The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 336 - Live! Dave Callan, Anne Edmonds & Eddie Ifft

Episode Date: March 14, 2017

Replying All, Being Scottish and The Origins Of Milan. Recorded LIVE in Adelaide at the Rhino Room on March 3, 2017.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, the second of our live episodes recorded in Adelaide with guests Anne Edmonds, Dave Callan and Eddie Ift. And this episode is brought to you by a very special, mysterious benefactor, Tom Ballard. Why is that mysterious if you just said who it was? And he couldn't be less mysterious, he lives with you. I don't know, it was theatre of the mind, I was kind of trying to sizzle it up a little bit. What's the opposite of mysterious? Visible. Visible.

The visible benefactor Tom Ballard. The very obvious. Well, I guess I was saying mysterious because at this point people don't know in what capacity he's sponsoring it. Right. He could just be giving us money out of the goodness of his heart. But he's not. His management are chipping into the advertising budget to give us

money to fill some bums on seats in that show I thought he was going to be the new sponsor just because like this morning you run out of fucking Nutri-Grain

and he gave you some it's like fuck I'll pay you back I'll give you an ad nope quite the opposite so yeah so you gave him Nutri-Grain

because that's the opposite yeah he ate a bunch of my food the other day did he? yeah what did he eat? I cooked a risotto it was I said to him

you can finish it. I sort of said that thinking that he maybe wouldn't take me up on it. Right. Because I wanted it all for myself. Right. Then wouldn't you know it, I get home, guess what's no longer in that little Tupperware container. What a great ad this has started off as. Go see Tom Ballard's show so he can afford to buy his own fucking risotto.

Here's what else is good. We know Tom is a long time supporter of of this show, listens every week. Yes. I don't know that he knows that this is happening. Oh, great. So this will be a fun surprise for him when he tunes in this week. That's the mysterious bit. Yes.

Yeah, right. No, yeah, mysterious benefactor for him. Yeah. It's a mystery to him, not to anyone else. Yes. So Tom Ballard's show, Problematic, is happening at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival this year. I happened to see a little preview of it the other night, and I enjoyed it very much.

I've loved Tom Stanup for a long time, and I personally think that this is the best thing he's ever done. Wow. What do you think about that, Carl? Whoa, that's a big call. I do like his, you know- Well, it's the second best thing he's done after wearing the Dum Dum T-shirt on the Gala last year.

Oh, this is better than that. No, no, second best thing he's ever done. Right, right, right. Okay Oh, this is better than that. No, no, second best thing he's ever done. Okay, okay. I agree with that. We do see him around the traps warming up and trying new, and he has been doing extremely well. And you know what?

I'm a big fan of graphic design, as you know, with that in my background. And I do like his poster this year. Yeah. So get on the social medias and check that out. He got in trouble for that. Did he? Why? Well, go see the show and find out. Oh, okay.

Now this is an ad. Wow. All out. He got in trouble for that. Did he? Why? Well, go see the show and find out. Oh, okay. Now, this is an ad. Wow. All right. Now I'm buying a ticket. So it's happening from Thursday, March 30th to Sunday, April the 23rd at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, 7pm in the Melbourne Town Hall. You can get tickets from comedy.com.au. And I presume he's touring around?

Yeah, he's touring around as well. He's in Brisbane the week after we're there. And yeah, I think that's pretty much it for him. But the main focus of this is the comedy festival. And you can also go see his comedy lecture about refugees called Boundless Planes to Share at the Comedy Theatre on Saturday, April the 22nd. Again, tickets from that, comedy.com.au.

And who doesn't love a good lecture, hey? It's a word up there with homework. Oh, I love it. That's not bad. So do you reckon that's what he's going to do next year? Comedy homework? No, comedy detention. Comedy detention.

Not bad. Putting the detention in detention centre. That's good. So you do your gig and then if people don't laugh hard enough, you make them stay back for an extra half hour. The opposite of an encore. Yes. If you go really bad and no one asks for any more, it's detention.

Yes. Lock the doors. Here's 30 minutes of stuff that I cut out of the show because I thought it wasn't good enough. That is awesome. That's really good. Instead of an encore, if you eat a shit for an hour, you just go, lock the doors, Annie. We're going to punish these assholes.

Who's Annie? I don't know. The door person. Is that the door person you're getting to work at European Beer Cafe that you're running? Sure. Sure. Yeah, an anti-court. That's good.

Yeah. Well, fuck, we've got to start doing that at our gigs. That's so great. Hey, if I ever had a bad show, maybe I'd fucking be, yeah. So, yeah, Tom Ballard. Go check him out. Comedy.com.au. Always an excellent night out at the Comedy Festival.

Yeah, and also a great friend of the show. And what we'd love for you guys to do is support the friends of the show who support us, who come on and he's been a great one. Man, that fucking t-shirt on the gala that time. So good. It's funny, I just went on that comedy.com.au website to check the details

and the little embedded video there, the little thumbnail, there it is. Our logo right on that sweet, supple little chest of his. Man, that made us a million dollars. I do like during the Comedy Festival when listeners of this show will go out and see friends of the show and then there'll always be a point, you know, most nights we'll be at whatever bar, like having a drink after the shows. There's always a couple of, you know, regulars on the show who come up and go, yeah, a couple

of your listeners in my show tonight. A few I'm aware shirts up the front row. Almost this begrudging like, as if there's a stench wafting off them that's distracting to the performance or something. You know what? I thought about it the other day. Like, we do get a lot of listeners, a lot of friends of the show, some people who have been on the show, that do come back and go,

had your listeners in, saw the Aware shirt, saw this shirt, whatever, and you get a lot of that. And then I thought, you know why? I mean, apart from the fact, you know, that our listeners are great and all that sort of stuff. Because they own a shirt and it's illegal to go out in the street in the nude. It is very visible. You think of how many comedy shirts can you buy out there? Yeah.

It's not like music. We're sort of dominating, especially podcasts, dominating the comedy shirt market. You don't buy a Dave Hughes shirt, do you? I've seen it done in the past. I remember Arj and Danny Boy used to have T-shirts. There are some out there, but it's rare. Yeah, it's rare. I'm going to put it out there.

I reckon we sell more shirts than Arj Barker. Yeah. Or T-shirts. Wow. Yeah. Well, I mean, present day short. Especially since he probably doesn't have any for sale at the moment. But until then. Well, speaking of shirts, should we sure. Especially since he probably doesn't have any for sale at the moment. But until then.

Well, speaking of shirts, should we jump ahead a little bit? Okay. Or do you want to save this for the end? Well, no, let's save it. Let's save it. Okay, sure. Let's go chronological. Yeah.

Comedy.com.au. Go check out Tom Ballard at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Brisbane this weekend, if you're listening to this hot off the presses, we are going to be there doing two live episodes back to back. They are sold out. But hey, you know what? Some people sometimes on the day of the gig, disaster strikes. Someone gets

gastro, their dad dies. Someone looks at the tickets they've got in their hand, kills themselves. Someone looks at the tickets and just remembering that they're going to this gives them gastro. So yeah, look, there's always Someone has gastro, wipes their ass with the tickets, rendering them

unable to come. Yes. So yeah, look, there's always – Someone has gastro wipes their ass with the tickets, rendering them – Unable to come. Yes. So, yeah, that is happening this Saturday at the Hayabar, March 18th. Look, if you haven't got a ticket and you're looking to come, maybe, maybe we might be able to squeeze you in, although we kind of have already sold it, so who knows. But, yeah, look, have a crack.

Yeah, look, we'll do our best. We don't get our jollies from knocking people back. So rock up if we can squeeze more in without, you know, really pissing off all the people who bought tickets in advance. Yes, yes. Totally. But come and have a look and we will do our absolute best. Yep.

So then we head into a month. An awesome special guest confirmed already. Yeah, these are going to be great. These are going to be really great. Yeah. So then we move on to our month of shows on Sundays in April at the European Beer Cafe. In Melbourne.

In Melbourne, yes. 3 p.m., huge guests. If you've been to a month of these shows before, you know the score. April 2nd, April 9th, April 16th, April 23rd. We sold out of our season passes. We are now close to selling out of some of these shows. They are selling extremely well. It's just thank you so much for everyone who's bought tickets in the past

and this year. It is just upwards and upwards for us in terms of ticket sales. In terms of our cocks. Yeah. Thank you very much, everyone. So four shows. You know these. In my opinion, these are the highlight of the year.

Yes. We should say We just locked in something For the very first week of these That is very exciting Yes That is something That's kind of

Not like Something different To what we've ever done On one of these live shows before And I think people Are really Really going to enjoy it Very exciting

I am very much Looking forward to it Yeah It's going to be great It's a very Great and funny And something that I cannot believe is a part of my life that that's even on the table

as a thing that can happen. So that's going to be cool. Something that almost legitimises this podcast. Definitely, yeah. So April the 2nd, if you want to see what that is, yeah, it's going to be cool. It's going to be really cool. So four of those and, of course, the drunk cast.

I'll give you a hint. Paul Ford. No, don't get us in trouble. Don't get us in trouble. Don't get us in trouble. All right? Now, this is what I think about the Paul Foot thing. I think he's great. Same.

And everyone else, like, not everyone else, but a lot of people make that joke, and I feel like I don't want to get back to him, but it's the listeners that fucking, you know, have that attitude. We don't. I think he's great. We went to town on people on the week that we put that episode up. Yeah.

I remember we were very no holds barred. Yes. A lot of telling people to go fuck themselves on the Facebook thread that day. Yeah. It was a little bit of – what's a food that's – it's like licorice or something like that where 10% of people really love it and a lot of people really didn't like it. It was like that very quiet taste sort of thing. I thought Paul was great. I personally thought Michaelael hing fucked the episode oh man oh you know

that's that's the thing i can't believe that more people don't complain about him fucking hell i can't believe we ever had him on again oh that was very funny i remember his performance makes me want to go racist i remember that's what i i remember like the hour before like, oh, you were like, we need a second guest. I'm like, I don't reckon we'll need a second guest. It's like, oh, just in case there's gaps if we don't have anything, let's just get someone else. It just makes it easier. Paul Hing comes in at the last minute.

