The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 335 - Dave Hughes, Cal Wilson & Greg Fleet

Episode Date: March 7, 2017

Selling Out, VIP Websites & Peter Allen.Recorded LIVE at the Rhino Room in Adelaide on Saturday March 4, 2017. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week on the Little Dum Dum Club, the first of two big live episodes from Adelaide. This week featuring Dave Hughes, Greg Fleet and Cal Wilson. But before we get onto that, we have to tell you about some things that we have coming up. Carl, what's happening? Well, so Adelaide's already happened. This is the first, like you said, the first two episodes. So thank you Adelaide for coming along. Next stop, we are in Brisbane on March the 18th.

Now, we have two shows that are sold out. But, hey, you know what? If you want a chance, you're on. Believe it or not, some people buy tickets and then don't turn up. So if you want a chance, you're on. Come down. You know, you might be a chance of getting in Brisbane. You guys are awesome.

So thanks so much for selling out. So we're really looking forward to that. It's heaps of fun. And, hey, if you have a ticket and you're thinking about not coming, maybe consider that a little bit harder. You know? Yeah. Consider not showing up so that someone who does really want to come can get in

and then we can make more money. Yeah. Everyone burn your tickets. Yes. And let, there's a heap of, you know what, after this episode, I'm pretty sure Adelaide are motivated to fly to Brisbane and attend that show too. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. So then we go into the month of shows over April, Sundays at the European Beer Cafe, 3pm.

In Melbourne. In Melbourne. And then we have also our solo shows that are on as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So we've got four shows. People, you've already got your season passes. We've run out of them. So there's individual tickets on sale for every Sunday startingay starting what is it like the fourth i think the fourth

third third tenths no sorry the second second ninth sixteenth twenty-third yes of march and of course uh so of april sorry fucking good ad um so all of that sunday afternoon three o'clock so uh uh coming to that we're going to sell them all at that. So get on to your tickets now. And, of course, then culminating in the last Sunday of all of those, we have the drunk cast at 11 o'clock at night at the European Beer Cafe where first in is basically the season pass holders. You guys get to come in first. And then the rest of you fight to the death to get in.

Yes. Of course, and, of course, it's free if you have a ticket to one of the live podcasts, one of the previous live podcasts. So I think, yeah, we sold a heap of season passes. So you guys get your first dibs and then the rest of you can fight it out. Yes, great. We've also got the Roast of Dilraba Jai Singer on April the 14th. That's a Friday night.

That's happening downstairs at the European Beer Cafe. No, we've moved. We've sold out downstairs and we're now upstairs upstairs downstairs yeah so that's yeah wow

the amount of awesome comics that are approaching us to be part of that that will be a star studded affair and not only star studded but people who are

really good at being mean as well yes did I tell you I started writing for it the other day oh did you yeah because I I'm not contrary to what I display on this show I don't really like being mean I well. Yes. Did I tell you I started writing for it the other day? Oh, did you? Yeah, because I'm not, contrary to what I display on this show,

I don't really like being mean. I don't really like doing it. It's not in my wheelhouse. Right. And so it took me an hour of like, fuck, I'm no good at this. I just can't get my mind to work this way. And then something clicked and I got one out and then it was like a fucking damn broke.

Oh, really? Yeah, and then I was up until 1am just going, I've got some requests for people that I would like to invite down because I've written burns about people without even knowing if they're going to be, people I don't even know if they're in the country. Is Benny Hill coming out for the comedy festival? Because I got some dirt on him. Oh, wow.

I want to see that. Awesome. Yeah, I better get going on that. You don't need to though. You could do it on the fly. I know, but this- Awesome Yeah I better get going on that You don't need to though You just You could do it on the fly I know but That's why I went

Because once festival starts It's so busy And I went I need to start doing this now Yeah Because otherwise I'm going to be doing it The hour before

And I'll get up there And eat shit Yeah But you know what When I'm walking around Writing for my Comedy festival show Writing for Carl Chandler

World's best comedian In the world For 40 minutes You've spent doing that so far No I know Fuck I've spent doing that so far? No, no, fuck, I've spent ages doing it. Fucking hell. Because I've said I only write the jokes for that when I'm walking around,

so I've walked back and forth into the city and back fucking heaps. But while I'm doing that, all of a sudden I'll think of some fat joke. I'll be like, I can't use that as standard. Oh, hang on. Fuck, I better put that in the Dilruch file. What happened to those fat jokes that you'd come up with before you met Dilruch? Is there a file somewhere that was just waiting for you to meet some overweight man?

Yeah, yeah, I had to get a garage with this new house just to fit all those jokes in. So, yeah, that's going to be heaps of fun. Yeah, don't miss that one. That's going to be something a little... Well, you know, people sort of say, oh, isn't that just what Dum Dum is normally? But this is going to be like the formality of it and people writing like jokes, like z well, you know, people sort of say, oh, isn't that just what Dum Dum is normally? But this is going to be

like the formality of it and people writing like jokes, like zingers, you know? Yeah, like a proper roast. It's like the American style roast where, you know, we sort of host it and then we have all the guests,

everyone comes on and basically tees off on everyone else. Of course, Dil cops it but everyone cops it. If you're in there, you get mud on you. That's it.

Well, here's what I was thinking. I don't know what the chances of this happening would be but so like we're both, we're both partaking in the roast. Yeah. So I was thinking it's kind of like weird if we host it. I love the idea of us just getting in a third party who doesn't really – like if we got like Denya or someone to come in and host it,

it would be very good. Yeah. Someone did suggest to me the other day that you should host it and because I'm going to go so hard, I shouldn't be hosting. I should be just doing my own spot hard, I shouldn't be hosting. I should be just doing my own spot. You almost shouldn't be on. Yeah. Yeah, it's like should the pros mix with the amateurs?

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I like the idea of some weird third party coming. Who knows how likely that is to happen. Yeah. But I think that would be cool. Yeah. Yeah, Grant, if you're listening out there.

So, yeah, those are all going to be really fun family roast um so yeah that'll be great and of course you know like you said the solo shows let's not forget about the solo shows they're going to be heaps of fun we're in the same building and of course as we've said um i don't know about your sales but you know um your individual size but yeah the sunday afternoon ones are kicking off i think there's going to be a lot of people that are coming for the podcast at 3 o'clock on the Sunday, and then, of course, my show's on at like 4.15 downstairs, straight afterwards, and then your show's on at 5.30, straight after mine. So, Sunday's a really easy one to do it, but of course, we're on Monday to Saturday as well.

So, go to littledunlunclub.com for all the details, all the show times, everything you've heard. We love having you guys along. We're fresh off. We've literally just recorded this straight after we've been to Adelaide and a lot of love in Adelaide.

So thanks so much for that. And yeah, fuck, we love having those guys, you know, you guys that have listened for years and whatever come along,

especially people, I was talking to a bunch of people in Adelaide that hadn't been to one before that have listened for ages. Yeah, because you know, wherever we go, we see, especially people, I was talking to a bunch of people in Adelaide that hadn't been to one before, that have listened for ages. Awesome. Yeah, because, you know, wherever we go, we see, you know, some familiar faces. We're really happy with people that come and support all the time, have been doing it for

years, but always happy to see someone that we haven't seen before, some either new people or people, and we know there's heaps of people out there that have listened for years, but just haven't done anything, haven't come along. Well, should we say this? This last weekend show that we did in Adelaide that you're about to hear part of, our first official sellout in Adelaide. Oh, yeah. We sold out the venue, which is cool.

And now it's time for it to be knocked down. Yeah. Now that we've fulfilled our purpose. It took four years but now we've conquered the Rhino Room. Get rid of it. Bulldoze it to the ground. It's like Tetris. Like we filled all the rows up and the whole thing disappeared.

We were talking to Mick who owns the venue and he was telling us about their new venue that they're moving to, which is twice the size. And I just thought, great, more empty seats. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so the only other thing we have to say, of course, on this little spiel is that the Patreon, thank you so much. Speaking of supportive people, on this little spiel is that the Patreon. Thank you so much.

Speaking of supportive people, the lovely supportive people that get on the Patreon. Wait, wait, wait. Are we going to talk about Koh Samui? Oh, fuck. Sorry. You're right. Wow. Me having to remind you to talk about Thailand.

All right, mate. Stop banging on about it. All right? We get it. We're going to Thailand. The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is gathering steam. Speaking of last night in Adelaide, we were doing a bit of door-to-door work. We were talking to a couple of punters who were on the fence.

Yes. And then they went home after talking to us and booked in. Yes. So that's awesome. So all the information is at our website now. Like I said, if you go to littledunlunhop.com, there is a page there where you have all the details for… Ozo Chawang Samui Beach Resort.

Yes. So the website for that and, of course, the password is podcast. And if you go there from May 31 to June 5, there is a deal where you get super cheap rooms. And you know what? They're so cheap that a lot of people doing this are just upgrading their suites. Oh, really?

They're getting the absolute basic room, which is awesome already, but a lot of people are getting the beachfront, the ocean views. Oh, wow. Because they're so – That's great, and then there'll be none left for you. We'll be in some piece of shit broom closet sharing a bunk bed. It's not possible. It's too good.

