

podcast meetings that we go to now I'm going to get there so you must be next hope you catch the bouquet when are you going to settle down and so I've met Lomas.

Have you ever met Lomas' partner? No. No, he keeps it quite separate. But he's like, Josh, I haven't really met Josh's partner either. Oh, Beck's great. You'd love her. Well, I've never met her.

No, you have. You came out for, you ordered food while we sat down. Oh, I did too. Yes. Very briefly. Sounds like a wonderful evening. We went for lunch and he said, I'll come and then he ordered and

fucked off. Yeah, but it's, you know, you were having your thing. Yeah, I had my kid. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Moving on. I go up to Loma's apartment and she's got his brand new baby there and I've gone, oh yeah, how are you? How's the kids going and everything?

Well, yeah, his second child. Yes. Her second child as well, yeah. Sure. And I've gone, oh, yeah, how are you? How's the kids going and everything? Well, yeah, he's second child. Yes. And I've gone. He's second child as well, yeah. Sure. And I've gone, this must be, Ben probably doesn't want me to say the name, so, you know, little Carl.

You said the name of the other one. Yeah, exactly. The nickname. Nickname. So, all right, little Tao's there. And I've gone, so this is the new one? She goes, yeah. And I go, are you sure that's Lomas' kid? It's not laughing

in its own jokes. And Lomas' partner who doesn't know that that's something we tease him about goes, oh, it's the worst.

He even did it in his sleep the other night. Lomas is there, I assume snoring. So you assume he's what? Snoring. I reckon, to be honest, I don you assume he's what snoring to be honest

I don't think he's laughing I think that's him choking to death his fat throat choking him to death yeah man I went to I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago I've had a bit of a stretch of no weddings you know you get in those little stretches of like

heaps of weddings And then it moves on for a while I haven't been to one for ages Which has been great But I went to one And they were doing the speeches And I haven't looked at the speeches for a while Because it's that thing where you go

Okay well that's something to look forward to This is the easiest room you'll ever play to I've been to some comics weddings where I'm like Good room I did my speech in another language and killed. Yeah. I was there.

You did alright. How did you think that speech went? It was alright. I would have punched it up a little bit. But I went to one recently and you're watching the MC, you're watching the speeches and you're going,

I can see where you've gone wrong here. And I was like, I was boring my girlfriend. I was going, yeah, she's lost the room here. Yeah, she doesn't know. There's no context with this. And she's like, yeah, cool. These are my friends. Shut up.

But there was a guy, it was like a bit where it got to the best friend and there was this heartfelt speech about them growing up and how one would always do anything for the other one and you know he's like yeah and then and i was like you know um you know he would say uh i'm in trouble and i and i would come and then this guy goes ah come so and then people laughed for a minute great got to take notes for your wedding because that's good gear. Oh, man. Okay, two things. We've got to get Yala on board for this wedding, for the dessert.

I've talked about it as well. Okay. Yep. We've been saying each year it's got to get bigger and bigger. Last year was pretty huge. How do we top it? A very drunk cast wedding. What do you reckon?

No. What do you reckon? A drunk cast. What a box, though. That's pretty good. What a trailblazer. The listeners can throw you a box party. Well, so there's no dates locked in. I'm just already imagining Milan.

Fuck. He's the stripper. On that team, you're going, oh, there's no dates locked in. We want to keep it fluid. You're just waiting to find out when Milan's in the country so he can fucking bankroll the bar tab at this thing. No, no, I'm all right. I can do it.

I don't, you know, I'm not a scab. I don't do that stuff. But, fuck, there's no dates locked in for the big day, but what if, you know, it would be interesting to see if it's before or after the Thailand idea because whether that turns into, yeah, the honeymoon or a box. Well, it's before or after the Thailand idea. Because whether that turns into the honeymoon or a box. It's not going to be the honeymoon. I'm going to say it's going to be after just because I know you've got

Comedy Festival and that will be a month that you won't be able to do anything. Yeah, that's right. You're not going to organise something between now and Comedy Festival. Who knows? We're just going down to the old courthouse, are we? No, but I'm cool with a simple thing and, you know, not a lot. Josh, I think you were right. I'm looking at him over there, the way he's talking.

