The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 334 - Tony Martin & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

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Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a new episode with guests Tony Martin and Dilruk Jai Singer, but before we get into that, we have to tell you about some stuff that we are doing all over the country. In just a few short days, we are going to be in the capital of South Australia. Carl, what's it called? Adelaide. It is the home of pre-sales. They love it. Well, this is it. So by this point, we're into what? Four days before the show, and this is when they start to pull their little trick of coming out of the woodwork, clicking that book button, putting the credit card details in,

and getting their little fannies onto those seats in the Rhino Room. Let's just give everyone in Adelaide like a minute silence here so they can go to their computers and book the tickets right now. And anyone who's not in Adelaide, if you know people in Adelaide, you can text them and say, go to this fucking show. Yeah. Okay, just give it a few seconds silence. Right, okay.

Oh, I've just checked the sales reports and it's worked. Wouldn't you know it, it's worked. Guys, we've sold out. Don't hear something. No, we haven't. Please, go and get it. Adelaide, come on. This Saturday, March the 4th at the Rhino Room,

a big double live episode, heaps of guests from around the Fringe Festival. It's going to be awesome. Adelaide shows are always super fun. Yeah. And for people that are listening in the future to going through the backlog, if you found this podcast in the future and you're going back through it, it's 2017 is this episode.

That's the, what is it, March the 4th, 2017 in Adelaide. And, you know, just skip forward and see how it went. Yes. Yeah. Or skip to the episode on the other side of this and hear us discussing, 2017 in Adelaide. And, you know, just skip forward and see how it went. Yes. Yeah. Or skip to the episode on the other side of this and hear us discussing, frankly, how we thought it went. Or skip to – go to social media and find all the bitching and moaning we did just before, during and after.

Yeah. But Adelaide, yeah, look, tons of fun. It's going to kick off our little festival run for 2017 that we always do, sort of. The beginning of our tour. Tour. Yeah, yeah. That's a better word for it.

That's a much better word for it, Tommy. A much less incriminating term for it. Are you allowed to call it a tour if you're sleeping on someone's couch? I believe Nick Cody doesn't allow you to call it that. So, yeah, that's going to be awesome. And then two weeks after that, we're in Brisbane at the Hayabar in sunny Brisbane, two episodes back to back. Where can tickets for that be found, Carl?

And again, let's give a minute for all the people in Brisbane to go and pat themselves on the back for being good people and selling it out already. Walk over to the fridge, get a little look at that ticket that's sitting there under a fridge magnet and just bask in the glory of it. Well done Brisbane. You've done it again. And hopefully, as we've been saying, hopefully we'll be back mid-year. You know what? We always bring a bit of

a half-arsed version of our solo shows to Brisbane as we're working on it. We don't even do that. We just do a split bill stand-up show. Well that's very half-arsed. A half-arsed half-arse. A quarter-arse of a show. We're going to bring our full arses up there later in the year, so watch out for that.

You guys love buying tickets in advance. Fuck, if yours lasts that long, the rate it's going. Oh, yeah, right. If you haven't torn it into oblivion. Yeah, well, I may be bringing my half-arse. But finished show. Your mangy, bedraggled, ripped-apart arsehole. It's going all right at the moment. So, yeah, that's going to be sick. apart arsehole it's going alright at the moment

so yeah that's going to be sick it's actually going better than my show at the moment show needs a bit of ointment by the sounds of it and then

April the month of April we are doing live episodes of Little Dum Dum Club every Sunday afternoon 3pm at the European Beer Cafe huge huge guests

if you've ever been to one of our April runs before so So that means April the 2nd, April the 9th, April the 16th and April the 23rd. And by this point the arsehole is just glistening. Yeah, it's fully gaping every Sunday.

I don't know if that's great, but sure. No, sure. So, yeah, 3 o'clock. Of course, if you're hanging around afterwards, it runs straight into our solo shows, which is Carl Chandler, world's best comedian in the world, immediately afterwards at 4.15 or 4.30, something like that. And then Tommy Daslo's back-to-back straight after that.

That's every Sunday. You can go and do the three-hour dum-dum show basically every Sunday. And, of course, those solo shows are on during the week as well. They're Monday to Saturday at a different time. I think mine's at 8.15. Tommy's at 9.30. So go and see that. That starts, of course, on – well, what do we do? We do 2nd of April, then we do the 9th of April,

and then from the 9th onwards we go right through to April 23rd. Yes. So it's only 15 shows or – 16. 16 shows. Yeah. 16 shows only in Melbourne, guys. And remember, no Ticketmaster involved in anything we do.

Fuck those guys. Fuck Mr. and Mrs. Master. We're all about the little guy. Yeah. We're all about giving like 25 cents to try booking rather than fucking six bucks to Ticketmaster. Yes. Oh, wow. Six bucks.

That'd be nice. Yeah. Exactly. Remember when it was that cheap? We're the Pearl Jam of podcasting. We are no coding this right now. Oh, wow, six bucks. That'd be nice. Yeah, exactly. Remember when it was that cheap? We're the Pearl Jam of podcasting. We are no coding this right up. We also record our shows every night and we put them up online immediately afterwards the next day.

That's a thing that they do, isn't it? And we're gradually getting worse as time goes on. And the basis for our name was Jerking Off. Yeah. Little Come Come Club felt like it was a bit too on the nose, so we kind of scaled it back to make it a little more obscure. We just moved one letter down the alphabet and totally fooled everyone. So yeah, that is going to be heaps of fun.

We've also got a little bonus show, April the 14th, the Roast of Dillarook Jai Singer, who you were about to hear in this episode. And of course, it's American Ro roast style, meaning that everyone gets up there and all the guests give each other a crack. If you went to the Carl Chandler 40th birthday roast last year, you will know the format. Yeah. So that's going to be tons of fun.

Like we've said last week, we were doing it in the basement of the European Beer Cafe. We have sold that out. So it's now going up into the big room. So we have still got tickets, plenty of tickets available. But man, they are selling at a rate of knots. If knots are something that goes quick. Yeah.

I've never known that one. Did you write that before I got here? You know, at a rate of knots. What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? What is knots? I mean, I know knots is something nautical. But a rate of knots.

Like knots is just a way of measuring something, isn't it? Welcome back to the little sailing club podcast. I told you we were getting worse. Yeah. So, yeah, that is going to be heaps of fun. Knots is slow though. Like think how slow a boat goes compared to like how fast you can get a car. Yeah.

Like even like a hundred knots. I dare say that's a brisk walk. It's selling at a rate of Ferrari. There we go. I've completely fixed's a brisk walk. It's selling at a rate of Ferrari. There we go. I've completely fixed that one. So go and get that. That's going to be heaps of fun. We haven't talked about this, but I presume that's unrecorded.

It certainly is not going out for free to anyone. That's for sure. No, that's damn sure. Yeah. And yeah, so that is going to be a bit unique. It's going to be late night. It's 11 o'clock at night, so you know there are no holds barred. Late night on a Friday too.

So if you can't make the drunk cast because you have a job that you give a fuck about on a Monday morning, this is kind of the next best thing. Make this your drunk cast. I mean, we sure will be. We'll stick around afterwards and do stuff. Well, it's Good Friday. Yeah. It is from one crucifixion to another.

More like, once we get involved, more like bad Friday. Mad magazine, how did you get in here? Okay, so that's going to be awesome. All that stuff is on sale now, littledumbdumbclub.com. But hey, you know, if you're hearing all these dates and these shows and you're thinking, you know what, as much as I love going and seeing podcasts in Australia, I'm a bit, you know, I love this great sunburnt land, but I'm a bit sick of it.

I wish there was a way of me going abroad. Are you thinking, are you sitting there thinking, these podcasts, they're a little bit too far away from the equator for my life. Well, you know what? We've got the fucking answer for you, buddy. For your weird little fetish. That's right

You're the weird one Not me We are going to do a podcast in Thailand So the Koh Samui We've been very lucky enough to be booked By the organisers from the Koh Samui Podcast Festival We are headlining I believe I don't know that that's come through yet

Okay right We haven't received the playing times But hopefully We need to put in our writer requests too, by the way, for what we want. Yeah. Gee, there's a lot more organising than I thought to do. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So we've got a writer request, we've got to wait to see what time we get.

What are we aiming for? Well, I mean, you know, you want the sweet spot. You want like 8pm, you know, just as the sun's setting down, that kind of – that moment that people – like at a festival, going to a lot of festivals as I do, sort of as the sun's setting down, that kind of moment. Like at a festival, going to a lot of festivals as I do, sort of as the sun's setting and it's kind of turning into night. So not necessarily headlining. Those end up being the sets that people remember the most. Not necessarily headlining.

Well, it's something like Meredith. The headliner comes on at like 1am. We don't want to be doing that. Then you're free and you can enjoy the rest of the night. I think we'll be putting on a different show by that time. I think that show will be sponsored by a certain Milan Krencevic at that time. Who is coming. Who is confirmed.

People are asking who are the confirmed guests. Well, we know... We don't really need to put in a writer request if we've got Milan coming along, do we? Well, yeah, look, we don't... I don't think you need to... Yeah, that's right. No requests.

You don't get to choose, basically. Yeah, exactly. The rider just gets pushed in front of you and you get told if you don't have all of the rider, then the person who supplied the rider is never going to speak to you again. Yeah, and if you say you don't want a rider, you get twice as much. Yes, exactly. So that's going to be awesome. So the official accommodation of the Koh Samui Podcast Festival is, of course,

Accommodation of the Koh Samui Podcast Festival Is of course the beautiful The wonderful Ozo Choeng Samui Resort Which we have Gotten an excellent deal for you guys with We've been in communications with them And they are very happy because a bunch of you guys Have signed up already

There are literally dozens and dozens of people Coming already I think it feels like everyone who books in Sort of hits me up to go, I can't believe it and I think I'm going to be the only one there, but I'm coming. And it's like, no, everyone says that. There's going to be plenty of people there.

There's like married couples coming, which I find very interesting. Yes. That's bizarre to me. We've had a lot of messages from people going, I am dragging along such and such, going, all right. And look, it's good to you to let us know, you don't have to use the phrasing dragging along. It doesn't make us feel good to know that roughly half the people there are there under

duress, not of their own will. It is a weird pitch, though, for someone to come to someone else and go, hey, look, honey, I think we should go overseas and we're going to go and watch something you've never fucking heard of. Like, it's not even a radio show. It's not TV. It's not a band. I'd like to know couples that are coming, like what they, you know, were they discussing another holiday?

Were there other options on the whiteboard? I'd like to know is there anyone who's booked in for them and a significant other not telling them that this is what it's about and then booking, now that it's all booked in and we've booked in all these non-refundable flights, now I can come clean. You know that podcast that you always make me turn off when you're in the car yeah we're going to spend four days next door to them in their pockets for nearly a week and as we always hear you know

that guy and girl that you always hear on that podcast in the car well that yeah it's going to be like i think some people are going to be put to bed early on the night so that way they're going. Hey, should I get surgery over there? You know how you can get like cheap surgery over there? Yeah. What should I get done? Well, you know what?

I've considered this as well because there's always like, you know, absolute minimum. Like what's the mildest sort of surgery or work you can get done, right? I was thinking teeth cleaning. Teeth cleaning, yeah. So they've always got super cheap – Teeth whitening. Yeah, well, both. Any sort of teeth and stuff. It's way cheaper to get someone to brush your teeth for you over there. Well, you know what I mean. Iteth cleaning, yeah. Teeth whitening. Yeah, well, both.