By the way, you know what I like? I like that you can't remember the name of your own show. You can't remember the dates that we're doing shows. Every time this Thailand trip has come up, you remember the URL. You remember the exact dates. I think you're aware of what the temperature's going to be when we're over shows. Every time this Thailand trip has come up, you remember the URL. You remember the exact dates. I think you're aware of what the temperature is going to be when we're over there. Haven't you seen my new tattoos? So it's like I'm not going to forget my firstborn child, you know.

So a lot of people are getting the best rooms in there. Yeah, right. Because I think with our deal, I think the most expensive room is like $140, $130 a night. Oh, wow. Okay. But if you get the worst room without our deal it's like $130

$140 a night oh wow huge so the the cheapest room you get is like $75 I think Australian so super awesome deal so get on

again what are tickets to your show cost can you remember $25 okay yeah cool no Ticketmaster

fuck Ticketmaster let's say that again and also that's true of the Ozo Chuang Samui as well. They are not affiliated with Ticketmaster in any way. That resort, go with Try Booking. No, they don't. That's the one reason we went with them as a resort for this podcast festival. They're the only hotel on the island that's not affiliated with Ticketmaster.

Yeah, no Ticketek, no Bass. Bass. I booked a ticket in Adelaide through Bass. Oh, Bass is still going. Bass is still going in Adelaide through Bass Oh Bass is still going Bass is still going in Adelaide I mean you don't want to You know the easy jokes of Yeah

We're back in the 60s But like seriously I booked the thing through Bass Wow do they still have brushes? I wonder if they do I mean they still have Faster Pasta Yeah Bass

I literally didn't know that still existed But yeah that's a good reminder Off the back of our solo shows Of course our solo shows Our solo shows are fucking cheap. Yes. And they're going to be good. So if you go and see other people, sure.

You know what? Go and see other people that are friends of the show and all that stuff because they're all great. But our tickets are fucking cheaper than everyone else's because we don't have to deal with a ticketing agency. And this is the thing because you don't want to – you sort of go cheaper. Some people have a thing in their mind, cheaper implies worse, like, oh, not as good.

It's like, oh, no, it's as good. It's the only reason they're charging you more is because old bloody Mr. Ticketmaster is dropping his DAX and sliding a Swift one in. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so fuck Ticketmaster and give us – That's what that phrase I just said was about. Yeah, yeah, right.

Mr. Ticket – do you reckon – is that, if your last name's Ticketmaster, if your last name's Master. No, if your last name's Ticketmaster, don't call your kid Mr. Yeah. So, on to the Patreon. Yes. All the lovely people that support us through there. We really appreciate it.

Thank you so much. And part of our appreciation is, well, you know, you get all the, of course, as you know, you get all the bonuses. If if you put in certain amounts you get the extra episodes that we then email out if you get the uh you put in a certain amount you get the magazine that we slave over the monthly magazine and of course um you get your little name right out in this little section and you get your little uh if you want to this crappy segment the little the little half-assed uh roast of whoever the fuck these people are. They're all about to read out.

But with none of the writing involved, with us just making up shit. Yep. So we are the Roastmaster Generals. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. Lindsay Hodge. Hodgie. Yeah, Hodgie.

Big Hodgie. Hodgie. Lindsay. Now, Lindsay could be a boy or a girl. I reckon it's a boy. 2017. I reckon it's a boy. You reckon it's a boy? Why? Because it's L-I-N-D-S-A-Y.

So that would be a boy, wouldn't it? I don't think that. I don't think any spelling rules apply here. I'm putting it out there. It's a boy. I'm going to say it's a girl. I'm saying it's a beautiful boy. I'm saying it's a smoking hot girl.

Oh, really? Yeah. What would you give Lindsay Hodge out of 10? Oh, picturing in my mind like an 8.5. Really? Yeah. Blonde brunette, redhead, stacked. Just absolutely stacked.

Wow. And like an hourglass figure? Yeah. Legs up to her eyelids? Yep, all that stuff. Wow. Long blonde locks. Shaved head.

Shaved head. Sinead O'Connor style. And stacked. And stacked. You can be both those things. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just trying to process it though. I've never seen anything like it.

Why is your computer slowly raising up? Bald and stacked. She's not bald. She's shaved her head. That's bald. Baldness is like a genetic thing where you've lost your hair. Doesn't bald mean no hair? I – no.

Really? If you say – to be honest, if you say – people have said they have a bald pussy. That's not because all their hair fell out say, people have said they have a bald pussy. That's not because all their hair fell out. Which people have said this? People have often said. Oscar Wilde. Throughout time. Oscar Wilde.

Throughout time, people have said. Charles Dickens. In Oliver Twist. Please, sir, I have a bald pussy. Martin Luther King. I have a bald pussy. Thanks, bald. All right.

You're welcome, Lindsay Hodge. Anyway, thanks, Lindsay. Lindsay Hodge, let us know. Are you a boy or a girl? And if you are a boy, do you have a bald... Imagine if I've nailed it. I'd love to know, Lindsay. Let us know.

If anything we have said is true. Any part of that. You don't have to specify which bit. Yeah. Just give us like, you know, one out of five or three out of five we got right. Yeah. Thanks, Lindsay. Thank you, too. Mitchell Wells. Mitch Wells. Oh,

what's that? Timmy's fallen down the well and there's money down there that when we get him out, he's going to give to the little dum-dum. Oh, great. Great. Oh, God. Do you think Mitchell's a boy or a girl?

Great question. I reckon Mitchell's a boy, but bald, dick and balls area. Oh, right. Shaves down there. Completely waxed. I reckon he waxes. And out of 10, hotness rating? Mitchell.

What was the? Mitchell Wells. Mitchell Wells. Multiple Wells. Oh, look. I'm going to say a five. A five? Yeah, I'm not feeling it.

Fuck. This is a good new wrinkle in this segment. Rating the hotness of people based on their name. Hot or not, Patreon subscribers. This is what it should be from now on. Mitchell, a five. What do you reckon? Would you fuck Mitchell Wells?

I got a feeling. I don't know why. I'm seeing a seven. I don't know why. I'm just feeling a seven. I mean, we have different standards. Yeah, yeah, you're right. My five is your seven.

Yeah, yeah. That's great if we're picturing the exact same guy. Yeah. Yeah. Again, I'm picturing a very tall guy, stacked. Okay. Yeah. And that's why I'm giving him a seven.

Okay. Yeah. Pubes or no? Stacked pubes. That's what I'm saying. Stacked pubes. Heaps of them. Right.

Wow. Like just so much pubes that you'd think some of them have to be implants. Can't see the forest for the trees. Yeah. Great. So good. And that's why I give him a seven. All right.

Thanks, Mitchell. Thanks, Mitchell. Again, prove us wrong. the trees. Yeah. Great. So good. And that's why I give him a seven. All right. Thanks, Mitchell. Thanks, Mitchell. Again, prove us wrong. Show us. Yeah, sure. Send us pictures of your pubic zone. What if he's like 13 or something? We're going to prison.

If he's giving us his pocket money, he's 13. Yeah, that's amazing. Also, he's 13 and you're saying, oh, I only give him a five. No, not for me. Not for me. Not my – Whereas I'm saying seven. Pretty good.

Pretty good. Thanks, Mitchell. Thanks, Mitch. No, I was saying how old I think he is. Thank you, too. Oh, now this is This is a You can't get a more Aussie name than this Really

A cliched Aussie name Your name's not a cliched But this would be the name of someone Of an Australian character In some bad English sitcom Well you've set this up pretty magnificently So I reckon I'm going to disagree with it Right

Yeah Thank you to Patreon subscriber Bruce Hogan. Yeah, great. Okay. Yeah. Spot on. Spot on. Yeah.

What would you give Bruce out of 10? Bruce Hogan. I'd like to know how old he is. Right. I can't imagine anyone with that name being under like 55. Yeah. I know it's a cliche. I just think, oh, this guy's giving us some of his shearing money.

Yeah. Yeah. Bruce Hogan. He's some outback warrior, some bloke that's just listening to the pod as he's cutting out bits of fly-blown area around a sheep's arsehole. So enough about the podcast. What's he actually doing while he's listening? So he's listening to his blue wife beater.

Well, that case, yeah, he's probably like. And all his Shearers are going, all the Shearer mates are going, what are you bloody laughing at, mate? Oh, I've just listened to a little podcast. I'm going to say, I reckon he's a nine. A nine? Yeah. Oh, you like the rugged types?

Scrapping, yeah, rugged outback. Yeah, right. Outback guy. Do you reckon who would play him in a movie? Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. I reckon, yeah. All right.

Good on you, Bruce. Thanks, Bruce. Right. We'll get – oh, okay. All right. We'll do two more. Thank you to Joel Dawkins. Joel Dawkins.

Yeah. D-A-W-K-I-N-S. Oh, as in Richard Dawkins? Yeah, but not him. Related? It doesn't give that in the little information block I've got. No. Yes.