I think says about three things across the whole episode. And perfect. Now we have someone to blame. Excellent decision. So anyway, disregard all of that. Yes. Yes. blame. Excellent decision. So anyway, disregard all of that. Yes, a month of shows at the

April Monday afternoons 16, 23. European Beer Cafe. And of course on the 23rd, that is the last night of our shows, the fourth night. Oh no, it's the next night, isn't it? Oh fuck, I'm fucking up now.

You work it out. No, I got it. So it's a next night, isn't it? Oh, no, no. It's the same. Oh, fuck. I'm fucking up now. You work it out. No, no, no. I got it. I got it. So it's a Sunday. So then we do the live podcast at 3 o'clock. Then, of course, a couple of, a few hours, a bunch of hours later, we do the drunk cast night, very last night. Yes. At 11 p.m. at the European Beer Cafe.

Now, the rules are, and they're changing as the years go on, but the people who bought season passes are the people that get let in first, so there's a heap of them. And then for every other person, if you hold a ticket, you're in the lottery. You're in the lottery. If you get there early enough, if you line up, it's first in best dressed who we can fit in.

So, you know, do that. Grab a ticket. You're in the lottery. You're a good chance. As long as you turn up early, you're a massive chance. You know what's going to be nice this year? Our shows are both very early on Sunday. So we're going to have a few hours in between our gigs

and then going to set up the drunk cast instead of like most other years where we've both run from our final show to the drunk cast. And there's like 100 people there already and we're going, can we get in? Yeah, exactly. So going on to that, Tommy, of course, we are doing solo shows within the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'm doing my show, Carl Chandler, World's Best Comedian in the World.

No, you're not. Is it? World's Best Comedian in the World. Yeah, that's it. Okay, maybe that is it. I've just heard you say it so many different ways on this podcast that now I've forgotten what the real one actually is. No, I've actually finally nailed it.

Okay, right. I've finally got it. And so that is on, of course, that's on every Sunday immediately following our live podcast. Yeah. But of course it's on, so the live podcast is at 3 o'clock. Mine's at 4.15. Then yours is on just straight after mine. And that's on the Sunday.

Heaps of people already making a big day of that as well. Oh, man, those Sundays are selling the best. Yeah. A lot of people don't give a fuck about seeing us on Mondays or wednesdays yep sunday oh boy a damn shame in my opinion so those will sell out those sunday ones so if you want to go to the sunday ones get on that the first ones are going to sell out yeah um but uh apart from that uh every weekday in those two weeks what are the dates it's april 9th till the April... 9th till the 23rd. 9th till the 23rd. Yep. Every day, no days off. So go along.

My show is on 8.15 on all those other days and then immediately followed by your show. 9.30, dinner for two. Yep. So you can see both of us back to back, which is awesome. Awesome news. Very convenient for you guys.

So if you want to see it on Sunday straight after the podcast or just on any other day, we are back to back so you can do the big dum-dum double um stick around i will say i do slightly wish that the order of our shows was the other way around in what way given that a lot of people are going to come to both on the same night and i just feel like the fucking raucous energy that you create at the end of your fucking ringling Brothers comedy circus is not conducive to then having to start a show at zero and try and build it up over an hour. I don't know.

Hey, guys, come and see the monster trucks and then see Romeo and Juliet. Exactly, yeah. Exactly. I definitely think in the past it's worked better when it's been the other way around. Yeah. No, you're right, but suck eggs.

Yeah. Look, don't come along And see Carl I mean they are back to back And you can come on the same night They're different things They're different events There's a break in between

So don't carry over that energy And think you can carry on In my gig The way you've been Carrying on in his I never thought of that It's like It's like the insane

It's the first thing I thought of Right It's like the insane Clown posse Opening for Celine Dion Of course you didn't think of it You don't have to fucking deal with it

You won't even be in the venue You won't even see my show Aren't everyone's shows like mine? Isn't this comedy now? Isn't this the new landscape? I changed comedy Forever Okay so

Tickets for all that stuff littledumbdumbclub.com we also have the roast of Dilruk Jai Singer on Good Friday April the 14th Great Friday at the European Beer Cafe

once again that is selling that will sell out before we get to it so totally it is sold out we had it in the basement

it's sold out of the basement we've got it in the big room now it is you know it's getting close to selling out of the big room I have absolutely no doubt it will sell out yeah uh so get along to that that have and of course oh it's like the normal no it's not it is there's going to be prepared roasting

material there's going to be a lot of people riding proper roast format structured yeah it'll be a bit more of a it'll be like it's it's going to be like a gig almost like a show show yeah yeah yeah it's it's you know oh man again really looking forward to it i love my life these days it's great it's doing all the stuff i really like doing it's really good sure what's to hate yeah yeah um so that's going to be excellent uh lots of special guests have put their hands up to be part of that and roast roast all of us yeah so that's going to be heaps of fun so that's that's uh that's all for melbourne that's all the information that's you know it's pretty funny that we've called it heaps of fun. So that's all for Melbourne. That's all the information. That's, you know, Melbourne.

It's pretty funny that we've called it the roast of Dilruk Jai Singha. Why? Because it's sort of like, you know, the word roast meaning like to make fun of. But also, I mean, who else is there that would enjoy a good roast? Tommy? Like the food. What do you mean? Like a roast, like a pork shoulder or something.

Because he's fat and he likes food. Oh. Do you get it? Like the double meaning of the word. I'm surprised no listeners have pointed that out yet. That's a good one. That's very good. I like that.

So also looking ahead after that month of April, we then go back. We go interstate. We go what? We then go away and we dream it all up again. And then we come back and we chop down the Joshua Tree and we head over to Koh Samui to the International Podcast Festival. Finally. Finally.

All the Koh Samui listeners have demanded it for years and we're like, we never knew if we had enough numbers to go there. But now we've figured out, yes, we do. If we bring them with us, we might just be able to half fill this thing. Yeah. So big news this week, many more people booking in to come along with us, which is awesome. May the 31st to June 5th at the Ozo Chawang Samui Hotel Resort.

Go and check it out. Go to their website, check it out. It is a beautiful, beautiful resort. And the people there are lovely. They are very lovely to deal with and they're very much looking forward to us being there. Yeah. Go on the website, book in for those dates using the password podcast to get a discount

that is so good it would make the tucker bag shit its pants. Wow. Jesus. So check it out. A lot of people have been sending us their receipts to show us what they spent on it. Yeah, like we're fucking their accountant or something. No, but that's good. You just say you're coming.

No, that's good. I like that. And they show us – a lot of people have been doing that thing. We've talked about it where you kind of think, I'll just get the – deep anal. I'll just get the cheapest room. The cheapest room. But you don't need to get the cheapest room because all the rooms are so cheap

that you're paying like a normal price and you're getting the deluxe honeymoon suite. Yeah. So a lot of people are getting beach views, pool views for the price of, you know, the shittiest hotel room. Again, we need to, I think we need to make sure that, you know, that the Ozo are keeping a couple of, like a couple of good rooms for us. I know. Because we're all of a sudden going to end up.

I know. We've got to make some inquiries to see if we're not in the fucking boiler room. Oh, cool. I'm in the pool house. It should be fun. Yeah. You can, if we chuck a Lilo on that pool, you can sleep there, yeah? Is it a double? Here's a big net. If you just clean that out

every couple of hours, we'll pay you to be here. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's not bad. Make some sweet bart over there. So, we need to announce this. We put this up on social media during the week. We have not said this on an episode yet, but we now have official merch for the Koh Samui International Podcast

Festival, which if you would like to help us bring more guests over, if you're coming along and you want to – like we're not charging you for the shows that we're doing over there. If you want to get one of these, that would be really awesome and really help. All the money, all the proceeds from this are going to us, like financing the trip. Yes.

It's not a profit thing. It's just us trying to make this happen. So, yeah. It's not a profit thing. It's just us trying to make this happen. So, yeah. It's not a profit thing, but we are using it to go and hang out on a beach. Hey, we are working, Tommy. We are working. So, especially the people who are coming. There's plenty of you already.

If you can get a shirt, that would be great, especially to bring over there and wear when we're there. I mean, we've got the singlet. So, we've got two. We were just going to do one, and then I had a little extra idea, and we figured it was worth getting two. So we've got a T-shirt that's a little logo of the Kosa Movie Podcast Festival. It's both of us riding an elephant.

And then I decided to do a mock-up of the Bintang logo that says Dum Dum instead of Bintang. Hey, in case any lawyers are listening, he's just having a joke there. He just made up his own logo, and it's a very funny one. And let me just say, let me just clear this up because so far a lot of people have gone, that's not a Thai beer. I'm well aware. And you know what? I'm aware too.

Yeah. Who cares? Who cares? Like, if you look at the logo, it's obvious, like I've obviously seen it. I've obviously seen that it says Indonesia. All right. I'm not dumb. But who gives a fuck?

It's funny. It's more recognisable than Chang, which is the beer of Thailand, and it's more synonymous with a group of big fucked Australians abroad. So what could be more perfect? Although someone had a great idea the other day. We were having this discussion and then someone said, of course, you can't have Chang because it's not as recognisable, although you could have done Klang

oh that's good that's pretty good yeah so there's that there's the two shirts if you go to littledumbdumbclub.com they are on sale

and they the professors then go towards making all this sort of happen on top of that we've got the GoFundMe that's on there's also a link

on littledumbdumbclub.com we did a little telethon live on Facebook last week. You guys chucked in a heap. Thank you so much. We appreciate how lucky we are to have you guys listen and the people that actually listen and have a lot of fun every week listening to it and then go, you know what, this is worth chucking in your money.

