The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 327 - Becky Lucas & Adam Knox

Episode Date: January 10, 2017

Xavier's Bucks, Becky's Dream and Wedding Invites.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, everyone. Strap in for the next 40 minutes because here come some high-quality ads for stuff that we're doing in the next couple of months. It's ad-motainment, I think. Oh, nice. It's ads but not as you know them. Interesting. Do you like that?

So we're sort of ripping off the project slogan now, are we? I didn't say that at all. As someone who regularly gets money for working for them. We are here to promote about three things. It should take us about six seconds all up, but no. We just have so much fun talking directly to you, the listener, in your ear holes. We are guilty of wedging entertainment and quality and content

into these ads. So guilty if that's a crime. It is a crime. Oh, okay. Yeah, and you've just admitted to it. So see you behind bars. I'm dead. Oh, you've been sentenced to death for this.

Yeah. Which is weird because I only just found out it was a crime and I know the punishment already. Well, speaking of feeling like being dead, Adelaide, we are doing a show in your city Saturday, March the 4th during the Adelaide Fringe Festival, but not as part of it. There is no way

in hell they're getting their hands on this sweet bunce. It was purely a coincidence that we decided to do it in the middle of their festival when all of their acts happen to be there. And this keeps happening every year. Same with Brisbane. It happens every year. Oh, well. Uh-oh. We're bad little boys. We'll have to change it so next year we go there when absolutely no one is there.

We do that. And it's just me and you doing Patreon reads. Cool. I've got a feeling that would sell better. Do you reckon people would come if we did a live podcast in a city and didn't bring any guests? Do you think people would go? It's interesting.

We've talked about it because there's some cities where people want us, there's some places where people want us to come and we just can't do it. It's too hard. It's too costly to bring guests in. Yeah, would you let us know? Would you come if it was just us fucking around? Yeah. No. Or someone

yelling from Toowoomba just then. So yeah, that's during the Atlantaelaide Fringe Festival. Double episode. Heaps of guests around. It's going to be heaps of fun. We rag it all up. We do always end up having a great time when we're in Adelaide.

We do enjoy your town a lot. And it'll be a pretty quick bus stop tour. Why not? What? Well, we'll be in and out very quickly is what I'm trying to say. Oh, no, I'm planning to live there for six months after we do the podcast, yeah. Oh, all right.

So we've got to do the two that night and then we've got to do another like 20-something after that to cover me being away. Oh, fuck. Yeah. In Adelaide? So don't plan anything for the next day. In Adelaide?

Yeah, I'm not coming back. I'm going over for the live ones and I'm not coming back. So Adelaide, come out. Support my move to your fine city. Saturday, March the 4th. Tickets at littledumbdumbclub.com. Then we come home. Hang on, you said you're moving to Adelaide. I broke the

bit for the sake of this. Oh, well, you come home. Right. You come home. Okay, I'll stick with it. You come home. Yes. You have the next weekend of the 11th. It's yours to do what you want. Labor Day weekend. You can do whatever you want back in Melbourne. I come back to a post-Tommy Melbourne. Yes, yes.

You just get to spend time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. It's 2017 when you come back. And then, hey, who knows what's going to be going on in your life by that point? This is two months away. Yeah. I'm a fucking crazy dude. Then March the 18th, you get on a flight here from Melbourne. It's about a two-hour flight up to Brisbane.

Yep. Me, I'm coming from Sort of roughly the same time Because Adelaide's just kind of Oh you're going to come I thought you were stuck In Adelaide for six months No I'm leaving there I'm basing myself

Oh I thought you were Going to just stay there And you can just Post it down the line Oh I phone it in Yeah Oh well if that's an option That saves us money on flights

So sure I'd love to Okay alright Cool So I'm there via video screen Yes You're Skyping. I saw a band do that once and one of their

vocalists hadn't been able to come to this country. A UK band. And so they had just recorded him sort of singing into his webcam, but he'd done it at a different speed. He sort of fucked up the tempo of it and it sounded no good. Yeah, well I can imagine when someone presents you with that idea,

you go, no good, straight away. Yeah, it's like, how integrity? They've got two vocalists. Just get the other guy to fill in. It was weird. Anyway, that's what we'll be doing Saturday, March the 18th. That bad idea is what we'll be doing. Yeah, that's going to be one episode on sale at the moment

but selling very quickly so we're a chance of adding a second, I believe. Yes, I think that's nearly locked in. During the Brisbane Comedy Festival, heaps of sweet guests around. It's going to be awesome fun. Sorry it takes us so long in between trips to come back to Brisbane, but you guys always make up for it. Back at the Hayabar, cheeseburger spring rolls. I checked the menu the other day.

Good boy. Very good. Still good. Nice. You know what, Brisbane, we should come back mid-year and maybe do, because we're not doing stand-up at this one. Yes. So maybe we come back and do stand-up mid-year in Brisbane.

Well, this is what I pitched to you the other day. And, hey, let's put it out to the listeners. Would they come to this? So we do a show where it's both of our stand-up shows and then we just do like a Patreon bonus episode. It's like half an hour of just the two of us where we just fuck around. So you're getting a bit of a dum-dum flavoured event. It still would be like a three-hour thing.

Yeah. But you're sort of getting a slightly different version where it's a real test of how much the guests are really carrying this show. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. All right. Let's look at that mid-year.

If you're a Brisbane person who's bought tickets to this thing, would you come back and see that mid-year? Yeah. Because that would mean if people are into that, that would mean we could keep coming back. We could come back two times a year. Yeah. All right. Let's do that. Okay. Then Melbourne. that, that would mean we could keep going back. We could come back two times a year. Yeah. All right.

Let's do that. Okay. Then Melbourne. Melbourne, during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, we are doing four live podcasts every Sunday of the comedy festival. April 2. April 9. April 16.

April 23. Ding, ding. April 30. What? We have a residency there now. Oh, wow. Are we doing a Crown Casino? We've got a residency there?

Yes. Awesome. So come along to that. You know, man, that is the best time of the year for the podcast, I think. Man, the Melbourne, the Comedy Festival ones are fucking crazy. They're always like the best guests. They're always the best fun. So come along to that.

We are already selling crazily well. So look, I feel like we were like half sold out and it wasn't even the right year. Like at the end of 2016, we were half sold out, all those shows. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so in the next short while, I would say this will be our first ever sold out comedy festival, I think. Oh, nice.

I think that'll be well in advance. Good prediction. Don't fuck it up. Get in. They're going to be fun. They're going to be really fun. Yeah, so get into that. And then when we sell out, and all before that, you can always buy tickets to our solo shows.

Yes. It's in the same building. Some of those Sundays, if you look at all the dates and times and stuff, you'll see that every Sunday you can come immediately to both of our solo comedy festival shows in the same building, so it's very convenient for you. But if you don't come to them, you can come between Monday and Saturday as well. 8.30pm, Carl Chandler, World's Greatest World in the Whole Wide World. 8.15pm.

8.15pm. 8.15pm is... That's the bit that you took umbrage with. Charles Chandler, world's best comedian in the world. And then back to back, straight afterwards, Hang On To Your Hats for 9.30 in Tommy Daslow, kills himself live on stage every night. Is that it?

Is that it? It's not every night. Fuckhead. Sorry, not live on stage. Sorry, kills himself on Skype. Yes, dies on stage. Ew. No, my show is called Dinner for Two, you silly goose.

So yeah, come check those out. They're all at littledumbdumbclub.com. If you head to that website, you'll also find options for supporting this podcast. On Patreon, we have a little subscription-based service where if you chip in certain amounts each month, you get some premium content for us. It's a way that you can keep the show going and we give you little rewards to say thanks, including, but not limited to,

a bonus magazine if you chip in five bucks. If you chip in 10 bucks, you get the bonus magazine plus an extra episode every month. And for but a mere mere two dollar or more you get your name read out and absolutely torn to shreds at the start of this podcast what's on today torn to shreds it's weird some people don't want that to happen and some people have messaged just to go oh you didn't call me a fuckhead i'm i want i want it done again you just said thanks and you said something nice it's like really yeah seriously we've got to do a victory lap one of these where we go back and we smash people a second time yeah we should do that actually um uh we should make it like what if we made it like for one amount for two dollars you get nice things said about you but for four that's when we fucking go to town yeah a naughty

and nice list that would be good okay well let's let's do this let's let's stay as it has been for this uh let's do let's do a couple now um stay as it has been for this. Let's do a couple now. Thank you to Patreon sponsors. For someone that is helping us continue to make this little podcast, thank you to – now, this is going to sound pretty simple, but there's a twist in the tale. All right, here we go. You ready?

This is great. Ready? I'm just savouring the last moment before I actually know and there's no more suspense. Exactly. Say goodbye. I'm just savouring the last moment before I actually know and there's no more suspense. Exactly. Say goodbye. Just drinking this in. Say goodbye to the world before you knew this name.

It's like you only get to watch The Matrix once. Yeah. You know? Yeah. This is you at the top of the mountain about to jump off with a bungee cord attached, right? I hope it's attached. Well, yeah.

We're about to find out. Exactly. Here we go. And jump. Thank you to find out. Exactly. Here we go. And jump. Thank you to Greg Parker. Uh-uh. Greg with two Gs at the end. Oh.

Wait, two Gs at the end of Greg? Yes. Oh, I thought you meant two Gs at the end of Parker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Greg Parker. Wow, the double G. That's, yeah, okay. Because I was going to say maybe he's done, like, you know how, like,

Will Anderson spells Will with just one L and his defence is that he's, like, heart, like, he's cut off so he's got a Will and a William. Yep, yep. But this guy's not, like, Gregory's only one G. Yeah. So he's literally just wholesale thrown a G on there. This guy. Well, not him, his parents.

This guy. This motherfucker. This motherfucker has got five letters in his name, in his first name, and three of them are G. It's pretty good. That's a lot of G. Yeah. Well, I tell you what, I mean, that money he's putting in,

that's hitting the G spot for me. He should put in, I wish he was kicking in 3G to our account, our Patreon account. Nice. Very nice. All right. Thanks, Greg Parker. It should be a thing.

If you're supporting on Patreon, for however many Gs are in your name, you have to give us $1,000. Yeah, yeah. If we decide that you should be putting in $3,000, then you should put it in. That's the rule. Oh, that's the rule is- They chuck their name in and we decide how much money they're putting in. It's like a blank check.

So we read you. If we like the sound of your name, you know, five will do it. But if you sound like a bit of a cunt, well, 10,000, thanks. Right, right. So you're saying Greg Parker sounds like a good guy or a bad guy? No, well, I was saying 10,000 if you're a bit of a cunt. Right. And I'm saying he owes us three.

So that's like he's a third of a cunt. All right. A bit less than a third of a cunt. Oh, that's very nice. Yeah, it's very generous of me. Thanks, Parker. Thanks, Greg. Thank you, too. Well too This will be an easy one

Let's see what you do with this Alright I'm limbered up I'm ready to go We were doing baseball before Now we're switching to t-ball What have we got We really should have warmed up with this one Thank you to

Hannah Rule Hannah Rule. Hannah Rule. Hannah Rules. Ah, there we go. God, you nearly stumbled. You nearly missed the ball on the tee. It was like hiding in plain sight. I was like, it's too, that can't be what he means.

Yeah. Oh, that's cool. God. Good on you, Hannah. Yeah. You Rule. Rule. that's cool. God. Good on you, Hannah. Yeah. You. Rule. Yes.

Fuck. God. I thought you were warmed up. Give me a hand job. Fucking hell. Jesus Christ. Hey, you better do it Because it's the rule So bad Oh

Looking at that Looking at that sweet bunny Coming into our account Just makes me drool All over the place Oh fuck Thanks Hannah Thank you too

Andrew Eastwood Andrew Eastwood Well I tell you what I'm looking I'm looking down south and I've got a bit of wood. And it's going east. Did you see me having to just do the pointing around thing

to work out north, east, south? Fair enough. I don't blame you for that. How do you work that out, by the way? What's your – It's one of those things where I've just learnt it. Really? Yeah.