No, no, no. He's polishing the shotgun as we speak. No, no. That's what this is. Yeah, but I'm killing myself. No, but I've only said, like, you know, once we do that bit, it's like, all right, well, to me that's sort of like, I'll do it tomorrow then.

That's out of the way. It's like why does it need... What does she want? What is... What's she thinking? Like whatever as well. So, yeah. You'll get told this a lot of when you go to like a wedding planner

or something, they'll always, you know, pull you aside and just go, just so you know, day's not about you. Oh yeah, totally. I always tell them to get fucked, it is my day. Can you put in your vows from Richard to Pora from Thailand to the Westgate? Yeah, you can't wait to see how

one half of the church goes down with that one. Till death do us part. Thanks, death! Yeah. Now, death. Yeah. Now, let's put a new thing in the Patreon subscribers. For $100, you can come to the wedding. Oh, wow. I like it.

I'm like, look at this guy. I'm not a scab. Selling tickets to his wedding. It's a joke. $150 to the wedding. Yeah. Trybooking.com slash Carl's wedding. It's going gonna be great

Man imagine that Yeah You know you get to choose The desserts for your Wedding Oh Do I? I thought God came down

No I know And you get to try They come out with All of the desserts The wedding board Chooses Fucking custard I'm telling you

You're gonna have a good day Trying all these different desserts What do you What do you think I thought About weddings That it's just all out of a man. You're all there saying,

oh, I don't care. I don't fucking know. I've got a ring. Whatever. I know how to touch work, McKinley. You didn't get down on one knee.

As far as we know, you're doing a fucking handstand and then asking her. Yeah, it's just like I just send all the guests out to do a drive-thru. Oh, man.

Well, we've got to wrap this up. We're getting to the end of the app. I feel honoured that we were asked to be part of this special. I was on the episode where you announced Gala Moose. This is almost as exciting. No, well, I did think, you know what, I did plan it where I thought, I'll have two good mates on there where we were comfortable with each other to talk about it.

Thanks, Carl. Take that, Buress. Yeah, we actually did have the Prime Minister booked in for this episode, but I bumped him because I thought, well, he doesn't know the back history of this. I was like, fuck off, Matt. You just didn't want to bring it up last week because you were too scared of what Adam Richard would have done to you after you'd said that. Bit of that.

Well, we didn't even get to my alcohol addiction. I fucking stayed with Ivan Milat and Mick Gaddo. Boring. All right, so we've got to work this thing out. Well, and now officially, officially, now I'm the perfect guy. You've got nothing on me now. I've killed the podcast. This is like Fonzie's jumped the shark.

Also, new merch, though. You've got Got Him, Got Her t-shirts and towels. Or Got Ring, Got Her T-shirts. Oh, got ring. Got ring. Danny McGinley, Josh Hill, thank you for joining us. Thank you. What have you guys got? Thanks for being part of the bridal party.

Thanks. Thank you. Honoured to be your best man. What have you got to plug, Danny? Yeah, well, we're all... Danny's going to do a banner for you to run through. Are you ready? Oh, great. Yeah.

What rhymes with... I'm not allowed to say her name. You can rhyme with Carl. You can rhyme with Ring. You can rhyme with... I'll work on it. Did it in an appropriate time. What rhymes with pregnant?

No. But, mate... Comedy festival doing... Sex is really good, though. what rhymes with pregnant no but mate comedy festival doing sex is really good though can I just say when you finally have sex it's going to be good

it's going to be really good great I'm ripping home now imagine coming maybe I can have a ceremony on the way imagine coming Tommy I can't even

on my wedding night we went into fuck let's get her over now let's just do it here now I've got all my mates here. No, wait till the next podcast. We're doing the plugs. Do your plug later.