Any sort of teeth and stuff. It's way cheaper to get someone to brush your teeth for you over there. You know what I mean. It's probably still true. Yeah, yeah, totally. You know, teeth cleaning, because even teeth whitening, I think, well, maybe something can go wrong. But you can't go wrong with teeth cleaning.

Well, veneers and stuff as well. Isn't it like every kind of big surgery? Yeah. Like huge, huge surgeries, people go over to those kinds of places to do it. Yeah, yeah. Which I still think is like, what a roll of the dice. I don't know. Totally.

Obviously, you do your research but – Totally. Oh, look, how much research can you do really? But yeah, teeth cleaning, I wouldn't mind doing that. Like if you can go over there and just get them done for $20 or something. That would be pretty great if you and I both get it done. We both get the maximum option. Yeah.

And then the next live gig we're at in Sydney, we're just there with these fucking glistening whites. Now that's cool. Yeah. We don't have to worry about tech stuff, about lighting anymore. We're just illuminating each other with our neon chompers. Yeah. What if I get a boob job or something over there?

Well, what do you mean what if? What if I get a dick reduction? See, that's the other thing. Once you go over there, I feel like you've got to get your money's worth by – that's the thing. I never get a massage here. As soon as I go to Thailand, I get massages at least once a day. So you'd never get a boob job here.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But you go over and get a massage for like eight bucks over there. So it's like, all right, while I'm here, I've got to make some money sort of. Yeah. I'm basically paying off my flights by doing this. There was a point where Demi Lardner was talking about if she came with us going and getting a boob job over there.

Really? Yeah. Do you remember this? And we had a good laugh. And I was like, that's a funny flight of fantasy. And then I walked away and remembered, oh yeah, she's got our logo tattooed on her leg. Yeah. There's not much space left on her, is there?

She's got a lot of… That's why she's got to get bigger boobs. Wow. More surface area for tattoos of logos of podcasts. Great. So anyway, just to go back on our accommodation sponsor, which is the Ozo Chaweng Samui Resort. So if you go to their official website, through the good

people at Ozo, whatever that means, and you use those dates, if you go like May 31, June 5, you can... Yeah, the official dates that stuff is happening are June 1, 2, 3, 4. We're going to be getting in May the 31st, and you know, you can stay as long as you want after that,

but we'll be done by June the 5th but to be fair like with if you're going to come to the show on June 1st you sort of need

to get in on May 31st because there's no flights and if you're coming from Australia you can't get there in time so

if you go onto the website if you go onto their official website and book in those dates and use the password podcast P-O-D-C-a-s-t uh you'll get

that's how you spell it yeah you will get an amazing deal an amazing discount and you are and you'll turn the ozo chiueng samui resort into a little dum-dum club themed theme park oh that's not bad yeah that's not bad at all yeah so we will be doing a podcast within the resort uh we'll be doing i i hope to be doing something down like in another location as well oh totally because it's like a lovely lovely resort i've been there myself it's awesome um but on top of that i really want to do like a bootleg version like a like a in a in some shithole in some grimy bar in some place where yeah we're doing it and people the people owning it are like we don't know what the

fuck is going on that's all I thought we were doing. I didn't know we were going to do anything in the hotel. Right. Well, you know what? I think at least one would be a good idea because they are very – it's such a slick outfit. Oh, totally. Okay. It's such a professional outfit.

But if we're doing it in those other places, there's a bit of a rollercoaster. Well, I want to just find a bar and convince them to let us do a stand-up show. Totally. That's what I think is – that's my dream. Yes. I think that'll be fine.

Like, because they won't speak English, they won't know what's going on, but what they will know is that there's a crazy Serbian guy that just bought every drink in the bar. Yeah. Yeah, so they'll be like, do what the fuck you want. Yeah. So I think that's – yeah, make sure you're there in time. Get on the May 31st.

Yeah. And also, if you're back here and you would like to – because basically, we're sort of just funding this ourselves through, you know, we're kind of like shuffling away some live ticket money and stuff like that. And so, we've got a couple of guests that we've confirmed that are going to come along with us, which we'll be announcing soon. But we'd love to bring as many people over as we can, which will make the whole thing more fun.

So, if you can't come or even if you are going and you want to chip in uh to make this happen we are going to be doing we're going to be setting up a go fund me page where you can chip in and for that we're going to be making a whole bunch of extra content over there we're not just going to be doing the podcast we'll be filming stuff we'll be doing also we're still working out exactly what that'll be but if you're back here and you chip in to help us make this happen you are going to get a whole bunch of extra content sent to you and a lot of people have hit hit us up already going how can we contribute we want to chuck in a bit of you know whatever so we we are going to be by the time you hear this uh you will know more about it if you get on the social medias uh you'll find our little fundraising ideas um so if you want to chuck in

anything like tommy said we will be giving you extra content um we'll be filming we'll be recording we'll be doing lots of stuff um so please you know if you want to chuck in anything like Tommy said, we will be giving you extra content. We'll be filming. We'll be recording. We'll be doing lots of stuff. So please, if you want to chip in, as Tommy said, we've got guests confirmed. And by confirmed, he means, well, we're still paying for their flights and all that sort of stuff. Yes, yes. So that's what we're raising funds for.

We want to make this happen. We think this is going to be a really cool thing. This seemed like a good idea until all of a sudden we went, oh, hang on, we're paying for all this out of our own pockets well the plan was the plan was we would we thought you know what if we bring all these podcast listeners over and you know i really think there's going to be quite a lot of people we'll be able to get a deal with an airline yeah uh you know some sort of sponsor at the moment that hasn't happened and with the airline that definitely hasn't happened that won't happen uh having said that we you know if you've got a business if you've got links to

someone and you've got an idea for some form of sponsorship hit us up totally what we've learned from this experience is that airlines all of them yeah are kind of cunts yeah so if you've got an option of traveling by plane i reckon don't do it can we get any boat sponsors out in solidarity with this podcast if you can go somewhere and you can drive or get the boat instead, just do that. Get the bus. Get the bus to Thailand. So we'll keep updating you with all the news and all this stuff.

But as Tommy said, we are officially open for people to chip in. And if you put a certain amount of money in, it's going to work like the Patreon. You're going to get bonus content. Yeah. That will all be forthcoming, all that information, in the next couple of days on the socials. So, yeah, Facebook, Twitter, keep an eye on all that stuff.

And especially we – should we say this about the – on the Sunday night? Okay. Facebook. We are going to do a little telethon as a live video on Facebook. So if you want to be part of that, if that's how you want to contribute, we're just going to do a weird little KosoMui Podcast Festival telethon. We're going to go live. Yeah.

So get on that. It'll be on a Sunday night. Hey, you know what we should do? We should go, because in the past when we've gone live on Facebook, we've walked down to the burger shop near my house. Yeah. Let's go get Thai food. Oh.

Yeah. Man, that's going to suck your bandwidth. Crazy. I don't care. Oh, okay. No, let's get it delivered my house. Yeah. Let's go get Thai food. Oh. Yeah. Man, that's going to suck your bandwidth. Crazy. Yeah, I don't care. Oh, okay. No, let's get it delivered. Okay. Yeah, let's get it Uber Eats'd.

Yeah. So that's going to be happening on March the 5th. Yes. On a Sunday night. Sunday evening, yeah. If you're hearing this early, if you're one of those ravenous types that gets it on the day, put that in your calendar. We're going to do a fun little telethon thing to raise a little bit of cash for, you know,

a few idiot open micers to fly overseas with us. Okay. So speaking of raising cash, we have been on Patreon for quite some time now. Thank you again to everyone who chips in. We really appreciate it. It means a lot that people give enough of a shit about the show to chip in a bit of money. We, of course, send out rewards to you every month for certain amounts.

You get a bonus episode. You also get a little magazine that we put a lot of effort into. And we, for $2 or more each month, we read your name out at the start of the show, which has become either the favourite part or the most hated part of the show, depending on who you talk to. I reckon it's not that anymore. I think it's either the favourite part or they don't hear it anymore. They just skip it.

It's gone to them. So it's's either the favourite part or they don't hear it anymore. They just skip it. It's gone to them. So it's actually, there's no negative vibes about it anymore because no one's listening to it. Well, this is a real test because we're recording this not long after we put up last week's episode, which had a bit of an interesting incident in the ad. And this is the real test for anyone who comments on that, how many people are actually listening to the ad.

That's what I thought. This is really going to let us know how many people just skip right through it. Right. Okay. Right. So, thank you to Patreon subscriber, Gerard Murphy. And that's Gerard, G-E-R-R-O-D. Oh, that's a rare one.

That is very rare. That's parents that have... What do you think of parents that pick a name and then just go rogue with the spelling? Kill yourselves. You reckon? Yeah. You reckon Gerard's parents should kill themselves? If they haven't already. I reckon he's spending the inheritance on this.

We still, we need, remember a few weeks ago we were saying we want to be written into someone's last will and testament. Right. That they have to spend that money on contributing to this show still. Yes. We need an update on that. Someone has to do it. Someone write into us and let us know that you're going to do it.

Please, please do it. I'd love to see that. Yeah. Coincidentally, just talking about the Patreon, Tommy Daslow wrote a very funny will, Tommy Daslow's last will and testament for the latest magazine. So, yeah, get on to that. But Gerard Murphy, now, yeah, get on to that.

But Gerard Murphy. Now, look, am I taking this too far? Could this possibly be Gerard Murphy? I mean… Because that's when… If those parents have killed themselves, they want to somehow come back and kill themselves again. Yeah. Because that's insane.

Well, I mean, that's the thing, isn't it? It's very tempting to like Want to like really stunt On all your friends When you name a kid And just go You know it's always parents Where their names are like You know Tim and you know Sue

And then they go Look at it It's called fucking Wibbledyboof And then you're just Committing your kid To a lifetime Of having to

Sound it out phonetically And spell it to people On the phone If that is called If he is called Gerard That is some Tim action there Some got Tim action Yeah Gerard that would be Well you know what. If he is called Gerard, that is some Tim action there, some got Tim action. Yeah.

Gerard, that would be the – well, you know what? If I knew someone called Gerard Spell like that, I would call them Gerard anyway. But – well, yeah. Why are you – why is that even an option for you, that it might be Gerard? Because it's spelled that way, G-E-R-R-O-D. It can't be Gerard.

Well, that's how it's spelled. Yeah. I mean, I've never seen that. Yeah. It could be Gerod. Well, that's how it's spelt. Yeah. I mean, I've never seen that. Yeah. It could be Gerod. Thanks, Gerod. Thanks, Gero. Hit us up, Gerod.

Let us know. Let us know about your folks as well. Is this going to be like McWhorter the Squirter where we've just awoken, you know, memories of schoolyard bullying from when he was in year 10? Yeah. Yeah. Please hit us up. Second of all, thank you to Patreon subscriber Margo Collins.

Margo Collins. Yeah. I recognise this name. Do you? I think, yeah. From social media. I think I've seen that pop up on the.

It's Margo without the T on the end. M-A-R-G-O. Oh, well, how do you know it's not pronounced Margo? Yeah, or Marjo. Marjo.

Marjo. Could be Marjo. Marjo. How do you know it's Collins? It could be Collins. Well, I'm going Marjo. How do you know it's Collins? It could be Collins. Well, I'm going to put it out there and say it's not. I'm going to go large and say no. That's not it.