I still have to do a bit of never eat soggy wheat bits. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. No, no. I've just learnt it now. I mean, for you to do a bit of never eat soggy wheat bits. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. No, no. I've just learned it now. I mean, for you to do that, that is fine. That's so much better than I – I once had a girlfriend that had a little song she had to sing to figure out what left and right was.

Oh, but the easy one of that is it's just your finger, L. You make an L with your left hand. Oh, right. You just did it like you didn't believe me. No, no. But to me, it's like, no, there's a simple rule. Learn what fucking left and right Oh, right. You just did it like you didn't believe me. No, no. But to me it's like, no, there's a simple rule. Learn what fucking left and right is. Like, you know, what's your rule for what black and what white is?

Like at some stage you're going to have to learn things without a fucking song. Yeah. I've just realised you did it and you did it with your right hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not so foolproof. No, but I did it and then went Oh yeah The opposite of that Will work out It's fine Because it didn't work

Because I'm looking at you From the other side So I'm like See this guy gets it Yeah yeah I'm looking at it going Well that should apply I don't need to act out

On the other one Can you remember the song No Okay No it was some It was some weird thing Some Like anything would be weird

You shouldn't need a rule Because I remember her telling me As we were driving Like You know in traffic Like I was suddenly very scared because it was like, obviously someone goes, hey, can you turn left here? And she's like, okay.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Oh, fuck. That's the one. Give me three and a half minutes. Yeah. She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing. Yeah. Thanks, Lisa Left Eye Lopez.

What got us onto that? Oh, Hardwood. No. Eastwood. Andy Hardwood. Yeah. Are you Eastwood? Andy Hardwood. Yeah. That's it. Clint Hardwood.

Make my day and fuck my name up. Make my name and fuck me in the ass. All right. What else we got? Thank you to thank you to James

Deddy. Deddy? Deddy. Oh, Deddy. Deddy? Deddy. Oh, Deddy. Oh, Deadeyes. So I think we're getting it from his will, from James. Oh, Deddy's will. I wonder if any ghosts – I wonder if – I would like to see some people

write this Patreon into their last will and testament. Yes. So that if they cark it, their estate has to keep funding this podcast. Fuck yes. If someone – we should – the first person who sends us a thing verified that they've done it, we should send them something. Yes. We should send them a reward.

If someone puts it in there and puts some rule in there where they can't, some relatives can't get it out of there, we can say it every week. We need something verified. Yeah. It needs to be a fully verified document. Fuck. Come down to the old courthouse with us. That would be amazing. That need something verified. Yeah. It needs to be a fully verified document. Fuck. Come down to the old courthouse with us. That would be amazing.

That's fucking great. That would be amazing. Because you see those ones where some millionaire has written their dog into the will and so every week they have to be pampered and all this sort of stuff. That's what we want. We want to be a millionaire's dog. Someone's dog. We want to be some fucked little poodle that gets looked after for an eternity.

Some mangy little mutt getting fed fucking bolognese for breakfast every morning. Oh, amazing. So good. And also, you know those dogs that get looked after for the rest of their life. They're not getting looked after. Whoever it is is fucking punching those mutts in the head every day and feeding them on worms and shit. They're being actually –

So you're saying you don't trust the family members of whoever's going to put us in their will? There needs to be some sort – Yeah. Because we can verify. We're not a dog that can't talk back. Like we can – Yeah, yeah.

There needs to be – We need to be able to like punish them in some way if it drops off. Yeah, we want to punish people. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, what a concept. We've got to do it. Someone's got to do it.

Yeah. All right. There are three people that are listening to this instead of fast forwarding a concept. We've got to do it. Someone's got to do it. Yeah. All right. There are three people that are listening to this instead of fast forwarding. One of you has got to do it. No, some people love this. People do love this. I would love it. See, who wouldn't want to come and watch this?

Imagine if that riff just then had happened live in Brisbane in the middle of the year in front of a room full of people. That would have been great. That would be amazing because then we would have found someone to change their will on the spot. Yes. We would have found someone in the crowd. Especially in Brisbane because they're dedicated.

In Adelaide, they're more likely to kill us and change our will to feed them for some reason. Yes, definitely. Alright. Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Deadwood. Thanks, Jimmy Daddy. Again, James Daddy, hit us up. What have

other people done with your name over the years? James Deddy I reckon he gets Deadwood Maybe Fuck I feel like it's pretty rotten to even change it from Deddy Because Deddy's just there already Steady Deddy

Steady Deddy, yeah Deddy Murphy Yep Good That'll be a headline when he actually dies On the Dumb Dumb Times, anyway Alright And thank you to uh final final last one okay last one final one thank you to patreon sponsor um carl chandler

thanks thanks carl i'm i'm i'm sponsoring i've put in two dollars you put in two dollars so i owe you one dollar yeah thank, that'd be great. Thank you. I'll give you the dollar right now. I'll have a dollar here. This is a great act out. You're actually renting your wallet to do it. I've got a dollar.

Okay, cool. I'll give you the, just, you know. What was it that compelled you? Because I figured, you know, this is a few months ago until Comedy Festival. I'm throwing a dollar. You're actually doing this. There you go. Are you going to ask for this back once the recording starts?

No, I've got heaps of dollars So I just figured I'll put it in there That'll just give me another mention Of my festival Comedy festival show World's greatest and best No fuck what's it called

World's World's Money world's best World's best comedian in the world There you go There's another There's another little earworm That I've put in there

Thanks to that dollar Oh so you This isn't someone's put I thought the bit was someone had done this and put your name in. No. You actually did it. Yes.

So you're now buying extra ads on this podcast. Yes. Oh, I'm fucking going to chip in every week from now on. Give me that dollar back and you can do it. If I give you the dollar back, can I plug my show? Okay. Okay, here you go. Take it back.

Tommy – it's still in my house yeah tommy dasolo dinner for two uh 9 30 p.m uh european beer cafe tickets on sale now tommy dasolo.com yeah fuck i wish i had had a good ad like that i mean it's weird to buy out and then forget the name of the product that you're sponsoring yeah um i'm guilty of that but i won't forget the show, which will be great. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub

or if you want to just head to littledumbdumbclub.com, you can find links to all that stuff, all those tickets we've talked about, the Patreon merchandise. Yeah, the T-shirts as well. We are, like we've said before, the aware ones are limited stock at the moment. Some sizes have sold out.

So check the site to find out if you still fit into one of the ones we have in our veritable warehouse. Otherwise, the burger ones, all sizes are available. We've just reprinted plenty of them. Still around. So get some very, very, very limited sizes in the 0438 selection. And hey, it's exciting because now it's the new year, so now we're sort of on the home stretch to going and doing this run of all these festival shows and stuff,

which is kind of our favourite time of the year. It's awesome to get out there and meet all the people that listen to this show. So, yeah, don't sleep on it. Get a fucking ticket. Come out. Say hey. It's awesome hanging out with you guys interstate and in Melbourne.

Yeah, littledumbdubclub.com. You know what? The people that come to the live shows, I feel like, you know what? You can hang interstate and in Melbourne. Yeah, littledumbdubclub.com. You know what? The people that come to the live shows, I feel like, you know what? You can hang out and have a beer. Yeah. And, you know, talk to us. We won't, you know, I know we carry on like dickheads, but, you know, if you want to talk to us, talk to us.

It's fine. I sometimes come off as a little standoffish generally because I'm scared of the person I'm talking to. That's a genuine thing. I'd like to think, and I'm happy to hear a response to this in the negative, but I'd like to think that I come off better because people, I'm very happy to hang out and talk to people, and they tend to say, oh, you're actually all right.

I thought you were a bit of an arsehole. We've gotten this, well, hey, you gave me a dollar just before. That was pretty cool. We did a thing a while ago of people looking us up, people looking up what we look like and letting us know how we matched up. Yeah. So let's do it personality-wise. We're meeting us.

Are we better or worse IRL than you thought we'd be? And then you know what else? We are in the – look, next couple of weeks, keep an eye on the social medias and obviously keep listening to this. Let's figure out this Thailand thing. Yeah. We are having – I've told you about this. We are having people message me.

Yeah. We've had some big fans in the last couple of weeks. Just in the last couple of days, one of our bigger listeners in – where is he living in? Finland. Finland? Yeah. he living in? Finland. Finland? Yeah. Finland or Iceland?

Finland. I feel like it's Finland. He's like, lock me in. I'm coming. A New Yorker just today said, I'm coming. So with those sort of people – Previous guest Tom Tilly wrote on my Facebook that he wants to come. Yeah, he's like, when is this happening?

I think he'll actually do it. We've got to work out the guest. We've got to work it. So I'm going to lock it in in the next couple of weeks. We're going to lock in a date. I'm going to lock in a preferred hotel or accommodation. We're going to lock in some guests. Look who's all of a sudden the king of commitment.

Just does the big thing and now he's just got fucking – now there's nothing left. You're just booking in everything. Yeah. No, I'm good at organizing stuff. It's good. It's going to happen. I'm going to find a good hotel. Then we're going to plan an itinerary. It're just booking in everything. Yeah. No, I'm good at organising stuff. It's good. It's going to happen. I'm going to find a good hotel.

Then we're going to plan an itinerary. It's going to be great. I mean, you know what? Feedback would be good in terms of should we all be staying at one hotel? I feel like that should be sort of the thing. Yeah. But is that a good or a bad thing? Well, if we can be on a – if you and I can be on a floor that's restricted access,

we need a special key to get on. I don't – if 50 listeners come, I don't want them all knowing – I mean, I've seen what you go through with your phone number being out there. Fuck, you're right. Imagine our fucking door of where we're sleeping being open at all hours of the night. Yeah, all right. Yeah, well, we're not going to – you know, it's not going to be the thing where we announce our room numbers.

But you're right. Word will go around. People will figure it out. Fuck. I don't want to get pranked at my own holiday. What about you told this on the... I can't believe this story. I do believe it but it's... You were in a

hotel and someone else just like accidentally used their key on your room and they got into your room while you were asleep. That's like the freakiest thing I've ever heard. That scared the shit out of me, that stuff. Yes. Let's go to that hotel.

Fuck. That was when I was on holidays by myself as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like the – because I've always wondered that about hotel kids. Like surely this is like, you know, these card things. Yeah. How fucking reliable are these? Exactly.

And that's – Especially when they've got technology where it's like if you don't bring it back, they go, oh. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. Yeah. That freaked me out. Anyway, that's like if you don't bring it back, they go, oh. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. Yeah. That freaked me out. Anyway, all that and more could be yours.

Yeah. June this year. Yeah. We're penciling in June. I'm going to figure it out. But, you know, I've heard back from you guys. You're super keen. I think it's really going to happen.

Yeah. Great. Okay. So, littledumbdumbclub.com. Keep an eye on all that stuff. All the socials. Enjoy this episode of the podcast with Adam Knox and Becky Lucas. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again to another episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you so much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting opposite me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. We've been sitting outside my house for an hour and a half now with our guests, just gasbagging away. We've gone through a lot of good stuff. Is there anything left? Let's recreate it. Okay.

Alright. Hey, hey everyone, I'm here. Is that how you start all your casual interactions with people? By announcing yourself? Yes, and now you introduce me to the guests like you did but an hour ago. Oh, okay. Well, let's do this. First of all, Kyle, you may know her as she's performed at your comedy room many times. Yes.

You probably follow her on Twitter. He doesn't. He doesn't, does he? Do you subscribe to her newsletter? I do. Now, that's an interesting power play. No Twitter, but does subscribe to the newsletter. Yeah, we had a fight and we unfollowed each other.