Good for you. Insane. And we should say we've hit the goal that we set on the GoFundMe page because we were both a little sceptical about how much we'd be able to wring out of people, but we've hit that goal and we can keep going. It doesn't stop. It's not blocked off.

So by all means, the more we get, the more awesome guests we're going to be able to bring with us. And by the way, you said we hit the goal. It was just a short-term goal sort of thing. We actually do need a bit more to be able to fly people over so we just we just made sure it was just a gettable goal but we do need a bit more so you know if you feel like chucking in 10 bucks and whatever and of course uh people that do that we are making plenty of extra rewards while we're there we're filming stuff we're recording stuff we're going to make it worthwhile uh that people

do that we're going to bring back a heap of content. Yeah, we'll bring back some fucking over-the-counter medication from over there. Well, should we say this? What we're sort of trying to do is to raise, apart from getting enough money to bring guests over, we're trying to get enough money to bring

someone over to film it all. Yeah, we want to make a little doco short film. Yeah, film the gig. Film. We're going make like a little doco short film. Yeah. Film the gig, film. We're going to do stand-up shows and stuff over there. Film us during the day fucking around and kind of cut it into a little mini movie. Yeah, exactly. Not just the live podcast because, I mean, you can listen to that

and, you know, you don't need to watch it as much. But we're going to film the plane ride, you know, like a proper little concert footage sort of doco movie. Yeah. So we're trying to – I'm going to follow you around when you don't think you're being watched a proper little concert footage sort of doco movie yeah so um I'm gonna follow you around when you don't think you're being watched

and get to the bottom of what you really fucking do when you're over there oh man the only interviews with your second family over there

the naughtiest thing you'll find is me just having a craving and going and buying a Hershey bar at fucking 7-Eleven oh yeah

that'll be my naughty little moment walking down the Hershey highway hey well no honestly that's the bit that I don't want my girlfriend to see.

So that will be the bit I'm stressing about. She sees me, you know, balls deep in a hooker. It's like, well, whatever. But how about that fucking Cadbury board over there? So, yeah, that's going to be really cool. And then the hope is we come back and we enter it into Sundance. That kickstarts our Hollywood career. And then we never have to do this fucking show ever again

so yeah they accidentally read out our the dumb dumb movie is best picture we go fuck yeah

some Warren Beatty has to kill himself afterwards yeah and we would not be graceful about handing it

over to the real winner no no we'd get the card and just rip it up and go someone just brought up a card that said, you won again. Thanks, everyone. Thanks, Waza.

I mean, if your last name's Beattie. Yeah. See you, Bonnie and Dumb Cunt. Okay. So, yeah, all that stuff again, littledumbdumbclub.com. Now we need to get into the Patreon. Speaking of people supporting the show, the Patreon continues to grow.

Thank you so much to everyone who chips in, who can, yeah, if you can afford to do so, support the show, helps us keep this thing going. And it is very nice to see all the nice messages that people send us when they start subscribing. You get little rewards,

you get bonus episodes, you get a magazine each month. It's fair to say that, you know, apart from the magazine and the bonus episodes and all that, and the reading out of names, when we go to Samui, if you are contracted at that point, you'll be getting all the bonus stuff as well. Yes. Contracted.

Yeah. Can they sign a contract when they go onto Patreon? Sort of. We should make it like, you know, like a telephone company like Optus. So it's like, you have to sign on for a minimum of two years. And if you pull out before then, we just fucking gouge you. We just make out like bandits. Oh, please, anything.

All right, here we go. Here's the bit where we read out the names. Thank individual sponsors, little Patreoners of ours. Thank you so much for all the money you have given to us this month. Thank you to Chris Breaker. Chris Breaker. Breaker Breaker. Yeah.

I love getting money from you. So that's you in a truck. Yes. Contacting someone. Yes. While you're in a truck. Yes. Saying thanks for all the money you're giving to me.

Because people might not know this about me. We're getting a bit of money from live shows and the Patreon and stuff, but I'm still having to drive a truck as a second job. Oh, really? You're a truckie. Yeah, so any time a bit more money comes in on the Patreon, I kind of radio them to say thank you because that's one step closer to me being able to stop driving trucks. What's your handle?

Comedy. Oh, let me say this very quickly. I went to the Golden Plains Music Festival over the weekend, which is like two days camping in the middle of the bush. Big shout out to the, I think by the end it was four or five people who shouted out comedy at me as I was walking through the crowd. Great.

Yeah. Now, that is something I totally want to encourage. That's the thing. I mean, I've had it happen in the street where there's one or two other people around, but doing it when you're walking in a group and there's a lot of other people around as well leaves a lot of questions hanging in the air. So I appreciated that a lot. Thank you very much to all those people.

Great. And Chris Breaker, we have read him out before, but he's a Hall of Famer. I decided to read him out again because he chucks in a heap of coin and he is one of our international listeners. And he's from Switzerland. And? He is coming to the Koh Samui Podcast Festival. And? And?

No, that'll do. Cool. Yeah. That's awesome. That's sick. Yep. no that'll do cool yeah that's awesome that's sick yep so he's he is Chris

breaking the record of being the coolest listener ever very nice thanks Chris no for a Swiss listener there's no holes

in his devotion to our podcast he's certainly not neutral about whether he's into this podcast yeah he definitely

didn't go into war and do the right thing. Beat the Germans, so thanks for that. Thanks, Chris. Thanks, Chris. Thank you, too. Simon Fraunfelder. Are you sure you haven't gotten these two mixed up? Fraunfelder.

Fraunfelder. He's been feeling some Frauns's been feeling some Frauns. He's maybe feeling some Fraulines. Who knows? Oh, very nice. I like that. Yeah. Simon Fraunfelder.

Now, that's obviously German, surely. Is that obvious? Is it? Sure, I wouldn't know. Fraun? If you were to take a pun, I'd say, let's go for it. It's F-R-A-U-E-N. Well, look at the...

No other, no other, I'm going to say no other country on the planet spells things as fucking stupidly as that. Do you get people's – do you get any kind of look at people's – because it all comes through in American dollars, wasn't it? I was going to say you could look at his account and be like, oh, it's in Deutschmark. Yeah, no, no, no. No, it's not like – I didn't check his email address, but it's not like sfraunfelder at vw.com or fucking whatever. So I don't know. They haven't given any clues.

Hey, I wonder if we have any listeners that work at Volkswagen. Hit us up. Thanks. That's a good question. Who works for the most interesting company? We've had a couple of these come in, but we've done shout-outs like this a bit in the past and, like, never in the past. Right.

And, like, never heard anything back. Right. Okay. But, yeah, we have the emoji guy. Oh, yeah, there's the emoji dude. Yeah. But, yeah. Who else? Who else?

Is there someone that works for, like, some – especially overseas, some massive, massive company. Anybody – I don't know. What's a massive – like, someone works for Coke or someone cool, you know? Well, as you're about to hear in this episode, we had a bit of a – well, I had a bit of a snafu with emailing out stuff to the Patreon subscribers, which you'll hear all about coming up, so I don't want to spoil it. But I will say I've had an interesting week of seeing a lot of our listeners'

email signatures from their work accounts. Right, great. So I'm getting – that's giving me a bit of an insight into what the demo is, what people are doing to earn that sweet bunce that then goes into our coffers. Oh, and you're going to disclose some of that or what? I'll see how I go. Okay. All right.

Thank you to Annie Tattersall. Tattersall? Yeah. Wow. Well, I mean, fucking speaking of Tattersalls, I feel like I've just won the lottery. Yeah, yeah. Coming from the Tattersalls dynasty, I imagine.

Yeah. You know, just all the money we're getting from her is just those poor wretches just chucking their money in and never seeing their numbers come up for the whole of their life. We're getting that money now. A lot of thoughtless Christmas gifts going out there. A lot of fucked up scratchies. Who's next on the list?

Rodney Powerball? Yeah. No, Johnny Super... Johnny Dabtoe Dogs? Johnny Super 66. That used to be an old thing, didn't it? You tell me. That was a thing, wasn't it?

Super 66? Sure. Okay, it sounds right. I'm looking it up now. If it's not, it should have been. Because that's a thing that I literally haven't thought of for about 20 years. Surely that's – I've got to Google that and make sure that's a thing. Yeah, Super 66.

That was a thing. Maybe it's still a thing. It's literally coming up on the Tattersall's website. They used to read it out. It is. Super 66. I mean, of course, we would rather it be a lottery for two, if you know what I mean.

That's great. Let's start up our own lottery called Super 69. And what's the prize? Well, the prize is not only a mouthful of something, but also a... Life could be a dream. Life could be a dream. Life could be a cream. Thanks, Annie Tattersall.

I hope you're happy with that. Thanks, Annie. Thanks, Annie. All right, let's do one more. One more. All right, let's do one more. One more. All right, good call.

We'll do one more. All right, here we go. All right. Okay. All right. Yep. Okay. We've got this one more. All right, let's do one more. One more. All right, good call. We'll do one more. All right, here we go. All right. Okay. All right. Yep, okay. We've got this one more. Comparatively, you know what?

I don't know if anyone's picked this up, but usually we get to the fifth or last one, and the first name's usually a bit unusual. I always just... You know, it's a random name generator, the thing I've got in my computer here that just brings up the Patreon names, and quite often we've got a silly first name.

Not silly. I don't want to be culturally insensitive. But to our ears. Something that, yeah, sounds weird in our ears. Yeah, in our ears. So, not silly. Sorry to all the people called I'm out there. I'm bagging from weeks gone by.

But this is a comparatively normal name. I've known many people with this name. But that's what's good about this is this podcast is kind of making you more culturally and globally aware. If it wasn't for this, you probably – early on you were like, this is silly, these name sounds, but you're learning and you're kind of broadening your horizons and going, no, there's people with all sorts of names out there.

There's a whole family out there with the surname My Tiny Dick Off. Yeah, exactly. It used to sound silly to you, but now you're aware that it's not. It's a real person with that name. Yeah. All right. So thank you to Eddie this week. Eddie.