I, oh man, I don't know. I guess a six, I'm going to say. Right. Yeah. Right. You've got to talk into that thing. Yeah, yeah, sorry. I was just typing something. I've just had some late breaking news i've got to add in um joel dawkins

uh you know billy joel dawkins now that would be a good name sure yeah i'm just suggesting i'm just i'm just giving you a suggestion as to you know how to change your name to get more out of 10 if this if their name was billy jo Dawkins, I'd give them a 10. Okay. Yeah. That's what you got to do, Joel, if you want to get a 10 from Carl Chandler. Yeah. The coveted 10 from Carl Chandler. I've swiftly changed this segment from being hot or not into suggestions on how to fix

your own name. So there you go. That's an interesting way of changing your name, just adding a new first name to the front so your first name just becomes your middle name. Yeah. Yeah. It's not bad. Thanks, Billy Joel.

Thanks, BJ. That's another reason to do it. That was unrelated. Thank you to... Let's do two more. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Lauren Jones. Lauren Jones. And now this was a late do two more okay okay uh thank you to patreon subscriber lauren jones lauren jones and now i and now this was a late breaking uh uh bit because i just remembered i had to do it because

this is the person who gave me the key ring i'm currently rocking right right uh the got tim key ring yeah so she's also a patron subscriber but she did you know just so you know lauren i'm still rocking the goddamn i'm amazed that it's still in one piece because it's like it looks like a it's kind of would you say it's like half the thickness of a jenga like a block from jenga yeah it's not the sturdiest looking thing in the world i'm surprised it hasn't snapped yet when you sat on it or something yeah man other stuff have fallen off my key ring my my um i just i've just realised the bloody remote control for my garage has gone.

So I'm going to drive home and go fuck how do I get into my own house? Just drive straight through the door. Thanks Lauren. Thanks Lauren.

And one more of course we've been doing this regularly where we have been going back in time to say thank you to the people who have substantially supported the show that maybe early on didn't get as much of a thank you but are still going strong.

You know, some Hall of Famers, people that have really given a lot to us over the last year or more. Oh, wow. Well, I can't wait to hear who this is. Yes. So, big thank you to – let's see. Let's see if I'm pronouncing this right. Okay.

First name. Yes. Give me the first name Wow, this is Tell me what country this is from Okay Murs Murs

Murs Murs Murs Murs Murs How's that spelt? M-R-S Huh

Yeah I mean, that's like a prefix Like, that stands for Mrs Oh, right Okay You know this stuff Right I mean, it's weird You're. Like, that stands for Mrs. Oh, right. Okay. You know this stuff. Right.

I mean, it's weird. You're saying this is someone we've read out in the past? Yeah. Did we do all this already? Supposedly. Because it doesn't sound familiar to me. Supposedly. I mean, just going by what I said before, apparently.

Apparently, that's what happened. Mrs. Oh, sorry. Mrs. Mrs. Yeah. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs.

Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs.

Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs.

Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs.

Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. I'm a big contributor to the show., I'm a big contributor to the show. I'm a big contributor to the show. I'm a big contributor to the show. I'm a big contributor to the show. Iop. Big contributor of half of the show. So thank you to Hall of Fame.

Contributed a lot over the years. Thank you so much. Sorry, not Mrs. Mrs. They're normally filthier. Now my mum's dragged into this. But it's a thank you. It's no good.

I'm saying thank you. Okay. That's a nice thing. Very nice of you. Yeah. She doesn't listen. She'll never know. It's weird that she chips into nice of you. Yeah. She doesn't listen. She'll never know. It's weird that she chips into the Patreon.

It's something she doesn't listen to. Yeah. Well, good on you. Thanks, Maris. Thanks, Maris. Okay. So littledumbdumbclub.com. We'll see you in Brisbane on the 18th.

Sundays in April, our solo comedy festival show is The Roast of Dilruch Jai Singer, the Koh Samui Podcast Festival, littledumbdumbclub.com for all that stuff. Anything else? I think that's it. Enjoy this episode live from Adelaide. With Greg Fleet, Dave Hughes and Cal Wilson. Sure, why not? Thanks, Murs.

Hey, mates. Welcome to the Little Dundum Club live from Adelaide. Oh. Oh. They did well. Those four people here are really making a lot of noise. Thank you so much for coming out. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads.

You guys have done it again. We sold pretty much half of these tickets were all sold in the last eight hours. So thanks for sending my hairline even further back my head. I appreciate that quite a great deal. It is. We are in an abusive relationship with Adelaide. We feel like we've been beating around the head for the last three months. And then today we're like, oh, no, we'll take you back.

We get beaten around the head for three months. And then we get our dick sucked it's just it's what keeps us coming back year after year i actually went to a concert last night here in adelaide and uh the there was a chalkboard out the front of the show that said tonight sold out uh i get there the band were meant to come on at 8 30 it's like 8 29 and there's literally like the room is still half empty like no room is still half empty like no one is there yet and I can see

the band in the wings just looking around going what the fuck's going on here like are we really going to go out and play to this

many people and I just thought Adelaide they've done it again it's nice to know that it's not just two shit kicker podcasters from

Melbourne that get that treatment bands from all across the world come here and just absolutely cop it from you fucking animals.

Thanks for your patronage. I like how we always take it out on the people that actually did turn up. We should be yelling all this bile out the window at everyone else. Next time we come here let's not even do a show. Let's just drive around the streets. You didn't buy a ticket

you fuckhead. But make sure these guys are all here so that they don't cop it out on the street. So they're here and they're watching a live feed of us. We'll set up a webcam like Thailand. Oh yeah! So they can just watch us in the street abusing people who didn't come to the show. Alright, now I'm on

board this idea. And what I like about Adelaide is I don't, and I never cop this with anywhere else, like when we come here, when we're on the way to coming here, I always get a message from people from Adelaide is I don't, and I never cop this with anywhere else, like when we come here and we're on the way to coming here, I always get a message from people from Adelaide going, this is why I'm not coming. I don't get that from any other city apart from Adelaide. Yeah, they just don't show up.

They're like, fuck you, I'm not coming. Here it's like, I'm not coming and you're fucked, but also here's the reasons why. Why you're fucked. It's polite. So here was a couple of the excuses or a couple of messages we got, which was one guy said, I have the choice between Dumb Dumb Club Live

or an expert on war and radicalism within the Middle East. And that one's free, so... Are you here? He told you he's not coming. That was the whole point of this story. He said he had the choice. He didn't say he'd locked it in. Oh, fuck.

Is this him? No, it's not. Fuck, I wonder how that fucking war talk is going. Anyway. We've got to start to build some of that into the show so that we get him next year. Yeah. So another person who may be here,

who may be here, who may be here, someone tweeted us yesterday with a screenshot of their ticket for today with the caption, my soccer game got cancelled so I'm coming now. Which is awesome because that means in Adelaide even a soccer team struggle to get 11 people to turn up.

Now is that guy here or did the soccer team, did the soccer game come back on? There he is. Well, thanks for choosing us over the war and radicalism talk, so... Big round of applause for Pele for coming down, everyone. Thanks a lot. Now, you came in last night. I only got here today.

I'm literally here this morning and then I take off tonight. I came from the airport. I got on the bus from the airport and I came into the city and just as I was getting into the city, there was a guy in front of me who... Now, this is going to take a bit to explain and I'm sure you're going to have your say. Someone looked exactly like Dilruch in front of me, right?

And that's not a racist thing. He was a fat guy, all right, to start with. That's more fattest than anything. I wonder if they're doing this kind of gear at the talk about the Middle East right now. Anyway, man, he looks so much like Dilrub that I was like, you know what? I'm going to get a photo or I'm going to get some video and then I'm going to put it up on all the social media and everyone's going to be like, oh, fucking yeah, this is going to be awesome.

That's racist. No, no, it's not racist. He looked like him. Anyway, so. What was the main thing that made him look like him? He was fat. I told you. I don like him. Anyway, so. What was the main thing that made him look like him? He was fat. I told you.

I don't see colour, only weight. So that was a fucking good line. What's wrong with you people? They're a podcast audience. They're a bit triggered by that kind of joke. Yeah, right. Have they all left? No, they're here.

Right. So anyway, so he's on the bus and I see him getting off and it's like way before I need to get off and I'm like, fuck it, I'm getting off to chase him, right? So I get off like miles away and then he like walks in front of me. Weirdly, he's faster than me, but anyway. So I literally chase after him and I go, hey man, hey man. And he like doesn't acknowledge me. And I go, man, man, slow down.

And then he turns around and just goes, don't fucking talk to her. And I go, man, man, slow down. And then he turns around and just goes, don't fucking talk to her! And then runs away. And he points at a woman who is not with him, is not with me, just says, don't fucking talk to her, and he ran away. Classic Dilrock.

So what were you going to, you were trying to just get video, were you going to approach him? Were you going to do the classic, you look like a friend of mine. Yes, yes, I was. I was. I wish I knew what his issue was now.

Don't talk to her. And I was like, sorry for offending a fucking stranger. Like, he had nothing to do with her. So, but you've got to look at it from his point of view. You're some creep who was sitting behind him on a bus. Well, he didn't know that. You're just a suitcase in hand. You're just running through the streets.