Did we? Yeah, on Twitter. Well, who could it be? It's Becky Lucas. Hey, guys. How are you going? What was the fight about? I don't know.

Something. Did we have a fight? I think I just blocked you because I thought it would get a reaction out of you. Yeah, probably. Well, that's kind of what a fight is. Okay. I don't think there was anything behind. I don't remember it being anything behind.

I've got a few things like that. Like I'm not friends with Michael Hing on Facebook. Some people I just refuse to engage with. I like it being anything behind it. I've got a few things like that. Like I'm not friends with Michael Hing on Facebook. Some people I just refuse to engage with. I like it. That's good. I've started to be a little bit more selective about who I let in. Totally. 2017 is the year you block your friends.

Yeah, it's good. It feels good. Also, we've got a fighter over here. Let's introduce the lover of the group. That's me for now, but I just found out Chandler doesn't follow me on Twitter either. I just looked it up. Well, he's turning.

It's Adam Knox. That's me. Why not? Is it because of my poor content? That's usually what it is. I don't follow a lot of people because I just don't know. 216. I never go and see Kyle Chandler's solo show because I just read

his Twitter feed. Knox, what would be worse? I realise you don't want to go. What would be worse for you, to never have been followed or to at one stage be followed and then be unfollowed? I honestly don't care. I'm playing it up for a bit of content, but really you shouldn't care about it. You don't deserve to be followed on Twitter.

You're very inactive on there, I will say. I'll show you my last few tweets. Yeah, yeah. Tell me. Encourage me to follow you. Give me a choice. Get the elevator pitch ready. Should I include retweets or not?

Things that you've retweeted. I wouldn't have thought so. Okay. All right. The last thing I actually tweeted was, I convinced Disturbed to do that cover of Sound of Silence. That was on the 27th of December. I'm going to block you.

Yeah. That was a long time after that song was being talked about, by the way. The 27th of December is a good number of months. And what numbers did that do, that tweet for you? I got a little number four right there next to the love heart button. Oh, there you go. One of them is a woman who says she wants to fuck me. What? Yeah.

Wow, your mum favourite? Yeah. Comedy. Her name is Sexbot39. I should have added 30 to that. Sorry. We are doing a very good job of perfectly recreating the conversation we were just having outside.

This is like word for word so far. Yeah, I hope no one fucks it up. I mean, yeah, I said this just before so we're still going. I knew this was going to be good to say on the podcast eventually so I said this outside. I thought it was really weird at the time, but yeah, you guys did say that. It didn't make sense back there, but now I get it.

Yeah. It's just a complete callback podcast. It's good. Yeah, it's like memento. It's all kind of coming together now at the end. It all sort of makes sense. I spoke a couple of weeks ago on the podcast. I have moved house.

I am in a different location, so I am not getting abuse down Riversdale Road anymore. What's the timeframe on stopping saying I've moved house? When is it officially this is just where I live now? I reckon I've got six months. Six months? That's a huge amount of time. Thank you.

How shit is moving house? It was fine for me. I always think you should – you know how you have friends who ask you to move? Yeah. I think there should be a system where you ask your enemies. Yeah. Because it's the worst thing you can do. It would be good if everyone was just like, look, we're not friends.

We're enemies. Will you help me move house? Yeah. And so someone who you think you're chill with, they're like, hey, man, I'm moving this weekend. Do you want to come help me? And you're like, wait, this person – Yeah, hates me. You're like Michael Hing's like, Becky Lucas is asking me to move.

I thought we were all chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought the Facebook thing was just a bit. He's unfollowed me on Twitter. You've got to invite people who you don't like but who like you. Because if you're inviting people who hate you, they're going to fuck all your shit up. Yeah, I'd steal a bunch of shit.

No, but they – because they know there'll be a reciprocation where they're moving and I'll have to help them. Yeah. You're asking for like a relationship between two people where there's a mutual respect and helping, almost like a friendship. See, I think that's unrealistic. But what's realistic is if you ask people who you don't like, but who think that you're

friends with. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? So it needs to be that. You need to factor in all of that plus upper body strength. So finding the, because you got a group of comics to help you move. And the next day I was like, no, Chandler didn't ask me to be in his group of people helping him move. And then I thought about it for one more second andler didn't ask me to be in his group of people helping him move.

And then I thought about it for one more second and I went, yeah, it makes sense actually. What am I doing? You'd be the guy picking up a lamp and then drinking all the beers that he provides. Picking up a lamp but still fucking it up and just like walking around with it going, so where do you want this or should I just – and then putting it back in the original place.

Yeah, you'd ask too. I once got fired from a job because he said I asked too many questions. What job? It was at an American barbecue place. I once got fired from a job because he said I asked too many questions. What job? It was at an American barbecue place. What could you possibly be asking? What are you seasoning the meat with? People were like, your boss was like, we don't want you to do

too good of a job. We don't want you to know everything. Well, I think they just thought I would be more intuitive. What a hush puppies. The Netherlands, what are they about? Is that Holland? Who's sloppy Joe? Who's Joe? How long did you last?

Like maybe four months. They hated me so much. So four months of nonstop questions. Yeah, I'd just be like, oh, what, this person, can we do this? Like they want a gluten-free is that possible and they hated me so much if you've worked out for four months you know how hospitality people are really fucking rude yeah when you try and get into their world like they're all fucked sorry i think it's like one of those professions where everyone goes into it going i'll be different i'm gonna be

the shining example of a hospital worker yeah there's always a bitch with blonde hair who's like fucking the owner or something. This is the only hospitality place you've worked in and there was one? Yeah, one chick was fucking the owner. There's always someone named Stephanie Johnson and she's always there. I've worked in hospitality for I think a total of 45 minutes, I think. Right. 50 minutes.

Was this just like a buffet or something? You're just getting your own plates You're like oh I'm doing it No no no I'm getting paid to eat this No I worked I was in England And someone got me a job doing hospitality At a soccer stadium

For people that know soccer over there It was at White Hart Lane It was at Tottenham Hotspur's home ground And they were playing my team Liverpool So I got a job there just so I could go and watch the match Like I served I did all this stuff and people were like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, man, I've been working hospitality for 40 minutes.

That's why I don't know what the fuck to do. And they're like, okay. And you're there to just watch the game. So you're paying no attention to what's going on. Yeah, I don't really know. And so at halftime I quit my job. Nice. So that I could just watch the match.

Nice. And just walked out and watched the rest of the match. That's like a fucking spy. That quit my job. Nice. So that I could just watch the match. Nice. And just walked out and watched the rest of the match. That's like a fucking spy. That's really cool. Yeah. That's not a good, that's not a bad scam. Yeah. So I got paid to do it and I didn't have to pay a ticket, you know, for a ticket to go to the match. We looked into

Rod Laver, I can't remember what it was for, but we thought it'd be like funny to get, to do exactly what you did. But Rod Laver have really strict hiring policies because people try to do this. So you got really good at tennis to go in there and play. Me and my mate Pete Sampras, we went over and – yeah, I can't remember. You quit halfway through your doubles match to go to court too. Nothing's better than people who think they've worked out like a life hack of like a job or whatever.

And they're like, I'm just going to be able to fucking take stuff and then looking at the contract and going, oh, actually, they fucking get to murder me if I do this. I can't, yeah. So I have moved house. I am now living and I'm just trying to edit myself so I don't give away too many details so people know where I live. Melbourne Town Hall. Yes, at the zoo.

So there's like a hospital near me, very close, very, very close to me. There's a hospital. Which hospital? It's this weird hospital where I've been trying to work out for the first couple of days what was going on there because it all looked a bit weird. I have figured it out. I think I have figured out what is going on there. What's happening is the hospital is the main place that they send people that have been in car accidents.

It's like the TAC. Oh, right. Yeah, that sort of thing. So every day, every day I walk past there and it's just full. The front of the hospital is just full of bogans that have pranged their cars up. So they're in like massive scaffolding things with their necks and all the wires around them and they've got broken legs. They're all fucked up.

They're all in wheelchairs. But they're all out the front having a smoke. So they're all these bogans that are just crippled but they're like, Shout out to any listeners who've been treated at this hospital recently. I'd love it. He's just been through a car crash. You fucking bogan. I understand.

Or he's wrong. It's just a GP. It's just like the most vague doctor surgery. Chandler's walking past going, look at all these fucked cunts. No, no, no. I swear they're all because I was like, why are they all – they all look the same. They've all got the same injuries and whatever.

But they're all at the front going, yeah, you know what will fix this? A bit of cancer. That would be good. After a car crash, I'm going to embrace life. And if a cigarette is a part of what makes me enjoy it, then maybe I'm going to have one. A bit of cancer fixed Tommy. Wait, is this fixed?

So it's like, it's a real, for me and my girlfriend, we live together. Fiance. Yeah. So we, it's a weird word. Has that not come out on the podcast? No, it's come out on the podcast. I just haven't used that word yet.

You need to get married as soon as possible so you don't even need to use it. Yeah, right. Do it next week. It is weird. Fiance sounds very like, mmm, brag yet. You need to get married as soon as possible so you don't even need to use it. Yeah, right. Do it next week. It is weird. Fiance sounds very like, mmm, braggy. You know what I mean?

I said it the other week. I'm not a fan of the term fiance. Why do you say it? Hmm? Why do you say it? What do you mean? No, like having to say it about someone else. Oh, okay.

You're allowed to say it about someone else without having one. Yeah. I mean, it's ridiculous that we're Australians and we have to say fiance. What should we say? But it's like, why are we using these French words every now and then? Yeah. I mean, it's ridiculous that we're Australians and we have to say fiancé. What should we say? But it's like, why are we using these French words every now and then? Yeah.

They're not using an Australian word every now and then. I mean, I don't want to start a little routine here. That should be a thing. There should be a cultural exchange where they have to say the miso. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah, I haven't started saying it yet.

I'm going to go as long as I can without saying it. Well, it seems like it's – when you said girlfriend, you said it deliberately in your brain where you're like, I should say fiancé or is it still just – are you finding it hard to break the habit? No, no, no. I haven't thought about it. It's not even in my head to say.

It's just girlfriend sounds cool. Girlfriend's a cooler word than fiancé. It's a cooler word than wife. It's a cool word. Partner. Partner can get fucked. Partner's no good. You're lying to yourself. wife. It's a cool word. Partner can get fucked. Partner's no good. You're lying to yourself.

Yeah. Partner's weird because partner also means other stuff. It also means fucking you play tennis with them. It also means you run a milk bar. Partner implies you've never gone down on each other. That's not bad. If we start that as a thing, only people who've never been down on each other say partner. I feel like partners go down on each other more.

Really? Partner's the one that homosexual relationships use. Oh, true. And you do that a lot. But see, when a homosexual says partner, I'm like, yeah, that's all good. It's when straight people say it, it's annoying. Yeah, okay. And it's almost like appropriating their word a little bit.

I will say when people are like, you know, very old. I always feel bad when I have anal anyway. When people are like in their 50s and they're in like a new relationship and they're like a little bit embarrassed about how childish girlfriend sounds, I kind of understand it. But when someone who's like 25 and been dating someone for a month goes, my partner. It's like, get your fucking hand off it.

Go down on her already for fuck's sake. But it's also like, yeah, like Dave O'Neill. Dave O'Neill's a friend of the show. He's never been married. He's been with his partner. And you have to say that there. But for a huge amount of time, then it changes over. If you've been together like 30 years but still haven't gotten married,

then that's your partner. Well, that's the thing because what he says is he used to go on radio and talk about his girlfriend and people go, what the fuck's going on? He's cheating on his wife. I saw his wife down the supermarket. So, yeah, Dave O'Neill has to say partner. You can't say girl. Why did they never get married?

I don't know. I think, you know, I don't want to speak for him, but I think it's because they had kids. Let's do it. Let's speculate wildly for the next 30 minutes. I think they had kids and then just went, oh, we'd have to find a sitter. Should we call him?