Last name Com. Eddie Com. Thanks to Eddie. Eddie Com. Eddie Com. to Eddie Eddie Com Eddie Com Yeah Yeah so So you know

I mean Let's say that we're at school now And we're the school teachers Yeah And we'd be reading out the roll call maybe And we'd be thanking who's Who's given money to us in the roll call What do you think we would

Would we be saying? I just got it So what would we be saying? So we're going by surname last Yeah it was like roll call You know when people would go Daslo, Tommy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. No one did that at school for me.

Oh, well, Alsop, Tommy. Yes. So you'd be saying, instead of saying, thanks, thanks Alsop, Tommy. Yeah. Or thanks Chandler, Carl. What would you be saying with this one, do you think? Sorry, remind me of the name again. His name is Eddie Com.

Eddie Com. Yeah. Com Eddie. Thanks. Comedy. I can't believe it took me so long to get to that one. I can't believe it took me so long to work out what the fuck you were doing. When you said Eddie Com, I was like, oh, no, his brain's broken.

He thinks that's something. He thinks that's funny. That's like a website, eddie.com. Yeah, I was like, what's the – Edinburgh Comedy? What the fuck is he getting at? Thanks, Eddie. Thanks, Eddie. Great.

So all that stuff, the Koh Samui Podcast Festival, the month of shows in April Our comedy festival solo shows Brisbane this Saturday All of this information LittleDumbDumbClub.com Make it your homepage Yes

Don't even need us to read this stuff out You just look that every morning We're on the socials At Dumb Dumb Club on Twitter and Instagram What are we on Instagram? Are we at Dumb Dumb Club or at Little Dumb Dumb Club? No we're Little Dumb Dumb Club on Instagram We are at Dumb Dumb Club on Twitter And just Club? No, we're Little Dum Dum Club on Instagram.

We are at Dum Dum Club on Twitter. And just look us up as Little Dum Dum Club on Facebook. That is the easiest way to keep in touch with all the stuff as it's breaking before the episodes come out. Guys, enjoy this episode live from Adelaide with Anne Edmonds, Dave Cowan and Eddie Ift. Hey, mates! Welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week live from Adelaide. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Patsalo.

My name are Borat. And standing next to me, the other half of the show, my wife, Carl Chandler. Yes, she may. Now, look, we're in Adelaide. I know we've already talked last week. People at home are going, where are these cunts coming home? Do they live there now?

We complain about people, you know, not turning up and, you know, finally people to turn up. Have we had a lot of people leave in the break? It feels like... It seems like there's a lot of holes in the crowd. People saw the first step and went, yeah, fuck that. We'll go home now. Is anyone here with someone who made it clear that they were going to leave in the break? Anyone?

Anyone see anyone spew in the break? Are there any... Do we have a term for them? Podcast widows? Is there anyone who's like brought along a partner who doesn't listen? Yeah? They've gone. Have they gone? They've gone. What was the deal? A lot of communication going on in this relationship.

You're shrugging like you don't know. You know. Dave, you here? Dave. No, that's, what, is here? Dave. No, that's... Is your partner Dave Hughes? Because he was... He was on last week's episode. So just so everyone at home knows,

we did double episode recording, so we had a little break. We've come back. People have walked out. I thought that was a good one. Yes, I know. I thought that was a good ep. So what do you want?

So where's your husband Dave? He's not your husband now. He walked out on us and you. Has he actually gone home? You don't know. Wow, this sounds serious. People give me shit about my relationship. You don't...

Do we need to get Crimestoppers onto this? This sounds... They're being so mysterious. Yeah. This is some fucking Azaria Chamberlain bullshit. This is... Too soon? Too soon?

Fuck off. Well, the city that brought you Snowtown, a little touchy about fucking... Oh, you wanted me to reference that instead. The local pride came out. That kid goes off in Darwin, but anyway. Do you reckon... I wish more of you had left.

Hey, is anyone out of interest? Is anyone here on our Patreon? Do we have any Patreon subscribers in the crowd? A couple of you, yeah. Oh, a few groans, thanks. Well, so this happened during the week. We sent out our bonus episode. I was in charge of emailing that out.

My phone won't shut up. Look, what? My phone won't shut up. Well, don't jump ahead. So I've accidentally, I haven't BCC'd everyone. I've accidentally put every, so now everyone's emails are out there. People can reply. I noticed I'd done it and I was like, fuck, I just hope there's going to be a degree of decorum

here that no one... And to be honest, like, you fucked it bad. Yeah. There was included in the emails. Well, no, no. So let me set that up because friend slash big fat scab of the show Dilruk Jai Singer always hits me up after we've sent the bonus ep out and goes, oh, can you send it to me?

In case we mention you. Yeah, yeah. And so this month for like the first time, this is the first time I've ever remembered to do this. I'm like, fuck it, I'll just put him in. I'll put him in with all the emails so I don't, I've remembered this. I'm so proud of myself. Ah, fuck, now everyone who's on Patreon has Dil's email, right?

So, first email. DilrukJai at gmail.com Feels good, right? Feels goodJ at gmail.com Feels good, right? Feels good to give someone, now you see why I did it. So, first email Can we make that into the new joke instead of 0438? DilrukJ at So the first person to hit reply or the first brave soul to dare was a guy called Damien.

Cheers for deals email. And then someone going, what happens when I hit reply all? Hi fellow Patreoners. And then someone's going, ah cool, which one of you guys is Jack my tiny dick off? Drew's come in with, thanks to I'm, first name I'm, second name a dickhead for including every email address. And he's come in with, if your last name's a dickhead for including every email address, don't call your kid I'm.

Then we've got, Matt goes, fuck, that's so poor of you, Carl, to give out someone's personal contact details to everyone. Anyone know a number I can ring to complain? This will be in next week's Confidential. More controversial than Shortsgate. Peter gets straight to the point. How do I block all you cunts? Fuck, I've asked that question for about four years now.

Josh wanted to know what was the number for tech support again? 0438 something. Someone said, now we can annoy Carl through the most annoying email chain ever. Got him. Someone said, this one's got all sop written all over it. Then there was a reply to that. This one's got dumb cunt written all over it. So it could be either of them.

I like this one. Ben's just come in with, you fucking idiots. Just resign to it. I like this one Ben's just come in with you fucking idiots just just resign to it just first thing I like that this they're all replying

via the source that you know it originally erupted in I was getting the text messages as well it wasn't even a reply at all it was like hunting out my number to complain about

yeah Jay first the Oscars now this what's going on and then and then it went and then the thread went

oh by the way it's currently the email thread is 71 messages long. So it went silent for a couple of days and then yesterday Ben decided to kick it off again. So how are we all? Josh said, look we've all got stuff going on mate.

Someone said, has anyone watched those Thailand live streams yet? And then someone went riffing. And then someone else went replying. And that's where it currently stands. So I feel like it's... At first I was like, boy, I'll fuck this. I feel like this is a pretty good ad for the Patreon now.

But in that as well, am I right in saying that Senator Sam Dastyari's email is in there as well, am I right in saying that Senator Sam Dastyari's email is in there as well? Oh! Is it? Did anyone go looking? The Russians are going to hack his email account and go, what a dumb cunt.

I think he's already had his brain hacked by the way he's behaving in the Senate reading our shit out. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. He did read our shit out in the Senate, which is whatever that Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. He did read us out in the Senate, which is whatever that is. But, fuck, he is... We've got to get him back on the show because he's... How's he going? Well, he's back in a big way.

He's done it again. What did he want us to do the other day? We just get all these... We just get these weird text messages from him. Like, what was his latest one? Like, he wanted us to get our listeners to help him come up with a name for his book.

So he texts us to say that and we're like you know what our listeners are like, don't you? So of course everyone on Facebook is like, yeah, fucking one of the Chinese, name it for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also like that he's like, what have I done? I've been on a podcast, I've eaten a halal snack pack

and I borrowed money from some Chinese. There's the great Australian novel in this. Yeah, yeah. Should we edit this out? I think it's fine. It's all right. All right, good. He knew what we were like when he got together with us, right?

This is his fault. We do love him. He's awesome. He gives us money. Yeah. So, no, he's a Patreon subscriber. Yeah, totally. Yeah, so, I mean, he gives it to us in, I was going to say yen, but that's wrong. He gives us money. He's a Patreon subscriber. Totally.

He gives it to us in... I was going to say yen, but that's wrong. The sequel to What's the Senate? What's Asia? What is Chinese currency? Yuan. Yuan. Yuan. Yuan.

Yuan. But what am I? Goodbye comedy. I quit everyone. Yuan. How's Yuan spelt? Y-U-A-N. It seems like a trick. Again, how do you think that free lecture about the Middle East is going right now? What currency do they use over there? Anyone know? That guy definitely isn't here, is he? We've been through this No, but he was saying possibly he was going to go to that one instead of here Look, I dare say if he was earlier, he's definitely not now Fuck

He gone What a fucking piece of shit Is there anyone else who's been dragged along here by a partner who doesn't know the show? if he was earlier he's definitely not now. Fuck. He gone. What a fucking piece of shit. Is there anyone else who's been dragged along here by a partner who doesn't know the show? Yeah? You've dragged someone

or you have been dragged? You've been dragged and what do you think? You know. The reviews are in. Literally one of the better reviews we've had. A triumph says no one. Yeah.

Man, I just discovered the world of iTunes reviews. We've got some fucking brutal ones on there. Oh, do we really? I haven't looked at them for ages. I haven't looked at it for like four years, and I looked the other day, and there was like a heap of good ones, but the last two were just like

what the fuck is this shit? They bang on and try and sell stuff at the start for way too long. I can't really fault anything they've said in that. That's just a description. I think that's our bio at this point. But that's great because it used to be you'd never get a bad review on there because you either listen every week

and you love it so you leave a good review or you just don't. You've tried it for 10 seconds and you just don't like it so you don't listen anymore. So there's now people people hate listening to this. I reckon there are like competing podcasts that are trying to drag us down. Oh, you reckon?