Like, I'm not blaming him for being worried about the safety of a woman when you're running around dressed like this. Filming her as well. Well, I hadn't started filming yet. I had the phone up. And I don't think this is an unreasonable outfit to be wearing while chasing someone, to be fair. So that's fine. Anyway, look, it may have actually been Dilruch.

He just didn't want to be on another fucking live show. Yeah, he's incognito. So this is cool. This is now... This makes Clipsal the second most fucked thing happening in Adelaide today, so that's cool. It's cool to come in here and take the mantle off them once again. Now, a little bit of

an update with the... Hey, who's coming to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival? Cool, thanks. They can hardly be fucked coming down the street here. What was I thinking? There's listeners of ours in the cafe downstairs going, nah.

By the way, so far this audience, the thing they're responding to the most is us abusing them. Any other little stories we're trying to weave in about our lives, they're like, no, not so interested in this. Call us fucked again. Yeah. All right. Fair enough. Yeah, so the Coastal Movie Podcast Festival is happening in May, June. Now, this is something...

Have you seen this online? When people are donating to the... We put up a GoFundMe little trick, so if you want to chuck in to... It's ridiculous because there's a picture of the resort we're staying in. It's like, guys, if you can fund this sweet charity where we're... LAUGHTER

..in an island paradise, that would really help us out. Did you see this thing went viral of this girl who's set up a GoFundMe and she's like, yeah, I'm just really into yoga and experiencing and just getting in touch with myself and I really need to go on this trip around the world to really find myself. I'm currently unemployed, so if people could just chip in to help me,

I'm going to do blogs while I'm on the road. I just really need to go on this world trip to find myself. And I saw that and I was like, the fucking gall of some people. One week later, I want to go to Taiwan for free. I do want an online blog. Please pay for me. So you set up the GoFundMe account, right? Which you've only used it once before for when we bought Demi Lardner a dum-dum tattoo, right?

So you've obviously left the template unchanged. So all the people that have chucked money at us get a receipt and the name on the receipt is Demi Gets a D. What? Because it's like cut off at dum-dum tattoo, so it just says Demi gets a D. Demi gets the D. Fuck, well well we've got

$1,500 so far. That's some D we're going to be able to get her. If she comes over, she can probably have an operation where she literally gets a D. Fuck, it's going to be amazing. Should we get our first guest out here? Folks, you know him as one of the...

He's the official MC, the official rapper of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Is that fair? Guys, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Greg Fleet! Yeah, yeah, go for it. I've got to say, I was just passing judgment before about what Carl's wearing. I didn't know if someone was going to get up here in fucking shorts. It was actually deliberate because

I was hanging around in my luxurious apartment. Mate, the Oscars were last week. I know, and actually for a little while I thought I won one. But, so yeah, I thought you'd be happy with the short. So I've done that.

And also is there a rule about comics wearing golden breed t-shirts? Totally doing that. What is golden breed? It's like a really shitty old school surf brand from when I was a kid. I like the caption on it, though. The original since 69.

Nice. And the company started in 1974. Yeah. Know what I mean? It's oral sex humour. It's like... Who's into it? Do you guys have that here?

Not during Clipsal. It's just fucking doggy or fuck off. Adelaide's a bit behind. They're still into their 68s. Sorry, Adelaide. Yeah, I went last night. I saw the Hilltop Hoods at Clipsal. But I got a ticket from a mate, Pressure.

Yeah, whatever. And I went and saw them. And frankly, compared to the fucking crunk I've busted out from a mate, Pressure. Yeah, whatever. And I went and saw them and, frankly, compared to the fucking crunk I've busted out on this show, a little bit of work needs to be done, Suf. What, the Hilltop Woods don't have any raps about cruise ships? No, I don't. I think they do now, now that they've listened to this. But, yeah, I was walking past a scientist.

I reckon there should be more posters up around Adelaide for comedy hypnotists. I went past one today going, I'm a comedy hypnotist, get back on the ship-notist. Yeah, but anyway. I'm never going to stop fucking dissing boat comedy, ever. They're better than those drama hypnotists, though. Oh, yeah.

Those ones are really, like, sad, where you bring out some repressed memories. That's not good. Well, that mystery hypnotist. You are Al Pacino. Yeah. Yeah. Those spooky hypnotists.

Yeah, yeah. Those mystery hypnotists where it's like, who was that hypnotist? Has anyone here ever done, has anyone ever been hypnotised at one of those shows? Have you? Apart from us hypnotising you into buying tickets to this rot. I don't get it that...

You know those shows where people go where it's like, yeah, come up on stage and this guy's going to make you, you know, pretend that you're fucking a chair and it's going to be great. Yeah. Who wants to go... Like, who's... I don't get it. No, but the answer I always get, if people do it,

you talk to them afterwards and you go, were you really hypnotised when you got up on stage and fucked a chicken? And they go. No, I was just looking for an excuse. No, but they always say, no, I knew what I was doing, but it just felt right to go along with it. So maybe they're just really polite.

Yeah. Maybe they're going, this is the shittest hypnotism I've ever experienced. Yeah, well, maybe it's like the audience are all in on it. Like, they've all got these weird fetishes and they're going this is the shittest hypnotism I've ever experienced maybe it's like the audience are all in on it like they've all got these weird fetishes and they're secretly

like there's some mailing list where the hypnotists are like hey man if there's like fucked things that you're into come along to this word me up

and I'll get you up and go yeah now pretend you're jerking off over your brother yeah oh I wasn't in control of my own mind oh no

the hypnotist did it. Like a pretend you're jerking off over your brother. But if that's the deal, imagine all the email lists he's got. Chicken fucking list. Brother jerking off list. Fucking hell. Oh, sorry. So how was watching Hilltop with a Clipsil audience?

It was unwack. No, it was pretty good, but... I feel like a dick. Precious said to me before the gig, when he gave me the ticket, he said, oh, we'll plug your play on stage. That's a mean way to describe your stand-up comedy show, but anyway. At first I was like, oh, fuck it. And then I was like, eh, nah.

No, no, we don't really need numbers. So I was just thinking, these people rocking up to Holden Street thinking, where's that fucking Shakespeare cunt? Nah, I'm fucking on the Shakespeare. I like to drink beer. No, don't. He's back.

The master's back. Yeah, oh yeah. That's my contribution to hip hop for today. I've rhymed Shakespeare and beer. Could have used peer, fear, but no, I chose not to. Keep it in the tank for later in case Shakespeare comes up again on the podcast. Yes, it often does. It often does.

Yeah, I'll keep a lid on that. But it's nice to be back. It's nice to be back at the roving house of Dum Dum. Yeah, you're sort of like the comedy king of Adelaide. You're here that often. Yeah, like twice a year. But that's a lot. Yeah, no, it is.

I've spent quite a bit of time here over the years and I do like it. Hello to my good friends at a Malfi restaurant just up the road. Mmm, a Malfi. Tastes good. Like a big, fat Sri Lankan. What? Sorry. This is the one crowd we've ever played to that don't like Dilrock jokes,

have they? It just occurred to me I hadn't mentioned how fat Dilrock was at all. Which is, it's very uncool to make jokes about people's weight unless they're Dilrock. Then it's the coolest thing you can possibly do. It's the only way to make him happy. He's the saddest person I know until you just go... And he goes...

It's the best day of my life. Did you know this? We're doing a roast of him during the comedy festival in Melbourne. Is that... I mean, there's food humour in that already. We're doing a roast of Dilraba. We're well aware. He'll definitely be there. Yeah. He'll go, we're doing a roast of Dilraba. We're well aware. He'll definitely be there.

Yeah. He'll go, we're doing a roast. I'll come. That would be awesome. Do you want to get in? I'd love to see you go hard on someone. Yeah. You're not a comedy hypnotist.

But I only go hard for me, brother. Oh, yeah, I'm not inviting you to the gig. I want to fucking cuck you. That's what I'm asking you to do. No, I'd love to. Because, you know what, before Dilrub, because we've always wanted to do a roast. I think everyone in comedy has wanted to do a roast.

And before Dilrub, I feel like you're the only person that anyone ever thought about doing a roast with. I know. I think the problem is with me, people went, yeah, we're going to do this comedy roast. It's going to be great. No, we're going to do one here one year. And then I think everyone just went, it's just going to be a litany of you fucking dirty junk. You owe me money.

And I was like, oh. Everyone kind of went, yeah. Yeah, I want to go to that show. That sounds good. Yeah. What's the problem here? It's just going to be the same as the last nine shows he's done about himself. This year, aside from doing the play,

which won Best Theatre at the Adelaide Fringe on Thursday, aside from that brilliant piece of work... Wow. How did you win an award when all you were doing was dealing with Shakespeare? Wow. I think because I had experience in dealing before. But no, I've worked in Racking Coke somewhere and I've somehow managed to get that.

Including the very witty line, there ends Banquo's line. A little less the bard, a little more the shard. Oh, yeah. Oh! I like that. But the stand-up thing that I'm doing the last two weeks, We Are Idiots, we're doing it here in this room. No, not in this room, in this building.