No, we wouldn't be able to get off the phone to him. Seriously. What made you pull the trigger get off the phone to him. Seriously. What made you pull the trigger? Pull the trigger? On your wife. To kill my girlfriend. There's only two ways out of this. What made me do it?

What made me propose? Yeah, I don't know. What like switched in your head that you... Society, this podcast. Yeah. All that stuff. No, literally because... It it does sound i don't know why i said pull the trigger i sounded like a you and the miso the ball and chain pull the bloody

trigger on it yeah it's weird love's a beautiful thing yeah loving cigarettes out the front after a horrendous car crash yeah yeah nothing wrong with it i will say that like default thing of like having to just like shit on your wife like as soon as you're married like yeah my my cousin years ago got engaged and my dad texted me to say, hey, he's like just gotten engaged. So I text him and I say, hey, man, I just heard. Congratulations. And he writes back, thanks, mate.

I've heard it's all downhill from here though. I'm like, aren't you still down on one knee at this point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said like you hate it. Already calling her a battle axe. A battle axe I would prefer instead of fiancé. I like battle axe. What do you think is going to happen to you, Becky?

Do you think you're going to get married? Can you see a husband? Can you see yourself being married? Can I predict? I think you would be too nervous to go through with a wedding. Yeah, that's so true. I don't want to stand in front of everyone and be earnest. You're going to have to say things in front of people.

I was at a wedding the other day and I was thinking that. I was transporting myself mentally to the wedding of Carl Chandler and imagining you having to just not being able to use the C word about the best man like, oh, man, it's going to be good. Do you know what Josh Earl messaged me the other day with? And I should do him justice by doing it word for word but instead i'll do this i will not i will not do that he said he sent me a message where he said and i hate doing that where you're talking about dreams but he said he just had a dream where uh i think uh he i'd invited everyone to my engagement

party and then everyone turned up and then i just said everyone go to the attic and then I left and then everyone went into the attic and it was just full of notes that I'd taken at my gigs, reviews of everyone's stand up that were there at the party. Can I tell you for a second, I forgot that at the start you'd said it was a dream and there was nothing about that story I didn't believe. See this is a great thing when someone tells you about a dream they had about you but they sort of don't realise that they're actually revealing a lot of what they kind

of subconsciously think about you. Sure. Josh thinks you're a fucking psychopath. Like I would not tell you that if I had that dream about you. Oh, no, I appreciated his candour. It was fine. You know what I thought? That's a good joke that he's written while he's asleep.

That's a funny thing. And I always think that when I've had a funny dream, I'm like, fuck, you're pretty good. You can make yourself laugh in your sleep. Dreams are crazy. Do you have any dreams lately, Becky? Oh, my God. Is this okay?

What? Fuck you. Oh, yeah. You have had a dream. The other day I was staying over at Edo's house and in the morning. And Edmunds. And Edmunds. And she woke me up in the morning and I got angry at her

because I was having a dream that three guys were rooting me. I will say the discussion before the podcast, the language was a lot more blue. A lot more blue than three men rooting me. Was it really? I just was annoyed because it was like, I don't even know if I was enjoying it, but I still. But logistically, how was that working?

How was three? Oh, here we go. No, but it's a real question. Well, the thing you have to understand is I've got a huge vagina. Well, none of us predicted that. It's crazy. Do you really not understand how you could get three? Oh yeah, I guess so.

No, they were taking turns. Oh, they were taking turns. It wasn't like three dicks at once. Had all three had a go by that point or did she wake you up before one of them got? They've all had a couple of goes. That would have been sad. A couple of goes. Wow.

Is there like a scheduling system or is it just kind of like? No, it was whoever wanted it the most. They're like fighting each other. I think that's why I liked it because of the attention. So you felt like kind of Betty and Veronica rolled into one, kind of like competing for Archie's love. Do you remember – because I know with Dreams, you don't remember all the details on how it starts, how it ends,

whatever it is, but do you remember – Yes, they were all ethnic. Fuck. Was there any context? Do you remember how you got in this situation? No, I couldn't say. Right. Record scratch, freeze frame.

This is me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Exactly. Was that you at the start of 2016 or you at the end of 2016? So now you're just trying to will yourself to have this dream again? I don't know. I don't know if I enjoy it. I think I was – I must mean something.

I think I really want to have kids. Yeah. That's a cool proof. So it's a numbers. It's purely just plainly odds. It's 300% more likely. Yeah. I mean, not if they come in your mouth.

Like one of them probably has to. Anyway, maybe that was too vivid the second one was probably somewhere else as well I imagine I think that that's how evolutionarily men come quicker than women because they realise

they realise if they just come quick more guys can root the girl yeah that's probably true. But why do guys want that? Because they're like – Because you want to get your cum in there first. Because we want to expand the –

Oh, okay. Do you reckon? Yeah. I was thinking about that the other day when I was high. Yeah. That's what led me into the dream. I think that's where – It's rare that you can say the exact moment where it's like,

that's what caused the dream. Yeah, but I reckon it probably is. What if she'd woken you up just enough so that you're then lucid dreaming so you can like take control? And I get injured. All right, this is turning into like one of your fucking fake Twitter accounts. Dumb dumb sex dreams. Oh, wow.

Someone out there is going to do that now. Great. Yours would just be I had sex Yeah a sex dream Great Finally it happened But I do think getting back to the wedding thing It just

I mean I think as you do comedy more and more It does become harder to be earnest Do you agree? Yes Especially in a public speaking situation Oh yeah the other day I had to do something Where I was required to speak at length Without making jokes It was just I had to do something where I was required to speak at length without making jokes.

It was just I had to answer questions earnestly. You stand up. Yay. Low hanging fruit, still fruit. But I was – what was I saying? Oh, yeah, anyway, and I had to talk for ages and it was just – I had started having an anxiety attack. I was like – my eyes started filling with tears and I was like – my heart was beating and I just – because I had started having, like I started having an anxiety attack. I was like, my eyes started filling with tears

and I was like, my heart was beating and I just, because I think when you're telling jokes, you're like. Were you in court? I was just like testifying. It gets so strict. Were you, were there other comics, were there comics that you know watching you do this? No, no, no, no, no.

It was like a weird interview type thing and it was very – and I had a friend of mine who was a comic as well who is a lawyer and he said he has the same thing when he has to get up and present something. And I never understood it. I was like, but you're a comic. But I think with jokes it's like, oh, you get to keep talking. It's like permission to keep talking. Totally.

So it's like I cannot imagine at your wedding just having to talk for ages and be like, I love you, I respect you when you came into my life. And this is the thing. People having to talk very earnestly about you and resisting the urge to be like, but also what about the fucking time he's done this? But that probably will happen. In speeches it's not so bad.

But when he's up there talking to the priest, oh, my God. And you get one shot as well. This is the one opportunity. I mean, ideally, it's the one opportunity you have to do this too. I mean, go in thinking that. It might not be true, but you should go in believing that. Yes. Yeah, look, and also because you've got the other family

who are not on the same. Like, I would imagine a lot of comics would be invited to my nuptials. Not after the attic thing at the engagement. But on the other side of the family, my girlfriend's family, I don't think they would have the sense of humour that... You know, you've got to play the room. They're all mimes. They don't get it.

Yeah. Yeah. They're very quiet. So I don't think they would work. Whereas I talked to Nick Cody. Cody's wedding is coming up very soon. Yes. And there'll be a lot of comics at that, right soon Yes And there'll be a lot of comics at that right?

Yeah there'll be a lot of comics at that And I would imagine it would be From what I've heard he's planning It would be a very safe space to say whatever you want Like he's planning on people saying rotten things Okay rotten Which I find very weird But I mean But his family's into it pretty much

Yeah his family's very into it Sort of like thing where that would work But I'd imagine like with you I would expect like everyone in their head would be going just for once don't. Yeah. Just for one second fucking don't say cunt. Yeah.

But I don't know if I'd like to see you saying those things. I think it'd be creepy. Yeah. I don't want to see you like that. Yeah. No, I'm a good guy. I think it's going to be great. There's your opener right there.

That'll be fine. Look, I'm a good guy. I think it's going to be great. There's your opener right there. That'll be fine. Look, I'll have to design it so there's going to be little moments where you can be funny because, you know, I've been to weddings where I've seen people who are not funny killing. It's a different kind of funny. It's a different room. You should look like you're having fun too. Like if you get up there and look scared and terrified

and like you've made a mistake because you're like, you should throw in a couple of jokes. It is the easiest. Not your jokes but like. Yeah, it is the easiest room of all time. Like you've got to take advantage of it in some form. Do Chook. Do Chook as your group speech.

No, no Gary Chook. So you've got to do it at some point. If you're Mary Chandler, you're Mary Chook. Yeah. That's the deal. Yeah. So I went to a wedding uh over the Christmas break and I like it's it's very going to weddings is quite a new thing to me like I don't

have that many friends from school who who were who were married but it's just starting and I reckon I reckon I've got one or two left in me before I'm completely fucking over going to right I reckon I'm I'm sort of because I've nearly done sort of every different type. I've done like a very casual one. This one I went to was like pretty formal. Going to Cody's one that's going to be a lot of comedians. Well, there's not a lot of comedians that get married, is there? No.

Aren't there? Well, I think comedians are very like underdeveloped in the brain so that they don't. Well, it's true. And in life. So, you know, like myself included, obviously, where I've taken this long to get married. A lot of people don't want to grow up. Peter Pan syndrome. We've talked about this before.

So many comics don't have their driver's license. Yeah, true. So many people, you know, just won't accept responsibility. So you don't have to go to a lot of comics weddings. Well, I have some ideas for how I think the whole wedding system could be improved. And maybe you could bring these on board with what you're doing. So first thing, the bucks, right?

Now I've been lucky, the bucks that I've been to have been fun, stuff I've wanted to do, but there's a lot of them that's like, ah, we'll just be at the strippers all day. I hear about people going to bucks where it's things that I would not want to do. Very quickly, I don't think we ever talked about this on the show, but I got the job of Xavier Michaeletti's friend of the show. I don't think we've ever talked about this, have we, but I got the job of Xavier Michaeletti's friend of the show. I don't think we've ever talked about this, have we?

I got given the job of organising his bucks, but it was to be a surprise bucks. Oh, my God. So what happened was, and I'm like, oh, how do you do a surprise bucks? How do I get it? How do you do a surprise bucks? They know it's coming.

Well, how do you do a surprise bucks when they know that the wedding is coming up? Yeah. Well, this is literally it. So he just thought he wasn't having one, I guess, because I think his best man was in Perth, and so we're obviously in Melbourne, so he wasn't going to come over and organise it.

So his now wife said to me, how about you organise gigs and stuff, you'd be good at this. Honestly, that's it. Six open mic strippers. Yeah. Oh, man. Who had to bring their friends along? Oh, that one didn't work very well, but anyway.

Well, that's new. That breast is new. I won't be using that one again. Any questions? So I organised, I was like, how do I get him along to one? So I organised a gig, a fake gig. I booked Xavier for a fake gig and I found the pub, the bar that we were all going to go to.

And I was like, how am I going to get him to this one? Oh, the library's next door. So I booked him for a gig at the library going, oh, it's going to be this library. But then I was like, right, he's going to be disappointed if I book him for some corporate gig that's worth all this money because then if I say, oh, no, that gig's not there, he's going to go, oh, fuck, that was five grand or whatever. So I was like, all right. So I booked him for a corporate gig that's worth all this money because then if i say oh no that gig's not and he's gonna go oh fuck that was five grand or whatever so i was like all right so i booked

him for a gig at the library but it was worth 200 or something like so it just wasn't you know that's enough to do the gig but not enough to get too pissed off about it i would do five anyway yeah yeah sure sure so uh then i get him to do the gig and then i turn up uh well before time but i didn't realize xavier was going to be there really early. He'd turned up way before and then he'd walked in and gone, oh, where's his gig? And I'm like, A, we don't know what you're talking about. B, can you fucking keep it down?