I mean that one was by Bill Anderson. Bill with one L Yeah, cool. Good for him to get a shout out Thanks Bill Should we get our first guest out here? Yeah You got anything else knocking around in the little noggin?

I wonder if all of our guests have turned up, but anyway. I know two of them are here. Okay, well, that's good. Should we bring out our first guest? Yeah, let's get her out here. Folks, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Anne Edmonds! G'day. Hello.

How are you? The people love Edo Oh yeah, I'm alright You know what? We've got favourites I reckon we've got the all time favourite guests on this show You'd be in the top five Oh really?

There's a lot of love for Edo What about Bill Anderson? How many podcasts has that guy got? Eight? Well, he's got nothing much else going on. Yeah, you were just saying we were here last night at the Rhino Room. You came over here to get blind. I got blind. It was good. I enjoyed it.

It's always fun hanging out with you around comedy festival season because everyone's under a lot of stress. Everyone's under a lot of pressure to get their show ready. You're always very, you don't shy away from it. You're very vocal about what's going on upstairs in the old head. I like, yeah, I'm a real

positive force within the comedy community. How is your mental health at this point of the festival season? Not good. Just generally, I'm on a downward slope. I think this time of year, it's like you could almost time, you could set your watch by, there'll be a conversation with you that starts with, imagine if you could just quit.

Imagine if you could just get out tomorrow and it was that easy. You said to me last night, if I quit comedy, can we still be friends? And I said no. Under no circumstance are we normal friends. Yeah. What would we talk about? I know. You don't reckon...

But assuming I'm still interested or at least pretending to be interested because I know that there's no way of it continuing otherwise, you wouldn't humour me? You wouldn't go, this poor cunt, he's on the other side, he's just in a job that he hates. Yeah. I need to just give him, I need to throw him a bone. He's got no other friends.

Nah. Well, I'm sticking around, I guess. I'm looking forward to our third guest arriving, if he comes. Is he here yet? No. Okay, well, should we? I'll quickly tell them what I did. Last night, after a few drinks, I was on here at their late show.

This room stinks, by the way. Doesn't it? It's bad. Anyway. It smells like I've got to hang over and I'm going to throw up. It should endear you to the audience. You all stink, by the way. Anyway, laugh at this story, please.

Fuck, I'm now just going to keep watching the door to see if this person you're talking about is going to walk in mid-story. Is he back there? He's all right. But this person did 30 minutes. This person you're talking about is going to walk in mid-story. Yeah. He'd be our... Is he... He's all right. But he did... This person did 30 minutes, like, before me. Instead of... Seven, maybe?

Yeah. I don't know. And I got on stage and I said, Oi, who's that sepo cunt? So he's coming soon. No, what was the other bit? Wasn't there a bit where he said, how long have I done?

And you went, too much. So that'd be good. Do you think he heard? Yeah. Are you prepared to discuss it when he gets here? Yeah, I'm prepared. Out of all the guests that come up in the next two guests, you can guess which one it is.

Could be anyone. Could be anyone Could be anyone Yeah It's going to be a real mystery ball So the mental health's fucked Yep No good Check

Hence the drinking Went on a date last night I told you Oh in Adelaide Yep Yeah we talked on the phone At like 1am And then you were like

I'm going on a date That's not a date, is it? How'd it go? Yeah, good, thank you. I had a great time, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, what else? You brought it up. Did the date start at 1am?

Yeah, yeah, these ones do. Right. Well, there's a time difference here. Did you say at the end of it, you went too long again? No, I said,

who's that sepulcher? This room stinks. Would you say, do you use Tinder? I thought you were going to say, do you use Tinder? What are you going to say? Do you use protection? I'm not. No.

So this is a dating service that you use? No, it's just a friend of mine. We just hang out, you know. All right. Cool. I don't know why I brought that up. This is the best. This is the best.

I didn't have anything to talk about. But you're on like, you know, dating apps and stuff, aren't you? Yeah. On and off? Yeah, I'm very on and off with them. But I got a message, the worst message I've ever gotten in my life recently from an ex. Please come to our podcast. From two exes.

From Senator Sam, what's his name? No, no, from an ex. And it said this, you just came up on Tinder in Ballarat. Rock bottom. That's amazing. If you're in Melbourne but you're sending your location to Ballarat, you're like, I just want to get away. No one that might know me in any way.

I'll drive to you. It's fine. I'll get in the car if we match. I'll come down and meet you. Yeah, via the West Gate. Yeah. It's fucking brutal. Because I wonder about that because, you know, I mean, you've got a profile. People know who you are. Yeah, I know.

Well, you know what happened to me while I went off there the first time? Someone found my Tinder profile and then tweeted it page by page. Like tweeted it out. Like, here's Edo online. Oh, look at Edo on Tinder. All my photos. Well, maybe you shouldn't have retweeted it, but anyway.

I do find that weird. Like I've had friends go like send me screenshots of like an online dating profile of me and go like, Aha, found you on here. It's like, so what? You're on there too. That's how you saw me on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a friend's husband on there recently.

Huge. Welcome back to Jerry Springer. Was it her husband? That's where he's gone. Got to update my profile. Yeah. I told Edo to meet me at the back. I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I didn't know what to do. But that's dumb. That's like you want to get caught. Must be. Or they've got an arrangement. Yeah, okay. But do you ever get, so because you've got profile, you've been on the telly, you've been on stuff like that,

so do people match up with you and sort of go, oh, I've seen you on the telly you're all right because that's that's weird isn't it i guess it is yeah but that's great the image of someone like seeing you on have you been paying attention and going fuck she's all right better try find her on tinder and just madly swiping through on the off chance you might be on there. Fuck, I found her, yes! Sampang, no. Edo, yes. One time a guy on there got on and said, I believe we've both got anarchist ideas.

And then sent me a symbol of like an anarchist. He goes, I know you know what this means. Get back in touch with me. And I don't know what it means. Did you reply? Yeah. Okay. What do you think he saw that made him think you've got anarchist tendencies? I mean, you...

Who's that sepulcher? Your profile pic is you throwing a fucking Molotov cocktail through a library window. What are you looking for in a man, Edo? 40, rights for TV. Nearly married. It's what everyone wants. I don't know.

Maybe just someone who's nice to me. Oh, brutal. That's what everyone wants I don't know Maybe just someone Who's nice to me Oh For real Fuck yeah Wow we got real Have a good day everyone No refunds This is going to be

One of these podcasts We're just going to go Like that Wow That's good That's real Alright What did you say That's good. That's real.

What did you say? That's real? Yeah. What's wrong with you? Who am I the weird one now? This is Cherry Springer. That's real. That's real. This is great.

I'm loving this. This is so... What's your ideal man? What's the composite? Age, height, career? Tall, long hair, height, career? Tall, long hair, beard, Scottish.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome our next guest up here onto the stage. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Dave Callan! A.K.A. Dave Callen, AKA Bachelor Number One. Now, Dave, what's the weirdest place you've made whoopie?

Over there in five minutes. I'm not fucking Scottish. Can we just cover that? Is this this pattern on Kyle's shirt? Does this remind you of tartan? Yeah, it's reminding me of my homelands in the highlands. I'm hearing the strain in the back. Alright, mate. Don't get your

kilt in a twist. I practically am wearing a kilt. Look at the rip in these jeans. Oh, here we go. Sorry, sorry. Fuck, the Lenny Kravitz of comedy. Fuck, don't show everyone your haggis. Righto, my go.

I'll show you my Tinder profile. Match with it. Match with it. Swipe it left and right. That's real. Dave, you were telling us before, so you are doing a show here at the Rhino Room at the moment. Yeah, that's right. Doing a show right on this day today at 30.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That was a good story. I love these great Scottish tales. Hey, holy shit, bitch. I don't know where this Scottish thing comes from, but... Probably from Scotland. Where you're from. No!

I don't know where this Scottish thing comes from. That's what we ask ourselves about you. Which part of Scotland? The Isle of Skye. I thought it would be really the way to handle the whole Scottish thing You know the way you resist a nickname You resist something people say And it sticks more

I thought I'll embrace the Scottish thing So every time they call me Say a Scottish reference like haggis I'm like oh yes haggis the Scottish food Like the country I am most definitely from And thinking it would go away quicker Hasn't gone away I don't know for some reason It's made me enjoy it more from. And thinking it would go away quicker hasn't gone away.

I don't know, for some reason it's made me enjoy it more. It's the opposite of what you get told in high school about being bullied or whatever. I'm more into it now. I like how you reply to it quite stone-faced. I mean stone-hinge-faced. No, Carl. Carl, go back to

geography class. That's not real. Is that Scottish? No. Oh, Carl. Carl, go back to geography class. That's not real. Oh, is that Scottish? That's Scottish? No. Oh, fuck. See you, mate. Go sit in that rank dunny out the back.

How about you both go and Glasgow get fucked? That's not real. But, yeah, so you just did a season in Perth and you're telling us your parents, Mr. and Mrs. fucking McTavish or whatever. Yes, McTavish because of their Scottish heritage. Yeah, he admitted it. So mum and dad came along, Terry and Kathy.

They live in Perth and I did a little less conversation three there. And it's just all dancing and at the end I even dance in a leotard. Yeah, one person's into it. So one person more than my parents, for sure. Here's my parents' reviews of my show. I walked up to my parents at the end of the whole show, all sweaty, haven't worked very hard. And mum's first words, she didn't say well done or that was good or whatever.

First words, you're not doing too much, are you, love? Yes, I am doing too much. That's the fucking joke. And then dad, dad just turns to me and goes, I thought I had a comedian for a son, not Billy fucking Elliot. Scottish. Scottish.