To be fair, this feels like that's how Margo should be spelled. Because otherwise it's Margot. Yes. Who decided that? Someone French. Boy, there's some hot takes that come out in this section of the podcast. I feel like we're like the Bill Hicks of the phone book. It used to be we would like kind of riff on people,

like come up with nicknames for people. And now we literally just tear apart the spelling. We've given up. Collins. Well, you know, Collins is a nice name, I think. Collins is a nice name. I like the name Margot, I have to say. I'm a fan of that.

It's a bit old school. A lady called Margot. I like it. I think it's going to come back. I think Margot Robbie Is going to inspire us Oh yeah Okay Well there you go

Yeah you're right now I keep thinking of Margot Kidder Who played Lois Lane in Superman Who then went insane And shaved her head And hid under a bush one day That's what I think of Margot Okay

Cool Yeah That's the patron saint of Margot's for me Sorry Margot But thanks Margot Thank you too Oh back to back, female patron subscribers. I like how Margo gets a sorry for her reminding you of someone from the fucking 50s or whatever that was.

The guy who twice you said his parents should kill themselves. No sorry for him. That's how this works. That's how the Bill Hicks of the phone book works. Thank you to Jenny Zan Jenny Zan Z-H-A-N Jenny Zan

I know Jenny, I've met Jenny on several occasions What's she like? She's very nice Is the name appropriate for her? Jenny? Yeah, she's a female Right, okay, cool That's great

She gave me a gift at a live show once Jenny? Yeah. Yeah, she's a female. Right, okay, cool. That's great. She gave me a gift at a live show once. She gave me... Do you know those face masks? Thanks for fucking nothing, Jenny. Yeah, your parents should kill themselves. Hey, I didn't say that. You know those... It's like a face mask thing that's popular in Japan.

It's got all this shit in it. Like a kabuki thing? It's weird because you pull it... No, it's in a little sachet and you pull it out and it's wet when you get it out of the package. Oh, what? It feels real gross. A wet mask?

Yeah, a wet mask. And you just kind of leave it on your face and it cleans out your pores. But the reason she got it for me was because it was Gudetama themed, that little Japanese egg cartoon character that I'm obsessed with. So they make ones of Hello Kitty and fucking the cookie monster and stuff and it's like, hey, clean out your pores while looking like a dumb fuck cartoon character for half an hour.

Right. Thanks, Jenny. Thanks, Jenny. I look forward to my present. Looking forward to my gift from the… If she's going to get you a face mask with something on it, what would you want it to be? Oh, good question. Face mask with something like a…

Like with a pattern on it or making you look like something else? Making you look like someone. Look like someone else. Yeah. Oh, who wears a mask that's cool? Who's someone that or making you look like something else? Making you look like someone. Look like someone else. Yeah. Oh, who wears a mask that's cool? Who's someone that I want to look like? A mask. Who wears a mask?

Fuck, I don't think anyone. No, they don't have to wear a mask. It's just like the mask that you have on. Yeah. Just looks like the face of something else. Jesus Christ, just pick something you like. I'm trying to think of something I like. Like a fucking soccer player or something.

I don't think I like anything. Pick your fucking self. That's what you want to say. Oh, yeah, okay. That would be good. That would be good if someone had made that effort to make a mask of me. Sure, I'd wear it. All right.

I wonder if this comes – they're so easy. I mean, it must be so easy to print on those things. I wonder how hard it would be to, like, get on the net and make your own ones and make face masks of us. Yeah, a wet one. I want to, but they make your paws worse. They fuck up your face more.

Yeah. It's just full of fast food shit. It's all full of sugar, sugar mask, wet sugar mask, grease and semen, just oozing down your face. Jesus Christ.

All right. Well, speaking of, here's the last one. Here's the last Patreon subscriber for this week. Whoa. Okay. Yep. Okay. Yep.

All right. Just going to have to pronounce this one properly. Yeah, a bit of a coincidence. It's, well, it's the same first name as we had last week on the last week's show, that foreign name. I don't think we got to the bottom of what country it was from. Right. Okay.

So, again, it's Someone called I'm And I would say No relation Obviously By first name Yeah Unless they're from a culture

Where you say the names The other way around Oh right So they could be Fuck Should we pause this What do we do I don't know

Oh we better pause it Yeah Hey mates, welcome into another episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week Thank you very much for joining us My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting next to me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler Now where were we? We were just finishing off the ad and our guests arrived round at your house, so we had to quickly put an end to it. Yes. Do you want to just finish it up right quickly now before we bring them in?

Not really. I thought I'd have more time to think of a punchline of what I was about to say. Okay, we were about to read out an explicit Patreon subscriber name and those are usually a bit smutty. So we didn't even get to that part yet. We didn't even get to that part. We'd given out the first name, which was I'm. Maybe we can tease this for next week.

We could go out and come in again. I think that's what's going to be in the name as well, a bit of that. Oh, yeah, okay. No, I remembered it now. I remembered the name. I remembered the name of the person. First name, I'm. Second name, proud to introduce the two guests on this show.

It's Dirk Dresinger and Tony Munn. Yeah! Hurrah! Seamless. Wow. It's great to be here at Carl's house, and as is traditional, got to choose one of the DVDs at random. What is it?

Oh, my God, it's The Fault in Our Stars. Is that one of yours, Carl? No, none of them are mine. There's always When Tony comes here He highlights the fact That there's a million DVDs Sitting on my TV console

None of them are mine My girlfriend is obsessed With bad romantic comedies Look And as you can see again I'll point out All white covers They're always white

If you want A romantic comedy You've got to go with A white spine A white cover basically You've got Sisters The extended cut Yeah I saw Fault in Our Stars That's a real tearjerker Yeah Pretty depressing right? you've got to go with a white spine, a white cover, basically. You've got Sisters, the extended cut. Yeah.

I saw Falling Out of Stars. That's a real tearjerker. Yeah, pretty depressing, right? Yeah. Oh, like, has, you know, sort of a positive message, but very depressing. I just liked Tony then trying to grab a case out of the pile and unable to get purchase on any of them. There's so many in there.

It's squeezed between pretty in pink and Dirty Dancing, is that? Yeah, that's it She is an inexplicable fan Obsessed with Curb Your Enthusiasm But loves Every other piece of shit thing there She was watching the first Wives Club the other night so that was good to watch Is it yours or hers

Magic Mike Part 2 I honestly own Like five DVDs, I think. I think that's a bit of it. One of them is done in Danny McGinley's DVD. There's the In Excess mini-series. Yeah, she's got that as well. Oh, you've got Ronnie Chang's special, Rain Man. Terms of Endearment, Moonstruck.

Yeah, it's horrible. Sixteen Candles. She's a big sucker for that cheap bucket of DVDs at JB on the way out. Runaway Bride. That's more supermarket DVD. I was about to say that. These strike me as the $12 out the checkout of Coles. To be fair, that seems to be a choice in our partner as well.

Something that's close to being expired. Let me just lock that in on a cheap rate. Hey, white and comedy. Well, speaking of calls, I've got a bit of a follow-up on something we've been talking about recently on the show. Now, the milk bar near my house, Tony, I don't know if you have a local milk bar that's similar to this. Do you have milk bars in New Zealand?

Yes, they're called dairies, as well you know. You go to the ice cream freezer and there's not your colourful wrapping that you're used to. There's a lot of white packaging that just says not for individual sale. Right, like the Repo Man foods. Yeah, so they're going down and buying their boxes of Cornettos at Coles. Six for five bucks on special at Coles. Yeah, and then selling them at $3 a pop. Of course.

Yeah. The perfect crime. So anyway, there's a new one that they've been doing recently that I just noticed yesterday. So I don't know if you saw this. The Herald Sun recently had a little deal going where for the kiddies, you could go in and you could get a Roald Dahl book for free, a little mini version of a Roald Dahl book.

So have a guess when you walk into my milk bar right next to the door, have a guess what's being sold at $5 a pop. Oh no! Bit of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Bit of The Witches. Suddenly it's a bookshop. Exactly. Because that's the thing, it's like buying that other stock, it's like, well that's keeping their

overheads down. No one's asking you to sell books. Also, some poor suckers walking out there with a copy of The Herald Sun without the free book in it as well. Well, I think you don't get $2 for the book, but still. They've skimmed them off the top, I reckon. There's just any that didn't sell. If people didn't ask for them, they just didn't give them out.

Are they cutting out snake tails out of the paper and selling that individually? For $5, you can get that great magazine, The Good Weekend. Someone should whistleblow on these people. I think they're – well, give us your address, Tommy. I want to, but they're really nice to me. Yeah. They can afford to be.

They're making a packet off you. Yeah, where's it going to end? What's their next caper to you? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like what else can you subdivide? What if I burn episodes of this podcast onto CD and get them to sell us for it and we'll take a little cut? Oh, they would love that. What do you call that when you're liquidation?

Is that when you're sort of breaking something into the sum of its parts? No. Not liquidation, but what's that called? Compartmentalisation? Oh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know where you're going with this. You don't know where I'm going with this? No, no, no.

I'm trying to think of the sum of the parts. What can you do? What else in a milk bar can you do that with? They start selling the cash register. It'll just be like they go out to La Porchetta. They get too much spaghetti. They've got leftovers. They get a doggy bag.

Next day they're selling that on the shelves. Are you talking about diversifying your portfolio? I'm trying to tap into my limited accounting knowledge. That's why I'm looking at you I thought you would know this stuff This was your job I was bad at it

I mean, arguably would I do this well either But I had spoken of dodgy customers and dodgy trades I had to take a taxi over here Because I was running late Normally I've been Ubering for the last two years or so So by the way, we've been waiting for you for half an hour and Tony's been holding court with the history of Hollywood gossip and it's been excellent.

John Michael Housen. Yeah. You're going to catch me up on that because I am fascinated with Hollywood gossip. Yeah. But how's this? I get a taxi for the first time in ages and so I'm really worried about running late and keeping Tony waiting and stuff.

Not you guys. You guys, I know, you have nothing else to do of course that's fine but tony was like i can't keep waiting so as soon as he pulls up front i go anyway man thanks so much for that five stars for you and i jump out of the cab forgetting that unlike an uber i actually have to pay this person because i was so used to just being deducted from my bank account i was to look like the dodgiest but i mean to be fair it wouldn't have been hard to catch me down. Especially since you have to go upstairs to get to our place. So it's not going to be, yeah.

And also, to be fair, you can just pay your cousin back when you see him at Christmas. Oh, there it is. There it is. We all tippy-toed around it. Not me. Not you. But the cab drivers love talk of Uber, though, don't they?

I feel like it's a sensitive topic to them. I try not to bring it up because I feel like it's – have you chatted with them about it? Well, I don't have a phone, so I don't even quite know what Uber is. Occasionally, I'll be with someone who just presses a button on their phone. Car just arrives instantly. But I'm not quite sure how it all works. What is the stance? Why are you so anti-technology?

But in certain ways, like you're very keen on some forms of technology. I'm on Twitter, but if I had a phone, I would just be tweeting and looking at the phone everywhere I went. But you could update IMDB more often. That's right. We need to get the key grips from this week's 800 words. That's right, we need to get the key grips from this week's 800 words So by just going out without a phone, like being here I'm not looking at Twitter, I'm not looking at It's a way of forcing me to look at the real world

Yeah, the opposite of that is actually Tommy Like you've spoken on this podcast about Like sometimes you check your Twitter or whatever when you're driving Have you got rid of that habit? I'm better at it but I still do it You've spoken on this podcast about sometimes you check your Twitter or whatever when you're driving. Have you got rid of that habit? I'm better at it but I still do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel like it's the opposite spectrum because I try my best to switch off the phone.