So they're like, they don't know what he's talking about. And I come in just as he's walking out. And he's like, oh, I don't know what's going on. I'm like, oh, fuck, man. And I just bluffed it straight away. I was like, oh, man, I just got the call. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

It got called off. I'm really sorry about this. And he's like, oh, okay. Imagine that story reverse where Zave has organised the surprise bucks for you. You get there early and then you just absolutely tear through the library that's told you it's not on. Listen, you stupid cunt. No, we'll not keep it down.

So then I just went, I'm so and just went just did all the talking can we just look there's a bar over there you know what I'm going to shout you some drinks come over here come over here and so we're walking up to the not the gig the Bucks now and he's just like he's starting to get angry going why did they cancel it

I'm like oh yeah I don't know I don't know what happened he goes oh i think i know someone that works there oh fuck i bet they canceled it on me i bet and he starts ripping into someone else and like blame it was like i'm gonna give him a message i'm like yeah not yet just just calm down and he's like getting really angry about this other person fuck them fuck that person fuck him and so i'm like yeah cool yeah fuck him let's go and have a beer i'll get you a beer so we walk up and we walk into this room and it's filled with comics and I'm like going

oh fuck there's not quite a like big big surprise but he walks in this room and just clocks them all and they all like there's no like surprise

because it's not a birthday it's just a buck so everyone's just sitting around it's still a surprise buck because you don't yell birthday you yell surprise well yeah okay but we hadn't worked that out so there's still a surprise box. You don't yell birthday, you yell surprise. Well, yeah.

Okay. But we hadn't worked that out so there's still a room full of people. But was there no warning that you just like appeared, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just slowly. Yeah. They didn't know what second we were walking in. So we walk in, not hand in hand, but basically, you know what I mean,

just walking in. Wedding's off. Yeah. Yeah. This is not legal. So we walk in and so because there's no surprise moment, he just sort of very slowly looks around the room and goes, oh, fucking great.

Another party that I haven't been invited to. So he walks in actually pissed off and then I have to sort of go and there's been no moment organised by me or anyone else and then I sort of have to go, oh, by the way, this is your bucks. So there's no like bursting balloon or anything. Oh boy. And so he's like, oh, okay, that makes sense. But then, so he's like, oh, cool, but cool. But then he's sort of a bit

like, oh fuck, I sort of really was counting on that 200 bucks. That story would be so much better if like there was no surprise bucks and it literally was people hanging out without him. And that's a last minute save by you. But literally that's what he thought. Like he thought I've lost the gig and all my mates have got a party

and they haven't invited me. Fuck. That is such low self-esteem. I have such like the other day, speaking of low self-esteem, the other day I was talking to my friend Aaron Chen. I don't know if anyone knows him. But I was talking to my friend aaron aaron chen i don't know if anyone knows him um but i was talking about how i'd hooked up with this guy and i was like i don't know if he likes me i'm like he sent me a message saying you're a babe and then i'm like but he

probably only said that to me because he knows that i'm i i think i'm ugly and yeah fuck that he's hooked up with you and sent you a compliment. You're like, I wonder if he likes me. But that's why I said, I think he knows I have low self-esteem, so that's why he sent me the message. And Aaron's like, that's the most low self-esteem thing that you can think. Yeah. But even if he did just send you that message because you have low self-esteem, that's still good. That's still quite thoughtful.

That's still nice. Really? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's just like networking. Networking. Who hooks up with someone they don't like? Can I just point out as well just then, you said networking

and I said patronising speaking over you just then. I'm an awful person. We can fix that up in post. Maybe we should do it again. You go. No, patronise. No, it's funny to say the word patronising over the top of a woman trying to speak. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all. That is funny. Do cut it out, though. Fuck, patronise. No, I just, it's funny to say the word patronising over the top of a woman trying to speak.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all. That is funny. Do cut it out, though. Fuck, you're such an ally. I always try to be, I send everyone messages complimenting them. I don't know what they think of them, but. You always give women comedians lifts home.

I don't have a driver's licence. Oh, right, yeah. You pay for the Uber, though. Yeah, that's something. Have you been to many hens, Becky? No, I don't have a driver's license. Oh, right. Yeah. You pay for the Uber though. Yeah. That's something. Have you been to many hens, Becky? No, I don't have many friends. Okay. No, I do.

It's just we're all spread out and it's, no. Are you one of those girls that's friends with guys more than girls? No. Oh, okay. I don't like that insinuation. I just, a lot of my girlfriends are just not at all ready to be having hens. Right. And then a lot of, I've missed out on a few hens this year because I've been away gigging and stuff.

But it just – to me it's like you have three glasses of champagne and then you have a headache and you get stuck talking to someone's fat auntie. Well, like any time I hear about a hens that's happening like around the same time as the Bucks, the Bucks is always like, we'll fucking go here, we'll fucking go-kart, and then we'll fucking go on paintballing, then we're going to sit at the strippers all night.

And it's like oh what's your what's your fiance doing for her hens oh they're just chilling out they're at a winery like I always go

I'd kind of rather be on the hens I have the exact opposite experience having never been to a Bucks or a Hens no so then you have no experience

which is the exact opposite like I see a lot of hens nights out you know what I mean like a lot of hens nights seem to be like we'll go to heaps of bars 50 bars and have dick straws and like wear sashes I see a lot of hens nights out. You know what I mean? Like a lot of hens nights seem to be like,

we'll go to heaps of bars, 50 bars and have dick straws. There's a lot more props involved in the hens nights. For some reason the bucks have evolved. There's no L plates, there's no tiaras. There's no straws shaped like vaginas on bucks, is there? No. I mean like they're all kind of shaped a bit like dicks, even a normal straw.

That's the size of a dick, right? Yeah. Like I feel like guys when they organise bucks, they always go, oh, we'll go camping somewhere or we'll go cloister ourselves in this gross strip club and separate themselves. Girls are like, okay, I've got to get money out, wait here. So here's my contention.

I reckon the bucks and the hens are on the same day at the same time. All the guests, you get to choose which one you go to. Whoever has less people at theirs, their family pays for the wedding. What do you think about that? Oh, my God. What do you think about that? It's not bad. I'd just hire some people to come to one of them, though,

and that would cost less than a wedding. I feel like that would create enough problems to stop the wedding happening. Yeah. Like, that's a fight. Yeah. That's a contest and a fight. And if you can get through that, then you know that you're meant to be together. There should be more roadblocks on the way.

Right, right. And I think I've said this on the podcast before, but here is what I would love to see as a new thing coming in with the speeches. The bride and the groom, all of their exes get up and get to make a speech. Now that's fun. I want to do this. Because it would be interesting. For me, the spectator, it would be an interesting afternoon.

In a way, it's not about you, the spectator. Yeah, it is. I once had a – coming back to dreams, I used to have this nightmare that I was kidnapped and put in one of those cakes where, like, the girl comes out. Oh, wow. And they come out and everyone's like, she's not even that hot. And I'm like, I know.

Becky, I said it the other day. I'll say it again. You're a babe, okay? You just hang out like this. How do they fit those three guys in the cake though? That's not icing. They're not candles. You just never popped out because you're enjoying your time inside the cake too much.

So are you nude in the cake? Are you actually – Yeah, but the whole thing is that I'm like I'm kidnapped. Oh, right. Like they force me to do it and then I get paid out for being in the cake. Right. Are you performing as a stripper when you're coming out or are you just a person in the cake? Well, I think that – what happens with the girl in the cake?

I think they just come out and they're like, ooh, they're beautiful. But they're nude though. Yeah, they've got titties but they've got things on their tits, they're nice tits, not mine. Little tassels, booby tassels. Yeah, whereas I've got shit tits. It would ruin everything. You just make it up in the tassels, get real great tassels

and nobody will notice. Yeah, but I mean the point is I've been kidnapped. Well, you're not in this situation for real as well. I don't know why I'm trying to solve it for you. Hopefully you will never get kidnapped into sex slavery. If they get you implants before you come out of the cake, do you feel better about the situation now? Yeah, and maybe a blow dry.

Okay, great. That's the thing about bursting out of the cake, someone's got to be on hand to towel you off at the end of it. Yeah. But no, they're not actual cakes though. No, they're not in the cake. They're cardboard cakes. But you're kind of in like a funnel inside.

You don't have to dig your way out of a cake you've been baked into. I've never seen one aside from in a cartoon. So as far as I know, you come out fucking covered in frosting. Like a huge brat. Yeah, you don't come out and then everyone goes, that's cool, but anyway, can we eat? Yeah, that would be ideal, but I just don't think that's happening. Yeah.

All right, you know what? Like I haven't thought a second about a Bucks or anything like that, but that would be cool. Now that I'm thinking about it now, a girl in a cake is pretty old school and cool. I don't even know if that... But I don't even know if it's old school. I've literally never heard of anyone seeing it in real life.

It's something that would have happened to JFK or something. Yeah, totally. Try something else that happened to JFK on your Bucks as well. Or I'll hook up with Marilyn Monroe and become president. No, the venue is just wherever there's a big book depository. Yeah, near the library where Xavier was.

No, that would be... Do people do that anymore? I don't know. But that is fucking cool. That's so old that's actually cool, isn't it? To get a girl coming out of a cave. I think it's turned that thing where it's like how people have Gatsby parties and like it's more that

level of you know what I mean yeah and it's like Bogan like you know Bogan's have flappers parties and it's just like a guy with shitty sunglasses and long grey pants it'll be all those cunts from the hospital who you hate yeah right and they'll be in the cake coming out going ah my neck I've heard it again no I'll put it on the second story.

They won't be able to get up there. Have you thought at all, let me ask you this, about are you going to do a wedding registry? Look, I have not thought about any of that stuff for one second. Okay. But I will think about it right now. Registry, yes. Okay.

Because I've always thought it's a little bit, I've always thought it's a weird thing to go Get me this everyone But the one I went to the other day They just didn't do one And so me and my friend were trying to work out what to get And it's like, well, how do you know if What if they end up with fucking 18 espresso machines?

Like, it's fraught with peril Yeah, so in a way, yeah Now that you've had that experience Yeah, totally Okay, all I ask is that you Bags the cheapest thing on there for me. I just don't, I don't like weddings and I don't like marriage. Okay.

I'm going to say it. What's better, gift registry for gifts or the whole, what's it called? Like when you just ask for money. Oh, the wishing well. The wishing well. The wishing well. Yeah, that's fine. What's better?

I'm like, it's from such an olden era. Like why are we, I know couples and I've never bought them anything. Yeah. And then suddenly they make some decision and you've got to buy them something. And it's crazy because it's like from this history of like farmers having to live in the same house. Yeah, we're all rich now. The other day I ordered a burger.

A man in a Mercedes dropped it over to me. Really? What? Nothing makes sense anymore. So why am I doing this? Why am I buying like two people who work in finance a fucking gift? Fuck off. I mean I will say.

Fuck, why didn't I marry you? She just said she never wants to get married. The idea of gifts at the wedding, it is a weird thing because it's like to go to a wedding, it costs you a lot of money to like get, in some cases it's like out of town or whatever. It's a lot of, it's a whole day. It's all this stuff. Maybe you're having to turn down work or whatever.

And it's like, yeah, now pay for us to have some stuff it's like you're getting eternal love the greatest gift that there is and i've got to buy you a fucking nutribullet it's i don't know i'm not into it i've always thought it's it's the trade-off for getting a free meal like you're going out there you get the free course thing yeah that's your i always thought of it like that okay i'm putting in this for this but I'm saving money by not having to buy these spring rolls, this chicken breast and this Black Forest cake. That's the deal, isn't it?