Billy Elliot's from the north of England, fucker. Oh, fuck. It's on the way, but... You don't know where anything is. Scottish, check out Graham Norton over here. Oh, fuck. The Queen? Go listen to a geography podcast.

Do you know what else my dad said? My dad goes to me. Fuck off. Burn. That's real. That's why I quickly talked after that. I realized it wasn't a good burn. Anyway, so dad also went to me. He goes, are you putting anything away for your retirement?

And I went, no, no, I'm not, Dad. Comedians don't retire. We just keep going. Like Bob Hope was 95 and Dad goes, yeah, but he wasn't dancing around like a fucking idiot. Well, to put it out with that, that's very brave. I mean, brave heart. I got one! I got one.

I got one. I was ready to rip you because I was like, well, I assume this will be wrong. Oh, no, wait. He's actually nailed it. Brave heart was Mel Gibson and he is Australian-American, so that's wrong. He's one of ours, mate.

Back off. Yeah, mate. Hey, so you do your show in this room. Is this your set list over here? Yes. It's pinned to the wall. It's your set list. Let me read it out.

I don't think you need to do that, mate. This is the set list for Dave's comedy show. You don't need to read it out. Let's remember this is a comedy show. Yeah. Wuthering Heights, Xanadu, Rocky, Jump On It, Come On Eileen, 1999, Karate Kid, Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Tommy, please, stop reading out the Gold FM playlist. And do Dave's show. Eat haggis, lift up my kilt. No. That's not written there. Talk about the Loch Ness Monster. That's Scottish, right? Okay, I do do that.

I grew up in Edinburgh. Yep, cool. Holy shitballs. So you're You're here dancing up a storm every night Yes Yep Right there

There's puddles of water usually By the end of the show Sweat or water? Or cum? It's a bit of It's the first two you asshole I thought you wanted that to be fair No one wants your cum mate

That's real wanted that to be fair. No one wants your cum, mate. That's real. Can we still be friends though? Nah. It's mainly water, but there's also a bit of bubble mixture because we do bubble butt.

What does that mean? I twerk while the backup dancers blow bubbles up my butt. What does that mean? I twerk while the black-up dancers blow bubbles up my butt. Did you just say the black-up dancers? Dave Kellum and the Jackson Jive, live in Adelaide. I don't want to do

this podcast ever again. And some of it is also water, because during that song that goes to the windows, to the walls. Do you know that one? What's that? Ying Yang Twins.

Get low, yeah? Anyway, there's this part that goes. You're doing this every night. You don't even know what it's called. I don't know. So it's not a Scottish song. I don't know it. Yes.

So anyway. This is what gaslighting is, everyone. We've done it. Yeah, yeah. I've got Stockholm Syndrome. Mick Stockholm Syndrome. So basically, what happens is... Dundee Syndrome.

Scottone Syndrome. Oh, that's good. That was quite a good one. Can we edit that better one back in? So you say, I'll give you the credit, you say it clean so I can drop it in. Yeah, so I'm basically developing Stockholm Syndrome. No, you did it wrong again!

No, you say it. So I'll put, you say Scott Holm Syndrome so I can put that in. I think I'm developing Scott Holm Syndrome. Yay! That's very comedy. I don't think the end of this story is worth telling I just realised

No I'm into it I'm into anything At the end of the song it goes Skeet skeet motherfucker Oh skeet skeet god damn And they fire a water pistol at my face For skeet skeet Because that wasn't worth telling.

They wrecked it. But that's where the water comes from. It's a very slippery floor at the end. Yeah. Very slippery. So we're having a few beers tonight but you're a bit of a renowned teetotaler. Yeah.

So you've been sober for quite a while? I kind of, I gave up for a New Year's resolution. Good research. I gave up for a New Year's resolution when I turned, like, about to turn 30. A New Year's resolution, you mean Hogmoney? So we were singing Auld Lang Syne.

One guy got it. Yeah. I was like, is he having a stroke? What the fuck? That's Scottish New Year, isn't it? That is Scottish New Year in Scotland. Hog money. Hog money, yes. Where I grew up and lived all my life.

I was born in. So anyway, I gave up for a New Year's resolution. But it was kind of, there was a lot of things that happened that accumulated in me going, I should just take a break, yeah? Right. Yeah, so for example, I should just take a break, yeah? Right. Yeah, so for example, I did a mining tour with Chris Franklin. The bloke? Chris the bloke Franklin.

And so I'm in some mining town, and I went out drinking with some biker group that were local to the area. And basically, they couldn't find me in the morning. Last time they saw me, I was like, I'm staying here with the bikers. And then they couldn't find me in the morning. Last time they saw me I was like, I'm staying here with the bikers. And then they couldn't find me in the morning. They're like, is he in a shallow grave? What the fuck? So they're looking around the hotel.

I'm not there. They packed all my shit into my bag because it was still there. They put that in the car and they're like, we'll just have to go to the next town and hope he makes it because he knows the schedule. And they're driving out of the town, and they saw me on the side of the road, like asleep. So they just wake me up,

and they put me in the back of the Turago. Just using your sparring as a pillow. Yeah, yeah, basically. Basically using my Scottish sparring where I'm from. And so I... This is a nightmare. I have to live with this every day. I was just thinking this is the best night of my life.

I love this so much. I get this shit not only when I see them in real life, on Facebook Messenger non-stop every day. Anyway, so they put me in the car and the last thing I remember from the biker bar is Thunderstruck by ACDC on the radio. On the jukebox. ACDC's lead singer, Bon Scott.

That was a good one. Very, very good stuff. Molto bene. That's a spasimitabal. Oh, are you a wog scot? So I passed out in the backseat.

I passed out in the backseat and so every time we'd go over a bump I'd just go Thunder! So that happens and then you continue drinking for many many years Yeah, that was not rock bottom for me So this keeps going

Being picked apart by vultures on the side of the road in fucking Karratha or somewhere. Like you're in a fucking Bugs Bunny cartoon in the desert just seeing your mate and thinking he looks like a chicken drumstick. But that did happen later on that day. I just kind of like, he disappeared and all I saw was like a deep fried Mars bar,

which is a Scottish delicacy from my homeland. So what other random things did I do? Oh, I once broke my nose in Edinburgh and I couldn't... Yay! You fuckers, get off. Don't get on board this. I don't want you guys doing it

as well. Was it during your childbirth? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I love it. Don't get on board. Please don't get on board. I don't need more of this. This is the best. I don't need a whole... So...

I'm fucking Irish. Don't edit that out. He cracked. He cracked. So during one Edinburgh fringe, I was drinking something called Bucky Bombs, which is Buckfast with a shot of tequila in it. Brutal.

Helps to have hometown knowledge, obviously. Doing a bit of local gear. That one didn't fly. Hey, you're on our side. So I'm basically slamming these things and getting very progressively drunker. And then somebody saw me quite kind of paralytic and they put me in a taxi.

And that's the last I remember. I woke up in hospital and I had a free sandwich. But that was the only real plus about it. And I didn't know if I was concussed or hungover because the symptoms are the same. Or Scottish. Yay! I've jumped ship.

Well, good luck finding a date for tonight. Well, good luck finding a date for tonight. We are disproving the law of diminishing returns right now. This is just getting better and better. Man does so desperately try and... I can see we're trying to think of... What are other Scottish references? We've used about 10, 12. What are other things that happen in Scotland?

It's all done now. We've covered them all. Please, if you're out there and you know some good Scottish things, send us a message, 0438. Honestly, you can do it for this time. If you think of any other Scottish terms, give me a text. So you wake up in hospital with a broken nose. Did you ever find out how you broke it?

No, that's the problem. That's why I think that was one of the final things that just made me go, okay, I need to... One of. Yes. Not even the one think that was one of the final things that just made me go, okay, I need to... One of. Yes. Not even the one. No, one of. And were there any other big instances? What did I do as well?

Oh, I think one time I may have urinated in a weird place. In Dundee? Dundee, the Scottish town. No, it would be weird for him to be urinating in a non-Scottish town. In Dundork, an Irish town.

Yeah, I think so. I'm not proud of this story, but I was very, very drunk. And I think I was in front of an ATM, and I think I was getting money out and urinating at the same time. It was basically the circle of life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is two deposits right there. Wow.

You do some dangerous things, don't you? Yeah, you just think everything's a good idea. I call it good idea juice. When you have alcohol, everything's a good idea. Like, let's go to this horrible shithole. Okay, let's go. Let's do a dum-dum podcast. Let's do a mining tour with Chris Franklin.

Let's drink another iron brew. Wow, we've gone interactive. This is great. The text line's lit up. Guinness would have been the more... Or is that Irish? Hey, I'm just reading out what... 041344...

I wouldn't do that to you. 44... You know, my friends and I... Speaking of bad drunk stories, my friend and I used to have this thing when we were young, like 21, and the challenge was spend all your money and then try and get home without money. That was our...

How unsafe is that? Wow. And we used to do things like... One time we ended up, like, in a van. That was so bad. The way that ended, we used to do things like get, and I was like, oh, no, no. We once got in, like, a delivery truck

that was delivering newspapers and we were in there for like two hours because he said he was going vaguely near our house. But the worst one was that we got in a tram truck which was... There's trams in Melbourne and sometimes they have to fix them with this, like it looks like a tram but it's actually a truck and it pulled up and there were two guys in there with steering wheels, both had steering wheels, right?

And we were like, can we have a lift? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we both got in, sat in between these two guys with the steering wheels and then they said, do you guys want to pull over and do bongs? And we go, yeah. And so they both turned off the tracks down a dark street and we had these bongs and it wasn't marijuana, whatever it was. And we got back in the tram truck and just got dropped in like,

I swear to God, it was about this size of grass of this stage and we were stuck in there for like two hours. We couldn't get out. We were just like, where are we? And we were like, we've been dropped in the country! I was licking the grass for moisture. And then we went to this nightclub in Essendon called The Cactus, which is the worst place.