It's the only... Someone pointed out to me the other day that it's the only show I've done in 20 years that doesn't mention heroin. So I don't think people will come. It's very good. It's very funny. It's got a couple of awesome stories in it that I've already

made up stories that I already start thinking are true. Told them a few times and people are like, when did that happen? I'm like, oh, like two years ago. I've got this whole story about me doing a troops tour of Syria. And I'm sort of going, I'm pretty sure there are no Australian troops in Syria. I then I'm sort of going, I'm pretty sure there are no Australian troops in Syria.

I just sell it and it's like to me, yeah, it happened. Sweet tour. Greg Fleet, classic fake news. Is this mental illness what you're describing? Stand-up comedy is mental illness.

Yeah, pretty much. Where are these two fucking idiots? Oh, yeah. There's two seats empty at the front. This podcast is shit. Yeah, that's what you want, isn't it? I can't believe we didn't notice that. We just didn't have a good mood because people had showed up.

You should shuffle down. There's people standing up the back. Why don't they sit there? Some guy just goes, no, that's all right. Yeah. In talking about Adelaide stuff, we were talking to our tech Tom before the show, and I was like, so do you like Adelaide?

He's like, yeah, love it, it's great. I was like, would you ever move? He's like, oh, as soon as I can. You're proud of where you are, but you can't wait to get out of here. I think that's kind of classic Adelaide. Yeah, yeah. Should we get our second guest out?

Yeah, let's get our second guest out here. You guys will know this guy from fucking everything. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Hughes. Yeah! More shorts. I've seen your shirt and shorts and I've done it with Birkenstocks. So, yeah, golden breed. Classic brand, man.

I've got my new Rip Curl top on. I think it's Rip Curl, yeah. We've gone total Victorian Coastal. You've beaten me, man. That is old school and I appreciate that. I can't wait for our third guest to come out wearing a bit of SMP and some Slazenger tracksuit pants. A Miller shirt with gold thread through it. Talk about boat comedy.

I did my first gigs on a cruise in December. How was it? Well, it was a comedy cruise on it for four days and every five seconds someone would come to me going, here's your stalking me. I'm like, no, we're on a fucking boat, mate. People eat on those boats though. Jesus, it's just a buffet, isn't it?

It starts at four o'clock in the morning and goes through fucking midnight. It's just a buffet, isn't it? Yeah. It starts at four o'clock in the morning and goes through fucking midnight. It's just eating and bloody hand wash. At one point the boat stopped in Miliage. My son said, Dad, I think we've broken down. I said, no, we've bogged, mate. Fuck they eat. A hundred bucks a day is really good value.

Seriously, you're hungry. How long were you on it for? Yeah, why were you doing a cruise ship? Short of a dollar? Free holiday. Yeah, it was good. Hung Lee was on it. It was great.

Was that an adult one or a family one? You weren't meant to swear. Yeah, see, that's a deal breaker for the float man. It's amazing that you can do i can do my stand-up act without swearing and still get a laugh so i fuck knows why i swear all the time someone pointed out to me this may not be hilarious but at some point go for it yeah do your next story then. What a disclaimer that was. I was doing a troop tour of Syria, right?

They assume that you can work to, on some of these crews, that you can work to not only a G-rated show, a not swearing show at night to adults, but in the daytime you're going to do a family show to kids and stuff. And someone pointed out to me, people who specialise in kids' comedy, like that terrifies me, working with children, because it's just fucking scary. But someone pointed out that... I think it's worse for them, but yeah. Yeah, probably. People who do... Have you kids

got 20 bucks? Oh, Mr Flea. Hey, Johnny, you got any cleanies? But the... People who do kids' comedy, they just go, oh, there's kids. There's kids who are like three and there's kids who are like 14. And they said, people who are into kids' comedy,

it's like three to six, one certain kind of comedy, six to nine, another... They're almost like gang members. They hate each other's sense of humour. So, like, a 12-year-old will not laugh at something a four-year-old will laugh at, and vice versa. I mean, a 12-year-old will not laugh at something a 4-year-old will laugh at and vice versa. I mean, a 4-year-old will probably laugh at a dick joke, but everyone does.

I'm going to stop talking now. I just needed a laugh to get out of that story. On the subject of kids entertainment, this happened this week. We're going to do a radio show over here, Mix FM. Here's your cake. Check us out. 4-6. That's in our later. Nationally, we're out, 406. That's in Adelaide.

Nationally, we're all over the place. How's your show going when you're advertising on this? Mate, every little bit counts. But Pete Hallier's got a new kids' book out, and this is how little research I do. Pete Hallier from Project, he's got a new kids' book out. I get handed a piece of paper, because we're about to interview him, and I haven't done no research, handed a piece of paper because we're about to interview him and I haven't done no research,

handed a piece of paper saying what the kids book was about and on the piece of paper, it looked professional to me, it said it was Frankie Fish and his sexy suitcase. That's what the piece of paper said and it was aimed, and the piece of paper tells me it's aimed at girls between 8 and 12 and it's about Frankie Fish who's a girl who turns into a fish and has her first sexual experience with a sexy octopus. We go on air and I start reading it out.

Go on, Pete, you're really taking a chance with this book. I mean, I love Pete, but I thought that is out of your comfort zone. That's great, though. If that was real, like telling the wife every day, I'm in the study, I'm just working on this kid's book. I need to be left alone. I need to finish this kid's book. And then her reading the draft of it and going, what the fuck?

I went with it. I liked it. Pete, why are you a character in the book and why are you fucking the fish? So who set it up? Kate Lanebrook and the team there. So we're halfway through the interview and he goes, mate, that's not what the book's called. I said, yes, it is.

He goes, no, I wrote it. It's Frankie Fish and the Sonic Suitcase and there's no molestering octopus in it. Sales have just dropped in Adelaide. Well, Hughsey, you've been here for a few weeks in Adelaide. Is this true? Did you wear a diaper to fly over here?

Mate, are you American? I wore a nappy. Sorry, the guy who shit his pants is getting upset on my pronunciation. A couple of weeks ago I had bad gastro, real bad gastro, and I didn't think I was going to be able to get on the plane. And my wife had a pack of Depends. She said, bang one of those on.

She had it set up for me. She's got some weird sexual fetishes going on. And so I did. I've never done it before. I may never do it again. But I wore an adult nappy on the plane. And she said it's a male one, so it's good to feel masculine while you're wearing a nappy.

Oh, yeah, you wouldn't want to be wearing one of those lady nappies. My dick won't fit in it. Oh, imagine wearing a pink nappy. There are lady ones as well, so I don't feel left out. But, yeah, and I wore it on the plane and nothing happened, but it was good to feel confident I had an eight pack so during the day I wore three but only just to keep fresh and on my opening night at the vagabond there and they I

wore the nappy and I showed the crowd I was proud of it what if you like what if something had happened and you'd used it during the show and you were like, you know what, this feels pretty good. And then that kicks off a whole new era of you doing stand-up gigs in nappies just constantly. Mates of mine did that. Mates of mine used to put those things on. They'd go and buy adult nappies and then go to a pub

and just stand at the bar drinking and just like pissing and just going, this is the best thing ever. On that topic, I talked about it on the radio, using Kate Mix FM, check us out. And a woman rang up, a woman from Sydney rang up, 30-year-old woman who sounded reasonable, and she said she wears them on every long-haul flight she goes on. And just doesn't go to the toilet.

She doesn't like the toilets on the plane, so she thinks they're manky. And apparently got her whole family into it. So the whole family sits there shitting themselves. She reckons the toilets are manky, unlike her bits after a long haul flight. It's just full of plop and wee.

We did a character on one of these live shows about a year ago that kind of came up over the course of talking about on the show. This character called the Bogan Baby. was me doing stand-up in a nappy with a big mullet wig on and it was all just like, I love sucking on me mum's tit, yeah, you know, just great stuff. I like it, good stuff.

Not quite as funny as that. That is a kid's book right there. I think that was also adapted from Shakespeare. I was going to say, isn't that pretty much your act but wearing a nappy? No, no, no. No, because I've got to laugh. No, it's my act but with hair.

And so we did it live at one of these shows. And, yeah, you can only get, like, an adult nappy in a pack of, like, ten. Eight. You've got eight. I had five. I've got five left in my hotel. Staying in the intercontinental doing really well. But I had to move rooms the other day because my internet wasn't working

and the concierge came up and moved me and I saw one of them carrying my Depends. Should we get the third guest? Well, just quickly, like so I had seven of these things just left over from when we did one of these live shows, and they were just sitting in my room, and I thought, I might do that character again at some point. I'll hang on to them.

And then there was a point, big claim coming up, where I brought a girl home, and she's like, why are there fucking adult nappies just sitting in the corner of your room? I'm like, it's okay. It's nothing weird. It's for a little comedy character I do on my podcast. Now let's get down to business.

Yeah, let's get our third guest on. Folks, you may have seen her recently on Whose Line Is It Anyway Australia. Please welcome back on the little Dun Dun Club, Cal Wilson! I've let you down. I've let you down. I've let you down. I'm not wearing a T-shirt, but I am wearing Birkenstocks.