That all comes to like 25 bucks. Yeah. Well, I'll tell this because, and I'm talking about this wedding that I went to. It was a friend of mine who listens to this show every week. He's always on it as soon as it comes out. So, Pat, I just want to say at the outset I had a wonderful time at your wedding.

Thank you very much for having me and I wish you and Fi all the best. However, now this was something that I found weird. In the actual the service bit, the – what do you call it? Reception. No, the person who does the – Recital, not recital. The person – what is it? Fuck, it's at the actual wedding.

Celebrant. Celebrant, yeah. So she tells this story and she's like, you know, people have a lot of different ideas of what love is. Now here, here is what love is. This is what I think love is. And she tells this story about this married couple who've been together for like 50 years and the husband's like,

he's looking for something one day in a cupboard and he finds this box and it's got in the box there's three doilies and there's like $70,000 cash. And so he goes to the wife and he's like, what's going on with this box of just money and doilies? And she goes, well, every time that we had a fight over the last 50 years where I've just thought, you know what,

this guy, I hate this guy, I can't be around him anymore. And I've been so angry at you. I've gone upstairs and to calm myself, I've knitted a doily. And he thinks, oh, he goes, well, that's amazing. Like in 50 years, you've only felt that way three times. Like that's incredible. What about the money? And she goes, oh, when I got $10 together, I would sell them for $10.

Now, that's not a nice story. No. Is that good? No. She was like, and see, this is what I'm saying is that love is great. And everyone in the chapel is like, oh, I'm going, that's awful. Yeah. That's a prayer.

It's fine. Yeah. That's a celebrant saying that? Yeah. Man, those people are fucking weird. She Googled bad wedding jokes rather than what celebrants are supposed to say. Like that should be happening on the Bucks night. Yeah. Or the Hens night. There just

was this, it was so weird. Yeah. And it's so true, we're not farmers anymore. We don't need to be together because we're going to die in the winter. Yeah. I don't think, I think marriage is too long. It's like 60 years or something. Not for you, but like if you're getting married at like 26

and you die it's even longer. It could be 86 is a pretty good age. I'd be happy to make it to that. That's crazy. So you think

there should be a time limit on it? It would be if you had to have four husbands at 15 years a piece that would be great. Every day you'd wake up

and give them everything. Yeah but would you be wanting to shop for a husband when you're 65? No but everyone else would be too. Yeah totally. We'd all be swapping around. husband when you're 65. No, but everyone else would be too. Yeah, totally.

Like we'd all be swapping around. So then the game changes. So then the game changes in life. Yeah, but imagine meeting people at 65. I mean, I know out there some people do. They're not listening to this podcast. Oh, I reckon they are. Imagine you.

Imagine being on Tinder at 65. Yeah, but it wouldn't be if everyone else is. It wouldn't be so crazy. It's not like you're trying to pick up 25-year-olds. Well, not if you don't want to. But like I agree. So you're saying there's like one day every 10 years there's a mass wedding. Everyone gets married.

Literally, yeah. 10 years, we all just swap. And it's nice and you don't have that feeling of like – because I think a lot of marriage is like, oh, fuck, like if I marry this person, technically this is a person who watches me die. It's a real step into death. It's very selfish to go like I think I'm good enough as well that you can be satisfied with just me yeah i know it'd be nice if you were like if you met someone you're like hey look in seven years if

you're around let's look up once again and you'd be so good to each other thank you so much for the invite it was a beautiful day i had a wonderful time it's a shame it was such a mistake please let me stay with you again next time I'm in Perth. What were you going to say? But surely you're going to get one of those 15-year ones and go, oh, I like this one though. It doesn't matter. You live and you love and you let go.

Yeah, you're going to have to lose them eventually. Still be friends. Be friends. Hang out. We'll go to Fiji together. You are not clingy then. Are you not clingy at all? Oh, no, I'm super clingy

I'm a psycho I was going to say I'm a psycho too Yeah I think it's okay But I understand that you know Maybe it's one of those things

That just doesn't click for you Until you feel Like it seems stupid But I also think like You know Fucking Driving a car is stupid You can just get the tram

But I'm not allowed to drive a car So of course I think that That is I mean I feel pretty strongly that it's not for me, getting married. I just am never going to want to do it. You say that to someone and they go, yeah, but you'll meet the person

and then you'll change. No one takes you at your word. If you just honestly say. I don't think I can. Because I'm very inherently selfish. I can't imagine being – What would a Becky Lucas wedding be if you had to have one? Would it be like overblown?

Have you got it in you to say no to someone that's proposing to you? In it? Have I got it in me? Yeah. Yeah, I reckon I could. So if you love someone and they proposed, you would say no to someone but still want to stay with them? Yeah.

You'd want it to be on the big screen at the basketball or something, though, wouldn't you? So you'd go viral. Yeah, I'd want some sort of viral or you could do it on Twitter. Do one of those big bullshit dances at the start where everyone comes in doing a different move. That's great. So you get proposed to at a big sporting event. You actually do genuinely really

want to marry them but you've got one on the screen going, this is my ticket. This better be after the weather on Sunrise one morning. I don't know. I mean, I understand and it's so nice to be with someone, but I just feel like love isn't real. It's just a chemical reaction.

When's your wedding, Kyle? Can Becky do this as a speech? Yeah, yeah, totally. You're the celebrant. Yeah. But it is nice. Do that doily story and then do that one. I mean, no, it's lovely to have someone to cook you some food when you need it.

Yeah, love's like having a chef. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And the cuddling and the kissing. Hang on. Did you do this all to the guy in the Mercedes that brought you the burger? Do you think you're going to go big or small for yours?

Small. Okay. Of course, this goes back to what you're saying about, you know, I don't think I want to get married or whatever. Well, it's not really up, in my head, it's not really up to me. No. If your partner, if your partner, if your girlfriend in my case, wants something to happen, it's more for them instead of for me.

My ideal scenario is I'm with a girl who I can just gaslight into thinking that it's not a good idea. That's the thing is Carl might not want it but he wants – sorry, what's your girl? We don't need to say any names on the podcast. I'm more than happy for them not to be. You want your girlfriend in your life so you're going to do what she wants. It's like when you don't go to your favourite breakfast place,

you go to theirs. It's just like that but more. Exactly. But it's exactly what – it's not like I'm going, I don't want to do this. It's like, yeah, cool yeah cool okay if you really want to do it let's let's do it i better be fun as well like totally and again this is all good stuff for your speech yeah it's it's no i have been to weddings where i'm like okay i get it it's like a party and that's that's what you've got to have an india head it's a it's i get to invite all my friends and we get to all um when it's your i get a couple

of new i will say when I was at the actual service bit where it's like the actual really kind of religious-y stuff, in my head I was like, I just am never going to want to do this. And then once we got to the reception, I'm like, hey, this seems cool. I know. I might do it tomorrow. Everyone's all emotional. It's lovely.

Weddings are nice. But you should just have a wedding and then no marriage. I have only ever been to one. That's a game changer. Yeah. Like a party. Yeah. Have the reception first.

Yeah. Then have the ceremony and right at the end just go, nah. We both said no. I had my fingers crossed the whole time. Yeah. Gotcha. I did go to a bit in the last little bit. I've been to a wedding where I have been going to weddings lately

where I've been going in the back of my mind, okay, here's little bits not to do. Yeah. And because it's been so long and because my girlfriend's been like on me for quite a while. This should be the perfect wedding. Yeah. She's been on me quite a while.

I've now, like she's actually given me a bit of hand with the wedding. Wow, no wonder you're marrying her. She's been a bit like, okay, without me saying anything, she's been like, look, we don't have to do this for a wedding. We don't have to do this. If we make it happen, we don't have to do this, this, this. She's been at a point where she's been like, we can have the wedding in Thailand if you want.

Oh, you've trained her. No, I haven't. Like a dog. I haven't, no. I was going to bring this up because i do recall a point maybe four or five years ago yeah where you were talking about like she did want big kind of she wanted the full fan fit yeah she did want the overblown thing yeah so but without me saying anything i didn't say oh whatever she's just sort of gone what you said yeah what you said. Yeah. You said it. It was five years of saying no. No.

She, but like now that it's actually. And literally into microphones saying I don't want to get married. No, I've never said that. I've literally never said that. I've very carefully and calculatedly avoided that exact sentence. Yes. I have not said anything like that. But now she's like, yeah, we'll just do something small.

Because I've been like i don't want to go to a church because i'm not religious i don't believe in any of that sort of stuff um and you know the church bit oh the worst we went we went to one uh not that long ago and it was the most boring hour of my life it was so rotten because it was not uh uh it was not a faith in which i had had any encounter with before. Ah, right. Yes. Well, I will say this about the one I just went to. Aside from that story, it was just they got in there and they got down

to brass tacks. Yeah. There was no fucking around. Some of them are so quick. It's great. That would be great. The celebrant comes in. Alright, everyone. We're on the clock. Let's fucking go. Oh, yeah. You want to do it? You want to do it? Bing, bang, boom. We're out of here. On your feet. Come on, grandma. Up you get. Get out of that wheelchair. So, yeah, you want to do it? You want to do it? Bing, bang, boom, we're out of here. On your feet. Come on, grandma, up you get. Yeah, get out of that wheelchair.

So, yeah, yeah. So that would be, it would be more of a casual, not casual because casual sounds terrible as well. But that makes, it's always weird to me when you see someone have a wedding and you know those people and you go, this wedding isn't anything like who you are. You're doing this huge wedding

but you would rather be at a pub or something. So do a wedding that represents what you are because it's a day you want to remember. So have it at Nando's. That would be good. Oh, you should get a catered by Nando's. Yeah, yeah. Why are you looking at me? I'm not in charge of the catering.

That's the only thing I have. In my mind, you're his little wedding assistant. That's the only thing I have thought of, the catering. I'm like, all right, well, the catering has got to be good. Oh, fuck yeah. To me, if I was having one, that would be more important than the setting, what the bride looks like. I want to just fucking, yeah, just show off with the food.

Because I was talking to Nick Cody last night because his wedding is very fast approaching and he was like sort of saying his girlfriend has been doing a lot of the organising. Oh, he'd be getting it catered by the fucking American joint that Becky used to work at. Yeah, yeah. Ribs and – No, but that's what I asked. I said, have you had much to do with it?

He's like, no, no, no, no, no. I've done nothing about it. And I'm like, but what about catering? He's like, oh – I was like, man, that's the bit that you should be jumping on. Totally. Yeah. Totally. So I – yeah, look, that'll be the –

Because everything else can be amazing. If the food's fucked in any way, that's what people take away. Yeah. Everything else could be the most beautiful, heartfelt thing in the world. Yeah. Give them chicken nuggets in the middle of it and, yeah, everyone's pissed. Yeah, the ham was a little dry, I felt. That's all anyone's going to be remembering.

Here's the thing I want to work around then. Because you know the thing where you go to a wedding and you see the choice of the mains and you're like, the beef or the chicken or whatever, and you go, right, don't want the beef, I want the chicken, I want to a wedding and you see the choice of the mains and you're like the beef or the chicken or whatever and you go, right, don't want the beef. I want the chicken. I want the chicken. And then all the other way around. And then it comes out and you go, oh, fuck, I didn't get it.

I don't want that to happen. What do you mean? Oh, so when it's random. Yeah. Okay. Well, then. You can swap with someone. Yeah, but there's always problems with the swaps because there's always one.

You're talking about this like it's out of your control. It's your wedding. Just don't have that system. But what's the answer? Well, at this one I went to, it was just like big things of names on the table and everyone just kind of like took a bit of each one. That was good. Cameron James' wedding was like that.

It was great. A big fan of that. And the food at this, Pat, again, not to hang shit on your wedding. The food was amazing. I had a lovely time. Thank you for inviting me. Right. But you didn't hang shit at all.