Like even now I just put it on airplane mode just so I know that there's nothing that I can even accidentally look over and try to check. God, I'll tell you what, all this talk of not checking phones is fucking making me want to check my phone. I went to a sensory deprivation chamber in Northcote. You spend like a hundred bucks or something just to have a bit of peace and quiet.

Yeah, we were talking about, I want to do one. A friend of mine has been bigging it up to me. Let's go together. It sounds awesome. Let's go together. Why go together? You should get away.

Just whisper sweet nothings into nothing it'll be great let's see if we can get into the same tub yeah but it's fascinating so the first thing that i enjoyed was it's a one hour session or whatever how long i booked for an hour and because it's very salinated is that the word water a lot of salt in the water you float a lot and to me to be fair that's from the chicken you brought in with you. The chicken that I brought in like a live chook? No, a bucket of KFC. And that's helping him float? That's helping him bloat.

So I was in there and for the first ten minutes or so, it's just fun to see, to try and trick it to see, because you physically cannot sink. You can try your best to head back, so you're trying to trick it by drowning in there I'll show you, but you can't, so then it's fun just because you actually feel really weightless which, as you can imagine

I was enjoying isn't there a sea that's like that where people could just sorry, you stopped your sentence. We're in a terrible, terrible place. Isn't the Black Sea... What's this going to be about? But why I was stopping is because I'm going, like,

could Jesus, that walking on water, could it have just been that the water was so saline? Yeah, I believe these days it's called the African-American Sea. But, yeah, it is. The Dead Sea is meant to be so salinated that it's hard to sink. I think it's a similar sort of concept. And your ears are submerged underwater. It's all black. It's fun initially, but then it becomes so frustrating

because we're so used to having some sort of information come through. Like I wanted to check my phone. I wanted to check my email. I thought we were still talking about the black sea and you're like, I can't even check my phone in it. No service. It's bullshit. But then there's that last, I finally hit a, I fell asleep at one point as well.

And that's a horrible way to wake up. Like the sense of drowning. You're like, and then, but there's that sweet pocket of like 20 minutes where everything just shuts the fuck up. Yeah. And you're just like, oh, I get it now. I'm into it. But you told me, and this made me angry, I don't know why,

but you told me, this is very you, you told me when you're in there, you know, you're meant to go in there to just escape and switch off. You told me you were in there writing comedy. Oh, really? Yeah. It is, you fill out a form. Sneak in a notepad, have it glued to the ceiling. Or there's one in South Melbourne that they give you a waterproof notepad.

So if you have epiphanies, you can scribble it down. What? It's built into the system. What are they building in something where you have to get away from it all? But here's some stuff in case you don't want to get away from it all. No, because this is how you, when you sign up or whatever, you fill out, you say you don't have any health issues or whatever, you sign off on that.

So you lie about it, then go in. Yeah, I said my heart is tippy-top. And I – one of the things is why are you doing this? Is it relaxation or whatever, meditation? And the third one was like creativity. So some people actually go in there to collate their thoughts. Right. So, you know, a joke writer like you, Carl,

I'm sure you'd find new ways to have whimsy about live from the flotation tank. Carl Chandler. No, totally. A hot take on wind chimes that we haven't had recently. Great. To add to my two wind chimes jokes I already have. We were doing a gig on Monday night and I said a similar thing to Carl because he said he'd forgotten his joke book

or whatever. I'm like, I bet there's some wind chime joke. He goes, I have two wind chime jokes. And he stops for about, gives me about two bits and goes, how do you have two wind chime jokes? He was just looking at his own career going, how did this happen? How do you have two jokes about most a thing that most people don't own one of?

Exactly. And that is what I'm currently doing because I'm a bit like Tony and I think we've talked about this before, but I can't write jokes. I can't write material like that sitting here. I go for a walk. Like yesterday, I walked to Tommy's house, which is in Fitzroy, so it's a long walk from here, and then I walked back

and the whole time I've got the notepad and I'm writing because I just can't concentrate if I'm here, but if I'm out, so that would work for me. I need to be out to be thinking about stuff yeah but I'll go you know five or six hours without looking at the internet and that's fine but now don't you find every hour it's like Trump could have done something yeah are we at war yeah you constantly have to just check to make sure we're not at war yeah yeah Now you know what it was like growing up in Sri Lanka. That's great. So that's like a tomorrow where the war began thing, when you're in the sensory deprivation tank

and war breaks out while you're in there. Right. It's not bad. There's that, riding across the street is that food truck place. So that's where I'd go for my rations. Oh, I've got to take cover. So you don't have a mobile phone, Tony, which is good I have a mobile phone, obviously Which is bad

It is bad The running gag on this show is that my number is out there I'm sure we've talked about this before My number's out there Tommy let my number out there a couple of years ago 0438 No, yeah, anyway Alright, alright, alright

So, go back and find the episode yourself so i i'm constantly being hit up by the listeners whatever but it's usually usually there's a fair bit of context like a lot of people use it as an information line uh just finding out about live shows and whatever about what's coming up um i just before the show started this is the text i get from someone i don't know. Is there any context in this? I just spotted Guy Sebastian looking for someone he knows by the back of their head in a cafe in Dixon, Canberra.

Why did I get this? You don't know who sent it, does it say? I think I know. This is what you chatted to Sam McImbalard about, about Spotted. To send, give suggestions for the Sydney's celebrities. Celebrity Spotted. Have you ever been Spotted to send, give suggestions for the Sydney's celebrities. Celebrity Spotted.

Have you ever been spotted? Well, I'm usually, it's somebody else. It's Denton, it's James Valentine, it's Warwick Fairfax. There's a long list of people that I'm mistaken for. The great thing is once people think you're someone else, that's licence to say anything and that person will get the blame. There are so many people over Australia who are convinced that Andrew Denton is just incredibly

casually racist because of things I've said when people think... About the Black Sea. And other seas, not just the Black Sea. But once people think you're someone else, that's great. Yeah, that's awesome. What we were talking about, we were trying to get the listeners

to – like a campaign to get someone into the spotted, to make up that someone was somewhere and get them into the spotted section of the paper. Oh, right, right, right, yes. You know, Greg fleeted a cash converter since he killed her. But instead of that, making something up, you know. A little hanging fruit. There it is.

Well, I had a great one of those in England because it's always great to see a celebrity in a very mundane context. And I saw Howard Jones, the synth pop pioneer from the, would you know Howard Jones? No, no. I'd like to get to know you well. Oh, wait, wait, wait. We can be one, we can be one.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I know that song. Was this when you were going with Ross Noble? Going with Ross Noble. And we're at a services, which is, you know, like a service station. And Howard Jones arrived driving a really crappy station wagon with a terrible rusty caravan being towed behind it. Oh, nice.

Just the least likely context to see a synth-pop pioneer. I think on Twitter I claimed he was sharing the driving with Nick Kershaw who was sleeping in the caravan. I was going to say, you should have looked in the caravan for Lloyd Cole and the commotions. But yes, so that's my only celebrity sighting. Yeah, we're looking for... People were suggesting on Twitter,

what were people suggesting again? Because we came to sort of a bit of a blank. I was trying to force the idea of aggro, spotting aggro somewhere. Surely that if everyone's... Aggro or Jamie Dunn? No, not Jamie Dunn, because who cares about Jamie Dunn?

But this is what I love, that you keep bringing this up as if it's a normal thing. Yeah, you've watched the Muppets too much. It's not real. Context is... Spotted Randy's a normal thing. Yeah, you've watched the Muppets too much. It's not real. Context is spotted Randy the puppet. Yeah. It's just a confidential part of the paper. You can put that

in. No one's going to be ringing up going, no, you did not see Kermit the Frog in Gladstone. But they're not going to put it through though. It's not an automated machine that goes, oh, here's a random name. Here's a random location. Done. No, but I think like –

I think you can go try – if you're going to actually legitimately try and get it in there, you should try and give it some sort of very similar – But if it's confidential, it doesn't matter. Like they're putting in Anthony Kalia stories and stuff like that. They're not – this is not – Anthony Kalia isn't a puppet. I mean I can understand why you'd get confused. They're not the hard-hitting journalists.

They're not the one going, no, we're upholding our journalistic ethics in the spotted section. If ten people put in that they saw aggro at the fucking service station in Richmond, they're going to put it in, I think. Who's to argue with ten people about seeing aggro? Well, then if you're saying that they're definitely... Plus, you get to get a picture of aggro in there. But if you're saying that they're definitely going to put in aggro,

well, then why not the sky's the limit? Why not other fictional – why not just say, oh, I saw Homer Simpson in there? No, because that's not believable. But that's stupid, Tommy. Yes. Where is the light? Would Pluck-a-Duck, would that be?

Maybe, yes. He could be on his way to one of his after-dinner speeches. Last I saw him, he was skateboarding down some mountains. Exactly. In an ad for KFC. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know why the last time you saw him he was skateboarding on some mountains Exactly In an ad for KFC Exactly Yeah, yeah I know why the last time you saw him

In my belly We talked about this before You used to be able to book Pluck A Duck To come to like your work Christmas party No And it was something like 15 grand Oh, what? And you're going, well, but he doesn't say anything, does he?

Yeah It's not like he has Like a blue comedy routine Yeah yeah yeah And it could just How do you even know It's the real person? That's the difference Between you and me

You're saying like You think that's too much In my head I'm like Fuck that sounds pretty reasonable To get plucker along 15k that's not bad And they just hang around The party

Just giving drinks Like a topless barmaid Or something No no giving out Nissan pulsars So he brings the wheel In with him If everyone gets A free car out of it,

15 grand isn't looking too bad. Yeah, that would be pretty bad if Pluck is getting 15 grand. Meanwhile, John Blackman's driving an Uber around. Is that true, that he's driving an Uber? That's a lot of people talking about it. Tony, you've heard about that? The last I heard of John Blackman was, sorry, John African-American man.

He's done it again I heard he was doing He had a house in Toorak And he was on a breakfast radio show He was on, I think, Triple M in Adelaide Yes, that's right But he couldn't even be bothered driving to Triple M Studios Which were then in St Kilda So he had a landline

Which cost, I think, an enormous amount of money To make it sound like you're really in the radio studio So he would just get up, which costs, I think, an enormous amount of money to make it sound like you're really in the radio studio. So he would just get up, I think, in his bedroom and just be joining the zoo in Adelaide. He was literally phoning it in. He was literally phoning it in. Well, if he's got that much money, surely he can't be driving Uber then. Uber X at least.

Uber Black. Yeah, exactly. Uber Blackman. Oh, he's done it again. That's surely that he's not doing that Because I don't know Would he be Would he be minted

Would he have enough money He wouldn't have to worry about Surely he would have made A lot of money on Hey hey Who's he a gambler Do we know There's a lot of people to pay

There's you know There's Daryl There's John Buckman There's Jackie There's Murray Tregonning There's all There's all the fifth There's the

Andrew Fifey Fifey's Fifey's not comingregonning, there's all the fifth, there's the Andrew Fifey. Fifey's not coming cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sound effects guy, the captions guy. Jackson Jive. That would have cost a pretty penny. Raymond J. Bartholomew.