Nice. There you go. We are casual. Your Birkenstocks are actually cool. I mean, yours are all right, but yours are better. Well, they're colourful, but let's not judge. And I've also done gigs on a cruise ship, so I'm just trying to be Husey.

But have you wore an adult nappy? But I suppose you're... Or any nappy. Not at work. We had another woman ring up and say that her husband, she didn't want to give his name out, but he has issues, so he wears panty liners. But whereabouts? Like, does he

wrap them around his dick? Like, does he wrap them around his dick? Like, how do... To be honest, I thought you were going to bring the class to this podcast. What we needed on that radio show, 406, is you asking that question. That would have been good. Just whatever question is asked, whatever the topic is, like, you know,

has your cat ever saved your life Do you wrap it round your dick You could just go in Into the booth And record the question And I could play it Every day But does he wrap it

Round his dick Okay and And just a really serious one Does he wrap it round his dick Great that'll do Thanks Carl Here's your money What about like What about an ad for Law & Order?

It's the big mystery this week on SVU. This week on Law & Order, does he wrap it round his dick? Get a round of applause for that. Now, what about used car salesmen? I want to go through all of them. I feel like I'm just playing at your fetish here. Do it like my mum's saying it. Do it like my mum's saying it.

I remember when I first worked on SAFM here, the guy who was the program director said to me, he'd just been doing the Hot 40 or the Hot 30 or whatever it was, and he was really glad to have moved from that to this other thing. And I was like, why? And he said, oh, mate, we used to have to make people do stuff, like the listeners. And it got to the point where we were like,

hey, call your mum a bitch and we'll give you a free CD. And people would just come back and go, I called her a bitch. And they'd go, good on you. We'll send you out. They probably didn't even do it. Hey, we'll be next week on Husey and Cate. I also like that they don't even need verification of it. I know.

Just taking people at their word. Yeah, yeah, no, I told her to go fuck herself. It was great. She was human. You can just hear an elderly woman sobbing in the background. That was just before I got the job. I won't name names, but someone at the

station who was quite senior, they had the secret sound, right? And the secret sound had ramped up. It had got quite valuable. It was like 60 grand or something. And the guy who worked at the station, his partner rang in one day and got it right. Oh.

It was the sound of a cash register. It was the sound of a man wrapping a panty liner around his dick. Imagine someone knowing that sound. A sad little Russell.

Snaps the phone in half because he's dialing the numbers so quickly. I fucking know this one! Just about radio competitions, can I just say, get involved in them though, honestly. Because I tell you, we have so many radio competitions, there's a really good prizes and you put it out there and fucking no one enters. You can be a winner.

But don't you have, isn't it the term prize picks? You have the same people that call up... put it out there and fucking no one enters. You can be a winner. But don't you have, isn't it the term prize picks? You have the same people that call up. Yeah, but it's only three of them and they can only win one a year. So seriously, it's like, and you try to impress, and I shouldn't talk about this, but you try to impress your sponsors. Oh, yeah. And there's like, you know, yeah, we're doing this big thing.

Oh, it's great. And then fucking no one's picking to it. We were doing a thing, just very quickly, we were doing this big thing, and then fucking no one's going to do it. We were doing a thing, just very quickly, we were doing a thing here. I was doing a show with a woman in Adelaide, fantastic woman, very funny woman,

not very tall. This is relevant to the story, right? She's not a very tall woman. Is this another not hilarious one? No, no, this is quite hilarious. We're doing a day. Can we name her or not? Yeah, it's Amanda Blair was the woman, right?

She could be listening. She's going, it's fucking me, Fleety. Say my name. She might not like the ending of the story, but we're doing this one day... Does she not know the end of the story? Yeah, she does. There was a sports day.

This is a real one. This is a real story that actually happened. Not one that happened in Syria. No, no, this is not on the Syrian tour. Are you in witness protection? What's going on? Please, don't tell the story. She's right here. We're doing a gig down near where the gardens

are. It was the middle of the year and it was a sports day for kids with Down syndrome. They're all doing athletics. Pretty sure this is the bad story. It's not a bad story. Don't jump to conclusions. Was that relevant, What you just said there Yeah yeah it is

That's highly relevant To the story I'm still scared It's at this point That I would like to borrow One of your adult nappies So don't worry No no let's hear him out

Hey everyone Everyone cross your fingers Will ya So Amanda and I Are there as representatives Of the station Right we're there And we're watching

You know kids do sport and Tatiana Grigorovich, the pole vaulter, Aussie pole vaulter was there, who lived in Adelaide, Russian Aussie pole vaulter. She comes up at one stage and someone goes, oh, Greg and Amanda, this is Tatiana, right? And Tatiana goes, hi, Greg, and then looks down

at Amanda and goes, hello, Amanda. Are you having a good day and just totally just went you've got down syndrome so hang on

you were so reluctant to name Amanda she's innocent in this story Tatiana just gets thrown under the bus with no hesitation if she doesn't like the way we do things here, she can go back to Russia.

But Amanda possibly is not happy with it either. No, I don't think so. No one's happy with that story. Hey, we're happy. It's great content. A dirty little Russell. So at what point did Tatiana realise she'd made

a mistake? I don't know that that ever really occurred because Amanda turned to me I was a bit oblivious to it. Amanda turned to me and went holy shit she thinks I'm one of the athletes. She didn't use that term but I don't want to say what I said again.

And I went oh my god she does. And I think Tatiana just wandered off and did some pole vaulting. She is Russian. It might be just the accent, surely. Seriously, it's not her first language. I want to make everyone feel good now. I think you're the bad guy in this story.

Can I do this? So when we do research, we basically just go to Wikipedia and look up people, right? If we do research. If we do that. If we do that. But I found a new favourite site and I used it a few weeks ago. Oh, yeah.

I used it a few weeks ago. And this is the same site, I think. It's vipfaq.com. And I looked up you, Husey, for some intel. Sure. And I found out some stuff. So they've got a very interesting take on what they should be telling you about someone. So look, I'll give you the start of it, which sounds quite decent.

David Williams, Husey Hughes. Williams? Yes. No, get the S off. By the way, also, Husey's not your real middle name as well. No, absolutely. Right, okay, so two errors in three words. He's an Australian stand-up comedian and radio and television presenter.

He is known for his larrikin personality, drawling Australian accent and deadpan comedic delivery. Dave Hughes was born in Australia in Warrnambool. Yep. Born in Australia in Warrnambool. Yes, that's what it says. Is there a subset of Warrnambool that is really Australian? So Aussie.

Australia, Warrnambool, Australia! Yeah. Right, so you've got the basics there. It's all nice and clean there, right? Sure, yeah. Straight into this one. Is Dave Hughes gay or straight? Many people enjoy sharing rumours

about the sexuality and sexual orientation of celebrities. We don't know for a fact whether Dave Hughes is gay, bisexual or straight. However, feel free to tell us what you think. Vote by clicking below. Alright, what's the tell us what you think. Vote by clicking below. It's like I'm a celebrity. I'm intrigued here. The results are 44% of all

voters think Dave Hughes is gay. Brackets. Homosexual. Oh thank God he's not one of those lesbians. 56% voted for straight, brackets, heterosexual, and 0% like to think that Dave is actual bisexual. Yeah, right, no-one thinks I'm bisexual. Very black and white voters.

Yeah, right, well, I'm actually complimented by the speculation. And, yeah, I mean, look, now I feel that I should really clear it up. Well, you know, like, 44% of Australia is confused, obviously. Yeah, look, I am heterosexual, but I mean... Only 56% of the time. All right. Fucking hell. It's like we set that up, isn't it?

That just went through my head. I was just like, I wonder if... Lady, you just hit that out of the park. People are going to think we've all been out the back going, now you say this and then you say that, and I'll go, ba-da-boom. But that's... Yeah, who's on first?

And gay. That's giving me a headache, though, because if it's 66% of the time, but then why does bisexual have zero vote? Like, that's a fucking brain bugger. There's no crossover with you. What about a headache, though, because if it's 66% of the time, but then why does bisexual have zero vote? Like, that's a fucking brain bug. There's no crossover with you. The other, though, like, he's straight at home with his wife and kids. When he leaves the house, he just changes.

What it means is there's no chance of me having a threesome. No, not with a male and a female. But I could have one where I could go either way. I like it too. It's like maybe you want to be one or the other, so you're just like, you're real pure, pure, hetero, pure, hetero, pure, hetero, fucking gay. And it's like there's no crossover.

Yeah, I mean, I think every man, every man, I don't know if it's countable, every man you see, every now and again you see a man. I don't know what that question was. No. Every man I see. Every man looks, every now and again you'll see a man and you'll go, hmm. Yeah.

I don't think that means you. I do make that noise. Yeah. I do make that noise. Hmm. I would smash that. So. Yeah, Tony Modra, by the way.

Oh. Is he your 44% hall pass? Yeah, not now, back in 1993. You would have liked him to jump up on your shoulders? He was flying high back then. So not only are you bisexual, you're a time traveller as well. Well, I wasn't married then. It would have been easier to negotiate.