You complimented it. No, I just feel like by talking about it. It's been very anti-wedding. I think this is what a lot of my friends think, that if they invite me to a genuine moment in their life, I'm just rubbing my hands going, here comes the content. Which is true. To be fair, the very first episode, number one episode we ever did,

I just got back from a destination wedding where i went i was invited to uh go to the bucks in portugal for a week i remember this portugal for a week i just quit my full-time job to go into comedy so you know i wasn't entirely flush yeah so i went for a bucks week in portugal then there was a then we went to england for the wedding and there was a week in between the bucks and the wedding so it was sort of in between the Bucks and the wedding. So it was sort of like, oh, we've got our wedding to sort of work out. You go play. You sort yourself out for a week.

So I'm over there for two and a bit weeks. And so I come back and I was talking about that going, yeah, is that a cool thing? I mean, I know it was a great experience, whatever. And I was talking about that and that was the very first episode. And so because he's a very good friend of mine, he was supportive and listened to the first episode. He went, yeah, that'll do. I reckon that'll do and never listened again. Oh, I thought you meant cut off the friendship.

No, no, no. I hope that this is the episode he jumps back in on. Yeah. 327, I've waited this out long enough. Yeah, yeah. The feud's over. He can't stand it. He probably literally thinks that's what we – he's only listened to one.

He thinks that we've done 325 episodes of talking about his wedding, where in truth it's only been two. The theme of the podcast is My Friend Got Married. Yeah, yeah. I went to one once where they did – they had this huge – they had like a four or five hour gap in between the service and the reception. So it was sort of like, anyway, we're going to get photos done now.

You all just fucking sort yourselves out. But that happens a lot though. Yeah, I went to the pub and just then turned up to the reception. So it was sort of like, anyway, we're going to get photos done now. You all just fucking sort yourselves out. But that happens a lot though. Yeah, I went to the pub and just then turned up to the reception utterly leathered. It was a family wedding so my parents were there. They're like, oh, what have you done? I was like, I had no other choice. See, that's another good idea for the dream wedding. To have that bit where you organise for everyone to go somewhere very close by. It's a good pub to hang out or something good to happen while you're doing your photos. So you have no idea of location or anything?

I feel like this is turning into us brainstorming. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Well, if it is. Cameron James had his in like a big warehouse and so they had the wedding in a corner, like this ceremony, and then they just set up tables. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, and then we all just moved to like corner, like the ceremony, and then they just set up tables. That's fucking awesome.

Yeah, and then we all just moved to like outside, had some snacks, drinks and then went to the tables. It was all in one big box. Oh, so they happened in the same venue. Yeah, yeah. You went outside and they kind of redid the venue while you were outside. Yeah, redid it and then they took away all the ceremony and then that became the dance floor.

Oh, that's cool. It was just in one big thing. It was great. So how proud are you about this? In all conscience, could you just like literally hear about a thing someone else that you know has done and just rip off that idea? Yeah. Or would you want to be the one?

Oh, I'm not going to rock up and go, here's my totally original wedding. We're not even going to get married. We're doing something new. We're just going to get on go-karts. Oh, yeah, that sounds cool. Yeah. That's a way of doing it.

What surprised me the other day is my friend, she works at a wedding magazine. She writes for it. And I have always thought, how do those things stay in circulation? Why would you keep buying? It's the same thing. But then she said, and I'm such an idiot,

she's like, but there's always new brides. You thought there was a finite number of brides in the world? Yeah, yeah, they're just buying. There's not someone still buying those magazines 20 years after they've gotten married. Still going, oh, just checking in again as to see how shit my wedding really was 20 years ago. I know, but I'm such an idiot.

I just thought people were into weddings. I guess we've talked about them for a long time and you know what? I'm kind of in the market to read about them a little bit after this. Yeah. Do you want to get married Adam? I thought that was a sure thing do you know what happened to me over Christmas I had like

a Christmas catch up thing with some high school friends and a friend two friends were getting married with their and I was talking to them about how excited I was for their wedding like oh your wedding's going to be great, man. Oh, you guys are going to marry this. Here we go.

I'm not invited. Yes! And he had to pull me aside later and go, hey, we had to be really brutal with the numbers. Do you know what a brutal number is? 200. Oh, no! It's a pretty brutal number.

But remember that it's really only 100 because you've got to invite the partner of everyone. Yeah, sure. But they both went to the same school, which I was a part of. Oh, no. And to be fair, I've drifted off a little bit from that group. I don't see them that often. Look at you just like justifying their decision now.

No, but I stormed in there going, your wedding's going to be great. When's the bucks? Oh, no. Extremely. stormed in there going your wedding's going to be great when's the bucks oh no I will say like that is like full credit to him for fronting up to it at the time but I would not have that kind of guts I just would do nothing about it and hope that you just forgot that I was getting married

and if I did just alright because on the other side of it and you know clearly I will be in this position very soon you can be friends with someone and not have them at your wedding. I completely get it. I feel just like a fucking idiot for like, the wedding's in February. I should have known that I'm not invited. Like, they would have told me by now.

Did you go to the engagement? I was invited and didn't go. Because it was during comedy festival. I couldn't get down there. And I'm just like really deep in my show at the moment. Yeah, I couldn't be fucking under your engagement, but I'm pissed off I didn't get to not go to your wedding as well. Yeah, I told them to come to my show as well.

But yeah, that was my fault. Fucking still. But I know what you mean. It is a thing where I have been to people's engagements and then not gone to their weddings and gone, oh, okay, so where do I sit exactly? I'm just not good enough to do that but I am good enough to do that. Well, I got invited

to the engagement and bucks of Danny McGinley and not the wedding but I didn't run a gig at the time so that's fair enough. But I was thinking about that the other day. Engagement, yeah, you invite more people to that. The bucks, is that weird to get invited to the bucks and then not the wedding?

I thought the Bucks was traditionally organised by the best man and he just gets the guest list. And the Bucks is like seven people, isn't it? I thought the Bucks was like a small number of people. Well, his was pretty big. I don't think traditionally, there's no rule that seven, you know, small amount of people. Again, I have never been invited to a Bucks. There's not a tradition that involves a group of grown men

like drunkenly leering at a nude woman at 2am. Yeah. This was great. The one I went to recently, we went shooting. We went to a shooting range. And as we were leaving, the guy who'd kind of been running the whole thing from the shooting range, he pulls the best man aside. He's like, and I overheard this, he's like,

are you guys going out after this? What are you doing? He's like, oh, probably go in the city, have some drinks. He's like, you going to the strippers? He's like like i don't know we might might end up at the strippers he goes centerfolds turn up tell them aaron from the shooting range sent you you'll get in for free oh my god which i mean if you're like an activity that a lot of bucks events are going to be at it makes sense to be in cahoots with the strippers i'm almost i'm not surprised that aaron from the shooting range knows the people but imagine turning up fucking just cooked at 2am,

stumbling in there going, Aaron from the shooting range, see we gave you for free. That would be the most embarrassing thing to get knocked back by. Your name that you're pulling out of your pocket is Aaron from the shooting range. And they're going, what are you saying? And you're like, yeah, sorry. Hey, any listeners, if you're listening to this,

if you're at Centre Falls in the near future, give it a try. Drop Aaron's name, see if it works. Actually give that a try. Yeah, that'd be great. Wow. Having said that, like the Danny McGinley bucks, I've been to a few bucks. That is, to be fair, that is the only bucks I've been to

which involved the hiring of a naked woman and then going to strippers as well. Yes. It was too much. It's so weird when they just turn up with their little suitcase like a travelling salesman. It was. I'm going to take my clothes off.

You want to buy these cleaning products? It was completely, completely weird. Yeah. On top of that, it was a bunch of comics. It was mainly comics. So we're upstairs. We're at a function room in a pub and there's topless waitresses all day.

So then after about four hours a stripper turns up and we're all a little bit like, we're a bit desensitised by that point. I just want to know, like before she gets out of the car to go in, what does she do? It's like us turning out to a bad gig. Like a second ago. Yeah. No, she gets out of the car naked.

She's coming to work clothes. So she starts the whole routine and we're actually, you know, weird anyway, but ironically enough for a group of comedians, we're actually a shit audience. Totally. She's having to stand up and like pump us up and do a bit of like, so anyway, what else is going on? Like it literally was that.

It was a bunch of weird socially awkward comics and we were all like against the walls and she was a bunch of weird socially awkward comics and we were all like against the walls and she was just like in the middle doing her dance and we're all just looking at each other going is this cool to look at or not yeah i mean to me it just sounds so awful i really don't understand is it enjoyable no being danny mcginley and on top of that it was his wife that was doing it. So it wasn't that. But it was very weird because she seemed like a nice girl. But we were a terrible... We're all someone's daughter.

It's times like this. We were a terrible audience. And then I remember her doing her routine to sort of nothing and then her just getting up and sort of going, just like pointing at herself and just going, well, there it is. I'll back you up on this. There is no extra sauce put on that.

I remember it exactly that way too. It was incredible. And then on top of that, so we're like, okay, cool. And then we went to strippers on top of that. Way at the end of the night where it's like, okay. I think I filled up about a 10-year quota of nude women. Yeah. Like in that one night. Oh, because then we get to the strippers.'s like, okay. I think I filled up about a 10-year quota of nude women. Yeah. Like in that one night.

Oh, because then we get to the strippers and again, we're a terrible audience so no one went to look. We all did the traditional comic thing which is we all went up the back of the room and just talked to each other. Played pool, right? Yeah. And bagged the strippers. I've only been to one strippers once, okay?

You can't prove otherwise. And I remember playing pool there because I was like, I feel fucking uncomfortable here. And I played pool pool there because I was like, I feel fucking uncomfortable here. And I played pool and there was like a little couch next to it where a guy was getting a lap dance from this naked woman who was in the way of the shot I needed to take. So I had to go up to her and go like, hey, sorry, can I just? And she was like, oh, yeah, and really athletically moved out of the way.

But it was weird to. And you were like, hey, can I give you a lift home? Because you walk in And you sort of go This is what it's meant for It's a strip club It's fine to just sit here And watch a naked woman dance But then

When you get in there And you see that the people Who are The dudes who are Just doing that You're like I don't want to be that guy Yeah the 11am dude

And like Yeah It's It's fine How many strip clubs Have you been to Becky I've been to a few. But it's always just really drunk.

I don't understand. It just seems like a bad place. Yeah. I don't know. I always try and talk to them about their lives. Yeah. But I think they're used to that. Like I think everyone thinks they're going to be a renegade

and like do the right thing. And they're like, whatever, cunt. During Comedy Festival one year. Every guy does that. Goes up and goes like, hey, can you move out of the way? I'm just trying to play pool here. What are you doing? During Comedy Festival one year, Every guy does that. Goes up and goes like, hey, can you move out of the way? I'm just trying to play pool here. What are you doing? During Comedy Festival one year, I ended up at the strippers

with a couple of friends because it was, and this is grim, it was like every other place we tried to go get a drink was closed at this point and we wanted to keep drinking. It was like, oh, the strippers will have beer still going. It's a bad, bad way to end up there. And I ended up getting a lap dance from a girl who... Hang on. Yeah, this has changed.

All I wanted was a beer. All I wanted was a beer. Barkeep. I'm horny. No, so she came over and... Sounds like someone was thirsty but not for beer. She came over and she was like pitching the lap dance and I was like, no, no, I'm not falling for this.

And then I was wearing a T-shirt with the band Run The Jewels on it and she was like, oh, I love Run The Jewels. And I was like, hey, this girl's into cool music. Oh, my God. I'm going to get a lap dance. Hey, this girl likes the band I like. It's almost like she's a person. But I was that guy in my head where I was like, I was in my head,

I'm like, I'm going to be, oh, man. I can change her. I'm in love with this girl. Oh, man. I offered her, it was during Comedy Festival. I offered her free tickets to my show. I was like, turn up tomorrow night. I'll put you on the door.