Yeah, there's so many parts to that show. N.A. Denison. The actual gong that had to be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could have been cheap. Wilbur Wilde. Yeah. Frankie J. Holden

Yeah Well he wasn't in it Oh wasn't he Okay No Kamal Do you think Kamal Got a decent

Pay for that Didn't he come out Afterwards and really Slam the show Did he Yeah I think Recently he just said That they were very

Like Unkind It was never established Why though It's right up there with who let the dog out No one knows the answer Stop being investigative Get the Unsolved Mysteries team onto that one

I'm sure we'll find out Cold case I've been talking about this on radio But there is a goldmine on YouTube at the moment Which Summer's Carol On the official Summer's Carol YouTube account, have put up the first six episodes of the Daryl Summers show from 1982. The late night show.

Yeah, like the Tonight Show. And the one where Daryl went, we're not going to have a set. That's going to be the set. So it's just some beige carpeted stairs. That's amazing. And everyone just has to sit on the steps. That's Costanza pitching Seinfeld in Seinfeld. This should be the set.

That's right. But you've got to have a look. And I'm worried that Daryl has not bothered to watch the shows back before putting them up there because there's an incredibly racist bit of stand-up from Ugly Dave Gray in the first episode where he helpfully explains why African people have big lips. And that's explained in some detail. That's one of life's great mysteries solved.

You can put that one as case closed. We've put our finest man on the case. It's a whole Black Sea routine. I'm sorry for my ignorance. Who's Ugly Dave Grey? He was a star of a show called Blankety Blanks in the 70s He's a British comedian but based in Australia I don't ever recall hearing of Ugly Dave Grey in the UK No

He's got a bit of work done these days And now he's just handsome, deep, black. Well, I think he just rules the Gold Coast. I think he lives on. He's like a kind of. Is he still around? I think so, yeah, because he was in. Angus Sampson played him in The King.

Right. That miniseries about. Graham Kennedy. About Graham Kennedy. Right. Stephen Curry. And so I think Angus had to go to the Gold Coast compound of ugly Dave Gray.

Wow. And sort of consult him. Do some sort of method acting. That's right. I think Eric Banner chatted to Chopper before he. Yes, he did. So it's up there with that. Yeah.

So when you're talking about lips of African-American men. No, I'm just. Don't shoot the messenger. I can't remember. All I know is the punchline. I remember because it was so offensive. We just fast forwarded a bit and we stopped at the punchline and it was Dave Gray going,

well, that's overly good, but why Manchester? That was the punchline. That would have gone very well on the Darryl Summer Show in Australia as well. There's so many crazy musical numbers. There's just like someone who – you know those kind of musical acts that only ever appeared on the Mike Walsh Show? Yes.

You'll see someone – Like Wally the Worker, the comedian that used to appear on there? Wally the Worker? He was on Midday, wasn't he? Yes, yes. With – do you know – where exactly do your memories go back to? Where do you come from? Because you mentioned something like you knew somebody

but you don't know Ugly Day. So where's the line? So I came to Australia in 2004 but I – Post-Ugly. My knowledge of Australia – AU. It all depends on whether something gets referenced often enough on a podcast or in a few podcasts.

Then I'd know. So I'd know aggro. I don't know what aggro would look like if you showed me a picture, but I'd know the name aggro. Yeah, right. You know, Mr Squiggle. So you know that there's a famous puppet called aggro that used to host a children's TV show.

Yes. You've known about this for quite a while. 13 years. And not once have you thought to get on Google Images and just have a look at TV show. Yes. You've known about this for quite a while. 13 years. And not once have you thought to get on Google Images and just have a look at what he looks like. Well, you see, at this point it's like Schrodinger's cat. It could be anything in my brain. You know what?

Once you find out what he looks like, you've got to hit up Spotted in the paper to put it in there. Spotted Agro on Google Images. I want to get you a piece of paper and get you to draw me what you think Agro is. Angry. Someone is angry.

Yep. So maybe if it's a puppet, I'm guessing sort of a frowny face of some sort, maybe eyebrows that are like inverted. I feel like that's the best way you can get aggro, aggression. What colour do you think he is? I'm scared to say. He's in the Kamal territory. Put it this way, Ugly Dave's got a bit about him.

Oh, right, really? No, no, no. What do you think he is? Do you think he's based on a specific animal or do you think he's made to look like a person? I don't know. I'm picturing just a person, like just any other sort of puppet, muppet sort of character.

Is he based on an animal? He looks like carpet. He looks like a welcome mat. Yeah. He's like brown. He's a welcome mat? Yeah, he's like brown. There were a lot of carpet jokes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of underlay references. Axminster material. It was all carpet, as I remember. It's pretty great because he's on the TV at like 8am hosting a show where they'd play kids' cartoons and he has a female co-host and there's kind of this like long running bit of him

like trying to fuck the co-host he's very bawdy very bawdy for a children's puppet is he the voice for Carpet Call? call call carpet call the experts in the tree. No they should have gotten him in though but yeah there's like on YouTube there's like tapes of that they used to play at the channel 7 Christmas

parties. But it's that thing like The Simpsons. I think it used to be like that where it would be like, oh, you know, the pup is there for the kids, but we give them a bit for the adults as well. The bit for the adults is a pup is trying to fuck a girl. Yeah, yeah. He's like humping her like a dog. Spotted aggro in court for innocent.

Hang on, spotted. Who would be, because like if you were in America, who would be like a recluseuse Like J.D. Salinger Who do we have in this country Who would be the ultimate name Isn't the director of Mad Max George Miller No, he's on the red carpet

Is he? I feel like he is I'd say my one Doug Mulray Remember Doug Mulray? Oh yeah, right. Nick just never heard from anymore. This is again, you're going to have to give me and Dil some context.

Well, Doug Mulray... Yeah, me and Tommy back in Sri Lanka High School. He was the king of Sydney radio in the 80s. He was like the Triple M morning breakfast guy. Shock jock. Shock jock, but a lot of comedy characters. And then he had a Tonight Show in the mid-90s just called Mulray that there is no reference to on the internet. Not in the IMDb, for example.

It's like it never happened. Someone's not doing their job, Tony. Someone's spending too much time on his non-font. Someone's garden needs a little work. He is gone. Who else? Who is in the recluse category? Yeah. What about the word? Someone's garden needs a little work. He is gone. Who else? Who is in the recluse category?

Yeah. What about the word? But most infamously about Doug Mulray was the one he hosted Australia's naughtiest home videos. You know, when they do that great list of how long did shows, you know, Eric Vannis, six, Mick Malloy's show, I think that was eight. Remember you go down and there's less and less episodes. The comedy sale Three shows

The big time with Mark Mitchell Two shows I think Hamish and Andy were very The first show was like two or something I hope they're doing okay But the one that wins it every time Is the naughtiest home video show Which was hosted by Doug Mulray

That didn't even get its first episode to air So the myth I hear is Kerry Packer was watching it. Get that fucking shit off the air now. That was his classic quote. Which is what a lot of people say when they listen to this podcast. I'd like to think if they ever reboot Naughty as Home Video, we'd be first in line for the hosting gig. You'd have to assume.

Wasn't there something as horrendous as having some sort of animal? Well, the thing is it was different in every state. What? So like in some – no, but the moment where it got ripped off. Some people got the whole show. But in Melbourne it was a – I think a child was – a kangaroo's genitals were in a child's mouth. There was something like that and they went to Ed.

Hang on, hang on. What's that, Skip? Who's calling? Is that how they got the sound effect? What I remember is I was watching that with Mick Molloy and we were horrified and they went to ads and they came back from ads and it was the chairs theme. Suddenly the episode of chairs started at like quarter past nine.

My brain went to this other part where he said it was different in every state. I thought each state had their own naughty video. South Australia has someone shoving fruit chocs up their ass. But I think in South Australia it's onlyving fruit chocs up their ass. But I think in South Australia we're only like five minutes of a cocktail here.

Wow. In Melbourne there was a guy with a scarf wrapped around his dick pouring coffee into the eye of it.

That deserves to get taken off the edges for the poor planning of like if you've got that video don't open F1 with it.

You don't open your comedy festival show with your big closer hold it off hold that off make that the series finale no no it's kind of like casino you just start with the big bang you just show Robert De Niro

exploding and you're like that's your man acting in pieces no it's that classic bit where the kid's got the kangaroo balls in his mouth and then there's like the record skip freeze frame you're probably wondering how I got into this let's rewind a bit And then there's like the record skip freeze frame. You're probably wondering how I got into this. Let's rewind a bit.

Yeah. A bit of what's his name? Wonder Years narration over the top of it. This series of unfortunate events. No, no. Season three. No, that's the opening scene of How I Met Your Mother. Oh, my God.

How I Met Your Mother Down Under. Things are a bit different over here. Bring it back. Oh, my God. I want to put your mother down under. Things are a bit different over here. Bring it back. But hasn't it been? Someone told me they did show it. Didn't they show it a couple of years ago? And it seemed incredibly tame now. It's just kangaroos' genitals are just everywhere.

I mean, have you been to the zoo? It's hard to walk down the streets without a kangaroo cock in your mouth It's so unfashionable What do you think would have to happen on TV now for that to happen? Something to be pulled off the air Like at the ad break You come back and the show's just gone Yeah I mean you're literally getting strangers married and all that sort of stuff on air now, which is pretty crazy. To you, marriage, anything to do with marriage is crazy.

Sure. Marrying a kangaroo and then us seeing the wedding night, yeah, that's a bit much. Yeah, yeah. But it's a fair call. I think you're right. I also think that there's enough restrictions where you go, okay, after 9 o'clock, you know, SBS, it's free for all.

Yeah. You know, or whatever. You just give people enough warning. So it'll have to be a time issue. It'll be like daytime television, nipple. Oh, I was watching. Literally, we were recording this in the afternoon. I was watching the Midday Movie, waiting for you guys to come here.

Yeah. Full on boobs in a strip club thing. Oh, sorry for interrupting. No wonder I was knocking on the door for ten minutes. They said they were recording an intro. What were you watching? What was the Little House on the Prairie? Bro, did you tape it?

It was a classic Channel 7 movie. No wonder I'm not watching any of my girlfriend's movies. Mid-day boobies, huh? Yeah, yeah. No, literally, there was an absolutely not needed, it was some nightclub, strip club scene where it's like, okay, well, we're just talking and then in the background someone's just got their boobs out.

Sopranos or something like that or? What? Sopranos. Sopranos has a lot of things about it being. It was one of those Lifetime movies that they whack on at 12 o'clock where it's like, it's actually a bit of a girl's movie, but they just whacked a stripper in there as well. I'm having a look at the TV guide for today,

just if you've got any underage, horny listeners who want to, you know. Go back on the... Yeah, yeah. Because it's so hard to find boobs these days. Where do you look? Yeah, I mean, you're getting this podcast off the internet. Here's a big hint. Look further.

Hang on. With this week's instalment of Mr Skin, Mr Celebrity Skin, we've got Tommy Daslow. The little skin skin club. Yes. Hang on. Let me go back. Channel 7 at 12 o'clock today.

Yeah. There was a, if you get this movie, if you can download this movie, there was a pair of exposed breasts in the background of a scene, probably about half an hour in. Half an hour in. Remember to minus the amount of ads. Okay, here we go. Deadly exposure.

Are you for real? Starring. And here's the plot. A man endangers his own life when he uncovers an assassination plot while investigating his father's death. Oh, sounds like a classic Lifetime movie. And then it says, yes, there are boo. And who's in it?

What's the rating? He uncovers the assassination plot while peering through a hole that he's cut that looks into the girls' change room. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't tell me anything else about it on here. No stars? Google it. It's rated M and it's a thriller.

Well, why put an M movie at 12 midday? On a Wednesday? Is it M, N? Do they do that anymore? Do they let you know what's on here? It just says N. It does say N? It just says M. No, no, it just says M. It's got 4 out of 10 on IMDB. Bit harsh Tony, I reckon.