All right, so there's that. We've got that down. Now we go straight into the next one. Are there any photos of Dave Hughes' hairstyle or shirtless? Well, Dave doesn't have a hairstyle. Well, that's hurtful. I've done it every day. I know this

this list because there was one of these they get to some other really weird questions well I'm getting to them are there any photos

of Dave Hughes hairstyle or shirtless answer there might be but unfortunately we cannot access them from our system we are working hard

to fill that gap though check back here tomorrow so if anyone wants to take a picture of Hughes' hair right now, we can upload that tomorrow. I'm sure the next day their system crashed. Everyone checking in. I like the way they make it sound like they're trying to hack into your computer though.

They're like, just give us 24 hours, we'll be into the mainframe. But even now I'm trying to sit up straighter. It's very frustrating that all your festival posters just cut you off at the forehead. I was like, what is this guy trying to sit up straight on. It's very frustrating that all your festival posters just cut you off at the forehead. I was like, what is this guy trying to hide? I took my shirt off on TV. Australia's Got Talent, thanks for not watching.

And my three-year-old daughter saw it and said, Dad, you should never take your shirt off on TV. Three-year-old. Fat shaming her dad. I said, well, you shouldn't shit in the bath. You should just follow your comeback. There's a heckle. We should get your three-year-old on this podcast.

I think she'd fit right in. She's four now. She's too old for that. She sounds, shitting in the bath, it sounds like one of the acts on the show. You used to work on that show, didn't you? I auditioned for it. I wasn't good enough to be on it.

Fuck Dawn French. It's not better. I'm not better but she's fatter. So am I wrong? I'm supposed to defend Dawn French but you can just impugn Doolroth all you like.

Say terrible things about him. So, next question. Does Dave Hughes do drugs? Does Dave Hughes smoke cigarettes or weed? The answer. It's no secret that many celebrities... Fuck, I hate the way they do that every time. Well, they're talking about you.

No, they use the word celebrity. According to his last nine comedy festival shows. It's no secret that many celebrities have been caught with illegal drugs in the past. Some evenly openly admit their drug usage. Do you think that Dave Hughes does smoke cigarettes, weed or marijuana? Is that a phone poll? Do they do a poll or not? I'm coming to it.

So do you smoke weed or marijuana? The big two. Or does Dave Hughes do steroids? Don't fucking laugh hard at that. I guess that answer will become clear once they've got the shirtless photo. That would explain why you're so angry all the time. No, I'm angry because I don't do weed. So tell us your opinion below.

The results are 67% of the voters think that Dave Hughes does drugs regularly. Well, I look like I do, obviously. But we all know I don't. I'm the... Yeah. Sounds like it's 4.20 right now I don't want to turn this into an AA meeting But I have not had any drugs

Including alcohol since 1992 Wow Do the math I'm just not an AA meeting Do you remember that because you got spastic at the Barcelona Olympics? No it was just before my birthday in 1992 Alright Tatiana. Jesus Christ.

Anyway. Would you say that now your drug is comedy? It really is, and this is a great hit I'm having today. It sounds like he's got the nappies on still. All right, two more questions on VIPFAQ.com. Question, what is Dave Hughes doing now? Answer. Answer.

A podcast. Yeah, are they live? Answer. Answer. Answer. 2017 has been a big year for Dave Hughes, supposedly. It's just turned March. This is pretty quick

to get cynical about my fucking... However, we do not have any detailed information on what Dave Hughes is doing these days. Maybe you know more. Feel free to add additional information such as his management phone number, his cell phone number or his

email address. These people are fucked. But also fucking Google it, you wankers. Got some shit going on. They're talking about you like you've disappeared like Harold Holt. But also he's had a huge year in 2017 but unfortunately we don't know any of the details.

And it's March. Really come out of the gates strong. Yeah, which leads on to the last question, which is what is Dave Hughes' net worth in 2017? According to various sources, Dave Hughes' net worth has grown significantly in 2017, despite the fact they don't know what the

fuck you've done. It is estimated to be in the range of $2,077,643. $2,077,643. How the fuck? In the range of. Yeah. $77,043.

$2,077,643. True or false? Higher or lower? You've led me into a weird situation here. It's just fair to say that... What the fuck? Whatever. Don't fucking work hard.

They have clearly seen your bank statement. Yeah. Exactly. How many fucking ads I've done? All very well worth it. Companies. The estimated net worth includes stocks, properties, yachts

and private aeroplanes. That's a weird story. If you were in that nappy on a private jet, that's unnecessary. You can just get to the toilet whenever you need. You can just fake up a private jet. I would prefer to shit in a commercial plane than my own. So that's the end of Dave Hughes.

I looked up Fleety. I looked up Fleety on VIPFAQ.com as well, but it said to acquire that information, you need to log in and pay us 20 bucks. That's about right. Thanks to my friends at FAQ. The only one of those... This thing came up on my Twitter thing once going, celebrity circumcision.

And it said, is Greg Fleet circumcised? And it said, according to like 87% of people, no, he isn't. And I replied back to them, because weirdly I was circumcised twice. I'm a negative foreskin. I was circumcised once, and my grandfather, who was a surgeon...

That didn't take. Yeah, he was holding me and he went... Apparently my mother said he looked at me and he just went, who the fuck did that? But they didn't take enough off? Yeah, I guess. Is your dick like a lizard's tail? It's sort of... They've just taken one off at each end.

Like, just each end. But apparently, I kind of thought it was, but after the 19th time you drop it, it doesn't grow back. So, yeah, he just went, this is bullshit, and took me out the back and had another crack at it. Hey, when I say my grandpa had another crack at my cock, I don't mean... I mean, he had a knife.

And afterwards, Greg, afterwards, did he wrap it in a panty liner? That's why I had to wear it. Is that where they got the idea from that scene in Crocodile Dundee? That's not a foreskin. Now, is your grandfather no longer with us, Greg? No. So I'm sure he's looking down on this situation proud of you. How old were you when he had the second crack?

About 14. No, no. I don't know about that. How many grandfather rooting jokes are you going to do today? I was pretty young. Too young, if you know what I mean. Oh, no. I don't know.

I was like, you know, two months old or something. Right. So he looked down and said someone's done a terrible job. So your mum must have just been carting you around naked. I guess. I don't know, maybe I was one of those weird long johns with an open little door flap. He was just, oh, great, used to look, oh, yeah.

Maybe they just looked up on the internet, there was a lot of pictures of your hair and you topless. Yeah, yeah, probably. Because I had hair then. Well, you're a very pictures of your hair and you topless. Yeah, yeah. Probably. Because I had hair then. Right. You're a very handsome man with hair and you're still handsome. 44% of the time.

I'm so bad at math I'm going, what's 56 plus? He nailed it. Let's bring this up because we found this out about you recently, Fleety. This was something that Tony Martin told us, that he had remembered that you had forgotten until very recently that you, ages and ages ago, you opened for Peter Allen. Yes.

You were the last person to open for Peter, well, do support. Come on on Peter Allen I'm being broadcast I got a phone call This is I think this is the thing We've probably all had A similar experience

I got a phone call I was quite I've been doing comedy For about four years And someone rang me up And said Hey We're going to fly up to Sydney

And pay you like Thousands of dollars And you'll be working At the Hilton Supporting Peter Allen. Yeah, all the time. And there was a little, there was a part of my brain that went, this is the worst idea I've ever heard,

but the thousands of dollars and the Hilton and the flying to Sydney, I just went, yeah, sure. And I knew I shouldn't have done it and went up and... And how old are you at this point and how circumcised? Doubly circumcised but I was only about nine weeks old. It was a bad it was a bad choice

for support act for Pete. So were you a bad choice because you were doing exactly the same material as he was doing? Yes. I wrote a song called

How do they have someone younger than the boy from Oz? But it was I got up there and I've been doing comedy for about four years so I was doing

very weird sort of you know know, surreal mental comedy. The audience would have been in their 60s. Half the audience were old ladies and the other half were young gay men, all of whom were just like anything that is not Peter Allen is fucking the wrongest thing I've ever seen, right? They didn't hate it, they were just like, get off, where's Pete? And I'm up there going like, ah. And you don't think that's hate?

Yeah, sort of hate. But it was really awkward. Can you remember any of the kind of gear you were doing? I remember I used to do a thing about Formula One car racing where the reason they never laugh or smile when they're racing is that if you open your mouth in one of those cars going at that speed, your whole head sort of goes like, and you create a wind tunnel in the back of your own head

which slows the car down considerably. You could do that with clips or couldn't you? I can update it. I'm doing that tonight. That's weird. I would have thought a lot of Peter Allen fans were into the real one, but anyway. After the first night, they said to me,

listen, we don't, we'll still pay you. And I was like, sweet. Because it was really, it was awkward. It was like you just knew. How long did you do that first night? Can you remember? I did less than I was meant to, I think. I was meant to do like 15.