Oh, wow. That's terrible. What if she rocked up and then just, you know, you did well. And at the end, she just walked up and put like 10 bucks in your belt. That would have been amazing. Yeah, so that's my story. That's what I'll be telling at the end she just walked up and put like ten bucks in your belt. That would have been amazing. Yeah, so that's my story. That's what I'll be telling at the wedding. Becky, you just, just to get off stripper talk,

I know you don't want to but I'm insisting. You just, you're in Melbourne for no good reason. You just had Christmas in Brisbane. Yeah. And like you told me you just sort of run away from home. Oh, yeah. I just had kind of a shitty Christmas at home. I mean everyone talks about that like, oh, we've got to go home to the fighting.

And like I don't want to – I never wanted to be the – because you know when people complain about, oh, my family sucks. It's like, no, you suck. You're the shit. I partake in it because it's this time of year and it's like they're all fucking mental, aren't they? It's like my family's fine. Yeah, like I'm the problem. They were having a great time and i arrived like i just had a big

fight with my parents and then we didn't kind of get over it and then i had a fight with my step grandma on christmas night or christmas eve step grandma yeah because i've never heard that phrase i know i'm like my stepmom's very like she's we're very close, so we spend Christmas with her family. And I made a Jewish joke. And it would have killed on a live podcast. Let's prove it. Well, basically my stepmum was just talking about – it's a lame joke. It feels lame to even recount it.

But she was just talking about how she left Germany at 12 and she's continued lots of traditions. She's like, I love Germany and she still speaks German. She's telling us all. She's like, I love, I continue lots of German traditions and she's listing them and I said, oh, like hating Jews. And it's like, it's a dumb joke but in the time we're all drunk

and saying things. But my step-grandma just like stopped and was like, that's not funny and like just caused a huge big argument. And I was like, well, it is. Like it is funny. I'm like, that would have done well. I'm like, obviously my fucking stepmom doesn't hate Jews. Like I'm kidding.

Yeah, it's a little aside. It's an aside that would have been appreciated. So you're digging your heels in. That's great. Yeah, I was just like, I can't be bothered. Like you're not right. And also like I hate it when people just pretend to care about one thing. I'm like, oh, they made Schindler's List so you care about this thing.

Like, she votes Liberal for fuck's sake. Like, there's refugees dying now and she's like, don't you make a funny little quip at Christmas. I had Christmas with my stepdad, his family, the Hitlers, and we had a really similar thing there. That's all I had. We can move away from that now. I was like, wait, your parents are together.

Like, I was in. You had me. Even five seconds after I said Hitler's, I was like, oh, yeah, I can believe this. No, they are. They're together. They're stronger together. They're united. One front.

I'm not going to make more Jewish jokes or Jewish Germans. So you, how many, did you, was the grandmother thing that made you decide to flee the state or did you knock off someone else? No, it just kind of, then she's like, you know, you should be more like Magda Zabansky. And I was like, oh, okay, and then. Who is a noted anti-Semite, so she's fucked up there. Well, yeah, just because, and then I started just, it kind of, I just felt bad.

I was like, am I a difficult person? Like, yes, I am. But I just thought, you know, I started like – I just felt bad. I was like, am I a difficult person? Like, yes, I am. But I started the next couple of days, I just thought, oh, my poor parents. I just make everything difficult and I fucked up Christmas. It's really all your fears. Was that on Christmas night? That was Christmas Eve and then I spent Christmas Day with my mum, left on Boxing Day.

Oh, huge. Yeah. All the fears that you have about yourself and your personality year round and you can just surround yourself with whoever you want. So you can just form this echo chamber. But, you know, Christmas Day back with the family, it's all out in the open and there's nowhere to run. I know.

And I became that annoying person that I don't like on Twitter because I'm like I'm talking to people who aren't even on base level. Like you start using like words like problematic and shit because you're like the only one. And then they're like, I don't know. Anyway, I just hated myself. So what did you get for Christmas? Well, I came back.

I spent Christmas there. I was with my mum on Christmas day. What did you get? Oh, I got some Birka socks that I'm wearing now. And my dad's going to, I'm going to move to LA this year. My dad's going to help me with the visa stuff. That was my Christmas present. Very good. That's a cool present. What are you going to move to LA this year. My dad's going to help me with the visa stuff. That was my Christmas present. Very good.

That's a cool present. What are you going to LA for? I just wanted to change. You feel really guilty about fucking saying that shit about the Jews now. Because there's a few over there. I love them. I love them. You'll be a Scientologist within three months.

I know. You'll go right in. You'll go fucking from the airport to the Scientology Centre. I'll believe anything. Yeah. After all that talk, it'll be a shotgun wedding in Vegas like three weeks in. That'd be great.

Can we come and stay with you? We'll do a podcast from LA. Yeah. There we go. One guest over there. Yeah. We were struggling to find, you know, someone in comedy in LA, someone famous.

So, right. I reckon you would fucking die in LA, Tommy. Me? Because I have never been to LA, but I have a friend who got robbed immediately. He'd been off the plane for two hours and someone came up and this is literally why. He was wearing a band shirt.

It was a rapper thing and they went, oh, I like that. Do you want to hear my mixtape? And then the mixtape thing, they give it to him and he listens to it and then they go, all right, now you owe me like $ a thousand dollars or whatever yeah it's some scam but i don't understand how it works because ultimately it's just a dude telling you you owe him money well i will say like i and this isn't an invitation to the listeners but i've never been mugged at 30 i'm very surprised by that because i reckon i'm often walking home alone at night with headphones in and look at me.

I reckon to anyone who's in the market for something like that, I just look like an easy mark. I can't believe no one's ever looked at me and gone, I could fucking kick the shit out of that guy. I probably feel sorry for you. I got mugged in Adelaide once. You did? Yeah, yeah.

Really? Yeah, you did too. It was like two years ago nearly now. I was on Hindley Street, which I've heard is like the fucked street there. Yeah. And I didn't know that at the time. And I was getting money out of an atm at like 3 a.m and this guy came up to me he's like can you fucking lend me any money and um that's what he sounded like i didn't just lose my mind for a second and he i was like oh nah and he was like nah i fucking reckon you're better and like i've told the story sometimes as he pulled a knife on me,

but he didn't. He had his hand in his pocket and there might have been a knife in the pocket. But you're never going to know. But you didn't see it. You don't know what's in people's pockets. I could have any shit in here. There's no.

How prominent, because like pocket, you know, what was he, was he really giving it a bit of. He was flicking it around like he was. Well, I don't know. I think he might have been jerking off in there. Yeah, maybe. But he. Look at this hot piece of there. Yeah, maybe. But he. Look at this hot piece of ass.

Either way, it was intimidating. And so I. No, no, don't come on me. Yeah, yeah. I gave him the money that I'd taken out of the ATM. How much? It was $50. It wasn't that much.

I was just getting it to get a taxi. But $50 to me is. Yeah, sure. A lot of money. And yeah, then. You got to be careful who you lend money to. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to get it back. I'm really worried now.

Shout out to Adelaide. We are coming back over there in about a month. I got completely... If that guy's still out there and he listens, hey, use some of that 50 on a ticket to our show. I got completely fucking mugged, but I needed a producer, so what are you going to do? Comedy.

Plenty will give it back. Adelaide, we are coming over. On what date, Tommy? Look it up on littledumbbells.com March the 4th. March the 4th?

Yeah. March the 4th. I reckon we should wrap this up here because Becky, you're busting to use my shower. I'm going to have a shower. Yeah, you opened my front door

and you said, can I have a shower in your house? Yeah. Are you alright, Becky? I feel very comfortable with you. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'll ask anything from you. Cool, can I have a shower in your house? Yeah. Are you all right back there? I feel very comfortable with you. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'll ask anything from you.

Cool. Can I have 50 bucks? Have a good time in there. Don't look directly at the eyes of the painting that's hanging on the wall. Hey, we need something for the patient on next month. Oh, my God. Do you reckon you could do that? You probably don't have enough female guests to do a calendar.

Oh. But if you've got 12 female guests, we should do a calendar and sell it. That's a very good idea. Well, let's do a sexy calendar. I'm glad you're the one making this idea up. It actually doesn't even have to be girls. It'd be a big paper mache cake. You can be in one of them.

Yeah. What do we do? We could line it up. It should be themed. It should be themed. If we work on this now, let's line it up for the middle of the year and do a financial year calendar. Yeah, okay.

Sure. I'll let someone else be in control of all this. Becky, you can run it. Okay, I'll do it. Adam Knox, Becky, Lucas, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. You both have stuff on sale at all the festivals. Becky, your show is called Little Bitch.

Yep. Which I'm a fan of that title. Thank you. Where is it it's at the Vic Hotel during Melbourne and I don't know where else

just look it up just give us a web give the people some fucking hope of being able to buy a ticket to this thing but you just google it you know

all these names but where are you going I imagine if they google Becky Lucas Little Bitch a lot of other results are coming up all from a step grandma

yeah yeah just it's online Perth Becky Lucas, Little Bitch, a lot of other results are coming up. Or from a step-grandma. Yeah, just online. Perth? Perth, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, New Zealand. Okay. Nice. If you're from any of those towns from now until May, you're going to be there from now until May, so look it up.

Yeah. Thanks. Adam Knox, you're in the sketch group Chimp Cop. Yeah, we're doing Melbourne Comedy Festival, and I'm doing a solo show in Perth and Adelaide, and then like a split show in Adelaide, and then my own show in Melbourne. So if you're in Perth, that means January, February?

Like late January. I think the 27th is the first show, something like that. You can go to fringeworld.com.au. And read out the title of the show. It's Adam and Knox. No. It's called It's Adam and Eve Not Adam Knox.

Right. Which Tommy came up with. Fantastic title. I love it. It's so good. I can't believe you've actually done it. I would have gone

the other way around. It's Adam Knox Not Adam and Eve. Or not Adam. The original one Tommy said was It's Adam and Knox. It's Adam Knox.

I can't even say the name of my fucking time. It's Adam Knox, not Adam and Steve, but that sounded like it was giving the wrong impression. Right. Of like, you know. Yeah. Right. I get it.

So, yeah, Adam, what are you, at Adam G Knox? On Twitter. I'll let you know. I'll just check who I'm following. Also, me and Adam do a podcast about video games, which is called Filthy Casuals, which you can find on iTunes and stuff. We've got, what have we got?

Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne live podcasts, our solo shows in Melbourne. Adelaide, get onto a double episode. So, yeah, that's March 4, whatever Tommy said. So, heaps and heaps of guests. You'll be locked in for two hours to see six awesome, awesome guests in Adelaide. And then about a week later, we're in Brisbane. Two weeks.

The 18th. Yep. So first episode is selling well. About to put a second episode on sales directly after it. So get on to our website and get Brisbane. You're always excellent. Adelaide, like we've talked about last week, you have actually bought tickets already. So that is good. Melbourne, we, like we've talked about last week, you have actually bought tickets already, so that is good.

Melbourne, we have four episodes down there. We have just finished selling the season pass, so they're sold out. You can now just buy individual tickets, so get onto that. You know we're good for it. You know we're good for awesome guests, so get onto that. We are about to put on sale

a special little extra thing on, I think, a Friday night we're going to do. So check the social medias to find out exactly what that is. A certain wedding? No. No. Not that. A much more fun thing than that. I can't believe Carl just did his whole wedding speech for us.

And of course me and Tommy's solo show mine's called Carl Chandler Fuck, what is it called? Carl Chandler Not Adam Knox. Yes. What is my show called again called Carl Chandler. Fuck, what is it called? Carl Chandler. Not Adam Knox. Yes. What is my show called again? Carl Chandler, World's Best Comedian in the World.

Rolls right off the tongue. That's what it's called. I haven't done a poster or anything for it yet. That's why. And mine is called Dinner for Two. They're both on sale. You can find all those links at littledumbdumbclub.com. Guys, thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you later.

That's sweet.