You know what I'm fascinated by is boobs and nudity in... Yeah, okay, end of sentence. Generally, okay. But also there are certain PG-13 movies that notoriously had nudity in it, which I don't think will be allowed now, like Airplane, the movie. Oh, yes. There's a scene where there's a pair that suddenly just shows up

being on the screen and then vanishes. That's right. But there's also a Gene Wilder movie where I think it's Lady in Red or something of that title. Lady in Red with Kelly LeBrock. Kelly LeBrock, yes. So she jumped up. Later married to Steven Seagal.

What? Yes. Nice work if you can get it. Well, in this movie at one point you see her under siege and she's getting out of a bed. On deadly ground. That is like classic sort of 70s, 80s comedy where it's just like just a pair of boobs comes onto screen.

It's just funny to see boobs like in a film. I've got to say the airplane is one of those few comedies that still hold up. I tried to tell you, realise that you were in Australia where it's bizarrely known as flying high in Sri Lanka too. Sri Lanka was in the cinemas it was Flying High, in video it was Airplane. Don't ask me what happened there.

What do they call Agro over there? Not good reviews for this film on IMDb, although the trivia section is currently empty, so we could add in. But who are the, take us to the stars, tell us who's in Deadly. It's all about the boobs. Yeah, exactly.

Whose boobs were they? Okay, it's pretty barren. Meryl Streep, she's everywhere. Top Hill'll play the boobs. Yeah, exactly. Whose boobs were they? Okay. It's a pretty barren. Meryl Streep. She's everywhere. Top Hill cast. No. No, you know whose boobs it was? Alan Smithy's.

Robbie Benson. Oh, Robbie Benson, who was the star of The Chosen, a film in the late or early 80s. Laura Johnson. Don't know. Cliff Bemis. No. Jeff East?

I would say the further we go on, the less likely we are to know those people. Sounded like a Patreon read. Your knowledge of obscure movie references, has that ever been used to your strength, like in terms of, say, trying to pick up or whatever back in the day? I was banned from a trivia night in Fitzroy because it was a movie trivia night and I don't think this is stereotyping or offensive to say

that it was largely gay men. Really? Do gay men love trivia? Gay men know so much about older movies. Not all of them, but a certain kind of gay man will be able to tell you the full cast list of whatever happened to Baby Jane. Right, right.

And it was Linda Gibson used to run it, the late Linda Gibson. And after two years, I was actually banned from taking part because it was just movie trivia. But I don't know anything about anything else. I wasn't quite bored enough. But I tell you what I do remember is they had a trophy. I tell you what I do remember is they had a trophy and the idea was whoever won had to get some piece of movie memorabilia and attach it to the trophy. So that's a lot of pressure. It's like a punishment to win. No, every year.

Right. So once a year. Right. And I remember I got Roger Corman's autograph. Right. Because I went to a speaking thing he did and he signed my book. And then I said, can you also just sign this piece of paper, he looked really suspicious of maybe it's a check yeah and and uh I just got him to sign it and I stuck it on the ward and everyone was convinced I'd done it myself and there's no way

that was really Roger Corman's signature when you see I know this is wrong but when you're saying Roger Corman I'm picturing that police officer from Underbelly season one what's his name Roger Corsa all right yeah so that's not who you're talking about. Roger Corman was like a B-movie producer who made the original Little Shop of Horrors and made Death Race 2000 and a lot of Edgar Allan Poe movies. He was sort of known for making things extremely cheap.

Really cheap. And he just gave so many directors their first film. Yeah, yeah. Martin Scorsese, or second film, really. Yeah, I was all fact-checking at home. Yes, for those. For those using the information on this as their own movie trivia night. That's right.

But he, oh, various. Ron Howard did his first film, Grand Theft Auto. It's just going to turn into the movie show. You shouldn't take me down this rabbit hole. Yeah, but you can see you light up that's yeah yeah no why do your strengths i mean well no but b movies there was but we had a thing here's something that i don't know whether you had this in australia but we had it in new zealand maybe you had it in sri lanka where there were cheaper sort of foreign versions of popular Hollywood movies. Yes.

So I had – sorry to cut you off. No, the example I would give is the Love Bug movies. Remember Herbie Rides Again? Yeah, yeah, totally. First movie I ever saw. There was the Love Bug, Herbie Rides Again, Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo, Herbie Goes Bananas. That's the canon.

But in New Zealand, we've got these movies called the Superbug movies that were about a yellow V-dub who I don't think could speak but just had really poor special effects. Basically, I think the only thing he could do is the wheels went sideways so he could get into a really tight part. But we had a series of Superbug movies. So they made that in New Zealand? No, they were made somewhere in either Italy or Asia,

but they were always dubbed by America. Like we got the Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer movies, and we thought that they were Americans. Yeah, turns out they're Italian. Mario Girotti, and there was, yeah. I remember in 98 or 99 there was Anaconda with Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube and stuff like that, and actually John Voight, you know. Yes.

Incredible actor. What is that accent? I don't know. It was meant to be South African accent. I don't know what that is. But anyway, that Anaconda movie was not B grade, but it was definitely not, you know, A grade either. No.

But there was a knockoff called King Cobra with, is it Pat Morati? Pat Morita from the Karate Kid. Karate Kid. He was like the main actor and he gets killed by the King Cobra at one point. Spoilers. Sorry, everyone. But the way they filmed the special effects is the camera had two fangs falling across the lens. Amazing.

So you all got the point of view of the Cobra and the camera just kept zooming in on his head as he knocked his head backwards. So finally the crane didn't work. Have you seen, Tony, have you seen Hard Ticket to Hawaii? What is that? That famously bad B movie that all of it's on YouTube and it's just shit, bonkers off-the-wall plot, like part kind of like drug dealers in a beach setting. Any actors that we would know.

No. And the B plot is some people transporting a poisonous snake to a zoo. The snake gets loose and is just driving around the island terrorising, like riding around the island terrorising. Driving? Yeah. But me and my housemate were watching it and we had it because we'd heard

like this is like one of the great classically shit films, so have some beers, put it on, and we're just having a great time going, ah, this is so funny and this bit's so shit. And then there's a scene where one of the characters just really casually drops the N-word. Oh, no. Nothing puts the handbrake on of fun. It's all of a sudden like, ah, we should turn this off.

This feels not cool all of a sudden. Well, in New Zealand what they were doing, I realised this when I moved to Australia in the 80s and I'd be talking about the Incredible Hulk movie and people would be going, but what are you talking? There was no Incredible Hulk movie. And what they would do in New Zealand is they would take two episodes of a TV show, join them together and release that as a movie in New Zealand.

Yeah. Wow. Battlestar Galactica, they did it with. What did you think of the great – It was like Thor. One of the One of the Incredible Hulks Was with Thor

As a secondary character And another one Was Daredevil As a secondary character Really And it was that same What's his name Bill Bixby

Yeah Bill Bixby's one Really And it was sold as a movie What did you think Of the great Current Affair movie I was going to say The Are You Being Served movie

And then I realised there wasn't. Where, of course, they went to Mallorca on holiday. What kind of dodgy knock-off version of the Fawlty Towers dining experience did you used to get in New Zealand? I don't know if we ever... That's gone international now, hasn't it, the dining experience? Has it? I mean...

Didn't John Cleese sue them or something? We've talked about it every time you've been on the show, so it would be remiss of us to not bring it up. It's back again. It just got another five-star rating. Wow. Are they ever going to send a proper critic to go and see the Foley Towers dining experience?

Because it's only ever people that are working, that are colouring in the black squares in the crossword, that are going along, getting a free feed, seeing someone do a racist accent and going, fuck, how good is this? I love that you haven't chopped the inscription. What do you have to do today? Got to colour in the squares of the crossword.

I go along with it because I love the idea that I live in a world where someone gets paid to do that. But I do love, we don't know, maybe it is that good. Maybe we should go. Don't you reckon, recently there was a Fawlty Towers live show. The proper show that good. Maybe we should go. Don't you reckon? Recently there was a Fawlty Towers live show. The proper show. That did not come with a meal. Yes.

That was Stephen Hall. Yes. And don't you reckon the guy who played Basil Fawlty in The Dining Experience would be standing really judgmentally at the back of the stand? Serious. I was going to say, I thought you meant, don't you reckon there'd be 10% of the audience rocking in there, getting halfway through and going, yeah, but where's the fucking Palmer?

Do you think it's like, maybe it's like the guy who's in the Fawlty Towers dining experience. You know how on Broadway actors will kind of stick around in their roles until the Tonys get announced. And then if they don't get nominated for a Tony, they're just out. Like you see like the next day after the Tony's come out. Do you reckon it was like that? So it's like he's like it gets announced, hey,

we're going to do like an actual Fawlty Towers live. It's going to tour around the country and he's going, this is it. This is what I've been working in this fucking theatre restaurant for for 10 years. And then Hawley gets it and he's like, well, that's it. I'm out. And now they've had to find some other guy. Tony, you were telling me about the Titanic.

Oh, the Titanic theatre restaurant in Williamstown. I don't know if you – Pete Smith is friends with the guy who runs it. Pete Smith is a guy we should get in spot. Hang on. There's only a couple of degrees of separation between you and the owner of the Titanic restaurant. That's right. Sorry to be a name dropper.

So Pete Smith took me there at like 10 o'clock in the morning one time. And so the guy comes out and he's really fired up about it. So he set off everything. And it doesn't look as good at 10 o'clock in the morning. And it's where you can eat in the posh bit or down in steering. Great. And then they have dump tanks of water. So you're eating and there's like water whooshing underneath.

But the guy, I remember he said how, because they had an auction of all of the Titanic cutlery and crockery from the movie at the Fox Studios in Sydney. And that crockery was based exactly on the original Titanic. So the guy's sitting there saying, essentially I have an exact replica of the Titanic cutlery and crockery in this restaurant. But while he's telling me that

he's wearing a lifeboat like a giant inflatable lifeboat around his waist. Women and children only. So he's telling me it's an absolutely authentic experience. And this is the exact replica of the beef lasagna that they were all eating in steerage that night. What's the song that comes apparently?

My heart will go on. No, no, no. There's a song, but he also has the, what do you call it, the Statue of Liberty on a scissor lift outside the window. And so it goes up. So it feels like the restaurant is sinking because, of course, as we know, the Titanic did sink in full view of the Statue of Liberty. Yes, and it is a great trip from Southampton to Staten Island.

Yes, when they realised it had been earth all along right before they went sinking into the ocean. But also, I mean, the idea that you're basing a theatre restaurant around one of the biggest tragedy disasters of all time, you're like, how is this going to end? Of course something's going to fuck up. I can't wait for Syria the musical. No one's going to eat dinner at Armageddon,

the theatre restaurant or whatever. Not yet, they are. Why don't we do a dum-dum dining experience? Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. But what have we learnt from the entire Fawlty Towers Dining Experience story? Surely it's that anyone can just take any show off the telly and turn it into a theatre restaurant show without obtaining any permissions at all.

Could we just do a David Brent Office? Yeah. That would be a very poor dining experience. As long as you have one letter different You're in the clear So just the office with one F What do you mean? Is it Fawlty Towers? Do they have a different space?

They've spelt the word faulty correctly Oh, I didn't know that Lupo Yeah, that's great Oh God, lawyers are shit That's so shit But talking about the food with the show So this

I don't think we've talked about this on the show before, but there was a number of years ago where there was this sort of bad open mic comedian that had a – Here we go. This popped in my head as well and I think I was running through my archives of Dum Dum Club. I'm like, they must have talked about this. Can we talk about this?