I reckon I did about 10. And I was like. It's so lonely. And then they said we'll pay you but you know we don't want to ever see you again

and I went I had the brains because I had an ex-girlfriend who lived in Sydney and I was at the Hilton in Sydney and I went

oh the thing is I've rented my apartment out for the week in Melbourne so I haven't got anywhere to stay and they went you can stay here

so I just like fucking mini bar hey come on see ya and stay here. So I was like, fucking mini bar. Hey, come on, see you. And she came around and I was so in love with her and we'd never consummated our relationship and I got so drunk. We had sex and I woke up and she was gone. And I finally tracked her down.

She was really upset and she said, you fell asleep on top of me. And I had to go. And I was so in love with her and I completely fucked it. No, I mean, I didn't. I wish I had.

I'm impressed in that whole story you said consummated our relationship. I know. Like you're in fucking Oprah or something. When you're working

with Pete Allen you don't go swearing. None of that gear that Pete Allen's. I just love the idea that your ex-girlfriend has gone, look, you can keep the money

but don't come back. But also, that was the last time, pretty much, if you ever sack or replace me from a tour, you will get a fatal disease. That's all I'm saying, because Peter Allen, very soon after that, was diagnosed with the AIDS virus, and it was not a very good ending for Peter. I'm not belittling the man,

I'm just saying keep that in mind. Is there any chance that a newspaper could pick bits of this conversation out and put them on the front page? No, we've tried. Don't worry. Everyone's kind of looking back at the Tatyana story with great fondness.

Remember those happy innocent days of Tadiyama? Those were our salad days. Do the wrap around the penis thing again. So who were you replaced with? Who did they replace you with? Like a young dynamic juggler or something. Something that just was not me. Like just a bit visual, a bit quick.

Get it on, get it off. Pete, oh, Pete. I don't know the words of any of his songs. Tenderfield, sadly, is a great song. It is a good song. He's a great writer. Yeah, any fans of Pete Allen out there, thank you. And you know what?

I will say this. It's a beautiful song. I will say this. I did meet beautiful song. I will say this. I met, I did meet Peter Allen and he was fucking awesome. He was such a cool cat and such a nice guy. You know, I didn't know, he had such a bizarre life. In your opinion, is he straight? Homosexual, brackets gay.

Well, you know what? Me and him have both been married once, so. Oh. Yeah. What's your been married once. Have you ever had Fleety support you? No, I've had Fleety I've had Fleety about. Apparently all I'll say on the gay

straight thing with Peter is he would sometimes he would see a man and go mmm that's all I'm saying but he was awesome

and yeah he was a great writer and stuff and yeah he could dance I mean he never got the role of Wolverine that he really wanted but shit happens Cal have you had any Have you had any experiences like that Early days

Where you were just like Out of your depth in anything Oh I did a I did a gig in London A few years ago And it was on a boat It was like One of those boats

That's permanently moored Just to the side Like why not just be in a building You're in a You're in a You're in a boat And so There was. There was

a bunch of English comedians and an American guy that lived there forever. Everyone seemed to know this American guy who I didn't know. My gig went okay. It wasn't great. A couple of others died. A couple did quite well. This American guy took a shine against me. That's not a phrase. He went around

and was like, great gig, great gig, great gig, great gig. He got to me and he went, good luck with your career. I was like, I'm just going to jump in the water. Yeah, that's why they haven't turned into a building, to give you the option of doing that when you get ripped real hard. Oh, man. We were talking to you before. You've just discovered now, this is like the longest anyone's taken to get into it. You're into Pokemon Go now. This is like the longest anyone's taken to get into it. You're into Pokemon Go now. I like to

do things after everyone else has finished doing them. I'm like a regional cinema. Like once you finish that, it's because I've got a seven year old kid and he's just discovered it and so I've let him play it on my phone and he's not with me in Adelaide but I'm still catching Pokemon for him because it's the only

way. Are they still out there? Can you go around and get them from... They haven't gone extinct. It's weird though because when we started playing it, because he was really into it, and we started playing it, and so we are sitting on the end of my bed and all these Pokemon start spawning in my bedroom and I was like, ooh, we've got cockroaches.

Like it seems like a dirty kind of infestation of things. What do they mean they start spawning? What do they do? It's like Tinder for Pokemon. So, like, you're just trying to catch Pokemon, but you're like, I'll show you on the phone later today. This is the elderly-est conversation.

But, you know, it's weird, because I didn't have it for very long, but I was at a comedy gig one night, and these two guys who are the comics were picking up their phones and were taking photos. I thought they were taking photos of me. When the pictures come out, there's like a Pokemon on my shoulder. They actually can show. It's weird.

It was like six months ago, but it feels like it was 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you delete the app, Fleety, when you found out you couldn't get anything for the Pokemon at Cash Converse? A Pikachu, 50 bucks. Yeah, yeah. Were you already seeing monsters on people's shoulders?

Well, it's weird because all the ones they took of me, they were all monkeys. What would be really great though would be a remake of The Sixth Sense, but what he's seeing is Pokemon and other dead people. Like, I see Pikachu. How could that be? What's Adelaide's Pokemon game like?

They've got good ones over here? They've got a lot of good Pokemon here, but they run away. They do a lot of running away. They don't turn up to podcasts. How do you chase them? Do you chase them? No, you just have to walk near them. The funniest thing is they've got Pokeballs and Great Balls and Ultra Balls that you can

catch them with, right? My son was running around the house the other day going, I've got two great balls. And I was like, you sound just like your dad. You need to get Fleety's grandpa in to have a look at that. He did have four, but he got rid of two. Yeah, his grandfather. You've got that story about

when you were doing very early days it was like a bit of your material yeah tell me you were on a TV show

and there was someone someone who just gave you a really shit intro said you were a bit crap it was like a footy player it was like hey hey or something like that

you were on Dave was actually literally regressing like he'd see him and be like oh it was Billy Brownless Billy be like oh I blocked it out Billy Brownless

oh I vaguely remember something about that but we're gonna you're gonna have to get one of those hypnotists out there how good would it be if we'd forgotten

about the time we were on TV and got a bad intro yeah so many times my worst experience on I haven't said this

for a long time but I did in Melbourne tonight. It was back in the mid-90s. Frankie J. Holden. Frankie J. Holden. I think it went around the nation, whatever. I did a joke at the time where I didn't have a girlfriend.

I said, but to make myself feel better, I'd go into 7-Elevens and say, have you got any tampons? So they thought I had a girlfriend. This was the joke? That was the joke. Yes. I remember the story as well. Yeah.

So I thought I've got to, you know, and then ha ha ha, got to laugh, anyway, whatever. I did it with more energy back in the fucking 90s. But on that show I didn't get to laugh at all and I walked up thinking, why did that one go wrong? And then the producer had my script

and she said, you said that last joke differently. I said, what did I say? Apparently I said I go into 7-Elevens and say, have you got any tampons? So they thought I had a boyfriend. That's why 56% of people make up. That's where it all began. Yeah.

Frankie J Holden's editing your VIPFAQ.com page. My mum rang me up and said, it's okay if you go. It is, mum. But I've just fucked a joke up, you know. Shit happens. What was it? I heard a story about you doing an outside broadcast for radio where you went to a hospital after maybe...

Yeah, that was that. Yeah, that was awkward. After some, like, bushfires maybe? Yeah. The way you said, yeah, this is going to be a hurtful story. I've got to get this book out soon before I know what's going on. What was it that was awkward as fuck? I can't remember.

What happened? This is what I heard. It was a bushfire sort of fundraiser or whatever it was. You were doing the show from the bushfire in the hospital. All the victims were there and whatever, and it's to pump up their spirits, and everyone's like, oh, great, Husey's here, blah, blah. These two people come up, and you're like, oh, good on you guys.'s here, blah, blah. These two people come up and you're like,

oh, good on you guys, you know, you got through the bushfire, good on you for getting... Bandages all over them, yeah, yeah. For getting through it and then the guy just goes, nah, I'm just here because I shot my girlfriend. No, that's not exactly correct. He stabbed her. Yeah.

Yeah. So it was an awkward moment, yeah. You're remembering this Having come up in conversation It was on this podcast Like a month ago Was it? You dumb old man

Oh And you've told it Go back and listen To the Scott Doolittle Emo episode All the details are wrong I don't listen But was I on that one?

No Oh We just talk about you When you're not around Fucking Now I'm relieved. Well, hey, we better wrap this episode up here. Hey. Yeah?

Okay. Okay, we've got another one of these to do. Greg Fleet, Dave Hughes, Cal Wilson, thanks so much for joining us. Thanks, guys. Thanks for having us. You guys have all got, for the listeners at home, you guys have all got shows happening at all the festivals around the country. Go check them all out.

Greg Fleet in We Are Idiots? Yes. Yep. You've got to use the microphone. You're an idiot. And you can hear me tell a little story about my troop tour of Syria in that show. And you'll all know that I never went there. Dave Hughes, Deluded?

Deluded, yes, around the nation. Going to Brisbane next. Yep, absolutely. Great. Check that out, Cal Wilson. Things I've never said. That's right. And things I've never said either.

Not just things Tommy Desolo has never said. Great, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next.