We'll have a priest on the next episode and we can have her as the other guest. On my wedding night, we turned on the TV just to put it on rage so we have music going because we were both drunk but trying to consummate and the guest host was Sean McAuliffe. Of all the voices that put you off, because we're there trying to do the...

He was doing Milo. That's not a very good thing if you two can't just concentrate on each other. You need something else in the background. We were both pretty drunk. Why are you putting Rage on? Because there was no other music source. Rage! Rage!

Root! It was so they could just keep awake doing it. Because they're both like, let's just stay up for one more song We'll stay up Marvin Gaye's got to be coming up In a rotation here somewhere Surely Apex Twin

Come on Come on Roll it Come on Yeah yeah Hot chocolate Ah fuck Anthrax

Ah It's a fucking countdown episode Bullshit Yeah now that it's in the top 50 Oh I fucking hate all this modern music Josh No I'm sorry I am just doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival Yeah, now that it's in the top 50, oh, I fucking hate all this modern music. Josh? No, Danny. I'm sorry.

I am just doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival show about the Bulldogs winning the grand final. Bulldogs Banner Man Live. Comics Lounge every Sunday. Great. Excellent. If you're into the footy, yeah, plenty of people are.

A couple of good jokes. Two good banners there that I wrote. That's good. That's true. Oh, mate. I chatted to the head coach, Luke Beveridge, the other day and as a joke at the big

Bulldogs Christmas function, I went, you've achieved so much. You've gone coach of the year. Which of my banners was your favourite? He said your one. Yes. Great. I am doing Josh Earls Festival which is a music festival in an hour with Daniel Tobias at Melbourne and Perth and I'm also doing the Cake Show in Perth.

So if you're in Perth and you didn't doing the Cake Show in Perth so if you're in Perth you can see the cakes old cakesy four nights and I've said this to you but I was privileged to see three years ago

to come along to what you said was the last ever performance of Josh Earl and his fucking cake show which I believe is the full title there's been about

50 others since that oh yeah man you love it old cakesy old cakesy okay joshearl.com yeah can you do the cake I've been about 50 others since that. Oh, yeah. Man, you love it. Old cakes here. Old cakes here. Okay, joshu.com. Yeah. Can you do the cake for my wedding?

You don't want a train cake for your wedding? No. We've got our season passes on sale for the comedy festival shows that we're doing. We have podcasts. Individual shows are also on sale now. Our solo shows are both on sale. Carl Chandler, world's greatest comedian. World's best comedian in the world.

Yep. And Tommy Dasolo, dinner for two. Yes. Those are both on sale now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We've also got the burger teas we've reprinted. A few of the Aware t-shirts left. That's pretty much it.

Oh, Brisbane's on sale now. Oh, of course. Brisbane's on sale now. Oh, of course. Brisbane's on sale. Get onto that. You guys have been begging for a show for ages, so get into it. Brisbane and the – I mean, this comes out just before, if you listen to it live, as it comes out. We've got the Christmas Eve show in Melbourne.

Saturday night. If you're not doing anything, come down, hang out. And you can combine your Christmas and engagement gift in one for Carl. That's good. Yeah, sure.

Nice. And you know what? We still haven't announced it yet but we've got a bonus little show during the comedy festival. Is this the wedding? No.

It's the bus party. There's too many threads in this podcast at the moment. It's a fucking nightmare. We've finished Parents Corner. So keep updating

get on the social medias get on the you know what join the Patreon as well get on the Patreon yeah patreon.com we just finished a magazine today

which you can get for the five dollar fee fuck we put so much work into it fuck they look good yeah this one's really especially good

yeah it's a special Christmas issue that you can't get now because you're too late but you can subscribe to the January so guys all that stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. Thank you very

much for joining us and we'll see you next time. See you, mates! Hey, that was all bullshit.