That's weird. Sounds cool. Yeah, yeah. And I believed that my friend Paul Roberts was my dad and was just hugging him and crying and saying, Daddy's here. It was an absolute nightmare. Should we check in to see if our third guest ever turned up? Sorry, I was just having a yarn.

Has our third guest turned up? That's a no. Is that a... Wait, getting some mixed messages here. Is there a yes or not? Oh, there is. Oh, yeah? Well, just say yes and then we know.

Are we being pranked? Who knows? Well, let's find out. Folks, please welcome to the stage, third guest this evening, Eddie Yift. Hey. Hey. Eddie Yift! Hey! Hey. Hey. At what point did you get here?

I've been here the whole time almost. Okay. The whole show, yeah. I was running a little late, but I made it. Fuck, holy shit. This is pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. You came from the beach?

Yeah, I was hanging out with my terrorist child. I have a two-year-old. Fucking two-year-olds. Does anybody have them? Anybody want one? I was about to give you shit for even asking It's like they're out seeing a fucking podcast At 4pm on a Saturday

Of course they don't have children And the room lit up, yeah heaps of us Why didn't you bring them? It would have been another 20 bucks Of course we're responsible, look at what we're spending money on That's why I'm doing it, I heard I get to go to Thailand if I do this show. Because you are a great friend of the show Milan, whatever the fuck his last name is. Eccentric billionaire of the show Milan.

You stole my Milan. This is what I've heard. I've heard that we've been Given shit by you On your podcast Because we stole Milan off you You stole my Milan Milan used to do my show All the time And then he found a better show

Like I would call him And go hey we're doing this And he's like yeah I'm busy And then I would see him I'm having Best night ever I was like oh you can't Do our show anymore

Yeah You gotta take your show To Thailand man That's how you get him back He pushed my show Best night ever. I was like, oh, you can't do our show anymore. Yeah, you got to take your show to Thailand, man. That's how you get him back. He pushed my show a little too far one night and then we decided that maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. Some guy volunteered to butt chug on stage. What is that? It's an American thing. Do they do it in Scotland?

It's an American thing. Do they do it in Scotland? No, apparently college kids in America can't get drunk enough, so they do this thing where they take a beer bong, which is a funnel and a tube, and they take the tube and they shove the tube... Some people put their dicks in their asses. I love when people go, Oh, a tube.

And they put a tube in there, and then their friend holds the funnel. How they have friends, I have no idea. And then they pour beer in, and because of gravity and all the science shit down there, the alcohol goes into your system really quickly. And I can't remember the last time I was having a beer that I was thinking, you know what, I'm just not getting drunk quick enough. It's taking too long. Does anybody have a funnel and a tube?

Oh, you don't? Okay, I'll just do a handstand, shove the bottle in upside down. So I made a joke about it during my show that, like, I said something about if somebody would ever do it. And one night some guy volunteered right on this stage Let me guess how this played out. The person said I'd do it and then a certain eccentric billionaire went

prove it, prove it That did happen and there's another weird element to it Chris Franklin happened to be on Oh yeah and we didn't have a funnel so somehow Chris Franklin happened to be on. Oh, yeah. And we didn't have a funnel.

So somehow Chris Franklin became the butt-chugging MacGyver and made one out of an upside-down liter of soda. And they did it. The guy took a beer right in the yin-yang. And he did it for a free beer. The one that went in or a new one? Yeah, yeah. And Dave, this story, was this the thing that made you finally stop drinking?

That's when I stopped. Look, I'll take one up the arse just for old time's sake and then I am done with drinking. And then a beer as well. Carl, how do you reckon your anus would go with that? Oh. How is your anus? How's it going?

For context, Eddie and Dave, if you don't know this, we talked recently about this on the show. Carl tore his anus. Medically, the medical term was a torn anus. And... What was that, sorry? The tube was too big. The tube was too big, no.

Not big enough in my opinion. Is a tear worse than a sprain? Yes. Okay. Yeah. I don't know how you, what would be, like, how could you tell you had a sprained anus? How do you put your anus in a sling?

So I had a torn anus and I went to the toilet and it was like terrible it was really bad and um i'm gonna edit that out of context yeah everyone here is like really come on no but like that was that was how i found out like i went to the toilet and i got up and i looked into the bowl and it was like... Not again! Anyway, just to update everyone. I'm realising now why Milan does your show. I looked into the bowl, it was like 9-11 all over. So anyway.

Oh boy! Boy oh boy! So, honestly, you brought that up, right? So just before the show, just before the show, I went to the toilet backstage and I... I checked the bowl and I was like, oh, fuck.

This is happening again. And then I flushed and nothing changed. I was like, oh, they just don't clean the toilet here. So, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's just they permanently have blood on their bowl. Yeah, it's a shame this place is getting knocked down. How did you tear your anus?

You see, the last time this came up, the same thing happened. You're playing dumb. You know what you did. You know what you did. Man, I don't know. Maybe my ass is just working too hard. Honestly, I don't know.

I don't know how I did it. I had a lot of Indian food that week, maybe. No, because I thought I tore my anus once, which is, I was surfing one day, and I went to fall off my surfboard, but my wax kept one cheek on the board.

And so, as I fell off, it just pulled and I was sitting in the ocean, just going, I could never be gay ripped like that hurts so bad I see water immediately going into it just ripped it completely open but this is turning to a support group. This is fucked. This is brutal. How's your Scottish anus? I put a bagpipe up there. We hadn't done the bagpipe.

Fuck. How did we not do the bagpipe? Fuck. How's the text line going? Has anyone else got any Scottish suggestions? Oh, here we go. Let me ask a question. You give your fans your phone number? No.

No. One of us gives the other person's phone number. Someone did it at some stage. You gave his phone number. Back when we didn't have that many listeners and I thought it wouldn't amount to anything. What's changed? I thought it wouldn't amount to anything.

What's changed? My old podcast co-host... Fuck, hang on. Hang on one second. Sorry. Someone... Don't stand up too quickly like that. You'll tear it again. Get both cheeks off.

Both cheeks off. Get your hemorrhoid donut and sit on that. This is so good. Whoever did this right now, fuck, be proud of yourself. Someone has just changed Dave Callen's Wikipedia page to be, he was born in Scotland. That's amazing. That's great. That's great.

That's great because this person, I could see their face illuminated by a screen the whole time we've been talking. I'm like, this motherfucker, this is good stuff. Pay attention to the fucking show, you animal. Very, very good. So this is good. You can do this to Dave too.

Do you know what a Google bomb is? So my old podcast co-host thought it was funny if enough people Google one thing, whenever you Google that person's name, Google will just finish it for you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, man, mine is Carl Chandler phone number. Mine is Tommy Dasolo cancer.

Mine was for a long time Eddie Iftazades. Yeah. And I have the same name as my father. And my dad isn't too into this comedy shit. And he called me one day and he goes, what the fuck is with this internet saying I have AIDS? So we need people to start googling Dave Callan Scottish, is that what you're saying? Exactly.

If everyone here pretty much that's all it would take is this room right now. If everybody googles Dave Callan is Scottish. Every time people type in his name it'll come up. Dave Callan is Scottish. Fucking thanks Eddie. Is there anyone not on board with this whole fucking

ruse? What about we add in Carl Chandler's bloody anus? Get that guy in too. That one I can get behind. Carry on Dundum. Carry on up the Kiber. The Kiber's not in Scotland.

It's a Kiber and you toss it. I bet you toss it. So, yeah, so you were telling me last night, Eddie, Milan, Milan was at your Bucks? Yeah, yeah. He flew to America just for a bachelor party. Just to have an excuse to drink. Yeah, and by the second night, I'm kind of old and all my friends were like dead by the second night of the bachelor

party. They're like, we're going fucking home. This is enough. Milan's like, when's the Bucks start? And Milan went to the bar and he goes, I'll have 60 shots of tequila. He bought 60 shots of tequila and the next thing you know, it's four in the morning. We're all in a strip club. We've bought

children. It got really, really out of hand. I left him in a strip club at four in the morning. I went home. I went back to the hotel room and I left him with an intern from my podcast and I

get a call at about 7 in the morning Hang on, what the fuck? You have an intern for your podcast? Tommy's your intern We got a bus now Our fans didn't give us Thailand They gave us a bus We did a Kickstarter

and if you haven't got your t-shirt yet the bus was too expensive Yeah, yeah, we did a Kickstarter, and if you haven't got your T-shirt yet, the bus was too expensive. The bus ended up costing $85,000. Like, they bought it for you? Yeah, yeah, we have a studio inside, and we take the bus on the road. All right, up your game, cunts. No, we're going to Thailand.

I don't give a fuck about having a bus. I know, I'd rather go to... We could drive to Adelaide and do podcasts on the way. Who cares? Yeah, I'll fucking sell my podcast to come to Thailand? I don't give a fuck about having a bus. I know. I'd rather go to... We could drive to Adelaide and do podcasts on the way. Who cares? Yeah. I'll fucking sell my podcast to come to Thailand with you guys. Fuck it. I'll bring the bus. Yeah. Let's do another Kickstarter. We're going to put the bus on a barge

and take me to Thailand. No, so I get a call at 7 in the morning from my intern going help me, help me. And I said, what? He goes, they won't let me leave the strip club. I owe them $40. And I go,

fuck off, I'm going back to bed. I go, where's Milan? He goes, I don't know. He went in a room and we haven't seen him since. Oh, no. Oh, yucky. So then about an hour later I see my intern

and he's standing in my hotel room without a shirt on and he's completely sunburned. It's like 9 in the morning in Las Vegas or something. And I go what the fuck happened to you? He goes well the girl wanted her $40 and I said I didn't want to pay the ATM charge in the strip

club because they charge you like an extra $10. He said I didn't want to pay the ATM charge in the strip club because they charge you like an extra $10. He said I didn't have enough. So she said there was an ATM at the gas station across the street. And she said, give me your phone. I'll hold your phone while you go over there so you come back with the money. And he said, I don't trust you. And she said, well, you should.