Of course we can. You're the new Obama. Of course we can. You're the new Obama. Of course we can. Of course we can cunt someone. So there was a guy who did a solo show called, and this guy thought he was a bit Bill Hicks and very out there. Oh, where he was playing Bill Hicks? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Because there was one of those. There was one of those, yes. I want to start a character called Bill Hicks. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because there was one of those. There was one of those, yes. I want to start a character called Dill Hicks. He's been dropping some truth bombs. It's next year's festival show. Wow. Dill Hicks, got it. Yeah, you being this really out there controversial comedian,

Dill Hicks is the guy who finds out what the real herbs and spices from KFC are. Eat yourself. Is there a Bill Hicks special called, is finds out what the real herbs and spices from KFC are. What is that? Eat yourself. Is there a Dill Hicks special called, is Relentless one of them? Yeah. Dill Hicks, Relentless, brackets, at the buffet. There you go. I just tilt live at the buffet.

So anyway, so this guy called himself. I mean, I'm not going to say his name, but I will tell you what the name of his show is, so it's very easily Googleable. So he was very out there. He thought people would understand what this meant. He called his show Commercially Viable Comedian. Brackets, comes with a free chicken parma and a pot. Right?

So he thought that people were going to understand what that meant. People just turned up and looked for their meal and their drink for the night. People were shitty, and the festival got calls apparently. I've mentioned this before but there was a in the early days of podcasting there was a comedy podcast that was done live out of the Maori Chief Hotel in South Melbourne

it was Andrew Goodwin, Tim Smith, Simon Rogers and they'd have a guest and so I was the guest and I remember looking at the sign out the front and the place was packed, absolutely packed, and it said chicken parma, $18, chicken parma and podcast, $16. So people were realising if I stay for the podcast, I get $2 off the parma.

if I stay for the podcast, I get $2 off the Palmer. It was the podcast. It was the chat. Yeah, yeah. The chat. And once I pointed that out, never invited back to that podcast. It's genius. Oh, we've got to get hold of that idea.

Yeah. That's genius. To be fair, there's something similar on your Patreon subscribers. If they subscribe $1,000, what is the offer? If you subscribe $1,000 a month, you... This is for their funding. $1,000 a month you get to fuck both of us.

For $2,000 you only have to fuck one of us. $2 knocked off a palm if you have to listen Oh man I've got to do that at the gig that I run at Catfish There's cheaper beers upstairs So I could go pint, $12 Pint with comedy But you've also got downstairs

The Philly cheesesteak Yes I haven't actually had one of those It's pretty great, shave two bucks off Make your show free I want to see what were the audience like where you're having to sit through a podcast to get $2 off? They weren't that interested, I have to say.

And how does that chat go with management convincing them to lower their prices to help you out? I don't think they'd been told. That was the whole thing. There you go. Really? Or is it a case where the Palmer was never $18? Exactly.

It was always $16. Exactly. If you were smart, you would do that. Yeah, okay. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This, right. I really like the idea of us doing a dining experience show for this podcast. Well, we did once do a live podcast in a McDonald's party room.

Yes. Without telling them. So every time someone came out the back, like we were pretending it was someone's birthday and we got balloons and everything. Right. And they were coming and going, is everything good? And we're like having to throw them off the scene singing happy birthday every single time.

And now look how far you've come from doing podcasts in McDonald's without telling them. Yeah. But that was very funny actually because we think, oh, this is a great idea, let's do this. And we had to sort of jump through all those hoops and whatever. But the listeners were like, we were getting good numbers to our live podcast at that stage. We went, all right, now we're going to bring it to the home

of what we talk about most week, junk food. We're going to do this. And most people went, no, that sounds like we're going to get in trouble. And just everyone stayed away from it. Yeah. I love how they think that McDonald's was too much trouble but not Thailand. And also we did charge them to come to McDonald's, by the way. Really?

That's illegal. The Dum Dum Club dining experience. Yes. Pot Palmer podcast. Yeah. So it's a dining experience. So it's not us. So this is what I love. We can franchise this out. So it's a dining experience, so it's not us. So this is what I love. We can franchise this out.

Oh, so it's someone else playing you guys. So we have this happening. I was just thinking about it then while you were talking. It's Dumb Dumb Club with a B on the end of each of the D's. Yes, yes. So it happens, there's one date and one time where it happens at like every state around the country. We find actors in each seat.

We've written out a script and this just happens. Meanwhile, we're just at home. This thing's bringing in money for us. We don't even have to leave that out. Can I already take the franchise to India with Papa Dumb Club Club? With Dal Chandler and Tommy Masala. He's nutted it out. I've workshopped this idea a lot.

That's what you were thinking in the tank. You were working at that. In the sensory deprivation game. Only thing, who to play me? There's just no Sri Lankans or Indian actors. Well, I think at one point there was like five or six productions of Wogs Out of Work touring Australia at one point. I remember Nick Barfalo.

Wogs with too much work. That's right. But Nick Bufalo was in the Sydney production and I remember him telling me he was in it for six months and it still said Nick Giannopoulos in the program. Oh, really? And I remember him telling me he went to Nick Giannopoulos and said, well, why isn't it my name?

Like, is this even legal? Like, Actors' Equity, shouldn't it be my name in the program? And Giannopoulos goes, no, no, mate, we don't want to confuse the punters. Yeah, keep it simple with the name Nick Gianopolis. Is Buffalo just an ethnic way of saying buffalo? No, one F. Ah, this is like Fawlty Towers again. Yes, Nick Buffalo's running around somewhere.

He's out there selling buffalo wings and making a killing. It is weird, though, how in all the years of the Fawlty Towers dining experience that no one has looked at that and just taken another show. It's been running for like 12 years or something. What's the formula? You need a restaurant or hotel base, like some sort of food dining that needs to be built. No one remembers Robin's Nest, unfortunately.

Ratatouille. The Ratatouille experience. Oh, you want a rat cleaning your food? Could you do Cheers? There's a bar. But I think there is one. I think someone has done that. What about Central Perk Coffee?

Is there an actual one? No, but if you could do a Cheers experience. I know there's plenty of bars called Cheers where they've just bought the name. The bar doesn't look like Cheers at all. No. But if you did it instead of the dining experience, you could do the Cheers drinking experience. That's pretty good.

If you book in, you buy tickets so that you've got time for the bartender to literally learn everyone's name as you come in. So you've got the real deal. So it's literally what is your name, what do you do as they come in? No, no, no, because everyone knows your name at Cheers. So as you walk in, everyone else sits in there, all is your name, what do you do? No, no, no, because everyone knows your name at Cheers. So as you walk in, they go, everyone else sits in there, all the actors go, deal! Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.

And halfway through the dining experience, does the female lead just mysteriously change? Yes. Suddenly there's a psychiatrist just on the bar. What about the Seinfeld dining experience? Like you have the restaurant and once in a while you just have Kramer coming, running through the doors. You've never seen Seinfeld dining experience, like you have the restaurant and once in a while you just have Kramer coming, running through the doors. You've never seen Seinfeld, have you?

Yelling racist stuff. I was going to say, Seinfeld like aggro for you? Do you know the name without knowing what happens? Well, that'd be good. The cheers one, it'd be good if you then, if spin-offs are included as well. So once you're done drinking, you go and you get like a therapy session with Dr Fraser. Is that a good idea to have a therapy session once you're really drunk? once you're done drinking, you go and you get like a therapy session with Dr. Frazier.

Is that a good idea to have a therapy session once you're really drunk? When you're pissed, yeah. They should have Mind Your Language, the live experience. Did you ever watch Mind Your Language? Hang on a second. See, this is where I'm confused because Mind Your Language is way previous to 2004. Come on,

surely I know. Oh, blimey. He, but Dil got this in Sri Lanka, didn't he? It was huge in Sri Lanka. Here's what I remember. This is a really – Mind Your Language and Alo Alo were massive. That's right. Mind Your Language was –

Not what I thought you were going to say. If I remember, the theme song was – And bloke who played the lead killed himself. Did he kill himself? There was a car accident. Barry Evans, I think, killed himself. Did he kill himself? It was a car accident. Barry Evans, I think, killed himself. We might have to Google this before the end of the show. The guy who plays Ranjit Singh is something Moses.

He's a Sri Lankan actor who played an Indian guy. So it was a teacher teaching people of every national stereotype how to speak English. Correct. And it was so hammed up, like the Japanese guy could only say arsehole. And every L and R was swapped around. Now, that's him trying not to learn at that point, I think. That's all he's saying.

Barry Evans was found dead in his bungalow by police. Now, suspicious, the cause of his death had never been confirmed. There was a blow to his head and high levels of alcohol in his system. An 18-year-old man was arrested but later released without charge due to insufficient evidence. Wow, this is a far cry from when we were trying to find out. 18 different racial stereotypes were questioned. Remember there was the French one who was meant to be hot

and every... Danielle, I think her name was. Here's something. This is how much of a nerd you can be And I don't reckon anyone else in the world ever noticed this What I remember is The first like five series of Mind Your Language Were like made by the BBC

Or something like that Then it went over to ITV And suddenly it clearly wasn't filmed in a studio anymore It was just in a warehouse And the sound was really echoey and the laughs were like clearly added later. It wasn't alive. And I remember even as being like a nine-year-old,

I remember thinking, mind your language just isn't the same anymore. Mind your language has lost it. There's all this echo behind the racism now. It's not the same show. It's ironically not resonating with you. But I – like, see, that's the thing. That show I loved just unironically. And I was trying to explain to someone, like, even Peter Sellers' The Party.

Talking about movies that don't hold up, The Party is terrible. Like, I tried to watch it about a year ago, and it's just offensive. Birdie num num. Birdie num num. Not working anymore. No, no, no, no. Just like the part of me thinks that the reason why I love being You think you're funnier than Peter Sellers.

We get it. We get it. Is this one of Peter Sellers' characters right now? Yeah, yeah. Dilruch, better than the goon show. We get it. The brown panther. That's what I am.

Well, on radio I remember we Once ranked The Indian stereotypes And I think we had Sellers at the top And Mahatma Kot At the bottom Who was a cricketer Greg Ritchie

Greg Ritchie And he would play Indian character on He would brown up And play an Indian character On the footy show The NRL footy show Yeah

Right right And so He was a Rotund of Ex-test cricketer from Queensland, funnily enough. Weird, but Pauline would be loved there. I had Ben Kingsley. He played Gandhi. Yes.

Does he have any Indian in him at all? What about... I don't even want to. I don't know. You campaigning on a podcast to fuck Ben Kingsley. Great. Let's make it happen. He won an Oscar, didn't he?

He's a sir. You'd have to include that because he insists on being called Sir Ben Kingsley. Sir racist. Did Gandhi at any point say birdie num num in the film? Like how bad did it get? I can't remember it. Like would it look really dodgy if we went back and looked at it now? I think, I mean, it's just, it's blackface adjacent, isn't it?

It's not quite blackface, but it's definitely him tanning up. Also I found out that that guy from Short Circuit, in Short Circuit. Oh, yeah. Fisher Stevens. Fisher Stevens. Not Indian. Not Indian.

And who was, I remember when he was Blacking up for that role He was also dating Michelle Pfeiffer And I remember people At the time going How is that How did that guy

End up with Michelle Pfeiffer But like It's funny how you look back And you go Oh wow Different time But then they did it Like two years ago

With was it Emma Stone In that Cameron Crane movie She's like pretending to be Aloha or something. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, there's whitewashing happening all the time. Even there's a movie out right now where Matt Damon's playing a Chinese character.

Yes. Yes. Oh, man, check the festival this year at the Dilrub Jai Singer Dining Experience. I'm the lead. All right. Do your best Dilrub Jai Singer impression. We're still in production. All right. Do your best Dilruch. I'm seeing an impression.

We're still in production. All right. No spoilers. Come and see the full show. It's Dilruch with a C

instead of a K. The next time you do a Dum Lum Live where you decide to do a fucked version of stand-up, we should swap

characters. Have everyone do someone else's That's not bad. I just want to see one of you play me. Maybe that's what

the dining experience is. Rather than getting actors in, we all just play each other. Oh, yeah. Instead of us playing ourselves, we play each other. Yeah. Okay. Which makes it not quite official. Yes, exactly.

Bootleg version. Yeah. Tony, who do you want to be? If you could be anyone, not just in this room, anyone in comedy in the dining experience of Dum Dum Club. Well, it's slightly outside of comedy, but I always wanted to play Gavin Wood from The Voice Over Man from Countdown. Yeah. And there was a running joke.

I don't know if it was a running joke, but it was mentioned a few times on Get This that I would love if they ever did it because I used to always do the Countdown top ten where we go, Ice House frozen out at number 11. We'd always have a pun for every. And so I went, if they ever do a Molly movie, I would love to play that role. And Ed Cavill would always go, yeah, but you don't look like him.

You're not fat enough. You're going to have to put on weight like Robert De Niro. And who plays the role in the miniseries? Ed Cavill played Gavin Wood. Ed Cavill, the only person who looks less like Gavin Wood than me. Did he have the decency to call and tell you that this was happening at least? It was a very tentative call. But I sort of get – because they wanted to improvise.

Because they weren't doing Countdown. They were doing when Gavin and Molly were on radio. So they wanted to improvise. So, of course, Cavill does improv. You still have a chance of when they reboot Houseboat Horror to playing Gavin Wood. You know how to get him back. You should play Ed Cavalli in the Tony Martin movie. Well, he showed up in – who was he in?

I was in Hoax. I saw him in Hoax. Yeah, he did something in Hoax. Oh, what was he in Hoax? He was one of the guys who I think – was he one of the cricketers? No. No, he was definitely someone in the corporate sort of thing. He was like the guy that got him to do the cigarette ads or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've only seen bits of hoax because my girlfriend was watching it in the next room and whenever she would start screaming at the television, I would run in and the most screaming was when they had someone playing Dustin Hoffman. Did you see that? Oh, I did see that. Yes, he's the one who convinces Jen.

I don't know what it was. But he wasn't even doing the voice. He wasn't even doing, I want to go to Miami. He wasn't even doing like a theatre restaurant version. That was close to Owen Wilson as well, to be fair. They all sound the same. But that was a very strange call. Yeah.

I do like that all I've seen, I've heard people talk about how it opened and it opened with him doing his show about being Hoag's and it goes into flashback. For people that overseas have listened to this, it was a recent production about Paul Hogan. You would have seen Crocodile Dundee. Yeah. It was about Paul Hogan.

Channel 7 did like a miniseries telemovie about it. And the real Paul Hogan would do a live show where he would tour around showing clips of himself. So that's the framing device of the miniseries. Wouldn't it be great, because Hoag still does that show, how good would it be for him to be showing clips of Josh Lawson playing him doing the show where he's showing clips? Wouldn't that be great? Yes, that would be the ultimate.

And a spin-out. And with a palmer involved. So Hoag could do his own Hoag's dining experience. And get those tax returns up there. The Australian people demand to see them. As I recall, wasn't the Noelene Paul Hogan divorce, it was pretty ugly, wasn't it? Yeah, it wasn't good.

Well, they're hinting towards it already now. There's a split. The bits that I saw, they split, but they made up at the end of episode one. I just felt, because I did see the very end, and I just felt sorry for Justine Clark, who was playing Noelene Hogan, just sitting in the audience of his live show

just clapping and going, oh, Hoag's, you roguish card. Oh, he's done it again. That's not how I remember that relationship. We had Molly, we had Hoag's. Who's next? That's what I want to know.

What's coming down the pipe? Fleety. Now that would be good. Oh, my God. If we could kick-start the money to make a Fleety teller movie, God, that would be good. You know what I would love? What would it be called?

Can I have 20 bucks? Yeah. He's off the gear. I hate to say it. He's ruining it Guys I wish I was here with better news But I'm afraid he's off the gear What's the opposite of an intervention?

It might be good for his health But he's ruining his reputation in Korea We did the Dum Dum Live in Perth And he was on fire Yeah he was really good He was in great form I did a season in Adelaide with Fleety last year We did the Dum Dum Live in Perth and he was on fire. Yeah, he was really good. He was in great form. I did a season in Adelaide with Fleety last year and off the get,

because we were staying with him so there was no way he could sneak out, and it was, I remember a couple of us going, it's 1989, Fleety is back. Right, right. I would love it if there was one of those Fleety telly movies. I'd love it if, of course course that's the unauthorised edition and then Fleety does his authorised edition at the same time

and the leap of fantasy between the two would be amazing because you'd have it amped up like the real version and then of course

Fleety's version of his own life would be this insane fairy tale he's never done anything wrong you know what it'd be it'd be you're watching

the Gene Wilder Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and then you're watching the Gene Wilder Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and then you're watching the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But Fleety... So we're getting Tim Burton to direct it? Why throw this unnecessary backstory about your dad being a dentist? Who cares? It's Johnny Depp as Greg Fleet. Yeah, but in Fleety's version there's like 20 years missing

where he doesn't remember anything anyway. But Fleety, he wrote that book and it was fairly honest. But the problem with Fleety is he's never written anything down. He's never kept notes. He's never written his own act down. The number of times I've been at some venue and Fleety will come up and go, do you remember that bit I used to do about such and such? How did that go?

We've had it happen where we've sat around and been like quoting him to each other when he's around and he's like, fuck, that's great. Where's that from? Good for you. I'm sure we brought this up before maybe with Tony, but there was literally a night where he did a bit and then came off and went, yeah, I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry you had to see that.

And we're like, why? Oh, man, I just got up there and I just remembered someone else's bit. Whose was it? And we're like, it's fucking yours. He's stealing from himself. Wasn't there a point, if we told this, because we're doing the roast of this man over here, Dilwit Jai Singer, during the Comedy Festival on April 14.

You, years ago, you were saying, oh, there's not a roast culture here. Someone should organise one of Fleety. Yes. And you were going to do it and then he was like, no drug stuff. Yeah, he said we can do it as long as you don't mention any drugs. So it's a five-minute show. Okay, well, we'll get up there and talk about how great of a comic you are for an hour, I guess.

Yeah, by the way, for my roast as well, no fat jokes. But he's forgotten so much because I remember I was out with him and I suddenly had a flashback and I went, hang on, Flea. Remember when they had the Peter Allen miniseries? Yes. And I went, hang on, part of the Peter Allen miniseries? Yes. And I went, hang on. Part of the Peter Allen story that wasn't in the miniseries, his very last tour of Australia, Greg Fleet was hired as the support act

for Peter Allen, Sacked After One Shot. Oh, wow. By Peter Allen. And I remember saying to Fleet, do you remember that? And he's gone, where was that when I was writing the book? Like he's not only forgotten his own material, he's forgotten whole chunks of his life. He's forgotten what would be anyone else's highlight of their life.

Being sacked by Peter Allen. That would be anyone else's best dinner party story of their life. Chandler, you're saying this like high and mighty, but you're notorious for not remembering any of the live podcasts. Well, that's only because I'm drunk when I'm doing oh so Fleety

was clear headed was he alright we gotta wrap this up for this week Dilraba Josinga Tony Martin thank you so much

for joining us Dil you've got a tour happening all around the country right now yes I do I'll be in Canberra on March 24th

Melbourne Comedy Festival March 30th to April 17th and then I'll be in Canberra on March 24th, Melbourne Comedy Festival, March 30th to April 17th. And then I'll be in Sydney May 22nd, I think. Okay, great. So there's JillRookJ on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and stuff. Great. I'll post everything there. Tony, what have you got?

I'm on tour with Damien Cowell's disco machine. Yes, somehow in my early 50s, I'm in a bank. So I'm having my cortisone shots and I'll be dancing away. I'm not sure what the dates are. DamienCowell.com is the place to go. Instead of Come On Eileen, what's the song? Come On Waleed. And Damien Cowell used to be in TISM, of course.

He did. He was Humphrey Flaubert and he's, yeah, there's an album out called Get Your Dag On, which is pretty good. Great. We've got our solo shows on sale at the Comedy Festival. My show, Tommy Daslow Dinner for Two. Your show, Carl Chandler,

World's Best Comedian in the World. Yes. We've got live podcasts, Adelaide, March the 4th. We've got Brisbane, March the 18th. And then we've got every Sunday in April at the European Beer Cafe. We've then got the roast of Durok Jaya Singer on Good Friday. I've had a lot of fun tweets from people basically sending their schedule for the day,

which has been like 7pm me, then I think Carl, then Tommy, like almost going back to back. So yeah, get on that. And then the roast that night. Or even any of the other nights. And by the way, we always complain that people don't come and see our solo shows as much as the podcast and everything else. I'm in charge of the figures of the roast that night, or even any of the other nights. And by the way, we always complain that people don't come and see our solo shows as much as the podcast and everything else. I'm in charge of the figures of the roast.

The roast has sold twice as much as my entire run at the moment. Yeah, that's pretty exciting. People seem to be very excited to see me cry on stage. They just finally want to see you cop a bit of shit. I think that's it. Yeah, and for everyone on Facebook who hasn't said this already,

yes, we know, it's just like every other podcast. Because every other comment seems to be, what's the difference? It's just going to be

like every other podcast. Yeah, but what needs to happen at the end is you go off stage and there's a brief costume change and then Dill Hicks

comes out and just sticks it to everybody. I thought he'd go off stage, you hear the gunshot. Take down that heckler. And then jail, please.

That's how I want to go out. So, guys, tickets for all that stuff. And, of course, join the information list on the social media about the Koh Samui Podcast Festival. Go and get your comm on that because we're staying at Yozo, chewing Samui.ui Tony you don't know about this but maybe we

should spend a minute talking about this just quickly to let Tony know we are going to the island of Koh Samui in

Thailand to do a live podcast and already we have dozens of bookings of people not just a live podcast do you have a

following there people are coming from here I was doing gigs all over in Brisbane almost yeah three nights following there? No, people are coming from here. Wow. I was doing gigs over in Brisbane both almost, yeah, I think

three nights and I sat to sit down different groups of people, like a person rather, without exaggeration.

Each night someone said, hey, yeah, I've already booked my hotel at Oz. Are you coming? I'm like,

I don't know. Apparently, I have to drink if I come and I want to stay sober. Yeah, so this is where we're going over there. We're not just going over there to do podcasts.

We're now running the first ever Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Wow. Now only one podcast confirmed so far. Just one podcast confirmed. The people from Serial, are they going to be there? They will do a series about them. Malcolm Gladwell. No, we've been... Malcolm Gladwell. No, we've got Steel Saunders.

Yep. And Justin Hamilton. Yep, right. So all that stuff, all that information and stuff, littledumbdubclub.com. Keep your eye on the socials for any new stuff we're announcing about that. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.