I just had your penis in my mouth. And he said, well, you should. I just had your penis in my mouth. And he said... Can't wait to see how Milan factors into this story. Throwing the wrong person under the bus here. And Milan's going to be the good guy in this story. Not at all. So then he said... So I gave her my shirt

I said I'll give you my shirt and I'm going to go get the money and then I ran the whole way home it was like six miles that he ran back from the strip club so I said seriously where's Milan and he said I don't know he goes he went with Lance

and they're gone and I said did they don't know. He goes, he went with Lance and they're gone. And I said, did they leave the club? He goes, no. So at about, I'm driving back home to Los Angeles that night at about like 6 o'clock, 6 p.m. This is recorded, by the way. You realize that, right? Yeah. This goes out publicly. I don't give a fuck. You should hear

the shit I've said on my show. Well, yeah, because you're asleep in the story. Does it get played in Scotland? 6 p.m. I get said on my show. Well, yeah, because you're asleep in the story. Does it get played in Scotland? 6pm I get a call from Milan. They won't let me leave this club. I've maxed out all my credit cards. Really? Milan's credit cards?

Didn't they treat him like a VIP by that stage? Are all of the Hangover movies based on Milan. Anyway, he was the first person to book into Thailand. Oh my God. That would be the reason if you said, hey, we really want you to come with us to Thailand, I'd go, is Milan coming?

Yeah, I'd go, fuck it, I'm not going. It's like, it's one of those love-hate relationships where I love to see them where there's no alcohol, but if there's alcohol, I'm like, I just walk in the door, I'm like, I'm going fucking home right now. He booked into Thailand immediately, and I laughed and I said to him,

man, you're in Thailand, beers are $2, you have no power there. And he said, he said, you don't know what I'm capable of. Which is true. That's great. He thinks he can make them jack up their prices across the whole island. Go.

Go try and find one that's $2. I dare you. Oh, man. One night after the Melbourne gala, we were at a party and he kept, every time I had a half full drink, he would take it out of my hand

and put a full one in. And I was like, I don't know how this is working. But then it just got to the point where I got a tree drunk because I just kept feeding the tree drinks. And every time I'd go, I'd just pour it in. And there was another guy, Arch Barker, we were both doing the same thing. I'm like, see...

All right, mate, we know people. And we just kept pouring out our drinks, and Malone would just show up, and I remember asking him, I said, how much money did you spend that night? And he goes, I don't know, something like $2,400 or something. Oh, man.

Yeah, he gets very angry if you've held a beer for more than two minutes. He'll come up and grab a beer that you've had for two minutes and chuck it away and go, drink a fresh one, you idiot. Yeah, you idiot. That's what he calls it. You're the idiot. He just spent $2400

on alcohol. But you're the idiot. We're getting into Comedy Festival Season 2, so it's getting into the time you've got to start practice. You see him come through the door. You've got to fucking run. You've got to leg it out of there. Or you are not. It's another five. People in the crowd are nodding.

Like, he's come here once with us, and people in this room already understand the fucking damage he can do. Yeah, if you don't know him, he comes in, he wears this big, like, what do you call it? Puffy vest. Puffy vest, yeah. He's like an alcoholic Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Like, he's got the shakes, but for a different reason.

I was on stage recently and I looked down and Milan's just standing in front of the audience, blocking them with two shots, just going, prove it. He became popular on our show because he showed up in front of the audience blocking them with two shots. Just going, prove it! You're mid-kick. He became popular on our show because he showed up the first time on my podcast in California and he brought Tim Tams and

alcohol and then we end up Tim Tam slamming the alcohol on the show. Instead of prove it, it was Tim Tam slam. How is the weird part of that story the Tim Tams? Yeah. You know what I like is that Dave has nothing to say about him

because Dave doesn't drink. He's like, who is this guy? I'm kryptonite to him. Mick kryptonite. Yeah, does he... Mick being a Scottish prefix. And you're from there? Of the country I'm from.

There we go. Well, that's what Wikipedia says. How does he... I'll find you and I will kill you. I have a particular set of skills. You'll find them and you'll kilt them. I've seen... It's good.

Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Watch him. I've seen this guy's shooting skills. You don't want to fuck with him. We toured together, Dave and I. It was that Melbourne International Comedy Festival tour

where you go to these scary little towns in the middle of nowhere. They don't ever get to do it. We've done, we know. We know what it is, mate. We've seen ads for it. From our friends who are on it. Yeah.

I think nearly everyone we know has done it. And we're happy for them. And you haven't... Must be nice. No, it's not. has done it and we're happy for them. And you haven't... Must be nice. No, it's not because I got stuck... I hope it's shit.

All right, Carl, don't tear your anus. I got stuck in this van with like five guys who I was like, I wonder how this trip's going to be because I...

Sorry, I've done it a bunch of times. Yeah, yeah, moving along, keep the story going. The other story, you were a bunch of times. Yeah, yeah, moving along. Keep the story going. The other story, you were at the gala. And I'm on it with a bunch of these guys and the first day I'm like,

I can't wait until after the show. Where are we going to go out? Where are we going to party? And I go, hey, where do we go? And they're like, we've got to get to bed early. And I went, what? They're like, no, as soon as the show's over, we're going to get back to the hotel. And I said, why? They go, we have to get up early's over we're going to get back to the hotel and I said why? They go we have to get up early in the morning to find the gaming center to play Counter Strike

and I was like how did I get booked on the nerd tour? And so after two days of them talking about this shit and no one to party with I was like guess I'm going to the fucking gaming center. You loved it Eddie. By day three we had balaclavas

on our heads. And I was like, guys, I'm getting up extra early so we have seats all next to each other and we have headsets. And we all had nicknames. Do you remember what mine was? Yeah, dude, I'm not going to say it out loud. I'm...

What was yours, Ronald McDonald? You'll know it. Wow. Mine was Blood Fart. And you were Groundskeeper Willie? Oh.

That was a nice curveball. That was very nice. You know, Anthony the Tech is called Flashbang to this day. To this day, he's still called that. Because he was our tech guy, and he would, if you've ever played Counter-Strike, it's like you're like a SEAL team, and you go in,

or we were terrorists, or I don't know what we were. But you can throw flashbang grenades to light up the area and then shoot everyone. And you're talking to each other on headsets. And so you're like, you know, you take the right flank, I'll take the left. And then this tech guy would come in and just flashbang us all.

Like he would throw the flashbang at all of us and we'd be like, you just fucking flashbang me again. And then we would all get shot. It's probably because he's watching you do a gig every night and you're doing 25 minutes over time and he's giving you the light and it's not working. He's like, I'll give you the fucking light. I got a funny story about a friend of mine that

went into a coma and that was seamless. Just got whiplash. That was another way of saying no comment That story moved so quickly it tore my anus A friend of mine went in a car accident and he's a comedian He was notorious for blowing the light at comedy shows

and would go on way too long and we were really worried he was going to A friend, hey? And we were worried he was going to die and my one friend goes, I don't think he's going to make it. And I said, even if he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, he'll still ignore it.

And he's alive now. He's doing well, which is great. Oh, thank God. You get to the end of that story and you're like and he actually did die anyway what else is going on guys that Milan's crazy

woo I reckon we should wrap it up there for another week what do you reckon guys big round of applause Eddie Ift

Dave Callan Anne Edmonds Ed O you've got your show happening at all the comedy festivals around the country Thank you. Dave Callan. Anne Edmonds. Edo, you've got your show happening at all the comedy festivals around the country. Yes. No offence, none taken. Yeah, and tomorrow, guys, I'm doing a show at five o'clock here. Come along.

It's only $15 on the door. And that's relevant if you're listening at home. That's wherever they are right now. You're doing a show there tomorrow at five. Oh, I should have waited till we stopped. I get it. I get it. You're in Brisbane, you're in Melbourne.

Yes. Sydney. Dave, you're not doing Melbourne? No, I'm going to take a step back this year and look at venues. I want to do a ninja show. What? I want to do a martial arts show so I need to get a good venue for it? Yeah, I want to do a martial arts show, so I need to get a good venue for it

with lots of room, yeah. Is the martial art Icky Thump? Yes. That was a goodies reference. Goodies, yeah. Pretty impressive. Eddie, what have you got? Just doing my show here

at the Umbrella Revolution in the garden, and I have Wednesday night. I'm here with my podcast, and I was looking at your audience. I'm like, wow, these all look like such nice people. You should see the degenerates that will be at my show. Our podcast, which is just...

I'm terrified of my own fans. I just look at them when I'm up here and I'm like, is there a back door I can fucking go out? You got festivals around the country? No, I'm done after this. I have to go back to America and tour middle America. Oh, cool. On that sweet bus of yours. Yeah. No, we're

not taking the bus. I'm doing a comedy tour. They bought you a bus and you don't even use it. It's sitting in my driveway. This is good. It's sitting in my driveway and rats got in it. And did $10,000 worth of damage to the wiring.

This sounds like such a bullshit thing. Give us $80,000 for a bus. Okay. We need $10,000. Could the rats got in? What? Whoops, I left the door open. The rats got in. You should see the size of these rats. So I live up in a canyon up above.

It's fucking in the woods, and these... What did he say? They all got it. Someone said, alright, mate, we've all got things going on. So I live in the deep woods, and these fucking rats are, like, this size, and they're terrifying. Do they wear puffer vests?

Yo, these rats getting in there and fucking up. It sounds like the last scene of Ratatouille where they're just running through, making podcasts, going crazy. I'll show you pictures. They're terrifying. And I've never killed an animal in my entire life. Like, I love animals, but I have no fucking problem killing these fucking rats. Do you know what you need, Eddie? A pied bag piper. Yay!

We did it! Scotland. He has drunk the McCool aid. Alright, guys. Thanks so much for listening at home. Thanks so much for coming down. Adelaide, give yourselves a huge round of applause.

Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates!